A hearty scam-o-welcome back to the Vast Intelligence which spawned such tales of Dickensian scope as BLEAK LAD and APOSTROPHE NOW.
Today's tale features
John Maki - of the "The Federal House of Senate Federal Republic of Nigeria"
Nathan Detroit - good old reliable Nathan - a stickler for honesty
Our drama opens with a classic 'you have been scammed but we'll help you get your money' gambit. Nathan counters with healthy caution, whereupon the offer morphs into the equally classic 'too much money was set aside for this important public work anyway so let's you and me skim it' maneuver.
11/17/2011 6:52:35 A.M. Eastern Standard Time:
Attn:Contractor / Beneficiary.
We, the entire members of the Federal House of Senate, on behalf of the Federal Republic of Nigerian Government, Under the auspices of the President GOODLUCK JONATHAN and the Governor of Central Bank Of Nigeria , SANUSI LAMIDO SANUSI held a meeting last week concerning payment , both foreign and local contractors and some inheritance funds.
On going through files RECENTLY, we discovered that your file was dumped untreated, so at this juncture, we apologize for the delay of your payment and please stop communicating with any office now and concentrate your attention to the appointed office below for you to receive your payment accordingly.
Now your new Payment Reference No.-35460021, Allocation No: 674632, Having received these vital payment number , therefore You are qualified now to received and confirm Your payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria immediately within the stipulated time and schedule.
Now you are directed to contact the Office of the DEBT MANAGEMENT OFFICE "DMO"--- For the immediate release of your fund you should reconfirm your banking Details , this is to avoid mistake while transferring your overdue payment to you as we proceed into the final stage of your fund release.
CONTACT PHONE OFFICE LINE: +234-1-821-2840
Contact him now and inform him that you received an email from The Federal House of Senate Federal Republic of Nigeria, Instructing you to write him for immediate release of your fund and forward your Details to his office to avoid transfer mistake.
NOTE: We have mounted our security network to mo nitor every in-coming call, if we still find o ut that you are still dealing with any order officer apart from the new appointed officer who is in charge of payment. We will stop and cancel your payment you should help and not frustrating our effort.
JOHN MAKIDIRECTOR FUND VETTING COMMITTEE DEBT MANAGEMENT OFFICE(DMO)nigeria
Thu, Nov 17, 2011 at 5:51 AM
I'm certainly glad to see that the entire members are writing me. It would be to disturbing to think of partial members trying to communicate.
I am curious as to the nature of the file you mention, and the payment you claim I am due. I have never hand any business dealings with anyone in Nigeria, nor do I know anyone there.
Please send a copy of the file.
[Different email now; nice save]
11/17/2011 10:52:40 A.M. Eastern Standard Time:
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL.
MR: ABUBAKAR SADIQ FORWARDED YOUR EMAIL TO ME.
On Thu, Nov 17, 2011 at 9:02 AM
I don't conduct business on the telephone. I have asked that the documents pertinent to this matter be sent to me. You may send them to my solicitors at:
Dewey, Cheatham and Howe
11/18/2011 4:40:39 A.M. Eastern Standard Time:
YOU MAKE THIS DIFFICULT FOR YOU,WHAT DO YOU WANT JUST SEND DOCUMENTS TO YOU WITHOUT SPEAKING WITH YOU ? WE DO NOT OPERATE THAT WAY.
On Fri, Nov 18, 2011 at 5:04 AM
You have informed me that I am due a large sum of money, and have not been very forthcoming as to the source. I think it only prudent to want to examine the documents. I don't mind a little difficulty when so large a sum is involved. Please send the documents as instructed. I believe I mentioned that I am not inclined to do business on the telephone.
11/21/2011 7:44:28 A.M.:
THANKS FOR RESPONDING TO MY VARIOUS EMAILS AND YOUR INQUIRIES CONCERNING THE TRANSACTION.
I WAS HOPING TO DISCUSS THIS WITH YOU ON PHONE AND THAT HAS BEEN MY REASON FOR ASKING FOR YOU TELEPHONE NUMBER AND NOW I DECIDED TO INFORM YOU BY EMAIL AND HOPING THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO RECEIVE SUCH AMOUNT OF MONEY IN ANY ACCOUNT YOU MAY WISH TO PROVIDE,BUT THIS WILL BE AFTER WE HAD DISCUSSED AND REACHED AN AGREEMENT THAT WILL BE OF BENEFIT TO ALL OF US.
TO PROCEED WITH THIS PROJECT I WILL LIKE YOU SEND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER SO WE CAN AS MEN IN POTENTIAL TRANSACTION.
AT THE END OF OUR TELEPHONE DISCUSSION I WILL ADVICE YOU TO FORWARD A COMPANY NAME WITH WHICH WE WILL REGISTER WITH THE CORPORATE AFFAIRS COMMISSION (CAC) AS THE OWNER BENEVOLENT OWNER OF THIS FUND AND THIS WILL MAKE IT LEGAL AND YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO SOME DOCUMENT WHICH I WILL SEND TO YOU FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND APPEND YOUR SIGNATURE ALL THIS ARE REQUIRED TO MAKE FUND FREE AND WITH OUT PROBLEM.
IN CONCLUSION I AM HERE TO MAKE IT SUCCEED,I DID THIS WITH AN AMERICAN LAST YEAR THE MAN JUST VANISHED INTO THE THIN AIR WITH THE FUND ABOUT 7.5 MILLION USD AND YOU KNOW THERE IS NOTHING I COULD BECAUSE I AM CIVIL SERVANT AND WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO RUN A FOREIGN ACCOUNT AND THIS IS MY REASON FOR CONTACTING YOU AND INFORMING YOU OF YOUR FUND AL TOUGH NOT COMING DIRECTLY BUT BEEN CAUTIOUS OF MY WORDS AND CORRESPONDENCE.THIS TRANSACTION IF WE WORK TOGETHER WILL BE THROUGH BY NEXT WEEK AND I WILL MEET YOU ON HOW WE HAD AGREED ON THE PERCENTAGE SHARING.
I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.
["vanished into the thin air" - this dramatic flourish harks back to older scam-o-grams, request for urgent business execution being one example.]
On Mon, Nov 21, 2011 at 6:14 AM
So, essentially, you're asking me whether I'll help you claim funds to which you have no legitimate claim, you opened your correspondence with me about this matter with a lie, and now you want me to trust you.
Can you see the logical inconsistency?Detroit.
11/21/2011 9:59:47 A.M.:
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW YOUR SINCERITY CONSIDERING THE NATURE OF THIS PROJECT AND SINCERELY I AM WILLING TO CONCLUDE THIS PROJECT WITH YOU IF GIVE ME ATTENTION.
EVEN AS WE ARE PAYING OTHER BENEFICIARIES LEGITIMATELY I WOULD ALSO USE THE SAME MEDIUM TO ACCELERATE THIS PROJECT WITH YOU,PARDON ME IF YOU FIND MISTRUST IN MY FIRST EMAIL TO YOU.
YOU SHOULD PLEASE SEE MY INCONSISTENCY LOGICAL BECAUSE I WOULD NOT HAVE GIVEN YOU ALL THE DETAILS IN THE FIRST EMAIL AND MY PROBLEM WAS NOT KNOWING WHOM YOU ARE DEALING WITH REMEMBERING THE UNFORTUNATE SITUATION IN THE HANDS OF THE WRONG PERSON IN MY PREVIOUS DEALINGS,YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT MY REASONS AND CONCLUDE.
YOU DO NOT DISCUSS EVERY THING YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS KIND OF PROJECT AND IT'S VERY NECESSARY AND THAT WAS MY REASON FOR DEMANDING FOR YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER FROM THE BEGINNING AND NOT BECAUSE I HAVE ANY THING TO HIDE EXCEPT NOT INFORMING YOU OF MY INTENTIONS.
COULD YOU PLEASE GIVE THIS A SECOND THOUGHT AND GET BACK TO ME.
Mon, Nov 21, 2011 at 7:29 AM
Sincerity is a wonderful thing. Based on complete openness and trust. Trust must be earned.
You are rather in a deficit as far as my trust goes. You have not been honest with me. That makes it difficult for me to trust you.
11/21/2011 11:23:11 A.M.
AFTER MY EXPLANATION ON WHY IT OCCUR ED ?
YES.TRUST IS EARNED YOU ARE RIGHT,BUT MY EXPLANATION COULD BE TAKEN AS JUSTIFICATION FOR MY WORDS AND YOU KNOW IT.YOU DO NOT JUST GO INTO PROJECT OF SUCH MAGNITUDE WITH OUT FIRST OF BECOMING SKEPTICAL EVEN IF YOU HAVE DIRECT CONTACT WITH THE PERSON FACE TO FACE.
ANY WAYS I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY EXPLANATION NOW IT'S FOR YOU TO BELIEVE OR NOT AND YOU KNOW IN THIS KIND OF PROJECT MOST PEOPLE WILL DANCE YOUR WAY JUST THE WAY YOU ARE GOING ABOUT IT NOW AND THE ONLY THING LEFT IS MY CONSCIENCE.
IF YOU DO CONSIDER MY WORDS WITHIN THE WEEK WE TALK ON PHONE AS YOU MAY SEND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER TO ME.
Mon, Nov 21, 2011 at 9:21 AM
Since neither of us has a legitimate claim to the funds, how can we proceed legitimately?
11/22/2011 7:01:10 A.M.
LET'S PUT ALL DOUBTS BEHIND US AND PROCEED FORWARD.
DO NOT WORRY YOUR SELF ON HOW THIS WILL COME THROUGH IT'S MY POSITION TO MAKE SURE EVERY THING GOES WELL.
YOUR HOME OR OFFICE ADDRESS.
I AM GLAD YOU KNOW WHAT TRUST IS ALL ABOUT IN THIS KIND OF BUSINESS AND LETS KEEP TO IT.
I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.
Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 5:36 AM
You seem to be asking me to do something dishonest.
11/22/2011 9:51:39 A.M.:
I AM NOT STEALING ANY BODY'S MONEY,REMEMBER I TOLD YOU THIS IS AS A RESULT OF OVER INVOICE AND THERE IS NO HARM IN THIS AND THIS IS NOT SOMETHING DISHONEST. I AM IN THE POSITION TO DO IT IF I DID NOT PLAN IT SOME BODY ELSE WOULD AND GET THIS FUND SOME TIME IN THE FUTURE.
THIS IS NOT DISHONESTY UNLESS YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE TO HELP.
Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 7:38 AM
Is the invoice a result of work that you did? Are you the signatory on the contract? If you are not, then you are asking me to participate in a fraud.
11/22/2011 11:46:07 A.M.:
I DO UNDERSTAND YOUR APPREHENSION,BUT TO BE CANDID WITH YOU THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVED.
YES I AM ONE OF THE SIGNATORIES IN MY OFFICE AS THE DIRECTOR OF VETTING CONTRACT PAYMENT IN THIS CATEGORY.ANY FILE I PUSH OUT FOR PAYMENT WILL BE CERTAINLY ATTENDED TO,HENCE I PUSHED OUT AND VETTED THIS FILE FOR PAYMENT. MOST TIMES AS CONTRACTS ARE AWARDED THERE ARE TENDENCIES FOR OVER INVOICE,ALTHOUGH IT MIGHT NOT BE IN YOUR OWN CATEGORY,SOME OTHER OFFICER IS SOME WHERE MAKING MONEY OUT OF IT AND THIS IS WHY MOST NIGERIA CIVIL SERVANT IN NIGERIA ARE VERY RICH.IMAGINE BY THE TIME I PULL THIS THROUGH WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO OUR BANK ACCOUNTS.
REMEMBER,I HAVE ABUBAKAR SADIQ MY FRIEND HE IS MY ASSOCIATE.ABUBAKAR IS AMONG THE CONTRACT SIGNATORIES.HE IS AWARE OF THE WHOLE TRANSACTION,BUT BECAUSE I AM IN THE POSITION FOR THE FILE PAYMENT.HE IS SILENT.BECAUSE I HAVE TO ORGANISE THINGS RIGTH IN MY OWN WAY.
THIS CONTRACT SUM COMES IN FROM DIFFERENT CONTRACTORS AND THIS ONE IS FOR US AS IT EMANATE FROM DIFFERENT CONTRACTS AWARDED IN MANY YEARS.
DO NOT FORGET THAT OTHER OFFICIALS ARE DOING SAME IN THEIR OWN CATEGORY IN OTHER OFFICES ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO BE PRECISE IN OTHER MINISTRIES.CONTRACT ARE AWARDED TO CONTRACTORS FROM DIFFERENT GOVERNMENT ESTABLISHMENT.THE DEBT MANAGEMENT OFFICE IS FOR THE PAYMENT OF LONG TIME CONTRACT AWARDED,BUT THE CONTRACTORS FUND IS OVER DUE FOR PAYMENT AND WE SERVE AS CONCILIATORY OR DO YOU CALL IT THE ARBITER BETWEEN THE CONTRACTORS.
NOBODY IS GOING TO PROSECUTE YOU MY BROTHER.IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE PROSECUTED THEN WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME ? NO BODY WILL PROSECUTE YOU BECAUSE ALL DOCUMENT WILL BE PROVIDED AND SENT TO YOU FOR YOUR PERUSAL..THIS BUSINESS HAS NEVER GONE SORE AND WILL NEVER GO SORE ANY TIME IN MY COUNTRY NIGERIA.
I AM VERY GLAD YOU ARE CAREFUL AND I WILL LIKE YOU TO TELL ME THE KIND OF BUSINESS I WILL INVEST IN YOUR COUNTRY AS SOON AS WE ARE THROUGH.
BE REST ASSURED BROTHER THAT THERE IS NO PROBLEM AND NO BODY IS CHARGING US FOR FRAUD.
I WAIT YOUR RESPONSE.
On Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 12:01 PM
Of course I'm careful. My years in a criminal justice agency have made me so. I tend to investigate this sort of thing very thoroughly. I have some people looking into it even now.
11/23/2011 6:40:08 A.M.:
YOU HAVE WASTED MY TIME WHY I TRY TO NARRATE AND GIVE MY SELF AWAY WITHOUT KNOWING YOU WILL NOT CONTINUE WITH THE PROJECT I AM SORRY I TROUBLED YOU A LOT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID YOU CAN NOT DOT IT AND I WILL PROCEED LOOKING FOR SOME ONE ELSE.
THIS IS MY COUNTRY AND I KNOW EVERY THING ABOUT IT.NO MATTER THE INVESTIGATION NO THING WILL HAPPEN I A NIGERIAN AND I KNOW MY COUNTRY BETTER THAN YOU DO.
On Wed, Nov 23, 2011 at 5:47 AM
Was it my mention of being in criminal justice that did it?
11/23/2011 11:51:51 A.M.:
THE WAY YOU PROBE AND YOU WORK WITH THE CRIMINAL JUSTCE AND YOU WENT AHEAD TO TELL ME THAT YOU ARE INVESTIGATING THIS MORE COULD MAKE ANY ONE THINK YOU ARE WASTING TIME IN THE TRANSACTION THAT COULD TAKE NOT MUCH TIME TO CONCLUDE.ALTHOUGH IT'S GOOD TO BE SURE WHAT YOU ARE GOING INTO,I KNOW YOU MAY BE DOING THE RIGHT THING PROBING.
I DO NOT KNOW REALLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND,BUT I THINK I HAVE GOOD HEART TRYING TO EXPLAIN EVERY DETAILS TO YOU ALTHOUGH YOU ARE A FOREIGNER ,BUT I BELIEVE IN QUID PRO QUO (FAVOR FOR FAVOR) AND REALLY WANT US TO MOVE AHEAD IN THE CONCLUSION OF THIS TRANSACTION WHICH HAS BEEN ONE OF THE OPPORTUNITIES I HAVE WORKED HARD FOR ALTHOUGH THIS KIND OF OPPORTUNITY,BUY SOME TIMES IY MAY BE SOME ONE ELSE'S WHICH WILL I MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN.
MY BROTHER,I CALLED YOU MY BROTHER BECAUSE IT'S ONLY AFRICANS THAT KNOWS THE MEANING OF A BROTHER.
I WANT US TO DISCUSS AND IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MY PERSON THEN YOU CAN SAY THEN.
11/23/2011 11:58:44 A.M.
It must be nice to be in possession of such exclusive knowledge of the meaning of the word "brother"
I hope it compensates you for the loss of liberty you suffer when you are incarcerated.
More to come? Or has John given up on his Makinations?