NUNU NO-NO

The orphaned son and daughter of a Liberian businessman want the formidable Eliza Dane to help them get their money out of an Ivory Coast bank... Can Eliza cope with the shoal of dodgy bankers and shadowy officials?

This bait features the unexpected twist of a warning from a concerned Netizen!

THE SCAMMERS
Kali Nunu - he and his sickly sister Anita are stuck in Cote d'Ivoire
Niaye Christophe - Director (Foreign Banking Dept.), Ivory Union Bank
Mark Mills - Director International Banking Dept, Delta Trust
Spitt Wise - Director (Protocol & Enforcement) INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL CREDIT COMMISSION (IFCC)
[I swear it's not us making these names up]
John Paul Philips and Jack Taylor - IFCC payment agents (non-speaking roles)
Said Hawila - IFCC Account manager (non-speaking role)

THE BAITER
Eliza Dane - a 22-year-old student residing in Sydney; a pagan Goth with, at times, a real need for anger management training

THE CONCERNED NETIZEN
"Nick Nicholson"

Warning - some profanity will be encountered.
[It's not gratuitous, but it's there and the story would be spoilt without it.
Children and people with taste are asked to leave the room.]


Without further ado - bring on our first contestant!


Kali Nunu

13 Feb 2006

Greetings My Dear,
I hope this letter will not upset you, as we have no previous Discussion on this matter. I am Kali Nunu, Son of Mr. Marcel Nunu ; a Liberian former Director of Liberian Mining corporation who was Assassinated by the Rebels fighting former President Charles Taylor's Government in Oct.2002. My mother died of heart attack, one year after my Father's death. I And my Sister Anita become orphans without anybody to care for us, even The Government which our father served and lost his life. My father unsure of Liberia Political future had secretly moved the sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand USA Dollars [$5.5Million] out of Liberia and deposited it in a Bank here in Cote D'Ivoire. That was at the period when Liberia was facing United Nation Embargoes.
We left Monrovia to live in Abidjan, Ivory Coast as political refugees In August 2003 when the President; Mr. Charles Taylor was forced into exile. It was unfortunate that the Government did not make any arrangement to cover us in their plan to move to exile. So because of the Rebels coming into Monrovia, we have no alternative than to escape as they may kill us as they killed our father. I hereby request you to assist us by acting as our late father's foreign business partner so that you will help us to transfer the money from the Bank here to your foreign account for investment purposes. You will also help us to migrate to your country to continue our lives as orphans and with your guidance; the money will be invested in profitable ventures.
Kindly inform us what percentage of the total sum you wish to receive as compensation for rendering your help. You should please treat this matter as confidential, as I would not like to expose the existence of the money at the Bank for security reasons ranging from our refugee status here and our father's status as civil servant.
Kindly study my request carefully and send your response to me as soon as possible,thanks in advance for saving our lives.
Yours Sincerely,
Kali and Anita


Well, at least he wasn't a cocoa merchant...


Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Nunu,
This sounds awful!
And from what I've heard lately Ivory Coast sounds pretty bad too.
I'd like to help, but first clear this up please; did you mean this to reach me?
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

14 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your mail and your acceptance to assist us in the transaction at this critical point of our life.The fact is that since the death of our parent we have been going through pains and agony, but all the same we give the almighty God praise, for every situation we find ourself we should always thank God. We have received your mail and we really appreciate your sincerity and willingness to stand with us for the transfer of the said fund into your bank account for our investment. Please, note that we have been passing a lot of difficulties due to the political unrest that erupts in this country and no one knows when it is going to be over, this is the main reason why we have decided to contact you and I would like you to know that we have lost everything we have in Life. And in this country we are facing a lot of financial problems and we are also having a starvation problems because this said money is in fix/suspense account.This is our main reason of bringing you into this transaction, so we would like you to satand as our late father foreign bussiness partner so that the Bank can transfer the money to you.
Our intention is to leave this country to meet with you immediately the bank effect the said transfer into your bank account. And we want you to know that all we are about to do with you shall be based on trust and confidence and as such we keep on praying to God so that there will be no betray when the said fund is finally move into your bank account as all our hope lies in this very fund.
I belive that you are capable of doing this help to us because we don't want to enter the wrong hand.You see, you have to understand our situation and our fear in this transaction. We have prayed so much about this but God keep on telling me that you are there for me. Now, things is not ok with us over here right now at the moment,so all what we want you to do is to make a provision for an account were this money we will wired to. If this money is finally transferd to your account then you have to send us money here in Cote D' Ivoire to get our traveling documents.
What I want you to do to move forward is that you should contact the bank where the money was deposited with the following information. Write letter to the bank and introducing yourself as our late father's foreign business partner who has our father's mandate to claim the money and manage the money deposited at the bank as our trustee manager. Tell them that you are taking us abroad to continue our education so they should please send you details and procedures to transfer the money.
The information of the Bank is;
Naiye Christophe
Director
(Foreign Banking Dept.)
Siège Social: 55 Bd Général de Gaulle
10 BP 399 Abidjan 10 Cote d'Ivoire.
Tel: 225 07140102
Fax: 225 07140103
Email: ivoryunions@peacemail.com
Please contact the Bank and get back to us when the Bank replies you, we would continue from there.
Thanks for your help while we wait for your mail. Yours sincerely
Kali and Anita


Eliza Dane, business partner?


Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita Nunu,
I really want to help you, but I'm really unsure about how to go about writing to the bank and claiming to be a business partner. I don't think they'd take me seriously. Would a 22-year-old student of agricultural science be a partner in a major mining firm?
I'll do my best, but it's going to be a stretch.
Regards,
Eliza Dane

PS Just how old are you and Anita? The way things are phrased, I'd be claiming some sort of guardian status. Am I actually older than both of you?


They send some photographs that look nothing like 20- and 18-years olds.


Kali Nunu

15 Feb 2006

Dear Sister Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your mail and the content is well understood. However, the bank will not ask you any question since I am the beneficiary of the money in the bank. write to the Bank with instruction we sent to you, if the bank reply you with any question then you have to let us know so that we can tell you what you will tell them. About my age I am 20 and anita is 18.
Attach below is our photo.
Thanks while we wiat to hear from you.
Yours Truelly
Kali and Anita.


[They enclose pics of a tall Nigerian-looking young female model with a round, sweet-looking face, walking along in a dress, and posing on a rock with hair in cornrows, and a few apparently personal but formally posed pics of a handsome young Nigerian man in a suit. The kind of kid you might feel good about seeing at your door to take your daughter on a date. Probably already working in a bank to save money for college. Arrived in a limo with flowers and will probably have your daughter home before it (the limo) turns into a pumpkin. Maybe they stole someone's high school graduation pics?]

I respond with a picture of Sophie Monk.

[Australian model, white-blonde hair and great skin.]


Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
Your pix just break my heart - you both look so blithe and full of life. I'll get to work at once.
Mind you, a bank that doesn't ask questions wouldn't be a bank I wanted to do business with. Still, you're the boss...
Here's a pic of me from a New Year's Eve party at my boyfriend's workplace.
I'll be in touch.
Regards,
Eliza Dane


[Sophie Monk in shades, in front of what looks like an airplane ramp. Maybe accompanying an airlift of spam for the Lads?]


Kali Nunu

16 Feb 2006

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your mail and the content is well understood.
However, I would have like you to call us on the phone through this line +22507235913. Please when you call tell them that you want to speak with Kali and Anita.
Thanks while we wait to hear from you soon
Thanks for helping us.
Yours Truelly
Kali and Anita



Sorry, no calls - got my excuses in place...

Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
I'm almost done with the letter.
I'm afraid calling you is not an option - thanx to my sister Sophie's habit of calling interstate
friends and leaving the phone off the hook, Mum and Dad had the phone locked and needing a PIN to use. I can't get round that.
Regards,
Eliza



Then this arrives... (Name amended to protect the sender)

Nick Nicholson

16 Feb 2006

Dear Eliza Dane
WARNING: You are being scammed by Kali and Anita using the following email address kali_m_nunu@yahoo.com!
Please understand that the transaction he proposes is not genuine - he intends to make you pay fees to him in advance, then will ask for more fees and disappear. This is a common scam that has cost people millions of dollars. He does not have access to the funds he describes. He is trying this scam on dozens of people at the same time.
Some information regarding these scams can be found at:
www.scamorama.com [How flattering!]
www.419legal.org
We ask that you take the following action in response to this warning.
1. Please do not inform the scammer of this communication...
2. If you believed the transaction to be genuine, please stop all communication with the scammer immediately. Do not try to retaliate against the scammer, because he may have your personal information, and doing so would alert him to our informants.
3. If you were baiting the scammer knowing that the transaction was false, we will not interfere with your fun. Let us know if there is any information we can provide. However, please make sure that at NO time do you tell him that you received this warning.
4. Please respond to this email when you can, so that we know you have received this warning. If you have any further questions regarding this warning or the scam, please feel free to ask.
-----Please do NOT forward this warning to the scammer-----
Sincerely
"Nick Nicholson"



Eliza Dane

Dear Nick,
Thanx for the warning, but fear not, I am scam-baiting.
Nothing I have told him (or am going tell him) is or will be real.
Regards,
"Eliza Dane"



Nick Nicholson

Miss Dane,
Happy Baiting!
"Nick"



Having reassured my guardian angel, I move on.

Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Christophe,
It has come to my attention that the late Mr Marcel Nunu, a citizen of Liberia, is believed to have deposited a considerable sum of money in your bank at an undisclosed date prior to October 2002. As his former business partner located in Australia, it is my opinion that some or all of this money may be owed to me. Please confirm this.
Regards,
Ms Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

17 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza
, Thanks for your mail and the content is well understand.However, we are vry happy to get someone like you and we pray that let God finish up what He has started.Please Sister Elisza we have to let you know that things is not ok with us here and we found it very difficult to feed, so please if there is anything you can do to our situation please do it as soon as possible. Thanks while we wait to hear from you soon. Yours Truelly Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
Have faith, I've written to the banker dude, once he gets this underway it should be over soon. Kali, you sound like a devout person (several references to Almighty God), are you a Christian? Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

17 Feb 2006

Dear Sister Eliza Dane,
Greetings to you in the wonderful and worthy name of Jesus Christ our risen Lord! May His mighty indwelling presence be found filling your life day by day with all the grace and goodness of God. Thanks for your mail, yes Eliza, it is good to be on God side but is important to know that God is on our site. We are a Christian.
Thanks and God less you for your help and hope to meet you soon.
Yours Truelly
Kali and Anita



That does not surprise me at all. This, on the other hand, may surprise the Lads.

Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
This is embarrassing - I'm not a Christian. I believe in the Norse faith of the Aryan fathers, of all-Father Odin whose wisdom should fill us all. I hope this doesn't change anything, I'll still help you.
The bank replied talking about a request for transfer of funds - just a tad eager, I think, I only mentioned that the money might be owed to me. First time I ever heard of a bank actually trying to give money away...
Kali, there's something you have to do - I'll forward the email to you and it should be clear.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Niaye Christophe

17 Feb 2006

Attn: Ms Eliza Dane
RE: REQUEST TO TRANSFER LATE MR. MARCEL NUNU'S FUND
We confirm the receipt of your application introducing yourself as late Mr. Marcel Nunu's business partner and trustee manager thereby requesting our bank to remit the family deposit with us to your account.
The existence of the US$5.5M deposited by your partner with our bank is not in dispute as Late Mr. Marcel Nunu is one of our consistent customers before his death.
The request to have the family fund wired to your account is noted though we have no previous record in our file according such status to you. However, we have no intention in interfering in the execution of our late client's will or management of his estate .
The procedures are that you should reconfirm the following:
1).Send your full names, address, telephone and fax numbers
2). Send bank account information where the fund would be wired.
3).Mr. Kali Nunu; next of kin to late Mr. Marcel Nunu should write letter of intent to the bank recognizing you as the family trustee manager and authorizing the bank to wire the fund to the account that you provided.
4).Send scan copy of your passport or drivers license for identification purposes.
Please treat as urgent
Naiye Christophe



Wipe off any chance of ID. Is there such a passport rule? There isn't, AFAIK (there should be), but would they know?

Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
Here's what the bank said.
Kali, check out point three. You'll have to give them something to work with.
There are some hassles to address - I don't have a secure fax and you'll remember the problem with the telephone here.
As well, I don't have a driving licence and when my passport was issued I had to sign a legally binding agreement that no copies of any sort - photographs, Xeroxes, or scans especially - were to be made. It's some post-9/11 requirement.
I'll see if I can work around these.
Best Regards,
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Christophe,
It's good that you reacted quickly, but I am still rather surprised at your reference to, "thereby requesting our bank to remit the family deposit with us to your account". I simply wished to register a claim to the money. Still, if you wish to do so, who am I to argue?
Personal and banking details follow.
Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
Full address 35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney, NSW, Australia
Telephone and Fax number. (03) 9439 7282/none
ACCOUNT INFORMATION:
BANK: National Bank of Australia
ACCOUNT NUMBER: G641 937 914
ACCOUNT NAME: Ms Elizabeth D. Dane
At this stage I can't provide a copy of my passport owing to DFAT restrictions (legally binding ones, too) on making copies of any kind.
I have told Mr Kali Nunu of the need to supply the letter of intent.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

18 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza Dane,
We really aprociate your williness to help us in this transaction but we do not see the possibility of the Bank transfering such amount of money abroad without your international passport or driving licence.
Well, we will get back to you by Monday or Teusday.
Thanks Yours Truelly
Kali and Anita



I chose to make Eliza sound eager to come to them. Maybe they could be left waiting at the airport...

Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
If I can't send my passport, then can I bring it?
Eliza



Kali Nunu

19 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza Dane,
Please complet this letter and send it back to me because this is what I will send to the bank as soon as I hear from you, just go through it fill thoes gap in the letter, also put your occupation on that place I uderline, please make sure you complet this letter so that we will not do any mistake along the line. You don't need to bring your passport to the Bank just give them the passport number and the Bank account where the money will be wired to. February 2006
Naiye Christophe
Director
(Foreign Banking Dept.)
Ivory Union Bank
Siège Social: 55 Bd G´n´ral de Gaulle
10 BP 399 Abidjan 10 Cote d'Ivoire.
Dear Sir,
Whereas I, Kali Nunu, Single, of legal age, next of kin of Late Mr. Marcel Nunu and beneficiary of suspense Account No.095000580090064 in the amount of USD5.500,000 adhere to wit; Whereas, Ms. Eliza Dane Australia National, of legal age, married or single and holder of Australia Passport No............., issued on ..............with expiry date on ............as obtained in the Australia Embassy in .......Australia, an your occupation here is recognized by the undersigned as family Trustee Manager and Foreign Business Partner of the late Mr. Marcel Nunu;
Whereas, the undersigned is authorizing Ms. Ms. Eliza Dane to be the recipient of my inheritance to his bank account in the Australia, the details are as follow
Name of the Bank ........................................
Branch No. .........................................
Adress ...........................................
Account No. ..........................................
Whereas, the undersigned is confirming the wiring of fund to the overseas bank recipient herein stated; resolved finally, and therefor affixing my signature to attest the above foregoing.
Thanks
Kali Nunu
Beneficiary



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali,
I've done what I can.
There are two problems:
[1] You wrote, "also put your occupation on that place I uderline" [sic] - I presume you meant "underline" - well, I saw no underlining. Also, my occupation is "student" - that's not going to look too plausible, now is it?
[2] You wrote, "as obtained in the Australia Embassy in .......Australia" - er, I don't think there's an Australian embassy in Australia... it was issued by the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade in Canberra. How should I word it?
Regards,
Eliza Dane

***
Dear Sir,
Whereas I, Kali Nunu, Single, of legal age, next of kin of Late Mr. Marcel Nunu and beneficiary of suspense Account No.095000580090064 in the amount of USD5.500,000 adhere to wit; Whereas, Ms. Eliza Dane Australian National, of legal age, single and holder of Australian Passport No 7530-66-107-1001, issued on 25 April 2001 with expiry date on 25 April 2008 as obtained in the Australia Embassy in Australia, and your occupation here is recognized by the undersigned as family Trustee Manager and Foreign Business Partner of the late Mr. Marcel Nunu;
Whereas, the undersigned is authorizing Ms. Eliza Dane to be the recipient of my inheritance to her bank account in Australia, the details are as follow
Name of the Bank National Australia Bank
Branch No. 13 22 65

Address 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney, NSW 2000 Account No. G641 937 914
Whereas, the undersigned is confirming the wiring of fund to the overseas bank recipient herein stated; resolved finally, and therefor affixing my signature to attest the above foregoing.
Thanks
Kali Nunu
Beneficiary
***



Kali Nunu

21 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your mail and the content is well understood. However, if there is any way you can make the letter bette kindly do it.
You see sister Eliza Dane we contacteted you so that you can assist us in every area of this transaction, so please corect my mistakes and send the letter back to us.
Thanks while we wait for your urgent respond.
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali,
I'm trying to help - by Thor's beard - but there's one aspects of that letter that no amount of corrections can help; the fact that I'm a student.
If you want that to go in, fine, but I don't know what the bank will make of it.
Here it is:

***
Dear Sir,
Whereas I, Kali Nunu, Single, of legal age, next of kin of Late Mr. Marcel Nunu and beneficiary of suspense Account No.095000580090064 in the amount of USD5.500,000 adhere to wit; Whereas, Ms. Eliza Dane Australia National, of legal age, single and holder of Australia Passport No 7530-66-107-1001, issued on 25 April 2001 with expiry date on 25 April 2008 as obtained via the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade, Canberra, Australia, occupation; student, is recognized by the undersigned as family Trustee Manager and Foreign Business Partner of the late Mr. Marcel Nunu;
Whereas, the undersigned is authorizing Ms. Ms. Eliza Dane to be the recipient of my inheritance to her bank account in the Australia, the details are as follow
Name of the Bank National Australia Bank
Branch No. 13 22 65
Adress 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
Account No. G641 937 914
Whereas, the undersigned is confirming the wiring of fund to the overseas bank recipient herein stated; resolved finally, and therefor affixing my signature to attest the above foregoing.
Thanks
Kali Nunu
Beneficiary
***
Best regards,
Eliza



Kali Nunu

21 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your cooperation, the letter is ok and I will send it to the Bank tomorow.
Thanks and God bless you for helping us and hope to meet you soon.
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
That's good to hear. Keep me posted soonest.
Take care,
Eliza



Kali Nunu

21 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza
Please Remember to send your Bank infomation to the bank.
Thanks
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita -
Isn't that information in the letter I sent for you to give to the bank?
Eliza



Kali Nunu

22 Feb 2006

Dear Respected Eliza
, Yes that is the info the Bank need from you. so send it to them from your side as well.
Thanks and hope to meet you soon.
Yours Truelly
Kali and Anita



And the banker promptly gets Eliza's name wrong - promising start...

Niaye Christophe

22 Feb 2006

Attn : Ms Elizabeth Danielle
RE : INFORMATION RECEIVED
We confirm receipt of your personal and Banking information; processing of the transfer document is in progress and we will inform you as soon as it is ready.
NIAYE Christophe
Directeur (Département des Opérations Bancaires Etrangères.) Ivory Union Bank
Siège Social: 55 Bd Général de Gaulle
10 BP 399 Abidjan 10 Cote d'Ivoire.
Tel :225 07140102
Fax: 225 07140103
Email :info@ivoryunions.com



Eliza Dane

Mr Christophe,
Please note that it is Ms Elizabeth Danielle Dane. To confirm:
Name of the Bank National Australia Bank
Branch No. 13 22 65
Address 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
Account No. G641 937 914
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
The bank confirmed they got your letter - I sent them my details anyway, just to be on the safe side.
Take Care,
Eliza



Kali Nunu

23 Feb 2006

Dear Great and Respected Eliza,
We don't really know how to thank you for your greatness and confidence in help us.Well, let us wait for the good news.
Thanks
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Niaye Christophe

25 Feb 2006

Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
RE: TRANSFER SLIP
Please be informed that your fund was transferred today and you could download the transfer slip from your email attachment. The fund reflects in your account within three (3) working days precisely 01/03/2006. Confirm receipt of the transfer document and the fund.
Yours faithfully
NIAYE Christophe



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
Got this from the bank - it seems to be done and dusted! Another three or four days and I'll know for sure. If it does take, and you're good to go, then you're sure of a warm welcome Down Under! BTW, I just noticed that we never did discuss the percentage... I'll be happy with 10%. I'm not greedy. You'll have the bulk to start a new life.
Take care,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

01 March 2006

Dear Sister Eliza,
Please I am very sorry for the late respond to your mail, is because Anita is very sick and she is now in the Hospital for treatment. However, the 10% you wish to take from the total sum of the money is accepted by us. Since my only sister Anita is in the Hospital I will not be having chance to write you as usual please you have to understand our situation at the moment and we pray that very soon everything is going to be ok. And again we think the money might have been in your account by now? please try to give us every information from the Bank ok.
Thanks while we wait for your urgent respond.
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



This did not come as a surprise. The only question was what delay they would use.

Niaye Christophe

01 March 2006

Attn: Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
This is to inform you that we have received notice from our correspondent Bank the Delta Trust Bank London stating that Bank of England through their Treasury department has placed your fund on hold. They are requesting for the Drug Free/ Money Laundry/Anti-Terrorist fund Clearance Certificate from the International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) U.K certifying that the fund in question is not from illegal source and not meant for illegal destination in Australia.
We tried to protect the fund by transferring it as "EXPRESS TB2 INHERITANCE FUND" contingency fund meant for special projects (Humanitarian) abroad in Australia and free from all form of taxation, but the British Authorities refused to accord this contingency status to the fund due to the prevailing political situation in West Africa. The current civil war here has not helped matters either and America's influence after the 11th Sept.2001 terrorist attack in U.S.A. has caused lots of damages.
In order, to avoid the fund being returned to Abidjan through Bank of England to the Treasury account with the Central Bank of Cote d'Ivoire (BCEAO) which will result to investigation, probable prosecution and confiscation, you are hereby advised to apply and process the Drug Free/ Money Laundry/ Anti-Terrorist Fund clearance certificate from International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) UK
We have also written a report on the transfer to the International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) explaining our role in the transaction. We should co-operate to avoid any ugly situation in this transaction.
The processing of the certificates is simple exercise that involves filling of the forms, payment of the necessary fees and the certificate will be issued. The document will be forwarded to the banks and authorities in UK and the fund will be released and credited to your account.
All enquiries and confirmation should be forwarded to this office.
Thanks for your understanding and early compliance
Yours faithfully
NIAYE Christophe



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali,
I'm sorry to hear about Anita. What's wrong with her?
I was unable to contact you yesterday because the ISP's email service was down. It's OK now, but in that time the bank contacted me. They stopped the transfer!!! Here's what they said:
"This is to inform you blah blah blah... Thanks for your understanding and early compliance
Yours faithfully
NIAYE Christophe"
I don't know what to make of it. I'm sorry to have to bring bad news. I'll ask further.
Tell Anita to bear up. We'll get through this.
Take care,
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Mr Christophe,
You wrote this: "In order, to avoid the fund being returned to Abidjan through Bank of England to the Treasury account with the Central Bank of Cote d'Ivoire (BCEAO) which will result to investigation, probable prosecution and confiscation..."
Explain what the Hel you mean by this! Prosecution for what? Confiscation on what grounds? Have you been keeping anything from me?
Answer me at once!
Eliza Dane



Poor Anita is back in hospital... anything to keep up the pressure...

Kali Nunu

02 March 2006

Dear Respected Eliza
, Thanks for your helping us in this critical point of our life. Anita has an ulcer and she still in the hospital, please tell the Director of the Bank to give you IFCC contact in UK so that you will contact them on how to get the certificate so that the found will be release to your Bank Account as soon as possible.
Thanks Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Mark Mills

02 March 2006

Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
RE: FUND PLACED ON HOLD BY BANK OF ENGLAND
This is to inform you that your fund was placed on hold by Bank of England through treasury department. Full detailed letter on the subject should be downloaded from your email attachment in PDF file.
The letter should have been faxed to you but we could not locate your fax numbers from the information we received from Ivory Union Bank Abidjan Ivory Coast. Please confirm receipt of the document and comply accordingly
Mark Mills
(Director International Banking Dept.)
Belgravia House, 34/44 Circular Road, Douglas,
Isle of Man, IM1 1QW U.K
Tel: U.K 44 2070431901
Fax: U.K 44 2070431902
http://www.deltastrust.com



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Mills,
The PDF attachment did not work. Please send it in another format.
Regards,
Eliza Dane


I wasn't lying, the PDF didn't open.


The date on their message is just as in the original.

Mark Mills

02 March 2006

Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane 28/02/2006

Madam,
RE: INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL CREDIT COMMISSION CONTACT INFORMATION.
As follow up to our letter to you notifying the restriction placed on your fund by Bank of England through Treasury department, we hereby forward information to contact the International Financial Credit Commission(IFCC) as below:
International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC)
1 Horse Guards Road London SWIA 2HQ U.K
Tel: 44 8704783375
Fax: 44 8704783376
Email: admin@if-cc.com
Contact Person: Spitt Wise
This is the agency responsible to issue the Money Laundery/Drug free/Anti-Terrorist Fund clearance certificate in United Kingdom.
Thanks for your cooperation
yours faithfully
Mark Mills
(Director International Banking Dept.)



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Mills,
I will get in touch with Mr Wise when you supply me with the letter in a readable format.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



The Lad once again gets in wrong... forgets the attachment this time.

Mark Mills

03 March 2006

Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
Please download the detailed letter in JPEG File and comply accordingly.
Mark Mills



Eliza is unusually terse.

Eliza Dane

Mr Mills:
There was no JPEG attached to your message.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Again, the date is wrong. And since when is Eliza "Sir"?

Mark Mills

02 March 2006

Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
35 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney, NSW, Australia
REF: DTB/IUB/EDD-5.5M/02/06
Sir, 28/02/2006

FUND PLACED ON HOLD PENDING RECEIPT OF MONEY LAUNDERY/DRUG FREE/ANTI-TERRORIST FUND CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE FROM INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL CREDIT COMMISSION
(IFCC) U.K COVERING THE AMOUNT: US$5,500,000 PAYABLE TO NATIONAL BANK OF AUSTRALIA,134 LIVERPOOL STR.SYDNEY, NSW AUSTRALIA, BRANCH NO:132265, A/C NO:G641937914,A/C NAME: MS ELIZABETH D.DANE
Please be informed that we are in possession of the above-mentioned fund and have received instruction from our correspondent Bank; the Ivory Union Bank Ivory Coast to credit it to your account as above.
However, Bank of England through the Treasury department has temporally placed the fund on hold, pending receipt of Money laundry/Drug free/Anti-Terrorist fund clearance certificate from the International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) U.K.
There are International legislation/regulations requiring huge sum of money being transferred in / out of Africa, Middle East, South/Latin America and some part of Asia through U.K/Europe to be scrutinized & cleared by International Financial Credit Commission to determine the true origin the fund originates from. In this matter, the International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) London U.K as Continental Regulatory body is responsible to clear the fund. This is International effort to check and curtail the activities of International money launderers, Drug syndicates and Terrorist Funding more especially the Al Qaider?s recent bombing in London and their activities since the September 11 2001 attack in USA that resulted in the introduction of the Patriot Act Title 111 Regulations of 2001 and as amended in November 2003 and the Basle Committee on Banking Regulation and Supervisory Practices and the Financial Action Task Force on Money Laundering, of which the Australian Government is member, have each adopted international anti-money laundering principles and recommendations as stipulated in the United Nation Security Council Resolution,UNSCR 1373. There has been series of security report of terrorist organisations, rebel groups and illicit businessmen using the Southern Sahara as conduit route of remitting dangerous fund into Europe, Asia and America. This is sometimes in collaboration with unscrupulous Government and Bank officials from these poor countries.
The International clamp down on Terrorism and its funding has forced the British Government to require these certificates on all financial transaction that has no commercial documents as this. This does not include commercial transaction with valid and proven evidence/documents from the zone. The International Banking department hereby request you to forward the clearance certificates immediately to enable us credit your account without further delay.
The certificates are the only instruments that can protect you & our Bank from international Banking sanctions as being supervised by the United Nation Security Council (UNSC) and International Banking Association (IBA). Our International Banking Department will credit your account as soon as we receive the clearance certificates.
We regret the inconveniences the momentary delay of this fund might cause you.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Mark Mills



Mark Mills

03 March 2006

Attn: Ms. Elizabeth Danielle Dane
The letter is resent here in Jpeg file named ?fund placed on hold?
Please acknowledge receipt
Mark Mills



Eliza Dane

Mr Mills:
I received this, I also got the JPEG (this time). I'll contact Spitt Wise now.
By the way, have you considered using shorter sentences? Parts of your letter were just about unreadable.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

04 March 2006

Dear Respected Eliza
, Thanks for your mail and the content is well understood. However, Anita condiction remaim the same but I strongly belived that she is going to be well soon.
Meanwile, I think the Bank Director Mr Christopher Niaye is not threating but he is trying to make us understand the rules and laws of the Bank.
Please tell him to give you the contact of IFCC contact so that you can contact them of how to get the certificate for them to release the found please.
Thanks for helping us,
Yours Truelly
Kali.



Eliza Dane

Kali,
You can thank your god indeed when Anita recovers. It's good to hear that you have hope. I'm confused. That bank guy signs himself Niaye Christophe, you call him Christopher Niaye - have I been getting his name the wrong way round? Oops...
Actually, his 'threat' ain't the problem now (I called it a threat because he mentioned the risk of prosecution and confiscation - which doesn't make sense since no laws have been broken...). The bank in England got in touch, and a Mark Mills tried to explain via attachments. Unfortunately the guy had all the brains of a chicken nugget.
Not only does he call me 'Sir', he sent me a PDF that failed to work, then forgot to attach the JPEG I requested; finally I got a plain text version (then a JPEG).
In brief, this is the holdup.
"Bank of England through the Treasury department has temporally placed the fund on hold, pending receipt of Money laundry/Drug free/Anti-Terrorist fund clearance certificate from the International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) U.K. There are International legislation/regulations requiring huge sum of money being transferred in / out of Africa, Middle East, South/Latin America and some part of Asia through U.K/Europe to be scrutinized & cleared by International Financial Credit Commission to determine the true origin the fund originates from. In this matter, the International Financial Credit Commission (IFCC) London U.K as Continental Regulatory body is responsible to clear the fund."

I'd say that his English is a bit shaky for a guy highly placed in a British bank, isn't it? Well, wait, it gets worse.

"This is International effort to check and curtail the activities of International money launderers, Drug syndicates and Terrorist Funding more especially the Al Qaider?s recent bombing in London and their activities since the September 11 2001 attack in USA that resulted in the introduction of the Patriot Act Title 111 Regulations of 2001 and as amended in November 2003 and the Basle Committee on Banking Regulation and Supervisory Practices and the Financial Action Task Force on Money Laundering, of which the Australian Government is member, have each adopted international anti-money laundering principles and recommendations as stipulated in the United Nation Security Council Resolution,UNSCR 1373."

I didn't change anything. Man, that is terrible.
Anyhoo - I have to contact some dude named Spitt Wise in London. I'm on it.
Stay brave and true and we'll get this done.
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Attention: Mr Spitt Wise

Dear Sir,
I have been directed to contact you by Mr Mark Mills of Delta Trust Bank with reference to the granting of documents required for international bank transfers. Please confirm that you are the person responsible for this.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

06 March 2006

Dear Respected And Trusting Eliza,
First of all I have to thank you for your greatness in helping me and my only sister Anita in this critical point of our life. Anita is still in the Hospital and we neen to pay some bills in the hospital and we don't have money at the moment since the money we are expecting to be in your Bank Account has not clear. Eliza I am really confused and don't know what to do at this point in time. Meawhile the name of the Bank Director Niaye Christophe you got it right I am the one that did the mistake because of so many thinking on head Eliza.
Thanks
Kali.



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali,
Between that bonehead Mills for holding things up in the first place, and Christophe for not foreseeing the need for the documents, I'm ready to knock heads bigtime.
Is Anita actually recovering? I really hope so.
I'll keep you posted.
Look after yourselves.
Eliza



Spitt Wise at last...

Spitt Wise

07 March 2006

Attn : Elizabeth Dane
We have received signal from British Treasury department that your bank the Ivory Union Bank Ivory Coast transferred your fund amounting $5.5Million through Delta Trust Bank without formal clearance from constitute authorities ignoring the existing Government Monetary Regulations and International Financial Rules in disguise as inheritance fund meant for special projects in Australia.
The Management of Ivory Union Bank Ivory Coast has responded to the query report we sent to them on the transaction. The undersigned is in charge of your file. Your email and application for the issuance of Money laundry/ Drug free/ Anti-terrorist fund clearance certificate was received hence the sending of the form TC4.
Kindly download the form TC4 from your email attachment, fill it and return back for processing to enable us issue the certificate.
In view of the above, you have been mandated to pay a total sum of Three Thousand, seven hundred & fifty pounds sterling (£3,750) as application, Registration, Processing fee & Penalty before the clearance certificate will be issued to you.
Please confirm your address where the original copy of certificate would be sent to you by DHL or FedEx after copies have been sent to authorities in England.
Any applicant who fails to comply within the stipulated period will be handled as directed by section 4 (2) (a) of European Union Monetary act of 2001/2003,Basle committee on Banking regulations, Patriot act Title 111Regulationof 2001 /2003 & United Nation Security Council Resolution, UNSCR 1373.
Thanks for your strict compliance.
Yours faithfully,
Spitt Wise
Director
(Protocol & Enforcement)
INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL CREDIT COMMISSION (IFCC)
1 Horse Guards Road London SWIA 2HQ U.K
Tel.: 44 87 04 78 33 75
Fax: 44 87 04 78 33 76
Email: admin@if-cc.com



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
I don't understand how you can make this accusation: "the Ivory Union Bank Ivory Coast transferred your fund amounting $5.5Million through Delta Trust Bank without formal clearance from constitute authorities ignoring the existing Government Monetary Regulations and International Financial Rules in disguise as inheritance fund meant for special projects in Australia." The money is indeed an inheritance. There was no disguise.
As for how the Cote d'Ivoire bank may have represented it, I suggest that you take that detail up with Mr Niaye Christophe of the Union Bank, who can in turn take it up with his clients. You are accusing me, and others, of fraud or very close to it. That is both unfair and unjust. I would like a precise breakdown of the fee "mandated" as I would challenge your right to levy any penalty for actions that I didn't commit, nor am responsible for. Finally: "Any applicant who fails to comply within the stipulated period..." What stipulated period? You haven't specified one!
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Christophe,
The IFCC's Mr Spitt Wise has told me (see below) that I'm to pay a fee of 3,750 - in part, as you'll notice, as a penalty.
Well, I am not going to pay the penalty. I think you should. Given that you failed to allow for the need for IFCC documentation, and that you then spun some yarn about humanitarian projects - and without conferring with me, I might add - then it comes down to you.
When the IFCC supplies a breakdown of that payment, I'll let you know how much you owe.
Regards,
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

07 March 2006

Dear Respected and Trusting Eliza,
Thanks so much for your concern about Anita's health. Anita is geting better now,please what is the development from the IFCC?
Thanks.
Yours Truelly
Kali.



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali,
I am very pleased to hear that. Your god is kind and merciful to those who pray with all sincerity. The IFCC is another matter. Those fucking creeps have all but accused me of fraud.
May Fenrir chew their balls! They're tossing around the Patriot Act (as if that could apply) and all sorts of other stupid long-winded bafflegab. Thor's beard, they are fucking morons! I'll let you know more once they deign to give me a reply that makes sense.
Look after yourselves,
Eliza


'Fenrir' is the Fenris wolf, the fearsome monster of Norse legend.


Kali Nunu

08 March 2006

Dear Respected Eliza
, Thank you once again for your help. Please you should not mind what ever the Bank people are saying to you, try and do what they ask you to do to get the certificate so that the money will get out from their cotsudy. You know our condintion over here and Anita my only sister is in the hospital.
Please sister get the certificate from them for the money to be release please.
Thanks,
Yours Truelly
Kali.



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali,
My big worry is that if I pay their "penalty" levy, I am tacitly admitting to a criminal act - and that might seriously affect any chance of getting you here.
So far, the IFCC and the Mr Christophe haven't got back to me about my questions - slower than a wet week, these pen-pushers.
I'll try again.
Take care,
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
There are problems with your form. I will explain.
[1] Point 11, the payment of £3,750 - how can I sign the form as complete if I haven't paid? I certainly can't fax the money to you with the form!
[2] Point 13; "Have you been convicted for any drug or money laundery [sic] related case beofre [sic]?" - I don't know what this means. Before what? This sounds like a confession! I can't sign it! Take my advice and fire your proofreaders!
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

08 March 2006

Dear Respected and Trusting Eliza,
Thanks for your mail and the content is well understood. However, My understanding is that its international requirement to get that clearance before transfering huge fund. Please Eliza you need not to be worried over this because is not criminal as they have not accused us of any crime rather you were advised to get a clearance as required by law.
Please try and pay them the money they are asking for to get the Certificate so that the found will be release as soon as possible to your Bank account as we are expecting please. Meanwhile, Anita said that I should tell you thanks for helping us at this critical point of our life. Thanks while we wait for the good news.
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Kali, Anita,
Please hear me out. This is new territory for me and it's something I'm being very careful about. The IFCC sent me a very stupid form with some fucked-up questions. Most importantly, the form says that I have to send £3,750 with it. The problem is, the money has to be submitted with the form, but they want it faxed to them, and I can't fax money, now can I?
Then there was this - "Have you been convicted for any drug or money laundery related case beofre?"
Well, apart from really fucked-up spelling, it sounds like an admission of having been caught doing such a thing now. This is simply not true and I'm not going to sign anything that could be used against me later!
Look after yourselves,
Eliza



Niaye Christophe

09 March 2006

Dear Madam Eliza Dane
Your last email was received but you should understand I have no bad intentions towards you or the transaction. I did my best by transferring the fund as family inheritance meant for non profit oriented humanitarian projects in your Country.
After the fund was placed on hold, I still wrote a report on demand to the IFCC and British treasury department defending you and the fund. It was because of this that no harm will be done to you or the fund. All you should do is to settle the IFCC and have the clearance document submitted to enable Delta Trust Bank credit your account.
I have not done anything wrong to warrant to rude email you sent to me and I advise you change your attitude towards people while conducting International transactions.
Thanks for your understanding.
NIAYE Christophe
(Director foreign Banking Dept.)



Time off for a quick slap of Niaye Christophe.

Eliza Dane

Mr Christophe:
Did you know about the IFCC requirements when you first made the transfer? You should have done - they've been in place for some time now! If you didn't, you're not doing your job; if you did, then you clearly tried to deceive the IFCC.
Which brings me to... did you even think to consult with me before trying to hoodwink the IFCC? You must have known that claiming the fund was "family inheritance meant for non profit oriented humanitarian projects" was pure invention on you part, since you hadn't asked me!
I'd like a copy of your report, BTW. I'd be curious to see what sort of defence you put forward.
Currently the IFCC hasn't replied to questions that I raised - when they do, I'll be more than ready to settle.
I still see much of this hassle as being down to your short-sightedness if not incompetence.
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

09 March 2006

Dear Respected And Trusting Eliza,
At this point of our life, we are very happy to meet a GREAT one like you trying to make things very easy for me and my only sister Anita. The content of your mail is well understood as you have make us to understand really what is going on. Please great Eliza we want you to calm down because God is in controw. We strongly belived that everything will be ok soon.
There is no way you can fax the money to them, so please ask them how you will send the money for the certificate to them so that the money will be release in their costudy as we are praying day and night for them to release the money to your Bank Account so that we can come over and get a better life over there with you.
Please foward the form that they sent to you so that we can study it and advice on what to do. We have not convicted for any drug or money laundery related case befor. Eliza I tell you the Devil is a lier the money must live their custudy soon because they are not the owner of the said found.
Thanks and God bless great Eliza for your greatness.
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
I hope that everything will pan out, but I really hate it when things go wrong (and it's not my fault) and people seem to think it's up to me to solve it!
I'll send you the form, though I don't think there's much you can do. Any advice would be welcomed, though.
The first three questions can't be answered, as there's no company or society involved. I also don't like 13, as you know already.
Remember, I'm not a Christian, so calling on God or the Devil means nothing to me. Pray as you like, but I won't be joining you in Christian rites.
Take care,
Eliza



Spitt Wise

09 March 2006

Attn :Eliza Dane
I refer to your email of 8th March 2006

, the application and processing fee should be paid to the account of our appointed Receiver Manager below:
LLOYDS TSB, PADDINGTON,
BRANCH: LONDON.
SORT CODE: 1308445
A/C NO: 10032360
A/C NAME: MR SAID HAWILA
In reference to "point 13" It is just a question and because you been not convicted previously for any drug or money laundery related case, you should fill "NIL or NO".
This is open form, that was not created personally for you so feel free fill and send us scan copy by email attachment.
The fee should be paid through SWIFT wire transfer and transfer document send to us to enable us reconcile account with the Receiver Manager.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Spitt Wise


"SWIFT wire transfer"? No Western Union?


Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
OK, you win.
Congratulations, you've just bulldozed me. I hope you're happy. Sheeyah...
I'll send the form, but I'll have to find a proper printer, mine just gives up trying to handle the one you sent. I say that because how can I fill in a JPEG? And how could I sign it? I'll most likely have to fax it.
I'll send you the £3,750 once I've faxed the form and you've confirmed its arrival. Is that the only expense likely?
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

09 March 2006

Dear Respected And Great Eliza,
We are very proud of you simply because of your sincererity and the truth you have in you. Eliza, we strongly belived that with your greatness and the truth you have in you that you will make everything alright. You see sister Eliza, we are very happy for your concern toward this transaction and we belived that you can do it because you have proof it to us. And we belived that you can as well manage the money very well when it gets to your Bank Account while we continue our education when we finally come over to your country. We have so much confidence in you, so for that reason we are not worried.
Thanks while we wait to hear that the money is finally in your Bank Account as we are expecting it.
Thanks,
Yours Truelly
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Hi Kali and Anita,
I've agreed to settle up - trust me, that IFCC mob sounds suckier than a bowl of leeches but I have no choice.
I hope to have the money sent by, hopefully, Monday.
I hope you'll be all right in the meantime.
Take care now,
Eliza



Eliza Dane

Mr Christophe,
You'll be happy to know that I've arranged to pay the IFCC. But if you're planning to put in for a payout from this, forget it! No way am I going to reward your incompetence!
Eliza Dane



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
Your form has crashed three printers so far, and when I tried to resize it to fit on one page makes it too small to write on legibly. Faxing looks like being a dead end.
I'd like to email the form to you, but I can't work out how to fill it in. It's a JPEG, after all.
Please advise.
Eliza Dane



Spitt Wise

10 March 2006

Attn :Eliza Dane
We confirm receipt of your emails of yesterday and today respectively. If you cannot fill out the form, kindly type out answers to the question according to their numbers and send as ordinary mail. When its received, will be adjusted on fresh form and endorsed by legal department.
There is no other expenses attached to your transaction except the IFCC clearance.
Spitt Wise



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
OK, if you think it's OK, I'll do it your way, but remember, it won't have my signature... will that be a problem?
Eliza Dane



Spitt Wise

10 March 2006

Attn : Eliza Dane
I know your signature will not be on it; the legal department has to endorse it making it legal. It is kind of concession.
Spitt Wise



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
Thanx muchly. Here are the answers.
Quick note; I won't be able to send the money before Tuesday as Monday is a public holiday and the banks will be closed. Some things are best done face to face, even in the 21st century.
Eliza Dane

***
[01] Not applicable
[02] Not applicable
[03] Not applicable
[04] Australian
[05] Student
[06] 7530-66-107-1001-AUS-01-236-8047
[07] Issued, April 20, 2002; Expires, April 20, 2009
[08] NATIONAL BANK OF AUSTRALIA, 134 LIVERPOOL ST, SYDNEY NSW, AUSTRALIA
[09] US$5.5 million
[10] Ivory Union Bank, Ivory Coast
[11] To be settled upon acknowledgement of receipt of this letter
[12] Two referees -
Alice Klahr, 56 Mulholland Drive, Glebe, Sydney
Mike Hunt, 69 Cunnington Street, Balmain, Sydney
[13] No
[14] Not applicable
[15] Affirmed
[16] Cannot provide signature


Ref. the two referees - Alice Klahr is from the German phrase "Alles Klahr" ("All clear") - often heard in "Inspector Rex". As for "Mike Hunt" - don't read it out loud.


Niaye Christophe

11 March 2006

Dear Madam Elizabeth Dane
I have no bad intention towards you rather I was trying to save the fund. I am sorry if you feel offended but it is important to have this regulated so that your account will be credited.
Accusing me of short-sightedness or incompetence is unnecessary though it is your right to express your thoughts.
Thanks for your understanding.
NIAYE Christophe



Eliza Dane

Mr Christophe,
I never doubted your integrity, just your intelligence.
Eliza Dane



Well, maybe it will be Western Union after all...

Spitt Wise

11 March 2006

Attn:Eliza Dane
I confirm receipt of your information which has been forwarded to the legal department for action. It is important to inform you that payment through Bank wire transfer will be confirmed between 5-7 working days and the clearance certificate will be issued after the fee payment is confirmed. This will advise you against pressurizing me to send your document the same day the fee is paid. If payment is sent through money gram or Western Union Money Transfer, the payment will be confirmed few minutes after the fee is paid and certificate issued same day. If you wish to use this option, you have to confirm so the information will be sent to you but if not use the wire transfer information earlier sent to you.
Spitt Wise



Eliza Dane

Dear Mr Wise,
I find this hard to believe - a wire transfer, direct from bank to bank, has the same clearance time as a cheque? That is just weird.
OK, if you insist, I'll try Western Union, but the thought of sending something like $9,000 like it was some kid's allowance goes against my better judgement. It'll still have to wait until Tuesday. BTW, where the Hel is your website? I thought I'd read up on your organisation, so I googled for the International Financial Credit Commission, and got nothing. I tried IFCC; if you're out there, Google has you mixed up with the International Federation of Clinical Chemistry. Where are you?
Eliza Dane
PS Oh, and don't toss around that line about me pressuring you. You are the one holding all the cards, buddy!



Spitt Wise

13 March 2006

Dear Elizabeth Dane
I received your last email and I wish to clarify that I am not forcing you to pay by Western Union but because I know your kind of person being always troublesome I then decided to clarify the payment confirmation period to you.
You could clarify from your Bank that wire transfer takes at least 72hrs before being credited. Should you decide to use the Western Union option, the receiver manager's information is below. 1).John Paul Philips Clutha House, 10 Storey's Gate, London, SW1P 3AY, United Kingdom. Tel/fax: 447030401799 £2,000
2). Jack Taylor (Account officer) Clutha House, 10 Storey's Gate, London, SW1P 3AY, United Kingdom. Tel/fax: 447030401799 £1,750
The IFCC is part of British Treasury department under the same umbrella with Bank of England under the supervision of British exchequer.
Our office is at 1 Horse Guards Road London SWIA 2HQ U.K.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Spitt Wise



Eliza Dane

Mr Wise,
You have no idea how close I came to needing a new monitor. Your smugness made my blood boil. I'm the poor little bitch who gets shafted because some idiot didn't do what he was told, and then you accuse me of being difficult, just because I don't roll over and wag my tail when you whistle. When this is over, I just hope that I never, ever have to hear from you again.
I can't be bothered going to the bank for a transfer. I just want this all done and dusted. Just explain why I have to do it in two lots.
Oh yeah, while we're here - so the IFCC is a Brit Gov organisation? You want to spell out how the Hel the Patriot Act ("Patriot act Title 111Regulationof 2001 /2003"), an American law, could apply here? I knew you Brits sucked up big time to the Yanks these days, but this goes too far - !
Eliza Dane



Spitt Wise

13 March 2006

Dear Elizabeth Dane
Firstly I am not always impressed by your vulgar languages sometimes it sounds insulting but you should understand respect is reciprocal. This is International transaction and you have no right to call human beings idiot this modern time no matter the circumstances.
In rare cases such offensive statement could attract Court action which could consume time and finance. Britain and USA are life allies and you should understand Australia as Commonwealth Nation is signatory to all Treaties signed with America. Queen of England is head of Australian Government so any decision taken in England is binding on you and Australian Government.
I do not believe you are more sensible than British and Australian policy makers that accept to work in consonance with USA. We obey human being so I do not expect you to roll over and wag your tail when I whistle.
Western Union regulation in some Countries does not allow single bulk transfer that was why it was split twice.
You are not expected to come to me after your certificate is issued so your threat holds no water.
Spitt Wise


"Sometimes it sounds insulting"? Spitt, you have no idea... And where the hell was I threatening him?


Eliza Dane

Mr Wise,
You should get out from behind your desk, go out into the real world and listen to how people speak and understand how people think. This ain't the nineteenth century. Whether you like it or not, this day and age we speak our minds, with none of this PC crap about not offending. If I want to call Niaye Christophe an idiot, by Thor, I've called him worse, and he deserved every word.
I'll leave the talk about treaties and the rest of that stuff to someone who actually does know what the Hel he's talking about.
BTW, I wonder now if there was any point in making a joke. Of course I don't expect to have to roll over and wag my tail when you whistle, I was being facetious - why did I waste my time with that? Sheeyah...Freya soothe my aching head...
You interpreted my wish never to hear from you again as a threat!? WTF? Man, like I said, you should get out a bit more! Get a life, for the love of Freya!
Eliza Dane



Kali Nunu

13 March 2006

Dear Trusting and Great Eliza,
A very nice day to you over there in Au. Please we want to know if you have get in touch with the Bank people?.
Thanks while we wait for you mail.
Yours Truelly,
Kali and Anita



Eliza Dane

Dear Kali and Anita,
I have been in touch. By all the Gods of Asgard, I have been in touch. Repeat after me: BANKERS ARE ALL STUCK UP ASSHOLES! And that's where they should all be stuck! Smug little gits...
It should all be done by COB tomorrow, and I hope that you have no more to do with high finance. I sure as Hel ain't going to.
Anita, are you OK now?
Take care,
Eliza



Spitt Wise

14 March 2006

Dear Elizabeth Dane
I hope you understand this is official International transaction that should not be misconstrued on personal angles. Your liability or responsibility is to work according to rules not minding what you feel to be your right.
You don't malign others because you claim you have right to freedom of speech. Right and freedom working side by side, you should observe the principles. All women are mothers as such should show good examples where ever they are and you should be one of them
Spitt Wise



Eliza Dane

Dear Honourable Esteemed Sir Spitt Wise Esquire,
Gawd love you, sir, your wish is my command, and how else may I serve you, sir? Boots licked, arse kissed, cock sucked? I've sent the stinking money via WU in one hit to Jack Taylor. The number is 1417882693, and the test question and answer; what is Spitt Wise? A dinosaur.
You can just get on with doing your job, and get out of my life for ever.
ED



Spitt Wise

15 March 2006

Dear Elizabeth Dane
The information you sent has been forwarded to the Receivers Manager. The processed certificate would be issued once the Receivers Manager confirms the fee payment. You do not need to worship me before I could do my jobs but you should learn how to deal with the public.
Spitt Wise



Eliza Dane

Mr Wise:
I get on fine with the public - it's just you, and your attitude, that I've got problems with.
ED



Spitt Wise

15 March 2006

Dear Elizabeth Dane
The Western Union office in U.K confirmed the number (1417882693 ) you sent does not exist in their Network. As such the receivers manager has not received your fee payment so document will not be issued until payment is confirmed.
It is either no payment was sent, or the number you sent is wrong. For that reason please check and reconfirm the correct numbers.
Spitt Wise
OK, time for the kiss-off...

Eliza Dane

OF COURSE THERE'S NO FUCKING PAYMENT!
I'VE BEEN ON TO YOU AND YOUR FELLOW FUCKWIT MUGUS FROM THE VERY START, AND I'VE HAD A GOOD TIME FUCKING YOU OVER!
THE GAME IS OVER, SO GO AND GET A REAL JOB, YOU MORONIC SHITHEADS!



Kali Nunu

15 March 2006

Dear Respected And Trusting Eliza,
A very nice day to you over there in Au. Anita is getting better more and more and she is very happy that we will soon be there wiht you. Please what is the development with you and the Bank people? have they giveen you the certificate?
Thanks while we wait to hear the good news.
Yurs Truelly,
Kali and Anita.



With Kali I chose a gentler goodbye...

Eliza Dane

Trusting? Ha! You wish!
The game's over, so you can stop this stupid pretence and get back to leading a proper life, get a real job maybe... I wish!
Eliza


And that, dear reader, is IT.


scamorama main street * get booked * subscribe

Copyright © 1999-2016 Scamorama. All rights reserved.