BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

First-time Kindly Contributor Wade Munoogian (real estate entrepreneur and dabbler in weird science) jumps into the fray with the story of Fadil Zahir, pathetic cancer victim (assisted by scam-o-middleman: Frederick Webber - Client Relationship Officer).

"Fadil" shows a more advanced literary imagination than your typical cafe-going first-tier Lad and deserves a higher than usual percentage of the non-existent take from this unsuccessful scam.

Wade says: The guy is basically trying to steal my identity by me helping him recover funds in a diplomatic box so he can "feed starving children." Geesh! :)



Fadil Zahir

From: "Fadil Zahir"
Subject: Very urgent mail
Date: Sat, April 29, 2006
To: (Intended Victim)

Dear Friend,

As you read this, I dont want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.

My name is Fadil Zahir a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Isreal, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fifteen million dollars $15,000,000,00 that I have with a Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit stashed in a diplomtic box and dispatche it to the less priviledged and hungry.I am failing in health and i have been restricted to a solitary life by the doctors till i die.

I have set aside 30% for your time and serviceand expenses.

God be with you.
Fadil Zahir


[Your basic CANCER letter. But you knew that.]


Wade Munoogian

Date: May 4, 2006

Dear Mr. Zahir,

First of all, I want to express my sincerest condolences for your life which will soon come to an end. That is a very tragic circumstance. However, I am glad to hear that you have come to repent for your former wicked ways. The poor children of the earth can smile a little wider this day due to your generosity. As for your extended family, they are nothing but sinful worms! How dare they treat you as such! However, I'm glad you have risen above this.

Let me now introduce myself. My name is Wade Munoogian and I am almost 58 years of age. My business is real estate development in southern California. I own numerous condominiums, multiple shopping centers and even a few golf courses. Tiger Woods is a good friend of mine. Together, we are mourning the loss of his father who has recently passed.

I normally carry out all of my deals under a different name that is my alias in the public eye. For I am a very private person. Somehow, you have reached me at one of my private email addresses so I can only interpret this as a sign from the great God above that we were meant to meet this way. Everything happens for a reason, Mr. Zahir. This, I'm sure you know.

Like yourself, I have profited financially and greatly from the countless business transactions of my past. So, I understand how it is in this life. You and I . . . we share in the brotherhood and the burden of money. You have inspired me to do more with my life and I will begin that new resolution! But first, I would like to help you with your financial concerns. After all, a business deal is a business deal and what's one more?

So please, tell me how I can help you deliver the $15 million (minus my 30%) to more of the poor and suffering children of the world.

I will be awaiting your next email message.

Good day to you,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Tue, 9 May 2006

Subject: FROM FADIL ZAHIR(IN RESPONSE TO YOUR MAIL)

Dear Wade

I am Mr Fadil Zahir, a muslim by birth but presently Serving the Lord Jesus Christ, as i have given my life to christ.It was the Change of my belief from islam to Christainity that is making my friends and relatives to have a very great passion in them that i do not live to practise my faith and see that they get all the wealth i have accumulated on this face of the earth.

I Have been a sucessful businessman whom through the Grace of God he prospered most of the businesses i laid my hands on, although i had my own share of failure.

I started Business as an aprentice under my father, after my High school education.But as i was growing up i made sure i got a degree certificate to make up for my inability to go to university when my mates where doing so.

I have made this money honestly with my sweat,although know i see it was due to the purspose God had for me in the Future, as i believe he is using me and my resources as a source or contact point to help the needy and the less priviledged, and the orpahened children.

I am counting on your help to assist in fufilling my last wish , as the terminal illness of cancer is affecting me do the task myself.The disease has affected my mobility and turned me to a caricature of my former self.

As in my mail to you:VERY URGENT MAIL, all i want you to do for me is to collect the diplomatic box i deposited in their care in August 2003.There would be a change of benefeciary of the owner which would enable you to collect the diplomatic box from the security company.

I am counting on your ability to do things the way i want it to be done in my first mail to you.Please do not touch the 70% to be used to be given to charity organizations, as contravening that will be doing against my last wish. Thanks for telling me a little more about yourself, i was unable to write you due to my illhealth.

I believe in you and please do not misuse the belief i have in you.Hope we can move on if you are ready, so i can tell you more about the diplomatic box and provide the contact details of the security company.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Fadil Zahir

Fri, 12 May 2006

Subject: HELLO MR WADE>A MAIL FROM FADIL

Dear friend, i sent you an earlier mail but i do not know if you received the mail. I really do appreciate your initiative to help me fufil my last wish/dream on my dying bed.I am relying totally on you and would be glad you do not disappoint me. I wish i could just tell you plainly how to help , but i will be running faster than i can, although we do not have time left due to the detoriating nature of my health.

I do have a diplomatic box stocked with 15million$ held in a security company whose name and contact information i will send to you later on receival of your assurance.

The security company dos not know the contents and it is none of their business to know the contents as their business is to safe keep the diplomatic box.what i want you to do is to contact the security company and tell them you are the nw benefeciary of the diplomatic box i kept in their care, and that you want it to be delivered to you. I will provide all documents needed by the security company to effect a change of benefeciary, so that they can safely deliver the box to you.

I hope i have been more explanatory to you, but i need your assurance on the following:
-You will use the 70% for the less priviledged and you are not entitled to more than 30% of the total funds as a reward from God for your efforts.
-This transaction will be kept secret between me and you without the introduction of any third party.
-The contents of the diplomatic box will not be revealed to the security company.

Can you give me your assurance on the above? Please do pray for me everyday.Also i would like you to tell me more about yourself, like your occupation,hobby,country where you reside e.t.c

I am looking forward to your reply.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Tue, 16 May 2006

Hello Fadil,

My sincerest apologies for making you wait so long to get another response from me. You see, normally I am a very busy real estate business man in California and sometimes I lose track of all my emails. I get seemingly thousands everyday. However, you are on my very special list.

Also, I had a terrible accident recently while playing checkers with my young nephew - I threw my back out and was in the hospital for a few days. It was terrible. I could not even get up to use the toilet! They had to stick a tube up my bum to remove the yuck-yuck! Then after I left the hospital, I spent some more days recovering at home. It was still very painful but at least the tube was removed.

I will hopefully go back to some of my old hobbies which include the tuba, scubadiving and the Eukanuba Dog Championships. I have several Catahoula Leopard Dogs that I import from Louisiana. I am preparing them for their next competition in October. I've found that by feeding them a steady diet of raw goat meat and doughnuts, they outlive many of their counterparts in the canine world. My oldest one just turned 23. Do you like dogs? I prefer to do business with real dog lovers who truly know the animal.

Anyway, how are you doing with your situation? I know it must be tough but I hope you are feeling better. I dread the thought of them someday sticking the same tube in your bum. Just know that it is not quite so bad if you focus your attention on a TV set while you are not sleeping. I find that cartoons are wonderful and have a magical power to distract your mind.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Your dear friend,
Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Wed, 17 May 2006

Subject: MY SINCEREST SYMPATHY

Dear Wade i feel for the kind of situation you went through, and i have been through terrible pains than what you have experienced when the Tube when put inside your bum.I can imagine the pain, and i feel since you have expereinced that kind of pain before you should know the kind of ugly sight i am in being fed through a tube via my nose,i is it my difficulty in speaking, my immobility on the sick bed,anyway i do not want you to cry for me as that is the wasy i feel God wants it to be, but the only thing i can only ask from you is to see to the eventual collection of the diplomatic box and doing as we have agreed in our earlier exchange of mails. I am an average Dog Lover and wi\ould not mind if you can be more lively as you have been and tell me more about your dog Chiampionships and all, i will be always looking forward to your mail everyday.

I feel it is now the right time to contact the security company for the eventual release of the diplomatic box:
The contact details of the person i feel should be of help to usis:
Name:Frederick
Position:Client Relationship officer
Email:Frederick_Webber@xxxxxx.co.uk

Contact him and tell him that you are the new benefeciary of the diplomatic box deposited in their company by I, Fadil M Zahir on the 20th of Aug 2003, with a Ref Number GSS/20/7/03/X001, and that he should kindly help to see to the delivery of the diplomatic address to you.

Keep me updated regularly with what the security company says.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir


["Frederick" would be the next Lad up the chain of command, brought in to do his part. But you probably knew that.]


Wade Munoogian

Wed, 17 May 2006

Hello Fadil,

I see you are still alive with blessings from heaven! Wonderful! Hang in there, my friend. I know things may seem bleak, and really they are. But the treasure of heaven awaits you at the end. We can only do the best we can on this earth.

I know the pain you've been going through must be horrible as you drag yourself out of bed to type on the computer each time. And yes, the pain of the tube in the bum is something I do not like to think about alone. I remember on one day, the nurse at the hospital forgot to put lubricant on the tube. She struggled for almost 20 minutes as she tried to stuff that uncomfortable thing up my bum! Oh, the pain as I sit here and think back about it! Has this happened to you yet? Tell me how it affected you - sharing mutual stories of our pain helps put my mind at ease. And always make sure your nurse uses lubricant on the tube when she tries to put it in your bum!

As for my dogs, they are wonderful creatures. I have had them compete in many dog shows over the years. The last time we won was sometime during the mid 1980's. It was only a small contest at a show in West Covina. We won fourth place and many cans of dog food. Although, at the time, and I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't realize those cans were dog food. I ended up eating about 6 cans worth in various stews and meat loaves before I looked at the label and found out the shocking truth! However, in hindsight, it wasn't actually too bad tasting. And occasionally, I will share in some of my dogs' meals. Oh, Fadil! I'm so ashamed to admit this to you! Please do not think lowly of me, ok?

Anyway, regarding my dogs and the latest competitions, I have become so irate and aggravated that they have not been winning any medals in any dog shows for a long time. So, I had begun a rule over 5 years ago. Any one dog that loses three times in a row must be killed immediately. I simply have my servant bring the animal to our back stables and he shoots it in the head. No dog that lives for free under my roof and not winning any medals will be allowed to continue to do so. I'm sure you can understand, Fadil, the reasons why I do this. Life is just too short to cater to loser dogs! Well, I hope someday they start winning again because it is getting tiresome to go through so many dogs. But I love them so!

What kind of dogs do you own, Fadil? Please tell me all about them. Like I said before, I only want to do business with real dog lovers. What are your favorite breeds and how many medals have your dogs won in the dog shows you have competed in? Surely any dog lover like yourself must be competing in many of these events and by God's good grace, you must have won at least a few medals.

Now, about Frederick Webber, I am concerned that if I contact him directly, he will not know who I am. Who am I to say that I am the new beneficiary? You see what I mean, yes? Please contact him yourself and have him email me. I will be looking forward to hearing from him. And also from you, Fadil!

Best,

Wade Munoogian


[NOTE - when I responded back to Fadil, I changed one digit in the security box reference number in his previously quoted email]


Fadil Zahir

Thu, 18 May 2006

Dear Wade Munoogian

I am sorry that i am writing a short mail today, but once i get the strenght i will reply your mail to the fullest.I hope you are not angry at the short mail.
I will write Mr Webber and inform him about the change,He would Contact you shortly.

I am weak, terribly weak and my hands are aching me.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Frederick Webber

Thu, 18 May 2006

From: CRO FREDERICK WEBBER
Subject: OFFICIAL MAIL FROM GLOBAL SUMMIT SECURITIES

ATTN:Wade Munooigan

We received a mail from our client indicating he due to some personal reason he is naming you as the new benefeciary of his diplomatic box kept in our care.And that the diplomatic box should be delivered to you immediately.

We would hereby request you to provide the following information:

First Name:
Last Name:
Delivery Address:
Delivery Country:
Residential Address:
Residential country:
Direct Tel. Number:
Direct Fax Number:

Also we would need a scanned copy of any means of identification, like international passport or drivers licence or work ID card

We have requested for a scanned letter of Affidavit from him, which he Should send to us , indicating the necessary change of benefeciary.

Once we receive the needed information from you and the scanned Identification which should be sent via mail,and also the letter of affidavit from Mr Fadil Zahir we would move ahead to effect the neccesary change and also the quick delivery of the diplomatic box to you.

Yours Sincerely
Frederick Webber
Client Relationship Officer.
Global Summit Securities
Contact Phone Number:+447040109367
Contact Fax Number: +442079006160



Fadil Zahir

Fri, 19 May 2006

Dear Wade, have you heard from the security company, what did they say to you.

Please get back to me, i did not see any mail from you yesterday, is it because i wrote a short mail, or what.I look forward to your mail everyday.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Fri, 19 May 2006

Hello Fadil,

It is always a great pleasure to hear from you! But your messages have been so short that it disappoints me somewhat. Please, tell me more about your dogs. Like I said before, it has been a strict rule of my personal business dealings that I only do business with real dog lovers.

Also, tell me all about the process of how your nurse fixes the tube up your bum. I would like to know for the next time I am bed ridden because it was so painful - I'm sure the method that your nurse uses is far superior to what my nurse was using on me. Fadil, it hurt so bad! You may not understand - it felt like the nurse had used a boiling hot cactus plant up my bum! When it happened, I looked up to Heaven and cried to God for mercy! Those were the longest 20 minutes of my life, Fadil! So, please tell me more as we can lament together of these pains. It sets my mind at ease knowing someone else has gone through such things. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness, Fadil.

Unfortunately, last night, I had to have one more of my dogs killed. This time, it was not because of a lost medal. I tried to pet him and he almost bit me! He had gone mad with the scourge of rabies! The dog must have been bitten by a rabid weasel and began foaming at the mouth. You see, Fadil, we have a scientific laboratory on the premises of my estate. I've commissioned bold and unusual experiments on various woodland animals, insects and other small, meaningless creatures. One of my resident scientists is working very hard to create a vaccine from the rabies virus, testosterone and tungsten that will hopefully cure homosexuality. The unfortunate aspect of this is that sometimes our mutated experiments escape from the cages in the basement. Sadly, this last time took its toll on one of my precious dogs, "Cinderellafella." Oh Fadil, I cried all night long after this! That dog was shaping up to be my prize winner for the dog show in October - now what am I to do?! Please advise me, Fadil.

Well, I don't mean to burden you with my problems as I know we have business to handle. I did get the message from the security company, yes. The gentleman, Frederic is his name, was the person who contacted me. I'm trying to remember the message. What was it he said . . . I think he had asked me to mail him a package containing my name and address, along with some information about my dogs and medical history. Fadil, rest assured I will have one of my servants prepare that for mailing to him very soon.

God's Blessings Be With You,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Mon, 22 May 2006

Subject: THIS TRANSACTION IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE

Dear Wade

I am very sorry for my short mails but you should understand the kind of condition i am, and sometimes i feel so weak in writing mails , but i try to reply your mails every day.Concerning my dogs, i did have a lot of sevral dogs, kept and trained by my dog trainer, but they were not for chiampionships, but majorly for security and as a pet.I do not know whether my dog trainer ever used them to participate in dog chiampionships, he might have done which i might not have known about,but anytime i took a particular dog named Rusell out for a walk, there was a kind of sudden attraction drawn towards us, but with other dogs the attractions never happened, up till now i do not know the reason for that sudden attraction Rusell draws towards us. But all the dogs and houses and wealth are all gone, i am all alone due to the threat on my life by islamic fundamentalist and friends and relatives due to my change of religion, they capitalized on my illhealth to wreck me, but they never knew that i had that huge deposit locked far away in a security company.
In their mind they would have thought i am finished, but i know God has a purpose for everything. It was not inside my bum, the tube was put, the tube is always connected to my nose for feeding.as the cancer has affected my eating ability with my mouth.
I sympathise over the loss of your dog, cinderfella, but do not cry, God has a reason, he will find a way for compensating for that loss.
I had a very peculiar dog names Lassy which was so dear to my heart, i bought it as apuppy, and it had a special bed in my room, but all of a sudden i woke up the next morning and found it still.I could not control the loss,as the loss of that dog depressed me throughout that day and sometimes when i remember the fun we both had and the dogs crazy stunts, but since i was able to get over the loss you would be able to get over that loss.
What information is frederic asking about your dogs , what does he need those informations on your dogs and medical history for, i suggest either he is making a mistake or you did not understand is mail.I suggest you hurry up in sending the informations he requested from you ontime, so that things can move on, as i do not have lenghty days on this face of the earth.You promised me you will keep this transaction secret between,me, you and God and you have started involving your servant.Please send the information personally to him.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Mon, 22 May 2006

Dear Fadil,

Fear not! My servant knows no details regarding our business transaction. I only instructed him to prepare some paperwork - he does not know what it is for. You see, Fadil, I suffer from the early onset of dementia. I try to keep my faculties in order but sometimes it is hard. That is why I MUST rely on those around me. I can assure you, however, that the details of our business transaction is known only to me and you. And it shall remain that way!

My deepest sympathies regarding your dog, Lassy. What type of hijinx did Lassy get into? He must have been a beautiful animal before he rotted and turned to bones. But that is the nature of this world, as God has bestowed upon us. We must all go that way. It is very sad and, as a dog lover, I know you must be having a hard time getting over such a thing.

I wish to send to you a purple velvet satchel containing some diamonds, gems and rubies - think of it as a consolation gift for your loss of Lassy and also for the start of a wonderful friendship between us. The value of this is approximately between $600,000-$700,000 USD appraised. I know it is not much, but it is the least I could do for you. I understand the anguish of losing a dog in such a tragic way.

I will send my son, Tamany, to make a quick visit to see you either later this week or next week. He will carry and deliver to you in person the satchel. He often takes long business trips alone and I'm sure he will be glad to come out to see you for a few days and hand deliver your gift. I need to know the nearest major international airport to you and the city it is in. Also, do you recommend any specific resort hotels?

Let me say that I am glad to hear that the tube that was in your bum is now in your nose. I know it must still be uncomfortable, but there is no doubt in my mind that it is better in the nose than in the bum. I pray that your nurse has thoroughly washed the tube because it would smell so terrible if it went from your bum right to your nose!

Also, tell me more about Russell. What brand of food do you feed him? What is your dog trainer's name? Does he spend a lot of time with Russell still? If your dog trainer is indeed having Russell compete in championship dog shows, I would hope that you know about it! He might be winning medals and money and not letting you know! That would be a horrible betrayal for the dog trainer and Russell to conspire against you in such a way!

I checked the information that Frederic had sent to me and you are right - I was mistaken. I see now the correct information he asks for. Sometimes I lose track of conversations, please forgive me, Fadil. I spent over an hour trying to dial that phone number to fax him but I kept getting a message saying that my call could not be completed as dialed. I'm not sure what the problem is and I pray to God in the clouds that I can make this business transaction go through, somehow. Oh Fadil, I want only to help you fulfill your earthly mission! I know we can figure it out together. Please hold on for I know great miracles will happen!

Best,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Tue, 23 May 2006

Dear Wade

What kind of paperwork is that.It is just some informations you can just prepare and send to him via email or so, i suggest you do ask Mr frederick Webber whatbis wrong with their fax number.I do not have much time to waste.
Thanks for your loving heart, in intending to send me a consolation gift, but that is way back and i have in a way gotten over it.I do not need the gift,as it might be useless to me.the only gift i want from you is the collection of the diplomatic box and doing according to my wish..Please if you have not contacted Mr webber do, if you have done update me on what he is saying.I am dying down here and i do not want to start what i cannot finish, my days on this face of the earth is numbered.

I suggest instead of wasting that amount of gift on me, why dont you sell it and use it for charity.I am a dying man,i do not need such.I am going to enter my grave with my body and nothing else.I know yo want me to have soemthing i will hold on to, to know that i have a friend in you, but just your mails everyday, make me very happy.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Wed, 24 May 2006

Dear Fadil,

You are so kind and thoughtful to refuse my gift to you for the poor instead! I will do as you wish.

I apologize for not responding sooner. The laboratory caught fire yesterday, destroying much of the cavernous underdwellings. We spent many hours yesterday cleaning up the mess and capturing the mutated experiments that had escaped from their cages. Fortunately, by the grace of God from his cloud above, we were able to safely wrangle the beasts. All is well again. However, much renovation will need to be made to laboratory in the near future.

Today is a much better day because I have received an email from you! Our friendship, Fadil, has blossomed beyond my wildest imagination!. You are my best friend in the world. This you must know. In my country, we have a saying reserved especially for someone like this. It is called "Best Friend Forever" or BFF for short. It is a title of great honor and it is to be worn like a badge. Fadil, you are my BFF and I will now refer to you as this always and forever!

I wrote to you last time asking you about Lassy and Russell. But you have not responded to my inquiries. I know you said you have gotten over your loss of Lassy, but somehow I feel that you are still troubled by this as you no longer discuss such things involving dogs. It saddens me greatly to not hear any more stories about them. I truly wish you will continue telling me about them.

I'm not sure why I cannot get through to Frederic. I do not have a scanner for email document transfer. Like I said, I have tried that fax number and it is not working. Frederic asked to send him my passport which I am trying desperately, for your sake, to do. Oh, Fadil! Sometimes I feel like an old fuddy-duddy trying to figure out all this new technology! It took me so long just trying to learn how to use email. Please tell Frederic that I am doing all I can to get him the information that he has requested and that, God willing, it will arrive to him soon.

So, here's what I am going to do. I am going to send my son, Tamany, to meet with you briefly. I may send him on my private jet. He will hand deliver my passport to you. Since you are able to get in contact with Frederic easily, I will leave it up to you to have your servant complete this task of sending my passport information to Frederic. Please tell me the name of the nearest international airport and the city it is in. Tamany can meet you (or one of your servants) at the airport, if need be. Then he can get right back on the plane if you don't care to spend any time with him. Tamany is not only my son, but he is also my errand-boy and always does exactly as I instruct him.

Best,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Thu, 25 May 2006

Subject: THANKS FOR MAILING

Dear Wade

Thanks for all your concern and care and I really appreciate the title you have Given me,Thanks for everything you have done.
My Soul Grieves over the fire disaster that happened in your laboratory, do not worry the Lord will replenish what you have lost in manifold times.
In a way yes i grieve over the loss of my dogs, but the doctors have advised me not to think much about my pass, because i almost passed away some months ago when i arrived in the Hospital due to high Blood pressure, Dogs as they say is a man best companion and lassy was a very good companion to me, sometimes i took him always wth me for the whole day, anywhere i go, he goes.

I Wil contact Mr Frederic, I am having problem getting a letter of affidavit prepared for a change of ownership of the diplomatic box, as i need your address to put on the letter of affidavit, Mr frederick Said i should send to him.
Also the lawyer fee to get the affidavit is much,and due to the threat on my life by my friends and relatives who took hold of the opportunity that i was sick to take all my money and sell all my properties , leaving me penniless, i do not have money on me, as i had to leave UAE for Russia under protective cover, and my treatment in the Hospital is being taken care of By my Medical Insurance cover.The only money i have left is the Money only me and you know of and that is what is inside the diplomatic box.
I have lived in the hospital for the past 6months now, inorder to be taken care of .I do not know how to go about getting the letter of affidavit, but if it involves sellng my laptop which i use in communicating with you, i would not mind,but i would not be able to communicate regularly with you.

Just send me your name and address so i can see what i can do to get the letter of affidavit, so we do not slow things down.

I do not have any servant as i am in a solitary confinement, i am just praying to God to give me more days to live so that i can see to your collection of the diplomatic box, and i can now send you a Well done mail for collecting the diplomatic box and fufilling my last wish.So do not bother sending your son.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Frederick Webber

Thu, 25 May 2006

ATTN:Wade Munooigan

We received a complaint from Mr Fadil Zahir about your inability to send us a fax of your identification.We would try to see what is the problem with our fax number and we would get back to you.We suggest you send to us via mail the other information we required from you , and that is:
Full Name:
Delivery Address
Contact Personal Number:
Contact Fax number:

The Identification although important, should not delay in the preparation oif all necessary documents for the succesful change of benefeciary and delivery of the diplomatic box.
We will be fixing the fax number problem soonest if there exist a problem and if there is a problem and it has been rectified, we would duly inform you so that you can send a fax of your international passport.
The major reason we need a scanned copy of international passport is for easy identification when we come to deliver your diplomatic box if there is a sucessful change of benefeciary. You can temporarily send us your international passport number.

Yours Sincerely
Frederick Webber
Client Relationship Officer.
Global Summit Securities
Contact Phone Number:+447040109367
Contact Fax Number: +442079006160



Wade Munoogian

Fri, 26 May 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

It is wonderful to hear from you yet again! I've been thinking about and praying for you everyday. I woke up this morning, looked up to God and said, "Lord, please grant Fadil more days on this Earth so he and I can remain friends. For we know our mission to help end the suffering in the world. Millions of dollars could feed just one family, and multiple generations, so they will no longer experience hunger. They will dine 10 times a day on whatever they want! It might be steak or chicken or beans or ice cream or fish or twinkies or beer or slim jims or peas or bologna or clams or marshmellows or tuna or canned ham or devil dogs or hummous or gelato or custard or . . . " I forgot the rest of the prayer! I'm sorry Fadil! But my point is that it was a long list of many foods that these starving children will be able to eat once we get them the money.

I am so sorry that you had to flee to Russia. I remember a similar circumstance when I worked as a bee keeper in South America. This was during a time in my youth when I didn't have much respect for the law and I lived a bit of a reckless life. I have since repented, as you have. Anyway, at the time, I was stealing bees from my employer for my own personal collection. Eventually, he caught me and brought me to a remote location in the forest. I was wearing a hood over my head so I could not see. Oh, Fadil! It was so scary! He took off the hood and asked me if I knew why I was there. I told him "no." Then he had his cronies hang me upside down to empty my pockets. Many bees fell out in front of him! I was so afraid what would happen! He then proceeded to tie me to a nearby tree nearby, where I was standing nearby. He and his cronies all took turns putting hooks through my face! It hurt tremendously and left me terribly scarred! And that is also why sometimes I am so shy about going out in public, because these scars still exist. I fled that horrible place soon after and vowed never to go back.

Fadil, I'm sure you miss Lassy very much. You have professed your love for this animal. But I do not want your high blood pressure to hurt your health more. So I will avoid talking about him or your dogs anymore. Do you like cats?

Now, I must bring up the fact that I have bestowed upon you a very special title. That is the title of "BFF" from the previous email. I am sad that since I have bestowed this title upon you, Fadil, you have not done the same for me. It is customary in my country that one who earns the title of BFF from someone, and upon accepting it (which you have done), is obligated to bestow the BFF title to the person who gave it. Otherwise, it becomes an insult of the highest degree! So, I pray Fadil, that you have not meant to insult me. You are my BFF and I hope you will provide the same courtesy to me so we can continue our business deal.

Best,

Wade Munoogian



Frederick Webber

Mon, 29 May 2006

Subject: OFFICIAL MAIL FROM GLOBAL SUMMIT SECURITIES

ATTN: Mr Wade Munoogian

We have resolved the problem we have with our fax number,as the other fax number has been restricted to diplomatic use and not general use.The new fax number to fax the details is:+442080903719.

Please do ensure that the fax is clear.



Fadil Zahir

Mon, 29 May 2006

Subject: MY BFF FOREVER

Dear BFF Wade

I apologise if you feel by not awarding you the BFF title i might have insulted you.The Title is less comparable to my love for you as a friend and trustworthy ally.
I thank God for connecting both of us>You have been a source of Joy to me and definitely The amount of reward i am gibing to you is small comparable to the One God will bestow on You. The urge to get this money to the less priviledged is in me, and i am happy that with you by ,my side, soon and very soon, that last wish of mine will be fufilled.
I did have a little cat named meowat when i was still in UAE, but i do not know what my friends and relatives would have done to it.Sometimes i wish i never had such friends and relatives around me, but there is always a consolation that God has a reason for everything.
How about sports, what is your favourites sports, do you play Golf.
Concenring this transaction, we seem to be delaying things, as i do not have much time to leave on this earth.I need your address, as the lawyer said he needs it to provide the letter of affidavit documents.
Your address has to be stated in the letter of affidavit documents.
Can we move on?

God be with us
Fadil Zahir



Fadil Zahir

Tue, 30 May 2006

Subject: MY HEART WEEPS

Dear BFF Wade

I have not heard from you, Mr Webber sent me a mail requesting that i send a scanned copy of the letter of affidavit, and you have been silent.My heart weeps and i do cry when i do not hear from you.You do not know how much i look forward to your mails everyday.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Wed, 31 May 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

It is nice to hear from you once again and I am sorry for not responding sooner. I have been preoccupied with other business. My sister, Lashondaquee, came to me with an email letter she had received recently. It was an offer to receive 20% of USD $21 million from a bank that overbilled someone in Lagos, Nigeria. I spent over three days trying to explain to her that Nigerians have been trying to rob people in other countries of their money through various scams. According to my attorney, this has been well-documented in our country and in many other countries.

Those Nigerians are the scum of the earth! Imagine! They are trying so pathetically to steal from people all around the world! In fact, the Nigerians are so low that they are not even fit to wipe the bum of the lowliest servant in the poorest third world country! Anyway, Fadil, I am glad that you are NOT Nigerian and that I can certainly trust you because you are a good Christian dog lover from the UAE.

I used to play golf quite regularly when I was younger. I told you some time ago that I am friends with Tiger Woods. However, I no longer play the game. The reason was because of a traumatic circumstance that I experienced on the course at age 37. I was such a bad golfer that I hit the ball in the wrong direction and accidently killed a man. I felt so badly and I will never forget his name. It was "Albert Quincy Melodrahma." He was sitting in a gazebo, smoking a pipe and sipping lemonade, when the ball struck him on his head. Oh, Fadil! The memory of this haunts me to this very day!

I'm sorry to hear that your cat, Meowat, is no longer with you. Fadil, trust in God that he is watching over Meowat this very moment, providing him with an abundance of dead rodents to eat. Meowat sounds like a wonderful companion. Has he ever tried to claw your eyes out? That happened to me with the one cat I owned. Her name was "Bluebell" and I gave her away to a young child. Unfortunately, because of the incident, I can now only see the image of a claw mark out of my right eye.

Now, speaking of that, it reminds me of something that has been bothering me from my last message. I told you of the horrible incident that happened to me in South America when I was younger. But you have said nothing about this! For God's sake, Fadil! I had hooks put through my face! Do you no longer care about me? Please, I need to know that you still care and that you are truly my BFF.

I want to go forward with our business deal and I am ready, But I need to know where we stand, Fadil. Like I said, you (under God) mean the most to me in this life.

Your BFF,

Wade Munoogian


[A few editorial points here. "Fadil" almost certainly is Nigerian. He may well be in the U.A.E. - a hop, skip and short swim from Africa, wired, and frequented by scammers (as annoyed people from Dubai have informed us). "Wade" is not against Nigerians, but he is trying to annoy "Fadil". Scamorama is also not against Nigerians, knows Nigerians themselves get scammed and scams happen everywhere, and draws the line at certain kinds of material, blah blah, Wade's last name is not meant to infer that Armenians are demented animal experimenters, actually we're nice people, blah blah. You get the scam-o-drift. And now back to annoying "Fadil".]



Fadil Zahir

Thu, 1 Jun 2006

Subject: MY LOVE FOR YOU IS EVERLASTING

Dear BFF Wade

The past few days i did not hear from you has been a sorrowful day for me, saddened with the fact that my death is drawing nearer.I do not really understand by what you mean by receiving an offer letter of 21Million$ from Nigeria, i am just hearing of something like that, honestly.I would have said you should explain more to me, but what do i need the information for, for a dying man who knows of the exact period he would die,and definitely would not carry his wealth to the Grave.

Dear BFF Wade, i have been through hell from my friends and relatives and i am all alone.I do not know whether i should just give up hope on everything,and ask for mercy killing,but if i do that it is commiting sucide and against my christian standing.But sincerely to you i am tired of life. The major reason i am still fighting this battle is because of -My love for you which is unmeasurable,and undying.You have shown so much care for me, that i do think sometimes i have not reciprocated back to you,but God Knows my heart that i love you. -My last wish in helping the less priviledged and the needy, if the Government of these countries have failed them, why can i not donate my last wealth on this earth to them since i am not in need of any money,and i cannot carry my wealth to the grave.

From your previous mail before this last one, i see to understand that you have gone through sufferings like your stay in South America, but who on this face of the earth who has made wealth in this life, has not gone through thick and thin.

Life has been cruel to me, i have been publicly beaten with whips before by my master over his mistake, he made a wrong calculation for the sales we made that day and thought i have put some of the money into my pocket, whereas he took out of the earnings for the day to make some little payments for what he bought.And guess the amount that made him whip me? Just 100$

My BFF, i cannot say where we stand,but i can say at the state of love i have for you, if a situation comes and i have to sacrifice my life for you to live, i would willing do it without thinking twice,but i do not know whether you are willing to go to that extent for me.

I LOVE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU TILL I LEAVE THE FACE OF THIS EARTH.I THANK GOD FOR MAKING OUR PATHS CROSS.

Please do pray for me always,

God be With us and Protect us
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Thu, 1 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

Yes, I am glad to hear of your undying love for me. It has caused me to shift in my seat. My hearts bleeds like a bludgeoned calf, but the pain I feel is only half of the love we share! I now know that you truly care for me as I care for you. God looks down upon us with a golden smile. You know I would do anything, ANYTHING for you, Fadil. You are my BFF!

Don't worry so much about those Nigerians. The information I have on them is vast and common. Trouble yourself no more more. The Nigerians are worthless people anyway as they continue to try to rob others. Their intended victims are typically innocent people - these are the same innocent people that are doing things like trying to put their children through college by working very hard all of their lives, stashing away their meager earnings. Oh, Fadil! Worry not! God is just and those Nigerians will certainly be cast into the lake of fire!

I am very sorry to hear of your master whipping you. However, I'm sure you understand that by stealing his $100, he is justified to do so. This is just as I was tortured after stealing my employer's bees in South America. I accepted my fate, even though it hurt more than the tube that was put in my bum. We all must learn lessons not to steal and I hope that you have learned yours.

Am I right, Fadil? Please tell me that you no longer steal and that you have given up your wicked ways of the past. Also, I would like to see your list of references that you had told me about. I ask this only because I care about your arrival in Heaven. I only want for you to be in eternal paradise. So, I will very gladly and honorably make sure that your references check out properly so that you will enter Heaven with a clean conscience! God has willed me to do this for you, Fadil, my BFF!

Your BFF,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Fri, 2 Jun 2006

Dear BFF
You are missing my mail and interpreting it wrongly.I never stole from my master,an i stated in my mail,i said that he made a miscalculation on the figures and thereby put the blame on me.I never stole any money.
I never also mentioned i had any references, do you want my relatives to know that i am still alive, they do not know about my whereabout,an if they get any clue, they would begin their search. We have been stagnant and not moved ahead on this business transaction, and i am nearing my grave, i do not know whether you are doing it intentionally or not.

I still care.
God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Fri, 2 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

I am so sorry about this confusion! You are my BFF and I would NEVER intentionally hurt you! It is God's love that will keep you alive to finish your earthly mission! So Fadil, be strong. Only girlie-men cry over such things as cancer.

As I explained to you before, Fadil, I suffer from dementia. Sometimes I get confused and mix up details from other conversations with other people. Sometimes, this crosses over into my business too. On one occasion, I awoke from sleep to find myself curled up in a fox den on the property. I had wandered over several acres throughout the night. There were baby foxes trying to nurse at my nipples! The last thing I remembered was watching "I Love Lucy" on late night television. So please be patient with me as we sort out these details. I have tried many times to give the information that you requested for our business deal. I don't know why I can't get through to Frederic.

Fadil, do you sometimes get the feeling that Satan somehow has his hand in this? I am a very pious man and I am scared, very scared of Satan. We are approaching 6-6-06 (666 - the number of the Beast). This will be on this coming Tuesday. I have seen the prophecies in my dreams as of late. A dark shadow is being cast over the world. I believe that our business transaction is Satan's main goal of destruction because he knows how many poor children we will be helping. Oh, Fadil! I worry so much about this!

Your BFF,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Sat, 3 Jun 2006

Subject: A MAIL FROM YOUR BFF

Dear BFF Wade

I do not believe in that 6-6-06 rubbish, so do not be scared, why should you be scared of satan, you should only be scared of satan if you are not a born again christian.

I said you should tell me the full name and your full address,my assistant doctor got a lawyer that can prepare the letter of affidavit documents, which which state legally that you are the new benefeciary of the diplomatic box and yet no response from you.

Thanks for encouraging me.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Fadil Zahir

Wed, 7 Jun 2006

Dear BFF

Is this where it ends,no words from you.You must have seen my last mail, but you refused to reply.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Wed, 7 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

You are alive! Praise be to God in the clouds above! Yes, I did get your last message before this one. It was the one about 6-6-06. I started reading about how you told me not to be scared if I am a Born-Again Christian. Well, I am not a member of the Born-Again Christian Church! I was so frightened that I immediately stopped reading your email! I quickly packed a bag and boarded my private jet for a small island that I own in the Caribbean. I went there to remain in hiding until 6-6-06 had safely passed. I have just returned home now to find your email. I am terribly sorry for the delay in responding to you.

How are you feeling today, Fadil? I hope your aches and pains are being dulled by the morphine drip. And I am also concerned for you that the tube up your bum has been there so long now. I know it is very hard to continue everyday under these circumstances but you must carry on.

Fadil, I must tell you something very important now. While on the island, I woke up late at night to a vision of Jesus. He was standing before me in a long white robe and glowing. In one hand he held some coffee beans and in the other hand he held a bee hive. He spoke and said, "My son, you have held your trespasses in South America to deep despair. You will be forgiven if you -" And then He disappeared! Oh, Fadil! What was He trying to tell me!

I have a phone call that came in that I must take.

Best,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Thu, 8 Jun 2006

Dear Wade

I Slept and it was a peaceful day for me over here in Russia.I am feeling okay.But we are still at the same point where we are.
The lawyer to prepare the power of attorney is waiting for me, and yet you have still not given me the address to put on the power of attorney.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Mon, 12 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

So you feel okay now? Has your cancer been miraculously healed by God? This is great news, Fadil! I am so happy for you!

Does this mean our business deal is off?

God's blessings from heaven,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Tue, 13 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Wade

Our business deal is on, but you are always dodging my question for your address for the power of attorney, and to me it seems you do not want the business deal to continue.

The business deal is on,but i do not know what you are up to.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Frederick Webber

Tue, 13 Jun 2006

Subject: Release of Mr.Fadil Zahir's Diplomatic Box/Consignment.

Attn:Mr.Wade Munoogian,

Pursuant to the Authorization We recieved from Mr.Fadil Zahir Authorising Us to Process the Release of the Diplomatic Box/Consignment to You as His Duly Appointed Representative/Beneficiary,I hereby write to Notify You that We have begun arrangements for the Release of the Diplomatic Box/Consignment to You.

However,To enable us Justify Your Position as the Duly Appointed Representative/Assigned Beneficiary as well as obtain Clearance Documents on Your Name,You are required to furnish us the following Documents/Information;

I. Copy of the Deposit Certificate issued to Mr.Fadil Zahir at the time the Consignment/Trunk Box was Deposited with us.

II. Copy of the Power of Attorney Duly Issued by Mr.Fadil Zahir.

III. Copy of Your International Passport or Driver's License for Identification.

IV. Your Complete Residential Address.

You are required to send the required Proofs/Documents to us Via fax or Email for processing of the Release of Mr.Fadil Zahir's Diplomatic Box/Consignment to You as the Duly Appointed Representative.

Furthermore,Be informed that You may be required to be present at Our Office for Endorsement of the Final Release Order Documents that will Empower Us to Reease this Diplomatic Box/Consignment.we shall furish You further information regarding this Appointment for the Scheduled release of the Diplomatic Box/Consignment upon receipt of the Aforementioned Documents/Proofs.

You are advised to furnish Us Your Direct Telephone with Which We may reach You for further Information.You May also contact the Undersigned on 44-207-0601090 Ext.1 for further advise.

Thanking You for Your Understanding and Co-operation.

Yours Faithfully,

MR. FREDERICK G. WEBBER.
CUSTOMER RELATIONS OFFICER
CONSIGNMENT DEPARTMENT
GLOBAL SUMMIT SECURITY COMPANY
(Affiliated to the GLOBAL LOGISTICS SERVICES AND VAULT COMPANY)
Tel: 44-207-0601090 Ext.1
Fax: 44-207-681-3052
Email: frederick.webber@xxxxx.xxx.uk



Wade Munoogian

Wed, 14 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Fadil,

Of course I want to continue this business deal! I have tried many, many times to get that information to Frederic. I even offered to have my son fly out there immediately. But you refused! And then you told me that you are feeling ok now so what is one to think? I already explained to you that I suffer from dementia yet you are not sympathetic to my condition. Your lack of responses to many of my recent comments, along with your torturous business practices, has hurt me deeply. Fadil, this is not how one BFF should treat another BFF!

So, we need to mend our friendship before I strip the BFF title from you. Otherwise we cannot continue with this business deal. Tell me, Fadil, what you would like me to do so I may forgive you? Then we can move on to close the deal and feed starving children.

God's rays of light shining down on you,

Wade Munoogian.



Fadil Zahir

Thu, 15 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Wade

It would be a big blow for me, if my BFF title is stripped from me by you.i do not understand by what you mean by this:Tell me, Fadil, what you would like me to do so I may forgive you?

I do apologise from my heart if i have hurt you, and i am really sorry for your dementia state. I have written the security company and they replied that they have mailed you, and yet you do not tell me what they told you. you just continue to keep silent.

The diplomatic box is not with me, it is with the security company and if you cannot communicate with them, then we still remain at the same spot.

They told me in their last mail to you, they put their contact number and fax number.so please do communicate with them and keep me updated.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Thu, 15 Jun 2006

Subject: mending fences

Dear FF Fadil,

It seems there has been some kind of communication blockage on your end. Perhaps the Devil has infected your eyes and ears to keep you from properly communicating with me? So, I made a tough decision regarding your BFF status. I have simply downgraded your title from BFF to FF (Best Friend Forever to Friend Forever). This is because of your lack of understanding and compassion in my situation. God from above has told me this. He says that you must still repent for His forgiveness and for my forgiveness over what you have done. I still believe, Fadil, that we can mend our friendship and help get you back to BFF status within a few days. You are like a brother to me and I will do everything I can to help you! I want this business deal to happen as soon as possible!

I received the emails from Frederic and I have all the information that you need prepared. I'm confident that we will get back on the right track very soon. So Fadil, please show me that your love for me is truly everlasting and that you care to go the extra mile for me, ok? In my culture, it is hard for one to attain BFF status and tragic for one to lose it. But at least you are FF. It can be very hard to regain BFF status again but sweet feathery Jesus in Heaven has assured me that you will be able to regain BFF with proper homage and in a short time.

Oh, Fadil! I know you will come through for me!

In other news, my laboratory is almost rebuilt. Might you suggest some new animal specimens that I could use for experimentations? Do you think that rabbits are smarter that hares? And if so, why?

God's love and blessings from the sky,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Fri, 16 Jun 2006

Dear Wade

I am very sorry, and it comes from my heart , it pains me seriously for me to be stripped from the BFF title, you do not know how i hold it dear in my heart.

Life these past months that has gone has been hell for me, and i looked forward everyday to your mail,but i was suddenly disappointed when you kept silent for sometime, i do understand your busy schedule and i am sorry for making that erroneous mistake.

I am begging you to please forgive me, and forgive for all my wrong doings.We are friends and we are both to share each other pain, i might have been selfish, but i still deserve your forgiveness.

That is lovely to hear about your laboratory being re-built, that is really lovely. I do not know much about experiments , so i cannot really say which animals you to use for experimentation, or maybe you can try some funny experimentations with my favourite animals, dogs, cats, rabbits.

About rabbit being smarter than hare or hare being smarter than rabbit, i cannot really say, i have never had a hare as a pet animal so i cannot really say i have observed their smartness, but i know rabbit to be a very smart pet.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Mon, 19 Jun 2006

Dear Fadil,

It is with great heartache that I read your latest message. I see that you have dropped my BFF title completely! That is perhaps the highest insult that one can make to another in a situation like this! When one drops BFF to nothing after he has been downgraded to FF, it shows extreme disrespect to the original BFF giver. It means that the FF does not care at all for his BFF and that he does not wish to try to regain BFF status. So, therefore, any positive things you said after you dropped my BFF status to nothing is automatically interpreted as a mockery of your former BFF. Sadly, that means that I was automatically required to downgrade your relatively meager FF status to nothing, which you can see at the top of this letter. And remember, Fadil, you cannot automatically reassign my BFF title until you have also achieved BFF status because you were the instigator of dropping my BFF title while you were trying to regain yours. The title assignments now fall upon the original giver of the BFF. Oh, Fadil! I hope you are taking notes on all of this so we are not in this situation again!

I am so incredibly hurt by this betrayal, Fadil. I cried for three nights over this! I thought I was your BFF but now I see otherwise. You really must brush up on American customs so we can avoid this in the furture. Because now we must work extra hard to try to regain your BFF status. We'll first attempt FF status for you and then hopefully back to BFF status. Yes, it will be hard but I have faith in God and in you that we will achieve this once again. We have a business deal to finish and I desperately want to help you do that. You must attain BFF status again to complete the transaction. Time is of the essence so we must begin the process now!

In other news, yes, my laboratory is being rebuilt (not that you care). I will choose the perfect creatures for my experimentations. I cannot use the ones that you recommended because you told me that immediately after you stripped my BFF title which shows as that whole mockery thing. So, I will have to use other animals. I will start with a duck. Then perhaps a goose. Yes, they are lovely specimens. What do you think of them? Which one would you start with and why?

God's farest wishes from the clouds,

Wade Munoogian



Fadil Zahir

Tue, 20 Jun 2006

Dear BFF Wade.

I will like you to know that i did not strip you off yor BFF title,it was a typographical error.Please from deep down my heart pardon me for the error.You might think i am lying to you that i id it intentionally, but i do not want to swear,i did not do it intentionally.

How can i regain my status.

God be with you
Fadil Zahir



Wade Munoogian

Mon, 26 Jun 2006

Dear Fadil,

I understand if you did not do this on purpose. However, I must abide by our strict customary practices in serious matters such as this. This is no simple grievance! These customs are practiced with religious fervor in our culture.

We are not without hope in the matter. I am confident, that by God's good graces, we can mend these fences and get you back to BFF status. It's just that it harder to achieve BFF status once it is broken. But we will succeed, Fadil! We must! So we can help the starving children of the world as God has intended us. I have every intention of helping you close this business deal as soon as possible. Now, it is up to you to work with me so we can.

We must start by bringing your status first to FF. In our culture, the one (you) who originally broke BFF status must write a poem expressing his/her undying love for the other person. This poem must be no less than 500 words and must incorporate the words "love," "passion," "God," "doppelganger," and "xnoybis" somewhere within the body of the poem. Remember these rules, Fadil! They are strict and must be followed.

The poem must also be completed and given by the dawn of the third day from when I send you this message. I trust you will have this poem to me on time.

God's love from the highest cloud,

Wade Munoogian



Wade Munoogian

Mon, 17 Jul 2006

Subject: Broken fences of hell

Dear Fadil,

It has been some weeks since you last contacted me. This is far past the deadline I gave you for submitting your poem to me for approval. Therefore, I regret to inform you that your FF and BFF titles have been irreversibly revoked, and as such, our business deal is permanently off. You now have only yourself to blame for all of the starving children in the world. I did everything I could to help you recover and disperse that money in the diplomatic box.

Oh, Fadil! You have brought great shame and disgrace to your family name for generations. Your utter lack of respect for American customs has brought you to this point. We are friends no more and you are no man of God. Never contact me again! You have Satan written in your eyebrows!

Now, if you'll excuse me, my experiments grow restless . . . I have a goat with the head of a dog to tend to.

Wade Munoogian



THE END



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