FOR WANT OF A DORK

the flip-off! june 20

The Foreign Office are Her Majesty's elite unit dedicated to ferreting out scammers. The staff have been augmented by former operatives of the KGB, such as the gruff but kindly Lonslo Tossov, who doubles as Reverend Tossov of the Holy Bagel Community.

A word about the HBC - their symbol was chosen for three reasons:
(a) Bagels are tasty
(b) Bagels are round; the table at the HBC inner sanctum is in the shape of a bagel, so that no knight is set above another.
(c) A bagel, when properly aged, can be used in much the same way as a ninja star. Though blunter, it packs a wallop.

And now on with our regularly scheduled scam-bait.

Davies Olade -- scammer du jour (davolade@walla.com, davolade@yahoo.com)
versus
Tushie Meshuganah -- of the Holy Bagel Community
Alfred Tagholm -- Tushie's Private Secretary
Lonslo Tossov -- of the Foreign Office, incognito as Reverend Tossov, of the Holy Bagel Community
Lady Agatha Bristol -- CBE, of the Foreign Office, incognito as Rev. Tossov's secretary
Gazza Hornokski -- Tushie's Personal Assistant
Joseph Kucker -- Director of Overseas Operations, Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
now joined by
Mbalz Es Hairi -- Joe's Personal Secretary
Cecil Ngoblah -- Deputy Manager, West Africa Division, Chavster, Manfred & Newman Merchant Bank International
Haid De Salaami -- Cecil's Chief Clerk

Davies Olade

<davolade@walla.com>

Subject: I NEED YOUR HELP
Date: Mon, 23 Apr 2007

Dear Ma,
Greetings to you in Jesus name. My name is Davies Olade, i am 17 years old, a refugee from Somalia living in Burkina Faso. I am from family of 5 in somalia before the war . since war started in Somalia and i was among of those that United Nations rescue out of Somalia to Burkina Faso . I have been in the refugee camp for 4 years now.
Ma, i want to go back to my country because life is too miserable for me here, there is no better food , no clothe no good house to live. The sufferness is too much and i decided to go back to my country instead of staying here.
Sir, please i need your help and assistance for me to be able to go back to my country.
I am begging you in the name of God to please look into my situation. I don' t know may be my families are still alive because ever since i was taken out of the country, i never heard anything concerning them. The life here is too miserable for me. I want you to help me for Christ Sake.
This is my purpose of writing you to seek for your help .
May the good God be with you and your family. Please have mercy on me. I am suffering too much, here is not my counry even the people of this country are suffering talkless of a refugee. Pls show me your mercy.
May God Almighty will show you and your family mercies in Jesus name amen.
Please reply to my yahoomail address below.
Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.
E-Mail Address: davolade@yahoo.com
THANK YOU

[All the awful things he alludes to are true.
He is almost certainly not caught up in them, of course.
But you knew that.
Hmmm, what are the odds that he actually speaks Somali?
Intel reports that "Davies" is in fact e-mailing from Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.]


Tushie Meshuganah

23 April 2007

Dear Davies,

If you click on my website you will see that The Holy Bagel Community exists to help my fellow African indigents.

Let me have your measurements and I will send you some new clothes and of course some suitable reading material including a bible commentary by our founder Reverend Lonslo Tossov BA.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community
Ligner House
666 Bowden Avenue
London WC1 FU2
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/


Davies Olade

From: Davies Olade <davolade@yahoo.com>
To: Tushie
Subject: Thank you Ma
Date: Mon, 23 Apr 2007

Mama,
I just want to tell you that i forgot to tell you to send me one important thing. And it is Bible, i need King James Version. Very, very important. I beg you.

Pls my size shoes is 44. I never told you . so pls i use size 44 because i don't have shoes. Pls Bible is very , very important. i have just New Testament.

Thank you.

May God Be with you.

Davies Olade.


Alfred Tagholm

24 April 2007

Dear Friend,

Ms Tushie is away at present but I have passed your letter to Reverend Tossov who I am sure will be in touch with you very shortly.

God be with You,

Alfred Tagholm
Private Secretary to Tushie Mashuganah


Davies Olade

Subject: RE: Thank you mr Alfred
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2007

Dear Mr Alfred,
Thanks for your letter. May the good God be with you.
You know that life is miserable with me here and that is why am so worried. No food, no clothes, no shoes, no drugs, no good shelter. I am a refugee in this place from Somalia and life is highly difficult for me. It is Mrs Tushie now gave me hope. Refugee life is not the best, people of Burkina Faso are suffering talkless of me a refugee. It is not easy, even for me to come and send a message just for 30 minutes only, i will have to sweep the cafe in the morning before the owner of the cyber cafe will just allow me to write a letter for 30 minutes because i don' t have money to buy minutes or hour.

Please, i beg you in the name of God to still help me for this situation. Do it as a favour to me and God Almighty in His infinite power will continue to favour you ain all your ways in Jesus name.

Don' t relent to help me and i want you to take me like your brother.

Refugee life is not the best because one will continue to beg before eating and the citizens of this country are suffering even them they are not planning for their future. It is only God can help us in Africa.
I was even talking about somalia, people still strugle to do something but not like this country of Burkina Faso. This place is a wrong place for any fefugee to come.

Mr Alfred pls look for way out for me. May God be with you.

Help me greet Mama Tushie if she comes back.

Hope to hear from you.

Shallom Peace

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade


Alfred Tagholm

Dear Davies

Reverend Tossov has assured me that you are in his prayers and will be in touch with you very shortly.

If you do not hear from him within a few days, contact Mama Tushie again. She will be back in the office next week.

Remain blessed,

Alfred Tagholm
Private Secretary to Tushie Mashuganah


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Date: Tue, 24 Apr 2007

Dear Mama,

Good day to you ma. Hope you are fine in the Lord. It shall be well with you in Jesus name amen.

I sent a letter to you through my yahoomail address yesterday ( davolade@yahoo.com) . I sent the size of my trousers . Waist 34, Length 43.

For shirts XL and XXL. For Shoes 44.

Then i said you should help me send Bible.

Thank you ma. I believe you have given my life happiness and joy. And you are taken away sorrow out of my life, your letter gave me hope. I pray that God will help you ma. Life is miserable for me here. No food , no drugs, no clothe , no better house. It is by the grace that i survive here in Burkina Faso. I am even looking for way out and Somalia is far from here. But i believe that God will take control in Jesus name.

I will be expecting your message ma. God bless you.

Yours sincerely,

Davies Olade.


Alfred Tagholm

26 April 2007

Dear Davies,

I hope my e-mail of today's date has reached you. As I toild you, Reverend Tossov will soon be in touch with you.

Alfred Tagholm


Davies Olade

Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2007

Mr Alfred,
Thanks for your effort. Please i really want you to still help me seriousely because life is too difficult for me. Even the trouser of only one cloth am using has tored, i swear to God Almighty. Please i need urgent attention. I want you to understand the life of a refugee, if i did not beg i can not eat. For me to write this letter to you, i must sweep the cybercafe before the owner of the cybercafe will give me 30 minutes to check my box or write letter and this is how i use to do it everyday.

As i am now i even ashame of myself in the sense that wear faded clothe around.

Mr Alfred, if you have anything you can do for me personally before they will come to my aide , please if you can even help me with 50 pounds for me to by some fearly used clothes here before the Reverend will come to my rescue pls help me. I take God Almighty beg you. For me to eat is very hard. Infact this country is even worst more than Somalia.

Pls look into my case i beg you because i really feel distressed. I swear to God Almighty that created us, pls help me do something. I don't know if you can understand my situation. Anyway God is alive.

Greet Mama Tushie for me and help me tell her that my situation is very critical.
Shallom Peace.

Davies Olade .


Tushie Meshuganah

26 April 2007

Dear Reverend Tossov,

This young gentleman is clearly in urgent need of your support.

Remain blessed
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: Remember me Ma.
Date: Sun, 29 Apr 2007

Dear Ma,
Greetings to you in Jesus name. I still want to thank you for your promise. I wrote you but it was your secretary the sent message back to me. I hope all is well with you. May the good God remember you for good in Jesus name.

I still want to inform you about my situation here which your assistance is highy needed.
I sent the measurement of my clothes to you ma.

Trousers Waist 34 and Lenght 43.
Shirts XL or XXL

Shoes 44. and Bible.

I hope on your goodness, because i am begging here to eat.
Sometimes church members use to give me little of what they have when i go to church on sundays but this country is even worst than Somalia that i came from. Even their citizen are suffering that is why if one is a refugee here , life must definately hard.

So ma, i believe in you , i hope on you and your promises. I need something to feed.

May God Almighty help you. amen

Remember me today.

Shallom peace.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

30 April 2007

Dear Friend,

I am passing your letter directly to Reverend Tossov who I believe has already forwarded one hundred golden dorks to you.

I am also forwarding your letter to Reverend Tossov's secretary, Lady Agatha Bristol.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: RE: Remember me Ma.
Date: Tue, 1 May 2007

Mama,
Honestly i am dieing of hungry in this place. I really need your immediate attention. Help me still try your power. You are the one that gives me hope for now. Even if am in Somalia , may be i will be living more than this despite the problem there. There is nothing in Burkina Faso here mama.
Even the citizens of this country are feeling hungry talkless of a refugee in this place.
I have to beg before i could take something. Even to send this message to you is very hard because i have to sweep around the cybercafe before the owner of the cafe could give me just 30 minutes to write a letter or check my box.

Mama , i want you to help me do something especially for feeding.
I have stopped my education ever since i left somalia. Life is miserable here.
What would i do now?. I am still begging you to please look into my case i beg you in the name of God. Even for me to feed, i need it very, very important.
Please help me try even if i can get something by tomorrow to be feedinf myself before Rev Tossov will respond. I have not seen any of any of Rev Tossov response over my case.

Mama , help me try your power i beg you. This country is too hard. If only i can get way to go back to east africa. But everything is in your hands.

I beg you.

May the peace of our Lord be with you.
Davies.


Tushie Meshuganah

1 May 2007

Dear Lady Bristol,

Reverend Tossov has not responded to this poor man's plea for help. Perhaps our holy leader has again been busying himself with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

Meanwhile, perhaps you could send this fellow a few golden dorks.

Yours ever,
TUSHIE


Tushie Meshuganah

2 May 2007

Dear Friend,

Alas, I have been informed that Reverend Tossov is unwell. For some years now he has suffered from the Bowden Kustardz virus contracted some years ago on a missionary visit to the Bialy tribe who form most of the Holy Bagel Community members in Uganda.

However, our patron, Lady Agatha Bristol, will contact you and be assured that this kind-hearted lady will look after all your needs.

Remain blessed,
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

To: Tushie mashuganah
Date: Thu, 3 May 2007

Mama,
Good day to you ma. I still want you to put more effort to solve my problems. I know that only God can solve man's problems but at thesame time through humanbeings. Mama, infact you don' t know how life is miserable for me in this place. To alone eat is my problem not to talk of material needs. To write a letter to you is difficult , if i did not help the owner of the cybercafe to sweep around he can not give me 30 minutes to write or check my box. I want you to personally see the madam face to face and complain to her , i beg you.
Life is difficult in Burkina Faso here as a refugee, mama i am so distressed, i live on street begging to do anything, to eat, to even buy common soap to bath, i don' t have anybody in this place . Help me take my matter seriouse i beg you.
Please understand me, i beg you in the name of God to please help me, life is difficult for me. Take me like your own son, i know that you can not allow your son to suffer in life. So please take my case like your own son i beg you.
Mama please do something for me in the name of God.

It is because of the condition i am in this place, i am not suppose to beg for anything , i too came from a reliable family from Somalia, going to school doing well. But i am now a refugee today. I was trying to contact my family because there was no response yet.

Mama , i beg you life is too hard for me in this place. Help me meet Mama Agatha to please help me. Mama , i am still begging you whatever you can avoid for my feedings presently please help me. I don't like begging before to even eat once in a day.

Mama , if you know the way i am , you will not like it as a mother who knows how her son use to be.
Please understand my crying i beg you.
May God be with you amen.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

08 May

Dear Lady A

For heaven's sake write to this little bleeder and send him a hundred golden dorks,

May God be with You,
TUSHIE


Lady Agatha Bristol

My dear Tushie,

What is this? Who is this Orangeade character?

A


Tushie Meshuganah

8 05 07

Dearest Agatha,

Have you been at the Foreign Office's cocktail cabinet again ? I thought SIr Marmite Luny-Binns had changed the lock after you drowned your sorrows in no uncertain way after Chelsea lost out to Liverpool in the European Cup.

I have mailed you several times about this little fellow, a Somali refugee living in a refugee camp in Burkino Faso. One must admire his ingenuity in crossing from East to West Africa without any money, friends or family.

I have authorised Father Tossov to make a suitable donation but he has been away attending to the needs of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

So do sober up and send the dorks, there's a sweetie.

And stay off the vodka,

Love,
TUSHIE xxx


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: Don' t forget me ma.
Date: Sat, 5 May 2007

Dear Ma,
Good day to you there. Hope all is well? may the good God be with you. I still want to tell you ma to please look into my case. So please i am still begging you for this .

Thank you ma.
Please still help me talk to Mama Agatha and give her my email address.

Your help is very , very important to me.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

My dear Tushie,

You must have me confused with someone else. Custard liqueurs are my poison - and then only when one is off duty.

At any rate, my email to the gentleman was bounced back. I suggest he tries to contact this office once again.

We are very busy with Prince Charles. Not that one, the other one.

A


Tushie Meshuganah

10 May:

Dearest Aggie,

Yes, it seems our scammer du jour has fled his internet cafe....

Love,
TUSHIE


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: Mama
Date: Fri, 11 May 2007

Mama,
Good day to you ma. Hope you are fine?. Ma i have not been feeling fine since this week. I just want to ask you ma why you keep silence over my case.

It seems you don' t want to respond to my problem again.

I pray that God will take control of everything. I have not seen any message from Mama Agatha and you did not write me ma.
I still hope on you.
Thanks.
May the good God be with you .
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

12 May 2007

Dear Davies,

Lady Agatha Bristol tried to reach you and find out how best to send your golden dorks - but her e-mail was "bounced" back to her.

See if an e-mail from you reaches her office. She is a kindly lady and I know she will ensure that you will receive exactly what you deserve.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Date: Sat, 12 May 2007

Mama,
Thank you for your letter, i came to check your letter and thank God that i saw your message.

Mama, i am still pleading to you to help me out of this condition because i don' t know what to do here. I want to even go back to Kenya near my country. Because i am tired of Burkina Faso.
I hope on you.
Please help me still talk to Mama Agatha.

May the good God be with you and your family amen.
Shallom peace.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

14 May

Dearest Davies,

As I have told you before, you must e-mail Lady Agatha Bristol and inform her of the best way to send one hundred golden dorks to you.

Again I give you her e-mail address: xxxx-xxxxxx@xxxx.xxx

May the Lord ensure you receive all that is coming to you,


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: RE: Mama Agatha
Date: Wed, 16 May 200

Mama,
Thanks for your letter. But Mama to be sincere i am not feeling fine. I want you to really help me out of this situation because nothing for me now and i believe you can do something for me presently. The clothe i am wearing is tore already, God that created you and i sees everything.
I am even ashame of myself because of the situation.
You promise of sending clothes to me but you did not say anything again.
Mama i want you to help me with little thing for me to buy one or two clothes here before Mama Agatha will respond to my case.
Please i beg you in the name of God for this , the only clothe i am wearing now as tore , i swear to Almighty God that created us, i can not lie, life is miserable for me , i need your urgent attention for Christ sake.

Take me like your own son that is in difficulties for now, here is not my country and you know if one is a refugee in another man's land how life" use to be.

Mama please listen to my cry, help me with whatever you have for me to buy one or two clothes i beg you in the name of God, i don' t have anything here please.

Please look at my case i beg you in the name of God , help me today , my clothe is tore i beg you for my rescue just to by one clothe.

NAME: DAVIES OLADE
CITY: OUAGADOUGOU
COUNTRY: BURKINA FASO.

Mama , i write this letter in deep sorrow because of my situation and i beg you to please listen to this cry of mine i beg you in the name of God.
Help me still write to Mama Agatha for my problems.

Thank you.
May the good God be with you amen.
Shallom peace.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

16 May:

Dearest Aggie,

The idiot doesn't seem to read his e-mails properly - or have you heard from him ?

TUSHIE


Davies Olade

Mama Agatha,
Good day to you ma. I still want to remember you about my problem in this place. It is by the grace of God that i see food to eat here. Even to write you it is a problem, i have to help the owner of the cybercafe to sweep before she will give me 30 minutes to check my box and i can write message.

Mama, life is too difficult here and i believe that you can help me. I like to go back to East Africa back, like kenya but nothing is here , i can not eat fine , no clothes , no food , no drugs , life is totally miserable for me here. Even the citizens of this country are suffering talkless of a refugee in this place.
Ma, things are highly difficult for me. I have been calling your attention for long now but no respond yet. Somalia does not have embassy here in Burkina Faso. Mama what do you want me to do? i am crying here everyday to you no message , nothing even for me to feed here. I requested for little thing just for me to be feeding before you will attend to my case but Mama Tushie told me that you are in position to help me.

Mama Tushie promise of sending clothes and trouses to me but nothing , i requested for Bible , nothing.
Mama what do you want me to do, life is difficult here as a refugee, i need something to be feeding.

Please and please ma, i want you to see to my case urgently. I am left here with one clothe , God sees what is happening to me here.

I keep on having faith in God and you. I want you to please attend to my case i beg you in the name of God. I believe you are in position to help me and Mama Tushie has told me.
I am the only person that knows what i am passing through in this place. Burkina Faso is not the best place for a refugee to stay.

Ma please look into my case i beg you.
May God help be with you.
Shallom Peace.
Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

16 May

Dear Sir,

Please address me as Lady Agatha.

What can I do for you? I note you have sent this office another missive. I shall read it an reply accordingly.

Yours sincerely

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London


Davies Olade

Mama,
Good day to you ma. Mama i want to tell you that i am not feeling fine at all. I have been expecting your mail but i never see anything, i am telling you ma that life is too miserable for me here. I want you to please listen to my cry. If life is ok for me here a bit, i will not be writing this message but life is too difficult for me here especially living . The only clothe i have here is tore already, God knows this matter that i am telling you.
No clothe , no food , nothing. I am begging you to help me out of this situation because i don' t know what to do. I need your help very urgent.

Please help me out of this mess that i am. I am in deep sorrow as i am writing you this message. No better clothe on me.

Mama , please look at this problem to help even send 100 pounds to me to be able to by clothe for my body, i am going out naked.

Please don' t keep silent over me, i need your urgent attention ma.

I wrote to Mama Tushie over this to help me at least to put clothe on my body, life of a refugee

here is not the best in this country Burkina Faso. Mama i beg you in the name of God this is the only way to communicate with you and to write this message is very hard for me and please don' t keep silent over this i beg you.

Help me with whatever you can do urgently for me.

My name is Davies Olade
City: OUAGADOUGOU.
Country: Burkina Faso.

Mama please help me send whatever you can afford to give me now through that name i beg you ma.

Is just because you don' t know what i am passing through here, if am your biological son, i believe you will not allow this kind of situation to happen to me. I beg you to please listen to my cry.
Thank you ma.
May God Almighty be with you.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

17 May:

Dear Mr Olade,

I have read both of your e-mails.

They both seem to be rather florid and are just begging letters.

What's in it for us?


Tushie Meshuganah

To Scamorama: Just in case Lady A forgot to mail this to you - she has been hitting the vodka pretty hard since she found Sir Marmite in fragrente delicto with Reverend Tossov and two chrous girls from the London production of Spamalot.

Kindest regards,

TUSHIE


Lady Agatha Bristol

My dear Tushie,

I think you must be confusing me with someone else. My marriage to Sir Marmite is but a front to the Lads. I am actually single, married to my work at the Special Operations Department. I have been copying Scamorama into all correspondence regularly.

In fact, Davies has emailed me as we speak...


Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Thank God that you have read my letters. It may look like begging letters and it is a begging letter bacause i am in a difficult situation here in Burkina Faso.
I am a refugee in this place from Somalia and life is too hard for me, really you can not carry my problems but you can solve my immediate needs.

I am not the only Somalia around here but i am calling your attention because of my situation here, no food, no clothes, no drugs.

I call for your attention to help me out of this situation and if life is not miserable for me , i will not continue to write you. You are a lady as you said , i too i am a young man but life kept in in Burkina Faso as a refugee, there is nothing i can do for now than for you to help me out. And i keep on saying it to help me. I want to go back to somalia or kenya, i don't have money for that. Presently i need to survive by eating, no money nothing even the citizens of this country are suffering talkless of a refugee.

Lady Agatha, if you say that i am a beggar , well i am but i believe that i will not continue to be a beggar till the rest of my life.

You may not understand what am passing through here because you are not here but God knows what am passing through and he will deliver me out of it. Nobody likes to be a beggar especially i, because am suppose to be in school rather than to be a refugee in another man' s country. God will deliver me.

Thank you.

Please don' t address me sir.

Yours,
Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

My dear Olade,

Thank you for your note.

It was interesting. I do not see how we can assist you yet. All we have is your side of the story.

Once we have some proof of your ID, we shall have a good start on which to begin these modalities.

Have patience with us, old boy, because I will ensure that you get what you deserve.

As ever,

A


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: Mama
Date: Thu, 17 May 2007

Mama,
Good day to you ma. I wrote to lady Agatha concering my matter but the reply i got was that i am begging. Well all is well, situation turns people to be a beggar.

I am not a beggar but situation has cause it for me because i am suppose to be in school rather than to be a refugee in another man's land. Nobody is praying for problem in life and who can tell what may happen tomorrow. I never expected to be a refugee but it happened today. Mama what i just want to say is that if you have something to do for me you can do it because i am a beggar, i believe you can still help a beggar.

May God help.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

18 May 2007

Dear Davies,

I am so pleased that you and Lady agatha have made contact at last.

The Holy Bagel Community is holding a conference in Smegaroon in late June and perhaps we can purchase a ticket for you to return to East Africa. I think it likely we could fly you out of Burkino Faso to Nairobi [via Lagos, Nigeria].

Lady Agatha is in charge of our monetary disbursements but the cost of the air ticket will come out of my budget and I need no further authorisation to puchase it.

May the Lord have mercy on you,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH

[Ah, Smegaroon! The fabled isle. Smegaroon Resorts are generous sponsors of Scamorama.]


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: Mama
Date: Sun, 20 May 2007

Mama,
Greetings to you in Jesus name. I sent a mail to you over my problem and what Lady Agatha said but i did not see your reply. I explained to Lady Agatha of what i am passing through in this place, may she thought i was joking or not. But mama , you will still be the one to help me talk to her because i don' t know waht to say to her again.
The other time she wrote that my letter was a begging letter and i agreed with her because if one is not in difficulties he/ she will not beg.
The situation here has made me a beggar to her but God is alive.
Mama, i need your comment over this because i believe if i am your son passing through this kind of situation you will help me. Mama i don' t want you to keep silent over this my matter i am just begging you for this.
You know how to help me mama to be frankly speaking, if you have intention to help me i believe you can do something even for you to talk to Lady Agatha over my matter you can do it. I believe in you and God will help you too.

Please mama look into my matter, for me to write letter to you is not easy, if i go to church on sunday some brethren can give me something and out of this i have to by 30 or 1hr to write message, if it is weekly days , i have to help the owner of the cybercafe sweep before she will give me 30minutes to check my box. So the situation here is too hard.

So mama please meet Lady Agatha for me and whatever you can afford to help me please do it for me.
May God be with you and your house.
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

21 May

Dearest Son,

I have instructed Lady Agatha to send you one hundred golden dorks.

I am sure she will soon be in touch.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Lady Agatha Bristol

Dear Tushie,

The gentleman has not emailed me back with proof of his ID and this frankly rather outlandish proposal.


Davies Olade

Dear Lady Agatha,
Greetings to you in Jesus name. I will always remind you of my problem because there is nobody that can help me for now even the chaple that i use to go they can only find me token money to feed for one or twice because they just came here not more than one year and they have not been fully ok like that due to the fact that most of the people here are muslims , if not they would have done something for me.

Lady Agatha, i know that you are in position to help me out and i don' t know why you don't want to help me. You are asking for my ID, the money that will cost me to scan my ID to you is very hard because it is 2000cfa, and this 2000cfa for me to get it is very hard and to use it to scan is another problem.

Please i want you to understand my present situation, you are not here but God is here and is my witness He is between me and you now, if am ok i will not be writing you this letter, refugee life here is too difficult and i want you to please look into it.

Life is miserable here in Burkina Faso even for the citizens talkless of a refugee, please and please for Christ sake do something for me. The proof you are talking about i can not afford to scan with 2000cfa in this place even the church don' t give me 2000cfa on sundays.

Lady Agatha If you know the place call Burkina Faso, it is very hard to see who, can help you here. Many of our somali people are in Niamey (Republic of Niger) bothe men and women roaming around to beg for food.

So lady Agatha , you have power to help me, except if you don' t want to do so, if one is crying for help from God , it is humanbeing will still help , even if you have everything in life today but believe that is not by your power but by the grace of God and don' t think that i am a beggar but am in need presently because of the situation and because of problem in my country.

Shallom peace.

Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

22 May

Dear Sir,

I find this all very hard to believe.

How on earth do you get Internet access? I think you are a grubby little scammer operating out of Festac Town.

However, I am prepared to allow you to convince me otherwise - with hard proof, or be off with you.

A


Davies Olade

To: Tushie mashuganah
Subject: I still believe in you mama.
Date: Wed, 23 May 2007

Mama,
Greetings to you. I still don' t understand the meaning of this golden dorks you are talking about. I wonder if you really want to help me out of this situation or not because i can' t understand you , sorry for this.

You promise of getting some clothes for me , Mama you are not saying anything over it again, i beg you to help me with little thing, you never made any comment over it, why mama?

Please understand my problems in this place.

Mama , if you know that i can not get anything from your side please let me know.
Lady Agatha was saying may be i am one of the scammers. Well no problem , only God knows who is saying the truth in this world , if Lady Agatha has power to help me and she refuse. She has the power and i can not challenge her but mama let me know the truth of the matter. I believe you have a son or daughter, please mama do something.

Mama please let me know the truth of the matter, if you are going to help me or not.
I still believe in you.

Shallom peace.

Yours sincerely,

Davies Olade.


Gazza Hornokski

23 May 2007

Dear Davies,

Mrs Tushie Meshuganah flew to Smegaroon this morning. However, I have forwarded a copy of your letter and I am sure she will reply to you shortly.

Gazza Hornokski
Personal Assistant to
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Greetings to you there. Infact you always surprise with some names you do call. The other time you said beggar, today scammer, well only God who is saying the truth as you don' t want to believe me and help me out, you have the power and all descision is yours.

Secondly , you said i use to sit on internet, i don' t think is true because any reasonable humanbeig will not be sitting on internet all the time. But it is very important for me to spend 30 minutes to check my box at least every 48 hours bacause it is situation that brought me like this. I am educated enough to even be working in the office by now , if not because of problems, i was in my second year in Mogadishu University before i left , it is not that i am too inferior like that of which i don' t know what to do.

I have been cerying unto you to help me get out of this mess but i don' t know what you want me to do. There is noway i will go to a cybercafe that i will not see somebody to help me with 30 minutes to check my box, even the owner, i do help to sweep so that she can give me some minutes to check my box because some know that i am a refugee.

This is only communication i have , no phone .

Lady Agatha , what do you want me to do? Infact i am really ashame for begging but i don' t have any choice , no mother here , no father. What do i do Ma?

You are telling me that i am a scammer, may God forgive.

How are you going to help me? I am living a misrable life and you don' t want to help me why? What is my happiness being see myself as a refugee, begging to eat, begging to by common soap, begging to do all things because i don' t have money.

Lady Agatha please this is not fair , i am saying the truth.

What do you want me to do? I am in distress situation. Why can't you believe me. I don' t think the little money you will give me can change my life but it can only help solve some of my needs.

Take me like your brother that is in need please.
Have a nice day.

Davies Olade


Lady Agatha Bristol

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your note.

My dear Olade, nobody said you were a scammer. We just want proof so we can consider your plight.

As ever

A


Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Thanks for your letter. I will like you to do this as a favour for me.
Please could you help me get a ticket from Burkina Faso to Kenya?
you can write the ticket in London and i will pick it at there office here to go to Kenya if not Somalia. Please i want you to do this as a favour to me because life is too difficult for me here i beg you.

Thanks.

Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

26 May

Absolutely not.

Give us our evidence, then we will help.

A


Davies Olade

To: Tushie
Subject: I still believe in you mama.
Date: Wed, 23 May 2007

Mama,
Greetings to you. I still don' t understand the meaning of this golden dorks you are talking about. I wonder if you really want to help me out of this situation or not because i can' t understand you , sorry for this.

You promise of getting some clothes for me , Mama you are not saying anything over it again, i beg you to help me with little thing, you never made any comment over it, why mama?

Please understand my problems in this place.

Mama , if you know that i can not get anything from your side please let me know. Lady Agatha was saying may be i am one of the scammers. Well no problem , only God knows who is saying the truth in this world , if Lady Agatha has power to help me and she refuse. She has the power and i can not challenge her but mama let me know the truth of the matter. I believe you have a son or daughter, please mama do something.

Mama please let me know the truth of the matter, if you are going to help me or not. I still believe in you.

Shallom peace.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

1 June

Dearest Son,

I am spending the next two weeks in Smegaroon - have you received your money from Lady Agatha Bristol ?

If there is any problem I can access the Holy Bagel Community's account in Smegaroon City and can easily transfer the golden dorks to you.

I assume you you do not have any banking services in your camp but I could send the cash via Western Union or Moneygram.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2007
To: Tushie

Mama,
Greetings to you ma. How are you are your family? hope they are all fine, may the peace and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
Mama the only thing i will tell you is that i believe you and i know that you will send me money as you promised.

Mama, i never received anything from Lady Agatha up till now, i was even sick of malaria during the week of which i couldn' t go out but thank God i am well in Jesus name. I don' t know why Lady Agatha refuse to listen to me when i told her that my living is too critical.

Mama , i know that you will send me money as you said. I have the faith because faith cometh by hearing the word. I heard the word and i believe you that you will not forsake me.

You can send the money through money gram as you said.
DAVIES OLADE
OUAGADOUGOU
BURKINA FASO.
I hope on you ma.

May the good God continue to help you in all your way in Jesus name amen.
Thank you ma.
Shallom peace.
Yours sincerely son,
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

2 June 2007

Dearest Son,

As I mentioned in my last letter, I am taking a vacation on the lovely island of Smegaroon which as you may be aware is off the coast of south east Africa.

So rather than send you the money, I will send you an airline ticket to Smegaroon - you can travel from Burkino Faso via Lagos, Nigeria - and after a few days rest and recuperation I will give you an airline ticket to Kenya.

May the bluebird of happiness nest in your bosom now and for evermore,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/


Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Greetings to you. I believe one thing in life that if God be for anybody no matter the difficulties one might encounter in life , God must surely prove Himself when humanbeing fails. I believe that you are right of what you are asking me for but i can not afford to scan anything when my living is 70 percent lower to the amount i will use to scan my ID card to you but you don' t want to listen to me and you don' t want to believe me.

But i will continue to call on my God, the God that never fail even when humanbeing fails God will prove Himself that He is God.

If my help is in your hands do it and if not God will take control because there is no where i can get 2000cfa for me to scan my ID card to you. I beg everyday for me to see something to eat, i beg to do everything, to buy soap to buy common mosquito coil everyday.

Sorry to ask you this question , please where do you think i will get money to scan my ID card to you? when i live a miserable life here. Even the citizens of this country can not afford to eat three times a day. Please have conscience and understand what i am telling you for Christ sake.

I want you to have one thing at back of your mind that whatever you do today God will ask you. If i can not afford to scan my ID card to you and you beacuse of that denie me , know that God will ask you at the end of the day, i want you to believe this . For me to write this message if i did not help the owner of the cybercafe to sweep , i will beg somebody for 30 minutes before i can write message. I believe God will make a way for me.

May God be with you.
Davies.

Lady Agatha Bristol

June 2

My dear Olade,

Thank you for your email.

It is not that I don't believe you, old boy.

But we've been here before with you native chappies and you can understand that we would just want proof before we can continue.

We don't want a repeat of the Bowden Affair, you know.

Send me your ID and we can, as they say, go from there.

Remain Blessed,
A


june 6 update

Davies Olade

Date: Sun, 3 Jun 2007
Subject: RE: I believe you mama
To: Tushie

Mama,
Thanks for your plan for me. I will be very happy to meet you in person. I told Lady Agatha this before i got sick last week but she refused, because when i saw the symptoms of malaria , i just concluded with one of my friend here that it is better one find way to east africa our area than living a useless life here and that is why i wrote lady Agatha this last week before i was not able to come out during the week till friday.

Mama , i will be very glad if you can do this for me and that my friend Abass Mohammed because we are all suffering in this place but instead for us to go to nigeria it is better we go to Mali very close to Burkina Faso than Nigeria, i am afraid of the country talkless of going there, there is Kenya Airway in Mali, so we can go to Mali to board.
One lady said her testimony in the church today sunday that armed rober attack them while she was coming on thursday from nigeria in Lagos. So mama please you can help write the ticket to Mali and not lagos.

Even there are many nigerians around here of which the people of Burkina Faso did not like them and i don' t want to go there. I do see them around cafe, so please mama , i prefer to board at mali than lagos. Please you will still send transport to go to mali, i and the guy because we stay together. May God help you mama to do this help.

We are suffering too much is only on sunday's i do feel happy , somebody may give me little thing to eat, only that the church is new, the pastor always pity our condition, sometimes he will give food and it is ok.

Mama , please don' t allow this to be too long because of our condition.
Thank you.
Davies .


Tushie Meshuganah

Dear Son,

Thank you for your prompt reply - I will send air tickets for you and your friend to Kenya and Smegaroon via Mali. It is OK if you or your friend prefer to stay in Nairobi and not fly on to Smegaroon for a free holiday but wish to return staright away to see your families in Somalia.

Now you must let me have the full name of your friend and I will process the airline tickets. I hope you both have passports.
I will also send you one hundred gold dorks from our Kneidlach Funds for your expenses.

May the Almighty ensure youy receive everything you deserve.

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/


Davies Olade

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2007

Mama,
May the good God make you happy till the rest of your life in Jesus name. I will be very very glad for this. Infact it is because of your message i came with my friend to see if you have reply. This is what i told Lady Agatha to do for me but she insisted that i should scan my ID card and i told her that there was no money for me to scan it and beside i live 70 percent lower to the amount to scan it, where does she want me to get money for it. Living is too difficult even to buy a mosquito coil we also beg for money and people have known us that we are beggar.
We are eating what will see and not to full our stomach. But Lady Agatha did not want to understand our difficulties here. To scan anything here is money, we are not working and before i can write message today it is the money that my Pastor gave to take something to eat, we reserve to make sure i check my box and write you ma.

My name is Davies Olade and my second is ABASS MOHAMMED. He too is not feeling fine because he has stomarch ulcer.
Please the 100 may not be enough, we will lodge in hotel and buy some one or too clothes. Then transport so please make it convinient for us.
May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, guide you , protect you , bless you and crown all your efforts in life in Jesus name.

Shallom Peace.

Thanks.
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

5 June 2007

My Dear Son,

The Kreplach Fund limits me to sending only one hundred gold dorks - but this is equivalent to three hundred and fifty US dollars which I assume will be enough for your needs.

However, before I book the tickets and send you the money, please confirm that you and your friends have your passports.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Lady Agatha Bristol

Tushie,

I must urge caution in this matter.

Davies Olade has not even sent us any identification, and has steadfastly refused to answer even the simplest enquriy about the nature of his requests.

How do we know that he is not some ghastly little man in an internet cafe, like Prince Charles Nwaimo?

Please pop by the office and we can discuss this.

A


[Her Ladyship refers to the scammer and struggling musician who calls himself Prince Charles. The manner in which The Foreign Office dealt with 'Charles' provides a textbook example of how to waste a scammer's time. It is well worth a visit.]


Tushie Meshuganah

6 June 2007

My Dearest Agatha,

So kind of you to tell me of your fears regarding Davies Olade. However, I think we can assume he is a genuine indigent. As you know, I am currently in Smegaroon on vacation but I went to the Bialy Chapel and spoke to Father Tossov about Davies and he agrees with me that we do have a genuine case here to be referred to the relief division of the Council of Underdeveloped Nations Trusts.

Meanwhile I have instructed Dr Joseph Kucker of the Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank to send one hundred gold dorks to Davies from the Community's Kreplach Fund.

Of course, if we discover that Davies has not been truthful with us, we can always ask Agent Sheva of the Private International Security Service to pay him a visit.

Yours affectionately,
TUSHIE


Lady Agatha Bristol

Dear Tushie,

Very well. Let us see what happens - but I shall be keeping vigilant.

As for Agent Shevchenko being on the P.I.S.S., his training is going very well - he can now shoot a vodka bottle from 800 yards.

As ever,
A


[Enter Joseph Kucker, the paymaster for the HBC]

Joseph Kucker

6 June, 2007

Dear Mr Olade,

I have been instructed by Ms Tushie Meshuganah of the Holy Bagel Community to forward you one hundred gold dorks from the Community's Bialy fund.

Do you have a bank account ? If so, we can make an immediate electronic transfer. If not, you must inform me as how best to send you this cash. In case you are not familiar with the Smegaroon currency, one gold dork is [at time of writing] worth US$3.12].

Yours truly,

Joseph Kucker
Director of Overseas Operations
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT


june 17 update

Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Greetings to you in Jesus name. I just want to ask you that why should you have evil thought against me? You believe that i am scamer or what do you say? but i believe in the word of God according to the book of (3JOHN:11 That says BELOVED, DO NOT IMITATE WHAT IS EVIL , BUT WHAT IS GOOD . HE WHO DOES GOOD IS OF GOD, BUT HE WHO DOES EVIL HAS NOT SEEN GOD) Look i can not because of the problem i have today and think i will engage myself in that rubish, apart for being a christian (born again) the word of God does not permit this according to the book of( Proverb 13: 11 That says , WEALTH GAINED BY DISHONESTY WILL BE DIMINISHED , BUT HE WHO GATHERS BY LABOR WILL INCREASE) . Check the scripture , why you think in your mind that i am part of the rubish, your words makes cry because i don' t know why you hate me. Lady Agatha please have a good thought towards me i beg you in the name of God.

Despite the condition, i don' t think that a good christian should engage himself or herself in that kind of the atrocities, so please i beg you in the name of God you are a sister to me and don' t think of evil towards me instead pray for me.

May God be with you amen.
Davies Olade.


Lady Agatha Bristol

My dear Olade,

Your rather florid email provides plenty of heat but no light.

You may have pulled the wool over Tushie's eyes - but not ours.

We will be watching you.


Davies Olade

Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2007
Subject: May God be with you
To: Tushie

Mama,
Greetings to you in Jesus name . Thanks for your letter, may the good God in His infinite power be with you and your house. May the good God grant you and your children generational blessings and lift you up to your expectation in life in Jesus name amen. Mama , there is one thing that always gives joy and that is word of God, despite that people live a sinful life today but God remain God and His words remain ever.

Truly, we live in the world full of lies and fraud as Lady Agatha said in her letter to me, apart for being a christian ( born again) t the chapel i use to worship is against lies , fraud or scam according to the world of Lady Agatha but i believe in the word of God according to the word of God in the book of ( 3JOHN: 11 that says BELOVED, DO NOT IMITATE WHAT IS EVIL, BUT WHAT IS GOOD. HE WHO DOES GOOD IS OF GOD, BUT HE WHO DOES EVIL HAS NOT SEEN GOD ) The thought of Lady Agatha towards me makes me bitter in my heart, i don' t know why. I pray to God to give me power to live a holy life. May be people are tell lies to be reach i don' t know because it is not my work , all i know according to the word of God in the book of ( PROVERB 13:11 says that WEALTH GAINED BY DISHONESTY WILL BE DIMNIISHED, BUT HE WHO GATHERS BY LABOR WILL INCREASE.) Mama , i want you to check your bible and the scriptures by yourself, any good christian will not engage himself in this rubish because God can not lie. I pray to meet you mama so that you can still put me through in life. I wish to go to bible school if God help me, you are a mother to me and i wish to know you more.

Secondly, I saw a letter now the man ask me to tell him how is going to send one hundred dork to me, i met the message this evening plus your messages and Lady Agatha's letter written to you. I will write the person how to send it.

The word of God is making me happy bacause i know that non of His word will go unfulfil, if there are people engage theirselves in any fraud or scam, i believe they are ignorance of the word. When you know the truth, the truth shall set you free. Mama , pls help me tell Lady Agatha to have a good thought for me i beg you. Her words makes me cry in my heart but God said in the book of (JAMES 1:12, BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO ENDURES TEMPTATION; FOR WHEN HE HAS BEEN APPROVED , HE WILL RECEIVE THE CROWN OF LIFE WHICH THE LORD HAS PROMISED TO THOSE WHO LOVE) This is my satnd in life, no matter the case may be God remain God.

Mama , i thank you for your love and passion towards me. May God Almighty continue to help you in all area of your life in Jesus name. God will shower His abundant blessings upon your life in Jesus name. Pls mama write your telephone number to me in your next letter so that if i reach Mali or Kenya we shall call you, i wish to meet you mama.
Shallom peace
Davies Olade.


[Little does he know that he will certainly receive all he deserves from Dr Kucker of the Chavster Bank.]

Tushie Meshuganah

Dearest Son,

Thank you for your kind e-mail but I must remind you again that I cannot send you the air tickets until you can let me have the number of your passport. This also applies to your friend Mr Mohammed.

Your gold dorks will be sent through Mr Joseph Kucker of the Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International.

Love and Peace,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

Dear Mr Joe,
Thanks for your message. Please send the money through Western Union because i don' t have any account here.

Name: Davies Olade
City OUAGADOUGOU
Country: BURKINA FASO.

Thanks , may the good God be with you and your family amen.
Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade


Mbalz Es Hairi

7 June 2007

Dear Sir,

Mr Joseph Kucker is out of the office until tomorrow [Friday] afternoon.

He will reply to your e-mail as soon as possible.

Yours truly,

Mbalz Es Hairi
Private Secretary to Joseph Kucker


Mbalz Es Hairi

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2007
Subject: GOLD DORKS
To: davolde@yahoo.co.uk

8 June 2007

Dear Davies,

Mr Kucker has been called to an international bankers meeting in New York and he has asked me to conclude our business with you. Please note my e-mail address: xxxxxx or I may be contacted by telephone on my private line [UK country code then 29589099].

Would you prefer this cash to be sent as US dollars rather than as gold dorks ? The current rate of exchange is 1 dork = US dollars 3.13. There would be a small charge for this change of currency.

Yours sincerely,

Mbalz Es Hairi
West Africa Division
Chavster, Manfred & Newman Merchant Bank Ltd
London, England.


Davies Olade

Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2007
From: davolde@yahoo.com
Subject: Fwd: GOLD DORKS
To: Tushie

Mama,
This is the message of the person to me for you to see. Please write the person and tell him or her ma. You said you would spend two weeks in Smegaroon and if i did not receive this money now for me to go to Mali , i may not see you before you will go back. So please write the person.

Thanks.
Davies.


Davies Olade

Date: Sat, 9 Jun 2007
Subject: RE: May God be with you
To: Tushie
Mama,
Good day to you ma. How are you? hope all is well with you. May the good God be with you ma.

About the ticket, my passoprt number is AIO52687.

But Abass Mohammed has a Travelling Certificate number 2567 that covers him to travel to Ethiopia because it was issue there and it is valid for him to use it to board back to his place through Ethiopia Airline but i don' t know may be Kenya Airways will allow that but as for Ethiopia Airline , they will carry him and from there he can go to Somalia or stay there.

As for me you write my ticket to Smegaroon where you are now , i want to meet you before you go back to England. If i should go to Somalia first i may not have the opportunity to meet you ma. So please make my ticket up to Smegaroon after i see you finish i can go to Somalia or stay in kenya.

As for the money i have not receive it, although mr Joe Kucker has written a message to me concerning it and another person wrote again Mbalzi Hairi which Mr Joe asked to send the money but he has not send it, please write the person Mbalz Es Hairi [...] I will forward the message to you ma.

Thank you mama, may God help you and place you high up to your expectation in Jesus name amen.
Shallom peace.
Davies Olade.


Tushie Meshuganah

Dear Davies,

The Dominie of the Holy Bagel Community, Father Lonslo Tossov, has asked me to go on retreat with him for the next week.

However Mbalz Es Hairi will send you the air tickets and the one hundred gold dorks.

Remain blessed,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

Dear Mr Joe Kucker,
Good day to you sir. Mama Tushie told me that you would send me one hundred gold dorks as you said. The money is to be sent to me through Western Union money transfer or Money Gram.

NAME: DAVIES OLADE
CITY: OUAGADOUGOU
COUNTRY: BURKINA FASO.

Your secretary wrote to me over the money but i have not receive it that is why i have to contact you back over it. The name of the person is Mbalz Hairi and i told him or her how to send it but i have to write you to tell you how far about it as Mama Tushie asked me.

Thanks

I await your message.

Yours sincerely,

Davies Olade.


Cecil Ngoblah

11 June 2007

Dear Mr Olade,

Thank you for your e-mail.

Mr Kucker is out of the office for the next week but all Holy Bagel Community business is currently being handled by Mr Mbalz Es Hairi and Mr Haid de Salaami.

I am sure that they will attend to your enquiry very shortly.

Yours truly,

Cecil Ngoblah
Deputy Manager
West Africa Division
Chavster, Manfred & Newman Merchant Bank International
London, England


Haid De Salaami

11 June 2007

Dear Mr Davies,

Mr Mbalz Es Hairi has been summoned to Smegaroon by Father Tossov of the Holy Bagel Community. Therefore I shall be sending you the air tickets and cash.

Unfortunately I am unable to access Mr Es Hairi's e-mail and you may have already answered his query about whether you prefer US dollars to golden dorks.

Perhaps you would be kind enough to let me know which currency you prefer.

Yours sincerely,

Haid De Salaami
Chief Clerk
West Africa Division
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank Ltd
London, England


Davies Olade

Dear Mr Haid De Salaami,
Thanks for your letter. I told Mr Mbalz that he should send the money in dollars so that it will be easy for me here, although i am going to receive the money in cfa. Secondly, i saw Mrs Tushie message also now over the money that i should be expecting the money because we were suppose to go to Mali on Saturday but unfortunately for not receiving the money , we were not. That is why i came to check this because we are not doing anything here, we need to Mali first, there you will write Kenya Airways . But the most important now is to get to Mali and please help send the money so that we can take out leave to Mali. This money was promised last week, so please help do this by sending it through Western Union or Money Gram that was my discussion with Mama Tushie . Send it through this name:

NAME : DAVIES OLADE
CITY: OUAGADOUGOU
COUNTRY: BURKINA FASO.

Please i await your message.

Thanks.

Yours sincerely,
Davies Olade.


Haid De Salaami

12 June 2007

Dear Mr Olade,

I am pleased to inform you that Lady Agatha Bristol of the Holy Bagel Community is visiting the Community's clinics in West Africa and will be in Ougadougou, Burkina Faso on FRIDAY JUNE 15 for three days to attend a conference on the problem of West African Schlemeils.

She has your cash - $329 US from the Community's Bialy Fund golden dorks plus a further US$ 90 from the Community's special hardship fund making a total of US$419 - and two air tickets on Kenya Airways for yourself and your friend.

I believe you have already been in touch with Lady Bristol. So e mail your address to either Lady Bristol or myself and she will give you your cash and air tickets in person.

WIth kindest regards,

Haid De Salaami


Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Good day to you. What shall i say about you? I was told that you are coming for a conference in Ouagadougou , Burkina Faso. Thank God that you are coming, the point is that Ouagadougou does not have resisdential addresses except areas, so it will be very difficult to locate a house because they don' t number their houses, i don't know of the new areas but the area i am presently. If you really want me to meet you, kindly write where the conference is going to hold, so that i can come there to look for you or the hotel you are going to lodge even though i don' t have money i can take a taxi down to the place and i believe you are going to help for that. This is message i got now written yesterday by Mr Haidi Salaami.

Thanks.

Davies.


Lady Agatha Bristol

June 13

Dear Olade,
Thank you for your email. It is a pleasure to hear from you.

What conference?

And do not think that I am pleased that these modalities are going ahead just because of a few begging emails from you.

Agent Shevchenko is watching your move. And he always shoots straight.

Tushie: Dearest Aggie, You really must cut down on the vodka chasers at Annie's Bar. The conference you are attending is the Council of Underdeveloped Nations Trusts quartly meeting in Ougadougou. Did you not receive a copy of the e-mail sent to Mr Olade by my friend Haid de Salaami of the Chavster Bank ? -- Warmest regards, TUSHIE

Agatha: I'm sorry old thing, but I didn't receive it. However, my diary has now been updated and I shall be pleased to travel to Ougagougou. -- A


Davies Olade

Dear Lady Agatha,

Thanks for your reply. I forwarded the message i received from your people to you and to my surprise you were asking me what conference , i think you should ask this question from the sender.

Secondly, Lady Agatha, i pray for you that God should really forgive you your thought over me.

You always call me a scammer of which only God can judge that side because i asked you to help me out of my condition.

If really you would understand my situation in this place , you will pity but you can not understand it because you thought that i am a scammer. I do starve myself just to makr sure i can write you people at least sometimes 10minutes or more. The little help for me to take something in my stomach but just to make sure that i write you. If you understand french cfa money, if somebody manage to give me 200 or 300 cfa to eat, i can not use it all, of which is just a plate of rice but i will go and drink pap. Only sundays sometimes i get 500cfa if God touches any brother to give me something.

Then where do you want me to see 2000cfa to scan Lady Agatha? Or you think i engage myself in internet business. I don' t think the people that engage themselves are looking for what i am looking for from you. I believe they have women that are practising prostitutions working for them but they praech against it in our chapel.

Now one of your workers said you were coming of which i was even happy so that i will be able to meet you and know how to take our leave from here, you were asking me which conference. Who is telling lie?

What do you want me to do? If i am your blood brother , how are you going to solve my problem when am stranded? The One Hundred Dorks to be sent to me now has made me to be a scammer to you but may God forgive you amen.

Anyway, i don' t blame you, i blame some stupid nigerians around here who thought all they could do in life is to fraud somebody and that is why you think everybody looking for help is a scammer , what i will tell you is that i am not a scammer. You will see the forwarded message.

Thank you.
Davies.


Lady Agatha Bristol

My dear Olade,
I find all this rather pathetic, quite frankly.
However, I can confirm that I shall be in Ougadoodoo for the Conference.
Perhaps we could meet for a cup of tea.

A


THE FLIP-OFF

[Well shucks. Davies Olade learned how to use Google. You'll see.]

Davies Olade

Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007
Subject: Dear Mama
To: Tushie

Dear Mama,
Greetings to you ma. How are you ma? Hope all is well with you? It shall be well with you and your house in Jesus name amen.

Mama, i want to tell you that i have not received anything since then, what baffles me is that the person you said he would send me money , he sent me to Mr Mbalz and Mr Mbalz pass me to another man called Haid Salaami and nothing happened.

I got a letter that Lady Agatha would be coming to Ouagadougou , Burkina Faso for a conference , when i wrote her that i will like to meet her in person that i heard she would be coming to Burkina Faso she said what conference? Automatically she is not coming for a conference, later she wrote me that she would be coming, i asked her the place the conference is going to be hold or the hotel she is going to lodge but no answer .

I just discover that they are playing me because somebody who is coming for a conference and she never knew about the conference 24 hours to the day of conference this is terible.

If they are deceiving me. Can you deceive me mama? I just want to tell you this and you know what to do. If they can not help me for ticket please help with the money so we can take our leave by road.

I beg you for this because i am really tired of pushing me up and down and they turn me to a ball by passing me up and down.

Mama, please i lay everything to unto your hands and see how you can send me the money by yourself. If you can not afford the ticket , please help with the money so we can take road. This is all i have to say now.

I look unto you ma.

Shallom peace. Davies.


Tushie Meshuganah

Dearest Davies,

Oh dear, I am so sorry that you still have not received all that you so richly deserve.

I have spoken to Lady Agatha Bristol and I assure you that she will soon be with you. Unfortunately her husband, Sir Marmite Luny-Binns, intercepted the message and he forgot that Lady Agatha was going out to West Africa early next week. On his behalf, I apologise for any distress this has caused you.

I have great faith in Dr Haid de Salaami of the Chavster Bank - fear not, all will be well.

Remain blessed,
TUSHIE


Davies Olade

Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2007
To: Tushie

Mama,
Thanks for your letter. The only thing which i believe is that if you really want to help me in this situation with your heart mama , if really you want me to leave here either by air or road, then please help me send the money because i am not feeling fine in this place.

Secondly, what am suppose to take something, i can not take it or eat it, i do starve myself just to make sure that i send message to you. If somebody manage to give me 300 or 500 cfa, instead for me to take something good a bit , i will take something like pap, just to have coins to write message. Infact it is a shameful thing that i still beg for many things here, like today being sunday , the little thing some one gave me to eat , what i suppose to take a good meal, i can not because i want to get intouch with you.

Mama whether Lady Agatha is coming, i don' t have any confidence in it, if you can not help me mama just tell me once that you can not do this or the community can not.

What is so hard for somebody you have instructed to do something since 2 weeks now , nothing has happened, i mean you need to understand my problem and situation.

Lady Agatha do against me, saying i am a scammer , but i know non of the scammer is looking for the help of One Hundred Dorks , the money for me to take my leave now become problem. I will beg to buy mosquito coil, beg to eat; beg to buy common soap, i explain this but know way.

Mama, my conclusion is that , if i can not receive anything please tell me once and for all. If God says my help is in your hands do it and if not there is no problem, God will make a way where it seems to be noway. If the people you have instructed to do something and they failed what next.

My second is suffering of stomarch ulcer , no money to buy drugs , even to take a better food. Mama, i just need a word from you.

If you are going to help me send the money or not. Forget about the ticket for the moment, if it is delaying , life first. We need life before anything.

Mama, do something and if there is nothing please kindly tell me. Our living is totally difficult.

Thanks.
May God be with you.

Davies


Tushie Meshuganah

Date: June 18, 2007

Dearest Son,

Have faith, my boy - Lady Agatha Bristol leaves for Ougadougou tomorrow and she has your money - I believe this amounts to a little over four hundred US dollars.

She is staying at the Sofitel Ouaga Hotel. Naturally she is very busy preparing for the Council of Underdeveloped Nations Trusts' conference on West African Schlemiels. So she has asked me to tell you that you can meet her on Wednesday 20 June at 9.00am at the hotel reception desk. If this is inconvenient, you should contact her by e-mail as soon as possible to fix an alternative time.

Please remember to bring with you some form of identity such as a passport. We would not want your cash to be given to a dishonest person.

May God help you,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community


Davies Olade

Lady Agatha,
Good day to you.
How are you? hope all is well.
The purpose of my letter to you is that i saw all your hand work concerning my life by painting my name black.

If you can not help somebody, i don' t think you should add to his or her problem but you add to my problem after you fail to help my situation by placing my name as a scammer in your site when i visited Smegaroon site. Davies Olade now become a scammer because of One Hundred Gold Dorks. I told you that a scammer is not looking for help like me.

Now when you do this if am travelling tomorrow back to my country or anywhere else i should be afraid of going.

Do you know the implication of what you have done, i have copied everything and save it. But remember that addes injury upon injury to my life. I don' t have much time to write you now , i will get back to you and whosoever is part of it.

I have much to write but i don' t have enough minutes to write but i promise you.

Infact in you can not help , then you shouldn' t have place my name as scammer because i can go to any length for my name. I know that your Agent Schev is at work as you said before but this will pass his power. I know where to write to and the knid of people i can write to.

Have a nice day.
Davies.


Lady Agatha Bristol

Date: June 19, 2007
Cc: Tushie

My dear Olade,

I am unsure what this is all about.

Have you been drinking?

We are making preparations to come to your little country for an anti-fraud conference.

Perhaps we could meet at some point?

A


[Uh oh! the schlemiel is out of the bag!]

Davies Olade

Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2007
Subject: Fwd: FOR WANT OF A DORK
To: Tushie

Mama,
Good day to you ma. How are you ma? Hope all is well. May God be with you.

Mama, i just message to Lady Agatha for her to see that i saw her hand work. And i have to forward the mesage to you ma for you to see. For want a dork to leave back to my country has become a scammer. Mama , i just want you to know that Lady Agatha has offended me and i am after her irrespective of out come. I have been a refugee for sometime now and nobody takes care of me and i do not because of this turn to a bad person to my future but Lady Agatha painted my name black.

Mama, I saw all your note , i believe you wanted to help but now way. Before anything i have to let you know and that is my reason of sending you this message.

Thanks.

Shallom peace.

Davies


[Alors, il google en français. Shallom to you too.]


Lady Agatha Bristol

19 June

My dear 419 Scammer,

Well well - you have finally worked out that we have been wasting your time from day one. Our only regret is that we could not waste more of your time and money.

You are no refugee but a worthless criminal plying his pathetic and tired 419 trade from some sweaty internet café in Festac Town or some other Godforsaken dump.

You do not scare us, you do not worry us. The Foreign Office and our elite associates exist to give you what you deserve.

So congratulations - you've had the treatment from The Special Operations Department.

Now get lost.

A


Tushie Meshuganah

20 June 2007

Davies,

I do know how difficult life is in Burkina Faso, Nigeria and indeed in all of West Africa. There are not enough jobs and the people in power steal much of the aid that comes in from Europe and America.

Now I could be wrong but I think you are a young man - probably Nigerian as the fraudulent e-mails asking for money began in that country. So let me give you some words of advice:

1. These tired old scams have by and large run their course - only the most foolish of people would send money to West Africa by Western Union or Moneygram. In fact, many Western Union offices specifically warn customers about the Nigerian 419 scams.[*]

2. You can speak English which must help in finding honest employment. I genuinely wish you the very best of luck and if there is any way I can assist you find work, do not hesitate to contact me. In fact, my organisation - Private International Security Systems - will soon be recruiting agents. This job entails finding e-mail criminals and reporting them to the few police officers who can be trusted to prosecute them.

3. Thanks to our Internet tracking programme the Holy Bagel Community [one of the false names of the Private International Security Systems] knows exactly from where you have transmitted your e-mails. Be warned, Davies, that although the local police can be easily bribed, our operatives do not accept dash and if you continue to send out 419 e-mails, you will receive a visit from one of our agents which you will not find a pleasant experience.

Best wishes,

TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
West African Division
Private International Security Systems
P.O.Box 362
Accra
Ghana
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/

[* Scam-o-note: the e-mail barrage we know and love so well started from Nigeria; this particular fraud, in its basic form, did not. The Scamorama book describes a French version of the 1830s. And no doubt you could go back further.]


[ More to come? Probably not!]

scamorama main street * get booked * subscribe

Copyright © 1999-2016 Scamorama. All rights reserved.