A vision of world peace through yeast

And lo there appeared to him, as if held by an invisible hand, a perfect bagel in the sky, all aflame, and a voice came from within it and said take me and go forth and spread cream cheese on me. And Cecil said who is your servant that he should spread cream cheese on you. And the voice said yea verily I say unto you that you will be my mouthpiece. But only if you do not speak with your mouth full. And if you harken unto my words there will be cream cheese and lox for the multitudes. And the Sunday Times will appear at your bedside and the garbage truck will not come in the early morning. All this if you spread my word. And so it was done. -- Cecil 1:8

The Holy Bagel Community USA is an offshoot of the original Holy Bagel Community founded by the Right Reverend Cecil Ngoblah in 1979 after his vision on the Road to IHOP.

The HBC welcomes all comers, whether they prefer lox or cream cheese. Meetings, or "brunch", are held at a round table, symbolizing oneness with The Bagel and our belief that no one is above another.

The spiritual and culinary head, or Master Baker, of the American Batch is currently A. B. "Abie" Gezunt, graduate of the Onion Theological Seminary of Upper Weehawken. The worldwide communion of the HBC is a democratic institution, each Batch self-governing. Ongoing differences over the validity of jalapeño bagels (the British Batch is more inclusive) do not rise to the level of a schism. The American Batch adheres fundamentally to the teachings of our founders.

Theological inquiries should be directed to the Head Batch in Britain, whose spiritual leader and life President is The Lord Bovril CH MC OBE. Take-out orders can be phoned in to Prince Charles Nwaimo at the Head Bakery in Enugu State, Nigeria (+2348037578607). Please specify how many dozen. Blueberry bagels require extra preparation and may not be available on any given day.

May we all be as one in The Bagel. Remain blessed.