This may deserve to be the seed of a Snappy Comeback page - responses which elicited stunned silence from the scammers. For now, this stands proudly on its own.

Every once in awhile -- I get just a little silly and I amuse myself in some semi-creative fashion. Hope the lads enjoy it as much as I do!!

I really enjoy reading the various Scam games that your creative contributers have come up with -- getting the Lads to play along is great fun. However, for me -- it would be too much like work --(lol)!!

Hope you get a kick out of my most recent "adventure" -- these are almost exclusively "one offs" -- but ocasionally I will get an amusing response -- or a terrified one!!

"Robert Mueller" - himself, of the FBI
(and if you believe that, please return to the main page of this site and read it out loud to yourself)
Dr Muhammed Ahmed Smith-Jones - Priest of the Unholy

"Robert Mueller"

It's not every day that you hear from the FBI! And this isn't that day either. This is just your basic "FBI" scam letter.

On 12 September 2011 02:35, FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION <info@fbi.gov>wrote:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Attention Beneficiary,

Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have noticed that you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo/Mr.Lamido Sanusi of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Bode Williams, Frank, Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation.

The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us.We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance that your payment totaling $2,000,000.00 will be released to you via a custom pin based ATM card with a maximum withdrawal limit of $15,000 a day which is powered by Visa Card and can be used anywhere in the world were you see a Visa Card Logo on the Automatic Teller Machine (ATM). We have advised that this should be the only way at which you are to receive your payment because it?s more guaranteed, since over $5 billion was lost on fake check last year 2009.

We guarantee 100% receipt of your payment, because we have perfected everything in regards to the release of your $2 million United States Dollars to be 100% risk free and free from any hitches as it's our duty to protect citizens of the United States of America and also Asia and Europe. (This is as a result of the mandate from US Government to make sure all debts owed to citizens of American and also Asia and Europe which includes Inheritance, Contract, Gambling/Lottery etc are been cleared for the betterment of the current economic status of the nation and its citizens as he has always believed our time for Change has come because Change can happen.Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully.

Name :Racheal xxxxxx :UPS Tracking Number...1z89249r22100xxxxx (www.ups.com)
Name :Zaidi xxxxxx :UPS Tracking Number...1z89249r22100xxxxx (www.ups.com)
Name :Stephen xxxxx :UPS Tracking Number..1z89249r22100xxxxx (www.ups.com)
Name :Seddek xxxxxx :UPS Tracking Number..1z89249r22100xxxxx (www.ups.com)

[Names and tracking numbers anonymized to protect the probably innocent.
Although it is interesting that the last two names were attached to the same tracking number.]

To redeem your fund you are hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on your behalf which will cost you $320.A00 only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $320.00 only.

Contact Information
Name: Mr Patrick Osas
Email: patrickosas.central7@gmail.com
Tel: +2347055839721

Do contact Mr.Patrick Osas of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish him with your details as listed below:

FULL NAMES: __________________________________
SEX: _______________
DATE OF BIRTH: __________________
OCCUPATION: __________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________
EMAIL ADDRESS: _____________________

On contacting him with your details your file would be updated and he will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of $320.00 via MoneyGram or Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order.
After which the delivery of your ATM card will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any authority raising eyebrow.Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 48 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive your ATM CARD Shipment Confirmation within the next 48hrs after you have made the payment.Once again we are so sure of you receiving your payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors.


Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr.Patrick osas of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon it immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

[If that isn't satire, it's hard to know what is. It is, of course, also an attempt to take your last time.]

Doctor Smith-Jones

... to which the intended victim replies, blisteringly ...

Date: 12 September 2011
Subject: Re: Payment notice
To: patrickosas.central7@gmail.com

You imbecile! You blithering idiot!!!

You worthless piece of dung!!!!!!

I told you in plain English in our last communication ---- to deduct the $320.00 from my ATM card and forward it immediately to my provided address. I have seen you in my VISIONING!
I know who you really are and have seen your black smoking and burnt soul covered with warts, cancers and puss filled boils.

I will curse you tonight at my highest Satanic dark mass and burn the black candles of pestilence -- your manhood will shrivel and your life won't be worth living - a pox and plague shall follow you and your loved ones for three painful years ----- you have failed to please me!

High Priest and most feared of all padeewin!
The most Honourable and Feared,
Doctor. Muhammed Ahmed Smith-Jones --- Esquire

The scammer apparently decided not to pursue this particular victim.