SHARP AS AN ECHIDNA


Sheila Bundee, an Australian koala farmer shares a lengthy encounter with "Ehi", a Nigerian Lad. Sheila is a wealthy woman of 47, lonely and single but "always sharp as an echidna". In her pics, Sheila bears an amazing resemblance to Terri Irwin.

I PRESENT TO YOU A CHAT THAT LASTED ALMOST 6 HRS WITH A LAD NAMED EHI THIS PAST WEEKEND. PRECEDED BY MANY EMAILS--AT LEAST 20 PRIOR FROM HIM--
UNTIL WE GOT AROUND TO CHATTING...WHAT YOU SEE HERE IS A CHAT OF ALMOST 6 HOURS..IT ENDS ABRUPTLY WITH NO RESOLUTION, BUT HEY--A FISH ON THE HOOK IS A BITE.---ENJOY!

Warning, much jesting & mockery at the expense of Australia and Nigeria, and men, and scammers, and pretty much whatever Sheila feels like.


ehi : is Available

ehi : <ding>

Me: hello ehi

ehi : hI

ehi : Hi

Me: yes

ehi : U are not responding to me since few days now, so why my love? ?

Me: what is your hurry and worry? i am here now
i am an adult woman- - i do not always have to give answers when a man asks me


ehi : ok, don't be offended,plz sorry love

Me: ok- - and let us remember, you are way much younger tham ne, so do not act like you are above me, ok? younger than me

ehi : ok,thanks for the advice

Me: good
so tell me what it is that you want from me
your e- cards and poems were nice, but anyone could send that stuff


ehi : since i know u and have ur pics, i am in love with u

Me: oh? in love with me? we have never met in person..

ehi : don't forget so soon that i have ur pic

Me: and? ? ? ? ?

ehi : will never disappont u ok i reall care so much about u

Me: i have your pic too- - and to be honest, it does not really impress me..You sound good, but your picture looks like a Bronx Puerto Rican.

ehi : my pic is like what? ?

Me: like a puerto rican from the bronx- - in any case, you have a beard and I like men who are shaved

ehi : i am for reall, so if u don't want me, i think i gato go away from u.

Me: are you running away? you just told me you loved me...

ehi : yes i do, but i think u don't love? do u love me ? ?

Me: i am a 47 year old woman- - love takes time for me.

ehi : ok

Me: i live alone and of course I have to be very careful about men..some are like snakes.

ehi : i know my love, it is both men and women

Me: want to see a pic of me with a big snake?

ehi : no, i don't like snake
they scared me


Me: hold on- - i will send another pic of me to you

ehi : ok

Me: hold on

ehi : kk love

Me: ok- - sent it

ehi : ok,hold on want to check it

Me: yes, do that please dear

ehi : ok baby

Me: yupperoo

ehi : what i want from u is love and care

Me: but you do not like snakes and I do

ehi : i am very ready to take u to the top and will never hot u, i really want to be with u seriously
u can make me like it


Me: to the top of where?

ehi : top of the world with love every where around u

Me: you are in africa, which for the most part is the bottom of the world..HOW are you going to rise above it all?
tell me please


ehi : i will come to u if u are ready to acept me in to ur arms and welcome me home

Me: so you have a passport and visa to come here and be in my arms?

ehi : i will have to affort one

Me: ok- - so just a dreamy of yours right now

ehi : what

Me: talk all you want, but if you can not get here, it is just a dream

ehi : is the snake real alive or dead

Me: that is TWISTY, very REAL ALIVE python he is about age 25- - older than you

ehi : it is not a dream, i will be with u my lovely princess

Me: tell me how, dear

ehi : ok i think i will like the snake

Me: he sleeps in bed with me some times since I have no other man here

ehi : I will be very ready to be with u my love, so we can sleep together

Me: you snd me and Twisty?
you and me and my pet Twisty?


ehi : bath together, win and den also

Me: what does >>win and den<< mean? ?

ehi : drink and eat together

Me: oh- - you mean WINE AND DINE, yes?
your english is atrocious


ehi : yea
ok


Me: and what will you do for money here in Australia?
to wine and dine me?
tell me please

ehi is Available

Me: crikey, you ran off like a wombat on a hot flat rock- - now please tell me what you intend to do for money here

ehi : don't understand

Me: oy vey- - easy to understand- - you want to come here to be with me in Australia- - I ASK YOU- - so WHAT are you going to do to make money here?
simple question from me
are you there or not?


ehi : ok
i am a contractor
but need money to sect up a company
i am working harder all time to make sure, i survive


Me: i am in the outback here in Australia- - there are no contracting jobs here that I know of
i own my koala ranch which made me wealthy, but never needed a contractor for my business
i did it all by myself


ehi : ok
u can teach me another work and i can learn it and start with it my beloved


Me: what do you know about koalas?

ehi : nothing

Me: well THAT is not good

ehi : u will be the one that will teach me that

Me: I do not usually spend my time teaching people

ehi : ok
when i arrived i will learn my self okay


Me: ok- - so when will that be?
tell me dear


ehi : if i have some money now, i will start the arrangement as soon as possible

Me: are you looking to get a passport or a visa or both?

ehi : visa

Me: oh ok- - so you have a passport..that is good. When do you plan on applying for the visa?

ehi : if you can assist me with some money i think i can start immediately

Me: where is the nearest Australian Embassy to you? what city and country?

ehi : I am in Nigeria,city is lagos

Me: let me check on that, hold on

ehi : ok baby

Me: here is what I found- - the Australian Embassy is in Abuja and these are the things you need to know
+234 (0) 803 307 3519
Fax: +234 9 461 2782
Address: 5th Floor, Oakland Centre, 48 Aguiyi Ironsi St, Maitama, Abuja


ehi : ok, thank u so much, i taught it was in lagos

Me: nope, in Abuja..is that near you?

ehi : so i think i will start the arrangement as soon as i have money
i will have to transport to Abuja


Me: FIRST you contact them, and let me know what they say...THEN we talk about the money for the visa.

ehi : ok, thank you so much my beloved

Me: yes dear - - so when are you going to contact them?

ehi : soon maybe today

Me: well that is a good thing bloke, and be sure to do it today- - we Aussies love our weekends..If you do not contact my people at the Australian Embassy TODAY, then you must wait until Monday.
sure as a goanna on a lily pad in a Perth swamp
are you there/ i saw you tried to type...
i can not wait forever dear


ehi : ok my dearest, u are so sweet to me
i will contact them today


Me: I am as God made me

ehi : i will do it now as soon as i am out of here

Me: well that is certainly encouraginging, blimey!
and I certainly wish to know what happens
because it is a very important thing for the both of us


ehi : ok my love i will

Me: very good darling
so let me know how it all goes


ehi : u too sweet heart
than you very much


Me: hey- - sinatra donates hospital wings, we all do what we can to help

ehi : yea,u are right

Me: yup
i am always right unless I am slightly wrong


ehi : what is the idea of time there now? ?

Me: the time here right now? it is almost 9- 20PM at night here in Australia

ehi : Oh,

Me: what time is it there in Nigeria?

ehi : 12:20PM AFTERNOON

Me: actually, I think it is time that you Nigerians did better airplane maintenance..May be if you did, all those people dead this past weekend would still be alive
QANTAS NEVER CRASHED, NEVER CRASHED..


ehi : Oh you heard it, they are planing to make it better now

Me: it was world news- - everybody knows about it

ehi : ok

Me: and also the crash in Ghana the day before

ehi : ok
so u are online all times


Me: i read newspapers, i watch the news on the telly, I am ALWAYS in touch with what is going on

ehi : ok, that makes u a great woman
i like you u


Me: no, not great, just informed

ehi : ok thanks

Me: knowledge IS power

ehi : lovely,it is true, knowledge is power

Me: yes

ehi : u are very intelligent

Me: smarter than the average dingo!

ehi : lovely
sweet words


Me: you bet!
wait- - I digress- - do you bet? do you gamble?


ehi : No, i don't gamble
i am not a gambler, i have never done it before
u there?


Me: oh- - sorry to hear that..Gambling puts the spice in the pickle of life..Last week I won over $35thouAU at the Happy Savage Casino

ehi : Oh lovely

Me: I played roulette, and I always bet on BLACK.

ehi : I think when i got there, u will teach me okay

Me: teach you what? ? what?

ehi : how toplay the game and wine money

Me: wine money? you need money for a drink? we have many fine wines here in Australia- - my favourite is Melbo Nite Red
and Sydney Chunder- grape is good too
they go good with a numbat steak


ehi : ok my love

Me: i am here dear

ehi : thank u so much
ok


Me: what are you thanking me for? crikey, I feel like a celebrity in your eyes- -
crocodile Sheila!


ehi : u make me understand very well, so i need to thank u

Me: well bless your heart on that dear
you make me feel as warm as a wallaby in a Queensland forest


ehi : ok
dear


Me: yes?
are you there sweetheart?


ehi : yea, am here

Me: i can not loiter around like a Darwin aborigine
ok, good to see you are still with me


ehi : yea, will alway be with u till the end of the world

Me: well that will be this 21st December, if the Aztecs are right

ehi : ok when do u want me to be with u baby

Me: before the world ends!!

ehi : i think i can make it this month

Me: well- - that is quite dubious...

ehi : will u want to reveive me this month? ? , if i can make it

Me: well hold on there cowboy- you are making plans for us to be together this month- - - only 22 days left in the momth- - and yet you have not even applied for a travel visa.

ehi : i will soon be out here now and contact them now

Me: well that is a good thing
so let me know how it goes


ehi : ok

Me: i would consider it a dinky- di good thing if you tell me the name of ANY official from the Australian Embassy that you make contact with.

ehi : ok

Me: who knows, they might be related to me- - I have several kinfolk in the foreign Embassy Services

ehi : i will contact them and give the name as instructed

Me: My cousin Cletus, my uncle Billy Bob Bundee, my 2nd- cousin on my mothers' side Gilligan Bundee- - all are related to me and all have jobs in the Australian Embassy Dept.

ehi : i will

Me: do you want our help or not?

ehi : Yes, i want our help very much

Me: well we are happy to always help a bloke in need

ehi : ok,
i appreciate


Me: but of course, it is just the Indian Ocean that separates us but I do feel closer to you now

ehi : U are right my love i also feel the same

Me: thank you, I am always right except those rare times when I am wrong
may I ask you a personal question?
HELLO!!!


ehi : Yea
ask


Me: ok- - can you tell me how many women that you have had sex with? this is very important for me to know. I ask it most sincerely.

ehi : just two,and waht about u? ?

Me: i can tell you honestly that I have never had sex with a woman.
i thought about it, but i'm not a lesbo..


ehi : u mean that u never had sex with a man before? ?

Me: you asked me if i had sex with a woman

ehi : no, sorry i mean a man,slit mistake

Me: my past sex life is as smooth as a surfboard in Noosa

ehi : how many men baby? ?

Me: well that is in the bushy country, the outback fior discussion- - but more humping than a wallaby in heat in my younger years
i have been around the boulevard


ehi : ok

Me: things got sweaty and hot in Darwin back in those days
you are just a young pup, this was before you were born


ehi : Oh

Me: you weren't in the pouch back then

ehi : i don't think so

Me: you are what- - 32, you say? yes, you are a young pup

ehi : yea

Me: yup- - young roo
I was doing a whole lotta shit- - drinking, partying, having fun- - when you were a mere child sucking on the teat of your mum.


ehi : yea
u are very correct


Me: absolutely dear
younger men can not impress older women like me


ehi : it is true

Me: when it comes to experience in life, that is

ehi : yea, i know too well, u have experience

Me: you bet your sweet bum on that!

ehi : how do i do that? ?

Me: how do you do WHAT?
just don't drop the soap if you ever wind up in gaol


ehi : ok

Me: words of advice- - me to you

ehi : Thank u very much

Me: like the emu that flies high over the mountains, one never knows what is over the next ridge

ehi : yea, correct

Me: correcta- mundo- - - absolutelyl like a daintree croc

ehi : yup baby

Me: you are such a sweet baboo

ehi : Tanks alot

Me: but of course my sweet hoon

ehi : lovely

Me: fair dinkum!

ehi : ok

Me: so having seen your pic, are you willing to shave your beard for me?

ehi : yes
i will


Me: i aolways love a man with a chin as smooth as the arse on Kylie bloody Minogue
ok honey- - can you do that for me?
and show it to me?


ehi : yea ok can u do me a faviour? ?

Me: well i can listen to your favour and comment on it, but NO promise until I hear what you want

ehi : can u help me to contact the embassy? ? ?

Me: well that is not beyond my help- - - but first you have to contact them, and let me know who you contacted

ehi : ok

Me: as I said, I have several contacts in the Australian Embassy..None in Nigeria that I know of, but it's all government- connected so I might be able to be of assistance on this

ehi : ok yea.that is true

Me: so what I need YOU to do is to contact them and let me know who the person is that you contacted and what they had to say to you

ehi : ok

Me: simple request by me to you

ehi : yea baby

Me: should not be a problem

ehi : not at all

Me: we Aussies are always willing to help

ehi : ok

Me: to a degree of normalcy, of course

ehi : good speech of your, really very intelligent

Me: well I was educated at the City Uni Northern Territory and the Brisbane Institute Tech College Officialdom.

ehi : it makes u good

Me: actually it got changed in the late 70s, it is now the Brisbane Institute Tech College- Hierarchy

ehi : ok

Me: you would love Brisbane- - it makes Canberra look like a party of a dozen people or more broke out

ehi : ok

Me: like a fat tick on a lazy dog
sorry, I use a few Australian expressions that you might not be familiar with, you over there in your Africa


ehi : ok,no problem

Me: that is us aussies, we always apologise for things that are not our fault to begin with
but we always mean well, of course- - we are the most sincere people on the planet


ehi : i agree with u
Really


Me: thank you , you are such a love!

ehi : u too

Me: so sweet of you to say!
bless your sweet arse!


ehi : ok

Me: my heart fills with joy like a happy wombat in a field of radishes

ehi : so also my

Me: it tickles my barramundi to hear that
sorry, a barramundi is a female private part we aussie girls have- - i did not expect you to know that


ehi : No problem
as far u are happy, i am too


Me: such a sweet man you are

ehi : u too, such a sweet honey darling u are

Me: i go out of my koala ranch here in Dingo Flats and go into town and I look at all the local blokes and not half of them seem as sweet as you in the local pub, after a few brewskis

ehi : lovely

Me: yup- - so what is your favourite brand of suds?

ehi : in deed u are a lovely baby i was looking for, now i have gotten u in to my arms

Me: after we have some beer- - what kind do you like? I go in for Shysterbrau, Darwin Gulp, and Tappakegga.
beer- - the golden nectar


ehi : i don't understand u put it in english

Me: do you like beer- - that is what I am asking
Australia is BEER country


ehi : yea

Me: well that is good to hear, because any man here in Australia who does not like beer is either dead or gay
and I know that you are obviously alive
and I hope not a poofter


ehi : u make me very comfortable than i am before

Me: well we women were born to make the man at ease
with all the problems that men have, they always need us


ehi : u are right is true baby

Me: we women are ALWAYS correct, even when we are wrong

ehi : u know every thing already women don't need to be hurt in any way

Me: not everything- - I am still wondering how long Angelina and Brad will last..

ehi : who are those ? ?

Me: it is beyond you, like a goanna going from alice to broome..Aussie thoughts, don't bother to ask..Over your head like a potaroo

ehi : don't understand

Me: just like we have many expressions here in Australia, I am sure you have your own vernacular there in Nigeria too. It is just a cultural thing, not to worry over it.
ehi- - can you tell me your level of education so far?


ehi : I only go throuhy high school,but not in university

Me: I see..
water always seeks its own level.


ehi : surely it true

Me: so at age 32 you have not aspired to improve yourself?

ehi : No, don't want to
i think i am ok
i am better with my education


Me: oh- - like a dead tree stump that does not get any better either too

ehi : i am very sure, i am better any way,

Me: well answer me this please- - when you come here to Australia, then WHAT do you plan on doing for money?

ehi : any thing that suit me ok
so far i am good right, i can do any thing that is do able


Me: so you think you can just snap your fingers and be in money just like that here?

ehi : don't worry, i am intelligent

Me: what kind of work are you planning on here?

ehi : i will fetch some good and start up with and i know i have to start from some where

Me: and I am not worried about it- - it is for YOU to worry about

ehi : i know

Me: well you obviously have dreams- - but dreams will not get you a job here

ehi : i know

Me: what is your special field of work?

ehi : like i told u before

Me: tell me again dear
that was so long ago


ehi : i am a contractor and archeitect

Me: contractor and architect? and you did not even go to college?

ehi : I said i round up with my college

Me: no, you said you did not graduate college.
in fact you said you did not even go there


ehi : but was in the university, and do not graduate

Me: well here in australia- - an architect MUST be a university graduate

ehi : i will try to complete it when i got there
just few


Me: that is true in the UK AND USA AND CANADA too

ehi : years like 3 to 4

Me: ok- - but education is not free..I ask again- - how will you make the money?
you can NOT be an architect until you graduate from college here- - - so HOW will you pay the education fees for that?


ehi : i will try to make money which ever way i see my mate making money with

Me: who is this mate you speak of?

ehi : before i can continue with my education

Me: who?

ehi : there is always mates in the wild world

Me: oh baby baby it's a wild world- - and it hard to get by just with a smile

ehi : any where we found our self, we can make friend and then we can have mate , like school mate, working mate

Me: yeah all nice and good- - but first you have to get here

ehi : ok my love

Me: so it is all just dreams by you right now

ehi : i know,but soon it will be in reality,not a dream any longer

Me: well that is good to hear...because Nigeria seems like a real hell- hole to me, from what I see and read

ehi : u are right, but there is money,only our leaders eat the money

Me: very corrupt country

ehi : that we sell from oil and crude oil

Me: never in my life have I ever met anyone who was dreaming of moving to Nigeria

ehi : it is true

Me: nobody wants to move to your country
everyone in Nigeria wants to go to the USA, THE UK, CANADA, OR HERE IN AUSTRALIA..All good wealthy countries.
And we all speak English too..


ehi : yea u very correct

Me: I have many friends and relatives in the USA.
My mother was born there.


ehi : Oh

Me: yes, in Brooklyn New York City. she is dead now.

ehi : Oh, very sorry to hear that

Me: thank you - - but she died at age 83 - - ten years ago. She had a good life.

ehi : Oh long time ago

Me: my father now dead almost 30 years.

ehi : Oh very long
so how old were u then? ?


Me: oh very young what will you leave us this time? you're only dancing on this world for a short time
how old was i when? i was 18 when my father died, and 37 when my mum died go ahead and type


ehi : ok i will

Me: then do it instead of saying it

ehi : i was still very young then

Me: you are still very young NOW!

ehi : yea,u are right

Me: I am ALWAYS right except those rare instances when I am slightly wrong

ehi : that's true darling

Me: I have a sister who lives in America.

ehi : really

Me: yes, her name is MaryAnn and she is married to a wonderful man named Gilligan.
They live in Hawaii.
3 children- - Mona, Larry, and Carly
so I am an auntie


ehi : do u know what? ?

Me: what? tell me please

ehi : i really love u because now i know u are so good,loyal truthful and well trusted
i will forever care for you


Me: you are such a sweet dearman for saying that
if there were medals for sweetness, you would get the purple chocolate heart


ehi : u are sweet baby

Me: well i like to think so dear

ehi : ok
can i get ur contact number? ?


Me: well I am quite iffy about that

ehi : feel about what?

Me: well my last boyfriend- - Nedrick Kelly- - a real larrikin- - was mad at me and called me up 24/7 after we broke up..So I vowed to my self to be careful about giving my # to men after that.
so let us just keep things as they are for now, ok dear?


ehi : very dearly ,u speaks very well, i an intelligent darling, not what u are thinking i am okat, so call me with +2348074544056

Me: dear- - ALL men say the same thing- - that they are not like the last one.
I am a woman- - you have no idea what it is to be a woman.


ehi : very correct, but some may be what they say they are and some not what they say they are okay

Me: well I can not play pick- and- choose, I have to go with my womanly gut instinct.

ehi : yea, i know

Me: i have to have a basic dis- trust of all men until I find the right one once again

ehi : kisses from me to my darling

Me: see- - I am quite confused about you- - - you originally propose business to me, then you are now talking romance..So this has my mind in a tizzy.
a few days ago you DID talk only about business to me- - and NOW it is all romance..I don't generally mix the 2, they are like oil and water.


ehi : I just want you to be very happy,not much more than sweet word that will make my lovely princess so happy

Me: well I don't think of myself as a princess- - I do not want to be put on any pedestal to be adored, like a monkey in a cage..I just want to be happy on my own terms.
and let me say- - I am not unhappy.


ehi : ok
so are u willing to call me
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?


Me: not right now, that will take time and trust
we have only been chatting about 3 nights now.
Rome was not built in a day, and neither was Hoboken
are you there or not?


ehi : here

Me: ok
so you are going to the embassy?


ehi : yea,

Me: when? ? ?

ehi : i have to go now so i want you to call me soon okay

Me: when are you going to the embassy? ? ? ?

ehi : here is the mobile number again, i want you to free you mind and trust me, i will remain loyal and truthful+2348074 544056

Me: answer my question please

ehi : soonest now
if i am true with u now


Me: well it is friday afternoon in nigeria- - you will not be going there, they will be closed in an hour or so

ehi : ok
sure
so when do u want me to go?


Me: so you can not go there until monday at the earliest

ehi : can i call them? ?

Me: i am sure that you can

ehi : ok, was it the right number u gave me? ?

Me: yes, that was the correct number for the embassy people

ehi : +234 (0) 803 307 3519 is it? ?

Me: let me check again- - hold on

ehi : ok im will contact them now and get back to u soonest , is it ok by you with that? ? want to call them now

Me: yes that is the correct number, but of course you do not need the 234

ehi : i know
just want to specify
i know the right thing to do ok


Me: yes, that is the correct number

ehi : i am not a doll
be right back now


Me: what do you mean- - I AM NOT A DOLL?

ehi : i mean that i am not an ilitrate,i am litrate
thanks


Me: I never said you were

ehi : be back soon,just tomake a call

Me: ok
waiting......... .
well it is after 1AM here now, I am getting ready for bed if you do not reply back
ok bye for now, chat with you later- - be sure to contact that embassy


ehi : Hello

Me: YES?

ehi : yea,but the mobile contact is off

Me: well I certainly do not know how things go over there- - but I know the number was/is correct

ehi : how can i contact the now
since the phone is off


Me: well I am sure they all left the office to get an early start on the weekend drinking
we australians like to start our beers early on fridays
and every other day, for that matter

ehi is typing...


--AND IT ENDED THERE, MAYBE HIS INTERNET CAFE TIME RAN OUT..---THIS CHAT WAS ALMOST 6 HOURS..I CAN ONLY HOPE IT COST HIM A SHITLOAD OF NAIRAS. THE MORE THE BETTER... HOPEFULLY ANY NEWBIE BAITERS WILL GAIN INSIGHT INTO WASTING TIME WITH THE LADS.


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