This was sent in by someone who got it by e-mail (!). The recipient responded, just to see what they would do next and both of their e-mails follow. Sorry it's all in caps, but that's how it came and it's being left that way to preserve the annoying sensation.
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Subject: URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP Date: Tue, 4 Aug 1998 21:43:24 -0700 (PDT) From: bode iyere To: [---]
DR BODEX IYERE
ATTENTION:PRESIDENT/CEO
HIGHLIGHTS: I AM AN AUDIT ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). DURING A RECENT AUDIT OF THE CORPORATION'S ACCCOUNT, WE DISCOVERED THAT THE SUM OF $25M USD (TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ) ,WAS FLOATING IN THE ACCOUNT OF THE CORPORATION. WE THEREFORE DECIDED TOTRANSFER THIS MONEY TO AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT PREFERABLY SECRET (CODED) FOR OUR PERSONAL USAGE SINCE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPERATE FOREIGN ACCOUNTS, WE DECIDED TO SEEK FOREIGN ASSISTANCE ,HENCE THIS LETTER . SOURCE OF FUNDS: THE FUNDS EMANATED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT ALREADY EXECUTED AND COMMISSIONED IN 1995.WE DISCOVERED THAT THE REAL VALUE OF THE CONTRACT HAS BEEN PAID TO THE ORIGINAL CONTRACTORS WHO EXECUTED THE PROJECT BUT DUE TO THE RECENT REORGANISATION, THEY COULD NOT TRANSFER THIS OVER-INVOICED AMOUNT OUT OF THE COUNTRY. WE DO NOT INTEND TO RETURN THIS MONEY TO THE TREASURY SINCE THE BOOKS INDICATE THAT THE MONEY HAS BEEN PAID TO THE ORIGINAL CONTRACTORS. WE ARE CIVIL SERVANTS WHO ARE NOT WELL PAID, MOST OF US HAVE WORKED FOR THE GOVERNMENT FOR MORE THAN TWENTY FIVE YEARS AND DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO SHOW FOR IT .CONSEQUENTLY ,WE HAVE UNANIMOUSLY AGREED TO TRANSFER THE FUNDS TO AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT FOR OUR PERSONAL USE .THE RECENT POLITICAL UNCERTAINTY IN NIGERIA HAS MADE IT NECESSARY THAT WE GUARANTEE OUR FUTURE .ALSO NOTE THAT THIS TYPE OF TRANSACTION IS VERY COMMON IN NIGERIA AND EFFORTS ARE BEING MADE TO DISCOURAGE GOOD PEOPLE LIKE YOU FROM ASSISTING US TO BE FINANCIALLY SECURE LIKE OTHER SENIOR CIVIL SERVANTS IN THE PAST DISBURSEMENT: THE SHARING OF THE FUNDS WILL BE THUS: 30% OF THE MONEY FOR YOU THE ACCOUNT OWNER .10% FOR ALL THE EXPENSES THAT MIGHT BE INCURRED DURING THE EXECUTION OF THIS TRANSACTION ,THESE INCLUDE TELEPHONE BILLS, HOTEL BILLS ETC. WHILE 60% WILL BE FOR US. BE INFORMED THAT AFTER ALL THE EXPENSES HAVE BEEN DEDUCTED FROM THE 10% WHAT EVER REMAINS WILL BE SHARED 65% - 35%. DOCUMENTATION: IN ORDER TO EXECUTE THIS TRANSACTION, WE REQUIRE YOU TO GIVE US THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION:
1. YOUR BANK NAME, ADDRESS, TELEX, FAX AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS AND ALSO
ROUTING NUMBERS. DURATION:- IT IS EXPECTED THAT UPON RECEIPT OF THE REQUIRED INFORMATION FROM YOU, THE ENTIRE TRANSACTION WILL BE CONCLUDED WITHIN FOURTEEN WORKING DAYS. WE SHALL ALSO REQUEST FOR A WRITTEN GUARANTEE ASSURING US OF THE SAFETY OF OUR PART OF THE FUNDS WHEN IT IS FINALLY WIRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT .ALL NECESSARY FORMALITIES HAVE BEEN WORKED OUT,WE NOW AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE . THIS TRANSACTION MUST BE KEPT VERY CONFIDENTIAL, THIS IS TO PROTECT THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS INVOLVED FROM EXPOSURE AND ALSO TO ENSURE THAT THE MONEY IS TRANSFERRED WITHOUT HITCHES. BEST REGARDS.
DR. BODEX IYERE.
Apparently, my Kindly Contact responded to this, just to see what would happen. Here is the next e-mail the Kindly Contact got: Dear [---], This is to acknowledge the receipt of your e-mail. I and colleagues are very happy for your desire and wish to help us. Please send me the following immediately:
1)Your business Name and Profile
I probably don't have to remind you - stay a million miles away from this! Disclaimer: we are not liable for any medical expenses arising from your laughing yourself sick as you read this and other variations on the theme:
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