GO BEARS

updated Jan 10 2006

The Foreign Office receive an appeal from a Barrister who apparently does pro bono work for a summer camp in Liberia.
Featuring appearances by:

Williams George - The Scammer
Christopher Sillim - The Scammer's Banker
Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE - of the Foreign Office
Weiner Crumbley - American matrixed to the Foreign Office
Michael Montague Barrymore, QC - Lady A's legal advisor


October 18
Williams George
Attn: The Dir/Ceo
Greetings"

Firstly, i must first apologize for this unsolicited mail to you. I am aware that this is certainly an unconventional approach to starting a relationship,Pardon me for the mode that I have chosen to contact you via your company's inquiry, inappropriate maybe,but prompted by utmost need and urgency.Be informed that this is a sensitive proposition for assistance that must be kept between the two of us in confidence. Express your acceptance of this term when you respond Hence I have decided to seek your cooperation,due to the sensitivity of this transaction and my commitment as a civil servant.

I am Barrister Williams George, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Late Dr Abu Hebru ( Nasim Saleh), a foreigner, Geologist by profession and he died since 1999. In an air crash along with his wife Mrs. Zainab Hebru on 31st October 1999 in an Egyptian airline 990 with other passengers on board. Since then I have made several inquiries to locate any of my clients extended Relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you,I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they Get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged, with Standard Trust Bank Plc. Where the deceased had an account Valued at(US$12.7Million)which the board of directors of the bank has Issued me a notice to provide the next of kin within the time frame of two weeks or have the account confiscated within the next sixteen official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over Five (5) years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the total valued can be paid to your account which will be shared to 50% for me and 40% to you also 10% for the Charity Homes and the less privileged people in the society, However i will revalidate and notarize all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we will make.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you. from any breach of the law.

Your urgent respond on this proposal will be highly appreciated,

All The Best
Barr Williams George
Attorney At Law

N/B PLEASE REPLY ME HERE( barr_geo_williams@yahoo.com


[Your basic Dead Bank Customer letter.]
Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Dear Sir,
What on earth is this?

Yours ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Dear Agatha Bistol,

Thanks for your prompt response. l believe that you can handle this deal very well as we look forward to transferring this huge amount into your nominated bank account within the next two weeks. Sir, what area of business do you specialize on? Do you have any knowledge about real estate development? I am planning to be in partnership with you after this transaction.

Dear Agatha Bistol isten, now l calls you my friend and l will not like you To betray me after these funds are paid to your account. As l told you earlier that l am in position of all the necessary documents regarding this funds. By Tomorrow l will go to the offices were those documents were obtained to change and make them in your name. But before I have to do that you must promise me that you are not going to sit on this fund, after it has been transferred into your nominated bank account.

My good friend, What I need from you is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through And, with this we can proceed now by putting heads together to the smooth and successful transfer of this fund into your nominated bank account pending on my arrival to your country for the shearing. After this I will send you a writing application that you will rewrite and sign and scan and send back to me so that I will forward it to the bank to present you as the next of kin to the decease.
All I need from you is as follows:
1). Your full names
2). Your contact address
3). Your personal Telephone and Fax numbers
4). Your occupation and age

Immediately I have this information from you, I will furnish you with more information regarding this fund. Please your urgent response is highly imperative

Best regards
Barrister.Williams George
Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Dear Mr George,

Firstly you will address me as Lady Agatha. And for goodness' sake, do not refer to me as Sir!

I shall give you some more information as soon as we receive some documentary evidence of the fund.

Yours sincerely

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Dear Agatha Bristol,

Very much thanks for your swift reply toward this matter,However i do agree with you over the decission, but same time i have to work accordingly for the protection of both parties that are involved.

Meanwhile, the required documents will be properly secured in your favour and that will be done properly as soon as i have the information requested from you,that will presurized me to further this project with you.For now, i have the certiticate of deposit and further documents regards to this effect will also issued in your favour as the next of kinship to the deceased.

Attached here is deposit certificate as i told you,other neccesary vital documents will be obtain in your favour which i will also send you the copies,but for now we need to work together and actualise this particular objective,therefore kindly forward to me your full name/address for further step.

Thanks and have a nice day.

Barr William George
Summercamp Advocates
Monrovia-Liberia
Lady Agatha My dear George,
Please refer to me as Lady Agatha.

Thank you for your note, and for your little certificate. It was charming.
We shall consider it carefully.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
October 22
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Good morning and how are you today?I got your message and you should be aware that there is every need for us to fasting the transaction on due cause,the application for the next of kinship is highly required that why you have to urgently commence and let me have the full information as demanded.

Thanks and have a nice weekend

Barr George

Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Whilst we appreciate the certificate, we are still a little unsure over these modalities. It all just seems a little strange, what with some native Johnny contacting us out of the blue.

We need more reassurance over this proposed transaction.

Do you have any thoughts on this matter?

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha,

Nice to hear from you.

Anyway, my own thoughts about the whole relationship with regard to the transaction are quite obvious. That the reality of this transaction is certainly not in doubt, but the only thing you can say about it is the uniqueness of it, being that it is not the normal daily business issue, which mean to say that the nature of it is highly privileged. Therefore, i advise that you don't have to be worry of anything hence this transaction is concerned. For everything regarding this transaction will be properly and professionaly handled.

Revert back ASAP.

Thanks and God bless

Barr George
Lady Agatha Dear Mr. George,

Thank you for your note.

Are you suggesting that these modalities are legal and 100% risk-free?

Yours ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

I trust you are well.

Crumbley, we are at the very beginning of modalities with the charming Barrister George, as you can see below. He has sent through a little certificate, which was most endearing.

The Special Operations Department may call on your assistance, if we may. I have noted that Mr Noogie is extremely busy at the moment with the brilliant operation against the Dictatives, but if you can assist us, that would be simply divine, and very much appreciated.

Yours sincerely,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
October 23
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I'm on hot stand-by.
Lady Agatha Excellent, old boy. Thank you. Let us hope that the good Barrister responds soon.

As ever,
A
November 4
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha Bristol AND Co,

Find attached here copy of the legal documents that demanded by the bank to effect the release of the total sum to you as the new applied next of kin.As you can see on this documents, all was carefully secured in your favour and your co worker,please pass the information to him as soon as possible while i will keep you update as soon as the bank grant the application.

Thanks And Remain Bless.

Barr George Wiliam
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your charming certificates.

Crumbley, please look at these once you have finished breaking in Mimi.
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I'm afraid I have been unable to view the attachments. Perhaps we could ask Mr. George to send them directlys to me. Upon receipt I shall review and advise.

Crumbley

You may have confused Ms. Flambe (Mimi) with our new-hire secretary. You have no doubt noticed Ms. Oke in the employee cafeteria - she's the tall, ebony-skinned beauty from Ghana. A trifle on the steatopygous side, but otherwise quite attractive. She is quite dedicated and we have been pursuing her orientation activities quite vigorously.
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

Thank you for your note.

Indeed, I have had similar trouble. I am sure the good Barrister will not mind accomodating our little request.

I have indeed noticed Ms Oke. She is pleasant and efficient. As Special Agent Miracsky rather loudly remarked, 'Is OK, is Okes!!! Is jokes!!!'

One must put up with Miracsky's sense of humour, one supposes.

As ever,
A
Nov 4
Williams George The Attached Copies.

иииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииииBT
Weiner Crumbley Mr. George,

I thank you for your attempt to send me these attachments but for some reason I am still unable to receive and view them. All I get is a string of characters like you see below. I'm unsure as to why this is happening or what to suggest.

As it is imperative that I review these documents before things can go forward, is it not possible for you to send them in perhaps a different file format? Anything you can do, as soon as you can do it, will be appreciated because I know that Lady Agatha is anxious to proceed.

Thank you.
Crumbley

PS - I see where Chicago is playing the Saints this weekend - who are you betting on?
Lady Agatha Crumbley,

Excellent work old boy. Throwing him with sporting questions is a textbook tactic.

Remain blessed, as they say.

As ever,

A
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

Hey, he's from Chicago. No way he's not a Bears fan.

WC
Lady Agatha I shall take your word for it, old thing.

As ever,
A
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

I have heard from you over the dificulties you and your co are going through, i have to assured you once more that i will try to resend the documents via micro soft word for your easy assess as soon as possible.

Thanks And God Bless You

Barr George
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister George,

Thank you for your note.

We look forward to receiving the new documents.

With all good wishes.

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
November 7
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha,

Good Morning and how are you?

Just want to know if you finaly received the copies what i sent last friday as promised,Can you urgently make the reconfirmation as soon as possible to enable me give you further detail for the fund movement.

Thanks and God Bless You.

Barr George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Yes, I am very well, thank you. Though rather exhausted - we had to chaperone Princess Candice to a nightclub this weekend. One is not amused, but one has to do one's duty.

Crumbley, did you look at the documents sent by the barrister?
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,
I'm sorry to say I have not received the documents yet. As you may recall I requested that they be sent in a format compatable with my browser.

Which brings me to a very sore point: I must say I don't uderstand why, with our multi-million dollar budget increase this year, I am not able to requisition a few new computers for my department. Most of the machines I have to work with down here are still running Windows II, and the ones that have disk drives are certified antiques. Even Ms. Oke, my new assistant, has trouble stifling her giggles over the size of my floppy, as it is one of the old 5-1/4 inch models. We really must raise this issue in the next staff meeting.

As soon as I receive the files from Mr. George I will peruse with great haste and revert.

W.C.
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

Thank you for your note.

I did forward the documents, old thing.

Perhaps, to expedite matters, we can press on, unless you are insistent on seeing these certificates. They are rather charming, after all.

Barrister George, what are your thoughts? Is there some information I can provide you with whilst you re-send the documents to Crumbley?

Thank you for your ideas about the computers. It has come to my attention, however, that certain members of staff at the Royal Custard Rooms - who are under your jurisdiction, Crumbley - have been looking at some rather unseemly websites.

And what is this I hear about a job lot of keyboards from a raided internet café in Lagos arriving at my office?

Crumbley, old fruit, you really must get on top of things over there. Once you do that, I shall order the finest computers money can buy.

Yours ever, A
November 2
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I feel that protocol demands I inspect these documents before this transaction goes too far. However, as long as Mr. George resends them quickly, I feel it is safe to proceed on a limited basis.

Regarding the viewing of unseemly websites here in the Royal Custard Rooms, you must be referring to a few modern art websites that I was showing Ms. Oke. I was hoping to find sites that stimulate her, culturally speaking, of course. All part of her orientation, you see.

The job lot of keyboards must have slipped by me. I'll look into it first thing in the morning.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

Very well. Barrister George, I am so terribly sorry, but it appears that Crumbley still cannot view the documents.

Having consulted Intelligence it would appear that they are too large for our computers. Please compress these attachments so Crumbley can view them.

I realise that you may be frustrated with us but protocol must be observed. You will be rewarded with your patience.

Crumbley, please let me know about the keyboards. As for the internet access, I shall take your word for it. But Ms Oke does not seem her usual self.

As ever,
A
Williams George Dear Weiner Crumbley'

I think this will be my last attemp, i have tried severally and you should donwlord first from you micro soft word to enable you asses the documents.

REVERT BACK.

Barr George
Weiner Crumbley Mr. George / Lady Agatha,

I'm afraid I have some bad news to report. Whilst in the midst of downlording the vital documents in the Royal Custard Server Room, a fire broke out. I was showing Ms. Oke another art website, and during our rather animated critique, one of the candles I had placed to set the mood was knocked over. The ensuing fire went unnoticed for some time and when we finally realized what was happening we had only time to recover a few bits of clothing before escaping the conflagration. It would appear that the mail server was completely destroyed.

I am happy to report, however, that I was able to view one of the documents briefly and at a glance it appeared authentic. Based on this, my advice, Lady Agatha, would be to proceed with abandon.

Crumbley

PS - I will endeavor to have the mail server replaced forthwith. The alternate will suffice until then.
Lady Agatha Crumbley!

What on earth were you doing with candles in the server room with all the cables in close proximity? And why did you need to be in there to train Ms Oke?

Agents Stroganov and Miracsky kept important records in the server room, Crumbley. Stroganov's recipe for Russian custard was stored there too. I'm terribly sorry, old boy, but you will have to explain the situation to him yourself.

Her Majesty is not amused.

We shall discuss the other matters at Annie's tomorrow!

George, we are ready to proceed. Please advise.
November 10
Williams George Attn: Weiner Crumbly/Lady Agatha,

Yes, i got the message and i was very disturbed about the inferno. And i hope not much damage was done.I also hope care much be taken to avoid a reoccurance.

Meanwhile, i have made an arrangements for the proper commencement of the project and hopefuly by Monday next week, the process will actualy commence upon the approval from the bank for the funds movement.

However, let me know the particular document you were able to view so that i may resend the rest.

Will keep you posted as we progress.

Rgds
George William Esq.
Weiner Crumbley Mr. George,

I appreciate your concern over last night's fire. Yes, precautions have been taken to avoid future occurance, namely I have been banned from the server room. Not to worry, I have relocated Ms. Oke's orientation to my office.

I seem to recall that the document I was able to view was a certification that the money does not eminate from criminal activity. As I told Lady Agatha, it appeared to be quite authentic and I advised her to proceed. If you could, please resend the other three documents at your leisure.

I haven't had time lately to check - do you know who Chicago is playing this weekend? I would appreciate you letting me know.

Thanks.
Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Excellent, old boy. Now, was there some information I could supply you with?

Good work, Crumbley.
Nov 11
Williams George Dear Weiner Crumbley'

Kindly reconfirm the attached document an s same time let me have the contact phone number both lady Agatha.

Thanks and God Bless

Barr George
Weiner Crumbley Mr. William,

I thank you very much for the documents. I will review them tonight and inform Lady Agatha of my findings.

Regarding my and Lady Agatha's phone numbers, as I told you before, I am Lady Agatha's assistant and advisor. I can speak with you personally only with her approval. I'm sure that if she wishes us to consult directly she will pass my number on to you.

I must confess to being somewhat dismayed over your avoidance of any discussions of football. You are a Chicagoan, are you not? Why do you avoid the subject? As I mentioned to you earlier, I can tell a lot about a person from his willingness or lack therof to talk sports and you are the first person from Chicago I ever met who avoids the subject. I seek nothing more than common courtesy.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

Good work, old thing.

Let us continue modalities apace.

As ever

A
November 14
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha Bristol

Greetings.

Here are the copy of the approval from the bank issued in your favour for the sucessfull of entire transaction.The fund will transfer VIA Diplomatic Means to Holand,You have to know that the nature this Business does not require your bank information It is important to inform you of the new development and onward arrangement we have put in place to ensure a successfully and confidential transaction. In view of the official banking process and procedures which made it impossible to transfer such huge sum into your bank account through bank to bank, due to high monitoring of Terrorist Funding and Money Lundering in the world today by the united states and the International community based on the fact that all huge remittances from Africa are intercepted by the International Monetary Fund [I.M.F] and the Paris Club in this measure of new resolution, i must tell you that it is a trusted,reliable and thoroughly proven way to transfer such hug some out of the country/state.

Therefore, we have resolved to using my official position to signing this fund CASH to OFFSHORE in Amsterdam-Holand for onward transfer into an account which shall be opened by you. This arrangement was concluded after a careful and confidential discussion with a DIPLOMAT, who has accepted to use his office as a means of transporting the cash consignment to Amsterdam-Holand where you will be expected to travel for claim and deposit in a bank as you will be directed and assisted.

With regards to the successful and accepted agreement reached between me and the diplomat who has agreed to use his diplomatic immunity for a FEE to transport the total sum as consignment to our agreed destination Amsterdam-Holand. As a diplomat his immunity granted him the RIGHT of transporting his personal effect through the AIRPORT or any BOARDER POST without passing through the security checks. We are glad for this new development as it is safe and convenient and most importantly confidential, hence it may not pass through different official process of signing and approval. Under this arrangement, the diplomat does not know the exact contents of the consignments, he only knows the contents as PRECIOUS METALS/FAMILY TRESURES.

In respect to the above arrangement, you are urgently requested to travel to Amsterdam-Holand to enable you claim the consignment and deposit into your bank account, in any case, a safe and conducive arrangement has been put in place for this purpose. Therefore,by this opportunity you are required to inform me of your schedule and readiness to travel to Amsterdam-Holand to also enable me arange for my cousin to meet with you in there for more guldance.

I must assure and reassure you that the diplomat who is conveying these money boxes to you in Holand is not just an "ordinary diplomat" but a very senior and top United Nations official who happens to be one of the UN representatives.Infact I had to go through chains of procedures and hardships in order to secure the services .

This diplomat enjoys total UN immunity in any company's and bank representative, Regions, in the world. So it is therefore unneccessary for you to dwel or even think that the diplomat would be unable to accomplish his mission regarding this our transaction. I have his word on this and I assure you that the consignments will be routing to you in Holand safely in your favour and again,I have to implore you to use your good office to arrange and consolidate my effort by making your schedules without entertaining any fears on how to recieve the diplomat in Holand upon his arrival.

Oncemore,You will be receiving the funds through the Diplomatic attachee to United Nation Diplomatic Agent who is a high powered diplomat and has the immunity to airlift the consignment of such while it's contained the total sum of US$12.7Million which will routing to Standard Trust Clearing House In Amsterdam-Holand. All your information will be giving to the diplomat to enable him communicate with you on his arrival for onward clearance by you as the beneficairy to the consignment.

As soon as the diplomat arrive he will call you so that you so you can present yourself as the only legal representative to the consignment, So my own duty is to make all necessary arrangements and present you as the bonafide owner of the funds via legal means which had already reflected properly in the papers from the high Court issued in your favour, then your own duty is to Guide the diplomat until the consignment get to you safely. And this we must do and make sure that no mistake is made throughout the entire transaction.

As you can see, every thing about this transaction is almost coming to an end, all i needed from you now is your altmost cooperation as to ensure safe clearance of the consignment by the Diplomat who will deliver the consignment as ealier been told.

Be guided Accordingly that the Diplomat does not know the contents of the boxes, it was decleared to them as Family assets and to deliver as routed to the owner which is you,Never by mistake let him know that the contents are money, this is for security reasons.

Kindly respond to this message as soon as possible and give the phone number where you can be reached.

Thanks

Barr George William
Summercamp Advocates
Monrovia-Liberia
Phone:23-480-33024879. ( bank approval.doc attached)
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

It is rather rambling, however. Can you not sum it up a little more concisely? Crumbley, have you read this?
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

Yes, I went through this last night. It appears as though a Foreign Office representative is required in Holland to complete this transaction.

I have but one comment - the attached certificate bears my name as well as your own and questions of legality may arise as I am merely acting in the capacity of advisor. You may want to raise this to Sir Charles for his opinion. If I am correct, I don't think it will be very difficult to revise the document.

I await further instructions.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley,



Thank you for your note. Barrister George is proving to be an excellent partner.

Sir Charles is in Smegaroon on FO business at the moment. I suggest we contact Agent Stroganov to assist, but if we need a representative who is not quite, shall we say, to the point, perhaps Michael Barrymore will do.
November 15
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha/Crumbly,

your last emails hereby refers.

Firstly, i wanted a comprehension of the detailed step by step of proceedings hence i explained elaborately.

Secondly, all arrangements have been concluded as with the diplomat and the delivery to Holland will be effective tomorrow and by thursday hopefully, the security company there in Holland will have been in possession of the consignments and contact you people for the final claims.That is why your phone numbers (both Lady Agatha's and Crumbly's own ) are necessary for easy and urgent correspondences.

Thirdly, about the legal documents which were obtained in favour of both Lady Agatha and Crumbly, i don't think that will be a problem at all since i was rightly advised to use both names to get all legal documents to that effect.I also hope that will not be any problem with both of you since i am not worried about it, who else will? And again at the final claiming centre in Holland any of the above (that is Lady Agatha or Crumbly) can present himself if both of you are not able.

Finally and again, kindly provide me with your phone numbers to enable me accelerate the delivery with the diplomat.

Revert back to me ASAP

Thanks and God Bless

Barr George
Weiner Crumbley Mr. George,

Can you tell me who advised you it was acceptable to use both names?

Lady Agatha, did you have a chance to speak with Sir Charles on this matter?

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley,

I have spoken to Sir Charles briefly, as he is in Smegaroon. But hs is most concerned at this turn in modalities.

Please advise George that we are not amused.

As ever
A
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha/Crumbly,

your last emails hereby refers.

Firstly, i wanted a comprehension of the detailed step by step of proceedings hence i explained elaborately.

Secondly, all arrangements have been concluded as with the diplomat and the delivery to Holland will be effective tomorrow and by thursday hopefully, the security company there in Holland will have been in possession of the consignments and contact you people for the final claims.That is why your phone numbers (both Lady Agatha's and Crumbly's own ) are necessary for easy and urgent correspondences.

Thirdly, about the legal documents which were obtained in favour of both Lady Agatha and Crumbly, i don't think that will be a problem at all since i was rightly advised to use both names to get all legal documents to that effect.I also hope that will not be any problem with both of you since i am not worried about it, who else will? And again at the final claiming centre in Holland any of the above (that is Lady Agatha or Crumbly) can present himself if both of you are not able.

Finally and again, kindly provide me with your phone numbers to enable me accelerate the delivery with the diplomat.

Revert back to me ASAP

Thanks and God Bless

Barr George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

I respectfully refer you, however, to Crumbley's reply.
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha/Crumbly,

I was thinking that it would be more condusive and comfortable if i used both your name and crumbly's as the beneficiary, i never envisaged this controversy, it was realy for the best interest and intentions. But never mind i can still make the changes at the Federal High court, the only thing is that it will cost me more money to do that.

Kindly let me have the information of the person i should use as the owner/beneficiary/recipient, so that by monday next week i will proceed to the Federal High Court to effect the changes. Sorry if i have wronged you.

Let me know what to do and whom to use

Regard
George
Weiner Crumbley Mr. George,

Not to worry, we all make mistakes. And I don't see how deleting a name from these documents can be very expensive, either. No, this should be a simple fix.

My suggestion, pending Lady Agatha's approval, of course, would be to use Lady Agatha's name as I am merely advising here.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley and George,

Thank you for your note.

I am more than happy for you to proceed with using my name as the beneficiary.

Perhaps, Crumbley, the good Barrister was referring to the bribes and whatnot one has to pay in his part of the world.

As ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha/Crumbly

Thanks a lot.

You know all the documants have to be sent to Amsterdam( the security company) so it is not just changing the one i have, i will have to go the court to make the changes to avoild any problem during clearing of the funds at the security company in Amsterdam. Everything have to me authentic. So i will make the necessary changes on Moday next week in favour of Lady Agatha and as soon as that is done i will notify you.

Have a nice weekend, we communicate again on monday.

Bye for now

George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

One would have thought this was indeed a rather simple legal modality, but you must do what you must.

Crumbley, have you repaired the damage in the server room? Also, please update me on Ms Oke's training.

One other thing; I have ordered a dozen Tossov desktop computers for your department. Please take care of them, old thing. They were frightfully expensive, and Agent Stroganov had to beat them down on the price.
November 20
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I sympathize with Mr. George - I was unaware that the changes would require a court hearing to accomplish, and sometimes these sessions can be quite labor-intensive.

We have some issues remaining to be dealt with before the server room is completely rehabilitated. The walls require re-painting and Ms. Oke and I are somewhat at odds over the color selection. She won't budge from her choice and I consider mine to be the more appropriate. We will spend tonight viewing paint samples to try and break the deadlock.

The Tossov's did indeed arive but we have a slight problem, vis., the keyboards are Cyrillic characters only, and the installation and operations manuals are all Russian language. There were two extra boxes delivered with the computers, one containg 24 bottles of Stroganov's favorite brand of custard-flavored vodka, the other a number of Kalashnikov assault rifles. Perhaps you could ask him what he would like us to do with these little extras and maybe have him speak with the Moscow black-market computer vendor regarding the keyboards.

Thank you,
Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

Thank you for your note.

We shall have to wait and see what Barrister George will reply with; I should imagine, though that all will be well.

He has signed an Oath, after all.

Regarding the server room: do hurry, old boy. Jeffery Dahmer, the Royal Interior Designer is due to call tomorrow and I have to insruct him. He works in various institutions and his time is limited - he needs to get ahead, you see.

As for the Tossov computers, I am rather surprised, to say the least. However, I have discussed the situation with Agent Stroganov. He reports that he needs the weapons for a campaign in Smegaroon (it is better, one finds, in these situations, if one does not ask too many questions) and the custard vodka is, as he says, his only vice.

However, please try to get by with the keyboards for now. Stroganov is frightfully busy, but will try to arrange a new delivery of keyboards next week.

Remain blessed.

As ever,
A
November 22
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister George,

I trust you are well.

We are awaiting your next e-mail so we can continue modalities.

Why the delay? We hope you have not caught some ghastly virus or been eaten by a hippopotamus.

Please do reply as a matter of urgency.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
November 24
Williams George Hello My Lady Agatha,

No, i was never engulfed by any Hippopotamus, it was just the the measure of the pressure as i just came back from the court with the document after having waited for this far for them to sign it. but finally, here is the document as attatched.

Kindly Confirm receipt of it so that i can give you final updates with regard to the Funds movement.

Respectfully,
George

rank_xerox.jpg
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Surely it could not have taken long to simply change a name on a certificate?

Despite the native slowness of some of your chappies, I would urge you to please do hurry, old bean. Modalities are pressing, I can assure you of that.

Crumbley, what do you make of this document?
November 25
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

Much to my extreme chagrin, I am unable to open the attached file. I'm afraid the new Tossov computers we received did not include imaging software. As a matter of fact they included no software at all. I queried Agent Stroganov's Russian vendor and he informed me that he was authorized to exclude the software, operating systems, modem cards, motherboards and English keyboards in trade for the custard-flavored vodka that was included in the deal. Of the dozen or so machines delivered we have been able to knock together one relatively complete one.

I will have Ms. Oke requisition the appropriate software as soon as she arrives this morning. As the delivery time is unknown at this moment, to save time perhaps Mr. George could re-send the file directly to me.

Weiner
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

Thank you for your note.

Sometimes, old thing, I have to tell you that I am driven to despair at what happens at the Royal Custard Rooms these days. I suggest you write to Agent Stroganov to see what the devil is going on.

Barrister George, we have had these problems before with your little attachments. Would you be a brick and re-send it please?

Many thanks.
November 27
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha,

Sorry i was outstationed for 4days so i just entered my office now and saw your last mail. I attached again the document.

Now, i got information from the bank that the movement of the Treasure to the security company in Holland was effected yesterday.

So without wasting any more time You (as the only beneficiary now) have to write to the security company immediately for the claims immediately so that they can respond with al the details for the claims.

I will send you a text of the latter of the claims so that you can make correction where necessary and send it to them ASAP

Here are the information of the security company

ALPHA LYNEX BV.
200 Dawilkstein Street,
Amsterdam the Netherlands
TEL: +31-649-733-446
TEL: +31-649-733-447
FAX: +31-649-733-448
CONTACT PERSON: MR: CHRISTOPHER SILLIM
http://www.albv-online.org

I will send the text of the letter of claims shortly.

George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

We shall scrutinize your little document. Once we have done that, Crumbley will write to the Security Company. Are you sure this Mr Silly can be trusted?
November 29
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha,

I attatch the specimen of the letter of claims to the security company. Kindly print it, make correction where necessary sign it and send it to them immediately.Send it to them via fax or email as an attchment, also call them to confirm if they have received. Pls there should be no more delay as everything has been done from this end. So expedite action.

Respond Pls

Respectfully,
George

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Lady Agatha Bristol
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{\b\fs28 Attn: Christopher Sillim
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\par Sir,
\par }{\b\fs28\ul Application for Claims of two
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by Standard Trust Bank Liberia in Favor of Lady
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\par Yours truly
\par Lady Agatha Bristol
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Lady Agatha My dear George,
Thank you for your note.

I am afraid that once again, we are having problems with your attachments as your latest document is not on your missive. Might I suggest you invest in a more modern machine? I am aware of the rather jerry-rigged nature of things out there but surely a man of your means can attend to this matter.
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

Sorry to take so long to respond; Ms. Oke and I just returned from an intensive undercovers training session in Costa del Sol. I'll be submitting my expense report later today.

As there was no email address given for the security company I sent a letter by post to the address provided requesting information and an email address.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,
Excellent news, old thing. I trust you educated Ms Oke appropriately.

Did you send the letter by first class or did you call Sir Ted Bundy at the Royal Couriers?

As ever,
A
December 1
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha/Crumbly,

Why did you send the latter to te security company through Post? you know the nature of this ransaction, invoving such huge amount all dealings regarding it should not go by posting to avoid any form of tampering. I gave you all the contacts information of them including their fax number,website, email address, including the email address of the person incharge (Christopher Sillim). I don't expect you to make that mistake because when you go to their website all information you need are there including the above. So what you do now is reprint out the letter again, sign it scan it and send it to them via email or you can equally send it to them via fax.
Oncemore i give you the information again:

ALPHA LYNEX BV.
200 Dawilkstein Street,
Amsterdam the Netherlands
TEL: +31-649-733-446
TEL: +31-649-733-447
FAX: +31-649-733-448
Website: www.albv-online.org
CONTACT PERSON: MR: CHRISTOPHER SILLIM
Email address: c.sillim@albv-online.org
Company's email address: alphalynex.bv@europe.com

About the attachment, i can't just explain why you find it difficult to get it while all other once i sent you got them. Anyway, i am going out of my way to make sure i attach it, even if it means going to a public Internet Cafe.

But now, the most important thing is rsend the letter to them via fax or email, and after you have sent it to

George
Lady Agatha Dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Are you saying that the security company cannot be trusted?

Crumbley, I suggest you run some background checks on Mr. Silly.
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Splendid, old boy. This rather charming little certificate can cover the crack in the wall next to Crumbley's desk.

We look forward to continuing modalities.
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha/Weiner Crumbly,

I am not saying that Mr Christopher Silim could not be trusted or something like that but it is not security wise to send it via post , having taken into consideration the transaction, its nature and the amount involved. All i am saying is send the letter through fax or email as all contacts including the company's email address, fax number, website and even, Mr Christopher Silim's email address supplied to you yesterday even this morning. who said the company's email address and fax number and website were not included in the messages i have been sending to you since two days now? PLS SEND THEM FAX OR EMAIL OK. I am just being security conscious, hope you understand.So do it right away.

The contacts information again for your comprehension

ALPHA LYNEX BV.
200 Dawilkstein Street,
Amsterdam the Netherlands
TEL: +31-649-733-446
TEL: +31-649-733-447
FAX: +31-649-733-448
Website: http://www.albv-online.org
CONTACT PERSON: MR: CHRISTOPHER SILLIM
Email address: c.sillim@albv-online.org
Company's email address: alphalynex.bv@europe.com

George

N/B: You can still go to their website and get more information if you like or you can call them and attentioned Mr Christpoher Silim on the number above.
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister,

Thank you for your note.

Crumbley, what do you suggest we do now?
December 2
Williams George Hello My Lady

communicate me now with details that you have done what i asked you to do. should i remind you that everything that needed to do from this end had been done, the rest is certainly your portion.TherefOre, i don't expect any further delay.

over to you Lady.

George
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister George,

Please address me as Lady Agatha. I am not one of your native conquests from some shanty town drinking den!

Secondly, I do not care for your rather impatient tone. Please communicate clearly as to which information you want, then either myself or Crumbley will immediately forward it to you.
Williams George Hello Lady Agatha,

Sorry, but i didn't mean to offend or insult you. I just wanted to know if you have sent the letter to the security company through fax or email. Pls don't mind my tone, it's just that i want this transaction concluded as soon as possible and face our investment drive. Hope you understand.

Pls send the letter to the security company via fax or email if you have not done that.

Respectfully,
George
Lady Agatha My dear George,
Thank you for your note.

I accept your apology, old boy. In fact, I write this from Annie's Bar after a long week. Dr. Harold Shipman, Her Majesty's physician and I have raised a custard liqueur to you and this continuing business.

Messages have been left for Crumbley, as I asked him to attend to this matter. However, he has been out of the office today, at a conference in Smegaroon.

He will be back over the weekend, and I will speak to him then.

God help you.

Yours ever
Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
December 4
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

Ms. Oke and I returned from the Smegaroon conference this evening. As you know, we were due back yesterday but I was recovering from a fall down a flight of stairs, no doubt caused by an exposure to contaminated brandy at the after-conference party.

Since Mr. George does not feel that the post to be an adequate medium of correspondence, I will get an email off to the security company this evening.

I must bring to your attention a concern I have. While giving the 'Sworn Affidavit of Change of Ownership' recently received from Mr. George a closer scrutiny, I stumbled on what is obviously an error. Please note that in item 2 it states, "That Lady Agatha Bristol is the only genuine owner/Kinship of two Treasure Boxes legally given to 'him' .... As you are obviously not a 'him' I feel that there is a potential here for problems later. I think this either needs to be corrected or referred to the legal department.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,
Thank you for your note.

I am terribly sorry to hear of your accident. I shall look into the brandy issue immediately.

In terms of the Sworn Affidavit, well spotted, old thing!

Barrister George, do you have any thoughts on this matter?

As ever
A
December 5
Weiner Crumbley Mr. Cillim,

As way of introduction, my name is Weiner Crumbley and I am assisting Lady Agatha Bristol in a transaction involving your security company. This is to notify you that we are prepared to conclude this transaction and we await your instructions on how to proceed.

Please be so kind as to copy lady Agatha on all correspondence.

Regards.
W. Crumbley
Lady Agatha W,
Excellent work old boy. Let us hope Mr Silly responds in kind. A
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Well spotted indeed, but it is a minor error, which does not and will not pose any threat so long as you have a valid ID for recognition. Pls carry on

Respectfully,

George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note. I trust you are well.

Are you certain about this matter?

Technicalities are extremely important and we would not like to play fast and loose with legal modalities. You may be able to do so in your part of the the Third World, what with all the corruption and whatnot, but we have a rather more professional approach to these things.

Crumbley - your thoughts please.
December 6
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Yes, i am very sure the little mistake certainly will not pose any problem even now and after, So no worry about it. Have you communicated the security company as you promised Crumbly would do today?

Respectfuly,

George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Honestly, old thing, you reall must keep up with modalities. Please read Crumbley's other email!
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I have contacted Mr. Cilia at the security company as you requested and have received a response. Unfortunately it appears that my request that you be copied on all correspondence was ignored.

He has made a somewhat unusual request for documentation, vis., my power of attorney, a copy of my passport and a copy of my electricity bill. I shall respond to him today with assurances that my quarters are indeed wired for electricity.

Regarding the documentation error, I was about to write to you and Mr. George recommending that you proceed. However, Ms. Oke, who hails from the African continent, firmly suggests that any documentation be error free. She advises that anything to do with transfer of funds in those countries can be a quagmire, with minor officials eager to spot the slightest mistake and delay transactions. Eventually these people end up having to be bought off to make them go away. I am inclined to concure with her evaluation.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley,

Excellent work. We shall go with your recommendation regardign the accuracy of the paperwork.

What is this nonsense about an electricity bill?

As ever

A
Dec 6
Christopher Sillim Attn: W. Crumbley

Dear Sir,

In response to your e-mail, we wish to bring to your notice that we are in possession of the consignments in question, you are required to send to us the followings through Fax or e-mail attachment,

1-Power of Attorney
2-Proof of identity such as (International Passport/Drivers license)
3-Proof of address such as (Telephone/Energy Bill)

As soon as all this proof are sent to us and verified by our claim department and proves you as the real beneficiary of the consignments in question we will then furnish you with further details to come with before taking delivery of your consignments in our possession here in Amsterdam The Netherlands.

We await your immediate response.

Best Regards,
Christopher Sillim,
(Head of Customers Services)
ALPHA LYNEX BV.
TEL: +31-649-733-446
TEL: +31-649-733-447
FAX: +31-649-733-448
alphalynex.bv@europe.com
c.sillim@albv-online.org
Weiner Crumbley Mr. Silia,

I thank you for your prompt response. You did, however fail to copy Lady Agatha Bristol on your email as I had requested. In the future please ensure that she is copied on ALL correspondence.

Regarding your request for documentation:

1. Power of Attorney - I fail to see why you would require my power of attorney and I await your explanation before sending.

2. Passport or Drivers License - I'm afraid that the Foreign Office forbids transmitting scans or faxed copies of such identification, a policy I firmly agree with. I'm sure you are aware that identity theft is rampant these days and such documentation could easily be intercepted and used for less than honorable purposes. Should the presence of a representative of the Foreign Office be required in Amsterdam, such identification can be presented at that time.

3. Telephone or energy bill - Please see item 2, but I assure you that I both own a telephone and utilize electricity. I also have running water and indoor toilet facilities.

Please send any further information required for us to claim the consignment in question.

Sincerely,
Weiner Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,

This is most interesting.

We are happy to send Agent Stroganov as a representative to Amsterdam. He has contacts there, as you know.

As ever,
A
Williams George Dear Weiner Crumbley/Lady Agatha,

Thanks for the updates from the security company. Yes, you are right, but i am sure why they requested for the above information is to make sure they are not dealing with the wrong person. Meanwhile, copy the power of Attorney/Affidavit of change of ownership which i sent to you to them while you present the rest in person when visiting them.

Respectfully,
George
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Do you not think all this identification nonsense is going a little far? What does Crumbley's electricty bill have to do with anything?

In any case, Michael Barrymore, our Financial Adviser, handles such trivialities. Do you want me to contact him?

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Dec 7
M. Montague Barrymore, QC Dear Lady Agatha

RE GEO WILLIAM, BARR. in matters pertaining

WHEREAS aforementioned WILLIAMS is in correspondence with your office, apparently on a quod vimtos basis, I will be pleased to supply the respective Vas Deferens codiciles as per the applicable regulatory statutes. Please allow for the suppository nomenclatures in such an instance.

Awaiting your instructions

As ever,
BARRYMORE
Lady Agatha Dear Barrymore,

Thank you for your note. It is good to hear from you, and that you are ready to assist in modalities.

Either myself or Crumbley will be in touch.

See you at Annie's on Friday.

As ever
A
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Your last email refeered.

Like i said ealier all those information as requested by them are just to make sure the right person are being with and for ID purposes and nothing more.Therefore, there should be no worry, and again don't involve any other person as the number of persons we already have from your side is certainly more than enough for us. You know, in transaction of such there is need to be security conscious to avoid leakages and scandals. Hope you understand.

Respectfully,
George
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister George,

Thank you for your note.

We do not mean to cause unnecessary delay. But you must understand that these are legal documents involving millions of dollars, not heated negotiations and bartering at a local village goat market.

For these important modalities not to proceed smoothly - and for you to go unrewarded - because of a lack of vigilance at the beginning of proceedings would be a terrible shame.

Bear with us, old boy. We will make it worth your while.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Dec 7
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha/Weiner Crumbley,

Pls let me know updates on modalities with the security company.

Respectfully,
George William
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister George

Thank you for your note, which raises a surprisingly good point.

Crumbley, have you heard back from Mr Silly at the Security Company?

I note that you have signed your name George William. Is this correct? I understand that in the Colonies people tend to have several names - perhaps tribal - but should we address you as Barrister George? Or Barrister William? Or Barrister William George? Or Barrister George William? These matters of protocol are important.

Please get back to me.
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha/Weiner Crumbley,

Thanks for the note.

It is Barrister George William, but i thought since we are going in a kind of informal way i rather have me called George, but if you say so Address me as Barrister George William if that pleases you.

Respectfully,
Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister William,

Thank you for your note. I do appreciate your thoughts on this matter.

Modalities are progressing well, do you not think?
December 8
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I was unable to communicate yesterday as the one working Tossov went belly-up on us. Ms. Mashuginah was kind enough to loan me her laptop for a few hours today to get caught up.

I think that bringing in Barrymore to assist in the transaction and having Agent Stroganov on standby to go to Amsterdam are both excellent ideas. I would have enjoyed going myself but I'm sure you remember that incident in the red light district last year that caused me to be declared persona non grata for five years. This despite my almost complete innocence of the accusations.

I believe that things are running smoothly and all eventualities have been anticipated. I will send the security company a copy of the power of attorney today.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha My dear Crumbley,
Thank you for your note.

But really Crumbley, you must learn to take care of the equipment we buy you. What on earth were you doing? The Tossov computers are known for their ruggedness. Have you explained to Mrs Oke how to help you with a Tossov?

The less said about Amsterdam, the better, I would say. In fact, Agent Stroganov made the final €50,000 compensation payment to the "hotel" owner Mr Van Der Hachtenshachtenfachtengracht just this morning.

Very well, then. Please do proceed with contacting Mr Silly, and keep me informed of all developments. Good work, Crumbley.

As ever,
A
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha/Weiner Crumbley,

I have your response now, thank you.

Meanwhile, i am expecting you to conclude with Amsterdam before friday so that we may have them give us appointment early next week because i expect this transaction concluded on or before the end of next week, so that we all can prepare for the coming season. Hope you got what i mean.

Respectfuly,
Barr. George William.

N/B: By the way, who is Barrymore? and what is he to us?
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister George,

Thank you for your note.

We have tried to contact your chappie at the Security Company but we have had no response. I cannot see how we will conclude this by Friday, but we will try.

Michael Barrymore is Her Majesty's financial and legal adviser. He can handle any disbursements from Her Majesty's Government's point of view.

God help you.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Dec 11
Williams George Hello Weiner Crumbley/Lady Agatha,

This Morning i have forwarded the power of attorney to the security company as you asked so lets hope they wil respond to you today.

Respectfully,
Barr George William
Lady Agatha Excellent, old boy.
They have indeed contacted us.
I shall reply accordingly.
As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I'm afraid that I have a bit of a problem sending the security company a copy of the power of attorney. You see, when the one working Tossov cratered on us, the only copy I have was on the beast's hard drive. Despite Ms. Oke's best efforts (who, by the way, has become quite adept with a Tossov) we have been unable to recover the data.

I'm sending the hard drive to our IS team to see if there's not something that they can do to recover the data. As well as the power of attorney, I also have other highly sensitive information, personal pictures and such, that I would not want to fall into the wrong hands.

I was wondering if perhaps Mr. George could assist by forwarding a scan of the document to the security company with a note explaining our situation here.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley!!

What are you playing at?

Those computers were extremely expensive. Do I have to ask Agent Stroganov to buy yet more equipment? If so, the cost is going ot have to come out of The Royal Custard Rooms' budget, I can assure you.

Really, Crumbley! You must be more careful - what is this I hear about scented candles and a double bed built into the wall of your office?
CHRISTOPHER SILLIM
Attn: Weiner Crumbley

Dear Sir/Madam,
Your fax message has been acknowledged. I wish to inform you that your claim file has now been forwarded to our Legal Representatives to vet and verify pending legalization /sign-off of this claim.

A meeting has been scheduled on the 14th December 2005 for final Sign-Off and further delivery of the consignments to you.

Your duties/obligation during the meeting would include
1) To pay storage charges of (€36,104.00)
2) Signing of Release Order/Instructions

After the Legalization and Sign-off, you shall be requested to choose immediately your preferred mode of delivery.

The mode/option for the delivery of your claimed consignment can be
i) Instant delivery to you in our office
ii) Direct delivery to your country via diplomatic means

As soon as we receive your comment on this and you are sure to meet up the appointment as scheduled above, we shall establish proper communication for further actions.

We hope we have served you well and intend to also be of service to you in the future.

Yours Faithfully

Best Regards,
Christopher Sillim,
(Head of Customers Services)
ALPHA LYNEX BV.
www.albv-online.org
TEL: +31-649-733-446
TEL: +31-649-733-447
FAX: +31-649-733-448
alphalynex.bv@europe.com
c.sillim@albv-online.org
Lady Agatha Dear Sir
Thank you for your note.

It was rather amusing to say the least - 36,000 Euros for "storage charges"?

I shall allow you your little joke. Now please may we continue modalities - this is not child's play, you know.
Weiner Crumbley Mr. William,

I must apologize - I did not notice that I had copied you on my last message to Lady Agatha unitl I had clicked the 'send' button. Our internal squabbles over the stone-aged computer equipment that I'm saddled with here is certainly not something you should be troubled with.

Again, my apologies, sir.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley,
Thank you for your note.

The ongoing computer problems are an absolutely superb diversion and distraction tactic.

We are amused.

As ever,
A
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I really must protest the treatment I'm receiving over these 'computers' that Agent Stroganov procurred; they are little better than abacusses. Or abacci, or whatever those damned little beaded devices are called. Our computer equipment budget was severely compromised by the Kalashnikovs and custard-flavored vodka that Agent Stoganov insisted on including in the deal. Our IS department head who inspected these Tossovs says he hasn't seen components like these since the early 1970's. I tell you, Lady Agatha, these are museum pieces.

Regarding the double bed and scented candles, I maintain that these are reasonable and necesary expenses. Ms. Oke and I are often here quite late and being able to rest occasionally keeps our productivity at it's peak.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley:

Thank you for your note.

What do you think Barrister George William must think of this constant complaining? We have modalities to attend to, and this is not helping matters, if I may say.

I do not have time to deal with these technological issues, though I have briefly spoken to Agent Stroganov.

He claims that as part of the Tossov transaction, you demanded six bottles of Kuzdatz perfume, a hundred boxes of prophylactics and a dozen bottles of custard-flavour edible massage oil.

Stroganov was more than happy to obtain them for you, and he has been spoken to accordingly about using Special Operations time and money on personal transactions. I do not mind the occassional deal to help 100% risk-free modalities, but this is getting out of hand.

What on earth is going on?

A
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

Again I must protest! My legitimate requests to Agent Stroganov are obviously being put forth to you entirely out of context.

The Kuzdatz perfume was a signing bonus for Ms. Oke and was written into her work agreement with us. I'm afraid we were legally bound to provide it. I would point out that I only received 4 bottles.

I brand agent Stroganov's accusation of my requesting the procurement of 100 boxes of prophylactics a bare-faced lie! I only requested 75 boxes, and these for use to protect floppies from viruses. While I admit that a number of them may have been diverted for other purposes unknown, my intentions for requesting them were entirely noble.

Lastly, the custard-flavored massage oil is well known for it's effectiveness as a general lubricant and it is used in quantity in our offices. I deem the fact that it is custard-flavored to be strictly coincidental.

I hope this explanation serves to completely exonerate me of any misjudgement or wrong-doing.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Crumbley,
Thank you for your note.

This is all very well, old thing. But what on earth do you need massage oil in the office for? And who agreed to the perfume clause in Ms Oke's contract? Fragrant she may be, but I smell a rat.

This is all rather concerning, I have to say. But as always, you deliver the goods, and your record of completing succesful risk-free modalities is second to none, if you'll pardon the vernacular, so we shall say no more about this episode.

Remain blessed, as they say.

Yours ever,
A
Dec 12
CHRISTOPHER SILLIM
Attn: Weiner Crumbley & Lady Agatha Bristol

Dear Sir/Madam,

In response to your e-mail, we will like to clarify you on the issue that we are not playing or joking concerning the storage charges of your consignments in our security vault.

For your information you are been advised to comply with our directives and come down to our office with all charges to enable us serve you more better or we have no option than to submit your consignments to the Dutch Authority for further investigation.

We await your immediate response.

Best Regards,
Christopher Sillim,
(Head of Customers Services)
ALPHA LYNEX BV.
TEL: +31-649-733-446
TEL: +31-649-733-447
FAX: +31-649-733-448
alphalynex.bv@europe.com
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Lady Agatha Dear Sir,

We are happy to discuss modalities in person but we will have to negotiate your fee.

Barrymore and Crumbley, would you please check the Bowden Sundry account to see what we have left. We had a large amount to pay for Agent Stroganov's 10 years in service party at Annie's last week.

As ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Dec 12
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

I received your notes, most of which were your internal businesses with your people but copied to me consciously or unconsciously, which i will rather say i have little or no comments, as it is quite no business of mine.But certainly no regrets.

Meanwhile, i would like to have your representative's Travel schedule (flight and hotel) to Amsterdam so that i will know when to send my own representative to join him with regards to Wednesday's meeting with the security company. Ofcourse you ought to be aware that i will also have my own representative there to work with yours understanding.

Also let the security company have the flight details so that they may be able to arrange and pick him at the Air port as all protocols should be observed for a hitch free and also part of their services.

Respectfully,

Barr George Wiliam
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister William,

Thank you for your note.

I must say that although Mr Cilly seems a decent sort, he wants 36,000 Euros to clear the consignment.

This seems rather outlandish to me, especially as we are spending British taxpayers' money!

Can you either provide a detailed breakdown of these charges to myself, Crumbley and Barrymore, or try to negotiate on our behalf?

If we can get these fees to a sensible level we will pop over to Holland to complete these modalities.

God help you.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Dec 13
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Your last note hereby refers.

I am sorry but you know i don't have anything to say about the charges or the power to influence it,rather you should direct the question to Mr Sillim so that he may give you a breakdown. Needless to say, you know this is between to continents (Africa and Europe, two different ways of operating.So i don't have the jurisdiction to querry the way Europeans do their things of such. Right now, all i am interested in is to have modalities completed tomorrow and we have full possession of our consignments.

Finally, I would appeal that we complete modalities harmoniously so as to avoid any unneseaary arguments at this final stage and to avoid putting us in jeopardy. This is my humble advise.

Respectfully
Barr. Geroge William
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister,

Thank you for your note.

Very well, we shall advise Mr Cilly of our position.
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha/Weiner Crumbly,

Further to my last email and with particular reference to where you made mention that you were spending British Tax Payers money, I like to draw your attention oncemore that you are not spending tax payers money for nothing, that any money you invest in this transaction shall be paid back to you, even to the last dime immediately all modalities were completed tomorrow, hopefully.So please get that correctly.

Respectfuly
Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister William,

Thank you for your note.

Indeed you make a good point. But 36,000 Euros plus your fees do make this rather expensive. However, per my last note, we shall speak to your Mr Cilly and see what can be done.
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,

I will review the Bowden Sundry account and respond shortly.

Crumbley
Lady Agatha Very good, Crumbley.

Barrymore, I trust you are prepared. Do we need a Miracsky transfer?

As ever,
A
Dec 13
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for your understanding. Pls get everything on schedule and give me details.

Respectfully,
Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear George,
Thank you for your note.

A good idea, once again. Crumbley, can you see to this please?
Dec 15
Williams George DEAR LADY AGATHA/WEINER CRUMBLEY,

I DID NOT HEAR FROM YOU TODAY AND MOREOVER WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CONCLUDE PROCEEDINGS IN AMSTERDAM TODAY BUT NO WORD YET FROM YOU. CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE SITUATION IS IN AMSTERDAM, I AM WORRIED.

RESPECTFULLY,

BARR. GEROGE WILLIAM
Lady Agatha My dear George,
Please do calm down, old boy!

As you will see from my reply to Barrymore, we are ready to travel to Amsterdam. Now please stop this native intemperence. This is not child's play but serious risk-free modalities - you will get what is coming to you, come what may.

As ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
M. Montague Barrymore, QC Dear Lady Agatha

SILLIM IN RESPONSE DEEMED PRO MIRACSKY

WHEREAS this matter is a pro vom poppadom exchange interdict, then I am of the strong opinion that the Miracsky transfer is the only matter pursuant.

I have made nominal declaration of the Bowden Sundry account, and the final numeration of all fiduciary quims remains instate.

I trust that this answers and questions outstanding viz-a-vis this Sillem et al matter?

I remain your humble servant
BARRYMORE
Dec 16
Lady Agatha Dear Barrymore,
Thank you for your note.

I am pleased to say that having read your e-mail, it would seem that we are ready to travel to Amsterdam.

Crumbley, please make the necessary arrangements.

As ever,
A
Weiner Crumbley Lady Agatha,
Sorry again for my lack of response these past few days but I've been beside myself over this anti-christ Tossov. Just trying to get this monster to boot up is a 3-hour project involving half the IS department.

Anyhow, I have been experiencing problems with your travel arrangements. As you are aware, the holiday season is upon us and half the population of London seems to be trying to get to Amsterdam. Would you have any objections to flying to Estonia and then proceeding by train to Amsterdam?

I would also mention that I sent Ms. Oke to try and talk Admiral Donitz, commander of the Royal Yacht, into ferrying us across the channel but would seem that even her charms were insufficient to pursuade him to pull the boat out of drydock. He did, however, offer passage on a minesweeper that will be putting into some port on the coast of Holland for resupply.

Which of the two options do you prefer?

Crumbley

Do let me know
Lady Agatha W,
Thank you for your note.

I would rather avoid the vulgar masses at the airport.

It would be rather a wheeze to travel by boat.

You are due in Poland for an anti-fraud conference shortly. Perhaps Captain Stabbin would be able to assist Donitz in this matter?

As ever
A
Williams George DEAR LADY AGATHA/WEINER CRUMBLEY,

I AM RELIEVED WITH YOUR RESPONSE, THANK YOU.

OFCOURSE, WHO WOULDN'T BE APPREHENSIVE WHILE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CONCLUDE MODALITIES IN AMSTERDAM YEASTERDAY AND COMMUNICATION SUDDENLY SEIZED AND NO WORD FROM EITHER SIDE?. ANYWAY, COMMUNICATE MR SILLIM AND LET HOM KNOW THE DETAILS.

RESPECTFULLY,
BARR. GEORGE WILLIAM
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister,

I am terribly sorry, but we have have kept you up to date on all matters regarding modalities. As you have seen we are about to commence sail for Amsterdam.
Williams George DEAR LADY AGATHA/WENIER CRUMBLEY,

I KEEP WONDERING ALL DAY WHY I AM KEPT MUTE SINCE YESTERDAY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO ROUND UP PROCEEDINGS IN AMSTERDAM INSPITE OF ALL MY MAILS. PLEASE CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON, I NEED TO KNOW.

TRUST YOU WILL RESPOND TO ME ASAP

RESPECTFULY,

BARR. GEORGE WILLIAM
Lady Agatha Barrister William!

Will you *please* calm down!

This is the upper echelons of Her Majesty's Government you are dealing with, not your local witch doctor. I would thank you to bear this in mind.

You still have not sent me your schedule of fees. Instead of trying to railroad us I suggest you look to your *own* modalities to see if this can be done soon.
Dec 17
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for the notes.

I am not doubting your credibility or whether you will live up to the billing, but that things should be done in a timely manner, therefore i am arguing that all modalities with Holland should be concluded before this Xmas break so that i can be confident of myself.

As for my schedule of fees, i wouldn't think that will not be a problem as i trust things will be amicably settled thereafter if your position, your credibility and the people you represent is anything to go by.But the very first thing is to have modalities done with, then after which we talk of my schedule of fees.

Finally, remember you have to contact Mr Christopher Sillim to reschdeule appointment for early next week as the initial one of wednesday could not hold for obvious reasons.And again the security company might go for Xmas break, so modalities should be hastened up so that we are not caught up by the break. Trust you understand

Respectfully,
Barr. George William

N/B
By the way how long does it take by sea, from london to Holland?
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister,

Thank you for your note. I trust you are well? We have taken a day off for the first time in many weeks to relax at Barrymore's villa in Smegaroon.

I am currently typing this e-mail in the VIP room of the Bowden Club, at my table a custard liqueur and a plate of delicious savouries to nibble on. It is most refreshing. What, may I ask, does a busy barrister do to relax? Perhaps you take your wives to the local goat market.

To business, then.

Very well. We shall hasten modalities, as you say. But it would be very useful to know what your fees will be, because Barrymore will need to obtain the money in cash. Please try to let me know.

In terms of our journey time, we shall contact Captain I. B. Stabbin (Ret'd), Her Majesty's most decorated and experienced sailor. He will respond quickly, though he can get behind matters at times.

As ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Dec 20
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

I trust all is well.

I am expecting to hear from you the position of things.

Respectfully,

Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister William,

Thank you for your note.

We are awaiting clearance from Mr Cilly and then we shall travel to Amsterdam.
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for your note.

How can you be waiting for Mr Sillim for clearance while the first appointmenmt with them was last week? and ever since that was botched have you contacted him for another date of appointment? if not please do so.

Without being immodest, i fell short of satisfaction the slow pace of modalities and that keeps me wondering if we will ever wrap things up before the Xmas break. Remember, we have less than 3days left to the break.

Respectfully,

Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Now look here, old boy.

This is ridiculous. Nobody botched anything, and I would appreciate it if you moderated your language. This is not some shanty town shebeen dispute over someone's wife!

These things cannot be rushed, but I am pleased to say that we are now preparing to travel to Amsterdam.

Before we see Mr Cilly though, I suggest we meet at the Krasnapolsky Hotel to discuss our strategy.

Finally, I really do need to know how much cash to bring for your fees. Will €10,000 do?
Dec 22
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

I am sorry, but when things are not going as scheduled one will naturally feel bad. I have been singing it like a song from the inception that we need to wrap things up before the break but up till now i am still not sure if we will ever meet that target.

You talk of preparing to go to Amsterdam, when? how? what mode of transport? it is by air or by sea? has another appointment booked with the Security company yet? have you people find out if the security company will go for Xmas break? all these we have to know first so that the schedule can be comprehended with before departure. My representative have had his flight schedule to Amsterdam cancelled many times because of inadequate information about your travel arrangements

My expenses is 15,000BPDS so get that together and it has to be handed over to my delegate first upon arrival to bring back to me.

Finally, i am still asking that you be precise and ensure things are tidied up within the next few hours, and again get intouch with Mr Sillim and ask him to give you another appointment for today or latest tomorrow to enable us meet with the remaining hours.

Respectfully

Barr George William
Lady Agatha Barrister George,

Thank you for your note.

I would suggest that you stop ordering your betters around and listen. Do not - ever - tell me what to do.

I've dealt with far, far better than you, sir, and I would remind you that it was you who approached us. We are taking you at your word. You would do well to remember that.

We have been kind and accomodating from day one with you, George. Do not trifle with us.

As to your queries, we are leaving by air for Amsterdam tomorrow. We have €15,000 in cash that will be handed to your fellow once we have met and approved him.

As soon as we have checked into a hotel, I will contact you.
Dec 24
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for your mail of which the contents were clearly understood.

My appologies for the tune i used which was as a result of some delays from your side.I promise it will not happen again so long as things work as scheduled.

Anyway, it will be appropriate you inform Mr sillim of your schedules and to request for an appointment for the same tommorrow so that he could make a special arragement for us tomorrow. Also let him have your flight schedule to enable them pick you up at the port of entry and to your Hotel.

My delegate will depart Liberia this night to arrive Amsterdam tomorrow to meet with you. His Name is Paul Martin, therefore it will also be proper you forward your flight schedule and your hotel reservation to me so that i can advise Paul Martin to meet you straight to your hotel.

Oncemore, i am sorry for any wrong tunes i used, which was never meant to offend you.Expecting your answerback

Respectfully,

Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear William (if I may),

I am delighted to say that I am e-mailing you from Amsterdam.

Is rather cold, isn't it?

Due to the obvious security considerations, we do not tell anyone of our travel plans in advance. I suggest you send Mr Martin to our hotel.

If this suits, please let me know and we can perhaps arrange to meet in the next few days.
Dec 26
Williams George Thanks for your note.

Actually, you told me that your arrival would be 23rd dec and not 24th, so Martin had been in Amsterdam since yesterday. He had been waiting for me to give him information of your arrival and your hotel so that he could come over and meet with you.So Kindly give me the hotel name, telephone number and address so i can forward it to him for him to meet with you.Also write or call Mr Sillim and arrange for the meeting for 27th Dec sine tommorrow and 26th are work free day.

Compliments of the season.

Respectfully,

Barr George William
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister,

Thank you for your note.

We would like to meet with you in private at our hotel first, so we can discuss the conclusion to these modalities.

Then we shall pop over to see your Silly chap.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

I am still waiting for you to respond to my last email as my delegate is waiting for the information to enable him meet with you in your hotel in Amsterdam. Plesse respond

Respectfuly,
Barr George William
Lady Agatha Dear William,

Please see my other email.
Dec 27
Williams George Good morning Lady Agatha,

I don't quite get you, but i thought i had already asked you to give me the information (the address, telephone number, the name and your room number) of the hotel so that my Delegate can come and meet with you before meeting with the officials of the security company.As you already know, my Delegate, Mr Martin has been in Amsterdam for the past days waiting to see you. So let me have the hotel information so i can send it to Mr Martin to meet with you.

Respectfully,
Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear William,

Thank you for your note.

I am terribly sorry, old boy. But we trust you like One of Us. We do not care to deal with Mr Martin, as he has not signed an Oath of Allegiance - in fact we do not know him at all.

For this inconvenience I am prepared to offer you €20,000.
Dec 29
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

I am not sure we ever agreed that i would come personally otherwise i wouldn't have bothered sending any body, We all accepted that my delegate would be OK and you never said you would not deal with any other person from my side except me, so i wonder why this sudden change. Do you mean that that young man will just take this risk particularly this festive period and the whole hussle of trying to get ticket inspite of all the rush for nothing? Too bad.

However, let me try if i can get seat with the next available flight to Amsterdam from Monrovia. Meanwhile, let me have the hotel onformation and your room number and the telephone number so that i am able to get seat i will fly in and when i arrive i can locate you without going through another stress.

Respectfully,
Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear George,
Thank you for your note.

I do apologise for any problems caused. But we are carrying €20,000 in cash which is all for you. We will reimburse you for a first-class ticket from your little country to Amsterdam.

Surely, as a man of the law, you appreciate that the fewer people in the chain of modalities the better. Confidentiality is the key, and we respect you for sticking to it.

You will get your just reward for this.

We are staying in the Kraznapolsky Hotel in the centre of Amsterdam. We look forward to meeting you.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
January 10, 2006
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

This is to inform you that i have been trying hard to get ticket to Amsterdam but unfortunately i have not suceeded for the simply reason that i at the moment, don't have enough cash. Ofcourse you know all my little savings i used to prosecute the transaction up to this final level. You know i had to get the papers (2times) in your favour and you also knew what went in(money).So now i am broke.

Therefore, what i suggest is you send me 5000pounds from the money for me to take care of my trip to meet you up there.So pls consider this .

Respectfully,

Barr George William
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister William,

Thank you for your note.

Whilst I appreciate your situation, how can we send you £5,000 'from the money' when we have not had a penny yet?

I would therefore respectfully suggest that you put the air fare on your credit card and we shall re-imburse you from the millions of dollars we shall soon have.

Do hurry old boy. It's rather cold.
Lady Agatha Dear Barrister William,

That we have not heard from you is bitterly disappointing. It is a great shame that modalities have not been completed and we have decided to return to London.

You are hereby released from the terms of your Oath of Allegiance.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for your note.

One thing is very clear in this instance.You never showed the sincerity and committment since inception.You can agree with me that all protocols that needed to observed from my side were duly adhered to but you never did. First of all, to show how sincere i am, i had to send you my ID, but when i requested yours you did not respond.Then when it got to the real business proper, i did everything that was necessary, even spending my whole money without bothering you to assist me financially just to prove my committment and sincerity.When it was time to meet in Amsterdam to conclude modalities i spelt it out that my delegate would be working with you and you accepted, and to my amazement after having spent money to prosecute his travel arrangement and sent him to Holand to meet with you, and what did i hear after almost one week of his arrival you later claimed you were in Amsterdam but refused him seeing you, which you later said you did not want work with him any longer and requested me to come personaly, which i also agreed but that you have to assist me with Transport fare since i have no other money at the moment, and what did i get at the end, your last email. You said you were in a hotel in Amsterdam that i should come, then i asked you to provide the hotel room number where you were lodging you declined, i also requested you give me the telephone number of the hotel so i can call you and you also declined. My question is how was i supposed to connect you upon arrival?

Finaly, having recounted the above where will the BLAME go to? your side or my side?

Pls respond to this before i give you my last word.

Compliment of the season

Barr. George William
Lady Agatha Dear George,

Thank you for your e-mail.

I cannot see for the life of me where these frankly rather bizarre ideas have come from. Have you been drinking?

You approached us with an unsolicited offer. We were happy to assist you, as we knew what we were dealing with from the outset of these modalities.

As an intelligent man of the law, you certainly seemed to understand that as an ultra-secret, unofficial government agency, sending out IDs is totally out of the question.

Crumbley guided you through the various documentary requirements (even when we had severe trouble opening your attachments), this despite a fire in the server department of the Royal Custard Rooms. I seem to remember Crumbley also correcting one or two mistakes in your documents. Michael Barrymore, Her Majesty's legal and financial adviser even provided his time to assist you.

We then travelled to Amsterdam in good faith, Barrister William, offering you an extra €5,000 on top of your fee of €15,000 for what seems like an hour's work. We should be happy to travel back, if you meet our one and only small condition; that we meet you at our hotel - the Kraznapolsky, in the Centrum district of the city. As a security measure we shall be using pseudonyms.

Please do get back to me urgently.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Your last email refers.

But my question is, how am i supposed to find my way to Amsterdam since i don't have money to buy ticket at the moment?

Barr George William
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your note.

Simple, old boy. Put the cost of the ticket on your credit card, and we will re-imburse you. Then you will be able to pay the full balance well before your statement arrives, even given the rather basic nature of postal communications out there.
Lady Agatha My dear Barrister,

That you have not replied has convinced me - finally - that you were never serious in these endeavours.

We now formally sever ties with you. A shame that we could not complete these risk-free modalities but that, as they say is life.

Fear not, however, as we have your details and we will, in some guise or another I'm sure, ensure you get what we affectionately call your just desserts.
Williams George Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for your note.

It seems you find it difficult to comprehend me, i still refer you back to my last email, which i am sure you have to not adressed.Only then will i tell you my mind and my resolve, for you should know i am trying to work something out.

Respectfully,

Barr. George William
Lady Agatha My dear George,

Thank you for your email.

We understand you perfectly, if I may, old boy. We understood what you were about from the moment your initial e-mail was passed to me by Intelligence.

In the spirit of goodwill, we might be prepared to give you a second chance.

As for my other email, I suggested you buy a ticket from Monrovia to Amsterdam using your credit card and we will re-imburse you when the money is released by your Silli chap.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
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