BUMMED

Give a warm Scam-o-Welcome to Menzies Barrington, a Kindly Contributor from the UK:

A friend of mine received a dubious email from Sanders Green offering him a 'lucrative business opportunity'. Curious, I set up a new email account and replied to see what it was about. I had soon 'fallen in love' with the scammers and had them promising me sex and lots of it!

I thought I couldn't be the only one to play with scammers, and sure enough I'm not alone. I hope it is of interest to you at Scamorama.


Well heck yeah!

In order of appearance:
Sanders Green - scammer Lad with gender issues
Menzies Barrington - our Kindly Contributor
David Best - Cargo Lifting and Shipping Lad
Jonathan Maschine - henchman of Cargo Lad


Sanders Green
Dear Friend,

I want to bring to your knowledge of a very lucrative business opportunity that I have. Well I work as an agent that accompanies contractors funds to be paid to them and one of my fellow official by name Mr. Mike White have this deal together and we won't mind you in it if you promise to keep optimum confidentiality. The consignment consists of two boxes, the boxes contains about $18,000,000.00 this money was accompanied by a diplomat to Europe. The name of the Diplomat will be given to you as soon as you indicate your interest.You will Call the diplomat and tell him that you are calling on behalf of Mrs.Sanders Green that handed the consignment to him, Also ask him how much it will cost to clear out this consignments, bear in mind that he is not aware of the content of the boxes, it was registered as CONFIDENTIAL DIPLOMATIC DOCUMENTS, you know that this consignment has been there for the past 2 month where I am looking for a trust worthy person to get it out.
This money was meant for the contractors that executed their contracts;bear in mind that we are ready to release 30% of the total money to you for your help, each of the boxes contains $9,000,000.00. I will be expecting your reply today.

Regards,

Sanders Green.
Menzies Barrington Date: Thu, 15 Dec 2005

Mrs Green,

I hope this finds you well.

I have been made aware of your business proposal regarding the two consignments to be delivered to a contractor in the USA. I would like to volunteer my services for this assignment, as I am able to maintain complete confidentiality in the most important of matters. For example, I know who assassinated John F Kennedy and the location of Lord Lucan. I choose not to divulge this information to the public arena, as the repercussions for society are incalculable.

Please contact me with any further information you can provide.

Yours Faithfully,
Menzies Barrington.

P.S. I possess a licence to kill.
Sanders Green
Date: Thu, 5 Jan 2006
Subject: Awaiting to hear from you as soon as possible

Dear Menzies Barrington .

I received the mail you sent to me. I want you to know that this consignment is already in New York. I also want you to know that this business is 100% risk free and you have nothing to worry about. I am no longer working now ok.

I want you to know that there are no risk involved anymore because all the risk in getting this consignment to the states has already been taken care of by me.All i need is someone in the states that has a good place to stash up the consignment for us till i can leave the UK and get to you.

All you will have to do now is to contact the diplomat and you will tell him that you are contacting on behalf of Mrs. Sanders Green who handed over a consignment to him. Tell him that you have been out of town for some time now and you just came back that you will like to know how much it will cost you to clear the consignment and for them to deliver it to your address because it will have to deliver it to the address you will give to them. I also told them that when the person who is the owner comes back that he will contact them ok.

I also want you to know that there are some dumurrages which is to be settle, This is my private number where you can reach me Tel: +44 7031946906 at any point in time. I will like you to send to me your private number where i can reach you at any time like your cell phone.

I will wait to hear from you so that i can give you the contact of the diplomat so that you can contact him and find out how much it will cost for you to clear and for them to deliver it to your address.

Awaiting to hear from you as soon as possible and please call me on this new number. View attachment and find how it was package and when it arrivel.

Regards,
Mrs. Sanders Green.
Tel: +44 7031946906


[Two photographs were attached, one of a box of money, like on the front page of Scamorama, and another of a guy stacking the boxes.]
Menzies Barrington Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2006

Dear Mrs Green,

I'm sorry about the delay in responding, I hope that I can still be useful to your operation. I would just like to clarify that I am to have the consignment delivered to my address and that you will be picking it up from me. I accept that I may have to pay a charge for the delivery of a package as large as this, but it will be mere change in comparison to my reward for looking after this consignment for you. I am very much looking forward to meeting you when you come to complete the pick up.

I also feel we have grown very close during our correspondence. Your intelligent manner of writing, your sensitivity and your wit has confirmed my belief that you are indeed a lady of undoubted beauty. I have never before been so compelled to declare to a woman that I am in love and we are meant to be as one. Even though you may be already married, I don't believe that should be a barrier for us to realise our true love for each other. Look into your heart and I know you feel the same desire for me, Menzies, as I do for you. Please reply as soon as you can, my love.

Forever yours,

Menzies
Sanders Green Date: Thu, 26 Jan 2006
Subject: Security Company contact as follows

Dear Menzies,

Thanks for the email reply; yes you are still useful, and sorry for the delay in replying the mail, the security company is still waiting for my instruction to deliver to who I release contact to, and the necessary document that will enable the person to claim the consignment.

Please this is the contact of the security company below; please contact them to know how much it will cost to deliver to your resident, and the procedure to make payment.

Security Company contact as follows;
Company name; cargo shipping and lifting incorporation
Contact person; Mr. David Best
Email; director_cslinc@deliveryman.com.

You where talking about compensations you will have your share of the money when I come to pick the consignment from you. And about your love for me, you should know that I'm an international woman, a diplomat, I travel all over the world when I have flight ticket, I want to be sure that this consignment has been delivered to your resident I will then confirm my ticket for traveling.

I am in the middle of a devoice, and I hope on this money to start a new life with my 13 years old daughter.

If you promise to be good to us we can change position of thing, at list with this kind of money, we can be okay for life. But there is something you have to promise me even if you have a wife please you must be with her; I will not want to get married to any man again, after experiencing this with my present husband (hubby).

So just be with your wife and let's do business together with your help I can move close to you to invest my own share of the money, while we will be nice to ourselves. You know what I mean, is not as if I can not love any other person I like and feel like dating, even if you are around. Anyway you might be a nice man and I will love you. Anyway let's act fast so that our meeting can be soon.

Please contact the security company immediately.

I will be waiting for your reply soon. Please send your cells phone numbers to me I will like to call you.

Thank you.

Mrs. Green
Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2006
Subject: Sanders Green consignment
To: director_cslinc@deliveryman.com

Dear David Best,

I am contacting you on behalf of Mrs Sanders Green to arrange the pick up a consignment you are looking after for her. I have been out of town for some time and now I've returned I would like to know how much it will cost to clear the consignment and have it delivered to my home address in Springfield, Missouri. I would also like to know which method of payment you would prefer.

Regards,
Menzies Barrington
Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2006
Dear Mrs Green,

I have approached David Best about delivering your consignment and I am waiting for his response. I do not have much time to write at the moment but I have to quickly inform you that I am not married and will always be available to you as a friend. That said, with you being an international woman and diplomat and I an international man of love, I feel we would make perfect lovers. I will write again soon when time allows.

All my love dear Sanders,
Menzies
David Best
From: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"
Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2006
Subject: We acknowledge the receipt of your email.

Dear Mr. Barrington,

We acknowledge the receipt of your email. And we also thank you for coming for the pick up; we have been waiting for instructions from Mrs. Green who promised to send the beneficiary who will come for it.

The total money for the demurrage and the handling charges for the effective delivery of the consignment to your resident, that we will get back to you after accreditation by the officer in charge.

The mode of payment is by (money gram) preferable because it easy and continence.

We will get back to you soon.

Thank you.
Mr. David Best
Sanders Green Date: Sat, 28 Jan 2006
Subject: I will be waiting for your reply as soon as the security company contacts you Dear Menzies,

Thanks for the email reply, and for contacting Mr. David Best, once you get a response from them please update me about it.

I have been thinking about the success of the transaction and our love for each other, first let do business first then when we meet we can talk about us.

You did not send your phone numbers for easy communication.

I will be waiting for your reply as soon as the security company contacts you about the transaction.

Thank you.

Regards.

Mrs. Green
David Best From: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"
Date: Sat, 28 Jan 2006
Subject: We look forward to your payment instruction.

Dear Barrington,

We wish to bring to your knowledge that the consignment lodged in our custody by Mrs. Sanders Green it's demurrage accumulated to the following amount.

Demurrage / service charge amount;---- $5,250 usd.
Delivery / handling charges; --- 8, 200usd.

Please pay through money gram office around you with this payment information below;

Name Alfred Paul Simpson
Address New York U.S.A

We look forward to your payment instruction.

Thank you.
David Best
Sanders Green Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006
Subject: How are you today?

Dear Menzies,

How are you today? I was wondering if you have had any news from the security company. Please as soon as you are contacted please update me about that.

Thank you.
Mrs. Green
Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006
To: "sanders green"

Dear Mrs Green,

Today I am extremely well. The birds are singing, the sun is shining and the weather is sweet, I cannot complain about today. Ever since you contacted me I have been able to look at life from a different view, I love every minute of the day, and I am always looking forward to the moment that when we shall meet and embrace as friends, as lovers, as one. Isn't it funny that life can seem so hard one minute, and then change dramatically for the better from one chance email? I always have believed in making the most of the opportunities presented to me, and this is the greatest one yet. I must apologise, sometimes I find it hard not to express my love for you. Anyway, as far as the business deal is concerned, I have received details from David Best for the total amount and method of payment required. I must say, I am a little surprised by how small amount it is, considering the value of the consignment, but I trust you fully as an international diplomat. I shall make the payment this afternoon and make you aware of the confirmation.

All my love, sweet Sanders

Menzies

p.s. May I have a picture of you, my heart aches to know your visuals.
Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006
To: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"

Dear Best,

I have attempted to pay the sum of US$13,450 to Alfred Paul Simpson of New York, USA, (of course I hadn't really!) but unfortunately Moneygram require more information of the receiver of the transaction for it to be successful. Have you any other details that may assist in the payment?

Regards,

Menzies Barrington

p.s. I am developing very strong feelings for you, I have much love to give.
David Best From: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"
Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006
Subject: Please update us soon.

Dear Barrington,

Thanks for the information, i will like to know what are the informations needed at the moneygram office about the receiver.

Please update us soon.

Thank you.
David Best
Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 30 Jan 2006
Dearest Sanders,

I have tried to make the payment to David Best but unfortunately he has not given me enough information to complete the transaction. I am now waiting for him to contact me again with more details.

I don't know how you have found working with David but I am growing ever more frustrated with him. I feel that he is deliberately being obstructive to the transaction in an attempt to drive us apart. I suggest that you terminate any relationship you have with David once this transaction has been completed, in fact I believe that the presence of David in this whole operation could lead to its eventual downfall. I would be more than willing to exercise my licence to kill to put him out of business permanently, if you know what I mean. I have also put various other people 'out of business', for example, Leon Trotsky, Al Capone and Bambi's mother. You think that Yasser Arafat died of natural causes? Guess again. When I hear those jungle drums, I'm driven to kill. When I receive more information from David, I shall be ready to strike on your command.

Looking forward to seeing you honeybun.

Menzies
David Best From: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"
Date: Tue, 31 Jan 2006
Subject: We look for to your payment confirmation.

Dear Barrington,

Thanks for the email; we were contacted by Mrs. Green concerning her consignment in our custody, as she wants an effective delivery of the consignment to you this week.
The information required by the money gram officials are as follows;
Name; Alfred Paul Simpson.
Company Name; Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation;
Address; 34 West 37th Street
New York, NY 10018

You can use this information to send the money to us; the bearer is our financial secretary who is responsible for such payment.
Please when making the payment you have to divide the money into two. And send it.
As soon as we receive this payment we will start making preparation about the delivery of the consignment immediately.
Meanwhile we will want you to provide your address, where you want this consignment to be delivered as well as your telephone numbers for easy communication when delivering the consignment.
We look for to your payment confirmation.

Thank you.
Mr. David Best.
Sanders Green Date: Thu, 2 Feb 2006
Subject: I will be waiting.

Dear Menzies,

How are you today? I will like you to know that I have convinced my daughter to our traveling to meet you as soon as you confirm the receipt of the consignment.

Did you receive the details from Mr. David? If yes, please update me when you make the payment so that I can heisting them to deliver the consignment in time.

I will be waiting for your reply soon, and you must know that David is not trying to put us apart, his just a nice man I confided in to deposit the consignment in their company with his help. That is why the money charged for the clearing of the consignment was not much.

Please you have to get back to me immediately you receive this mail to update me about the situation of things.

I will be waiting.

Thank you.
Mrs. Green
David Best From: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"
Date: Thu, 02 Feb 2006
Subject: We look forward to your payment confirmation. Dear Barrington,

We wish to let you know that we are still waiting for your payment confirmation, so that we can deliver the consignment to your resident as instructed by Mrs. Green.

We hope you are not having any other problems sending the money at the money gram office with the details I sent to you.

Please when REPLYing our mail you have to include your address / phone numbers for easy communication when delivering the consignment by the diplomatic deliveryman.

We look forward to your payment confirmation.

Thank you.
Mr. David Best
Sanders Green Date: Fri, 3 Feb 2006
Subject: Please forward the receipts of payment to me today, Dear Menzies,

I do hope you are okay today? I have been disturbing the security company concerning the delivery.

They have not confirmed the receipt of your payment to me yet, can you forward the payment details so that I can instruct David to heisting up the delivery.
Please I don't want you to do anything to David, he has done nothing wrong to die, and why will I want to kill him? He des not know the content of the consignment, nobody knows about it, if not me and you and you must not in any away disclose the content to any of them.

Please keep this transaction to yourself, don't tell anyone about it.

Please forward the receipts of payment to me today, to enable me facilitate the transaction with the security company.

Yours ever.
Mrs. Green.
Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 3 Feb 2006
Subject: The payment is about to be made
To: "David Best"

Dear David,

There is no easy well to tell you this so I shall get straight to it. Mrs Sanders Green has authorised your termination! As soon as this consignment has been delivered she plans to put you out of business permanently. I know this because I am the man who she has instructed to eliminate you. As I have alluded to in a previous email, I have developed feelings for you and I am not able to carry out her brutal order.

The consignment you are looking after for Mrs Sanders Green is extremely valuable, if we were to share it between us we will both be set for life. I suggest that you use your position as director to smuggle it out of Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation in New York and deliver it personally to my home in Springfield. I have the ability to change our identities so we can disappear from existence and begin a new life, hopefully together. This is the reason there has been a delay in the payment, I have had to wrestle with some very strong emotions over the last couple of days, I feel I have come to the right conclusion. To buy us time so that Sanders Green does not get suspicious I shall tell her the payment has been made and is being held up by the administration department. Please reply soon, we do not have much time.

Mr Barrington
Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 3 Feb 2006

My Dear Sanders,

Soon we will be together. I am much looking forward to meeting you and your daughter. I feel a void in my heart is being filled with every email that I receive.

I have received the appropriate details from Mr David and I have made the payment. I have been informed by the Moneygram official that it will take a couple of days for it to pass through the administration department, so please be patient. I know that you think Mr David is a nice man but I do not trust him and I still think he is a liability to the operation. I am attempting to lure him to my home with the consignment so that I can 'take care of him'. Because I know that you like him I shall make the execution as quick and painless as possible, he'll be in garbage bags floating in the Atlantic before he can flinch from the blow of the hammer.

I am looking forward to caring for you and your daughter in the very near future.

Menzies B.
David Best From: "CARGO LIFTING AND SHIPPING INCOPORATED"
Date: Fri, 03 Feb 2006
Subject: I hope you are telling me the truth?

Dear Barrington,

Thanks for the information, but I will like to know what kind of valuable is in the truck boxes, it was deposited to use as valuable document by Mrs. Green, why will she want to kill me? I mean no ham to her or her consignment with us.

I can not open this consignment because of the security surrounding the area where the consignments are parked. And I don't have the keys. Is that why she has been so persistent and disturbing, this season? Any way.

If we must transact any deal on that consignment, the charges must be made on it before it can be released for delivery the company is aware of how mean consignment we have, but the don't know their contents.

If the charges are paid and the company acknowledges the payment, then I can use my power to smuggle it to you, as a diplomat without been questioned by any authority along while delivering. With the consignment as large as that an individual can not pick it from us without been questioned by authorities and secret agents in America, with my position I will make sure its delivered, and the logistic fund I will take care of that.

After which we can corporate to inherit the consignment, probably put Mrs. Green away, if we have seen the content of those boxes, before she come to pick the consignment, I leant she in U.k presently. if that is agreed, than you can go ahead and make the payment with the same information given to you.

I hope you are telling me the truth? Please contact me soon, With the payment confirmation. Thanks once again for the information.

Thank you.
David Best
Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 3 Feb 2006

Mr David,

I am not feeling much love from you. I have expressed that my feelings for you are beyond friendship, I have informed you of how to possess enough money to be set for life and I have saved you from an assassination attempt. You have completely ignored my generosity and the chemistry between us; I am angry and frustrated. We could have had it all, money, time and a good old power bumming every night. I am sorry it has come to this but I can no longer do business with you. I shall not carry out the assassination order from Mrs Sanders on you but let this be a warning not to cross my path again. If you would like payment for Mrs Sanders consignment I must perform the transaction with another member of Cargo Lifting and Shipping Incorporation. Pass my email onto them when you have found someone trustworthy enough.

So long and goodbye.

Menzies 'The Mercyful' Barrington
Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 3 Feb 2006

My dear, dear Sanders,

How my love for you is blossoming into an above average sized chestnut tree. Your kindness is overwhelming. You are quite right, David does not deserve to die, no one does, I think. I do not know what possessed me to think that the best way for heisting this deal was to terminate David. That said, I am unable to work with David anymore. I have big experience in the Shipping trade as my last job was as a diplomat for the international company Universal Exports, you may have heard of it, and I feel that David is not of sufficient quality to be involved in such an important transaction as this. That is why I have not terminated David, just our working relationship, and I have demanded that another employee of Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation contact me regarding the payment. Please disturb them as well to speed up this process. I'm sorry that there has been a delay this unforseen yet unavoidable delay but this is not a job that should be trusted to amateurs.

While we wait for a new contact, let us get to know each other a little better. What interests do you have? I am a big fan of Kabaddi, I play semi-professionally for the Springfield Chimichangas, we nearly last season. By the way, you have never sent me a photo of your visuals, please do so.

Lots of love, Menzies Barrington xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006

Subject: Re: Please forward the receipts of payment to me today, To: "sanders green"

Oh Sanders!! Where are you? You have not sent me an email for three days. What has happened to you? I hope you are OK, I even hope that you are on your way over so we can at last be together. I dream all day and night of when we shall meet. I shall bend you over the kitchen table, rip down your trousers and give you a power bumming.

Why are you not talking to me? What have I done to deserve this? Please, Sanders, speak to me! I need you!!!!

All my love and hope is with you.

Menzies
Sanders Green Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006

Subject: you are not a responsible man.

Dear Menzies,

How are you today? i hope you did not let David know the content of the consignment. you did not send the payment confirmation to me, i want to use that as an evedence to worry them for the delivery.

Anyway all this you are saying to me show that you are not a responsible man.
if you can not handle this transaction you metter let me know.

thank you.

Green
Meanwhile, one of David Best's henchmen contacts me, through David's email address!
Jonathan Maschine
Date: Mon, 06 Feb 2006
Subject: i was asked to contact you by mr. David,

Dear Barrington,

My name is jonathan maschine, i was asked to contact you by mr. David, concerning a transaction with Mrs. Green's consignment.
My personal email is j_maschine@yahoo.com
I wonder why he wants me to handle this transaction. please contact me with this email.
I look forward to your response.

Thank you.
Jonathan Maschine
Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006
Subject: I asked Mr David for you to contact me
To: j_maschine@yahoo.com

Jonny boy,

How's it hanging? You sound like a hard working, trustworthy fellow who I can trust and expect to work hard. I was conducting a spot of business with Mr David but before we could conclude the deal it became apparent Mr David had developed some personal problems and could not work to the high standard that I demand (I think that he is a heavy drug user and I suggest that you monitor his situation closely as he will not last long in his current job and that will leave an opportunity for you to get promoted). I do not want to go through the same problems as I did with Mr David so I need to know that I can rely on you and have complete faith in you. To help to build this trust between us I must know a few things:

What is your favourite colour?
What is your favourite animal?
Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?
What is the capital of France?

When you answer these questions I can tell you what I need you to do, but please hurry. I am getting pressure from my employer to conclude this business as soon as possible.

Kindest Regards,

Menzies Barrington
Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006
Subject: Unbelievable! I am very much a responsible man.
To: "sanders green"
Dear Green,

How dare you suggest I am not a responsible man! In the past I have been trusted with some extremely sensitive information that the pressure of knowing would cause a lesser man to haemorrhage. I am just ensuring that this deal is completed using the best people that we can rely on, it is obvious that it was Mr David's incompetence that resulted in the breakdown of relations. I applied a little pressure on him to see how he responded, and he broke like a matchstick. It is him who has proved himself not responsible, not I, Menzies, the General Custer of shipping and deliveries. I have withdrawn the payment until I feel I can trust Jonathan Maschine, the man who has replaced Mr David as our contact at Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation.

When will you arrogant English realise that it is us Americans, not you, that do a job properly. Need I remind you that it was you English that built the Titanic, the Millenium Dome and the Austin Allegro while us Americans that defeated the North Koreans, the North Vietnamese and Cuba. I could easily report you for tax evasion which would result in a heavy prison sentence for you and your daughter, but no, Menzies here is following his heart and doing what he thinks is right by helping someone out of a difficult situation. I demand that you apologise to me otherwise our relationship will come to a messy end.
Love you lots,

Menzies
Sanders Green Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006
Subject: Please, I beg you not to ham my daughter,

Dear Menzies,

Please, I beg you not to ham my daughter, or me what do you want from me? I like you kind of man, can we really do business. If you can, then pay the security company and have the consignment delivered to your home and watch me make you a millionaire when I meet you.

See you then.
Mrs. Green
Menzies Barrington Date: Tue, 7 Feb 2006
My dear Sanders,

Please be patient, I have told no-one of the contents of the truck boxes but I need time to make sure I can trust Jonathan Maschine to organise the delivery. If he were to get a hint of what it is worth he may well disappear with the whole lot and leave us both with nothing. To hurry the payment it is better if Jonathan is disturbed by yourself.

As regards to you making me a millionaire, I would much rather make you an honest woman. I would be willing to reduce my payment from 30% to 25% if you could promise me that you will let me bum you long and hard when we meet. I do not wish for a long relationship now as I feel we have grown apart but I will need something to remember you by. Once you accept I will know I can continue to trust you.

Lots of bum love from,
Bum boy Barrington.
Sanders Green Date: Tue, 7 Feb 2006
Subject: Please contact the security company today

Dear Menzies,

Thanks for the reply, you must understand that I'm been skeptical about the whole matter to the security company. I don't ever want them to know the content of the boxes.

Please you must contact the person you are asked to contact, let's see if his the way forward. What about the payment you said you made, where you given receipt for that?

Please forward the receipts to me today to enable me facilitate the security company regards the delivery.

I hope you are not angry with me, please don't try anything that will spoil my chances of getting this money. This fund is my life. Don't worry when we meet I will give you all you needed from me. Sex and lots of it. You will get feed up of it, I promise you that I will make love to you like you've not had it before, though is not my life style to do that but because you are the only chance I have to get the money save.

Please contact the security company today. I will be waiting for your responds.

Thank you.
Mrs. Green
Jonathan Maschine
Date: Tue, 7 Feb 2006
Subject: Thanks for the complements

Dear Sir,

Thanks for the complements, yes I was told by Mr. David about you, that you want to deal with the assistant manager, why not David? You are the only person I have seen complain about him, his a nice man as a matter of facts. Anyway, what do you want from me? How can I help you that Mr. David can not?

What is your favorite co lour? -- Red
What is your favorite animal? - Cat
Is the glass half-full, or half-empty? - What glass
What is the capital of France? - Paris

I hope this answers your questions, so what can I do for you. This is my personal email can you write to me from the companies email so that the management can know what is happening between us. I don't want problems from the company.

I await your responds.

Thank you.
Jonathan maschine
Menzies Barrington Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006

Bo Selecta Home Boy,

Thanks for the reply. I feel we've developed a strong working relationship now and that we can continue. I have replied to your personal address because I am going to ask you to do something that the company will not approve of.

How would you feel if I said I could make you rich enough so that you no longer have to work for the man. The man is controlling you, and you have become his slave. He has brain-washed you so that you will do what ever he asks without realising what evil deeds he is asking you to do. Break free, prove you are not a number but an individual with independent thought and the power to make your own decisions. If you help me you will be free from the shackles of the man, liberated and set up financially for life. All you have to do is smuggle the boxes of Mrs Green to me.

This will be a delicate operation, we need to meet to discuss how this will work. I want you to meet me outside the south entrance of the Empire State Building on Friday morning at 10:12am. I shall be wearing a dark suit with a white coronation attached to the breast. When you think you have seen me, come over and say, "Have you ever seen a red cat in Paris?". I shall respond by saying "Only when the sky turns green and the grass has turned several shades of blue, and every member of Parliament trips on glue, it takes all these things and so much more, she's my sugar spun sister". Then you will know you have found me and we can discuss the deal.

If you do not have the courage to meet me then I shall have to obtain Mrs Sanders Green's boxes legitimately and I shall contact you through the company email.

Please reply soon, we do not have much time.

MB
Menzies Barrington Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006

Greeny,

You misunderstand me, I don't want sex from you, I want to bum you into the middle of next week. Please tell me I can bum you. Then I shall be able to make the payment to Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation. The initial payment was withdrawn as Mr David was going to double cross us, please let me complete this deal correctly, thank you.

Bummers Barrington
Sanders Green Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006

Dear Menzies,

Thanks for the response; you have to understand that I'm all yours, once you can help me in this transaction. But my fear about you is that you don't betray me.

Please contact the security company and get back to me.

Thank you.
Mrs. Green
Jonathan Maschine Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006
Subject: Thanks for this wonderful opportunity

Dear Barrington,

Thanks for this wonderful opportunity; I have been waiting for this all my life.

But the fact is that we cannot meet for now because I'm always of the move and very busy. We can arrange very deal from here just tell me what to do, and send some money to carry out the deal.

So, what is there for me? Where do I deliver the boxes? You have to understand that this transaction needs money to carry out successfully. If you will finance it, why not I'm here to carry it out, I just have to get some of the staff involved, because is not what I can do alone, but you have to promise me that you will keep my name save from the authority in America.

If you are ready please send me mail regards how to start and I will let you know my plans for the deal. What is the content of the boxes?

I will be waiting for your reply soonest.

Thank you.
Jonathan maschine.
Menzies Barrington Date: Thu, 9 Feb 2006

Jonanthan,

It is my pleasure to offer you this wonderful opportunity. I need you to perform the following procedures:

1. Cut off the little finger on your left hand (right hand if you are left handed)
2. Send it to 521, 8th Street, Springfield, Missouri
3. When I receive the finger I will put it on ice
4. I will then make the payment to release the consignment
5. You must then deliver the boxes to my address personally
6. On arrival I will stitch your little finger back on as I am an experienced and qualified surgeon and can perform this simple operation with my eyes closed using ordinary household items. If not, it is only your little finger anyway and you won't miss it much, you've got 9 others.
7. Then you shall get your reward and I can bum Sanders Green

I need to have your full corporation for this to work and the required details of Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation so I can make the payment when I receive your finger.
All the best you fingerless wonder

The B Man
Menzies Barrington Date: Thu, 9 Feb 2006
To: "sanders green"

Greeny,

I am growing tired of your pressure and attitude, I am working as fast as I can. I would like to know why I even need you anymore? I can make the payment to Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation as soon as I feel I can trust them, they will deliver the consignment to my address and I will have the whole treasure to myself. Mr David Best did not trust you and in facts wanted to ham you. I include a snippet from one of his emails...

"After we inherit the consignment, we can probably put Mrs. Green away, if we have seen the content of those boxes, before she come to pick up the consignment. If she is not put away, it would be easy for us to erase her from existence with your excellent training at Universal Exports and my psychotic tendencies from heavy abuse of Calpol, Nurafed and Vicks Vaporub."

I was deeply upset by this email and you can see why I had to terminate contact with Mr David. However, it has occurred to me that I could keep this consignment to myself unless you were to say that I can bum you. It won't do you much ham.

And where the bloody hell is Mike White? Can I bum him?

Barringtonia
Sanders Green Date: Thu, 9 Feb 2006
Subject: you Bastard

Why do you say you will put me away, is this your plan for me thank you and dont contact me again. I regret knowing you; please don't contact the security company again for your own good.

Bastard you.
Jonathan Maschine Date: Thu, 9 Feb 2006
Subject: You are a mad man,

You are a mad man, and you need a deliverance from the devil himself ashore, go and die somewhere you think I'm that kind of cheap man fulk you and your family.

Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 10 Feb 2006
Subject: Re: you Bastard
To: "sanders green"

Who are you calling a bastard, you bitch? I'll poke your eyes out with a pencil when I see you, and not even a sharp one. You've made your second mistake Sanders, if that is your real name; I'm closing in on you. My full title is Sir Menzies Scaramanga Barrington Phd in Spying. I work for the British Government and have been working closely with Felix Lighter of the CIA. We've traced you to the USA, not the UK as you claim, and we will soon be closing down your whole operation. Impersonating a Green is a serious criminal offence that carries a minimum sentence of 15 years in jail, and I intend to put you there for a lot longer. Be honest now, has this scam ever worked? If you admit it now the judge may take it easy on you.

You haven't heard the last of me, before arresting you I intend to give you a good bumming, that's how we do it on this side of the Atlantic. Enjoy.

Menzies Barrington Date: Fri, 10 Feb 2006

Fulk you Jonathan! I'm going to ham you, ham you real good. I'm coming to New York, to 37th Street and I'm going to ham you in ways you'd never think were possible. I have diplomatic immunity and I can legally torture you. My tutor's record was keeping someone alive for 46 hours in continuous pain; I'm hoping to beat that. If you had followed my instructions you would have at least had 9 fingers, now you'll have none. I'm going to chew them off slowly, one by one. I'll dip them in barbeque sauce and spit out the nails. No one can deliver me; I'll never pay the postage. I'm mad, I'm crazy and I'm coming to get
you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Menzies Barrington Date: Mon, 13 Feb 2006
Subject: I'm sorry
To: "sanders green"
CC: "Jonathan Maschine"

I take it all back. I'm sorry that I lost control. I have a medical condition that makes me paranoid and slightly violent, but I'm generally a nice guy as a matter of facts. I want to be rich and I want to help. I have paid the charges to the following person through Moneygram and include the receipt for payment:

Name; Alfred Paul Simpson.
Company Name; Cargo Shipping and Lifting Incorporation;
Address; 34 West 37th Street New York, NY 10018

Please come back, I miss you.

Moneygram™

Alfred Paul Simpson

Demurrages - $8,200
Handling Costs - $5,250

PAID

By Menzies Barrington
Jonathan Maschine Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2006

Subject: you are a fool

you are a fool
Menzies Barrington Date: Wed, 22 Feb 2006


Jonathan,

I am a fool, and I apologise permanently. I am eager to carry out this transaction, please let me know it is not too late.

Menzies


[Nothing heard back since, oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

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