ZAYYAD

Lonslo Tossov, world's rudest barrister with a bad case of CAPS LOCK and a penchant for Gunga Din era rude British-style colonialisms, wastes a bit of time with Mike Zayyad - who is not, as we thought, a beautiful supernatural creature who dwells among the trees, but another phony barrister and a Lad to boot. This is an example of the Customized Dead Bank Customer Letter, in which the imaginary DBC is given a last name cleverly matching that of the recipient.


Mike Zayyad:

  Dear Tossov , 
  
  I am Barrister mike zayyad, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to
  Mr MARK Tossov , who used to work with shell development company in Nigeria.
  Here in after shall be referred to as my client. 
  
  On the 21st of April 1999, my client, his wife And their three children were
  involved in a car accident along Sagbama express road. All occupants of the
  vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. 
  
  Since then I have made several enquiries to his country's embassy to locate
  any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. 
  
  After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name
  over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. 
  
  I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the money and property left
  behind by my client before they get confisicated or declared unserviceable by
  the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. 
  
  Particularly, the finance company where the deceased had an account valued at
  about 10million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or
  have the account confisicated within the next ten official working days. 
  
  since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 2 years now
  I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since
  you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at
  10million dollars can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money.
  70% to me and 30% to you 
  
  I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we
  may make. all I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal
  through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate
  arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. 
  
  please get in touch with me by my email:mizayyad2@juno.com 
  to enable us discuss further. 
  
  Best regards, 
  
  Barrister mike zayyad

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov" 
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Cc:  agatha bristol
  Date:  21 Nov 2002, 03:20:27 PM  
   
  Dear Mr Zayyad 
  
  I did indeed have some relatives in that part of the world and I am
prepared to take what you say on face value. I must admit a few million
dollars would come in very useful at the moment as I have a elderly aunt,
Agatha, in England who will need a lot of expensive medical treatment
shortly. Since her health will be so closely entwined with any business we do
together I have taken the liberty of copying her into this generous offer of
yours, and I hope this is OK. 

  Please send me all the details you have and I will consider them fairly and
honestly as soon as possible. 
  
  Lonslo 
[ His aunt is apparently Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE, of the British Foreign Office, a dangerous
individual indeed, seen elsewhere in these pages. ]



Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Fri, 22 Nov 2002 18:34:06 GMT 
  
  DAER LANSLO TOSSOV THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR MAIL.FIRST OF ALL,I WANT
YOU TO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIONS TO ME. 1)YOUR FULL NAMES AND ADDRESS
2)YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE/MOBILE AND FAX NUMBERS INCLUDING COUNTRY CODE AND
CITY CODE. 


  I WILL FIRST OF ALL,PREPARE WHAT IS CALLED A POWER OF ATTORNEY IN YOUR
FAVOUR.THIS WILL POSITION YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED AND ALSO THE
BENEFICIARY OF TRHE DEPOSIT. I WILL THEN SEND THE (P.O.A)TO YOU AFTER GOING
TO STAMP DUTY IT TO MAKE IT LEGAL.I WILL ALSO SEND A COPY TO THE FINANCE
COMPANY THAT IS IN CUSTODY OF THE DEPOSIT.I WILL THEN SEND THE CERTIFICATE OF
DEPOSIT TO YOU SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE ALL THE INFORMATIONS REGARDING THE
DEPOSIT BEFORE YOU WILL CONTACT THE DIRECTOR TO CONCLUDE WITH HIM ON HOW TO
CLAIM THE DEPOSIT. YOU CAN CALL ME ON MY DIRECT TELEPHONE 234-1-4716889 OR
234-803-7141772. 
  THANKS 
  MIKE 
  

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  24 Nov 2002, 08:16:40 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
  
  Mike 
  
  Here is my address and number: 
  
  Lonslo Tossov 
  Tossov Investments SA 
  1 Yanker Ave, 
  Mbalongawank 123 
  Via Costeira - Natal 
  Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300 
  
  
  Lets have the details as soon as possible. 
  
  
  TOSSOV 

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Mon, 25 Nov 2002 16:21:32 GMT 
  
  DEAR LANSLO TOSSOV 
  PLEASE WAIT FOR THE DOCUMENTS TOMMORROW. 
  THANKS 
  MIKE 
  

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  postmaster@scamorama.com 
  Date:  26 Nov 2002, 03:09:15 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
   
  Hurry man,I am getting worried about how serious you are. 
  
  Tossov 
  

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: ATTACHMENT PLEASE CONFIRM 
  Date: Tue, 26 Nov 2002 17:51:45 GMT 
  
  DEAR LANSLO TOSSOV, 
  
  FIND ATTACHED THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT AND THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.  YOU CAN
NOW CALL THE DIRECTOR OF THE COMPANY IN CANADA MR. OLA DAVIS ON TELEPHONE
NUMBER 1-4169060298.  TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR. MARK TOSSOV
AND THE BENEFICIARY OF THE DEPOSIT. 

  YOU SHOULD QUOTE THE DEPOSIT NUMBER CONTAINED IN THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT,
THAT YOU NOW WANT TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT TO RECEIVE THE MONEY. 

  CALL ME BACK ON 23414716889 AFTER CALLING THE DIRECTOR. 
  
  THANKS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  ScamoReades
  Date:  26 Nov 2002, 10:44:27 AM  
  Subject:  Fwd: ATTACHMENT PLEASE CONFIRM  
   
  IT SEEMS I AM RICH ACCORDING TO THESE SCOUNDRELS_WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING
ON_THESE DOCUMENTS ARE CLEARLY BOGUS_IS THE WHOLE WORLD A SINKHOLE OF PATHETIC
VILLAINY?_THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED IN THE ARMY_MY SOLICITOR BARRYMORE
WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS SHOWER OF HALF BAKED CON ARTISTS I HAVE
NO DOUBT 

  TOSSOV 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  28 Nov 2002, 08:38:50 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
   
  Dear Mike 
  
  Have you got the documents? I am getting worried. 

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: ATTACHMENT PLEASE CONFIRM 
  Date: Tue, 26 Nov 2002 17:51:45 GMT 
  
  DEAR LANSLO TOSSOV, 
  
  
  FIND ATTACHED THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT AND THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.  YOU CAN
NOW CALL THE DIRECTOR OF THE COMPANY IN CANADA MR. OLA DAVIS ON TELEPHONE
NUMBER 1-4169060298.  TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR. MARK TOSSOV
AND THE BENEFICIARY OF THE DEPOSIT. 


  YOU SHOULD QUOTE THE DEPOSIT NUMBER CONTAINED IN THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT,
THAT YOU NOW WANT TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT TO RECEIVE THE MONEY. 


  CALL ME BACK ON 23414716889 AFTER CALLING THE DIRECTOR. 
  
  
  THANKS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  02 Dec 2002, 03:58:20 AM  
  Subject:  Re: ATTACHMENT PLEASE CONFIRM  
   
  Hello Mike 
  
  Have you any news? 
  
  This is urgent now as I have to go to Smegaroon for an operation. 
  
  Lonslo Tossov 

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2002 18:10:04 GMT 
  
  DEAR TOSSOV, 
    I SECRETELY TRIED THE LINE AND IT WAS THROUGH.THE NUMBER IS 1-
4169060298.YOU SHOULD PLEASETAKE CARE OF THE TIME DIFFERENCE WHEN CALLING. ON
THE OTHER HAND,I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOUR LINE 55842021300 WITHOUT SPEAKING TO
YOU.WHEN I DROP MESSAGE,YOU DONT CALL ME BACK ON MY LINE 234-1-4716889. SO
PLEASE CALL MR.OLA DAVIES TODAY OR TOMORROW TO CONCLUDE ON THIS .I CAN NOT
POSSIBLY BE JOKING WITH THIS KIND OF DEAL. 
  THANKS AND GOD BLESS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  04 Dec 2002, 03:43:52 AM  
  Subject:  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE  
   
  Dear Mike 
  
  I have tried again without success. Is Mr Davies a phantom? Does he exist?
Either you are serious or not about this, please get matters in order, as I do
not joke. My heart is weak and I cannot stand this tension, this delay. I am
on medication, I have a condition, and need to reduce the stress in my life.
You are helping to kill an old man. You are making me weaker with each
successive failing. Would you have this on you conscience? Could you face the
world knowing what you have done and your bank manager, knowing what you have
let slip through your fingers? This is a chance which should be grasped
firmly. I am, despite my weaknesses, ready to take up the challenge. I have
the strength to see this through, to have one last business work, and to make
some money for my retirement, I know it. Do not play with these hopes, these
dreams, these desires! Take care of this opportunity and be a man. Please,
please, please call me at once and let us stop this nonsense! 

  God help you as he helps me. 
  
  Lonslo Tossov Snr 
   

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 15:02:33 GMT 
  
  DEAR TOSSOV, 
  I HAVE CALLED YOUR NUMBER SEVERAL TIMES AND EACH TIME I CALL,IT IS A HOTEL
AND THE RECEIVER SEEM NOT TO KNOW YOU . PLEASE CONFIRM OTHER NUMBERS WHERE I
CAN REACH YOU .I HAVE CALLED MR. DAVIES NUMBER FROM HERE AND THE NUMBER IS
GOOD,SO PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR NUMBER SO THAT I CAN SEND MAIL FOR MR. DAVIES TO
CALL YOU .TIME IS RUNNING OUT,OR CALL ME ON ANY OF MY DIRECT LINE:234-1-
4716889 OR 234-8037141772. 
  THANKS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  05 Dec 2002, 09:04:05 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
  
   
  Mike, 
  
  I should have explained that I have a business suite at the hotel. My
apologies. Please call again and ask for my secretary Irma Wanker and you will
get the results you deserve. 

  I am waiting for your call. 
  
  Lonslo Tossov 

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Fri, 6 Dec 2002 15:24:07 GMT 
  
  DEAR TOSSOV, 
  I CALLED AGAIN TODAY AND ASKED OF YOUR SECRETARY IRMA WANKER BUT AGAIN THE
RECEPTIONIST CAN NOT FIND WANKER ON THEIR LIST OR EVEN TOSSOV INVESTMENT S.A.
SHE ASKED ME THE SUITE NUMBER,I SAID I DONT KNOW.COULD YOU PLEASE CONFIRM THE
SUITE NUMBER OR WHY NOT CALL ME INSTED ON MY LINES 234-1-4716889 OR 234-
8037141772.PLEASE I DONT LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON.THIS DELAY WILL INCURE
DEMURAGE. 
  THANKS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  07 Dec 2002, 05:41:10 AM  
  Subject:  Fwd: REPLY  
   
  MIYAZZAD 
  
  IS THIS SOME SORT OF A JOKE? DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FOOL? I AM SITTING HERE
RIGHT NOW IN THESE LOVELY OFFICES WITH THE PHONE RINGING AND MS WANKER IS
PREPARING SCONES_ SO HOW IS IT YOU CANNOT GET THROUGH?? THIS IS VERY STRANGE
TO SAY THE LEAST_I HAVE GIVEN YOU REPEATED CHANCES TO START THIS BUSINESS OFF
ON THE RIGHT FOOT AND INSTEAD YOU SAY MY ORGANISATION CANNOT BE CONTACTED_YET
WHEN I TRY YOUR NUMBER THERE IS NO ANSWER_PERHAPS THIS WHOLE THING SHOULD BE
CALLED OFF_BUT I AM WILLING TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE I WILL GIVE YOU A CODE
NAME AND LEAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOU TO PUT THROUGH BY SWITCHBOARD AT ONCE CALL
AGAIN IF YOU ARE REALLY SERIOUS IN THIS AND ASK FOR WADDA PLONKER AND THIS
WILL GET THE DESIRED RESULTS I AM SURE OTHER THAN THIS I AM TOO BUSY TO BE
BOTHERED WITH THIS WHOLE AFFAIR ANY LONGER_DO THIS OR JUST DO NOT BOTHER ME
WITH YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES AGAIN MAN 

  
  TOSSOV 

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Mon, 9 Dec 2002 16:03:00 GMT 
  
  MR. TOSSOV, 
  WHY CANT YOU TRY AND CALL ME WITH THE NUMBERS I GAVE YOU.I EVEN TRIED TODAY
AND ASKED THE RECEPTIONIST TO PUT ME THROUGH ROOM 3027 AND SHE COULD NOT.I AM
WORRIED NOW.TRYB AND CALL THE DIRECTOR SO THAT WEWILL KNOW WHAT NEXT TO
DO.PLEASE TRY MY NUMBER BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF CALLING YOUR NUMBER.CALL ME ON
234-1-4716889. TRHANKS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  09 Dec 2002, 09:04:30 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
  
   
  MIZAYYAD HAVE YOU GOT THE RIGHT NUMBER_ FOR GODS SAKE STOP THIS LUNACY AND
MAKE CONTACT I HAVE BETTER COOLIES THAN THIS IN THE ARMY AT LEAST THEY KNEW
HOW TO SWAT FLIES WITHOUT AN ALMIGHTY COCK UP_PICK UP THE PHONE AND LEAVE THE
DRINK ALONE IF THAT IS WHAT IT IS 

  T 

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 12:15:10 GMT 
  
  I STILL CALL 55842021300. 
THE LADY THAT PICKED UP THE RECEIVER WANTED ME TO
SAY THE SUITE NUMBER MR.WADDA PLONKER IS. 

  LISTEN MY BROTHER,YOU CAN SOLVE THIS PROBLEM YOURSELF.I WAS NOT KIDDING TO
HAVE CONTACTED YOU FOR US TO CARRY OUT THIS DEAL TOGETHER.YOU CAN CALL ME ON
234-1-4716889. (234) IS MY COUNTRY CODE (1) IS MY CITY CODE AND 4716889 IS MY
NUMBER.OR YOU CAN GO AHEAD TO CALL THE DIRECTOR IN CANADA MR. OLA DAVIES SINCE
YOU HAVE RECEIVED THE TWO DOCUMENTS  I SENT TO YOU.TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE THE
NEXT OF KIN TO MR. MARK TOSSOV.QUOTE THE DEPOSIT NUMBER WHICH IS ON THAT
DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE . 

  HE WILL NOW DIRECT YOU ON HOW TO SIGN AND CLAIM THE DEPOSIT.HIS TELEPHONE
NUMBER IS (1 - 4169060298) OR BETTER STILL,YOU CAN INFORM ME YOUR SUITE NUMBER
SINCE YOU SAY YOU MAINTAIN A SUITE FOR YOUR COMPANY SO THAT WHEN I CALL,I WILL
JUST ASK FOR THE SUITE NUMBER .I KNOW MY DEAR FRIEND THAT YOU ARE BUSY,BUT I
AM NOT FOLDING MY HANDS.YOU CAN FOLLOW EITHER OF THE THREE ALTERNATIVES SO
THAT WE CAN MOVE FAST TO CONCLUDE THIS .I DONT INTEND WASTING YOUR TIME BUT
THEN YOU ARE NOT HELPING ME. 
  YOUR BROTHER 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  10 Dec 2002, 05:48:52 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
   
  MIZAYYAD 
  
  WHAT IS ALL THIS CYBER HOGWASH AND UTTER PREVARICATION_SURELY YOU CAN MAKE A
SIMPLE PHONE CALL_THIS IS JUST ABSURD I HAVE A SWANKY SUITE IN THE HOTEL AND
THE NAMES I HAVE GIVEN YOU ARE WELL KNOWN TO ALL AND SUNDRY_ YET YOU PERSIST
IN THESE HALF HEARTED AND LIMP WRISTED ATTEMPTS TO MAKE CONTACT AS IF THERE
WAS A JOKE TO BE MADE AT MY EXPENSE AND WE HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD_WELL
WE HAVENT MAN FAR FROM IT AS YOU CLAIM TO REALISE BUT I AM DOUBTING IT_IF YOU
WANT THIS TRANSACTION MAN THEN PULL YOUR FINGER OUT AND MAKE A REAL CALL NOT
SOME FANTASY FROM YOUR FEVERED IMAGINATION NO DOUBT_ASK FOR A TOSSOV_IN MY
PRIVATE SUITE 69_ FROM THE SWITCHBOARD AND YOU WILL SURELY GET ONE 

  Lonslo Tossov

Mike Zayyad:

  From: mizayyad2@juno.com 
  To: Lonslo Tossov 
  Subject: REPLY 
  Date: Wed, 18 Dec 2002 15:45:08 GMT 
  
  I AM VERY CONVINCED THAT YOU ARE TAKING ME FOR A SMOOTH RIDE.FIRST OF ALL,I
CALLED THE HOTEL ONCE MORE AND FOUND THAT THERE IS NO ROOM AS 69 INSTEAD THEY
HAVE ROOM 609 AND THAT THE OCCUPANT OF ROOM 609 DO NOT IN ANY WAY KNOW
TOSSOV,WANKER PHONTER OR WHATEVER. THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN BE PUTTING ME IN A
WIDE GOOSE CHESS. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED TO WORK WITH ME. CALL ME ON 234-1-
4716889.MY COUNTRY CODE IS 234,MY CITY CODE IS 1 AND MY NUMBER IS 4716889.
FINALLY,PLEASE I NEED YOU TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION HONESTLY,WHY IS IT THAT YOU
DONT HAVE A MOBILE PHONE OR HOME PHONE.INSTEAD YOU WANT ME TO BE CALLING YOU
WITH HOTEL NUMBER. 
  ]THANKS 
  MIKE 

Lonslo Tossov:

  From:  "Lonslo Tossov"  
  To:  mizayyad2@juno.com 
  Date:  20 Dec 2002, 02:48:37 AM  
  Subject:  Re: REPLY  
  
  MIZAYYAD OR MIKE WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU IMPLYING OR
ARE YOU JUST COVERING UP YOU OWN INEFFICIENCIES AND ABILITY TO DELIVER YOU
HAVE HAD PHONE NUMBERS AND YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS AND YET ALL I SEE IS DILLY
DALLY AND WEAK KNEED NIN COMPOOPERY SURELY AFTER THIS THIS TIME I THOUGHT IT
WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE MAN AND NOW THIS ATTEMPT AT WHEEDLING OUT OF THE WHOLE
THING NO DOUBT_THE ACT OF A BLACKGUARD AND A BOUNDER IN MY EYES_MY PHONE IS
AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN AS BELOW CALL IT AND STOP WITH THIS NONSENSE OR I WILL
TAKE UP A BETTER OFFER I HAVE RECEIVED FROM A MISTER ABACHA AT LEAST HE SEEMS
TO HAVE A GRAIN OF SENSE IN HIS HEAD AND KNOW WHAT HE WANTS WE HAVE SPOKEN
WITHOUT A PROBLEM AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOURS IS_PRESUMABLY THAT YOU ARE A
CLOTH HEAD AND A RAGAMUFFIN_EVEN YOUR NUMBERS DO NOT CONNECT MAN YOU REALLY
ARE UNBELIEVABLE 

  HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS 
  
  Lonslo Tossov 


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