MAY YOUR BALLCOCK NEVER HANG LOW

Scamorama welcomes "Barry Lenner", plumbing magnate and philanthropist, and a leading light of Waukepetonsett, IA.

Barry informs us:
Waukepetonsett is a word of Algonquin derivation--I believe it means "Land of the Salted Cod." However, the town in Iowa was founded by Puritan settlers who had lost everything they owned to primitive 419ers who sent their scam letters by carrier pigeon. Technically, the name of the town is New Waukepetonsett, but the New was deemed to be too cumbersome by the city fathers, and has been accordingly dropped.

In Mr. Lenner's first Contribution, the scammers may have been perturbed to find that "...the telephone number I provided leads not to my office, but rather to a young lady of dubious morals who, for a nominal fee, is willing to discuss in graphic detail subjects more appropriate to the boudoir than to the modalities of international philanthropy."

Evangelist Debra Wealth (yeah, really, Wealth) - scammer (evangelistdebrawealth104@yahoo.co.uk, evangelistwealth@excite.com)
MR. BEN SMITH - her financial advisor (eurocityfinance@yahoo.com)
versus
BARRY LENNER - plumbing magnate

Admirers of Mr. Lenner may wish to visit his beautifully detailed web site: www.freewebs.com/barrylenner
a valuable resource about Mr. Lenner's philanthropic largesse, plumbing, and history.


EVANGELIST DEBRA WEALTH: THE APPEAL LETTER

Sent: Tuesday, April 18, 2006

From: Evangelist (Mrs.) Debra Wealth
# London UKingdoms.
SUBJECT: FAITH OF DONATION.
Beloved in Christ,

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR GOD.

Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am Evangelist (Mrs.) Debra Wealth, a widow toLate Sheik Wealth. I am 70years Old; I am now a new Christian convert, suffering from long time cancer Of the breast. From all indications, my condition is really deteriorating and is quite obvious th at I may not live more than six months, because the cancer stage has gotten to a very severe stage.

My late husband was killed during the Gulf war, and during the period of our marriage we had a son who was also killed in a cold blood during The Gulf war. My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business andwealth. My personal physician told me that I may not Live formore than six months and I am so scared about this. So, I now decided to divide part of this wealth, by contributing to the development of evangelism in Africa, America, Europe and Asian Countries.

I selected you after visiting the website for this purpose and prayed over it, I am willing to donate the sum of $7.000, 000.00 Million US Dollars to the motherless babyhomes, needy, poor, charity homes and Widows too. Please note that, this fund is lying in a Security company Therefore my lawyer will file an immediate application for the transfer of the money in the name of your ministry. Please, do not reply me if you have the i! ntention of using this fund for personal use other than Enhancement Of evangelism.

Lastly, I want you to be praying for me as regards my entire life and my health because I have come to find out since my spiritual birth lately that wealth acquisition without Jesus Christin one's life is Vanity upon vanity.

If you haveto die says the Lord, keep fit and I will give you the Crown of life. May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit are with you.

I await your urgent reply.

Yours in Christ

Evangelist (Mrs.) Debra Wealth

- evangelist debra wealth


[Scam-o-note: This is a typical Cancer letter. But you knew that.]


Well, this is too good to pass up. My response.

BARRY LENNER

My most Dear and Precious Sister in Christ Mrs. Reverend Evangelist Debra Wealth,

After reading your recent missive to me, I wept and laughed with pure joy. Your story is terrible and pathetic, but what a kind Dead and Risen Messiah we serve to use your debilitating and fatal cancer in such a wonderful way.

I am the Very Reverend Dr. Father Bernard Lenner, Minister, of the Church of the Revealed Holy Precious Blood of the Sacred Heart of the Virgin, a small mission located in Omaha, Idaho, nestled in the foothills of Tennessee. For the past fifteen years, my work has been with whores. Exclusively with whores.

I have a calling to attend to the spiritual needs of our fallen sisters. Every night, I get into my 1979 Cadillac Coupe de Ville and cruise the alleys and back streets of Omaha, Idaho, searching for whores. My work has been to reveal to these poor, misguided women of the evening the straight and rigid True Way. Upon seeing it, they fall to their knees, bob their heads in prayer, and accept fully and without reservation the True Way.

You cannot imagine the amount of women I have saved from the ways of the Devil merely by revealing the True Way. It is a calling that allows me to stand erect in the Light of Revelation. They then abandon their former evil ways and join my ever-expanding flock, spreading the Good News far and wide.

As you can imagine, the financial burden upon my ministry is great, so your kind offer of $7 million seemed like a miracle to me. And although I weep to think of your breasts being disfigured by cancer, I rejoice in the chance that your untimely and tragic death will give me to continue my holy calling with the whores.

Your kindness could not have come at a better time. Although we are having a warm summer, it promises to be a difficult winter. There is an extra thick growth of fur on the north side of the whores already, and my trusty Farmer's Almanack says that this is an infallible sign of many months of rough weather. Many, many whores would have frozen to death this winter without your kindness.

Your story is very interesting to me. Your name is Debra Wealth? How clever! You have wealth, and your name is Wealth. Isn't God great?!? And you are the widow of the late Sheikh Wealth? Was he any relation to the well-known Wealth family of Upper Waukepetonsett Falls, the wealthy textile tycoons? I was at one point well-acquainted with old man Erasmus Wealth, and his wife, Mrs. Prudence Wealth. Lovely people. Strict Congregationalists.

Ah, but wait. Your late husband was a Sheikh. I once met a rich Arabian who was also a Sheikh. He was a member of the al-Ratlan-roh-El family. We referred to him as Sheikh Ratlan-Roh-El. He had made millions in importing halal dairy products to Mecca--he was something of a milk Sheikh.

Am I to imply that you were born into Islam, and have seen the straight and rigid True Way as well? You may be interested to know that one of my clerical colleagues here in Omaha, Idaho is the Imam of the Local Mosque, Imam Rodney Washington El-Shabazz X. He is also passionately committed to the cause of ministering to whores, and joins me frequently on my missions.

All right, enough with the small talk. There's whores what need a-savin.' How can we begin these modalities with all due haste?

Yours in Christ,
Very Reverend Dr. Father Bernard (Barry) Lenner, Minister



You will be pleased to know that Mrs. Evangelist Debra Wealth wrote back. Here is her missive. With instructions, no less.

EVANGELIST DEBRA WEALTH

Subject: God bless you.
Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2006

My Good friend, thanks for your confident response in receiving this fund and using it for the said purpose . I chose you because God led me to you, I will like you to contact the security company where this fund was deposited, contact them on my behalf requesting for the transfer and release of the fund into your bank account. This are the information's you need to forward to them because when the fund was deposited they gave me this secret information's should in case I want to withdraw it for security purpose for them to identify my consignment which is the fund .The information's are below I am giving and releasing this vital and secret information's of mine to you with trust and confidence because I have gotten you as my next of kin to do this faithful work for God and subsequently to Human.Depositors: Name Mrs. Debra WealthBatch no: 66840090040Year Deposited: 2001Secret Question: Who is Depositor Answer: Mrs. Debra WealthSecurity Code: 90600040020The above are the

information's you need to forward to the security company and also contact them with their information's below.Name of Security Company.Euro City FinanceEmail eurocityfinance@yahoo.comName of Director Mr Ben SmithMy Good friend, please contact then with them above information's and please make sure you keep me posted as soon as they transfer the fund into your bank account. Always put me in yourdaily prayers do not forget my wish .God bless you.Mrs. Debra Wealth


My, she's a clever one. Some secret question. I can't wait to contact Mr. Ben Smith at Euro City Finance.


Now, Father "Big Papa" Barry doesn't want the grass to grow under his feet. No flies on him, no sirree, not with seven MILLLLLLYUNNNNN clams at stake and a possel full of whores what need some good Jesus-lovin'. For your consideration, the good pastor's response.


BARRY LENNER

My dear sister in the risen Messiah,

Christian greetings. I have received your e-mail, with your instructions, and while I found them extremely confusing, no doubt due to your faulty command of English--which is not your fault, I realize, since you grew up in a third world country without access to running water, electricity, and the latest edition of Webster's Collegiate Dictionary--I will follow them to the tee. To the tee, I say.

Considering that we will now be working together, to, in your beautiful, poetic, inimitable words, "to do this faithful work for God and subsequently to Human," I think we should know more about each other, if I am to pose as your next of kin. Suppose Mr. Ben Smith at Euro City Finance asks me about our relationship? Am I your brother, or nephew, or ward, or cousin? What if he says, "Well, that's all well and good, Barry old lad, but how do I know you're really next of kin to Mrs. Evangelist Debra Wealth? How do I know you haven't kidnapped her and have beaten the information out of her with a sock full of devalued Soviet-era copper kopecks?" After all, he is an important man at a major international financial institution. I'd bet my 1979 Cadillac Coupe de Ville and full-length sable coat that they don't hire fools at Euro City Finance.

To complete these modalities with all due haste and efficiency, I believe that we need complete trust and belief in each other. I will begin share my story with you.

I was born in 1949 in Tuscaloosa, Mississippi, in the eastern region of North Carolina. At 14, I fell in with a bad crowd and began indulging in such evil activities as vandalism, credit card fraud, lacrosse, and masturbation. My parents cast me forth from their house. Forlorn and abandoned, I wandered across the countryside doing odd jobs, like minor auto repair and reacharounds, just to survive. At the age of 18, I had a mystical vision from Jesus Himself, who said, "Go ye forth into all the lands, Barry, and redeem whores. Unveil to them your turgid and quivering True Way, and they shall fall back with ecstasy and receive thee into their bosoms."

Now tell me about you. Specifically, how did you meet Jesus? How long have you had breast cancer? What are those breasts like? Are they large breasts? You mention that you had a son, tragically deceased. Did you breast-feed him? Please send a picture of yourself.

Yours in Jesus,

Father Barry Lenner, or as I am known to my flock, "Big Papa" Lenner.
I love it when the whores call me Big Papa.



Now, Barry decides to take matters into his own hands. I shall contact Ben Smith at Euro City Finance with a proposition...

BARRY LENNER

Dear Mr. Smith,

My name is Barry Lenner, and I am the next of kin to Mrs. Sheikh Debra Wealth. Actually, I'm not, but there's kind of a long story there.

So here's the deal, Benny. Out of the blue, this old bat with cancer of the jugs contacts me. I don't know why, but apparently she's a former Mohammedan who did a 180 and is now a big fan of Jesus. I have no idea why she contacted me, of all people, but she's got seven million dollars. Let me repeat that: SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS. Heck, Benny, for seven rocks, I'll become a Jehovah's Adventistologist. So anyhow, before her sweater-puppies rot off and she croaks, she wants to make sure her $7 mil winds up in the right hands. Namely, mine.

So I spun her some story about how I'm a preacher and I work with whores. That's half true. I'm no preacher, but I do love me some whores. So she tells me she's going to designate me her next of kin and she gives me the batch number, the security code, and the secret question so that I can take this money and spread the good word. I could care less about the good word, but $7 million will buy me a LOT of whores. But here's my problem: suppose she finds out that I'm not a preacher? She'll yank that money back and probably die, and then what? No one gets it.

So here's what I'm proposing, Benny boy, and I think it's a good hot idea. You're the director of Euro City Finance, right? And I've got all the information you need to get that money out of the old hag's account, right? So I tell you what: let's split the money. You help me get it, I'll split it with you, and who cares what happens to the old lady? I bet you could use $3.5 million. I know I sure could.

So think it over and write back fast. I need that money as soon as possible. And I don't care what I have to do to get it.

Regards,
Barry Lenner
P.S. Where are you located, anyhow? In Europe somewhere?



I am a trifle disappointed by Ben's response. I loathe these faceless bureaucrats, particularly when I've extended the hand of friendship and larceny.

MR. BEN SMITH

Subject: From The Desk of Mr. Ben Smith
Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2006

From The Desk of Mr. Ben Smith
Director Euro City Finance & Security
Email eurocityfinance@yahoo.com

We received your mail and the informations, requesting the transfer of the Funds of Mrs. Debra Wealth into your Bank Account, below are the information's you need to send to us, so that we can proceed with the transfer of the funds.

Your Full name
Address
Nationality
Occupation
Age
Sex
Mobile phone number
Banking Details

We need the above details to enable us commence on releasing the fund into your bank account. Anticipating your quick response.

Good Day
Mr. Ben Smith



I'm getting a little uptight, and I intend to let Ben know. There's a lot riding on this.

BARRY LENNER

Mr. Ben Smith,

Apparently you don't listen real well. Did you even read my e-mail? I made a proposition to you, sir. A dangerous one. Let me put this in plain, simple English, just in case you're some Eurotrash foreigner who learned the lingo from pirated Pixar movies: Benjy, I'm talking about defrauding a wealthy widow with cancer of the fun bags. Now, are you with me, or are you not?

How dare you respond with a standard e-mail? I'm talking about splitting seven MILLION damn dollars with you! That's three and a half rocks you could be sticking in your pocket! Christ on a cracker, Ben, what kind of institution are you running over there?

You're worrying me, Benny Boy. I proposed a transaction that could land us both in the hoosegow. That's American slang for prison. I need to know that I've got a partner here, and this official language you're using has me a trifle perturbed. How do I know you're not collecting my information so that you can give it to Interpol and get me arrested?

I need a sign of good faith here, Benno. I am willing to provide some information, but you need to give me some back. Here are my questions:

1) Where is your branch of Euro City Finance located?
2) How long have you been with Euro City Finance?
3) What is your official title with Euro City Finance?
4) What is your mailing address telephone number, and fax number?
5) Are you married, and do you have children?
6) Are you physically attractive?

Make sure you answer these questions. I need to know I've got a partner here, Big Ben. It's all about trust and honesty from here on out. Honor among thieves, Ben, honor among thieves.

Barry



I'm getting a little concerned about my benefactress. She didn't write back. I'll just dash off a quick concerned message:

BARRY LENNER

My dear and beloved sister in Christ,

God's richest blessings upon you and your breast cancer. I want you to know that I am, in the words of St. Paul, praying without ceasing for your cancer.

I am beginning to get a little concerned about the progress of the modalities. I haven't heard back from you since I sent you an e-mail yesterday. Is everything in order with you? You haven't died of cancer yet, have you? That would be terrible, especially since I have not received your seven million dollars yet for my work with the whores.

The whores, by the way, are very excited about this money. When I told them that we have a very great friend in Jesus, they all fell to their knees and rejoiced in the cleansing flow of forgiveness that spread across their faces. They would like to know more about you so that they can pray for you. So would I. Where is your home? Where are you writing from? How did you come to be a Sister in Christ? How did the late lamented Sheikh Wealth make his money? Is there any chance you could come to our church and visit us in person before the cancer rots out your breasts and kills you?

Also, since I had not heard from you, I contacted Mr. Ben Smith at Euro City Finance. Are you sure you trust him? He seems not entirely trustworthy. He did not ask for any of the details which you provided. He was far more interested in my details. I know that Euro City Finance is a well-known international institution, but every so often, even the best institutions unknowingly hire criminals. I remember well the case of Lloyds of London, which hired Jimmy "The Shiv" Cohen by accident. Jimmy was a safecracker, confidence man, and third string outfielder from Staten Island, Arkansas, in North Dakota. He cleaned himself up, affected a posh British accent, a bowler hat, and a walking stick and got himself on at Lloyds. He really took them for a ride. In his defense, he did make certain that they were wearing their seat belts.

Now, I'm not implying that Mr. Ben Smith is another Jimmy "The Shiv" Cohen. Slander is serious business. I'm just sayin.'

Well, all the driving around searching for whores last night has really taken the shine off of my 1979 Cadillac Coupe de Ville. I need to wash it. It's important, when you're a traveling preacher, as I undoubtedly am, to keep your car looking good. As we say in my business, "Hose down."

Yours in the redeeming blood of the Redeemer,
Very Reverend Dr. Father "Big Papa" Bernard "Barry" Lenner, Minister



Getting a little bored waiting for Debbie Deb. Time to put the screws to the old hag.

BARRY LENNER

My dear Mrs. Evangelist Debra Wealth,

I am worried and perturbed. Also, I am unsettled and disquieted. I think I should probably add that I am nervous, not sanguine, and more than a trifle shaken.

I have mailed you several times with no response. I brought some significant doubts I have about Ben Smith, and you have failed to answer me. The work of the Lord continues, but I am beginning to wonder if you were serious, or if you are just playing a joke on me. If you are, that would be cruel. I would hate to disappoint the whores in my flock and tell them that you were just a liar who enjoys playing with people's emotions.

Mrs. Wealth, your continued callousness to me and mine has broken my heart. Please respond by eight pm my time (I have no idea what time that is wherever you are, because I do not know where you are) (because you have not told me) or I can only assume that this has been a cruel practical joke.

Broken-hearted,
Very Reverend Dr. Father "Big Papa" Bernard "Barry" Lenner



Christ be praised. She writes back. With pictures, no less. Now this is something special. I have no idea where the boys got this picture, but I feel that they deserve some credit for finding a picture like this one.

EVANGELIST DEBRA WEALTH

Hello brother i am sorry for my late response i have been underging a lot of pain that why i have not gotting back to you please make sure you act fast with the security company and get back to me with details i have attach my picture to you get back to me may the good lord bless you Amen.

[The pic was that of a fragile-looking woman in a hospital bed, being kept company by a male visitor - plainly lifted off someone's private web site.]


This merits a response.

BARRY LENNER

My dear sister in our Risen Redeemer,

Hey, you don't look so bad! Can't say the same for the old bat on the right, though. She looks like she's been rid hard and put away wet, as we say here in Omaha, Idaho.

Just kidding. Yeah, you do look like you're in bad shape. Which is why we have to get these modalities concluded quickly. You look like you could go off to meet Jesus any second, and that would leave me and the whores high and dry.

So what's the deal with Ben Smith at Euro City Finance? This guy is about as useless as a chocolate teapot. I'd can him ASAP and move the assets to an institution that cares a little more about whores.

Yours in the Precious and Delicious Blood of the Bethlehem Bomber,

Rev. Barry



Apparently a word to the powers that be can speed things along. Big Benny finally responds. But not in a way that I like particularly well.

MR. BEN SMITH

Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2006

Good Day Lenner,
You have to call me over the phone so we can talk it over the phone ok here is my mobile number +2348023366185
Ben Smith
Euro City Finance
Manager



Time to teach this presumptious bureaucrat some business etiquette.

BARRY LENNER

Benjo,

Let's get one thing straight. You don't refer to me as "Lenner." Lenner is the last name. Barry is my first name. My friends call me Barry. You can call me Mr. Lenner.

It seems that my suspicions are confirmed. You're not reading my e-mails, and you're not answering questions. Now put yourself in my shoes, Benny Boy, and follow along with me step by step.

I am offering to split SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS with you. Essentially, Benny, I am offering to give you THREE AND A HALF MILLION DOLLARS. I ask you some very, very simple questions, and you, for some unknown reason, refuse to answer them, and now you want me to call you? On the phone? So that you can trace my phone number?

Now ask yourself this: what in the hell would you be thinking, were you not wearing, most likely, Italian calf-leather slip-ons in some posh office in Europe? Why in the hell should I trust you, until I get some indication that you are willing to cooperate with me?

Benny, that is just not in the cards until I get some indication from you that you are willing to cooperate. Like I said, I'm more than willing to cut you out of this deal. The Widow Wealth trusts me, and I'm pretty sure I can get her to walk away from Euro City Finance.

Let's resume. Answer the Goddamn questions or the deal's off.

1) Where is your branch of Euro City Finance located?
2) How long have you been with Euro City Finance?
3) What is your exact title with Euro City Finance?
4) Are you married, and do you have children?
5) Are you, or are you not, physically attractive?

I grow weary with you, Smith. I begin to lose my patience. Answer the GOD damned questions.

Ever yours,
Barry Lenner.



After this, I get zilch for the rest of the weekend. Well, appealing to the Boss Lady worked once. Let's give it another shot.

BARRY LENNER

Mrs. Evangelist,

Ben Smith at the bank refuses to respond to me. This is untenable. His incompetence astounds me. I think you had better choose another official at Euro City Finance to deal with.



What's this? Now Debra's clamming up? Big Papa Lenner does not like it when his women don't follow orders.

BARRY LENNER

Debra,

What in the name of common sense is going on? I get NO response from you, and NO response from Mr. Ben Smith at Euro City Finance. Was this all just a practical joke? I want money you promised! I NEED the money you promised! I need my $7 million! I am shocked and hurt that ANYONE could play such a terrible prank on such a trusting man as I am.

I know you are a recent convert to the True Faith, but let me tell you, Jesus would not be happy with these shenanigans.

Please respond within the next hour, Mrs. Wealth, or you can go and play your horrible, horrible tricks on someone else.

Shocked and hurt,
Barry Lenner



And I'm getting a little ticked off at Ben's continued silence. This is untenable.

BARRY LENNER

Ben,

This has gone far enough. I have lost patience with you, and I begin to think that this was all just a horrible joke you played on me. You do not respond to emails, you do not treat me like someone worthy of dealing with, and you are, bar none, the worst bank director I have ever met.

I can't believe that Euro City Finance hired such an incompetent swine as yourself, and I intend to write to the Board of Directors.

I'm through with you.

Barry Lenner



After this, a positively deafening silence. My pen pals might well have lost patience with me. I was doing all the work here. So I figure, well, let's go ahead and euthanize this little scam

BARRY LENNER

Apparently the game is up, eh, you miserable stinking mugu 419ers?

Just out of curiosity, what gave me away? I'd like to improve my performance so that I can keep the next 419 girls going a little longer.

Come on, bushman, did you really think anyone could have fallen for your ridiculous scheme?

Well, anyhow, have a nice day, down there in the Third World. I've passed your e-mail addresses on to Yahoo and Excite, and also sent your ISP address to the Nigerian consulate here. I know it won't shut you down, but anything to make life a little more difficult for you.

I can't wait until the next 419 mugu like you contacts me. There's nothing I enjoy more than muddling your little heads.

Yours sincerely,
Barry Lenner



Where urgency doesn't seem to work with this particular Lad, insults do. The final exchange from Mrs. Evangelist Debra Wealth. The mouth on her! And she being a good Christian and well-bred lady, too!

EVANGELIST DEBRA WEALTH

Wed, 26 Apr 2006

you are a ass hole mother fucker u can go any where and do any thing fuck u u can't get me ok...................................evangelist debra wealth ......................maga





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