GOT ROCKS?

A Cancer-Iraq fusion, from the mind of Matilda Gottrocks, where armies of alter egos clash by night.
We don't want to know what a sticky wicket is.

Dear postmaster;
Jeeves, the butler, here sir. I'm afraid that Lady Matilda Gottrocks has suffered another nervous breakdown. A Sgt James Clayton jr, stationed in Baghdad, offered to share with her $25 million usd he had discovered. Unfortunately their venture has broken down into a sticky wicket.

CAST
Sgt James Clayton jr - stationed in Baghdad
Lady Matilda Gottrocks, rich
Jeeves, Lady Matilda's butler and adult supervision
Mr Patrice Colins - possible rival of Clayton, or a crony, it's not clear
Ken Smith - lawyer lad, possible alter ego of Clayton
Benjamin Robb - Lady Matilda's lawyer

[Classic scam elements are highlighted.]


James Clayton Jnr *[In fact this letter arrives out of the blue; standard Lad technique]
Monday, June 30, 2008

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your response*, I seize this opportunity to thank you for coming to my rescue and to also let you know that this transaction is a straight forward and legal transaction. I would not do anything bad to harm you, as I seek GOD forgiveness now and also have the fear of GOD NOW, If this transaction was in anyway illegal, I would tell you straight away so that you know what is involved and decide for yourself. But it is not like that at all, and you will later see and understand everything in this transaction.

I hope you were not too embarrassed by my first email to you since you do not know me. I had no option, because I didnŐt know how to move the funds out and dispatched it to charity organizations, so I resulted to putting fate to test and making a random contact. I got your email address from the web email directory and decided to introduce I plight and this transaction.

I am communicating with only you at this moment with regards to this transaction. And I would not have any cause to do otherwise, except you state your intention to withdraw your assistance.

Just like I stated in my first mail to you, the consignment $25 Million USD is presently in a DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE in Spain . I cannot claim these consignments myself as a result of,

(1) I am under going medical treatment. It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only about a few weeks/ months to live, according to medical experts..

[See the Cancer Digest.]

(2) I want GOD to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, churches and mosques, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. It is for this reasons I am seeking for your assistance to stand as the beneficiary to the consignment and fly abroad( Spain ) to retrieve it on my behalf and dispatch it to charity organizations.

All the necessary informationŐs and security code numbers required to get the consignment $25 Million USD out of the DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE are in my possession and I will be sending them to you after we must have come to a conclusion and reached an agreement.

I need you to give me your words that you will be very honest and straight forward with me when the consignment gets to you, So long as you can execute this transaction successfully and help me dispatched it to charity organizations.

Thus, I would need you to get back to me on the following issues,

(1) That you are in a position to be trusted as a GOD fearing person with such a large amount of fund and dispatched it to charity organization.
(2) That you are willing to contact the security and finance company to discuss the terms of releasing the consignment $25 Million USD.
(3) That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are ready to proceed under these terms.
(4)What do you do for a living? Are you married with kids? Can you handle?
(5) I will also want to see your passport copy or id/, driverŐs License so I know who I am dealing with, I will also send mine to you. We need to build trust ok!
(6)DO not disclose the content of the consignment to the security company. All they knew about the consignment is DIPLOMATIC ITEMS (gift items).

As soon as I receive your reply that you are ready to proceed under these terms, then I will furnish you with all details including the security company contact informationŐs for the secure of the release of the consignment $25 Million USD and disposure to the charities.

And I will also send you all the necessary informationŐs to conclude this transaction and the security company details as my life is too short.

Thanks for your mail, your mail has relieved me. Please if you know that you are not capable of handling this huge sum, please donŐt letŐs proceed further; I can always find other means of dealing with this.

You know that the security is very important, you can not trust anybody therefore note that this transaction is not safe on the phone, remember to keep secret secret. I cannot call you on the phone or receive fax.

I hope you are ok with this? Everything must be done by email. Will you still help? I need your urgent reply in this regard. I want you to pray for me so that GOD would forgive me and be merciful to me and accept my soul.

May the Lord be with you and your entire family.

Yours,
Sgt James Clayton Mc Mahan.

[Also see the Iraq and a Hard Place Collection.]

Matilda Gottrocks
Monday, June 30, 2008

Dear Mr Clayton or is it Mr Mc Mahan?

Dear me I'm not sure what to call you. Is it ok if I just call you Sarge? At least I can remember that. I'll try to answer your questions if I can remember them all. My head is starting to swirl just looking at them all.

Sarge, it is rude to imply that a Gottrocks could not be trusted with such a paltry sum. First of all you contacted me and then had the timerity to only offer 30% for all my hardwork. I have already informed you of all the worthy charities that I am involved with. However, 50% of 25 million will do wonders to impAddress my peers. I do have a question, though. Do I take my cut of 30% off the top, which would be 7.5 million, and then give 50% of the remaining 17.5 million to charity? Or do I donate 50% to charity first, 12.5 million, and then take my cut of 30% of the remainder, which would only be 3.75 million? Although, I guess it doesn't really matter as it's all going to end up in the same place anyway.

Sir, it is impudent to ask what one does for a living. The clear implication is that I am a menial worker. One doesn't work, sir, that is why one has servants. I have been married and widowed twice to Kensworthy and Kensington.

I do not send identication to others. I have a law firm on retainer, Robb, Steele, and Fineagle, who handle all my affairs. I'll have Benjamin Robb contact you if needed.

As for your sorry medical condition, I've always said that you get what you pay for. A better class of Doctor might help.

Your Dismissed

Lady Matilda
James Clayton Jnr
Saturday, July 5, 2008

Dear Lady Matilda,

Thank you for your email, you can call me JAMES. I think you misunderstood my email, all I wanted is to know you better for mutual trust. I have just been informed by the bank that the transfer would be done from their head office in Germany to your account because of the amount involved. All I need from you for now is your full contact address phones, fax numbers and your ID to be forwarded to the bank. I have to do this before you can contact them as the beneficiary of the fund. Pls send those information as soon as possible.

We can use (sarge) as the code for this transaction

Best Regards
James
James Clayton Jnr
Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dear Matilda,

Thank you for your email, You can take the 30% before donating the 50% to the charity. you can take additional 10% for administering the charity work. the German bank is a very good bank and i have been working with them for sometime now so you dont have to worried. i would like to forward your details to the bank for the transfer so forward me your ID and phone numbers to be send to them to contact you.

waiting to hear from you.

Regards
Mr. James
Matilda Gottrocks
Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dear Sarge,

I'm sorry I've been so tardy in responding, but I have just returned from Paris on a shopping trip. After donating all my ball gowns to charity I needed to buy new ones. It took over a week to finally select my new fall collection. I must say it is nerve-wracking to have all that responsibility. I must have met with a dozen or more nouveau designers, as they like to call themselves. But I digress.

I am so glad that you have agreed to my terms on the money, but let us have a firm agreement on one tiny matter. Now I get 30% of the 25 million which is $7,500,000. Of the remaining $17,500,000 do I take my 10% administrative fee off the top which would be $1,750,000 and then donate 50% of the remaining $15,750,000 to my favorite charities. Or do I donate the 50% to charity first, leaving me with 10% of the remaining $8,750,000 which would be only $875,000. As you can see the bold figures are very different.

All of my husbands had to sign a pre-nuptial marriage agreement and I expect you also to stand by our deal.

For all the little people,

Lady Matilda Gottrocks
James Clayton Jnr
Monday, July 21, 2008

I am cool with it as you like it, send the info.
Matilda Gottrocks
Monday, July 21, 2008

Dear Sargeant Clayton,

Well, I am so glad that we have reached an agreement. Just to summarize so there is no misundertanding:

I get 30% off the top $7,500,000.00
I get 10% administrative fee $1,750,000.00
I get 50% for my favorite charities $7,875,000.00
Leaving $7,875,000 for you and your nefarious cohorts. My Kensie always used to say business is business. I'm glad that is settled.

What do I do now?

Lady Matilda
James Clayton Jnr
Tuesday, July 22, 2008

That has been agreed upon,so all you need do right now is to provide me with your telephone number and a copy of your identification,driver;s license or international passport*,so that the bank in Germany can call and talk to you,and also go ahead to process the transaction.

*[Don't ever send that to a scammer - at least don't send the real one or even a plausible one - they can be used for identity theft or as collateral for other scams.]

Matilda Gottrocks
Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dear James,

I'm glad that we have finalized our agreement. Now, you ask about my telephone number. Don't you remember that I had to have the phones removed because my hearing is getting so bad. That's why my dear granddaughter Tiffany set up this computer thingy for me so we could communicate. If you prefer we could write letters to each other like in a civilized society. You do have my Address, don't you?

I'm afraid that I cannot send you any personal identification papers. The law firm Robb, Steele, and Finagle handle all my paperwork now, ever since I was defrauded by the nicest gentleman you ever met. So then Benjamin Robb convinced me that he should handle all my affairs. Should I have Benjamin Robb contact you. I still don't trust that dodgy German bank of yours. Please tell me what I should do. This business has my nerves all in a fray.

Well I must go now. I see Jeeves coming up the stairs with my tea and a sedative to calm me.

Your dismissed,

Lady Matilda
James Clayton Jnr
Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Sorry for getting back late to you,i have been trying to see how the funds will be moved to a unitsed kingdom bank.

Will write you as soon as its done.

James...
James Clayton Jnr
Sunday, August 10, 2008

I just spoke with the bank manager in spain,where the funds were finally and successfully moved,he said he has contacted you,and he is still awaiting your response.

Let me know as soon as you have written to him.

Thanks.
Matilda Gottrocks
Monday, August 11, 2008

Dear James,

I have already sent that bank all the information they needed. I knew we couldn't trust the Germans. Oh, James, can you do something to help with all this awful red tape? My nerves just can't take it anymore. I have always had Benjamin Robb handle my paperwork, but you said not to involve anyone else even if he is my lawyer. Please help me with that bank's paperwork problem. My head is swirling just thinking about it.

Here comes Jeeves with my sedative. I know I can trust you to help me.

Lady Matilda
James Clayton Jnr
Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Thanks for your email,Matilda,i have been busy discussing with my Lawyer in charge of the funds,thats why i told you not to involve any other Attorney,since i have one that can stand for both of us.

I will advise you respond fast to the bank's emails since they can't reach you on phone,so that the transaction can be concluded before the end of this month and we can meet and discuss further investments.

I will await updates,as you and the bank are in contacts,i really trust the spanish banks.

Thanks,

James Clayton.
Patrice Colins
Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dear Lady Matilda,

I must inform you that James Clayton is no longer available to handle the transaction. He has authorized myself, Mr Patrice Colins , to finalize our plans. It is vitally important to keep our project a secret. James Clayton has expressed complete confidence that you will do EXACTLY as is required. DO NOT email James Clayton Jnr because that email Address is no longer operative. Do not contact the bank as I solely will be handling all furthur transactions.

Please pay a SECURITY CLEARANCE FEE of $5000 immediately. This will immediately facilitate transfer of funds to your account. Western Union transfer the money immediately in my name to:

Patrice Colins
Address-----No.4,Sunday Oyawoye Street off Isuti Road
Oremeji Bus stop Egan town.Igando
City---------- Igando/Lagos
State-------- Lagos
Country---- Nigeria
Zipcode-----23401
Matilda Gottrocks
Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dear James,

I know your email said not to contact you anymore, but James I thought that we were a team together. I don't know what I've done to be treated in such an insolent manner. I've went ahead and instructed Jeeves to pay the $5,000 to that fellow of yours. I do hope you reconsider and write to me. I know I don't like those foreign banks of yours, but is that enough of a reason to be spurned by you forever. I must go I feel my head starting to swirl.

Sorrowfully,

Lady Matilda
James Clayton Jnr
Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dear Matilda,

I have never told or written you never to contact me anymore,i guess you are mistaking me for someone else,i have been busy seeing the movement of the funds from the so called Untrusted German Bank to a reliable bank in Spain,thats what i have been explaining to you all the while.

Well if you have sent Jeeve to make a payment,it should be to the Lawyer handling the affairs of the funds,send it to him and it will cover all red tapes.take note of his information:

Name:Ken Smith

Address:Dublin-Ireland

As soon as Jeeve has sent it via western union,he can go ahead and provide me with the transaction details,which includes:mtcn#,full name and Address of sender,and amount sent.

I will await these informations,so that as soon as he gets it,he will use it to procure all vital documents regarding the funds,so that it can be transfered into our accounts.

I will await the informations,as the sucess and progress of the transaction,lies on you.

Thanks,

Sgt James Clayton.
Jeeves
Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dear Mr James Clayton;

Jeeves, the butler, here sir. I am sorry to inform you that my mistress Lady Matilda has suffered a nervous breakdown. She is currently resting at the Glynwood Retreat and is under doctor's orders not to be disturbed.

Sir, I am unsure as to what course of action to embark upon. My first duty should be to contact the family law firm , as it was the email from PatriceColins@gmail.com that caused the affliction. Therefore, you would be responsibile. However, I am unsure what to do because I feel partially to blame. You see, I personally delivered the $5000 to Western Union after advising Lady Matilda against doing so. I thought it would be only prudent to verify the transaction with you, even though Mr Colins strongly advised against it in his email. He said that you had authorized him to handle all the proceedings and that you were not to be bothered.

Sir, I feel dutybound to inform you that Lady Matilda had grown quite fond of your correspondence and felt rebuked by you when she received this email. I'm sure this led to her nervous breakdown. I can only assume from your subsequent email that you know nothing of Patrice Colins and did not authorize the $5000 payment to him. I am forwarding the original email to you to act upon. Below is a copy:

Dear Matilda, I must inform you that James Clayton is no longer available to handle the transaction. He has authorized myself, Mr Patrice Colins, to finalize our plans. It is vitally important for you to keep our project a secret. Mr Clayton has expressed complete confidence that you will do EXACTLY as is required. DO NOT email James Clayton because that email Address is no longer operative and he does not require any furthur correspondence from you.

Please pay the SECURITY CLEARANCE FEE of $5000 immediately. Western Union transfer the money immediately to:

Patrice Colins
Address-----No.4,Sunday Oyawoye Street off Isuti Road
Oremeji Bus stop Egan town.Igando
City---------- Igando/Lagos
State-------- Lagos
Country---- Nigeria
Zipcode-----23401

Please Advise, Jeeves, the butler
Jeeves
Monday, August 18, 2008

Dear Sargeant Clayton;

Jeeves here, sir. I have not received a response to my last email. Did you receive it? I'm afraid Lady Matilda is still indisposed at the Glynwood Retreat and under doctor's orders not to be disturbed. Have you contacted Mr Colins and recovered the $5,000. Will that security fee be all that is required of Lady Matilda?
Please contact me. I've taken the liberty of using Lady Matilda's computer given the urgency of the situation.

Jeeves, the butler
James Clayton Jnr
Thursday, August 21, 2008

Whats is going on i have not heard from you,you keep the transaction on halt.pls brief me with proceedings,bcos the bank is waiting.
Jeeves
Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dear Mr Clayton;

Jeeves, the butler, here sir. Have you not received any of my messages? How extraordinary. I'm enclosing them for you under separate copy.

I'm afraid Lady Matilda is still in recovery at the Glynwood Retreat. I have no furthur information on her health. Have you determined who this rascal Patrice Colins is? He does not respond to my emails. Have you been able to contact him?

Benjamin Robb, the family lawyer, stopped by when he had heard of Lady Matilda's nervous breakdown. I did not mention to him the $5,000 I sent by Western Union. I must say, Mr Clayton, I'm starting to feel like some sort of criminal. I'm hoping we get this mess untangled before the lawyers have to be called in. Will this $5,000 Security Clearance Fee be all that's required? Mr Colins said in his email that the money would take care of all the bank's red tape. Can you confirm this?

Looking forward to your response,

Jeeves, the butler
James Clayton Jnr
Friday, August 22, 2008

Jeeve,i don't know any Patrice Collins,i have given you the information of the lawyer in charge of these funds,if you are ready to conclude this transaction,go ahead and send it and get back to me asap.
Jeeves
Friday, August 22, 2008

Dear Mr Clayton;

I'm terribly sorry if I haven't fully communicated the urgency of the situation to you sir. If you examine the email sent by Mr Colins you'll see that it refers to yourself several times. If you do not know Mr Colins how did he get Lady Matilda's email Address and have detailed knowledge of our secret transaction. Your previous emails have stAddressed the importance of secrecy, yet it is clear that either you have leaked the information or you have a spy in your company.

I personally delivered the $5,000 to Western Union and have verified that the money was sent and received. Unfortunately Lady Matilda has the paperwork in her purse and I cannot access it until the doctors allow her to come home.

I do hope we can successfully conclude our transaction together. I've asked you repeatedly to continue progress on the project, but you are stonewalling. It is absurd to pretend that you do not have the $5,000. I guarantee you that someone does.

I'm afraid I'll have to bring the lawyers into this. I was hoping this wouldn't occur.

On a happier note Lady Matilda is feeling much better. Evidently she has met a gentleman at Glywood who has lifted her spirits considerably.

Please respond immediately

Jeeves, the butler
James Clayton Jnr
Saturday, August 23, 2008

Hello Jeeve,i have told you categorically that i don't know anyone bearing that name and if this was meant to riddicule me and my funds,please never bother to contact me again,because i hate it when people are not sincere.

I have never talked about secrecy in my funds,it is meant for me why should i deal in secrecy?if not for my ailment,i don't need one like you thats not sincere.

Stay Cool,and thanks for wasting my time.

It looks like the game is up. Just when Lady Matilda was due to return from Glynwood Retreat.

 

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