UNOBTAINIUM: in which THE LADS UNWITTINGLY QUIT THEIR DAY JOBS AND GO ON THE ROAD WITH THE DEAD

The periodic table has really expanded since we were in school... This comes from the creator of "Donna Jean", last seen in Trouble Ahead, Trouble Behind:
From "Donna Jean": I really should get another hobby, but this is too fun. After the seriousness and craftsmanship I put into the Donna Jean/Madinga transaction, I started this one for some fun. Hope you like it. It's still working [...] but I'm not sure how much longer he's going to stay on the hook.


Mrs Sese Seko

[Scamo Note: you can see bits of similar letters here]

  FROM:MRS. M SESE-SEKO 
  
  DEAR FRIEND, 
  
  I AM MRS. SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU 
  SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE? NOW KNOWN AS DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC 
  OF CONGO (DRC). I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER, 
  THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY PRESENT 
  CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION. 
  
  I ESCAPED ALONG WITH MY HUSBAND AND TWO OF OUR SONS 
  KONGOLO AND NZANGA OUT OF DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF 
  CONGO (DRC) TO ABIDJAN, COTE D'IVOIRE WHERE MY FAMILY 
  AND I SETTLED, WHILE WE LATER MOVED TO SETTLED IN 
  MORROCO WHERE MY HUSBAND LATER DIED OF CANCER 
  DISEASE. HOWEVER DUE TO THIS SITUATION WE DECIDED TO 
  CHANGED MOST OF MY HUSBAND'S BILLIONS OF DOLLARS 
  DEPOSITED IN SWISS BANK AND OTHER COUNTRIES INTO OTHER 
  FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE THE NEW
  HEAD OF STATE OF (DR) MR LAURENT KABILA HAS MADE 
  ARRANGEMENT WITH THE SWISS GOVERNMENT AND OTHER 
  EUROPEAN COUNTRIES TO FREEZE ALL MY LATE HUSBAND'S 
  TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES. HENCE 
  MY CHILDREN AND I DECIDED LAYING LOW IN AFRICA TO 
  STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER, 
  LIKE NOW THAT PRESIDENT KABILA IS DEAD AND THE SON 
  TAKING OVER (JOSEPH KABILA). ONE OF MY LATE HUSBAND'S 
  CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE 
  FRENCH GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY 
  IDENTITY SO THAT MY INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND 
  CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF EIHGTEEN 
  MLLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS(US$18,000,000,00.) WITH A 
  SECURITY COMPANY , FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE 
  SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE 
  CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO INDICATE YOUR 
  INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY RECEIVING THE 
  MONEY ON OUR BEHALF.ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT 
  I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SON (KONGOLO) WHO HAS THE 
  OUT MODALITIES FOR THE CLAIM OF THE SAID FUNDS. I WANT 
  
  YOU TO ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT 
  WANT MY IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY 
  PROPERTIES AND STOCK IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND 
  TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON-SPECULATIVE 
  INVESTMENTS. MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASISE THE HIGH 
  LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS 
  DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND 
  CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU. IN CONCLUSION, IF 
  YOU WANT TO ASSIST US , MY SON SHALL PUT YOU IN THE 
  PICTURE OF THE BUSINESS, TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE 
  CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER 
  MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES. 
  
  FOR THIS REASON KINDLY FURNISH US YOUR CONTACT 
  INFORMATION, THAT IS YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE AND FAX 
  NUMBER FOR CONFIDENTIAL PURPOSE AND ACKNOWLEDGE 
  RECEIPT OF THIS MAIL USING THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS. 
  
  
  BEST REGARDS, 
  
  
  MRS M. SESE SEKO 

Robert Weir

  From: "Robert Weir"  
  Subject: Response to your recent e-mail 
  To: msekko1@epatra.com 
  
  
  Mrs. Seko-Seko: 
  
  
  I apologize for my untimely response, but I have been 
  away for the holidays.  I am most interested in 
  assisting you with your situation.  How may I be of 
  service?  My direct voice/fax number is (305) 
  946-0775. 
  
  
  Robert Weir 
  Mansfield Investments, LLC 
  Marathon, Florida 
  

Baldwin Seseseko

[ScamO note: The female to male handoff occurs. A standard Lad technique. See the cultural note.]

  Date: Tue, 21 Jan 2003 23:55:59 -0800 (PST) 
  From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: Thank you/details 
  To:  
   
  Dear Robert Weir, 
  
  I received your email which was a response to my mother's mail 
and I wish to thank you immensely for your kind interest to co-operate 
with my family on this transaction and your willingness and support 
to assist us in this transaction. Please, find hereunder the details 
of the transaction for better understanding. 
  
  Actually this transaction is real, and one hundred percent risk freeand 
does not relate to any breach of law or proceed from drugs. It isa matter 
of necessity to contact you for this transaction withoutfurther investigation 
about your person, as I viw you to be a moreresponsible personality. It is 
therefore necessary that you tell me alittle about yourself. I hope you 
would not betray me. As for Trust, it is a given thing that trust is earned, 
it is not given out lightly; however, because I need a foreigner in this 
transaction, I 
  must give you my trust; it is worth 20% of this money. I believe that 
this will keep you from refusing to give my family it's own share of the money 
if the transaction is completed. All you need to do is just is your cooperation 
to agree to travel to amsterdam,the netherland to secure this funds from the 
Security company where it is been kept for safe custody in amsterdam in a very 
proper and legal manner. I request your assistance as a foreig! ner to provide 
me with this help. 
  
  On completion of this transaction, you will be required to hold this 
  fund in your account until I come over to your country for the 
  sharing of the money. 
  
  Before we can commence, I would like you to make available to me your 
  private telephone and fax number,and also a proof of your identification 
which would serve as a guarantee that the fuunds will be safe in your custody. 
Also you will need to send me a letter declearing Confidentiality & Non Disclosure 
of our dealings, thereafter I can ask my attorney to commence documentation 
passing beneficiary of the funds to you 
  Please confirm your willingness by providing all the requested information 
  above. All modalities for the successful completion of this transaction have 
been mapped out provided that you maintain absolute confidentiality and keep 
to my instructions, I shall give to you from time to time for a successful 
completion. Once I clarify your 
  willingness to proceed with the transaction, then I shall ask my attorney to 
send you all the documents that will enable your secure the funds. 
  
  Please, feel free to contact me on this phone number 23-48033260343 for more 
detail discussion. 
  
  Yours sincerely 
  Baldwin kongolo sese-seko 
  
  Please see below a specimen copy of the Confidentiality & Non Disclosure letter, 
which my attorney drafted, you can use this as a guideline. 
  
  
  Mrs. Mariam Sese Seko   
  
  Re: Confidentiality & Non Disclosure letter $ Baldwin Kongolo Sese-seko 
  
  Dear Mrs. M. Sese Seko  
  
  I, ...........of...... warrantee and affirm, not to disclose, reveal or expose 
to any person   or entity any trade secret, transaction, data, or any confidential 
information of or pertaining to the Sese Seko family, or its financial matters 
disclosed in the course of conducting affairs in behalf of the Sese Seko family. 
  
  Such affirmation is stipulated with certain provisions........  may disclose 
information provided; a. such confidential information becomes public due expressly
 and solely by a disclosure from a third party to this understanding (not.........) 
  b. when "Seko" has given express written consent to allow disclosure of express 
and limited information to a specific third party nominated either by "Seko" or 
"........", 
  c. when such information is required to be disclosed by applicable laws of the .........; 
  d. when conversing with the attorney to be designated to the Sese Seko family in writing. 
    
  This declaration is governed and construed in accordance with the Laws of the .......... 
and where applicable the State of .............. This declaration does not require any 
action or   commitment by either the Sese Seko family or.......... Its construction and 
declaration is   restricted to frame express and specifically the confidentiality and 
non disclosure of the fore referenced sensitive information. Within this construct I look 
forward to our relationship. 
  
  Executed this.... day,..... , 2002 
  
  Signature, _____________________________________________ 
  

Robert Weir

  From: "Robert Weir"  Subject: Re: Thank you/details 
  To:  "Baldwin Seseseko" [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  
  Thank you for your prompt reply.  I previously sent 
  you my private phone/fax, and I received your phone 
  message.  I trust my company letterhead with the 
  authorization will be sufficient to meet the needs you 
  have outlined.  I have attached the letter as you 
  requested, and I await your further instructions. 
  
  So that you may know a bit more about me and conduct 
  your due diligence in this transaction, I am an 
  investment advisor, though mostly retired, for I was 
  fortunate enough, at a very early age, to make a wise 
  investment in the rare commodities unobtanium and 
  dilithium, which paid off rather handsomely, to the 
  tune of several million dollars.  I now live part of 
  the year in Florida, and part of the year at my ski 
  chalet in Aspen, Colorado, and I manage my rather 
  substantial portfolio as my primary daily activity.  I 
  still perform some outside investment advisory work, 
  but only on those financial transactions that I feel 
  to be of great merit.  Yours qualifies as one such 
  transaction in my opinion. 
  
  I am prepared to travel to Amsterdam at a moment's 
  notice.  I have a private jet which I can call at my 
  readiness should I need to travel.  Please forward any 
  necessary documents via e-mail or fax as soon as 
  possible.  Time is always of the essence in financial 
  transactions, and I sense your need to move quickly on 
  this matter. 
  
  I look forward to working with you. 
  
  Robert Weir 
  

[Ed. Note-I sent him a virus. Unobtainium is unobtainable. It doesn't exist. Dilithium crystals, do, though-on Star Trek]


Baldwin Seseseko

  From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: LETTER OF GUARANTEE  [RE_SEND] 
  To:  
  
  Dear Robert, 
   
  Thanks for your mail, I appreciate your sincerity in which you are showing 
regarding this transaction, I received the scanned letter but I cannot open 
the attachement, please re-send it urgently to me via through [JPEG FORMAT], 
I would also need your international passport for IDENTIFICATION, send me more 
contact details numbers where I can always reach you because I do not like the 
Idea of leaving a message in the voice machine, I will prefer your cell phone 
to be precise, I have called you twice today but could not reach you directly, 
   
  Please do give me a call on this number 23-48033260343  so that we can discuss 
more details, I am very anxious to speak with you.   
  
  Expecting to hear from soonest,  
  
  Regards, Baldwin. 
  

Robert Weir


From: "Robert Weir"  
Subject: Re: LETTER OF GUARANTEE  [RE_SEND] 
To:  "Baldwin Seseseko" [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Mr. Seseseko, 

I have been trying the telephone number you provided 
all morning, and now into the afternoon.  It gives me 
a message stating that it has been disconnected.  This 
causes me concern in that I have shown good faith in 
providing you a working telephone and fax number, 
which you have used to contact me.  This is my only 
phone number, so if you get the message machine, it is 
because I am unavailable.  I would appreciate your 
giving me a telephone number that functions so we may 
speak together.  Barring that, I do not see any 
particular need for voice-to-voice contact, as much of 
my business is done with persons I've neither met nor 
spoken to.  This is the wonder of the electronic age 
in which we live.  As such, I have re-scanned the 
guaranty letter, and it should be attached in the 
format you requested.  As to the passport, it is in a 
safe-deposit box at my bank in Miami, and I do not 
have access to it at the moment.  I typically leave 
Marathon Key only once per month to do my banking, and 
I just went to the bank four days ago. 

In any case, I would be somewhat hesitant to send you 
a photocopy of my passport in this day of terrorist 
plots against Americans.  I would not want my passport 
duplicated for ill use abroad.  I am sure you can 
understand my hesitance in this regard.  In the 
alternative, I have attempted to scan in my driver's 
license, which should be sufficient for your purposes 
to verify my identity. 

In any event, your message appeared to carry with it 
some urgency, and I am puzzled as to why you insist on 
delaying the progress of our arrangement.  Believe me, 
with the amount of money I have, and my investment 
background, I have literally hundreds of investment 
opportunities presented to me each week, and those 
that go quickly with a minimum of difficulty gain my 
uppermost attention.  Your situation is falling by the 
wayside because you appear to be insisting on matters 
that I do not believe are necessary to complete the 
investment. 

Please forward whatever documentation is necessary to 
complete this arrangement so I may contact my pilot to 
ready the jet to travel to Amsterdam.  Every day I 
keep him on standby waiting to fly costs me money, and 
I am not willing to wait much longer for you to send 
me the necessary information.  You may send via fax or 
e-mail, which ever is most convenient to you. 

I await your favorable response. 

Robert Weir 

[Ed. Note-I figured I had to send something, so I made this letterhead up. I couldn't keep sending him viruses.]


Baldwin Seseseko


  Thu, 23 Jan 2003 15:15:16 -0800 (PST) 
  From:  "Baldwin Seseseko" [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: Scann letter ok 
  To: "Robert Weir"  
   
  Dear Robert, 
  
  Thanks very much for your kind gestures, I have seen the type of sincere person you are, 
infact people like you are hard to find in this modern world, my mother would be one of 
the happiest person the day the you confirm the claims to us. 
  
  I have receive your letter of guarantee and I have forwarded it to my family attorney 
to commence the drafting of power of attorney and agreement to enable the change of 
beneficiary from my mother's name to yours,   the document are ready. 
  
  very sorry for the difficulty of getting me on phone, I guess it was due to congestion, 
please do not be discourage about that you can always try any time you intend to speak with me. 
  
  I will give you a call later tomorrow, do let me know the ideal time to get you on phone, n
ow you are like a brother to me.   
  I will be expecting to hear from you soonest.  
  Regards, 
  
  Baldwin. 

[Ed. Note-Okay, time for ol' Bobby to start losing his mind. He kept it together pretty good for the initial contact, but once his meds start wearing off]


Robert Weir


Thu, 23 Jan 2003 15:43:41 -0800 (PST) 
From: "Robert Weir"  Subject: Re: Scann letter ok 
To: "Baldwin Seseseko" [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Baldwin, 

I am glad to see we are still "on" as far as this 
investment is concerned.  Time is money, I always say, 
and the more time wasted, the more money wasted.  I 
don't like being wasted.  Every day we delay in 
obtaining the funds of which you speak is a day's lost 
interest in a bank.  I never lose interest in a bank. 
I'm always interested.  At a very conservative rate of 
interest on the $10M you referenced, you are losing 
more than $500 each day you delay!  There is no time 
to lose!  Tick, tock, tick, tock. 

Please fax me the documents soonest so I may get to 
Amsterdam.  I am typically on the phone executing 
stock orders for myself and my clients from 9:00 a.m. 
to 4:00 p.m. Eastern time, so any time after the 
market closes in New York is a good time to call.  I 
do follow the Tokyo and Hong Kong markets as well, so 
I am frequently up very late at night.  I cannot 
guarantee I will be able to receive your call, because 
I am on the telephone almost constantly from the 
moment I wake up until I go to sleep.  And I rarely 
sleep more than four hours per night.  So much for 
retirement!  I counted one day, and I made 247 phone 
calls during the day, and I took an hour off for lunch 
with a friend! 

Weekends are for golf and polo, so you won't find me 
around on the weekends.  Please keep trying, though. 
As I said, I do not think it crucial that we speak in 
person, but I do like hearing the voices of the people 
with whom I do business once in a while.  I like 
hearing voices. 

Must run.  Phone ringing off the hook.  Regards, 

Robert Weir 


Robert Weir

[Ed. Note-Here's where Bobby starts subtly calling him nasty names.
Bobby's quite a music buff, too. See if you recognize any of the songs-
this next message goes from Steve Miller Band to Beck to Barbra Streisand]


From: "Robert Weir"  
Subject: Re: Scann letter ok 
To:  "Baldwin Seseseko" [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Baldwin, 

I wrote you yesterday, and still I hear nothing from 
you about the documents.  You did leave a message, but 
I didn't understand it.  Was it in English, because 
the only other language I speak is money.  When I 
called you back, your phone was still disconnected. 
We are disconnected.  Return to sender, address 
unknown, if you know what I mean. 

Money is being lost through delay.  I don't like being 
lost.  Lost in space, you know.  Some people call me 
the space cowboy, but... 

Tick, tock, tick, tock.  The clock is running.  Time 
keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping, into the 
future.  There is no time to waste. 

Send me the documents.  I have already lost $500 for 
having my pilot on standby yesterday, hoping you would 
send the documents.  I will lose another $500 if you 
don't get them to me today.  You will lose $500 in 
interest, too.  I'm a loser, you're a loser.  We're 
both losers. 

I'm getting impatient, and I can't wait.  As I said, 
I'm not a patient man.  I'm not a medical doctor.  I 
have no patients. 

Send me the documents now, or we cannot continue.  The 
way we were. 

Robert Weir 


Baldwin Seseseko

  Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2003 19:02:21 -0800 (PST) 
  From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: documents 
  To: Robert Weir  
  
  
  Dear Roberts, 
  
  I received your mail, and good enough you are more time concious 
but I must let you know that the document has not being ready the 
attorney has to perfect his drafting before sending them across to you. 
  
  I have also asked the attorney to find out what is left to done I 
was made to understand that there will be demurage to pay because the 
consignment has over stayed in the security vault, but I do not know 
the exalt cost yet but I hope to let you know before your trip to Amsterdam 
next week. 
  
  Please get across to me by phone if you wish to discuss more, I must 
confess I am going through some tough financial problem and my mother 
is ageing let everything for me to handle. 
  
  I need your back up for completion of this transaction, 
  
  Regards, 
  
  Baldwin.

Baldwin Seseseko

  Date: Sun, 26 Jan 2003 06:18:10 -0800 (PST) 
  From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: documents to be sent Tomorrow 
  To: Robert Weir  
  
  Dear Robert,  [my Brother] 
  
  I am in receipt of your mail, Thanks for you care so far, by tomorrow [monday ] 
the document will be ready and send to you via mail, I will also ask the family 
attorney find out the exalt amount that will pay to the security company as oustanding 
demurage, also  the contact details of the security company will be sent to you to 
book an appointment with them and let them know when you are coming to pick up the consignment. 
  
  Please get intouch with security company for negotiation as soon as you receive the 
contact details, I will appreciate I hear from you immediately you are prepared to leave 
for amsterdam My telephone is perfectly in order so you can reach me at all time. 
  
  I guest you are having a wonderful weeken, 
  
  expecting to hear from you, 
  
  Regards, 
  
  Yours brother, 
  
  Baldwin. 

Robert Weir


From: "Robert Weir"  
Subject: Re: documents 
To:  "Baldwin Seseseko" [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Baldwin, 

Please feel free to call me Bob.  All my friends call 
me Bob and you are my friend.  I am Bob to you.  Bob 
and Baldwin, brothers.  I like that. 

All is well.  I've told my pilot to sit tight. 
Therefore, he will be tight in the seat, awaiting my 
instructions. 

I hope you are a mother gets better.  Sickness is 
rampant, but wellness may come in time. 

The attorney--he is paid by the hour?  Sounds like he 
is screwing me.  Screw you, too.  Attorneys.  First 
thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers--that's 
William Shakespeare, you know.  I have disdain for 
lawyers.  Great Dane for lawyers.  Hamlet, 
Shakespeare's king was a Dane, did you know that? 

Can we pay him to work faster?  Get a faster typist? 
The $500 per day we are losing in interest on our 
money would buy a better lawyer.  Perry Mason, 
probably.  700 monkeys typing on 700 typewriters could 
produce the document faster than this lawyer.  Are you 
sure he is a good lawyer?  Did he pass the bar?  Does 
he go to bars?  Should he be behind bars?  I don't 
trust him like I trust you. 

What is his name?  I'll call him myself and tell him 
to speed it up.  Wait, I'll call him by HIS name, not 
myself, if you give me his name.  Phone number would 
be good, too. 

Demurage is no problem.  Whatever the exalt cost is, 
I'll pay cash.  I keep about $300,000 in cash in my 
safe here at home.  Do you think that will be enough? 
If not, let me know, and I'll get more.  Getting it 
out of the country is not a problem.  I'll fly through 
the Cayman Islands and get more from my bank there if 
I have to.  Cayman Islands.  You should go there. 
When we are done, you will come with me to my beach 
house in the Caymans?  You will be rich, like I am 
now, and you will enjoy the Caymans.  Unless you hate 
horseflies.  There are lots of horseflies there. 
Probably because of all this horseshit.  No matter, 
though.  Nice beaches. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock.  Must be going.  Market 
opening in Hong Kong and Tokyo soon. I REALLY must lay 
off the coffee, though.  I'm getting jittery. 

Fondest regards, 

Robert Weir 

[Ed. Note-Oh, boy, Bobby's mind is blown now. Barely above random word generation now.
More name calling-"You are a mother" will continue whenever possible. I know now that he's
not picking up on any of the insults or the utter absurdity of the entire dialogue, so it's
time for even more ridiculous stuff! But first, the prize!]


Baldwin Seseseko


From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
Subject: Documents  [Attached] 
To: Robert Weir  

Dear Robert[Brother Bob], 

I guess you must have received my last mail, here is the power of attorney 
and the agreement you will have to sign and send back to me as soon  as received, 

please check the attached documents, for your observation,  the security company 
also has a copy of the power of attorney and they have effected the change of 
beneficiary from my mother's name to yours, I will get back you immediately I 
received information from my attorney concerning the demurage fees 
expecting to hear from you soonest, 
regards, 

Baldwin 

[Ed. Note-FINALLY-got the prize! Odds, bodkins! The security company,
Uniglobe NV, Amsterdam, is the same one used in another 419 scam I've been tracking.
Popular guys those Dutchmen. I wonder if it's Jan van den Berg who will be the one
I'm going to work with! That's who the contact was in the other 419 scam.
Time will tell. Meanwhile, Bob is getting suspicious. If not loony.]


Robert Weir


From: Robert Weir  
Subject: Re: Documents  [Attached] 
To: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Brother Baldwin, 

sorry for short response--market very crazy today. 
Talk of war makes market like battlefield. 

Got documents--signed agreement and is attached. 
Double click and we're away! 

Sorry no response over weekend.  My polo pony broke a 
leg in a match.  Had to shoot it right there on the 
field.  Wouldn't lay still, you know.  There's 
$100,000 down the crapper. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock.  Hope the document is enough 
to get this ball rolling.  Like a rolling stone. 
Gather no moss.  Kate Moss, if I could! 

My pilot is still tight in the seat, waiting.  Your 
phone still does not work--I called 47 times this 
morning--new record for phone calls in a day, today, I 
think--I'm getting suspicious that the phone company 
is trying to screw you.  Just like your lawyer.  He 
took all that time to draft three pages?  How much did 
you pay him? 

Confusion, though.  You said you were living in the 
Ivory Coast.  Lawyer is in Swaziland.  What the hell 
is a Swaziland?  Did he just make that up?  That's not 
a real place, is it?  You're just yanking my wanker. 
I tried to e-mail him and tell him he was yanking my 
wanker, too, and there is no "lattimore.org"--it's a 
fake e-mail address.  What's going on?  Are you a 
Yankee wanker yanker? 

Tick, tock, tick, tock.  Wasted too much time already. 
Remember, I hate being wasted.  Write back and let me 
know everything is smooth as newly poured concrete. 
My pilot hates being tight in the seat.  So do I.   Do 
you?  I hope you are a mother is getting better. 

Robert Weir 

[Ed. Note-I sent him another virus. How many do you suppose he'll click on
before he realizes what's going on?He still doesn't have my signed agreement
from one of the original messages, but hey, he's a trusting guy. Meanwhile,
as much as he hates it, Bobby IS wasted.]


Baldwin Seseseko

  From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: Documents  [Attached] 
  To: Robert Weir  
  
  
  Dear Robert, 
  Thanks for your mail, my phone is ok except there was exchange problem, 
here I will like you to contact my attorney via phone and feel free to speak  
with regarding this transacrion, here are his phone and fax numbers 
  
  
  My family lawyer stay in swaziland and he has being  working over the decade 
so there is nothing wrong  with that, we are going to pay him untill the funds are out. 
  PHONE:  873762921793 
  FAX  : 873762921791 
  Name: LATTIMORE UDOGA. [PRINCIPAL], 
  EMAIL:latt_associate@lattimore.org 
  Call me and discuss, with him and please up me with  the outcome of your discussion. 
  

[Ed. Note-Let's sic the lawyer a bit-I carboned this next one to Baldwin
so he'd know just how much I don't trust his lawyer]


Robert Weir

  Date: Mon, 27 Jan 2003 22:06:27 -0800 (PST) 
  From: Robert Weir  
  Subject: Re: Please contact 
  To: latt_associate@lattimore.org 
  Cc: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  
  Okay, Mr. Swaziland lawyer--why are you screwing my 
  brother Baldwin?  How much did you charge him for the 
  documents you drafted?  The phone number you gave my 
  brother goes to some satellite phone near India.  You 
  know how I know?  When I call, I hear a boat whistle 
  in the background and people speaking Hindi!  This 
  e-mail address--it's fake, too.  I'll bet you never 
  even read this, you judicial miscreant! 
  
  Baldwin may trust you, but I think you are trying to 
  steal Baldwin's money for yourself.  Those hokey-fokey 
  documents look like you are the one getting the money, 
  not Baldwin--why you do this? 
  
  Whoa, take the money and run!  Hoo, hoo, hoo.  Go on 
  take the money and run.  Well, I'll sick my uncle, 
  Billy Mack, who's a detective down in Texas, on you, 
  if you steal Baldwin's dough.  You know I know just 
  exactly what the facts is.  You ain't gonna escape 
  justice. 
  
  What's the monkey business with scamming my brother 
  Baldwin and his poor mother who is widowed. 
  Lawyers--you make me sick to my stomach.  I'm throwing 
  up now thinking about you.  Good thing this is e-mail, 
  or you would smell the vomit.  Vomitus maximus.  You 
  make Baldwin keep sending you money until the funds 
  are out?  What then?  Will you demand money from me to 
  make more hokey-fokey documents. 
  
  These people trusted you.  Now look what you do with 
  that trust.  You must prove to me you are not scamming 
  my brother Baldwin.  Refund his money for the 
  documents and send me a 5 emalangeni note (the one 
  with the dancing guys on it) for your penance, and I 
  will know you are not yanking Baldwin's wanker.  He is 
  a good man and he deserves better lawyers.  I, as his 
  brother, am sworn to protect him against all enemas, 
  foreign and domestic, and you are pretty far up the 
  tailpipe, my legal eagle beagle. 
  
  Baldwin--I've copied this to you to let you know you 
  are being screwed.  Don't pay this guy any more money. 
  Make him pay you back.  Remember, I don't like being 
  wasted, and neither should you--you waste your money 
  with this lawyer.  Kill all the lawyers, that's what 
  Bill Shakespeare said. 
  
  Tick, tock, tick, tock. 
  
  Robert Weir 

[Ed. Note-I thought I'd try getting some money out of the lawyer, just for fun.
The Swaziland 5 emalageni (that's their word for dollar, I guess) note has some
dancing warriors on it. Either that or the Grateful Dead passed through Swaziland
and this was one of their mail order tickets. So hard to tell. Too bad the e-mail
to the lawyer bounced. But Baldwin got it, and he's pissed!]


Baldwin Seseseko

  Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2003 01:51:10 -0800 (PST) 
  From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
  Subject: you talk too much 
  To: Robert Weir  
  
  I never Knew you are a big clawn, I am not a joker if you are, Do you think 
you can sit there and waste my time you are just there critizing my transaction, 
  
  please leave me to find a solution to my problem. 

[Ed. Note-Oh, damn. Lost the fish. Well, I figured it was too good to last
with all that crazy talk! Let's see if I can re-hook him, though]


Robert Weir

Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2003 05:46:27 -0800 (PST) From: Robert Weir Subject: Re: you talk too much To: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] Brother Baldwin I am sorry you doubt my intentions. I was just making sure your lawyer was not screwing you. I sent the e-mail to him, and this is what I got back: This message was created automatically by mail delivery software (Exim). A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed: latt_associate@lattimore.org Child process of cyrus_deliver transport returned 65 (could mean error in input data) from command: /usr/cyrus/bin/deliver The following text was generated during the delivery attempt: ------ latt_associate@lattimore.org ------ latt_associate@lattimore.org: Mailbox does not exist SO, MY BROTHER, I think your lawyer is screwing you. Like I figured--lawyers always screwing people. I am trying to HELP you. You are my brother, right? I protect you like a brother. Well I'd lay my head on the railroad tracks, and wait for the Double E for my brother. But the train don't come by here no more, poor poor pitiful me. I don't want you to be poor, poor pitiful, either. Since we are brothers, I would not hurt you are a mother, either. She's been through far too much for shenanigans like that. I don't try to be a clawn, it just comes across that way. Sharp-edged business language, I guess. Get to the point, I always say--don't go beating up bushes--tell people what you think. I don't criticize your transaction--I criticize lawyers! Bad lawyers, no donuts. Phony e-mail, phony phone--I think phony lawyer. And he took money from you! He should be disbarred, or rebarred, or whatever Swaziland does to phony lawyers. I signed your document, my pilot is waiting, tight in the seat, and I'm ready to go to Amsterdam. I'm sorry I offended you, but please let us still be brothers so you can get you are a mother's money. Please write back so I know you are still wishing for me to be your brother. Robert Weir

[Ed. Note-Lyrics are from an old Linda Ronstadt song. More "you are a mother", too.
I've never been called a clawn before. Nonetheless, it appears all will be forgiven
in the next message.]


Baldwin Seseseko


Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2003 13:17:37 -0800 (PST) 
From: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 
Subject:  PROBLEM   [HELP] 
To: Robert Weir  

Dear Robert, 

I am very sorry that you will have to assist us financially, 
but I promise you that your effort will be rewarded emmensly. 

Regarding our telephone conversation and my mail of today, my attorney 
called Uniglobe NV to enquire when will the deposit certificate ready 
and he was informed that it will be ready later today and he was further 
informed when the beneficiary that is your humbleself is coming to Amsterdam 
you should come with copies of THE POWER OF ATTORNEY, YOUR INDENTIFICATION 
AND $19,300 FOR THE DEMURRAGE/CLEARANCE FEE OF THE CONSIGNMENT. 

Please, you shouldn't be offended by this request as it was never our intension 
to ask you any financial assistance. I went an extral mile to even nogotiate 
with them if they can allow you to secure the consignment before payment of  
the $19,300 , but I was categorically told that it is not possible, due to the 
fact that the consignment is bond by one invoice, therefore, cannot  broken domicile, 
also that the Consignment is covered by an insurance policy (international guarantee 
bond), suffix to say that it is only you the beneficiary that can tamper with the 
consignment or rather terminate the insurance policy, after you have signed for 
collection. 

This problem is disconforting,as it is now, you are the only person that we can trust 
and have faith in, so I plead with you to take it upon yourself and do everything 
within your power so that we get this deal over with.  As am here presently as a 
refugee, I earns $150 for his weekly allowance, which do is not even enough to 
feed his family. 

However, I will advice that you contact Uniglobe NV and see if you will be able to 
strike a bargain with them regarding the fee of $19,300 as the beneficiary. See 
contact information below; 

Mr Yan Van den Berg (Managing Director) 
Mr. Alfred Koopman 
Uniglobe NV 
www.uniglobe-inc.com 
Schiphol Cargo Center 
114 Postbus 1005 DA 
Amsterdam, The Netherlands 
Tel:31-205241314 
Tel:31-627467721 
Fax:31-205241476 
E-mail:admin@uniglobes-inc.com 
info@uniglobes-inc.com 
complaint@uniglobes-inc.com 
E-mail:admin@uniglobesnv.com 
generaldirector@uniglobesnv.com 
financialdirector@uniglobesnv.com 
op! erationdirector@uniglobesnv.com 

Please, help my children. 

Remain bless, 
Baldwin 

Note: please do disregard my attorney he has been too sincere and helpful, 
you are mistaking him for something else which I do not like. 

[Ed. Note-FINALLY, we have advance fee fraud, captain. I was wondering
when we'd start talking turkey, and Zounds Abound, it's ol' van den Berg
who will be waiting for me in Amsterdam. Although in this scam, it's "Yan"
van den Berg, not "Jan" as in another one I'm working. Same fax number,
and the phone number is close. The Uniglobe website is too much. I think
it says something, but I'm not sure what. Also like the jab at the end
about my suspicions on his lawyer. I've offended Baldwin, but he needs me
so badly he's willing to overlook that.]


Robert Weir

Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2003 21:23:15 -0800 (PST) 
From: Robert Weir  
Subject: Re: PROBLEM   [HELP] 
To: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 


My brother Baldwin, 


WAIT JUST A MINUTE--what phone call?  We didn't talk 
today.  Never have talked--remember your phone is 
broken?  I tried all those times that day.  I think 
someone intercepted our e-mails, and they are posing 
as me.  There is only one me.  Not another.  WHO did 
you talk to?  I thought this deal was hush-hush to 
keep the authorities quiet.  Maintain an air of quiet 
authority.  Running out of air. 

No mind.  I'm disregarding your attorney as you asked. 
This is a good thing, since I hold him in such high 
disregard.  Screwy lawyer.  You are sure that power of 
attorney you sent is good?  I don't trust that 
lawyer--HEY!  Maybe it's him you spoke with, posing as 
me.  That would be ironic--screwy lawyer posing as 
American investor.  Maybe he can fool some people, but 
he can't fool me.  Hard to imitate my voice, too. 
UNLESS, he does imitations.  Probably not.  Lawyers 
only imitate snakes.  Snakes in the grass.  Leaves of 
Grass, you know.  Walt Whitman work.  You should read 
it. 


Anyway, my jet will leave at first light, and I should 
be in Amsterdam for breakfast.  My pilot is glad to no 
longer be tight in the seat.  I'll probably eat before 
I leave, though, just in case.  Wouldn't want to get 
in dutch in Amsterdam without a good meal. 

$19,300 sounds pretty cheap.  You think cash will be 
okay?  I left all my credit cards at the ski chalet in 
Aspen, but I could have them sent out if you think Yan 
van den Berg will not accept cash.  I knew a man named 
Yan once.  Yan Kan Kook--Korean guy, I think.  Man, 
Yan could whip up some fierce kimchee--that's Korean 
cole slaw.  Pretty good stuff. 


No matter. I'm bringing cash, but some people don't 
like cash because it's dirty.  Never know where that 
stuff has been.  You should see what some people do 
with dollar bills--ever been to an American strip 
club?  The stories I could tell you. 

Actually, I'm glad you have been so careful in this 
transaction.  I would hate to see domicile broken 
before it's time.  You are always thinking, going the 
extral mile--that's quite a distance.  Too bad they 
won't move on the price, though.  But I'm glad that I 
will be emmensly rewarded, since I'm going to lose at 
least one day of market play while I'm gone if I can't 
get an internet connection--Does Yan have a computer I 
can use while I'm there? 

I checked their website, and aside from their 
atrocious spelling, they appear to be good people. 
It's amazing what they can do with spell checkers 
these days, so I commend the tool to them.  Use a good 
tool, or you're a fool, my momma's dad Mr. Sears 
Craftsman used to say.  Be safe, then, for you're a 
tool. 

Looking forward to helping you and your kids--must've 
been quick.  Didn't know you were a dad.  Lots I don't 
know, though.  Can't figure out the square root of 419 
to save my life--tried it on a calculator, but it kept 
burning out batteries.  Lordy, I'm rambling.  Lord I 
was born a ramblin' man.  Suffix to say, I'm trying to 
make a living and doing the best I can, though. 
Aren't we all? 

My humbleself, 

Robert Weir 

[Ed. Note-Okay, time to pull out the 419 call. Let's see if he catches it.
I'm sure he won't catch me calling him a tool. More lyrics, this time
from the Allman Brothers. "Yan Can Cook" is a cooking television show.
I have no idea if having domicile broken is a good thing or a bad thing.]


I fear that it was a bit too over the top for Baldwin,
'cause I haven't heard anything from him in a couple days.
But then, I've been in jail in the Azores, so what do I know.
This is all that's happened since I sent you the last.


Date: Wed, 29 Jan 2003 09:52:44 -0800 (PST) 
From: Robert Weir  
Subject: Re: PROBLEM   [HELP] 
To: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Brother Baldwin, 

DAMN!  DAMN-DAMN! 

There I was, happily coasting over the Atlantic on the 
way to Amsterdam when BOOOM!  My pilot gets on the 
intercom and tells me we have to make an emergency 
landing in the Azores!  Can you believe it?  Now I've 
got Azores all over my body!  Passport checks, customs 
checks, body cavity checks--THEY THINK I'M AN 
INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST OR DRUG DEALER!  They want to 
know why I'm carrying so much cash, particularly in 
the portion of my body in which I was carrying it. 
They've put me in the local hoosegow, and I smuggled 
this note to my pilot to send to you from my computer 
on the plane.  I hope it gets to you.  Am I getting to 
you yet?  Are you getting it? 

Pilot says the 7th Fetzer valve was sticking, and 
he'll need some ball bearings before he can fix the 
plane.  Meanwhile, I'm going to have to bribe these 
Azorian azzholes to let me go!  Good thing I brought 
extra cash!  My pilot is getting the extra cash now, I 
hope, and with luck, I'll be free in a few hours. 
Then I'll say I'm free--I am free, and freedom tastes 
of reality, you know.  Can't wait.  Time wasting. 
Hate being wasted. 

TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK 

I'll update you when I can.  Sorry to delay, but 
unavoidable. 

Brothers forever! 
Robert Weir 

[Ed. Note-My tribute to Fletch with the 7th Fetzer valve.
It's all ball bearings now, don't you know? Maybe he won't
want my money when he figures out where I'm carrying it.
Man that's a lot of money to carry there. Moving on to
lyrics from the Who's Tommy.]



From: Robert Weir  
Subject: Onward and Upward, finally! 
To: Baldwin Seseseko [baldwin_seko@yahoo.com] 

Brother Baldwin, 

Got myself out of Azorian hell--had to pay dearly 
about $100,000 US, but I'm out.  One more body cavity 
search for good measure.  Took the rest of my cash 
stashed there.  DAMN.  Okay, where were we?  The way 
we were.  I'm getting back on the plane to Amsterdam. 
AmsterDAM, maybe.  7th Fetzer valve is fixed.  Good 
pilot--hard to find him, glad to have him, hate to 
lose him. 

What next?  Gimme van den Berg's contact info again. 
Damn Azorians took my laptop, too, so I don't have 
that information with me.  Had to use this damn 
computer at the hotel. 

This better be a smooth deal with van den Berg or I'm 
gonna start looking for heads to roll.  Not mine, 
either, if you know what I mean.  I've missed almost 
the whole market week, and that's wasted money.  I 
hate being wasted, as you well know. 


Robert Weir 



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