GO SPEED RACER

Updated jan 9 2006 - busted? no, still going!

Phil Munglers made his last Scamorama appearance in YOU ARE A FOO.
He is joined here by the redoubtable Mikhail Stroganov, special agent to the Foreign Office.

JOHN SMITH - scammer (johnsmith2005_2007@yahoo.com.au, johnsmith2005_2008@yahoo.co.uk)
MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO - bank guy (soloadeat_stcltd@yahoo.com)
BARRISTER ELDER CLETUS OKORO - 'barister' - we do NOT make these names up (baristcletus_stcltd@yahoo.com)

PHIL MUNGLERS - American race car driver, living in Japan
assisted by
MIKHAIL STROGANOV - ex-KGB, now consulting to the Foreign Office
TAKUMI FUJIWARA - Phil's racing colleague

and in a supporting role: WESTERN UNION

Other noted anti-scammers such as Lewis D. Noogie, and staff of the Foreign Office (including Lonslo Tossov) appear in an advisory capacity


JOHN SMITH

Mr.JOHN SMITH
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
UNION BANK.
ATTN:

My name is MR.JOHN SMITH of credit and foreign bills of Union bank Plc. I am writing in respect of a foreign customer of my bank with account number14-255-2004/utb/t who perished in a plane crash [Korean Air Flight 801] with thewhole passengers aboard on August6,1997.Since the demise of this our customer by name Barry Kelly I personally has watched with keen interest to see the next of kin but all has proved abortive as none has come to claim his funds of usd.15.5M, [Fifteen million five hundred thousand united states dollars] which has been with my branch for a verylong time. On this note, I decided to seek for whom his name shall be used as the next of kin as no one has come up to be the next of kin.And the banking ethics here does not allow such money to stay more than five years, because money will be recalled to the bank treasury as unclaimed after this period.

In view of this I got your contact through a trade journal after realizing that your name and country is similar to the deceased. I will give you 30% of the total.Upon the receipt of your response, I will send you by fax or e-mail the application, bank's fax number and the next step to take. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this business is hitch free and that you should not entertain any fear as all modalities for fund transfer can be finalized with in five banking days, after you apply to the bank as a relation to the deceased.

When you receive this letter.Kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your private Tel/Fax numbers for quick communication.
Yours faithfully,

please get back to me on this my privat:email johnsmith2005_2008@yahoo.co.uk

Best Regards.
Mr.JOHN SMITH


[Your basic Dead Bank Customer letter. Barry Kelly is one of the Deadest, as a stroll through that page will show.]


PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2005
To: JOHN SMITH <johnsmith2005_2007@yahoo.com.au>

Sir

Your story is terrible and pathetic.

How can I help?

Phil Munglers


[At no time does Phil respond to the 'private' e-mail address "John Smith" suggests, and Smith eventually gives up on it.]


JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil Munglers,

how are you today? together with your family hope all is well with you if so thanks be to God, please what is the delay ever since i send am email to you no response,plesae indentify your posture in this transaction,

Thanks and God bless you as I wait your response,

John Smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Mon, 5 Sep 2005

John Smith

I have not received any email response from you until now. Perhaps my email filter put it into the "Unsolicited Crap" folder.

My posture in this transaction is very much upright. Please do as you need to do and we will progress. What do you need me to do?

Blessings and regards,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,

Thanks for your mail and your wilingness to assist me in this very transaction. I can assure you that this transaction will be handled under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any britge of law.

I have all the necessary document to proove this transaction which will be sent to you for your perusal and understanding. But before that i will require from you the bellow information in as to start the processing of the approval for the release of the fund into your nominated bank account.

1. Your full names
2. Mailing address
3. Private phone and fax numbers
4. Age and occupation

As soon as i receive the above information from you i shall send you the necessary document and also apoint an attorney that will handle the sworning of an a affidavit of true beneficary on your name at the federal high court of justice to prove that you are the rightfull next of kin/beneficiary to the decease.
I look forward to hear from you.

Regards,
Mr John Smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Wed, 7 Sep 2005

Agent Smith

My details are as follows
Phillip Akiharabashi Munglers
Shi-Ichi-Kyu
Dodonpachi Pref.
Samanosuke Akechi
NAMCO
Japan, R34 AE86

Tel: 0081(0)9043999343
Age: 27
Occupation: Racecar operative

Bear in mind that I do not speak English, I can only read and write it. The reason for this is very boring so I won't waste my time in telling you.

Do what you need to do, I have to prepare for my next race: cars don't tune themselves, you know.

Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Fri, 9 Sep 2005

SMITH

I have neither the time nor the patience to wait three days in between communications from you. Either get with it and reply in a more timely fashion or be off with you.

It is dawdlwers such as yourself who cause crashes on the circuit.

Reply immediately or the deal is off,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil
Thanks for your email and the forwarded information, which I have submitted to bank and waiting for go ahead order to enable me forward application form that you will fill and summit to the bank for immediate approver of the money.

Thanks and god bless yo

John smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2005

Sir Smith

Glad to hear it. I trust you will tell the bank to be prompt with matters.

If I seemed short in my last email it is because my mechanic, Ryu Hayabusa, snagged his hand in the alernator belt while adjusting the timing. Damn fool lost three fingers. I was horrified - I had to have the engine steam cleaned again. He has been fired for his incompetence.

Go Smith!!
Phil


[Meanwhile Phil checks in with the staff at the Foreign Office for moral support.]

Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2005
From: Phil Munglers
To: Mikhail Stroganov, Lewd Noogie, Lady Agatha

Sirs

It is an honour to serve with esteemed baiting folk. The Abachae deserved everything they got. I hope Mr Lewd has sorted out the problem with the sasquatch.

So far little has happened with this Smith fellow. He has just sent me his (no doubt) risible looking paperwork which I will inspect and forward to youselves.

Find below the lads initial email to me for your perusal.

I am currently operating, as ever, as a racing driver in Japan.

Love and peace,
Phil



[Back at the scam:]

JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
Thanks for your response. I am sorry for what happened to your mechanic, i adviced that you should always go for skillful person to work with you to avoid and repeated occurence which might cause any havoc.Take my sympathy

The application form through which you will use to apply to the bank , consequently claim the money is attach in this email, kindly view the attach and fill the necessary information and fax or attach it to the banks director for immediate approval of your name and hopefully to transfer the money upon the out of verication which must be certainly clarify according to the back up documents you might have submitted as the documentary evidence.Athentically, you should try as much as possible to use your letter headed paper to follow with this guide line in the application form

On the form you will discover that , i fix your full name to be subordiate to the decease surname, this is to mak sure that it sound reality and easy to claim that you are his brother realy.

Dont worry, it is inevitabel and possible means to get all the necessary documents to back up this claim. As an insider the bank might ask you to provide an international passport inorder to know if it matches with the decease information or data, again they may ask you to provide an afidavit, your birth certificate and plice character certificate which will enable them to secure an approval for final release order from the apex bank(central bank of nigieria) and federal ministry of finance so that the money will transfer into your accout provided with out any unneccessary delay.Therefore i will assured you that any of the above documents which you could not able to procured can be obtain here through the concern agents, but i suggested that it will be nice to get all the neccessary back up documents here through the accredited agents

Kindly get back to me for any response from the director of the bank for more guidians. NB: Dont let the bank any agency to know that i am the one directed you to claim for the money, so this is confidential between you and I.

I will be anticipating to hear from you as soon as possible.

Thanks and God bless you
John Smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2005
Mr Smith

Thank you for the form. I will send it to the bank shortly.

Are you sure they will need that much documentation off me? I cannot provide half of what you claim they will need: all I have is a drivers license. My passport was confiscated for smuggling carbon propshafts into the country. What in gods name is a "police character certificate"??

And what are these "guidians" that you suggest I ask the bank about?

This whole affair sounds rather complicated to me, I may need some assistance I think.

Remain blessed,
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2005
Subject: Claim
To: soloadeat_stcltd@yahoo.com

ATTN: MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO
THE DIRECTOR,
FOREIGN OPERATION UNIT,
UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.
REGISTERED OFFICE: 120 OSHODI EXPRESS WAY, LAGOS.
EMAIL: soloadeat_stcltd@yahoo.com
TELEPHONE: +234-8033106060
FAX:+234-1-7590347

SIR,

SUB: APPLICATION AS NEXT OF KIN DRAWING FROM THE ACCOUNT OF LATE MR.BARRY KELLY WITH YOUR BANK VALUED AT $15.5M(FIFTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS).

I AM THE NEXT OF KIN BY MY RELATIONSHIP TO LATE MR.BARRY KELLY. YOU WILL CERTAINLY REMEMBER THAT SOME YEARS AGO THE NEWSPAPERS IN YOUR COUNTRY PUBLISHED THE DEATH OF ONE OF YOUR NUMEROUS CUSTOMERS, MR.BARRY KELLY, WHO HAD A BEEN WORKING WITH SHELL DEV.COMPANY SINCE 1978,AND A CUSTOMER TO YOUR BANK WHICH IS CALLED UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC AND WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH(Flight 801 KOREAN AIR FLIGHT 801) ON 6TH OF AUGUST,1997 TOGETHER WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY INCLUDING THE WHOLE PASSENGER.
FOLLOWING THE DEPOSIT/LODGEMENT HOLDEN I MR.PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY .AS A RELATIVE, I HAVE REALISED THAT THE MENTIONED DECEASED WHO IS MR.BARRY KELLY THROUGH INTERNET AND FOREIGN NEWSPAPER BROADCASTED AND PASTED BY YOUR BANK IS MY BROTHER BY RELATION. I THEREBY NOTIFYING YOU THAT I WOULD LIKE TO CLAIM THE MENTIONED MONEY INCLUDING THE ACRUED INTEREST WHICH IT MIGHT HAVE ACCUMULATED SINCE ALL THESE TERMS. I AM GOING TO PROVIDE ALL EVIDENCE TO PROVE THAT THE MENTIONED DECEASE IS MY BROTHER WHOM WE HAVE BEEN TRIED TO TRACE HIS ACCESS IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR MANY YEARS AFTER HIS DEATH.

I TRUST THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THAT UNDER THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, YOU WILL BEGIN TO PROCESS THE TRANSFER OF$15.5M(FIFTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) TO AN ACCOUNT WHICH I SHALL PROVIDE BELOW. I AM PREPARED AND READY TO SUBMIT ANY DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE TO PROVE THAT LATE MR.BARRY KELLY IS MY BROTHER,THEREBY,I AM THE NEXT OF KIN TO HIM

UPON DEMAND AND ALSO I WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OBLIGATIONS THERETO CONCERNING THE TRANSFER OF THE $15.5M(FIFTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) PLUS ACCRUED INTEREST TO MY BANK ACCOUNT.

KINDLY WIRE THE PRINCIPAL AMOUNT OF THE TOTAL VALUE PLUS THE ACRUED INTEREST TO MY BANK ACCOUNT STIPULATED BELOW.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME: PHILLIP MUNGLERS KELLY
ADDRESS: Shi-Ichi-Kyu, Dodonpachi Pref., Samanosuke Akechi, NAMCO, Japan, R34 AE86
TELEPHONE NUMBER(S): 0081(0)9043999343
FAX: I do not use such a device
PROFESSION: Racing driver
MARITAL STATUS: Single
DATE OF BIRTH: 19th April 1978
SEX: Male, obviously
SIGANTURE AND DATE: Phil 9/10/2005
ACCOUNT DETAILS:
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 52419566-0
NAME OF THE BANK: Takeshi's Castle Financial Concern
SWIFT NUMBER: 568-963/01
ROUTE NUMBER: 110100011

I HOPE THAT MY APLLICATION WILL BE GRANTED SUCCESSFULLY

THANKS,

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR.PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR. PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

THIS IS TO ACKWNOLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR APPLICATION DATED 10TH OF SEPTEMBER 2005.

YOUR APPLICATION HAS BEEN SUBMITTED TO THE MANAGEMENT OF THE UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC. WE WILL NOTIFY YOU THE OUT COME OF THE REPORT AND DECISION AS SOON AS A BOARD MEETING IS CONVEYED BECAUSE OF THIS ISSUE WHICH WILL BE ON MONDAY BEING 12TH SEPTEMBER, 2005.

THANKS,

YOURS SINCERELY

MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 10 Sep 2005

Bank

Very good, I will expect to hear from you on monday.

Have fun,
Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR. PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY, I AM DIRECTED TO INFORM YOU THE OUTCOME OF THE MEETING WHICH WAS HELD BY THE MANAGEMENT OF THE BANK THIS MORNING DATED 12TH SEPTEMBER,2005.

UPON ON THE INVESTIGATION AND RESEARCHED FROM OUR FILE OF MR.BARRY KELLY'S PROFILE, WE ACCEPTED AND WELCOME YOUR APPLICATION IN THE SENSE THAT YOUR CLAIM IS TRUE.

BUT WE WILL LIKE TO BE CERTAINLY SURE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND MR.BARRY KELLY AS YOU HAVE CLAIMED. WE THEREFORE NEED THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE TO JUSTIFY THAT YOU ARE THE REAL BROTHER TO MR.BARRY KELLY.

THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE NEEDED ARE :

(A) COPY OF DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE OF THE SAID FUND OR MONEY
(B) COPY OF DEATH CERTIFICATE OF MR.BARRY KELLY
(C) COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT
(D) COPY OF YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE

UPON THE VERIFICATION OF THE ABOVE DOCUMENTS WHICH MUST BE JUSTIFIED, THEN YOU WILL PROCEED TO PROCURE AN AFIDAVIT FROM FEDERAL HIGH COURT ABUJA AND POLICE CHARACTER CERTIFICATE TO AVOID MULTIPLE CLAIMANTS.

UPON THE SUBMISSION OF ALL THESE DOCUMENTS, THE APPROVAL OF THE FUND SHALL FOLLOW AND AS SOON AS THE APPROVAL IS GRANTED ; THE MONEY WILL BE IMMEDIATELY TRANSFERED OR PAY INTO THE ACCOUT PROVIDED BY YOU.

WE ARE SORRY FOR THE DEATH OF YOUR BROTHER. YOUR BROTHER WAS ONE OF OUR VALUABLE CUSTOMERS WE HAVE IN OUR BANK AND WE WERE REGRETED FOR HIS DEATH. THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK HAS APPROVED THE SUM OF $200,000 FOR A PACKAGE FOR HIS INTEREST IN OUR BANK, AND WE WILL IMMEDIATELY PAY IT INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS WE VERIFY THAT ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS WHICH YOU MIGHT HAVE SUBMITTED ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE, ALSO ALL THE ACCRUED OR ACUMMULATED INTEREST SINCE 1997 WILL ALSO BE ADDED TO THE MONEY WHICH WILL BE TRANSFERED TO YOU UPON THE CLARIFICATION.

WE HOPE TO SERVE YOU BETTER ,BUT YOUR MAXIMUM CO-OPERATION WILL BE APPRECIATED.

THANKS,

YOURS SINCERELY,
MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Mon, 12 Sep 2005

Sir

Thank you for your email.

Yes, my brother was a great, great man. He was a tremendous driver, he was champion of dominos in his local, The Robbing Hood, and he was a terrific lover.

Regarding the plethora of documentation that you require: I'm sure I can get half of what you need, but I cannot provide you with my passport (it has been confiscated), or my birth certificate as my dog ate it. I do have a scan of my drivers license though, if that is any good to you?

Once again I thank you for your support.

Love and peace,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phill,
Thanks for your reply.I hope by now you would have submitted the application form -Kindly get back to me on that.
You dont need to worried about these documents incase if the banks ask or demand them from you , as i said earlier on that , i will give you any neccessary assistant to get any required documents from the concern agents.

However, i will attach you a copy of deposit certificate of the decease incase if the bank requires it.Hence it is the document will ensure them that the decesase is your relation.But others will be procured from the agents concern such as :immigrational agent will get the international passport here through the expertised agents, police character certicate could be legally obtain from police affair commission, the afidavit will be prepared from the federal high court.How ever , the affidavit will be legally procured by an attorney, which i will secretly get the attorney who can go for that.

Dont worry about that ,it will be easier to procure or obtain all the documents , although it will involve money, but i will get the deposit certificate for you free of charge, since i have to secretly get it from mr kelly file , then i will photostart a copy and attach it to you which you will submit along with other documents which they may ask you to provide if it is necessary

Importantly, you must always get back to me at any time the bank inform or email to you ,this is to enable me give you more guardlines because you should know that . all these are not from my desk, so you have to feed me all the informations .

i will be looking ahead to hear from you soon .

Thanks and God bless you
John Smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Mon, 12 Sep 2005
To: JOHN SMITH

Captain Smith

Thanks for your email.

Let it be known to your goodself that the bank have kindly acknowleged me as Kelly's brother (even though I am Japanese and he sounds most likely Irish).

I am concerned that the bank have asked for the following:

(A) COPY OF DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE OF THE SAID FUND OR MONEY
(B) COPY OF DEATH CERTIFICATE OF MR.BARRY KELLY
(C) COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT
(D) COPY OF YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE

I hope you can help out with A and B. The others I cannot provide and I have had to beg the banks understanding in this hour of grief.

You say money will be involved? That being the case I will have to involve my accountant, Mikhail Stroganov.
He handles all my money. Without his say-so I can't even buy a Tesco Value Sausage Roll. I'm sure you understand. You can write to him at any time at xxxxx

Mikhail: please treat Mr Smith with the same attitude and courtesy you treat all your customers.

Do your best!!!
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2005

Bank

I will send my license in due course. As for the affidavit, I will have to find it, then I will send it to you. I am grateful for your understanding.

Tell me Mr Abedayo, what car have you got? What drivetrain is it? Does it produce over 300 horsepower? I would like to know. I can give you some tips on upgrading also. Then again, being a top banker you probably have a company car, yes? Something boring as sin like a Lada or a Reliant. Western cars are dire. I pray for your soul if you have a Yugo.

Documents are forthcoming.

Be attitude for gains,
Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR. PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

IT IS VERY PARAMOUNT THAT ALL THESE DOCUMENTS SHOULD BE SUBMITTED WHICH MUST TALLY OR MATCH WITH THE DECEASE NAME IN THE FILE. THIS IS TO MAKE SURE WE DONT WELCOM ILLICIT MULTIPLE CLAIMANT.

WITH DUE RESPECT SIR , YOU SHOULD TRY ALL POSSIBLE MEANS TO GET THE THOSE DOCUMENTS.

ON YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT , YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR DRIVER LINCENCE.

ON YOUR BIRTHCERTIFICATE , YOU HAVE TO SUBMIT AN AFIDAVIT TO CLARIFY THAT , THE NAME YOU CLAIM IS ACTUALLY YOUR NAME.

I THINK ALL THESE ARE COMPREHENSIVE TO YOU

WE LOOK FORWARD TO SERVE YOU BETTER, THEREFORE ANY CONFUSION YOU MAY ENCOUNTER MUST SURELY ATTENDED AS SOON AS YOU FORWARD IT TO US.

YOUR SINCERE
SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2005

Smith-san

I am disappointed that you have not responded to my email from yesterday. The bank have written to me to confirm that they need the affidavit. Hurry up and create one, will you. They won't wait forever, nor will I.

The time for drinking in pubs is not now, now is the time to get business done. Lay off the grog for a few hours and be serious Mr Smith!

Right now I am preparing for my next race, down Mount Potnoodle. Nobody has ever beaten me. NOBODY. Have you written to Mikahil yet? I think you should, if only out of politeness. He will give you all that is coming to you, and more besides.

Reply immediately,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
How are you today and how are you preparing for the race, i am happy that nobody have ever beaten you on the race , that is wonderfull, i wish you good luck.

I am sorry that i wasted or delay in returning your email since yesterday, the reason is that i went to search for the death certificate of late Mr. kelly, where his body was deposited before taken him for burial. Hopefully , they told me to come today to get the certificate.

Luckily, I have secretly got the certificate of deposit of the said fund, which i will attach it togther with the death certificate today , which you will then forward it to the Bank with afidavit and others document they might have ask you to provide, such as police character certificate,afidavit to swear that the late Mr. kelly is your brother or relation which should all will be obtain by an accredited attorney to this bank(union bank of nigeria plc).

Very importantly, you should know that all your document should match with the decease's name to avoid any suspicious which might jeopardise or hijack the transaction, so advice that we should prepared all document by the perfect agents that will obtain all the necessary document from the legal department of the ministry responsible to issue any those documents.

Because of these, i have went for an inquiries yesterday, infact , it contributed the reasons why i fail to return your email yesterday, upon the inquries, the following are what i got from the concern agents:

International passport or driver lincence will cost us $2000
Birth ceriticate or afidavit that will cover all the informations will cost us $500.
Importantly, please kindly attach your picture or passport to enable the agent use it to procure your international or driver licence and the afidavit stated above.

Then you should contact the Attorney for the following documents :
1. police character certificate
2. afidavit to claim that the decease person is your brother and you are fully authorised to claim the money

Below is the contact information of the Attorney:
Barister(Elder) Cletus Okoro
Cletus and associates
109 Okota Road,
Lagos, Nigeria
Telephone:2348053723330
email address:baristcletus_stcltd@yahoo.com

We need to get all these legally, therefore , you have to prepare a official letter to this attorney to let him know that you got his contact through your brother (late mr kelly) shelves , then tell him to get these documents for you and also let him tell you how much all of them as stated above will cost you.And specifically inform him that , those documents are meant to use to claim for your late brother's fund which value at $15.5 million dollar with his bank where he is accredited to.You should know that ,one your customers in your bank name Mr Barry Kelly died in plane crash on August6,1997 which has an account with your bank (with account number14-255-2004/ubn/t).

To be candid, there is no way i could contact your accountant with out your guide about this business, you should know that this transaction is confidential to avoid any diversion or intervention of any body. Therefore i advice that all necessary assistant , such as money should be request by yourself to him , not mine, i think that will be the best thing, i hope you can understand.

I am going right away to the hospital to obtain the death certificate, although they charge me a little money , but dont worry , i will certainly get at any moment , and as soon as i get it i will email you with the attacments.

I hope you will contact and make other arrangement so that your advice should be followed. I promised that , i will not take this time for pleasure till the business is done and cash, hence i am preparing to come over to your location as soon as you cash the whole money for investments.So there is no way at any instant , i will joke for this business.

I will be looking forward to hear from you

Thanks and God bless
John Smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Wed, 14 Sep 2005
Cc: Stroganov

Citizen Smith

Thank you for your (somewhat meandering) mail at last.

It's all very well demanding money, but as I told you, Mikhail must be involved in the transaction. He is a trusted friend whom I met at the Johnny Ball School of Science when I was studying applied counterbalancing and inertia - something which has proved invaluable for racing.

Just as Mikhail's wisdom and financial conjouring has also been a godsend. You deal with him in this or you can kiss the whole affair a sad goodbye.

Now then.v
Whatever documents you need to forge for me I can pay for, irrespective of costs. Be aware of that sir!

I will write to this lawyer sort later, this "Cletus" character.

I have attached my drivers license. In the meanwhile I expect you to write to Mikail and introduce yourself. He won't bite... yet.

Matane!
Phil (^^)/



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR. PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

THIS IS AN ACKNOWLEDGE OF YOUR RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL. WE WILL BE WAITING TO HONOUR YOUR DOCUMENTATIONS AS YOU PROMISEDv
I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO
FOR UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Wed, 14 Sep 2005

Abedayo

Glad to hear that you will be waiting patiently.

I am disappointed to see that you, rather rudely, ignored my question as to what you drive. It's not a trick Mr Abedayo, so please feel free to answer it for me.

Be praying,
Phil


Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005

Comrade Stroganov
I certainly hope this repulsive reprobate contacts you sooner rather than later. My tires are looking a little bare at the moment and I fear I may have an accident in my next race.
A Tesco Value Sausage Roll is an appalling piece of foodstuff. I advise you never try one. Racing down Mount Potnoodle is far more edifying.
Have fun, Phil --- Mikhail Stroganov:
AGENT MUNGLERS
VERY GOOD SO FAR_YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE A NATURAL AT ANTI-SCAMMING OPERATIONS_WE ARE HERE TO ACT ON YOUR INSTRUCTIONS_AS POSTMASTER WOULD SAY_IT'S YOUR SHOW_I THINK THIS TROUBLESOME TRIBESMAN WILL BE IN TOUCH SOON_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING_REGARDS FROM DOWNTOWN MOSCOW_PS WHAT IS A TESCO VALUE SAUSAGE ROLL??? -- S From: Phil Munglers
Please forgive the rather embarrassing spelling and grammar. I have had a few glasses of saki tonight in the local karaoke club.
Theses things happen.
Give my regards to the staff in Annies Bar. -- Phil



Meanwhile Mr. Bank manager responds to Phil's friendly question about the car he drives.

MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR. PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,
YOUR QUESTION IS INRRELEVANT OR UNNECESSARY TO OUR BUSINESS,WE DONT ENTERTAIN SUCH TALKS AND JOKES WHILE IN WORK. BESIDES WE HAVE NOBODY THAT BEAR SUCH NAME AS (Abedayo).

PLEASE NOTE THAT HERE IS BANK NOT A PLACE OF ENTERTAINMENT .

THANKS



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005
To: SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Bank

Listen to me, my brother left a fortune in your bank and now it's MINE.

I'm your customer - you work for ME, not the other way round. If I ask you what you drive then you TELL me, instead of whining about "jokes".

While we're on the subject, as a customer with millions of dollars in your bank, if I decide to tell you a joke then you will damn well listen to it and laugh.

Do you understand these modalities? Good. Then get on with business and knock it off with the attitude.

I've never dealt with such a rude bank manager before.

Baka!
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005
Subject: I do not deal with idiots
Cc: Stroganov

Mr Smith

I just want you to know that the bank manager is a rude idiot. I asked him a simple question and he threw his toys out of his pram. Perhaps simple problems confuse him, I suspect he may be a drug user. Do you know anyone else at the bank that I can deal with? I do not deal with idiots.

If that wasn't bad enough one of my mechanics, Uzumaki Naruto, lost control of one of my cars and drove into a vat of toxic waste and melted to death. I was horrified - I was planning to use the car on my date tonight. I have posthumously fired him for his stupidity.

How are you progressing with the documents?

Seeing as you are unwilling to write to Stroganov - I cannot imagine why, perhaps you are just idle - I will have him write to you. Mikhail, please send John Smiths a no-nonsense email to introduce yourself and see what financial requirements he may need (I do not mean for you to offer him a mortgage, just see what he needs regarding obtaining Kelly's funds). His address is johnsmith2005_2007@yahoo.com.au

Arigato gozaimasu!
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005
To: baristcletus_stcltd@yahoo.com

Elder Cletus

I have been bid to write to you so that you can help me claim some money. I need from you the following:

1. police character certificate
2. afidavit to claim that the decease person is your brother and you are fully authorised to claim the money

My brother left $15 MILLION dollars in a bank when he foolishly died. The account number is 14-255-2004/ubn/t.

Thank you so much indeed.
Phil Munglers (Kelly)



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

HELLO Phil Munglers,

WHY WE BECOME SO RUDE AS YOU MAY CALLED IT IS BECAUSE , WE ARE YET TO KNOW WHOM YOU ARE , AND YOUR MISSION TO COME TO CLAIM A MONEY THAT BELONG TO LATE MR BARRY KELLY.

IF YOU ARE SERIOUS AND READY TO HAVE THE MONEY, THOUGH WE ARE NOT BEGING YOU TO HAVE IT , SINCE IT IS STILL USEFULL TO US FOR OUR BANKING SYSTEM , WERE WE CAN STILL MAKE SOME PROFIT OUT OF IT, SO WE ARE NOT IN A MOOD TO PLEAD YOU TO COME AND CLAIM IT .

SO IF YOU ARE THE REALY PERSON AND LATE MR BARRY KELLY IS YOUR BROTHER , THEN CAN WE SEE THE DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE THAT CAN CLARIFY THAT?

I WONDER WHAT YOU MAY BE THINKING OF YOUR PROFILE. WELL , WE CAN ONLY JOKE OR ENTERTAIN WITH YOU IS WHEN WE ARE SURELY KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND IF AT LAST WE REALISE THAT YOU A BROTHER TO LATE MR BARRY KELLY, THEN WE WILL TENDER A APPOLOGY NOTE AND ASK YOU FOR FORGIVENES, BUT NOW WE DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE OK.

GOOD DAY

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005
To: SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Hello Bank

I told you that I would send you the documents as and when I have them. Once you get them and you apologise I also expect you to answer my question as to what you drive.

Such rudeness as you displayed earlier would not be tolerated in Japan. You would be expected to buy the sake all night if you so much as looked at somebody in a disrespectful manner.

Woot,
Phil


Phil: Mr Stroganov, This lunatic Barrister Cletus is asking for money as well now. How much can a forged document possibly cost? All these cash demands are giving me a headache, please advise on the best course of action.

May Jesus want you for a sunbeam, -- Phil

Mikhail Stroganov: PHIL
INDEED SO_WHEN CONDUCTING MODALITIES I OFTEN WONDER WHY A PHONE CALL OR WIRE TRANSFER COSTS $10,000_HOWEVER_YOU CAN REST EASY AS POSTMASTER WOULD SAY_LEWD AND MYSELF WILL GIVE THE GENTLEMAN WHAT HE DESERVES_AS WE SAY AT BOWDEN'S BAR IN DOWNTOWN MOSCOW_:THERE'S ALWAYS A LAD WORTH BASHING -- S

Foreign Office Financial Staff weigh in:
Hippo Bank, and their Manager Mr Chunkye Cadburys, stand ready to help out with any transactions...

Phil: Sirs, I am delighted and honoured to receive your support.

I wish the lazy tykes would hurry up and write to Mr Stroganov, their incessant carping is becoming irritating. Phil Munglers (Kelly) can be known to be explosively tempered. -- Daisuki, Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005
Subject: IMMEDIATE RESPONSE

Dear Phil Munglers (Kelly),

Thank you very much for contacting me at this time of need. I will certainly give you all my attention. As soon as your email got to my desk, i went for inquiries and i discovered that authentically, such name and account number exist in our banking profile.

From the profile i discovered that the said person who his name was late Mr. Barry Kelly, met his death at plane crash(Flight 801 KOREAN AIR FLIGHT 801)on 6th of August, 1997 with the entire of his family

And also discovered that the actual amount deposited as at that time was $15.5million dollars.

I am sorry for the lost of your brother.Please bear with me.

I will assist you to get all these documents as you stated. How ever, i have made the enquiries and got the following bill for you:

1. police character certificate: under section 25, subsection 25 c of amended 1999 constitution of federal republic of nigeria stated that such documents should be obtain from the Police commad headquarter in abuja for the purpose that , it will cover you for entire of the transaction this means that , it prevents any several claimants. And the bill for that will cost you $1500.00

2. afidavit to claim that the decease person is your real brother and you are fully authorised to claim the said fund. this will be obtain from the federal high court of nigeria. And the bill is $700.

Transportation and my consultation fees will be $1500.

Therefore , all the total bill you have to pay is $3700.00

Upon the payment of this bill , i will immediately procure the two documents to enable you get the deal and the money transfered.

But before i can do so i will like to realy beleive that such person in question is your brother, therefore i will need your international pasport or driving lincence and also the death certificate of the decease. With these two documents available , i will then proceed to get the documents as you requested.

Note , my office is not in a position to entertain any illicit business, so make sure that your documents are authentic , before i can proceed.

Thanks for your contact, i wish to server you better.

Regards,
Barister (elder) Cletus Okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Thu, 15 Sep 2005
Cc: Stroganov

Cletus the elder

Your email was received and the contents were well noted. Please note that this transaction is 100% risk free, all modalities considered.

Regarding your fees, they seem somewhat bloated just for a couple of documents, but if that is the going rate then who am I to argue.

Just send an invoice to my accountant, Mikhail Stroganov, and he will arrange making payment to you. His email address is: xxxxx

Note: Barry did not die with his whole family - I am still very much alive. I haven't heard otherwise, anyway.

See ya,
Phil



SOLOMON ADEBAYO

HELLO Phil Munglers,

IF YOU INSIST THAT I MUST TELL YOU WHAT CAR I DRIVE, WELL YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT OUR BANK IS PLC AND IF ONLY YOUR BROTHER CAN INVEST SUCH MONEY IN OUR BANK , IT MEANS THAT OUR BANK IS EQUAL TO TASK.

THEREFORE YOU SHOULD EXPECT ME TO HAVE SOME CARS AS FOLLOWIING:

MY PRIVATE CAR IS TOYOTA CAMRY 2.2 WITH SIX CYLINDER

MY OFFICIAL CAR IS PEUGOT 406

I THINK YOUR QUESTION IS ANSWERED, HENCE I PRE-APOLOGISE FOR THE PREVOUIS REPLY, BUT I WILL OFFICAILLY TENDER AN APPOLOGY TO YOU AS SOON AS WE DISCOVER WHO YOU ARE. REMEMBER, THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK OWN MUCH HONUOR AND HIGH ESTEEM TO YOUR CLAIMED BROTHER LATE MY BARRY KELLY. I HOPE SUCH RESPECT SHOULD GO TO WHOM EVER BECOME HIS RELATION.

PLS REMEMBER THAT YOUR DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE IS OUR CONCERN, AND WE WILL NOT ENTERTAIN ANY ILLEGAL CLAIM IN THIS OFFICE

THANKS

YOURS SINCERELY
MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005
To: SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Konbanwa Bank

Thank you for answering my question.

I am delighted to see that you own a Japanese car. Have you considered upgrading it? With some tweaking to the engine, add a turbo or two (maybe a supercharger?), get a racing gearbox, a triple-plate clutch, a carbon propshaft, muffler, racing intake system etc, you could get 250+ horsepower from it. I will do this for you if you like, once this transaction is complete.

Please remain patient and I will send you the documents you require.

Racing into the night!!
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil Munglers (Kelly),
I am emailing to let you know that i have sent an email to your accountant. Please email him back for confirmation of the whole service i ought to tender to you.

I am sorry to use the words that all the entire family perished with him in the plane, please accept my appology

i hope you are fine

regards
Barist. Cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005

Cletus (Elder)

I am pleased to hear that you have contacted Mikhail.

Your apology is gratefully accepted.

Please keep me updated.

May the Lord smile on you and your automobile.

Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
Thanks for your response and your driver licence, i have already submited it to the agent concern, they only waiting for payment to carry out the assignment. I have also procured other documents as i told you ealier on, that is deposit of the said fund and certificate of death. How ever i will be waiting to have others so that all will be scan together and attach to you.

I am going to write to your benefactor right away, but you must advice him over the payment , hence i am not in a position to inform him all our deal, so mind you that this is confidential, and i hope this your guy cannot superimpose our business , did you trust him ?, i am sure he is not a scammer, hence i have come across such name in one of the foreign newspaper as a scammer, well i pray that he shouldnt be otherwise i will not be happy with you.

Have you contacted the attorney for the remaining of the documents. Please kindly do so ,so that all everything will be submited at the same time.

How are you planing to pay up the charges for these documents, i mean the unique international passport or driving lincense and the afidavit or birth certificate? Hence i spent a lot of money to procured the death certificate , and i will be happy if you can write to your accountant to transfer the money to the agent concern for immediate production of these documents.

the following is the contact and where the money should be paid to:

Federal Board of Inland Revenue
Agent Name: Kenneth Illoanya
Lagos, Nigeria
Money should be transfer through western union money transfer and the test question should be urgent and the answer is ok.you will also forward the control number and the sender name as soon as the money is transfer . i will be looking ahead to hear your respond

Thanks and God Bless You
Smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005

Mr Smythe

I have contacted the barrister. Things are in hand as far as he is concerned.

Your foul implication that Mikhail may be a scammer is a disgrace, and I demand you retract the statement at once! How dare you accuse one of my oldest acquaintances of being involved in such underhand activity? Sir if you said that in the same room as me I would have thrown a kunai through your shirt!

Apologise at once!

Once I have your grovelling email in my posession I will direct your query to Mikhail.

I pray that some sense is knocked into this weekend,

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil Munglers (Kelly),

I have many clients i want to attend and i would like you to speak with your accountant to release the money to enable me procure the documents you requested.

I think, the only update i will send to you is the readines of the documents, but you are the one to update me on the money , i.e when are you sending the money and who is sending the money?

your name has been filed to the federal court during my services to other clients , so please try to transfer the money as soon as possible to enable me proceed.

Have you contacted your accountant over the payment of said money ? you should endeavour to do that hence "a stitch in time save nine".

i hope to hear from you soon

Regards,
Barist(elder) Cletus Okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2005

Cletus (Elder)

You know that I have informed my accountant as I have already told you this. Not only that but he has also WRITTEN to you tonight.

Any money that gets sent will be sent by Mikhail so you need to ask him these questions, not me.

I will respond to your cliche with one of my own: "A fool and his dog are soon run over". It is worth bearing that in mind.

Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2005
To: JOHN SMITH

The Smith

Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel, is being very unhelpful. Is he really the best you could find??

Beit known to yourself, I will be racing tonight: a downhill on Mount Chow Mein. Hopefully I will be able to perform my new technique against Ken Ishii's RX7-FD.

Victoly!!
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil Munglers Kelly,

Thanks for your response.

I am not in a position to ask the question or explanation to your accountant or your boy, please call his attention and explain everything to him so that he can prepare the money as we have agreed to enable me work for you honourably and get all the documents as you requested.Therefore i cannot continue to write anything to him, but you are the one to explain better to him, since you address him as your accountant , and i dont even expect him to be asking me to explain what the money is for, in the real sense of it , you are the one he suppose to ask for that.

i hope you will get in touch with him and enuciate all the informations to him, is that understood? Remember i have other clients awaiting for my services, so lets get the business done amincably and sucessfully .

One more things , i have requested from you ealier the time to provide your international or driver lincence which must be submited to the court , also like to have is your authorisation letter to permit me stand on your behalf in the court, hence with out these two documents it might prove difficult to obtain the documents you are requestiing.

We dont have time to exercise , so you better act fast.

I wish to server you better

have a wonderfull weekend

Barister Cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2005
Cc: Stroganov

Cletus (Elder)

I wish you would server me better as well.

Mikhail controls all of my money - every last yen. I have authorized him to deal with you on the matter, therefore you should do exactly that.

I do not have the time nor the patience to fanny around passing messages between people. Send Mikhail an invoice and he will pay you - it is as simple as that.

I have attached my drivers license for you.

Now I must go, my team is preparing for tonights race, as should I. Preparating usually involves having a couple of beers and then meditating (or rather praying for my opponents painful death).

Hope to speak to you soon,
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2005
To: CLETUS OKORO

Damn it man, you made me forget to attach the license!!

Here is is, do not use it to buy booze at your local store.



The pictured gentleman is Takeshi Kanishiro, Japanese pin-up actor who was in the movie House of Flying Daggers.

It may also be worth noting that the first line of my address - "Shi-Ichi-Kyu" is Japanese for "Four-One-Nine". Rather subtle, if I do say so myself.

Matane!
Phil


Enter Phil's helpful colleague Takumi! His high school English class never prepared him for a situation like this, but he gives it his best.

TAKUMI FUJIWARA

GentleMan
I am Takumi Fujiwara .. Munglers-san top engiineeer Forgive sperring not good
Mungler don crash during race .. flying badger land on car, Mungler hit barrier lose race
Mungler mad injured Hospitarized for days or too till good
Mr russian man, he want you take over to handle deal with africans Sir!! Mungler will get you "cuss tard" when better
Be praying
Be praying
Be praying
Takumi F.



TAKUMI FUJIWARA

Sir Africanbank

Mungler has injured in crash in race
Unfortunate be away for couple of days to mend head
Got injured must wait
Until better for paper proof of fund Kelly for now

Get dealt with by tomodachi Stroganov for time
If need you write to mikhail{xxxxxxx}
Today sir do it now

Takumi Fujiwara
Mungler Eng.


Phil: To Stroganov and Lewd Noogie:

Colleagues
Despite my recent tragic accident I am still compelled to communicate with your good selves. As I am bed-ridden for a few days I will need you to deal with these vermin for me. It's your turn to have some fun in other words.

It would be better for Takumi to not have to deal with any questions, his grasp of Engrish isn't too good.

I look forward to seeing you motor into action (as opposed to motoring into a flying badger like I did). -- Phil

Mikhail: AGENT MUNGLERS
WE ARE ON THE CASE AS POSTMASTER WOULD SAY_GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR RECOVERY_LADY AGATHA HAS ASKED ME TO PASS ON THE BEST WISHES FROM THE SPECIAL OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT AND AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW_DON'T RUSH AS THE CUSTARD CAN ALWAYS BE COOLED LATER -- S



CLETUS OKORO

ATTENTION MR STROGANOV,

KINDLY REQUEST ANY EXPLANATION OR INQUIRIES FROM YOU BOSS MR. PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING.

I WAS CONTACTED TO CONTACT YOU OVER THE PAYMENT, SO IT WILL BE ILLEGAL FOR ME TO DISCUSS ANY OTHER THINGS RATHER THAN PAYMENT.

I ADVICE YOU TO CALL YOUR BOSS MR PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY FOR THE PAYMENT

I AM SORRY FOR MISPLACING OR MISSPELLING YOUR NAME, PLEASE ACCEPT MY APPOLOGY.

THANKS AND HAVE WONDERFUL WEEKEND

BARISTER ELDER CLETUS OKORO

2348053723330



Enter Stroganov in an official capacity!

MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Sept 18

MR OKORO

FIRSTLY I AM MR MUNGLERS' ACCOUNTANT AND BUSINESS ADVISER_I HAVE JUST RETURNED FROM MY HOLIDAY IN SMEGAROON AND I NOTE THAT MY CLIENT HAS BECOME INVOLVED IN A RATHER COMPLEX FINANCIAL TRANSFER_IT IS NOT ILLEGAL FOR YOU TO FILL ME IN ON PROGRESS AND I WOULD ADVISE THAT SEEING AS MR MUNGLERS IS SERIOUSLY ILL YOU COMPLY WITH MY WISHES_AT THE MOMENT TAKUMI FUJIWARA IS TRYING HIS BEST TO RUN THINGS BUT THESE MODALITIES NEED MORE ATTENTION THAN A JAPANESE MECHANIC WITH A SLIM GRASP OF ENGLISH CAN OFFER_MY ASSISTANT MR NOOGIE IS ON HAND TO IMPLEMENT MODALITITES SO GET BACK TO ME OR_FRANKLY_WE WILL ALL END UP WITH NOTHING

S



SEPT 25...

[Stroganov jogs the Lads.]

MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SIR

MY NAME IS MIKHAIL STROGANOV_I UNDERSTAND YOU WISH TO CONTINUE MODALITIES WITH MY CLIENT MR. MUNGLERS_PLEASE ADVISE ME ON HOW WE PROGRESS THIS_AT ONCE PLEASE_TIME IS MONEY AND AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW WE CAN'T LET THE CUSTARD GET COLD



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

WE DONT NEED TO CONTACT ANY BODY AND WE ARE NOT EVEN READY TO CONTACT ANY BODY,WE ARE SORRY THAT YOU ARE WOUNDED . IF YOU WISH TO COMPLY WITH OUR REQUIREMENT, THEN GO AHEAD OTHERWISE WE WILL NOT ABLE TO TLAK TO YOU , HERE IS NOT A PLACE OF MULTIPLE CLAIMANT. REMEMBER THIS MONEY IS STILL IMPORTANT IN OUR BANK, SO WE ARE NOT IN A HASTE TO TRANSFER IT , BUT IF YOU WISH YOU NEED IT , GO AND COMPLETE THE REQUIREMENT.

REGARDS


Phil: Mikhail, I hope you are well

My recovery is steady, but the lads will just have to wait.

Meanwhile, please deal with this idiot. I think he's been on the pop again, he's making no sense at all now.

Cheerio,
Phil



TAKUMI FUJIWARA

***** AUTOMATIVE EMAIL RESPONSE TECHNOLOGY *****

MUNGLER INJURED
BACK SOON



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Sept 19

SODOMON

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???_HOW DARE YOU ISSUE AN ULTIMATUM TO MY CLIENT_WE HAVE BEEN KINDLY AND ACCOMODATING FROM DAY ONE YET YOU HAVE YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OUT LIKE SO MANY MEMBERS OF YOUR TRIBE AT A U.N. AID DROP_I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR SCABBY HIDE OVER TO YOUR WITCH DOCTOR AND LEARN SOME MANNERS TOUTE DE LA SUITE AND ONLY ONCE YOU ADOPT A MORE PROFESSIONAL AND RESPECTFUL TONE WILL WE COMPLETE MODALITIES_UNTIL THEN_AWAY WITH YOU

S



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

MR OKORO

AT LAST YOU ARE DISPLAYING SOME BUSINESSLIKE BEHAVIOUR_KEEP IT UP MAN_TWO POINTS HOWEVER_I DON'T THINK PEOPLE TEND TO DIE FOOLISHLY_IT HAPPENS TO US ALL IN THE END_ALSO MY CLIENT IS MR MUNGLERS NOT MR MUNGLERS KELLY_COULD YOU HAVE THE WRONG PERSON???_I TRUST THIS IS A FULLY LEGAL TRANSACTION MR OKORO_PLEASE GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

S



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

HELLO MIKHAIL,

WITHDUE RESPECT, MAY I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU MEAN BY YOUR EXPRESSION.

THANKS

PLEASE THIS IS A BANK.
MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON

I AM MR MUNGLERS' ACCOUNTANT AND AM DEALING WITH THIS FUND TRANSFER_I OBJECT TO THE TONE OF YOUR DEMANDS ESPECIALLY AS MR MUNGLERS IS SERIOUSLY INJURED AND IN HOSPITAL AFTER A CRASH AT THE RACE TRACK_THESE MALCONTENT MODALITIES ARE STARTING TO GRATE SODOMON SO I SUGGEST YOU GET DOWN TO WORK AND GET ORGANISED OR I WILL ADVISE MY CLIENT TO PLACE HIS SUBSTANTIAL FUNDS ELSEWHERE_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???

STROGANOV



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005

Hello Mr Phil,
How is your health, i am sure you are geting better.

I got a shocking news from your accountant that your name is not phils mungler kelly, that your name is phils mungler , so there is no kelly, so how come are you fooling me all these while, you know it is terrible offence to do such illegal claim. please i demand explanation to justify that name otherwise , i will begining to think of another thing , remember i told you that i will in any means deal with any illicit or illegal business in my chamber , i hope thatyou are not fooling me.

i will be waiting to your respond as soon as you get well so that we can continue our transaction, while all the documents will be ready upon the payment okay.

direct your accountant about your name okay

thanks

wish you get well
mr cletus okoro
attorney


[Considering the Lads forget who they are from day to day, this seems picky.]

Phil: Mikhail, Thank you for your efforts so far. It seems that this clown is getting confused about matters. I thought he was meant to be forging documents for me? I think he needs setting straight. It is good here in hospital, especially the kawaii nurses who insist on giving me a bed bath.

Stroganov: PHIL
THANK YOU FOR YOUR NOTE_INDEED HE IS GETTING CONFUSED_THAT IS THE IDEA MY FRIEND_WE ARE MUDDYING THE WATERS AND SEEING WHERE IT TAKES US_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING_RELAX_AND REGARDS FROM MOSCOW -- S

Phil: Mikhail
You have my complete trust - you are the expert here. I hope the idiots can muster the energy to roll out of bed to reply to us today. May you dine on vanilla slices forever



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

MR SMITH

THANK YOU FOR YOUR E-MAIL_WE HAVE SCRUTINIZED IT THOROUGHLY AND WILL LIASISE WITH MESSRS SODOMON AND CLITUS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE_PLEASE NOTE I HAVE COPIED IN MY PARTNER MR NOOGIE_HE IS 100% TRUSTWORTHY AND IS A TRUSTED CONFIDANTE_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AS WE SAY IN DOWNTOWN MOSCOW -- S


[Dear reader, this is a reference to Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie, roughhewn but reliable American agent, who sometimes helps the Foreign Office when not busy with his own intrigues.]


CLETUS OKORO

Please endeavour to view the content of your clients request he sent to me via my email. so that is the name he calls himself, and i got back to him when i discover that the decease brother as he said tally with what i saw from the security company's file. i wish to let you know that the name i used is the name your client told me he is .

i dont welcome any illicit transaction here, please if your client has any skeleton in the cupboard , please email me , that is the reason i needed his international passport and driver lincence. i hope you can now know why the name you saw suppose to be the name of your client , otherwise i will start smelling a rat in this service your client need me to render.
It is illegal to misused, misplaced , misspelled, misappropriate someones name with out any autthentic clarification, therefore i would like you to ask your client if the forwarded email is not his words

i hope to hear from you any moment right now , i am in my laptop



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE MAN STOP PANICKING_MR MUNGLERS IS SERIOUSLY INJURED INCLUDING A HEAVY CONCUSSION_WE HAVE SENT FOR DR. SHIPMAN TO ATTEND TO HIM_NOW PLEASE STOP THIS NATIVE WITTERING MAN_THERE ARE SERIOUS MODALITIES TO ATTEND TO

S



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005

Ok, i will do that right away

thanks


[And here's "John Smith" again, the original scammer wannabe.]


JOHN SMITH

Date: Tue, 20 Sep 2005
From: JOHN SMITH <johnsmith2005_2007@yahoo.com.au>
Subject: wishing u quick recovery
To: Phil Munglers

I am sorry tohear the shocking news,infact icould not do any thing today because of the news. So how is him right now,i hope he is geting better. I wish him quick recovery

get me posted as soon as he recovers

thanks
smith



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

DEAR STROGANOV,
THANKS YOU FOR YOUR HUMBLE AND HONOURABLE RESPONSE.WE ARE SORRY TO OUR LAST EMAIL, IT WAS DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE DONT KNOW WHOM WE ARE CONVERSATING WITH, NOW WE KNEW WHO YOU ARE , HOW EVER WE WILL STILL NEED CONFIRMATION FROM YOUR CLIENT MR KELLY TO NOTIFY US ABOUT YOU .

MEANWHILE, WE ARE READY TO TRANSFER MR KELLY ALL THE MONEY INCLUDING THE ACCRUED INTEREST OF HIS LATE BROTHER MR ERIC KELLY. BUT WE HAVE NOT ABSOLUTELY SURE IF HE IS THE ONE OR NOT DUE TO THE FACT THAT ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTATION NEEDED ARE YET TO BE SUBMITTED TO US , AND THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN CONTINUE DISCCUSSION WITH HIM FURTHER UNLESS WE HAVE THOSE DOCUMENTS.

WE ARE SORRY FOR THE INJURY HE SUSTAINED DURING HIS RACE, I HOPE HE WILL SOON GET UP FROM HIS SICK BED.

WE MAY NOT RESPOND TO YOU TILL HE RECOVERED AND SEND US THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE. AS YOU MAY KNOW BANKING IS ALL ABOUT ACCOUNTING, AND IF WE ENCOUTER A WRONG INPUT, THEN THE OUTPUT WILL ALSO BE DAGEROUS FOR US, SO EXTRA CAREFULL IS THE OUR CONCERN.

I AM SORRY THAT I COULD NOT GIVE YOU A FULL ATTENTION YOU MAY EXPECT, PLEASE BEAR WITH US , OUR CONCERN IS TO AVOID MULTIPLE CLAIMANT, THAT , IS WHY IT IS VERY PARAMOUNT THAT THE CLAIMANT MUST OBTAIN A POLICE CHARACTER CERTIFICATE AND THE OTHERS BEFORE A TRANSFER WILL BE TRANSFER.

WE HAVE YOUR CLIENT ACCOUNT HERE AND WE WILL WITHOUT ANY DELAY TRANSFER THE MONEY UPON THE APPROVAL OF THE DOCUMENTS HE MIGHT HAVE SUBMITTED.

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN, IT IS GLAD TO MEET YOU

PLEASE TRY TO KNOW HOW YOU TYPE MY NAME OR ARE YOU MISTAKEN YOURSELF, HENCE WE MAY NOT WELCOME THAT IF SUCH NAME IS REPEATED.
UNCOMPREHENSIVELY, (WE DEMAND AN EXPLANATION WHAT YOU MEAN BY THE EXPRESSION: MALCONTENT MODALITIES ARE STARTING TO GRATE SODOMON SO I SUGGEST YOU GET DOWN TO WORK AND GET ORGANISED OR )

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION, WE HOPE TO WORK WITH YOU IN FUTURE

SOLOMON ADEBAYO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON

IT'S MR STROGANOV TO YOU_FOR GODS SAKE MAN CAN YOU NOT GET THE SIMPLEST MATTERS OF ETIQUETTE RIGHT???_WE ARE NEARLY READY TO TRANSFER THE MONEY_HOWEVER WE HAVE ONE OR TWO QUESTIONS FOR THE BARRISTER WHO SO FAR HAS PROVED AS USEFUL AS A CHOCOLATE DILDO AS THEY SAY IN THE ROUGHER PARTS OF MOSCOW_THE FEES ALSO SEEM A LITTLE STEEP BUT I WILL TAKE THESE UP WITH HIM ALSO

S



PHIL MUNGLERS

Old Cletus

I've just been discharged from hospital. I have broken three bones, my medula oblongata, and I lost my wallet. Added to which my car was carried away by the angels. The bastard badger has gone to hell I hope. Damn thing.

Oh man, I am on morphine for the next couple of weeks. I have never seen such a vibrant sky, a deep shade of pink. It is revolting.

I had Takumi check my bank account to see if the funds had been transfered and he says that no such thing has happened!! What the cruddy lump are you playing at? I left you in the care of Mikhail and you have done absolutely nothing all week!

I must go now, there is a leopard bird landing on my keyboard and it needs feeding.

DO SOMETHING MAN!!
Phillts Monger


[Laugh if you like, but keep reading this site and you'll see the leopard bird soon enough.]

Phil: Mikhail, I hope you are well my little Russian cutie

Bear with me for a while, I am steaming at the minute. The hospital gave me some morphine. This stuff iss greeaaat!!!

WOW

Sort the money out sir and I will fill your skull with custard flavoured vodka

Or something
PM

Stroganov: MUNGLERS, FOR GODS SAKE MAN WHAT HAVE THEY GIVEN YOU THERE??_YOU HAVE MY SYMPATHY BUT PLEASE PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER_WE HAVE TO GET THESE MODALITIES COMPLETED AND GIVE SODOMOAN AND CLITUS WHAT THEY DESERVE_I SUGGEST A FEW CUSTARD LIQUEURS WILL GET YOU ON YOUR FEET_NOW PLEASE_LET US GET MOVING -- S

Phil: Mikhail, But it hurts if I don't take my medication
And it makes my brain funny
I suppose you are right though, it wouldn't be a good idea to drive in this state of mind
Where have the lads gone to? Have you scared them off?
This will not do.

I will see how tomorrow goes, sober.

Far out man
Philss

Stroganov: I CAN CONFIRM THAT BOTH SODOMON AND CLITUS HAVE BEEN AS USEFUL AS SPHINCTER-FLAVOURED ICE-CREAM AS THEY SAY IN THE ROUGHER PARTS OF MOSCOW_QUITE WHERE THIS IS GOING I DO NOT KNOW BUT AT THIS STAGE I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE THESE NATIVE NINCOMPOOPS TO THEIR OWN DUBIOUS DEVICES AND PLACE OUR FUNDS ELSEWHERE -- S




PHIL MUNGLERS

Sodom

What *exactly* is going on over there?? I left you to deal with Mikhail and complete the transaction and you have been as communicative as a gagged mute.

Get out of bed this instant, wipe the mouldy cous-cous from your dry, chapped lips, and do some work for once. What is the matter with you?

If I could remind you that you should be concentrating on business instead of GOATS then this could have been finished days ago.

GET OFF YOUR STINKING, SWOLLEN, OVERUSED ASS AND DO SOMETHING

I am having a great time on morphine, but I will be coming down soon. Then you'll be for it.

I hear its amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hari Kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61!

Reply immediately you useless mook
Phil


Stroganov: SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE MUSCOVITE


... and yet more ...


[The morphine is taking its toll.]

PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus:

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

REPLY NOW!! NOW, GOD DAMN YOUR ASS, NOW!!!

NOW YOU DUMB BITCH

Reply immediately or I will hire another Barrister

YOU REALLY ARE A MORON, AREN'T YOU?

I hate slackers and you, CLOT, are one of the most bone idle scroungers I've ever encountered

GIVE ME AN UPDATE NOW YOU IMBECILE

NOW!!!

I love you,
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Johnsmith

What is going on?? I come out of hospital and expect this crackpot scheme to have reached its conclusion, and NOTHING has happened

That idiot "barrister" you put me in contact with is so useless I can't believe it. I am going to fire him if he doesn't reply to me within 1 hour.

You haven't been much use yourself

WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN CONTACTING MIKHAIL

I've already warned you once to stop messing around and BE SERIOUS.

NOW BE SERIOUS AND GET THIS DEAL DONE AND DUSTED!!!

NOW!!!
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

ATTENTION: MR PHIL MUNGLER,
I AM VERY DISPPOINTED IN YOUR ABUSE WORDS YOU REFERED TO ME,IT IS QUITE UNUSUAL, AND I WOULDNT LIKE TO TARNISH MY IMAGE BECAUSE I WANT TO ASSIST YOU TO GET SOMETHING YOU HAVE NEVER PAY ANYTHING FOR.
I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START SINCE YOU HAVE ALREADY CONCLUDED THAT I AM A MARON AND IMBCILE,WELL IWOULDNT BLAME YOU FOR THAT ,MAY BE YOU LOSS YOUR SENSES, I PRAY THAT YOU WILL RECOVERY FROM SUCH BRAIN,SO THAT YOU COULD ABLE TO SPEAK HONOURABLE .I AM SORRY FOR YOUR ACCIDENT ,I WISH YOU QUICK RECOVERY.

MY ADVICE TO YOU IS THAT YOU SHOULD NOT COUNT ON YOUR LOSES,BUT THINK ABOUT YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE THAT GOD ALMIGHTY HAVE SAVE YOU. THANK GOD THAT YOU COULD ABLE TO WRITE,IBELEIVED THAT BY NOW YOU WOULD ABLETO BE SPEAKING. HAVE GOOD DAY AND PRAY HARD TO YOUR LORD FOR MORE SAVIOUR AND CONSEQUENTLY YOU MAY WINFOR NEXTB COMPETITION WITH OUT ANY ACCIDENT ON YOUR PATH.

TAKE CARE AND STOP SPEAKING ABUSIVE ,AWKWARDLY, BARBARISM AND SACARSISM.

I WILL UPDATE YOU NEXT .

Cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

I apologise for my ferocity. I am coming down from my morphine high and I am starting to ache.

Coupled with this, one of my mechanics, Beatu Kitano, was fitting a mis-firing system to my exhaust and the ramp gave way and crushed his skull. It was terrible - he was wearing a new uniform which is now ruined. I intend to sue his family for the inconvenience.

I do expect an answer as to why you have largely ignored Mikhail for a week when you could have been making money. Send Mikhail an invoice and business will progress.

God bless you, and all who sail in you
Phil



Scam folk --
Barrister Cletus also sent this (rather more dignified) email shortly after his last tirade. He also sent this email 3 times along with one other email which contained the first three lines of my previous mail, and a blank email.

Naturally I will ignore this.

Yay!
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Mon, 26 Sep 2005

Dear phil,
How is your phsical and fitness of your body,i hope you are geting better.Please mind how you manipulate your words before you express it to anyone being him goddam poor or prince rich okay.

Now lets talk about our business .
First and formost,ihave sent you several emails demanding youto explain why you should give me a fake name which sound multifarious, according to your accountant,he said that your name is not Phil Munglers kelly(kelyis the case study), then how do i proceed if the person you sent to couldnot recognise you as the person bearirng the name(kelly) ,you know what it meant in our practice.

secondly,our modus op-er-andi here does not warant third party for feedback, i contact him for the first time because you told me to email him for payment ,but his response is beyond my understanding and bias,i was expecting to have modusvi-vendi but i discovered that he is very monumentally, so there is no way i can proceed in that way, so please if you still have any alacrity to transact with me,kindly go now and forward the payment as ihave told you, also you have to answer my question of why kelly is not your surname?,please tell me the truth ,i might be a help for others things you may look in future.

So right now ,your name as you gave me have been submited in the court including your driver lincence, so i am only waiting for you to pay up your bill.
i have giving your accountant the receipt of this bill ,and even go further to enuciate each of the bill to him when he demanded that he must know the reasons of these money.but he keep on asking me unnecessary questionwhich i am even disoriented for his mode of speech.

Please note that ,i am not a medicant,so if you realy ready to allow me do your work,kindly caution your accountant,and ask him to release the money as fast as quickly,otherwise i will feel sick in my stomach.

i hope thatbyou will return my email in a honourable manner.

yours sincerely
Mr Cletus Okoro



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Mon, 26 Sep 2005

ihave accepted your apology. what is happening to you allthese days,please i should suggest that you should pray hard to overcome all these problems and all your things become easy going.
i pray that God will recover all your losses

take care
Mr cletus



CLETUS OKORO

did you want me to fax him my invoice ,then may ihave the fax number so that i can fax him the invoice ,but ihave giving him a electronics invoice about the business ,and i beleive even a novies can comprehend on the invoice,but he make things very difficulty to carried out
this could not take me 12 hours to gather but it has been prolong for many days fromnow,please hurry up tomeet so that everything willbe complete

please advice
thanks



PHIL MUNGLERS

Elder Cletus

You will need to ask Mikhail how he wants the invoice sent. I do not have anything to do with the running of his business.

Make sure you do ask him though, otherwise this will be as dead as my mechanics.

Hurry, sir!!
Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY
WE ARE HAPPY THAT YOU ARE BACK .WE HAVE PUT ALL OUR PRAYER TO ALMIGHTY GOD TO ENABLE YOU GET BETTER TO AVOID WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BROTHER WHO DIED FOR GHASTLY ACCIDENT. THANK GOD FOR YOUR LIFE INREGARDNESS TO YOU MOUTH FLOW LIKE .

I AM DIRECTED TO INFORM YOU THAT THE TIME APPROVED FOR YOU TO CLAIM THE MONEY WILL SOON BE EXPIRED, THEY HAVE MOUNTED EXTRA TWO WEEKS FOR YOU TO SUBMIT ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS OTHERWISE WE MAY BELEIVED THAT YOUR CLAIM IS FORGE.

IN MY OWN CONTEMPLATING, I SHOULD ADVICE YOU TO STOP REFERING US YOUR ACCOUNTANT OR WHO EVER YOU CALL HIM SHORT TO SAY TO AVOID ANY EMBRASMENT. PLEASE THE PERSON YOU SAID THAT WE SHOULD SPEAK COULD NOT BE DISCUSSED HERE OTHERWISE YOU MAY APPLY YOUR REQUEST TO ANOTHER APPROPRIATE PLACE TO TACKLE IT .

WE CAN ONLY TREAT YOU AS ONE OF OUR VALUABLE CLIENT BROTHER AS THE NEXT OF KIN,WE DID NOT WANT NEXT OF KINS OK, SO IF YOU COULD NOT BE ABLE TO CARE FOR YOUR BROTHER DECEASE MONEY, THEN FUCK OFF ,DID YOU COMPREHEND?

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Sept. 26

Salmon

I thank you for your prayers and well wishes. No doubt without them I would have perished when that stupid badger landed on my car.

As for the funds, I am still trying to find the certificates that you asked for. Bear with me. I have already told you that Mikhail handles all my transactions. If you don't deal with him then you don't deal with me. It is as simple as that.

The money is mine and nothing can change that. You can expect Mikhail to write to you soon.

Go superbanking man!!
Phil

PS if you ever tell me to "fuck off" again, I will find you and I will shove a cylinder-head gasket down your throat and kick you in the ass so hard it comes out of the top of your skull. Did you comprehend?


[This is how it is in the rough-and-tumble world of men, ladies. It's nothing, really. But you knew that. They'll be heading off to the pub together as soon the office door shuts behind them.]


CLETUS OKORO

i advice that you should get himto know that.as i said earlier that he make things very difficult for me in the sense that he did not following me words and it willbe hard to arrange things in common

how can you call me through this nunber now for more discussion
2348053723330

thanks



PHIL MUNGLERS

Elder

I am not interested in any personal problems you have with Mikhail. That is your issue, not mine. All I am concerned with is the money.

Do your duty and assist me.

Phil


After several days of silence, the lads are going crazy with the emails tonight.


MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Date: Mon, 26 Sep 2005

WE WILL BE WAITING
THANKS



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Mon, 26 Sep 2005

i am not saying that i have any personal problem,afterall i have never meet him before, except through you, but i am just telling you to so speak with him,if at all you want this to be done quickly,since he is the one handle your money,thismeans that that is your money, it only need your authorisation to order him to pay for the money. it is as easy as abcd okay

thanks


[Meanwhile Adebayo responds to the irascible Stroganov, and an interesting aside results.


MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

WHAT ABOUT YOUR CLIENT WHO IS INJUERED`? WHAT ABOUT THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS WE DEMANDED? WHAT IS GOING ON FOR CHRIST SAKE

ENDEAVOUR TO GET TO US AS SOON AS POSSIBLE



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Sent: 23 September 2005

SODOMON

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???_HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME IN THAT MANNER_YOU HAVE NOT BOTHERED TO REPLY TO ME AT ANY STAGE IN THE TRANSACTION YET YOU HAVE THE NATIVE NERVE TO CHASE US UP_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE???


I HAVE NOTICED THAT THE LADS TRY TO TAKE ON OUR WAY OF "SPEAKING" TO INGRATIATE THEMSELVES_IN THIS CASE USING UPPER CASE_NOTE DR. FRANK OMU SAYING 'TOP OF THE DAY' TO LADY AGATHA IN A BIZARRE ATTEMPT TO SOUND UPPER-CLASS_AND NIKKY MOJO SIGNING OFF WITH "YOURS EVER"_HOWEVER SODOMON WILL CERTAINLY FEEL THE ROUGH EDGE OF MY TONGUE IF HE DOESN'T ADOPT A CIVIL TONE I CAN TELL YOU -- S


[Scamorama staff have always felt that certain of the Lads are having as much fun as the rest of us, but this belief places ScamO in a tiny minority.]


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE MAN STOP THIS WHINGING AND WHINING AND GET ON WITH THESE MALCONTENT MODALITIES_YOU HAVE WASTED ENOUGH OF MY CLIENT'S TIME AND MONEY AS IT IS_SO EITHER GET ON WITH IT OR GET OUT_DO YOU UNDERSTAND????



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON YOU SCABBY SHIT-FOR-BRAINS

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS RUDENESS YOU MALODOROUS MUGU MORON_HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO MY CLIENT LIKE THIS???_GET THIS INTO YOUR STUPID HEAD YOU PATHETIC LITTLE BITCH_YOU EITHER GET BACK IN YOUR BOX AND BEHAVE OR YOU AND YOUR RETARD FRIEND CLITUS CAN GO BACK TO PIMPING YOUR DISEASED SISTERS AROUND YOUR VILLAGE ELDERS_IS THAT CLEAR???_YOU EITHER WANT WHAT IS COMING TO YOU OR YOU DON'T BUT YOU SPEAK TO MR MUNGLERS WITH RESPECT OR MY EX-KGB FRIENDS WILL HAVE YOU TRACKED DOWN AND SHOT_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???


Stroganov: TO EVERYONE
I APOLOGISE FOR MY BAD LANGUAGE BUT I WILL NOT HAVE THESE SCUM ABUSING US_IT IS ALSO A BY-PRODUCT OF MY DAYS IN THE FIELD AT THE KGB_I HOPE THIS DOES NOT UPSET OR OFFEND ANYONE BUT LET US SEE HOW FAR WE CAN PUSH THIS ESPECIALLY AS ELDER CLITUS THINKS HE IS GETTING HIS PAYOLA -- S



CLETUS OKORO

hello accountant,
are you ready to pay me the bill i charged for your client/boss for the service ought to render?

kindly inform me so that i will go now and fax you the invoice for the said amount for immediate payment and receipt willbe issued upon the confirmation of the said amount

did you want me to fax you the invoice?

please call me through

2348053723330

thanks

Mr Cletus Okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

BARRISTER OKORO

WE ARE EXTREMELY DISMAYED AT SODOMAN ADEBAYO'S AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR AND INTEMPERATE LANGUAGE_IT HAS MADE MY CLIENT SERIOUSLY RE-THINK THESE MODALITIES_WE ARE PREPARED TO PAY BUT WE ACCEPT A FULL APOLOGY FROM HIM BEFORE WE CONTINUE_PLEASE THINK ABOUT THIS AND GET BACK TO ME_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING



... yet more mungling ...


MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Sept 27

ATTENTION : MR PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

WE ARE EXTREMELY UNHAPPY FOR YOU AFTER WE HAVE WARN YOU NOT TO REFER TO US WITH ANY BODY RATHER THAN YOU . YOU INSISTED TO DISALLOW OUR WARNING. NOW BELOW IS THE STATEMENTS OF YOUR SO CALLED ACCOUNTANT MADE TO US FOR NO REASON . THERE IS NO REASON AT ANY INSTANCE WE CAN RECEIVE SUCH STATEMENT THAT IS FULL OF THREAT AND DISREPUTATION.

AFTER THIS MORNING MEETING WE HAVE AGREED THAT IF YOU REALY WANT TO CLAIM THIS MONEY , YOU SHOULD STOP REFERING THIS PERSON TO US OTHERWISE WE MAY NOT HONOUR YOUR APPLICATION ANY FURTHER.

ENDEAVOUR TO SPEAK WITH US DIRECTLY, WE DONT ALLOW THIRD PART SYSTEM IN OUR BANKING SYSTEM.

WE KEEP ON SPEAKING WITH YOU GENTLY AND HONOURABLY BECAUSE OF YOUR LATE BROTHER PROFILE IN OUR BANK OTHERWISE WE WOULD HAVE SHUN YOU FROM CONTACTING TO US. BUT YOU MUST USE THIS RESPECT WE HAVE GIVING TO YOUR LATE BROTHER IN A GOOD MANNER ( DONT ABUSE YOUR LATE BROTHER RESPECT)

THANKS,

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

ATTENTION SLOMAN

You are in no position to preach business etiquette.

WE KEEP ON SPEAKING WITH YOU GENTLY AND HONOURABLY

So telling someone to "fuck off" is a noble and decent thing to do around your area is it? Well it's not here, if you said that to my face I would have executed a triple-hit dragon punch on you. You'd be a bloody mess, believe me.

Until you apologise for your outrageous language and behavior, Mikhail will remain off his leash.

As I have repeatedly told you, I am your customer. YOU need to show ME some respect. You can start by putting a lid on your venomous attitude and general idiocy and start helping me for once.

Good god man, if you ran a bank like this in Japan you would have been sliced asunder.

Stop complaining and do your job, and start treating me for what I am - a customer with millions of money in your two-bit shack of a bank.

Quite what my brother was thinking when he opened an account with you, I've no idea....

In the meanwhile you will continue to deal with Mikhail.

Ynerghn,
Phil


[Meanwhile there is some discussion back at the Foreign Office about language. Agent Tossov weighs in:]

Tossov: SIR BAD LANGUAGE DOES NOT MATTER A JOT TO HARD BARGAINING BUSINESSMEN LIKE MYSELF ALTHOUGH THE DAINTY EARS OF SCAMORAMA READERS MAY SUFFER IF ABUSED TOO READILY WITH INVECTIVE AND RIGOROUS RURAL PHRASES -- T

Stroganov: INDEED SO_ONE WOULD NEVER USE SUCH INTEMPERATE TERMINOLOGY ON A REGULAR BASIS BUT WHEN ONE IS PROVOKED BY SUCH LYING LOW-LIFE THE URGE CANNOT BE RESISTED_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND REGARDS FROM MOSCOW -- S

Phil Munglers: I always thought the expression was "fulk" in their neck of the woods anyway.
These pillocks are so unprofessional they make my mechanics look competent and intelligent.


CLETUS OKORO

Mr. Mikhail,
Thanks for your response.
Meanwhile, i will like you to explain what you meant by MODALITIES .I will be much glad if you can explain better .

I have never wasted any time to your client , instead you are the one making things difficulty to your client without releasing the fund while he has ordered you to release the money to me for immediate procurement of those documents he requested which will allow the bank transfer the money to the account he has submitted to them.

i have email you , and ask you a simple question if i can fax the invoice for immediate payment, instead of you to answer the question accordingly , you keep on runing from a post to post without going hitting the point, or are you woman that talks too much with out justifying the action.

Endeavour to reply according to my words otherwise i will consider you as unserious human being . so better act fast to release the money and also explain what modalities is meant from your view of deffinition.

i wait to hear from you soon

yours sincerely
Mr cletus Okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

BARRISTER OKORO

I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT WE ARE COMPLETING A FUND TRANSFER HERE_GOOD GOD MAN ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT IS AT STAKE OR HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE SAUCE AGAIN???_LOOK IN YOUR RECORDS MAN WE ARE WAITING TO PLACE THESE FUNDS WITH YOU



CLETUS OKORO

May be you have never submit your document is the whole issue, try to justify your claim by submiting the requirement documents they needed .

So let us work together and make this document available .

You are the one delaying this transfer of the money, your client have giving you go ahead to release the fund but you are not cooperatiing ,kindly act fast to enable this transaction get completed. from my own view point of everything , you should act fast to enable this money transfer quickly because there is alot of changing in nigeria banking system because of their capitalization, so more delay may jeopardise the money, i am just advicing .

Ready to have the money shortly

thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

BARRISTER COKORO

NOW YOU ARE THE ONE CONFUSING MATTERS_YOUR LAST E-MAIL READ LIKE YOU DID KNOW WHAT WHAT DAY IT WAS LET ALONE BEING ABLE TO HANDLE THE COMPLEXITIES OF INTERNATIONAL COMMERCE_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE???_THIS IS NOT AMATEUR HOUR MY FRIEND_NOW PLEASE GET ON THE CASE_TIME IS WASTING AND MR MUNGLERS IS NOT KNOWN FOR HIS PATIENCE



... the Lads return for more abuse ...


CLETUS OKORO

then send me the money i think i have expressed and defined you all the terms invovle in the charge billed to your client.

i hope to have the money right away to enable get the documents withour any amarture time as you said.

thanks

BARRISTER OKORO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

YOU HAVE SENT ME NOTHING OF THE SORT IN TERMS OF A BREAKDOWN OF YOUR FEES_NOT THAT YOU SEEM TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON_FRANKLY YOU SHOULD BE PAYING US_GIVE ME A THOROUGH BREAKDOWN OF YOUR FEES AND I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail Stroganov,

These are details of the bill charged to your client Mr Phill Munglers Kelly:

(1) Police character certificate ...........................$1500.

(2) Afidavit........................................................$700

(3) Consultation fees.........................................$1500

Total bill...........................................................$3700

The definition of these terms as mentioned above:

(1) Police character certificate: under section 25, subsection 25 c of amended 1999 constitution of federal republic of nigeria stated that such document should be obtain from the Police Affairs Commision headquarter in abuja for the purpose that, it will covers you for the entire of the transaction, this means that it prevents you from any several claimants to apply for the said fund, it also prevents from labeling the transaction as money laundary, terorist activities, consequently considers the trasantion legally and reputable from trasfering point (from the bank) to the receiving point( mr munglers).

(2) Afidavit:This is to legally clarified that the decease person is your real brother and you are fully authorised to claim the said fund. With this afidavit bank will not delay the transfering of the money for any reason

(3) Consultation fees: my proffesion and transportation I feel optimistic that you will fully comprehend this details stated above and i hope you will now start preparing to pay the bill to enable me discharge the duties with out any delay.

Thank you for co-operation

Mr Cletus Okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Excellent Cletus the Elder, although I'm sure invoices usually come on letterhead paper. Whether this is neccessary or not though is up to Mikhail.

Speaking of Mikhail, knowing him he will be watching the Chelsea match - his cousin owns the club you know.

Remain blessed,
Phil



Meanwhile Mr. Adebayo contacts Phil with his concerns about Mikhail's behavior:

SOLOMON ADEBAYO

WE ARE SHOCK TO HEAR YOUR EXPRESSION THAT WE DONT TREAT YOU AS OUR CUSTOMER. WE ARE SORRY INCASE IF WE HAVE ESTABLISHED SUCH IDEALS, KINDLY ACCEPT OUR APOLOGY. MEANWHILE WE ARE TELLING YOU THAT THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN DEAL WITH MIKHAIL, PLEASE TAKE NOTE FOR THAT , BECAUSE FROM YOUR APPLICATION YOU DID NOT STATES SUCH NAME AND THERE IS NO WAY SUCH NAME SHOULD BE INCLUDE .

WE WILL BE IN A GOOD POSITION TO HELP YOU AT ANY TIME , BUT YOU HAVE FAIL TO SUBMIT THE DOCUMENTS REQUIRED , AND WE HOPE THAT WITHIN TWO WEEKS , YOU WILL ENDEAVOUR TO GET THE DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE TO PROVE WHOM YOU ARE .

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO
NT: MY NAME IS SOLOMON NOT SLOMA OR SODOM, PLEASE TAKE A NOTE AND RESPOND ACCORDINGLY AND DECENT.



PHIL MUNGLERS

Bank

As I have told you, I am trying to obtain the documents. I have had to apply to the government for new copies. These things take time.

Mikhails involvement is not negotiable. He is fully mandated by me to handle any and all financial transactions. If you do not speak to him then you will be delaying this transaction.

When you decide to take matters more seriously, write back.

Phil



SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY
THANK YOU FOR WRITING TO US. HOW EVER WE HAVE CONCLUDED THAT WE CAN SPEAK TO WHOM EVER YOU WANT US TO SPEAK OR DEAL WITH AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS THAT JUSTIFY YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR KELLY.

WE ARE PREVENTING FROM DEALING WITH ANYBODY(MIKHAIL) RIGHT NOW TO AVOID ANY MULTIPLE CLAIMANT, HENCE YOU SHOULD UNDERSTANT THAT THE CASE STUDY IS MONEY , THEREFORE WE HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL IN HANDLE ALL THE TRANSACTION THAT WILL BE INVOLVED

. THEREFORE WE WILL DO WHAT EVER YOU INSTRUCTED AS SOON AS YOUR DOCUMENTS IS APPROVED.

YOUR SATISFATORY IS OUR PRIDE.

THANKS.
YOURS SINCERELY

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO


Time to put the ball back in Sodomy's court..


PHIL MUNGLERS

To: SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Dayo Adebayo,
Daylight come and me want some cash

I am glad to hear that my satisfatory is your pride

Cooperate with Mikhail and everyone will get their just desserts

Meanwhile, I would like it if you could send me a statement of and interest or demurrage paid in relation to the account since my brothers death. He didn't leave me with much in relation to this vast money.

May God bless everything that you think of today.
Phil


Stroganov: PHIL -- GLAD TO SEE YOU UP AND ABOUT OLD CHAP_BUT AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED THIS RIDICULOUS AND RISIBLE CHARM OFFENSIVE BY MR ARGY-BARGY OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS TODAY IS FRANKLY NAUSEATING_HOWEVER I NOTE THAT HIS STUPID FRIEND CLITUS HAS E-MAILED ME_LET US SEE WHAT WE CAN SEE BUT I AM HAVING GRAVE DOUBTS ABOUT MR SODOMY AND HIS GRIM-FACED GANG -- S

Phil: Mikhail - It is good to be back. Back together that is: that morphine was distracting me from thinking of racing and business and putting thoughts of luminous bunnies, electric frogs, and suicidal flying badgers.

I thought it would be better to be in honorable agony than to poison my brain with more drugs. I was dismayed to realise that kamikaze flying badgers were actually real.

Regarding Mr Banks recent sycophancy, I'm sure he is embarrassed by this obscene outpourings of late. Let him grovel, at least that way he is more likely to get a tip when this transaction is over.

I hope Roman's team did you proud tonight. Love to little Pavlov, hope he's stoppped hearing that ringing sound in his ears.


And what about the original scammer (flunky) Smith?


PHIL MUNGLERS

Smith

Where in the name of Greek buggery are you? You have not written for 10 days now. Have the hyenas finally eaten the bulk of your flesh? Or have you simply passed out in a ditch after drinking too much grog?

If you don't reply pronto then I will simply have to claim all the funds for myself. Well, I will give Mikhail some so that he can dontae to his favourite charity, Richie & Eddies Home For Victims Of Domestic Violence.

Are you a charitable man, Smith? Better be or a combination of your stingyness, and breathtaking laziness is going to cost you plenty.

Respond this instant
Phil



[Mikhail takes a look at the breakdown of "expenses":]

MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

THANK YOU FOR THIS_BUT I HAVE TO SAY THAT THIS IS EXORBITANT_$2,200 FOR A COUPLE OF NO-DOUBT LAME-LOOKING LETTERS SEEMS VERY STEEP_AS FOR YOUR CONSULTATION FEE IT MADE MY DOG PAVLOV LAUGH_$1,500 FOR A FEW BADLY-WRITTEN E-MAILS IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS_I CANNOT SEE MR MUNGLERS AGREEING TO THIS AND I AM RECOMMENDING THAT WE PAY YOU NO MORE THAN $1,000_TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT_AND TELL THAT CLOWN SODOMON THAT IF I HEAR ONE WORD OF DISSENT I WILL HAVE HIS KNEECAPS REMOVED AND FORCE-FED TO THE LOCAL LIVESTOCK



still at it!


CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil,
How are you today and your health, i am sure by now you would have fully recovered.

I am yet to hear from your accountact over the issue of releasing the fund to enable me get the required document as you requested.

I sent an email to ask him if the $1000 is for my professional fees or is it for the procurement of these documents, but i am yet to hear from him. kindly contact him to ask him about that.

I would have got the those documents today, had it been that the bill was upseted. Though i was in the court today over the same case of yours.

As i told you ealier that there is a lot of dynamics changing in the banking system now, and if you could not be able to fascilitate to procure these documents, it mignt be means of delaying the transfering of the said fund to you , The new Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria in the person of Prof. Charles Soludo has mandated all the bank to submit all their capital allocations and its eviron which if time did not take care might affect you , so to meet up , you have to act fast to submit your documents to the bank for immediately transfer of the money to you. I am telling you this because i am an accredited attorney to most of banks here in Nigeria.

I hope to read from you soon

thanks
Mr cletus Okoro


[Phil apparently forwards this to Mikhail Stroganov, who responds:]

Stroganov: PHIL
I HAVE INDEED HEARD FROM CLITUS AND WILL REPLY ACCORDINGLY_AS FOR CHARLES SOLUBLE WE HAVE HAD DEALINGS WITH HIM BEFORE_HE IS A CHARLATAN AND A LIAR_I URGE EXTREME CAUTION_YOU KNOW WHAT THESE NATIVES ARE LIKE


CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail Stroganov, Thanks for returning my email. I would like know if $1000 is for laywer consultation fees or for the documents to procure? I am using this means to notify you that i am the sole acredited attorney to this bank, and i have done several cases like that of your client, therefore the price for these documents is an official price stipulated by the authority of Federal Republic of Nigeria which can be obtain if you are an authorised attorney. I advice that you should adhere or stick to good work or service, and i am able to do that. i hope to hear from you Thanks Mr Cletus Okoro


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS YOU DUNDERHEAD THE $1,000 IS FOR EVERYTHING AND YOU ARE LUCKY TO GET THAT


CLETUS OKORO

Hello Mikhail Stroganov,

I am yet to hear from you .I hope you get my email yesterday?.

Kindly inform me the way forward .

I will be anticipating to read from you soon

Best regards
Mr Cletus Okoro
MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLETUS

DO NOT CHASE ME UP MY FRIEND_I HAVE RESPONDED TO YOUR EMAIL AND THIRD WORLD RAILROADING WILL NOT WORK ON ME_NOW FOR GODS SAKE GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF_THE MONEY WE PAY MAY PAY FOR YOUR FIRST HOT MEAL THIS MONTH BUT WE MOVE AT OUR PACE OR NOT AT ALL_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???



SOLOMON ADEBAYO

Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005

ATTENTION: PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONOURABLE GESTURE IN REPLYING TO US AND ALSO THE QUESTION YOU ASKED ABOUT YOUR LATE BROTHERS MONEY IN OUR BANK.

WE ARE HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT WE WILL GIVE YOU THE BREAK DOWN OF ACCRUED INTEREST TO THE ACTUAL MONEY YOUR LATE BROTHER DEPOSITED IN OUR BANK AS SOON AS WE ASCERTAINEDND APPROVED THAT ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS SUBMITTED ARE TRUE. WE THEREFORE NOTIFYING YOU THAT AS SOON AS YOU SUBMIT YOU DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE AS WE HAVE INFORMED YOU EARLIER ON , WE WILL EMAIL OR FAX YOU THE STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT OF YOUR DECEASED BROTHER.

I AM ALSO REMINDING YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU COULD NOT MEET UP TO THE DATE AS THE FINAL DATE, YOUR APPLICATION WILL BE REJECTED

THANKS
YOURS SINCERELY

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



[Meanwhile, the Lad who started it all - and probably regrets bringing in the management - gently tries to move things along.]

JOHN SMITH

<johnsmiith2005_2007@yahoo.com>

Dear Phil,

what is happening or could it be that my email is not geting to you .
Please email me rigtht now

thank you and god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Johnsmith

In the name of sanity man, where have you been? This is the first I've heard from you for nearly two weeks!

It's a good job you wrote to me, I'd just prepared this haiku I was going to send you:

"John Smith is a mook

Too stupid to earn some cash I hope he dies soon"

I guess you have saved yourself from that though.

The barrister you hired for us is a clown and the bank have been extremely rude to me. How do you do business down there anyway?

Get on the ball, Smith. Time's a wasting and I've got bones to fix so I can drive again.

The insurance have paid up and I've got myself a Skyline GTR V-Spec with anti-badger radar installed.

Reply immediately,
Phil



... on into October ...


CLETUS OKORO

Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2005
Subject: it is quite amazing!!!!!!!
To: Phil Munglers
CC: Stroganov

DeaR Phil Munglers kelly,

It is quite amazing and perplex that uptill now ,i could not able to hear from you together with your accountact. I emailed him to inform him that the documents could be obtained today due to the fact that i have such case today in the court so that your application can be approved thereby procured those documents, but i couldnt hear from him. even the total cost of the documents is $2200 with out my proffesionl fees, but he said that he can only pay for $1000 which i told him to pay for that will be accepted in one condiction, that upon the transfer of the money to your account , that you are going to balance me up the remaing money of $1200 with out my consultation fees. This is to make him understand the kind of the lawyer i am, so that next time he can have confident in me ,but up till now i never hear from him.

With due respect sir,could you kindly explain why your accountant disrupt my schedule of today and why he refuse to email me to enable me know if i can still render the service to you honourably.

I want you to contact him right away and get back to me as soon as possible .

I feel optimistic that it is nice doing business together with you and i hope in future it will be nice to meet again

yours sincerely

Mr Cletus Okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

COLITUS

GOOD GOD MAN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WHINGING AND WHINING???_I HAVE RESPONDED TO YOUR MAIL CLITUS_$1000 IS A KINGS RANSOM IN YOUR SHANTYTOWN_NOW FOR GODS SAKE GET ON WITH IT



[And "John Smith" reponds to Phil's nagging:]

JOHN SMITH

Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2005

Dear Phil,

I am sorry for that, i went for official assignment at northern part of the country and idont have access to internet over there, please accept my lackadaiscal attitude and late response, kindly bear with me

so how is your health ,i hope you are 100 percetange now and you can still competite on your destine.

Well ,you should know that Mr Cletus is a lawyer and you know how the lawyer behaviour. So far so good, have the money transfer by now? or what is the status of all the transaction?

please kindly get me the current information to enable me know the status of the deal.

I dont think the bank would be rude to you ,because when Late Mr Kelly was alive , they try their best to give him the highest reputation.,so may be you have never submit the documentary evidence tothem, have you ?

I hope to hear from you soon
Thanks and god bless you

John Smith



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
Join us in celebrating the 45th birthday of my country as they are celebrating their independend today. Nigeria got their independed on 1st of october, 1960.

Meanwhile , why you dont want to give me the status of the transaction. please be honest and you know we dont have time any more , you better give me the latest. I have got other documents right now , that is certificate of deposit , death certificate. they are all ready. so get the rest and email me now , or have you collected them from barister Cletus Okoro, if yes , then let us submit everything to the bank and let this ball keep rolling .

i have got my international passport ready for coming over to your country as soon as the is business suceesfully graduated with my family, i hope you will kindly get an accomodation for us where we can stay and think of what to invest.

How ever i want you to do me a favour to inform me what can of busines is lucreative over there so that as soon as this money is transfer, i will use me share to invest in your country japan. tell me the security background of your country, if it will be condisive to live with my family.

i hope that you will try all your best to reach me today and make sure you obtain those documents, if you the money he charged you is too much, i can contribute to pay to make this busines sound sucessfully.

How ever i am going to email Mr Cletus right now.

Thanks and God Bless You.

John smith


[It is Nigeria's independence day. Bye bye Britain in 1960. This is the only true thing "John Smith" has said to Phil. Which makes him one up on Phil.]


PHIL MUNGLERS

Mr Smith

Thank you for your email

Congratulations on your national celebration of independend. May you drink lots of alcohol and have sex with everything that you see.

I am glad to hear you've managed to get the documents together - it is good that someone is finally making headway in this tangled mess of a transaction.

That foolish barrister has not done a thing for us yet. Mikhail is trying to make sense of Okororo's whacky emails but it is slow progress.

Let me know when you are visiting Japan, and also what kind of car you require. I look forward to teaching you drift techniques. Have you had much experience in downhill street racing? If not I recommend maybe a Nissan S13 or a Toyota Levin AE85, just to get the feel for powersliding. Please state your preference.

God bless your little cotton socks,
Phil



John-boy tell Cletus what good buddies we are...

JOHN SMITH

Date: Sat, 1 Oct 2005
Subject: i wish to know sir
To: baristcletus_stcltd@yahoo.com
CC: Phil Munglers

Dear Sir, I am sorry that i have never call you to ask you about the work my friend ( Mr Phil Munglers Kelly) ask you to do for him, i want to know if you have dont that. I am his friend and i have known him for more than 5 years as a decent and nice guy,

Please email me the status of your service.

Thanks

Wishing you an independed day

John smith


[Yes, this is one scammer writing to another scammer, with cc: to the intended victim. Keep in mind that John Smith and Cletus and Solomon are all scam-o-cronies. A great team effort. Mission Impossible was never better. Except for the quality of the acting, the technical effects, and the sense of humor.]


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN MR MUNGLERS FOR 5 MINUTES LET ALONE 5 YEARS_NOW DECEASE THIS OUTRAGEOUS OBSEQUIOUSNESS AND TRY TO MOVE THESE MODALITIES ALONG OR DON'T BOTHER TO BLOCK UP MY E-MAIL_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???



[And Cletus duly responds...]

CLETUS OKORO

Date: Sat, 1 Oct 2005
Subject: i hope my expression is cleared to you
CC: Phil Munglers

Dear John Smith, Thanks for your concern. Well everything is moving fine for the work for your friend, but right now they could not bne able to pay for the bill charge to them, so that is what is delaying .

So if he(Mr. Phil Munglers kelly ) is your friend , kindly tlak to him to stop delaying me , therefore they should upset their bill if they are interested to work with me.

They have agreed to pay $1000, and i told them that the balance must be pay , may be latter, as far as the money is suceesfully transfer to him, therefore that they will email me a promising note that the balance of $2700 together with my professional fee( consultation fees)

I will obtain the documents upon the payment of their bill charged.

I hope you comprehend my expression.

Thanks and wishing you an independent day too

Best regards,

Baris(ELDER) Cletus Okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS AND SMITH

YOU TWO CLOWNS ARE ABOUT AS USEFUL AS A SOLAR-POWERED TORCH_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???_DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING???_FOR PITYS SAKE I AM ABOUT TO PULL THE PLUG ON THIS TAWDRY TRANSACTION SO EITHER SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT YOU CRETINOUS CLONKHEADS



John offers to pay, then tells Cletus to get the money from us

JOHN SMITH

Date: Sat, 1 Oct 2005
To: CLETUS OKORO
CC: Phil Munglers

Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that i will pay for the balance of the money. please officially ask them to pay for the money as they agreed. i will right away reach them through email to inform them the latest on the ground , I will send the money to you next week, and i will send you a promising or i will come to you office so that we can reach an agreement how i will pay for the balance

kindly obtain the documents as soon as they send the $1000 to you.

thanks

Yours faithfully,
JOHN SMITH



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,

I am going to proive you my proffessional to you by do all my best to procure these papers. If you insist that , you can only release $1000 for these documents, well go ahead and do that . but i am assuring you that after this business you will likely like to do more business with me. I work both international and locally, so i think we have many ways we can do business together in future.

I am able to help your client mr phil munglers kelly , but i will like you to pay the balance of $2700, upon the sucessful transfer of the said fund , so i will like you to write a promising note that will indicate that upon the sucessful transfer of the said fund , that mr phi mungler will balance the amount of $2700.If such is acepted, then transfer the money ($1000) to enable me get those documents as soon as possible.

i have giving you an appropriate place to send the money through wester union. and i hope you sill recall on that, otherwise below is the information

Mr Peter S. okonkwo
40 samuel ekunola street ago palace way
okota, lagos 23401.
nigeria

text question: urgent
answer : ok
kindly send the control number

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON
THANKS
MR CLETUS OKORO.



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

AT LAST YOU ARE STARTING TO EARN YOUR MONEY_THIS ACTUALLY SEEMS FAIR_HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE YOU ARE SOUNDING LIKE WHAT PASSES FOR PROFESSIONAL IN YOUR PART OF THE WORLD_VERY WELL THEN_I WILL PASS YOUR PAYMENT PROPOSAL TO MR MUNGLERS
CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,

I wish to officially informing you that you should forward the money with out any promising note. a friend to your client has promised to settle the balance of the money.
Therefore go ahead and send the money.

thanks
Cletus



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WE WILL SEND THE MONEY AS SOON AS YOU PRODUCE THE RELEVANT PAPERWORK AND NOT A NANOSECOND BEFORE_SEND THEM IMMEDIATELY



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,

How are you today. I am not chasing up as you might be thinking, but i am tried to keep you update as a client, since i could not hear from you then.

Meanwhile, i am emailing to let you know that i will be going to court today and i wish to procure those documents, therefore ,kindly upset the bill to enable me discharge my duties which consequently obtained the documents requested.

I thought by now you would have transfer the money to my accountant.

Importantly, with due respect kindly email me the promising note that after the sucessfull transfering of the said fund that you will balance me of the $2700, because $2200 is an official price to these documents, but i am going to procure it with my money to prove you my professional capability . So i hope i am not delaying now , endeavour to send the email and also the money as soon as possible

best regards

Mr Cletus Okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

SEEING AS YOUR PERFORMANCE THUS FAR HAS RANGED FROM DISAPPOINTING TO DREADFUL TO DISMAL I WANT TO SEE THE DOCUMENTS BEFORE WE RELEASE A SINGLE CENT_SEE MY OTHER EMAIL FOR DETAILS



CLETUS OKORO

i am still waiting
thanks



[And Mikhail responds to Solomon Adebayo about the 'breakdown' of expenses:]

MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMY

I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WOULD APPEAR FROM THE WOODWORK_DO NOT SET US DEADLINES MY FRIEND_WE WILL CONCLUDE MODALITIES AT OUR OWN PACE OR NOT AT ALL_IS THAT CLEAR???



SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR MIKHAIL STROGANOV,
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDED YOUR EMAIL , WE WILL GET BACK TO YOU ON TUESDAY FOR YOUR REQUEST

HAPPY WEEKEND

MR SOLOMON ADEBAYO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON

GOOD_MAKE SURE YOU DO



JOHN SMITH

Thanks for your concerned.

I have sent a promising note to the lawyer when i emailed him today and he has promised to procure the document as soon as you send the $1000. Please Kindly do so, so that all the documents will be ready before tuesday. Please tell your accountant to transfer the money to him for that $1000. I am going to pay for the balance from my own share as soon as the money is transfer to you.

I prefere Toyota Levin AE85, infact i too love toyota products, i hope that will be fine, but may i know how much it will cost me to get that and also how much will it cost me to get three bedroom flat in japan.

i hope to hear that mr cletus okoro have been fax or submit the documents to you ,so i believed that what is delaying all the whole thing is the money, kindly pay the money as he wish you to do so, infact i was glad to hear that he accepted the $1000. So this morning i was there to plead to him to be gentle with you which he said that he has been honourably to you since the inception of this transaction.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU

JOHN SMITH



PHIL MUNGLERS

Johnsmith

I will set the wheels in motion regarding the funds. Mikhail - please send him whatever he needs.

As for the car, consider it a gift. It is only an entry-level kuruma anwyay. If you already have a toyota I suggest you start to practice high speed cornering, at least that way you can hop straight into it.

Property prices vary wildly in Japan - where about were you thinking of living? Tokyo is the most expensive city on earth, you will need all of Kelly's funds just to buy a pot of Ramen cup noodles.

Note, to be considered for migration to Japan you must show an understanding of Japanese culture and history. An immigration officer I spoke to suggested that you write an essay - around 4500 words - on Lord Oda Nobunaga, particularly his thinking and strategies behind his attack on Okehazama in 1560.

I hope to race you soon

Phil



JOHN SMITH

Date: Sat, 1 Oct 2005

Mr Phil,
I emailed to mr cletus to telling him that i knew you for more than five years inorder to convinced him that you are a decent person to enable him speak to you honourable, and grant you the amount $1000 you want to pay. But the email was copy to your accountant unknowingly, but he wrote to me challenge me for such act.

With reference to the above reason, i thereby request you to write to your accountant to understand the reason why i say such.

i hope you will go right away to contact him over this issue and also advice him to pay for the service which mr cletus ought to do for us

thanks and god bless you

john smith


Stroganov: PHIL -- THIS IS WHY I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS ABOUT SMITHS FRACTIOUS FINANCIAL FUMBLINGS_I UNDERSTAND THAT WHISPERING AND PALM-FILLING ARE THE ORDERS OF THE DAY BUT ALL THIS TALK BETWEEN SMITH AND COLITIS IS NOT DOING ANYONE ANY GOOD_WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THEIR CLIENTS AFTER ALL_HOWEVER AS ALWAYS I AWAIT YOUR INSTRUCTIONS_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND REGARDS FROM MOSCOW



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

DO YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF REVOLTING VIRUS THAT MAKES YOU ACT LIKE A CHIMP WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES???_ITS JUST THAT I WAS AT BOWDEN'S BAR IN DOWNTOWN MOSCOW LAST NIGHT AND WAS THINKING THAT NOBODY COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE STUPID AND GREEDY AS YOU_YOU EXPECT US TO PAY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING_I WOULD HAVE A LONG THINK IF YOU ARE CAPABLE AND GET BACK TO ME ON HOW YOU SEE THIS BUSINESS PROGRESSING



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,
Thanks for your honourable response. How ever , i did not told you that i knew him for 5 years, i received an email informing me that he is a friend of MR PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY that he knows hm for pass five years ago, he has promised to send the promising note that as soon as the money is transfered that he will come to my office to pay the money, he eventually came to my office today before i went to abuja to celebrate our independent day. Note that i did not say such .

I want you to know that , i will mail or fax or attach these documents to you or to your client as soon as i recieved the money which will empower me to obtaine or procure the documents. So i am sorry that i could not respond quickly to you , infact i was in ABUJA which is the capital of nigeria where we celebrated 45 years of our independent, please bear with me.

Meanwhile i will like you to forward your payment ($1000) as soon as possible to enable me discharge the duties , am i speaking well ?

I am sure, i have giving you the details where the money should be send to. Kindly do so.

I will be waiting to receive the money ,then mail or fax or attach the documents to you or your client as soon as possible.

I hope to hear from you soon.

yours sincerely

MR CLETUS OKORO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

ALL THIS BLATHER IS WELL AND GOOD BUT WE ARE NOT RELEASING ANY CASH UNTIL THE DOCUMENTS ARE IN OUR POSSESSION_HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT???
[Meanwhile, responding to Stroganov's outburst ("YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN MR MUNGLERS FOR 5 MINUTES LET ALONE 5 YEARS"):]

JOHN SMITH

Mikhail

I am sorry to use such words, but it was refered to mr cletus for him to be gentle to mr phil munglersand also to you, i am just to put more hope in him so that he can do the job honourable .please to be candid , i did not meant to said that but try to make the business been progreesive .

Thank for your concern.

John smith



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH FOR GODS SAKE MAN JUST SHUT UP AND LET US GET ON WITH THINGS_THIS RIDICULOUS NATIVE NATTERING IS DOING NOTHING TO HELP MODALITIES_ANYONE WOULD THINK WE ARE TRYING TO DENY YOU WHAT YOU ARE DUE


[And trying to respond to Stroganov's remark about solar-powered torches:]

JOHN SMITH

Dear Sir,
These emails were not refered to you, it was an email i sent to mr cletus.
Please if the emails offend you ,kindly accept ,my apology

thanks and god bless you

John smith



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

AS THEY SAY IN AMERICA YADDA YADDA YADDA_I SUGGEST YOU KEEP OUT OF THINGS AND LET THE PROFESSIONALS GET ON WITH BUSINESS_IS THAT CLEAR???


[By now we almost feel sorry for John Smith. Almost.]


CLETUS OKORO

Hello Mr Mikhail Stroganov

Are you there, i wonder why you are yet to reply. i am waiting to have your reply superfasly.

happy weekend



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE MAN_I SAID BEFORE WE GO AT OUR PACE OR NOT AT ALL_NOW CALM DOWN CLITUS_DO YOU REALISE WHAT IS AT STAKE HERE????



CLETUS OKORO

can you call me for more discusions

contact phones: 2348053723330

thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHENEVER WE TRY TO CALL YOU WE GET SOME JABBERING NATIVE ON THE LINE_IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR PHONE NETWORK IS TWO OLD SOUP CANS AND SOME STRING_BUY A DECENT PHONE MAN AND STOP THIS NON-COMMUNICATIVE NONSENSE



pushing on into october...

CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,

Thanks for your response.
First and formost, i want to ask you some questions which need a honourable response: am i the one issueing the documents? am i the agents that will obtain the documents? am i the one to pay for the documents? is the documents free to obtain?. For christ sake stop this gainles wiseness and discharge your duties properly. if you are the one contracted to get these documents wouldnt you ask for money to pay for the agency that issue the documents, why do you keep on delaying this transaction, are you not interested in my service? Stop beating at bush but lets get this business done, i am tired of your reluntant way you are applying for my profession, i demand your alacrity otherwise i will stop this transaction so that i will focus my attention to other clients who are serious in my service.

My phone is working, may be you called when i was in Abuja for 45th birthday of nigeria indepenedend thanksgiving service which was held on sunday, but go ahead and try it now.
add the code which is 234 add the cell phone number which is 08053723330 or simple dial 2348053723330.

Please let this business progress, let us work together for the betterment of future, remember we can meet any time , this business woudnt be the last business we may incage, while not be contented with my capability so that your doubt about me will be actuallised.

i hope to hear from you honourable

Thanks,

CLETUS OKORO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS I AM GETTING HEARTILY SICK AND TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR CONSTANT GRUBBY DEMANDS_I HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THAT WE WILL NOT RELEASE ANY MONEY UNTIL MR. MUNGLERS HAS INSTRUCTED ME TO DO SO AND I AM RECOMMENDING THAT WE DO NOT DO THIS UNTIL WE GET THE DOCUMENTS_NOW FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS READ THIS CAREFULLY OR GO BACK TO GOAT-HERDING OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO TO SCRAPE A LIVING OUT THERE

[Cletus, being a second-tier scammer, may in fact be herding a Mercedes around Lagos, or possibly Amsterdam. John Smith, however, may never get that red jacket.]


MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

TO WHOM IIT MAY CONCERN: MR STROGANOV:

WE ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO RELENT WITH YOU FOR THE FIRST INSTANCE; BUT WE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A TRY TO KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOU AND TO RESPECT MR PHIL MUNGLER KELLY WHO HIS LATE BROTHER OWNED ALOT OF RESPECT AND REPUTATION HERE IN OUR BANK.
WE INSTALLED THE DEADLINE IN THE SENSE THAT PSCHOLOGICALLY AND PHSIOLOGICALLY WE WANT TO GATHER ENOUGH INFORMATION TO ENABLE US TRANSFER THE RESPECT OWNED TO LATE MR KELLY TO MR PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY. HIS APPLICATION HAS BEEN LONG SUBMITED IN OUR BANK AND SINCE THEN NONE OF THE REQUIREMENT REQUESTED FROM HIM HAD BEEN SUBMITED, WE THEREFORE BEGAN TO THINK IF HIM IS THE ACTUAL PERSON THAT IS NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR KELLY. HENCE IF HE IS THE REAL PERSON AS HE CLAIMED; HE WOULDNT HAVE WASTED A LOT OF TIME TO GET BACK TO US, REMEMBER WE WANT TO GIVE OUT LOANS FOR OUR CLIENTS, AND HIS LATE BROTHER FUND IS STILL CIRCULATING IN OUR SYSTEM WHICH IS INCLUDED TO THE CAPITAL WE WANT TO ISSUED AS LOANS TO OUR CLIENTS, BUT DUE TO HIS APPLICATION WE ARE YET TO CARRY OUT OUR NORMAL BUSINESS HOPING THAT THE MONEY WOULD HAVE BEEN TRANSFERED BY NOW, BUT UNSERIOUSNESS AND UNRESPOND WORRIED US THEREBY FORCED US TO DRAWN THE DEADLINE WHICH HAS BEEN APPROVED BY THE BOARD OF THE DIRECTOR OF THIS BANK TO ENABLE US GO BACK TO OUR NORMAL BUSINESS .

IF YOU ARE A PERSONAL LAWYER OR ATTORNEY TO MR PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY, I AM CONTEMPLATING THAT YOU SHOULD ADVICE HIM TO SUBMIT ALL THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BEFORE THE DEADLINE OPTIMISED OTHERWISE HE MAY LOSE HIS CLAIM.

YOURS SINCERELY

SOLOMON ADEBAYO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON_LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY YOU MUPPET-HEADED MORON_I HAVE JUST EMAILED YOUR RETARDED FRIEND CLITUS WHO WOULD BE AMUSING IF HE WASN'T SO STUPIDLY DELAYING THIS BUSINESS_WE ARE NOT RELEASING A PENNY TO YOU TWO CLOWNS UNTIL WE GET THE DOCUMENTS_BASED ON YOUR PATHETIC POORLY PREPARED PERFORMANCE SO FAR I FRANKLY DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE PROGRESS BUT I AM GIVING YOU ANOTHER CHANCE_DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME SODOMON???_OR DO I HAVE TO GET THIS E-MAIL TRANSLATED INTO YOUR DUBIOUS DIALECT???


JOHN SMITH

Dear Sir,
I am glad to receive your emails and i have gone through of them, and i am promising that i will keep on shut but i plead you to save the nine so that the money will be transfered, hence many banks are undergoing alot of construction from the governor of central bank of nigeria and i wouldnt like if this money could be affected. MR PHILL told me that you are the one to release the fund , please kindly do your best

thanks and god bless you

john smith



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

I AM GOING TO EXPLAIN ONCE MORE YOU IMBECILIC IDIOT_WE ARE NOT PAYING A PENNY UNTIL WE GET THE DOCUMENTS_I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT YOU CLITUS OR SODOMON HAVE TO SAY_FOR GODS SAKE SMITH WE ALL KNOW THE THIRD WORLD IS ONE OF BRIBERY AND BAKSHEESH SO DO SOMETHING USEFUL_GET THE DOCUMENTS AND YOU WILL HAVE YOUR $1,000 OR YOU CAN GET LOST_IS THAT CLEAR???



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

FOR GODS SAKE MAN_I SAID BEFORE WE GO AT OUR PACE OR NOT AT ALL_NOW CALM DOWN CLITUS_DO YOU REALISE WHAT IS AT STAKE HERE????


CLETUS OKORO

Hello Mr Mikhail Stroganov,
Please what is at stake? i need your explanation i cannot release any documents to you with out any money, because i have never procure or obtain the documents, i must go with money to get them .

So you have to pay before i obtain them. In your country did you hire a lawyer on credit or in cash? so think about and get back to me.
i will be looking ahead to read from you honourable

cletus okoro
MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

DO I HAVE DO EVERYTHING???_GOOD GOD MAN JUST LAY OUT FOR THE DAMNED DOCUMENTS AND TAKE THE MONEY BACK FROM EXPENSES ONCE THE FUND IS RELEASED!!!_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT THERE???_AND YOU WANT ME TO PAY FOR SO-CALLED PROFESSIONAL SERVICES???_MY 5-YEAR OLD GRANDSON IGOR COULD DO A BETTER JOB THAN YOU_EITHER SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT CLITUS_WE HAVE OTHER IRONS IN THE FIRE AND MY PATIENCE IS WEARING PAPER-THIN_NOW GET ON WITH IT



PHIL MUNGLERS

Quite right

Cletus you would make a better beggar than barrister. All you have done is plead like bum after booze and yet you have done nothing to facilitate the speed of this transaction.

You do not need money to OBTAIN the documents as you will never be able to do so - neither myself nor Kelly were born in your country so you will have no record of our existance.

So you need to CREATE the documents, and THEN you can get paid and banner off down the pub for a few days.

SEND MIKHAIL THE PAPERWORK IMMEDIATELY or you will have as much chance of being paid as I have of turning into a whining Nigerian banker.

I pray for your spark plugs to become sooted up in an instant,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
How is today, am sure that your body is ok.

I want to know if you have writing to your accountant to release the fund to the lawyer?

please inform me.

thanks and god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Mr Smeeth

My body is recovering, but it will be a week or so before I can drive. At the minute I am being ferried around by Takumi who moves like he is driving Miss Daisy.

Mikhail will pay Barrister Clitus the Old when he is satisfied that we have something to show for our money.

I hope you had fun at your carnival of independend.

You have until the end of the month to do your assigment. Send me what you have done already and I will let you know how it's looking.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Hi Phil,
Do you think i am a beggar or medicant, i regreted accepting your request for the first time, i did not beleived that you could be so insultive like you have done to me notwithstanding my proffesional.

My office is not a place of illegal business , so there is no way i can creat a documents to you and you brother kelly.

What is the information you are talking about that i couldnt find if i search for it? is your profile or mr kelly profile? what does you and your brothers information relent to get those documents you requested me to obtained for you? you better think wisely before you manipulate them ok.

good day



PHIL MUNGLERS

Oct 4

Cletus

Thank you for your baffling email

I would be more impressed with your abilities as a barrister if you actually went ahead and did some work instead of complaining all the time

Tell me - what documentation DO you have there in Nigeria relating to me? Do tell, I'm curious to know where it came from and what it is about

Let me clarify the situation:

You are a lawyer working for me
You do as I ask, you get paid

Tell me what documents you need to "obtain"
Send them to Mikhail
You will be paid

The top and bottom of it is
Do as I say and you will be paid

You will be paid if you do as I ask

- Can you spot a pattern emerging here? -

Documents + obedience = pay

Money for you
If you do
As I tell you to

What don't you understand about this? Do you enjoy being patronised?

I'm sure Mikhail can understand this simple math, can't you sir? (When he produces the documents, or at least tells me where he's getting them from, pay the man)

Yours in exasperation,
Phil

PS, send the documents and you will be paid


Stroganov: PHIL I WOULD AGREE WITH YOU ON EVERY POINT_EXCEPT WE ARE DEALING WITH THE THICKIE TWINS RATHER THAN ANY SOPHISTICATED BUSINESSMEN_LET US HOPE THAT BREAKING IT DOWN FOR THIS GROUP OF MOUTHY MEDIOCRITIES WILL DO THE TRICK -- S



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,

have mr cletus send you those documents? kindly attach them to me for verification so that all the forms will be unique as bank what them to look like before i send those ones on my hand.

I am afraid to this business with you due to the way your accountant is talking to me in way of embrassment and insulent, is not what will happen if this money is transfered to you? . I need to have trust in you and your accountant,if not i will take this business back to me and look for another person who we can relent with me in a good manner , not using a barbarism words for discussion, i would not like to be kill if i want to collect my share when the money would i have been in the possesion of your accountant who talks to person as if he owns the world.

If i did not see any impart from you on this busines from now till tommorow, i will know that you are not willing to do the business.

thanks and god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2005

To: john smith

Smeeth

Cletus has done no such thing. He seems to be delusional in that he thinks I actually AM Kelly's brother and is trying to "obtain" the documents for the bank.

John, we both know that I am NOT Kelly's brother so exactly how does he hope to obtain proof that I AM? It is impossible. He needs to create the damn forms himself and is asking thousands of dollars to do so. He is insane, please find a forger who is prepared to work like everone else on earth - work first, payment later.

Why is nothing ever simple? Is it me? This is twisting my melon, man, if you can help by getting him to hurry up (or get rid of him - I don't care how), then I will consider getting a better car for you as gratitude.

I await your essay on Oda Nobunaga.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Hello Phil,
First and formost, i will pay the federal government agency(court clerk) who is authorised to issue and legalise such documents to an authorised lawyer, so there is no way i can obtain the documents with out the payment.

I have told your earlier time when i interpreted all the details of the documents and where to obtained them to you and your accountant, so why now are you asking such question, making times been wasted. The Police character certificate could be obtained from Police command commision and the afidavit could be obtain from federal high court. I think i have substantial your question very well.

Do as you ask, is not accepted as far as money is concern, hence i am the one discharging the duties therefore you have to do as i said if you wish



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

You are without a doubt the most obtuse and unusual "lawyer" I have ever encountered.

You are NOT calling the shots here - *I* am the one with the money. I am dangling the carrot. If you want paying then you do as instructed! That is how the world works. It is unfortunate that in the World Of Cletus things seem to be different, but that will not wash with me.

I cannot be bothered explaining everything to you again, trying to get through to you is like trying to teach inertia principals to a 3 year old. Maybe if I had a blackboard and a chalk there I could draw you a little picture to show you how business is done, but you would proabably need another diagram to explain the first one.

I'm not an artist Mr Okoror. I am a racing driver and I am claiming what is mine. I thought that YOU might be able to help and that you would want to earn some money. Clearly this is not the case.

I have therefore tuned the engine of this deal for you: send the documents to Mikhail prior to payment or you are fired.

I hope this sobers you into action at last.

May rain dung on your newly cleaned car,
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smith

That's it, I've had enough of Clet-ass and his relentless idiocy and lack of any sense of reality.

He has finally reached the stage where he's starting to piss me off. I apologise for my language, but morons like him really press my pedals.

I am going to fire him.

Smith, I'm asking you as my good old buddy (who will get a nice free car off me), find me another lawyer. It can't be that hard, just call into the first bar or brothel you come across, they'll all be in there spending their ill-earned gains.

I am tired of him making excuses, being rude and totally unhelpful. I might send some yakuza friends to his office to destroy him with swords.

No nonsense now Mr Smith, help me find a lawyer and you will be rich enough to buy a hyena and feed it lawyers.

HELP ME NOW
Phil


Stroganov: PHIL A WISE DECISION SIR_WHEN I TALK TO CLITUS IT IS A WASTE OF TIME AND ITS ENOUGH TO LOSE THE WILL TO LIVE_I WOULD RATHER EXPLAIN RUSSIA'S TAX LAWS TO A HORSE_PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON AND LET US FIND A LAWYER WHO CAN REALLY ASSIST WITH THESE MODALITIES -- S Mikhail I look forward to crushing these lads also, hopefully eliciting more insults off them. I would, however, like to not tell them that they were being baited. We can still destroy them for wasting our time, but I would not want them to tell all their swarthy chums that Phil Munglers is anything other than a racing driver that can't travel. In the meanwhile I will begin to look for a new target. Remain blessed, Phil AS YOU WISH SIR_WE CAN SEND THEM THE LINK THAT WILL CRASH THEIR PCS



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,

I am surprised to read from you in the sense that you are calling the lawyer a forger. I want to listening and be comprehensive with my expression.

Firstly, i told you that i will steal the original documents on the followinng documents: death certificate and certificate of the said fund, so these particular documents are purely original.

Secondly, the police character certificate must originally procured from the agency concerned

Thirdly, the afidavit will also obtained originally, there is no way the bank will accept the fake of such documents because even if it is the real deaceased person came for the claim, the person must also undergoing such procedure as mr cletus is doing for us here in nigeria inorder to get such documents, am i making sense of you?

Fourthly, the only documents we are going to forge as i told you is the international passport or driving lincense which i have giving to the specialist to create the documents.

I am beging you not to said anything illegal to the mr cletus (the lawyer) to avoid spoiling our plan. I gave you his contact , because i knew him from our bank as one of their attorney and he is well know as a reputable lawyer who does not welcome any illicit or illegal work in his office, i thereby warn you not relent anything illegal to him, these two documents we want him to get for us are legal and purely original. and these two documents are very essential to this our deal, endeavour to contact mr cletus and provide a step to get these documents right away, hence from a source (insider) from the bank, they are trying to mandate you for the day the form could be submit otherwise we loose this money, therefore you have to act fast, then if you know you can not act fast, simple inform earlier to enable me get another reliable person who can fastly act as i told him and receive the money smoothly.

thank you and god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

John

Thank you for your email, but unfortunately my patience with Cletus is at an end. He refuses to do what is required of him.

We don't need him. There will be another lawyer there that can help us. Tell you what, if you find a new and better lawyer I will offer you a deal - I will have Mikhail reward you by giving you exactly what he gives the lawyer! How does that sound? You will get a lawyers wage just for putting me in contact with one!

What a great idea! You get money and neither of us has to deal with that idiot ever again. I feel good now, I think I might head down to the karaoke bar to sing some Trent Reznor songs.

Love and peace,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

MR CLETUS is one of the attorney , i think he can do the job properly. is the money i the problem or yare you doubting his proffesional?

To be candid, there is no lawyer that can provide such documents which will be submit to the bank because he is only the lawyer authorised to handle such documents in this bank, i think you have give him a second chance by giving him what he needs to work with us. I am not interested on the token money as you said, but i am full interested in that big deal i have with you($15.5m) so if you know you cannot work with mr cletus, then we may not have this business transacted since he is only the reliable lawyer that owns the key for those documents.

Thanks and god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2005
Subject: Very well
To: john smith
CC: Stroganov

Smith

You are clearly breathing the same fumes as Cletus if you think that he is reliable

Either you are too stupid or too cowardly to hire another lawyer on my behalf, I cannot tell which it is

However, you leave me with little choice - Mikhail, send them the 1000 Yen they asked for and shut their whining up once and for all

Honestly, you are like a pair of old women with your ceaseless moaning

Phil


1000 Yen is the pricely sum of roughly $8.75 Let's see if they notice


PHIL MUNGLERS

Barrister Clueless

Your grovelling little friend, John Smith, has begged me to retain you as my lawyer. God know why he sees someone as lazy as you as being helpful, but that's a psychological problem that he has to live with.

Sadly, this means that you are a problem that I have to live with. It is against my better judgement but I have agreed to appease his pathetic pleading and re-hire your "services".

Mikhail has been instructed to send you the 1000 you asked for, so it will be done.

NOW GET THE DOCUMENTS!!

Don't make me tell you again

Baka!!
Phil



[It is rude to say baka. If the Lads were Japanese, they might not come back at this point. But they are not Japanese.]


CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil Munglers Kelly,
You should know for the first instance that mr john smith is not my friend or neither you, it is only that he works in that bank is that clear, so dont relent him to me as my friend .

Well, if you realy interested to work with me and if you realy want me to render my service to you , it will only be done in one condition, and the condition is , i will not like to prolong this transaction any longer , so get me what i charge you and have the documents, if you are coming back to take me as your lawyer, then stop delaying me and stop doubting in my professional. I have many things to do ahead of me.

Upon receiving the money charge for the service, then i will get you the documents , is that clear to you.

I only have your time today to attend your request, so kindly get to me on your bill otherwise i may not be able to attend your request,

I hope your understand.

MR CLETUS OKORO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

"the condition is , i will not like to prolong this transaction any longer"

I don't want you to prolong it any longer either. You have done that enough as it is.

"then stop delaying me and stop doubting in my professional."

You have delayed this from the word go. I am not doubting your professional because so far I'm not aware that you have any. Do your job and then I will judge you

"Upon receiving the money charge for the service, then i will get you the documents , is that clear to you."

You are the one who needs clarification on how business works, not me.

"I only have your time today to attend your request, so kindly get to me on your bill otherwise i may not be able to attend your request"

Once again you are making excuses. You already know that I have told Mikhail to send you your grand. Stop panicing.

And while you're at it, your security question and answer were risible. Mikhail will think of a better one and send you the details.

I'm not concerned with your relationship with John Smith.

SORT THE DOCUMENTS OUT NOW!!

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil,
Thank for your honourable response. But i have not received any detail in form of any money or expression from mr milkhail.

i will make sure i did not delay any transaction as you may be thinking, but try your best to do as i told you so that there will be no more delay in this business .

Surely i will certainly sort out the details from the appropriate source as soon as the bill is settle.

Remember that i may be too busy for some other times , so let us work together today and get something tangible.

Am sure i speak well

Yours sincerely

CLETUS



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Thank your for your suprisingly rational email

Mikhail has no doubt been busy looking after his custard distillery, he will give you what you need, don't worry about that.

Your 1000 will be with you soon. I hope you have the documents at the ready so we can finish this accursed transaction once and for all.

I must go now, two of my mechanics - Ryu and Ken - have been fighting again. They're like a couple of kids, leaping around, launching fireballs at each other. I would fire them, but they always threaten to smash my car up if I do.

I love you,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

COLITIS

HOW IN DAMNATION AM I SUPPOSED TO SEND THIS MONEY IF I DO NOT HAVE ANY PAYMENT DETAILS???_ARE YOU TERMINALLY SUPID AND INCOMPETENT????_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS YOU CLUELESS CRETIN SEND ME THE DETAILS AND I'LL GET YOU YOUR MONEY_YOU ARE VERY LUCKY THAT MR MUNGLERS HAS AGREED TO YOUR RISIBLE REQUEST WITHOUT YOU SUPPLYING THE DOCUMENTS_WITHOUT HIM YOU WOULD NO DOUBT BE WORKING IN THE LOCAL GOAT MARKET OR CLEANING THE PUBLIC TOILETS IN LAGOS_NOW JUMP TO IT YOU MORON



CLETUS OKORO

Hi Mikhail,
May be i am wasting my time with you , i have endure alot of insults from you and your friend in the name of trying to render a honourable service to you and your friend. I think is a time i will quit on this transaction and face to my clients who are serious, may be you can try another office, my office could not be a place of illegal where you can create a document,my place is a place where everything is done in due process and in legal, legitimate and proper way.

Furthermore, i cannot work with you if you can not afford to pay the fees i charged, and i cannot plead you to pay for your work which you need because i am not a medicant or begger, so if you want to look where you can create a documents , better go for another place where you get such illegal paper work or documents.

If you are still interested in me , then do what i said otherwise stop emailing me , is that clear?

Have a good day.



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

MR CLETUS OKORO

CLITUS

DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THREATENING US_WE BOTH KNOW THAT YOU ARE A DUBIOUSLY-QUALIFIED LAWYER ON THE MAKE AND THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE WHILST YOU CAN SMELL THE MONEY SO GET ON WITH THE DOCUMENTS AND DROP THIS BRASH BRAVADO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Mikhail

Although it is the last thing I WANT to do, sending Clitus the money is the only way we can get him to remove himself from his seat and do some work for the first time in his life.

So please send him the 1000 as soon as possible.

Cletus, I hope you enjoy your new experience - working for your money.

Now if everyone can just get on with it, I am going to have my bones recast and then I'm going to ogle the babes around Rappongi.

Have fun
Phil



... as the Lad turns ...

Stroganov: PHIL -- VERY WELL_I WILL SEND THE MONEY AS SOON AS CLITUS CAN IDENTIFY THIS CONKOWANKO FELLOW -- S



CLETUS OKORO

If you are ready, this is the payment details, which i beleived i have emailed it you before.

Method of tranfer : Western Union Money Transfer

send it to:
Mr Peter S. Okonkwo
40 samuel ekunola street ago palace way
okota, lagos
nigeria 23401

test question: urgent
answer: ok

Send me the control number as soon as the money is send.
But you should know how you talk to old man like me, you know we can meet somewhere for future business at any time.

i wait to hear from you as soon as you transfer the money

regards

Barist (Elder) Cletus Okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHO THE HELL IS OCONKWO???_HE SOUNDS LIKE SOME SORT OF DISGUSTING FUNGAL INFECTION_I THOUGHT THIS TRANSACTION WAS CONFIDENTIAL???


Special Agent Tossov (weighing in from the Foreign Office): 'DISGUSTING FUNGAL INFECTION' IS A SPLENDID LINGUISTIC CONCOCTION SIR_KEEP UP THESE FINE STANDARDS AND ALL WILL BE HAPPY

Stroganov: THANK YOU MY FRIEND_ONE IS ALWAYS KEEN TO TRY NEW THINGS OUT ON THESE PEOPLE_I AM SURE MY GOOD-NATURED BANTER HELPS TO SMOOTH MODALITIES ALONG



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail Stroganov,

That person in the name of MR OKONKWO is my personal accountant
[and possibly alter ego], he is oblige to receive all money paying into me. With due respect pay the dues or bill to him it will surely get to me.

I misunderstood what you meant by confidential, i dont like do any thing confidential because all my activities and services are authentic, legal and decent.I was contracted with your client to procure these documents on a legal ground, and i dont think i will permit a illicit business in my office, although he knew that ,because i warned him from the first time that i dont do any illegal transaction and i hope that he agreed on that.

I hope you understand me, so go ahead and send the money to my accountant.

thanks

cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Hold your horses man, how the hell do we know we can trust this Ocockwo character? He sounds like a damn fool to me.


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

A LAWYER WHO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND OR PRACTISE CONFIDENTIALITY???_GOOD GOD MAN YOU'D BE SHOT IN MOSCOW FOR ADMITTING THAT BUT IT IS PAR FOR THE COURSE IN OUR DEALINGS WITH YOU AND YOUR GORMLESS GANG OF GOONS_WE HAVE PAID THE 1,000 YEN_SEE THE ATTACHMENT FOR FULL DETAILS THEN FOR GODS SAKE GET ON WITH COMPLETING THIS TRANSACTION AS IT IS LIKE BEING A ONE-LEGGED MAN IN A BACKSIDE-KICKING CONTEST AT THE MOMENT


Stroganov: PHIL I TRUST YOU ARE WELL_I SENSE WE ARE NEARING THE END OF MODALITIES AS I CANNOT DELAY THE 1000 YEN PAYMENT FOR LONG_HOWEVER WE MAY BE ABLE TO STRING THINGS OUT BY SAYING WE WILL PAY THE FULL $2,700 IN PERSON_WHAT DO YOU THINK???_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND REGARDS FROM MOSCOW

Phil: Mikhail, A splendid idea! Perhaps we can get the lads to visit us in Tokyo. Then again perhaps not.
I am due to sing my repertoire of Trent Reznor songs tonight, so I will be away for a few hours. Please handle things in my brief absence.

Stroganov: VERY WELL SIR_I SHALL DO MY BEST AS ALWAYS

Phil: Mikhail
Before we meet the fockers, I believe we could waste more time and wind them up further by sending file as forwarded to you
It will be their problem that they cannot open it, not ours
May your car perpetually gain speed

Stroganov: VERY WELL_I SHALL SEND IT TO THEM THIS EVENING

Tossov: HOW LONG WILL THIS FELLOW LAST SIR??_YOUR KINDLY AND PHILANTHROPIC TONE MAY PROVE HIS UNDOING

Stroganov: INDEED SO MY DEAR FELLOW_ONE TRIES TO BE PLEASANT IN THESE SITUATIONS BUT THESE NAUSEOUS NATIVES DO NOT APPRECIATE IT

Stroganov: [SCAMORAMANS] I TRUST YOU ARE WELL_THE ATTACHMENT SENT TO CLITUS WAS A FILE MADE BY PHIL MUNGLERS WHICH WILL APPARANTELY NEVER OPEN_IT WILL DRIVE CLITUS AND HIS GREEDY GUYMEN MAD WITH FRUSTRATION_HOWEVER IT IS EVIDENCE THAT WE ARE PREPARED TO PAY THEM EVEN IF IT IS JUST $8.50 THOUGH THEY CANNOT SEE THAT THROUGH THEIR AVARICE_ADDITIONALLY THOUGH I AM KIND TO THESE MUGU MALCONTENTS THEY SEEM TO NOT MIND THE ODD GENTLE REMINDER OF HOW TO CONDUCT INTERNATIONAL MODALITIES AND WE MAY BE ABLE TO PERSUADE THEM TO MEET IN PERSON THUS STRINGING OUT THIS EPIC EPISODE STILL FURTHER_MAY YOUR CUSTARD BE FRESH AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW

Stroganov: PHIL WE HAVE PAID THE 1,000 YEN_LET US HOPE THAT COCKOWANKO HAS MORE BUSINESS ACUMEN AND COMMON SENSE THAN CLITUS_LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY_HE CANNOT BE ANY WORSE!



PHIL MUNGLERS

As I was saying before I pressed "send" by mistake, this accountant dude. I want to see his credentials immediately. Like Mikhail, I was of the understanding that no other party was to be involved.

WHO IS HE, DAMN IT

He sounds very suspicious to me, in fact I hate him already.

Cletus, how long have you known this man?

Answer me!

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,

I am yet to open the attachment you sent to me, what programme did you attach the document with otherwise kindly resend the information through email so that it can be legible to ready . thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT IN DAMNATION IS GOING ON????_I HAVE OPENED THE ATTACHMENT SEVERAL TIMES AND YET YOU CANNOT DO EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU CLITUS I HAVE JUST SENT 1,000 YEN TO YOU_ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DID NOT RECEIVE THE MONEY????_HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MR. MUNGLERS????_I SUGGEST YOU CALL YOUR VILLAGE ELDERS OR SHANTY TOWN GUYMAN TO SORT THIS OUT YOU BLITHERING BUFFOON OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY_DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???


I AM TERRIBLY SORRY BUT MY PHONE WAS RINGING AS I WAS TYPING MY REPLY TO CLITUS AND I ACCIDENTALLY TYPED SCAMORAMA'S ADDRESS INSTEAD OF PHIL'S_ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I OFFER MY MOST SINCERE APOLOGIES FOR MY MISTAKE_THOUGH IT IS MY FIRST EVER ERROR THERE IS NO EXCUSE_LADY AGATHA HAS JUST CALLED TO EXPRESS HER CONCERN_AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW_THE CUSTARD GETS SPOILED IF LEFT IN THE SUN_SINCERE APOLOGIES FROM MOSCOW



[ But will the Lads notice?! ]

CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,
Your attachment is unable to open and i did not understand what you mean (WE HAVE PAID THE 1,000 YEN_SEE THE ATTACHMENT FOR FULL DETAILS ) Note that i did not charge you 1000 yen, what we agreed is $1000(one thousand US dollars) not yen, please take note

I hope you understand

thanks
mr cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

DOLLARS OR YEN IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE_1000 OF ANYTHING IN YOUR COUNTRY IS A KING'S RANSOM_NOW BE OFF WITH YOU AND COMPLETE THIS TRANSACTION



CLETUS OKORO

i will be waiting till when you are ready to meet uo


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

IT LOOKS INDEED LIKE WE WILL HAVE TO GIVE YOU YOUR DUE IN PERSON_FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH YOU_I SHALL SEE WHAT MR MUNGLERS HAS TO SAY


Stroganov: LOOKS LIKE I GOT AWAY WITH MY ERROR_I WILL ENSURE THAT I AM MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME

Phil: Mikhail I suggest you lay off the vodka for a few hours and dry up. Fortunately our lads are so stupid and desperate that you could send them a link to the page and they wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Stroganov: PHIL UNFORTUNATELY IT WAS THE CUSTARD VODKA THAT DID IT BUT I WILL HEED YOUR ADVICE_HOWEVER I SEEM TO HAVE GOT AWAY WITH THIS AND I AM BACK ON FORM AND AT YOUR SERVICE_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW



CLETUS OKORO

my friend we are not fighting , why are you using all these sorts of words to address to me.

well what we agreed is $1000 not yen ,did you understand, or did you know that ; 1,000.00 JPYJapan Yen = 8.77945 USD United States Dollars

So if you have never ready to pay for what i ask, then you better stop disturbing me ok. Besides your attachment did not open in my sytem , and i am using window 2000 with xp.

did you get me well?

thanks
cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WE WILL HAVE TO SORT THIS MESS OUT FACE-TO-FACE_I AM PREPARED TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES EVEN TAKING INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PUNY PERFORMANCE SO FAR_LET US MEET AND TAKE VODKA TOGETHER AND WE CAN FINALLY FINISH MODALITIES IN THE CORRECT MANNER



CLETUS OKORO

Thank your for your honourable worlds.

i will be waiting to know the outcome of your meeting

cletus



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

VERY WELL_IF WE DECIDE TO COME TO YOUR SHANTYTOWN BE SURE TO ARRANGE A DECENT HOTEL_WE DO NOT WANT SOME FLY-INFESTED SHACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT


CLETUS OKORO

you are free to come over .

thanks



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

I am getting tired of your whining now. If it's not one thing it's another with you, isn't it?

Where do US dollars come into this? Neither Japan nor Nigeria deal in such currency. I earn and I spend Yen because that is the currency here. If you want dollars then I suggest you pay to have it converted at your local currency exchange.

As for the info file, if you are having problems with it then I suggest you contact your companies I.T. department or buy better equipment. DO THIS BEFORE MAKING TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS

Don't forget that I cannot leave Japan. Mikhail will have to handle this alone.

OPEN THE FILE IMMEDIATELY AND SAVE WASTING ANY MORE TIME AND MONEY

Get on with it
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

INDEED SO_I HAVE BEEN CONCERNED FROM DAY ONE ABOUT THIS TWO-BIT OPERATION AND GIVEN THAT THESE LALLYGAGGING LOONIES CAN'T SEEM TO HANDLE EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF MODALITIES MY CONFIDENCE IN THEM ISN'T EXACTLY SKY-HIGH AT THE MOMENT_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS JUST OPEN THE FILE AND WE CAN MOVE THINGS ALONG_THIS IS LIKE DRAWING TEETH MAN_I HOPE YOU PROVE A DAMNED SIGHT MORE PROFESSIONAL WHEN WE VISIT YOUR SHANTYTOWN


PHIL MUNGLERS

Gentlemen

All this travel malarky is well and good, but I fail to see why - once again - we should be taking the mountain to mohammed. I think it's about time that Cletus did something, the very LEAST he could do is open the attachment so we this transaction will be instantly and pleasantly at an end.

Failing that, why can't Cletus come to Japan with this colleague John Smith? I can't go anywhere so if any globetrotting has to be done then it is between you two. Mikhail, I do not recommend going to Nigeria again, not after the curse that witch doctor put on you last time.

Yes indeedy,
Phil


PHIL

YOU HAVE A GOOD POINT_NIGERIA IS FULL OF GHASTLY TRIBESMEN ALL ON THE MAKE_CORRUPTION IS RIFE AND YOU CAN'T EVEN BREAK WIND WITHOUT BRIBING SOMEONE_AS FOR THE CURSE THAT CHAP PUT ON ME I THINK YOU WILL FIND THAT HE IS NOW PROPPING UP A BRIDGE ON THE SAGBAMA EXPRESS ROAD


CLETUS OKORO

hotels here are expensive, but never mind i will arrange that together with security

thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

MUST EVERYTHING BE DONE WITH A SCOWL AND A SIGH???_IT IS LIKE DEALING WITH A TRUCULENT TEENAGER_YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR THE HOTEL_JUST BOOK A COUPLE OF SUITES AT WHAT PASSES FOR THE BEST HOTEL WHERE YOU ARE AND SEND ME CONFIRMATION_THEN I WILL BOOK THE FLIGHTS



CLETUS OKORO

I told you my charge to this service and i charge in in dollars not yen neither naira, besides i dont accept yen because i cannot spend it here . i will obtain the documents in dollars, is that okay. Below is our discusion and also view the forward for the bill i gave to you
thanks


[Cletus attaches Phil's first e-mail to him]


PHIL MUNGLERS

As I have already stated, I do not deal in funny money. If you want dollars then you can pay to convert them - I don't see why I should have even more inconveniences.

Thank you for attaching my first email to you. You will notice that it is to ask you for two simple documents which you have STILL not produced.

Your idiocy is giving me a headache.

Please refrain from living,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

FRANKLY CLOTUS YOU ARE LUCKY TO RECEIVE A BRASS RAZZOO_I SUGGEST YOU QUIT WHILE YOU ARE AHEAD_NOW GET ON WITH BOOKING THE HOTEL BEFORE I GET ANNOYED_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???


CLETUS OKORO

I never say anything different from what i have told you earilier on, so what do you mean by whinning?, i am not dynamics but consistence .

your attachment sound funny, i am using xp proffesional which is the latest window so why your attachment could be a hassle to me, and what prevent you from resend it by email not attachment.But i hope what you pay is in dollars not in yen otherwise you have to multiply somany yen to meet up the dollars or the equivalent, is that clear? i waiting to read from you soon

cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

The attachment should not sound of anything, it is merely information for you. I have already told you, if you have a problem with your system then you should call your firms I.T. department. It is their job to help out in these matters.

Relent with the whingeing and get the documents

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

YOUR SEMI-LITERATE SPLUTTERING DOES NOBODY ANY GOOD_THE ATTACHMENT IS PERFECTLY CLEAR_IN ANY CASE MY UNDERSTANDING WAS THAT WE ARE MEETING YOU IN PERSON SO WHY THIS STUPID DELAY???_JUST BOOK OUR HOTEL AND TELL US WHEN ITS DONE CLITUS_FOR GODS SAKE DO WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING????



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
I am very dissappointed in you that we suppose to be talking how to make this business done fastly and you keep on delaying, even my promising note i sent to mr cletus the lawyer was writting in dollars and you are talking about yen, oh my God , i thought by now we could have thinking about how to submit the documents to the bank and get our money so that we can go for meriment and investiing for future richness .

What is happening, did you mean you cannot afford $1000 or what? please explain, because i am tired of this, infact i was shocked when i received mr cletus email saying that you want to pay yenn that is not equivalent to what he billed to you or something like that, you better do something so that this cletus will not be suspecting our business, i hope you have never say anything illegal to him?

i wait for your urgent respond

thanks and God bless you



PHIL MUNGLERS

Sith

Put a cork in it, will you? The delays are entirely the fault of the cretinous lawyer you very kindly hired for me. Cletus has yet to lift a finger to help this transaction, if you have a problem with the speed of things, take it to him.

We both know that he is not going to be able to obtain a police character certificate about me because I have never had any dealings with Nigerian cops.

You are not helping much yourself. If you want matters to hurry up then I suggest you go and kick Cletus in the ass and remind him that he is meant to be working for his money. My mechanics could do better law work than him.

Get off your soap box and do something useful for once.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS VILE VERBIAGE???_WE HAVE AGREED TO VISIT YOUR RAT-INTFESTED SHANTYTOWN TO PAY YOU AND YOUR RETARDED FRIENDS AT RISK OF PICKING UP THE MOST FOUL DISEASES I MIGHT ADD YET YOU INSIST ON THIS WRETCHED RANT_GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AT ONCE YOU TURD



JOHN SMITH

i dont have anything to do with you


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG MY FINE FOOLISH FRIEND_I AM MR. MUNGLERS' ACCOUNTANT AND FINANCIAL ADVISER_WE HAVE ALREADY SENT YOUR ASININE ASSOCIATE CLITUS 1,000 YEN AND WE ARE MAKING ARRANGEMENTS TO SEE HIM TO COMPLETE THIS DEAL_I SUGGEST YOU ADOPT A CIVIL TONE WHEN SPEAKING TO ME OR WE WILL SIMPLY TAKE OUR MONEY AND INVEST IT ELSEWHERE_THOUGH FRANKLY A COLOMBIAN TIN MINE SEEMS A MORE STABLE INVESTMENT THAN YOU CLOWNS

I CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS FELLOW'S ATTITUDE_MY KIND AND FRIENDLY HELP ON COMPLETING MODALITIES SEEMS TO HAVE FALLEN ON DEAF EARS_IT IS NOT AS IF I HAVE BEEN OFFENSIVE IN ANY WAY_THESE TOUCHY TRIBESMAN REALLY OUGHT TO TOUGHEN UP_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND REGARDS FROM DOWNTOWN MOSCOW


CLETUS OKORO

i cannot send anything to you for confirmation,i can only assure you that a place where you will lodge is not a problem to me so get your self arranged to meet me right away is that okay and i will like you to come for everything so that as soon as i get the documents you can prepare to seeor meet the banks, so you have to email the bank for your comming is that clear.

thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

VERY WELL_TELL US WHERE THIS PLACE IS AND WE SHALL HANDLE THIS OURSELVES_WE SEEM TO BE RUNNING THIS TRANSACTION SINGLE-HANDEDLY AS IT IS FRANKLY



CLETUS OKORO

the funny thing is that your attachment is unable to open, or did nt it sound cunny. to start with resend the information and stop wasting your time if you know that what is there is $1000 not 1000yen, so convert the value of yen to be $1000


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???_WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OR DID NT IT SOUND CUNNY"????_WE HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH HAVING TO WORK OUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING HALF THE TIME ANYWAY LET ALONE THIS WANDERING WAFFLE_THIS ALLIED TO YOUR SHOCKING INCOMPETENCE WHICH IF IT WASN'T COSTING US TIME AND MONEY WOULD BE HILARIOUS_NOW PUT THE BOTTLE OF MOONSHINE ASIDE AND GET ON WITH IT_AT ONCE!!!



CLETUS OKORO

then, that becomes about 100,000 yen to make $1000 as the equivalent. therefore go to the bank they will convert yen to dollars so that the money you pay will be $1000, am i speaking well?

thanks
cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

Elder Cletus

We can play this any way you want: I can get Mikhail to send money to you AGAIN, or you can wait to see if Mikhail is desperate enough to actually go and visit you.

In either case, you will be paid in Yen. Like I said, you can have the issue of converting it to dollars.

I must go now, I have a lot of work to do with my mechanics. Owing to the fatalities we are short staffed, and I seem to be having tremendous difficulty finding replacements.

Hadoken,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear friend Phil,
as a banker, the police character certificate by definition is to protect you in this business from the onset till the business is sucessfully actualised, this helps to prevent double or many claimants, so as soon as your name is approved from the police command, it then mean that nobody will interfere to launch any claim that he or she want to transfer that said fund.

so it does not matter your character or behaviour here since you have never live in nigeria , so that is not the meaning .

The most important thing is to approved that the transaction does not attract any criminal offence ,also to get the character of late mr kelly from his profile so that you will dully approved for the fund whiich must surely legalised as soon as the certificate is issued to you to pave path for sucessfully transfering of the fund.

i think, my explanation should clear some ripples in your mind.

try to get back to me to know if you have agreed to settle the problem with mr cletus.
you said that i am not helping in this matter, you known i told you that i have sent a promising note to the lawyer before he could able to agreed to work with you base on the amount both of you agreed, besides i spent a lot of money to get the death certificate of late mr kelly, so you can see that i amtrying, but only police character certificate you have never even get or procure for long time ,why!!!!!!!!!!,, infact i even regreting to contact you for the first time if i only you could not meet the both ends, but i think i have no choice since your name has already submited to the bank.

thanks and God bless you
JOHN SMITH



PHIL MUNGLERS

Johan Smythe

Thank you for clearing the matter up about police certificates.

You are right, you have been trying. A damn sight more than Cletus anyway. That idiot couldn't arrange flowers, never mind legal paperwork. Carry on trying as hard as you have been - your reward is coming.

Meanwhile you will deal with Mikhail as has been discussed before. You can't back out of this now, plans are afoot for Mikhail to visit you. He can bring you back with him if you like, but make sure you have the essay on Nobunaga finished before you do.

How is the essay, by the way? Send me what you have done already and I'll see if it makes any sense.

Shoryuken,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

I AM BECOMING GRAVELY CONCERNED AT SMITH'S OBNOXIOUS OUTBURSTS_I WAS AT THE BOWDEN SQUARE BRANCH OF WESTERN UNION TODAY WHEN AN EMAIL FROM HIM CAME UP ON MY WIRELESS LAPTOP THAT WAS ACCUSATORY AND TOTALLY UNNECESSARY_100,000 YEN IS ENOUGH TO FEED A WHOLE VILLAGE WHERE YOU ARE FOR A YEAR YET SMITH SEEMS TO TREAT THIS WHOLE EXCRUTIATING EPISODE AS CHILD'S PLAY_I SEE NO ALTERNATIVE BUT TO HAVE TO FLY OUT TO MEET YOU THOUGH WE HAVE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS_WHERE ARE THE HOTEL DETAILS CLITUS_YOU EITHER WANT THIS MONEY OR YOU DON'T_NOW GET ME THE DETAILS MAN_AT ONCE!!



CLETUS OKORO

ok, i wait you on what ever you wish, but you bear it in mind that , all delay is upon your action, so fascilitate this trasantion, make is snappy and get back to me. it is encouraging if your accountant could come over ,atleast he can picture my capabilities,edifice office and my reign lawyer in the country, i beleive that will make him talk or speak to me with reputation.


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

YOU HAVE A REPUTATION THAT'S FOR SURE_I THINK MR MUNGLERS SUGGESTION IS A GOOD ONE_I HAVE CONTACTS IN DUBAI THAT WE CAN USE TO FACILITATE MODALITIES QUICKLY_LET US MEET THERE CLITUS AND WE CAN SET OUR DIFFERENCES ASIDE LIKE GENTLEMEN



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

It seems we are running out of alternatives but to ship Mikhail out to meet you.

May I suggest that you make a gesture of goodwill (for once) and offer to meet him half way? I mean that in a literal sense. Perhaps a rendezvous in Dubai? The hotels are excellent, I hear the beaches are good at this time of year, and Mikhail will take you on a night out you will never forget.

It is worth thinking about at least.

Spinning bird kick!
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,
Your accountant copied his email to let me know that he is visiting mr cletus our lawyer.
Did you support him?. How ever, i would suggest that you should not allow him to meet him to prevent our business from leaking. you know how lawyers asked inquisitive and inteligent question, which your accountant may not be able to stand those questions and you know how he speaks, unless you can come with him , atleast you are the actual next of kin, they might not ask you more question.

please think very well and reply me as soon as possible

thanks and God bless you



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smitty

As I have already said, my passport has been confiscated. I cannot leave Japan for another three years. Therefore, Mikhail must travel to represent me. Don't worry, he worked for the KGB and is excellent at deceit and mind games - he will not get stuck by any questions... in face HE will probably interrogate THEM!

You have ignored my question about the essay again. This is getting serious now, you have wasted a week and produced nothing. Get writing, Smith - I expect to see SOME kind of effort by sunday.

Sonic boom,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

ANSWER MY CLIENT'S QUESTION_WHERE IS THE ESSAY???_AND WHY HAVE WE NOT HEARD ANYTHING FROM SODOMON LATELY???



CLETUS OKORO

phil
I can not go there, because i did not charge you for the air ticketing to Dubia, So let him come over here otherwise send me air ticket fees to dubia, i think from nigeria to dubia will cost me $1500 usa dollars to get there. so can you send the money ?

i wait to hear from you to know if i am preparing to meet him

cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Does your company actually pay you a wage, or are you on some kind of commission-only scheme? Tell your boss, or whoever, that you need to travel for business purposes and they will have to pay your airline and hotel expenses.

Agreeing to meet in Dubai and then demanding I pay for your trip isn't really what I'd class as "goodwill".

For the first time in your life, do something decent and honorable and arrange to meet Mikhail somewhere more mutually convenient than some dusty backwater in Lagos.

Tiger uppercut!
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

INDEED SO_AND SENDING ME EMAILS ON THE QUIET WILL NOT ENDEAR YOU TO US CLITUS_JUST GET THE MONEY_ARE YOU A LAWYER OR A STREET-SWEEPER???_I CANNOT BELIEVE A MAN OF YOUR DUBIOUS TALENTS CANNOT AFFORD THIS_NOW GET ON WITH IT!!


CLETUS OKORO

Mr Mikhail
i have told phil to send me the airtickect to me to enable me meet you, since you have decided to use the venue for this business which ,i know it will take my time, but iwant to prove you that i can serve you for betterment of future.

i think you get me right

cletus okoro


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

YOU ARE A LAWYER FOR GODS SAKE_EVEN IN YOUR VILLAGE I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU CANNOT SCRAPE THE CASH TOGETHER_IT IS NOT THAT EXPENSIVE_NOW PUT THE BEGGING BOWL AWAY_TIME IS WASTING AWAY



CLETUS OKORO

phil,
i am the chief executive officer of my company, so i decide what i will do , so get me the money then i will meet you . this is my final words or you can hire another lawyer, i dont why you people as so



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Right, so you're the CEO of the business? Then charge the trip to your business account! CEO's travel for free all the time for business deals. Also, to be CEO of a big law firm you must have some cash of your own. Why not take the family with you, have a busman's holiday?

Stop complicating matters.

Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil
i have all the documents at hand, but i want you to send those ones to me for crossexamination of their lookalike.

so you are the one delaying. Travelinng to Nigeria will add more delay and it is not advicabel because of the nature of the business . think wise and get back to me.

thanks and God bless you
john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smurf

For the last time, it is CLETUS that is delaying things, not me.

And what is this now, recommending we don't travel to Nigeria? If it wasn't for your stupid barrister this could have been avoided entirely. If you must know, I am trying to arrange for Mikhail and Cletus to meet in a neutral country - namely Dubai. Sadly, the money-grabbing shyster is now demanding that *I* pay for his tickets and accomodation!

He man is a disaster. I blame YOU for this catastrophe, if you had picked any other lawyer on earth this would have been over with and we'd both be richer men. Instead of that, this has been going on for just over five weeks and we're still no closer to stealing money from a dead man.

WHERE IS THE ESSAY????

Dodonpachi,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH YOU MORON WILL YOU PLEASE LISTEN AND LISTEN WELL_THIS IS THE SITUATION_CLITUS MYSELF AND MR MUNGLERS HAVE FINALLY AGREED TO MEET SO WE CAN PAY THE $1,500 FOR THE DOCUMENTATION AND TO NEGOTIATE THE FEE ON HIS FRANKLY HILARIOUSLY BAD SERVICE_THEN WE CAN FINALLY GET THE MONEY AND DIVIDE IT APPROPRIATELY_WE HAVE ALSO AGREED TO MEET IN DUBAI AND NOW CLITUS_WHO IS FRANKLY ABOUT AS USEFUL AS A CHOCOLATE FIREPLACE_IS GETTING COLD FEET AND DOES NOT WANT TO COME_SO WE HAVE AN IMPASSE NOW AND I SUSPECT THERE IS AS MUCH CHANCE OF YOU STUPID SPECIMENS SORTING IT OUT AS THERE IS OF THE SKY TURNING GREEN_YOU CAN TELL CLITUS THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET IN THE LOCAL FLOPHOUSE_SHEBEEN_OR BROTHEL THAT HE HAS ONE FINAL CHANCE TO BOOK HIS TICKET TO DUBAI OR YOU CAN ALL GET LOST AS FAR AS WE ARE CONCERNED_DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU GIBBERING MONEY-GRABBING GORMLESS GIMP???_PUT THE LOCAL BREW ASIDE_GET OUT OF YOUR HAMMOCK_POLISH YOUR SPITOON AND GET MOVING!!!!


CLETUS OKORO

mikhail and phils,
when you are ready email me,whether you callrd me a medicant or whatever you like to say, keep it toyourself, but i may not respond any more emails untill you indicate your readiness to work with me , then send either 1000dollars or 1500dollars which is up to 150,000 yen to procure the documens or to visit you in dubia otherwise stop emailing or contacting me , or you take your ass visit me in my office in lagos.

is that clear

good day

cletus okoro
lagal practictioner



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

You will get the money when you meet Mikhail - that is what the meeting is all about. Mikhail is not flying to Dubai just to get your autograph, it is to pay you your money and get the documents.

So fly to Dubai using your business account, meet Mikhail, have fun, and then he will pay you whatever you need.

Stop it with this idiotic "upfront payment" crap and DO SOMETHING!!

I pray for your company with you at the helm.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

oh did you think business account is free of charge for traveling outside my country, if you think so , you are mistaken yourself. itis not free, and i cannot spend any money with out you sending me ticket fee or let him come over here in nigeria, tell him to meet me in my office, inshort i am not going anyway again, unless you tell him to visit me in my office, i willarange all lodging and security which i know it can be done possible with my status , a federal government can provide you immunity to protect you, therefore enough security will be available. tell your accountant to prepare to meet me in my office in lagos or my branch office in portharcourt in also Nigeria . what ever he choses let me know, so that i will know where i can arrange the lodgment and securities also tell him to come over with every means of payment to deliver as soon as the documents is prepares, and that will take him 6 hours to get all the documents and he can probably go back or get himself full of fun , nigeria is a centre of tourism, alot of fun is here , he can enjoy that , that is good thing for him to visit nigeria to see everything by him self.

i hope to hear from you
have a good time`



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus your grasp of business etiquette is abominable. However, your eloquent speech about visiting Nigeria has almost convinced me that it is a good idea. You should work for the tourist board instead of being a lawyer.

It is up to Mikhail, he had a torrid time when he last visited Nigeria.

This is taking quite a long time,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT THE HELL IS A MEDICANT???_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS WRITE IN ENGLISH NOT SOME DODGY DIALECT_WE HAVE INDICATED TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT WE ARE WILLING TO WORK WITH YOU_WE EVEN SENT YOU 1000 YEN FOR GODS SAKE AND YOU CAN'T EVEN GET THAT RIGHT_SO I SUGGEST *YOU* GET *YOUR* ASS IN GEAR AND BOOK YOUR TICKETS_NOW EITHER GET ON WITH IT OR GET OUT



JOHN SMITH

Dear mikhail
ummmm, you know in nigeria lawyer are been paid all their whole expenses before a case can be carry on to empower them to work properly, so i dont know how it is done in your country. can we prepare him to travel to dubia, how much are you preparing to send him for the trip, umm inmy pockect i can afford $500, so if he request more than this money then send me the money to add it to my own and deliver it to himso that he can start the preparation i have no time any more , and the bank is planing to close the application submited by phil,and i have spend not less that $1000 to get some other documents from the hospital where the man died , from the this bank, where i spend more money to steal a copy of deposit certificate of kelly. so i want you to speak honourable to any one and stop speaking insulently so that we can achieve something today or tommorow. get the prices of traveling fee from lagos to dubia and send the money to him . i hope my speaks can be granted favourbly thanks and godbless you all



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

THIS IS RIDICULOUS_IN ANY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD YOU RECEIVE THE SERVICE AND THEN PAY FOR IT FOR GODS SAKE_SURELY ONE OF YOU SHADY SHOULDER-PAD WEARING SHYSTERS HAS A CREDIT CARD_OR SOMEONE ELSE'S MORE LIKE IT_AND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS NONSENSE ABOUT STEALING THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE???_I THOUGHT THIS TRANSACTION WAS LEGAL!!!_ARE YOU LYING TO US SMITH???_YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE BECAUSE IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU ARE I WILL HAVE YOUR WINDPIPE MADE INTO A NOVELTY MUSICAL INSTRUMENT_IS THAT CLEAR YOU USELESS WRETCH???_GET BACK TO ME THIS INSTANT_I AM LIVID!!!



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Fri, 7 Oct 2005

phil and mikhail
because i want to have a deal with you which worth $1000,then i will spend more than that,it is not welcome, did you hear me, after all, your late brother has many dollars in his account , and you are expecting me to spend my money to visit your friend what ever he is to you ,impossible, if you are serious and to get the documents then comply with me otherwise stop contacting me,is that clear. Infact let me unclose some fact to you . The documents you want "can never be obtain or procure or provide by any body except me", so if you like continue wastening your time ,if you like continue playing with yourself,imagine you sending your accountant to be calling me a beggar, which nobody can try such in my country with my position of my profession. Well a novice wil remain ingrates.

Get back to me to know if you are ready to send the money forthe documents or the travel fees. i cannot make any arrangement through my pockect, or are you blind in business , are suffering from myopic in business , did you think you are the only client i have ,my friend stop insulting me because of $1000 did you hear me.

A word is enough to a wise people.

regards
cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FURTHER TO THIS AND YOUR OTHER RAMBLING EMAIL_WHY THE HELL CAN YOU NOT PUT THE AIR TICKETS ON YOUR CREDIT CARD AND THEN WE CAN PAY YOU OUT OF EXPENSES LATER???_GOOD GOD CLITUS ALL I GET FROM YOU ARE COMPLAINTS AND WHILE WE ARE ABOUT IT SMITH HAS SAID THAT HE HAS STOLEN DOCUMENTS TO FURTHER THIS GRUBBY LITTLE DEAL_WELL???_WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???_IT WOULD SEEM YOU ARE SOME KIND OF CONMAN AFTER ALL CLITUS_GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY OR THE DEAL IS OFF_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???



CLETUS OKORO

hi mikhail/phil,
if you dont have money for this business , you better expire your email, because i have tried myself to explained all things which i dont have time to explained, what else did you want from me. Any way , bear this one in mind that credit card is not reigning in nigeria, i thought you said you have visited nigeria before, here they transact in the method of cash and cary techniques. You better learn a country culture before jumping into conclusion. send the money for the documents or take your body down to my office for face to face conference.

i hope i speak well.

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MAN????_YOU CAN PAY FOR AIR TICKETS OVER THE INTERNET_I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE GETTING COLD FEET CLITUS YOU COWARDLY CUSTARD_FOR GODS SAKE MAN BOOK THE DAMNED TICKETS_ARRANGE THE HOTEL_AND WE WILL GET THIS DEAL FINALISED_IT IS YOU WHO IS CAUSING DELAY CLITUS NOT US_ARE YOU ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN THESE MODALITIES OR ARE YOU SIMPLY NOT BUSY ENOUGH???



JOHN SMITH

i known that this your guy will spoil this business,well i still have enough time to look for another person, i received a letter from the lawyer that mr makhail emailed him to queried him about my stealing of certificate of deposit which i told you that i will secretly get the copy. And he has summoned me otherwise i might lose my job in the bank, oh my God i am in a soup right now, why should he opened his dirty mount to him to tell him the secret of this business , i told you earlier on that your accountant speaks like a kid, now i have been implicated which i dont know what to asnwer him

please advice



PHIL MUNGLERS

Johnny

I am sorry that you are in a soup, but I cannot do anything about it.

Mikhail is not threatening this transaction. On the contrary, he is the key to it. It is he that will be meeting that idiot Cletus to sign the money over to him and collect teh documents.

If Cletus goes to the police, then I have no doubt I will be part of the investigation. I will tell them that it is all Celtus' fault and that he was FORCING you to steal for him. His ass will be sent down for years while we spend the money we stole from the dead Kelly.

Just stay calm will you? PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!! This is not the time to lose your head, it's time to knuckle down and start kicking ass. Are you with me?

Good.
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

YOUR CRINGEWORTHY CRYING WOULD BE HIGHLY AMUSING WERE YOU NOT SUCH A SAD SPECIMEN_PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN AND WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS BUT BE WARNED THAT I WILL NOT CARRY YOU FOR MUCH LONGER_NOW CALM DOWN!!!



CLETUS OKORO

hi phil,
what am i hearing from your accountant that you have stolen documents from mr smith who claim to be your friend for five years when he visited me to my office? i received this news from your accountant

with reference to the above explanation i demand a better and honourable explanation otherwise i will consider this business illegal and null

thank you
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus!

I have not stolen anything as yet. My only crime was to smuggle propshafts into Japan, hence my passport confiscation.

Me and my buddy Smith go back years. If he is involved in criminal activity then I am not aware of it.

This is none of your concern anyway. You are being paid to obtain documents for me. Do that and forget about anything that relates to John Smith. It is simply none of your business.

Arrange the meeting with Mikhail and your involvement will be at an end.

DO IT NOW!!
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS YOU SEMI-LITERATE MENDACIOUS MORON

AS MR MUNGLERS HAS SAID IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BUT SMITH HAS ADMITTED TO ME IN AN EMAIL THAT HE STOLE A DOCUMENT FOR THIS DEAL AND HE NEEDED MONEY FOR THAT NO LESS!!_I SUGGEST YOU BRUSH UP YOUR LITERARY SKILLS AND READ WHAT I SAID IN MY LAST EMAIL YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF PUS_YOUR REQUEST FOR ANYTHING HONOURABLE IS ABOUT AS HOLLOW AS YOUR SKULL AND THERE IS VERY LITTLE MORE HOLLOW THAN THAT YOU FOOL



SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION : MR PHIL KELLY

WE ARE HERE TO DRAW YOUR ATTENTION THAT YOUR APPLICATION WILL BE NULIFY IF WE DID NOT RECEIVED ANY DOCUMENTS WE REQUESTED FROM YOU FROM NOW TILL TUESDAY NEXT WEEK . WE WILL NOT WELCOME ANY EXCUSES, THEREFORE THIS IS THE LAST AND FINAL WARN.

YOUR CO-OPERATION IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED

SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Attention: Simon Adebisi

I am in negotiations with a countryman of yours relating to police character certificate.

Unfortunately he is a cretin and utterly, desperately useless. He has the legal talent of OJ Simpson's prosecution team.

In the meanwhile I will thank you to leave my brother's money alone. It is legally mine so keep your hands off it.

Phil Munglers Kelly



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMY

GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU OLD CHAP_WE WERE WONDERING WHEN YOUR SCABBY HIDE WOULD APPEAR OUT OF THE WOODWORK_YOU CAN WARN US AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE BUT WE KNOW YOU NEED US A LOT MORE THAN WE NEED YOU_SO BUTTON IT MUGU_WE ARE NEGOTIATING WITH A LAWYER WHOSE DESCRIPTION BY MR MUNGLERS IS ACCURATE IF RATHER KIND_NOW WHY DON'T YOU GET ON WITH SWEEPING FLOORS OR WHATEVER YOUR JOB IS AND LET THE PROFESSIONALS CONDUCT BUSINESS IN PRIVATE





CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail/Phil,
Uptill now you have never made up your mind to decide if you want these documents.

Look , know these :
that i will like us to see ourself here in lagos, and all necessary things to be done will surely put fix in a good condition, such as hotel , security and tourism.

that if you want to see me in dubia send air ticket to me which is $1500

that if you want the documents, send me $1000 to procure the documents , then i will deliver it to you through email, DHL, FEDEX.

that these documents can be obtain legally which also must b legalised before the bank can approved it.

that if you cannot afford to meet up the above condiction, it then mean that you dont have any contract or business .

that i will never positively accept your email if any of the above condiction is not indicate right away.

lastly but not the least , that you mr mikhail should stop using any barbarism, insulent, charlatan, sacrilinage, evil, and unreputable words to address to me or whom ever to as far as this business is concern, otherwise i will not take part in the business with you again, but note that as far as this particular bank is concern, they will follow their due process, if you like get your documents elsewhere , they must screen you to know the authentic information and proof.

i hope you comprehend all my expression

thinking that you will return this email with high reputation and honurable.

regards

mr cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

OF COURSE WE WANT THE BLASTED DOCUMENTS_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE DOING WASTING OUR TIME WITH A BUNCH OF MISCREANTS LIKE YOU AND YOUR CRUDDY CREW???_CLITUS I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IF YOU RUN YOUR OWN LAW FIRM YOU DO NOT HAVE $1,500 TO PAY AN AIR FARE_HOWEVER I AM PREPARED TO MAK ALLOWANCES FOR YOU SEEING AS YOU ARE PERPETUALLY ACTING AS IF YOU ARE EDUCATIONALLY SUB-NORMAL_I SHALL BOOK A TICKET TO LAGOS IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO_HOWEVER THIS WILL ONLY BE DONE ONCE YOU SHOW ME WHICH HOTEL I AM STAYING IN_YOU MAY LIVE IN A FLOPHOUSE BUT I HAVE NO INTENTION OF STAYING IN ONE_NOW GET ON WITH IT



JOHN SMITH

i am affriad that you may not do this my deal very well, why do you keep on delaying this business , i am regreting for your inclusions, why cant you settle the bill and allow mr cletus do his work, i dont like how you take this business lies-low. my friend dont allow me to be sad with you

thanks and god bless you

john smith



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

THE ONLY PEOPLE CAUSING DELAYS IN THIS FRACIOUS AFFAIR ARE YOU AND CLITUS_YOU HAVE ADMITTED THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN A DOCUMENT YET WE WERE TOLD THESE MODALITIES WERE RISK-FREE AND 100% LEGAL_NOW CLITUS IS UNSURE ABOUT LEAVING HIS SHANTYTOWN TO GO TO DUBAI TO PROGRESS THE DEAL_ANYONE WOULD THINK HE IS NOT GOING TO GET WHAT HE DESERVES FROM THIS TRANSACTION HOWEVER I HAVE (YET AGAIN) MADE THE DECISION FOR HIM AND I AM GOING TO VISIT CLITUS IN NIGERIA TO SORT THIS OUT_JUST MAKE SURE HE IS SOBER AND HAS HAD A BATH



CLETUS OKORO

i will go and make the arrangement and email you the details of the hotel where you will lodge

thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

VERY WELL CLITUS_I WILL TRUST YOU TO AT LEAST GET THAT RIGHT_BUT REMEMBER WE ARE USED TO A CERTAIN STANDARD_THAT MEANS A SUITE_NO FLIES_NO RATS_AND NO STAFF RIFLING THROUGH MY BELONGINGS_GET ME THE DETAILS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND I WILL BOOK THE TICKETS FROM MOSCOW


JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil
Are you sure you can do this business. I have a limited time to actualised this business and become rich like other peoples. Now i want you to send that money to mr cletus to enable him get these documents , i dont buy the ideal for your accountant coming here or visiting him for any neutral ground, unless if you are the one to come for the visit. Mr Mikhail can not help us for this business , and if you know you cannot able to carry out this business , please email me right now , i known your name has been submited , but according to the rules and regulation of the banks in nigeria, if an application forms has been mandated and fails to be approve, then the application will be nulify. so if you are not interested, let me know so that i will start to think of who can assist me get this money out of this place.

I will not like to hear that you have never send the money, had i know you would have involve mr mikhail, i would not have agreed to continue doing business with you because he keep on delaying the whole issues in the name of modalities which could not even defined from the dictitionary.

i wait you to email me now for your choice

thanks and god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smithers

As I have mentioned time and time again, I *cannot* leave Japan! Therefore if any meeting is to take place outside Japan, it will have to be seen to by Mikhail. His links with the KGB mean he can travel anywhere under any name.

If you have a personal problem with Mikhail then I suggest you settle it like men once he gets to Nigeria. You can have a few stoli's and then duke it out on the street or something.

Do not worry about Cletus knowing that you have stolen any documents. You will be leaving the country soon, once you have sent me your essay anyway. SEND ME YOUR ESSAY NOW!!

Do it,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

YOUR PATHETIC CARPING AND COMPLAINING IS STARTING TO GRATE EVEN MORE THAN USUAL_YOU ARE WORSE THAN A PRE-PUBESCENT GIRL FROM ST PETERSBURG_BUT SEEING AS YOU ARE OF TYPICALLY TRIBAL LOW COGNITION I AM GOING TO EXPLAIN THE SITUATION TO YOU ONE MORE TIME USING SMALL WORDS SO WHEN YOU DRAG YOUR FAT FINGER ACROSS THE SCREEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO READ THIS MORE EASILY_CLITUS WANT MONEY_WE NO PAY CLITUS_CLITUS HE SAY COME LAGOS_WE NO GO BUT SAY GO DUBAI_CLITUS NO HAVE MONEY FOR DUBAI_WE SAY FINE WE COME LAGOS_MR MIKHAIL BUY TICKET WHEN CLITUS BOOKS HOTEL ROOM_I HOPE THAT THAT IS CLEAR SMITH THOUGH I DOUBT IT AS YOU SEEM TO HAVE THE IQ OF A POTATO



JOHN SMITH

Date: Sat, 8 Oct 2005

dear phil,
what is happening that you dont want to reply my email to know what is happening or have you eventualy agree with me to settle the bill with mr cletus or did you still support mr mikhail to come over to nigeria or dubia, thereby creating chance for delay and waste of time.

are you realy ready to help me get this business done, i am repeating it again, please if you are not capably to handle this business both finacially and exprience, kindly indicate or notify me before i miss this deal for nothing because of incapability of fund to get the required documents, did you that i have spend more than$1700 for this business ?

if you are not ready tell me , i told you that this your accountant will spoil this business , or he might plan to take over this business and do the deal in your our back, before we will know it could have be late, i am afraid, judging him through his speach , you will know that he can do undo, well if you know you trust him, then tell him to think wise and let the ball roll so thateverybody will get their share.

Did you realy know how much we want to claim $15.5 millon usa dollars, and you have wasted all the whole tike where you are bargaing if you can pay or you cannot pay, or do you think in nigeria , you can get workdone with out paying, well if it done in your country it is not pratice in our country, let this business go on or forget about the business so that i can look another person to get the deal for me

i hope you can consider my explanation very well, and email me now

thanks and god bless you

john smith


Mikhail

I don't think Smith is very fond of you
Give him a slap when you see him

Phil


October 11 rolls around and they're still at it...

JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,

Thanks for your response, but i am not happy with you because you dont reason with me. I am deciding to look somebody somewhere who can handle this business confidential.
I dont buy the ideal for this guy to be hear in regard to how he talk, unless if you can promise me that you can come for the deal, but for mr mikhail, i will not the do the business any more

good day and be bless



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smash

It is too late to change your mind now, Cletus has booked a room for Mikhail.

If you don't like Mikhail then that's your problem. I am not going to have you ruining this transaction because of your wetness. Pick yourself up and act like a man - if you don't like the way Mikhail is treating you then you TELL HIM!! Stand up for yourself. What is the matter with you? Don't you learn self-defense there?

You are acting like a child that is being bullied.

You're only involvement with Mikhail will be to give him the documents you have stolen.

Grow up and get on with it
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Gentlemen

Cletus, this is Solomon. Say "hello".
Solomon is the manager of the bank where my brother left his fortune. He is very impatient and incredibly rude.

Solomon, this is Cletus. Say "hello".
Cletus is the barrister who is meant to be providing the police character certificate and the affidavit of claim. So far he has done neither and is demanding money for hotels and vacations, as well as his exorbitant charges for doing absolutely nothing.

My accountant, Mikhail (also present), has been left with no choice but to leave his beloved Russia to travel all the way to hot-ass Africa, because Celtus is the most unhelpful and least accomodating lawyer on Earth. As you can imagine, considering the competition that really is saying something.

Mikhail and I have been knocked from pillar to post trying to appease the two of you, and all we get in return is bile, threats, insults, and moronic stubbornness.

The money is mine. And now, because of your stupidity, you will now have to wait until Mikhail can get a flight out there to meet with you. So before anyone else sends me an email to complain about the way things are going, do this:

Write down 200 times "I am an idiot and I need to learn to be more helpful and patient"

Maybe that way you will finally realise that *I* am the one doing all the work and spending all *my* cash, while you bloated beurocrats sit there and play pocket billiards.

Be sensible
Be patient
Be attitude for gains

Phil


Stroganov: VERY WELL PUT PHIL_WHETHER WE CAN GET ANY SENSE OUT OF THESE LOOSE-LIPPED LUNATICS REMAINS TO BE SEEN_ANYONE WOULD THINK WE ARE NOT PREPARED TO PAY THEM_INDEED WE ARE ALREADY 1,000 YEN OUT OF POCKET



CLETUS OKORO

That is fine, as you said, i dont mind have his phone number and your own too. also i will need his international passport to identify him.

But mind you , he must send me the $300, otherwise he will be coming on his own risk, but i will later see him ok on take yourself , discuss, pay you bill , wait for me to go to the court and police to get the documents , bye to nigeria.

i think i have spoken well

good day.
PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Very well, I will inform Mikhail to send you what you need.

Remain blessed,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

Dear Phil,

Try to undestand what i am saying, that this guy will spoil everything, imagine his write up, no puntuation, no mechanical build up, the barbarism words he do applied etc, then you are telling me to compose myself and keep watching somebody to truncate my richness , impossible, i cann ot allow that, unless you are the one to come over then i will be glad .

think over this ok

thanks and god bless you

john smith
PHIL MUNGLERS

John

I would love to travel, but as I've said, it is impossible. Mikhail is a trusted colleague and he is already very wealthy. He would not steal money from us, he will simply help us steal it from Kelly.

I do wish you would settle down and stop being so paranoid. Go see your friends and have a laugh or something, take your mind off it. Always works for me.

Meanwhile, my bones are making excellent recovery. I should be able to drive again soon.

Send what you have done for your essay and I can arrange getting you the Levin AE85 you asked for.

Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: PHIL KELLY?

WE WILL BE GLAD TO RECEIVE HIM IF YOU CAN WRITE TO US POWER OF ATTORNEY WITH ALL HIS DETAIL ABOUT HIM TOGETHER WITH HIS IDENTFICATION WHICH MUST SUBMIT TO US BEFORE HIS ARRIVAL.

ALSO IF HE IS COMING TO CLAIM THE MONEY ONBEHALF OF YOU AND YOUR LATE BROTHER, ENDEAVOUR TO COME WITH ALL THE REQUIRE DOCUMENTS AND THE VAT RATE VALUE TO $50,000 OF THE TOTAL MONEY WITH THE INCRUED INTEREST, SO THAT WE WILL NOT BE WASTING ALL THE TIMES FOR THE TRANSFER. HENCE HE WILL STAY FOR THREE DAYS TO GET THE APPROVAL FROM THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA AND THEN TAKE THE MONEY AS A DIPLOMATIC MEAN WHICH WILL HAVE IMMUNITY PAPERS TO COVER THE MONEY TILL HIS DESTINATION.

WE WILL BE WAITING TO HAVE THE DETAILS OF HIM

THANKS
SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Attention: Bank?

I think you have made a slight miscalculation with the interest. Surely $15million would have accrued more interest than a poxy $50k? Work it out again and add it to the balance, thanks

Does your bank arrange loans? I ask because I think Cletus needs to borrow a couple of grand to go to Dubai where he can meet Mikhail. He's asking me to pay for his vacactions at the minute and that's not going to happen.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT IS GOING ON????_ONE MOMENT YOU ARE GRASPING FOR WHATEVER MONEY YOU CAN GET THE NEXT MOMENT IT'S AS QUIET AT A LAGOS INTERNET CAF WHEN THE ANTI-FRAUD POLICE GO IN_WE ARE WAITING TO PAY YOU BUT YOU DO NOT SEEM INTERESTED_GET BACK TO ME WITH THE HOTEL DETAILS_AT ONCE!!!



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,

How are you today, i am sorry that i could not reply to you very soon, it was due to many client in my office , you know i have to attend those who are serious to pay for their bill not those who are inquisitive and stubborn for something that they are intrude.

Meanwhile, the delay also came from the enquiries my personal accountant went for the hotel where you will be lodging. From his finding , i got the best for you and the following information are attached to it:

Name of hotel: Sheraton Hotel and towers

Address: Bank-Anthony Way, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria

Method of payment: cash and payment should be made two days before the lodgment.

Bill Per a day:$300 (three hundred dollars)

So, these are the information, but you have to bear in mind that you are the one to pay for the lodging, so you have to pr-request for that before you could able to gain access to lodge.

So can you send me the money $300 to enable me pre-request for the lodgment.

To enable me know your seriousness , so that i will make my time for your service, i want you to send the money to me right away through my personal accountant in the name of Mr Peter S. Okonkwo

Thanks

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???_HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING ANYTHING LESS THAN BUSINESSLIKE AND PROFESSIONAL AT ALL TIMES_WE SENT YOU MONEY_YOU COULD NOT RECEIVE IT_WE SUGGESTED DUBAI_YOU COULDN'T GET THERE_NOW WE SUGGEST LAGOS AND YOU EVEN WANT MONEY UP FRONT FOR THE HOTEL_I WILL CONTACT THEM AND BOOK A SUITE_YOU DO NOT PAY FOR HOTELS UNTIL YOU CHECK OUT_NOW MAKE SURE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DRINKING WHEN WE MEET AND ALL WILL BE WELL



JOHN SMITH

hello phil,
i amstill waiting to hearn if you consider and if you realy understand what imean,because if this your guy intend to come here ,the bankmight ask him to pay for vat rate,but if you allow the bank to transfer the money by themself to you through their diplomatic account via your account you have already submited ,then you will pay no kobo or money,.

please think over these and stop mr mikhail from visiting . i would have be glad to meet him, but not here ,let it be in japan or russia okay.

i wait to know your option

god bless you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

John

What's a kobo?

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

GOOD GOD MAN THIS IS LIKE DEALING WITH THE THREE STOOGES EXCEPT YOU CLITUS AND SODOMON ARE SOMEHOW EVEN MORE STUPID AND CLUMSY THAN THAT TURD-BRAINED TRIO_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WITH SODOMON TRYING TO GET MR MUNGLERS TO TAKE OUT A LOAN???_FOR GODS SAKE SMITH I HAVE AGREED TO MEET WITH CLITUS IN LAGOS!!!!_I AM BOOKING MY FLIGHT TOMORROW_I WILL THEN COME OVER_PAY WHAT'S DUE WHICH IS ABOUT $3,500 OR SO THEN KELLY'S MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO MR MUNGLERS_WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO COMPLICATE EVERYTHING????_DO YOU WANT WHAT IS COMING TO YOU OR NOT????



JOHN SMITH

and what about the vat rate they will be asking you to pay,can you be able to pay for that which might be up to $50 to 60,000. i hope you are ready to pay for that ?

but if you allow them to transfer the money ,they will not add or charge for that .
think about this and emailme now

god bless you

john smith



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

TOMMOROW IS THE LAST DAY FOR SUBMISSION OF YOUR DOCUMENTS OR FORGET YOUR APPLICATION, THIS IS TO ENABLE US CONDUCT OURSELF IN OUR NORMAL BUSINESS ROUTINE.

THANKS

SOLOMOM ADEBAYO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SALMON

YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT YOUR DEADLINES ARE AS EFFECTIVE AND USEFUL AS A FART IN A VACUUM_HOWEVER LIKE WITH YOUR MORONIC FRIEND SMITH I WILL EXPLAIN THE SITUATION_WE ARE COMING TO LAGOS TO MEET WITH THE EQUALLY USELESS "BARRISTER" CLITUS_WE ARE ARRANGING THE HOTEL NOW_SO TAKE YOUR DEADLINE AND SHOVE IT SODOMON_WE ARE COMING TO PAY YOU SO I EXPECT A BIT MORE CIVILITY AND LITTLE LESS OF THIS CONSTANT DEMAND FOR MONEY_YOU'LL GET WHAT IS DUE_UNDERSTOOD???



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION PHIL KELLY?

WE CAN OFFER YOU ALONE,BUT WE CANNOT DO THAT FROM YOUR CLAIM ACCOUNT SINCE WE HAVE NEVER APPROVED AND AGREED AND SCRUTINISED THAT YOU ARE THE REAL NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR KELLY.

UNLESS YOU WANT TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT WITH US ,THEN WE CAN GIVE YOU ALONE WITH ONE GURANTOR WHICH MUST BE A NIGERIAN AND WHO MUST OWN A LANDED PROPERTIES WORTH OF $80,000.

OUR MINIMUM LOAN IS $10,000

AND TO ACTIVATE THE ACCOUNT YOU MUST PAY $500 TOGETHER WITH THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENTS;

YOUR PASSPORT
ADDRESS
PHONE NUMBER

WE HOPE TO SERVE YOU BETTER

REGARDS

SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Bank

So in order to loan Cletus $2000, it is going to cost us $10,500? That is a very uncompetitive quote. Even the Yakuza offer deals with lower repayment figures than that.

Anyway, please adjust the interest owed on my brothers and pay it accordingly.

Phil

oh for goodness sake! how much can a lad take?

MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SALMON

YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT YOUR DEADLINES ARE AS EFFECTIVE AND USEFUL AS A FART IN A VACUUM_HOWEVER LIKE WITH YOUR MORONIC FRIEND SMITH I WILL EXPLAIN THE SITUATION_WE ARE COMING TO LAGOS TO MEET WITH THE EQUALLY USELESS "BARRISTER" CLITUS_WE ARE ARRANGING THE HOTEL NOW_SO TAKE YOUR DEADLINE AND SHOVE IT SODOMON_WE ARE COMING TO PAY YOU SO I EXPECT A BIT MORE CIVILITY AND LITTLE LESS OF THIS CONSTANT DEMAND FOR MONEY_YOU'LL GET WHAT IS DUE_UNDERSTOOD???



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

YOU ARE WELCOME SIR, AND WE HOPE YOU WILL COME ALONG WITH ALL THE REQUIREMENTS AND THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF $50,000 MEANT TO BE THE TOTAL VALUE OF VAT RATE FOR THE TRANSFERING OF $15.5M WHICH WILL BE DONE AS SOON AS THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APPROVE IT UPON YOUR DOCUMENTS SUBMITED

THANK YOU

WE HOPE TO RECEIVE YOU IN OUR BANK FOR MORE GLAD. BUT YOU MUST COME WITH A LETTER OF ATTORNEY FROM THE ACTUAL PERSON CLAIMED FOR THE MONEY .

SOLOMON



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SOLOMON

$50,000?????_FOR A BANK TRANSFER???_$50,000 BUTTONS OR BEADS OR WHATEVER YOUR CURRENCY IS BUT $50,000????_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL???



CLETUS OKORO

It sounds funny to said that you send me money for a token of 1000yen which is $8.8 dollares, for what? to compare it with $1000, and the most funest thing is that your attachment was so cunning, illegible and unable to access, and after complaining , you could not bother to change yout mind to resend the documents or even send it through my email without attachment, didnt it show some character in you that you are labeling yourself as stubborn , obstinate nonbusinesslike , nonfriendship, nonchristianity etc.

i will be expecting your arrival

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WE SENT 1,000 YEN AS A GESTURE OF GOOD FAITH_IF YOU CANNOT OPEN A SIMPLE ATTACHMENT THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM_MEANWHILE MY CLIENT IS OUT OF POCKET_I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO ASK YOU FOR THE MONEY BACK CLITUS BUT I AM PREPARED TO PUT THAT ASIDE FOR NOW_AS FOR YOUR OTHER USUAL WHINING IF YOU CANNOT ACCEPT MY GOOD-NATURED REMINDERS AND KIND-HEARTED DIRECTION THEN THAT IS A PROBLEM AT YOUR END_ONE OF MANY I MIGHT ADD_IN THE MEANTIME I WILL BE IN LAGOS SOON_I WILL LET YOU KNOW MY SCHEDULE



CLETUS OKORO

are you sure you pay the money where is the prove ? a document that fail to open. or any other thing?


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WE SENT THE MONEY_THE PROOF IS IN THE DOCUMENT_ARE YOU TOTALLY INCOMPETENT???_WE ARE OUT OF POCKET BUT ONCE AGAIN ELDER CLITUS STARTS TO COMPLAIN_I DON'T KNOW WHY WE BOTHER HOWEVER AS I HAVE EXPLAINED I WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY AND WE CAN_FINALLY AND DESPITE YOU AND YOUR FRACTIOUS FRIENDS' BEST EFFORTS_GET THIS DEAL DONE



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WE SENT 1,000 YEN AS A GESTURE OF GOOD FAITH_IF YOU CANNOT OPEN A SIMPLE ATTACHMENT THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM_MEANWHILE MY CLIENT IS OUT OF POCKET_I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO ASK YOU FOR THE MONEY BACK CLITUS BUT I AM PREPARED TO PUT THAT ASIDE FOR NOW_AS FOR YOUR OTHER USUAL WHINING IF YOU CANNOT ACCEPT MY GOOD-NATURED REMINDERS AND KIND-HEARTED DIRECTION THEN THAT IS A PROBLEM AT YOUR END_ONE OF MANY I MIGHT ADD_IN THE MEANTIME I WILL BE IN LAGOS SOON_I WILL LET YOU KNOW MY SCHEDULE


Agent Tossov (weighing in from Annie's Bar): THIS FELLOW IS SURELY THE MOST TENACIOUS TIT HEAD I HAVE YET COME ACROSS IN THIS WHOLE EXTENDED BUSINESS AS WELL AS THE MOST STUPID_BUT I AM MOST PLEASED HE IS GETTING THAT WHICH HE SURELY DESERVES_AND THIS IN BUCKET LOADS IF YOU ASK ME



JOHN SMITH

OK, may i have your phone number sir?

when will you come in ? how do i know when you arrived?

i wait to see you perform everything suceesfully and stop messing yourself with these insulents and abusive words.

good day



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

WHAT ARE INSULENTS????_SPEAK ENGLISH MAN FOR GODS SAKE_AND AS FOR ABUSIVE WORDS THE ONLY ABUSE IS COMING FROM YOU WITH YOUR CONSTANT DELAYS AND COMPLAINTS_IF MY GOOD-NATURED HINTS ON HOW TO PROGRESS BUSINESS OFFEND YOUR DAINTY EARS I SUGGEST ANOTHER CAREER PATH_PERHAPS CLEANING THE COMPUTERS AT THE INTERNET CAFE FROM WHERE YOU ARE SITTING PERHAPS


Tossov: SIR I USE INSULENTS IN MY LOFT TO KEEP THE HEAT IN AND RECOMMEND SUCH MATERIAL AGAINST UNDUE THERMAL LOSS_HARDLY JOKING MATTER I CAN ASSURE OF THAT

Stroganov: SIR I AM RAPIDLY RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY BUT REST ASSURED WE ARE NOT DONE WITH HIM YET_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

Phil: I can imagine insulents are mandatory in Russia. You have my sympathy.

Phil has made many spelling and grammatical errors. I put it down to the sake.

Remain blessed

[It might be something to do with regulating blood sugar]



JOHN SMITH

Date: Tue, 11 Oct 2005

Dear Friend,

Kobo is lowest denomination in nigerian currency, i am, very sorry to use that language, but i think it gives more priviledge to know about nigeria. so kobo is a tender mental that serve as money use in nigeria but it has the lowest denomination

so are you still supporting him to come? look my friend, we have no time left for us, the bank might cancel our application due to non responding attitude of the documents required by them

hurried up to pay the bill today or send your guy to day to settle everything today or forget the deal

thanks and god bless you

johnsmith



PHIL MUNGLERS

John

When someone has a bank account and is in credit, the bank owes money to the customer (interest), not the other way around.

I will ask you AGAIN: where is your essay?

YOU CANNOT LIVE IN JAPAN AND HAVE A FREE CAR UNLESS YOU SEND ME YOUR ESSAY

This is unacceptable!

Phil



JOHN SMITH

phil,
The bank is yet to know who you are , they never approve your application because we never submit any documents to them, then what are you saying , if you wana look for loan from them , i think i have told you their requirements
For essay you always talking about s uncomprehensive to me, could you mean those documents stolen? that is certificate of deposit, death certificate. They are all original, not forged ok, so i will not release it to you because it is only one copy i have them right now, and i never know if you and your accountant will spoil the business for me, so as soon as you get the rest of the documents from the lawyer, then i will realised that you have make the deal and i will then release it to you . therefore i have to keep it secret for myself determine when you are through with the lawyer.

did i answer your question, and are you still supporting mikhail for the trip to nigeria, have you ever receive any final notice from the bank complaining about the deadline of the submission of the documents?.

please advice

thanks and god blesss you

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

John

I already told you, if you wish to live in Japan then you need to show an understanding of Japanese culture. You need to write 4500 words on Lord Oda Nobunaga's attack on Okehazama in 1560. Are you telling me you've wasted two weeks and not written anything?? HURRY UP MAN, TIME'S A WASTING.

You are being offered a free ticket to Japan AND a free car and you can't even write a short essay? In FOUR WEEKS?

Get with it or you will have to remain in your hut forevermore.

Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

THANK YOU FOR RETURNING OUR EMAIL. HOWEVER YOU ARE MISQUOTING AND MISUNDERSTANDING OUR STATEMENT.

WE SAID THAT ;

TO ACTIVATE A NEW ACCOUNT IT WILL COST YOU $500 ONLY.

THE MINIMUM AMOUT TO LOAN OUT IS $10,000 SO WE CAN BORROW YOU $10,000 IF YOU CAN ACTIVATE A NEW ACCOUNT WITH US WHICH WILL SERVE YOU MORE OPPORTUNITY IN OUR BANKING SYSTEM.

SO IF YOU WANT TO LOAN $2000, IT WILL STILL COST $500 ONLY ,

I HOPE YOU UNDERTAND OUR STATEMENT

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

ADEBAYO SOLOMON



PHIL MUNGLERS

Bank

If the minimum loan amount it $10,000 then how do I go about getting $2000 for Cletus? What's the APR on the loans, and what sort of tenure can they be taken over?

Thanks
Phil


Stroganov: PHIL -- I MUST RESPECTFULLY URGE THE UTMOST CAUTION IN THIS MATTER_YOU HAVE SEEN WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE LIKE FROM DAY ONE_IF THE ACCOUNT CONTAINING YOUR "BROTHER'S" MONEY IS CONFIDENTIAL THEN WHY CAN'T SODOMON JUST TAKE SOME CASH FROM THE ACCOUNT AND THEN PUT IT AGAINST EXPENSES???_AND APART FROM ANYTHING ELSE IF THAT BUMBLING BARRISTER COCKORO NEEDS MONEY HE CAN APPLY FOR A LOAN HIMSELF OR GO TO HIS VILLAGE ELDERS_HOWEVER IF YOU MUST INSIST ON THIS LOAN THEN PLEASE LET ME NEGOTIATE THE TERMS WITH SODOMON_I AWAIT YOUR INSTRUCTIONS



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION:MIKHAIL STROGANOV

ARE YOU SURE YOU A COMPETENT HUMAN BEING? IF THE ANSWER IS YES THEN THINK WISE.

HOW CAN WE DEDUCT MONEY FROM LATE MR KELLY FUND INORDER TO LOAN TO YOU BECAUSE OF WHAT? ; IS BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS BROTHER OR NEXT OF KIN.
LET ME CLARIFY YOU ONE THING. WE ARE NOT AUTHORISED TO DEDUCT ANY FUND TO WHOM EVER IT MAY CONCERN EVEN IF THE PERSON HAD SUBMITTED ALL HIS OR HER DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE WITH OUT OBTIANING DEDUCTING CERTIFICATE WHICH WILL BE APPROVE FROM THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA. NOW THE AUTHORITY OR THE BOARD OF THIS BANK DID NOT RECOGNISED THE PERSON CALLED PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY DUE TO NON SUBMISSION OF HIS DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE TO ASCERTAIN THAT HE IS THE REALY PERSON .

I WANT TO USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO INFORM YOU THAT THE BANK HAS CLOSE HIS ENTRY OF HIS APPLICATION TILL FURTHER NOTICE UN LESS HE RESUBMIT THE APLICATION WITH THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS OTHERWISE THE APPLICATION MAY NOT BE ACCEPTED

WILL HOPE TO GIVE THE LOAN TO YOU IF OUR REQUIREMENTS IS REACHED WITH PAYMENT OF $500

WE ARE READY TO GIVE THE LOAN; OUR SERVICE IS FANTASTIC:

THANK YOU
ADEBAYO



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON

LISTEN TO ME YOU CRAZY CLOTH-HEAD_YOUR SEMI-LITERATE RAMBLINGS WOULD MAKE LITTLE SENSE EVEN TO YOUR LOCAL WITCH-DOCTOR LET ALONE AN INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN SUCH AS MYSELF_NOBODY APART FROM US KNOWS ABOUT THIS FUND AND YOU WORK IN THE BANK_THEREFORE YOU HAVE ACCESS CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT_WE ARE TALKING A KING'S RANSOM FOR GODS SAKE SODOMON WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES A FEW THOUSAND MAKE???_YOU ARE SET TO MAKE MILLIONS BUT THIS PARSIMONIOUS PATHETIC PENNY-PINCHING HELPS NOBODY_ARE YOU ALWAYS USELESS OR IS IT AN ART YOU PRACTISE???_GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY SODOMON WE HAVE TO GET THIS SORTED OUT_I HAVE A $50,000 BUDGET BUT IF YOU DON'T GET DOWN TO BUSINESS SOON I WILL HAVE TO CLOSE *YOUR* APPLICATION AND INVEST IT WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT_UNDERSTOOD???



JOHN SMITH

where are you, you lier, see dubia see money see nigeria see documents

i know you are ajoker you moron , good for nothing someone. a lazy human bieng

let me have your phone number if you are the actually a russian



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS NATIVE NONSENSE???_I HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU YOU ROTTING PIECE OF CAMEL DUNG_FOR GODS SAKE THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE AT THE LOCAL BREW_SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT SMITH_AT ONCE!!!_WE ARE SET TO MEET YOUR BACKWARDLY-COMPATIBLE FRIEND CLITUS IN YOUR RAT-INFESTED SHANTY TOWN SO I EXPECT LESS DRUNKEN DRIVEL AND MORE RESPECT_NOW EITHER GET ON WITH IT OR GET OUT YOU TIT-HEADED TRIBESMAN


Stroganov: PHIL -- BIG RED BUTTON TIME COULD BE APPROACHING_I COULD TAKE THE NICE COP ROUTE IF YOU WISH OR MAYBE YOU COULD INTERVENE_IT IS UP TO YOU MY FINE FRIEND_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND REGARDS FROM MOSCOW

Phil: Mikhail -- It does seem like the end is approaching, sadly. Maybe we can still fool him into thinking that you will be visiting and staying in the wonderful Sheraton hotel.

I hear Tossov stayed there once.

Tossov: INDEED HE DID SIR AND A FINE TIME WAS HAD BY ALL_I HAVE TOLD SMITH I HAVE BOOKED MY TICKETS_BUT IF WE HAVE TO FLIP THEM OFF THEN THAT IS FINE AS IT HAS LASTED WELL AND BEEN FUN WHILST GIVING THESE SCUM A DESERSVED KICKING_I DO A GOOD FLIP-OFF IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF



CLETUS OKORO

my friend i may not stand to watch you insulting me. I may not continue respondoing your email again unless the actual person that contracted me and that is phil munglers kelly

thanks

good day

cletus okor



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

I HAVE BOOKED MY TICKETS TO NIGERIA_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???_DO YOU WANT THE $50,000 OR NOT???


Stroganov: DEAR ALL -- IT WOULD SEEM THAT EVEN THESE LADS HAVE A BREAKING POINT_THEY DESERVE CREDIT FOR THEIR AMAZING TOLERANCE THOUGH FRANKLY WHY ANYONE WOULD BE OFFENDED BY MY KINDLY AND GOOD-NATURED BANTER IS ANYONE'S GUESS_MAY YOUR CUSTARD BE FRESH AND FULL OF VANILLA_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW

Tossov: SIR THE COMMON SAYING IS THAT IT IS NOT OKOR UNTIL THE FAT LAD SINGS_AT LEAST AS I UNDERSTAND IT

Stroganov: INDEED SO MY FRIEND_MOST AMUSING AS ALWAYS_LET US HOPE WE CAN PULL THESE PEOPLE ROUND_IF WE CAN GET THEM TO VISIT THE SHERATON AND ASK FOR I P FREELY_ISA WANKER_OR MIKE HOKSMAL THEN ALL WELL AND GOOD

Tossov: MIKE HOKSMAL SIR IS FRESH TO THESE EARS SIR_ BUT I CAN SEE IT GROWING ON ME



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus!!

Stop it with the complaining for once. Mikhail is about to travel thousands of miles due to your laziness. He is bringing with him thousands of DOLLARS at your insistence.

Have you booked the hotel for him? DO IT NOW!!!

Your procrastination is making my teeth itch.

Phil



JOHN SMITH

phil,
why are you lying to me, you told me that mr mikhail will be in my country yesterday to sort this out once and for all, now i have never heard about him, where is his phone number. are you a gambler, do you want to ruine my life , do you want to block this business from me.

Now i knew who you people are , no wonder your friend keep on delaying this deal, oh i have made a mistake to contact such person like you to do this business, oh my god, well please can you do me a favour , can you send a written note to the bank to inform them your incapability to carry out this business due to your acident to enable me look for somebody who is serious to do this business and a person who can be more confidential not to contact a person who is moron like mikhail, a person who is not lier like you and you good for nothing friend called mikhail.

see mikhail see nigeria , see dubia see documents see money, all are liers from the mouth of your accountant you include in this business , why are you afread to sponsor the deal, after i have spent so much to got some other papers. now my bank might persecute me if they smell a rat in this deal, which i know your mouth flow mikhail has told the lawyer about this.

well do what i said to enable me get another person

bye

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smith

Your strange behaviour is irritating me now. Are you back on the drugs? I never said anything about Mikhail being in Nigeria yesterday!

Sir, I put it to you that you are insane.

I will not answer any emails from you until you send me your essay.

In the meanwhile *I* will carry on with the business.

Honestly!

Phil



JOHN SMITH

Phil
you sound like a coward, it seems as if you cannot handle this deal very well. therefore i am planing to pull out for this deal before your good for nothing person like mikhail put my business in hassle.

i dont have to time to write any essay, an essay for what ? to come there? to do what ? when i know that you are not capable to handle the deal, so what is the necessity to write the essay. infact i am afraid, because that of mikhail seems to be a joker and gambler, is it true?

well , if you want to handle this business by yourself , then we will have a deal, i will be glad if you can handle this deal with seriousness. how do i know when you are seriouness? is when you get those documents which they are not suppose to last for 3 to 4 hours to obtain. how much is $1000 you cannot pay for the sucessful of the business , why cant you sound like a brave man who is businesswise?

send your comments right away

john smith



PHIL MUNGLERS

John

I am getting tired of your attitude now.

You wrote to me, BEGGING for someone to help you steal money from a dead man. I agreed. I also agreed to help you move to Japan (since you BEGGED me to help you do so), and I even offer to give you a free car and teach you how to drive.

Now all I get off you is pathetic insults.

Get lost for a few days and let us MEN do our work. You peurile bitching isn't helping anything.

Mikhail WILL be coming to Nigeria. If you continue with this recent idiocy then I have no doubt he will be bringing a bullet with your name on it.

Shut the hell up and let me handle this transaction.

Do your god damn essay.

Punk,
Phil



JOHN SMITH

you must be stupid, i dont like to do this business any more with you did you hear me.

i thought you are equal to task, i did not know that you are going to involve somebody like mikhail a good for nothing person, you would told me that you dont have money to carry on this business

thank



PHIL MUNGLERS

Smith

Do you know how much I make when I win a race? 10million yen. That is around $90,000 if you insist on dealing in dollars. There are 20 races per season. That is just under $2million a year. I have been racing for ten years. I've got more money than you've got bags of rice.

I am risking imprisonment to help you steal this money. I don't need the cash, but I'm helping you anyway.

You better start showing some respect or I'll have your ass killed in front of your village whores.

Shut it and let me help you.

Ungrateful bastard,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAN I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS_PERHAPS YOU HAVE SEXUALITY ISSUES BUT YOUR WHINGING AND WHINING IS STARTING TO MAKE ME THINK THAT YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF I HAD YOU KEELHAULED IN THE VILLAGE WATERING HOLE_WHAT IS *WRONG* WITH YOU SMITH_DROP THE "MR MIKHAIL GOOD FOR NOTHING" THIS AND "MR MIKHAIL GAMBLER" THAT FOR GODS SAKE IT'S LIKE LISTENING TO A 5-YEAR OLD_YOU ARE A WASTE OF SPACE SMITH AS ARE YOUR CRETINOUS CRONIES CLITUS AND THE EQUALLY DISLIKEABLE SODOMY ADEFLAYO OR WHATEVER HIS DAMNED NAME IS_STOP THIS NONSENSE SMITH_AT ONCE_OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY_DO YOU UNDERSTAND?????_AT ONCE!!!!!



Meanwhile, remember that Stroganov was dangling $50,000 in front of Cletus Okoro. The dollar isn't worth what it was, but that's still a nice chunk of change.

CLETUS OKORO

YOU BE WELCOME. , THEN CALL ME, BUT I NEED YOUR PHONE NUMBER NOW , YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASPORT OR DRIVER LICENCE OTHERWISE I WILL LABEL YOU AS UNGENIUNE PERSON WHICH I CAN NEVER LIKE TO WELCOME IN MY OFFICE.

FOR BETTER WELCOME, ENDEAVOUR TO SEND OR ATTACH THESE REQUIREMENTS AS I MENTION. MIND YOU , YOU SHOULD NOT ASK ME WHERE YOU WILL LODGE BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WILL DO THAT BY YOURSELF , AM I CLEARED?

THANKS



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Thank you for being so accommodating. At last you are behaving like a gentleman.

Kudos to you sir.

It makes a refreshing change to see such sensible correspondence after what that IDIOT thief John Smith has been writing recently. Do you know him personally? I think he is a drug user, his mask of sanity is slipping.

Blessings and piffle,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH

NATIVE INSULTS ARE NOT GOING TO GET THE MODALITIES FINALISED_AND I THINK YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT THE BANK ARE GOING TO DO NOTHING BUT WAIT_FIRSTLY AS WE GO AT OUR PACE AND NOBODY ELSE'S AND SECONDLY BECAUSE MR MUNGLERS IS THE SOLE BENEFICIARY OF THIS FUND...IF YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH_ADDITIONALLY EVEN IF WE NEGOTIATE ON FEES YOU ARE LOOKING AT A $30,000-$40,000 PAYDAY_SO KEEP YOUR ULTIMATA AND WITCH DOCTOR CURSES FOR THE OWNER OF YOUR LOCAL DRINKING DEN WHOSE WARES HAVE CERTAINLY AFFECTED WHAT LITTLE ARTICULATE AND COGENT THOUGHT PROCESSES YOU MAY HAVE POSSESSED THUS FAR_IS THAT CLEAR???



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

DONT EMAIL TO US AGAIN.GO AWAY WITH YOUR INSANE BEHAVIOUR AND UNCOMPROMISING CHARACTER, WE DONT HAVE TIME FOR YOU


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SODOMON

WE ARE GOING NOWHERE_THIS FUND IS THERE TO BE COLLECTED BY MR MUNGLERS AND COLLECT IT WE WILL_NOW STOP THIS CONSTANT STREAM OF USELESS LANGUAGE AS IT IS NOT HELPING_ANYONE WOULD THINK THAT WE ARE THE ONES HOLDING UP THE DEAL!!!



JOHN SMITH

phil,
you must be lying, if it is true this business wouldnt be delayed uptill now .

you better tell that jokes to someone else not me.



PHIL MUNGLERS

Listen to me

Do not email me again until you have decided to stop acting like an idiot, and you have done your essay.

I don't need your breathtakingly bad attitude spoiling this transaction.

Mikhail will contact you when he arrived in Nigeria.

In the meanwhile, go fulk yourself. Phil



Apparently "DONT EMAIL TO US AGAIN" isn't forever.

MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: PHIL MUNGLERS KELLY,

AS FAR AS YOUR ARE REQUESTING ANY LOAN FOR MINIMUM OF $10,000 OR BELOW, THEY ALL FALL IN THAT RATE , THAT IS $500 YOU WILL PAY TO ACTIVATE THE ACCOUNT,THEREFORE $2000 IS EQUALLY ATTRACT $500.

THE ONLY TENURE YOU HAVE TO GIVE IS A LANDED PROPERTY WORTH OF $80,000 WHICH MUST OWN BY A NIGERIAN;AND WE MUST INSPECT IT ;AND THE TENURE WILL LAST FOR TWO YEARS, AFTER TWO YEARS THE BANK WILL TAKE OVER THE LAND: MEANWHILE WITHIN THIS MONTHS YOUR WILL BE PAYING 5% INTEREST OF CAPITAL AMOUNT MONTHLY TILL YOU RETURN THE MONEY WHICH MUST BE WITHIN TWO YEARS.

I HOPE WE EXPLAIN BETTER TO YOU ;IF YOU STILL HAVE SOME QUESTION REGARDING THIS , FEEL FREE TO CONTACT US AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

REGARDS

SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Suluman

There seems to be some misunderstanding, it is not ME who needs the loan, it is Cletus The Elder Barrister Okororo, CEO of his own law firm and he cannot afford a mere $1500 to conduct a business deal.

What do lawyers get paid with in Nigeria? Fruit baskets?

Remain patient and Mikhail will pay you a friendly visit on his arrival in Lagos. I hope you can show him around the best bars in town.

Phil



From here on in, as best as can be managed, CLETUS time wasted is shoved to the left, and JOHN time wasted is shoved to the right. Remember they are working together, or perhaps JOHN is trying to work his way up to be like CLETUS. If so, it isn't going too well.

Remember that Phil had questioned John Smith's character:

CLETUS OKORO

I never receive his data to identify him, what is the delay this time arround. I ask for the money for documents you keep on complaing about the delay, now you have agreed to come over , you still delaying , common mr mikhail data is impossible to attach to me, but if it is cunning attachment like that of payment , you will do it quickly because you know it wouldnt open. i am still expecting to have the data of mr mikhail otherwise i will cancell this contract for ever thanks cletus okoro


PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus Why do you need to see Mikhail's identification? I already told you, he is coming to MEET you. How many other people in Lagos are likely to walk into your office and say "I AM MIKHAIL STROGANOV_FOR GODS SAKE"? Not too many I wouldn't have thought. I do not have his passport. How is he going to get out of Russia if I have his passport? That makes no sense. Send him the booking confirmation for the hotel today. Phil


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITORIS

STOP THIS WHINING_AT ONCE!!!!_I AM PAYING TO COME TO YOUR REVOLTING LITTLE COUNTRY AT CONSIDERABLE EXPENSE SO CEASE THIS CONSTANT WHINING!!!!_FOR GODS SAKE MAN DO YOU HAVE NO DIGNITY????



CLETUS OKORO

go to hell, you dont have a manner of approach, what kind of question are you askingme, what do you think you are?. my friend send your intl passport right now or forget to meet me, look for another way to do the busines with you .

i will not welcome you did you hear me



PHIL MUNGLERS

Barrister Cletus

Have you sent Mikhail the confirmation for the hotel? We are waiting for the details so that travel arrangements can be made. He will be bringing the equivalent of $200,000 with him to pay whatever fees you need; the frankly ludicrous bank charges ($60,000!!!!), and extra money to entertain yourself, Banker Adebisi, and Mikhail. John Smith will not be joining you.

Arigato, anaki
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

you have enough money , why cant you send money for hotel reservation? because i am a lawyer in this country and due to my position, i will acquire immunity coverage to mikhail so that nobody will search him or questioning him for any thing, but what is important right now is the hotel reservation. send me money to do that right now ok

thanks



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

We will pay the hotel on arrival. No hotel expects payment upfront.

Please book one double room for four nights. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will be paid.

I am sure you understand.

Phil


Stroganov: PHIL IF YOU WANT TO FLIP THESE LADS OFF I WILL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU WITH SOME KINDLY ADVICE FOR THEM OF MY OWN

Phil: Mikhail Although Smithy seems to be furious with us, Barrister seems to still be under the impression that we will be visiting him. Strange, I thought they were the same person... If you think we can get anymore out of Clet-ass before finishing this, then perhaps we should try. I am a mere rookie compared with a veteran like yourself though. Advice is always welcome.

Stroganov: PHIL YOU RAISE A GOOD POINT MY FRIEND_HERE ARE MY SUGGESTIONS_1) WE FLIP THEM OFF_2) WE GIVE CLITUS DETAILS OF WHERE WE ARE STAYING AND MAKE HIM GO TO THE HOTEL AND GIVE A SECRET NAME OF MIKE HOKSMAL OR SOMETHING SIMILARLY ADMITTEDLY PEURILE BUT AMUSING_3) EMAIL CLITUS AND ASK FOR AN EXPLANATION OF SMITH'S OUTBURST

I WOULD RECOMMEND 2) AND ASKING CLITUS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SMITH APART FROM THE USUAL TRIBAL TANTRUMS TO WHICH HE IS PRONE_I AM AT YOUR SERVICE_MAY YOUR CUSTARD BE FRESH AND HOT AS THEY SAY IN MOSCOW

Phil: Mikhail I concur.

We send Clitus on a wild goose chase, but first we question John Smith's nervous breakdown. May your car be forever filled with high octane fuel, Phil

Stroganov: PHIL IT SHALL BE DONE_I SHALL EMAIL CLITUS SHORTLY BUT I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THEIR REACTION WHEN WE PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON THOUGH I HOPE THEY DO NOT JUST WALK AWAY_THIS ANTI-SCAMMING OPERATION HAS BEEN EPICALLY EXCELLENT AND EXTREMELY EXCITING_I BELIEVE THE HIGHEST ECHELONS AT THE PALACE HAVE HEARD ABOUT IT_MAY YOUR CUSTARD BE FRESH_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW

CLETUS OKORO

if you wish that is the best way , go straight , your wish is your command, not me. i am just like a contractor, so what i will do is to take him to a good hotel, so he will go and get his room. as at now , i can not go to ask for a room why i have never pay to them. so i will not do that . let him come over , then i will take him there for him to choose by himself and pay for himself. did i make myself clear? until he comes , he will realised that i am good person, but the way you are indicate your wiseness may be a waste to you who is sponsoring this deal. everything is left to you to decide if you will likely to gain or lose. thanks


PHIL MUNGLERS

Thank you for your email. I must say, I'm having trouble understanding what you are trying to say. But never mind. As I have explained to you, no hotel demands payment when you book. All you have to do is BOOK a room, Mikhail will have to pay them when he checks in. Why you're having such difficulty doing this simple thing is a mystery to me. I've already told you that once you book the room, Mikhail will send you his travel arrangements. On a side note, do you know what is wrong with John Smith? He seems to be having some kind of mental collapse. He wrote to me using the language of the guttersnipe and I think he is using herion. As you know, he has already been revealed to be a thief. Perhaps the law are on to him - can you help him if he is arrested? Have a wonderful day etc Phil


CLETUS OKORO

here in nigeria, you cannot book a roomwithout payment. so get the money send or let him come first before any hotel reservation is made. did i make myself cleared? thanks


CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail, I acknowleged your email together with the attached intl. passport. Now i know that your are eager to do business , and i am assuring you that everything will be fine. How ever, i did not understand the kind of money you are mentioning, or are you mistaking?. well may be it meant to the bank for vat rate for the transfering of the said fund. my total bill is $3700, which you agreed to pay $1000, which the balance will be paid upon the receiving of your sida money. so which method is internet transfering of money? does mean through an account or what? how ever if you know you are coming with such huge amount of money, it then mean that i have obtain immunity paper to cover you from being search by security and other factors. did you want to send my own bill through wester union, go ahead and do that ok. i hope to read from you thanks you for your coperation. cletus okoro


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS EXCELLENT MY FRIEND_AT LAST WE ARE GETTING ON WITH THINGS_I KNEW YOU WOULD COME GOOD IN THE END_WELL DONE MAN_I PROPOSE A FRESH START AND WE CAN FORGET ABOUT SMITH AND SODOMON AS YOUR E-MAIL HAS PROVIDED MUCH-NEEDED FRESH CONFIDENCE IN YOUR ABILITIES_LET US MOVE FORWARD AND GET THIS CASH!!_IN TERMS OF YOUR FEES PLUS THE VAT_I WILL TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR PROPOSAL_PLEASE GET ME THE IMMUNITY PAPERS_FIRSTLY AS WE PREFER TO DEAL IN CASH_SECONDLY BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT YOUR OWN FEES THROUGH THE BOOKS THEREBY AVOIDING INCOME TAX AND VAT_MAY I ALSO ADD THAT WE CAN PROBABLY PROCURE THE DOCUMENTS FOR A LOT LESS IF WE OFFER CASH IN HAND ON THE DAY_I WILL GIVE YOU MY HOTEL DETAILS SHORTLY_IN THE MEANTIME PLEASE GET ME THAT IMMUNITY PAPER_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW_REGARDS STROGANOV


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

RELAX WILL YOU FOR GODS SAKE_MY PASSPORT IS ATTACHED_NOW LET US HAVE NO MORE TRIBAL TANTRUMS AND WE CAN FINALLY GET ON WITH MODALITIES_IN FACT I AM PLEASED TO TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE WE DO NOT TRUST THE STAFF AT WESTERN UNION IN LAGOS WE CAN TRANSFER THE $50,000 BY INTERNET_LET ME KNOW IF THAT SUITS

[Here Stroganov inserted an image of a Soviet passport from the 1940s.]

Phil: Excellent job Mikhail! And when did you get your new passport? I thought the Kremlin had stopped issuing them to you when you retired? Remain blessed, Phil

Stroganov:PHIL THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS_IN TERMS OF YOUR ENQUIRY REGARDING MY PASSPORT MAY I RESPECTFULLY SUGGEST THAT SOME QUESTIONS ARE BEST LEFT UNANSWERED_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW
Stroganov: DEAR ALL -- CLITUS HAS GIVEN US AN OPENING TO PLAY VERY NICE COP WITH THE IMMUNITY PAPER NONSENSE_OF COURSE I HOLD HIM IN GREAT CONTEMPT BUT IF WE CAN SQUEEZE A COUPLE MORE WEEKS OUT OF HIM AND PERHAPS EVEN BRING SMITH AND SODOMY INTO LINE AS WELL THEN THAT WILL MAKE HAVING TO BE NICE TO CLITUS WORTHWHILE_MAY YOUR CUSTARD BE FRESH AND HOT_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW

Phil: Excellent gentlemen!
Aside from Cletus' baffling lack of any money whatsoever, this is progressing well.



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus, although you are the only CEO in history to live in poverty you are, at least, making steps to actually HELP this transaction move forward.

I asked if you know what the problem with John Smith is. I would appreciate an answer.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,
Thanks for your good way of responding.

meanwhile,i will need a favour from you if at all you realy like to do business with me, is it possible for you to send me the $1000 ?to enable me get the documents ready so that on your arrival we will not waste any time rather than collecting the documents then head to the bank,i can speak with the bank manager by myself, and everything will work perfectly.

As the attorney to the bank, it is inevitable that whatever i present to them with the data or information at the hands, the transfer will be done sucessfully.

To be candid, right now,i dont have this money right now, otherwise i would have obtained them ready before your arrival, and it does not mean that iam broken as in finacially,but there is other business i engaged, which has never matured or executed.

This kind of transaction does not warant you to stay much in the nation,and immunity paper the governement will offer me will only last for 24 hours, which after that anything can happening to you, this is the constituition of federal repiblic of nigeria,unless you request an international immunity which will cost me a lot of money gulp up to $800.

Therefore,let me get the papers ready so that as soon as you arrive we will not waste any time, we will just go straight from my office to the bank manager's office.

so send the $1000 right now before your arrival ok. Think on this suggestion and get back to me hounorable.

i hope to read from you

regards, cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY BUT NO CAN DO_THE SITUATION IS THAT WE ARE BRINGING $50,000+ IN CASH AND IF I MAY SAY DUE TO THE SHALL WE SAY MISUNDERSTANDINGS BETWEEN US THE ONLY WAY WE CAN COMPLETE MODALITIES WOULD BE TO PAY YOU IN PERSON THE FULL AMOUNT_BORROW THE MONEY IF YOU HAVE YOU THOUGH AS CEO OF YOUR OWN LAW FIRM I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO HAVE SUBSTANTIAL RESOURCES AT YOUR DISPOSAL_IN THE MEANTIME I WILL EMAIL YOU MY HOTEL DETAILS SHORTLY_UNFORTUNATELY IN LAGOS THEY ONLY SEEM TO RENT ROOMS BY THE HOUR BUT THE SEARCH FOR SUITABLE LODGINGS GOES ON_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW


DEAR ALL YOU MAY NOTE NOW THAT PHIL IS THE BAD COP AND I AM PLAYING THE UNACCUSTOMED ROLE OF THE GOOD ONE_LET US HOPE WE TIE CLITUS IN KNOTS AS A RESULT_I AM STRAINING AT THE LEASH TO GET AT HIM BUT AM LOOKING FORWARD TO STRINGING THIS SAP ALONG FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES BEFORE DESTROYING HIS PC WITH THE VIRUS LINK KINDLY SENT TO US BY AN ANONYMOUS KINDLY CONTRIBUTOR



CLETUS OKORO

it is my policy that i pertake a method of pay and receive my services due to the huge debt i subjected to, so i dont want to allow it happened.

continue for your research on hotel , why cant you send any money to me for me to get you pre lodgement which is what the hotel create to people so that the rooms will not be congested on your arrival,because a very good hotel in nigeria required pre lodgement which will possible upon your pre payment. If you like continue your research, it will not help you, you better do what i said.

Do you agreed to pay money upfront so that these documents could be procured before your arrival? Because i will not provide you any immunity to cover you if you fail to do what i told you to do, because ,i might be very busy attending other clients on the day you may arrived, so for me to do all my best inregardless of time which may be i would not have, i must get the documents ready and you must send the money to get them, then i will provide some agent to oriented you to my office or the hotel you ought to lodge.and the whole business can be done within 24 hours.

I hope i make myself cleared?

regards
cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY BUT YOU HAVE ASKED ME TO BOOK A HOTEL SO I WILL DO SO UNDER MY OWN STEAM_THAT YOU ARE IN DEBT IS NOT OUR PROBLEM IF I MAY SAY_I WOULD ALSO ADD THAT ALL YOUR DEBT PROBLEMS ARE SOON TO BE ERADICATED AT A STROKE SO PLEASE SHOW A LITTLE PATIENCE_IN FACT I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU_I AM PLEASED TO SAY THAT WE CAN GIVE YOU THE $50,000 VERY SOON INDEED_AN EX-KGB FRIEND OF MINE HAS DEVISED A SYSTEM WHERE YOU CAN ACCESS A SPECIAL UNKNOWN AND TOTALLY UNTRACEABLE BANK ACCOUNT ONLINE AND "DOWNLOAD" THE $50,000 STRAIGHT INTO YOUR OWN ACCOUNT!_THAT MEANS NO TAX_NO BRIBING OF NATIVE OFFICIALS_AND NO HASSLE FOR YOU CLITUS_ALL I ASK IS A LITTLE MORE TIME AND YOU'LL BE RICHLY REWARDED_COME ON MAN_WE'RE NEARLY HOME AND DRY!!!_IN MOSCOW WE SAY ALWAYS LET THE CUSTARD SETTLE AND YOU WOULD DO WELL TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AS YOU HAVE 50,000 REASONS TO DO SO_50,000!!!!



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Are you a professional miser or is it just a hobby of yours?

In the name of Hideo Kojima, why are you going out of your way to be so unhelpful? We are bringing tens of thousands of dollars to you - BRINGING it, it's not like you made any effort to COLLECT IT - and you can't even foot a hotel bill for us WHICH WE WOULD REFUND WHEN WE GOT THERE

The sooner this deal is over the better - I am fed up with your appalling lack of generosity.

Fagin!
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Hi Phil,
I got his email pleading me to be patient with you.so he is not crazy as you may be thinking ok.may be the way you are handling the business with him, are you in deal with him? do you want to cheat onhim?

importantly, are you send any money, or not. i need this answer right now

thanks
cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

What are you asking for money for now? I thought we had been over this time and time again - MIKHAIL is bringing you money. Remember him?

Incidentally, Johnsmith has come crawling back now he's got a whiff of cash in his twitching, coke-filled nostrils.

I would be interested to know the location of the best bars and pubs in Lagos, and also your recommendation of the best curry houses. I can then prepare an itinerary for the three of you (Mikhail, Sodomon and yourself) so you can enjoy yourself at my considerable expense, seeing as you are too stingy to pay for anything yourself.

I must go now, I have to tune Takumi's car - a Toyota Trueno with an AE101 engine - for tonights race. He will be taking on a Mitsubishi Evo 5 on Mount Bovril.

Send Mikhail the booking confirmation immediately and we will take neccessary steps.

Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

I wasn't going to cheat him a penny until he sent me a vulgar email.

It is not the proper thing to do, send your business partner a vulgar email you know.

I was very disappointed.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005

Dear Phil, You may not understand what i meant. i dont have any money at hand to do that, try to understand, you know i have multivarious business i am handling, some many contracts, both local and international, but they are owning money ,that is why i made up my mind to be doing any job by pay and receive your service. any way i have taken them to court of law.

but if i may ask,why is too bad and obstinate to send money to me. right from the inception of this business , ihave been asking for money, but you cannot make any difference.

get me the money and every thing will be done excellent.

regards

cletus okoro
barister



CLETUS OKORO

to get the documents ready for your accountant so that there will no delay for the whole transactions. also for him to stay within my immunity priority i will offer to him which will last only 24 hours due to kind of huge amount of money he intend to claim from the bank.To protect him with in 24 hours unless he want to spend more money to get immunity coverage

I hope i have made myself cleared?

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Coitus

I don't understand what you mean by "immunity", but once you have booked the hotel we will have a better idea when Mikhail will be visiting.

In the meanwhile I would appreciate it if you could send me a picture of yourself with your car. It occurs to me that you have had my drivers license and Mikhail's passport and we have seen nothing of you. The best thing about this is that it will not cost you anything, so you have no awful excuse to not do it.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

untill i am convinced that you are my client,by paying the proper dues. otherwise i will wait till you come over before i can send you any picture.

$1000 is for fees you must pay right now before i am convinced that you are my client

immunity paper is protection you will recieved from the government as a special person to proved that you are visiting one of their dignitary. so with out this immunity,i will not be a part of this transaction.Immunity will also protect you from being search or question or suspecting for the claiming of the money.

I am sure i have made myself cleared?

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

You have sent words but no pictures.

That is not what I asked for.

Sort it out immediately.



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

I WOULD ADD THAT RATHER THAN WORRYING ABOUT $1,000 WHICH IS CHICKENFEED COMPARED TO THE $50,000 I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU I WOULD THINK ABOUT JOHN SMITH'S BEHAVIOUR WHICH IS WORRYING TO SAY THE LEAST_HIS DRUG HABIT HAS FINALLY GOT THE BETTER OF HIM AND HE IS SENDING ABUSIVE AND RAMBLING EMAILS TO MY CLIENT_SORT IT OUT CLITUS FOR GODS SAKE OR THERE'LL BE NOTHING FOR YOU AT ALL_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail,
Dont worry about that, if you can send me the $1000 right now, i will make all this transaction sound smooth, even i know how i will do that, i know how i can speak with him, but you know in businesswhat matter is your seriousness which means the $1000, i can make impossibilities to become possibilities upon your payment..

So are you send the money today that is $1000 , then i will do all you wish me to do upon receiving this money which will now serve as your much or most interest to do business with me,then i will now go and execute my service with outmost input which will result with a good output, mark my words. But all could be possible only if you can send the money through my accountant today or next,.

i hope to read from you soon

regards

cletus okoro


Stroganov:DEAR ALL -- AT RISK OF TELLING YOU THINGS YOU KNOW ALREADY_I HAVE PUT THE 50,000 IN SEVERAL TIMES TO TRY TO CONVINCE CLITUS THAT HE IS CERTAINLY GOING TO GET WHAT'S COMING BIG-TIME_I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A SUGGESTION PHIL_IF WE TRY THE "LAD TURNS UP AT HOTEL BUT NOBODY MEETS HIM" TRICK IT COULD MAKE CLITUS JUST DISAPPEAR_MY SUGGESTION THEN IS TO EITHER DELAY AND DELAY THEN SEND THE VIRUS INTERNET LINK_OR MAKE HIM TRAVEL TO THE HOTEL_MAKE UP AN EXCUSE AS TO WHY WE WERE NOT THERE AND THEN SEND HIM THE VIRUS LINK_YOU MAY HOWEVER DECIDE ON A DIFFERENT COURSE OF ACTION COMPLETELY WHICH IS FINE AS I AM AT YOUR SERVICE_REGARDS FROM MOSCOW

Phil: Mikhail I will leave the course of action up to you. I am but a genin-level ninja whereas you are a jounin. I shall let your skills and experience steer this vehicle along the correct road.

As ever though, the longer we can torture these lads, the better.

Stroganov: PHIL -- THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS_VERY WELL THEN_I THINK THAT ISOLATING CLITUS IS GOOD AS HE IS THE WEAK LINK_LET THE END GAMES BEGIN




PHIL MUNGLERS

CLETUS!!!

Talking to you is like talking to an anti-rollbar bushell - utterly useless.

I have asked you for two simple items, TWO

1) A picture of yourself with your car
2) A list of the best pubs, bars and curry houses in Lagos

YOU ARE EITHER TOO LAZY OR TOO STUPID TO DO EITHER

The first item is for the benefit of Mikhail and myself so we know the sort of man we're dealing with. The second item is for YOUR benefit so that Mikhail can take you about town and spend my money. Usually of course it is the host that does this sort of thing, not the visitor - unfortunately you are as hospitable and as helful as an outraged gorilla, only you have less money than the gorilla.

Mikhail may be happy with your recent performance but I can tell you now sir that I am most displeased with you.

DO SOMETHING FOR ONCE OR YOU WILL NEVER SEE A KOBO OF MY MONEY

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

MR MUNGLERS EMAIL ARRIVED IN MY INBOX JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO SEND YOU THE $1,000_IF YOU INSIST THEN I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU WITH INTEREST_BUT PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTIONS OR MR MUNGLERS WILL NOT AUTHORISE THE PAYMENT_I SUGGEST YOU GET ON WITH IT CLITUS OR THERE'LL BE NOTHING_UNDERSTOOD???



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Mikhail/ Phil,

It is quite unusual and unbeleivable that you could send me such an irritative emails as if i am begging to give me money for nothing.

Listen and listen very good for the sake of this business, i have never know you as my client,and for me to know you as my client,you must pay for that $1000 which must be paid through western union money transfer or money gram .

upon the confirmation of your payment,i will certainly aknowledge you as my client, and then i invite you to come see me in my chamber if you may like to come inwhich i will accommadate you on my expenses, and immunity proirity will be execute on you thereby making you to feel free where ever you are going or whatever you doing as far as this country is concern and also as far as this business is concern.

So the bottom line is that you should pay the $1000, then i will send you my picture and anyother thing you want me to do or get for you .You know i am busy person, but i have many guys working with me,so take you as my client upon your payment will enable me send them an erand for any thing you want me to get for you .

I hope i have make myself clear? I am not a begger but i am try to tell you my policies and how i execute my proffessional duties both locally and internationally. So if my policies are not suitable to you , i think you have free right to quit and look for another lawyer , but as far as this business is concern and this bank is concern ,i am the sole attorney that work for any of their services.

i hope to know your next steps

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus you are an enigma

WHY do you persist on chasing this piddling $1000 when Mikhail has told you repeatedly that he is bringing $50,000 for you??

Did you learn arithmatic at school? Fifty thousand is worth precisely FIFTY TIMES MORE than one thousand. Fifty! Why would you rather have ONE thousand than fifty??? What planet are you from, Mr Elder Cletus?

Very well, if you INSIST on having a mere $1000 then send me your picture and list of bars etc in Lagos. Then Mikhail will provide you with the details of the online fund transfer.

Get on with it
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil,
I know that $50,000 is bigger than $1000,but i want to have you as my client,so what is important is your identity,where you belong,those that are with you ,membership etc.

By paying the $1000 through western unnion not internate transfer,because it does not exist here ,you will now be registered as my client which will empower me to send you whatever you wish me to send including my picture,my family picture etc, did i make myself cleared?

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

I do not understand why you need $1000 to send me your picture and a simple list. I sent you my license and Mikhail sent his passport, the least you could do is reciprocate. It's not asking too much, it really isn't.

As for the internet transfer, I trust Mikhail's word entirely - if he says it will work then it will work. It is his job to know these things.

Mikhail, once Cletus has sent his picture and list of venues for you to visit, please wire him the $1000 instantly.

Incidentally, Cletus, Johnsmith has threatened my life - can I hire you as my lawyer there and sue his ass? If not then I will have him killed.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

MY PATIENCE IS STARTING TO WANE_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT INTERNET (OR INTERNATE AS YOU LAUGHABLY CALL IT) TRANSFERS "NOT EXISTING"????_HOW DO YOU THINK WE ARE COMMUNICATING???_THIS IS NOT SOME JERRY-RIGGED NATIVE SYSTEM OF RAIN-DANCES AND SMOKE SIGNALS WE ARE USING THE INTERNET FOR EMAIL_SO FOR GODS SAKE PLEASE STOP HOLDING THINGS UP_ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLICK ON AN INTERNET LINK AND YOU WILL INSTANTLY GET $1,000!!!!!!!_IN A SECRET BANK ACCOUNT NO LESS!!!!_WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO ACCEPT THE MONEY????_DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING??????_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS THIS IS AS FRUSTRATING AS TRYING TO KNIT FOG

... (oct. 23) yes it can get stranger ...

PHIL MUNGLERS

I was expecting to see pictures and a list of Cletus by now, I was going to tell you to send him $1000.

Typically, he has sent nothing, therefore you should do the same.

Why this is all taking to long I've no idea, there must be one hell of a drugs problem in Lagos.



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

PHIL

AS YOU WISH SIR_CLITUS YOUR PAYMENT IS SUSPENDED UNTIL YOU AGREE TO MR MUNGLERS' VERY REASONABLE AND SIMPLE REQUEST AND AGREE TO ACCEPT THE $1,000 BY INTERNET TRANSFER_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A BUSINESSMAN_SOMEONE WHO OWNS HIS OWN LAW FIRM BY GOD_CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT A WONDERFUL DEAL THIS IS FOR YOU???_OR ARE YOU TOO MASHED ON THE LOCAL MOONSHINE TO UNDERSTAND???_THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE CLITUS_GET TO IT



CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phill
I dont know why we keep on wasting our time , prolonging every thing we intend to do.

I told you that i have a policy, and that is how we can do this business if we can follow my instructions which are very simple

Pay the $1000 and you will be registered as one of my client. Then you have equal right to ask me to do what ever you wish me to do, upon receiving this money, if you call me your lawyer i can answer but right now , you have never recongnise as my client , and there is no way i can send you any of my picture or any particulars to you untill i receive that money. I was expecting you to ask me to provide you my court to bar certificate and membership identification card but you fail to ask for that. I have many documents to prove who i am , but i cannot do so without this $1000 which will serve as a client membership. I have been called into court to bar for more than 25 years that is i have being practiing this my proffession for many years before you would have born in this world and i do like to stick on my policy, as i was taught in united state of america.

Do what i told you and you will get any papers you wish me to get for you.

For Johns smith, if i may ask , could you explain better to me why is he threatening your life?

i hope to have your words at a moment

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

IN FACT I AM 56 YEARS OF AGE SO I PROBABLY HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE THAN YOU BUT LET US TAKE YOUR ARGUMENT_ON THE ONE HAND YOU EXPECT US TO PAY $1,000 TO DEMONSTRATE THAT WE ARE CLIENTS YET WE DO NOT EVEN REALLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE_WOULD YOU PAY $1,000 TO SOME GROTTY GOON WHO TOLD YOU HE WAS A LAWYER WITH NO PROOF???_WHY THE HELL SHOULD WE PAY $1,000 FOR YOU TO EVEN PROVE WHO YOU ARE ANYWAY???_RIDICULOUS!!_I SENT YOU MY PASSPORT WHICH SHOWS WHO I AM_MR MUNGLERS HAS SENT HIS PASSPORT TO THAT SHONKY CHARLATAN SMITH_WHY IN GODS NAME CAN YOU NOT EVEN FOLLOW SUIT???_DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE???_SEND US SOME IDENTIFICATION THIS INSTANT AND I WILL SEND THE $1,000 OR YOU CAN FORGET THIS WHOLE SORRY AFFAIR CLITUS_IS THAT CLEAR???

CLETUS OKORO

Dear Phil,
I am tired of your persising of seeing my pictures.

lets reach an agreement that you are assuring me to be my client upon receiving my picture. It now means that you will certainly send the $1000 to me as the client membership identity registeration. If the above reason is accepted , i will send you my picture with my family and my id card.

for public places you want me to take your client to as soon as he arrive in lagos will be send to you , how ever i feel optimistic that you can become my client, so i have sent my boy to go for the research, and any moment by now , he will be in my office

but i want you to know that i can only receive any money from through western union money transfer otherwise you should forget about this business. I hope it is only pictures and pub location you ask me?

i wait your response right now .

cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Mr Cletus

At last you are sounding like a reasonable man.

Upon receipt of your picture (with car) and the list of places to visit that your boy is getting for us, I will instruct Mikhail to wire you $1000 immediately.

I have never heard of Western Union, I do not think there are too many of them in Japan. As for Russia, I am not sure if there is one near to Mikhail - Russia is a pretty damn big country. The alternative is Advanced Remuneration System Enablement which Mikhail can use to forward the money to you.

I hope we can do business.

Have you had any thought about the process of beginning legal proceedings against John Smith? Surely even in Nigerai, the threat to kill someone is illegal? That being the case I would like to prosecute him, either to claim compensation from him or to give him a custodial sentence. As a barrister I would appreciate your advice. Naturally you will be paid for this.

Regards,
Phil
Stroganov: PHIL
I TRUST ALL IS WELL_I HAVE TRIED TO CALL CLITUS THREE TIMES TODAY BUT ALL I RECEIVED ON THE END OF THE PHONE WAS SOME BRASH BUMPKIN WHO SIMPLY GIBBERED ON FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNINTY BEFORE HANGING UP_WE CAN ONLY PAY BY ADVANCED REMUNERATION SYSTEM ENABLEMENT BUT IF THIS IS INCONVENIENT TO CLITUS - AND I CANNOT SEE HOW - WE WILL OFFER HIM AN EXTRA $500 AS COMPENSATION_THAT OUGHT TO DO IT AS WE KNOW HOW MUCH THESE PEOPLE LOVE THEIR BRIBES AND BAKSHEESH

CLETUS OKORO

I can only accept the payment through wester union money transfer. How ever my phone is validly on, i never receive any of you call. Can you call me now , may be when i was answering a call when you call, but you have to keep on dialing untill you are connected.

Remember to call me through this number 2348053723330

this is some of the agent

---------------------------------
VNESHTORGBANK
POLENOVA, 19
ZAOKSKIY , 301000
(7 ) (087 ) 3421901
---------------------------------
MOSCOW INDUSTRIAL BANK
MARXA, 37
ZARAISK , 140600
(7 ) (09666 ) 24965
---------------------------------
VOZROZHDENIE BANK
URITSKOGO SQ., 1
ZARAISK , 140600
(7 ) (266 ) 22441
---------------------------------
RUSSIAN BANKER'S HOUSE BANK
TORGOVAYA, 1
ZARECHE , 121115
(7 ) (095 ) 7108176
---------------------------------
ORGRES BANK
30 LETIYA POBEDY PROSPEKT , 8
ZARECHNYI , 442960
(7 ) (841 ) 2520803
---------------------------------
PROMSTROYBANK
BAZHOVA, 18
ZARECHNYI , 624251
(7 ) (343 ) 7771509
---------------------------------
URAL TREASURES BANK
NEVSKOGO 3
ZARECHNYI , 624250
(7 ) (343 ) 34044
---------------------------------


[Cletus includes another dozen or so listings which he has looked up for cities starting with a "Z" in Russia.]


PHIL MUNGLERS

CLITUS

THANKS FOR A TOTALLY USELESS E-MAIL_WE ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO USE WESTERN UNION_IT IS NOT SAFE_IT IS TOO PUBLIC_AND FRANKLY YOUR PERFORMANCE SO FAR HAS VEERED BETWEEN DISASTROUS AND DIABOLICAL WITH ONLY MR MUNGLERS AND MYSELF SAVING YOU FROM TOTAL EMBARRASMENT_I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW CLICKING A LINK IS SO DIFFICULT EVEN FOR A MAN OF MEAGRE INTELLIGENCE SUCH AS YOURSELF_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS YOU DO NOT EVEN HAVE TO MOVE YOUR FAT ARSE OUT OF YOUR CREAKY CHAIR_THE MONEY APPEARS IN YOUR ACCOUNT_WERE YOU TO BE MUGGED ON THE WAY TO WESTERN UNION IN FESTAC TOWN I COULD NOT FORGIVE MYSELF_ESPECIALLY AS ALL THAT LAUGHTER COULD CAUSE INJURY_WISE UP CLITUS IT'S OUR WAY OR NO WAY_IS THAT CLEAR???



CLETUS OKORO

phil munglers kelly,
First and formost, i will want you to send the money through wester union. you can visit the any of the western union agent location which are as follows

JAPAN
Western Union Agent locations/Addresses Phone Numbers

SURUGA BANK LTD
108-1 MIYAGINO HAKONE-CHO
HAKONE BRANCH
ASHIGARA-SHIMO-GUN , KANAWAGA KEN 250-0401
(81 ) (012 ) 0882515
---------------------------------
SURUGA BANK LTD
1206-14 MATSUDA-SORYO MATSUDA- MACHI
MATSUDA BRANCH
ASHIGARAKAMI-GUN , KANAGAWA KEN 258-0003
(81 ) (012 ) 0882515
---------------------------------
SURUGA BANK LTD
462 3 MIYAUKAMI YUGAWARA-MACHI
YUGAWARA BRANCH
ASHIGARASHIMO-GUN , KANAGAWA KEN 259-0314
(81 ) (012 ) 0882515
---------------------------------
SURUGA BANK LTD
8-6 TAHARAHON-CHO
ATAMI EKI BRANCH
ATAMI , SHIZUOKA KEN 413-0011
(81 ) (012 ) 0882515
---------------------------------
SURUGA BANK LTD
25-7 2-CHOME TOBIO
ATSUGI TOBIO BRANCH
ATSUGI , KANAGAWA KEN 243-0204
(81 ) (012 ) 0882515
---------------------------------
SURUGA BANK LTD
. 1-18 2-CHOME NAKA-MACHI ATSUGI BRANCH
ATSUGI , KANAGAWA KEN 243-0018
(81 ) (012 ) 0882515
---------------------------------


[Cletus continues with about twenty more branches which he has looked up.]


PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Thank you for your research. If you had put as much effort into taking a picture and finding pubs then you would be $1000 richer by now.

Mikhail handles the money. If he has a problem with Western Union then you will have to accept his alternative method of payment. There is nothing you can do about it. Provide Mikhail with one good reason, ONE, why you shouldn't use the method he has - very sensibly - suggested.

Why have you STILL not answered my question about prosecuting John Smith? You are a lawyer aren't you?? COURT ACTION IS WHAT YOU ARE MEANT TO BE BEST AT.

Proceed,
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

did i said i am not rich, i am only try to help you get the documents, and for i to do that , you have to undergoes through my instruction. So paying me $1000 is not a big deal, i have ever sit for. well i think it will be a good interest for both of us to act reasonable in the sake of this contract. all the informations are ready to tell, but the payment must go through wester union because here in nigeria , the methos is not practiced, i asked my friend about this method , he discouranged me about it saying that it is not practiced here , so tell you friend to wire the money through western union ok. i can take mr john smith to court for the offence, but as matter of fact, i must like to know what went wrong between you and him to enable me prepare for persecution procedure otherwise , it would not be possible to take someone to court without substancial evidence to table or label.

i hope to hear from you

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Oct. 19

Cletus

The way you have been acting would give anyone the impression that $1000 was your own personal Holy Grail. I notice that you have still not provided your photo, and what happend to the list your boy was drawing up for me? Please see to it that I get both these items sooner rather than later.

Sir, the payment method as suggested by Mikhail is international, instant, and 100% risk free. He will explain to you how it works, seeing as their is clearly some concern on your part.

I have an email from John Smith in which he threatened to slay Mikhail with his rifle. I will send it on to you if you desire. His problem stems from the time when Mikhail told you that Smith was going to steal government papers. It also transpires that Smith is a drug addict, and a petty criminal smallboy. Please let me know how to take action against him.

Regards,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU_WE ARE NOT USING WESTERN UNION_CLEAR YOUR STUPID HEAD AND DO AS YOUR CLIENTS WANT FOR ONCE_IS THAT CLEAR???



CLETUS OKORO

my friend, i cannot accept any payment method except through western union, did i make myself cleared?. If you like insult yourself for your mediocrity, it is non of my business .

I am not forcing you to be my client, rather i am only helping you to procure a documents for you inorder to claim your late brother's fund deposited in the bank. So if you decided to end the contract, fine , if you think it will be good to continue then do what i said.

Take care

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

YOUR OBSTINACY_STUPIDITY_SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS AND PLAIN MULE-HEADED MANNERLESS MOANING HAS MEANT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE WE WILL NOT BE PAYING YOU THE $1,000 OR ANYTHING ELSE_A PITY_PHIL?_DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TRUST THIS LALLYGAGGING LOON WITH PROSECUTING THE DRUG-ADDLED SMITH???_I AM SURE THAT THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER LAWYERS IN NIGERIA WHO WILL WANT THE MONEY FOR TAKING THE CASE AND ANYWAY THEY COULD HARDLY BE WORSE THAN CLITUS



CLETUS OKORO

then forget about the deal ok, stop contacting me, i am not begging you for any money for nothing, because i am stupid and obstinate like you who does not respect elders , for your age by now as you claim to be (above 50 yrs) you dont know how to respect others and elders, and human right.

good day



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

NOT BEGGING FOR MONEY????_I MUST HAVE READ IT WRONGLY_CLITUS WE BOTH KNOW YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE AND WILL AGREE TO OUR REQUEST SO PLEASE DON'T FIGHT IT_LET ME GIVE YOU INTERNET DETAILS AND YOU WILL HAVE $1,000 QUICKER THAN ONE WOULD SAY IN RUSSIAN CHETIRI_ADIN_DYEVYAT
Stroganov:
DEAR ALL THIS MAY BE A LITTLE CLOSE TO THE WIND BUT THE TRANSLITERATED RUSSIAN IN MY NOTE TO CLITUS BELOW IS THE RUSSIAN FOR 419_PHIL USING THE JAPANESE FOR IT IN HIS ADDRESS EARLIER WAS THE ORIGINAL IDEA_ALWAYS GOOD TO BE SUBTLE I FIND AS YOU CAN TELL FROM MY CORRESPONDENCE WITH THIS CLUELESS CLOWN


CLETUS OKORO

mikhail,
with reference to your statement you refered me to , i think it is better you clear your stupid head before mine ok

you should know how you manupulate words before using it to someoneelse, dont you know about humaniterian. dont you know about human right, then why are you using abusive words to me, for christ sake i dont accept any method except western union, because it is not accepting here in nigeria, and there is now way i can accept it, GOD knows why you are hiding yourself from paying the money through western union, so that you will have excuses as you did when you vapourised that you sent 1000 yen to me , why the documents of that data became illegible and access denied.

better do what i want or forget this deal, did you hear me

cletus



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUSv
IF YOU CANNOT ACCEPT THE ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE OF INTERNATIONAL COMMERCE THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM_I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND AND FRIENDLY TOWARDS YOU FROM DAY ONE_NOW FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS PLEASE CAN WE DISCUSS THIS MATTER PROFESSIONALLY_HERE IS A COMPROMISE BUT THE ONLY ONE I WILL OFFER_I WILL PAY YOU $750 BY INTERNET TRANSFER AND $250 BY WESTERN UNION_THAT IS MY FIRST AND FINAL OFFER CLITUS_TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT



CLETUS OKORO

can you experiment it to me right now for me to beleived

send an experiment,because it does not workhere,and how magician you are,then do it now let me see before i can accept your fogtails method of payment



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT ARE FOGTAILS???
Tossov: SIR YOUR LINGUISITIC ACHIEVEMENT IS SECOND TO NONE AND I AM SURE MBALONGAWANK COMMERCIAL CIRCLES WOULD WELCOME YOU AS A GUEST SPEAKER SHOULD OPPORTUNITIES ARISE

Stroganov: THANK YOU MY OLD FRIEND_AS ALWAYS IT IS A TREAT TO GO TO MBLONGAWANK ESPECIALLY AS ONE CAN PLAY GOLF AT SMEGAROON IN THE AFTERNOONS_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

CLETUS OKORO

phil,
advice your accountant to use the method of payment as i recommended, upon accepting that you will send the money through western union which is the common , easy, and safely way of sending money world wide

i will immediately forward you my picture with my family with my official identity card. I dont want to receive the money through that hassle method is planing to used , did i make myself cleared?

How ever, i think what mr smith did is valuable to label it offence, so i can take the case up, but before i file any case against him, i must receive receipt of your membership to my chamber , this means that you have to send that $1000 .

my boy has return for the research and he is compiling the list of joint or relaxation point to be send to you , but all these will be done you must agree with me that you will trully send the money through western union money transfer only which will be done immediately you recievce my pictures. Did you agree???????? if it is not welcome by you and your accountant, stop contacting me

get back to me now

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus-san

I don't understand your problem with Mikhail's payment method. I suggest you take the matter up with him and explain why you don't want to use it. As I keep saying, it's not me that will be actioning the transfer but Mikhail himself.

Good news that you have decided to take my case on, but I am exasperated that you are STILL looking for a grand just so that I can register myself as your client.

You run your own business, right? Don't you ever think of long-term investment? No, it's all "Now! Now! Now!" with you, isn't it? Instead of charging me $1000 before you've actually done *anything*, why don't I pay you $50,000 when all work is done? In a few weeks time would you rather be thinking "He paid a grand and now I've spent it. I wish I had waited.", or "I now have $50,000 in my pocket! Thank God I held off for my payment!!" ?

Send your picture and the list of venues immediately.

You know it makes sense,
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

phil.
i am no a money monger, so there is no way i can compare $50,000 to $1000. Just do my instruction, and your request will be done, this is as simple as easy-peasy.send the $1000 to me through wester union only. already i have the pictures and the lucreative, edifices, tourism , etc where your client can enjoy when he comes in here, but let us agree that you will send the money to me through western union. the $50,000 is meant for the bank not me, so what is my concern is $3700, which i am asking of $1000 out of it.

No matter how the case is, whether a long term project or short term project, as far as you want to hire me , you must pay for my duties before anything , so you will pay 30% of the money i will charge you for the case upfront before any case can be carry on which will be paid through western union only.

how ever, you must pay for the $1000 before any case can be carry on

i hope you get me comprehensive
cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

Clit Commander

I joined in the discussions a little late in the day and I see that you have already arranged for payment to be made via internet payment. This is good, and I see that Mikhail has sent you the link.

Now send me your picture and the "and the lucreative, edifices, tourism, etc", as per our agreement.

Beit known to you, Johnsmith has threatened Mikhail again. Despite the hilarity of it, a threat is still a threat, and I expect you to help us prosecute him.

Rah,
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

phil,
the link shows that i am not permited to open the file.

how ever :
These are the cool, tourism you requested to know.

NITE CLUB:
IKOYI CLUB IKOYI
CLUB10 ADELEKE ADEDOYIN STREET VICTORIA ISLAND
YNOT CLUB OGUNDANA STREET IKEJA
OUTSIDE INN WATER CARINGTON CRESCENT VICTORIA ISLAND
SUNSHINE NITE CLUB APAPA
ISLAND CLUB VICTORIA INLAND
LAGOS ROTARY CLUB IKEJA
WHITEHOUSE INN IKEJA
MOTHERLAND IKEJA
TOURISM CENTRE:
KURAMOR BEACH LEKKI LAGOS
LEKKI BEACH
AMUSEMENT PARK LAGOS ISLAND
NATIONAL THEATRE CONSTAINLAGOS
AKODO BEACH
LEKKI CONSERVATIVE CENTRE

I hope with these areas i mentioned in courtesy of my boy who made these information available, you or your client will get himself relax comfortable together with my personal immunity. i will be expecting to receive the $1000 right away,remember the link sent by your client could not be accesible due to unauthorization.

i hope to read from you right away
attach is my picture with my entire family.
regards



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Thank you for the list. I will prepare an itinerary for you so that you can enjoy spending the money.

You picture is very nice - I did not know you were so young, standing there at the front with your waistcoat on. Note, I cannot see your car in the image. Please retake with your vehicle as per the agreement.

I do not know why you have so much trouble opening files. Are you sure you have the correct software installed? Did you try to open the link on your work or home machine?

Most confusing!!

Reply immediately,
Phil
[Cletus tries to salvage matters with Stroganov]

CLETUS OKORO

alright go and do it ,if it works ,i beleive any of our business will be done like that,but if it does not work,i think you can retrieve it back ?

thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

AT LAST YOU HAVE SEEN SENSE MAN_WELL DONE CLITUS_YOU ARE PERHAPS NOT SUCH A CLOWN AFTER ALL_HERE IS THE INTERNET LINK

http://highlysuspectlink.shouldntclick.com/unfortunatefile.html

[name changed to protect the possibly useful in future]

CLICK ON THE LINK_ENTER YOUR DETAILS_AND YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING


[It is meant to give Cletus's PC a virus. Will it work?]


CLETUS OKORO

the link indicates that i am not authorised to open or view the page.
could you advice



CLETUS OKORO

forward all the email so that iwill start the case

how ever advice how to get my money for this case

regards



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Thank you for taking my case on. I will gather all the offending articles and forward them on to you.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

phil,

until you forward his email, then i will take the necessary action, he must be trap down as soon as the case is file against him base on the email you forward to me.

i have never receive any payment from your accountant, even those he said he will send to me through western union, iam yet to hear from him, those ones he transfer with the method he gave me link is biass and hassle to access, i told him ealier that this cannot work here, i an tired of you and your client.

maybe you people are serious over this busines. You know my age through that picture, so i cannot like to do any childish transation, so let you keep this ball rolling as we use to said in nigeria.

tell you accountant to send the money ,is that clear?

regards



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

I am offended by your surly tone. Just as I thought we were making progress as well.

Mikhail what happened with the payment? Mr Cletus has sent me an error message your link displayed. I do not understand the modalities of it.

Cletus, how can you say we are not serious after all this time? We are on the brink of making lots of money and you accuse us of being jokers! What is the matter with you? I could accuse you of joking - I ask for a picture of you with your car, instead I get a picture of some smiling family. Where is the car? You know I am a racing driver, cars are of supreme interest to me.

I suggest YOU start to take things more seriously, Cletus. Especially since I am hiring you to fight my case against the cracker Johnsmith.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

and have you send the money to me through western union as we agreed. and i also want you to tell me what to do to enable me allowed to access the link

regards

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE GIVE ME A CHANCE_YOUR GREEDY GRASPING IS VERY TIRESOME



CLETUS OKORO

where is the money, why do you like to give some file that could not access through my system, and i am using xp-professional window 2000, what is going on over there?

pls advice



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

LET IT NOT BE SAID I AM NOT FAIR_I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR THE PROBLEMS CAUSED WITH THIS_I HAVE THEREFORE BOOKED A FLIGHT FROM MOSCOW TO LAGOS SO WE CAN SORT THIS OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL_I SHOULD LIKE TO OFFER TO PUT OUR DIFFERENCES ASIDE AND WORK TOGETHER FOR MR MUNGLERS



CLETUS OKORO

Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2005
Subject: i have a picture of my car

Phil,

i feel optimistic that we can work together in a mature way. let me beleive with you that there are seriousness in our business.

i dont have a picture with my car, though i dont snap picture in that way, may be i will send you my car not with my car. i have the opportunity to have the picture of my car, when my boy went for the best car for me to get the value and catalogue of the car, they decided to snap the car so that i can see it, if not , i dont have time, and it is not my time to do such. you know you are a sportic person, you may like to have the pictures of many kind of cars, but i am sorry i dont have any i am with , rather i have one of my cars picture (not with a car) i will send you tommorow, because right now it is 10 p.m , so i am tired , i will go to bed any moment from now, so i will scan the picture of my car not with my car tommorow and send it to you ok.

remember to tell your accountant to send the payment

good day

cletus okoro



CLETUS OKORO

what do you think you are my friend?,explain yourself.


CLETUS OKORO

i thought by now i would have receive the money,but my greatest surprised is that mr mikhail intended to come over with out paying the $1000 as we agreed, thereby created a waste of time all these while. I called it childishly but you protested, right now can you tell me what your actions look like? Well.what i am saying here is that. You canno ride on me, i have to follow with your words and i want you to follow my words, if not, dont bother to contact me again,because i am a man of consistency, i cannot transact this kind of assumption transactions.

Well you have already knew lagos, you come over book a hotel for yourself, move arround to see if you can see other lawyers, for your benefit, nigeria will be hosting ECOWAS international trade fair which will commence next week, so you can join them to search for a lawyer who can serve you better, but as far as i am concern i cannot be a part to welcome you in my country with out immunity coverage because of the situation in our country. And i cannot grant you immunity protection because you are not my client.

Come over and face what ever you like. Untill you mark your words, do your words, i cannot intend to welcome you at any time,and i cannot contue wasting my time emailing you again, because what i taught you are is not what you are, imagine sending me money through a fogtail ,unavailable,suspicious hassle link.What is wrong sending me a token of $1000 through western union,what are you hiding that if you said it ,it will sound strange to me?. It is very embrassing for your attitude to say that our banks is not trustable therefore western union could not be accepted. For your information,western union in nigeria is meant to go through a scrutiny process ,so you better think good of western union which is the same thing in your country to others country.

May be this will be my last email,untill i confirm the payment as we earlier agreed. I am emphasis on this payment because i want to be sure that you are my client ,and this will also enable me get the documents earlier requested in time for affordable time in processing your claim for the said fund.

Thanks for give me the opportunity to chat with you ,atleast it gives me an opportunity to know the status of people from japan and russian.

Untill i confirm the payment, we can then continue.

God bless you
cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

I HABE BOOKED MY TICKETS FOR GODS SAKE_DOES THAT NOT PROVE OUR SERIOUSNESS???_YOUR IMBECILIC INCONSISTENCY IS NOT HELPING TO SORT THIS MESS OUT CLITS_NOW DO YOU WANT TO MEET TO GET PAID IN PERSON OR NOT???



CLETUS OKORO

mikhail,
pay( $1000) the money through western union now then book a ticket to nigeria , otherwise dont contact me again, did you understand, i dont do a childish buisness where what we agreed become a child play.

pay the money today or atmost monday or forget my contract .

happy weekend

cletus okoro
Stroganov: PHIL WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS AS MODALITIES HAVE REACHED A CRITICAL POINT_AS EVER I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU

Phil: Mikhail I shall make one last ditch attempt to bring the idiot back into line. If that fails, you may open fire.

Stroganov: PHIL THANK YOU FOR YOUR NOTE
THE VIRUS LINK SEEMED NOT TO HAVE WORKED THOUGH WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WAS A MYSTERY_THE SOURCE FROM WHICH IT CAME WAS 100% SOLID BUT THESE THINGS HAPPEN

LET US HOPE WE CAN GIVE KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND GIVE CLITUS SOME MORE ATTENTION BEFORE THIS OPERATION IS OVER_BEST REGARDS FROM DOWNTOWN MOSCOW

PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

I am getting tired of your relentless insistence on getting this $1000. How many more god damn times do I have to tell you

MIKHAIL IS BRINGING THE MONEY TO NIGERIA WITH HIM
MIKHAIL IS BRINGING THE MONEY TO NIGERIA WITH HIM
MIKHAIL IS BRINGING THE MONEY TO NIGERIA WITH HIM
MIKHAIL IS BRINGING THE MONEY TO NIGERIA WITH HIM
MIKHAIL IS BRINGING THE MONEY TO NIGERIA WITH HIM
MIKHAIL IS BRINGING THE MONEY TO NIGERIA WITH HIM

What is it that you don't understand here? Is that too complicated an idea for you to wrap your mind around?

Stop whining for gods sake, you're giving me a headache.
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

phil
there is no way i can beleive with you any more because you told me that i should send some information and you will go ahead and send me the money, itis a statement to be done otherwise i will not accept all your expression

Therefore, if you are not ready to pay the $1000, then stop contacting me, please i beg you with all the curiosity pleading you to stop contacting me if you can not fufillyour promise of sending $1000 to me. I dont need your money $50,000is not pushing me around because it is not my money, and i have never ask such money from you , may it may be for the bank, but i dont know ok.

send the money so that we can proceed, so that i will tell him those that will welcome him on his arrival to nigeria , otherwise he will be arrested for money laundering. I am telling you all these because i have gathered much experience for such international business. But with immunity paper , he will not be search at all, and all his business will be done secretly without any interference.

I will not be a part for this , because i have never know you as my client and i cannot be apart of this busines without immunity paper before your and my government accuses me of money laundering, ilegal business, murderer etc, because you and your client have alread got a threaten character from john smith, so i cannot be a part unless you pay the $1000or forget the business, i dont deal in risky business, i am a lawyer not a business man,everything must be done according to my decision.
good bye.

thanks
cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WILL YOU STOP THIS WHINING FOR GODS SAKE_WITH THIS AND YOUR OTHER FRANKLY SURREAL EMAIL ABOUT YOUR CAR WITHOUT A CAR I AM HAVING EVEN GRAVER DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR MENTAL STABILITY_CLITUS WITH MY CONTACTS I CAN GO ANYWHERE_I HAVE JUST SPEND THOUSANDS ON A TICKET TO YOUR DAMNED COUNTRY_CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY I KNOW THE OWNER OF THE AIRLINE AND HE REFUNDED MY MONEY_AND APART FROM ANYTHING ELSE IF NIGERIA WASN'T SUCH A CORRUPT HOLE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY THEN WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THESE PROBLEMS IN THE FIRST PLACE_THAT IS WHY WE SUGGESTED WE MEET IN DUBAI_IF WE HAD DONE THAT WE'D ALL BE DRINKING CUSTARD LIQUEURS TO EACH OTHERS' HEALTH AND WEALTH BUT MR CLITUS HAD TO RUIN MODALITIES ONCE AGAIN_FRANKLY CLITUS YOU ARE HOPELESS AND IT IS A GOOD THING THAT WE ARE ONLY OUT OF POCKET BY 1000 YEN_GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

For the last time, Mikhail is bringing the money with him. He will not be arrested for laundering as the money is mine and I have authorized him to carry it.

If you ask for that god damn $1000 once more then you can shove your documents somewhere dark and smelly. Your lack of patience is becoming an immense annoyance, and frankly if you keep this up you will be fired.

This is your final warning.
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus, here is one of the threats of dead from John Smith.

Begin the proceedings against him and Mikhail will arrange your new payment when he arrives.

Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2005
From: john smith <johnsmiith2005_2007@yahoo.com>
Subject: i will gun you down by myself
To: Mikhail Strogano
CC: Phil

you bastard, i will surely get you if you realy planing to come here , i will, send my gang to dismantle you, you criminal , you want eat my money, you are already a dead person.wait me i will shot you by myself, thank god you dont have any immunity certificate to cover you here in nigeria, if i were you , i will better not come, because you visit here to carry my money is your last day of your breath where i will smash you will my gany using what is called opc, bakasi, and some other people who are terorist in the world. you think you will be save with your drug baron money you have, i dont like someone like you who smokes indian hemp all the time , you arm robber, i will shot you down soon

bastard, fuck your grand mama,

... november finds them still at it...

PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

As I have told you repeatedly from the beginning, YOU are delaying this. I have asked you for:

1) two documents which you will not provide;
2) a hotel room so that we can visit you to pay you, but you refused to do so because it would cost you a pathetic $300
3) your picture. Not a big deal but you can't even manage that without demanding money
4) a list of venues that I will pay for you and Mikhail to visit. Why you haven't got your junior to do this I don't know. Maybe he is as useless as yourself.

you have never recongnise as my client

I can't recognise you at all until you send me your picture - WITH your car.
You could have made $1000 today just for doing this simple thing.
As for John Smith, he is threatening to murder myself and Mikhail for exposing him to be a thief. Do you think we can build a case against him? I will pay you if you can help us prosecute his ass.
I love you,
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

phil
i have told you time without number that,i cannot welcome him mr mikhail even if he is coming with millions of dollars, i dont care ,what i want from you is to pay the fees of $1000 right now before i can proceed otherwise dont ever contact me.
Whether this is the first or final warning, it does not bother me ,because you are not my client, had it been that you are my client and you are not please with my service , then i would have done what i will did toplease you, but all these days i have done what i suppose to be done to attract new client who have interest in me, but i can see that you are not serious in my service, then why cant you leave me alone and attend those who are my client, those who do what i told them to do as far as it is done legally, why are you disturbing me.

Why can you follow a simple instruction for the continuity of this contract,i thought you people are educated.

Send the money and ask me to do what ever may be your request.

i hope we will not be beating on the bush,lets call a spade a spade, i cannot work with you without the $1000 which must be send through western union to me in care of my personal accountant, is that clear ?

thanks

cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

THIS IS LIKE TALKING TO A TWO-WEEK OLD AMOEBA WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES_WE HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THAT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DO BUSINESS FACE TO FACE THEN WE WILL HAVE TO CALL THESE MODALITIES OFF_HOWEVER DESPITE YOUR GRATING THREATS AND TANTRUMS I FEEL THAT YOU WILL COME ROUND TO OUR WAY OF THINKING BECAUSE YOU CAN SMELL THE MONEY CAN'T YOU?_WHAT TYPE OF PERSON IS HAPPY TO FOREGO $50,000 FOR THE SAKE OF WAITING A FEW DAYS BUT WILL DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO GET JUST $1,000??_A FRAUDSTER IF YOU ASK ME_IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE CLITUS???_ONE OF THESE 419 SCAMMERS???_THAT YOU HAVE SENT NO FORMAL PROOF OF YOUR CREDENTIALS WOULD SEEM TO POINT TO YOU BEING A GUYMAN ON THE MAKE_EXPLAIN YOURSELF THIS INSTANT!!

S



CLETUS OKORO

thank you for your address and what you called me. I know that this business will at last have a rest. now you know whom i am, can you stop contacting me,nowather you want to double cross your partner for a deal you have with him

take care and take your contract to another person who is not a 419.

i am sorry we cannot proceed to do any more business now and in future for your castigation and degradation and insulation

bye



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

THIS SAYS IT ALL CLITUS_I AM NOT SURE WHAT MR MUNGLERS THINKS BUT WE'LL BE BACK_TRUST ME

ALWAYS GOOD TO LEAVE A LITTLE MENACE IN THE AIR I FIND AS THESE MODALITIES ARE NOT CHILD'S PLAY_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING -- S



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

YOUR BELIGERENT BLUSTER IS AMUSING IF NOT RELEVANT_THE FINAL DECISION RESTS WITH MR MUNGLERS BUT DEALING WITH A CRAZY CLOWN LIKE YOU IS CAUSING CONSTERNATION HERE_IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BIG WORDS:_GET LOST

S



PHIL MUNGLERS

Gentlemen

I've no idea what is going on any more. What is a 419? Is Cletus a con man?

You wouldn't do that to me would you, Cletus? You haven't been LYING to me to try to steal my money, have you? I thought you were going to help me, and also to prosecute the murderous, drug addicted, thief smallboy John Smith?

This is all most distressing.

Cletus, reply immediately.
Mikhail, withhold your travel plans until Mr Cletus explains himself.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

PHIL LET US JUST SAY THAT I AM HAVING EXTREMELY SERIOUS DOUBTS ABOUT CLITUS' HONESTY_I NOW BELIEVE HE IS A FRAUDSTER AND A CHARLATAN AS WELL AS A CLOWN AND I RECOMMEND WE PULL OUT OF THIS BUSINESS IMMEDIATELY

S



CLETUS OKORO

Then why are you asking me another question which you suppose cross examine your accountant before sending the email to me.
As a matter of fact, i am in a good position to assist you with all my energy, but i am only asking your accountant to send a token of $1000 for me to be sure that you my client and i have a purpose of visiting me, after all , it is our agreement that if i can send any of my pictures that the money will be send to me through so call enumeration while i insisted that it will pay through wester union. Did you fulfull your agreetment, it is a breach of contract.Instead to get applogy then your account refered me to 419 and fraudster which is a slap to me, i never think that you people can be gathered me and label me to such illusive features.

My friend, i will not welcome him in my chamber and also in my country unless he withdraw his statement
.

regards

cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

If you feel that Mikhail is using insultive and barbarism words against you, then I suggest you just rise above it. Be the bigger man!

Can you reassure me that you are not a conman though? Mikhail does raise a point in that we have never seen any credentials from you. I am sure you undestand.

What is a 419? Do you have a 419bhp car?? I would love to see it!

Now then, to business. Have you read the email I sent to you from Johnsmith? Do you think we have a case?

Let me know
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS YOU ARE SO OVER-SENSITIVE THIS DEAL IS BECOMING A MUDHUT FARCE_I HAVE BEEN KIND AND GENTLE WITH YOU FROM THE BEGINNING_IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE SOME GOOD-NATURED BANTER I SUGGEST YOU RE-CONSIDER IF YOU ARE CUT OUT FOR THIS BUSINESS_ HOWEVER_PROVE TO ME YOU ARE A REAL LAWYER AND I WILL TAKE BACK THE 419 JIBE_HOWEVER I REMAIN CAUTIOUS AND IN ANY CASE ALL WE HAVE TRIED TO DO IS PAY YOU FROM DAY ONE_NOW FOR THE LAST TIME CLITUS CAN WE VISIT YOU TO PAY IN PERSON OR NOT???

- STROGANOV



Meanwhile, what of the original apprentice "John Smith" ? Who has succeeded only in dragging his associates into a mammoth time-wasting bait?

MIKHAIL STROGANOV

SMITH YOU SNIVELLING LITTLE WRETCH

YOU'LL BE PLEASED TO HEAR THAT MODALITIES ARE PROGRESSING WITH CLITUS VERY WELL INDEED_IN FACT WE HAVE EVEN HAD THE FIRST TRANCHE OF MONEY!!!_WE ARE ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED AND TO PROVE THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS WE EVEN BOUGHT SODOMON SOME CHAMPAGNE AND SCONES_I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT ON OUR CELEBRATORY FIRST CLASS FLIGHT TO MONTE CARLO WE RAISED A CUSTARD LIQUEUR TO YOUR HEATH_BUT WE DIDN'T_HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING LIFE IN YOUR RAT-INFESTED FLOPHOUSE IN FESTAC TOWN SMITH_SO LONG AND THANKS AGAIN FOR THE INTRODUCTIONS YOU MORON



CLETUS OKORO

you are free to visit me on the following condition

visit me on your own risk because you dont have any immunity coverage,so if you are caught for any money laundry , that you could not mention my name and if anything happen to you on security aspect , i will not bear the consequences.

visit me with full immunity coverage and security conscience over you , free accomadation , free relaxation, but you must send me $1000 before your visitaion.

i hope to read from you

cletus okoro
And remember that Phil wanted Cletus to sue John Smith. Cletus actually responds on this question! Since "John Smith" is probably his 'apprentice', and so far not demonstrating management potential, the response is not surprising.

CLETUS OKORO

i think it is a case to file against him, because it is against humaniterian and it is punishable.I can handle that.
419 is code under constitution of federal republic of nigeria, which defined it as fradulent activities which is doing things illegal and it is punishable both local and international.

Let us retrospect our discusion, you have my picture which you requested, i even thoght that you would have requested my id or credentials, but you never mind, we agreed to exhange my picture with the $1000 , now you fail to do your part , i did my part , then why should your client qualified me as a scam, did i contacted you for the first time, are you not the one that contacted me, how come can your accountant accuse me of what we are fighting to end in the world, it is an abusive and light-fingering.

so if you want this busines to continue, the following condiction must be abide: mikhail meet me in nigeria on his own risk unless you send me $1000 so that he can be protected

i sue mr john smith for a fresh deal unless you could pay $1000 as client fees, then i can go ahead to presecute him with out no futher payment until the case is won in your favour.

that all the credential for the document will be handed over to mikhail in lagos upon the confirmation of the $1000 before his arival otherwise he will spend all his money to get accomadation, and other activities and the risk of arriving into my country with immunuty coverage.

i hope to read from you soon

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Oct. 26

Cletus

Glad to hear you think we have a case against the insane drug lord and pimp John Smith. People like him should not get away with such aggressive and nasty behavior. I don't understand how you intend to handle the case without my involvement though - won't I have to give a statement?

I am disappoiinted to hear that you do not have a 419bhp kuruma.

As for the $1000 that we agreed on. We did make an agreement, but I asked for a picture of yourself with your car (with a car/ not with car etc) which you have so far failed to send to me. It takes both parties to make an agreement work you know - you're a lawyer so you already know this.

Do not concern yourself with Mikhail spending my money - that, after all, is why he is coming to Lagos: to pay yourself and the banker Adebisi, and to entertain you both.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

HAVING READ YOUR RAMBLING EMAIL I CAN TELL YOU THAT MONEY IS NOT A PROBLEM FOR EITHER MYSELF OR MR MUNGLERS_IN FACT IF YOU'D HAVE GONE TO DUBAI AS WE SUGGESTED THEN WE WOULD ALL BE HAPPY BY NOW BUT ONE HAS TO MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR YOUR SORT I SUPPOSE_I'D LIKE TO MAKE A FRESH PROPOSAL TO YOU SUBJECT TO PHIL'S APPROVAL_IF YOU SUCCESSFULLY SUE JOHN SMITH I WILL PAY YOU $2,000 AND THEN I WILL PAY THE REMAINING $50,000 WHEN WE MEET_THIS IS A FAIR AND EQUITABLE WAY OF DOING THINGS BECAUSE FRANKLY CLITUS YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING SO FAR YET YOU WANT $1,000_IN EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD YOU RECEIVE THE SERVICE THEN YOU PAY FOR GODS SAKE_THINK ABOUT THIS IF YOU ARE ABLE AND GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY



CLETUS OKORO

i can do that , but how did i get the payment. here in nigeria, as a lawyer we have to receive payment before rendering service. this because ofthe trust people of nigerian have in us . so send the part payment of the money i will start the work immediately, it is my work ok

regards
cletus okoro



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WE WILL PAY YOU WHEN YOU START TO REALISE THAT THIS IS GIVE AND TAKE FROM OUR POINT OF VIEW AND NOT JUST GIVE AND GIVE_THIS IS NOT A UN AID DROP SIR_THE FINAL DECISION ON HOW WE PROGRESS IS UP TO PHIL MUNGLERS_I SUGGEST WE WAIT AND SEE WHAT HE WISHES TO DO



CLETUS OKORO

i will be waiting his wish , but i never receive anything from you before , so you have never given me anything before, so give and give did not suit a words that supposed to be refered to me. so give i must render my service which is the turn of paying you back .

regards



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

FOR GODS SAKE MAN JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!



CLETUS OKORO

what am i geting on?

explain better



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

Cletus, quit your jibber-jabber and do your duty


[Hmm, who's wasting whose time?]



CLETUS OKORO

so when is he coming,and have you paid the $1000.
for john case you have to write your statement attach it through my email box since you will not able come over ,you must sign on itok.but you know ican not doanything now because i am unable to receive any payment by now, so forward the $1000 right away.

regards
cletus okoro



PHIL MUNGLERS

Oct. 27

Cletus

You're like a geriatric with a memory disorder, repeating the same thing over and over again.

"Send $1000 now"
"Send $1000 now"
"Send $1000 now"
etc

Each time you do this you force ME to sound as retarded by repeating MYSELF again and again

"Mikhail is bringing the money!!"
"Mikhail is bringing the money!!"
"Mikhail is bringing the money!!"
etc

Did you have trouble learning at school? I can only imagine that you werea difficult and infuriating child to teach: a good thrashing with a bamboo cane would have sorted that out.

What do I need to do regarding the statement?

Reply immediately,
Phil



PHIL MUNGLERS

Mikhail

You are correct, I would like to see Mr Cletus actually do some work befor we pay him.

It is a fair compromise Cletus: you say you Nigerian sorts get paid before you work - whereas I will not pay you a penny (or kobo or whatever stupid denomination you have there) until you perform your duties. Therefore, if you do SOME work then we will pay you SOME of the money. This seems totally fair to me, and we will both benefit.

Send me your lawyer certificates and the picture of you with your car, and Mikhail will send you the $1000 you have been blathering about from day one.

Get on with it
Phil



CLETUS OKORO

i would have done this by sending you my certificate,but i cannot do that since my picture could not be compromised as we agreed. you want to fooled me again, by saying that themoney will be transfer through one method that you and your account knew, refused to send it through western union. so send the $1000,and i will do all your wish
so send the $1000,and i will do all your wish
so send the $1000,and i will do all your wish
thanks
thanks

did you understand

did you understand



PHIL MUNGLERS

Oh, har-bloody-har Cletus. Very funny. Bravo! I can see you had a good education at Clown College even if you were a problem child.

I really must write some of your jokes down to tell to my friends in the bar.

Tell you what, when you decide to stop treating this as a childs play and be serious you can write back and we will continue with business.



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

IT SHOWS THAT CLITUS IS FINALLY LOSING HIS MIND_FOR GODS SAKE CLITUS PUT THE LOCAL BREW ASIDE AND GET TO IT BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER COMPLETELY_WE HAVE BEEN TOLERANT AND KIND TO YOU FROM DAY ONE GIVEN THAT YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY EDUCATIONALLY SUB-NORMAL BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS_I DREAD TO THINK OF THE STATE OF YOUR LEGAL INDUSTRY OVER THERE IF YOU CAN QUALIFY_MIND YOU I WOULD THINK YOU PROBABLY BOUGHT IT ON THE INTERNET ANYWAY_MORON


[Meanwhile what of Solomon Adebayo?]

PHIL MUNGLERS

Don't ignore me you idiot

You have been asked to provide documents to assist in court proceedings. You are therefore legally obliged to hand them over.

Phil



CLETUS OKORO

phil.
Right now tell me what you wantme to do for you?
right now tell me how you will pay the $1000 that has been our hinderance block from progressing this contract?

what did you need from me before you can pay the $1000 for me?

explain right away
cletus



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

I've already told you god knows how many times. I want:

a picture of you with your car
to see your lawyer credentials (ie bar certificate etc)

Send them at once. This whole escapade is getting tiresome.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Oct. 30

CLITUS

EVEN TAKING INTO ACCOUNT YOUR MEAGRE INTELLIGENCE I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOUR BASIC LITERACY SKILLS WOULD BE BETTER THAN THEY ARE_YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A LAWYER WITH TOP-NOTCH ATTENTION TO DETAIL YET YOU CANNOT ACCEDE TO A SIMPLE REQUEST_WHAT THE HELL HAS BEEN THE MATTER WITH YOU LATELY???_THIS SULKING IS BECOMING UNBEARABLE



PHIL MUNGLERS

Date: Wed, 2 Nov 2005
Subject: Die
To: baristcletus_stcltd@yahoo.com, Stroganov

Cletus, your predictable failure to do as asked is the last straw. I can only conclude that you are one of these "419" assholes that Mikhail said you might be. That being the case, I hope you suffer an agonising death. Tonight. In front of your goat parents and diseased whore of a wife. Your gay friends will point and laugh as your rectum prolapses on the floor because you've taken it up the ass so many times. Off homosexual goats.

Fulk you and your pathetic begging for $1000, you useless excuse for a medicant. Other medicants look down on you. To them you are scum.

Kill yourself in your car and get one of your thief friends to send me THAT picture.

May thunder destroy you.
Phil Munglers Kelly.


Phil: Mikhail

Before the bait goes stale and even more boring than it has become, please feel free to let rip on our enseble of lads.

Give them hell, sir - I know you've been looking forward to this.

Phil

Stroganov: INDEED I WILL SIR I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS (HAVE YOU NOT PICKED UP THE PUN YET???)

I CAN ONLY AGREE WITH MR MUNGLERS_YOU SODOMY AND SMITH ARE THREE OF THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY RISIBLE RABBLE I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO SCRAPE OFF MY SHOES_YOU
ARE COLLECTIVELY A HAEMMORHOID ON THE SPHINCTER OF LIFE AND I SUGGEST YOU GET USED TO IT BECAUSE ONCE THE BOYS IN THE LAGOS JAIL HAVE FINISHED WITH YOU YOU'LL BE CARRYING YOURS AROUND IN A BAG YOU UTTERLY DETESTABLE DWARF-BRAINED DUMBO_YOU ARE 419 FILTH AND ARE UTTERLY USELESS AT THAT TOO_AS FAR AS I CAN SEE YOU ARE THE MOST REPULSIVE TURD-BRAINED TIT-HEADED TRIBESMAN I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO COME INTO CONTACT WITH YOU FLEA-RIDDEN FULKHEAD_I'VE DEALT WITH FOUL WRETCHES AND 419 MUGUS LIKE YOU BEFORE BUT YOU REALLY ARE THE WORST_I'D EVEN SUGGEST YOU DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND GO AND BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT BUT YOU'D HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE_AND IF I OFFENDED YOU AT ANY TIME I MEANT IT YOU MORON_NOW FULK OFF YOU VIRUS-FILLED DISEASE-RIDDEN SCUMBAG



CLETUS OKORO

it is good to hear from you

thanks



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus,

Sarcasm doesn't become you.

You were given plenty of opportunities to do your duty and make money but you refused at every stage, therefore you deserve nothing but our fury and utter contempt.

I would say I wish you well, but then I would be being as sarcastic as you.

Sayanora,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

INDEED SO_CLITUS YOU ARE SO STUPID ONE WONDERS IF YOUR GOAT PARENTS ARE SIBLINGS_THEY ARE PROBABLY CROOKS JUST LIKE YOU_NOW GET LOST YOU MUGU LOSER


CLETUS OKORO

excellent go with your contact


MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

TELL ME_WHY DO YOU DO 419 SCAMMING???_IS IT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING ELSE??_OR IS IT BECAUSE YOU FAILED THE BASIC HYGIENE TEST AT THE LAGOS MCDONALDS???



CLETUS OKORO

i have perfected all documents needed as you requested, so i am going to pass it through the bank, so the bank will contact you for more payment shedule.
i will be waiting to have my money at your confortable time or as you desearve. this is to prove you my commitment

good day


Stroganov: PHIL
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY CAREER I AM LOST FOR WORDS HERE_YOUR VIEWS???

PHIL MUNGLERS

Mikhail

I too am rather befuddled, especially as Clitus has AGAIN failed to include the pictures I asked for.

Clitus, send me the decapitated HEAD of Johnsmith and then we will have our money at your confortable.

Oh yes indeedy,
Phil



Stroganov: PHIL
DO WE GIVE CLITUS ANOTHER CHANCE???

PHIL MUNGLERS

Mikhail

Given the astonishing nature of this development, I think maybe Mr Elder Cletus could be given one more chance to prove to us that he is not a thieving git. Of course, it all depends on whether you are still willing to travel.

I must go soon, my legs are sufficiently repaired to enable me to drive again! My new Skyline has been taunting me since the day I bought her, BEGGING me to take her out and give her a damn good thrashing.

Cletus, if you (for some reason) do wish to continue modalities, please send us your credentials as we have asked for on god knows how many occasions.

Ayyyyyyy,
Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

PHIL

VERY WELL_CLITUS I SUGGEST WE START FROM SCRATCH_A GOOD START WOULD BE TO SEND THE ACCREDITATION ASKED FOR BY PHIL_I WOULD ALSO ADD THAT WE USE THE SERVICES OF ILICHY MIRACSKY WHO IS A RELIABLE ASSOCIATE OF MINE IN PRAGUE_GET TO IT CLITUS AND KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus this is taking too long - it's taking TOO LONG for you to reply to anything. You're boring me.

Stop boring me and reply immediately. If you do not respond this INSTANT, then go back to fulking the local goat.

Hurry the hell up!!
Phil
[ Nov. 22: Scammer team Smith-Okoro-Adebayo forge on. Maybe this scam isn't a total loss. Well, yes it is, but they won't admit it.]


CLETUS OKORO

i taught by now the bank could have contacted you, may be because of how you talk to your fellow humanbeing or may be i refuse to sign a document they want me to sign which value to be the 5% of the total money you are claiming as your brother fund and i cannot signed it because i have never been paid for the document already submited to the bank. so get in contact with the bank, to ask for solution in a humble maner , because the way you address me cannot never be accepted with the bank, because banks here are rich and people working there also rich, they dont entertain any stupid question,you better address to them honourable, otherwise that money will become an opportunity cost, since you dont have a valuable lawyer who can stand for you for the casee, and the funy thing is that , you dont have the document to take them to court, i have got the documents, but i am sorry i have forwarded it to the bank, but i did not signed the last document in the banks, because you have never pay me anything , instead you degraded me.

your seriouness determine if you who is the actual person claiming for this fund, could pay me even 40% of what i am asking then every thing will be done smoothly
think about this and get back to me

wishing you good luck



PHIL MUNGLERS

Nov 14

Ah, there you are

Cletus, the bank have NOT contacted me. Were they meant to?

The way I talk is entirely in-line with the sort of emails I have received so far: the drug addicted mentalist Johnsmith who has threatened to murder Mikhail & I; the "bank" who have ignored me completely with the exception of the time they told me to fulk off; yourself who has REFUSED to do your duty until you get paid $1000. How do you expect me to speak? You want me to write you poems? That is not going to happen, and frankly I'm baffled by the fact that you would ask me for such communication.

I will never write you a poem.

As for the money, I have offered to pay you multiple times more than you have asked if only you would do your job. But you won't. Not even for $50,000 would you scrape yourself off your couch and do some legal work - or whatever passes for it in your area; selling goats or whatnot.

Bust this: if you help me acquire my brothers money then I will pay you ONE MILLION DOLLARS. I offer this because you're a funny guy and it would be good to race against you in whatever chariot you buy for yourself with the money. Now why don't YOU think about THAT.

Phil
I am not a poet


Stroganov: PHIL
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT CLITUS IS GOING TO COME GOOD AFTER ALL THIS TIME???_HE HAS SHOWN HIMSELF TO BE NOTHING BUT A CURMUDGEONLY PENNY-PINCHING PARSIMONIOUS PLUNKHEAD AND YET ANOTHER RAMBLING SEMI-LITERATE WHINGE DOES NOT PERSUADE ME OTHERWISE_HOWEVER AS EVER I AM AT YOUR SERVICE_PLEASE BE CAREFUL IN THE NISSAN 350Z BY THE WAY_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING -- S

Phil: Mikhail
I am vaguely of the belief that folk deserve a second chance. Even my first mechanic, Saiga, who had abysmal personal hygeine - Stinking Saiga we used to call him - we let him work even though he didn't have the chemical bath I suggested. Granted, he did drive straight into a combine harvested in my new Mitsubishi GTO, but that's another story. I sent some of my yakuza chums in to beat up what was left of his shredded corpse - the car had only just had a new aerofoil kit fitted.

Maybe Clitus can realise the mistakes he's made, apologize and we can do business.

Thank you for your concern about the 350Z. Takumi is test driving it down Mount Ginsters tomorrow. If all goes well I'll install a damn anti-badger device in it.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Nov 15

PHIL AND CLETUS

I HAVE AN IDEA TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM AND TO GET CLITUS HIS $1,000_I HAVE AN ASSOCIATE IN PRAGUE WHO YOU MAY HAVE MET THAT TIME IN ST. PETERSBURG PHIL_HIS NAME IS ILICHY MIRACSKY AND HE IS AN HONEST BROKER_I SUGGEST WE USE MIRACSKY IN THIS INSTANCE TO CLEAR THE WAY FOR MODALITIES TO PROCEED_THAT IS IF CLITUS GETS OFF HIS FAT DRINK-DULLED BACKSIDE AND REPLIES

S



PHIL MUNGLERS

Mikhail

Excellent idea. Mr Miracsky's reputation preceeds him. If he can motivate Cletus then he truly is a miracle worker.

I must mentally prepare for this weekends race - my first since the crash caused by that moronic badger. Strangely, Takumi has not yet returned from test-driving the 350Z. I am not worried though, I am relaxing in the wonderful Besshou hot springs here in Nagano.

"What what old bean" as I believe they say in England.

Phil



[ And here comes Solomon Adebayo, trying to retrieve what's left of this tired, tattered scam. ]

MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR PHIL MUNGLRES,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MONEY HAS BEEN APPROVED AND CERTIFIED, BUT YOU NEED TO LEGALISED YOUR DOCUMENT BEFORE YOUR FUND COULD BE TRANSFER USING THE METHOD OF DIPLOMATIC MEANS OF TRANSFERING.

THEREFORE WE ADVICE YOU TO COME OVER HERE TO LEGALISE THESE DOCUMENTS OR SEND YOUR REPRESENTATIVE WITH LETTER INDICATE POWER OF ATTORNEY.

WE HOPE TO SERVE YOU BETTER



PHIL MUNGLERS

Nov 17

Solomon

I am suprised to hear from you after all this time, I assumed that you had been devoured by some heinous creature.

Also I'm a little confused by your email stating that my money "has been approved and certified". What do you mean? Why would money left in an account by my brother need to be approved? Please explain.

Note, we are still waiting for the details of your criminal employee, John Smith, to be sent to us so that we can begin legal proceedings against him. Can I ask - during your time working with him, did he display aggressive or any other sort of bizarre behavior? If he is still working for you I suggest you fire him - he is a drug user and is probably a thief as well.

Phil


Stroganov: PHIL_IT MAY SEEM AMAZING BUT IT WOULD APPEAR THAT AT LAST SODOMY HAS UNDERSTOOD THE IMPORTANCE OF MODALITIES_SHALL I RE-BOOK MY TICKET TO LAGOS???_OR SHALL WE WAIT FOR CLITUS TO PULL HIS FINGER OUT??? -- S

Phil: Mikhail
I will leave the travel plan up to you. You should probably wait until Clitus gets off his ass and does something for once.

Hurrah!!

Phil

Stroganov:VERY WELL PHIL_I WILL GIVE YOU MY BEST SERVICE BUT IF CLITUS STEPS OUT OF LINE I WILL ADVISE HIM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT -- S



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

ATTENTION: MR PHIL MUNGLRES,
THIS IS OUR FINAL NOTICE, KINDLY COME OVER TO SIGN SOME DOCUMENTS TO ENABLE US LIFT YOUR FUND WHICH WILL BE LIFTED AS A CONSIGNMENT THROUGH ONE OF THE DIPLOMATIC COMPANY, DUE TO THE EFFECTS OF ORDER WE RECEICED FROM THE CBN FOR MONEY TRANSFER. THEREFORE WE ADVICE YOU TO COME OVER OR SEND YOUR LAWYER IF YOU HAVE OR SEND ANY OF YOUR REPRESENTATIVE WHICH YOU MUST HAND OVER A POWER OF ATTORNEY BEFORE THE PERSON COULD BE PERMITED TO SIGN THE DOCUMENT SO THAT ALL THE DOCUMENTS WILL BE LEGALISED.
WE HOPE THAT YOU WILLNOT ALLOW YOUR BROTHER FUND TO BE AN OPPORTUNITY COST TO OUR BANK

BEST REGARDS

SOLOMON



PHIL MUNGLERS

Nov. 21 Bank

Sir, we are STILL waiting for our contact in Nigerian to do his job.

Has there been an outbreak of sleeping sickness in Lagos recently? Everyone seems very lazy and slow to respond.

Be patient please
Phil


INDEED SO PHIL_AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF SODOMY ADEFLAYO_USELESS!!_I FEEL WE NEED TO REALLY DIG IN ON THE CLITUS ISSUE_MIRACSKY YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE_BUT I BELIEVE IT IS A SERIOUS MATTER SIR I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT -- S



[ Meanwhile Cletus Okoro is actually willing to bring suit against "John Smith", but only if Phil comes across with some money. Clever! Sort of. ]

CLETUS OKORO

Are you interested to mr john case,if yes,i have all his file onmy table, but i can not proceed to court with out collecting any money from you. so if you are interested get back to me with your advance payment of $400,then after the case you willpaying me $600.>

thanks



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus Elder

I am still interested in suing John Smith, of course I am. He is an evil drug-addicted criminal SCUM and must be punished for threatening to dead me and my friend Mikhail.

Meanwhile, Sodomon the Banker has been chasing me for documents relating to my brothers funds. What news on them?

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

THIS CASE IS SO EASY THAT EVEN A DERANGED DUNDERHEAD LIKE YOU CAN WIN IT_IT'S A SLAM DUNK SO CAN THE DEMANDS FOR MONEY AND SUE THIS JACKAL BEFORE I COME OUT THERE WITH SOME FRIENDS OF MINE AND SOME KALASHNIKOVS WE HAVE ON PERMANENT LOAN FROM THE RED ARMY_GET ON WITH IT



... and on into December...


CLETUS OKORO

Nov. 26

may be you are no more interested. i have to back off

good day



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

What are you talking about now? I had thought - and hoped - that you had gone beyond the phase of utter idiocy that you were going through a few weeks ago. It is detrimental to business when you start to act like a fool, so I do not suggest you start now.

It's high time you started to take this seriously.

Sort out the payment details with Mikhail.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

GOOD GOD CLITUS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW YOU LAZY LOON_YOU HAVE YOUR ORDERS NOW GET ON WITH IT S


CLETUS OKORO

I think what is delaying everything is money, have your boss directed you to pay me any money or do you wish to come over, kindly do what ever you wish to do . Remember the bank have being calling me to come and legalised those documents i have submitted, but i cannot dothat , because i was expecting you and your boss to pay me , but uptill now i have never get any money from both of you. So anything i can do i must surely need you to pay in advance, i did that to prove my identity hoping that you can appreciate it , but i never knew that you are still not interested to have your fund stock in the bank.

untill i hear a postive response, may be you want to pay an advance to me or you wish to come over here to sort everything out smoothly

best regards
cletus



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Nov. 27

CLITUS

AS FAR AS WE ARE CONCERNED WE HAVE ONLY YOUR WORD THAT YOU HAVE DONE ANYTHING AND THAT IS ABOUT AS USEFUL AS A CHOCOLATE FIREPLACE_DESPITE OUR POLITE REQUESTS YOU HAVE NOT PROVIDED A SHRED OF EVIDENCE THAT YOU ARE WHOM YOU SAY YOU ARE LET ALONE ANY KIND OF LEGAL ADVISER_I SUGGEST THAT FOR ONCE YOU DO SOMETHING FOR US_YOUR CLIENTS_AND INSTEAD OF CONSTANTLY DEMANDING MONEY I WOULD START PROVIDING THE PROOF WE'VE ASKED FOR AS THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER SIR_I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT

- S



CLETUS OKORO

what did you want from me ?
which of identification are you talking about, if i may ask you are you a journalist?, oh you wana publish my identification with out payment, no i cannot do that.
From investigation through your address and your file, i got these:
(1)www.scamorama.com/strog_bernard_jarvis.html - 21k
(2)www.scamorama.com/strog_ezeh.html - 19k
(3)www.ladsfromlagos.com/vangalizu.html - 6k - Supplemental Result
(4)www.ladsfromlagos.com/stroganov-savimbi.html
this is incredible, i cannot beleive these stuff, you can not publish my idenficationn atall just like
that.
when you are serious over the issue let me know and when ever you want to carry on on our business email me your control number for payment via western
union, or you come over to lagos nigeria, it is in your site so you know about all direction, tell me when you will be here so that we can see face to face and i will prove you whom i am ok. dont fake me
on you press company did you hear



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

THE WEBSITE FINDINGS TO WHICH YOU REFER ARE INDEED GENUINE_HOWEVER THEY ARE THE WRITINGS OF MY COUSIN LEONID MIKHAIL STROGANOV WHO GOES BY HIS MIDDLE NAME_SO STOP ALL THIS NONSENSE CLITUS_WE HAVE TRIED TO SEND YOU MONEY TWICE FOR GODS SAKE_I AM A PUBLISHER AND CONFECTIONER BY TRADE AND AM EXTREMELY WEALTHY AND WITH A GLOBAL NETWORK OF INFLUENTIAL CONTACTS THANKS TO MY PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT IN THE KGB_NOW PLEASE WILL YOU GET ON WITH WHAT WE ARE PAYING YOU FOR

S



CLETUS OKORO

then act accordingly by sending the fee .
thanks



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS

ONCE YOU HAVE DONE THE JOB SUCCESSFULLY YOU'LL GET YOURS HAVE NO DOUBT

S



CLETUS OKORO

hello phil,
i have legalised the documents from the bank, so you can request for your payment of your brother fund, if you like send me money, but i have done what i can did, others will left for you to consider, but for john;s case you must pay me money before i can do anything, and i will show you my identification when i know you are serious to persecute mr john.
ask for your fund ok
cletus



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

CLITUS YOU USELESS IDLE HAND

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING???_WE HAVE TOLD YOU TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT WE ARE SERIOUS IN PROSECUTING SMITH_I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT MY PATIENCE IS GOING TO RUN ITS COURSE SOON IF YOU DO NOT SEND US YOUR DAMNED IDENTIFICATION CARD AND PROFESSIONAL CREDENTIALS_I AM SURE YOU HAVE SEVERAL SETS OF IDENTIFICATION TO HAND SO FOR GODS SAKE MAN SEND IT TO US IMMEDIATELY



AND ON INTO 2006...


PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Well done sir! Bravo!

I am impressed.

As ever, discuss any payments with Mikhail.

Woot!
Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

WHAT IS HAPPENING FOR YOUR NON RESPONDING, YOUR NONCHALLANT TOWARD THIS MONEY IS CAUSING DELAY IN OUR END OF YEAR AUDITING.

GET BACK TO US NOW OR YOU MAY NOT GET THE FUND AGAIN THIS YEAR 2005.



PHIL MUNGLERS

Solomon

I apologise for my appalling performance in reply to you. It is the fault of one of my mechanics, Yu Won Poo. He was horsing around, drunk, when he thought it would be funny to attach jump leads to his tongue and the battery in my Skyline. He flew back across the room in a most hilarious manner, but smashed into my interweb machine and destroyed the monitor.

I will be claiming for a new one out of his life assurance.

Mikhail has your answers. I keep telling you this but you never listen. Ask Mikhail.

Phil



MR. SOLOMON ADEBAYO

DEAR CUSTOMER,
WE ARE GLAD TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR LAWYER IN THE NAME OF MR CLETUS HAS LEGALISED ALL THE DOCUMENTS WHICH HE SUBMITTED BY HIMSELF.
WE THEREFORE INFORMING YOU THAT YOU CONSIGNMENT HAS BEEN PICKED UP BY THE DIPLOMATIC SHIPPING AGENT.

PLEASE CONTACT THEM THROUGH :
THE OFFICE OF JOHNSON JOE
udpsplc@verizonmail.com
FOR MORE INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR CONSIGNMENT.

NOTE WE STILL HAVE RIGHT TO CALL THE CONSIGNMENT BACKM IF YOU FAIL TO CO-OPERATE WITH THE SHIPPING AGENT

NOTE, WE DECLEAR THAT THE CONSIGNMENT IS DIPLOMATIC DOCUMENTS, PLEASE DONT LET THEM KNOW THAT WHAT IS IN THE BOX IS MONEY.THEY HAVE BEEN ALOT OF RESTRICTION TO TRANSFER MONEY OUT OF THIS COUNTRY THIS TIME ARROUND THAT IS WHY WE USE THAT MEANS FOR YOU TO HAVE YOUR BROTHER FUND.

WE WISH YOU BEST OF LUCK

SOLOMON ADEBAYO



PHIL MUNGLERS

Solomon

I am delighted to hear that progress is FINALLY being made.
v However, I'm slightly confused as to what this consignment business is all about. All I want is for you to release my brother's funds to me, I do no understand where all this diplomatic business comes in to it.

I need your assurance that Mikhail will be able to collect the money. Will this be possible?

Sir, I hope your Xmas sock is filled to bursting with mince pies and plates of meat.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

PHIL

IT IS GOOD TO SEE THAT AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS CLITUS AND SODOMY HAVE FINALLY GOT THEIR THICK HEADS TOGETHER AND COME BACK WITH AN IDEA_HOWEVER GIVEN THE NEED FOR CONFIDENTIALITY THIS MONEY SHOULD BE TRANSFERRED BY WIRE OR BY INTERNET_IN FACT TO SHOW THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS I SUGGEST THEY SEND THE $4,650,000 THAT I BELIEVE WE ARE DUE LESS $325,000 EACH AS A GOODWILL GESTURE_THAT WOULD LEAVE $4,000,000 FOR YOU PHIL_I SUGGEST WE SET UP A BANK ACCOUNT IN SWITZERLAND OR GIBRALTAR FOR SECRECY'S SAKE_WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS???



CLETUS OKORO

Jan. 8

are you still alive or dead by now



PHIL MUNGLERS

I am fine, no thanks to you.

Walking through Niigata last month, I found myself in one of the more seedy districts. As I walked along one of the alleyways I noticed a foul-smelling African shuffling towards me, moaning about something. Without warning he attacked me with the syringe he had just used to fill his veins with smack! It was John Smith! He recognised me from my driving license picture! He had flown to Japan to cary out his promise to kill me!

Easily avoiding his clumsy, hazed attack, I punched him in his chest, breaking two ribs. I then knocked him to the floor and stabbed him in his eyes with his own needle. Finding my knife in my pocket, I then removed one of his feet so that he could not follow me, and chucked it into a nearby trash recepticle. I kicked him in the balls a few times and walked off, at which point I was arrested.

Fortunately I had some of my Yakuza friends "persuade" the cops to release me.

So I do not need to prosecute John Smith any longer, justice has been exacted - he is now blind and crippled for life.

What can I do for you Clitus?



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW THE KIND OF PEOPLE WE ARE DEALING WITH_IF CLITUS HAD DONE HIS JOB THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED_CLITUS_I AM AMAZED YOU HAVE EVEN A FEW NAIRA TO GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE IN FESTAC TOWN_SITLL IN A WAY IT IS NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU_NOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT???

S



CLETUS OKORO

hi phil
you are eating your money, upon all my concern and my effort, you couldnot appreciate it , despite you collected that huge sume of million dolars from the bank, you fuck up , well only god will judge us ,you ingrates human being, iknow you are a concetuos man, who intent to checkmate mr john smith for the deal he has with you , johnsmith explained everything he has with you and how you wanted to kill him and die the money both of you agreed to executed. Iamsorry you are a greedy man that is why you collect that huge millions fromthe bank with even sending me one dollar, it is a shame and shit.

good day



CLETUS OKORO

hi mikhail,
you have right and autocrazy to write to me, well i pray that there willbe earthquake in your country where all your entire life will be vanish, you bastard, you advice your friend if not you that is writing the samething changing your write up, you said you are come to lagos, why cant you come, you coward

fuck you send my consultation fees before amdioha will strike you with festac runs , you son of bitch and witchcraft monkey



PHIL MUNGLERS

Cletus

Your email, despite it's obvious hilarity, means nothing.

How dare you be so rude!

The money is still safely in Sodomon's bank. You can have it if you like. I would not consider "that huge sume of million dolars" worthy to wipe the oil from my workshop floor. I have spent more money on Magic Trees than the amount that currently sits in that bank account.

"iknow you are a concetuos man" - despite my years learning the English language, I have never encountered such a phrase. Please explain so I can use it in future conversations.

As for my greed, well sir if I am greedy then you are the stingiest miser of a pauper I have ever come across. You could not even foot the bill for whatever wooden shack of a hovel passes for a hotel in your town.

I entered into this deal with the sole aim of helping John Smith, but then I discovered his drug addiction and he threatened to kill myself and Mikhail. As you know, he is now in terrible shape - that's what you get for fulking with Phil Munglers.

Phil



MIKHAIL STROGANOV

I WOULD ADD THAT THAT IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN DEALING WITH PENNY-ANTE HUSTLERS LIKE CLITUS_THE STUPIDEST MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH_YOU COULD NOT EXECUTE A THREE-CARD TRICK ON A RETARDED ORANGUTANG YOU WORTHLESS IDLE HAND_NOW GET LOST BEFORE I SHOOT YOU THROUGH THE NOSE -- S


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