UNTRANSLATABLE

This is what happens when you let kids play with the computer.
From a Kindly Contributor in New Zealand.

Cast:
James Benson - your basic scammer guy
Barrister Al-Hassan Belgore - your basic scammer guy's barrister
Mary Khalifa - your basic scammer guy's barrister's assistant

David Umbeki - Kindly Contributor
Amy Tan - his assistant
Jeremy Bolderson QC - anxious father - all is revealed below, just read on

Needless to say, everyone's lying about everything.


JAMES BENSON

From: james benson [mailto:ejamesbenson@mail.co.za]
Sent: Wednesday, 29 January 2003 4:14 p.m.
To: ejamesbenson@mail.co.za
Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE NEEDED.

Dear Sir/Ma,

I am Dr. James Benson the son of late Sir Benson Jmaes(snr),Akwanga of Zimbabwe who was the President of the Cooperative Agricultural Societies (CAS) in Zimbabwe. During the current crisis against the farmers of Zimbabwe by the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe to claim all white farms in my country, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and their followers. My father was one of the biggest farmers in the country and although a black indigene, he did not support the President Political Ideology. Therefore the President supporters invaded my fathers farm burnt down everything killed him and confiscated all his investments.

After the death of my father, my mother and I together with my younger sister decided to move out of Zimbabwe for safety of our lives.our departure from Zimbabwe to Benin Republice at (west africa),my father as deposited $US9M(nine million dollars). it as personal valuables in a private security company and sought for political asylum. These funds were meant for purchase of agricultural equipment and machinery.

My mother has suggested and I agreed that we have to move out of the African Continent to overseas for actual safety and to do reliable business investments.

Therefore we have decided that I should contact the reliable business person/firm/company who could assist us to transfer this money out of Benin Republice through a current investment accountbecause as refugees we are not allowed to operate any account exceeding US $2000.00(TWO THOUSAND US DOLLAR).

So we need your help to transfer this money to your country. For assisting us to transfer this money to your country we unanimously agree to offer you 10% of the total sum, 90% will be for me and my family to be invested in your country under your assistance and your supervision.

If my proposal is considered you can contact immediately. Please note that because of our political status we intend to keep private and confidential information about the whole process of this transaction. We beg that for my family protection you absolutely keep this private and confidential.

Please contact me as soon as possible on my private E-mail: amildkhalifa@africamail.com

Best Regards.
JAMES BENSON.

Scam-o-note: everything above about Zimbabwe is true except for the parts that are lies, namely, everything about "Benson" having a "father" who was done in by the (very real) forces described above. In other words, basically, everything. But you knew that.


DAVID UMBEKI

sir,

i got Youir letter and am eager to assist you I Am an investment banker with acccess to multiple high-interest yielding account holdings and will be happy to provide them to your use.

I am curious as to one particularity and if you can do me the honor of addresssing this i will be happy to assiste you in your endeavours - why is your personal email in a differnt name to your own?Is this for confidentiality and security?

Yours

David Umbeki


JAMES BENSON

DEAR David Umbeki,

THANK FOR YOUR SWIFT RESPONSE TO MY MAIL.I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT FOR THE SAFETY OF MY FAMILLY WE SHOULD TAKE THIS TRANSACTION AS CONFIDENTAIL AND SECURITY PURPOSE.

PLEASE I WANT YOU TO FORWARD ME WITH THE NECESSARY INFORMATION SO THAT I KNOW WHO I AM DEALING WITH,BECAUSE THIS FUND IS ALL WE HAVE GOT LEFT.PLEASE FORWARD ME WITH YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER,FAX NUMBER,ACCOUNT NUMBER AND YOUR FULL NAME AND COMPANY NAME IF ANY, SO THAT WE CAN CONTACT A LAWYER WHO WILL HELP PROCURED MOST OF THE VITAL AND NECESSARY DOCUMENT ON YOUR NAME THAT WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT BY THE SECURITY COMPANY.

AS TO YOUR QUESTION I USED A DIFFERENT E-MAIL CONTACT FROM MY NAME BECAUSE OF THE NATURE OF THIS TRANSACTION AND FOR SECURITY PURPOSE.MY FRIEND I WANT YOU TO PLEASE HELP SPEED UP THIS TRANSACTION AS MY MOTHER IS VERY SICK AT THE MOMENT AND WE INTEND FLYING HER ABROAD FOR TREATMENT IMMEDIATELLY WE GET THIS FUND OUT FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY.

FINALLY I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT ALL RELAVANT DOCUMENT WILL BE PEOVIDED TO YOU FOR THE CLIAM OF THIS FUND.I HAVE CONTACT AN ATTORNEY HERE IN BENIN REPUBLIC WHO IS GOING TO HELP US OUT.

BEST REGARD

Dr.JAMES BENSON.


DAVID UMBEKI

Dearest of sirs

My heart is great within me that you have chosen me for this most delicate and confidentail of taskes. Security purpose will be matrched at all stages with greatest of concern.

I will be happy to forward all necessary information including the numbers and detials and confidentaila addresses of my multiple high interest accounts containing large quantiys of American (US) bonds and dollars.

Please advise address name and legal registration board serial number of the lawyer you intende to engage for this most confidentail purpose as the honour and honesty of the attorney in this issue is of the highest of importance.

i look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours in the utmost extension of my esteem

David Theloze Umbeki

ps please advise the details of your mother's ailment - is it amenable to cure?Or has she contracted a terminal illness?I have some skill in medicine and may be able to advise.


JAMES BENSON

Dear David,

Thanks for your timely reply.I got in contact with the attorney with regards to the transaction at hand and he said that it is needless soliceting your account number,as one as got nothing to do with it.All that is require is the physical presence of the principal with every neccessary and vital documents for withdrawal and collection will be effected without any hindrance(s)

Therefore,I'll rather advice that you get in contact with the attorney for better briefing and clearity.He's by name BARRISTER AL-HASSAN BELGORE.

E-mail:barristeralhassanbelgore@justicemail.com

Therefore,you are to send down your telephone number,in order to fascilitate better communications.While,the fax number is needed,to fascilitate sending of neccessary and vital documents regarding the safe-keeping and withdrawal of the said funds.

I think mama is psycolosically sick than anything.And I supposed this was as a resultn of the traumatic experience she had,in witnessing the death of her lovely husband.Hence,she need to change her environment i.e.Leaving the Africa continent as soon as possible.

Thanks

Awaiting your timely reply.

Dr.JAMES BENSON


DAVID UMBEKI

Most notable salutations to you the Hon Dr James

I am excellently pleased that we are moving towards a realisation of your dreams fondness taht you will be able to escape the problematic contretempss in witch you find yor selves.My concern is extended to you and to your mother and i am sure with my aid all will be brought to a happy outcome.

I am grieved to learn of the psycolosically based ailments of your dear mother.Happily I am a trained psychiatrist, and am convinced taht, were you to describe her symptoms to me that i could aid her in attaining a full recoversy.This would be a useful and helpful accourtrement to resolving our own concerns namely the transfer of your liquid funds from their corrent holding place to a new and mutually benneficial one.Accordingly please describe them in as great a details as you can bear.unfortunately i am unable to provide with you the facsimile number at the present time as it is in shop being fixed.however my nubmer is 0064 4 8015657.[King Wah Restaurant, Courtenay Place]

Yours in the expectation of a mutually beneficial outcome to our dilemma

David Th. Umbeki (M.B.Ch.B)


JAMES BENSON

Dear David,

Thank you for your sincere concerns towards my family plight;I pray that God almighty will reward you adequately;while we all shall have course to celebrate at the end of the transaction.

Barrister belgore has gotten in touch with the security company and they are still talking.He(Belgore) was in contact with me early today and he (Barrister-belgore)said you mail him.

Anyway,I have given him(Barrister Belgore)your telephone number,so that he can talk with you.And he has promise to do that when he returns from court (session) later.So therefore expect his call.

I tried to call the number you gave me but,it was ringing without response.Is it a land-line(home-telephone),or a mobile phone.

Awaiting your timely reply as usual

Best Regards,

Dr.JAMES BENSON


BARRISTER A.BELGORE

Dear DAVID,

From the desk of BARRISTER A.BELGORE

This is to aknowledge receipt of your mail to me.Thanks for the mailing.

I got your telephone number through your friend/business partner in the person of Dr.JAMES BENSON-A ZIMBABWEAN by nationality(currently seeking assylum at contonu)Republic du-Benin.He has directed that I should open-up communication with you,with regards to the business transaction between you both(i.e the withdrawal and transfer of the fund at the security company).Hence I ask my secretary to line me up with you,but,when it got through,the telephone line was blinking;which made it somehow cumbersome to talk to with you on your telephone number "0064 4 8015657"

I hope the number is correct?please confirm.Anyway,I wish to inform you that I've open-up negotatins with the security company on how to get the 'fund' in their custody released to you and I want to sesures you that we are steadily and fastly making progress. All that is required of your i.e to send to my table(through my E-mail address)some personal data of yours,in the form opf a QUESTIONAIRE".This information is required to effect change of ownership status to the "BENEFICAL"(i.e you)in order topave-way for easily collection of the "funds" by you MR.DAVID t.umbeki.

I shall instruct my P.A or secretary to send this informations(i.e Questionaire) to you immediately so that I can forge ahead.

Meanwhile,am sill working on the 'AGREEMENT' CUM conditions of the transaction(for you both)and as soon as am through,I shall send the copy to you for ractification.As soon as this is done,I shall send to you the POWER OF 'ATTORNEY'cum other relevant and neccessary documents,such as the LODEGEMENT or DEPOSI CERTIFICATE ect; for collection by you.

Please,endeavour to reply every mail from my edesk promptly,to aviod any unneccessary delay from our side.

Thanks for your understanding and co-operations. Awaiting your prompt response,

Yours faithfully,

Barrister belgore.

[This was formatted oddly, it was hard to decide what antiquated input device the Barrister is using.]


DAVID UMBEKI

Dearest of friends

I have talked with your barrister, though he claimed his name was a different one but I assumed he was maintaining of security purpose.He has aggreed to take of deposit from me but is unsure how much.Accordingly i do nott understand you r message detailing the 'beeping noise' from 006448015756 as this is my telphone numero.

Please to be let me know swiftly now how much money you are needing and how as finaniical exigincies may be pressing upon me and i am unsure How long i will be able to help you.

Has your mother began talking in tongues aand foaming at the mouth as this is a sign of imminentt demise?Phsycholsical ailments can be the most dangerous of alls, far more so that physical ills as they strike the minde, the seat of reasona dn heart of the faculties.please do me the honour of giving her my fondest wishes and best hopes for her immmediate recovery.

Also may i enquire how you were choosing me out of all the possible people to assist you on the inter net, as you werlucky not to get an agent of your enemies!

David Theloze Umbeki (M. B. Ch. B)


MARY KHALIFA ("barrister's assistant")

Dear MR.DAVID UMBEKI,

You are require to send information regarding the follow below datas(QUESTIONAIRE)

This is neccessary to effect change of ownership status to the Beneficial to make easy the withdrawal/collection of the consignment(fund)from the security company.

1.NAME:(SURNAME):................OTHERS...............
2.AGE:/NATIONALITY:..............SEX..................
3.COUNTRY(HOME ADDRESS):..............................
4.PROFESSION:...............DESIGNATION(POSITION)......
5.TELEPHONE:..................FAX:.....................
6.INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT NUMBER OR DRIVER LICENCE NUMBER.................................................
REASONS WHY MR.DAVID WILL HAVE TO TRAVEL FOR COLLECTION

Note however,that the said 'funds' was "CONCEALED" as a (specid) consignments.
Hence,the main contents was not known or disclosed to the security company.The contents was rather disclosed as 'DIPLOMATIC-DOCUMENTS'
Therefore,the security company officials did not know that the Luggage(s) contains money.

Thank you.

MARY.C.KHALIFA.

Personal assistance.


DAVID UMBEKI

is have filled out the relevant below datas.'
Daveid umbeki

-----Original Message-----
From: barristeralhassan belgore [mailto:barristeralhassanbelgore@justice.com]
Sent: Friday, 7 February 2003 10:54 a.m.
To: Sebastian Morgan-Lynch
Subject: "THE QUESTIONAIRE"

Dear MR.DAVID UMBEKI,
You are require to send information regarding the follow below datas(QUESTIONAIRE)

This is neccessary to effect change of ownership status to the Beneficial to make easy the withdrawal/collection of the consignment(fund)from the security company.

1.NAME:(SURNAME):...Umbeki.............OTHERS.....Daveid Theloze..........
2.AGE:/NATIONALITY:...64, Uzbekistani...........SEX....M..............
3.COUNTRY(HOME ADDRESS):.....29 Kaliskstarny Rovjhod, Ust-Kamenogorsk, Kazakhstan.........................(this is place of legal domiicile)
4.PROFESSION:.....Investment Banker/Psychiatrist..........DESIGNATION(POSITION)......Chief chirurgeon and Money Counsellor
5.TELEPHONE:..8015657................FAX:..........have no fax...........
6.INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT NUMBER OR DRIVER LICENCE NUMBER..............do not have passport and unable to drive as partially blind...................................

REASONS WHY MR.DAVID WILL HAVE TO TRAVEL FOR COLLECTION
Require money for eye operation

Note however,that the said 'funds' was "CONCEALED" as a (specid) consignments.
Hence,the main contents was not known or disclosed to the security company.The contents was rather disclosed as 'DIPLOMATIC-DOCUMENTS'
Therefore,the security company officials did not know that the Luggage(s) contains money.

>>>>>>>>>OPlease, what does this mean?what luggage to you speak of? who are the security complanty officials?

Thank you.

MARY.C.KHALIFA.

Personal assistance.


BARRISTER A.BELGORE

Dear Mr.DAVID,
Thank you for your prompt response.And thanks so much for the informations so far provided(i.e your personal datas).

Sir,your business partner/friend,in the person of DR.JAMES BENSON,said you said,I try to hide or deny my identities(names).I wish to correct this impression here that at no time did I try eny my identities(names)to you.
I am a international lawyer of reputes,so why must I do that?My full names are 'BARRISTER AL-HASSAN BELGORE'.Most fondly called or refers to as 'BARRISTER BELGORE',by my learned collegues and clients.So therefore,I hope this correction or point is well note?

Lest I forget,on the issue of your last question;I wish to states there that you need not to bother your self or worry about the informations there;as these are some of my findings in the course of performings my civics responsibility,with regards to how to getting the 'funds'released to you by the security company where it's presently been lodged or kept.

Disclosing or letting out the informatons was a great mistakes on the part of my personal assistance as well as my confidential secretary;the two,whom have delegated the authority to send reply to you.
This are major or minor points I have jotted down,for my own use,but because it was in the same memo-sheet I draft your message for typing and,the secretary did not know,she just went ahead to type anjd sent every messages or write up,she saw in the memo-sheet. Therefore,sorry for whatever inconveniencies,,this might have caused you.

And on a final note sir,I wish to states clearly that I may not be able to send to you the necessary documents require for the collection of this'funds'; while at the same time I may decide to stop further proceedings with regards to the this transaction,if I do not receive some advance(part-payment)of my professional/litigational fee;as agreed to by me(Barrister Belgore)and your business partner/friend(MR.JAMES BENSON).
I was trying to be considerate,hence,my reason for taken up the job(based on condition and agreement)without receiving a penny as advance or part payment.
In this case and in order to expedite actions (professinally)onthis subject matter(i.e releasing of at least nothing less than '($US-D2,200) two thousand,two hundred American dollars.

This is neccessary papers(documents),needed for the collection of the said 'funds'.After which,I expect to get my balance.

Thanks and God bless,
Awaiting your prompt response.

Yours faithfully,
BARRISTER AL-HASSAN BELGORE.


JAMES BENSON

Dear DAVID,

As soon as I got your reply, I tried to talk to the Attorney to know why he (attorney) have to hide his true identities (names) for you. His response was that, he did not at anytime hide his name for you. He said what he did in his mail to you was that, he try to shortening or abbreviate his name as BARRISTER A. BELGORE.

Rather than writing it as BARRISTER AL-HASSAN BELGORE. He said the letter A., he used, stands for AL-HASSAN.

But, hes well known and refers to as BARRISTER- BELGORE Hence, theres no contradictions as regards his true particular and identities. Anyway, Ive instructed him (Barrister Belgore) to mail you and explain.

Sir, on the issue of financial assistance. When I contacted the attorney (i.e Barrister-Belgore) for this great assignment, I did not give or pay him any advance or part payment for the job hes doing for us. All I assures him was that we shall give him some part-payments, when he start up the deal and that before or by the time hes through (with the deal), we shall pay him every other balance. As an international-lawyer of repute, I never expect that he could agree to this (hard) conditions; but, he was so understanding and co-operative, thathe latter accept after much persuasions. I belief it is Gods doing. As others that I approach rejected the conditions. They (other lawyers) rather ask me to pay in advance, fees, such as consultation fee etc. etc.

Right now, the attorney (i.e BARRISTER BELGORE) is demanding that we fulfill our own part of the agreement, by paying the sum of $USD2,200 America dollars, as part-payment This he (Belgore) said is needed to help him facilitate the processing and sending to you (MR.DAVID) every vital documents needed for the withdrawaland transfer of the funds to your country. Secondly, I want you to also assists me with the sum of $US700-America dollars.

This amount is needed to take care of my familys immediate or primary needs and most especially, mamas medications. Therefore, in all I need the sum of two thousand, nine hundred and fifty America dollars ($US2, 950)

My choosing you was by God design. As I and my immediate family members (consisting of me, my mother and my younger sister) have to pray to God-AMIGHT. To direct us, so that we dont make or take the wrong-step or wrong choice or wrong decision. And we thank God, for making you (MR DAVID), a better and nice choice to us. Hence, we are grateful and I know and pray that we all shall have cause to smile at the end of the transaction.

Thank you for your concern on mama. She has not started foaming at the mouth. Neither has she start to speak in tongue, but, Ive been advised to take her to a specialist (doctor) so that she could be treated for GERONTOLOGY.This is why I need the money from you. And I promise to return every penny I collect from you as loan (at the end of successful transaction).

Therefore, please try and send the ($US2, 950)*, so that the lawyer can speed up the process.

Awaiting your timely reply,

DR. JAMES BENSON.

*The red stuff is editorial; for the scam-o-challenged.


DAVID UMBEKI

dear Amild,

thank you for your kindest replys, i am entirely satsified in my heart and liver atht all is as it should be in God's heaven!i undersatnd completlye that BARRISTER A BELGORE Is comletely "above board" as we say in my part of Kazakhstan.Actually we say 'Lunst Geprogel, oonfshnagel' but that is what we mean.

I notice that MARY C KHALIFA is BarRISTER BELGORD's personal executive assisteant secreatrery.Is she a relative?how joyous to be working as a family.As she has akesed me i am more than happy to envoi the sphondulicks (this is how we say 'money' in Kazakhstan) to you at once.Sadly I am unable to do the same with respekt to you r lawyer ans i have not yet obtained any services of a leggl nautre from him yet.wen he has done something to assist this transaction i will be overhappied to pass the correct qauantity of fresth green american currency to his hands.I suggest you promise him, in the interim period, a portion of the huge wealth you are holding in trust, perhaps a $1000 000 (1MILLION) $ and in the expectation of that i am certain he will continue his assistance.

I also note you request and respectfully require me to pay the sum of $700.00 USD for your mothe'r s medications. my intentions towards you r gerontologous mother is white as the driven snow (this is also a Kazakhstani expression, though that is only a rough translastion.we have much snow in Kazakhstand adn therefore many words and turns of phrase to descrive it, all of them very beautiful) I have been to the bank and withdrawn this sum of money and it is sitting beside me on the desk.How am i to send it to you? my fax machine is broked and s o will not be of usefulness in this endeavour, but have you a nother suggestiong?

i too hope that GOD has put us together inorder for all of us to be better and nice, and trust that we will all have cause to smile by the end of the transaction as certainly seems likely.I aM smiling right now, so we are already halfway there.Please do not bother to return the $700 i have obtained to provied you with, as we will all be very very very rich and aso a small loan will the be the LEAST of OUR WORRIES.

Give my fondest regards to you r mother ,w ho must be glad she has such an honest and upstanding son.

in the expectaiont of GOD's grace (and USD $700.00) showering upon you,

Yours faithfully

David Theloze Umbeki


DAVID UMBEKI

Dear barrister

Please advise why i will have to travle for collection? this is most disturbing.I have sent kind mr benson his moeny but i am unseure you are on the 'up and up' and and amd worried about whetherthis is a plausible solution.

please allay my suspicision, kind sir BARRISTER AL HASSAN.

yours

David Umbeki (MBChB LLM)


BARRISTER A.BELGORE

Dear M.r DAVID,

You may not need to travel;tis I've assured you.The chamber is now on SALLAH-break.Therefore,I shall get back to you in few days time.

Yoursfaithfully,
BARRISTER AL-HASSAN BELGORE


JAMES BENSON

Dear David,

Thank you for your kind generousity in taken care of mama's medical bill.The entire family(including mama)sends their profound gratitude to you as we pray that,God in his infinity, will continues to bless you,more abundantly.

Mary c. khalifa is a very good friend to my younger sister.Infact, she is a good friend of the family (Benson's family).She (mary) is also the confidential secretary to BARRISTER BELGORE.

And it was through her efforts, that we were able to secure the service of the attorney (Belgore) when legal assistances seems not to be forth-coming (as other lawyers are always asking for one form of advance payment or the other),before they can takeup the matter.

On the issue of promising the Attorney (Barrister belgore).My family background does not gives room for any deceitful-act.

Hence,you don't make a promise you can't fulfil.But,I shall try and talk to Barrister belgore to convince the more,so as to have his pay.

Since, mama will be going for her treatments (i.e GERONTOLOGY) in Lagos-Nigeria, I hereby recommend that you send the cash through this particulars,via "WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER" and send the "SECURITY CODE", to my E-mail address.

1.Name on passport:AJALA OLAREWAJU MICHEAL
2.place of issue: NIGERIA
3.Date of issued: 05 JANUARY 1999
4.Expiry date: 04 JANUARY 2004
5.Passport number: A0078614

Once again,mama and the rest of us says to you "THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS"

Awaiting your timely reply as ussual.

Best Regards,

Dr. JAMES BENSON.

NOTE:Send the "SECURITY CODE" of the western union money transfer to my E=mail box.


DAVID UMBEKI

Please who is this ajAla Micahel olarewaju?is this someone else?should the money not be sent to the Hon. Dr James Benson?I do nmot understand.The instant i can clarify my understanding the $700 (american) is yours.

I hope we can resolve this. The great Kazakh poet Abdullah Kavatsk wrote a poem which seems appropriate.

Lieso altvos gam
nier gants egalo
Krsas i Wellogas
Isgl nogsy sham;
Aaoogah! aaoogah! aaoogah!

It is, unfortunately, untranslateable.
v Yours faithfully

David Umbeki (Mr)


JAMES BENSON

Dear David,

Thank you for your urgent mail,and thanks for your concern.(Dr.AJALA MICAHEL OLAREWAJU)he's going to be one of mama doctors in charge in LAGOS-NIGERIA,so I suggest we should send the money to him.I have contact him about the money that my business partner want to send money by "WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER" to me this week.

Once again,mama and the rest of us says to you "THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS".

Awaiting your timely reply.

Best Regards,

Dr. JAMES BENSON.


DAVID UMBEKI

My mind is absolutely at rest and i have performed the required operations with all due celerity and speed.

yours in the expectation a joyous reply from your newly cured mama

David 'RootHog' thelozee Umbeki


JAMES BENSON

Dear MR. DAVID,

Thank you for your response.Have you send the(money)?I just want to know if you have send it or not,so that I can contact DR.AJALA OLAREWAJU MICHEAL (one of the doctors in charge).I and mama awaiting for your prompt response, so that we can travel to LAGOS-NIGERIA for her treatment,her appointment date is 18th feb. 2003,and we have to travel before the date.

Benin republic to Nigeria is three hours journey,once you send the money please kindly send the CONTROL NUMBERS to my E-mail box.

Thank you and God bless,

Awaiting for prompt response.

Best Rgards,
JAMES BENSON.


DAVID UMBEKI

Yes amild the Money has been sent rest assured of that fact.You are my firend after all and i have only the best of intentionss.

Yours David

Western Union Code is W32967


DAVID UMBEKI

Dearets of Mr James the Benson

Please, accept, my aPoloiges.the Number I was given you(W32967) was the incorrected one.or: rather it was the "Invoice Nubmer".in that it was the correct invoice number but tnot the 'right' one for you to obtaine the $700.00 (American) in money that i have sent to Mr Owalsa.

This here below is the corrected one: One 1000 sorrows for putting you in the state of concern if that I did so .

CORRECETED NUMBER 2988713810

David Theloze Umbeki (Mr)

psAs apologgy for my Error i have transcribed another poem to delight your souls:This too is from our national Poet:

Yoo wah Rabun
shofs tuuu
pit fukc
tard sai
yam lar
fin gaty
ooooooo.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

It is short yet beatuiful.It describes the travels of Rabun, a poor shepherd who has lost his pants ("fukc", in my language)."Where are my pants" he cries.No-one seems to know.It is very sad and so he cries, ah, ah , ah, ah, ah.


JAMES BENSON

Dear DAVID,

The money can not be cashed from the bank due to some "ERRORS" from your side.We are presently in LAGOS-NIGERIA with mama.I went to the bank with the doctor(whose particulars was used for the western union),and alas,it was indeed a big disappointment.Though,I know it was'nt intentional.

Therefore,please your time to provide this information as requested by the bank.

CORRECT NUMBERS:.....................................
SENDER NAMES:...................................................
RECEIVERS NAMES:................................................

NOTE:Please take your time while typing to avoid any ERROR again

Awaiting for your urgent reply.


JAMES BENSON

Dear Mr David,
Please kindly get back to me as soon as possible to know the level of things.Once again the appointment date for mama treatment is on the 18th FEB.2003(Tuesday).

Awaiting for prompt response,
Thank you and God bless.

Best Regards,

Dr.JAMES BENSON


DAVID UMBEKI

Daer Mr Jameson

you Are correct that no intentiaonl errors wer ecommtitted from this side of the transaction as all was proper and well intentioned in regards to the numbers however you may have actidentally use dth e'Invoice number' (W32768) accordingly therefore please again try the number of correctness ,namely

2988713801

this will inevitabley prove the correct one and your mother will instantly have recieved the treatment she so urgently desitres and requires.I understand your plight: for; i Had a mother who suffered from GERONTOLOGY also.My sad discover y was that , after her teeth fell out from GERONTOLOGY, she was forced to eat mashed bannannaas from a tube and died very, shortly after from the shame.

Please do the goodness of promising you will not allow your mother to eat banannas or other yellow fruit as it is not food of clinical indication.Milik is good and proper diet, during period of GERONTOLOGY and then when it has past a diet of solid food can be reintroduced.Above all, DO NOT DISCUSS POLITICS as argument provides strain on teh liver.

As always, I have prepared a poem for your goodness.

This poem is one of our national poets' obscure work.It describe the poet's night drinking wine ('pidfucc') with his firends Deestu and Haids.They drink much wine and finally can drink nomore.It is a simple poem yet depply felt.

GreeDeestu
pidfucc Haids.
Yample ayin
witcho mines anjou
carn teevin seeyit.
Getta proe perjob
anstop tryeen tucon pee
pill yornot ver Eegoodatit.

please hesitate not to contacting of me if there are problems of nature!

David Theloze 'RootHog' Umbeki (MBChB, LLM)


JAMES BENSON

Dear DAVID,

I went to the bank today with Dr.AJALA to cash the money you sent,but,we were dissappointed to learn that there lwas lno transaction.We went to frist bank(which operatis WESTERN-UNION-MONEY-TRANSFER-SERVICES),where we were told that there was no transaction(after given out the numbers details you sent to me,2988713801).Therefore,to set the point clear,I'ld like you to confirm the following questions.

1.WAS THE MONEY SENT THROUGH "MONEY GRAMS" or was it sent through'WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER'?

2.SENDER:first name.......middle name....... Last name.......

3.CONFIRMATION OF CORRECT-NUMBERS:...........

Alternatively,you may "SCAN" the payment-invoice you were given from the bank and send it to my mail-box.

Very urgent,as mama's appointment-date is billed for less-than 24 hours.

Awaiting for response,

Thank you and God bless.

Best Regards,

JAMES BENSON.


AMY TAN

AUTOMATED REPLY:

Mr Umbeki is out of the Office until Friday 19 February.Please direct any enquiries to his secretary, Amy Tan, on (01) 938 6940

Thank you, and I apologise for any inconvenience.


JAMES BENSON

Dear Amy Tan,

In your automated reply mail of Tuesday(18february 2003)you wrote that your boss MR.UMBEKI is out of office and that he wiil be back by Friday 19th february 2003.Please,make better clearification on the two subject matters of"DAY" (fRIDAY)and "DATE" (19-FEB.This isnecessary because FEBRUARY19 2003 is WEDNESDAY;while FRIDAY,should be 21st of february and not 19th as you wrote.Please,try and make this clearification as soon as possible.When is he(MR.UMBEKI)going to be around?

Is it wednesday(19th of feb) or (21st of feb)?.Can you please help to reach him on phone,just to brife him that he (MR UMBEKI DAVID)has an urgent but very important message from MR.JAMES BENSON?

Your timely response is expected

Thanks and God bless,

Best Regards,

DR.JAMES BENSON


AMY TAN

AUTOMATED REPLY:

Mr Umbeki is out of the Office until Friday 19 February.Please direct any enquiries to his secretary, Amy Tan, on (01) 938 6940 Thank you, and I apologise for any inconvenience.


JEREMY BOLDERSON QC

Dear Mr Benson,

I am afraid to say that you appear to have been the victim of a cruel hoax. I came into my study just now and discovered my 11 year old son, typing a message that purported to be an 'Automated Reply'. He explained that he has been tricking you all along, pretending to be a 'elderly Kazakhstani psychiatrist and money lender'. It seems extraordinary that anyone could have fallen for such an obvious fraud. He even told me, after a brief thrashing, that he has been putting coded messages in the 'poems' he has been sending you, and that you should read them out loud to unlock the riddles.Most curious.

I have changed my password and will no longer allow my son access to this computer. I am sorry to hear about your mother, but perplexed to read that she is suffering from 'gerontology', as this is simply the study of the aging process.Possibly a misdiagnosis?

In any case I apologise for any inconvenience, and trust you will not find it necessary to bother me again.

Yours sincerely,
Jeremy Bolderson QC
Barrister



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