DRESSED FOR SUCCESS

A Lad tries to stage a rip-off using the Boxing Day tsunami as the background. He hadn't expected Eliza Dane to spoil his plan with a combination of sheer stubbornness and plentiful bad language...

This scambait soon became a long and acrimonious exchange until the Lad accepted that I wouldn't send a scan of the passport... and the real work began.

The Scammers
(Characters in bold are 'non-speaking' roles)
Johnson Shirt, "a personal assistant to Mr.Wallter Hangal,the managing director of WALTER TUBE COMPANY LONDON England" - long winded and stubborn - but not stubborn enough in the end!
Mr Kevin Callaghan, Operation Manager International Remittance, Barclays Bank
Henry Adams, insider at the bank
Victor Biauno, WU contact for Kevin Callaghan
Mike Anderson, London-based scammer; not actually involved; brought in to confuse matters (see A TALE OF TWO DANES)

The Baiter
Eliza Dane, aspiring model and Goth, worshipper of the deities of the Old Norse pantheon, and possessor of a bad temper and a tongue to match.
AJ - Eliza's photographer boyfriend
Odin, Thor, Tyr, Frigga, Sif, and Freya - gods and goddesses in the Old Norse Pantheon, invoked by Eliza quite a lot.

In its usual supporting role, western union Money transfer, but with a new wrinkle...


Warning; profanity ahead - lots of it.

Who have we here?

Johnson Shirt

01/06/2006
WALTER TUBE COMPANY LONDON
Westminster, London United Kingdom.
ATTN
Dear Friend,
Before I introduce myself, I wish to inform you that thisletter is not a hoax mail and I urge you to treat it serious.
I am Mr.Johnson Shirt, a personal assistant to Mr.Wallter Hangal,the managing director of WALTER TUBE COMPANY LONDON England.
I am Mr. Wallter Hangal's personal assistant for six years now; Mr.Wallter Hangal has a beautiful wife Mrs. Cathrine Hangal and three children.
Mr.Wallter Hangal is the managing director of WALTER TUBE COMPANY LONDON ENGLAND,Mr.Wallter Hangal is 68 years old, Mr.Wallter Hangalwas From_Germany, who unfortunately died in tsunami incident on 26th December 2004.
You will read more stories about the tsunami victims on visiting this website,www.ems.narenthorn.thaigov.net/tsunami_e/tsunamilist.php?.
Mr. Wallter Hangal died in tsunami incident in Thailand together with his wife and three blessed children on 26th December 2004, since after the incident I have been trying to locate any of his relation or brother,I later discovered that Mr. Wallter Hangal is the only issue to his family. Before his death on 26th December 2004 Mr.Wallter Hangal left with a bank a total sum of $58 million United State Dollars.
I came across your name and contact, on the course of my personal searching for reliable and honest person whom will transact this business with me so i decided to contact you for this project. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating and securing the wealth left behind in a fixed deposit account by Mr. Wallter Hangal before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Bank. The board of the directors in the Bank has issued a notice that after 2 months from now and no next of kin shown up for the claim, the funds will be confiscated and declared unserviceable.
Since I the personal assistant have been unsuccessful in locating Mr. Wallter Hangal's relatives for sometime now, I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin of the deceased since you are a foreigner, so that the proceed of this deposit valued at $USD 58 Million Dollars can be released to you. The Bank will release the funds to any foreigner who has all related information/documents of Mr. Wallter Hangal . I myself have successfully gotten all the necessary documents and contacts of his account with the bank, Your application will be directed to his account officer department For verification and approval. Everything is under my control.
I shall Provide you all the information and copy of the certificate of deposit issued o Mr. Wallter Hangal when he deposited the funds in the Bank.
I shall also involve a good attorney who shall represent you in all the appropriate offices for the claim. I shall destroy all the documents used for the claim and leave no traces. After everything, you shall have 30% of the total sum, while 70% for me.
All requires is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this business successful.
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Mr. Wallter Hangal was a very good man and it is not wise to allow his hard earned wealth to be stolen by the reedy directors of the bank.
Further details awaits your response by email.
Please treat this proposal very strictly and confidential.
Best Regards and God bless you.
Mr. Johnson Shirt.



Ha, another Dead Bank Customer, tied to a recent tragic event. I've said it before; for the Lads, every disaster is an opportunity.
So, let's get this one firmly on the hook.


Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Shirt,
Please confirm that you meant this for me.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Gotcha!
He attached two images that came out as 3kb JPEGS - totally useless.
Here is the first instance of the annoying use of the word 'ok' as a kind of full stop.


Johnson Shirt

01/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email response to my proposal.
This business is reality and 100% risk free, i want you to bear in mind that had it been i can handle this business alone i would have get to conclusion of this business, but in this case it needed a trust worthy person to assist me as a brother/sister in this transaction to act as the next of kin and follow all the guide lines to claim this fund.
This is not a joke, is reality and 100% risk free.
I attached statement of account of Late Mr Walter Hangal regarding to this transaction, I believe that this statement of account shall tell you more about the reality of this fund to convince you more about this business, I attached two statement with different date for you.
I did not sent my first email to wrong person, i sent it direct to you for you to know that i did not sent my first email to wrong person ok, yes i know this email came to you as a surprise. I just needed your assistance ok.
I assure you once you follow my directives this fund shall be in your account as planed, nobody knows about this fund presently with Barclays Bank London, i have destroyed all the information relating to this business in Mr Walter's office to avoid any jeopardy.
All my dream is to have a peaceful life together with my family, the people around to manage this fund is the Board of directors of the companies in which if i review this fund to them they will share the money between them self and sit on it without considering the people around. This is my opportunity to claim this fund and give out some to Charity home, after all the process i took i understand along the line that i cannot claim it while am in London bearing the same name as personal assistance to late Mr Walter Hangal, i need a foreigner to assist me and save guide this fund for the good of both families.
I will guide you on how to contact the bank, i will also give an application together with all the bank contact for you to contact the bank and process the claim in order to save guide this fund as soon as it enters into your account.
But before then i must have your word and trust, i will also give you an agreement for you to sign and send back to me, but before signing you must go through the agreement and understand the terms before signing ok.
I need your word and trust, bear in mind what ever good you did in respect of this business is for the good of both families.
I assure you that you will never regret assisting me in respect of this transaction.
However, what i expect from you is honesty and brotherhood for us to achieve our mission.
I believe in God Almighty. Indeed, his the one helping me in what ever am doing in life. More so, as regards this business, he will definitely see me through to the end of this business. Meanwhile, no body else knows about this except you and me. I will give to you information and guideline in future in respect of this business.
I need a God fearing person to help me, and since you came to help me I believed is God sent and all my trust is brotherhood.
Once more, i need your assurance and honesty as regards to this business.
I will give you more details about this business immediately i see your response.
Please give me your word and assurance.
Regards and God bless you,
Johnson Shirt.


Late decision; this Eliza is the pagan Goth variant.

Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Shirt,
I appreciate you sending me the statements, but... Holy Odin! They're tiny! I could cover both of them with my thumbs - literally.
I'm more than willing to help, and to be as discreet as needed, but this is not a good start.
Best regards,
Eliza Dane



He sends not only larger versions of the documents, but a totally, blatantly obvious fake passport. Keep that last in mind.
He is being patronising. That Eliza does not like.
Also; this is probably the longest single message from a Lad, in my experience.
Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 8


Johnson Shirt

02/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email response,
I'm very glad to see your response my dear friend, also i want you to know that what ever good and effort you put in this business, you did it for the good of our respectable families,
Am very happy to see your response and i assure you once you follow my directives, we shall fly above the sky.
Every arrangement about this business is perfectly arranged, I have an insider in the bank to monitor the fund for me and to help us and get this transaction smoothly without any further delay. Sorry for the attachment that refused to open propare, i did re-attach it again. Is statement of account of late Mr. Walter Hangal. I also attached my international passport. Please you have to download the attachment, you can expect it to download by its self, I have attached it for you, and what you will do is to download it and make it bigger, yes I know is tiny and that the way it will be because is jpg attachment, please I don't like the word you use in your last email, that the attachment is to tiny and because of that is not a good start.
Download the attachment and it will appear bigger on your screen ok.
I hope this fund shall be save in your account as soon as it enters into your account, I cannot afford to lose this fund is all I have to make my future and my family future brighter.
I got your contact information through a friend who work with Chamber of commerce and industry here in London, I did not disclose this business to him, i only enquire from him on how to look for a foreigner in business, so he guide me and thought me how to browse on business contact.
My dear friend the most important part of this project is for you to become the next of kin to late Mr. Walter Hangal, I have an Attorney which i shall use his chamber t make you the next of kin to late Mr. Walter Hangal, yes i know it will cost me a lot of money but i have to do it for the good of this business, i discussed abut this next of kin with Barrister Glenn J Franklin, initially he refused and after some days i called which he later agree to help us. i did it so that when i have a partner it will be a smooth project for us.
As i told you the fund is presently with a bank called Barclays Bank London, and the total sum is $58 Million united state dollars, nobody knows about this fund accept you and me.
Please keep this business very strict and confidential to avoid any jeopardy, is preferable to discuss about this business when the fund hit your account, with one mind we achieve our aim.
As soon as you become the next of kin, I will give you an application to send to the bank, I will also give you the bank contact information and who to contact regard to this fund, you will contact the bank with the application i shall give to you together with affidavit of fact which is the document represent you as next of kin, the bank shall investigate on it and that is why i have to make everything to be genuine and authentic to avoid any jeopardy ok.
Had it been i can handle this business alone i would have done it without seeking for any body's help, but since i needed somebody to help me that is why i contacted you for assistance. Am very much careful about what am doing because i don't want to lose this fund, so what ever am doing am very careful in it to avoid any jeopardy.
As i told you in my last email, i told you i need a God fearing person with trusted.
This fund in question can not be possible for me alone to claim it after going through it and all my investigation i found out i must need some body to act as the next of kin, before i got an insider that is guiding me on process to claim this fund.
My dear friend, for this fund to be in your account, you have to work together with me to make sure everything we does goes with one mind to avoid any mistake in future.
You must be sure that your account can carry up to $58 million United State Dollars to avoid any question from your governmen
t. I will draft an agreement for you to sign and send back to me, the agreement shall guide us in this project ok.
Please send to me all this information for our trust and security of this business ok.
1) Your full name and address
2) Your direct phone and fax numbers
3) Your marital status and age
4) Your occupation and position in your working place
5) Any identification letter such as international passport or drivers license and your Religion.
I attached my international passport for you to keep for our trust and security of this business.
Call me on this number, +447040110447. Call me anytime of the day i will let it open for you ok.
Please always feel very free to ask me any question regarding to this business.
I await your call and response.
Regards to your family and God bless you.
Mr. Johnson Shirt.










Just for the record; "Aesir" refers to the people of Asgard, i.e. the Norse Gods.

Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Skirt,
What does "we shall fly above the sky mean"? Is that some rapture reference?
Listen, I'm not a noob, I know how to view attachments, and the first ones you sent me were only about 3 KB each - full size! I think you saved the thumbnails as full images!
Anyway, the ones you sent now are fine.
As for the other matters...
1) Your full name and address
Elizabeth Danielle Dane; 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney
2) Your direct phone and fax numbers
No fax.
As for the phone, I have to ask, does it need to be a secure line? Gotta know.
3) Your marital status and age
Single, 22.
4) Your occupation and position in your working place
Photo model; position, in front of the camera - sorry, couldn't resist. : )
My boyfriend takes the pix and handles my portfolio.
I have investments that keep us pretty well.
5) Any identification letter such as international passport or drivers license and your Religion.
Don't have a driver's licence... as for my passport, I think there's a DFAT rule that images (including scans) are forbidden... I'll check.
Religion - Aesir.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



This guy doesn't know when to stop, does he? Use of 'ok'; 10

Johnson Shirt

03/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your quick email response.
I have been working through out today for your next of kin process, I thank God things are working out for me. Sky will be our limit simply means the future will be bright for us, and we shall fly but not above the sky, that future shall be in best position to tell us ok, because I know the future shall tell us more about partnership. I was very happy when I checked my mail this night and I saw your response. I will like to use this opportunity to figure out something's, First I gave you my trust and brotherhood regard to this transaction, I contacted you as a friend and I took you as a sister for us to be able to achieve our aim, when ever I read your email I saw good person in you, I always see good partnership in us. As partners we have to bear in mind one mind move the mountain, sincerely opens the door, truthful send down the joy for the good of both families in future.
Bear in mind that my security is the trust I have in me and I contacted you for assistance with good mind and love for the future, yes I know we don't know each other before, but if I may ask how do we know each other, is simply just like this.
I believe as time goes on you will understand more about this, because I come to you with truthful and honest just for your assistance, as am typing am seeing the good friendship between us, if only you can allow it flow in us.
Such a business like this need us to understand each other, without understanding tell me how it will work out, I told you to send your passport and you didn't, now I asked my self if you really believe in this business or do you have any question you wanted to ask, please feel very free to ask me any question regard to this transaction and I will be happy to answer you.
I have started treating on your next of kin, am working on it seriously. I used your information on it for legally approval without any jeopardy in future, am very careful on what am doing.
After this I have to send to you the document backing you as the next of kin to late Mr. Walter Hangal, and also I shall give you the bank contact information for you to contact the bank with an application which I shall draft and send to you, you will include the Affidavit of fact which shows you are the legitimate next of kin to late Mr. Walter Hangal, you will send it along with application to the bank and we wait for the answer.
I will be guiding you on the letters to contact the bank, bear in mind what ever good you did in respect of this business, what ever effort you put in this business is for the good of both families.
This transaction shall last only three working days as soon as the bank approves the transfer.
So my dear good friend and partner, I need you to be free with me and ask me any question in order for us to go with on mind, and remember with one mind we achieve our aim.
Please do scan your passport and send to me just for our trust ok. Is very important you send your identification letter to me as a partner, I mean send your passport.
I have a question, your age is 22yrs, are you sure this fund shall be secure in your position, pls let me know is important?
Call me on this number pls +447040110447, I will be glad to hear your voice.
I await your responseand call ok. Regards and God be with you.
Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Shirt, I think you have a new career path - writing those airport novels, you know, the ones as thick as a brick? Man, you write long messages! Anyway - I'll skip the metaphors and speak plainly. I checked my paperwork and it's as I remembered - DFAT made it compulsory in early 2002 for anyone getting a new passport (as I did in 2003) to sign a legally binding agreement that, among other things, forbids copies of the passport - which includes colour xeroxes and scans. So, the reason for not sending my passport has nothing to do with being difficult, it's because I don't want to (at the very least) lose the ability to travel freely - vital in what I do. "[N]ow I asked my self if you really believe in this business" - c'mon, Johnson, you trust your god, don't you? What I can supply is one of my passport pix, if that'll keep you happy. Now you wonder if I'm too young to handle money. Holy Mother Frigga! I am not going to rush out and spend all the money on a thirty-metre yacht or twenty matched His and Hers pairs of Harley-Davidsons. If that's what you mean by your question, then no, I am not that dumb. So, what's next? Eliza Dane

That opening phrase about "thick as a brick" was totally unintentional, but appropriate nonetheless.
Incidentally, AFAIK, there's no such rule about passport scans or other sorts of copies, but there should be...





He still wants a passport copy and he wants a phone call... a challenge here. I can't use my usual locked phone modality.
What to do...
Use of 'ok'; 12


Johnson Shirt

03/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email,
I have your photo with me, is ok but i need to be save with my side. yes i trust my God but you can't aspect me to deal with you without any insurance and security from your side.
The fun d involve is a huge amount of money, yes am taking risk to finalise this business but i don't want to live on risk, so i will like you to end to me your drivers license or your international passport for security purposes.
I have already given you my international passport, without thinking what you just stated out in your email, so my dear i want you to send it and i will be glad to have it ok.
Secondly, i want to hear your voice, i gave you my number to call me and i want you to call me please, call me with the number i gave you and then give me your direct phone number ok.
Regards and have a nice day.
Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt:
I can't send you a driver's licence because I don't have one. I won't send you my passport because I don't want to take a stupid risk. I'm not to blame if you sent me yours.
I'll call when I can (this is a busy household, and it's hard to speak undisturbed), but I'm puzzled about what it's going to prove.
My voice would indicate nothing to you.
Eliza Dane



"Kutto Vee" is a very loose rendering of the Russian phrase for "Who are you?" The "Stretem branch of Spudyoulike" (Streatham branch of Spud-U-Like) reference is from Drop The Dead Donkey.

Eliza Dane

Mr Short,
What the Hel is wrong with your phone?
I've tried five times now... three times I got static, once I got some guy who kept saying something like "Kutto vee" over and over, and when I thought I'd got through it turned out to be the Stretem branch of Spudyoulike or something like that.
The guy who answered laughed a lot, told me he wasn't with Barclays Bank, but did tell me that Chile bean fillings were on special.
I don't think your god likes me!
Eliza Dane



Johnson Shirt

05/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for our email,
First I switched off my phone yesterday night, and I have checked the time I different and understood maybe you called.
But not my phone, because I switched it off and nobody can answer my call, I never told you that I work with Barclays bank, am not a staff but we have some fund which I contacted you to assist me on to claim it from the bank.
I have all the necessary arrangement to claim this fund, all I want from you is your assistance.
You have not guaranty me for me to see the reality of you, sorry I cannot do this business with you if you still refuse not to call me and not to send your international passport.
This is not a childish business and am very careful in what ever am doing.
Best regards.
Johnson.



Eliza never handles being patronised... and she is very stubborn.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I should have remembered you're not with Barclay's Bank but it was on the email where you gave your number, and I guess these things happen, ok? You say this is not a childish business - well, guess what, I'm not a child, by Thor.
Don't patronise me just because I'm young and blonde.
Don't accuse me of not trying to call you (I assume that's what you meant by "if you still refuse not to call me" which means quite the opposite) when I tried FIVE times and you admit switching your phone off!
I'm standing firm on this issue. I am not sending you my passport. Your mistake doesn't mandate one from me.
Your call.
Eliza Dane



Johnson Shirt

06/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email, i never meant to say like that is just because you find it little difficult to understand me.
I was especting you to prove your sincere to me by sending your passport, fearless because we are partners and your identification is for our trust and security of this business, be sinecer with your self if you are under my shoe wiull you just transact such a huge amount of money like this with a foriegner without his identification, then tell me how do we know each other.
Its simply means we have to see face to face or you send your passport for our trust and security of this business, i have nothing to do with your picture, is beautifull and i like it but for the respect of this trsnasction i need your passport.
My phone is open, call me anytime and you will get me ok, +447040110447.
I await your response and call.
Regards.
Johnson.


Use of 'ok'; 13 I was baffled by "if you are under my shoe"; discussion with friends and colleagues led to the eventual conclusion that he'd meant to say something like "If you are in my shoes", but in typical Lad fashion, mangled the phrase.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
A little difficult to understand you? Try "fucking impossible" a lot of the time.
"[B]e sinecer with your self if you are under my shoe wiull you just transact such a huge amount of money like this with a foriegner without his identification, then tell me how do we know each other". Holy Mother Frigga - have you been drinking?
Listen, sport, this is the post-S11 world. You don't get my passport, and that's all she wrote.
You can rant until Ragnarok, and I ain't bending.
You chose to contact me - I don't have to follow your rules just because you say so.
And get your fucking phone fixed, I hate getting a dead line.
Eliza Dane



Four days later... did I overdo it?

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Nothing from you since Monday.
Is it something I said?
Eliza Dane



Happily, no.
Use of 'ok'; 14



Johnson Shirt

12/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email,
I check it all and I don't want to risk this money, I can't afford to lose this fund.
Am doing everything I can to make this transfer success, after going through your email I understand you don't want to follow my ideas in order to have this fund in your account.
You refuse to send your identification the tell me how can I risk this fund with a trust and assurance from you.
My dear friend if you really want to assist me then prove it and go ahead to assist me ok.
I await your response.
Johnson.



The duel of egos continues.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I don't like repeating myself, but by Thor and by Sif the Golden, if I have to...
I'm not sending you my passport for two reasons.
Firstly, it's against the law, and if I'm caught doing this, I risk a conviction and loss of my passport, which would ruin my career.
Secondly, letting an uncontrolled copy of my passport get loose is an act of folly.
And I didn't ask for your passport in the first place, so there's no percentage in you keeping on pleading that... I want to help you, but I won't be bullied in doing things I don't wish to.
There you have it.
Eliza Dane



There's that "under my shoe" line again...
Use of 'ok'; 15


Johnson Shirt

13/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email,
Is good to have you as my partner and am glad, I came for good.
For you to send to me your identification letter is not a crime, we are business partners and the amount involve is a huge amount which needed us to see face to face but because of time and the different countries I now committed everything about this business unto the hand of God and I gave you my trust but you cannot tell me because of this I have go ahead and m\commence with you without any identification letter of yours.
Check it if you are under my shoe.
My dear Eliz you can't tell me you don't have any other identity since you don't want to give out your passport, at least you can send your drivers license or your working i.
d just for security reason to be on save side.
Yes I know you want to help me if not you wouldn't have been replying me emails, am glad.
But check it by your self and you will understand more about this, sending you my passport does not mean anything but just for our trust and security reason.
We should have been talking on which day should I be in Australia because this fund would have been in your account by now if only you did what I ask you and follow my directives.
I need an assurance from you that you want to help me, I mean it I really need an assurance from you in respect of this transaction.
You sent to me one picture some days ago, I don't need it, I don't need to watch your picture because is not what I came for, I just need you to prove your honesty and trust and the only way is to send to me your identification latter and I will be glad to have it.
So please let stop going around on one word the other, let commence just do what I ask you to do just for the good of future, by now we should have been talking on future investment and not this.
Please call me on this number +447040110447, I await your call ok.
I await your response.
Regards and have a nice day.
Johnson.



I took a bit of a chance in even mentioning the possibility that Eliza Dane might not actually be real.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I really don't know where to take this.
I can't send you my passport.
I don't have a driving licence.
There is no national ID card that I can scan.
I'm a model, not an office worker, so I don't have a work ID.
What the Hel is left? I don't know.
And just what do you mean by "Check it if you are under my shoe"? You insist on me calling you.
Tell me - what would it prove? That I am a young woman.
Or do you doubt even that? Thor's beard, are you that paranoid? If you are, perhaps we should end it here.
I'll give you my passport number - 7530-66-107-1001-AUS-01-426-8047.
I don't know if that's enough, but maybe you can think of something - anything - that might convince you.
Eliza Dane



Breakthrough! But that is one crappy letter he's drafted...
Use of 'ok'; 17


Johnson Shirt

14/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email and passport number, yes am ok with your passport number.
I have done everything about your affidavit of fact proving you are the rightfull next of kin to late Mr Walter Hangal, the documents shall take almost a week to come out, so contact the bank with the bank contacts listed below and the application listed below, your name is with Royal court of Justice London, if the bank investigate they shall see your name as the next of kin.
Everything is perfectly ok, i will also like you to contact me on my telephone so that we can talk, is important we talk please call me on my number.
i will be waiting for your call regards to this.
You will be contacting the bank by tomorrow or immediately since time different are not the same regards to this claim.
Here is the application below, go through it and fill the gape of your details of account.
Here is the contact of the bank and who to contact.
Name : Mr Kevin Callaghan
Email address : barcforiegnremittancedepartment@yahoo.co.uk
Phone : +447031905273
My dear friend send the application to this email address contact written above, the person written his name is the operation manager that will take care of our case, I assure you in three working days this fund shall be in your account and then you shall see the prove of brotherhood in our partnership.
I need to rest, I have so much stress today regard to your next of kin, please send the application so that we wait for the bank information ok.
If you still needed to confirm some information from me, please don't fail to call me urgently ok.
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
INTERNATIONAL REMMITTANCE & FOREIGN OPERATIONS
Barclays Bank Plc 58 SOUTHAMPTON ROW,
HOLBORN LONDON,WC1B 4MB ENGLAND.
TEL/FAX: +447031905273
Email: (barcforiegnremittancedepartment@yahoo.co.uk ) Re: Release of $58,000,000.00 U.S. dollars, (FIFTY EIGHT MILLION USD ONLY) on account number 58588-8 of LATE Mr. WALTER HANGAL, [GEOLOGIST] WALTER HANGAL Died in 26TH day of DEC 2004.
APPLICATION FOR REMITTANCE Dear Sir, REFERENCE TO THE ABOVE STATED ACCOUNT NO. 58588-8 OF THE LATE Mr. WALTER HANGAL, WITH A CREDIT BALANCE OF $58 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS ONLY.
I have been advised by counsel that I am the designated beneficiary to the above referenced, dormant account, held by the late Mr. WALTER HANGAL.
As such, I wish to apply for the release of the total said amount.
In accordance with the National and International Laws of Inheritance, kindly remit the stated amount in full to my account number stated below:
BANK NAME:
BANK ADDRESS:
ACCOUNT NAME:
ACCOUNT NUMBER:
ROUTING/SWIFT CODE:
This request is predicated on the fact that since the death Mr. WALTER HANGAL, who was entrusted with The Management of WALTER TUBE COMPANY LONDON.
The need for the transfer of the money in the account becomes imperative.
I shall therefore be very grateful if this request meets with your favorable consideration.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
***
Name: Mrs Eliza ................................... Contact
Details: Phone & Email
Sign: .........................................
...........................................
**
Note: Please include your particulars, like your Bank Account details and your contact details: Phone and email.
Send the application to the bank immediately so that we wait for the bank response and know what next.
Regards and have a nice day.
Johnson.



Time to be nice - it won't last.
Can I embarrass him?


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Fine. We're reconciled.
Good, let's move on.
It all seems pretty straightforward, however - let's get some facts worked out - what sort of relationship are you planning to put on the documents? Let's be singing from the same songbook, ok? Also - for Odin's sake, don't put me down as Mrs Eliza Dane - I'm single!
Please sort this out and let me know if there are any other possible hiccups we can avoid.
Have a rest and get back to me.
Try to relax. AJ (my boyfriend) says a blowjob is very relaxing; he should know. ; ) As a matter of fact, he was looking very tense and distracted yesterday. I really should help him calm down...
Eliza Dane



Apparently not... Use of 'ok'; 18

Johnson Shirt

14/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email,
Sorry for my mistake, I will be going to Royal court to see the Attorney in charge of this in order to correct the mistake from Mrs. to Ms.
You are a relative to late Mr. WALTER Hangal and the Affidavit of fact proves you as the rightful next of kin to late Mr. WALTER Hangal.
So please go ahead and send the application to the bank ok.
Regards.
Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Good, we're working together, that's kewl.
But - please don't think I'm picky - what should I put relation-wise? I'm assuming niece is the best bet, but I never second-guess.
Eliza Dane



Use of 'ok'; 19

Johnson Shirt

15/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email.
Please you are a relative to late Mr Walter Hangal, the Affidavit made it clear you are a relative to late Mr Walter Hangal.
so pls use relative.
Have you send the application, let me know ifg you have ok.
Regards.

Johnson.



Eliza Dane

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
INTERNATIONAL REMMITTANCE & FOREIGN OPERATIONS
Barclays Bank Plc 58 SOUTHAMPTON ROW,
HOLBORN LONDON,WC1B 4MB ENGLAND.
TEL/FAX: +447031905273
Email: (barcforiegnremittancedepartment@yahoo.co.uk )
Re: Release of $58,000,000.00 U.S. dollars, (FIFTY EIGHT MILLION USD ONLY) on account number 58588-8 of LATE Mr. WALTER HANGAL, [GEOLOGIST]
WALTER HANGAL Died in 26TH day of DEC 2004.
APPLICATION FOR REMITTANCE
Dear Sir,
REFERENCE TO THE ABOVE STATED ACCOUNT NO. 58588-8 OF THE LATE Mr. WALTER HANGAL, WITH A CREDIT BALANCE OF $58 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS ONLY.
I have been advised by counsel that I am the designated beneficiary to the above referenced, dormant account, held by the late Mr. WALTER HANGAL.
As such, I wish to apply for the release of the total said amount.
In accordance with the National and International Laws of Inheritance, kindly remit the stated amount in full to my account number stated below:
BANK NAME: National Bank of Australia
BANK ADDRESS: 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
ACCOUNT NAME: Ms Elizabeth D. Dane
ACCOUNT NUMBER: G937 641 587
ROUTING/SWIFT CODE: Unknown
ACCOUNT INFORMATION: Please clarify this detail
Residential Address: 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney, NSW, Australia
Telephone number: (02) 9439 7282
This request is predicated on the fact that since the death Mr. WALTER HANGAL, who was entrusted with The Management of WALTER TUBE COMPANY LONDON. The need for the transfer of the money in the account becomes imperative.
I shall therefore be very grateful if this request meets with your favorable consideration.
Sincerely,
Ms Elizabeth Dane



"Wyrd" = "Fate".

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I sent the message (see below).
It now rests with wyrd.
Eliza Dane



Mr Callaghan is supposedly working in a bank in England, so you'd expect him to write "honourable".
It must be a Lad thing...


Mr Kevin Callaghan

15/06/06 BARCLAYS BANK PLC Dear Ms Elizabeth Dane,
Acknowledgement of your application dated on Thu, 15th Jun 2006
:29:4d+1000.
Your application on under process and has been taken care by its department.
First accept our sympathy on tragedy that took place in Thailand, Mr. WALTER Hangal is a good customer to our honorable bank, Mr. WALTER Hangal is a good and gentile man, may his soul rest in perfect peace.
His credit in account number 58588-8 with account name Walter Hangal is valid and has been taken good care by.
Total sum is $58 Million United State Dollars.
The bank has confirmed you the next of kin to Mr. WALTER Hangal.
Your account brought forward by you is incorrect, we advised you to give us your swift code number to your bank for the transfer of this $58 Million United State Dollars The bank will not use Mr. WALTER's account to remit this fund directly to your account in Australia; you are advised to activate an account with us.
This account shall be use to remit the fund directly to your account for the benefit of our bank and you.
Due the high volume of the funds, it would not be advisable for the funds to be transferred direct from Walters' account to your bank account in Australia.
You will use at least not less than 5000GBP ( FIVE THOUSAND GREAT BRITISH POUNDS ) to activate this account to enables us make a quick transfer direct to your account in Australia.
You are advised to send us your Bank swift code number; the account shall be activated on your name.
We shall give you information to remit the money as on as we have your response.
We lo Have a great day.
Kevin Callaghan
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
This is what I got.
Fuck me, they were quick.
You must have primed the pump something massive.
ok, what's next? Eliza Dane



Well, all of a sudden Johnson is a bit of a shrinking violet.
It's not as if Eliza hadn't used bad language before.


Johnson Shirt

16/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email response.
Please i don't like the language you used to address me, am not a kid and this business is not what to joke with.
You said you want to assist me then why are you making all this to be difficult for me, the answer from the bank is okay with us and still yet you made an discusting language.
Please i cannot afford to lose this fund, if you want to assist me then you know what the bank said then go for it and let the fund to be transfer to your account.
You didn't state out your swift bank code why, just tell me why.
This is not a joke and you have to take it serious pls.
Johnson.



Eliza doesn't like being preached to.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Holy Mother Frigga, is this a generation gap thing? You should get out from behind your desk, go out into the real world and listen to how people speak and understand how people think.
This ain't the nineteenth century.
Whether you like it or not, in this day and age we speak our minds, with whatever words we want, with none of this stupid PC crap about not offending.
ok, rant over...
Just what the Hel is a Swift code? It would help if you'd told me! Eliza Dane



Johnson is quick to apologise.
Use of 'ok'; 23


Johnson Shirt

16/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email.
ok I understood you, sorry I never meant to hurt you ok.
Is just am afraid to lose this fund, and am very careful in what ever am doing regards to this and that is why am always sure to be on save side ok.
Is a good response we got from the bank and all you need to do is to follow the bank directives and the fund shall be in your account.
A swift code is an code which before any transfer takes place it must go with swift code to know the exact bank the fund belong to.
A swift code is own by the bank, you bank has its own swift code, contact your account officer in the bank for the bank swift code, but do not discuss with your account officer about this transaction, just rquest for the bank swift code and he or she shall know that you are expecting money in your bank ok.
I want you to contact the bank and know how long will it will it take for this fund to be in your account as soon as everything get ready.
Get the swift code from your bank and send to Barclays bank ok.
Bear in mind what ever good you are doing regards to this transaction is for the good of both future ok, I thank you for everything.
Regards.
Johnson.



Use of 'ok'; 24

Johnson Shirt

17/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
How are you today? hope all is fine with you.
Please am still waiting for your email response, hope all is fine with you.
Did you contact the bank? what did the bank say pls let me know ok.
Take care and have a nice weekend.
Greetings from
Johnson.



Things have been going too smoothly.
It's time to monkey wrench things with a family crisis.


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt There's been a major crisis.
My father is in the ICU.
More when I can.
Eliza



It was going so well until that last line... Use of 'ok'; 25

Johnson Shirt

20/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Am so sorry for the news, pls will like to hear and know the condition ok.
Don't worry it will be okay .
Take care of your father, i await to hear from you ok.
Regards and have a greatday.
Johnson.



One really hard slap is merited.
"Fenrir" is the Fenris Wolf of Norse legend.


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt
Have a great day? HAVE A GREAT DAY? NO I AM NOT HAVING A GREAT DAY YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT! My father is in a critical condition, my mother is taking it badly - she's only just got to sleep - and you are telling me to have a great day? May Fenrir chew your balls!
Eliza Dane



Several days pass... have I lost him?

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
ok - things are calmer now - Dad is out of the ICU and recovering.
Mum is taking things well.
I apologise for my outburst but you really shouldn't have wished me a great day just then.
Eliza Dane



No - what a relief! Use of 'ok'; 28

Johnson Shirt

28/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Good to see your email response.
I have been wondering on how to continue because I have spent a lot of money for your next of kin and latter of Administration.
You kept me under suspension and I got confused on how to handle things from my side.
Am very sorry for my wrong statement, yes I understood it hurt you which you know I don't meant to hurt you.
Am a father and I understand how my children feel when ever am sick, o thank God the almighty that his out of there.
So how is he doing now? Don't worry is going to be ok, just pray ok.
I don't know how to start because we stopped after receiving a very good answer from the bank, when I got your last email I felt do bad on which I don't know what to say.
The bank only required you to open an account and activate it, so I don't if you did contact the bank or not, please let me know ok.
If not please go ahead and clear these with Barclays ok, to get the account ready with them since they cannot transfer this fund direct to your own account in Australia through the account of late Mr. WALTER Hangal.
Another is your bank swift code number, this swift code simply means address of a bank on international transfer bases ok.
Please try and see if you can get me on phone, since you never gave me your phone number, please try and call me so that we can talk ok.
+447040110447.
My regards to your Dad.
Johnson.



I got him back... I'll reward him a little.
Believe me, it won't last.


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Thanx for asking, my Dad is recovering, but he'll be in hospital for another week or so.
I'm afraid I don't pray as you do.
Christians humble themselves before their God.
We stand before Odin, state our will, and call for the All-Father to bless us as He wills.
Anyway - I was able to find the SWIFT number you needed, NAT AAU 3303S.
I'll send it on to Mr Callahan at once.
I'll try to call you, but I swear, if I get the Stretem branch of Spudyoulike again, then by Thor, I'll smash something!
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
I found out the SWIFT code that you asked for.
It's NAT AAU 3303S.
I think you've got everything you need now.
Let me know if you need anything else.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



The banker's back, but not all is quite right.
One thing that you can always rely on though; the money must flow.


Mr Kevin Callaghan

29/06/06
BARCLAYS BANK PLC
+447005977063
Dear Ms Elizabeth Dane,
Acknowledgement of your application dated on Thu, 29 Jun 2006
19:30:13+1000.
The board of director of Barclays bank held meeting on 20th June 2006
in respective of your relation Mr. WALTER Hangal, who was once our good customer.
The authencity and genuine of your next of kin to Mr. WALTER Hangal sanctifies board and the entire committee that handle your case.
We have your bank Swift code good.
It now remaining you to activate an account with us, this account shall be use and remit the total sum directly to your account information goes as follows
Ms Elisabeth D. Dane
Account Number G937641587
Swift Code NATAAU3303S
National Bank Of Australia
134 Liverpool street Sydney, NEW 2000
You are advice to activate an account with us with your information; this account shall be used to transfer this fund direct to your account stated above.
Please fill the information gape
Firs name ................ Middle name ............... Last name ....................
Account name .........................
Address .........................
Occupation ........................
Next of kin ...........................
Fill all the gape, it shall be use for activation of your account.
You will have at least GBP 5000 for activation of this account in order for the transfer to be completed.
You will activate your account; as soon as these are done the transfer shall take place immediately, under 48 hrs your rightful fund, which is $58 million united state dollars, shall be in your account stated above.
Please use this information to send the fee for activation of your account.
Use western union money transfer to send this fee for activation of your account.
Payment information: Name: Victor Biauno.
Address: 24 Sumner Street, London SE1 9JA united Kingdom.
Dear Ms Elizabeth Dane please fill all the gape above for opening of your account and seconding send to us fee for activation of your account.
We look forward to your response.
Yours Faithfully.
Kevin Callaghan Operation Manager International Remittance.



Johnson Shirt

29/06/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email, ok is very good you have the swift code.
please contact the bank and send the swift code immediately ok.
Try and coperate with the person incharge so that it will go smooth for us.
I await your email and Regards.

Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
Got that.
Just a couple of points to put right: Elizabeth, not Elisabeth; NSW, not NEW
Thanx
Eliza Dane



ok, let's ask some questions, end with a joke (sort of).

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I got a reply from Kevin Callaghan, and it's got me puzzled.
He wants me to send him GBPs 5,000 to open the account. Why so much? The other thing is - he wants me to send the equivalent of $12000 by western union! I mean - what the fuck? He works at a BANK! He's some senior exec - and I am supposed to believe that he would mosey on down to the western union office and pick up thousands of pounds like it was his weekly allowance? Something is wrong! BTW, I did try to call, but all I got was dead air. Just as well - there's a very nice vase by the phone, I'd hate to have broken it.
Eliza Dane



Mr Kevin Callaghan

30/06/06
Dear Ms Elizabeth Dane,
We are sorry for typographical error on your name.
Accept our apology.
Callaghan.



Johnson is back to his old long-winded ways.
Use of 'ok'; 31


Johnson Shirt

01/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email response.
I read your massage from Barclays bank, and I got confused about what you said, I tried to understood you by contacting My Henry Adams who is my friend and also an insider that work in the bank and monitors about this transfer.
He said to me that you are request to open account with the bank so that this $58 million united state dollars can be transfer into your new account and from your new account then transfer direct to your account in your country.
He also said the reason why you are asked to use western union money transfer to send the money is because it will not take time to get to him.
He said using account information will take some days to get to Barclays.
He also said that Barclays bank has western union license, he means that he will receive the money inside the bank not to supermarket or western union office.
He also said you are given name to send the money which I don't know if he said the truth or not, you have the email from the bank but you didn't forward it to me as usual for me to see.
I have good news, Death certificate of late Mr. WALTER Hangal is out, cooperate office commission called me this money for the document and I have it here with me.
I used an insider to back date the date so that it will no show new date and that is how it is.
I attached it for you to see.
He date is 5th August 2005.
Is now remaining your affidavit of fact and letter of administration.
The affidavit of fact is the documents that shoes you are the authentic next of kin to late Mr. WALTER Hangal and letter of Administration goes together with this death certificate which will back the fund to avoid my government and your government even anti transfer crime force to ask any question about this fund.
Am now waiting for Affidavit of fact and also letter of Administration from United Kingdom Government to back up this fund.
Now how do we do this, we cannot say the opening of account fee shall be our obstacle on this, I have check it all I don't have the complete amount I need to get things work out.
I borrowed money from my wife to complete the total sum GBP 4000 pounds.
Please I want you to contact Mr. Callaghan and tell him that Mr. Johnson Shirt who is your friend and who base as citizen of England will be coming to pay him GBP 4000 Pounds.
Then you will be sending GBP 1000 Pounds which is the balance to him through western union money transfer as he directed ok.
Please assist me and send the balance to him while I await your directive to go and pay him the GBP 40000 pounds immediately ok.
Bear in mind whatever good you are doing regards of this transaction is for the good of both futures.
I will give 10% out of my own share to charity home, and am heading to invest on crude oil business, which has been my dream.
Do not delay this email and go further to contact the bank regards on this for the transfer to take place immediately.
Don't bother and bear in mind any effort you put in such as your Internet services and any expenses you did shall be rewarded back to you with happiness, peace and harmony ok.
Please be waiting for your urgent response regard on these issues.
Regards Eliza Johnson.






Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
A personal contact in England, Mr Johnson Shirt, will be in touch with you at some point this week to make a payment of 4000 pounds to you for my new account.
Please let me know when this is done, so that I can complete the payment as you requested.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I just contacted Mr Callaghan and told him that you'd be dropping by with 4000 pounds.
Sorry not to have told you this before but I've been away for a lot of the weekend, at a two-day shoot in the Blue Mountains.
The weather was terrible.
Eliza Dane



Use of 'ok'; 32

Johnson Shirt

03/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email, ok I have your email and I will be going right away early morning to pay Mr Callaghan the sum of GBP 4000.
Please also make the balance payment of GBP 1000 in completion of making it GBP 5000 ok.
I will be in his office tomorrow morning which is on Monday 3rd of July.
Thank you once again, I will get back to you as soon as make the payment.
Regards,
Johnson.



I took an old scam mail (from the Dane-Noogie-Stroganov production A TALE OF TWO DANES) and picked the choice bits out.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
You'd better hold off on paying, we've got a problem.
I got a message from Mr Mike Anderson at Barclay's Bank to say that they won't accept the payment from a third party - it's me or nothing.
They want 5000 pounds or $12,455 sent to via western union to Clayton Ian at 68 Knightsbridge Road, London SWIX 7NT. Can they do that?
Then he said this: "However, you are required to scan or fax your passport for identification, preferably your driving licence or international passport for identification".
Fuck me - do I have to go through all that again?
Eliza Dane



Forget that line about a woman scorned, Hell hath no fury like a Lad who thinks some other Lad is trying to chop his dollar. "Please be very careful" - oh, I am, mugu!

Johnson Shirt

03/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email, Am just coming back from Barclays Bank and I meet Mr. Kevin Callaghan.
I made the payment of GBP 4000 this morning and promised he will be contacting you.
Please do not listen to any one that I did not introduce to you, some fraud star are busy monitoring some people business on Internet.
Don't reply, any mail you get from them delete it and never reply to avoid any jeopardy in this business.
I asked Mr. Kevin Callaghan about what you said on your mail and he said the massage did not came from his department and beside no one bears that name in Barclays Bank.
Please be very careful.
Go and send the balance immediately to Mr. Kevin Callaghan which is GBP 1000, for opening of your account.
As soon as your account is activated, the transfer shall take place immediately without any delay.
Am seriously waiting for your response.
Regards.
Johnson.



Kevin Callaghan's English is decaying as he goes off script; as in, "those people not a staff".

Mr Kevin Callaghan

03/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Acknowledgement of your email dated on Sun, 02 Jul 2006 21:20:16 +1000
Today your contact here in London Mr. Johnson Shirt deposited GBP4000 (Four Thousand Pounds Only) being 3rd July 2006.
Please send to us the balance of GBP1000 (One Thousand Pound) for your activation of account.
Fill the information requested by us for your new account activation, here below is the information.
Please fill the information for your activation of account process.
Firs name ................
Middle name ............... Last name ....................
Account name .........................
Address .........................
Occupation ........................
Next of in ...........................
Process of your transfer shall be complete as soon as we receive balance and information from you.
Mr. Johnson shirt reported to me after he left that some people contacted you on behalf of Barclays bank staff, please stay off from those people not a staff.
We look forward to hear from you.
Yours Faithfully.
Kevin Callaghan
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Now I'm badly worried.
If there are criminals monitoring what we're doing, suppose they know what's going to happen? They'd have my address and all my details...
You say be careful.
How? Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
I'm concerned that criminals may have got into your computer system and could steal my personal details; maybe even intercept any payment that I make to you.
Please have your system thoroughly checked - I'm not sending anything until I'm sure that it's safe to do so.
Eliza Dane



Now I'm being lectured on internet security by a 419 scammer.
Priceless... Use of 'ok'; 35


Johnson Shirt

04/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email.
What I mean you should be careful is that some people are busy in Internet stealing some people just for nothing.
Like what is happening around the world now, fighting, killing each other, greedy, taking people right because his in position that can back him up and terrorist and the rest.
So I was advising you to be careful and stay away from all those emails, ok.
They are just thief and monitors some people email, some times last week I received an email that say he want to help me on this transaction.
I began wondering if I did sent any email to this person, but am sure and I know I did not send any email to anyone except you.
I knew the person must have been seen my email or monitor it.
That is why I have to advise you as my partner to stay away from those people that do such things.
Our transaction is legal and you have nothing to fear about, is just that they want to use indirectly to steal us ok, and that is why I have to alert you in time ok.
Don't and we are almost there.
Did the bank contact you, because My Callaghan promised to contact you after I made the payment, if yes what is the position of things, please let me know if you have made the payment.
Please do complete the payment so that your account can be activated and this will be done ok.
I await your response.
Regards.

Johnson.



Use of 'ok'; 37

Johnson Shirt

04/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Please let me know the situation of things from your side ok.
Bera in mind what ever good you are doing for interest of this transaction is for the good of future ok, please try and send the complete money to the bank in regards of your new account ok.
Let me know if the bank contact you, because i have made the payment of GBP 4000.
Regards.
Johnson.



Mr Kevin Callaghan

04/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Acknowledgement of your email dated on Mon, 03 Jul 2006 22:43:39 +1000.
No body has right to operate our system if you are not a staff.
Dear customer, please you are advised to check your side, such complainant does not go with our bank, Barclays bank is one of the best bank in the world today.
Our business is to treat you as customer, we are welcome.
Thanks for using Barclays bank today.
Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance.



I'm not sure exactly what he meant, but to Eliza, it's an insult.
This time she reacts with an icy pride.


Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
If you want to keep my custom you'd better remember one thing; I am your customer.
You're quite right that I don't work for you. That means you do as I say.
There are people pretending to be working for you, they are trying to rip me off. I am telling you to do something about it by checking your on-line security.
Do it now.
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
There's nothing indirect about what this Anderson scumbag was trying to do! He wanted me to send over $12000 straight to him.
Nothing indirect about that, by Thor!
Yes, Mr Callaghan contacted me after I asked him to check bank security.
To keep it short, he told me it was none of my business because I'm not staff.
I told him it is my business, because I'm a customer. I also told him to check his online security right now.
Until I get some airtight assurances that his bank security is tighter than a mouse's asshole, I'm sending nothing.
Eliza Dane



Mr Kevin Callaghan

04/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Dear Customer,
Acknowledgement of your email dated on Tue, 04 Jul 2006 07:31:08 +1000.
We apologies for our last letter to you, I wasn't directing my statement to you.
The statement was for those people Mr. Johnson Shirt reported to us, I meant the person has no right to access our information or to operate on it.
I also advised you and Mr. Johnson to check your side.
This is not going to be an obstacle to you so leave it aside and go on with your transaction.
Your money $58 million USD Dollars is very attractive maybe to some people you must discuss with based on this transaction.
Am serving you according to instructions on last meeting held by board of directors regards to your sum, they where satisfied with your information as authentic next of kin to late Mr. WALTER Hangal.
The bank is to serve you, as a customer, whom we are doing; the board of directors and managers in the bank cannot stop this payment because your qualification as the next of kin to Mr. WALTER Hangal is creditable by us and approved.
Mr. Johnson Shirt came to visit me this early morning and was complaining bitterly regards to your statement, I asked him the relationship between you and him based on the way he reacted and he said you're his friend. We are sorry for any inconveniences this might cause.
We the Barclays Bank assure you security save; your total sum will be wire direct to your account in Australia as soon as we have the balance and the information to fill.
Do not be afraid of anybody, we guaranty your safety arrival of your total sum.
Am in charge of your transaction, always contact me for any information in respect of your transaction.
We look forward to hear from you.
Thanks for using Barclays bank today.
Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance



Use of 'ok'; 42 - five in one message! "[Y]ou are doing fine" - he's going to regret that! And "Let it go and top [sic] bothering" - there's a slap on the way for that!

Johnson Shirt

04/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you for your email,
I went to see Mr. Callaghan on this issue, I discussed with him courtesy of you.
I also told him you sent me to him to talk over this and he said to me that he was not talking to you.
He said he was referring it to the people that contacted you and you should send the money to them and your passport.
Mr Kevin Callaghan said I should let you know as a customer you have 100& right to decide on what to do and ask for security of your money.
My dear friend all am asking is to call it an end and please just make the payment and send to the bank so that this business will be done ok.
You should know I cannot afford to lose this fund and am doing all I can to save guar this fund to avoid any jeopardy regards to this business.
Let it go and top bothering ok, everything is ok because I went there and also I have an insider in the bank that tells me a lot of these ok.
Pleas go ahead and make the payment and send to the bank, once you make this payment next is transfer will take place immediately ok.
You are doing fine and I thank you very much for your security alert, this show me you can take good care of this fund once it enters into your account.
What am waiting for now is good news, as soon as this fund enters into your account, you will send me some money for my traveling expenses to your country without any delay ok.
Please do not share this money in my absent ok, wait for me to arrive before the sharing takes place ok.
So please go and make the payment and send to the bank for the conclusion of this transaction to take place ok.
Regards.

Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
Let me make this clear; I am not impressed by you trying to say this is my fault.
I sure as Hel didn't mention this business to anybody.
Outside Mr Shirt and (maybe) his immediate circle, the only people who are aware of this business are you and your colleagues.
The email I got had a phone number like yours, and an English suffix on his URL.
It was no-one here.
That points the finger straight at your bank.
So it's down to you to find the fly in the ointment.
There's a huge amount of money at stake and I expect you to do your duty and keep this safe.
Do it, and keep me posted.
Eliza Dane



Johnson; consider yourself slapped.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Let it go? LET IT GO? There's some buttsmear at the bank trying to white-ant our deal and you're saying "Let it go"? I can't believe it!
You're saying that you can't afford to lose this money and in the same breath you're telling me not to worry?
Do you trust your so-called insider? I'm starting to wonder if the thought of $58 million might not be too much for him...
or someone close to him.
Eliza Dane



Mr Kevin Callaghan

04/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Dear Customer,
Acknowledgement of your email dated on Tue, 04 Jul 2006 21:55:24 +1000.
We give you our assurance and guaranty for safety of your funds.
As I told you am in charge of your fund, deal direct with me and I give you assurance of your fund safety and guaranty, you can sue my bank if anything goes wrong.
You have 100% right to send down your Attorney or sue the bank if anything goes wrong with your fund, $58 million USD Dollars is a huge amount of money.
We look forward to hear from you.
Thanks for using Barclays bank today.
Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
I don't want to sue the bank, I don't want to have to hire some lawyer, I want YOU to do SOMETHING to make sure that no-one can hack into your system again and maybe steal my money! Perhaps if you send me your private email address, that at least should be secure.
Then we can get this worked out without being monitored.
Eliza Dane



Johnson Shirt

05/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
I have been waiting for your email response since yestarday, am confused on what is happening.
Please have you send the balance payment to the bank, let me know if you have did same please.
If not please go ahead and do it so that we can get to conclusion of this transaction.
Seriously waiting for your email response.
Regards.

Johnson.



Kevin Callaghan tries with what looks totally unlike a private email address.
Eliza is not going to let that pass.


Mr Kevin Callaghan

06/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Dear Customer,
Please feel free to contact my department through this email contact.
Thanks for using Barclays bank today.
Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
What are you playing at? I don't see a private email address anywhere in your letter - just the old office one! Get serious, willya?
There's too much at stake to risk through any fuckups at your end.
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I'm waiting for Mr Callaghan to make absolutely sure that his poxy bank is secure.
I also told him to send any more messages about this deal from his home PC to fox those shithead hackers.
He then told me to contact him via his new email address - but sent it from the bank, without telling me what his new address is.
I swear he is not the sharpest tool in the shed! Once I'm sure the coast is clear I'll send the money.
Eliza Dane



Mr Kevin Callaghan

06/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Dear Customer,
Acknowledgement of your email dated on Thu, 06 Jul 2006 21:06:38 +1000.
Mr. Johnson Shirt who is your contact here in London came to my office this morning and was complaining bitterly in respective of your transaction.
I will like to explain it more to your understanding, this is bank and not a private business, and you can't expect me to send information to you through my private email contact.
I used another bank private online service to send you email yesterday and here is the email (barcforiegnremittancedep@accountant.com). Please go ahead and contact us through this email.
Fill the information needed from you by the bank together with the balance of your activation fee.
Your fund is secured and the bank shall make 100% is the guaranty transfer to your account in Australia.
We look forward to hear from you.
Thanks for using Barclays bank today.
Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Eliza is not letting that one go either...

Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
I'm trying to be patient - but what's the fucking point in being nice! look, the problem is that you're working from the bank.
That bank has been infiltrated by people who want to steal from me.
I don't know if they're just after the $12000 or if they're playing for higher stakes (like $58 million).
The LOGICAL thing - which somehow you've missed, fuck knows how - is to do the business AWAY FROM THE BANK.
Is that so hard? Eliza Dane



Now he's playing ball. Just what I needed.

Mr Kevin Callaghan

07/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
I got your email and have no other alternative than to use my private email to write you.
Please go ahead and use my private email and send the information, please fill the information and send the balance payment through my private email box.
Your $58 million USD is still in Mr Walter Hangal account, your account need to be activate and the fund will be transfer into your account and then you will be fully in charge to command your transfer to any destination you want.
Thanks.
Mr Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
It's a relief to find you're a sensible man...
ok, what you needed to know:
First name ................ Elizabeth
Middle name ............... Danielle
Last name .................... Dane
Account name .........................Elizabeth D Dane
Address ......................... 35 Westmoreland Grove Glebe Sydney Australia
Occupation ........................ Model
Next of in ...........................
What's the last one?
With regards to sending the money, I don't think it should be to the bank.
We might be doing just what those scumbags want.
I'm going to ask WU if there's a secure method of doing the transfer.
I'll be in touch.
Eliza Dane



Mr Kevin Callaghan

07/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Correction on error.
The information given to you in respective of sending the balance has error, please use the information below, still the same name but typigraphical error on first payment information.
Payment information:
Name: Victor Biuno
Address: 24 Sumner Street, London SE1 9JA united Kingdom.
Please fill the information space for your opening of new account and activation.
Firs name ................
Middle name ............... Last name ....................
Account name .........................
Address .........................
Occupation ........................
Next of kin ...........................
Send to me the full details of payment information as soon as you send the activation fee.
Thanks.
Kevin Callaghan.
Operation Manager International Remittance.



Use of 'ok'; 43

Johnson Shirt

07/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
How are you today? Please let me know the situation, please let me know am very worried ok.
Regards.

Johnson.



Whatever it takes - keep trying to embarrass the Lad.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Don't have a cow, man - everything is being set up to avoid trouble.
Take a chill pill.
Either that, or get a blow job.
AJ says it's the best cure for the blues...
Eliza



Mr Kevin Callaghan

08/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
I got your email,
Next of kin is not compulsory, that is the alternative person to take care of your account incase in future.
What again strict you want to western union, please do send the payment with information i gave you through western union Money transfer.
Get things done please.
Your transaction is taking me almost two weeks,
You better do something to finish this, send the payment balance with the information I gave you.
Nobody will take the money, send the balance and give me the information.
Kevin Callaghan.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
You can cool off a bit, your attitude is showing.
Holy Odin, I never thought a banker would be so keen to give away money...
It's no concern of yours how long it takes.
The transfer will be made Monday afternoon, local time.
It's going to go to a particular address, and as well as the question/answer, there'll be a need for your man to show personal ID.
You have to specify what sort (drivers licence or whatever), and give me its serial numbers.
I'll send all the details on Monday.
Eliza Dane



Excuse me? Don't bother with the ID measure? Just remember who's running this show, mugu!

Mr Kevin Callaghan

09/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
I got your email, I will look forward to expect your email on Monday, send the details information to my email.
Please do not bother of any means or ID to receive the money, do send it with the information given to you.
We have been receiving money without all that information you requested sends the balance with name and address given to you.
Kevin Callaghan.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
No no no no no...
I am insisting on that ID, because western union is insisting on it, as part of their secure transfer option.
I'm not sending the money without ID particulars.
It's in all our best interests, so do it right away please.
Eliza Dane



According to some fellow-baiters, the address Kevin Callaghan gives is actually student accommodation.
It should be a Hostel (grrrr...)


Mr Kevin Callaghan

10/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane, I got your email and
here is the information.
Passport: Driver License
Serial no: BIUNO802060U99RD
Payment information:
Name: Victor Biuno
Address: 24 Sumner Street, London SE1 9JA United Kingdom.
Send the payment information to me as soon as you make the payment.
Kevin Callaghan.



Not quite good enough...

Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
Which is the correct ID type? Passport or driver's licence?
I have to give the right form of ID.
I can't second-guess with this.
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
Things are nearly done.
Once Mr Callaghan confirms his info, the money will be on the way to him.
Are you ok? Did you take my advice? : ) Eliza



Mr Kevin Callaghan

10/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
driver's licence
Kevin Callaghan.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
Nice and prompt - good on you.
Go to the Bureau de Change at Euston Station tomorrow - I won't be able to send the money now (it's way late here).
The transaction is recorded against your ID number rather than the usual tracking code, and the question/answer is What is your favourite flower? The wild rose.
Let me know the instant you've made the pickup.
Eliza Dane



Again - who is running this show, mugu? It ain't you!

Mr Kevin Callaghan

11/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
This letter is important, am writting on behalf of your activation fee,
Please do not tell me where to go and pick up the money, secondly the question and answer should be what is my name answer Kevin.
Send the money and give me control number not my id number.
I think i have given you all you needed but this time around please give e what i need.
If you do it your own way am sorry the money will not be pick, send it normally the way western union sends its money.
Give me the information, control number, question and answer and the name of person that send the money if you please state out the name you used.
Waiting to see your information by tomorrow.
Kevin Callaghan.



Mr Kevin Callaghan

11/07/06
Dear Eliza Dane,
Euston Station is very far from the office, make it easy for both of us, please just send the money and do not use the serial number as control.
Give me the control number and other information to access it through online.
Kevin Callghan.


I found a site that can identify most likely origins for emails via their headers.
A check of all three headers led straight back to NIGERIA! For once in his life, this Lad is telling the truth. Mind you, I won't be rewarding his honesty...



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
If your bank was more secure, this could have been done easily.
But it isn't, so I had to take precautions.
And, by Thor and Tyr, what fucking lick of difference does it make to you what the question/answer thing is?
This is the way western union suggested; this is the way it's going to be done.
Eliza Dane

Johnson Shirt

11/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
How are you today, hope all is fine.
What is the situation of things.
have you send the balance, did the bank activate your account? when is this $58 million dollars going to be transfer to your new account? Immediately to fund enters into your account, please order for the transfer direct toi your account in Australia.
Please answer me quickly. Johnson.



Johnson Shirt

11/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Please am waiting to hear from you.
Have your account activated, let me know please.
Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
In order: yes, don't know, no idea.
Mr Callaghan was whining about having to go to a specific location to get the money.
What a fucking wussbag! He's better get it done soon.
I'll keep you posted when he decides to get off his useless butt and collect the money.
Eliza



Desperation sets in...
ok count is now 44.


Johnson Shirt

12/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email,
I called Mr. My friend who is an insider in the bank, and he told me about what is going on, I went to Mr Kevin' office to talk about this on behalf of you and he wasn't around.
I waited for him to come back to office, when I saw him he wasn't happy to me because he kept me at the reception for about 30 minutes and say his busy that I should wait, I waited until he calls me inside, we talk about this and this time I played gentile but he was talking about you that you are not serious.
I tried to capture what he was saying and he means you are directing him particular place to collect the money and beside the place you directed him is some kilometers to get there.
He was saying if you are not ready to receive your fund that I should stay off, since am not the beneficiary.
Please Eliza, they are helping us and you don't have to over control him, try and do what he said and bear in mind we are after our $58 million and not Mr Kevin.
Just send the money the way he instructed ok.
Because he said his not ready to reply you because you are not complying, this is not what we want, please just send the money since he has given you the information to send the money.
I don't understand, Western money transfer is the same around the world, but I don't understand what Mr. Kevin is saying about the way you want to send yours.
Just go and send it with the name information he gave you, do it and let him know you have done it.
Is for good and not for Mr. Kevin.
He also said you talked about the bank not being save, please stop it, our aim is for this $58 million not for Mr. Kevin and western transfer.
I don't understand how western will be problem.
To tell you the truth, it will be worst if this transaction get to jeopardy by the way things are handling, the total amount involve is a huge amount of money to joke with and is not making me to feel relax, am bothering a lot about this.
Please go and send it the way he instructed you to avoid any problem in future, as he said will table your file in board of directors meeting and this might cause your present in London.
Please now things is easy and okay with us, just send the money, forget about people collecting the money, just send it to him that the most important thing to do now.
Am seriously waiting for your response.
Johnson.


[Without headers we can't say, but sounds like "Mr. Kevin" is either the boss or an alter ego of "Shirt Johnson".]


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
This is too fucking much!
Are you trying to tell me that Kevin Callaghan has the nerve to whinge about travelling a few kays to collect the cash? Hasn't he got a car? Isn't London public transport the best in the world? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!
It makes no sense for him to chuck a hissy fit either, since he's not the one doing the pickup, it's that Victor Buno dude.
The money is there - close to $2500 - all that slack arsed fuckwit has to do is tell his buddy Victor to go and pick it up!
Eliza Dane



Johnson Shirt

12/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Please handle this with careful and send the money, am having the fear if anything worst come up, this man Mr. Kevin is crazy about what is going on.
Write him immediately and tell him you will be sending the money please, I don't want anything stress to come up again regards on this transaction.
Is not making me to feel happy and relax, just go and send the money.
Do not write him with strong language which you always us some times to write me, please don't make things worst to me.
Do what I say okay, babe girl just go and send the money the way Mr. Kevin want and let it go for good please.
Our aim is for this $58 million dollars and not you and Mr. Kevin please.
Am waiting for your urgent response.
Johnson.


Calling Eliza "babe girl" was a bad move.


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt.
Don't call me "babe girl".
Don't patronise me! The money was sent my way; it's being done my way.
There's a lot of money at stake, I know.
But just as important to me is my duty to Father Odin.
If I bend the knee to Kevin Callaghan and do as he says, I am sinning against the all-Father, and I can't do that.
Eliza Dane



He's hasn't got a clue what "patronise" means, I'm guessing...

Johnson Shirt

12/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
We have a big problem regards to this, how could you say such thing, do you mean if you do what he said and we lost out.
Please is better I make you understand this, this fund is very important to me and I don't wanything to jeopardise it.
Mr Kevin is presently with my money and have been waiting for you to send the balance, uptill now the problem I don't know.
Since you have sent the money, is it just to send it the way the bank want is another problem, are you to direct the bank or the bank to direct you, maybe is because I made things very easy for your side, I don't know what I have been through.
Please send the money to Mr Kevin Callaghan, I don't like what is going on between you and the bank.
Make your self to low will it cost you anything, the problem is that you never think about what we have in mind as our aim, because you want to be the captain.
I told you in my last email that Mr Kevin said he won't write you back since you are inssisting on that, now tell me are you helping me or are you leading this transaction to jeopardy.
That is not what are ask you to do for me, if you know you sent the money, then why is it that to send it normally is the problem, is not making any sence at all and I don't understand the truth on what is going on.
Please you should decide now, because what am seeing is not what I expected, Please I don't want to lose this fund, as you said am petting you, please just know it am not petting you is just my life.
I have to wait for your email to know what next to do on this.
Regards.

Johnson.



Eliza reveals the depth of her religious faith...
I have no idea how the (real) Odinist faith works, so I cobbled something together.
The Norse Gods listed are authentic, though the qualities supposedly gained are purely imaginary.
Yggdrasil is indeed the World Tree from Norse/Germanic legend, and was personified as an oak tree.
BTW, the Kalevala is a collection of Finnish folklore - nothing to do with the Norse legends.


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
You wrote this once a while back, remember it?
"I believe in God Almighty. Indeed, his the one helping me in what ever am doing in life. More so, as regards this business, he will definitely see me through to the end of this business.
" Well, I have my faith, the faith of my Aryan ancestors. Father Odin and the Aesir guide my life, and give me the qualities to ensure success.
From All-father Odin I gain wisdom, from Thor determination, from Tyr strength; Holy Mother Frigga grants me patience, Sif courage and Freya luck and fortune in love.
The Kalevala tells me all that I need to know.
I raised my spirit to Father Odin beneath the oak tree in the back garden that stands for Yggdrasil, the World Tree, and spoke of what had happened.
I heard his wisdom clear in my mind: "Stay the course, your decision is right and proper".
I won't betray the all-Father to suit the whims of a stupid and lazy fuckwit who won't even shift his big fat arse from his office to go a few kays and do his fucking job!
Eliza Dane



ok count is now 51 - seven in one message!


Johnson Shirt

12/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email,
If you can agree me let just put it aside and forget about what his doing, we all know what we want and what we are after.
Please contact Mr. Kevin and ask him how do he want the money to be sent to him ok, just do it for me and for the friendhsip in our transaction, bear in mind whavere good you are doing is not for Mr. Kevin or the bank, no is for the good of future.
If you don't mind please just contact Mr. Kevin and finalise this with him ok, just do it for the good of us ok.
I know he will not write you as he said, and if you decide to keep off that means will are not doing fine, we know what we want and let just go after it and achieve our aim please.
Write Mr. Kevin immediately and ask him how do he want this money to be sent to him.
His with GBP 4000 already, is just waiting for the balance of GBP 1000 and nothing more, please if you can just put all these aside and contact Mr Kevin and ask him how do he want it to be, it will not cost you anything please ok.
You know the reason you are doing it, and you are doing it for purpose and not Mr. Kevin him self, once we achieve what we want then we can go ahead to invite him and insult him altogether if that will make you ok, but for now that is not what we want ok.
Write him immediately and get this done ok.
Also let me know once you contact him ok.
Regards
Johnson.



Johnson Shirt

12/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Am worried about all this, if you choose to continue this way we can never achieve it, for us to have it just please simply write Mr. Kevin and ask him how do he want you to send the money, it will not cost to do that.
I await your urgent response.
Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
We've hit the wall on this one.
You won't collect the money (fuck knows why) and I'm not going to send it as you demand (you know why).
Got any alternatives?
Eliza Dane



The Norns are the three women who personify fate and destiny in the Norse legends.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I don't want to reward Kevin Callaghan for being such a slack-arsed jerk.
If I give in and meekly agree to toe his line, I could never stand before Yggdrasil in the same way ever again.
Father Odin looks badly on those who are weak.
I'm not weak.
This you know.
I wrote to KC asking if he had any ideas.
This does NOT mean I'll dance to his tune.
We are in the hands of the Norns and Wyrd.
Eliza Dane



ok count hits 53.

Johnson Shirt

13/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
Thank you very much for your email response and understanding.
Please once he tells you how to send it, please do send it without any prolonging issue, yes you are not following his directive, but you know what we have in mind to achieve ok.
This is very important this fund enters into your account as soon as possible after craditing your account with Barclays bank.
Please always give me update.
Send the money to him immediately ok.
Regards.

Johnson.



Kevin Callaghan doesn't compromise.

Mr Kevin Callaghan

13/07/06
Attn Eliza Dane,
Base on legal decision, I want to make it clear to you that the money for your activation fee is not for me, is for the bank.
You have to send the money according the way it use to be send, you are sending the money for your account and beside the money will till be your and not for the bank.
$58 million USD Dollars is a big amount of money to be transfer into your account without any activation fee, your transaction would have been round up if not you delaying your transaction.
Send the balance with this information below,
Payment information:
Name: Victor Biuno
Address: 24 Sumner Street, London SE1 9JA United Kingdom.
Please give us the control number information and other information in respect of your activation of account.
The process shall be concluded as soon as we have the balance with us.
Kevin Callaghan.


Well, guess what? Eliza doesn't compromise either.


Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
In the time you've been arguing, you could have gone to Euston and back half a dozen times! What the fuck is wrong with you?
It's not even as if you actually have to go there! It's Victor Buino who's doing the pick up, or so you keep saying!
I wanted alternatives, you gave me fuck all.
So, we're back where we started.
The money is still with western union, to be picked up as directed.
Do it.
I've done all that I have to.
The fact that you aren't even prepared to make a short trip to the pick-up point is no way my fault.
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
He told me to send it by western union the way he said originally.
I told him no.
Holy Mother Frigga, in the days he spent arguing, he could have picked it up! What the fuck is his problem?
Eliza Dane



Kevin seems to have given up the fight.


Mr Kevin Callaghan

13/07/06
Attn Eliza Dane,
I got your email,
We are not arguing but you should follow the bank direction.
Is your transaction, you make it stand still then it go like that.
K Callaghan.



Not Johnson, though... and Eliza never used the word motherfucker.

Johnson Shirt

13/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
You are not helping the matter and am not happy about this.
What are you saying, so you mean Mr Kevin told you the way to send the money and yet you call it mother fuck.
Please am not happy about this and instead to jeopardise this business i think i better we stop all these going around it.
I wrote you and beg you to not look at whatever directives he give you just send the money to him the way he want and yet you want to prolong issue again.
Please if you are not sending the oney the way he want better let me know, am owing some people and they are waiting for me to pay back the debt.
Now tell me what you are doing, what you are doing is it making you feel fine or do you have some fun in it, oh my God this is transaction and open your eye to finish this.
If you are no sending the money better tell me, next is to go back to the bank and collect the GBP 4000 which i gave him and give a brake and know what next to do.
Can you just imagine, an insider in the bank called me yestarday and said my friend is causing problem in the bank, and next the bank will invite you face to face to talk on this issue, why do you want all my effort to go like that, tell me is Mr. Keving asking you to send him money for his pocket? you know why you are sending the money.
I said it again if you are not sending the money better let me know now please.
Johnson.



Eliza Dane

Mr Callaghan,
You know where to go, you know what to do.
It's all up to you.
Eliza Dane



I might he able to get some more juice out of this one by offering to send the money to Johnson... might be good for a laugh.

Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
How many more times do I have to tell you? I sent the fucking money! It's there waiting to be picked up! It's just a matter of someone going there and getting it! It's fucking incredible that a banker is refusing to collect money just because I won't send it just so but chose a safer method.
I just don't get what his fucking problem is.
Maybe he's on drugs or something.
How else do I explain it? Another thing that I don't understand is why you're taking his side in all this.
He's the one at fault but for some reason you don't blame him! There is a way out of this.
I'll resend the thousand pounds, same location, but with an ID of your choosing.
Then you can give it to KC and we'll be done.
Let me know when you're ready.
Eliza Dane



I have never had a Lad so baffled before...

Johnson Shirt

13/07/2006
Dear Eliza,
What do you mean by this a banker is refusing to collect money just because I won't send it just so but chose a safer method.
Does it mean you have something negative on this or what, now i see you are my problem in this transaction.
I contacted you for you to assist me in regrads of this trnsaction not to jeopardise it ok.
Now i think i hve to take my decision, am not a kid and don't like one turning me around like a kind.
Now what do you mean by this There is a way out of this.
I'll resend the thousand pounds, same location, but with an ID of your choosing.
Then you can give it to KC and we'll be done.
So you have been making it difficult for Mr Kevin, and you say am always by himside, what do you mean by that? Please i beg you with the name of God, after this i will be going to a Chamber to power of Attorney to stop th transaction and look for another person to assist me.
Do you think i want your money, do i ask you to send me any money, since you don't know how to send money pleas stop contacting Mr Kevin any longer.
I tried to make you understyand but you choose to be smart which i understand what your strong language.
Call it a day dear friend and bye.
Johnson.


I wonder; did he read 'guy thing' as 'gay thing'? As if it matters...


Eliza Dane

Mr Shirt,
I think I have it sussed now - it's a guy thing, isn't it? That's the only way that I could explain how you always rush to take Kevin Callaghan's side.
I'm just little blonde Eliza Dane, a pretty face from the other side of the world, whereas you and he are business buddies, united in contempt for the Bimbo from Oz.
Well, fuck that.
You made a mistake there buddy.
Speaking of that - English isn't your first language is it? My messages are pretty simple and easy to understand, yet you keep asking, "What do you mean by...
" READ THE FUCKING SENTENCES! Oh, and don't think of getting a power of attorney any time soon.
The money's in my name, remember? All cleared and approved? How the fuck is Kevin Callaghan going to explain it when you turn up to claim I'm not the beneficiary? How are you going to look? Forget the legal threats. I'm in charge here, Mr Blouse. You will do as you're fucking well told. My way or the highway.
Eliza Dane


And that was where it ended... with two Lads surely believing that a thousand pounds could be picked up in London...


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