IF BRAINS WERE DYNAMITE

Welcome back to Capt. Slog, last e-seen in BLESSED BE.

I've been corresponding with a "lady" from Thailand, or at least, that's where she says she's from. Below is the complete transcript.

Yours

Captain Slog


Mrs Farah al-Hashemi - scammer du jour
versus
Alex Wale - who is really Capt. Slog, who is really someone else!


Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Received: from [58.10.158.87] <-- asianet.co.th, Bangkok
From: Mrs Farah al-Hashemi <farahalhashemi001@yahoo.com>
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONES
To: Alex Wale

Please reply to my private email address
From: Mrs Farah al-Hashemi
Private Email: farahalhashemi001@yahoo.com
Address: Chiang Rai hospital
31-12 Chiang Rai - Lampoon Rd,
Chiang Rai Thailand

Dearest Beloved,

Attn:The Managing Director

Thank you for the attention beeing given to go through my mail.I am Mrs.Farah al-Hashemi, The wife of iraq military finance corps Chief, who was incharge of the payment of the military salary during his life service time . I am 58 years old, i am now receiving treatment in the hospital. It's quite obvious that I won't live Longer according to my doctor as i am sufering from my kidney transplant illness,this is because my illness has gotten to a very bad stage. My late husband died from the British and American attacks over my country ,and during the period of our marriage we had two male children Musa and Idris.After the death of my husband , I inherited some money which my late husband deposited with a Security Finance Company in Thailand for safety.The doctor has advised me that I may not live long, so I now decided to contact you to assist my two sons to claim this money From where it was deposited and guide them for investment as you are a potential business man.

My family will be interested in doing business in your country, thefore i would like to seek your assistance and help.I am interested particularly in properties , but your advise on other areas of private sector would be highly appreciated, i am in believe that you would be of great help in guiding my two sons to a sucessful exploration of the investment potentials of your country , which guarantees good capital returns and human security .As a result of this, i can take you in confidence bassically due of the source of the fund , hereby believing that your assistance will be profitable to us.

The amount in question is USD$12 Million .I will appreciate your willingness to carry this transactions the gratification remark which will be determined as soon as i hear from you.As i have maped out 20%, for your assistance and 5% would be used for the re-embursement of any expenses that is encurred during on the process of this transaction . Lastly, I honestly pray that this money when transferred to your country will be used for the said purpose of investing in the industry, because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Allah is vanity upon vanity.
I await your urgent reply to enable me up-date you with more information and how to proced. Do feel free to ask me any question if you wish to as my husbands death has blocked every trace of this money from us,the documentations relating to the deposit of this fund are all intact with my first son for your verification .I await to hearing from you soonest.
Yours Sincerely.
Mrs Farah al-Hashemi


[Scam-o-mavens will recognize a variation of the classic Cancer letter.]


Alex Wale

Mrs Hashemi, (June 23rd)

I don't know where you got my address from, or the idea that I am a managing director. I can only assume that you have sent this e-mail to me by mistake in some sort of delirium. It is probably caused by your kidney problems, I had some kidneys in red wine the other week, and they kept me up all night.

Anyway, please be more careful where you are sending your emails, there are a lot of unscrupulous people out there who could take advantage of a poor woman in your condition.

If you don't get anywhere with the correct recipient of this letter, please feel free to write back and I'll see what I can do for you.

Yours

Alex Wale

MM Ltd


[MM Ltd is my non-existent little shop "Magnificent Mirkins" (pubic wigs if you don't already know). She never asks, so I drop it later on.]


Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Mr Alex Wale (June 24th)

I hereby acknowledge the receipt of your mail and also to say thanks for the effort and time you spent in according my mail an attention. Meanwhile how are you, your business and family? I hope all is well with you.

My late husband died from the British and American attacks over my country Iraq , I was born in Trinidad & Tobago where my husband met me while my husband is from Iraq and I met my husband during the period of his 4 years training in Trinidad & Tobago and we got married, during the period of our marriage we had two male children Musa and Idris.

According to our en-quire here in Thailand, it is only when you do not have dollar account or you are not authorize to transfer money out of Thailand or you do not have a good reason of transferring money out of Thailand. We are going to open a non-residential dollar account here in Thailand before claiming the money out of the security company so that as soon as we claim the money we will move it to the account and lodge the money for onward transfer to your local account in country .

I want to invest meanly in Properties like estate property, house and I am seeking your assistance in securing this money that my husband WILL" to me and my son's in your care for investment, guiding us in business, being our front man in business in your country and leading us into real and benefiting investment under your supervision in your Country or any other line of business you consider profitable in your country.

As I have told you in my previous mail, this Consignment(money) is secured with a multi national security company here in Thailand. We decided to contact you in this matter because I and my Son's do not have good knowledge or ideas of business as well as the investment it self and more so we need you to be our fronts man in business as we do not want to take any risk in doing business on our own as we do not have the idea.

You are required to travel down here to open / establish a non-residential bank account where we can easily lodge the funds for onward transfer to your bank account in your country or elsewhere as provided by you. Due to my status I am not allowed or authorize to operate bank accounts as you know that we are still using UNHCR documents.

Another thing I want to make clear to you now is that this money is my and my son's hope for better future since the death of our husband and father respectively .It will be too bad for us if we run into any person who will cheat us of this money.
To be candid with you we have been very careful in seeking assistance in this regard but the fact remains that we have no other alternative since we do not know any one to run to and we are inspired from inner instincts to write you in this matter, with the faith and trust I have in written you I know that my faith will carry me through.

More so I will need you to send to us a scanned copy of your international passport as my son demanded, so as to see how u look and to re-assure us of your capability to handling this transaction, As soon as we get your passport Copy and your full consent to assist us, we will instruct our Attorney to commence with the claiming procedures by making a change of ownership in your name. I have all the necessary documents covering this consignment

As I told you before this money has no criminal origin of any sort and as such no person is tracing it and so you don,t need to entertain any fear in assisting me as you stand 100% risk free in this transaction as the money belongs to me and my son's as it was "WILL" to us by my late husband .

I have agreed with my son's that if you can assist us successfully in this transaction , we shall be ready to compensate you with 20% of the whole money and I have mapped out 5% for any expenses I and you may incur along the way . Here is my Son's number 66-12693941 And we will like you to send your contact details to us as may need to contact you when it is needful.

waiting to hear from you.
best regards to you and other members of your Family

Mrs Farah al-Hashemi



Okay, I'll bite.

Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (June 26th)

Thank you for your long letter. It tells me all about your problems but doesn't answer my questions, these being 1.where did you get my name? and 2. are you sure it's me you're supposed to be writing to? You ask me how my business and family are doing; I don't have a family, and my business is a very small affair and not advertised widely.

Considering that "........... we have been very careful in seeking assistance in this regard", are you not taking a great risk in writing to complete strangers?

I don't have a passport, I've never been out of the UK and I don't intend to start doing so now. I also fail to understand how seeing my face on a passport could re-assure anybody of anything, let alone my capabilities as a financier.

However, 20 % of 12 million has got me thinking of my retirement, so please tell me more.

Alex Wale

MM ltd



Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Sir (June 27th)

Thank you for your mail and all you said are well noted. Well, the reason why I ask you about your family is that even if you do not have a wife I know you have a parents and your parents are your family also,.

Yes I know that what I am taking is a very big risk but I have to take it because I know that Allah is watching my foot steps , I know that he will not lead me to a wrong hand. That is the reason why I have faith in Him.

As you said that you do not have passport I know that we may have another options from the security company so as you indicate your interest I will let you know what next we can do with out you coming to Thailand .

As soon as I get your email I write to the company and inform you what and how we shall go about the transaction

Thanks

Mrs. farah



Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (June 28th)

I'm so glad that I don't have to come to Thailand, don't get me wrong, it looks a beautiful place and I would have loved to have seen it. But I don't think I could have coped with the food and the heat.

I look forward to hearing what you suggest, and I hope that Allah continues to watch you and makes sure you get what due to you.

Alex Wale

MM Ltd


[I really meant that last paragraph]


Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Sir. (June 29th)

Thanks for your email.

Well, my son have gone to talk with the company today and we will update you as soon as he comes back .

Thanks

Mrs Farah.



[I hear nothing for a while.]

Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hasish, (July 4th)

I've not heard from you in days, please tell me what is happening.

Alex Wale

MM ltd



Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Sir, (July 5th)

We are trying to sharping things here with the company but the condition they are give to us is too dificault, so that is the reason why you have not hard from us , we are trying to conclud things with them before informing you.

The security company told my son that they can convey the consignment to your country but we will pay all the charges of the consignment here in thailand before the diplomat will live to your country .

We have pleaded with them so that we can pay for the demurrage charges and the service charges but they refuse saying that we will pay both the conveyance fee to your country. Though there reason is very clear to us .

We have some money that will pay up the demurrage charges and the service charges which amount to $16,705 but the money we have can not pay the conveying fee about $2860.00 to your country . I have sold all my gold to raise up this $16,705 .

I do not want to tell you about this but now I think I have to because there is no way I can raise this $2860 and I do not know if you can assist in any way.

Remember that you have not given us your number so that my son will call you.



[I'm not going to argue the costs with this one. After all, I'm rich and it's only fake money.]

Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (July 5th)

I think I might be able to help you with the money, but I don't know how I would get that amount to you. It obviously can't be posted, so do you have a bank account that I can pay it into?

I haven't given you a telephone number because I don't have a telephone. I haven't mentioned it before, but the reason that I don't have a telephone is that I am completely deaf, and so they aren't much use to me. I do all my business communication through the internet, and the advent and rise of email has been a great boon to me. I hope this does not present a problem.

Alex Wale

MM ltd



[Strangely enough, she knows EXACTLY how I can get some money to her. By the way, the Doctor's bank branch is over 300 miles from Chiang Rai hospital.]

Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Mr Alex Wale, (July 5th)

Here is my doctors account number you can send the money there his account or by western Union money transfer . I will prefer the wastern Union Money transfer because is fester.

NAME MR.JOSEPH NWANSA KAUNDA ( You can use the name for the Wastern Union Money Transfer)
[Ah, a good old Thai name]

OR

BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION BELOW.

BANGKOK BANK PUBLIC CO., LTD. NANA NUA BRANCH A/C NUMBER:1970646897 A/C
NAME :MR JOSEPH KAUNDA NWANSA
SWIFT CODE : BKKBTHBKOR.

As soon as you send the money please write me and send th econtrol number to me or inform me that you send it through an account.

As soon as you send the money we will call the security company to start all the processing of conveying the consignment to your country and we will let you know the date the diplomat and my son will leave to your country.



Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hasish, (6th July)

I went to the bank to day and explained that I wanted to send some money abroad by western Union. The bank told me that it is their policy to allow their clients to only send £500 pounds or foreign currency to that value, in one transaction. They then insist that there has been some feedback between sending amounts. They explained that this is to stop internet fraud, where people ask for money to be sent and then are never heard from again. Of course, sending more than £1500 worth of dollars would take days by this route, the bank is not open over the weekend and it would roll over into the next week.

The bank suggested instead, that I use the "Guaranteed International Money Provision Service", as this gives the sender full insurance against fraud, and also allows the full amount to be sent in one go.

I've enclosed the GIMPS form with this email, and you will see that I have rounded up the amount to $2900, I thought that you would be perhaps be able to buy yourself something nice with the spare money to make up for loosing all your jewellery.

The GIMPS number is 5716921, and the name of my cat is Sook.

Yours

Alex Wale.


[I attached my very professional looking GIMPS form. This comes from Murray's Mint. (American reader note: Murray Mints are a UK sweet).]



[Scamorama fans should note that the concept of the GIMPS service - a popular means of imaginary money transfer - was created by Gilbert Murray of the www.scambuster419.co.uk website.]

Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Mr Alex. (July 7th)

I am so much grateful for your effort to see that every thing want successfully.

Sir, I am hereby informing that the doctor have gone to bank , Western Union and even money gramme looking for a way of removing the money but could not get the exact place to get the money. So please tell us where we can get this money or more preferably you can withdraw the money and send it through western Union money transfer even sending it bit by bit it will still be ok.

Please i am waiting for your urgent reply.

thanks for every thing .

Mrs Farah.


[Can't cash the GIMPS form? What a surprise. Feeling helpful, I have a look on google and find a bank in Chiang Rai that handles VISA. ]


Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (July 7th)

I think your problem here is that you sent a doctor to the bank. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but a doctor is very good for checking your lumbago and handing out the odd pill, but banking is not really their forte. As it says on the GIMPS form, you nee to find a bank that does VISA.

I've had a look on the Internet for you, and I've found that the Siam Commercial Bank (573 RATTANAKHET ROAD) handles VISA transactions, so I should try there.

Hope this helps.

Alex Wale



Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Brother, (July 10th)

I am sorry for any inconvenience I may have brought to you at this time but I know that by God's willing we be happy in no distance time.

Well, Thailand is have two days holiday here today and tomorrow as you know that we did not receive the money last week , so by Wednesday I will plead with the doctor to go to the bank and get the money.

But the real fact is the place the Siam commercial bank is very far from our hospital and the doctor was complaining about that because of his work. as you know that he is just helping us in this problem of getting the money. He thought that the money will come through western Union or Money Gram that is so close to us there..

Please I will let you know the out come of the money by Wednesday if he did not have chance to go all that far I will still let you know.

The security company called us last week but we told them that as soon as we arrange the money we will let them know.

Thanks



[I also found a map of Chiang Rai on Google. Regular readers will not be shocked to learn that the hospital doesn't seem to be on Lampoon Road, (I couldn't even find this road). I'll ignore this fact and give the lady directions to the bank, as she thinks it is so far away. ]

Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hasish, (July 10th)

I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress, but as I told you before, I think the Doctor is best suited to pill rolling. He doesn't seem to know his way around! To get to the nearest Western Union office ( BANK OF AYUDHYA PLC, 110 CHANG KLAN ROAD, MUANG, CHIANG MAI), involves a trip outside the city to the next province.

However, the Bank Of Siam is within walking distance. Head north from the hospital on Sanambin Rd, turn right onto Banphapraken Rd, then left onto Rattanakhet Rd, the bank is immediately on your left.

Hope this helps

Alex Wale



Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Brother, (July 12th)

It is my pleasure to write you this mail, How are you today and your family i know that all is well Well, This is to bring to your notice that we could not recieve the money, My son and the Doctor went to BANK OF AYUDHYA PLC, and SIAM COMMERCIAL BANK but non of the bank except the slip and they said that they do not operate in such service. They told them to refar back to you.

Please Mr Alex , Try as much as you can to withdraw the money and transfer the to that account or send it by western Union or Money Gram.

Sir ,we appreciate your concern and I am sorry for any inconvenances this meant cost to you please I will be waiting for your mail.



Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (July 12th)

I'm at a complete loss. I just don't understand what has gone wrong.

I will get in touch with the Bank of Siam and find out what they are playing at. As a VISA bank, they are honour bound to accept the document and pay you your money.

Leave it with me and I'll see what I can sort out.

Alex Wale



Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Sir, (July 12th)

As you know that here is Asia not western world. so please i am pleading with you to take the money out from this service and use any other service known to them here please.

If you want to help us in this case please try and do some thing about it withdraw the money and send it through any other source, according to my son they are totally ignorant of the service you sent the money through.

You see why I told you to give us your phone they would have called you from the bank today but since your reason for that is good there is no problem



[I'm glad to see that my "deafness" is not a problem!]

Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hasish, (July 12th)

You're damned right about you not being in the Western World! Over here we are quite capable of moving a bit of money around without all this fuss and messing about with bank transfers and Western Union.

I suggest you take your son out of the charge of this so called doctor before its too late and his influence affects the boy. Before long he'll be as big an imbecile as that medical buffoon.

I've written to the Siam Bank today explaining what had occured and asking what they were going to do about it. I've had a reply from a nice lady called Mrs Bristols, an English ex-patriot who knows what she's doing by the sound of it. She said that you need to ask for a GIMPS VISA registration form. These are not usually on the counter (I fail to understand why!), and you should ask for her by name and she will sort it out. Tell your son to ask the lady on the counter for Ophelia Bristols, and then she'll fetch him one.

Hope this helps

Alex Wale


[(American reader note. 'Bristols' is a slang word in the UK for breasts. It comes from a contraction of Cockney Rhyming Slang; Bristol Cities = Titties)]


Mrs Farah al-Hashemi

Dear Mr Alex, (July 14th)

It will be good for me to thank you for what you have don for us but as I told you that we could not move the money out of the bank .As the bank said that they do not have the knoweledge of the servise you brought to them and I have be pleading with you to withdraw that money and pay it in to western unition or through the account .

I thought today in my heart that you have tried your best for use to see that every thing work out, but if it pleases you to still help us please take the money back and send to us.

You always talk about the doctor who is trying to assist us. As you can see it is not his fort or yours



Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (July 14th)

As it is abundantly clear that the Dr is a complete imbecile (for gods sake don't let him prescribe you ANY medicines, the man couldn't find his arse with both hands!), I've decided to withdraw the GIMPS money transfer. This was a simple money transfer method, but it seems to have beyond the scope of the quack and that fuckwit of a son of yours!

I lost my GIMPS transfer fee, AND I've had to pay to get the money transfered back. I've written yet again to Ophelia Bristols at the Bank of Siam, and she told me that at no time over the past few days has anyone even asked for a GIMPS receiver form. It seems the 'doctor' hasn't even found the bank, I think he might be on drugs, probably uses more 'crack' than an arsehole factory.

I asked my bank to make a Western Union transfer, but as I told you before, the only allow £500 a day to certain destinations, and so this is going to take the best part of a week to send you the full amount.

The first number is 3814462993, and the test question is "The Doctor?", answer "Quack".

Hope this helps.

Yours

Alex Wale



[And that was the last I heard of them, but I gave it another try.]

Alex Wale

Dear Mrs Hashish, (July 17th)

Although you've not had the decency to reply to my last email, or even say thanks for the money, I've been to the bank this morning to send the second £500 pound instalment.

The transfer number is 3816692591. The test question is "the name of Alex's cat?", answer "Sook".

Please let me know whats happening, I don't like the thought of all this money disappearing into the ether with no idea where its going.

Alex Wale.



[And lastly.]

Alex Wale

Hasish, (July 18th)

Another £s;500, although you still haven't written, you b***h.

Number 3816578945.

Test Question "What is Mrs Hasish"

Answer "A non-existent person invented by a pathetic, gullible, 419 internet scammer"

If brains were dynamite, you would not have sufficient to blow your nose!

Please do us all a favour and get yourself a proper job, because you are far to dim for this game.

"Alex"



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