BORN TO RULE


A Mal Reynolds adventure!

THINGS I LEARNED FROM 419s:
In Africa, the average 24-year-old man is still living at home and supported by his parents. The Presidency of Cote d'Ivoire is an hereditary position, akin to royalty. You don't actually need a number to call someone in Africa; all he has to do is to tell you to call.

The Scammers
Valentine Guei, the son of ex-military leader Robert Guei of Cote d'Ivoire, who is now dead" - and a classic spoiled brat
Maxwell Khan, of Group 4 Delivery Company
M. Dajani, Barrister Lad
Nadia Guei, the wife [actually widow] of the former president of Cote d'Ivore Robert Guei

The Baiter
Malcolm Reynolds, former US Marine now living in Australia; based on the character from the series Firefly and the film Serenity.

Without any more ado, let's get started...


Valentine Kone Guei
17 December 2006

Attn: sir,
I send this message to you, demanding anxiously for urgent assistance.
I made up my mind to forward this offer to you, after brief outstanding information I read concerning you, in internet where I got your contact.
I am Valentine Kone Guei 24 years old, the son of ex-military leader Robert Guei of Cote d'Ivoire, who is now dead. With growing disturbing grievances in my heart I am letting you to know that my late father was immediately gunned down by his colleagues, immediately been suspected to be behind the ongoing military uprising in my country Ivory Coast.
I final lost my father in hospital in Abidjan commercial city, and my mother was also reported to me to has been killed on her working place. Immediately, it occurred to me that the whole family life is in danger. Obviously I stumbling escape out of the country to Dubai were I am schooling in one of the American university now in sharjah United Arab Emirates. I am making this contact to you, requesting for your urgent assistant to assist me claim out one hundred and twenty millions united states dollars.$120,000,000,us dollars my father kept in security company as a family valuables which he did not disclose the real content. This money is kept secret in the security company to be used to achieve his political goals but unfortunately to him he did not live to accomplish his goals. I need this consignment to be claim to be so that you will transfer this money into your foreign account were curious eyes will not see it for my own personal use and investment.
I am taking this initiative to avoid any government trace and confiscation of my family achievements. I am looking forward for you to provide me the entire necessary assistant, to secure and claim this consignment and transfer the money to your country. I am assuring you for assisting me to transfer this money to your foreign account I will offer you a very good percentage and I am also promising you that you will definitely benefit from this claim which I will offer to you 15% of the total fund for your assistance, while 10% for any expenses you incur during the transaction.. PLS NOTE: For the safety of my life and for the successfully and smooth accomplishment of this fund transaction claim of the consignment that I am looking forward to transact with you, I urge you to keep this message secret. I count in your full co-operation in this offer. I am waiting anxiously for your urgent respond; I am also in possession with all the whole relevant documents.
Regards,
Mr. Valentine Kone Guei

[Dead Dictator Orphan Trunk box scam... who was it said the Lads don't diversify? I might as well get this one moving straightaway.]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
This is a bit of a surprise - what's the deal? Please explain.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
18 December 2006

Dear Mr.Malcon Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, i have gone through it the content is well noted and understood, regards to your response , i want to assure you that i am over whelmed with your response.
Sir i am a child of 24 yrs and also a student, kindly be informed that i contact you to asist me claim the consignment that worth $120,00,00,00 which my father deposited in the security company as family valuables before he died.
Sir i want you know that i supposed to claim this consignment by my self because i have all the original documents, but for the fact that i used all my money to sponsor my education, i decided to look for somebody who will asist me claim the consignment from the security company since i don't have money to sponsor the claim.
So sir your work now is to come as a my late fathers business partner to claim this fund since i am having financial problem, again i want you to promised me that you will not disappoint me when you receive this consginment because i am alone now, even no body knows my way about because i am hiding and schooling in one of the American University in United Arab Emirates.
So sir to prove to me that you are an honest and sincere man . i will like you to forward to me your fill details,
Your full names
Your Nationality
Your home and office address
Your home and office telephone and fax number
Your Confidential mobile number.
Your internation passport Copy or your working ID Card,
Because i need to be sure whom i am dealing with since we have not met before. Becuaes before my father handed the certificate of deposited to me he warns me against cheaters and also advise me to be very careful in choosing somebody that will asist me claim and invest the money if i am not capable to do it my self.
Even i will like you to come in person here in Dubai to discuss this matter face to face but if you can not make it to Dubai kindly forward those informations to me as to enable us proceed immediately.
I am looking forward to hear from you.
Regards,
Mr Valentine Kone Guei.

[He's a "child of 24 years". Who the hell does he model himself on - Paris Hilton? And I love the irony in the "father's" warning against cheaters. One thing always appears - the demand for ID.

Time for a few things - a bit of scene-setting about Malcolm's time in the Marine Corps, and a minor (but deserved) slap about the "child of 24" line.]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
This is going to take some thought. It's a major effort, especially if I'm supposed to be your father's "business partner". I understood that he was a military man; as it happens, I served in the US Marine Corps. Could this apply? Please clarify the matter of how this will work before I supply personal details - if I can't help you, there's no point in sending them.
By the way - please don't give me that "i am a child of 24 yrs" line - at that age, I was an officer in command of 168 officers and enlisted men.

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
19 December 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, i have gone through your mail and the content is well noted and understood. See I want to inform you that there is no way both of us can handle this transaction successfully without proper communication. If at any time, you have doubt and questions, it is not better to keep quiet? Ask your questions so that I will clarify that very point to you. It is upon maximum clarification, which brings much about greater understanding that we can work perfectly.
This is how we wish to proceed I hope with this, you will see how good both of us are planning to have things done. Therefore, I am here for you, you can count on me. .
As I told you on my last email I promised you 100% risk free in this transaction provided you follow my instruction I have done my home work very well you don' need to be afraid of anything if you have any question feel free and ask me I am in the right position to answer all your question. Now you said that you was an ex-US Marine Corps. that was great sir, Now you will tell them incase they ask you who you are, tell them that you have been doing business together as partner withmy father more than 6 yrs before he died.
I can see that you was annoyed because i called my self a child of 24 yrs old, listen in african 24 yrs old id still a baby that feed unders his or her fathers wealth. so please do not be offended about that.
i will give you more details as soon as i hear from you.
Thanks for your understanding.
I wait your reply
Mr.Solomon Valentine Kone Guei

"[L]isten in african 24 yrs old id still a baby that feed unders his or her fathers wealth" - no, I didn't believe it either.]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
If I want to ask a question I will not keep quiet, I will ask the gorram question! There's an old Corps saying, "Time spent in recon is never wasted".
Here's the info you wanted:
Full names: Malcolm Paul Reynolds
Nationality: American
Home and office address: 2/33 Stuart Drive, Alice Springs, Northern Territory, Australia 0870
Your home and office telephone and fax number: (03) 9347 8666 - no fax
Confidential mobile number: Not available
International passport Copy or working ID Card: Not permitted in either case
Looking at your suggestion of claiming to be your father's business partner; what was his business?
You said he was a military man! And what timeframes are we talking about?
As for 24 year old Africans being babies - when I was in Somalia, I remember twelve- and thirteen-year-olds shooting at us with AK47s and RPGs. They weren't babies. They had guts.

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
21 December 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, i have gone through it the content is well noted and understood, as a matter of i am overwhelmed with your response but kindly be informed that there is no way i can entrust such millions of dollars to you without proper clarification since we have not meet before.
Please if you really know that you want to assist me to claim this consignment from the security company , please i must have your full details because i am not a fool to hand my last hope and my future to you without an adquate agreement and arrangement.
Listen weather people of ten years old were faught in somalia during their way period , that was they own cup of tea there, before God created some body on earth he have destined the person whom he or she gona be.
May be God have created to fight in other to secure our lifes so my brother i was born to rule so if you are talking to me bear it in mind that you are dealing with president son.
Don't do because i want to help and help my self since i am having financial problem, so don't find it as a guarantee to abuse me. if you know that you really want to do business with me i must have your full identifications since there are many fraudlents out there.
So should incase you fuck with my money when you claim it i will use your indentity to track you down.again where exactely are you now? is it USA or Australia? please be specific because i need this consignment to be claim before 25th of this month.
My father was a president before he died so he has wright to do business with many people in any country so tell the security company that you are his business partner before he died.
please call me on my private number as soon as you get this mail but let it be more confidentiality between both of us for our security reasons.
I am looking forward to hear from you.
Regards,
Mr Solomon Valentine Kone Guei

[I have no idea what the point was about the third paragraph. I also don't get why he had to put in that "in case you fuck with my money" line. Here we have his first display of arrogance with his "born to rule" line. We also have a demand to call without giving a number - priceless!]

Malcolm Reynolds

[This slap was more out of exasperation - at the combined display of stupidity, and arrogance. Maybe I have a beginner here!]

Mr Guei,
Let's get a few things straight between us.
I am not refusing you my ID out of spite. I'm not sending my passport because the State Department doesn't allow it; I'm not sending my work ID because I'm at an airport and I do not want my work ID card in the wrong hands - it's a post-9/11 thing,
You say you were born to rule. Well, we Americans fought a war to get out from under some people who thought that. As far as I'm concerned you are what you make of yourself. I've been a deckhand on my dad's fishing boat, a US Marine (rising from Private to Captain), and now I'm working on creating my own air courier company in outback Australia. You, on the other hand, are a student - and that's all. You'll get respect when you've earned it, and not before.
"So should incase you fuck with my money when you claim it i will use your indentity to track you down" - let me tell you something; this is not how you talk to your business buddy, OK? Threats are stupid things.
Yes, I am in Australia, at the address given.
"My father was a president before he died so he has wright to do business with many people in any country" - did I say he couldn't have been a businessman? But for crying out loud, what business was I supposed to be his partner in? Look, until early 2000 I was serving in the USMC, and then I returned to Charleston for a year, went to Australia in mid-2001 and I've been here ever since.
Exactly when could I have been his business partner?
"[P]lease call me on my private number as soon as you get this mail" - I have many talents, but ESP ain't one of them. Actually give me a number and I'll try calling it!

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
21 December 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through your mail the content is well noted and understood, I am so sorry if I used bad words on you. Mean while call me on this number +971-50-9835229 I will be waiting for your call.
And please do forgive and forget since no body is above mistake, I am just trying to be sure of whom I am dealing with but please I will still need your full ID's before we can proceed because I don't know you in person.
So to prove to me that you are honest and sincere man I think you have to feel free with me and present your full identities since what we are doing is business of millions and not a joke, I hope you understand my point.
I am looking forward to hear from you.
Regards.
Mr.S.V.K. Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I'm not budging on my ID matter. The war on terror makes it even more important to keep IDs on a tight leash. I don't want to end up on some watch list because my passport gets loose out there. I've tried the number you gave but I'm hearing either static (once), something that may have been French (once), dead air (three times) -so far, batting a thousand!
There may be a compromise if you'll accept my passport number and a photograph - you can check with the US Embassy maybe.
I much prefer your tone now. We're speaking as equals. Long may it stay that way!

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
22 December 2006

Dear Malcon Reynold,
Thanks for your mail, i have gone through it, the content is well noted and understood, please kindly be informed that i was in the class room the time you called me, so i switched my phone off that was why you did not get me.
So call me again please so that we can conclude this issue.
Regards,
Mr.S.V.K.Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
No luck again - and I doubt you were in class all that time!
Please confirm if my idea is OK to use.

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
23 December 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, i have gone trough it the content is well understood and noted, i don't see the reason why you should be arguing with what i told you that i was in the class when you called me , that was you did not get through because i switched my phone off. If i was not in the of course i will tell. Anyway my dear i don't know you in person ok, but if you want to send m\e your picture i will need three different pictures of yours. And again how am i going to know that the international passport number you sent to me was yours and also real and valid?
Again you are delaying this transaction, and since you are not capable to call me give me your mobile number with the country code so that i will call you.
Regards,
Mr.S.V.K.Guei

[ "[M]y dear"? Is he getting his scams confused? "[H]ow am i going to know that the international passport number you sent to me was yours and also real and valid" - now there's irony! ]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I don't like your attitude going back to the way it was. Maybe you forgot to switch your phone back on; who knows? All I know is that I tried to call at what I guessed was 1900 your time, which should have been outside class hours, and got nowhere.
Now let's get something straight here. You contacted me, not the other way round, yet the info is flowing all one way. You're demanding so much from me and I'm getting nothing back. How do I know this is not some sort of identity theft? You've got my contact details, name, address... you wanted my passport! How do I know that you are who you say you are? How do I know that there's any money? Give me some evidence!
One other thing - don't call me "my dear". That ain't right in my book.

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
24 December 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
I am so tired of your so much protocol so tell me how do you want us to proceed in this matter, can you be able to come to Dubai? please give me your own decission, since i don't know what to do. I am not comfortable by giving you details of the security company without your proper clarification. Pleasei am counting on your maximum cooperation.
Regards,
Mr.S.V.K.Guei.

[Well, if he's tired, it's time to keep going!]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
My protocol? May I remind you that you were making all the demands, not me? We are partners, not Lord and Lackey! All that I requested was something in good faith. I've not seen it yet.
No, I have no intention of travelling to Dubai without a really good reason. I have a company to finish setting up, and a timeline to work to. Unless this business absolutely positively needs my presence in Dubai, I'd rather not.
Let me know.

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
24 December 2006

Dear ,
Thanks for your mail, i have gone through it the content is well noted and understood,Again i will like to inform you that the security company dose not know the real content of the consignment so do not allow them to know what is in the box because my father did not disclose it to them.
Now i will give you the details of the security company here in Dubai.
The company name is
Group 4 Security Delivery Company.
Tel:0097142711719
Fax:0097142721313
EMAIL:group4securitydeliveryco@arabtop.net
P.O.BOX:1312
United Arab Emirates(U.A.E)
The name of the person who is in charge of my fathers consignmet is Mr.Maxwell Khan
His Direct Contact is :0097150 4839962.
Call this man tell him that you want to claim the consignment your late partner deposited in their security company before he died, which is under his care. That you will like him to tell you the procedures on how to claim it without any delay.
Please do forward to me all the mail, you receive from the company so that i will give you advice on how to follow up to avoid mistake.
I am counting on your maximum cooperation.
Regards,
Mr.Valentine Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I have a name, so you might as well use it... <sigh>
Anyway - I'll do it, but a couple of questions first - one, when was the deposit made; two, what was your father's business at the time? I want to make sure that I can make this work in with my own movements.

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
28 December 2006

Dear,
Thanks for your mail; the deposited was made on 3rd January 1999. My father has shopping malls in my country where he was selling things import from abroad. In wholesale and retail prices.
I am looking forward to hear from you.
Regards,
Mr.Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
January 1999 - I was posted to Guantanamo Bay then (from early October 1998 to late March 1999). I didn't leave the Corps until about sixteen months after that, and I arrived in Australia in May 2001.
So if I was your Dad's business partner... seriously, is this going to work?
Regards,

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
30 December 2006

Dear
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through it and the content is well noted and understood, but please if you know that you are too low to handle this transaction, why can't look for somebody who is advance to take control of the business.
I will give you ten percent as a contact man and the remaining percentage to him.
Please I am looking forward to hear from you.
Regards,
Mr.s.v.k.Guei

[This is low - and not to be forgiven!]

Malcolm Reynolds

[This is a mild slap, considering...]

Mr Guei,
I see now - so this is the Valentine Guei that no-one likes, this is the stuck-up little prig who thinks that he's so much better than any mere Captain in the USMC who's won a Bronze Star and two Purple Hearts!
Listen, buddy, I am not LOW, you got that? I am going to do this thing, just to show you where to stick that attitude, my smug young partner.
But first you damn well remember my name, for crying out loud! My name is not "Dear"! My name is MALCOLM REYNOLDS, and you'd better gorram well remember it!
I'll get onto that Maxwell Khan, and if he asks any questions about your Dad and me in business, why you can handle that!

Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Attn: Mr. Maxwell Khan

Sir,
I am Malcolm Reynolds, an American citizen, and former business partner of Mr Robert Guei, who deposited property with you on January 3, 1999.
I understand that the property is still unclaimed since Mr Guei's death, and that I may rightfully lay claim to it.
Please confirm.

Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
02 January 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through your mail and the content is well noted and understood, I have seen the mail you forward to the Mr. Maxwell Khan. Please as soon you hear from Mr. Khan please do forward all the mail you receive from him to me and also forward the one you will send to him also to me. Regards,
Mr.Guei
Maxwell Khan

[The main text was for some reason rendered as a JPEG. I've transcribed it. If they were a legitimate company, their caution would actually make sense!]

04 January 2007
Attn:Malcolm Reynolds,
Please Open the attached Fil.
Yours Sincerely
Mr.M\axwell Khan,
G4SDC(U.AE)

*******************************Desclaimer****************************************
This e-mail (and any files or other attachments transmitted with it) is intended solely for the attention of the addressee(s). Unauthorised use, disclosure, storage, copying or distribution of any part of this e-mail is not permitted. If you are not the intended recipient please destroy the email, remove any copies from your system and inform the sender immediately by return. Communications with the Group 4 Security Delivery Comapny. may be monitored or recorded in order to secure the effective operation of the system and for other lawful purposes. The views or opinions contained within this e-mail may not necessarily reflect those of the Group 4 Security Delivery Comapny.

Attn. Mr Malcolm Reynolds
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail, kindly be informed that your requested has been noted. But we are not satisfied with your explanation, because you said that Mr Robert Guei was your business partner was your business partner, that he deposited a consignment in our security company, also that it has not been claim that was why you wanted to claim it right? Kindly be informed that we will like to know more about you and your partner before we can proceed on your request. You said that you was Mr Robert Guei business partner before he died, that you are his business partner dose not warrantee you to claim his belongings. So we will like to get thing straight with you. How long have you been in to partnership with Mr Robert Guei before he passed away? And why didn't you come immediately he died to collect his consignment since you the rightful beneficiary? Please we need an adequate clarifications on these questions listed there before we can proceed with you, and bear it in mind that without adequate prove that you are his next of kin we will not release the consignment to you.
Yours Sincerely
Mr.M\axwell Khan,
G4SDC(U.AE)
Need to see for yourself? -->
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
Here's what they sent. Any suggestions?
Valentine Kone Guei
05 January 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for the mail you forwarded to me, I have gone through it the content is well noted and understood. Yes I think you have to explain your self to them by telling them that you did not come immediately to claim the consignment was because you was so occupied and too busy , and also that you decide give him a commensurate respect that is due to him before you could appear for the claim. And again according to the lawyer in your country that before you claim a dead man or woman property, that you must at least give the person 5 to 6 yrs gap before going for the claim.
And also tell them that you have all the prove that shows you are the next of kin, please this is my own opinion so you are right to tell me your own suggestion.
I am counting on your maximum cooperation.
Regards,
Mr.Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
You know what's missing here? I have no idea of time frames.
I don't know when your father died, so I don't know what to tell them. I need details - of exactly when and where he died, where he was in the years preceding his death, and the business he was doing in those years.
I am not going to be able to tell them a gorram thing without that info.
Let me know when you'll have that stuff sorted out and I'll try to stall them.

Malcolm
Valentine Kone Guei
06 January 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through it and the content is well noted and understood. As a matter of fact my father died on 11th November 2002 at Government Military Hospital Abidjan after two hours of being shouted.
So this is the answer to your question, and again he was an importer of foreign product before he died. When he imports goods people will be coming and buying in whole sale prizes.
I am looking forward to hear from you.
Regards,
Mr.Guei

[He was "shouted"? Odd way to go...]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
This doesn't give me much to work with.
I left the Corps in March 2000, spent a year in Charleston, and then went to Australia. It's those 2-1/2 years that we have to work with.
Did he do business in the US? Did he have any dealings with anyone in Australia? You said he was an importer - of what? I could be an agent perhaps, but I need to be able to state something credible and consistent.
You said he was a military leader - perhaps I was advising him on obtaining military supplies? That would at least make sense.
Valentine Kone Guei
07 January 2007

Mr. Malcolm,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through it the content is well noted and understood, I want you to know that all knew about my father was that he import various foreign products in my country listen you have to use your own sense and do what is right because you are a military man and you know that Africans import their war materials from outside so you can claim of being is adviser or what ever. Please we are taking so much time in this matter just use your own head to write what is reasonable. Again I knew that my father travels to many countries both us and Australia but I don't know what he is coming there to do, but it should be business.
I am counting on your maximum cooperation.
Regards,
Mr.Guei.

[His impatience is starting to show... good to see!

Let's see what he does with this. I'm trying for a trophy.]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I think I have it at last. Let's say that I met your father in Somalia in 1993, when he was supplying catering services to the Allied forces there. When I mustered out, he somehow heard of this (exactly how doesn't matter I guess) and got word to me to Charleston. We did a deal to buy ammunition for him. When I arrived in Australia, I arranged for the transfer of surplus rifles and machine-guns to his forces. However, there was trouble with one of the suppliers, and I had to cut contact. Thus I lost touch with him and never received word of his death until a little while ago. What I need from you are three things, one of them immediately relevant:
[1] The name of one of your dad's companies to quote in my reply to Group 4.
[2] A Memorandum of Agreement for my work in America to supply 4 million rounds of 7.62 x 51 mm ammunition to General Guei, dated July 2000.
[3] Another MoA for my work in Australia, relating to the supply of 150 L1A1 rifles, 15 L4A4 LMGs, and 10 M60 GPMGs, dated March 2001.
Those last should be made available to show Group 4 that business was done. Scan and email them ASAP - leave plenty of room for my signature.
I'll write Group 4 once you confirm the name of the company (see point 1).

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
08 January 2006

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through it and the content is well noted and understood, among those three things you needed I can provide one one because this is the one am sure of and also the company has been sold to another person by my uncles.
My father was the owner of TERRE FERTILE COTE D'IVORY before he died and it was sold to another person.
Please let us use this idea first than to continue wasting time if there is any other time they demand, we should wait till they demand it first.
I am counting on your maximum cooperation.
Regards,
Mr.Guei.

[Well, he knows Group 4 wouldn't ask, but he can't just say that, can he?

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I don't think you understood me, so listen up!
When I supply the details to Group 4, you can bet your ass that they'll want more than a simple company name. They'll want actual proof that I did business with Terre Fertile. So get me those gorram MoAs and make it snappy! I am not the one wasting time here, I am the one with the ideas and you are the one making a pig's breakfast of it!
Valentine Kone Guei
09 January 2006

Mr.Malcolm Reynolds,
If you know that we will do business, you must respect me, mind the words use on me, send them what we dicuss if they demand more details then we think what to do, You don't need to access people mind because you are not God.
Just send the mail to because they will be suspecting you why you have not reply their mail since. use you head man.
Mr.Guei

[I must respect him, huh?]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I will speak my mind if I gorram well want to! And right now you are sounding like some spoiled brat not long out of his diapers chucking his toys across the room. You once said you were still a child - well, I need you to be a MAN and PAY ATTENTION to someone who's been working for as long as you've been alive!
I never claimed to be God. What I am is someone who's done business and who can put himself in a businessman's shoes. That's how I know that they'll want documentation and not take just my gorram word for it. Unlike you, I know what the hell I'm talking about!
Now get those MoAs done and stop jerking off! If you want this done, we need to get it right!
Valentine Kone Guei

[But you don't want to go there, do you, Valentine?]

10 January 2006

Mr.Malcolm,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through your mail the content is well noted and understood, but send the mail to them first and let wait for what they will request.
If they request for another thing then I will know what to do because all my fathers documents is in my country Ivory Coast. So if it warrants that I have to travel then I will know how to do it.
Regards
Mr.Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I don't think that your going to Cote d'Ivoire would be a good idea, on the grounds that there are people there who might want to KILL you, remember that?
Also, of course, there are no actual MoAs in Cote d'Ivoire. That is why I suggested that you actually write the gorram things. Simple word documents with the right headers? Would that be so hard?
Valentine Kone Guei
10 January 2006

Mr.Malcolm,
Please since you know how to do it, please do it your self because i don't know how to do that. Regards,
Mr.Guei
Malcolm Reynolds

[Well, if he has to be pushed along...]

Mr Guei,
You'll have to send me some copies of your dad's papers - MoAs can differ widely and he would have had his own preferred format.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
You're going to have to do this because you know your Dad's writing style.
A Memorandum of Agreement is just a letter setting out the terms of a deal. It needs to have his business headers, an intro naming the parties to the deal and giving the date.
After that is a paragraph stating what's been agreed to - in one case, the supply of four million rounds of 7.62 X 51 mm ammunition at a price not exceeding $80,000 plus 5% shipping costs; in the other, the weapons I listed before, at a price not exceeding $35,000 plus 5% shipping costs.
The next paragraph gives delivery dates, and ends with spaces for your Dad's signature, my signature, and that of an attorney.
Easy as pie, right? Let me know when you're done and I'll vet them.
Valentine Kone Guei

[But no... we have to involve a lawyer...]

12 January 2006

Dear Mr. Malcolm,
Thanks for your mail and Understanding, I'm very Please with your understanding for the success of this transaction. With all due respect to you and your ideas, I have contact Barrister M. Dajani, whom I find his contact in one of my father document. I have explained to him and he agreed to assist in getting the agreement prepared. After my explanation to him he make me to understand his relationship with my late father which make me confidente enough to explain my contact with you, which he appreciation and ready to go along with you and I. He will be responsible for the preparing of the agreement and give it legal backing with his official letter heading as he always done for my father business with his foreign partners.
Below is the contact of the Barrister Dajani:
Firm: Syed Ahmed Legal Consultant
Name: Barrister Syed Mohammed Dajani
Email: msotse@justice.com
Direct Line: :+971 50 360 8653, Fax: 2716782
The lawyer demand for your personal information details such as: full name, address and telephone contact to be included in the agreement. We this I hope all success is just behind our back.
Once again thanks for understanding.
Yours truly,
Mr. Guei
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I thought you'd have the smarts for this! Obviously not, so...
I'll have to hunt up some old records such as my full contact details in Charleston, and my other details in Sydney when I arrived in Australia. They'll need the details as they were back then, not now. I'll be in touch.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Dajani,
Mr Valentine Kone Guei directed me to contact you. Have you been briefed on requirements?
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
M. Dajani
13 January 2006

ATTN: Malcolm Reynolds,
Sir,
It is true he has explained to me and I have directed him to ask you for your full details and pass them over to me to enable us prepared the agreement. There is no problem as I have much knowledge of his father's kind of transaction like these one. I have told me not to expose himself in the School and he need total security for his life.
It was a welcome idea when I hear from him, his plan to transaction his business in your Name or firm. I will do my part as a long time Lawyer to his father
Looking forward to receive the information from you.
Regards,
Barrister M. Dajani

["I have told me not to expose himself in the School" - not only a slip, but an opportunity! ]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Dajani,
Thanx for the prompt reply.
Bear in mind that there are TWO agreements to draw up, not one. I quote the outlines I provided to Mr Guei earlier.

**
A Memorandum of Agreement for my work in America to supply 4 million rounds of 7.62 x 51 mm ammunition to General Guei, dated July 2000.
Another MoA for my work in Australia, relating to the supply to General Guei of 150 L1A1 rifles, 15 L4A4 LMGs, and 10 M60 GPMGs, dated March 2001.

**
It needs to have his business headers, an intro naming the parties to the deal and giving the date. After that is a paragraph stating what's been agreed to - in one case, the supply of four million rounds of 7.62 X 51 mm ammunition at a price not exceeding $80,000 plus 5% shipping costs; in the other, the weapons I listed before, at a price not exceeding $75,000 plus 5% shipping costs. The next paragraph gives delivery dates, and ends with spaces for your Dad's signature, my signature, and that of an attorney.

**
My personal details to be quoted on the MoAs are:
For the first MoA - Malcolm Paul Reynolds of 22a Wharfside Road, Charleston, South Carolina, USA SC39401; phone +1 843 555 2432
For the second MoA - Malcolm Paul Reynolds of 1/36 Westmoreland Grove, Glebe, Sydney, NSW, Australia 2125; phone 02 9486 3589
I have some concerns about this business if Mr Guei has to be told to refrain from indecent acts while at college. His attitude can be unbelievably self-centred and arrogant if his letters to me are anything to go by.
You should tell him to keep his gorram zipper closed!

Malcolm Reynolds
Valentine Kone Guei
16 January 2006

Dear Mr.Malcolm,
Please i want to know if you have get in touch with Mr.Barrister Syed Mohammed Dajani, please let me know situation of things because i have not been able to get in touch with him.
Regards,
Mr.Guei

[Come on, Valentine, say something!]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
I did that - gave him all the info. I'll keep you posted.
BTW, watch yourself! You don't want to get arrested for indecency. Don't go flashing around, OK?
M. Dajani
16 January 2006

Sir
In our preparation to prepare the contract between you (Malcolm Paul Reynolds) and General Guei and his family. This letter is to confirm our understanding regarding the services this firm has been engaged to provide. I believe an understanding of such matters at the outset is conducive to a harmonious, professional relationship, consequently and courage. You have retained us for a specific purpose we shall guard the boy with all manners.
With these statements for our services, as well as for out-of-pocket expenses, for example, long distance telephone charges, copying charges, filing fees ,postage, facsimile charges, court costs, travel expense or the like, provision for such shall be bear by you until we conclude our work and the fund is finally move from the security company and transfer to you.
Prior to our beginning you‰Ûªre work on the preparation of the MOA and register it in the Court for reference purpose you will be subject to commitment and Retains fee payment of sum $3,500:00 ( THREE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLAR)for the Retainer fee of the legal charges. Please be assured that I will always diligently and faithfully pursue your legal objectives to the best of our ability. Kindly forward to our accounting officer the amount as information stated beneath:
Name: Emmanuel Orji
Address: 23 Riga Road Deira Dubai
Country: United Arab emirates.
via:Western Union Money Transfer.
If you have any questions regarding our engagement and your understanding of the procedures for payment of services rendered and expenses incurred, please call us as soon as possible. We appreciate the opportunity to provide legal services to you AND Little General Guei and his family look forward to continuing our relationship.
Regards,
M. DAJANI. LLB
TEL: +971 50 3608653

[$3500 - a reasonable amount Lad-wise - but they don't make a good job of explaining what it's for.
Also - "Little General Guei"? ]

Malcolm Reynolds

[I want a trophy...]

Mr Dajani,
I requested that you create two documents, the details of which I supplied at length. At this stage I have no other use for your services at this time.
Please send me the completed MoAs so that I can assess their quality. If necessary you can stamp them as SAMPLE ONLY, but I insist on vetting the finished documents.
"[L]ong distance telephone charges, copying charges, filing fees,postage, facsimile charges, court costs, travel expense or the like" play no part in that duty.
Also, you stated that you would "register it [sic] in the Court for reference purpose". Which court? You have not been asked to register the MoAs!
Mr Dajani, I have no objection to paying you for your drafting of the Memoranda of Agreement, but I will not pay out money for unnecessary tasks.

Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Dajani,
Supplemental: I did not ask you to prepare a contract. I asked you to create two Memoranda of Agreement. There is a big difference between the two terms.
I hope this kind of confusion is not going to recur!
M. Dajani
16 January 2006

Dear Sir,
We are not telling you pay for the MOA alone, rather than telling you our retainer cost to participate in this transaction. We have already started the write up. This is legal firm and I'm a member I must follow the rule of the organization. Writing the MOA is not the problem but using the firm stamp is the key factor and shows the legality of such Document. And the Retainers fee must be pay to the firm and register the MOA with the chamber as witness to the agreement as at that date.
Yours truly,
Dajani.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Dajani, I want an exact breakdown of the costs involved here.

Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds

[In the middle of things - another Guei crashes the party!]

Nadia Guei
16 January 2007

Dear Friend, I know this message must have come to you as a surprise package.
In brief, my name is Mrs .NADIA GUEI the wife of the former president of Coted'Ivore Robert Guei.
However,both my husband is dead and my children including I,has been sent to exile by the combined military force team from the West African sub-region (Ecomog) with some ivorean militries right now we are not comfortable Imagine us under going all this stress because of power, Please I call for your immediate assistant I am a widow even (CNN )cover the news about the death of my late husband Late Robert Guei.pls you can view the website :http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2269238.stm Before we left to exile my husband been the bread winner of the family he for seen what will happen withtime, he now used his power while on Government to moved.Some trunk boxes contained ($52,000.000.00 million U.S.D.) cash deposited it with a security company in lome Togo as a famaily valueiable Items for security reason. Now we need your assistance to move this money to any country of your choice abroad. all along we are waiting so that every Issue of my husand must have cool down and forgotten a little before we will proceed on this transaction.When the funds are properly secured, we will joint invest yielding stock and business on Your advice your compensation for your immediate assistance is 25% of the cash, 5% for expenses, 70% for my family your urgent reply indicating your interest will help me in no small measure to stop further contact, all other details will be made know to you and more importantly you have to treat this transaction as very confidential as the hope of my entire families survivals is placed on this boxesThanks for your good understanding We wait for your immediate correspondence please attach your private Telephone and Fax numbers, This is a risk free transactions.
Best Regards,
Mrs.Nadia Guei

[Let's see if we can open a second front here...]

Malcolm Reynolds
Dear Mrs Guei,
You shouldn't have to do this, as I'm negotiating with Valentine to transfer the family funds to Australia. I'm a bit surprised that he never mentioned you!
Please take care and I'll tell him to apologise to you.

Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds

[... And confuse poor Valentine.]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
What the hell is going on?
Your mother is not dead but very much alive and getting in touch with me! She's in Togo - I'm sending her your contact details. Why did you tell me she was dead? I'm not impressed with that!
M. Dajani
17 January 2006

Dear Sir,
Here are the breakdown as your required:\
Registration and opening of file with the Chamber: $2000 (This is going direct to the Chamber)
Stamping and preparation of MOA or Contract agreement: $1,000:00
Other miscellaneous Expense $500:00. Total: $3,500:00, all this are included in the Retainner. Sir, this cost are fixed by the chamber and I'm just a mail and I have stick to the rules
Thanks
M. Dajani
+971 50 3608653
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Dajani,
That is not a breakdown; that is the kind of figuring done on the back of an envelope! There is no way in creation that I'm going to pay for "miscellaneous expenses". Just what the hell is that for?
Valentine Kone Guei

[At last - he noticed!]

17 January 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm,
Thanks for your mail, I have gone through it the content is well noted and understood.
I called the lawyer today he told me that he received your mail and also the information's he asked you to provide, he even told me that he also informed you about his consultation fee which you have to incur.
But why do you choose to insult me, abuse me, humiliate me etc. what you mean by watch yourself! You don't want to get arrested for indecency. Don't go flashing around, OK? Explain that words to me. And again listen to me if any body calls you and tell you that I am her son tell that person that she is lying and please do not broadcast me for my security reason. I did not know any body, my mother is dead, my be she is my uncle wife, I told you that they don't know where I am and please never give anybody my contact or please you can end up with the transaction, I am begging you in the name of God.
If you do that, that means you are trying to jeopardize all my life and efforts.and again none of my family member is in togo, so if anybody tell you that she is my mother staying in togo tell her to shout up, infact forward her number to me.
Regards,
Mr.Guei Jnr.
Malcolm Reynolds

[At the time I wrote this, memories of a tabloid press moral panic about the Australian series of Big Brother - in which two idiot male housemates slapped a girl housemate across the face with their genitals and more or less spawned a new slang phrase - were still fresh. ]

Mr Guei,
Is there any chance you could get down off your gorram high horse?
I'm not to blame for any trouble you might be in. Dajani said that he'd had to stop you from exposing yourself in college, and not before time! What the Sam Frick got into you to go around turkey-slapping your classmates? Just when you need a low profile, you're waving your cock around in front of people! I know you're the son of a president, but for God's sake, it doesn't give you a gorram shooting license!
And while we're here, Dajani is surplus to requirements. He was talking about registering the MoAs in the UAE - which of course doesn't make any sense. They would have been filed in the US and in Australia. I'll have to rethink that aspect.
Nadia Guei ain't your auntie, of that I'm sure. She wrote "my name is Mrs.NADIA GUEI the wife of the former president of Coted'Ivore Robert Guei". But then you wrote, "my mother was also reported to me to has been killed". So you can't be sure that she's dead. We have to find out. If you don't want to handle this, I will.
Malcolm Reynolds

[Oh, and while we're here - time to give the lawyer the boot.]

Mr Dajani,
Our business is terminated.
Valentine Kone Guei
19 January 2007

Dear Malcolm,
My life is my life. This is one thing you have not know in life. I have a life to play, i'm still young.
The Barrister only said he need to register the MOA with is Chamber and If you prefer it to be register in America or Australia you can as well do so.
This have to be done here in Dubai as the consignment is been deposited here by my Late father. What are you interest in me and Need to know that. You always talking and talking I need thing to be done on time. I was in the Lawyer office today he have drawn up the MOA.
I hope you are ready to finish up this transaction with me on time.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Guei,
Dajani won't be registering any gorram thing because I told him he wasn't needed in this business. What he has to do is keep you out of trouble and make sure you keep your cock locked away. I don't know why you have this thing about showing it to the unsuspecting, but trust me; it's a sign of either inadequacy or arrogance - or in your case, maybe both.

Well, that seems to have been more than the Lad could stand. Nothing more was heard.


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