MEET ME IN SMEGAROON


The exploits of the Foreign Office are too numerous to, uh, enumerate here.
Perhaps their most famous accomplishment is having persuaded "Prince Charles Nwaimo" to videotape himself for MySpace singing a song of his own composition, in honor of Princess Margaret.

Now, after a spiritual retreat on Smegaroon, they're back, wilder than ever!

Chief Mike Ogiahdome - Lad du jour
versus
Tushie Meshuganah - Senior Vice President, Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation (a major real estate developer)
Lola Shtarkeputz - her Personal Secretary
Tushie Meshuganah Too - relief pitcher
Sir Jack Bigstakk - real estate developer, knighted for his services to the Crown; uncle of the reknowned Jack Bigstakk, Jr., personal trainer
Mr Vito Corleone - President of Kreplach Brothers USA - appears only by mention, which is probably a good thing


Chief Mike Ogiahdome

[Out of the blue, a Nigerian Chief wants to invest in Smegaroon!]

From: mikeogiadome6@msn.com
To: ukagentdept40@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Investment Proposal
Date: Thu, 14 May 2009

Dear Friend,

With due respect, I am requesting for your cooperation in Building a Tourist Hotel or Commercial Real Estate in your Country/City.

I am sorry if this is not inline with your proffession. Your positive response shall be treated if you are willing to help.

Chief Mike Ogiahdome.

Scam-o-note: Chief Mike is not a Chief, and most likely his name is not Mike.
He is not really interested in investing.
But you knew that. If you didn't know that, please back away slowly from this scambait, and read (or re-read) the main page, FAQ, SCAM CHECKLIST, and other helpful links.

Tushie Meshuganah

[He couldn't have approached a more suitable person!]

SMEGAROON

Date: Fri, 15 May 2009

Dear Chief Mike,

Are you genuinely interested in the construction of a tourist hotel in Smegaroon? If so, you may contact me again in strict confidence.

Yours truly,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
Las Vegas - Los Angeles - New York City - London - Cape Town - Smegaroon
PO Box 69 Smegaroon City FU2 GIT
Republic of Smegaroon
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Sat, 16 May 2009

Dear Tushie,
Yes, I genuinely seek for your assist in this investment plan and wish you could be able to help accordingly.
I have US$36million for this investment but only need a trustworthy and honest investor and I hope you would be the one.
Lets talk on phone. Call me on my direct phone number +234-8034715984 or let me have your direct phone number and I will gladly call you.
Regards,
Mike
Tushie Meshuganah
Date: May 16, 2009

Dear Chief Mike,

Thank you for your prompt response.

However, I don't quite understand your need for further investors if you already have US$36 million at your disposal.

Certainly, you would need at most $12 million to construct a first class hotel on the island of Smegaroon which as you are probably aware is still a thriving vacation destination even in these troubled times.

Nevertheless, I can state an initial expression of interest from the Smegaroonian branch of Kreplach Brothers. I have also forwarded your letter to Sir Jack Bigstakk, the Deputy Financial Director of our London Office and Vito Corleone at our headquarters in New York.

Perhaps you would care to send me further details.

Yours sincerely,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
Las Vegas - Los Angeles - New York City - London - Cape Town - Smegaroon
PO Box 69 Smegaroon City FU2 GIT
Republic of Smegaroon
Tushie Meshuganah
Date: May 20, 2009

Dear Chief Mike,

I await your response to my e-mail of 16th May. I will be in Portugal all next week so please reply before Saturday if possible.
If you wish to speak to me please feel free to call me in London on my personal landline [0]208 9509090.

Yours sincerely,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Thu, 21 May 2009

Dear Tushie,

Thanks, for writing me today and sorry that I have not responded to your last e-mail. I went out of town and just returned yesterday.

Yes, if that is what it would take to build a first class hotel then I am interested with it. I would also want you to look out for what other good investment the rest of the money could be used for.

I will call to speak with you soon.

Regards,

Mike
Tushie Meshuganah
Date: May 21, 2009

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your e-mail.

However, I am leaving the office tonight and will not return until Monday June 1st. As I mentioned in my last note, I am flying to Portugal early tomorrow morning as our company is planning a new hotel complex in the Algarve.

I will write to you with a more detailed proposal for a brand new hotel in Smegaroon when I return.

Kindest regards,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Thu, 21 May 2009

Dear Tushie,

I tried calling the phone number you gave me today but found out it is a hospital telephone number. That is why I could not speak with you today. I will advise you check the phone number and let me have the correct phone number. Also let me have your phone number in Portugal.

Regards,

Mike
Lola Shtarkeputz
May 22

Dear Chief Ogiahdome,

Thank you for your e-mail of May 21st.

In fact, Mrs Meshuganah dictated the e-mail with her telephone number to me. Please accept my sincere apology for typing in the wrong number.

I spoke to Mrs Meshuganah this morning and she asked me to tell you that she will be unable to speak to you whilst she is in Portugal but that she will contact you on her return to our UK office next Monday.

However, she has also asked me whether you might be related to Jerome Ogiahdome of the West African Bank of Credit and Commerce [WABCC] who Mrs Meshuganah met at a Nigerian Government reception in Lagos about three years ago.

Please acknowledge receipt of this e-mail and once again, my apologies for sending you the wrong telephone number or as we say in Smegaroon: gai kucknoifderyam.

Yours sincerely,
Lola Shtarkeputz
Personal Secretary to
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
PO Box 69 Smegaroon City FU2 GIT
Republic of Smegaroon
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Fri, 22 May 2009

Dear Lola,

Thanks, for your e-mail and I do accept your apology.

No, I am not in any way related to Jerome Ogiahdome.

Tell Mrs. Meshuganah that I will be expecting her call when she is back from Portugal.

Regards,

Mike
Lola Shtarkeputz
June 1

Dear Chief Mike,

Thank you for your kind e-mail.

Mrs Meshuganah was delayed in Lisbon this afternoon and is not flying back to London from Portugal until early tomorrow morning. However, she has asked me to e-mail you to say that she will send details of an interesting proposal for you when she returns to the office tomorrow [Tuesday] afternoon.

Yours sincerely,

Lola Shtarkeputz
Personal Secretary to
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Mon, 1 Jun 2009

Dear Lola,

Thanks, for the information and do tell her that I will be expecting her e-mail tomorrow as soon as she is back.

Regards,

Mike
Tushie Meshuganah
June 2

Dear Mike,

Whilst I was away in Portugal I spoke to my colleague Sir Jack Bigstakk who is in charge of all of our new projects. He is extremely interested in meeting you to discuss a possible partnership with regard to the company's plan to build a small 'boutique style' hotel in the heart of London's West End. The idea is to appeal to the top end of the market offering the highest standards of luxury to guests who would probably come mostly from the Arab countries, Asia and the USA.

Sir Jack has budgeted $55 million for this project but in these difficult economic times, Kreplach Brothers would not be averse to offering a partnership deal to anyone prepared to put up around $20 million.

Naturally you would need to see detailed plans from the initial construction to projected profit and loss accounts, cash flows, etc. However, if this project is of interest Sir Jack and myself would be happy to discuss these matters with you in full detail - though obviously on a confidential basis.

We could fly to Nigeria or perhaps you would care to meet us in London or Smegaroon. Wherever you wish to go you would of course come as our guest and we would insist on paying all your travel and hotel expenses.

Kindest regards,

Mrs TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
Sir Jack Bigstakk
Date: June 3, 2009
CC: mikeogiahdome@hotmail.com

My dear Tushie,

Thank you so much for the details, which I read whilst overseas. I had a marvellous time, and even met with my nephew, Jack Bigstakk Jr - he's a personal trainer, don't you know, and showed me his new gymnasium on Smegaroon Island. Most impressive.

To business, then.

Mr. Ogiahdome, as Tushie has outlined to you, we are looking at a possible $55,000,000 investment in an exclusive hotel in the centre of London. It will be based on the Smegaroon Grand Hotel on Smegaroon Island - if you require details of this establishment I will send them to you.

The hotel, which will have a heavy continental influence, will be provisionally called the Quatre-Un-Neuf, and will offer the very highest standards of luxury and style for hard-working members of the international business community - much like yourself.

As Project Director, I will be liaising with all suppliers, of which there are hundreds, to ensure the budget is adhered to and to attract any further investment.

I should be interested to hear what you can offer in terms of your involvement.

Kind regards

Sir Jack Bigstakk
Project Director
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Tue, 2 Jun 2009

Dear Tushie,

Thanks, for your e-mail of today and welcome back from your trip with hope the trip was very okay.

I am very impressed with your e-mail and would not mind entering into partnership with you people but would want to have all details of the propective project so that I could peruse it to exactly what it looks like before I can give my final answer to invest into it.

Tell Sir Jack Bigstakk that if all is well and the business would be profitable that he should count on me and I would be glad to invest US$20million.

Yes, it would be a good thing that we meet to discuss on this project, however let me have a look at the project plan after which we can then discuss about our meeting.

Can you let me have the direct phone number that I can reach you with? Or can you call me on +234-8034715984.

Regards,

Mike
Tushie Meshuganah
Tushie, June 3:

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your prompt reply which I have forwarded on to Sir Jack Bigstakk.

As he is in charge of this project - which again I must stress should be treated in the utmost confidence - Sir Jack will send further details directly to you. I am sure you will find my colleague most helpful in explaining our plans.

Incidentally, Lola Shtarkeputz tells me that you are not related to my old friend Jerome Ogiahdome - just as well perhaps as I understand that he is currently under investigation by the Nigerian authorities for some financial irregularities.

I will be going to Smegaroon tomorrow but do feel free to contact me if you have any further queries - and I do hope we will be able to meet very soon.

Best regards,

Yours sincerely,
Mrs TUSHIE MESHUGANAH

With any luck [we] will keep Chief Mike O. on the hop for at least a month.

It occurs to me that we might bring in Mr Vito Corleone of Kreplach Brothers Las Vegas at some time - if necessary is there a USA telephone number we can send our man as he really has telephoned Britain already...

Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Sent: Wednesday, 3 June, 2009

Dear Sir Jack Bigstakk,

Thanks, for your e-mail in respect of my discussion with Tushie.

I will say I would be glad to have the project plan being sent to me for my perusal. And you should let me have your direct phone number to enable me call to speak with you.

I will be expecting your prompt response.

Mike
Sir Jack Bigstakk
June 3:

Dear Mr Ogiahdome,

Thank you for your reply.

The plans are not quite ready yet, and we do not wish to release confidential information until we have our investment partners on board.

For now, I would direct you to the site of the Smegaroon Grand Hotel, at
http://www.freewebs.com/chelsea_matt/smegaroongrandhotel.htm

This will give you an idea of the brand standards and quality of the hotel we are aspiring to.

I would also ask you again how you plan to be involved in this project. It is not child's play.

Kind regards,

Yours sincerely

Sir Jack Bigstakk
Project Director
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Sent: Wednesday, 3 June, 2009

Dear Jack,

Please, what is secret and confidential information in a business plan? I have already told you that so long as the investment is profitable that you should count on me. I have US$36Million for investment and would be able to put in part of this money to the project when I am full integreted with the investment and agreement reached on what each party should expect from the proceeds.

Why did you not include your phone number for me to call and speak with you? I need it and wish you send it in your next e-mail because we need to discuss.

Please, get back urgently,

Mike
Sir Jack Bigstakk
June 4:

Dear Mr. Ogiahdome,

Firstly, please refer to me as Sir Jack.

My dear fellow, as an international businessman yourself, surely you see the value of confidentiality? I know exactly the kind of person you are, and I want to see you get what you deserve, but I have other Board members that I need to convince before we begin modalities.

Did you not look at the website for the Smegaroon Grand Hotel?

$36,000,000 is a very significant sum. May I ask who is backing you? I have extensive contacts in your part of the world, barristers and whatnot.

Kind regards

Yours sincerely

Sir Jack Bigstakk
Project Director
Tushie Meshuganah
June 4:

Quite right, Sir Jack! These colonials need to show some respect for the Yiddish, I mean British aristocracy!

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Tushie Meshuganah
June 9

Dear Mike,

I hope all is well with you. At a meeting in Smegaroon this morning Sir Jack Bigstakk informed me that he has not received any response from you to his last e-mail. Does this mean that you are no longer interested in the project?

Sir Jack mentioned to me that you were concerned about the issue of confidentiality. Let me repeat my offer: if you prefer to discuss this matter on a face to face basis either Sir Jack or myself will fly to Nigeria and meet you. As we will be in Smegaroon for the next two weeks, we it would be our pleasure to send you a business class ticket from Lagos to Smegaroon [via Johannesburg] where you can stay as our guest at the Grand Hotel., our flagship Smegaroonian hotel.

However, if you are no longer interested in the project, please do me the courtesy of letting me know.

Yours sincerely,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
Chief Mike Ogiahdome
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 2009

Dear Tushie,

Unfortunately, I can not do business with people that I can not speak with on phone. I have asked you for your phone number sverally without getting it and I did ask Sir Jack for his phone number still he refused giving it, so to me it sends a signal that I can not read. You call me or give me a number to call you then I will know we are in business, I do not think that is too much to ask.

Remember, the first phone number you gave me to call you was a hospital phone number and there was no explanation why.

Regards,

Mike
Tushie Meshuganah
Jun 10, 2009

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your e-mail the content of which is well understood.

So you wish to speak on the telephone to myself or to Sir Jack Bigstakk. This can be easily arranged although I would have thought that an actual face-to-face meeting would be even better for both parties - especially when we could meet you in whichever location is most convenient to you - either Nigeria, Smegaroon or England

However, if you still prefer to speak on the telephone first, so be it. It so happens that both Sir Jack and myself have been called by Mr Vito Corleone - the President of Kreplach Brothers USA - to an important meeting in Las Vegas on Friday. We will contact you either over the weekend or early next week to give you a telephone number in America where we can be reached.

Incidentally, your comment that 'there was no explanation why' is simply wrong. You have obviously forgotten that my secretary, Lola Shtarkeputz, apologised profusely for sending the wrong telephone number and indeed you acknowledged her apology.

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Tushie Meshuganah
Dear Mike,

You may call Tushie at xxx-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The London office will forward to her in Las Vegas; please be reminded of the 8 hour time difference.
Hi Guys,
is there any chance of sending Chief Mike '$36 million to invest' Ogiahdome a US telephone number that he can call? ... because this mugu really does call his potential victims. Perhaps he works in a clerical job in some corporation where he can get away with making an international call.
Tushie Meshuganah Too

[The American team sprang into action.]

Date: Tue, 16 Jun 2009
Subject: status, investment

Dear Mike,
I've been in meetings (despite what the name Las Vegas may suggest, business does get done here); if you rang, I didn't get your message.

[This is not faff - a working number was provided.]

Reaction to our project is surprisingly good, given the economic climate; we are nearly fully subscribed.

Sir Jack has suggested closing this round of investment but Mr. Corleone has yet to weigh in. We expect him later this week.

As the group's 'conscience', I reminded him - and now remind you - that we have yet to receive answers regarding your backers.
Can you provide references? My contacts in the hospitality industry in West Africa have not heard of you.
Naturally the nuts and bolts of hospitality management are not something we'd expect you to get involved with, but what investment bankers have you worked with?

Again, if you'd be more comfortable with a face-to-face, we could have you down to Smegaroon, but time is not your friend; we're anxious to lock the deal up.

I'll be up and out early tomorrow - Americans make ridiculously serious judgments about people based on their golf game - will check my messages.

Yours sincerely,
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH

[Oh, a superb letter. Now has Chief Mike got the courage to continue?
Love,
TUSHIE (One) xxx

Chief Mike Ogiahdome

[Apparently not...]

Dear Tusie,

My final decision if that if we can not talk on phone, then you people are not serious. You have giving me two phone numbers that never worked. Moreover, why can't you call me if you are serious to do business.

Mike
Tushie Meshuganah
Sir, hanging up without leaving a message does not mean the number doesn't work.
It's rather annoying to listen to one's messages, only to hear a 'click'.
Apparently that was you, unable to put together a coherent thought after the tone.

I went out on a limb by suggesting we include you in this investment round, but you can't even get my name right.
Mr. Corleone doubts your bonafides, inasmuch as you haven't supplied any.
Banking reference? Previous investments? Still waiting to hear.

We have interest from other gentlemen such as Femi Williams of Lagos Overseas Occidental Trust, whose $25M bid brings us to 95% of our current needs. Mr. Williams was not afraid to leave a phone message.

Perhaps it's just as well that you seem to have lost your nerve.

Wishing you luck in your smaller business endeavours,

I am, most definitely,
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
Senior Vice President
Kreplach Brothers Leisure Corporation Inc
PO Box 69 Smegaroon City FU2 GIT
Republic of Smegaroon

[ The sun never sets on the Foreign Office!]


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