THE MUGU AND THE MODEL

An Eliza Dane adventure!

Some scammer names are just made for misprinting... and Frank Bobby was one of them. It transformed yet another Dead Bank Customer letter into something far more interesting.

The Scammers.
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby,
the Personal Attorney to 'Mr.Steve, who used to work with Chevron Oil Development Company in Nigeria'
Angela Ifeoma, Manager of the account department at Guarantee
Segun Agbaje, Manager of the Transfer Dept at GTB
Emma Okon, Segun Agbaje's WU contact

The Baiter
Eliza Dane, a photomodel with an uncannily exact resemblance to Sophie Monk; an Odin-worshipper with a foul mouth and a bad attitude
AJ, Eliza's photographer boyfriend
Thor, Freya, Frigga, Odin - deities of the Norse Pantheon, often invoked by Eliza
Abu Bello, Peter Acha - Lads from a previous bait brought in to confuse the issue.
Lynda Della - probably a maga accidentally introduced by our Lad

Western Union makes only a cameo appearance in this bait.

Let's meet the Lad.


Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
28 August 2006


FROM THE DESK OF BARRISTER FRANK BOBBY
44, KOFO ABAYOMI AVENUE,
VICTORIA ISLAND, LAGOS - NIGERIA.
Email:( frbobby2006

@yahoo.com.hk)
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am Barrister Frank Bobby, a Solicitor. I am the Personal Attorney to Mr.Steve, who used to work with Chevron Oil Development Company in Nigeria. On the 21st of April, 2002, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Abuja Express Road. Unfortunately, they all lost theirlives in the event of the accident .Since then I have made several enquiries to your Embassy to locate any of my client Relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet to locate any member of his family but to no avail, hence, I contacted you to assist in repatriating the money left behind by my
client in a Security Company.
Particularly, the Security Company where the deceased deposited the US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only). Consequently, this Security Company issued me a notice to provide the Next of Kin to claim the US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only) in their custody within the next ten official working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased to claim the fund as the Next of Kin to him so that the fund will be transferred to your account by the Security Company.Upon receipt of the fund, I will come over to your country to meet with you for the disbursement of the fund and then you and I will share the money inthis order: 55% will be for me, 40% will be for you, while 5% will be use don expenses incurred.I have all the necessary legal documents that can back our claim we may make with the Security Company.All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Please, get in touch with me by my secured and confidential email address at
(frbobby2006

@yahoo.com.hk) to enable me clarify you further ,
Best regards .
Barrister Frank (Esq)

[Nothing much different here. Still, let's get him on the hook.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Bobby,
This is a bit of a surprise - you want to spell out what I'm supposed to do here?
Regards,
Eliza Dane

[Taken! ]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
29 August 2006


Dearest Partner Eliza Dane,
How are you today and how is work? Hope all is well.
This is to acknowledge receipt of your mail in response to my proposal. As requested in your mail and for the urgency needed, be clarified further as follows: I want you to know that my late client Mr. Steve Anderson dead with his family and before his death, he deposited US$15m dollars with the Guaranty trust bank of Nigeria which is presently in the bank waiting for me to present a next of kin of the late man who will inherit the fund as all the family dead in the accident and I could not locate any order relative to him. Note that it matter not if you are related or not as I have all the power and vital documents to cover you as the kin.
The bank gave me a notice to provide a next of kin whom they will transaction the fund to within some banking days and that was why I contacted you to stand as a next of kin to the late man and be in position to receive the left behind fund from the bank so what I need from you is your consent to present you to the bank as I will give the bank all the required documents and information that will cover you in the bank as the real next of kin to my late client Mr. Steve Anderson.
First of all, I would like to give you more information about myself. My full names are Barrister Okoh Frank Bobby. Born on the 14th of February 1955. I am a legal practitioner, married with 3 children. My Office Address is 44,kofo Abayomi Avenue, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria. My Direct number is 234-8028360009
We shall have Honesty and Trust as the first consideration in what ever shall go on between us. I shall need a total Assurance that you will not by any means Sit or Divert the Money as soon as it is confirmed in your custody, without releasing my share to me. Please take your time to study this letter and ask me questions if there are any. In view of this, I need your assistance to receive this Money ($15,000,000.00) on my Behalf as a Next Of Kin to my late client (Mr. Steve Anderson) Note, there will be No Risk or Trace in Feature against You or Me because I cannot Risky my Life and my personality to a business that am not sure, Besides, every Documents regards to this Claim has to be Legal for easy Claim So I assure you that there will be no involment of police or any authority from your country or my country.
I want to present you as the Next of Kin, due to the fact that I cannot locate any of the Family like I stated in my Letter of Request, which all the family was involve in the Car accident, that is the reason I decide to contact you because I have tried and could not locate his relative and the bank has ask me to get a next of kin to my late clients left fund in there bank and the law / guideline governing the banking act and decree 00.02 of the country state that any fund which remain unclaimed after the period of four good years will go back into the federal treasury account as unclaimed bill , cause if the fund should exceed the next 3 weeks without no body applying for it , the fund will be transferred automatically into the National Treasury Account as unclaimed bill.
This which I strictly repudiate as I have gone through deep and undue stress in the process of locating a bearer of the name to stand for claim as I am the personal.
Meanwhile, before I can proceed further to process Legal Documents to Present You as the Next Of Kin to the deceased, I will like you to send me the following information:
1) Your full names.
2) Your full contact address
3) Your telephone & Fax numbers.
4) Your Occupations/age/sex.
On receipt of the above requested information, I shall file in an application of claim in your name to the bank as the real next of kin to enable the bank process the claim and pay to you. Finally this transaction is total Risk Free, as long as absolute confidential is maintained, for this purpose you are advice to keep it Secret. Thanks for your anticipated co-operation, as I await your urgent Informat
ion, to enable me proceed. Further information you call me on my direct phone 234-8028360009. With best regards,
Barrister Frank Bobby.

[Three things to do here - rule out phone calls (to and from), while building up the image of a carelessly well-off young lady - and get his name wrong.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,

Since you asked - I'm good, and my work is way cool (but more on that later)!
To be frank (ha ha), what you're proposing looks a tad dodgy, but if you can assure me that there's no risk, then I'm in.
Here's what you want to know - most of it anyway.
1) Your full names: Elizabeth Danielle Dane
2) Your full contact address: 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney, Australia 2125
3) Your telephone & Fax numbers: OK, this is where I have to say no, and there's a reason - you stressed the need for "absolute confidential" and if you ring, then the deal would probably be toast; I share a house with four other girls, and there's not much we keep secret from each other. If one of them didn't pick up the phone, she'd listen in. Fax - don't have one.
4) Your Occupations/age/sex: Occupation - photomodel; age - 23; sex - depends; I have a steady boyfriend who's really good in bed, so it's usually great. Otherwise, I am a woman, but you should have guessed, for the love of Freya, I gave enough clues!
Anyway, back to you....
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
29 August 2006



Dearest Partner Miss.Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
How are you and everybody around you? Hope all is well?
I write to inform you that after receiving your mail and information, I have went to the bank to meet with the auditors of the bank to submit your information to them and for the to approve the payment in your name as the next of kin to my late client and his fund.
My dear, I am happy to inform you that my meeting with them was very successful and as a matter of fact, the bank has approve your name as the next of kin to my late client MR.STEVE ANDERSON, and all your information has been noted as the information of the next of kin to there customer Mr. Steve Anderson, and they have acknowledged and ask me to give you a letter of claim to fill and email to them presenting your self as the next of kin to there late customer Mr. Steve Anderson, for the immediate processing and transfer of your fund into any choice of your account which you will present to them.
Now, For the urgency needed on this transaction, I have Decided to File an immediate Application on your behalf to Claim this $15M as a Next of Kin to my late client (Mr. Steve Anderson) And in view of this, you are advice to Fill this Letter of Claim now and send it to the Guaranty Trust Bank regards to the Claim of $15 Million U.S Dollars as your Inheritance left by your late Relative. Be assured that I have process every Legal Documents that will present you as the Next of Kin to receive this Fund from the Bank.
Note also, that every arrangement have been concluded for you to receive this Fund as the Next of Kin to the Decease. Be assured that this transaction is totally Risk Free, as long as absolute confidential is maintained. For this purpose you are required to keep this business confidential.
Thanks for your co-operation, as I will await your urgent phone call 234-802-836-0009. as soon as you send the Letter of Claim.
Finally, you are advice to fill the letter of claim below and email it to the banks email address.
Yours Sincerely,
Barrister Frank Bobby.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
HEAD OF ACCOUNT& ADMINISTRATIVE DEPARTMENT.
GUARANTY TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC
Email: accountdept@gtbplc-ng.com orgtbaccountplc@yahoo.com
Telephone: 234-1-7211675, 234-1-54510570.
Fax: 234-1-54451059
ATTENTION, LETTER OF CLAIM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
RE: STEVE ANDERSON (US$15,000,000:00) WITH ACCOUNT NO: 511404111122
I AM MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE, A CITIZEN OF UNITED STATE OF AMERICAN, AND RELATIVE TO LATE MR. STEVE ANDERSON OF STATE OF AMERICAN
MEANWHILE, I AM WRITING THIS LETTER IN RESPECT OF MY LATE RELATIVE'S MR. STEVE ANDERSON, WHO DIED IN 2003;HE DEPOSITED THE FUNDS TO YOUR BANK, GUARANTY TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC, WHICH MY REPRESENTATIVE BARRISTER FRANK BOBBY INFORMED ME ABOUT FOR ME TO CLAIM AND RECEIVE THE FUND. I AM SORRY FOR NOT BEEN ABLE TO COME FORWARD TO CLAIM MY LATE RELATIVE'S FUND AND ESTATE AS STATED IN SOME OF THE DOCUMENTS YOU HAVE OVER THERE, I HAVE BEEN AWAY FROM MY COUNTRY ALL THIS WHILE TO NEARBY COUNTRY ON A VERY SERIOUS PRIVATE BUSINESS OF WHICH I JUST
CAME BACK, AND I'M NOW SET TO CLAIM MY INHERITANCE FIFTEEN MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS (US$15,000,000:00) WHICH HAS BEEN IN GUARANTY TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA BEFORE MY RELATIVE'S UNTIMELY DEATH.
I WOULD BE VERY GLAD IF MY INHERITANCE ISSUE IS LOOKED INTO AND THE FUND PAID INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT, OF WHICH THE PARTICULARS ARE STATED BELLOW:
BENEFICIARY'S NAME:.....................................................................
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS:.....................................
NAMEOFBANK:.....................................................
BANKADDRESS:....................................................
ACCOUNTNUMBER:.............................................
TELEPHONENUMBER:..........................................
SEX AND OCCUPATION:.......................................................
ALTANATIVELY, YOU TELL THE BANK THAT YOU WANT THE FUND IN A CASHIERS CHECK SEND TO YOUR ADDRES IF YOU DONT HAVE ACCOUNT INFORMATIONS.
FURTHERMORE, IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION OR WOULD WISH TO CONTACT ME ON THIS MATTER PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO BY CONTACTING ME ON THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS.
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR EVER ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.
YOURS SINCERELY,
MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,
FOR THE FAMILY.

[Mr Blobby blundered... and Eliza will tell him exactly how. Note that so far, I've gone easy on him...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,

All is not well, thank you very much!
Did I tell you I was a US citizen? Take a look at the last message I sent. Sydney, Australia? You see that? What does that tell you? I'll tell you what it tells me - that you don't read too well!
For some reason you can get my complete name right, but my country - not a clue!
Is there anything else we should work out before I send this letter of yours?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
PS I'm Ms, not Miss.
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
29 August 2006

Once Again Partner Miss Elizabeth,
Thanks for your cooperation in this transaction I am very grateful for your understanding and concern over this business.
My Dear, I want you to be rest assured that every thing will be perfected on your behalf by myself and it will be made possible due to the fact that I am the only Attorney to Late Mr. Steve Anderson before his death and I have every right and documents to present you as the next of kin to my late client which I am doing in your favor now.
Note that I have already forwarded your Names and all your information to the bank and they have now known you as new next of kin and a relative to late client Mr. Steve Anderson so, right now they are waiting for your latter of claim so as to commence an immediate action on the release of the fund to you.
I will also want you to be very honest with me, as I know that this money will get to you before my arrival to your country for the share of this money. Again you must be very confidential with every step you take because its only you and I that knows about this business so I will not want any third party when sharing this money.
Meanwhile you are advice to always get back to me with any information you get from the bank for an advice so as to avoid any mistake in this transaction.
Finally, I want you to find attachment of some documentation which will proof to you that this transaction is legitimate and real and I want you to see below some vital information about my late client in case the bank may ask you and I will want you to send me your international passport or drives license to know whom I am dealing with.
1. Name: Mr. Steve Anderson,
2.Address: Plot 5, Sanusi Fafunwa Street, Victoria Island, Lagos - Nigeria
3. Age: 52 years
4. Wife's name: Mrs. Jennifer Anderson.
5. No. of Children: Three (3) Tony, Roseline and Angela,
Thanks for your cooperation and understanding and please note you are to email that letter of claim to the bank with those email addresses:accountdept@gtbplc-ng.com or gtbaccountplc@yahoo.com and as soon as that is done please call me on my cell phone so that we can talk: 234-802-836-0009 and I will also try to call you.
I wait your call to enable me furnish in case of any thing you don understand.
Best regards
Barrister Frank Bobby.

[He sends five (5) separate attachments. I think he's settled in for the long haul.]

If you want to see the "Barrister's" pics, click any thumbnail:



The "news article" is so lame (note "Steve Anderson's" name pasted in in red) that it is shown here full-size. But good marks to them for trying:

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Thanx for blowing out my inbox - Thor's beard, that's a lot of attachments!
Look, we still have to settle something here - did you tell the bank that I was an American? If you did, then you'd better get them clued in to the fact that I'm Australian before I make you look like a dork. If not, tell me, and I'll send that letter.
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
30 August 2006

Dearest Partner Ms Elizabeth,
How are you and your family? Hope all is well.
My Dear, I have recieved your email and noted the content of it which you corrected me on the mistake I made when giving the letter of claim to you and I want you to know that the problem is correctable so you correct it and email the letter of claim to the bank.
I was the person that made the mistake because the bank just used American as an example for me to know that what I have to put in that place is your country but I forgot it and sent it to you the way the bank gave it to me but no problem as the bank already know that you are from Australia so you change it to Australia and go ahead and send the letter of claim to the bank so that they can commence the transaction okay?
Thanks for your understanding and God bless you as I wait to hear from you that you have emailed the letter of claimto the bank.
Please as you are sending it to the bank, you send me a copy of the letter of claim for my own perusal.
Barrister Frank Bobby.

[At the time I wrote this, Fashion Week was about to begin. It was the perfect moment to increase Mr Blobby's anxiety levels.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
OK, I accept, it was an honest mistake. But note to self; you are not to prepare my will! I'll do as you suggest, but there's one thing in your last message I can't do; I don't have a driver's licence and I can't send you a copy of my passport.
BTW, you chose a hell of a time to contact me - I'm heading off to Melbourne tomorrow for Fashion Week, I'll probably be out of touch for five days.
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
31 August 2006

Eliza Dane
Dearest Partner Ms Elizabeth,
I have recieved your email and noted the content of it which I would want you to know that we dont have time on our side to waste in this transaction so I will advice you to please check your email daily even as you are going for a fashion week so that we can do this transaction and get our fund okay?
I noted the you dont have the identification I asked from you and I want you to knmow that t would have been very important in this transaction so that I can be able to give account of the person I am dealing with when thge time comes for that so please try and do something even if your photo, I will appreciate it okay?
Finally, Please up date me if you have sent the letter of claim to the bank so that I will know and follow up okay?
Thanks,
BNarrister Frank Bobby.

[I sent him one of my standard Sophie Monk pictures.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
I sent the letter, and bcc'd it to you - personally I think it reads like complete crap - and it rests with Wyrd now.
I'll try to stay in touch - it depends on whether the people we're staying with have email. They should, but no guarantees...
Here's a picture of myself, from a photoshoot two months back.
Eliza

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
You may not think much of Fashion Week but by Freya, it means a Hel of a lot to me! So don't put it down, OK?
I sent you my picture, I sent that lame-brained letter, so maybe you should read your own emails once in a while!
Have to leave it here - busy day tomorrow - AJ wants me to join him in the hot tub. ; )
Eliza Dane

[After all the fuss, I sent the letter unmodified.]

Eliza Dane
ATTENTION, LETTER OF CLAIM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
RE: STEVE ANDERSON (US$15,000,000:00) WITH ACCOUNT NO: 511404111122
I AM MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE, A CITIZEN OF UNITED STATE OF AMERICAN, AND RELATIVE TO LATE MR. STEVE ANDERSON OF STATE OF AMERICAN
MEANWHILE, I AM WRITING THIS LETTER IN RESPECT OF MY LATE RELATIVE'S MR. STEVE ANDERSON, WHO DIED IN 2003;HE DEPOSITED THE FUNDS TO YOUR BANK, GUARANTY TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC, WHICH MY REPRESENTATIVE BARRISTER FRANK BOBBY INFORMED ME ABOUT FOR ME TO CLAIM AND RECEIVE THE FUND. I AM SORRY FOR NOT BEEN ABLE TO COME FORWARD TO CLAIM MY LATE RELATIVE'S FUND AND ESTATE AS STATED IN SOME OF THE DOCUMENTS YOU HAVE OVER THERE, I HAVE BEEN AWAY FROM MY COUNTRY ALL THIS WHILE TO NEARBY COUNTRY ON A VERY SERIOUS PRIVATE BUSINESS OF WHICH I JUST CAME BACK, AND I'M NOW SET TO CLAIM MY INHERITANCE FIFTEEN MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS (US$15,000,000:00) WHICH HAS BEEN IN GUARANTY TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA BEFORE MY RELATIVE'S UNTIMELY DEATH.
I WOULD BE GLAD IF MY INHERITANCE ISSUE IS LOOKED INTO AND THE FUND PAID INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT, OF WHICH THE PARTICULARS ARE STATED BELLOW:
BENEFICIARY'S NAME MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS: 35 WESTMORELAND GROVE, GLEBE, SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA 2125
NAMEOFBANK: NATIONAL BANK OF AUSTRALIA.
BANKADDRESS: 134 LIVERPOOL STREET, SYDNEY, NSW 2000
ACCOUNTNUMBER:.G937 641 587.
SEX AND OCCUPATION: FEMALE / PHOTOMODEL.
YOURS SINCERELY,
MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,

[ We have a Bank Ladette.
That bank slogan is not very inspiring...]

Angela Ifeoma
01 September 2006

GUARANTYTRUSTBANK PLC ACCOUNTDEPARTMENT
Guaranty Trust Bank Plc. "We Make the DIFFERENCE"
DOYIN HOUSE 4 COMMERCIAL AVENUE APAPA LAGOS - NIGERIA TELL: 234-1-7211675 234-1-15451050 FAX: 234-1-545105
EMAIL: accountdept@gtbplc-ng.com gtbaccountplc@yahoo.com
Our Ref: GTB/NIG-45 05 YourRef: Date: 1st 09 2006

ATTN: MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,
GOOD DAY MADAM,
THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT THIS OFFICE HAS ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF THE LETTER OF CLAIM WHICH WAS SENT FOR THE CLAIM OF YOUR INHERITANCE ( US$15,000,000:00 ) WELL, AFTER MY VERIFICATION ON THE CLAIM AND WITH THE INFORMATION OF MR. STEVE ANDERSON AND THE DOCUMENTS I HAVE HERE IN MY OFFICE THAT WAS SUBMITTED BY HIS ATTORNEY BARRISTER FRANK BOBBY.
RIGHT AWAY, I WILL CALL ON OUR SECRETARY MR. OKON EMMA TO PASS NOW YOUR ENTIRE FILE WITH THE LETTER OF CLAIM TO THE TRANSFER DEPARTMENT FOR THE FINAL VERIFICATION AND RELEASE OF YOUR INHERITANCE TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE CONTACTED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
FINALLY, THIS OFFICE WILL ALSO WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT WE WORK FROM MONDAY TO SATURDAY FROM 8.AM TO 5.PM. SO YOU CAN PASS ANY INFORMATION TO THIS OFFICE AS STATED.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) ACCOUNT DEPARTMENT
MRS.ANGELA IFEOMA

[No need to waste words...]

Eliza Dane
Mrs Ifeoma,
Thanx, I got it.
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
01 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
How are you and your family? Hope fine.
My Dear, I have checked my email box and there I got your email indicating that you have sent the letter of claim to the bank filled and after noting it, I decided to visit the bank to confirm if they have recieved it.
When I got to the bank, I met with the accountant manager Mrs. Angela Ifeoma and I asked her if the bank has recieved the letter of claim your sent to them, she told me yes that the bank have recieved the form and that they would contact you before the end of today.
I am very happy that the bank has confirm the receipt of your letter of claim and has promised to contact you. Now I will advice you to be cooperative with the bank present your self to them as a responsible person to enable them look at our transaction important okay? always check your computer so that as soon as the bank contacts you, you will be able to notify me and I will furnish you with any advice you need for the reply. I want you to know that I will be coming to your country embassy to apply for a visa to your country as you know that as soon the bank transfer your inheritance to you, I will make my trip to you country for the sharing of the fund so please what I will need from you is to cooperate with the bank and work with there instruction so that we will get our fund from them without no wasting of time.
Finally, as I have told you earlier that you have to be very confidential with every step of this transaction and keep does informations I have given you regarding this transaction very safe so as to avoid any thing that will jeopardise our transaction or bring about foreign transfer high-jacker into our business did you understand me ? so please keep everything secret okay?
I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as you hear from the bank,
My best regards
Barrister Frank Bobby.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Secrecy? This was supposed to be a secret? But I've told my housemates, my boyfriend, everyone I met today.... JUST KIDDING! Of course I'm keeping it secret! Don't patronise me, OK? I'm blonde, but I'm not a bimbo!
So far, the bank hasn't said much, they were sending for the file or something.
It's been a busy day, got a party tonight, lots of networking to do.
Catch you later.
Eliza

[He says that Eliza is very lovely and beautiful, but that little bit of praise doesn't last, it's right back to the money... ]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
01 September 2006

Again Partner Ms Elizabeth,
I write to inform you that I have reciecved your photo and it is very lovely and beautiful which I would want you to know that I can fully trust you now and I will immediately follow up with the bank to make sure this fundis transfer to you okay?
All I will advice you is to please follow up with the bank and be cooperative with them so that they can immediatly transfer this fund to you okay? Always try to check your email daily and reply every email you recieved from me or the bank okay?
God will be with you even as you are travelling.
Best Regards,
Barrister Frank Bobby.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
FINALLY! I thought you were gay or something, not a word about my pic? But not to worry, you're on the right side of the street.
Wooo, praise to Freya, what a party last night! AJ says we should go to more, I have such a good time and get all frisky and it makes for great sex afterwards.
Do you party much? Actually, from what I remember of your picture in the passport, I don't think you're the party type, but you never know...
I'll be back once I've read through all my emails. Gotta be quick, other people use this computer (the people who own this house, for one).
BTW, I don't think God watches over me; I'm not a Christian, I worship the Aesir - the Gods of the Aryan peoples of Europe. Just thought you should know.
Eliza

[Bank Lad this time. I wonder why they didn't stick with the Ladette? ]

Segun Agbaje
01 September 2006

OurRef:GTB/NIG4505
YourRef: Date: 02- 09 2006

ATTETINION,
ABOUT YOUR INHERITANCE
DEAR MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,
GOOD DAY MADAM,
WE WISH TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED YOUR LETTER OF CLAIM AND SOME OF THE DOCUMENT ABOUT YOUR LATE BROTHER MR. STEVE ANDERSON WHICH WAS SUBMITED BY ACCOUNT MANAGER MRS ANGELA IFEOMA . AS A MATTER OF FACT WE ARE STILL ON VERIFICATION AND PROCESSING ON HOW YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR INHERITANCE. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY ABOUT THE RELEASING OF YOUR LATE BROTHER‰ÛªS INHERITANCE IT WAS DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE DON‰ÛªT WANT TO MAKE ANY MISTAKE ALTHOUGH HIS REPRESETATIVE BARRISTER FRANK BOBBY HAS CLERIFY EVERY THING ABOUT YOU BUT ITS JUST THAT WE DON‰ÛªT KNOW YOU BEFORE HIS DEATH AND THE MONEY IS LARGE SO WE HAVE TO BE CAREFULL TO AVOID WRONG TRANSFER. v
NOW, YOU ADVICE TO GET BACK TO US WITH AN ANSWERS TO THE BELOW:
(1) WHAT IS THE FULL NAME OF YOUR BROTHER?
(2) WHAT WAS HIS OCCUPATION?
(3) WHEN DID HE DIE, AND ON WHAT SICKNESS?
(4) WAS HE MARRIED?

MEANWHILE, YOU ADVICE TO CROSS CHECK THE ACCOUNT INFORMATION YOU SENT TO OUR ACCOUNT DEPARTMENT THAT IS HERE NOW TO AVOID ANY MISTAKE IN MAKING THIS TRANSFER, AS BELOW IS WHAT WE HAVE HERE:
NAME: MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS : 35 WESTMORELAND GROVE, GLEBE, SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA 2125
NAME OF BANK : NATIONAL BANK OF AUSTRALIA.
BANK ADDRESS: 134 LIVERPOOL STREET, SYDNEY, NSW 2000
ACCOUNT NUMBER: G937 641 587.
YOU ARE ADVICE TO CROSS CHECK IT AND IF THERE IS A MISTAKE YOU MAKE THE CORRECTION NOW BEFORE OUR CONCLUSION ONCE AGAIN WE APOLOGIZE AND ASK YOU TO BE PETIENT WITH US AS WE PROMISE TO CONCLUDE SOON AND WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH THE PAYMENT ANALYSIS.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. SEGUN AGBAJE

[Time to unsettle things just a bit... ]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Suddenly I don't feel so good... this is wrong.
Maybe I don't remember this right, but wasn't this Anderson guy like 50 or something? I'm 23, I don't think I could be his sister! Did you tell them that? If you did, why the fuck didn't you do the maths? I am NOT impressed! What do we do?
Eliza

[Things moved a bit out of synch here as I was only answering one email at a time and he'd send a couple in a day. The letter of invitation is a new wrinkle. What's his game?]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
02 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
How is your day? Hope fine.
My Dear, I have recieved your email which you indicated that the bank has just told you something about the transfer but that you did not know so I decided to call the bank to know what they are saying, When I call the bank I got hold to Mrs. Angela Ifeoma who told me that the bank has transferred your files to the transfer department and that she believed that the transfer department will reach you before th end of today on the next step of this transaction so when they told me this, I was very happy to have that confirmation from the bank which you should know that the transaction is moving forward.
I am very happy that the bank is handling this transaction perfectly and I pray they would not waste any time in the transfer department to verify and transfer the fund to you, Now I will advice you to always check your computer so that as soon as the bank contacts you again, you will be able to notify me and I will furnish you with any advice you need for the reply.
Meanwhile I want you to know that I have visited the embassy and they requested some documents from me including a letter of invitation to your country which you are to write and send to me so that I can present it to them for the issuing of my visa to your country to enable me come up to your country as soon as the bank transfer the fund to you.
I am really happy the way thing are working very fast and well for us and I pray it will continue like this till we get our fund okay?Just be cooperative to the transaction and I promise you, everything will be perfected in a short time from now.
Thanks for your understanding and cooperation, as I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as you hear from the bank again okay,
My best regards
Barrister Frank Bobby.

[Eliza isn't happy...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
I don't give a shit about the bank doing everything just soooooo fucking perfectly!
Have you set them straight about this Anderson guy not being a brother? Holy mother Frigga, if a 'sister' showed up now, can't you imagine the questions there'd be? Any close relatives would have been easily found! A cousin maybe, a niece much better, but not a sister. May Freya soothe my aching head...
OK, let's leave that for now.
I'm puzzled about this letter of introduction. Do you mean that I have to actually write a letter inviting you into Australia? Do you have a template for it? I'll see if I can find anything on the DIMIA website. Get back to me.
I have to go, someone else wants the computer.
Eliza Dane

[Now Mr Blobby blunders badly once again, this time putting the wrong name on the message header. ]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
Dearest Partner Lynda Della, This are the anwers to the bank question, please email it to them. 04 September 2006

Dearest Partner Ms. Elizabeth,
How are you and your family?Hope fine.
My Dear, I have recieved your email indicating the informations the bank needs from us which I Believe they will need it urgently and I will not waste any time in given it to you as I know we don't have any time to waste so I will give you the answers to those entire question and I will want you to send it immediately to them so that they can commence the transaction.
My Late client Mr. Steve Anderson was an Expatriate in the Shell A. Oil Development Company.he hold the position for a very long time before his death so you tell the bank that your late brother hold the position as an Expatriate in the in Agip Oil Development Company OF Nigeria His full name is Mr. Steve Anderson.
He died on the 21st of April 2003 on Car accident.
He is married with three kids.
I believe this are all the answers they need so Now I will advice you to send it to the immediatly as they may be waiting for it to commence this transaction and please dont forget to reconfirm your account details to them so that they will not make any mistake when transfering the fund to you. I hope you understand the information very well.
Thanks for your cooperation and understanding
I wait to hear from you.
Barrister Frank Bobby.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,

"Lynda Della"? What the fuck is that name doing there?
You got some 'splainin' to do!
Eliza (wanting answers!)

[Mr Blobby doesn't like Eliza's language... That's always good to hear.
That's not a good explanation of the letter he wants!]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
04 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
Again, I want you to that it does not matter the way the bank present you, they can say you are his relative because that is how I presented you to them and if I did not do it that way, the fund will not be approved in your name so please dont think about what the bank are saying you are to the late person okay? Regards to the letter I asked you to write and send to me, it is an invitation letter that I will use in getting a visa to your country. you know I have to come up to your country for the sharing of the fund as soon as the bank transfer the fund into your account so please just write and say that you want me in your country so a business conclusion between both of us okay? Finally, I want you to know that I dont like that kind of insultive works you are using in your email, please stop it and write to be like a responsible women.
Thanks,
Frank Bobby.

[Far from swearing off the swearing, Eliza keeps at it.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,

What the fuck is happening? Why am I getting stuff in two names? Got any answers? I sure as Hel want them!
Eliza Dane

[And he grovels most gratifyingly...]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
04 September 2006

Partner Elizabth,
I have noted your email and was confused how that name came into that email and I decided to ask my my secretary who I asked to type the email to you and she told me that she thought the name I call was lynda della that she never know it was Elizabeth I told her, Please I am very sorry for that as it was a mistake from my secretary okay? just go ahead and email the answers to the bank so that the bank can commence.
I will surely deasl with my secretary for masking such a expensive mistake.
I hope you would understand and forgive me as well.
I wait to hear from you.
Frank.

[Meanwhile, back at the Bank Lad...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Agbaje,
I have the info you need - as follows.
[1] His name was Steven Anderson, no middle name that I know of.
[2] Expatriate in the in Agip Oil Development Company Of Nigeria.
[3] He was sick (lauxieama, whatever that is) but what killed him was a car crash, on 21 April 2003.
[4] He had a wife and three children who also died in the crash.
With regards to the details of my bank, they're all good, except that it's Ms Elizabeth Danielle Dane, not Miss. Over to you.
Regards,
Eliza Dane

[If he thinks Eliza's just going to shrug off that blunder...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
You don't type your own emails? Thor's beard, that's ritzy! AND, given that you made such a big fucking song and dance about the need for absolute secrecy, a bit fucking annoying! Practice what you preach, right?
I sent the stuff to the bank, so don't have a cow, man, it's all OK.
Eliza Dane
Segun Agbaje
01 September 2006

TRANSFER DEPARTMENT
GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC
Guaranty Trust Bank Plc. "We Make the DIFFERENCE"
DOYIN HOUSE 4 COMMERCIAL AVENUE APAPA LAGOS - NIGERIA TELL: 234-1-7211675 234-1-15451050
EMAIL: accountdept@gtbplc-ng.com gtbaccountplc@yahoo.com
Our Ref: GTB/NIG-45-05 Your Ref: Date: 05 09 2006

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS
DEAR MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE,
CONGRATULATIONS AS YOUR ARE ADVICE TO VIEW ATTACHMENT
YOURS FAITHFULLY
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR.AGBAJE SEGUN

[The 'ATTACHMENT' was a letter that read thus:]

GUARANTY TRUST

GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT
DOYIN HOUSE 4 COMMERCIAL AVENUE
APAPA LAGOS-NIGERIA
TELL: 234-1-7211675 234-1-15451050 FAX: 234-1-5451059
EMAIL: transferdept@gtbplc-ng.com gtbbankngplc@yahoo.com Our Ref: GTB/NIG-45-05
Your Ref:
Date: 5th September 2006

The Director
Foreign Remittance Department
Lagos- Nigeria

ATTN: MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE
RE: PAYMENT APPROVAL

GOOD DAY MADAM,
BE INFORM THAT THE MANAGEMENT HAS RECEIVED YOUR EMAILS WITH THE ANSWER TO OUR QUESTIONS WELL CORRECT JUST AS NEEDED INCLUDING YOUR BANKING INFORMATIONS.
THE LEGAL/RECONCILATION DEPARTMENT OF THE GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC''HAVE AFTER ALL VERIFICATION APPROVE YOU FOR THE IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF THE SUM OF US$15,000,000.00 (FIFTEEN MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS)

AFTER OUR VERIFICATION ON YOUR FILE AND THE APPLICATION LETTER ATTACH TO IT WITH THE INFORMATION OF LATE MR.STEVE ANDERSON AND SOME OF THE DOCUMENT PRESENTED FOR THE CLAIM BY HIS REPRESETATIVE BARRISTER FRANK YOUR NAME MISS ELIZABETH DANIELLE DANE HAS BEEN APPROVED AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO OUR LATE CUSTOMER YOUR RELATIVE, FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR US$15,000,000.00 (FIFTEEN MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS) INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT.

MEANWHILE, FOR THE IMMEDIATE PRCURING AND RELEASE OF YOUR INHERITANCE, YOU ARE TO PROVIDE THIS OFFICE WITH THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENT:
1. DEATH CERTIFICATE OF THE DECEASED.
2. AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE NEXT OF KIN FROM ABUJA FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE.
3. POLICE REPORT.
4. US$1,500.00 FOR THE TRANSFER CHARGES

YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE TRANSFERCHARGE ($1, 500.00) THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW:
NAME: OKON EMMA (THE BANK'S SECRETARY)
ADDRESS: LAGOS-NIGERIA.
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT COLOUR
ANSWER: BLUE
EMAIL US THE TEXT QUESTION AND ANSWER IMMEDIATELY AND THE (MTCN) CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY SENT IMMEDIATELY, AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE TRANSFER CHARGE AND THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS I WILL DEFINETELY FURNISH YOU WITH THE TRANSFER ANALYSIS AND A COPY OF THE TRANSFER SLIP WILL BE SENT TO YOU. YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR.AGBAJE SEGUN
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Just got this from the bank, and I thought you'd want to be up to speed.
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
05 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
How are you and your family? Hope all is well.
My Dear, I have recieved your email and noted the content of it saying that you have sent the informations to the bank and I contacted the bank just now and the bank told me that they have recieved it and that they will get intouch with you.
Please be close to your email so that as soon as they write you, you will be able to up date me okay?
Thanks,
Frank Bobby.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Fuck me that was quick! I only forwarded the bank's message like 60 seconds ago. : )
OK, what's next?
Eliza Dane

[Blobby's longest yet, as he focuses on the prize... $1500? Is that all?]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
05 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
How are you today? Hope all is well.
My Dear, I have recieved your email and noted the content of it indicating what the bank need from us for the final release of our fund.
After reading you email, I decided to visit the bank to really know what they need from us and when I got there, I met with the transfer manager Mr. Segun Agbaje who is in charge of our fund and I told him that you just forwarded a congratulating email to me but that I did not understand it fully and he explained to me everything.
Firstly, the bank transfer manager started congratulating me telling me that our fund has been programmed ready to be transfer that every things has been perfected which has made the bank to send you the final requirements of the transfer of our fund to you which includes: A DEATH CERTIFICATE OF MY LATE CLIENT, A POLICE REPORT THAT WILL SHOW THAT THE FUND IS NOT A TERORRIST FUND, AN AFFIDAVIT OF TRUE NEXT OF KIN IN YOUR NAME FROM THE FEDERAL HIGH COUNT OF JUSTICE ABUJA, $1, 500 DOLLARS FOR THE TRANSFER FEES which He told me that for the transfer charge that we have to pay it through western union money transfer with the banks secretary name as stated on there email to you and that we are to email them with the payment information of the money sent and that as soon as they receive those requirements from us that the fund will be transfer to you and the transfer slip copy will be sent to you immediately for the confirmation of the transfer. After he told me all this, I asked and pleaded him to please assist us in deducting the transfer fees of $1,500 from the fund and for them to transfer the remaining as I know that I can work hard to secure those documents but he refused and told me that there is no how the bank can deduct money from a fund deposited under the constitutional laws of the bank and a fund that has programmed swift coded to be transfer, that it is not possible for the bank to take money out of it as it will be out of the laws of the bank if they do that, and I was very weak and on confusion as I dont know where to start from.
Therefore, I decided to call a friend of mine who is also a legal colleague in my office that has attended to this kind of transaction to seek for his advice on what to do regarding the requirement that the bank asked from us. Now in his advice, he firstly told me that the most important and vital requirement that the bank has asked from us is the affidavit of true next of kin which is as well as the fund and without it, the fund will never be transferred to the next of kin as the affidavit stands to proof to the bank and the government that a kin to the said fund has legally claimed his or her left behind fund from the bank.
He said that your present would have been needed to sign the affidavit of true next of kin in the court but that if you are ask to come dawn that it will cost you a lot of money and it will as well delay the transferring of the fund but that what I have to do is to go to the court with about 7, 500 dollars so that I can pay for the court signatory stamp which the court will stamp in the place of your signature when the affidavit is issue to me, my bother it is not easy for me.
Secondly, he commented on the transfer charge that was given to us. He said that it is very right for a bank to ask for a transferring fees of any fund that is to be transferred out of the bank as the law of Nigerian constitution states boldly in degree 12 of 1987 act section 107 of banking law and constitution, that a transfer charge most be paid for any transaction of transferred fund both internationally or locally. He told me that every bank in the whole world do it that it is not out of the banking law. Finally, he told me that it is very mandatory for us to present those requested documents and transfer fees to the bank if only we want our fund transfer out of the bank and that by giving them all this they requested for, that it will make them to transfer the fund easily and without no delay so he told me that we should cooperate with the bank and finish them with all those informations they need from us that after all that it will not cost us that much compare to what we are about receiving so he concluded that we should give the bank all those information.
After he told and advised me, I First of all said to him that I am happy that the bank has approved your name as the next of kin to the fund and has given to us what we need to provide to them for the immediate transfer of our fund in to your account which I believe that both of us can join hands together and do it.
Now For the urgency needed in this transaction, we both have to help in this matter, I will be going to Federal high court Abuja to secure the affidavit of true next of kin in your name as it is the must important and costest document out them all and your present would have been needed to sign the affidavit as the next of kin but due to the fact that it will delay us and cost you a lot of money to come to my country, I have decided to do it the way my friend advised me and as a lawyer here in my country, I believe I know what to do just that it will cost me a lot of money to do it.
After securing that, I will go to the police station to get a police report which he told me that it will cover us from any question or problem from your government or my government as well clarify that the fund is not a terrorist fund and was a inherited fund. My Dear, Please I will only want you to assist me in sending the transfer fees of $1, 500 dollars and the death certificate to the bank as they requested so that as soon as I get those documents and you send the money to them, they will immediately transfer the fund to you and confirm to you the payment information SLIP of the fund as they have promise to do as soon as we forward those requirement to them immediately.
My Dear, I want you to be happy as we are about to conclude this transaction and after this point you and I would be greatly rich and you will no more work for any body but you will be the person to be employing people to work in your company. So now lets work to bring this desire to accomplishment by you sending the money to the bank and me going for all the certificates and submitting them to the bank for the immediate transfer of our fund. Meanwhile, I have to go now and talk with my wife if she can raise some money for my trip to Abuja, as I have to go to Abuja federal high court of justice with at least $8000 dollars, including my flight fees to Abuja now.
Finally, I will want you to know that we don have any time to waste as you know that the bank has made us know that our fund has been program to be transfer as soon as we present those required items to them so please you have to send them the money today so that as soon as I secure the certificates, they will transfer our fund to you and I will start coming up to your country for the sharing of the fund. Thanks and cheers in advance, as I believe that we have made it.
Once again I say Thanks for your update and cooperation.
Please call me now so that we can talk okay?
With Best regards,
Barrister Frank Bobby.

[This has been going too smoothly. After that long message (and the Lad already counting the dollars), it's time for a monkey wrench!]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
I think you've got some more 'splainin' to do.

Have a look at this.

**

PAYMENT VALUE OF $15 MILLION DOLLARS

Madam,
Following the report gathered from the probate office that some hoodlum are requesting from you some amount US$1500.00 for fees in order to transfer the money into your account account as your inheritance.
Sequel to the report received so far from the probate office, the President Chief Olusegun Obasanjo has ordered this office to advise you to desist from communicating with those that are asking you to pay money for the reactivation fees, so call Mr. SEGUN ABAJE as Transfer Manager of GUARANTY TRUSTBANK and so call LAWYER BARRISTER. Frank BOBBY as they are all under investigation and soon they will be under black book of the Federal Government.
Meanwhile, this office advise you to stop any further communication with them or any one since mandate has been given to this office to take duties to transfer your INHERITANCE Fund into your account as ordered by the president.
If you will be willing to follow my instructions I promise you that before the end of this week your money will be transfered into your account.I will secure a waiver for you from the Presidency so that you will not make any payment until your money is transfered into your account.And also I will give you Guarantee that you will receive your payment if and only if you work with my instruction. We therefore, warn that you should not pass this information to the culprit as they are under trace since the government want to take them for persecution under the law. It has come to this office that you have been paying so much money to this culprit in regards to the transfer of the fund into your account.
As a matter of urgency, you are advise to send to this office your full information, telephone and fax number amount to receive, home and office address as we are in a routine check to ascertain the rightful beneficiary of the said amount you will be willing to follow my instructions I promise you that before the end of this week your money will be transfered into your account.I will secure a waiver for you from the Presidency so that you will not make any payment until your money is transfered into your account.And also I will give you guarantee that you will receive your payment if and only if you work with my instruction. If you really want me to help you, you will have to stop further comminication with that so called bank official and so called Barrister .Since you have been dealing with them, you have not achieved anything but if you keep spending money they keep promising you that they will transfer your money to you but at the end, you will see notting.
So I am waiting to hear from you for us to move forward.
Yours Faithfully,
Abu Bello

**

What the fuck is going on?
Eliza Dane

[ I've seen better attempts to explain away scams from other Lads...]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
06 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
I have recieved your email and noted the email someone sent to you and I would want you to know that the email you recieve is as a result that people are trying to jeopardise my image and make you believe that this our transaction is not reall.
I want you to know that people that sent you that email are the people that wanted to move this fund out of the bank before the bank noticed it and ask me to present a next of kin and I presented you so please ignore that email and follow up with me so that we can get our fund okay?
Meanwhile, I want you to know that I have been able to secured the police report and now I want to travel to abuja and get the other affidavit of true next of kin. Have you sent the transfer fees to the bank? please if you have not, you better do now so that before the end of today, the fund will be transfer into your account okay?
Thanks as I wait to hear from you.
Barrister Frank Bobby.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Just hold on there a fucking minute! Who the fuck would know about this? Who would have the inside info they've mentioned? Fuck me, they even had the amount you requested down pat!
They're obviously not LEOs, so who the fuck are they? From what you said, it sounds like they have something to do with the security company, and from everything else, it sounds like they've got a mole either in your office or at the bank. You should double check the security at your office. I dunno what you can do about the bank. This has got me spooked.
Eliza Dane

[ It looks as though Blobby has confused his scams - AGAIN...]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
07 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
How are you and your family? Hope all is well.
My Dear, I have returned from the federal high court of justice where I went for the securing of the affidavit of true next of kin in your name and I also have gone to the police station for the collection of the police report because before I left to the airport to bored a flight to Abuja, I firstly went to the police station and give them information for the preparation of the documents which they told me how much am going to pay so when I came back from securing the affidavit, I rush dawn to the police and pay for the document and it was given to me because they have already done it even before my coming.
After I collected it, I went to the bank and I have submitted the two certificates to the them which they verified in my present and confirm it legal but told me that it is still remaining the transfer fees and I asked them if you have not sent it to them but they said no, so I left the bank with annoyance trying to call you but the international calls was not good so I went to the email and there I find your email saying that you dont have that kind of money why?
You know I spent a lot of money in securing those documents because I know what I am about receiving and not hearing from you is not a good cooperation as we have promised each others? Please you Should try all your best to see that you send the transfer fees to the bank as you know that we are not suposed to play at this time that the bank has approved your name as the next of kin to my late client and ready to transfer the fund into your account, just because of inability of you sending them the money might cost me alot of havoc because I have spent all what I have laboured in my life believing that you most have sent the transfer fees to the bank with the death certificate so that as soon as I comes back and submit the affidavit and police report to them, they will transfer the fund but you have destroyed the plan.
Please I am begging you in the name of God to try and get this money to the bank so that by tomorrow, they can transfer the fund to you. Could have been I have this money now, I would have not been asking you to assist me but I have spent all I am having and I and my family will suffer if we don't receive this fund now.
I hope you understand the problem I am about-facing if we don't get this fund by tomorrow.
I will wait to hear from you.
Barrister Frank Bobby.

[And Eliza is not happy - AGAIN...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY I DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY?
Are you fucked in the head? The ONLY thing I was talking about was that some maggot had got wind of what we were doing! I NEVER said anything about being unable to pay!
Either you fucking well take that crap back, RIGHT NOW, or I am sending NOTHING!
My honour means a lot to me. If I'm insulted, and do nothing about it, when next I stand before the Tree of Life and pray for Father Odin's advice, he won't give me that.
Eliza Dane

[ And he apologises... grudgingly.]

Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
07 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
I have recieved your email and I want you to know that I mis understood your email and that was why I wrote that but I am sorry.
Now what is going on? have you send the money to the bank for them to transfer the fund to you? please if you have not done that, you better do as you know that I have given the other thinks to the bank and it is remaining the transfer fees for the bank to transfer our fund so please try and send the money to them now okay?
Thanks,
Frank.

[Eliza doesn't accept those mealy-mouthed apologies. The "blood eagle" was a particularly nasty means of execution among the Norse and the Germanic tribes; basically tearing the ribs free of the spine so they resembled bloody wings. ]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Sorry is easy to say, never mind type...
Back in the heyday of the Aryan peoples, calling someone a liar could get you made into a blood eagle. I'm not that violent.
BUT to get forgiven, you have to go a step further. Write I AM SORRY in BIG red letters on a piece of paper, sign your name to it, scan it and send it to me.
Do it now, and I'll forgive you.

And that Bello guy ain't giving up. I wrote back to him (blonde moment, I know) and got this back:
***
Att:Eliza Dane,
I recieved your mail and the contents of the mail requesting my indentification to comfirm that actualy i work with the presidency,
As a matter of fact, i am sending you my indentification card to show that i work with the presidency and also the WAIVER form for you to fill and retun as the rightfull beneficiary of the said fund.
Regarding those frud stars that you have to stay away from, i will advice you keep off from so call bank official Agbaje,and so call Barrister Bobby,now you are made to understand the economic and financial crime investigator are working tirlessly to make sure that they are apprehended.
N:B Please do not disclose this informations to those criminals in orther to track them down.
However you are made to understand that this waiver covers ALL the transfer charges regarding this transaction and as soon as this form is filled with the money, the BANK will immediately recieve an instruction from the Presidency for the immediate approval of the fund into your accout in your country.
I have successfully secured the certifcate though it was a little bit difficult to obtain, I advice you fill in the certificate and return with the proceessing fees of USD$520. Make sure you do that today and get back to me as soon as possible with the following informations through western Union money transfer.
RECEIVER NAME : PETER ACHA
ADDRESS : LAGOS NIGERIA
TEST QUESTION : COLOUR
TEST ANSWER : RED
After sending do forward the 10 digit of the control number, the senders name and address. Immediatelly you fill in this waiver certificate and return, the fund will be creditted into your account within 72hours.
Thanks and God bless.
Abu Bello

**

I purged all of his messages and his address from my system.
He's fucking pushy, I'll give him that!
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
08 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
Please could you give me the fund information to that mother fuck abu bello so that I will get him into the law and jail him for using the name of my country's president to do fraud.
I wait the informations.
Frank.

[ And he had the nerve to complain about Eliza's language!
I love the mugu hypocrisy here... or maybe he's just pissed off at another mugu trying to chop his dollar... tee hee. ]

Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
"[F]und information"? I don't understand.
Have you done that apology yet?
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
What's happening?
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
15 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
I am surposed to be asking you that question because I have wriiten you and ask you to send the 1,500 dollars to the bank for the transfer fees but you did not wriet me if you have done that or not.
Please you should know that the bank is waiting for us to make that payment so that our fund US$15m dollars will be transfer tinto your account so please try and send the transfer fees to the bank now so that our fund will be transfer to you okasy?
Thanks,
Frank Bobby.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
Haven't you forgotten that apology?
Nothing happens until you apologise PROPERLY, as I told you to. You attacked my honour, and I don't forgive easy.
Once you do as you're told, then the money is on its way. Do it now.
Eliza Dane
Frank Bobby, aka Mr Blobby
16 September 2006

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
I have recieved your email and noted the content of it which I would want you to know that I did not know what apology you are talking about but since you said I should apologise, I will do it but remember that I am an old man and you want an old man to apologise on what he did not know of, besides I just talked to you and I dont mean to insult you but as you said I should Apologise. This is it, I am very sorry for talking to you like that my gueen and I promise it would never repeat its self again okay?
Thanks,
Frank.
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
That ain't sorry. You admit that you don't know what you're apologising for, so it's not a fucking apology, is it?
Back about ten days ago you wrote this: "I went to the email and there I find your email saying that you dont have that kind of money why?"
That was a fucking lie as I never said any such thing; I told you I was being harassed by that Bello guy. When I told you that, you made some cheap little apology and crapped on about the money. It matters to me that you called me a liar.
I told you this: "Sorry is easy to say, never mind type... Back in the heyday of the Aryan peoples, calling someone a liar could get you made into a blood eagle. I'm not that violent. BUT to get forgiven, you have to go a step further. Write I AM SORRY in BIG red letters on a piece of paper, sign your name to it, scan it and send it to me. Do it now and I'll forgive you."
That's it. That's what you have to do.
I don't expect any more excuses.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Blobby,
So what did happen? Why are you ignoring me?
Eliza Dane

[ But he piked out. Damn.
Still, it wasted his time and I got to insult him - all positives.]


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