THE LADS MEET PAUL BUNYAN

MY NOVEL - currently being written with some lads in Nigeria.

Frank Udeze - scammer du jour
versus
Paul Bunyan - lumber executive
Pacos Bill - his CFO
Jesse James - his lawyer
Miss E. Drakes - his secretary


First letter from the LADS.

Frank Udeze

From: FRANK UDEZE
PRIVATE TEL: 234-1-7762284
TEL 234-803-3221212
FAX: 234-9-2721138
E-MAIL: frankudeze@yahoo.com

ATTN: PAUL XXXXX ( I'll block out my last name )

Dear Sir,

I am MR. FRANK UDEZE, Senior Accountant, (Accounts/Audit Dept.) of the Ministry of Mines, Powers and Steel, Headquarter. With much sincerity of purpose, I am compelled to intimate you on this mutual business relationship after satisfactory information received esteemed person/company from the Foreign Trade Office, Nigerian Nordic Chamber of Commerce and Industry & Agriculture. We are as convinced as believing that you will provide us the very needed urgent assistance, hence a viable bank account by which we can effect the transfer of funds resulting from Number of Amendments (Inflated contracts) on already completed contracts awarded by our Ministry (on behalf of the ousted Federal Military Government) and the Foreign Companies.


Yeah, yeah, whatever...
This sounds like some serious money. I want in !!!! My first reply to Frank:


Paul Bunyan

ATTN Frank:

Dear sir:

I am really surprised at the large sum of money involved and such a business opportunity not to mention how I got picked to handle such a case. This seems too good to be true. I guess with the business world as it is, a few extra dollars in my pocket will help. I really need to find out about who you are, as I never do big business dealings with someone I don't know or can trust. So it would be beneficial if you can send me some information about yourself through email. We operate a vast Forest and Logging operation here in America with Babe the Blue Ox as one of our chief Logging haulers. If we did not have such good dealings with all personal such as Babe, we would not be as big in the Logging industry. Large numbers of acres can be chopped and hauled with such a beast. Thus, we are the biggest and largest Logging and Forest Industry in North America. If you recall the story, we can handle Forest operations anywhere in the world and be there at a moments notice. Do you have a need for Logging and Forest clearing in your country where we can set up operations?? Pacos Bill is also one of our close operating partners. Also I may be out on a business trip this afternoon, so be patient with our reply.

Thanks,

Paul Bunyan-CEO, BA
Logging and Forest Operations
North America



Hmmm.... Sounds like he wants to continue...

Frank Udeze

ATTN: PAUL BUNYAN (CEO)
LOGGING AND FOREST OPERATIONS
NORTH AMERICAN DIVISION

Dear Sir,

I am Mr. Frank Udeze as I told you in my last letter to you and I am the Senior Accountant of the Accounts/Audit Department of the Federal Ministry of Mines, Power and Steel, National Headquarters. I received your mail showing your full interest to assist us receive this money that was accumulated from a contract awarded under my ministry, Federal Ministry of Mines, Power and Steel, Federal Republic of Nigeria. We have been making some researches and going through your letters to know if we can trust you and to be sure that you are not going to sit on the money when it is finally transferred because all our hope depends on this money as we are going for retirement by next year.

To assure a successful transaction, all the modalities have been concluded and finalised for this transfer. Due to our position in the country as government officials, we are not allowed to operate a foreign account, that is why we needed you to assist us in providing your account and letter headed paper of your company so that it will be registered as a company that executed a contract with the Federal Republic of Nigeria and present the account as the account to be paid in the money. As soon as all these are received from you, we will start to proceed by securing all the approvals from the offices involved in contract payment. Which is going to take us some working days to finalise upon the receipt of the requirements from you. Do not entertain any fear because the people involved are top government officials and highly respected personnels in the society so this transaction is 100% risk free. As soon as the money is transferred to your bank account provided, we will make arrangements to meet you for the sharing of the money and you will introduce us on how to invest in your country (Canada). Please, keep everything secret to yourself until the money is finally paid into your bank account.

If your bank account is received for the transfer, I am going to send you a Test on what you are going to type on your company's letter headed paper and return back to me so that it will be used to register your company as a contract executed by your company at our Corporate Affairs Commission before we start going for the approvals from the Federal Ministry of Finance, it is going to cost us money and the two parties will contribute in securing of the approvals and after which everybody will take back the expenses he made from the 10% that is mapped out for expenses immediately I arrives your country for the disbursement and final to Diamond Bank Limited for transferring of the fund. All these approvals will be sent to you for your own record.

In my first letter I sent to you, you will see the Job Title: the Engineering Procurement and Construction of Ajaokuta Steel Industry and the contract number is: MMPS/FGN/1233/ALSCON-2/94 and the job Completion Certificate Number is: 6770042 MMPS/C, issued date: 17TH OCTOBER, 1994. Please I need your private telephone number, fax and mobile telephone numbers for easy communication because this is not something that we will be doing by e-mail because I am going to be sending the Approvals to you via Fax afterwhich I will be coming over with the original copies but the faxes are for your own record purposes. So please I advice that we will start communicating by Telephone or Fax. Kindly contact me as soon as you receive this message for more oral briefing.

N/B: Please I will advice you to send us a Promisory note promising us that you will never sit on the money when it is transferred to your bank account and send us your full Banking information on your Company Letterheaded Paper and your Company information so that we can start immediately and that you will keep everything secret and confidential until this transaction is finalised because of the nature of the business. Awaiting your urgent response and God help you as your helping us.

Sincerely,
FRANK UDEZE



He definitely has a big operation in Mining, Steel, Power, etc that he is operating.
Okay, sounds like he needs my trust,... so I don't sit on the money blah, blah, blah whatever.
So here goes my 2nd reply. Notice I misspell his last name.


Paul Bunyan

ATTENTION: Frank Uldeze

Dear Sir: Thanks for your reply.

We are in full receipt of your letter.

You will notice that I said "we". I had to tell my close business associate and the President of our North American Operations of this transaction. His name is: Pacos Bill. I cannot do this business all by myself. As you are aware, we are a large company that cannot operate with one person. I would like you to include his name in any business transactions. We will forget about Babe right now.

Pacos Bill is President and Chief Financial Officer of our Forest and Logging Operations. He got injured riding a tornado last week, but he will be part of this transaction as I cannot leave him out.

First of all, I need to send you a note of promise that WE will not tell anybody about this transaction. Also my legal accountant and lawyer will be involved. His name is Jesse James. Jesse will handle all legal documents to be sure that there are no mistakes and also to be sure that the money will be deposited in our bank. He packs a punch if things don't go according to the plan.

We will promise not to sit on this money when it is finally deposited in our Bank.

You have our trust and confidence in this matter.

Paul Bunyan, Pacos Bill, and Jesse James. Our legal lawyer will write a few lines.

I refer in this instance to the proposed exchange of funds for my client Mr. Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James.

The aforementioned has authorised the onward financial keyholder to his estates and services in this immediate instance to make release of said funds, to all pertaining sequestions and illiberal events relating to business dealings in aforementioned instance. Nominality being retained in due course and all points in a chili contest.

NOTWITHSTANDING

Such financial liabilities and exclusion territories (being subject to the Financial codes section 14 sub section 2 para 8 - 16 thru 67) shall allow due obsequys and all amullments in respects of parties in due commerce to all parts;

Endorsement of such matters being sole proprietership of said Mr. Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James and joint efluements of stock distribution, namely all embursements and hidden matters within.

Said agreement between Mr. Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James being the full, unleased interract and full debits being made of all respective compliances.

1. Full Payment being subject to our codes as indicated pro vivo;v
2. MR Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James in due understanding make transference mettle , transport, actual gain and all deferential substances en suite, all matter and funds thus pertaining in the first and final instance.

3. Said appropriate funds to be relinquished pro stock car, and in company of representatives from both parties

4. Mr Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James and/or said reliances to be in full cognisance of determined parties in this main and secondary instances (division or allocation of proceeds, profits, transfers and share offs).

AGREED IN THE UNITED STATES and CANADA THIS DAY.

Next we need to get you a copy of the company letterhead.

Now the last thing is I need to get a secure email line, so I will transfer ALL email to a new address.

I will contact you as soon as possible with this new address. Today is Friday, so please be patient, I will get the information to you with a new address and account information.

Thanks.

Paul Bunyan - CEO, BA
Logging and Forest Operations
North America Division

Okay, now I just transfer email address so he doesn't send them to my REAL company I work for. I don't need to get fired.

So now we'll wait over the weekend and see what happens...... Notice my letter from my fake legal guys really is a bunch of nothing and doesn't make any sense at all. Actually, I copied it from one of the other guys on the net that was responding to these turkeys.



Now I need to fake in some correspondence to my "partners". Also notice some more spelling errors and another name error to Frank's last name. "Eldez".

Paul Bunyan

Attn: Frank

Dear Sir:

Frank, I just sent this to our Corparate office. They will handle it from here.

You have my trust on this. You must be made aware I have to switch email address so this is confidential. I hope you understand.

Thx,
Paul Bunyan


Following is my fake correspondence to some other guys in the "company".

Paul Bunyan

Attention: Pacos Bill and Jesse James.

Legal and Accounting Division

Here is a letter I got from Frank Eldez. He is a reliable business associate and I would like to turn things over to you to complete this transaction.

Thx,

Paul Bunyan-CEO, BA.
Logging and Forest Operations
North American Division



Now he is calling me "Mr. Paul".

Well, our lads have replied to my letter. Seems like the names I gave were acceptable to him. Also, he is accepting my "legal" terms which don't make any sense. Now he wants fax numbers and stuff. But not yet. I need to draw some more info from this guy. Also I feel like telling him to check the dictionary for spelling. I like his version of "heisten". Sounds like a heist.


Frank Udeze

Dear Mr. Paul,

I got your mail and the contents dully noted. Thanks for all your efforts to see that everything is moving fine. But I want to know from you if these your partners that you contacted are reliable to be involved in this transaction. I will not like anything that will jeorpardise all my efforts in this transaction you know how much I have suffered to get to this stage.

Make sure that they will be ok to be involved in this transaction because, as soon as we start, I will not like anything that will bring us back. Please inform them to keep everything secret and confidential because of our position in the country. Remember how much is involved and we have spent so much money on this transaction. Make sure you let us know whose name that will be used in getting the approvals that is needed it is necessary that you inform me on the name when sending the Comapny's Letterheaded paper and the Bank details. Also, your fax number and telephone number or Cell Phone will be needed for easy communication because there are some certain things we need to send to you via fax not email, so it is necessary I have the numbers.

Looking forward to hear from soonest. we don't have time because the year is ended heisten up in anything you are doing. I need to have an oral discussion with you, very important.

Thanks for your co-operatio
Yours Faithfully,
FRANK UDEZE



Well, Frank is on a roll. Sent me another letter, and I have to reply. My third reply to Frank.

Notice I spelled his name wrong again to see if he catches it. Also a couple other words spelled wrong such as pyramid. Also quite a few grammar mistakes are thrown in as well. I will really mix up his last name on the next letter if he replies to this. Also note I am resending a quick letter from my "legal" guy that does not make any sense again. He did not even catch it the first time. I just added a few things in it for humor.


Paul Bunyan

Attention: Mr Frank Uldeze

Frank,

We are in receipt of your last letter which you have asked for information about my partners

You can be FULLY GUARANTEED that they are trusted partners in my business.

As you may be aware, if they are not good partners, they would be not be in my business. We hire the best people in our country and industry. We also pay them well. Full co-operation is a must in this business of such money matters.

You will use my name and my partners in all business transactions. Mr. Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James.

Here is another letter from my legal consultant Jesse James. He is also part of this money making adventure or pyrmid.

I refer in this instance to the proposed exchange of funds for my client Mr. Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James.

The aforementioned and aftermentioned, but not limited to, has authorised the onward financial keyholder, shareholder to his estates and services in this immediate instance to make release of said funds, rights, but not properties, to all pertaining sequestions and illiberal events relating to business dealings in aforementioned and after mentioning this instance. Nominality and formality being retained in due course to be detained, and all points in a chili contest as held in a Stanley cup game. Wings won the last cup. Hasek was in net. Financial proceedings and furtherings are guaranteed in case of the aforementioned does not back in anything.

NOTWITHSTANDING or NOT WITHHOLDING

Such financial liabilities and exclusion territories (being subject to the Financial codes section 14 sub section 2 para 8 - 19 thru 91 yserman and federov) shall allow due obsequys and all amullments in respects of parties in due commerce to all parts;

Endorsement of such matters being sole proprietership of said Mr. Paul Bunyan, Mr Pacos Bill, and Mr. Jesse James and joint efluements of stock distribution, namely all embursements and hidden matters within.

This was copied from another legal document that was previously used in one of these types of transactions. And it seemed to work fine. So we will use it as a good source in this document as well. All money will be directed to the said Bank accounts.

I need some questions answered, as this is a lot of money. $655,000,000 dollars.

Is this United States dollars??
Why is there an increase of $45,000,000 ??
Where is the money now??
I need to know how many lawyers are handling the legal documents.
How are you planning on spending the money??
How do we transfer all this money??
We would like to receive 36% instead of the 30%. Otherwise it will not be worth it. This is due to 3 partners being involved and the risk. We each will get 12%
Who is your partners??
You mentioned that there is 10% mapped out for expenses. What expenses??
Expenses are going to be $65,500,00?? My chief accountant, Pacos Bill, cannot figure out why the expenses are so high?? As being in business, I would think that the expenses would be about 2 or 3 percent. That would be around $13,000,000.
This would be a better figure.
Then we would get more money.

Let me know the answers to these questions please.

Thanks,

Regards, and best wishes.

Paul Bunyan - CEO. BA
Pacos Bill - Chief Financial Officer
Logging and Forest Operations
North American Division



Fourth letter from the LADS.

Now he is just calling me Paul. Boy they sure go into detail. Not all my questions are answered either. But he gives greetings to Pacos Bill and Jesse James. Notice he says he has the money "in a suspence account"? He also describes the bank transfer which is REAL confusing. I like his use of the word "eye ball" also.


Frank Udeze

Attn: Paul

Dear sir,

Thanks for your email of today which the contents are well noted. My friend, I need to explain to you more. About the US$655,000,000.00, that is the total sum after we over-invoiced the contract with US$45,000,000.00. The original Contractor collected US$610,000,000.00 and we (me and my colleagues) over-invoiced it to the tune of US$655,000,000.00 and the original contractor has been paid since remaining this over-invoiced money lying in a suspence account with the Diamond Bank Limited so the total money we are trying to transfer now is US$45,000,000.00 and before this money can be released to any contrctor, the contractor must present evidencies to show hat they are the company that executed this contract before the payment can be transferred to their bank account. This is the reason why we need the assistance of a Foreign Firm that we can use their Company name to register here in Nigeria as a Contractor that executed Contract under Federal Ministry of Mines, Power and Steel which is my Ministry. This is one of the reason I said you should send me your Comapny's Letter Headed Paper and Bank Account for registration before we can proceed for the Vital Approvals from various Ministries involved in Contract Payment.

Secondly, due to the nature of this business for now, there is no Lawyer that is handling any document because all the documents are coming from my Ministry and other parastatals in Nigeria no Lawyer is involved except there is any need for that then it has to come from the Bank where the money will be transferred to Our Oversea Bank and then to your designated Bank account. If anything is needed for you to do, that you can not be able to show up, then the Diamond Bank Accredited Lawyer will be assigned to handle the matter for you as the beneficiary and Legal Charges will be paid to him for his duties. Even your own Lawyer in your Country, he is not going to do anything for us here, rather for you because the only person the government knows is the contractor that executed the contract and he is the one to receive the money.

After everything has gone successfully and you confirm the money in your account, I will be coming over for disburment of the fund then I take my percentage with my partners and you take your own percentage with your own partners. I and my partners are three in Number and everybody is handling a very top position in the Government here, that is why I said you should not be afraid of anything considering the Calibre of people involved. We have discussed that we will enter into a Joint Partnership with you to help us and invest in Canada because we look at Canada as a peaceful country in the world.

Finally, this transaction has been planned the way the percentage will go between the two parties and we've mapped out that you and your partners will be receiving 30% of the money and me and my partners will be taking 60% while 10% will be for expenses that might occur during the course of this transaction you will know that this is a contract executed by a Foreign Contractor so there are some documents that we need to pay for before they will be issued so no body knows how much they will cost us to get them and to finalise the process of this transaction and it is a must that we need to spend money on this to pave way so that there will be no eye ball on this that is why we map out 10% so that we are not going to be disappointed on the way. Take note that any expenses made by the two parties must be recorded for refund from the 10% mapped out after the fund is transferred. If you people still insist that we are going to give you 36%, I don't think that should be a problem for us the most important thing we need is for this money to be safe and keep everything secret because of our position in the country because you know that both parties are going to be in a very big business after the transaction.

Please, this is the time we are going to enter into business now you know we have spent so much time and time is no more on our side because the government needs to pay all their contractors immediately so that the banks can go into their auditing so we need these information from you as quick as possible. Get back to me today as soon as you get this letter so that we can know the next step to take. Be rest assured that this transaction is 100% risk free.

God bless you and my greetings to Parcos Bill and Jesse James your partners.

Yours faithfully,
FRANK UDEZE


Well, I need to reply to this email. Now he is calling me "faithfully". Watch how this reply goes. Notice the real noticeable misspelling of his last name. I wonder if he knows what a tornado is. Also, notice the paragraph about who we are going to tell about this transaction.


My fourth reply to Frank.

Paul Bunyan

Attention : Frank Freeze

Dear Sir:

Frank,

We received your letter just now.

We are excited that we can do business. Pacos Bill and Jesse James are offering their greetings as well. Pacos Bill had to leave the office on a business trip to New York via a tornado, so he will be writing later.

We are trustworthy businessmen. We do not want any problems of any sort. We are keeping the transaction strictly confidential. Since I am the CEO of the company and my business partners want to make extra money for spending, we will tell no one about this. Only people that we feel like.

You mentioned in your mail that you have some colleagues as well. Can you supply us with their names?

Also you mentioned that the Diamond Bank has the money. Can we come to your country to set up an account there?? As you can see we are foreign people and maybe we can do it that way. Or we can use our bank in Switzerland. We will have a meeting on this.

We can just fly to Nigeria in our Corporate jet and you can meet us at the airport. But that will have to be discussed.

We still would like to receive the 36%.

Let us know as soon as possible. Also let us know the other partners you have and what they do. I want to be aware of all parties.

Regards,
Paul Bunyan - CEO, BA
Pacos Bill - Chief Financial Officer
Jesse James - Legal Counsel
Logging and Forrest Operations
North American Division



My fifth reply to Frank about the letterhead that he needs.

I had to send him this to keep him quiet and show we were complying with at least one of his demands. Again misspelling etc. Also I introduced another twist in the story. We would like to meet him there. With body guards. He, he, he,.....


Paul Bunyan

Attention Frank Udezel

Frank,

Dear Sir.

Here is a copy of the letterhead that you need.

Do we need to come to Nigeria to sort this out?? We can board our private Lear jet.

Since we are not familiar with your country, I have hired body guards. This is a lot of money we are talking about.

We will be bringing pistols and side arms and packing clips in our belts, just in case we have a problem. As you know, people sometimes get real rowdy with a big sum of money.

Also I want you to answer the questions about your partners as I said in the last mail. Are they trust worthy?

Let me know.



Fifth letter from the LADS.

Well, he caught the misspelling of his last name finally, so that is one thing they caught. Now I need to delay them somehow. I just need to wait for his response on the letterhead letter. Notice that there are very few commas and periods.


Frank Udeze

Attn: Paul

Dear sir,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail and your assurance to see that the business goes well without any hitch or problem. Due to the nature of this transaction, it only require a Foreign Account not the one from Nigeria here because the contract was executed by a Foreign Company and the Government has to pay them through Telegraphic Transfer (T.T). Coming to Nigeria with a private jet does not make any meaning and it is not necessary because all eyes will be on you but when it is necessary for you to come, they will invite you to come by then you can fly in with any of the Airlines as a normal business man that is coming into this country and by that time I can be able to take you round.

When sending your account details, you can send the one in Switzerland because it is preferrable and we have a very good business relationship in Switzerland and it will suite what we are going to do. All these are not problem any account can be good hence it is not the one in Nigeria. I have discussed with my Partners (Mr. Kingsley Ogbonna, Director, Federal Ministry of Mines Power and Steel, and Alhaji Musa Shehu, Project Manager) about the offer of 36% and we all agreed to offer you the 36%. and that a promisory note will be written that as soon as the confirmation of the money and upon our arrival that our percentage will be given to us immediately and that you people will not sit on our own percentage.

We don't have time again, the most important thing is to register your company and start processing the documents so that your company's name can be listed as one of the contractors to receive their payment by this Last quarter payment of the year 2002. Please, can you kindly give me your phone Number or Mobile phone and your Private Fax Number for sending of the documents to you and giving you information everyday by Telephone conversation.

Awaiting your urgent reply immediately.
Yours faithfully,
FRANK UDEZE

Please take note my name is FRANK UDEZE not FRANK FREEZE



Well, I had to correct the last name problem, so might as well introduce another person into the fray. The secretary. See if he catches on.

My sixth reply to Frank.


Paul Bunyan

Attention Frank Udeze

Dear Sir:

Sorry for the mispronouncement of your name.

My secretary is kind of excited and did not look at the name properly. Sorry again. I will personally check any mail she sends so we do not have a problem like this again.



Whoa, he is really excited. Misspelling of words. Sent response right away. Well, I need to get a letterhead somehow. He also doesn't like me to bring "arm". Maybe I'll get the secretary involved somehow. I wonder what kind of computer he has if he can't download a word file.

Sixth letter from the LADS.


Frank Udeze

DEAR PAUL,

I RECEIVE YOUR MAIL BUT I WAS UNABLE TO DOWNLOAD THE LETTER HEADED PAPER YOU SENT TO ME. PLEASE COULD YOU KINDLY SEND US SAME BY FAX. MY FAX NUMBER ONCE AGAIN IS 234-9-2721138 OR YOU CALL ME ON 234-1-7762284 OR 234-803-3211212 PLEASE SO THAT WE CAN COMMENCE BUSSINESS IMMEDIATELY.

DO NOT FORGET TO INCLUDE YOUR ACCOUNT DETAILS, LETTER HEADED PAPER SO THAT I CAN BE ABLE TO SEND YOU A TEST ON WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TYPE ON YOUR LETTERHEADED PAPER AND PROFORMA INVOICE WHICH YOU WILL RETYPE AND SEND BACK TO ME. ALL THESE WILL BE USED TO REGISTER YOUR COMAPNY HERE AS A CONTRACTOR. PLEASE ANYTIME YOU ARE INVITED TO COME TO NIGERIA BY THE BANK IF IT IS NECESSARY THEY WILL INVITE YOU BUT WHEN COMING, COME WITH A PRIVATE AIRLINE AND BE REST ASSURED THAT YOU ARE SECURED AND DON'T COME WITH ANY PISTOL OR ARM PLEASE IT IS NOT GOOD SO THAT YOU DON'T LOOK AS A HIGH JACKER YOU ARE COVERED WITH ALL MY PARTNERS BECAUSE WE ARE VERY CAUCIOUS PEOPLE WE DON'T OPEN OUR MOUTH ANY HOW.

SO PLEASE I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH ALL THE INFORMATION NEEDED.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
FRANK UDEZE


"open our mouth any how?" I'll send the same to him on the next mail.


Well here is the secretary getting involved. See what Frank thinks about this.

My seventh reply to Frank.


Paul Bunyan

Attention Frank

Dear Sir:

Paul is in a meeting with Pacos Bill and Jesse James. I cannot interrupt him. This is his secretary Miss Drakes. I am on his computer. We will get back to you as I don't know how to fax a document to your country.

Sorry for any miscalculation or inconvenience.

Paul will get back to you as soon as he can.

Miss E. Drakes
Corporate Secretary
Logging and Forest Operations
North American Division



Well, nothing happened with the secretary, so I'll just send him some fake names and such to get this thing off the ground. Notice "dull" and such things about the hijacking are added.

My eighth reply to Frank.


Paul Bunyan

ATTENTION: FRANK UDEZE

DEAR SIR:

WE ARE IN FULL RECEIPT OF YOUR LETTER AND THE CONTENTS ARE DULL NOTED. I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND A FAX TO YOUR COUNTRY. MEANWHILE, IF I CANNOT SEND A FAX, WHAT DO I DO?? IS THERE A WAY TO SEND LETTERHEAD BY EMAIL?? DO YOU JUST NEED OUR COMPANY ADDRESS?? I CAN GET THAT TO YOU.

HERE IT IS:
NORTH AMERICAN LOGGING AND FORESTRY
CANADA EXPLORATIONS of OPERATIONS
P.O. BOX 800, STATION "A"
TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA

I WILL ALSO GIVE YOU THE BANK ACCOUNT IN SWITZERLAND.

WE REALLY WANTED TO COME TO NIGERIA IN OUR LEAR JET FOR A VACATION. JESSE JAMES ALWAYS PACKS SIDE ARMS SINCE THAT IS HIS HOBBIE. HE CAN CONCEAL THEM IN HIS HIP HOLSTERS LIKE HE DID IN THE WILD WEST. BUT WE WILL WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOUR DIAMOND BANK BEFORE COMING. HIGH JACKING IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. WE WILL NOT DO THAT. SORRY.

HERE IS THE INFORMATION YOU NEED.

THE SWISS BANK IS:
KRUGG INTERNATIONAL BANK
3258-E, KRAMGASSE STREET
CITY OF BERNE

WE HAVE THE ACCOUNT NUMBER YOU CAN USE. IT IS:
F-3327800-1165-2432-A. TRANSIT NUMBER IS: 66739002.
PLEASE NOTE, THIS IS A FOREIGN ACCOUNT NUMBER.

DO NOT PUT MONEY INTO THIS ACCOUNT. IT IS JUST NEWLY OPENED AND HAS NOT BEEN ACTIVATED. SO DO NOT TRY ANY DEPOSIT. IT IS NEW. WHEN WE ARE READY TO DEPOSIT THE MONEY, WE WILL AGREE ON HOW TO DO IT. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ABLE TO PROVIDE THE SECURITY KEY NUMBER TO THIS ACCOUNT.

SORRY FOR MY SECRETARY GETTING INVOLVED.
I HAVE TO TELL HER TO NOT SAY ANYTHING.
MAYBE WE CAN PAY HER TO BE QUIET AND OPEN OUR MOUTH ANY HOW.
GET IT?

ARE WE ALL SET? IS THIS WHAT YOU NEED TO GET STARTED?

PAUL BUNYAN - CEO., BA
PACOS BILL - CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER
LOGGING AND FOREST OPERATIONS
NORTH AMERICAN DIVISION



Well this next letter is kind of up in the air.

Frank Udeze

Attn: Mr. Paul

Dear sir,

Following the mail you sent to me, I and my colleagues are not happy the way you people are taking this matter because I cannot understand how you were telling me that you cannot send the fax to me. Secondly, how do you expect that you can send a Letter Headed Paper through e-mail something that we want to use and register your Company as a Company that executed the contract and here you are telling me to use just the address. This is improper, this is something that you need to send through fax not through e-mail. You send an account to me it is supposes to be stated together with the Bank name, address and the account Number should be on the same line so that we don't make mistakes and you tell us whether it is Switzerland.

Now you are saying that we should not deposit any money into the account, is this account not for this transaction, immeidiately we start and secure all the approvals, the next is for the Bank to approve and after that the money will be transferred into the account you send. When do you think we are going to have time to send the money and the account has not been activated? This is ridiculous. I cannot understand what is going on anymore. Are you still interested in helping us? Why don't you want to send us your Letter Headed Paper and your Telephone Numbers and Fax Numbers? I have told you many times that this transaction is not something of e-mail, other Ministries will be sending faxes to you, when the approvals are ready. Is this how we are going to work? Or do you want when we have made everything in your Company's name, then you will disappoint us? Because you must secure some of the approvals yourself as the Beneficiary and to show that you are the contractor.

Please I and my colleagues wants to know if you people are still interested in helping us and you know that this year is ending and this is the last chance we have to transfer this money out of the country because this is the last quarter of this year. We need to know immediately so that we can be able to search for another Foreign Company that can be able to assist us instead of folding our hands waiting for you when you are not ready to assist us and you know we have spent a lot of money to get this transaction to this level.

You can come to Nigeria when the time comes and see things yourself but for now we need to get everything ready and make you a Contractor that executed this contract so that there will not be any suspicion when you come to Nigeria.

I am still in the Office waiting to hear from you and know your mind immediately.

Yours faithfully,
FRANK UDEZE



Well he sounds kind of mad and upset. I wonder what he will think of the next email I send.

My ninth reply to Frank.


Paul Bunyan

VERY URGENT

Attention Frank Udeze

VERY URGENT

Dear Sir: Frank,

Gentlemen,

We are replying in urgency and importance to your letter. We do not want to loose this business transaction. We are trying to make this work. We could use the money for our pockets and do not want you to feel upset at us. I guess you need to find out some answers to our questions.

I emailed you a copy of our letterhead. You cannot open it. So why can't you open it.?? Just like we cannot fax you. The fax does not seem to work. It's impossible. I do not know why we cannot fax. We have never done business in your country. That is why we asked you if we can come over and set up our logging operations over there.

What is the letterhead going to do for you?? Don't you just need our company name and address?? Here it is again. You don't need a letterhead. Just our name and address. We are trustworthy. We are the biggest Logging and Forestry business in the entire world. We have business in excess of $38 billion dollars per year!! Do you know what that means?? Nobody can match our operation in size or volume!! I am really surprised you have contacted us in the first place. We have several divisions. But not in Nigeria. Sorry.

Here is the company name:
NORTH AMERICAN LOGGING AND FORESTRY
CANADA EXPLORATIONS of OPERATIONS

Here is the address:
P.O. Box 800, Station "A"
TORONTO, ONTARIO CANADA

Now here is the information about the bank. We have several bank accounts in Switzerland. But we opened a NEW one for this transaction.

It is in SWITZERLAND.

The name of the Bank is:
KRUGG INTERNATIONAL BANK of SWITZERLAND.

Address is:
3258-E KRAMGASSE STREET.
In the CITY of BERNE.

ACCOUNT NUMBER IS: F-3327800-1165-2432-A.

TRANSIT NUMBER IS: 66739002.

Is that better??

Here is the problem. What if I activated the account and YOU put ALL the $655,000,000 million dollars in and then took it out without telling us. We would loose our 36% !! See what I mean?? So that is why I need to activate the account WHEN WE ARE READY. Right now, we are not ready for that. So why are you mad about that?? Also, we will not sit on YOUR money. We could get in BIG TROUBLE for doing that. You have to trust us. If we do that, we will be in big trouble with the bank. They will freeze our assets. We are business partners. We did not get into business by being dishonest. We do not want to make you angry. We have spent a lot of time in this along with our partners and legal counselors. Our business will NOT FAIL YOU. That is why we have company jets. Detroit Pistons have their own jet as well. That way the players never get tired of traveling. We hire people to protect us. The money you have to share is pocket change. BUT WE WANT TO HELP YOU. We are very interested to still carry on the business. Now is the information that I gave you good enough??

Let me know.

We want to be trusted, but I don't see any trust from your side.

Look at all our email. Do you see miss-trust.??

There is none. We are honest in our answers and are being just like you in every thing regarding this business of dishonesty.

Sincerely,
Paul Bunyan - CEO., BA
Pecos Bill - President and Chief Financial Officer
Jesse James - Lawyer and Chief Accountant

Also send best regards to:
Mr. Kingsley Ogbonna - Director Federal Ministry of Mines Power and Steel
Mr. Alhaji Musa Shehu - Project Manager

Thank them for agreeing to the 36% share to us.


Well, I wonder what they will think of this letter. I'm beginning to write and sound just like them.


Eighth letter from the LADS.

Well, the lads are calming down. I can't believe they are not picking up on the things I am inserting in the letters I send them. Especially the last sentence in the last letter I sent. Also, they probably didn't even check to see about the fake bank and addresses etc. of our so called "company". Notice all the spelling errors on this next email.


Frank Udeze

Attn: Mr.Paul,

Dear sir,

I got your mail which you explained to me all the situations in your own side. I am not upset but rather I am trying to be serious because of the time factor because you know the nature of this deal and it is not something that we still continue waisting time because an unlimited time to finalise this transaction so that is why I am trying to fasten up everything. You see what you will understand is that Nigeria communication is very poor and there are some time you will try and logging internet and the server will be very slow so this is what happened when I am opening the attachment due to the poor Internet Service s we have in the country so is not that I don't want to open it and why I wanted you to send it by fax is that we have to use the letterheaded paper to file in for the registration of your company. It is not compulsory that you have to do business in my country or set up your business in this country, anybody is free to apply for a contract hence you can be able to finish up the contract.

What you will understand is that there is no how we can pay in US$45,000,000.00 (Forty Five Million United States Dollars only) into your account in Switzerland and we withdraw it without your knowledge it is impossible and we cannot do that, we all are men of intergrity. Before we contact you, we discussed everything and made every arrangements perfectly and know that you people are capable of handling this kind of business. Anything we are doing with you, we are following your instructions because we are government officials and we cannot volunteer ourselves and use the money without you doing that for us and give us our own percentage and introduce us on how to invest on a very reliable business in your country.

Now that we are about to start, I thank you for providing your information and showing your full interest for assisting us. I will Attach to this mail a Letter of Claim/Proforma Invoice which you will retype with your Letter Headed Paper and return back to us by Fax that is why I told you that I need your private Fax and Telephone because this kind of thing I could have sent it by Fax and not mail and if by tommorow we succeeded in registering your Company in my Ministry and also Incorporate it at the Corporate Affairs Commission then we need to send you the copies of the Certificates and receipts of payment which we cannot do by e-mail. After that, the Federal Ministry of Finance will also contact you to send you Approvals and how the payment is moving. So where do you think they will contact you? Do you think they will send those things through e-mail? Please when retyping the Proforma Invoice and the Letter of Claim, state it just the way it is in your own Paper with your Company name and address and sign where necessary and stamp it. Do it correctly and do not make any mistake. If we register your Company, get all the approvals and documents that will cover you as the original contractor to this contract fund, then you people will get ready to come down here in Nigeria and see things yourself.

I am expecting to hear from you today. Please try and call me or you give me your number so that I call you for Oral discussion. My number once again is 234-803-3211212 or 234-1-7762284. My colleagues (Mr. Kingsley and Alhaji Musa) are greeting your people infact they are very happy over your full acceptance to assist us.

Thanks and God bless you all.
Yours faithfully,
FRANK UDEZE



[Scam-o-note: Scammers like to extract letterhead from companies to use in other scams.]

Man, these guys can't spell or use proper grammar for anything!! Also he sent the following by attachment.

The Director General,
Projects Engineering and Technical Services,
Federal Ministry of Mines, Power and Steel
Corporate Headquarters, Abuja - Nigeria.

Dear Sir,

CONTRACT NO.: MMPS/FGN/V1233/ALSCON-2/94 FOR THE ENGINEERING, PROCUREMENT AND CONSTRUCTION OF THE AJAOKUTA STEEL INDUSTRY

With reference to the above bill earlier presented and approved by you, we wish to attach our invoice for the sum of US$45,000,000.00 (Forty - five million United States Dollars only). This represents payment due and payable to us on the FMMPS Contract Number: MMPS/FGN/V1233/ALSCON-2/94 Please pay the sum of US$45,000,000.00 to the account below:

YOUR FULL BANK DETAILS HERE

Kindly remit the above amount in full via Telegraphic Transfer (T.T.) to our bankers underneath.

We wish you to expedite action on this to enable us update our record with your Corporation.

Thanks

Yours faithfully,
(Your name, Signature and Stamp here)
---------------------------------------------------

2

INVOICE NO.:
INVOICE DATE:
PROFORMA INVOICE

BILL TO: The Director General, Projects Engineering and Technical Services, Federal Ministry of Mines, Power and Steel Corporate Headquarters, Abuja - Nigeria.

ORDER TO: MMPS/FGN/V1233/ALSCON-2/94

S/N. DESCRIPTION VALUE
=========================================
1. Construction of Ajaokuta Steel Industry $30,000,000 00
----------------------------------------------------
2. Engineering and Procurement $10,000,000 00
----------------------------------------------------
3. General Maintenance of the Steel Industry for two years $ 5,000,000 00
------------------------------------------------------
TOTAL $45,000,000 00
-----------------------------------------------------

Terms: Payment by Bank Transfer to our Bank Account

Diversion contrary to law prohibited.

Sincerely,

__________________________
Beneficiary/Receiver Signature



Ninth letter from the LADS.

Frank Udeze

DEAR SIR,
I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SINCE I SENT YOU MY LAST MAIL. PLEASE ARE YOU NOT INTERESTED IN HELPING US AGAIN SO THAT WE KNOW WHAT TO DO.
PLEASE TRY AND GET BACK TO ME.
YOURS FAITHFULY,
FRANK UDEZE


Man, when these guys get serious or mad they say everything in CAPITOL LETTERS.



Well, I need to insert some distraction from the secretary, so here goes.
Let's see what happens next!!

My tenth reply to Frank. (From the secretary)


Miss E. Drakes

Dear Mr. Frank,

Hi.

I am Miss E. Drakes, Mr. Bunyan's secretary. Mr. Bunyan is out of the office at this time. He mentioned that he was flying to Switzerland this morning to activate some account in our bank or something. But I looked on his computer, and I seen your letter. Is this legal? If not, then I am going to call in Deputy Sheriff Wyatt Earp and John (Doc) Holliday to review this. I'm sure Al Capone won't mind either. I was just curious. Mr. Bunyan does not know I am in his office working on his computer

Miss E. Drakes
Corporate Secretary.
Logging and Forest Operations
North American Division


HA... See what he thinks of all this commotion. I know it's a twist to the story, but hey, we need some action.


And now my other reply to his big long email. This is really going to take those lads for a loop, - if they pay attention. We'll wait and see how he handles this letter. What I did was tell him I was trying to fax, but I used his cell number as the fax number. And I just changed one of the numbers on the telephone number he gave me. So he'll probably get mad about that 'cause I mixed up his numbers. Notice I inserted Wyatt (from the OK Corral incident back in the wild, wild west days of 1881) at the end and the "Incredible Hulk" near the beginning. Also I inserted quite a few things to see if he catches on. Also the legal writing is just a bunch of words. But interesting to read!!

My eleventh reply to Frank.


Paul Bunyan

Good morning Frank

Attention Sir:

Well, we are on my private jet heading over to Switzerland. I have a direct link via satellites, so I can communicate using email from the office in my plane. Great technology we have. I also receive faxes and all emails from my plane.

I left Miss Drakes in charge of the office. I told her I would be back tomorrow, so I hope everything is okay. I also contacted the Incredible Hulk. Those marvel characters can really help us.

Well, we are in dull note of your attachment of the contract. Jesse James and Pacos Bill are with me. Pacos is not used to riding jets, only tornados. He also has a copy of the attachment. Here is what he has to say.

SAID CONTRACT We are in said receipt of the Contract and are up to the minute and date on the said context and contents. All ramifications herein described are part of the said quote and all money that is contained in the said contract is feasible to be paid to all company and corporate personnel. We the under and over signed do hold all magistrates in suspense and will not deviate for anybody to hold the bindings in a trac-trailer mode. All licenses pertaining to this will be exemplified under strict control to announced at a later date but not before the said date. We will be all accounted in the stadium if the numbers are counted. No personnel will be allowed to get fries but if said personnel will allow payment in full to be made to the said contract payment terms hereto for this day, we will allow and abide to the binding terms. NOWTHEREFORE If the said contract will be deposited in Switzerland bank, we all parties will allow full access to the money and not leave anyone personnel out of the ramified contract. If in suspense, we will not take said dollars or pence if all legal parties are in agreement. We will not be undersold in any mortgage and affirmation to the legalization to be in the contract.

Well Frank, we tried to call your number so we could get the show on the road. We called this number, 233-803-3211212, but there was no reply. You may have been in the cleaners or something. Also we tried faxing to this number 234-1-7762284 but the fax still did not work. Bad link maybe. I have tried both these numbers several times and still did not have any success. What if you give me the address that you are at so I can MAIL the letterhead and the document? It would be faster than this email that does not work. Or we can redirect our private jet to come to Nigeria. What is your opinion? I'm in the air right now anyways. Couple days won't matter.

We are on our way to activate the accounts in Switzerland.

Let me know.

Paul Bunyan - CEO, BA
Jesse James - President and Chief Financial Officer.

Regards to your colleagues Mr. Kingsley and Alhaji Musa

We are finally getting some where. I left messages with Wyatt. He's involved somewhat. But not fully.



Well, the lads didn't respond, so I thought I'd better send off another letter.
My twelveth reply to Frank.


Paul Bunyan

Attention Frank.

Well, we landed in Switzerland. We had a great flight and all is well. The weather is real cold up in these parts of the country. Snow is all around. Frosty the snowman was seen running down the gang plank. He was rescued just as he turned the corner. Otherwise, he would have ended up in a smelting pot. The jet ran a bit into some icing conditions, but nothing major. We have a good pilot. I tried a couple more times to fax the document, but it seems their may be a problem at your end. Even the satellite reception was good in the plane. So I don't know what the problem is. Like I said, we will be activating the account here at the Krugg International Bank by tomorrow. For now we will be staying at the Hyatt Hotel here in Berne. It is a nice city. We can see the Bank from our motel room.

As I said in my last memo, if you want, we can meet you in Nigeria. My plane Captain and co-pilot just need to know the city and airport that is closest to your office. We can make a stop over in London then to Spain and then be on our way to Nigeria. I have all the documents, letterhead and whatever we need to make the transaction. If you want, you can call the Diamond Bank and notify them that we are proceeding as planned. Also, I plan to stay in Switzerland for a couple of days as I have some relatives here and some business dealings. I want to visit some close friends of mine here in the city. I don't know if you know them, but they come to the Indy stock car race every once in a while. I will be checking my emails again.

Well, talk later,

Cheers.

Let me know the plan.

We need to keep moving on this business deal. I think we are making good progress.

Thanks, my friend,
Paul Bunyan, Jesse James, Pacos Bill



My thirteenth reply to Frank.
Well, Frank seems to have disappeared, so this will probably be my last letter to him. Don't know what threw him, but I think it was the secretary mentioning the "Sheriff". Oh well.


Paul Bunyan

Attention: Frank Udeze
Good afternoon Frank
- Urgent -

We need you to respond.

Well, we are here in Switzerland for one more day. I have not heard from you for 2 days. Are you still partners with us??

Seems like we are spending some money to make this transaction go forward, and all of the sudden you are not replying. Is something gone wrong or what?? Are you confused?? Seems like everything was going good till now.

We have activated the Bank account in Switzerland, and are now awaiting your decision. We have also deposited $15,000 in case we need some expenses to pay. Do we fly to Nigeria to give you the documents or do we fly back home?? It is up to you to make an "Executive Decision". Get it?? The Captain, our pilot, is awaiting instructions if we should come to Nigeria to seal off this deal. We have the document and the letterhead. I just gave up calling because we could not get through. You must be having a storm over there or something. Pacos Bill would like to be there. It gives him a challenge. We would need to know as soon as possible what your lackadaisical effort is going to produce now. The pilot needs to book his flight plan with the FAA before we take off. Right now the jet will be ready to go. They are fueling the plane as we speak.

If you are searching for another partner, please tell us, so we can either get in or get out. At first, you were all gung-ho about securing the deal, now you are backing out. Did you just want our Bank account information so you can steal money from us?? Speak to us man!! Now we are upset at you!!

Cheers to your comrades, for whatever that is worth.



My fourteenth and last reply to Frank. Frank gave up, so I gave him in.

Paul Bunyan

FRANK UDEZE, THE MAN - WHAT'S UP ???

WHAT IS GOING ON MAN !!! DID YOU FORGET ABOUT OUR BUSINESS DEAL ???

YOUR PEOPLE ARE NOT VERY CO-OPERATIVE. DON'T YOU WANT OUR MONEY ???

WE ARE IN SWITZERLAND IN THE CORPORATE JET. WE JUST LEFT THE KRUGG INTERNATIONAL BANK, IF THERE WAS ONE. THE ACCOUNT HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. GET IT ??? WE ARE READY TO TAKE OFF FROM THE AIRPORT. ALL THE MARVEL CHARACTERS ARE WITH US. YOU KNOW, BATMAN, SPIDERMAN, THE HULK ETC.... EVEN SUPERMAN. GET IT ???

THE CAPTAIN IS STILL WONDERING IF WE WILL BE FLYING TO NIGERIA TO DELIVER YOUR FAKE DOCUMENTS AND LETTERHEAD, OR LETTERHEADED, AS YOU CALL IT. CAPTAIN AMERICA NEEDS TO GET DIRECTIONS FROM THE FAA TO SEE IF IT IS OKAY TO FLY IN YOUR AIRSPACE. WE WANT TO DELIVER THESE SPECIAL DOCUMENTS SO WE CAN SEE WHAT KIND OF OPERATION YOU ARE RUNNING OVER THERE. IT IS PROBABLY THE SAME KIND OF OPERATION THAT WE ARE RUNNING OVER HERE. NON-EXISTENT. GET IT ??? YOU GUYS HAVE PROBABLY HEARD OF THE 419 SCAM. WELL I KNOW ABOUT IT FROM ALL THE LETTERS YOU BEEN SENDING TO ME AND MY CO-WORKERS. TIME TO GET OFF THE STOVE, PAL. IT'S GETTING HOT.

SEND BEST REGARDS TO ALL YOUR COMRADES. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WRAP UP THIS BUSINESS BEFORE THE YEAR ENDED. WHAT WENT WRONG ON YOUR END??? DO YOU KNOW WHO PAUL BUNYAN, PACOS BILL, JESSE JAMES, WYATT EARP AND DOC HOLLIDAY ARE ??? THEY ARE LEGENDS, PAL. IF YOU RECALL AMERICAN HISTORY, YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT THEM. SOME WERE REAL, SOME WERE JUST MAKE BELIEVE. THAT'S WHERE YOU GUYS COME IN. THE MAKE-BELIEVE AND WANNA BE'S. SO, LET US KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE SOME MORE MONEY TO SHARE. IT'S BEEN A SLICE !!!

PAUL BUNYAN, PACOS BILL, JESSE JAMES, WYATT EARP, DOC HOLLIDAY AND ALL THE OTHERS THAT CONTRIBUTED TO MAKE THIS ONE FUNNY EXPERIENCE, ALL OFFER THEIR RESPECTS TO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IN NIGERIA.

I FORGOT ABOUT, "WHAT'S UP DOC" ?? GET IT ???



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