A COLORFUL EXCHANGE

In which Mr. Bernard George of Gallant Trusts tells Princess Margaret where to get off.

Starring
Princess Margaret - no, not that one
vs.
Fatima Rasaq - helpless imaginary widow
Musa Azeez - some guy whose e-mail account she's using
Tareq Amin - her imaginary barrister
Mr. Bernard George of Gallant Trusts - her imaginary banker

We think it was a case of too many cooks.
Speaking of which, if the time slots below look fouled up, it may be put down to delays in delivery and in answering. Whatever makes you feel good.


From: "Mrs Fatima Rasaq" <musazeez@z6.com>
Reply-To: musa_azeez@z6.com
Subject: Aalsalamalenkun,
Date: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 16:15:06 +0400

Aalsalamalenkun,,,
! Greetings in the name of Allah, the beneficent,the merciful. I am Mrs Fatima Rasaq, Azeez a widow to Late Sheik Mohammed Rasaq Azeez,I am 74years old, of a born Muslim faith, Presently I am suffering from long time cancer of the breast, from all indications, my condition is really deteriorating and is quite obvious that I won't live more than six months,because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage. My late husband was killed during the Gulf war, and during the period of our marriage we couldn't produce any child.
My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth. The doctor has advised me that I may not live for more than this year,so I now decided to divide part of this wealth,to contribute to the propagation of Islam and in assisting the less-privileged Muslim faithful and all humanity in Africa,Arabia, America, Asia and Europe. I selected you after visiting the website and I prayed over it, I discussed this with my Attorney,Barrister Tareq Amin.
I am willing to donate part of the sum of US$18,000000.00 (Eighteen Million US Dollars) for the development of the holywork as well as distribution to aid muslim faithfuls, throughemployment and also for the less privileged, including Muslim cancer patients.
Please I want you to note that, this fund is lying in a Security Company in Asia,United Arab Emirate (UAE). For that, my lawyer Mr.Tareq Amin,We willfile in application for the transfer of the money in your name as you wish.

Provided you are ready to use part of this money for this purpose. You will therefore have to travel to Dubai, UAE, to sign for the official release of this consignment of the money as well as advice on how you want the money remitted to you oryour organization. My Attorney would accompany you on this trip.

Lastly I honestly pray that this money when transferred will be used for the said purpose,because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Allah is vanity upon vanity.Therefore,I have decided to set-aside 20% for the service of humanity and the work of Allah.If you have to die says the Allah, keep fit and I will give you the crown of life.

May the Grace of Allah be our guide and be my refuge when i leave this world. Moreso,I further decided to offer you 30% While 40% will be transfered to the account of my Lawyer Barrister Tareq Amin as compensation after successful conclusion.
The remaining 10% is to cover the expenses both from your side and the side of my Lawyer who will assist you until every thing is over.

Yours in Allah,
Mrs Fatima Rasaq.
C/o Barrister Tareq Amin.
NB/:PLESASEREPLYTO:musa_azeez@z6.com

[Scam-o-note: There are many variations on this letter which differ most notably in the name of the contact. Maybe it's a marketing code.]

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Fri Oct 24, 2003 8:14:28 AM US/Pacific

My Dear Madam

I am not sure how you managed to obtain this private e-mail address, but your plea and condition has touched Our heart. Cancer of the breast is a terrible disease and deserves the fullest sympathy. I share some of your own undoubted pain, my dear, in so far as I had my left foot amputated after a golfing accident a few years ago. Trudging up and downstairs all day her at the Palace with such a handicap is no fun I can tell you!

Naturally any business between us should be discreet and I am very security conscious as I am sure you can imagine. If We can prove of assistance however, We would like to be so. As it happens I shall be on a royal tour of an area which includes Dubai in the coming few weeks, taking in some of your tribal hunting grounds and what not, and perhaps this would prove an ideal opportunity to do a little business together?
v Do let Us know if this can be arranged. I can get My legal chappie to write to yours if needs be.

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT

From: musa azeez <musa_azeez@Z6.com>
Reply-To: musa_azeez@Z6.com
To: "Princess Margaret"
Subject: From Mrs,Fatima Rasaq To Princess Margret.
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 04:31:15 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sister,Princess Margaret.

How are you today? With heart full of joy I just want hear from today regarding my last email correspondence with you.

With effect to the still impending business transaction please let me know your utmost readiness to help me out in clearing out the consignment which is presently in Dubai United Arab Emirates.

I will not hetitate to inform you that urgency demands that we should hasten up all the modalities for us to arrive at a successful conclusion of the business in a due course.

However,I that you so much for your due sense of concern.

Expecting to hear from you as I requested you to reach my legal representative Barrister Tareq Amin who is to educate you the more on matters concerning the appropriate way that we will actualize our goal.

I just cannot fail to inform you that this money in Dubai have taken so long in the security custody of the gallant trust security company of which I have to secure it this time through your help.

Therefore, I am begging you to please come quickly to my aid and assist me with your unreserved cooperation.

I sincerely wish that you will never fail me.

Yours Sister.

Mrs,Fatima Rasaq.

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Tue Nov 4, 2003 7:30:52 AM US/Pacific

Mr Dear Woman

My lady-in-waiting Lady Quims has tried to contact this Amin fellow repeatedly but without avail. Is this some kind of joke? We have better things to do here at the Palace than to chunter about after half baked colonial pranksters you now.

M

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT

From: musa azeez <musa_azeez@Z6.com>
Reply-To: musa_azeez@Z6.com
To: "Princess Margaret"
Subject: Aalsalamalenkun,
Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 03:06:46 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sister,Princess Margaret.

How are you today? With heart full of joy I just want to hear from today regarding my last email correspondence with you.

With effect to the still impending business transaction please let me know your utmost readiness to help me out in clearing out the consignment which is presently in Dubai United Arab Emirates.

I will not hetitate to inform you that urgency demands that we should hasten up all the modalities for us to arrive at a successful conclusion of the business in a due course.

However,I that you so much for your due sense of concern.

Expecting to hear from you as I requested you to reach my legal representative Barrister Tareq Amin who is to educate you the more on matters concerning the appropriate way that we will actualize our goal.

I just cannot fail to inform you that this money in Dubai have taken so long in the security custody of the gallant trust security company of which I have to secure it this time through your help.

Therefore, I am begging you to please come quickly to my aid and assist me with your unreserved cooperation.

I sincerely wish that you will never fail me.

Yours Sister.

Mrs,Fatima Rasaq.

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Tue Nov 4, 2003 7:33:28 AM US/Pacific

My dear woman

You have my answer to this already; I am vastly disappointed that your colleague is so hard to contact. I am off to Smegaroon for the bison hunt soon and cannot hang around to deal with this much longer. I suggest that you have a word with the fellow.

M

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckinghamv London
FU2 GlT

From: musa azeez <musa_azeez@Z6.com>
Reply-To: musa_azeez@Z6.com
To: "Princess Margaret"
Subject: Please contact him via email if that is the case..
Date: Wed, 5 Nov 2003 02:28:48 -0800 (PST)

Attn:Princess Margaret.

Sincerely speaking this business is not a joke to start with.
I do not know why you find it difficult to contact My Lawyer Barrister Amin through his telephone no:0088-216-33310430. If this is not possible why not you give him your phone number through his email address barristertareqamin@justice.com so that he will contact you?.

I do hope that you will never be disappointed again as you follow up this step.

Best regards.

Mrs,Fatima Rasaq.

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Thu Nov 6, 2003 1:44:18 AM US/Pacific
To: musa_azeez@Z6.com
Cc: barristertareqamin@justice.com

Mr Dear Sir

I am delighted to give Tarquin my phone number. Let us hope that he has better luck than My staff has had in trying to contact your good selves.

Although strictly speaking Palace security protocol means that We rarely give out internal numbers, I think we may make an exception in this case. However you may try 00 44 906 100 808.

If I am not there you may ask for Irma Wanquer, the palace steward.

MARGARET

From: "tareq amin" <barristertareqamin@justice.com>
Subject: YOU WILL BE CONTACTED SHORTLY
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 02:22:54 -0800 (PST)

Attn:Pricess Margret.

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC.

I AM WRITING IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF YOUR LETTER TODAY DATED 6TH NOV.2003. I WANT TO THANK YOU FIRST OF ALL IN YOUR RELIABILITY AND CAPABILITY TO ACTUALIZE THIS BUSINESS UNDER MY SUPERVISION BY VITURE OF MY POSITION AS A LEGAL PRACTITIONER TO MRS, FATIMA RASAQ UNDER WHOSE INSTRUCTION IAM ACTING TO CO-JOIN WITH YOU WITH EFFECT OF THIS BUSINESS.

HOWEVER, AFTER MY CAREFUL VERIFICATION I WAS MADE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE INFORMATION GIVEN TO ME BY THE ABOVE MENTIONED CLIENT IS REAL AND BEST TO MY KNOWLEDGE OF WHICH I HAVE CONTACTED THE AFORE-MENTIONED SECURITY COMPANY WHERE THE SAID CONSIGNMENT IS PRESENTLY DEPOSITED TO ASCERTAIN THE AUTHENTICITY OF THIS MATTER.

TO THIS END I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR COMPLETE CONTACT DETAILS HAVE BEEN FORWARDED TODAY TO THE OFFICER IN CHARGE OF THE LEGAL CLEARANCE DEPARTMENT OF THE GALLANT TRUST AND DIPLOMATIC EXPRESS CARGO CO.LLC FOR PROPER PROCESSING OF YOUR FILE AND NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT ON HOW THIS CONSIGNMENT WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOU.

BE REST-ASSURED THAT I HAVE PERFECTED MY OWN PART OF DUTY TO PUT YOU CLEAR AS THE NEXT AND NOMINATED PERSON BY MY CLIENT TO RECEIVE THE CONSIGNMENT IN DUBAI OF WHICH YOU WILL BE CONTACTED IMMEDIATELY THEY ARE THROUGH WITH THE PROCCESSING OF THE FILE TO COME DOWN TO DUBAI AND RECEIVE THIS CONSIGNMENT .

FURTHER TO THIS REMARK I WANT YOU TO INFORM ME IMMEDIATELY YOU ARE CONTACTED TO ENABLE ME GIVE YOU THE SECRET CODES OF THE CONSIGNMENT WHICH YOU SHALL USE TO CLEAR IT.

EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU.
BARRISTER,TAREQ AMIN.

From: gallant trusts <gtdec_llc@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Please try to adhere to this directives
Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 13:38:29 +0000 (GMT)

Kind Attention to :Pricess Margret.
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC.

Her Majesty.

Referring to the information received on Nov. 6th 2003 with all contents well noted and quite understood.

Please be notified with all assurrance that all modalities towards this consignment is under the security custody services of the GALLANT TRUST DIPLOMATIC EXPRESS CARGO LLC DUBAI from the day of deposit.

I head the Legal department of the above mentioned company located in Dubai united Arab Emirates the middle east asia continent.

[That's on earth, third planet from the sun in the solar system, on the fringe of the milky way, in a galaxy, in the universe.]

Having received your contact informations from Barrister,Tareq Amin regarding to your proper identification and proof of ownership of the stated consignment that you wish to receive. You are also advised to send as a matter of urgency the total sum of US$1,820.00 only which will be used for the normalization of your file/handling charge of your Documents relating to this consignment to enable us expedite action immediately.

Please note that you have to send this money via western Union Money transfer through the name of the protocol officer as stated below.
MR.UZOH KEN EMEKA.
DIERA DUBAI UAE.

Please your urgent compliance to this advise will help you most of which you should also indicate the number/refference No.of the consignment in question so that it will be easy to clarify your claim.

Expecting to hear from you.

Mr.Bernard George Esq LLB (Hons)
Tel:00971-503449297
Legal dept, Gallant Trust
Diplomatic Express Cargo LLC.
Dubai-United Arab Emirates.

From: musa azeez <musa_azeez@Z6.com>
Reply-To: musa_azeez@Z6.com
To: "Princess Margaret"
Subject: Please My Sister Let me hear from you.
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 05:41:33 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sister,Princess Margaret.

I expected to hear from you about the position of things.
Again let me know if you are not in good position to assist?
This is because I do not want this Consignment to stay longer than my expectations in Dubai.

However, let me know if you have been contacted by the Cargo Company?

Execting to hear from you.

Best Regards.

Mrs,Fatima Rasaq.

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Mon Nov 10, 2003 9:23:47 AM US/Pacific
To: musa_azeez@Z6.com

My Dear Mr Azeez

I have heard nothing, much to my chagrin. Are you serious about this business or not? I have no time for native tomfoolery, sir.

Please do not address me as 'sister'. M'am will suffice, or Your Royal Highness. We are not bartering for meat at a roughneck bazaar, you know.

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Mon Nov 10, 2003 9:19:48 AM US/Pacific
To: barristertareqamin@justice.com
Subject: Re: YOU WILL BE CONTACTED SHORTLY

My Dear Tarquin

This is splendid news but after waiting a few days I have heard nothing. Is everything OK?

Please make every effort to hasten matters, I appreciate that local customs may draw out Western business expectation what with tribal meetings and dances and the like but this is not childs play. I will have to take a trip shortly to St. Butlins to judge the annual bison hunts and need to know what is happening quickly if you will be so kind.

MARGARET

From: musa azeez <musa_azeez@Z6.com>
Reply-To: musa_azeez@Z6.com
To: "Princess Margaret"
Subject: Best Regards
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 04:23:34 -0800 (PST)

Attn:Princess Margaret.

How are you today? I am so much disappointed in you the way you just decided to treat me like a common person simply because I contacted you for a business transaction such as this.

From all indication I can understand that your mind is to joke around with the business and not to help out to actualize it.

How many times have my lawyer contacted you for you to send forth your Passport copy which will be used to secure the approvals and you did nothing about it.? Even the phone number you gave us was not a working number then tell me how you want the business to succeed.?

I believe nothing has gone wrong anyway but the truth of the matter is that I would not in any way like you to fraustrate my effort of which it is better you declare you mind now than to be deceiving me.

Now what about the company? I contacted them and they informed me that you have been contacted up to 4 times or more. Please I do not want you to be telling lies on me that nothing has been happening while you know that wahtever instruction you received from the Cargo company is the final.

I expect to receive your report about this matter.
Mrs, Fatima Rasaq.

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Wed Nov 12, 2003 4:25:06 AM US/Pacific
To: musa_azeez@Z6.com

My Dear Mrs Fattima

There is no need to adapt such a high handed tone with me, many of the failings lay with the curiously dilatory nature of your business colleagues, who persist in treating this matter as child's play.

I am naturally sorry that you have been unfortunate with the phone number and discover to my horror that you have been given one which is out of order. You may try this one instead, which gets straight to my office in Wankiepooz:

20 44 905 000 0433

Please hurry them along, my dear woman.

As for the company contacting me four times I find this an astonishing claim. I check my e-mail on a regular basis and reply promptly to every message, official duties permitting. Perhaps they need to pay more attention to matters in hand, rather than all this native whining.

As it happens I have been contacted by a Mr Abacha who has also offered a very favourable business opportunity and so I may wish to pursue this new avenue of opportunity if your own promises prove false.

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Wed Nov 12, 2003 4:31:04 AM US/Pacific

Hello Mr George

I was wondering if you accept dorks?

MARGARET

From: musa azeez
To: "Princess Margaret"
Subject: Re: Best Regards
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 04:33:24 -0800 (PST)

Attn:Princess Margaret Vc

Please specify how best this new number could be dialed from International route. Otherwise I feel you do not want us to get through.

Thanks.

Mrs,Fatima Rasaq

From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Wed Nov 12, 2003 4:36:42 AM US/Pacific

20 44 is the country code, my dear woman. Surely this is clear enough. Have you never rung outside of your township before?

Now let Us hear from you without further ado.

(0)20 44 905 000 0433

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC

From: gallant trusts <gtdec_llc@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Immediate Response
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 12:02:53 +0000 (GMT)

Attn: Princess Margret.

We have been waiting to receive your response towards the transfer of the US$1,820 required of you for the normalization of you file subject to the release of the consignment to you. Please I want you to understand that it will not be fair to keep us under suspense as a result of this matter.

However, be advised that your claim towards this consignment is not certified without the proccessing of all the approval documents.

Therefore, please kindly indicate your willingness to adhere to this directives as we will not fail to cooperate with you as soon as you have paid the money as mentioned above.

Expecting to hear from you.

Mr.Bernard George Esq LLB (Hons)
Tel:00971-503449297
Legal dept, Gallant Trust
Diplomatic Express Cargo LLC.
Dubai-United Arab Emirate

Hello Mr George

Please refer to my previous message re the dorks. I would appreciate a prompt response as my director of finance, Mr Robert Maxwell, needs to got to the bank for this amount.

MARGARET

From: gallant trusts <gtdec_llc@yahoo.co.uk>
To: Princess Margaret
Subject: Re: Immediate Response
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 14:30:48 +0000 (GMT)

Attn:Princess Margaret

Please could you explain what Dorks mean?

I am waiting to hear from you.

Mr.Bernard George.

Dork: according to Princess Margaret, a dork is a whale penis. We do not know if this is standard British usage.
(American meaning: clumsy person. Not a nerd. Nerds triumph while remaining seated; dorks fall down.)


From: "Princess Margaret"
Date: Thu Nov 13, 2003 3:48:08 AM US/Pacific
To: gtdec_llc@yahoo.co.uk
My Dear Mr George

This is internationally negotiable monetary unit, somewhat along the lines of a Krugerand. At the moment there are 100 Dorks to a Double Bolok, or 3.75 to the dollar

From: gallant trusts <gtdec_llc@yahoo.co.uk>
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 11:52:34 +0000 (GMT)

Foolish Princess Margaret

Fuck a hell out of you.

Mother fucker.

That says it all, really. Didn't we meet these guys in junior high?

scamorama
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