PUT UP YOUR DUKES


A hearty Scamo welcome back to the theatrical mind last seen as Esther Summerson in BLEAK LAD.
Here he returns as Richard Plantagenet - onetime king of England, kindly uncle, and scambaiter.

Cast:

Donald Kaberuka - African Development Bank (not)
Richard Plantagenet - aristocrat beset by rivals, who still has time to care about grammar


Dr. Donald Kaberuka
3/1/2010

From the Desk of Dr. Donald Kaberuka
African Development Bank Group.

Attn: Richard Plantagenet III.

Dear beneficiary,

A payment file bearing your name and e-mail address was among those that was forwarded to us by the International business consortium of Winners, Contractors and Fund Inheritance that has not yet been paid hence Your Name appears as one of the fund beneficiaries whom their fund was Successfully cleared recently for payment and this money will be released to you. As a matter of fact, a possible arrangement has been made to ensure that you receive your fund through one of the two major provisional means as its due process procedure. The Parish Club and other financial institutions are aware of this and have given their approval and signature of authorization. The two major means are as follows: (1) Through an ATM Visa Card (2) Through an On-line Banking System. You will be attended to depending on your choice.

As a matter of fact, i am doing this as an assignment to clarify the past transactions and your approved sum is Five Million United State Dollars (US$5,000, 000.00) I am to carry out this project with utmost good faith bearing in mind my Christian faith because of the ill and corrupt practices of some government officials that was supposed to have carried out this duty before hence I was mandated to make payment where necessary to you via the above alternative means.

Note that this transaction is safe, legal and 100% risk free as all the documents that will stand, protect your interest both legally and otherwise and also allay any fear, answer any question that may emanate from your government regarding this huge sum of money will be carefully procured from the appropriate authorities and be made available in your name in connection with this payment by the authorities concerned and it will surely go with the money due to the International laws guiding the transfer of a huge fund such as this primarily because of the (9-11 attack to the USA).

Finally however, you are required to re-confirm your choice of payment, your full names and address, your telephone number and also required to send your passort ID card for better identification.

Congratulations.

Dr. Donald Kaberuka.
African Development Bank Group.
Direct line: +234-802-722-4670

[There is a real Donald Kaberuka, who really is the president of the African Development Bank Group. This is not him. This is a scammer. Got that?]

[Don't send scammers pictures of your ID. At the very least, they will use it as collateral in other scams. Of course, if you were to send them pictures of Captain Kirk, or Barnabas Collins...]

Richard Plantagenet III

I'm sorry, but it seems you have me confused with someone else. I have no reason to expect any money from any of the sources you mentioned.

If you have any documentation of the funds, please send them along, as it would help me clarify this problem.

Thank you,

Richard Plantagenet III
Dr. Donald Kaberuka

[At this point, "Dr. Kaberuka" apparently just sent the very same e-mail again.
Richard decided he might as well waste some of the scammer's time.]

Richard Plantagenet III

Dear Mr. Kaberu:

I should very much like to learn more about this business and the provenance of the funds of which you speak. It comes as rather a surprise, as I have had no business dealings nor investments involving Africa.

Please send along any documentation concerning this business, including copies of contracts. Do not send them as attachments, but rather in the body of the e-mail, as I don't open attachments from people with whom I am not acquainted.

It may be several days before I respond. I am very busy with a project at Bosworth Field, at the moment, but am hopeful of a positive outcome.

Yours,

R. Plantagenet.
Dr. Donald Kaberuka
3/2/2010

Attn: Richard Plantagenet III.

Dear beneficiary,

You are officially required to re-confirm your full names, address and telephone number for proper records before any document can be sent to you.

Congratulations.

Dr. Donald Kaberuka.
African Development Bank Group.
Direct line: +234-802-722-4670
Richard Plantagenet III

Mar 2, 2010

"Officially required" by whom? I do not enter into these things lightly. I have no notion of where this inheritance came from and will not surrender any information until I have been sufficiently persuaded that I am, in fact, the person to whom this fund belongs.

I have never had any business in Africa. Simply holding onto my hard-won position here takes all the time and energy I possess. Have you any idea how many people would love to see me lying on the ground a bloody corpse while they steal all I have fought so hard to retain? Half of my family plots against me, recruiting assassins from Wales and France to make attempts on my life.

And you, a total stranger, tell me that I'm "officially required" to do something.

By St. George, I've never met with such effrontery in my life.

Plantagenet.
Dr. Donald Kaberuka

[Scammer sticks to script]

3/3/2010

Attn: Richard Plantagenet III.

Dear beneficiary,

Like you were earlier informed, a payment file bearing your name and e-mail address was among those that was forwarded to us by the International business consortium in association with the debt reconciliatory committee under the auspices of the newly democratically elected government to clear every foreign indebtedness arising from Winners, Contractors and Fund Inheritance with the aim to re-gain the almost tarnished image of this country from the international scene because of scam in a bid to welcome foreign investments to the country.

For the legal back-up documents which will stand and allay any fear and answer any question that may possibly emanate from your government concerning this huge sum when it must have hit your account, beneficiaries like you are advised to re-confirm their full names, address and telephone number(s) for proper follow-up/records before any document can be procured from the appropriate authorities.

Congratulations.
Dr. Donald Kaberuka.
African Development Bank Group.
Direct line: +234-802-722-4670
Richard Plantagenet III

Wed, Mar 3, 2010

Please be aware that "like" is used with nouns, as in "like a whale," whereas "as" is used in conjunction with verbs, as in "As you were earlier informed."
Dr. Donald Kaberuka
3/3/2010

Attn: Richard Plantagenet III.

Dear beneficiary,

Be advised to stick to my instructions, as I am not here to teach you English language but to advise you on what you are to do to receive your approved payment. Therefore you have to provide your information as requested on my previous e-mail.

Congratulations.

Dr. Donald Kaberuka.
African Development Bank Group.
Direct line: +234-802-722-4670
Richard Plantagenet III

Mar 3, 2010

Clearly, you are not qualified to teach me English. Let me point out to you that I don't "have to" do a damn thing.

I don't like your tone.
Dr. Donald Kaberuka
3/3/2010

Good, We will therefore send back your payment file to the government treasury as one of the unclaimed funds.

Bye and good luck next time.
Richard Plantagenet III

Mar 3, 2010

That sounds fine to me. I rather suspect, after a bit of investigation, that you are a thief and a liar.

Wait for a knock on your door!
Dr. Donald Kaberuka
3/4/2010

YOU ARE A VERY STUPID MAN FOR CALLING ME A THIEF AND A LIAR, NON-SENSE!
Richard Plantagenet III

Mar 4, 2010

And you, not knowing that "nonsense" is one word,
cannot be particularly bright yourself.

[Rudely stamped? Cheated of feature by dissembling Nature? And if that weren't enough, beset by political enemies? Can't help you there, but if you'd like some help to grasp the nature of the scam "Dr. K" wants to perpetrate upon Richard, read The Main Page.]

 

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