STITCHING UP THE TAYLORS

It began as a basic 419, and Eliza Dane, Odin-worshipper, set about trashing the hopes of the scammer... Then another scammer wannabe with the same script crashed the party and everything got... well, rather nasty. And then, just when everything seemed to have come to an end, two more 419ers, again with the same script, tried to join the fun!

If you're confused, imagine how Eliza felt... particularly since there were, in effect, two Elizas (but not in the same way as A TALE OF TWO DANES).

Kelvin Taylor, "younger brother to President Charles Taylor of Liberia"
Dr Abuchi of "UNITED CONGLOMERATES SECURITY FINANCE COMPANY"
ANTHONEY CHUHWUNONSO OKEKE, Dr Abuchi's Western Union alias
Jan Taylor, "THE DAUGHTER OF THE FORMER LIBERIAN PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR"
Chokri Taylor, Jan's brother
Chima Ifeanyi Obi, barrister
Jan Taylor 2, also "THE DAUGHTER OF THE FORMER LIBERIAN PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR"
Jan Taylor 3, again, also "THE DAUGHTER OF THE FORMER LIBERIAN PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR"
Dr Alexander Thompson of REALCENTURY/ZENITH SECURITIES & FINANCIAL SERVICES

The Baiter

Eliza Dane, student, Goth, and devotee of Odin, chief deity of the Norse pantheon, who happens to be a dead ringer for Hudson Leick and Sophie Monk (but not at the same time).

In its usual supporting role (but limited to just one of the scammers): Western Union.

Warning: frequent profanity ahead.

First victim arrives, unsuspecting...

Kelvin Taylor

13 January 2006

Dear sir,
l am Mr kelvin Taylor,a younger brother to President Charles Taylor of Liberia.The unfortunate incident that brought about the hurried exit of my elder brother,President Taylor, from power prompted me to act quick and decisively in securing the only legacy I have for my family.However, due to my intimacy with the president, I had knowledge of the secrete location of funds at the tune of $15,900,000( fifteen million nine hundred thousand united states dollars ) which I hurriedly moved to Budapest Hungary, in cash by a diplomatic courier company and is now registered with a security company in Budapest Hungary,It was registered as having contained photographic paper materials.
My wife,Myself and You are the only privy to this highly confidential information and asuch we should want you to keep it in strict confidence. I am presently in Nigeria.
I am in need of a reliable business personality that could hold the money on trust for my family, on a specified commission (which is open for negotiation).
The person shall be honest and trusthworthy and will be incharge of the estate regarding the trust investment.An agreement shall be written to that effect for a period of 10 years. It is in recognition of your personal executive profile and investment opportunities available in your country that made me to contact you.
You shall make an immediate travelling arrangement to meet with me in Budapest Hungary, to enable us arrange and have the funds transfered and secured in your reliable account and shall also negotiate your terms regarding your commission in the investment of the funds in your country.
I shall be in Budapest Hungary, in a very short notice to meet with you and have the funds transfered and secured in your reliable account for investment. kindly notify me through my e-mail address above so that l can furnish you with more details. While I await your urgent response, your confidentiality is solicited to serve us better.
Best regards
Kelvin Taylor.



No surprises, beyond the cover story for the box of money - "photographic paper materials".

Eliza Dane

Dear Mr. Taylor,
Please confirm that I was the intended recipient of this message.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



The Lad tries to be topical, with comical results.... "the dead of the fist Lady of Nigeria", good grief... "[M]y Secretary... who is very vast in Internet"... hey, Lewd, could she possibly be any relation to Oxnard?

[This is a reference to the illustrious Mr. Lewis D. Noogie, often featured in these pages.]

Kelvin Taylor

16 January 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,
Sorry for the late reply to you later I was very busy with the top Government official of Nigerian Government because of the dead of the fist Lady of Nigeria the Late Miss Mirran Stella Obasanjo. When this important matter came up, I did not know what to do. As a Christian, I commit everything I do into prayers and ask God for guidance I prayed over this matter severally until one morning I asked my Secretary who operates computer and who is very vast in Internet to go into the web and get three e-mail addresses. My intention was to write to the three e-mail addresses explaining the business I have in mind to them. Your address was the first. I decided to write to you with hope that if you do not reply, I will write to the second email address. Now that you have replied, I will not write to the second person because, I have the hope and trust in God that we can do this together unless you do not want, then I can contact the second e-mail address.
Eliza Dane, I implore you to keep this transaction confidential till we secure this money out of here Nigeria because of our family Condition here in Nigeria Everything will work out successfully. As soon as this money with you in your country, my Son will leave to meet you for a lucrative business in your country to invest my own share of the fund.
My only fear in this transaction is the security of my percentage in your care; please I want you to give me our final word that you will not let me down once you are in the position of this fund. I am a 51 years old man with family, I have worked and I have concluded everything with the security company over how this fund will be collect by you in your country, When my brother was the President of Liberia I have opportunities of taking peoples money , but I always follow my good fate in God. Which I am entrusting this fund in your hand, this is our family last hope.
If you are ready to conclude this business with me with trust, Contact the Security Company as them for the Requirement so that we can conclude this business by Latest Next Weekend.
I will be sending my brothers international passport to you by attachment MR CHARLES TAYLOR, Former President of Liberia.
I am sending it with trust I have invested my trust in you in this Businesses KEEP this business confidential .Call me so that you can speak with my Former President and also speak with me. If you are ready and capable to complete the business with me I will forward the TEXT APPLICATION which you will fill and submit to the security company for the release of the consignment to you as the expected recipient MAKE it Urgent and call me with a calling card to call me so that we can get everything concluded by next weekend as the Director of the security Company told me that as soon as all the requirement is ready that the consignment will be lifted to your country for Collection with your International passport.
Infact if you are ready and capable to complete this business with me with trust.
Call me +234-8033-4694-82
Have a Great day.
Mr. Taylor.



No way can I fake a woman's voice, so I have to rule out phone calls right now. Let's make sure that he can't ring me either

Eliza Dane

Dear Mr. Taylor,
I'm really pleased to be able to help you. And I won't let you down.
Calling you might be a problem - thanx largely to my sister Sophie's habit of calling interstate friends and leaving the phone off the hook, the phone is kept locked down for any except local calls and my parents have keycards. I don't think they'd let me call internationally. They only let me have a mobile phone if I accepted a local-only model.
Email is the only truly free communications tool available.
Will this be a problem?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

17 January 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thank very much for your email everything youe say is well understood.
I received your email,it was well understood and noted. I sincerely appreciate your immediate response which is the mark of a worthy to be trusted fellow and serious minded person. My family is much happy after going through your email,with the view she has seen someone who can re-assure her faith.
Dane, I will send all the legal documentation, by making sure that we secure necessary document to cover the transaction. We will give you 25 percent immediately all is completed, so we will authorize you to take out of the funds the 25 percent immediately it is in your custody while the balance will be kept for us. I promise you will be rewarded in a way you might not expect. I will also be visiting you in your Country with my family, so we can find a good home for them in view of relocating them for a good life while i will hand them over to you as their next of kin and their fund manager while in your country.So you will much to benefit from this if you work for me in all sincerity.All we need is your full corporation and understanding of their situation as of now, to exercise patience by leting us move ahead, while you will reap in may good folds at the end. As you can understand, you will need to tell me if you can handle this transaction by pulling this funds over to your country immediately i finalized the local arrangment with the scurity company regarding the release of the consignment.
For us to commence, prior to this time, i have finalized discussion with the security Company over how the consignment will be released and collect by you. They have indicated they can Air lift the consignment (The boxes containing the defaced cash) to any of the countries mentioned herein, London,or Spain but spain is ok with me, so you have to indicate while responding, out of the three mentioned places, where you can proceed immediately without delay once the consignment has been lifted to the place for claim.
The consignment will be lifted through a diplomat as diplomatic cargo which will not be inspected by the Airport authorities. So on its arrival to the place you have chosen, the diplomat will contact you so that you can proceed to meet with him while on your arrival he will assist you do the clearing, open account on your name, thus bank the funds in bulk for you before you travel back to your country for us to come and meet with you.
If you are ready now ACT FAST CALL ME in any nearby pay phone outside the street with your calling card is very important that you call me please, kindly fill this TEXT APPLICATION and submit to the security company for the release of the consignment to you as the expected recepient.
Please note, while responding, endavor to include your personal telephone and fax numbers for easy communication, while i will expect you to call me on 234 80 33469482 Looking forward to read from you soon.
Thanks
Best regards
, Mr. Taylor.


Here's a riddle; what's with the "defaced cash"? Did he somehow forget that this wasn't supposed to be a wash-wash maga - or was that to pop up later?


Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Taylor,
Two things quickly,
[1] That "text_application_letter11[1].rtf" that you sent me won't open. I've clicked on it and nothing happens.
[2] Use a pay phone? Man, the pay phone is all but an extinct species these days... I have to go to college today for enrolment, I'll see if I can spot one.
I'll be back when I can.
Regards,
Eliza Dane


Actually, I could read the letter. But why hurry?


Eliza Dane

Dear Mr. Taylor,
You wrote:
"They have indicated they can Air lift the consignment (The boxes containing the defaced cash)"
What on earth do you mean by 'defaced cash'? Is this no longer legal tender?
"to any of the countries mentioned herein, London,or Spain but spain is ok with me, so you have to indicate while responding, out of the three mentioned places, where you can proceed immediately without delay once the consignment has been lifted to the place for claim"
Three places? I only see two! And neither of those is good for me!
I found a payphone at the railway station but I found that I didn't have the right country codes with (I'd forgotten to write them down). I'll have to try tomorrow.
Please hurry up with that document.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

17 January 2006

Dear Dane,
Please you have to be serious with this transaction because we're talking about how to transfer the sum of $15,900,000(fifteen million nine hundred Thousand United States dollars) you really have to call me so that I will know that I'm dealing with a real person or you can include your number if possible. Please I'm attaching the file again to you, I hope you see it and fill it as soon as possible and send to the security company for urgent response immediately.
Regards,
Mr. Taylor



OK, this is where Eliza started getting foul-mouthed.
I decided not to use the Olsen twins picture this time; instead, I attached a pic of Hudson Leick (Callisto from Xena)


Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Taylor,
"Real person"? What the fuck's got into you? I'm trying to contact you, I keep getting dead air, and now you start jabbering on about how real I am! Stop asking dumb questions and get your phone checked out!
As for me, I dunno what your problem is with attachments, but it's still not there, whatever the hell it is. Hint; try saving it as a Word Document if you can (or if it suits). Or a Jpeg; like this, which I'm attaching just to show you that I'm for real!
Regards,
Eliza Dane
PS It's Ms Dane, not just Dane.


[Eliza attaches picture of beautiful woman]


A passport arrives; it's nothing special... along with a 'form' with bad spelling and some words missing.


Kelvin Taylor

18 January 2006

My Dear Friend.
I am making arrangement with the diplomat so that he can deliver the consignment direct to your country he said that it will be onther special arrangement with the him which we are going to pay for that.
I implore you to keep this transaction confidential till we secure this money out of here Nigeria becuase of our family Condition here in Nigeria Everything will work out successfully. As soon as this money with you in your country,my Son will leave to meet you for a lucrative business in your country to invest my our own share of the fund.
My only fear in this transaction is the security of my percentage in your care, please I want you to give me our final word, that you will not let me down once you are in the position of this fund.This fund is our family last hope,i have concluded everthing with the security company over how this fund will be collect by you in your country, When my brother was the President of Liberia I have opportunites of taking peoples money , but I always follow my good fate in God. which i am in trusting this fund in your care before coming over for sharing and posible investment.
I am sending my brothers international passport to you by attachment MR CHARLES TAYLOR, Former President of Liberia.I am sending it with trust i have invested my trust in you in this business KEEP this business confidentail .Call me so that you can speak with the Former President and allso speak with me.
Buy a calling card to call me +2348033469482
You Should be very very fast to work with me to get everything
Fill the application and get back to me by phone
Taylor
Pls i am sending my number again for you. +2348033469482.
Below is the appliction which you will fill and send it to the securitycompany.


THE HEAD OF LEGAL MATTERS, UNITED CONGLOMERATES SECURITY FINANCE COMPANY, INHERITTANCE/PAYMENT UNIT, EMAIL ADDRESS: infor_securitycompany@hotmail.com Dear sir,
RE: INSTRUCTION FOR REPATRIATION OF FUNDS: CONSIGNMENT NUMBER 0143355018. I APPLY ON BEHALF OF THE FAMILY OF TAYLOR STATES DOLLARS CONTAINED IN A CONSIGNMENT NUMBER STATED ABOVE WHICH TAYLOR,S FAMILY DEPOSITED WITH YOUR COMPANY. I AM HEREBY ASKING YOUR COMPANY TO KINDLY INSTRUCT ME ON THE PROCEDURES WHICH I WILL UNDERTAKE TO REPATRIATE THE SAID CONSIGNMENT. MY CONTACTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: FIRST NAME.............................................................................. SURNAME................................................................................... OTHER NAME [S]...................................................................... OCCUPATION............................................................................ RANK:...................................................................................... ADDRESS:.................................................................................... TELPHONE NUMBER:............................................................... EMAIL ADDRESS........................................................................ THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE OF YOUR COOPERATION. ........................................................ (Signature) (ON BEHALF OF CHARLES TAYLORS FAMILEY [TAYLOR PASSPORT 01 PIC HERE]
Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Taylor,
I've told no-one about this - why the hell would I? My sister got the gossip genes, not me! As regards the percentage, all I can say is, trust me, because what else can I do, huh? What else can you do? A small apology is in order - I forgot that you mentioned Budapest in the first letter. That with Spain and London completes the trifecta. My bad. However, you still haven't explained about 'defaced currency', whatever the hell it is. I'll look for another phone booth tomorrow - perhaps the one at the station was dodgy in some way. I'll let you know, on way or another. BTW, is this form the same you attached before which didn't work? Regards,
Eliza Dane


He so liked the last letter, he sent it again, with the same form. Eliza wasn't exactly impressed...


Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor...
I got this lot already. And no way am I going to call you now, it's nearly midnight. Fuck me, I should be hitting the sack right now!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Taylor,
I wasn't able to get to a pay phone - my folks sprung a surprise change of plan on me; we went on a trip with Uncle Ralph, which we do each month. It should have been tomorrow but it got brought forward without warning.
OK, there's something I have to clear up - the form you sent has a couple of things that puzzle me. First off, there's this: "I APPLY ON BEHALF OF THE FAMILY OF TAYLOR STATES DOLLARS..." That doesn't sound right, does it? And:
RANK:...........................................................................................
I thought that Rank was an Army thing.
Could you clear this up and get it back to me?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

20 January 2006

Thanks for your mail.
What i mean by rank is your occupation and the rank is the your position in the office if any.Just fill the application and send it to the bank,No time so that we can get this business concluded as soon as posible.
Look Noting is more important then this business we have at hand if you are ready to complete this business with me urgently send the apllication this is large amount of money we are talking about.
Kelvin
Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor, You've explained one thing, but not the other, ie the funny bit in the middle where words are missing or something. I don't want to fill out the form only to find some wanker refuses to honour it because some words are wrong. Put it right please and I'll be more than happy to fill it in and send it on. Regards,
Eliza Dane



I did something bad here - I should never have done a rewrite on the form. All that I can say in mitigation is, I'm a perfectionist with English.

Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor:
After some thought, I decided to see if I could put the form right. Here's what I've done - mainly trying to fill in the gap I mentioned. Let me know if there's a hassle with the wording.
**
THE HEAD OF LEGAL MATTERS, UNITED CONGLOMERATES SECURITY FINANCE COMPANY, INHERITTANCE/PAYMENT UNIT, EMAIL ADDRESS: infor_securitycompany@hotmail.com Dear sir,
RE: INSTRUCTION FOR REPATRIATION OF FUNDS: CONSIGNMENT NUMBER 0143355018. I APPLY ON BEHALF OF THE FAMILY OF CHARLES TAYLOR FOR THE RELEASE OF THE SUM OF 15.9 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS CONTAINED IN A CONSIGNMENT (SEE NUMBER STATED ABOVE) WHICH CHARLES TAYLOR'S FAMILY DEPOSITED WITH YOUR COMPANY. I AM HEREBY ASKING YOUR COMPANY TO KINDLY INSTRUCT ME ON THE PROCEDURES WHICH I WILL UNDERTAKE TO REPATRIATE THE CONSIGNMENT. MY CONTACTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: FIRST NAME...............Elizabeth...................................................... SURNAME....................Dane........................................................... OTHER NAME [S]........Danielle...................................................... OCCUPATION..............Student....................................................... RANK:............................N/A.......................................................... ADDRESS:......................35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney......................................... TELPHONE NUMBER:. (03) 9649 3589............................................................ EMAIL ADDRESS.........xxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com.au........................................ THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE OF YOUR COOPERATION. ........................................................ (Signature)
(ON BEHALF OF CHARLES TAYLOR'S FAMILEY
**

Now, I can't email it to them signed, I'd have to use a fax for that but there's no fax number given - what's the deal? Should I email it unsigned?
Regards,
Eliza Dane.

The Security Firm guy enters the scam.


Dr Abuchi

20 January 2006

THE HEAD OF LEGAL MATTERS, UNITED CONGLOMERATES SECURITY FINANCE COMPANY, INHERITTANCE/PAYMENT UNIT, EMAIL ADDRESS: infor_securitycompany@hotmail.com ATTENTION. Elizabeth Dane Danielle, WE RECIEVED THE FILLED APPLICATION FOR YOUR CONSIGNMENT THAT WAS REGISTER BY CHARLES TAYLOR IN OUR COMPANY. THIS IS OUR REQUIEMENT: 1,YOUR FULL ADDRESS. 2,YOUR INTERNATION PASSPORT FOR ADENTIFICATION. 3,THE DEPOSITE CERTIFICATE THAT CHARLE TAYLOR USE TO DEPOSITE THE CONSIGMENT. 4,THE DOMORAGE IS $4,300 FOR SAVE KEEPING THE CONSIGNMENT FOR MANY YEARS. 5,OUR DELIVEY CHAGES WHICH IS %900. ONCE WE RECIEVED IT THE CONSIGMENT WILL BE LIFTED TO YOUR ADDRESS THROUGH A DIPLOMAT AS DIPLOMATIC CARGO WHICH WILL NOT BE INSPECTED BY THE AIRPORT AUTHORITIES ONCE HE ARRIVE THE PLACE FOR COLLECTIN HE WILL CALL YOU. INFORMATION MANAGE\ FINANCE COMPANY Dr Abuchi.



Kelvin Taylor

21 January 2006

Thank you very much for the information the SECURITY COMPANT will contact you by email or phone for there reqiument.
Kelvin
Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
You should have acknowledged the filled out form before you sent it on. Still, what's done is done. I hope they don't try to phone me, though; if they do, there are going to be questions I can't answer about why some security firm in Budapest wants to contact me.
It's bye-bye to confidentiality if that happens.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

Dear sir,
Thank you for the information.
Two points to correct:
[1] My name is Elizabeth Danielle Dane. Please update your records.
[2] The charges you mention - please send me a proper invoice; what you have there is not that clear. I don't think you mean "%900" but I'm not assuming anything.
Once you have acknowledged the change and sent me an invoice I'll get to the rest.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Another passport arrives; it's the same one that he sent previously.
He also tries to inject some Bible references to bolster his case - but gets a name wrong. This kind of screw-up is always welcome!


Kelvin Taylor

21/01/2006

Be very very fast to send the information to the company with the requied money to get the business concluded anybody that borrod you money will be pay back 100 pacent intrest God is on our side the security company just call me today for there requiment ment which i am sending the deposite certificate to you.
Honestly speaking i added more effort to complete this transfer with you and that is the more reason while i want to entrust this huge amount of money in your care before my son will come over to your country for the sharing. I have a wife like you at home with familey and I know what it takes for her to take care of my family when I am not around.
Listen Good, If any body tells you on this earth, that you can make millions without investing a cent, my dear that person is a liar, run away.
If you are a Christian, you should be aware that when the coming of Jesus Christ was announced by John the Baptist, Harold the king said that nothing good will ever come out of Jerusalem but after everything, our lord Jesus Christ was born there and still people never believed in him.
As its stands now i do not have any money with me my family and I ARE been finance by Nigerian Government that is why i needed you assistance,So please do all you can to pay the insurance so that they will deliver the consignment to you.
Note the security company insurance do not know that the consignment is contening money,so do not let me know please,you are helping me aswell helping yourself,because after this business our lives will never be the same again, even generations yet to come will benefit from this business. Look for the money by any means to send to them i will be allso looking for money so that to gether we can finilize this business before next week.
As the company the information where you will send the money to them.
Pls for your information i am sending my brother international passport which i never send to any body seen i am in nigeria so i am not a stranger to you.
I will never forget to remember your eforts.
Kelvin.


[Kelvin attaches a most impressive "title of ownership" form. Produced by the best inkjet printer money can buy.]


At the expected mention of Christianity, I decided that Eliza would be anything but a Christian. To make her a Satanist would probably be overdoing it, and cute and cuddly New Ager didn't fit the rather outspoken streak... so, she's a worshipper of Odin, the chief god of the Norse pantheon. I believe there are Odinists in Scandinavia.

Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Originally you told me that the money was at a firm in Budapest - which is in Hungary - and I'd have to go there to meet you and make the transfer. Then you mentioned England and Spain as other possibilities for this. Now I find out that the firm is in Amsterdam, and has been since 2000, and they can ship it to me once all fees are paid!
What the fuck is going on? Do I have to travel or not? Holy Odin, please clear this up!
Since you ask, I am not a Christian, and nothing good has ever come out of Jerusalem and nothing ever will. I believe in the Norse faith, the faith of the Aryan fathers, of all-Father Odin whose wisdom should fill us all. The poison that is the creed of Yeshua is a curse on the world.
Anyway, I dunno what King Harold has to do with any of this. He died in 1066. What would he have known about John the Baptist?
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Please respond, I'd like you to clear things up for me. And if either my language or my religion offended you, I'm sorry, but I believe in being direct in all matters, and open about my beliefs. Where is the consignment, and do I still have to travel?
Once you clarify this I can see about doing what the company wants.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

23 January 2006

Eliza Dane
Thank you very for your email.
The Company has branch offices at Budapest, Amsterdam, Nigeria, Hungary, England and Spain. I have made arrangement with the accountant general of the security company to deliver the consignment direct to you house as soon as the send their requiment to them which I have send the deposit certificate to you.
So what you need to do now is to send all the required information to the security company so that the consignment will be delivered this week ask the company the information where you will send the fund to them do it urgent so that we can get everything concluded this weekend.The consignment will be lifted through a diplomat as diplomatic cargo which will not be inspected by the Airport authorities. So on its arrival to your country, the diplomat will contact you so that you can proceed to meet with him for collection.
Please send the name of the nearest airport to your location so that as soon as the diplomat arrive for collection I will meet you for sharing and possible investment in your country you will help me to invest my own share in your country.
Nobody will ask you any question because my brother the Charles Taylor have instruct the company to deliver the consignment to you as soon as there receive their requiment.I have made all the necessary arrangement with the diplomat that will deliver the consignment and he is ready waiting for their company requiment do deliver the consignment direct to your country.
You should be very very fast to send all the information to them to conclude our business.
No Time.
Have a Great day.
Kelvin.



I don't think such a rule exists, but it should, and how would the Lad know it doesn't?

Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Thanx, I was getting worried. Next time, choose a company that hasn't got so many branches, huh? There are major problems with what the security company needs - they want $5,200 (I'm assuming US dollars, which would make somewhere over AUS$7000) for "domorrage fees" (I assume they mean storage - that word sure as Hel isn't in my dictionary) and delivery - I can't guarantee raising that cash in just a few days. We're well off, yeah, but $7000 doesn't just turn up when you whistle.
The other matter is the passport - according to the papers I signed when I got my passport last year, copies of any sort are OUT. They particularly mentioned computer scans. It's a post-9/11 thing.
I'll let the company know and see what they say.
BTW, does the diplomat get a cut and if so, who's paying?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Dr Abuchi

23 January 2006

Elizabeth Danielle Dane and Kelvin Taylor.
IF YOU ARE READY FOR YOUR CONSIGNMENT FOLLOW OUR COMPANY POLICY TO RECEIVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT THIS WEEK.
WE HAVE MADE NEW ARRANGEMENT TO DELIVER THE CONSIGNMENT DIRECT TO YOUR COUNTRY THIS WEEK AS SOON AS WE RECIEVED OUR REQUIREMEN.
ONCE WE RECEIVED THE REQUIREMENT THE CONSIGNMENT WILL BE LIFTED BY OUR DIPLOMATIC CAGO TO YOUR COUNTRY.
THIS IS YOUR DELIVERY ADDRESS: 35 WESTMORELAND GROVE, GLEBE SYDNEY.
WE HAVE MADE THE CORRECTION ON THE NAME AS YOU SAID.
USE THIS NAME TO SEND THE MONEY BY WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TO OUR COMPANY IN NIGERIA.
ANTHONY CHUKWUNONSO OKEKE.
AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE MONEY SEND THE INFORMATION THAT YOU USE
INSENDING THE MONEY SO THAT WE CAN CONCLUDE EVERYTHING THIS WEEK.
OUR DIPLOMATIC CARGO IS MOVEING OUT BY FRIDAY THIS WEEK SO IF WE WHAT TO RECIEVE YOUR OWN CONSIGNMENT THIS WEEKEND SEND OUR US REQUIREMENT.
THIS IS OUR REQUIREMENT AND IT IS MANDETORY IT IS NOT NEGOTIABLE:
1,YOUR INTERNATION PASSPORT FOR ADENTIFICATION ONCE THE DIPLOMAT ARRIVE FOR COLLECTION.
2,THE DEPOSITE CERTIFICATE THAT CHARLE TAYLOR USE TO DEPOSITE THE CONSIGMENT.
3, THE DOMORAGE FEE IS US $4,300 FOR SAVE KEEPING THE CONSIGNMENT FOR MANY YEARS.
4,OUR DELIVEY CHAGES WHICH IS US$900.
THANK YOU MANAGEMENT.
ABUCHI



Eliza Dane

Dear sir,
Thanx for your prompt reply.
I can send the deposit certificate, no problems. The passport is another matter - advice from DFAT, given when my passport was issued, expressly ruled out the making of copies of any sort, especially computer scans. If any uncontrolled copies got loose - and since 9/11 that's something they crack down on - it's major trouble. I could go to jail.
Regards,
Eliza Dane


I wonder if ANTHONEY CHUHWUNONSO OKEKE is the Lad's real name... You can almost sense the Lad thinking, well, the Bible quotes failed, maybe some platitudes will work?


Kelvin Taylor

25 January 2006

Eliza Dane,
Thank you for your urgent email.
Look Noting good comes easily so look for money by any means to see that this business is concluded this weekend you know that after this business even your generation yet on born will benefit from this business so you are helping me as well helping your self.
The Diplomat is not involved in this business he is working for the security company once the company requirement is completed he will proceed to your country for delivery. I am also looking for money this side any one you have you should start sending it to the security company so that together we can off set the bill.
Use this information to send the money to the security company.
Name: ANTHONEY CHUHWUNONSO OKEKE
Add: NIGERIA.
As soon as you send the money send the information you use in sending the money to the company any one-I raise I will send it to the company too.
You should be very fast to complete the business this week so that we can face the major aspect on trying to invest the fund noting is more important then this business we have at hand this is our family last hope.
I wait to hear good news from you.
Have a Great day.
Kelvin


Eliza's not impressed. She's always hated being patronised.


Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
This is not the first time you've patronised me - nothing comes from nothing, nothing good comes easily, nothing in life is free, blah blah blah, you and my Dad are singing from the same sheet of music. Thor protect me!
"[L]ook for money by any means" - as in how? Rob a bank, sell my ass to tourists? I can't hit my folks for a loan, they'd want to know what for, and there's this confidentiality thing, see?
Same with borrowing from my friends, plus most of them have crummy allowances or shitty jobs. And now you're saying pay by instalments. Freya soothe my aching head....
Mr Taylor,

you seem to be operating under the assumption that in the West your average family has money just lying around waiting to he spent. Well, we don't.
Oh yeah, and when I do get it, what sort of sending address is "ANTHONEY CHUHWUNONSO OKEKE Add: NIGERIA"? You're telling me that this is the only address I need? Shouldn't it be going to the firm? Are you sure this isn't some asshole on the make trying to rip you off?
I'm going to go and think about money-raising.
You stay cool, and pray to your God if you think it will help.
Eliza Dane


Despite the heading, there was no other address but Eliza's. Careless of them. You'll also note that the "mandatory, non-negotiable" passport is suddenly no longer required.


Dr Abuchi

24 January 2006

Elizabeth Danielle Dane and Kelvin Taylor.
OKAY ONCE THE DIPLOMAT ARRIVES HE WILL CALL YOU FOR COLLECTION OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT.YOUR PASSPORT IS NOT IMPORTANT TO OUR COMPANY WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS OUR DELIVERY FEES AND ONCE IS PAID WE CAN FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS TO DELIVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR COUNTRY WITHIN 24HOURS.
OUR DIPLOMATIC CARGO OFFICE IS LEAVEING BY WEEKEND SO ONCE OUR FEES IS PAID YOU WILLRECEIVED YOUR CONSIGNMENT BY WEEKEND.
THANK YOU MANAGEMENT.



Eliza Dane

Dear sir,
It's nice to find out that you're flexible... 'non-negotiable' to 'not important' is a bit of a shift, though. Full payment is extremely unlikely before the end of the week.
More as it comes to hand.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Now another Taylor unknowingly joins the party.

Jan Taylor

25 January 2006

Dear sir,
I AM MISS JAN CHARLES TAYLOR 26YRS,THE DAUGHTER OF THE FORMER LIBERIAN PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR,I HAVE IN MY POSSESSION THE SUM OF TWELVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS 12,000, 000.00},AND THE TOP LIST OF MY PRIORITY IS WHERE TO INVEST THIS MONEY OUTSIDE MY COUNTRY. "REASON BEST KNOWN TO ME".I URGENTLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN PROVIDING A RELIABLE GENUINE TRADE OR COMPANY WHERE I CAN INVEST THE FUND AND IMMEDIATELY MEET YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR SETTLEMENT. PLEASE I WILL KINDLY WELCOME YOUR ADVICE TOO.
I AM EXPECTING YOUR URGENT MAIL RESPONSE. I NEED YOUR SUPPORT AND SERIOUSNESS. I AM PRESENTLY ON EXILE IN FREE TOWN SIERRALEONE WITH MY BROTHER CHOKRI TAYLOR AFTER THE UNITED STATES ASKED MY FATHER TO RESIGN AS THE PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA, MY FATHER IS ALSO ON A SELF EXILE IN ONE OF THE WEST AFRICAN COUNTRY.
YOUR URGENT RESPONSE IS EXPECTED. SEND YOUR CONFIDENTIAL PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN REACH YOU WHEN NECCESSARY.SEND YOUR REPLY TO MY CONFIDENTIAL BOX
IMMEDIATELY OK .jantaylor07@technisamail.co.za
MISS JAN CHARLES TAYLOR
SENOX ROAD FREE TOWN
SIERRALONE



Let's see if I can cause some confusion. First, Kelvin... I should have said "niece", but hey...

Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Please share your plan with the rest of your family, 'cos your sister just contacted me with her own proposal.
By Loki, I've only got one pair of hands!
Eliza Dane



Now, Jan. And yes, it should have been "uncle"...

Eliza Dane

Miss Jan:
Your brother is already on the case, we've got the transfer details in place and things are going along OK..
Don't rush me now, please!
Can't you wait until we're finished here?
Eliza Dane


Once again, the heading is for Eliza and Kelvin, but only Eliza was the only one on the address line.


Dr Abuchi

25 January 2006

Elizabeth Danielle Dane and Kelvin Taylor
YOU ARE SENDING THE MONEY BY WEEK ENDING SO OUR DIPLOMAT WILL BE READY TO DELIVER THE CONSIGNMENT BY MONDAY THIS WEEK.
HE WILL GO AND MAKE HIS TRAVEL ARRANGEMENT TODAY.
THANK YOU MANAGEMENT.


So, they think that Eliza will do as they tell her? Think again, mugus!


Eliza Dane

Dear sir,
You will NOT order me around. I am NOT your employee.
Got that?
Tell your diplomat to wait, he'll have a wasted journey. I'm trying to get the money together to pay the bill but it won't be by Friday.
Got that?
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Look at this crap!
Who the Hel do they think they are? Fenrir chew their balls for that!
Also, they've got you on the top of the page, but they didn't even send it to you! What a pack of drop-kicks. I think you put your money with the wrong bunch of people, this lot couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery.
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

25 January 2006

Eliza Dane ,
The massage that was send to you is also forwarded to me; I received the mail from the management this morning and even called the security company on phone.
So what is holding us from enjoying the money is $3,200, which you are going to try your possible best to raise it be for this weekend.
If you are not ready to complete this business with me do to lack of trust and fund let me know immediately so that I will look for some one who knows the value of what we have at hand to replace your position legally as my partner. Yes you don't have money to complete our business that is much reason why you should look for money by any means so that together we can offset the bill and face the major aspect on sharing and possible investment in your country and also have long time business relationship with you.
Start sending the money bit by bit so that we can conclude this business this weekend .
The diplomat is ready waiting for the delivery.
Have a Great day.
Kelvin


Nothing happened, so I tried to raise the temperature with a spate of abuse at all Taylors involved. To all Scamoramans; my apologies for the profanity. The "Blame Arthur Philip" is a reference to Australia Day.


Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Will you and the rest of your fucking family LEAVE ME THE HEL ALONE TO DO WHAT I SAID I WOULD DO! Between you pestering me, and your sister telling me in lurid detail about your cocaine problem, I am losing patience fast.
I cannot send any money tomorrow, the Western Union outlets are CLOSED, and don't blame me for that, blame Arthur Philip!
I am trying to find your fucking money, I've been wracking my brains for hours, and then you come on all the time with drug-induced psychosis probably, and your sister is regaling me with your personal problems - LET ME GET ON WITH IT!
Thor's beard, you Taylors are straight out of some fucking soap opera!
Eliza


Does nothing provoke this guy?


Kelvin Taylor

25 January 2006

Thank you very much for your kind emails everything you say is well understood.
As soon as the western union is open you should start sending the money bit by bit to see that this business is concluded I have not fold my hand I am also looking for money so that together we can offset the bill.
I am waiting for the information you use in sending the money.
When are you sending the money this week so that I will let the diplomat to get ready for the delivery?
Have a Great day.
Kelvin.


Try again!


Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
I am being very calm.
But now I know how Father Odin's berserks felt.
Let me put this simply.
I CAN'T SEND ANYTHING BEFORE FRIDAY!
I DON'T THINK "ANTHONEY CHUHWUNONSO OKEKE NIGERIA" IS GOING TO CUT IT AS AN ADDRESS!
One other thing - watch it with the nose candy, if you try and enter Australia with even a hint of cocaine on you, they have sniffer dogs, and they'll find you, and send you back so fast your head will spin.
And I don't have to tell you about the attitude here to child porn, now do I?
Eliza.


NOTHING? Is this guy human?


Kelvin Taylor

25 January 2006

Okay when are you sending the money next week?
Let me know the date so that i will inform the security company diplomat to get ready for the delivery.
Look i am telling you this for the last time if you are not ready to complete the business with me do to lack of trust and fund let me so that i will look for some one who knows the value of what we have at hand to replace your position legaly as my partner.
I wait to know how much you have raise?
As soon as the western union is open start sending the one you have. I called the security company again today to get the information that you will use in sending the fund. Use this information this is the correct information.
ANTHONY CHUKWUNONSO OKEKE
THE COMPANY BRANCH OFFICE ADD IN NIGERIA IS:
ENUGU NIGERIA 20 KEYETA STREET.
You should be very fast to send the money as soon as the office is open.
Have a great day
Kelvin



Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
Well, at least I finally got your attention. Was it the CAPITAL LETTERS, or have you let up on the coke at last? Actually, I shouldn't joke about that. Cocaine is against the law over here, I hope you give it up before you even think of travelling to Australia.
By the way - TELL YOUR SISTER TO LAY OFF. That's four messages from her so far. She wants me to forget about your deal and go onto hers.
Why the Hel did your father split up the money like that? And what's with your other brother? He sounds like a total waste of space. Glah, you lot are as dysfunctional as anything on Pay-TV.
STOP PESTERING ME ABOUT TIMEFRAMES! I think that being a President's son has really given you a swelled head. Newsflash; THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. I am the one raising the money; I am the one busting my guts trying to do what you want. SO CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK!
Why are you always telling me to give up? I'm not going to, so lay off! This is my deal! I'm gonna finish it and see it through!
Ah, that's a much better address.
Well - on Friday, I'll see what I've got.
In the meantime, lay off the cocaine, and for Odin's sake, GET YOUR FAMILY SORTED OUT!
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Miss Jan:
I have to know - is your $12 million additional to Kelvin's $15.9 million? Please let me know, it'll affect my cut.
Eliza Dane
PS Tell your brother to watch himself, he's got a nasty streak. Calling you a greedy slut was way out of line.



Jan sends me a copy of her passport... well, most of it...

Jan Taylor

26 January 2006

GOOD DAY ,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR URGENT REPONSE.YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE SECURITY COMPANY WHERE THIS MONEY IS IN CASH OK,I AM WILLING TO WORK WITH YOU IN INVESTING THE $12M PROVIDED YOU WILL BE OPEN MINDED TO ASSIST ME INVEST THE $12M.YOUR SHARE OF THE $12M IS 35% WHILE YOU WILL HELP ME INVEST MY 65% SHARE IN YOUR COUNTRY OR ANY OTHER CHOICE OF YOURS.
PRESENTLY THE MONEY IS IN A SECURITY VAULT IN MADRID SPAIN BY NATURE OF THIS BUSINESS, YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE SECURITY VAULT IN SPAIN WHERE THE FUNDS IS KEPT. YOU WILL ALSO ESTABLISH AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT IN SPAIN AND YOU WILL BANK THE MONEY BECAUSE IT IS IN "CASH."
WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED BANKING THE MONEY IN SPAIN IN THE OFFSHORE ACCOUNT YOU OPENED IN YOUR NAME, YOU WILL LATER TRANSFER THE FUNDS TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR THE INVESTMENT.
A POWER OF ATTORNEY WILL BE SENT TO YOU SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE THE RIGHT AS MY PARTNER TO PUT OF CLAIMS OF THE CONSIGNMENT WHEN YOU ARRIVE SPAIN.FOR THE POWER OF ATTORNEY TO BE ISSUED TO YOU,SEND AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THE DOCUMENT, CONTACT OF THE SECURITY COMPANY IN SPAIN AND YOU WILL BE SENT TO YOU FOR OFFICIAL DISCUSSIONS.
PLEASE KINDLY SEND THIS INFO OK,
1) YOUR FULL NAME
2) CITY
3) COUNTRY OF ORIGIN
4) PHONE NUMBER
5) A COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT OR DRIVING LINCENCE
MISS JAN TAYLOR


["Jan" attached a "Liberian" "passport", describing her as a Liberian civil servant.]


Eliza Dane

Dear Miss Taylor,
First off, your passport scan is incomplete - the top quarter is gone. Try re-scanning. BTW, your brother sent me a copy of your father's passport, and the family resemblance is quite uncanny. OK - the money is in Spain? Why couldn't you guys have worked together and kept it all together in Amsterdam? Shit a brick, Kelvin is able to get it airfreighted out here, and I have to travel to Spain for this? Well, it's a no-brainer. I have to clear up his deal first before I can even think of travelling. Don't worry, that's nearly done.
Here's what I sent your brother. Don't try to call me though, my sister or my parents might answer the phone.
FIRST NAME...............Elizabeth...................................................
OTHER NAME[S]........Danielle.....................................................
SURNAME....................Dane.......................................................
OCCUPATION..............Student.....................................................
ADDRESS:......................35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney..
TELPHONE NUMBER:. (03) 9649 3589..........................................
I'm afraid that I can't send you a copy of my passport; DFAT rules are pretty specific on that.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

26 January 2006

THE ONLY MONEY WE HAVE TO INVEST IS THE $12M. I HAVE NO OTHER MONEY. TELL THAT FOOL THAT IS PERSONATING MY BROTHER TO STAY CLEAR. WE ARE TRANSFERING NO MONEY. THE $12M IS IN CASH IN A SECURITY COMPANMY. OK, I WILL SEND THE PICTURE I TOOK WITH FATHER PRESIDENT CHARLKES TAYLOR TO YOU TOMORROW. TELL THE SO CALLED MY BROTHER TO SEND THE SAME PICTURE TO YOU. MY ONLY BROTHER IS CALLED CHOKRI TAYLOR.
I AM EXPECTING YOUR MAIL



Eliza Dane

Dear Miss Taylor,
Are you for real?
I mean, your brother - OK, I'll be kind, Kelvin Taylor - didn't disown you. Mind you, since he called you a lying roundheel slut with a cocaine habit and a swag of toyboys, who's had four abortions (he really stressed that bit) and is a lesbian to boot (he stressed that too, warned me to stay clear as you'd be after me 'cos I'm blonde), you might have a good reason to disown him. Can't you lot just mend your fences and leave me the fuck out of it? I don't need this Taylor angst.
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

26 January 2006

DEAR DANE,
GOOD DAY TO YOU. I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL.
ALL YOU SAID WERE UNDSERSTOOD BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT THE PERSON WHO CLAIN TO YOU IS MY BROTHER IS TELLING YOU LIES. I HAVE ONLY ONE BROTHER AND HE IS CALLED CHOKRI TAYLOR. HIS EMAIL IS chokrit27@yahoo.com. YOU CAN FIND OUT A LOT FROM HIM OK.
IF YOU WILL LIKE US TO HANDLE THIS BUSINESS, PLEASE ARRANGE YOUR TRIP TO SPAIN SO THAT WE CAN FINISH UP THIS BUSINESS ANBD GO INTO INVESTMENT. OK, FIND ATTACHED MY PERSONAL PICTURE, PICTURE I TOOK WITH MY FATHER AND MY PERSONAL PICTURE. ASK MY BROTHER CHOKRI TAYLOR TO SEND THE PICTURE I TOOK WITH MY FATHER TO YOU AND HE WILL SEND BUT ASK THE OTHER WHO CLAIM TO BE MY BROTHER TOI SEND SAME PICTURE, YOU CAN HE CANNOT SEND IT. IF YOU STOP COMMUNICATION WITH HIM, I WILL PROCEEED WITH YOU.
MISS JAN TAYLOR
REPUBLIC OF SIERRALEONE


She sent a picture of a young girl next to some dude on a throne, a pic of an older girl (maybe late teens), and another passport in a drastically different format... which flatly contradicted details of the first one; different birth date, birth place, occupation...


Eliza Dane

Dear Miss Taylor,
This is not an easy situation. I don't know if asking Chokri Taylor outright for the same pic would amount to much - it wouldn't prove who was in the picture, would it? At the moment I am leaning towards believing you, if only because you aren't into hysterical mudslinging like "Kelvin Taylor". It's a bit unsettling, you must admit.
I'll contact Chokri and make up my mind after that.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
PS Since you sent a pic, here's one of me.


I sent another copy of the Hudson Leick picture


Kelvin tries to stage his own kiss-off. What's the point of the form? [I've since been told that the Power of Attorney play is a is a well-known way to get the maga back on script.]

Kelvin Taylor

26 January 2006

Eliza Dane,
I am no longer happy with the pace of this business after friday as you said if i did not recieved any money sign out this business, i will still remenber you after the business.
I thought by now that the fund would be in your country, you promised to complete everything early last this week but uptil now, you have not even pay anything you keep on saying what i dont know neither have you wired any funds to concluded our business.
Well, nevetheless, atached below is the agreement which you should sign to hands off the business completely to enable me look for someone who will to replace your position legally as beneficiary. This agreement is necessary because it will be very difficult for us to make any changes without your consent being the beneficiary, as you know that all the approval documents are in your name as the legal beneficiary in the security Company. Sign the agreement immeiately and send back to me by email atachment. Thanks for your coperation.
Have a Great day.
Kelvin Taylor.


-----------------------------------------------------------
TRANSFEROR/TRANSFEREE AGREEMENT.
THIS AGREEMENT. IS MADE THIS DAY 26TH DAY OF JANUARY. YEAR 2006

. BETWEEN ELIZA DANE (HEREIN AFTER REFERRED TO AS THE TRANSFEROR) ON THE OTHER PART AND MICHAEL SCHOENEBERG (HEREIN AFTER REFERRED TO AS THE TRANFEREE) ON THE OTHER PART. WHERE AS: 1. THE TRANSFEREE IS THE ORIGINAL BENEFICIARY OF CONSIGNMENT.
2. THE TRANSFEROR HAS AGREED WITH THE TRANSFEREE TO TRANSFER THE SAID PROCEEDS OF THE ABOVE-MENTIONED TO CHAGE HIS NAME NOW THIS DEED WITHNESSETH:
3. THE TRANSFEROR HEREBY TRANSFERS THE ABOVE-MENTIONED CONSIGNMENT INTO THE NEW NAME 4. THE TRANSFEROR HAS NO LEGAL RIGHTS AND CLAIMS OVER THE SAID CONSIGNMENT FROM THE DATE OF EXECUTION OF THIS INSTRUMENT.
5. THE TRANSFEREE COVENANTS TO RELINQUISH HOLD OF THE SAID CONSIGNMENT ON BEING NOTIFIED IN WRITING SO TO DO BY THE TRANSFEROR AND HIS PARTNER .
6. ANY INTEREST ACCURING TO THE CONSIGNMENT ADDS UP AND BECOMES PART OF THE PRINCIPAL SUM.
7. FIVE PERCENT OF THE TOTAL SUM (5%) IS SET ASIDE FOR EXPENSES INCURED DURING THE COURSE OF THE SAID TRANSFER OF THE CONSIGNMENT.
8. ANY CHARGES LEVIED ON THE SAID AMOUNT, WHICH SAID CHARGES BECOMES CHARGEABLE AS A RESULT OF THE SAID SUM, EITHER BY WAY OF SECURITY COMPANY CHARGES OR OTHERWISE WILL BE DEFRAYED FROM THE (5%) OF THE SUM SET ASIDE FOR SUCH PURPOSE.
9. THAT THE ORIGINAL COPIES OF ALL RECEIPT, ADDRESS DEDUCTIONS CHARGES MUST BE HANDED OVER TO THE TRANSFEREE.
10. THE TRANSFEREE HEREBY DISCHARGES THE TRANSFEROR OF ANY LEGAL LIABILITY OWED HIM IN ANY FORM WHAT SO EVER WHICH SAID LIABILITY WILL WARANT THE TRANSFEREES CLAIM OF LIEN OVER THE SAID SUM.
11. THE TRANSFEREE HEREBY ACKNOWLEGES THE SAID TRANSFER AND CONSENT THERETO: IN WITNESS WHERE OF THE PARTIES HERETO HAVE SET THEIR HAND THE DAY AND YEAR FIRST ABOVE WRITTEN.
SIGNED BY FOR AND ON BEHALF OF SIGNED:
---------------------- ------------------------- .
ELIZA DANE KELVIN TAYLORS
WITNESS:--------------- WITNESS-----------------
DATE:------------------ DATE:---------------------



Bad luck, Kelvin my Lad, it ain't over until I say it's over... and trust me, there's a long way to go!

Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor,
I don't like liars, and when you say that I promised to complete everything early this week, you are a fucking liar, probably trying to save face after all the ways you've fucked up.
You send me attachments that don't fucking work, and forms that I have to correct, and all the while you're pestering me to get money, and even as I'm busting a gut to raise it you are whingeing and whining.
Then there's this: "you have not even pay anything you keep on saying what i dont know neither have you wired any funds to concluded our business."
Listen, shithead, I am not going to let you try to squirm out of this. You chose me, so you live with the choice. This is a marriage and I don't believe in divorce. Now stay off the fucking cocaine and get real.
Sign the form? No fucking way.
And how? I'd have to print it off, sign it, and then fax it, AND YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN ME A FUCKING FAX NUMBER!
Tomorrow I go to Western Union with the AUS$2631 that I've raised (just over US$1800). So SHUT THE FUCK UP!
And I've given up asking you to discipline your sister.
Every message (seven so far) has new accusation. Latest one was that you bugger little boys. I don't need this.
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Dear Sir:
I have been in contact with Miss Jan Taylor, daughter of former President Charles Taylor, who wishes to finalise a business deal with me, and identified you as her brother. Please say yea or nay to this.
I have also been in touch with a Kelvin Taylor, who claims to be a son of Charles Taylor. Is he a relative of yours?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

27 January 2006

Eliza Dane,
My problem is that i have invested all my trust in you in you in this business.All my family have all so invested all our trust in you in this business.
This is the last chance i am giving you in this business i am waiting for the information you use in sendin the money tomorrow.
make it urgent because the diplomat is ready waiting to deliver the consignment to your country by weekend. I wait for the information userd in sending money
Have a Great day.
Kelvin



Eliza Dane

Mr Taylor:
You problem is not me.
Your problem is that you're a self-centred, self-pitying fuckwit who knows nothing about how other people live. For a family man of 51, like you claim to be, you're really out of it.
You think that getting money is as simple as saying, "I'd like $7000" and lo and behold, it appears out of nowhere. Well, it doesn't work like that, shit-for-brains. Not everyone is the spoiled brat son of a President. You think like Paris Hilton, for Odin's sake.
When this business is done and dusted, I don't want to hear from you or your stupid family ever again. Forget about me being a funds manager, you lot are on your own - you, Charlie, Chokri and Jan can sink or swim.
I'll bet my life that you'll sink like stones.
You'll hear from me later.
Eliza Dane



Kelvin Taylor

27 January 2006

I am not doing experiment with you on our family fund, which is our family last hope, Please sign the agreement and hands off the business completely to enable me look for some one who will replace you position.
For get the business I am not ready to play with you on my fund look for your meat to play with okay. If you are not ready to send the money today, sign off the business.
Kelvin



Time to introduce a Western Union problem...

Eliza Dane

Here's something interesting.
ANTHONY CHUKWUNONSO OKEKE is on a Western Union blacklist, as I found when I tried to send the money today. What's the story here?
Is this Okeke your pusher? Have problems paying for your nose candy?



Jan Taylor

27 January 2006

dear dane,
good day to you. i received your mail and happy that you understand mre very well. please do not talk or send mail to that impersonator call ed kelvin taylor. i do not know him. He is member of the taylors family. may be he is a hacker over the inyternet. he is prestending. stop all communication with him in both email and phone to avoid misinformation. thank you so much for your picture. what is the work of your parents? Are you living with them?
like i told you, before you will travel to spain. i will give yopu three documents,
1) certificate of change of beneficiary
2) power of attorney
3) airway bill receipt of the consignment
i will send the documents to you on tomorrow including the contact of the security company in spain so that you will open official discussions with them on when you will arrive in spain.
have you sent email to chokri? please lets work as one family to get things happen the way it should be.
miss jan taylor



Eliza Dane

Hello there Miss Taylor,
Thank Odin you've stopped putting everything in upper case - it's like being shouted out. Yes, I did email Chokri. No, he hasn't replied. Give him a boot up the ass, willya? It's not like I didn't ask politely.
I never did call that Kelvin Taylor, and I've marked his emails to go directly into the trash, you'll be happy to know. Thor save me from such whingers and bullshit artists.
I think that you'll understand that after putting up with him, I'm a lleeetttllleee bit cautious about new business. Let me see these documents you mentioned and I'll be ready to continue. Since you ask... I'm still with my parents, my sister Sophie, and two cats, Apollo and Artemis. My father is in the catering business (cleaned up big time at the Sydney Olympics) and my mother runs a plant nursery, which probably nudged me into my studies of botanical science.
That's it for now I guess. See ya!
Eliza Dane



Kelvin believes in recycling, doesn't he?

Kelvin Taylor

27 January 2006

I am not doing experiment with you on our family fund, which is our family last hope i have said this before and i am saying it again,
Please sign the agreement and hands off the business completely to enable me look for some one who will replace you position.
For get the business I am not ready to play with you on my fund look for your meat to play with okay.If you are not ready to send the money today, sign off the business.
If you are ready to do the business tell the bank that you are sending the money to this name to give your brother who is a student in nigeria to keep our business confidential
ANTHONY CHUKWUNONSO OKEKE .
Kelvin



Eliza Dane

What the fuck is it now? Tell the BANK I'm sending the money?
And like Eliza Dane has a brother called Anthony Chukwunonso Okeke... oh, give up, willya?
What the Hel happened to the ever-reliable Western Union?
Oh sorry, I forgot, they know what you are. Any money I send you will go straight up your nose.
Eliza Dane


He replaced "Friday" with "today", but otherwise the same... and the "power of attorney" was word for word...


Kelvin Taylor

27 January 2006

The most important thing you should be concerned about is our business is the security, which is 100%, assured with my arrangement It is lack of trust , which you have that is making you to do something that will jeopardize this business when we have almost concluded.
Okay if your are not sending the money do to lack of trust sign this agreement today.I am not ready to paly with you.
I am no longer happy with the pace of this business after today if i did not recieved any money sign out this business, i will still remenber you after the business my be is not your lack to be rich from this business.
I thought by now that the fund would be in your country, you promised to complete everything before friday this week but uptil now, you have not even pay anything you keep on saying what i dont know neither have you wired any funds to concluded our business.
Well, nevetheless, atached below is the agreement which you should sign to hands off the business completely to enable me look for someone who will to replace your position as the beneficiary. This agreement is necessary because it will be very difficult for us to make any changes without your consent being the beneficiary, as you know that all the approval documents are in your name as the legal beneficiary in the security Company. Sign the agreement immediately and send back to me by email atachment. Thanks for your coperation.
Have a Great day.
Kelvin Taylor.



Eliza Dane

Oh come on, now you're just resorting to sending old emails...
Wassa matter, Kelvin?
Brain so fried by Colombian marching powder that you can't think of anything else?
Now, if I don't sign your stupid form, what happens?



Bye-bye, Kelvin, and you're getting off lightly, I think!

Eliza Dane

I just called to say goodbye and to tell you that your sister is getting the business, not you. You can beg for drug money from her.
Just grovel and kiss her ass lots.



OK, Jan,
you're all mine now!


Jan Taylor

28 January 2006

dear dane,
goodday to you.
i received your mail and happy that you understood the wholeexplanations. what ever i do in this project is with the fear of almighty. do not worry as you will be happy dealing with me. asastudent, how can you handle the transactions in spain? you know there are some clearance/ handling chartges on the consignment in spain. how can you handle all those financial obligations? please reply so that i will know you are capable to handling the transaction ok. i am sorry for those questions but it is good to know it so that my mind will be at rest.
i am expecting your mail
your friend
jan



Eliza Dane

Miss Taylor,
Call me Eliza. Just "Dane" sounds wrong, like I'm in the dock or something.
All I can say about your question on handling transaction is "It depends". I have a fair bit to call on but it certainly isn't limitless. What's the likely amount?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
PS Nothing from Chokri yet. Should I email him again? He's being a bit slack - !



Chokri Taylor

28 January 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,
THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL. INFACT I HAVE NO BROTHER, UNCLE, NEPHEW OR RELATION CALLED KELVIN TAYLOR.MY BE HE WAS IN TAYLORS FAMILY 200YRS AGO BUT PRESENTLY THERE IS NO BODY LIKE THAT. I HAVE ONLY ONE SISTER. SHE IS JAN CHARLES TAYLOR IN SIERRALEONE. SHE IS 25YRS OLD. YOU CAN REACH HER THROUGH jantaylor_25@yahoo.com.
YOU ARE FREE TO DEAL WITH JAN. SHE IS HONEST, COOL, ACCOMODATING AND FRIENDLY TOO. FEEL FREE WITH JAN. IF ANY BODY TELLS YOU HE IS KELVON TAYLOR CALL THAT PERSON A THIEF.
IF YOU HAVE ANUY QUESTIONS, YOU ARE FREE TO ASK ME.
CHOKRI TAYLOR



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Taylor,

I think I'll keep dealing with Jan. I don't want to have to wait for answers from you as you are so Hel-damned slow to answer. But thanx for the heads-up.
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

30 January 2006

dear eliza,
good day to you. i received your mail. how are you today? i did not hear from you why? i am expecting your mail. Have you heard from chokri? He told me he will mail you soon.
have a nice day
jan



Eliza Dane

Miss Jan,
If you got my email then you can't be expecting my email... huh? Don't confuse me. I did hear from Chokri, didn't he tell you? Do you want me to forward it?
The last message I sent to you was this -
Miss Taylor,
Call me Eliza. Just "Dane" sounds wrong, like I'm in the dock or something.
All I can say about your question on handling transaction is "It depends". I have a fair bit to call on but it certainly isn't limitless. What's the likely amount?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Hello Jan,
No word since Monday... is it something I said?
Nothing from Chokri either, what's his excuse?
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Jan,
It's been over a week since you said you were going to send the documents to that commissioner for oaths dude. I've heard nothing from you or Chokri since then - zip, zilch, nada.
What's going on?
Eliza



Jan Taylor

11 February 2006

Hi Eliza
before i will send you document you have to send a copy of your passport or driving lincence for authenticate requirement.beside you have to be more seriou about this issue. and you have to promise me that you will travel to spain
missjan



Eliza Dane

Jan,
What the Hel do you mean by "you have to be more seriou about this issue"? After you dropped out of sight for over a week, it looked to me like you'd given up on me, and the deal. If anyone's not serious, it's you! If this really mattered, you'd be on the ball, not taking days to get back to me!
OK - calm down - Freya soothe my aching head - onto other issues.
I don't have a driver's licence.
In addition, one of the conditions of getting a passport these days is that you don't let any copies be made - scanning, xeroxing, anything. I'm not game to take on DFAT. I told you this before, remember?
Yes, I am willing to travel to Spain. It's always been on my to-do list. But I need lead time to settle affairs here, so for Odin's sake give me a timeframe, willya?
Eliza



Jan Taylor

12 February 2006

once i receive your passport or driving lincence i will issue you the necessary document ok missjan



Eliza Dane

Jan:
I TOLD you: I don't have a driving licence and I cannot send you a copy of my passport. Do you understand? In any event, a scanned copy of my passport would be useless if banks over there are anything like banks over here. When I used my passport as ID to open an account the form stated that only original ID documents would be accepted.
Eliza



Jan Taylor

13 February 2006

so what do you want us to do now,can you documentation sign fees? if you can pay that then you contact my lawer for more details about send the money to him to enable him sign the necessary document before then will delivered the money to you over there as consignment ok missjan



Eliza Dane

Jan,
You're starting to sound surly - don't blame me. The passport problem isn't my fault - blame DFAT, they wrote the rules on that.
I could contact your lawyer, if only I know who the Hel he was. You never said. You were going to send me the address of the Security Company a while back, but that never happened either. Oh, and the three documents you promised - a certificate of change of beneficiary, power of attorney, and the airway bill receipt of the consignment - no-shows too.
I'd also like to know how much the charges are, since I'd need to get my hands on enough cash. I still have the cash I got together to pay that loser Kelvin (merciful Odin spared me from sending it to him), so that's a start.
Please get back to me soonest. I have to make my travel plans sometime, y'know!
Eliza


Eliza has to contact the lawyer, eh? I wonder where he is?


Jan Taylor

13 February 2006

yes you sound good now,when are you planing to arrival madrid spain?and when are you planing for the trip? you need to contact my lawer because you have to pay a little money to enable him get your name being registerd and sign by my anthorney.
do this fast ok
miss jan



Ask forcefully...

Eliza Dane

JAN!
FOR ODIN'S SAKE GIVE ME YOUR LAWYER'S EMAIL ADDRESS!! You have told me twice now to contact your lawyer when you haven't told me anything about how to do that.
And...
You haven't answered my question about how much this is likely to cost. You haven't sent me any of the documentation you promised. I still haven't heard from the security company.
What the fuck does it take to get answers?
You tell me to "do this fast ok" but all the hold ups are at your end.
Get on with it, and stop blaming me for your fucking time wasting! Eliza



Eliza Dane

Jan,
Look, I know I used some harsh words, but for Odin's sake stop sulking and get with the fucking program! Until you come through with the info nothing's going to happen!
Eliza



Jan Taylor

15 February 2006

have you send the money to lawer? hope to hear from you miss jan


Ask even more forcefully...


Eliza Dane

JAN! TELL ME WHO THE f***ING LAWYER IS! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU GIVE ME THAT! FOR ODIN'S SAKE STOP REPEATING THE SAME BULLSHIT AND TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW TO GET THIS DONE! Honestly, I mean it - you have not told me anything about your lawyer. I can't contact him until you do. NOW DO IT!
Eliza Dane
[Now going off in search of painkillers!]



Jan Taylor

16 February 2006

you can forget about the deal if you cannot contact him and send the money to get the paper ready
bye and have a nice day


Calm down...


Eliza Dane

Jan,
I just realised - this is all some joke, isn't it? How else can I explain how it is that you can't understand a simple thing like the fact that I don't know who the lawyer is?
You're not that stupid, I'm sure. This must be a game. You prove it isn't so by sending me the lawyer's name and address. Otherwise, there's nothing else to be said.
Eliza



Jan Taylor

16 February 2006

beside you have to pay for the changing of ownership document which will cost you just $234 usd before the lawer can be able to wire the $12m in your account
thsnk u


Hasn't worked! What will?


Eliza Dane

Jan,
By all means keep ranting on about the lawyer.
But unless you send me the details, you can rant until Ragnarok and you'll get nothing.
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Chokri,
This is Eliza Dane, begging for help. For Odin's sake, tell your sister to stop telling me to contact "the lawyer" and actually tell me just who "the lawyer" is so I can contact him! I've asked her three times now and it's like she's ignoring me. Maybe she'll listen to you.
Eliza



Jan Taylor

16 February 2006

this is lawer name barrister chima ifeanyi obi
his address is 11 amusan avenue crecent way lagos nigeria
and his email is barristerjames_artgun@outgun.com
thank u



Eliza Dane

Jan,
FINALLY!! Was that so f***ing difficult? I'll contact him now.
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Dear Barrister Chima Ifeanyi Obi, I was advised to contact you by Jan Taylor. Has she briefed you on the proposed business?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

16 February 2006

see Eliza you are making a mistake,i said you should contact lawer for him to preferd the necesarry document and after that i will send my own document to you imediately,so try to send the money to him to enable him to the document sign
thank



Eliza Dane

Jan,
What the f*** are you rambling on about? You told me several times to contact the lawyer, but not until I REALLY kicked up a stink did you tell me anything.
I'll wait for his say-so before I pay anything.
Eliza



Chima Ifeanyi Obi

16 February 2006

yes she told me everrything ok,and what i need from you is your full name and phone number and country name to prefferd the document and be aware that you will send sum money to preffer your document that is why miss jan taylor told me
ok



Eliza Dane

Dear sir,
Please clarify something - just who are you? Jan Taylor told me your name is Chima Ifeanyi Obi, but your address line has "jame park" - which one are you?
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Jan,
Your lawyer has an identity crisis. You said that his name is chima ifeanyi obi, but he signed his reply to me "jame park". Are you absolutely sure he's up to snuff?
Eliza



Chima Ifeanyi Obi

17 February 2006

my reall name is ifeanyi chima obi,and jame park is where i grow up
thank u



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Obi,
Well, that's cleared up.
Did Jan Taylor brief you on the proposed business and if so, what now?
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

17 February 2006

dear i am sorry if that is the problem ok



Jan Taylor

17 February 2006

dear have you contacted him? hope to hear from you



Eliza Dane

Jan,
Yes, I contacted him. He replied. So far, we've got nowhere. Eliza



Jan Taylor

17 February 2006

that is his name ok ifeabnyi chima obi



Jan Taylor

17 February 2006

so what is the arrangement now,have you done what he said?



Eliza Dane

Jan,
He didn't tell me to do anything. He said this: "my reall name is ifeanyi chima obi,and jame park is where i grow up thank u" Really helpful, isn't he? Eliza



Chima Ifeanyi Obi

17 February 2006

yes she told me everything but before anything you have to pay for the document which will be coverd every movement by you to have the money being transfer to your account thank



Eliza Dane

Mr Obi, OK then - a little detail would be really helpful, like how much and to where. An invoice would be a bonus. Eliza Dane


Eliza Dane

Jan,
He's actually said something vaguely useful: "yes she told me everything but before anything you have to pay for the document which will be coverd every movement by you to have the money being transfer to your account thank" Not that it gets me anywhere. I've asked him for more details, and an invoice. Eliza



Chima Ifeanyi Obi

19 February 2006

here is the money you have to send to me beneficient document with your name and sign $ 165 plus officialment registerd name cost $85 total $250 usd
when i receive this money i will do everything,i think miss jane taylor has done a lot to transfer this money to your country
have a nice day



Eliza Dane

Mr Obi,
Can't you get this right? May Fenrir chew your balls!
What the Hel is a "beneficient document"?
What the Hel is an "officialment registerd name"?
Where the Hel do I send the money?
And where the Hel is the invoice I asked for?
Jan Taylor may have done a lot, but all that you have done is waste her time.
By Odin, tell me exactly what I need to know, so that I can get this whole f***ing matter done and dusted!
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Jan,
What's this guy talking about? What's a "beneficient document"? Should I have one? And as for "officialment registerd name" - am I a business now?
Also - he didn't say where to send the money, unless he wants it sent by snail-mail.
He has really wasted time for both of us. Eliza


$250? Is that all?


Chima Ifeanyi Obi

20 February 2006

this is what you have to do it,before anything send the $250 to this my resident address; 11 AMUSAN ST, ROGO CITY AGEGE LAOGS STATE COUNTRY....NIGERIA
NAME IFEANYI CHIMA OBI
WHEN I RECEIVE THIS MONEY THE NECESARRY DOCUMENT WILL BE SIGN AND DELEVERD TO SECURITY COMPANY FOR THE RELEASING OF THE MONEY
THANK YOU AND HAPPY WEEKEND



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Obi,
OK then, I'll get a cheque for the amount - not sure from here what it is in $AUS but it's probably AUS$350 or so - and post it, probably today.
Dunno how long it'll take. You didn't answer my questions though, and no invoice either - why?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

20 February 2006

thank you Eliza
i will be the one to send you the changing of ownership document ok,so please and please send the money to barrister chima to enable him get the paper sign ok.
hope to hear from you



Eliza Dane

Jan,
Well, he told me to send the $250 to his address in Lagos, which means snail-mail plus clearance time for the cheque - I hope you don't mind waiting.
I'm getting a cheque today most likely, and I can post it today or tomorrow.
He didn't answer any of my questions, and there was no invoice - not exactly the professional type, is he?
Eliza



I should have spotted this before...

Eliza Dane

Jan,
Something is wrong!
You told me way back that the money is in cash, stored in Madrid. You specifically said, "WE ARE TRANSFERING NO MONEY. THE $12M IS IN CASH IN A SECURITY COMPANMY". Yet Obi says, "you have to pay for the document which will be coverd every movement by you to have the money being transfer to your account".
Does he know what the f*** is going on?
Has there been a change of plan and you decided not to tell me? There'll be no f***ing cheque until you clear this up!
Eliza



Chima Ifeanyi Obi

20 February 2006

sorry i dont accept cheque ok,go to bank and pay through western union agent over there



Eliza Dane

Mr Obi:
I've never done a Western Union transfer but I'm pretty sure that they don't send money straight from banks - I think there's one around the corner from me in a post office. So, the question is, what's the address I send it to in Lagos? They don't do deliveries to your door, I'm sure of that. By the way, where the f*** is my invoice?
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

20 February 2006

yes the money is cash in madrid spain security company,but before the money will be transfer to your country you have to contact mr obi and pay what ever he told you to pay before the money will be sent out from there
miss jan taylor



I took a risk here asking about the odd circumstances.

Eliza Dane

Jan,
When the f*** did the plan change? Remember this? PRESENTLY THE MONEY IS IN A SECURITY VAULT IN MADRID SPAIN BY NATURE OF THIS BUSINESS, YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE SECURITY VAULT IN SPAIN WHERE THE FUNDS IS KEPT. Yeah? So why now is it apparently being shipped to me? Freya quell my anger! If you're going to change the plan, then you owe me a f***ing explanation! Speaking of which - that f***wit lawyer doesn't want a cheque. He wants a Western Union transfer, but he hasn't given me a proper address! Which in turn brings me to this - the money is in Madrid, you are in Sierra Leone, and your lawyer is in Nigeria. You want to explain how the Hel that works? Eliza



Jan Taylor

20 February 2006

you never understand me,the money is in security company in madrid spain and the lawer me me that you must pay for the document he told you before the security company could release the money on behalf of your name and transfer the money to your country simple. so what you have to do is follow the lawer foot step simple. i am in sierralone and my arthoney is stay in west africa Nigeria,why he is in Nigeria is because of the document he want to secure it here in africa so try to reach him and follow his step miss jan taylor



Eliza Dane

Jan,
Loki may steal my wits but it's f***ing hard to see how I could have misunderstood "YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE SECURITY VAULT IN SPAIN WHERE THE FUNDS IS KEPT". It's as plain as Gungnir's point. Why did you change the plan and not tell me? Now, though, it's hard to know what the Hel you mean by "the lawer me me that you must pay for the document". English is not your first language, is it? Make sure you enrol in remedial classes once you get over here. By the way, how old are you? I think the lawyer's next message just came in. Maybe he'll give me his address for Western Union. But don't hold your breath... Eliza


Trivia note: Gungnir is Odin's spear.


Jan Taylor

20 February 2006

if he does'nt want a cheque simple go bank and send it with address he gave you
Eliza Dane

Jan,
I was wrong, it was your message that just came in - and it's as much use as a fishnet condom. Jan,
from what little I understand about Western Union, it doesn't send money to someone's door. It sends it to the office of your choice to be picked up. The bank has f*** all to do with it except that I get the money from there (unless, or course, I use my credit card). So it's down to Obi the lawyer... Again, don't hold your breath. Eliza.



Chima Ifeanyi Obi

20 February 2006

sorry without westen union simple leave me alone and forget the deal i will inform miss jan taylor about that,i have send my address and the name to you,if you really want to do business with jan taylor do what i said. and this will be the text question and answer...who is miss jan taylor?answer should be from sierralone



Time for the kiss-off.

Eliza Dane

Question: Who is Miss Jan Taylor? Answer: A 419 scammer. She is in fact a he, some snivelling little dirtbag shyster crouched in some internet cafe in Nigeria who only now realises that he's been had. I've been playing you from the start, shithead, and I had fun jerking you around, MUGU. If they ever produce a book on the world's dumbest criminals, there'll be a chapter just for you.
And a parting note for Kelvin.

Eliza Dane

Hey Kelvin, Just a quick note to say that I kissed off your mugu competition. Be grateful to them, they took the humiliation I was going to visit on you. Give up on 419s, dumbass, you are f***ing hopeless at them.


But our messages must have crossed in the aether...

Jan Taylor

i want to asked you question?do you want to visit spain?before you travel to spain remember you must got the document mr obi asked you to get


Eliza Dane

FOR f***'S SAKE, CHECK YOUR INBOX! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, MUGU!


But wait! It's not over yet! How many Taylors ARE there?

Jan Taylor2

23 February 2006

FROM MISS JAN CHARLES TAYLOR
SENOX ROAD
FREE TOWN
REPUBLIC OF SIERRALEONE
REPLY-TO-:jantaylor2006@technisamail.co.za
Dear sir,
PROPOSAL FOR A JOINT FAMILY INVESTMENT PLAN
I AM MISS JAN CHARLES TAYLOR 25YRS,THE DAUGHTER OF THE FORMER LIBERIAN PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR,I HAVE IN MY POSSESSION THE SUM OF THIRTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS{$35,000,000.00},AND THE TOP LIST OF MY PRIORITY IS WHERE TO INVEST THIS MONEY OUTSIDE MY COUNTRY.
"REASON BEST KNOWN TO ME".I URGENTLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN PROVIDING A RELIABLE GENUINE TRADE OR COMPANY WHERE I CAN INVEST THE FUND AND IMMEDIATELY MEET YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR SETTLEMENT.
PLEASE I WILL KINDLY WELCOME YOUR ADVICE TOO. I AM EXPECTING YOUR URGENT MAIL RESPONSE. I NEED YOUR SUPPORT AND SERIOUSNESS. I AM PRESENTLY ON EXILE IN FREE TOWN SIERRALEONE WITH MY BROTHER CHOKRI TAYLOR AFTER THE UNITED STATES ASKED MY FATHER TO RESIGN AS THE PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA. MY FATHER IS ALSO ON A SELF EXILE IN ONE OF THE WEST AFRICAN COUNTRY.
YOUR URGENT RESPONSE IS EXPECTED. SEND YOUR CONFIDENTIAL PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN REACH YOU WHEN NECCESSARY.SEND YOUR RELY TO MY CONFIDENTIAL
BOX: jantaylor2006@technisamail.co.za
FROM MISS JAN CHARLES TAYLOR
SENOX ROAD
FREE TOWN
REPUBLIC OF SIERRALEONE


Let's see if I can repeat the process...


Eliza Dane

Miss Jan:
Your brother is already on the case, we've got the transfer details in place. Don't rush me now, please! Can't you wait until we're finished here?
Eliza Dane



Holy Odin! "They're coming out of the walls!"

Jan Taylor3

24 February 2006

DEAR SIR/MADAM,
I AM MISS JANE CHARLES TAYLOR 26YEARS OLD,THE DAUGHTER OF THE FORMER LIBERIAN PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR,I HAVE IN MY POSSESSION THE SUM OF ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS 120,000,000.00 AND THE TOP LIST OF MY PRIORITY IS WHERE TO INVEST THIS MONEY OUTSIDE MY COUNTRY.
"REASON BEST KNOWN TO ME". I URGENTLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN PROVIDING A RELIABLE GENUINE TRADE OR COMPANY WHERE I CAN INVEST THE FUND AND IMMEDIATELY FLY DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET YOU FOR SETTLEMENT AND INVESTMENT ARRANGEMENTS. PLEASE I WILL KINDLY WELCOME YOUR ADVICE ON GENERAL BUSINESS AND INVESTMENT FORUM.
I AM EXPECTING YOUR URGENT MAIL RESPONSE. I NEED YOUR SUPPORT AND SERIOUSNESS. I AM PRESENTLY ON EXILE IN ONE OF THE WEST AFRICAN STATES WITH MY BROTHER CHOKRI TAYLOR AFTER THE UNITED STATES ASKED MY FATHER TO RESIGN AS THE PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA. MY FATHER IS ALSO ON A SELF EXILE IN ONE OF THE WEST AFRICAN COUNTRY.
YOUR URGENT RESPONSE IS EXPECTED.
SEND YOUR CONFIDENTIAL PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN REACH YOU WHEN NECCESSARY.SEND ALL YOUR REPONSES TO MY CONFIDENTIAL EMAIL
ADDRESS: jtc2006@jumpy.it OR missjanecctaylo@ny.com
MISS JANE CHARLES TAYLOR
SENOX ROAD FREE TOWN
REPUBLIC OF SIERRA LEONE



Let's see if I can repeat the process with this one too...

Eliza Dane

Miss Jan:
Your brother is already on the case, we've got the transfer details in place. Don't rush me now, please! Can't you wait until we're finished here?
Eliza Dane



She sent it again!

Eliza Dane

Dear Jan,
Please don't send this again - I told you, Kelvin is handling this business.
BTW, I have to know - is your $12 million additional to Kelvin's $15.9 million? Please let me know, it'll affect my cut.
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor

2 26 February 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your two responses/replies. Note that my own is USD120Million and I want to do this business with you Eliza Dane alone. I want you and myself alone to do this business and I will give 28% share[cut] for your assistance and cooperation. Note that my brother Kelvin is not involved.
Respiond urgently.
Miss jane



Eliza Dane

Dear Miss Taylor,
I'm confused here. Your brother Kelvin insists he's the one doing this deal. He also said - and I'm sorry if this is offensive to you, but he said it, not me - that you were a lying roundheel slut with a cocaine habit and a swag of toyboys, who's had four abortions (he really stressed that bit) and is a lesbian to boot (he stressed that too, and warned me to stay clear as you'd be after me 'cos I'm blonde). Can't you lot just learn to get along for this? I don't need all this Taylor angst.
Eliza Dane



Not what I expected... she didn't try to discredit the other scammer!

Jan Taylor 2

27 February 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,

Thanks for your prompt response. You know something, I am a lady like you and therefore cannot lie to you. Inshort, I have no reason to lie to you and can never never lie to you.
I am not a cocaine addict, nor leslian nor slut. I am a simple girl in distress and exile in Seirra-Leone. I don't know why brother Kelvin is trying to tarnish my image before you but I leave him to God Almighty to judge him. I cannot spoil his name because I am a christian and from a humble and respectable background.
My friend Eliza, I want you to give me the benefit of doubt and finalize this transaction with me. As I said in my mail of saturday last week, I want you alone to do this business with me and I tell you, you will never regret it. Instead, you will benefit tremendously and both of us will be rich.
Please, forward your telephone number and address to me. I will call you and give you further details. Tell me more about your self. Are you married? What do you do for a living? Tell me everything about yourself. Forward your picture to me also.
Awaiting your response.
Have a beautiful day.
Warmest Regards,
Miss Jane Charles Taylor.



This time I sent a new picture - a cropped image of Sophie Monk (taken on a tour of Australian Army units in Iraq).

Eliza Dane

Dear Jane,
Holy Mother Frigga, that is so dignified. I feel so wretched after repeating what Kelvin wrote. That's it! He's out of the picture. I'll tell him where he can stick his Loki-cursed cash. You asked nicely, so I'll return the favour; it's not wise of you to call me. If you want a confidential number, my home phone ain't it. My sister Sophie gets to the phone first nine times out of ten.
My full name is Elizabeth Danielle Dane, but I've been called Eliza for a long as I can remember. I'm 22 (23 in August) and a student of botanical sciences. I live in Sydney in a nice suburb called Glebe with my parents and sister, and work part-time at my mother's plant nursery. I'm single, but my boyfriend Nick is steady and I think it's the real thing.
I hope this isn't a turn-off, but I'm not a Christian. I worship Odin All-Father, the Holy Mother Frigga, and the Lords of Asgard, as worshipped by the Aryan peoples of ancient Europe.
Here's a picture of me from New Year's Eve at Nick's workplace.
Best regards and apologies,
Eliza Dane


[Attaching pic of Sophie Monk.]


Wow! What a reaction! "Jan Taylor" denied being a lesbian... I'm not so sure...

Jan Taylor 2

28 February 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,

I appreciate your prompt response and I am glad you understood my position.
Eliza, you are such a beauty. A queen of immesurable beauty. I am tripping for you already. Whao, your boy friend Nick is such a lucky chap.
We can wrap up this transaction by communicating via email, hence your phone is not private. The issue at stake right now is that the money[USD120Million is deposited secretly in a Security Company in Milan Italy. It was deposited as family treasures in two boxes and the security company does not even know the boxes contains money. The boxes were deposited with the security company when my father was the President of Liberia and now my father is on exile in another Country.
The money was made from mining Diamond in Liberia when my father was the President of Liberia few years ago. Liberia is very rich in mineral resources such as diamond etc.
I want you to actually represent me by travelling to Italy and claim the boxes containing the money from the security company in Milan, Italy on my behalf as beneficiary. I will forward Certificate of Deposit and Power of Attorney[Letter of Authority] to you which you will present to the security company in Italy to enable them release the boxes to you on my behalf.
I cannot travel out of Seirra-Leone now because I am financially not capable to do so and also I am in distress in Seirra-Leone.
As stated in my earlier mail, for your cooperation and assistance, your share is 28% of total funds. Once you collect the boxes from the security company in Italy, you will remove money and pay all your expenses.
Please, your earliest response is needed.
Warmest Regards,
Jane.



Eliza Dane

Dear Jan,
Freya spare my blushes!
But, let's move on - before I get a swelled head - let's talk about what I'm supposed to do. Stripped down to its basics, I have to go to Italy - specifically Milan - and collect money on your behalf, then reimburse myself from the contents.
I have to ask - is this money all in cash? $120 million (I got it right this time) is a shitload of banknotes - if my maths is up to snuff, assuming it's all in $100 bills, $120 million would weigh 1,200 kg, or over a tonne! My 28% share ($33.6 million, I think) would weigh 340 kilos by itself!
So, what do I do when I pick it up for you?
Regards,
Eliza Dane


Weights and measures of banknotes are courtesy of Scamorama's Show Me the Money page.


So good it had to be sent twice... Again, I wonder about Jan's sexual preferences...

Jan Taylor 2

01 March 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,

Thanks again. You and myself are going to be great friends because you are nice, accomodating and lovely. You respond promptly to my messages and I appreciate you dearly.
Concerning your questions, the money in the boxes with the security company in Milan, Italy is in One Hundred Dollars Bill Denominations, all CASH. Girl friend, this is real and you better believe it. When my father was the President of Liberia, I had the golden opportunity to mine diamond without hindrance and made alot of money.
Once you arrive Milan, Italy and claim the boxes from the security company, you will open a bank account in Italy and you will lodge the funds bit by bit in the bank account. You will remove money for all your expenses and you will take money from the box and send to me in Seirra-Leone for my ticket and other things. I will buy my ticket and join you in Australia for sharing according to ratio. You will take 28% of total funds and I will use my share for investments. Do you know anything about good and solid investments? Let me know.
Meanwhile, I will forward Certificate of Deposit of the money in Italy to you which will enable you to claim the boxes in Italy. I will also forward Power of Attorney to you.
Please, let me know how soon you can travel to Italy. I will forward the contact details of the security company in Italy to you upon your response so that you can reach them and finalize your trip arrangement with them.
Awaiting your response.
Cheers,
Girl Friend Jane.



Eliza Dane

Dear Jan,
Why the Hel couldn't you have stored it away as diamonds... they're a lot lighter, y'know... This is making my head spin. It's not helping that you're taking things so lightly. I don't know what the banking rules are like in Italy, but we're up against simple facts.
Where would I store the money? It's a tonne and a bit of cash, by Loki!
Then I'm supposed to take cash to the bank - in bits - let's say $100,000 at a time - that's ten trips to transfer a million.
Even if I make those ten trips in a day, that's 120 days to finish it. That's FOUR MONTHS of money-lugging.
We gotta work this out well ahead. It's not going to be easy...
Eliza
PS Kelvin hasn't taken rejection kindly. He's started slagging off big time on me now. Well, I gave him two for one... But I get the idea that he'll be back...



And the praise just doesn't stop...

Jan Taylor 2

03 March 2006

Hi Girl Friend,
Thanks for the response. I was a little bit worried when you did not respond promptly as usual. What happened?
Eliza, I am not taking things lightly at-all. I am very serious about the money in Milan, Italy because that is my life. That is the only means of livelihood I can lay my hands on after my father was booted out of Office as president of Liberia. Indeed, I am grateful to God Almighty for the opportunity to mine diamond at the time I did because everything my dad owned in Liberia, both physical and financial assets were practically seized.
You know something, I give Glory to God every second of the day for knowing you because you understand my position perfectly well and you appeal to me alot. The succour your lovingkindness brings to my heart everyday is tremendous. It is as if you and myself have been friends for ages, the rapport between us is excellent and I am dying to meet you.
Listen carefully, the money in Milan, Italy is for real. You better believe it. Write to the Security Company in Italy and appeal to them to bring the boxes containing the money to you in Australia. Perhaps, they might agree considering your apprehension about travelling to Italy. After you contact them, I will forward documents to you which you forward to them to enable release the boxes to you. Note that the security company DOES NOT KNOW THE BOXES CONTAINS MONEY.
Here are the details of the security company in Milan, Italy:
DR.ALEXANDER THOMPSON.
REALCENTURY/ZENITH SECURITIES & FINANCIAL SERVICES
VIA GARIBALDI 72/74 MILAN ITALY
FAX:+39-34-88562936
TEL:+39 33 9251 4068
info_zenithfinance@gawab com
Awaiting your response,
Regards,
Miss Jane



The server was offline, as it happened.

Eliza Dane

Hi Jan,
The email server was offline on Wednesday, so I couldn't answer for quite a while. There you are. Maybe I was wrong in the words I used. It was just that your plan didn't seem to take into account the sheer quantity of cash. However, the plan to bring the cash to Oz has problems too. Disclosure laws here are very tight. Here's my suggestion: I go to Italy and collect the boxes. I then use the cash to get you and Chokri - not Kelvin, he can make his own way - tickets out of Sierra Leone and to Milan. Once there. you'll have all the time you need to bank the cash your way. I can arrange for an Italian bank to make regular payments to my account here.
How's that?
Eliza



Still more flattery!

Jan Taylor 2

03 March 2006

Hi Eliza,
Excellent idea you have. You are just 23yrs but your brain is loaded with super intelligence. I love you greatly.
Please arrange and travel to Milan, Italy without delay. Once you collect the boxes from the security company, you send us money and we will purchase ticket and join you in Milan, Italy. Wonderful solution. Write to the security company in Italy and tell them you are coming over to Italy to pick up the boxes in their possession on my behalf. Meanwhile, apply for Italian visa today and I will forward Certificate of Deposit and Power of Attorney[Letter of Authorization] to you. You will take these documents to Italy to enable the security company release the boxes to you on my behalf.
I await your prompt response.
Kindest Regards,
Jane



Eliza Dane

Dear Jan.
I'm not 23 yet!!!
Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday, but I cam back very late last night - and no, I wasn't raging! I was at a college fund-raiser for Medecins Sans Frontieres.
I'll get in touch with this Alexander Thompson and tell him I'm acting for you in preparing to have the boxes shipped out. Oh, while we're on that - just what did you tell him was in the boxes? On that topic, I have to know - what's the company like? Can I inspect the boxes in private, like in a bank safe deposit area? Are the boxes screwed shut, or padlocked (and if so, where's the key)? After all, I have to extract money on the quiet to fund your arrival!
I can't promise absolute speed on this, as I have to wrap things up here before I can go. But it shouldn't be more that four or five days. Just send me the paperwork and we'll be well on our way.
We should tour Italy when we're done - what do you think?
Venice, Rome, Florence... in early spring, too, without the tourist crowds!
Eliza





Jan Taylor 2

04 March 2006

Hi Eliza,
Hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
I told the security company in Italy that the boxes contains family treasures/personal effects.
Indeed, the boxes are securely locked but you can break the locks and remove money from there after you claim it from the security company. I will forward documents to you on monday next week. You will not have any problem with the security company at-all. Once you arrive and present documents to them, they will release the boxes to you and you can go to a private place and open it.
Girl Friend, we are definitely going to paint Italy red and we will visit alot of places.
Just get yourself prepared within five days as promised. Awaiting your response.
All the best,
Jane.



Eliza Dane

Hi Jan,
Sorry I didn't reply before, but I was out again... an actual party this time (but no drugs, you'll be pleased to hear).
"[F]amily treasures/personal effects"? Thor's beard! Over a tonne of family albums and nick-nacks?
Anyhoo - I'm glad the company won't give any trouble.
I'm trying to find out if the NAB or Westpac have links to suitable European banks. BTW, the four/five days thing wasn't set in stone - I can't rule out needing a little more time.
Just a thought - I sent my pic; suppose you and Chokri return the favour?
Stay cool,
Eliza



Can we bring Jan Taylor 3 into the fray? As it turned out, no. Damn!

Eliza Dane

Dear Miss Taylor,
Do you know where your brother is? He hasn't contacted me for a week now.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Let's get the Security Firm guy involved.

Eliza Dane

Attention: Dr. Alexander Thompson of Real Century/Zenith Securities & Financial Services

Dear sir,
This is to inform you that I have been authorised to act as representative for Ms Jane Taylor, who is the owner of a deposit made at your firm. Details to follow.

Regards,
Eliza Dane



Two pictures of an attractive lass in her early 20s (best guess) arrive.

Jan Taylor 2

06 March 2006

Hi Eliza,
Thanks for the forwarded message you sent to the security company in Italy. I will forward documents to you tomorrow and please endeavour to travel to Italy this week.
Find attached two of my pictures as requested. I would have sent them earlier if you have asked.
I appreciate you.
Awaiting your response.
Jane.


[ "Jane" attaches two pics of a pretty young woman, possibly African.]


Dr Alexander Thompson

06 March 2006

REALCENTURY/ZENITH SECURITIES & FINANCIAL SERVICES
TELEGRAM:ZENITH BROAD BRANCH BIG,STRONG,RELIABLE.
FAX:+FAX:+39-34-88562936
OUR REF LGN-OO4619/XTY/06
ATTN:Eliza Dane,
RELEASE OF CONSIGNMENT DEPOSIT
Having received your mail in regards of the said consignment having you as the new beneficiary in our securities vault,please to notify you that the change of ownership has been change in our monitory system from formal beneficiary name JANE CHARLES TAYLOR to the above name person ELIZA DANE.
Please made known that before this institution can begins on this transaction, we will like to see the photocopy of your credentials/identification for proper clarification of doubt. At this extents, we are confirming to you that the institution are deliberating on matter on when to disseminate information to all the necessary department to enable us conclude the release of the said consignments in your favor.
In furtherance to this you are therefore advise to act promptly forwarding the required identification to this department to facilitate the approval, and for us to complete this lofty task in it's earliest.
Please note that all correspondence on your issue should be attention to the director of operation or for oral discussion you can call his direct line. (Dr Alexander Thompson , Tel:+39 33 9251 4068.
Regards
Dr Alexander Thompson
Dir of operation.
RealcenturyZenith trust and Finance Services make the following annotations:
***************************************************************
This message and any attachments are solely for the intended recipient and may contain confidential or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient , any disclosure, copying, use, or distribution of the information included in this message and any attachments is prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us by reply e-mail and immediately and permanently delete this message and any attachments. Thank you.
***************************************************************


Did I ask for a change of ownership? Looks like the Security firm mugu didn't dare to risk going off script.


Eliza Dane

Dear Dr. Thompson, Thanx for your prompt reply. I think that there has been a misunderstanding somewhere - I didn't ask for a change of ownership as such. I am simply acting as a representative/agent for Ms Taylor. I am not claiming her consignment at all. What credentials do you want to see? Regards,
Eliza Dane



One more delay should do it...

Eliza Dane

Dear Jan,
Wow, sweeeetttt... Are Chokri and Nick going to be able to hold back the crowds? There'll be riots in the streets on Milan when we show up!
I don't know if I'll be leaving this week - getting clearance from the college was OK, I talked down Mum, Dad and Sophie, but the Italian embassy is dragging its sorry ass. I'll call them again today.
I've hit a problem with the security company, or rather I think I have a problem. It's this: "Having received your mail in regards of the said consignment having you as the new beneficiary in our securities vault,please to notify you that the change of ownership has been change in our monitory system from formal beneficiary name JANE CHARLES TAYLOR to the above name person ELIZA DANE." I never asked for a change of ownership, I asked to act as your agent/representative. I'm afraid Zenith sort of overreached here.
I've tried to put them right in case it causes trouble.
I'll keep you posted.
Eliza



Jan Taylor 2

08 March 2006

dear eliza,
Find attached Certificate of Deposit. Please take this document to Milan, Italy to enable the security company release the boxes to you on my behalf.
We are definitely going to have a swell time in Milan and I will use the opportunity to meet your boyfriend, Nick.
Concerning the security company giving you ownership of boxes, there is no problem about that, hence I have told them you are my International business partner and representative.
Confirm receipt of document and let me know the position of your visa.
All the best.
Jane.





Eliza Dane

Dear Jan,
OK, I got the document right here. I'll have to sneak it to college and print it off there (no colour printer at home - yet).
Hey, not just in Milan, Jan, but in lots of places in Italy... like I said, Rome, Venice, Florence...
I'm glad you put the company right. As for the visa - I'll be contacting the consulate today, try to get something moving. Maybe a personal visit will get them going, hmmm?
Hoping my next news will be good news,
Eliza



Jan Taylor 2

08 March 2006

dear eliza,
Thanks alot. I told you we will paint the whole of Italy Red when we arrive there. Just hang on.
I am looking forward to your trip to Italy.
Awaiting your Response,
All My Love,
Jane



Eliza Dane

Hi Jan,
Update time! The visas are in, and I'm about to contact Dr Thompson again about making an appointment to go to the firm. I doubt that Nick and I can just walk in. Once that's done, I'll make the bookings.
Hang in there, we're on the home stretch!
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Dear Dr Thompson,
I will be visiting Milan in the near future and wish to make an appointment to visit your premises and examine Ms Taylor's stored effects. Please state what times would be favourable.
Any day after Wednesday the 15th would be suitable.
Best regards
, Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor 2

09 March 2006

Dear Girl Friend Eliza,
I am so happy you have finally secured Italian Visa. Our plans has materialized and we are going to become successful in life. Once I arrive Milan, Italy, I WILL NOT go back to Seirra-Leone again. Never. The living condition here is terrible and the environment horrific.
Eliza, for the umpteenth time, I appreciate and love you. Indeed, you are God sent.
Please, write to the security company and tell them you are now the beneficiary of the boxes with them. I told the security company that you are now the beneficiary/owner and they should hand-over the boxes to you upon presentation of the certificate of deposit.
I trust you very much and I know you will not abscond with the money once you collect the boxes from the SECURITY COMPANY in Milan. I have absolute trust in you.
Write to the security company today and get back to me.
Cheers,
Jane



Here's an upset - the stuff is in Turin!

Dr Alexander Thompson

09 March 2006

ATTN:Eliza Dane,
RE:RELEASED OF CONSIGNMENT
SUBSEQUENT UPON THE CLAIM EXERCISES, AND WITH DUE VERIFICATION CONDUCTED,REGARDING THE RELEASE OF THE CONSIGNMENT MARKED TRANS- SHIPMENT DIPLOMATIC TAGGED (ZL /740XC/2C05)FROM JANE CHARLES TAYLOR TO NEW NAME BENEFICIARY (ELIZA DANE)
THE INSTRUCTION TO RELEASE THE CONSIGNMENT HAS BEEN RECEIVED AND ADHEADED TO,AND YOU ARE HEREBY ADVISED OF THE VERY NEED FOR YOU TO BE PRESENT HERE IN ITALY AT THE SIGNING OF THE RELEASE ORDER AND OTHER RELEVANT DOCUMENTS, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO ROUTE YOUR AIR TICKET TO THE CITY OF TORINO AT THE SIGNING OF THE RELEASE ORDER WHERE THE CONSIGNMENT IS KEEP IN OUR SECURITY VAULT IN THE CITY OF TURIN FOR SAFE KEEPING PURPOSE. IN LINE WITH THIS YOU ARE THEREFORE REQUIRED TO COME ALONG TO OUR OFFICE WITH THE UNDER LISTED, AS THEY MUST BE SIGHTED TO ENSURE CONFORMITY WITH OUR RECORDS AND UPDATE
(A).A PHOTOCOPY OF THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT
(B)YOUR IDENTIFICATION HAVING THE SAME ON OUR MONITORY SYSTEM
(C),DEMUR RAGE CHARGES = EUROS 3, 500.00.
( D)SIGNING OF THE RELEASE ORDER :EUROS1,200
TOTAL CHARGES EUROS4,700.00
TO THE PENDING, YOUR APPOINTMENT HAS BEEN OPENED FOR YOU TO ATTEND OUR OFFICE AS FROM THE SAID DATE 15TH -O3-2006

, AND YOU ARE REQUIRED TO CONFIRM WITH US YOUR FLIGHT/TRAVEL ITINERARIES FOR THE CONFIRMATION OF YOUR APPOINTMENT FOR A FIXED TIME AND FOR THE OFFICE TO MAKE ALL THE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS TO SEND THE PROTOCOL OFFICIAL TO PICK YOU AT THE TORINO AIRPORT UNPON YOUR ARRIVAL. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS FOR ORAL DISCUSSION.
ONCE AGAIN ACCEPT OUR WARMEST FELICITATION AND LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR SOONEST ACTION.
REGARDS
DR ALEXANDER THOMPSON



Eliza Dane

Jan,
News just in - and it ain't good. You've said lots of times that the money is being kept in Milan. Now Dr Thompson is saying that we have to go to Turin! What the Hel happened?
Eliza



Jan Taylor 2

10 March 2006

Dear Girlfriend Eliza,
Thanks for the response. The security company said they moved the boxes to their branch office in Turin, Italy and I just leant about it. They said it is for proper safe-keeping. There is no problem about that. I am glad the boxes are safe and that is the most important thing.
Travel to Turin, pick up the boxes from the security company and when I join you in Italy, we will visit Milan and other exciting places. Let me know the date of your trip to Italy.
Awaiting your response.
Cheers,
Jane



Eliza Dane

Jan,
I don't want to let this one go!
Why the Hel were you unaware of what Dr Thompson had done? Odin protect me! If I hadn't thought to check ahead... Frigga watch over me. I'll have to unbook the flight and the hotel in Milan; I may lose some time - my planned departure was Sunday but I may have to delay a day or so. I'll keep you posted.
Take care now,
Eliza



Jan Taylor 2

10 March 2006

dear eliza,
I apologize sincerely. Do pardon me.
Endeavour to travel to Turin, Italy next week monday. I wish you a safe flight and will join you pretty soon.
Awaiting your response,
Cheers,
Jane



Eliza Dane

Jan,
Don't sweat it. It wasn't down to you anyway.
I'll get on it ASAP.
See ya!
Eliza



Jan Taylor 2

11 March 2006

dear eliza,
Write to the security company and tell them to make hotel reservations for you in Turin and also forward your flight itinerary to them to enable them receive you very well at the airport.
Endeavour to call the security company also and speak with Alexander Thompson.
Awaiting your response,
Cheers,
Jane



Eliza Dane

Jan,
That's probably wise. I'll do that. Our flight to Turin is a bit of a dog-leg - by Qantas from Sydney to Frankfurt, then over to Lufthansa from Frankfurt to Munich (huh?) and Munich to Turin. Oh well...I'll drop Dr Thompson a line. Remember, I can't call him, 'cos the phone's locked up here - I did tell you... See you soon!
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Dear Dr Thompson,
Owing to the sudden change in travel plans caused by your decision to move the consignment to Turin, please move the appointment to either the 16th or 17th as I will arrive in Turin on the 14th.
I don't want to do business while jet-lagged!
We will be arriving on Lufthansa Flight LH 4022, scheduled at 12:10 pm.
Ms Taylor suggested that your firm might be able to book hotels for us - that is, myself and my companion, Mr Nikos Speleotis. Please do so; we'll be staying for a week. We don't need high-grade accommodation; just comfortable. Please expedite and confirm ASAP as our departure from Sydney is scheduled for Monday, 13 March.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Dr Thompson hasn't forgotten the money. That penultimate sentence is truly confusing.

Dr Alexander Thompson

11 March 2006

FROM:DR.ALEXANDER THOMPSON.
RE:RELEASED OF CONSIGNMENT
HAVING RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL, PLEASE BE MADE KNOWN THAT THIS INSTITUTION IS MAKING A BOOKING OF HOTEL IN FAVOR OF YOUR NAME/PARTNER, AND ONE OF THE OFFICIAL WILL BE AT THE AIRPORT TO RECEIVE YOU UPON YOUR ARRIVAL AND TAKE YOU TO THE HOTEL BOOKED.
PLEASE CONFIRM THE COMING ALONG WITH THE UNDER LISTED BELOW AS THEY MUST BE SIGHTED AND BE SURE BEFORE RUNNING OUR OWN EXPENSE IN ATTENDING TO YOU.
(A).A PHOTOCOPY OF THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT
(B)YOUR IDENTIFICATION HAVING THE SAME NAME ON OUR MONITORY SYSTEM
(C),DEMUR RAGE CHARGES = EUROS 3, 500.00.
( D)SIGNING OF THE RELEASE ORDER :EUROS1,200
TOTAL CHARGES EUROS4,700.00
AT THIS EXTENT WE ARE CONFIRMING TO YOU THAT WE HAVE DISSEMINATE INFORMATION TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN , MAKING THE NECESSARY ARRANGE TO RENDER THE BEST OF OUR SERVICE, AND YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISE TO TREAT AS URGENT CONFIRMING THAT YOU ARE COMING ALONG WITH THE ITEMS MARKS ABOVE,BECAUSE THE INSTITUTION WE NOT BE RESPONSIBLE OR REGRET ANY INCONVENIENCE BY NOT ATTENDING TO YOU CAUSED AS A RESULT THAT THE ITEMS MARKED ABOVE ARE NOT PRESENTED BY YOU .
PLEASE YOU ARE ALSO ADVISE TO CALL FOR ORAL DISCUSSION(Dr.ALEXANDER THOMPSON.TELL:+39 33 9251 4068) AND FORWARD YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR US TO REACH YOU AS WELL.
AWAITING YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE TO THIS MAIL.
REGARDS
DR .ALEXANDER THOMPSON



Eliza Dane

Dear Dr Thompson,
I will be coming to you as promised and with all the requirements that you mentioned.
Thank you for booking the hotel. Please forward its name before COB Sunday our time.
Regards,
Eliza Dane Dr Thompson sends a form - well, part of a form - with some strange requests, and demands something that I've ruled out on several previous occasions; there's no need to change now!

Dr Alexander Thompson

11 March 2006

FROM:DR.ALEXANDER THOMPSON.
REALCENTURY/ZENITH SECURITIES & FINANCIAL SERVICES
DATE:11-03-2006

. TELEGRAM:ZENITH BROAD BRANCH BIG,STRONG,RELIABLE.
FAX:+FAX:+39-34-88562936
OUR REF LGN-OO4619/XTY/06
ATTN:Eliza Dane,
RE:RELEASED OF CONSIGNMENT
Acknowledging your E-mail the contents were quite understood and a reservation has been made for your accomodation.but madam this institution has procedures governing all forms of transaction in regards to your collection of your consignment named you as the beneficiary.
Please to enable the protocol officer to have proper clarification of who she is coming to pick at arrival,A SCANED COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT WILL BE NEEDED,AND ALSO FIND ENCLOSED A COPY OF THE ZEN FORM YOU ARE REQUIRED TO COMPLETE WITH TRUE INFORMATIONS AND RETURND BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.and this should be returned immediately before your arrival.
Awaitting your urgent response as to facilitate this lofty task.
Regards,
Dr Alexander Thompson.


[Another impressive form.]


Here's hoping that another copy of the Sophie Monk pic will keep this lad sweet, for the last little bit at least...


Eliza Dane

Dr Thompson,
I'll speak plainly.
Firstly, you left this matter until (effectively) the last minute. There is no way that I could go about printing off, filling in, and faxing the form before my departure tomorrow. All businesses where I could fax it from will be closed tomorrow, as it is a public holiday. Anyway, it's a moot point since the form was incompletely scanned from your end. Secondly, I cannot send a scanned copy of the passport. DFAT regulations are quite specific on this; no scans, colour xeroxes, or any form of copy, are allowed. Thirdly, I'm puzzled by the questions on your form. If this is a matter of pure identification, why are there entries for educational qualifications and number of children?
This reads more like some form of job application.
Dr Thompson, this poor timing doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. I am attaching the only available digital photo of myself. I'm afraid that it will have to do.
Please send me the details of the hotel as you forgot to do so in the last message.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Jan Taylor 2

12 March 2006

dear eliza,
Girl Friend, you have a way of framing your words and I like it.
Please, the security company said you should send copy of your International Passport-[First Two Pages] to them to enable them identify you easily at the airport because their Protocol Officer will pick you up at the airport in Turin. Do send copies of your passport to them.
I understand also from the security company that you are required to come to Turin, Italy with EUROS4,700, demurrage charges and signing fees.
Please, endeavour to travel to Italy with the money so that the boxes can be released to you without delay.
Let me know the date of your departure. Once again, I wish you a safe flight.
Awaiting your response,
Warmest Regards,
Jane.



Eliza Dane

Jan,
I just finished telling Dr Thompson that I couldn't send him a copy of my passport - it's ruled out by DFAT regulations, and I had to sign a document promising to do just that - and now you tell me to do just that. Aagh. Freya bless me and soothe my aching head...
I sent him my photo. It was all I could do.
He also sent me a form - well, part of one. He wanted me to attach a current photo, include a thumbprint (!), and answer questions about educational qualifications, number of children... am I picking up your stuff or applying for a job there? Oh yeah, and in the section for my name it just said, "Mr" - not "Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms". What century are we living in again?
The worst thing is, he says I have to send this form (and everything else) back so I can be picked up by his protocol officer.
Well, I can't, as I don't have a fax and everything is closed tomorrow for a public holiday (Labour Day). He left it a bit f***ing late, didn't he?
Nick and I leave tomorrow and get to Turin on the 14th, around midday.
And yes, we'll have the cash for the charges. We're taking traveller's cheques - which is why I asked for an hiatus between arrival and visit, so we can cash them in for Euros.
Man, this is almost over. I feel sorta giddy.
Eliza


This had me surprised at first... but then I realised what our Lad was about.


Jan Taylor 2

12 March 2006

dear eliza,
You are addressing me as a man. Girl friend, I am a lady like you. Have you forgotten?I love you, appreciate you and have tremendous respect for you as my partner and close friend.
NOTE: Dr. Alexander Thompson said you should send photo copy of your International Passport to him to enable their Protocol Officer identify you easily at the airport in Turin. It is easy, scan two pages of your Passport and send to the security company in Italy. This has nothing to do with DFAT regulations. Sincerely speaking, nobody will know you sent photocopy of your passport to Italy.
Understand that this business is CONFIDENTIAL between you and myself and the security company in Italy DOES NOT KNOW THE BOXES CONTAINS MONEY.
Take note of this please.
Girl friend, there is no harm in you sending photocopy of your passport to the security company in Italy. This business is between you and myself and we understand each other perfectly well.
I am glad you have the EUROS4,700 but please, send copy of your passport to Italy.
Awaiting your response,
Cheers,
Jane



Eliza Dane

13 March 2006

Jan,
Is English your first language? Or is it you don't know the slang?
If it was the "Man, this is almost over", then don't sweat it, for Odin's sake. "Man" in that context is a sort of verbal underlining or boldfacing or whatever. I honestly can't believe you're getting worked up over that.
Watch The Simpsons a bit, you'll hear Bart saying "Oh, man" a lot, and it's got nothing to do with who he's speaking to.
Look, Dr Thompson can say all he wants, but even if I wanted to, I couldn't do what he says. I don't have a scanner, and there's no business centre open today where I could do it. Thanx to him leaving it so late, it's impossible.
Oh, and don't tell me what does or doesn't go against DFAT regs. You didn't sign the form. I did.
Any part of the passport is off-limits as far as copying is concerned.
Anyway, it's a moot point. His protocol officer can stand out on the concourse or wherever with a sign with my name on it. It'll work.
BTW, he still hasn't told me which hotel he's booked for us. Can't think why.
Jan,
we leave in seven hours. If you have any last points, let me know. Beyond that, there'll be nothing until I can email you from Italy.
I can already taste the espresso.
Can't you?
Eliza


This arrived after Eliza had "left".


Jan Taylor

dear eliza,
I understand your phrases perfectly well.
Please do your best and get in touch with Dr. Alexander Thompson urgently.
Awaiting your response,
Cheers,
Jane



Jan Taylor 2

14 March 2006

dear eliza,
Hi! Have you arrived Italy?
Talk to me girlfriend,
Cheers,
Jane



Jan Taylor 2

15 March 2006

dear eliza,
Where are you? I am worried. Talk to me. Jane


Now for the kiss-off. It's a bit crude (and reuses bits from the kiss-off to Jan Taylor 1), but this had gone on for a lot longer than I had expected, and I decided to get it over with.


Eliza Dane

You hopeless s**thead mugu trash,
I knew all the time that you were a 419 scammer, some snivelling little dirtbag shyster crouched in some internet cafe in Nigeria.
I've been playing you from the start, s**thead, and I had fun jerking you around, MUGU.
If they ever produce a book on the world's dumbest criminals, there'll be a chapter just for you.
I hope you enjoyed my messages, because you'll get f**k all else from me.


That's all folks!


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