You've got an absolutely hysterical web site. I too have spent many an hour
perusing the adventures of Stu, Ulysses and Bunny. I laughed the entire
time I was thinking of stuff to send to my forlorn Nigerian buddy. I'm just
sorry he caught on. I was really hoping to go the length with him. I did
string him along farther than I expected. Who could possibly believe half
of the stuff I sent him?!?
Here are my exploits copied into condensed form. Hope you enjoy. On to my next victim...
From: john kunta [mailto:email@example.com ] Sent: Monday, November 04, 2002 11:07 AM To: Kindly Contributor Subject: URGENT/ CALL ME FROM JOHN K SAVIMBI ABIDJAN, COTE D' IVOIRE TELEPHONE; 0022505697933 firstname.lastname@example.org DEAR SIR, I KNOW THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SUPRISE, PLEASE DON'T WORRY, I'M CONFINDED IN YOU. I AM JOHN K SAVIMBI THE FIRST SON OF THE HUMAN RIGHT, REABEL LEADER AND ACTIVIST GENERAL JONNAS SAVIMBI OF REPUBLIC OF ANGOLA, THAT WAS RECENTLY SHORT DEAD BY SOME OF HIS MILITRY OFFICIALS ON THE 27TH FEBUARY 2002 IN MY COUNTRY ANGOLA. PRSENTLY, I'M NOW IN ABIDJAN REPUBLIC OF COTE D' IVOIRE AS A POLITICAL REFUGEE SINCE THE LAST DAY OF MY FATHER. TO BE PRECISE, MY FATHER AND I LEFT ANGOLA EARLY LAST YEAR TO ABIDJAN AND STAYED FOR SEVEN MONTHS WHILE RUNNING FOR HIS DEAR LIFE WHEN THE PRESENT GOVERNMENT OF ANGOLA STARTED INDISCRIMINATE FOR HIS KILLING. IT WAS AT THIS JUNCTURE THAT MY FATHER MADE AWAY WITH THIS HUGE AMOUNT OF US$ 10.5M AND CAME TO ABIDJAN WITH THE HELP OF HIS MEN, AS A MATTER OF FACT, NOBODY KNOWS EVEN THE OFFICIALS DON'T KNOW THAT MY FATHER DEPOSITED THIS MONEY IN THE BANK. I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN MY FAMILY THAT KNOWS ABOUT THIS AS I'M PRESENTLY STAYING IN ABIDJAN FOR NOW SINCE MY FATHER DIED LAST MONTH. I HAVE DECIDED TO INVEST THIS MONEY INTO ANY VIABLE BUSINESS VENTURE OUTSIDE AFRICAN. I WOULD APPRICIATE YOUR EFFORT TO INVEST THIS MONEY INTO ANY VIABLE BUSINESS VENTURE UNDER YOUR MANAGEMENT AND SUPERVISION AND I HAVE A SHARE INTO THE INVESTMENT AS SOON AS THE MONEY IS TRANSFERED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. I WILL OFFER YOU 12% OF THE TOTAL SUM AS SOON AS THE MONEY IS TRANSFERED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. WHAT I WANT FROM YOU IS AS FOLLOWS: 1 YOUR FULL NAME. 2 FULL ADDRESS 3 BANK NAME AND ADDRESS 4 BANK TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS. 5 YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER 6 YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS. SO THAT I SUBMIT TO THE APROPRATE QUOTERS FOR THE RELEASE AND TRANSFER OF THE FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT. NOTE: THE JUNIOR OFFICALS OF MY LATE FATHER DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS MONEY. HOW EVER, YOUR ABILITY TO MAINTAIN THE CONFIDENTAL NATURE OF THIS TRANSACTION AND OF CAUSE YOUR FIDELITY TO ME IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANT. PLEASE DO CALL ME IMMEDIATELY YOU GET THIS MAIL FOR MORE DETAILS WITH THE ABOVE TELEPHONE NUMBER. YOUR IMMIDATE RESPONSE IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED WHILE THANKING YOU IN ANTICIPATION AND REMAIN BLESS. BEST REGARDS. NB: REPLY ME THROUGH THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS email@example.com JOHN K SAVIMBI.
From: Kindly Contributor Sent: Monday, November 04, 2002 10:27 AM Just this morning I had another offer from someone else. How can I choose between you two? I don't want to get greedy. [I had been viewing your site www.scamorama.com the previous day and to my luck the next day I had 3 lads in my inbox eagerly awaiting response]
From: john kunta [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org] DEAR SIR THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL. I WILL WANT TO PRAY OVER IT AND CHOOSE WHO YOU WILL HELP FIRST. IF YOU ARE CONVINCED WITH ME CALL ME IMMEDIATELY THANKS JOHN +22505697933
From: Kindly Contributor Sent: Monday, November 04, 2002 1:37 PM To: 'john kunta' The other guy is offering a considerable amount more. 40% of $25 million. If I'm going to all of this trouble I might as well try and get more money. Thanks anyway. [Can you believe I turned him down? But wait...]
From: john kunta [mailto:email@example.com ] Sent: Tuesday, November 05, 2002 7:04 AM To: Kindly Contributor Subject: PRAY AND DECIDE DEAR SIR, THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL. I CANNOT GIVE YOU 25% OF THE AMOUNT. IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ASSIST ME, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME SO THAT I WILL GIVE YOU THE CONTACT OF THE BANK FOR THEM TO TRANSFER THE MONEY TO YOU. IT IS NOT 25% THAT MATTERS. BUT YOU WILL BE THE CONTROLLER OF ANY BUSINESS WE ARE GOING TO INVEST AS I AM A NOVICE IN BUSINESS ACCEPT. PRAY BEFORE DECIDING ON WHO TO ASSIST. JOHN.
From: Kindly Contributor Sent: Tuesday, November 05, 2002 8:20 AM I don't understand your statement, I didn't ask for 25%. I'm also a little confused, how did your father acquire so much money and why do you need my help? If the money is from your father why all of the secrecy? I'd be happy to assist you, but I need to know a few more details. I'm getting close to retirement age. 45 years with the Army and I'd like to invest in some good companies like you for my grand- children. I have almost $800,000 just sitting in my savings account. It's from my Army pension working as a missile technician. I developed and invented the AIM-120C AAMRAM. That stands for Advanced Medium Range Air to Air Missile with a range of 24 nautical miles. The AIM-120 AMRAAM is a high- supersonic, day/night/all weather Beyond Visual Range (BVR), fire-and-forget air-to-air missile. Although it relies on the F-22s internal AN/APG-77 radar to acquire targets, it can track them all on its own. Shortly after launch, an independent radar system in the issiles nose takes over the tracking task and guides the missile to its target, leaving the pilot free to concentrate on other targets. Housed in a light-weight structure of steel and titanium, the AMRAAM contains a 40-pound high-explosive warhead. I know that's more information than you wanted, but I wanted to tell you a little about myself and what I've been doing all of these years. Since we'll be working together over the next couple of months until we get you on your feet why don't you tell me a little about yourself? If this works out we can probably afford to buy some of my AMRAAMs from the US Army and give a couple of lighted ones to Saddam Hussein if you know what I mean! Ha! Ha! Ha! [All of the AMRAAM missile stuff are actual specs. It got me to wondering how far could I actually go with this guy.]
From: john kunta [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org ] Sent: Wednesday, November 06, 2002 11:12 AM To: Kindly Contributor Subject: FIND ATTACHED ID CARD DEAR SIR, EMAIL (email@example.com) THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL. I AM HAPPY YOU HAVE MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO ASSIST ME TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. I AM JOHN KUNTA SAVIMBI, SON TO LATE JONAS SAIVIMBI OF OF ANGOLA WHO WAS ASSASINATED BY HIS JUNIOR OFFICERS IN MY COUNTRY ANGOLA. PRESENTLY, I AM IN ABIDJAN, CAPITAL CITY OF COTE D IVOIRE WHERE MY LATE FATHER DEPOSITED THE MONEY IN THE BANK. TO BE SINCERE WITH YOU MY LATE FATHER MADE THE MONEY IN LONG TIME SAVES BY SALES OF GOLD AND DIAMOND IN MY COUNTRY WHEN HE WAS IN POSITION. I WANT YOU TO SEND TO ME YOUR FULL NAME, FULL ADDRESS, PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS AND YOUR BANK DETAILS SO THAT I CAN SUBMIT TO THE BANK FOR ONWARD TRANSFER OF THE MONEY TO YOU. AS YOU ARE GOING FOR RETIRMENT, I WILL WANT YOU TO LOOK FOR A PROFITABLE BUSINESS WEREWE ARE GOING TO INVEST THE MONEY. FROM HENCEFORTH, I WILL WANT YOU TO WRITE ME THROUGH THIS EMAIL ADDRESS (firstname.lastname@example.org) FOR SECURITY REASON. FIND ATTACHED DEPLOMATIC ID CARD. CALL ME UPON THE RECEIPT OF THIS MAIL ON THIS TELEPHONE NUMBER +22505697933 FOR MORE DISCUSSION. THANKS AND REMAIL BLESSED BEST REGARDS JOHN. [He sent me an obviously doctored Photoshop document]
From: Kindly Contributor Sent: Wednesday, November 06, 2002 12:13 PM To: 'email@example.com' Subject: RE: FIND ATTACHED ID CARD You still did not answer my question as to why you need my help. Out of all of the people in the world why did you pick me? It's your late father's money. Shouldn't you go through a proper stockbroker??? Or at least hire someone to do it for you. It would be cheaper than giving me 12%. Not that I don't want your money... Anyway, what kind of businesses are you interested in investing in? Most of my retirement funds are in cryogenics. I know it's risky, but the returns are almost double that of my savings account. I got involved when Ted Williams' relatives wanted to have the treatment for him. Perhaps you've heard of him. He is the last Major Leaguer to hit 400. His 521 Home Runs place him 4th on the all time list. There are many who insist that Ted Williams ranks with Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb as the greatest hitters who ever lived. His son and close friend of mine, John Henry Williams, is interested in having the complete process done, but can probably only afford the head. There's even a chance we can administer the treatment to his DNA to sell at games as a souvenir for his adoring fans. Anything to make money I guess. How are things on your end? [I more or less tried turning him down again ...and with an absolutely ludicrous story about freezing people. He must not get out much.]
From: john john [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org ] Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2002 5:33 AM To: Kindly Contributor Subject: TREAT AS URGENT. DEAR SIR, THANKS FOR YOUR KIND MAIL. ACTUALLY I WAS MERELY LOOKING FOR A GOD FEARING AND TRUSTED MAN WHO CAN HELP ME OUT OF THIS SITUATION BUT I GOT MORE CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE THE MAN I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR AFTER GOING THROUGH YOUR MAIL OF 5TH NOVEMBER. AND BECAUSE OF THE CONTENT OF THAT MAIL I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO YOU AND WILL ALSO SEEK YOUR FATHERLY ADVICE BEFORE I EMBARK ON ANY PROJECT. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER YOU HELP ME IN THIS TRANSACTION OR NOT. ACTUALLY, I DID NOT WANT TO GO INTO STOCKBROKING BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW HOW IT WORKS. THAT IS ONE AND SECONDLY, BECAUSE OF MY STATUS HERE I MAY NOT WANT TO INVOLVE MYSELF IN A BUSINESS THAT WILL EXPOSE ME TO THE PUBLIC. THERE MUST BE A BENEFICIARY TO THIS FUND FOR IT TO BE TRANSFERRED OUTSIDE AFRICA FOR A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS INVESTMENT. BEAR IN MIND THAT THE FUND WAS GENERATED FROM THE SALE OF GOLD AND DIAMOND FROM THE AREAS MY LATE FATHER JONAS SAVIMBI CONTROLLED WHILE HE WAS STILL ALIVE AND THE HEAD OF THE UNITA REBEL FORCES FOR OVER 25 YEARS WHICH OF COURSE YOU ARE AWARE OF. I DON'T WANT TO START FLAUNTING WEALTH HERE. FINALLY SIR, PLEASE LET ME REPEAT ONCE AGAIN THAT THE EARLIER YOU SEND THESE INFORMATION TO ME THE BETTER FOR THIS TRANSACTION. MOREOVER, I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU CAN CALL ME ON PHONE IT WILL GO A LONG WAY IN HELPING US SINCE WE WILL DISCUSS MOST OF THESE ISSUES ON PHONE. I WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GOD'S PROTECTION. REMAIN BLESSED. JOHN SAVIMBI.
From: Kindly Contributor Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2002 9:50 AM To: 'john john' Subject: All is well I'm so sorry for my ignorance but I still don't understand your situation. I've read and reread your previous emails with no luck. Exactly what kind of trouble are you in? Do you have brothers and sisters that can help you out? I would think they would work as beneficiaries if they were willing to help out. Are you unable to contact them? Your dad must have been a truly remarkable man and I would think he'd have some trusted, personal friends that would be willing to help out his children, especially with the amount of money we're talking about. Again I still want to help out if needed. You can consider me a father if that helps during your time of distress. I hope you don't mind, but one of my associates was asking me about what I was doing? I think she's reading my emails after I go home at night. I told her about your offer and she said she'd be willing to help out if needed. She's a very good friend and I've known her for almost 30 years. I consider her the sister I never had. She's interested in being what's called a silent partner. She has an account set up with Bank of America and said I could use the account for a small fee. I know I can trust her because she's fathered 4 of my 6 children. Two of them have the grandchildren I mentioned earlier. I believe you are an answer to my prayers and Lord willing I'll be able to provide for my grandchildren without having to sell my farm. I don't think I've told you, but I live on a catfish farm. I know it sounds crazy, but I there's a lot of money to be made in the seafood industry here. It all started as an afternoon hobby, but I've done quite well for myself. Maybe some day we can sit down together and I can make us a nice Cajun catfish dinner with hushpuppies. Now that's good eatin'... Eagerly awaiting your response, Dorque PS - that's actually a funny nickname I got in high school while playing football. I only let my closest friends call me that. I probably would have gone into professional football with the Dallas Cowboys, but suffered a severe groin injury during my senior year. I even had to have a testicle removed because of a blood clot. Even with one testicle I still managed to father 6 kids. Pretty amazing! [I thought for sure I had pushed him too far and he would catch on - the power of the almighty dollar]
From: john john [mailto:email@example.com ] Sent: Friday, November 08, 2002 3:56 AM To: Kindly Contributor Subject: IMMEDIATE RESPONSE DEAR SIR, ALL I AM ASKING FROM YOU IS YOUR PHONE /FAX NOS. IF YOU CANNOT GIVE ME YOUR OWN BANK ACCOUNT, AT LEAST YOU CAN GIVE ME THAT OF THE WOMAN PROVIDED IT CAN ACCOMODATE THE AMOUNT. THIS TALK ABOUT MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS HELPING ME DOES NOT ARISE BECAUSE THEY WILL END UP ASKING FOR ALL THE FUND AT THE END OF THE TRANSACTION. I WANT A NEUTRAL PERSON AND A FOREIGNER THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE LONGER TIME WE WASTE HERE THE MORE THAT MY LIVE IS IN DANGER BECAUSE OF THE REBEL ACTIVITIES IN THIS COUNTRY WHICH I AM SURE YOU MUST HAVE BEEN WATCHING IN THE CNN OF RECENT. PLEASE DEND IT TO ME IMMEDIATELY. BEST REGARDS. JOHN SAVIMBI.
From: Kindly Contributor Sent: Friday, November 08, 2002 9:45 AM To: 'john john' Subject: RE: IMMEDIATE RESPONSE We're talking about 10.5 MILLION dollars!!! That's a lot of money. Don't you feel any remorse for your brothers and sisters? Did you have a fight or something? I'd be happy to split the money with them. Equally, to be fair, of course. I'd like to see you and your family patch things up once this is over. Why is your life in danger? You've never mentioned this before. I've seen some of the fighting on CNN, but they haven't mentioned your name yet. I'll keep a lookout for you. What is going on there???? I work in a secure office so I can't give out my phone or fax number. They would trace that for sure. I've talked with Wendy O. Williams and she has agreed to let us use the account provided I give her a kick back on the payout I'll keep that between us since you don't need to get involved with her. She can be kind of nasty at times, that's why we never got married. The account Wendy has set up is with Bank of America and is a regular savings account with $10 in it to keep the account open. She has a company called Plasmatics Inc. which she uses as a front for her child care business. It's mainly for tax purposes and she took all of her money out so it doesn't get mixed up. She's a little concerned we haven't seen any paperwork from you concerning the transaction. I'm sure once $10.5 million dollars gets dropped into her savings account somebody will be suspicious. What do we say to them? Any ideas? I don't want to ask anyone else for fear I'll have to pay them off too. You can only split $10.5M so many ways. Sincerely, Dorque [At this point my in-box was being flooded by other scammers. I guess word got out I was easy pickin's. I decided to start turning them in to the authorities (firstname.lastname@example.org) and their service providers. He must have picked up on this as this was the last I heard from him. I had an absolute blast with him and I could hardly wait to tell him about my brother-in-law, Roger Clinton - oh well, maybe next time)[If Wendy O. Williams married our Kindly Contributor
would their baby be King Missile?]