THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ERNESTO: A DRAMA IN TWO ACTS


An Eliza Dane adventure!

Being the tale of how Chua Ernesto dreamed of smuggling a huge sum out of the Philippines... But 'twas a shame that he did ask Eliza Dane for to be his assistant, for verily, she was destined by fate to change his dream into a nightmare...

This bait featured two long breaks with attempted resuscitations, both of which ended in profanity.

The Scammers.
Part 1
Chua Ernesto, a Filipino (maybe...) working for the Department of Transportation and Communications as Chairman of a contract awarding committee.
Innocent Christ, chief security officer at an unnamed offshore security company. I can assure you that I did not invent that name.
Mr. Geoffrey Onyekwelu Igwesi, Innocent Christ's Western Union persona
Dr. Peter Adams of Alpha Security and Finance
Part 2
Chua Ernesto, who should have still been a Filipino working for the Department of Transportation and Communications as Chairman of a contract awarding committee; however, this version seems to have been suffering from some form of multiple personality disorder.
Jonathan Mark, Ghanaian diplomat and "chief delivery officer".
Dr Frank James, or Dr Frank James Bello, another diplomatic delivery boy

The Baiter
Eliza Dane, a student living in Australia, who became ever more bad-tempered and foul-mouthed as the bait progressed.
Cammy White, Eliza's cousin
AJ, Eliza's boyfriend, and Cheryl and Ginny, her housemates

Western Union has only a small role in this bait.

A warning to all; there is a lot - and I mean a LOT - of swearing ahead...

No problems with that? Good. Now read on.


PART ONE

Being the commencement of our saga, in which Chua Ernesto reaches across the world to seek the aid of a trustworthy soul
Chua Ernesto
25 March 2006

URGENT  ASSISTANCE
REPUBLIC OF PHILIPPINES
DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION & COMMUNICATIONS
LAND TRANSPORTATION OFFICE
EAST AVE QUEZON CITY
FROM CHUA ERNESTO .
RE: CONTRACT AGREEMENT. Dear Friend,

I wish to acknowledge and recognize your importance in this business transaction which will take us only one month. I am a member of contract awarding committee which I was the chairman.

A contract was awarded to foreign company to buy transport vehicles for my country awarded in the year 2001, the contract was (40) Million, United State dollars but been a contract awarding committee chairman I over inflated in to the tone of (60)Million United State Dollars, the work have been completed and the company have been paid by Phillipine transportation communication and they have gone, what is left now is (20) Million, United State Dollars which was kept in one of th e Finance/Security Company set up by the Republic of philippine that is in charge of paying foreign contractors.

I need your assistance to assist me conclude this golden opportunity and to secure the fund into your possession, because being the chairman, I cannot do it alone without the help of a foreigner who
will stand as the contractor who executed the job.

Please you should keep the business very secret and confidential to yourself, do not tell anybody even your wife or your children till the money gets to your account, then I will join you in your country for a meeting and subsequent, introduce me into a profitable business where I  will invest my own share of the fund.

I have set aside 100% to be shared between me and you. I being the contract awarding committee chairman, I will get 50%, you that is assisting me will get 40% then 10% will be shared between both parties for any expenses we may meet on th e way during the transaction.
Please keep it very secret and confidential to yourself, awaiting your urgent response for us to proceed. you can contact me chuaernest_office@yahoo.com

YOUR PHONE NUMBER, FAX NUMBER
YOU HOME ADDRESS AND COMPANY ADDRESS
YOUR ACCONUT NUMBER
YOUR FULL NAME
God bless.

Best regards
NAME CHUA ERNESTO

Dear reader, if you should recognise the old inflated contract deal, then you are wise in the ways of Lads...

BTW – "NAME CHUA ERNESTO"? I can't believe that I missed that!

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,

I'm a bit puzzled by your message - could you please confirm that I am the intended subject.

Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

After a long break, our Lad is back... and a little too eager...

06 April 06

Att:Eliza Dane

I am in receipt of your mail. I thank you for showing some great responsibility, interest and trust.

I must also let you know that I feel comfortable transacting with you especially after your last email even though we have not had a verbal conversation, please do not let me down.

I will like you to send your details to me and i wil forward it to myattorney who will put together the perfected paper work to be sent to the bank for the release of the funds,this should take not longer than a day or two.

God Bless you for your positive resolve to affect our lives. Also Note that you are expected to do the same too before we proceed further .Immediately i recieve your own identity as requested by me, i shall then furnish you with all statutory documents as soon as my attorney is done with it .

Kindly acknowledge you recieved this mail

I will await an update from you .

Best Regards,

Mr.Chua Ernesto

"Also Note that you are expected to do the same too before we proceed further" – do what?

Let's give him something to be going on with... The number is the CIA "panic line" from the novel Three Days of the Condor.

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,

Hold on there, sport, I only wanted to make sure you had the right person... I'd say you did.

Here's the info you want.

PHONE NUMBER, FAX NUMBER

My phone number is 9439-7282, but that is not a secure line – others (especially my sister) would most likely answer it first. No fax.

YOU HOME ADDRESS AND COMPANY ADDRESS

35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney; No company address

YOUR ACCONUT NUMBER

Westpac Bank; G 937 641 424

YOUR FULL NAME

Ms Elizabeth Danielle Dane.

So, what's the next stage?

Regards,

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Lost his old email, eh? Tends to happen with scammers a lot, doesn't it?

08 April 06

Attn Eliza

Good day to you I just want to let you no that I had a problem

Login into my previous box that was chuaernesto_office@yahoo.com

Precisely I no longer have access to that very Box so I decided to open a New e-mail box and all the Information which you sent to my previous box is all Gone I would like you to resend it again I will be expecting your mail have a nice day

Regards From,

Barrister Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,

So that's why I've heard nothing from you... take better care of your systems, OK?

Here it is again.

Here's the info you want.

YOUR PHONE NUMBER, FAX NUMBER: My phone number is 9439-7282, but that is not a secure line - others (especially my sister) would most likely answer it first. No fax.

YOU HOME ADDRESS AND COMPANY ADDRESS: 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney – No company address

YOUR ACCONUT NUMBER: Westpac Bank; G 937 641 424

YOUR FULL NAME: Ms Elizabeth Danielle Dane.

So, what's the next stage (again)?

Regards,

Eliza Dane

Chua Ernesto
15 April 06

DEAR Elizabeth,

How are you doing today,hope and strongly believe that you are in good health condition.

Its been long you hear from me but i am sorry i went for a convention in my state,i got your mail and the content well noted.

I will send your informations to the security company where i deposited the fund,whenever you are contacted by the security company you kindly update me to tell u the next step forward to release the fund. whenever you are contacted stand firm and accept their mail because i have submitted all your informations to them and its been attached in your name with the fund.

try and update me,
i look forward to hear from you,
keep well
Chua.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,
Elizabeth? I haven't been called that in years... Eliza, or Liza, but not Elizabeth; not even AJ (my boyfriend) calls me that anymore.
I'm fine. I've been blessed with a good genetic inheritance and I stay healthy through careful eating and exercise (squash and karate mainly). My only weakness is tira misu. Do you like it?
I'll let you know when this company gets in touch... What do I do when that happens?
I don't know much about the Philippines. What's it like where you live?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

I've seen a few weird Lad names over the years, but this one is near the top of the Weird List.

19 April 06

Dear Liza,

How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, the content is well noted, I want you to contact the offshore security company direct. I want you to contact the chief security officer in charges Mr

Innocent Christ 0091-98-71747-634. Email (inno centchrist@netscape.net)

This is the reference number of the box, (UT6011JKI) contact him and ask him about the box with this number. Note the money was deposited in security company as family treasure for security reason don't let the officer to know that the box contains money.

I will advise you to make arrangement to go to security offshore center in India.

Let me hear from you very urgent. Contact them and get back to me.

Waiting to hear from you.

Best regards,

Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Christ,
I have been directed to enquire about the status of box UT6011JKI, containing personal effects. Please respond
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

And while we're here – a quick question about location...

Dear Mr Ernesto,
I emailed Mr Christ to tell me the status of the box you mentioned.
That's it.
Now do you want to tell me what the fuck the box is doing in India? That's thousands of kays away from both of us!
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ

This Lad is eager too! A little too eager.

21 April 2006
ATTENTION: ELIZA DANE.
I received your mail; you have to send us a photocopy of your international passport or your ID card as rightful beneficially of the consignment box so that our office here will process for onward clearing of the consignment box out from our Security Company here.
Your full name:?????????????.
Your phone/fax number:???????????..
Your full address:???????????????.
Send your passport or your ID card by email attachment.
Waiting to hear from you.
Regards.
Mr., Innocent Christ.
Chief security officer.
0091-98-717-47-634.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,
I did as requested, and got this:
---
...[Pasting in Innocent Christ's answer]
---
I never said anything about being a beneficiary!
Is this guy trustworthy?
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
22 April 06

Dear Mrs Eliza
I got your mailbut could not understandyou very well , I belive it will be nice if we talk more on the phone .I have been trying to call you but can not get through, Iwill appreciate it if you can give me a complete phone number to get to you.
NOTE: I strongly suggest that you do not contact Mr Christ any more because i belive there is a mix-up some where which I am trying to sort out.
pls do send me your secure phone number for easy communication
Best Regards,
Chua Ernesto.

Of course he couldn't get through... not that I could have done a credible woman's voice anyway (chromosomal issues).

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
I gave you my phone number on the express understanding that you shouldn't use it as it is not secure as far as taking calls, and I can't call you from that number (the phone is PIN-locked thanx to Sophie's calling of friends interstate and not hanging up). If you couldn't get through, then be grateful for bad connections at your end. It would have been adios for any chance of secrecy.
If you didn't understand my last message, it's down to this Mr Christ. I simply ask about "the status of box UT6011JKI, containing various personal effects" and straightaway he's asking me for ID so he can send me the box.
If he's prepared to give the box to me just as soon as I send him my name, address, phone number and a copy of my passport (which is not allowed BTW), then maybe you'd better find a safer place for that money!
Tell me when you find out what's happening, this has been drawn out too much so for my liking.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
25 April 06

Dear Mrs Eliza,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail the content is well noted Well you have to understand that this transition is confidential so let keep it confidential only by ourself.
I want you to re-contact the chief security officer in charge Mr. innocent Christ the best way to received the consignment in another offshore center in LONDON for onward claiming of the consignment money.Because I will not advise you not to go to Asia for the onward claming of the consignment money again, because of all thus virus in Asia.
Ask Mr. Innocent Christ to send the consignment to they offshore center in London for onward clearing. Send him all his requirement so that he will process for onward transship of the consignment box to London.
Call him and get back to me, remember don't open up the content to Mr. Innocent Christ.
Waiting to hear from you very urgent.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,

Oh, how touching – he doesn't want me to catch bird flu!

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,
I'm fine, if a bit confused at your reference to keeping things confidential. I've been discreet. That's why I told you not to ring here; Sophie couldn't keep a secret any more than Paris Hilton could stop sucking cock.
Just a question – is this Mr Christ going to ship stuff to London purely on my say-so? It's not as if I even formally staked a claim on it.
As for sending him my passport, remember, I said that's a no-no.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
25 April 06

Dear Mrs. Eliza,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, The content is well noted, You have to contact Mr. Innocent Christ ask him to transship the consignment money to London for you.
You don't have to worry, send him your ID card and follow all his instructions so that he will move the consignment money to London for onward cleaning.
I have secure one document from court of low changing of owner ship in your favor. I will send you the document so that you will fill it and send it back to me.
Contact the officer in charges and get back to me very urgent
Best regards,
Dear Mr. Ernesto

"[O]nward cleaning"? For a moment there I thought this would be a wash-wash scam.

That's twice now he's called Eliza "Mrs Dane..."

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
I've told you, several times now; I can't send Mr Christ my passport! The rules from DFAT are quite specific on this. I don't have a driver's licence and my college ID wouldn't cut it (even video stores turn it down).
Eliza Dane
PS I am not Mrs!
Chua Ernesto
25 April 06

Dear Eliza Dane
Fill this form and get back to me.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,
The form won't open.
What version of Adobe Acrobat did you use? We may have a compatibility problem.
Regards,
Eliza Dane

I wasn't faking... the attachment wouldn't open.

Chua Ernesto
25 April 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail, The content is well noted, send him your student ID card so that he will start the process the tranship without further delay.
Try to open the attachment and fill the form, I will wait to hear from you so that I will know if I will resent you the form.
Contact Mr., Innocent Christ without furthers delay.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
If Mr Christ accepts my student ID as proper identification – the one that video libraries turn down – then I'd be really, really worried about your goods.
I'll have to get it scanned down at the college.
And no, your attachment is not opening. I'd say try it as a JPEG.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
25 April 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your email, you have to scan the ID card and send it to Mr. Innocent Christ so that he will start the process without further delay.
I will resend you the changing of ownership form now so that you fill it and get back to me today.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
It's not complete - it got cut off.
I'll send the ID card on Monday - I can't get to a scanner before then.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
29 April 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, all arrangement to see the successful transfer of this fund to your account is in place, and you have to speedy up action because delay is not good this time.
Try to send your ID card to the director on Monday so that he will start the process without further delay. Try to print the form and fill it and you send it back to me on that Monday so that you will be the rightful beneficially of the fund.
I will wait to receive the form on monday.have a nice weekend.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
For God's sake read my goddamned replies! I TOLD you that you only sent me half the form. How am I supposed to fill out the missing bits - guesswork? Send me the whole form this time!
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
01 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I will resent you the form.try to contact Mr., Innocent Christ today and send him the ID card.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Surely there's no point in sending the ID without the form, is there?
You'd better send the form ASAP so I can get it filled out and everything in place first.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
03 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, The content is well noted, I will fill the form by my self on your behalf here and submit it to court of low for onward changing of ownership so that the security company will release the consignment money to you as beneficially.
Send me all this information's so that I will fill the form today by my self.
1) SURNAME/ ORTHER NAME?
2) RESIDENTIAL ADRESS?
3) PASSPORT NUMBER?
4) NATIONALITY?
5) PHONE NUMBER?
Let me have all the information very urgent so that I will fill the form. Remember to contact Mr., Innocent Christ and sent him your ID card.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
You have to speedy up acction

He gave up on filling out the form – hey, suits me.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
This will be the third time I sent you my details... please look after them!
Surname: my full name is Elizabeth Danielle Dane
Residential address: 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney
Passport number - 7530-66-107-1001-AUS-01-426-8047
Nationality - Australian
Phone number - 9439-7282
I'll let Mr Christ know that the paperwork is in hand.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Christ,
Reference box UT6011JKI; instructions for transshipment of the box to London (for health reasons) will be with you presently.
Attached find my personal ID.
Regards,
Eliza Dane

I sent him a blacked-out JPEG.

Chua Ernesto
05 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
I received your mail, the content is well noted, All arrangement to see the successful transship of the consignment money to London is in place, I will meet with my lawyer tomorrow morning for onward changing of ownership in your favor as the reigtful beneficially of the consignment money from court of law.
I will pay lawyer fee tomorrow morning so that court will approved the form without further delay.
Try to contact Mr. Innocent Christ let him know that I will sent him the changing of ownership tomorrow after my meeting with my lawyer.
I will like to know your last discussion with Mr. Innocent Christ.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Innocent Christ

Well, here's the first instalment... only $750?
I guess they don't want to put me off.

05 May 06

Attention, Eliza Dane
I received your mail, but your ID card is too dark, resent the ID card or you send me you ID card number or passport number so that I will start the process of transship of your consignment box to London as you requested.
Our offices here needs the changing of ownership document as rightful beneficially of the consignment box because the box was register with another person name.
Send me the changing of ownership document, and you send registration fee of $550 dollars and again $200 dollars for legalization of the document so that our insurance company will know you as the rightful beneficially of the consignment box because we are legitimate company.
You have to send all the fee today or tomorrow morning so that I will apply for release other form on your name for onward transship of the consignment box to London. The total fee to send is $750 dollars only and the changing of ownership document so that I will start the process of transship of the consignment to London.
Let me hear from you so that I will give you name which you will use to send the money here by western union money transfer.
Waiting to hear from you.
My regards,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Christ,
Bugger that college scanner! I don't think there's any point in sending you the college ID number, so I'll send the passport number instead: 7530-66-107-1001-AUS-01-426-8047.
The document you want is still being processed, it should be with you soon.
As for the fee, send me an invoice with the address and I'll get it done.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ

Usually the Lads get invoices and receipts mixed up; this one just ignores the request.

065 May 06

Attention, Eliza Dane,
Good day, I am in receipt of your mail, Send the money with this name:(Mr. Geoffrey Onyekwelu Igwesi ) designation is NEW DELHI INDIA. Send the money by western union money transfer and send me the control number.
Send the money today let me secure the release other form, I will wait to receive the document.
Best regards,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.

Eliza isn't going to let that go.

Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
No, it doesn't work like that.
I want an invoice first.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
06 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I hope you received my last email, Court will approved the document on Monday because I will pay they balance of lawyer fee on Monday you know I have spent all I have to get things don here, my lawyer will fax the document to security company on Monday on your behalf.
Have you be in contact communication with Mr., Innocent Christ?
Update me and try to follow all his instruction so that the consignment money will start going to London without further delay.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Innocent Christ
07 May 06

Attention, Eliza Dane,
I received your mail, which invoice are you talking about?
Let me hear from you.
Go to western union money transfer and send the money.
Best regards.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
Don't order me around!
I need an invoice from you to enable the money transfer.
As I understand it, since 9/11 there are rules in place (here at least) meaning that I have to have either an invoice, or a properly filled out form, from you to send cash overseas.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,
Mr Christ wants $750 for some legal stuff about his paperwork. I assume it's OK.
I told him to get the right documentation for me to send the cash. It seems that he doesn't know what an invoice is.
Now that's weird.
I'll let you know when he comes through.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
08 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail, The content is well noted, I am very happy that you are in contact with the director Mr., Innocent Christ.
You should try to know the best way to send him the money because he is working on our favor, Tell the people that you want to send some money to your brother in Asia for his local expenses.
You don't have to ask the director for the invoice again, because he will only give you payment invoice document on confirmation of the money in his company.
Try to look away to send him the money, I will fax him the document on Monday.
Waiting to hear from you.
I count on you to make this transaction success.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
If I were able to send Mr Christ the money that easily, I would do it, but I can't. The rules here are now quite strict. Blame al-Qaeda if you must.
You suggest lying to Western Union. Sorry, Mr Ernesto, I can't do that - if it were to get out, I would be charged and convicted, and I don't want that.
Either I get an invoice, or Mr Christ gives me the details to fill out the Western Union form (I can pick it up today).
That's how it has to be. I'm not going to risk a criminal record.
Eliza Dane

Now Innocent Christ falls into line with the rest of the Lad population.

I don't think one Lad in twenty hasn't used this line when I ask for an invoice... not that I mind; it eats up time.

Innocent Christ
08 May 06

Attention, Eliza Dane,
Good day, I am in receipt of your mail, Our company will give you invoice when we received the money there.
Fill the form with the name I give to you before, destination address is New Delhi India.
Waiting to hear from you.
REGARDS,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
A receipt is no good. I need an invoice.
Please send one ASAP, or indicate if you are willing to fill out the Western Union form.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
08 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your mail and understanding I am away that since 9/11 attack at US that rules has changed but this is what you should do go back to the WESTERN Union office and let them understand that you are making the transfer a personal private business purposes that you sending it to your friend I hope they will make the payment you know we can't expose the nature of the business openly now for a security reason and for all reason this is your money and you have every legal right to send it to whoever or business purposes so don't let them intimidate you.
If you know what to do to make this transaction success do it fast because delay is not good this time. My lawyer will fax the changing of ownership document to Security Company this morning on your behalf.
You have to keep this transaction confidential all the time. Hope by the grace of God before this weekend the fund will be shipped to London.
You don't have to tell the western union office the reason of sending the money so that them will not trace the Security Company you know you are the rightful beneficially of the fund in Security Company.
Don't let them know any information about the security company please so that we will not loss this our fund, you know I have spent all I have to bring this transaction up to this stage.
Try to send the money and let me know your arrangement with the director Mr,Innocent Christ.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,

Actually I have no idea that the Western Union rules have changed, or what any of their rules are; but I'm happy to accept that they have changed!

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Pay attention please. I am not going to do what you say. It is simple; if something goes wrong, I am the one facing jail time or a huge fine or both. You are in no danger.
If I have an invoice, then the money will go through, and the whole thing will move along smartly.
I wish the two of you would face facts. I need the paperwork. Why can't Mr Christ supply it?
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ
08 May 06

Attention: Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
I just want to inform you that our security office here have received the changing of ownership document just now as the beneficially of the consignment box, Your full name in the document is Elizabeth Danielle Dane, with your full address residential address: 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney.Nationality - Australian.and your Passport number - 7530-66-107-1001-AUS-01-426-8047.

We are waiting for you to send the fee so that we will start the process of onward shipment of your consignment box to London.
Waiting to hear from you.
MY REGARDS.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
I'm grateful, believe me, but I still need either that invoice or the form filled out. Please choose.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

The Lad goes a bit off the rails in an attempt to get Eliza back on message.

09 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thank you for your mail. We have no much time to waste as this transaction required urgency.
I want to bring to your notice that, I am not doing this business because of the huge sum involved but because it is 100% risk free for both parties, so I am assuring you triple fold that this business is no kids play at all. The fund for transfer is of non-drug, terrorist or criminal related.
As efficient, strong and reliable as this transaction {INHERITANCE} inheritance is not a crime all over the World, a day old baby can inherit as you know even a deaf & dumb and the blind can as well Inherit. Because they can neither talk nor even read but Documents and only documents will talk and say for them. The difference in countries of origin does not matter.
You have to follow all my instruction because if you don't want to follow my instruction that main we are not partners?
As I told you for the fist time I will not like to loss this money because this is our opportunity and such opportunity only come ones in mans lifetime.
You know why I advise you not to let the western money transfer to know where the money is going is because of high jackass, I don't want people to know anything about this business.
You check another way to send the money you can ask the director to send you an account for the payment.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,
Eliza Dane

It gets him a slap!

Mr Ernesto,
What the hell is this obsession with urgency now? Is the trunk going to turn into a fucking pumpkin if we don't get it out by midnight? Be serious!
I don't like being patronised, so stop being such a jerk. I know this is serious. But since you also said that this business is 100% risk-free, I am trying to keep it that way. Like I said before, if I lie on the WU form, I am the one risking prosecution, not you. It's easy for you to sit there and blather on about inheritances and babies and blind deaf mutes.
One other thing – if we are partners, then you can stop ranting and raving about following your orders. Partnership runs both ways. I have a problem that you can solve, quite easily, if and only if YOU DO AS I SAY. Mr Christ, on the other hand, is not our partner. We are his customers. He should do as I say. Why are you taking his side? You should be on mine!
The real issue here is not me. It's Mr Christ's recalcitrance, and your hysteria.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
09 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail, The content is well noted, I will wait to know your conclusion with director in security company.
Thanks and God bless you.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,
Innocent Christ

Innocent Christ sends one of the crappiest forms I've ever laid eyes on.

09 May 06

Attention: Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
Attachment file is the release other form. Fill the form and send it backs to me, and again you send the money today and let me know the control number.
Waiting to hear from you.
MY REGARDS.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
No, no, NO! This is not an invoice! Hell's teeth, you're as much use as a fishnet condom! Where were you where the brains were being handed out? How the hell did you get to be chief of security? Did you lie about your age or something?
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
I don't know what it takes to make Innocent Christ see sense, but I'm going to find out somehow.
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ
10 May 06

Attention: Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
Thanks for your mail, Is like you are not serious in clearing your consignment out. Our company doesn?t insure invoice without any payment.
Any time you are ready let me know.
MY REGARDS.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47=634
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
I'll put this simply; RECEIPTS are given after payment. I don't want a RECEIPT. What I want is an INVOICE, the thing which gives details of what I'm paying for.
But since you refuse to do what just about every business in existence is happy to do, then I guess it's your decision to fill out the Western Union form. Get it right!
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Chua Ernesto tries desperately to hurry things along...

11 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail; you have to be making arrangement to be in London to claim the consignment money. Let me know your arrangement to be in London.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Chua Ernesto
11 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I hope you received my email, I want to sell my gold to send him the money you don't have to worry again.
Let me know your schedule to London so that I will arrange my self to meet you on London for sharing and investment.
I will wait to hear from you. Let the director know that I will send him the money by next week.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,
Innocent Christ
12 May 06

Attention: Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
Thanks for your mail, Is like you are not serious in clearing your consignment out. Our company doesn?t insure invoice without any payment.
Any time you are ready let me know.
MY REGARDS.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.

I have this strange feeling of déjà vu...

Chua Ernesto
15 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? Let me know what is going on from your side.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,

I didn't reply for three says.

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr Ernesto,
I'm sorry I haven't replied before now but I had a major computer crash and I only just had the email put right.
What gold did you have to sell? Look, you don't have to give in to that fuckwit Mr Christ! It's probably too late by now though. I hate it when jumped-up little squirts start acting all high and mighty. He deserved a good swift kick, not getting his way.
Getting to London isn't going to be that easy – I have to arrange time off from college. I'll be in touch.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
All this proves is that your company is run by idiots.
As it is, the money should be with you this week via another source.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Again Chua Ernesto seeks to reassure - though that comment about Innocent Christ being in charge of things wouldn't exactly give anyone confidence!

18 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail, the content is well noted, don't worry I will sent him the money today or tomorrow. You know we don't have any business with Mr. Innocent Christ is because he is the person in charges in security company.
Let us cool down for them let this people ship this box to London for us because that is where our power is.
Make arrangement to be in London and let me know your schedule.
Have you call Mr., Innocent Christ or sent him email?
Let me hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Sonofabitch – you mean Innocent Christ actually RUNS that cowboy outfit? And you gave him custody of that money! Man, I wouldn't trust him with a stall at the school fete!
I'm afraid the last thing I told him was this: "All this proves is that your company is run by idiots. As it is, the money should be with you this week via another source." Well, I only told the truth.
I should know about travel possibilities by Tuesday. Do you know London at all? If so, can you advise me on places to stay and so on?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ
19 May 06

Attention: Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
Thanks you so much for your mail, you have no problem to call me idiots because you are our customer you know customers is always right. I will wait to received the money so that I will process the transship of your consignment to London.
Please try to be good girl.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.

Not exactly oozing with sincerity...

Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
The customer is always right? Man, you turned up late at that party. If you really believed that you'd have given me what I wanted. Sheeyah...
Well, the sooner you get paid, the sooner you can ship off the goods and the sooner we're out of each other's hair.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
19 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, The content is well noted, Please don't hot them again so that them will not suspect this our consignment money.
My lawyer will send them the money this afternoon, hoping by Monday next week the company will start the process of transships of the consignment money to London by diplomatic channel.
I don't know anywhere in London, note after the approval of the shipment of the box to London from Security Company in Asia them will release their offshore contact information in London for onward claim. You have to be making arrangement to be in London for onward claim of the consignment money from Security Company.
I hope by next week the Security Company will approve the shipment and them will send you the airway bill document of the consignment which you will take along with you to London as rightful beneficially of the consignment box and also the contact of the director in London so that you will contact him for onward claming of your consignment money.
I will wait to hear from you,
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Let me make this clear – I am not trying to hurt anyone, unless asking for reasonable treatment is deemed some form of assault. I'm not the one to blame if Mr Christ is some spoiled brat prima donna wussbag.
That aside – I need to be absolutely sure of a few things before I finalise my bookings. I need to know where the security company is (I'd like to book accommodation somewhere nearby), and what arrangements I have to make about the money. The reason I ask is that we are talking about $20 million – assuming it's in $100 bills, that's about 200 kilos weight of notes, which is more than I can carry. Even if I just carry my share, that's 40 kilos – still quite a weight. What do we do then? Am I supposed to lug a big bag of cash back home? Are you going to do that? We really have to plan ahead. Let me know the address in London, and what we do when we're there.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
21 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
I am in receipt of your mail, The content is well noted, Note after the clearing of the consignment money out from London, we are going to open offshore account and make the deposit you don't need to worry the important things is to clear it out and make the deposit from London direct to your account.
Mr. Innocent Christ will send you the contact of the security company in London by next week after the approval of transship of the consignment money to London.
On confirm of the successful clearing of the consignment money out in London you just send me email so that I will flight to meet you up so that we can go back to your country as one family for sharing and investment, I will like to invest some of my share in real estate investment in London.
Do you know any good business in your country? Where I will invest my money.
Let me hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane

Note to readers; don't take Eliza's business tips.

Mr Ernesto,
I'm a student of agriscience, not business. Don't take any of my business tips as canonical, OK? But you can't lose with wool futures or sports suppliers. Or a pub. Invest in a brewery. Wins every time.
Get the final info and I'll be good to go.
Eliza

And now, the REAL money hits...

Innocent Christ
22 May 06

Attention: Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
Good day to you, I just want to inform you that I received the money here, I just apply for the shipment of your consignment to London as a beneficially of the consignment box. Note you are going to meet with our delivery official in London with your ID card as the rightful beneficially of the consignment for onward delivery.
This is the requirement:
1) Your ID card.
2) Shipping clearing charges $8000 pounds.
3) Custom charges 4000 pounds.
Because your consignment will be covered with insurance coverage and diplomatic tag so that customs will not ask to open the consignment.
The contact will be released tomorrow so that you will contact our offshore center in London for onward delivery.
Waiting to hear from you.
My regards,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47=634
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
This is unbelievable. You are seriously telling me that moving ONE box to London costs £12000 – or about $30000? What the fuck are you using to shift that box – the Space Shuttle?
If you think I'm going to pay that much for sending a box from India to London you are drunk, stoned, mad, or all three!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Innocent Christ ain't innocent, I can tell you that!
He has just told me – in all seriousness – that he intends to charge £12000 – or about $30000 – to send the box to London. Two-thirds is "shipping charges" and one-third is "custom charges".
He CANNOT be fucking serious! There is NO WAY in creation that anyone who's not drunk, stoned, or just plain fucking insane – or maybe all at once – could justify that. I think we're being gouged by that creep, 'cos he thinks we're smuggling something. I'm worried – maybe he's tipped off the British police and they're waiting for what they think is a drug shipment.What now?
Eliza
Chua Ernesto

Chua Ernesto seems to be in a good mood with payday in sight...

23 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
I am in receipt of your mail, the content is well noted, I am very happy that everything is going well on your side, My prayer now is if this security company to approved this shipment I will be grad if the approval will take place tomorrow by the grace of God.
You have to be making arrangement to be in London by next week, Tell the security company director that you are going to pay the money in London, we need the shipment to take place with immunity license that well covered the consignment to London so that immigrations and customs will not open the luggage.
Note after the clearing in London we are going to map 3% of the total sum aside for all the expenses that incur dulling the process of this transaction booth parties before shearing, just keep good record of any money you invest in this transaction and me too.
Don't worry when you contact the director in London you ask him to do some favor for us the important thing is the movement of the consignment money to London.
You have to try your best because you know for now I don't have any money with me I have spent all I have to bring this transaction up to this stage.
The consignment money has to move by diplomatic mains so that the diplomat agent will use his immunity license to cover the consignment money to London.
I will wait to know your conclusion with the Security Company tomorrow.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
I don't know how you can be so calm about this.
Innocent Christ is trying to gouge us bigtime – and I know there's a lot at stake here, but that doesn't mean that he can be allowed to rip us off! I can meet the costs, but what with likely travel expenses, it's going to be cutting things sorta close. Any travel plans are hinging on details about the London security company. I haven't had the contact details yet.
When you said, "Don't worry when you contact the director in London you ask him to do some favor for us" – what favour? Don't get enigmatic, OK?
Eliza Dane

Innocent Christ
23 May 06

ATTENTION:ELIZABETH.
I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL, ALL ARRANGEMENT TO SEE THE SUCESFUL TRANSHIP OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX TO LONDON IS IN PLACE, NOTE THIS YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX WAS REGISTERD IN OUR CUSTODY AS FAMILY TRESUR THAT CONTAINS GOLD AND CLOTH.NOTE YOU ARE NOT PAYING ANY MONEY TO ME, MY JOB IS TO SHIP YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO LONDON.
OUR COMPANY WILL APPROVE THE SHIPMENT BY TOMORROW, AFTER THE APPROVAL OF THE SHIPMENT OUR DIPLOMATIC AGENT WILL MOVE WITH YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO LONDON.
NOTE THE DIPLOMAT AGENT WILL USE HIS DIPLOMATIC POWER AND INSURANCE COVERAGE TO COVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO LONDON SO THAT CUSTOMS AND IMMEGRITION WILL NOT ASK TO OPEN THE CONSIGNMENT.
I WILL SEND YOU THE AIRWAY BILL OF THE CONSIGNMENT TOMORROW.GO WITH ALL THE CHARGES SO THAT YOU CONSIGNMENT WILL BE RELEASED TO YOU.
THIS THE CONTACT INFORMATION OF THE DIRECTOR IN LONDON.CONTACT HIM AND MAKE ARRANGEMENT WITH HIM FOR ONWARD CLEARING OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT OUT.
NAME OF OFFICER INCHARGE: DR.PETER ADAMS
TEL: +447786316411
FAX: +442081816492
EMAIL: alphasecurityandfinance@juno.com
CITY MANCHESTER,
COUNTRY: UNITED KINGDOM.
YOUR CONSIGNMENT WILL MOVE FROM HERE ON FRIDAY THIS WEEK.
My regards,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47634
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
I see. Well, I still think that a sum equal to half a year's salary to transport one box is a fucking disgrace! I hope the airways bill can make sense of the whole deal...
I'll contact Dr Adams. Does he know about the costs involved?
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Dear Dr Adams,
Mr Innocent Christ suggested that I contact you. Have you been briefed on this?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Dr. Peter Adams

This guy must be a Ph.D – it's definitely starting to be Piled Higher and Deeper.

Attention:Eliza Dane
Dear Madam,
This is to acknowledge the reciept of your mail.Please be informed that we have already gotton a memo from Innocent Chris from India in respect of your consignment that is meant to arrive here in the United Kingdom in the shortest possible while.
Please be informed that it is pertent that you will need to make all your travelling arrangement eady to preceed to the United Kingdom.
In the interim,it is important that you send to us a copy of your photo identification and attached to this mail is a form which you will need to fill and send back to us,for us to process it before the arrival of your consignment.
We will send our protocol officer to pick you up from the airport upon your arrival to the guest house.So it is important that we as well get along side your flight internerywith a copy of your photo identification and the completed form.
This exercise should not take more than two working days.We await your promt response.
Yours Truly,
Dr. Peter Adams.
Chua Ernesto
24 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail; the content is well noted I am out of the town to put things in other for my visit in London after the confirmation of the successful clearing of the consignment money out in London. I will go London embassy to look for my visa.
Tell Mr. Innocent Christ to send you the contact so that you will contact the director in London for onward clearing of the consignment money out.
Let me hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
I got a reply from Doctor Adams, and I have to say, your geography sucks – you said all along the shipment would go to London, but the Alpha office is in Manchester! That's over 200 miles away. Here I was looking for flights to London, and I've been wasting my time.
I hope this isn't a bad omen...
Now, they sent me a form to fill out, and it's pretty straightforward - except they want to know my occupation, dunno why - and there's a line for the contents of the box. Innocent Christ said something about gold and cloth - is that it? Would that be enough?
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ
24 May 06

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH.
GOOD DAY, YOUR SHIPMENT HAVE APPLOVED HERE, YOUR CONSIGNMENT WILL START MOVING TO UNITED KINGDON BY FRODAY THIS WEEK 26/5/2006.
CONFIRM YOUR AIRWAY BILL AND PROCEED TO LONDON FOR ONWARD CLEAM.
My regards,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47634

Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
Got it - though why you had to send it as a Powerpoint file is beyond me.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Dear Dr Adams,
I need to clarify some details.
Firstly, your location. I have been assured several times that your office was in London, but now I learn that apparently you are located in Manchester. I had been planning to arrive in London - I hope it will not be a problem if I still do so. Also, you refer to a "guest house" – I don't think that we'll need it if we arrive in London.
Secondly, I need confirmation of the charges and fees mentioned to me by Mr Christ; he placed the total at £12000. Please verify.
I'll put together a package of what you need; it should be with you soon.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ
24 May 06

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH.
THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT CONFIRMATION, PRINT THE AIRWAY BILL OUTBECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE IT ALONG WITH YOU TO UNITED KINGDOM FOR CLEAM.
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47634
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
Duly noted, but I have to ask - what "EXACT STREET ADDRESS" is "DIPOLMATIC HOUSE?"
Eliza Dane

Why does this Lad have such a problem with the space bar?

Dr. Peter Adams
24 May 06

Attention:Eliza Dane
Dear Madam,
This is to acknowledge the reciept of your mail and the content well understood.Please be informed that we do have a little storage in London,but the major storage is in Manchester where your consignment will be arriving. You are adviced to take a direct flight from Your country to Manchester City Airport ,where the protocol officer will pick you up.If you have to arrive in London,you still have to take a local flight or by train which will take you another two hours to Mancherster or by Coach(Bus) which will take you another four hours to Manchester.So that is why we are advicing you to tell your travel agent to route you directly to manchester directly.Please note that you ahve to follow our advice and instruction. As for the charges,yes it is confirmed and we are aware of the £12,000 which you have to come along with to the United Kingdom.

We are expecting to recieve the information that we require from you like you have said as soon as possible.

Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Peter Adams.
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams:
I'm a little puzzled by your insistence that "[I] ahve [sic] to follow [y]our advice and instruction" on my travels in England. You are the custodians of my belongings, not my personal guardians.

We intend to arrive in London, hire a car and make our way to Manchester, where we'll book our own accommodation. There'll be no need to connecting local flights, or coach or train trips. On that score, you'd better confirm your actual address, as so far Mr Christ's info was totally inadequate.

There's the matter of the fee - speaking plainly, it's unbelievable that you could even for an instant consider charging £12,000 - half the yearly average wage here - for a single box to be brought to England. I want a full accounting of this charge, and I mean every detail.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Dr. Peter Adams

Now this Lad is an arrogant cuss. The formatting is exactly as in the original message.

24 May 06

Attn:Eliza Dane<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns ="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Dear Madam,

This is to confirm the receipt of your mail. Yes we are the custodian to your consignment and it is our duty to deliver it to you safely without any problem. We are just trying to advice and to cut down cost for you. But since you prefer to get to <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />London first and take a chartered vehicle to Manchester, there is no problem at all. We were as well trying to make things easier for you that is why we said that we will provide a vehicle that will pick you up from the airport in Manchester. But since this is not okay by you, you can proceed yourself.

But it is paramount that you have to call us as soon as you have arrived London and at the same time you have to furnish us with the hotel name that you have made arrangement to stay so that we can send the driver to pick you up to our diplomatic house where this your consignment will be delivered to you .We are not in the position to disclose the address to you because of security reasons based on the fact that we handle so much valuables of consignment there in our storage. But upon your arrival here in the United Kingdom, we will definitely attend to you.

This is our protocol of operation that we have been using to attend to various and numerous beneficiary and yours is not going to be different.

We are not in the position to start negotiating the charges of Twelve thousand British pounds sterling with you and it is none of our business if these charges are half the yearly average wages in your country. This charges covers the shipping and clearing/custom charges.

And it is compulsory that you come along with it. If not there is nothing we can do. We cannot release your consignment to you with out it.

We are here to serve you and to make things very easy for you.

Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Peter Adams.

Those who have read other Eliza baits may be puzzled by her self-control here. All I can say is, she was different back then.

Eliza Dane
Dr Adams,
You don't have to be so bullish about my questions. I expected you to be a bit more professional, a bit more tactful. The simple fact is that your charge is absurdly high. I want an accounting of the costs. I don't want you to bluster about this business, I want you to treat me like a customer and be POLITE. It isn't too much to ask.

Regards,
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
25 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, the content is well noted, and you just re-confirm your flight to Manchester for the clearing of the consignment money out. I told you before that this box was registered in security company as family treasure that contains gold and cloth for security reason the security company don't know that the luggage contains money.
I will wait to know your schedule to Manchester.
Hope to meet you soon.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,

So, in order to conceal the fact that the box holds cash, he told them that it contained gold.
No, I don't get it either.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Yes, you did say that the box held gold and cloth - I thought there might be more details needed. Why the hell you had to mention gold is beyond me. Now that Manchester bunch is demanding $30,000 for a single box, and they don't like me asking why.

I'll get back once my plans are finalised.
Eliza Dane
Dr. Peter Adams
25 May 06

Attn:Eliza Dane
Dear Madam,
This is to confirm the reciept of your mail.Apology if i did offend you.Try and understand that we are always very busy so we really do not have enough time to explain too much in details as we belive and know that you must have finanlize with Innocent Christ before this your consignment should be on his way to the United Kingdom from India.

Please be informed that if you need any break down,you can contact Inocent Christ as he is the best person to disscuss this this issue with.Ours here is to collect the charges upon your arrival and hand over your consignment to you intact without any problem.Because our customers satisfaction is our pleasure.

Please be informed that we are still yet to recieve the information that we did requested from you.

I apologise once again,Madam.

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Peter Adams
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams,
Duly noted – though I really, really doubt that you could be that busy the way you charge. If this is a normal fee... good grief.
I'll ask Mr Christ. I just hope he doesn't flick pass me back to you.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
Dr Adams told me to ask you for the exact breakdown of the costs - or, to put it another way, I want to know EXACTLY why I am being charged such a huge sum for ONE box. AFAIK DHL would charge one-tenth of that sum to ship boxes intercontinentally.
Care to explain?
Eliza Dane

How much would DHL charge? No idea. I just made that one-tenth bit up.

Innocent Christ
26 May 06

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH.
I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL,YOU HAVE TO MEET HIM WITH THE CHARGES OF 12.000 POUNDS.
BEST REGARDS,
MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47634
Eliza Dane
Mr Christ,
That's not the answer.
Here's the question again: "I want to know EXACTLY why I am being charged such a huge sum for ONE box. AFAIK DHL would charge one-tenth of that sum to ship boxes intercontinentally.
"Care to explain?" Dr Adams said you'd be able to answer that question. Can you?
Eliza Dane
Innocent Christ
26 May 06

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH.

I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL, THE CHARGES IS BECAUSE YOUR CONSIGNMENT HAVE TO SHIP BY DIPLOMATIC CHANNEL SO THAT THE DIPLOMAT WILL USE HIS IMMUNITY

LICENSE TO COVER THE CONSIGNMENT TO UNITED KINGDON AND ALSO INSURANCE COVERAGE BECAUSE YOUR CONSIGNMENT IS GOLD AND CLOTH INSURANCE HAVE TO COVER YOUR LUGGAGE TO UNITED KINDON.

YOUR CONSIGNMENT JEST LEFT TO UNTED KINDOM THIS MORNING HOPEFUL THE FLIGHT WILL ARRIVE UNITED KINDOM BEFOR TOMORROW.

YOU HAVE TO PROCEED TO UNITED KINDOM WITH YOUR ID CARD AND AIRWAY BILL OF THE CONSIGNMENT AND ALSO THE CLEARING CHARGES.

WAITING FOR YOUR CONFIRMATION OF CLEARING OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT OUT IN UNITED KINDOM.

MR INNOCENT CHRIST.
CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER.
0091-98-717-47634
Eliza Dane
Dear Dr Adams,
I did as you suggested, but all I got from Innocent Christ was the assurance that the fee was for insurance – and that's where I gave up.

My travel details are not yet finalised – I'll send them once we're sure – and I'm concerned about the ID requirements. Mr Christ accepted my college ID, which has never struck me as being a good idea, and I can't supply a copy or scan of my passport because of DFAT rules.

What I'm suggesting is this: I've attached a copy of my passport photo and my passport number is 7530-66-107-1001.

When I arrive, you can compare pic and number. Simple, huh?

Also, ref payment (grrr...) – suggestion; when I reach Manchester, I give your protocol guy a cheque for the £12,000 and I inspect the box and make sure everything's good. Once the cheque clears, I'll retrieve the box - all that's only if a credit card payment is not on. Let me know which one is OK.

Regards,
Eliza Dane
Dr. Peter Adams
30 May 06

Attn:Eliza Dane
This is to confirm the reciept of your mail and your photo identification.Be informed that your consignment is due to arrive United Kingdom by tommorow and we are still yet to recieve the copy of the fillied consignment release form that we sent to you along side your travelling internery.

You are adviced to try and book your flight down to the United Kingdom for next week as not to allow your consignment with us to start accumulating dummorrage in the storage.Please take a date for next week for us to okayit and book you for collection on the procurement date.

As for the charges,please be informed that we do not accept cheque but cash upon your arrival here before consignment can be released to you.Please you have to follow our ways ofdelivery of consignments to beneficiaries intact.

Thank you very much while we expect your flight internery and the completed form.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Peter Adams.

Of course they won't accept cheques. I knew that.

Eliza Dane
Dr Adams:
"[W]e do not accept cheque" – are you serious? Do you really mean to insult me like that – demanding cash only? I'm not some dodgy hotel guest who might do a runner and you aren't Arthur Daley.
Listen up - I am your customer. I do not take orders from you. You do as I say. Already you've tried to tell me how and where to fly, and now you're trying to tell me that I've got to carry £12,000 across half the world because of your stupid policy? Get real!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Those maggots are CHEATING us!! I KNEW IT!! And I've got proof!!
Remember when I said that the security firm wanted $30000? Well, at the time I was told (and confirmed via an airway bill) that the £12000 was for shipping costs and customs charges.
Well, guess what? Now Innocent Christ tells me it's for INSURANCE! The fucking cheat can't even lie straight!
What do we do?They've got the box, and they're out to gouge us.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
27 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, I tell you this again delay can be dangerous, proceed to Manchester to clear this consignment money out.
Let me know your arrangement to Manchester.
best regards,
Mr Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Did you even read my email?
Those fucking shysters are demanding that I pay cash for god's sake, and bullshitting about why. They won't even tell me where their fucking warehouse is! What kind of business are they supposed to be running?
Then you say "I tell you this again delay can be dangerous" – bullshit! You've never said that before! Where's the danger? Is there something you're not telling me?
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
29 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail, the content is well noted, look if your are not serous in this transaction just let me know in time so that I will look for another person who will help to claim this fund from security company.
Let me know your plan in time so that I will know my stand here.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,

Is there a Lad flow-chart somewhere? That "you are not serious" line is just so predictable.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Don't be such a fucking wuss – and stop dodging the question!

Look, if I do as you say – as they say – I have to convert a fair chunk of my hard-earned to pounds sterling, and then carry it across the world to a bunch of guys who for some reason won't accept cheques or credit card payments, unlike just about every other business that I could name. I am taking a major risk doing this – not just risking robbery, but arrest under the new security laws. If anything goes wrong, I am the one who might get burned.

I blame you for this fuck up – why the fuck did you say it contained gold? What the fuck was wrong with saying it contained personal papers and books or something like that? Aagh...

I hope to finalise plans by Wednesday.

I'll send you the details then.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
30 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,

How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail; the content is well noted, I will be very happy to conclude this transaction with you. So that two of us will live as one family. Try to go with the money in cash so that them will pay the custom they charges and clear it out without further delay.

Note on your arrival in united kingdom you call the director to pick you up to guesthouse or he direct you the best hotel to stay. You don't have to go with the director to their office, give him all the entire requirement in your hotel so that he will deliver the consignment money in your hotel room. Because going to their office is not ok for security reason so that them will not ask you to open the box in their office.

You have to follow all the director instructions.

I will get my visa tomorrow; Let me know your schedule to United Kingdom.

Hope to meet you soon.

Best regards.
Mr. Ernesto,

OK, time to let fly. Calm, affable Eliza goes missing as her temper is allowed to flare.

Go on... you were expecting it!

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
I do not have to follow Dr Adams' instructions! Fuck me, I'm the customer; I do not take orders from him! He is not my employer; he should do what I say! I'm going to stay where I want, not where the fucking Adams family says I should.

And if you think I'm going to hand over £12000 in some hotel room, not a fucking chance. No money leaves my hands before I see that box and check the number and make sure it's sealed. I don't know how you do business in the Philippines, but I am not going to do deals that way.

I'm going to their office, and I'm going to check that box in private while I'm there. If they want me to open the box in their presence, they can go fuck themselves.

You got all that?
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams,
Form attached. More details later.
Eliza Dane

His formatting problems return...

Dr. Peter Adams
31 May 06

Attn: Eliza Dane,<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

This is to confirm the receipt of the completed Beneficiary form. We await the flight schedule to enable us know your exact date and time of arrival here in the <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />United Kingdom.

And the necessary requirement upon your arrival here.

We wish you a safe flight down to the United Kingdom.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Peter Adams.
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams,
There's no need for you to have the flight schedule, as you don't need to know exactly when we're arriving - remember, we won't be using your guest house but staying in the hotel of our choice while in Manchester. That hasn't been finalised yet.
"And the necessary requirement upon your arrival here" - that's not a sentence. What are you saying here? Is it a question, statement - what?
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
31 May 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail,let me know your arrangement to United Kingdom.
Waiting to hear from you.hope to meet you soon.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,
Chua Ernesto
01 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I hope you received my last email? Let me know your arrangement to United Kingdom because I will have my visa today.
Let me hear from you very urgent.
Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

There was a hiccup in our preps as AJ had to clear his leave – there is no way I'll travel alone with a huge stash of cash.

At this stage we intend to get to London on Wednesday (the 7th), spend four days recovering and catching a bit of the sights, and set off for Manchester on the Monday after (the 12th). That should put us in Manchester on the 14th (a leisurely drive, after all).

However, that last bit is still subject to change - our reservations at the Lowry Hotel are not confirmed yet.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams,

Update; we intend to arrive in London on June 7 and then reach Manchester on June 12. We will contact you on the 12th or soon after.

Be seeing you.
Eliza Dane
Dr. Peter Adams
02 June 06

Attn:Eliza Dane
This is to confirm the reciept of your mail.We will be expecting you on that date as mentioned by you.Please be informed once again that in as much you are our customer and we are at your service.It is paramount that you have to come along with the charges of which without it,we are not going to release your consignment to you.Please you have to take note of this.

Thank you very much and we wish you a safe flight down to the United kingdom.Feel very free to contact me on my direct telephone number stated below should there be any enquiry.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Peter Adams.
DIRECT TEL:+447786316411
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams:
If I'm your customer and you are at my service, then I expect a warmer welcome than I've been getting from you so far.

And yes, I'll have your money.

Stop worrying.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
02 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I received your mail, the content is well noted, and I want to know who is that going with you to London? I hope to meet you up in United Kingdom soon.

Let me hear from you.

Best regards,
Mr Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
My boyfriend AJ is coming along with me. I need someone to protect me while I'm lugging around £12,000. If for some reason (god knows what) you have problems with that, tough.
Eliza
Dr. Peter Adams
02 June 06

Attn:Eliza Dane,
This is to confirm the reciept of your mail.If you feel that I have been so rude to you I am sorry .Is just that i am acting according to our way of operation.Please you can give me a call upon your arrival in london if this is okay by you.
Thank you very much for your co-operation.
Yours Truly,
Dr. Peter Adams.
Eliza Dane
Dr Adams,
Do you normally try to dictate to your customers exactly how they should travel and exactly where they should stay?
Do you normally treat your customers with such disdain? I don't think it's your way of operation to be an arrogant turd, I think it's just you.
You'll hear from me when we arrive in Manchester. The rest of our trip is absolutely none of your concern.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
05 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
I am in receipt of your mail, the content is well noted, and I hope you trust your boy friend? Because I don't want anybody to let me down after the successful clearing of the consignment money out in united kingdom.

I will be happy to meet you and your boyfriend in United Kingdom.

Try to make reservation for me in United Kingdom before my arrival.

Waiting to hear from you.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
You ask very stupid questions. Of course I trust AJ!

Make a reservation? Where? Fuck me, you leave things late! We leave tomorrow! Give me details then, and hurry up!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
05 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
I am very happy to hear that you trust your boyfriend, is ok.
You don't have to worry about my reservation all of us will stay together as one family.
Try to send me email from London so that I will know what is going on from your side.
Hope to see you face to face soon.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
What do you mean, "all of us will stay together as one family"? Just how many have you got coming with you?

AJ has booked us at the Holiday Inn at Kensington, just the place to relax. I'll be in touch.

Got to get some rest now, final preps and all that. We've just had a going-away party – AJ took pix of us; five aspiring models around the table... Must remember to beware of practical jokes. Cheryl and Ginny aren't happy at not being part of this trip.

Eliza
Chua Ernesto
06 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I am in receipt of your mail, the content is well noted. I am coming United Kingdom only me.

Safe journey to London and I hope to meet you in united kingdom.

Waiting to hear from you

Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Chua Ernesto
07 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? And where are you now? I want you to call the director on your arrival in London so that he will make arrangement to delivery the consignment money to you in London.
Tell the director in United Kingdom to meet you in London for the onward delivery of the consignment money and you know if he will help you to delivery the consignment to you in London. I will be making arrangement to meet you in London because I want this transaction to take place in London. I will be waiting for your confirmation from London, Try to send me your hotel phone number in London so that I will call you.
See you soon.
Best regards,
Mr. Ernesto,
Chua Ernesto
10 June 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? Where are you now ?
Let me hear from you very urgent.
Best regards.
Mr Ernesto,

OK – time for a black-out. We'll resume when...

Cammy White
Hello Mr Chua Ernesto,

I'm afraid Eliza isn't able to reply as she's gone to London on holidays, so you'll have to wait till she gets back, sorry to disappoint you.

Cammy White
Eliza Dane
YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS

WHEN I FIND YOU IM GOING TO HURT YOU SO BAD

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME

YOUD BETTER BE SORRY

I wonder what they made of this?

Chua Ernesto

Well, he sounds surprised...

11 June 06

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? WHAT IS GOING ON?
Cammy White
Mr Chua Ernesto,

Whoever you are, I apologise for the tone of Eliza's last email, but she is in a terrible state after the events of the past week, and that was the mildest thing she's been saying, she is being kept sedated and I am looking after her. Please tell me what has happened to her, there was no hint in her emails and the way she has spoken about you is most strange, please help me to understand.

Best regards,

Cammy White
Eliza Dane

OK, Eliza's back...

What is going on is that my life is in ruins, I have no career, no boyfriend and no home. AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU BRAINLESS FUCKWIT! You and that shithead doctor insisted on cash – we got arrested for that! Someone set us up to be arrested for buying drugs!We didn't get charged but we got deported and I lost everything I put into the trip!

I can't stand it! Millions in my name, and nothing I can fucking do, thanx to you fucking morons!
Chua Ernesto

Three weeks passed by... but when the Lad wrote back, he was truly focussed on the money.

04 July 06

OK
I Received your mail,let me know the day you will pay the money so that the security company in london will delivery the consignment to your country.
You have to ask for account so that you will pay the money by account.
Let me hear from you.
Best regards,
Eliza Dane
OK? You have a real fucking nerve writing to me now. Nearly a FULL MONTH after I got turned back, and my life was ruined – and not a fucking word from you. No what happened, no how are you coping. Just SILENCE. And now you get in touch – and all you can think about is the fucking money I'm supposed to give those security company motherfuckers.

Listen up, fuckwit; the security company – and you – can wait until I've put things right with my life. There'll be no money before then.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Confronted by this, our Lad reaches for another modality... is a fake cheque on the way?

08 July 06

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?

I m very sorry for what happens to you dulling your trip to London, you know since then I am in hospital, I meet with one of my friend here to know if he will help me loan me some money but he only give me one contact of investor who can loan us the money for the payment after the successful transfer we can pay him the money back.

Let me hear from you so that you will contact the investor for the loan, and again before I sent you the contact you have to check about sending money to London because you have to sent the money to London for the payment.

Let me hear from you so that I will send you the investor contact information so that you can contact him for the

Try to check if it easy to the payment from your country to london?

Best regards,
Mr. Chuer
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Just hang on a second – you want me to take out a loan to cover those charges?

After what happened, you'd understand if I was a bit twitchy about this. Who is your friend? What does he do?

I really need to be sure of what I'm doing.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
And? Did you tell your friend?

There's Western Union, Money gram... I just want to get this all over and done with. I want to get my life back.

Why does he have to lend me the money to send to them? Can't he just pay them the money and we pay him back from our shares?

Eliza Dane

If there was a fake cheque planned, it didn't appear. The rest was silence...

But six months later...

PART TWO

Being the re-commencement of our saga, in which Chua Ernesto seeks to once again enlist the help of Eliza Dane...
Chua Ernesto
26 January 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
Happy New Year to your family will like to hear from you very urgent so that I will inform you what is going on from my side because there is good news from my side.
I will wait to hear from you very urgent.

Best regards,
Chua Ernest.
Eliza Dane

Eliza is honey-sweet. I may as well see what this Lad's up to.

Mr Ernesto,
So things are fine with you? Well, ain't that nice.
Would you like to hear how I am?
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
28 January 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
Happy New Year, It has been a very fast hard Holiday season for me and I have been up and down with this entire emotion try to see that we complete this deal. And I found out that I can not tell the Sun to stop shining or the rain not to rain for such is not in my command and maybe that is a good thing. I have tried all can to see that we get this done but I still need your assistance. This is time for Joy, prosperity and total laughter this 2007, this is the time we will be able to take next breath you are truly blessed. Let me know if you are prepare for the finalization of this transaction so that we can proceed and have this fund transfer as quickly as possible by confirmation of this email and your quick response.
God Be With You and Yours
Best Regards
Chua Ernesto

So it seems the Lad can't perform miracles. Whoopee.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
So it's been hard for you?
Well, do you remember the last thing I told you about how things ended up after my trip to London? IIRC it went something to the effect that I'd lost my career, my boyfriend, my home, and just about all my money, thanx to you and that fuckwit Adams. You were talking about a loan or something, and then you dropped out totally.
Well, I've put my life back together, won back AJ, and managed to recover the bulk of the confiscated money. I'm still down thousands though.
Now you get back in touch asking for my help. Tell me what this is about and make if good!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

There was a point to this message, wasn't there?

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Hang on – total change of style – has some other Lad taken this up?

07 February 07

hello
yes your content is well noted in my file here so now i will adivce you now to make a choice now between dubai and thailand which will be beter for you to go and clear this consignemt out from the security company,get back to me so that i will arange the diplomatic agent who is going to deliver it to you without any delay.
regards
chuaer enerst
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Dubai or Thailand – it was supposed to be in London! When the hell did it move?

You're asking me to go and get the money, and at the same time there's some diplomatic agent who's going to make the delivery. Which is it?

I've been through enough trouble with this already, I don't want any misunderstanding!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

I am convinced that this is another Lad entirely. The original Chua Ernesto knew about the Shift Key.

07 February 07

Dear
Eliza dane how are you today,i hope all is well with you if so thanks be to almighty who made it to be so and for we to be alive today,well it is well noted when you traveled to london that you have problem with police as you said earlie when you come back from London so all those report is well noted to me, so that is why i have called the money back from london and i think the best place now for you to go and clear this money now will be dubai or thailand cos of wath happened to you in london i dont want it to be repeat again ok, so i will adivce you to chose and get back to me so that i will do the arangement on how to move the cash true diplomatic means to dubai or thailand depends were you chose, waiting for your respons and remainber you are rightfull baneficiary of the money so i will adivce you to go dubai and clear this money out so that it will be in your position as soon as posible.

regards
MR Enersto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Why the fuck do I have to travel across the world for this?

Why, specifically, does it have to be Dubai or Thailand? Please explain IN FULL because I don't want any misunderstandings!

Oh, and you don't want anything to go wrong like it did in London... well, it's funny, because I don't want that to happen again either!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
09 February 07

Dear
Eliza Dane,how are you today hope all is well with you together with everybody around you,well why i ask you to go to dubai is because such thing that happen in london will not repeat again cos the diplomatic agent which i arange for him to deliver to you let me know that dubai is very good for you to receive the cash cos dubai is business center and police will not disturbed you at all,so please let me know your arangement on when you are going to get your ticket and the date which you will travel to dubai so that i will arange the diplomatic agant who is going to deliver to you there in dubai at the poit of your arrival without any futher delay

Regards
MR Enersto
Eliza Dane

I might as well be direct about this.

Mr Ernesto,

If he wants me to bring a big wad of cash to Dubai, he can get fucked. I'm not going down that road again, ever.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
10 February 07

Hi
Eliza Dane,your content is well noted so now wath do you want us to do on how this money will reach you tell me cos i dont want us to loos this as you and me have sufferd alot cos of this transaction so please bear with me and tell me your arangement on how to move to dubai so that the diplomatic agent say he will only deliver to you on dubai at the point of his arival in dubai airport,and remainber you have to help me about the clearance fees which you will give the agent so that he can deliver to you without any furder delay...

Regards
MR Enersto

Clearance fees... well, it's a change.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Clearance fees... how much?

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Incredible... this only reinforces my belief that this scam was passed down to line to some junior Lads.

10 February 07

Hi
Eliza Dane how are you today i hope fine,well i have make de arangement with the diplomatic agent which is going to deliver to you in dubai and he said that we have to pay him the clearance fee which is 15000 pounds GPD at the point of arival so that he will deliver to you without fuder delay,please tell me when you are living to dubai to go and clear it ..

Regads
Mr Enerstoyaa
Eliza Dane

And it gets the reaction it deserves...

Mr Ernesto,
Tell him from me: get fucked.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Not that the Lad seems to care, or notice.

13 February 07

Hi Eliza Dane,
how are you today hope fine and good health, if so thanks be to God who made it to be so, please you know that i have spend all i have about this transaction and morover i dont have money with me now but i will try from my side to know if i can sell my house to raise somthing from my owne side, so please let me know how much you can be able to help from your owne side so that you can recieve this money without any futher delay
REGADS
Mr Ernesto
Eliza Dane

He'd better notice this!

Mr Ernesto,

That cocksucker Adams wanted £12000 (about $30000) and it's thanks to that little pillowbiter that I lost a lot of that and went through hell. Now you're telling me that some fucking diplomat wants £15000 and I was supposed to provide it! Are you off your fucking head?

FYI, I couldn't meet more than half of that fifteen thou, and remember that I have to pay to get to Dubai, so I'd be behind the eightball again, plus I have to trust your diplomat, whatever his name is.

That's it. Your call.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

I don't know why the Lad is so keen on Eliza travelling, unless he's a middleman of some sort.

14 February 07

Hi Eliza Dane
how are you today hope everthing is fine with you, together with ppl around you pls greet everbody for me well please i would like to know from you how much you can be able to put cos i cannot afud this 15000 GPD which the diplomatic agent id demanding from me please and rith now ihave manage to sell one of my house and iam having 5000 GPD and is balance of 10000 GPD so please let me here from you on how t you are aranging to go and clear thjis money out from the diplomatic agent

REGADS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

You have more than one house? Fuck me - you've got a lot more in reserves than I do! Plus, I think you got robbed if selling a house only got you five thousand quid!

After what happened in London I'm not going to travel anywhere overseas with a big wad of cash. It's as simple as that!

Think of a way around this, or the deal is off, you got me?

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
16 February 07

DEAR Eliza Dane,
how are you today hope all is well with you and everybody around you if so thanks be to God who made it to be so with you, well i had all you said but please how much can you help me now in this sitiation now cos i dont know wath to do now pls let me here from you asper how much you can put in this balace of 10 000 GPD remaing so that the agent will move to dubai to deliver the money to you but mind you the agent dont know that is money please incase when you get to dubai pls dont disclose to him pls

REGARDS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Just a fucking minute there buddy!

What the fuck do you mean WHEN I go to Dubai? It's a big IF there, sport!

And you say don't tell this guy it's money - well, what the fuck does he think it is? If he wants 15000 quid for it he must think it's worth it!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
17 February 07

HI Eliza Dane
how are you today hope fine, pls if he ask you tell him that is ducuments is insde the box ok and tell me when you will be going to dubai pls cos theres no time left pls
REGARDS
MR ENERSTO

This isn't that interesting. Maybe some insults will pep things up.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Don't bullshit me any more. I know what this is about. I've been fucking stupid. It's drugs, isn't it? Why else would that diplomat fucker want so much for a fucking box? Well, get this. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MULE, YOU LITTLE TURD. I'm out of this. You can get fucked.
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
19 February 07

Dear Eliza Dane
how are you today,hope fine with you,n your boy freind A Jhope everybody around you is oky,if so thanks be to God who made it to be so.
please my dear help me in this issuer cos i have no other person to help me and i dont want to loose this money please tell me how much you can put please and the day you will be going to dubai cos i want to give your email id to the office in dubai to contact you on your email adreess to know the day you will arive in dubai....

REGARDS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Listen scumbag, do you really expect me to be your patsy? I don't want to end up like Schapelle Corby, rotting in some Arab jail, after your drug runner friend passes me a load of smack. I don't do drugs, you fucking maggot; I don't take ice or E, I don't shoot up and I don't smoke grass.

If I could I'd get some biker heavies to shove a fucking tent-pole up your fat faggoty ass and burn you alive. You nearly ruined my life, and now you want a chance to do it again. You won't ever get the chance. Get fucked, you and that so-called diplomat.

Get fucked and die.

Schapelle Corby is an Australian woman serving 20 years for smuggling marijuana into Bali. The case was causing a lot of controversy at the time.

Chua Ernesto

Yep, the new Lad hasn't been briefed on what went before...

20 February 07

THANK YOU SO MUCH THE WAY YOU SAID I SHOULD DIE BUT MIND YOU IAM NOT A DRUG DELAR NOR GRASS DELAR PLS IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME AND STOP TELLING ME TO GO AND DIE PLS I HAVE NOT OFFEND YOU IN ANYWAY.

THANKS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Don't you remember? You just about destroyed my life and then you try and do it all over again and then you have the fucking nerve to say "I HAVE NOT OFFEND YOU"?

You don't give a fuck about anyone except yourself, and you don't give a fuck for anything but money. Now listen to me; I AM NOT YOUR CASH COW AND I AM NOT YOUR DRUG MULE. You know how I want you to die – I JUST HOPE IT'S SOON.
Chua Ernesto
20 February 07

Dear Eliza Dane,how are you today,
i hope fine please iam sorry if i offend you anyway please help me out in this issure cos i have put all my trust in you and i can do without you nplease just help me as you have bring out your self to help me , please let me know your arangement on how to travel to dubai please cos is urgent now
REGARDS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane

Insults don't work with this guy... so let's try to bring in another Lad.

Mr Ernesto,

If you want me to believe in you then your word ain't enough. You did me a fuck load of damage and I won't do anything on your day-so. Tell that diplomat to get in touch with me at this address. I want to get the full story from him, not you. It's not that fucking urgent!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
21 February 07

Dear Eliza Dane
how are you today,hope all is well with you together with your friend A j if so thanks be to God who made it to be like this today with you,well thank you so much for your copration and your concin about this money.

well your content is welll noted to me and i have forwaded allyour informations to the diplomatic agent who is going to deliver to you on the point of your arival in dubai.

please let me know your arangement with him as soon as he contact you today please because by his grace he will contact you today please coprate with the diplomatic agent so he will deliver to you without any futher delay.

here is the informations of the diplomatic agent

NAME MR jonathan mark
email adress jonathan_mark101@yahoo.co.uk
phone number 009714852972
REGARDS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

You have a fucking nerve to be asking after AJ. It's thanks to you that I broke up with him, and no thanks to you that we got back together.

Listen up; there is no WHEN about my going to Dubai. It's a fucking big IF and it'll stay that way until your diplomat friend convinces me otherwise. Right now it's as appealing as skinny-dipping with saltwater crocs.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Mark,

Chua Ernesto told me to contact you. Please reply with full details about who and what you are.

Eliza Dane
Jonathan Mark
22 February 07

Attn: Md. Eliza Dane,

Dear madam,
I received your mail message and the content was well understood.

My name is Mr. Jonathan Mark, I am the chief delivery officer that have just arrived to Dubai from United Kingdom in respect of your consignment delivery. However, we have a consignment from Mr. Chua Enersto (Phillipines) registered in your name and the consignment is scheduled for delivery to you.This consignment was attached among other consignments that is scheduled for delivery to our customers. You are requested to come down in person with a proper identification and also with the balance of the diplomatic handling and delivery charges amounted Ten thousand pounds in order to claim your registered consignment.

You are requested to contact me on my telephone number for more details. Tel: 00971-504852972.

I advice you also to send me your telephone contact so that I will also communicate with you urgently. Please, your urgent attention is highly requested because of the limited time scheduled to complete all the delivery services.

Looking forward to hear from you urgently.

Yours in service,
Mr. Jonathan Mark.
Chief delivery officer.

He's just arrived from the United Kingdom. Remember that.

Eliza Dane
Mr Mark,

I have some questions for you and I want them answered in full.

[1] You say that you're a "chief delivery officer" but Mr Ernesto says that you're a diplomat. So which is it?
[2] Why is the reason for the exorbitant fee for this consignment?
[3] What is the exact size of the consignment?

I also want to see your ID and the documentation for the consignment.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Chua Ernesto – whoever he is this time – can't leave well enough alone.

23 February 07

DEAR ELIZA DANE,
how are you today hope everthing is fine with you please i want to know your arangemebt with the diplomatic agent cos he told me you have contacted him and he is waiting to know when you will arive in dubai for unwad clearance of the money from there office in dubai and iam runing round here to see if i can get more 3,000 pouns GPD to send to the diplomat in there office in dubai so that if you arive there in dubai you pay the balance of 7,000pouns GPD TO THE DIPLOMATIC AGENT so he can deliver this fund to you without any delay, please get back to me to know your date of going to dabai please.

REGARDS
MR ENERSTO

It's time for a slap, and not a gentle one.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Jon Mark has no fucking right to be talking to you when he should be answering my questions! So you can fucking well SHUT UP! Let him get on with doing what he's fucking well told!

Since I am the one supposed to be travelling - since I am the one who took a bath on this whole fucking deal - since I am the one in the shit if there are problems - things get done MY WAY at MY PACE, so KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!

Eliza Dane
Jonathan Mark
24 February 07

Attn: Eliza Dane.
Dear madam,
I received your mail message and the content was well noted.

However, I want you to understand that as much as we are diplomats, we have different positions.
Actually I am a diplomat but I was appointed as the chief delivery officer who is incharge of the delivery of your consignment attached with other consignments,so therefore Mr. Enersto is right.

Secondly, I want you to understand that the reason why the charges are high is because, this consignment was tagged a diplomatic non-inspection article, so it has cost us money to cover for the non-inspection fee to permit easy passing of the consignment through the international Airports in order to avoid consignment confiscation.

Thirdly, the exact size of your consignment is 68kg, I want you to send me your fax number so that I will be able to fax to you the copy of the airway bill ( despatch slip).

Regarding my passport,I want you to understand that our passport is deposited in the international Airport so I do not have it with me at the moment, this is our policy, it will be released to me at the point of re-departure.

Lastly, I want to inform you that your partner Mr. Enersto has paid the sum of three thousand pound to us, so the balance charge is seven thousand pounds only.

You are requested to come down in person with a proper identification attached with the balance of the diplomatic handling and delivery charges in order to permit the release of your consignment to you. Please note that we have limited time at hand as we will be leaving to Saudi-Arabia for the delivery of other consignments.

Endeavour to send me your telephone contact details so that I can call you for a brief update.

Thanks for your understanding.

Yours in service,
Mr. Jonathan Mark.
Chief delivery officer.

That's not exactly convincing...

Eliza Dane
Mr Mark,

Let's see... here it is...

"[T]his consignment was tagged a diplomatic non-inspection article, so it has cost us money to cover for the non-inspection fee to permit easy passing of the consignment through the international Airports in order to avoid consignment confiscation".

Why would you do this unless it was something illegal, like drugs?

Get fucked.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

Time for another meltdown...

Your little shit-eater buddy Jon Mark pretty much confirmed what I thought - it's drugs. Why else that crap about making sure the parcel wasn't inspected?

You've been lying to me all along, and you didn't fucking care. You're still lying to me. Well, get fucked. You know how I want you to die. So get fucked and die.
Chua Ernesto
26 February 07

HOW ARE YOU HOPE FINE WIOTH YOU, I DONT REALLY KNOW WATH TO SAY BUT ALL THE SAME I THANK YOU SO MUCH THE WAY YOU BEEN ASK ME TO DIE BUT I WILL NOT RATHER I SHOULD FIND AWAY TO MY SUCCESS

THANKS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
I'm sick and tired of your fucking lies. I could dream up a hundred ways I want you to suffer, and if I had my way, you'd suffer them all. I'll get on with my life with the people I care about, and every day make a wish that you suffer unspeakable agony until the day you die.

Get fucked you cocksucker

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
07 March 07

Thank you for your kind email and I am so much delightful that you are a woman of Faith because you beleive that God liveth.Anyway how is your illness because as you told me at last email i have been so worried but strongly believe that you are in good health condition.

Let me tell you now, i can never lie to you because am a Christian,am trying to make everything clear to you so that you will stop arguing with the Diplomat.

Its been long you hear from me but i am sorry i went for a convention in my state,i got your mail and the content well noted.See try as much as you can so that we can make this your arrangement of your going to Dubai because i have been making plan for it and i promise you now that everything will go successfully because the Diplomat have assured me that there will be know problem.So i want you to horry up so that you can do this fast.email me right back to keep me posted and please remember to pray that God should us to successful.

I hope you get this email in good faith

Thanks
Chua Ernesto

WTF? Eliza's been swearing her head off and wishing him various horrible deaths – and now she's a "woman of Faith" who "[believes] that God liveth"?

Can I get a trophy out of this?

Eliza Dane
KIND EMAIL? I told you to get fucked!

I'm not a "woman of faith". I don't have any religion. I haven't been sick any time recently.

Nothing that Jon Mark dude, or you, wrote did anything to set me right. He refused to send me his ID and I still have nothing to rule out the suspicion that drugs are involved. I don't know how, but I want peace of mind. I want a copy of the airways bill and a copy of Jon Mark's diplomatic ID. From you I want a HAND-WRITTEN PROMISE that the deal is TOTALLY LEGITIMATE and does not involve drugs.

Then, and only then, will I do as you want.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Is the old Chua Ernesto back? His English is better now.

08 March 07

Dear Eliza Dane
I still want to re-assure you that this transaction is 100% real, free from all forms of malpractice and it is built on ultmost good faith, trust and sincerity and I will appreciate you handle.
Before I contact you to be part of this transaction, I have been praying for God to give me a God fear person who will help me to pull this money out, of which when you replied my first email, my mind tells me that you are the right person for this transaction. I want to let you know that I will never lead you into doom and I never co-opt you into this transaction to exploit you in any means. let be known to you that I contact you to be part of this transaction for our mutual benefit which I believe we will soon eat the fruit of our labour.
As regard to your email, I want to let you know that this transaction is never related to any form of drug or whatsoever. I will stand to tell you nothing but the truth for the success of this transaction.
As a means to ensure the success of the transaction, all I need from you is to visit the diplomats in Dubai, to enable them convey the consignment to you, that contain the money. I am give you proper instruction that will facilitate the success of the transaction.

Waiting to hear from you to enable me know the next step.

Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

It may be 100% real but it's fucking cursed big time! I should know! I very nearly lost everything - home, career, the man in my life, and just about all my money – thanx to this fucking deal, and now you oh-so-blithely tell me how much you "appreciate [my] handle". What the fuck?

I told what I need from you and that wanker Jon Mark. Get it to me and I'm prepared to go along.

Otherwise I ain't moving!

After that London cock-up, I am being oh-so-cautious. Don't try to soft-soap me!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

But the second Lad is back!

08 March 07

Dear Eliza Dane
how are you today, hope well with you and everybody aroung you, well the content is well noted to me and i have inform the diplomatic agent mr jonathan mark to send you his diplomatic id card in ur box and the airwaybil of the fund, so please as soon as he did that you let me know your arangement on the day you will be in dubai for unward delevery of the fund to you without any furdr delayand my God who iam serving will bless you as you do that and iam given you 100 pecent sure that there will be know problem at all and please handle this money with cear when uyou will receve it in dubai
waiting to here from you and remain bless
mr Enersto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Two out of three! But don't forget the written promise from you.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
08 March 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
how are you today, well i thank yo somuch for your copration in this transaction , well your content is well noted to me and i will do as you want but please i will like you to contact the diplomatic agent Mr jonathan Mark and tell him your arangement on the day of your arival to dubai and please he is not happy with me cos he say that yo say that he shold get fuck please i beg you in the name of jesus not to use the world for him becase he is only helping me to make sure that the fnd reach you.
waiting to here from you
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I'll make my plans when I have everything I asked for - not before!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
11 March 07

Dear Eliza Dane,how are you today hope fine with you and everbody around you please extend my greetings to them ok, please i want to know if you have contact the diplomativ agant ?
please if you have not please contact him so that he can send his diplomatic id card to you without any fuder delay because he was not happy with me sice you rote to him and tell him to get fuck please my dear i beg you not to use that world on him because he is only helping me to make sure that this money reach to you without any problem.
so please contact him as soon as posible and he will send his diplomatic id card to you as you needed it b4 coming down to dubai and tell him the day you will arive in dubai for onward clearance of the money from mr jonathan mark because he is the rightfull person to deliver to you the fund, so please kindly contact him immeadiately and get back to me.
WAITING TO HERE FROM YOU AS YOU WORK IN THE VINE YEARD
MR ENERSTO

I assume that the "VINE YEARD" line is a religious reference.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

When will you make up your fucking mind? You said that YOU were going to contact that Jon Mark creep, and now it's down to me? Which is it? Just make a fucking decision and stick to it, OK!

"WAITING TO HERE FROM YOU AS YOU WORK IN THE VINE YEARD" - explain this, as I have no fucking idea what you're on about.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

You said that Jon Mark would send me his ID and the airways bill, so where the fuck are they? Where's your written promise? If you want me to write to Jon Mark, I can't right now, as he's not in my address book and I purged his emails. Forward me his address.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
13 March 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
how are you today hope all iswell with you, well the content iswell noted to me and iam sending you mr jonathan mark informations for you to contact him now cos he is waiting your mail but please i beg you not to use get fuck of a world to him please because he is only helping me to make sure that this money reach to you succesfull.
so please here is his infomations od the diplomatic agent..........
NAME MR JONATHAN MARK
EMAILjonathan_mark101@yahoo.co.uk
MOBIL NUMBER 009714852972

PLEASE CONTACT HIM ON THIS EMAIL OR HIS MOBIL PHONE NUMBER FOR EASY COMUNICATION WHEN YOU WILL ARIVE IN DUBAI AND LET ME KNOW DATE OF ARIVAL IN DUBAI AND TELL ME HOW I SHOULD SEND TE HAND WREETING TO YOU BECAUSE THE DIPLOMATIC AGET IS AREADY IN DUBAI WAITING FOR YOU SO
PLEASE HOW WILL I SEND IT TO YOU NOW TELL ME
REGARDS
MR ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I'm not leaving until I have everything in hand - your handwritten promise (scan and send to me ASAP), and Jon Mark's papers. I'll ask him for them now.

I can be honey-sweet. He'd better come to the fucking party, that's all!

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Mark,

Chua Ernesto said that you would send me your diplomatic ID and a copy of the airway bill. I'm going NOWHERE until you supply them. Are we clear?

Eliza Dane

The emails that came with the first hand-written promise and the ID card have been lost.

The Promise:

Jon Mark's "ID card":

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

This is NOT what I asked for! I asked for "a HAND-WRITTEN PROMISE that the deal is TOTALLY LEGITIMATE and does not involve drugs". This is not even fucking close!

Send me what I want or I'm not setting foot on any fucking plane to Dubai!

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

There are things happening that make no sense. First off, you said this Jon Mark guy was from England. No he ain't! His ID card says Ghana - according to my Atlas that's in Africa! How the fuck did he get involved? The other thing is – the airways bill says the package is 34 kilos. Jon Mark says it's 68 kilos! There had better be some fucking good answers or I'm staying right here!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
17 March 07

DEAR ELIZA DANE,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY HOPE ALL IS WELL WITRH YOU
WELL I HAVE DO AS YOU WANT PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE DAY YOU WILL MOVE TO DUBAI AND I NEVER TOLD YOU DATS THE DIPLOMATIC AGENT IS FRON ENGLAND PLEASE HE IS FROM GHANA AND HE IS NICE PERSON PLASE STOP ALL THIS YOUR DOING AND MOVE AND CLEAR THIS FUND OUT FROM HIM AND YOU CHECK THE WAY BILL AND SEE THE K G AND I GAVE THE DIPLOMATIC AGENT THE SAME WAY BILL SO HOW COME YOUR TELLING ME THAT HE TOLD YOU ANOTHER THING
PLASE IF YOU GO TO DUBAI AND IS NOT THE SAME WITH THE ONE I SEND TO YOU PLEASE I BEG YOU NOT TO PAY ANY MONEY TO THEM THERE OKY
WAIT TO HERE FROM YOU
CHUA ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

OK, so you didn't actually say that Jon Mark was from England, but he said, "I am the chief delivery officer that have just arrived to Dubai from United Kingdom" - well, what the fuck was I supposed to think?

He also said: "Thirdly, the exact size of your consignment is 68kg, I want you to send me your fax number so that I will be able to fax to you the copy of the airway bill ( despatch slip)". That's EXACTLY what he wrote, using the exact same email address as the one that he used to send me the airway bill.

Now for my last point - "IF YOU GO TO DUBAI AND IS NOT THE SAME WITH THE ONE I SEND TO YOU PLEASE I BEG YOU NOT TO PAY ANY MONEY TO THEM THERE". So - are you telling me that someone might impersonate Jon Mark at Dubai?

WHO THE FUCK ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THIS?

Eliza Dane

Somewhere about this time the longer hand-written promise arrived; again, the accompanying email is missing.


Chua Ernesto
19 March 07

DEAR ELIZA DANE,
how are you today hope all is fine with you thgether with everybody around you, well please let me know your shedul to dubai and the the date you will arive in dubai and please try and go to dubai with the waybill i sent to you so that you will sign for realease of fund to you
so let me here from you asper the date you will be in dubai for unward delivery of the fund to you without anu fuder delay,
REGARDS
CHU AERNESTO

He's either not reading my replies, or just in denial. I suspect the latter.

I also suspect that he's a rank beginner. Something about this whole exchange just reeks of a novice scammer.

Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO A FUCKING WORD I SAY! Why were you so caught up in telling me to be careful of hoaxers or whatever in Dubai? I want answers and I want them pronto.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
20 March 07

DEAR ELIZA DANE
how are you hope fine with you,i didnot tell you anything if you are going to dubai to clear this fund out you let me know i dont know wath you are talking about cos i have spend all i have in this transaction but it seems you dont want to help me out if i do this you will ask me another thing iam tired of allthis i dont have money again in my hand now so let me know your date to dubai and your flight shedul
REGARDS
CHU AERNESTO

Damn, he's getting tired... can't let him just give up!

Time for another mood swing, and another goodbye.

Eliza Dane
I'm sending all the emails you sent me, plus all the documents, to the Federal Police. They can take it from here. Terrorism or drugs? Either way I hope they nail your miserable fucking hide to the wall after you get butt-fucked to death in jail. I trusted you once - I was a fucking idiot to think you could ever be trusted.
Chua Ernesto

The religion card was going to come out again as the Lad tries to keep Eliza on message.

Now he's gone to CAP LOCK, his spelling's better again...

23 March 07

ATTENTIONELIZA DANE.
I ACKNOWLEDGE WITH THANKS THE RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL TO ME,I WANT TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE SWORN TO MY OUTERMOST GOOD FAITH THAT YOUR TRIP TO DUBAI IN RISK FREE BECAUSE WE ARE NOT DOING A BUSSINESS ASSOCIATE WITH DRUGS WHICH IN ANY SENSE CAN LEAD TO DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU WHEN YOU ARRIVE.
I AM USING THIS OPPORTUNITY ALSO TO AFFIRM TO YOU THAT YOU ARE 100% SECURED THROUGH HOW YOUR TRIP TO AND FROM DUBAI. I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT I HAVE PROMISED TO DEDICATE MY PART OF THIS FUND YOU ARE TO COLECTED TO THE ENTIRE GLORY OF ALMIGHTY GOD FOR KEEPING US THROUGHOUT THIS PERIOD TILL WE CAME TO THE END.
THE FINANCE SECURITY COMPAMY IN DUBAI ARE QUITE AWARE OF YOUR VISIT AND THEY ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT AND GIVE YOU A BEFITTING WELCOME BECAUSE I HAVE HAD A NICE WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.I WANT YOU TO PROCEED AND TRAVEL TO OUR GOAL AND I KNOW ALMIGHTY GOD WILL GUIDE AND PROTECT YOU ALL THROUGH YOUR STAY THERE.
I WILL AWAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.
YOUR FAITHFULLY.
CHUA ERNESTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I held off sending the stuff to the Feds, you'll be happy to know!

This whole thing is risk free and legit, right? Good. You can send it to Sydney and get rid of all this fucking around. Why the fuck should I be the one travelling? I'm not a fucking diplomat!

Do it now or you can all get fucked. I don't give a hairy rat's butt if you're going to spend your share on god or whatever.

Eliza Dane

It's Eliza. You'll get bad language. Deal with it, mugu.

Chua Ernesto
26 March 07

MY DEAR FRIEND Eliza,
HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?HOPE YOU ARE FINE.I WANT YOU TO STOP ALL THESE FUCKING STUFF OF A THING SO THAT WE CAN BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS BUSINESS.I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE IS A WAY TO MAKE THINGS TO BE POSSIBLE .AS YOU STATE THAT YOU CANNOT TRAVEL I HAVE BEING MAKING
ARRANGEMENT ON HOW TO GET THSI FUND WIRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT IN SYDNEY SO ALL I WANT FROM YOU NOW IS TO ASSURE ME THAT YOU WILL NOT RUN AWAY WITH MY MONEY THAT YOU WILL KEEP THIS MONEY UNTIL I GET TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR THE SHARING OF THIS FUND.
YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO SEND THESE,
1)YOUR FULL BANKING INFORMATIONS
2)YOUR FULL HOME ADDRESS
3)YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT
WITH ALL THESE THE FUND WILL BE WIRED TO YOU IN PERSON.
I AWAITS YOUR URGENT RESPONSE,
KEEP WELL,
CHUA ERNESTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

You want me to be serious? OK then – you are so NOT getting a copy of my passport. We've been through this before. Speaking of which – you have my address. You can arrange for that diplomat to ship the money here. He was so keen to hand over cash in Dubai; he can do exactly the same in Glebe. No wire transfers; just a nice wad of cash.

Tell Jon Mark to get an Australian visa and get moving!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Now we have the new Chua Ernesto back! And now Eliza's a godmother. What's next?

27 March 07

Dear Eliza,
How are you today,i was very happy to heard from you with your wise decission to accomplish this transaction.All this while am facing a very big problem to make sure i please you and myself.
The Fund in Question is Still in Dubai Accumulating dumurrage which if you dont come to pick it up the Bill will be to much.I Know a lot of people might be telling you on story or another but if follow the way people talks it will brings this transaction into bad Shape.You must know that i have spent a lot of money in this transaction just to make you gain from my fruit of labour because of you are a woman,Who is honest all along we started the business.
You know the monetary policy of my country that is why i don't want to invest in my country.I have sumoned a meeting today with the security company to help me convey the money to malaysia or indian because urgly story you heard concerning Dubai.All this is in a quest to conclude this transaction with you. The security Company in Dubai has agreed to take the charge upon themselves to move the consignment to this two mentioned countries because they have their affiliate Company there. You are moreless like God mother to me and that is why your words is like an advice to me. Be informed that some of the immoralities talks which you said at times discourage me in this transaction therefore you must have a command of language and dont be vocal it is not good because God detaste such words if you are willing to go to any of this country please inform me to enable me pass instruction to the security company.
Hoping to hear you favourably
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

You don't like the way I speak? Deal with it! And I think it's funny that some self-professed Christian should think he can speak for God.

Listen up; I don't want to go to India, I do NOT want to go to Malaysia – why the fuck is it down to me to travel anywhere? I want it delivered to me, in Australia. I went across the world for you and got royally screwed. I'm not going to do it again. If you want your money you'll have to see it delivered here. Listen to your Godmother!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
29 March 07

Dear Eliza,
I dont know what to do to please you because i was made to understand that you listen sidetalks a lot and with this situation we can not proceed successfully.
If you have gotten bad impressions from people i am totally different and i knew how i got in possession of this money before you were contacted.
By the way you seems not to sound pity on me because i was trying to fight for our mutual benefit.Infact i am down cast and depressed since we missed the target in London.
I dont know why you keep on doubting me and keeping on using the word Fuck when ever you are writing me.The only way to eradicate this situation is for me to look for another foreign partner because i have not the transparency in working with you obviously.
I donk know my left and right again as per to develop interest in working with you.
The only thing i will tell you ,i will compasente you after i might have completed the transaction with somebody else.Therefore i have to look for another partner who incure and take over the dummurage charges accumulated in securite company.whereby you will able to pay part payment of the security charges then i will instruct the security company to convey the consignment directly to Australia,and upon the arrival of the consignment in Australia the balance can be paid by you.Thats the best i can do.
God Bless you
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I know that English isn't your first language - it'd be Spanish I guess - but even with that in mind I have no idea about this - "you listen sidetalks a lot". WTF?

I do not get bad impressions from people. I get bad impressions from bad things happening to me.

I get more bad impressions when it looks like I'm going to maybe have the same things happening, only worse this time.

I do remember how you got your money – you cheated your government out of it. Do you think my memory's that bad? I may be blonde but I'm not dumb.

I don't have pity on you because to date you haven't been arrested, and you haven't come near to losing everything you cared about.

I doubt you because so much of this doesn't make sense. Jon Mark's lie about the size of the shipment and the misgivings I had about the whole set-up in Dubai just spooked me. I don't know if Dubai has sharia law, but I didn't want to chance it.

So you want to dump me? I guess that's it then. I won't say it was nice knowing you. It was the worst time of my life. I hope whoever you find fucks you over big time. I'll be cheering him on.

Don't bother writing to me again. I won't tell the Feds – I was trying to launder money, remember – but I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
31 March 07

Dear Eliza
How are you today,I know how you feel about this but am still assuring you that the business doest not have anything to do with Drugs maybe that will be what are scared off.
I will be very much happy if can understand how we started this business but all the same i want to thank you so much but i still tell you to give me one more chance if i fail then you know that this is not really.Because you know that to get money is very hard you can pass so much stress and people might be advising you and discouraging you but when you become a million then everybody will happy to know you.
I try tell the Security Company if they can try and see how the fund can be moved to you within any delay,So that you can pay only transfer Charges but i haven't receive any message from them.
But see what you will do now write to Don mark and tell him you have made up your mind to travel to Holland then lets see what he will tell you okay.And that you don't like going to Dubai,then lets watch what will happen.
Again i still wan't to tell you that i did not steal any money from my country,i made my money from the company were i work okay.
Anyway hoping to hear you and then tell me we will get this Fund because i dont want to miss money okay.
God bless you
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Are you fucking paranoid? No-one is telling me not to do this deal! My misgivings are my own. Do you think I can't think for myself? Listen – I am not going to play any stupid games with Jon Mark. I just want this money delivered without any more fucking around. So do you!

And while we're on that topic – you did steal from your government! You had a deal to buy trucks for the army or something, you inflated the contracts by $20 million and kept that aside. Don't lie to me – it doesn't make trusting you any easier!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
07 April 07

Dear Eliza,
How are you today,I know is very difficult now to believe me but all same i want to make to it clear to you that we are not doing any childish business but because we have make a long movement with you that is reason why we are still contacting you.
N:B i just want you to make arrangement on how to go India ,Or Holland because the said there is know they can come transfer the fund to your country because is very far way.
I just want you to make up your mind and tell me,on how the movement will look like.
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

What does it take to get it into your head that I don't want to travel? No amount of money is worth the grief I went through.

They say they can't transfer the money to Australia because it's too far away; well, cry me a fucking river! It went from the Philippines to London via India and then to Dubai. Fuck me - it's gone thousands of miles already! You offered me Malaysia or India, and now you're offering me Holland as well. Before that it was England or Dubai. And guess what? They're a long way away for me as well. I'll consider the newest options, but on one condition; I want 50% after expenses.

Eliza Dane

50% of nothing is still nothing, so it's easy enough to agree to.

Chua Ernesto
08 April 07

ATTENTION ELIZA DANE,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,HOPE THINGS ARE ALRIGHT WITH YOU THERE.
GIVING YOU 50% OUT OF THE TOTAL FUND IS QUITE TOO MUCH BUT I HAVE NO OPTION OTHER THAN TO ACCEPT SINCE YOU HAVE AGREED.
I AM WILLING TO WORK WITH YOU.
I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.
CHUA ERNESTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Glad you're with the program.

Now - I don't want to go to Malaysia. India's a possibility but I'd have to know where I'd be going.

Holland's a strong contender but after London I'm a bit wary as the EU nations might share intel and I don't want any more trouble! On balance, India - but where in India? Let me know soon!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
11 April 07

ATTENTION ELIZA DANE,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY, HOPE THINGS ARE ALRIGHT WITH YOU THERE IN YOUR CITY, WELL YOU HAVE TO GO TO NEW DELHI INDIA WHICH IS CAPITAL CITY OF INDIA AND THE NAME OF THE AGENT WHO WILL DELIVER TO YOU WHEN YOU GET THERE IS FRANK BELLO HE IS WORKING UNDER UNITED NATION.
I WAIT FOR YOUR RESPONSE
CHUA ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

This Frank Bello dude in New Delhi; don't tell me... I have to pay him thousands of pounds, am I right or am I right?

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
13 April 07

Attn Eliza Dane,
The content of your mail was well noted.See you know that we are billed ?15,000 last time for the clearance of the fund but i told you that you will take your 50% of the fund after clearing it. i wish to inform you that i have made the half payment of the funds and i need you to go ahead with yours to enable us make get our fund.The remaining Balance you have to pay is ?7,000 beacuse i have paid them ?8,000 that is the reason why i dont want us lose this fund.Please alert me on everything concerning the paymentand you have to tell me on when you are going.
please you have to do fast because we dont have time again
Hoping to hear from you.
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I bet this guy wants to be paid in cash, too, right?

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
15 April 07

Att.Eliza Dane
The content of your mail was well noted.See i will ask them to give you an account number so that you make some payment to their account, and you take some along with you because is not possible to be carrying money like that.So i will ask them to give you account number then you pay in ?4,000 then you can take the remaining one along with you okay.I know that they will like you to take all the cash along with you but i will tell them for you to pay some in account okay.
Hoping to hear from you soonest.update me on everything like on when you will be traveling.
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

This is just fucked! If I can put half what's left in a bank account, why the fuck shouldn't I pay all of it that way? Why do I have to take ANY cash along? On the other hand, I hate to pay sight unseen.

I'll get back to you.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
16 April 07

Att. Eliza Dane,
How are you today? The content of your mail was well noted. See I asked them if you can pay all to the account and they told me there is know problem that if you want to pay all then you can as well go on and pay all okay.I will try and get you to account number so that you can make the payment okay. You can now go and pay all okay.
Hoping to hear from yo soonest.
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane

I don't want to let this become a bank scam. Too remote...

Mr Ernesto,

I've changed my mind.

I'm not prepared to pay it forward as there's nothing to stop them taking the money and then slamming me with another fee later.

What I want to offer is this; I will bring 1000 pounds in cash as a sign of good faith.

When I arrive, I want to see the box and the contents and have a chance to verify that everything is in order. Once I've done that, I'll withdraw enough cash to pay up totally.

What worries me after that is how I get the money back home. I sure as fucking hell can't bank it over in India.

That's why I wanted it shipped to Sydney!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto

Someone wasn't paying attention!

18 April 07

Attn:Eliza Dane
The content of your mail was well noted and at this point i wish to inform you that the account requested for the payment is outlined below.
ACCOUNT NO....031401508943 ICICI BANK
BRANCH SUSHANT LOK NEW DELHI INDIA
NAME OF THE ACCOUNT RADHESANA KOIJAM
SWIFT CODE OF THIS ACCOUNT .... ICICI NBBXXX.

Furthermore, i wish to inform you that you to make the payment to the account given to you above and that you are required to make the payment twice.i.e since the money is ?7,000Grate British Pounds(GPB), You are required to make the money in two different places as in ?3,500(GPB) twice, to enable the security company(the financier) to be able to pick the trasfered fee in other to avoid misunderstanding in sending the required charges.
Lastly i will also need you to send the scanned copy of the payment slip to me for due verification.
Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Regards
Chua Ernesto.
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I told you I'm not doing that! For fuck's sake READ my messages!

Give me the contact address for this Frank Bello so I can tell him.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
20 April 07

Att Eliza Dane,
how are you today ,hope fine with you,well the content of your maill is noted to me but the problem there now is that i have ask the office in india were there will make delivery to you and they say that you have to pay half of the total amout which you supose to pay, then then after delivery to you, you give the balance of the payment which you supose to pay them please , so that there will be no problem in making delivery to you .
hoping to here from you soonnest
thanks
chu Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

You are fucking hard to tell anything to! I wasn't going to tell them to hand over the money in exchange for just 1000 quid - I was going to offer them that so I could check the box and make sure that it's all good before I pay over the rest. There, was that so hard to understand?

Give me Frank Bello's address so I can tell him about this.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
21 April 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
how are you today hope well with you and everyother person around you,well the content is well noted to me and now i want to know when you will be in india so that i will let the office to know and the day of your arrival in india
i will wait for your urgent respons and will give you frank bello informations as soon as i get your reply
Best regards
chu Enesrto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

One more time. Slowly...

GIVE

ME

FRANK

BELLO'S

EMAIL

ADRESS

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
25 April 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
how are you today hope fine with you and everybody around you,well your content is well nto me and here is Mr frank bello email adress diplomatic_james@yahoo.co.in tell him the day you will arive in new dehli india for the realise of the fund to you without any
fuder delay.
Best regards
Chu ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Bello,

Mr Chua Ernesto says that you've got my package. Do you?

Regards,

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I've sent him a message to ask for confirmation that he has my package.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
26 April 07

Att Eliza Dane,
how are you doing today? See Mr Frank Bello said that he did not receive any email from you, So try and send he mail now ,take his email address diplomatic_james@yahoo.co.in.
i want you to try as much as you can to go and clear the consignment okay.This transaction has take most of our time but it's about coming to the end so try and go and clear our Fund lying in Indian.
Waiting to hear from you okay
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I sent the message with the address you gave me! If it hasn't reached him, it ain't my fucking fault!

I'll be in touch when he answers me.

Eliza Dane

Dr Frank reads a lot like Chua Ernesto the second.

Dr Frank James or Dr Frank James Bello
27 April 07

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today,hope well with you and your family,if so thanks be to allmighty.well the content of your mail is noted and your package is here in our office so i want to know the day of your arrival here in india new delhi so that i will get everything ready and wait for you.
Dr Frank James
Eliza Dane
Mr James,

I thought your name was Bello. I must have been misinformed.

However – Mr Ernesto said you were expecting a payment of £7000 from me. What I want to offer is this; I will bring £1000 in cash as a sign of good faith. When I arrive, I want to see the box and the contents and have a chance to verify that everything is in order. Once I've done that, I'll withdraw enough cash to pay up totally.

Please let me know how you feel about this.

Eliza Dane
Dr Frank James or Dr Frank James Bello
29 April 07

Dear Eliza Dane,how are you today hope fine with you and everyother person aruond you.Well
the content is well noted to me.but now i want to know the day of your arrival in new delhi
here so that i will get everthing ready so that as soon as you arrive here and give ?1000
pouns in cash den i will hand over your box to you den yourgive the balance as you said so which day is your arrival here in new delhi india.
DR FRANK JAMES BELLO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,
Mr Bello has agreed to my proposal.
I should be able to make plans shortly. You'll hear more soon.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Bello,
My arrival date isn't finalised yet. I'd just like to know - when I arrive - what's the deal? Where do we meet?
Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
01 May 2007

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today, hope fine with you ,Well the content is well noted and i will wait to know the day your going to receved this fund from Mr frank bello and try to update me in everything if you arrive in india and again i will like to have your private phone no for easy cominication when you will be in indida.
Best Regards
CHU ENERSTO
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I'm waiting for Frank Bello to let me know what to do when we arrive in India. I have no idea where to go when I arrive, whether I'm going to be picked up, and so on.

"i will like to have your private phone no for easy cominication when you will be in indida" – fuck me, how am I going to arrange that? My mobile won't work over there – well, duh!

Eliza Dane.
Dr Frank James or Dr Frank James Bello
05 May 2007

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today i hope fine with you and everybody arounf you, Well i want to tell that your pacele is ready waiting for you .
But what you have to do as soon as you get your flight shedule to india new delhi you have to inform me your flight arrival here in india so that i will come to airport to pic you up and again i want to have your no in sedeney for easy comunication now and till when you will live sedeney.
Here is my phone no as to enable you call me as soon as you are ready to move from your country down here india new delhi +91 9910164521my private mobil no is this so call me as soon as you get this mail .
I WILL WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT REPONSE ASPER WHEN YOU WILL ARRIVE HERE IN NEW DELHI
FRANK BELLO
+91 9910164521
WAITING FOR YOUR CALL

I'm going for a trophy of some sort from this guy.

Eliza Dane
Mr Bello,

That's just too vague.

I'm not going to turn up with some casual promise of being picked up at the airport. I want to know what you'd recommend as good accommodation, as I'm not going to do any business fresh off the plane. It has to be a 4-star hotel at least. I'd normally check Lonely Planet, but there's no substitute for local knowledge.

I also want to see your ID and the documentation for the consignment.

Eliza Dane
Dr Frank James or Dr Frank James Bello
06 May 2007

Dear Eliza Dane ,
How are you today hope fine with you and everother person around you . Well iam here in sit of your mail and the content is well noted to me and i want you to give me your private no and your flight shedul so as to enable me get you resavation in 5 star hotel were will be oky for you to stay for delivery of your pacage and again i think by now that every ducument regading this pacage has been given to you by mr chu aernest.
I WILL SCAN MY ID CARD TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU GET YOUR FLIGHT SHEDULE TO ME DEN I SCAN IT TO YOU WITOUT ANY DELAY
I WILL WAIT FOR YOUR URGENT RESPOSE
MR BELLO
Eliza Dane
Mr Bello,

No dice, buddy - you get the details (hotel details and your ID) to me first. I'm booking nothing without a little proof of concept here.

I'm the one travelling, not you!

As for the documents - exactly what should I have?

Eliza Dane
Dr Frank James or Dr Frank James Bello
07 May 2007

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today hope fine with you and everyother person around you, Well i want you to call me on phone or you give me your mbile no let me call you by my self from here cos i want to know your flight shedul so i can make reservation for you and get everyother things ready so as to hand you over your pacage as soon as you get in to the hotel reservation .
MR BELLO
Eliza Dane
Mr Bello,

You've got it ass backwards – AGAIN – I'm not booking until you send me your ID and details of where I'll be staying.

No facts, no fucking chance of me moving. Do you understand me?

Also – what documents?

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
09 May 2007

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? I hope all is well because it has been long i heard from you and beside you dont even update me at all.
So i will like to hear from you or have you travelled to Indian?
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
NO I HAVE NOT GONE TO INDIA YET BECAUSE THAT FUCKING BONEHEAD BELLO WON'T DO WHAT HE'S FUCKING WELL TOLD!
Chua Ernesto
12 May 2007

Dear Eliza Dane,
I read the content of your mail and i want to tell you that it was well noted, Mr Bello called me and told me he gave you his phone number for you to reach him, so what do you still need for you to go to India.
Eliza Dane please send your flight ticket number to Mr Bello so he would come and pick you at the airport and please notify me when you will be leaving to India.
Hope to hear from you soon
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

I want a copy of his ID, so I know what he looks like; that can't be handled over the phone, can it?

I don't want to be picked up from the airport, either – I want the details of a good hotel – one with class, not some fleapit – where he can come to collect me when I get over jetlag.

It's sort of a moot point anyway because my messages to him are bouncing back. I don't know if his account's dead or his server's packed up. Either way I'm not happy.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Ernesto,

Frank Bello never replied to me. If he doesn't do as I told him then the deal is off.

Eliza Dane
Chua Ernesto
15 May 2007

Att.Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
I received you email and i heard everything you said but there is know they can work with you like that.They said that you are not serious any day.See if have make up your mind to travel just let me know because you know that ideal did not concern them at all.They can say anything they want but i want you to travel and pick our fund.
Thanks
Chua Ernesto
Eliza Dane
Fuck off. Just fuck off. I am sick to fucking death of all your fucking whinging. I don't give a flying fuck any more for your fucking money. You fucked me over in London and I just KNOW that's going to happen in New Delhi somehow. Just get fucked and die. It's over and I am going to get on with my life and hope that you get butt-fucked by some two-metre-tall body builder with a cock like a stallion's until your gut bursts.

Thankfully, it ended there. I don't think that Eliza could have sworn much more.


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