FULK YOU AFRICA'S LIZARD

Lewd Noogie contacts us from Ice Station Zebra, where he is moonlighting as a bartender.


This was a spur-of-the-moment venture... This didn't run too long as there were more pressing matters with a certain Mrs. Abacha. It seems that Mohammed might know how to interpret an IP address as he was able to determine that I'm in Europe (or somewhere around there) and not Chicago. I did enjoy our parting dialog.

Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry/John Lusit
- Son of Murdered Gold Merchant, Currently Employed as Liberian Refugee in Ghana

Joseph Batutu -Barrister

versus Weiner Crumbley - Bartender in Chicago, Illinois


Mohammed Panamar

Subject: Mohammed needs your assistance
Date: Thu, 28 Apr 2005

Received: from web30612.mail.mud.yahoo.com ([68.142.201.245])

DEAR SIR,

I am Mohammed Panamar, a liberian by nationality but presently a refugees in Ghana with my mother and younger sister.My father was a successful gold merchant before his death.He was actually killed by rebels in our country during the war.Sir Please i need your help. My late father deposited some money to a security company here in Ghana , which was just revialed to me by my father's lawyer.He said my father intended to transfer this money to a foreign country for investment.

According to the document shown to me, i am his next of kin to the $38,000,000 and 250kg alluvia Gold dust he deposited at the security company.

All i need now is for you to help us transfer and invest this money in your country and also get us out of this refugees camp.I will highly appreciate your kindness and be grateful if only my request is granted.

Thanks and Godbless,
Mohammed Panamar.


Weiner Crumbley

Mr. Panamar,

Are you certain that you meant to send this to me?

Sincerely,
W. Crumbley



Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Thursday, April 28, 2005

dear sir .

i mean what i talking about about i am not playing over this thing if you can help me try your best , you going to get sum % in fact with you GODLY Mind and truthfull.

sincerely.
mohammed.


Weiner Crumbley

Mr. Panama,

I'm not sure I understand everything you've told me. What is it exactly that you want me to do?

Sincerely,
W. Crumbley



Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Friday, April 29, 2005

dear sir.

listen to me what do you want from me i have being telling you about my late father's fund depposited with the security company.all the document are with me ,if you cannot help tell me now ,sir i told you b4 i cant just play with my time like that.what am telling you is the fact.can we proceed ,tell me.

sincerely.
mohammed


Weiner Crumbley

Sent: Saturday, April 30, 2005

Mr. Panama,

I am not trying to play with your time. I have no objection helping you recover your late father's money but you haven't told me what you want me to do. Also I would like to see some sort of documentation verifying that this money actually exists.

Weiner Crumbley



Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Saturday, April 30, 2005

dear sir.

any way you are telling the fact.i will send you the document to confarm that the fund belong to my late father,all the document are with me ,i am now understand that you are talking some thing reasonable.

what you going to do for me is that ,you are going to send me your fax to enaible me to fax the document to you, and your phone number,as soon as i get your fax i will fax the document to you immediately.

even last week when i went to church i have explained this transaction to one of my church member which is a barrister about my father consignment which my late father has deposited with the security company and he advice me on what to do,i will give you his adress he will explained more better to you .

this is email JOSEPHBATUTU@YAHOO.CO.UK this is phone number +233--243--585--776 SIR CONTACT HIM HE ADVICE YOU WHAT TO DO. THIS IS MY PHONE NUMBER +233--277--334194.you can call me at any time I AM WAITING TO READ FROM YOU . SINCERELY MOHAMMED


Weiner Crumbley

Sent: Sunday, May 2, 2005

Mr. Panama,

Unfortunately, I don't have a fax available to me at the moment. I work at a bar here in Chicago, Illinois, and we have no fax machine here. Please scan the documents you have and send as email attachments.

I would also add that my boss would be very upset if he knew I was engaging in financial activities outside the bar, so I must ask that we keep this extremely confidential. I appreciate your help on this.

Weiner


[The next two were sent to me a total of 14 times...]


Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Monday, May 2, 2005

dear sir.

have you contacted my barrister? i told you to do so ,but for your information tell him that you are my late father's partnar ,that you are my beneficiary.

please sir do that.try to call me if you are not serious.let me no things like this we do deley .we add smartness ,contact the barrister he will give you the details ok


Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Monday, May 2, 2005

dear sir.

i told you to contact my barrister he will give you the details of every thing i am not playing with this fund if you not serious please tell me now let me know what to do you dont even what to call me try that .oki give you my barrister mail contact him immediately.

mohammed


Weiner Crumbley

Mohammed (I hope you don't mind if I use your first name),

I realize the trauma you've been through and I know how anxious you are to secure your fathers money and alluvia gold dust, but you need to slow down a bit. You sent your last two messages to me fourteen times. You filled up my mailbox, kiddo. Lighten up a little.

Muhammed, I am very serious about this. I'll contact your lawyer today. By the way, what exactly am I supposed to tell him?

Weiner



Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Dear Sir.

i have you contacted the barrister? i you have'nt do that immidiately and i know that is all MIGHTY GOD can solve our problem, please sir i want you to work fast so that both of us will do things ammickably. iam waiting to read from you ok. best regard.
mohammed


Weiner Crumbley

Mr. Batutu,

I am the partner of the late Mr. Panama and I am in the process of recovering funds that we jointly deposited. His son, Mohammed, has advised me that you can be of assistance in helping me to receive these funds.

Please advice me on what steps need to be taken.

Sincerely,
Weiner Crumbley


Weiner Crumbley

Mohammed,

Ok, I sent a note off to Mr. Batutu asking for his assistance. I'll let you know what I hear back.

So tell me a little about yourself, Mohammed. How old are you? Do you have a profession? What do you intend to do once we have recovered the money and alluvial gold dust?

You mentioned that you have a younger sister - how old is she? Is she married?

Awaiting your response.
Weiner


[Ah, at last the learned Barrister. Catch the quote at the bottom...]


Joseph Batutu

Sent : Tuesday, May 3, 2005
Subject : Response
From the Desk of: Barrister Joseph Batutu
Ogudu & Odudu Chambers,
No. 5 Cow-Lane, High Street,
Accra-Ghana
+233 243 585 776
+233 244 924 193
Jobatutu@Justice.com

Attn: Weiner Crumbley,

I am in receipt of your email.. It's gone past 9Am, in the morning here in Accra-Ghana and I need to be at the court. Please leave your number and I will give you a call when I return from Court to give you details verbally, before I email you with details.

Waiting to get your number, so that we can communicate effectively.
Best regards,

Barrister JOSEPH BATUTU

"CONSCIENCE IS AN OPEN WOUND, ONLY THE TRUTH CAN HEAL IT" BARRISTER JOSEPH BATUTU.(ESQ)

[All of a sudden Mohammed gets talkative...]


Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Tuesday, May 3, 2005

dear sir.

i am very happy for your quastion,as for me im from a wealthing family my father was a honest man he always gives help to the community ,he take care of utility, electricity,many different public acctivities, and i have lean that from my late dad.and my dad truthfull man one mind strenth man and he respect courage ,that is i just like that like my father.i was a student due to my late father's wealth i did not focouse in my school bbut i can express my filling to any bbody creacted by ALMIGHTY FATHER ALAH GOD.and only him who can delievered us.TO others quastion what i intend to do with my money is utilize it big lucreative business,infact i will invest BBIG.my younger sister i will give her the best education.any way my younger sister is a little girl is 16 years old and i take her as one of my best property,she take me like too.any way she have'nt married, i we take time to look for a good husband and ALMIGHTY will do that for me.

i know as time goes on you will know her,my younger one she does'nt like any thing head very simple girl like my mother.

Anyway what was your discoustion with the barrister, what does he told you? you will tell me so that in the document in my possition i will knowq what to do ok.now listen to me we are not playing over this transaction, and want you to know that GOD has bless you as my beneficiary, all details relate to the barrister any he tell you please inform me ok.as the gold matter i will look over to it ,anyway i will keep some in my private maesiuom,i will use some gold to mood my late father's status image and my great ground chirldren will see my late father's image because my late father.s was a hero, a great man and a breave man.i have promise that i will give that honor to my late father.

i am so glad for all your qaustion because in a good business to grow their must be trust.

my father told me that one , there will bbe no problem.

i am waiting to hear from you,and tell me the details of what the bbarrister told you ok.

best regard.
mohammed.

i have discious with the bbarrister and he told me ,as soon as you get back to him he will reach me.and i dont want any deley.

[Mike? Who's Mike? Is that short for Mohammed?]


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Sent : Wednesday, May 4, 2005

dear sir .

i have been waiting for your reply but since morning i havent hear from you what is the matter.i introduce the barrister to you if any thing roung cant you inform me why? that means if my consignment leave from africa here to europe to any were in the world i cant even trace you how most you do business,infact this you cordition mke me look you in the other side,let me asked you one quastion if you are charting with your friend and another person came in ,and bring misunderstanding to it and your partnar cant even discouse with you like that how do you feel that means the person is a tyrant ok.see the way you just black me and we cant understand.infact what it its ,you told me you have contacted my barrister he even told that you have already mail him and he told you to give your information,listen to him he will give you the details all the necesary document that convered the fund,sir it good to fasting things for more progress.

please sir i dont mean your contact if you like to send me the contact to reach you or not ,i dont mile about try and get back to me.

mike henry


Weiner Crumbley

Mike,

What the hell are you talking about? Nobody is looking to run off with your money. And who are you calling a tyrant?

Listen, buddy, let's get something straight right now. You were the one who first contacted me, not the other way around. I said I was willing to help you but I'm starting to have second thoughts because of your accusations and attitude. And by the way, you haven't shown me a single piece of evidence that this money and the alluvial gold dust even exists.

There was no information to report from the barrister. All he said is that he is going to email the details to me. That's it.

If you still have a problem let me know and we will halt this transaction immediately.

Weiner


[Ah, an apology, and we're back to Mohammed...]


Mohammed Panamar

Sent : Wednesday, May 4, 2005
Subject : FORGET THE BARRISTER I WILL CONTACT MY LATE FATHER'S BARRISTER

Hello Weiner,

How is you and your family doing? I am very sorry for the misunderstanding that is going on between us, i didnt mean to call all those names but because of the way the lawyer was talking me, it is not you im talking to but its the lawyer who i had a little argument with.The lawyer even told me u didnt send him your phone number so that he can contact u but i now realise that the lawyer isnt being straight with me so i dont want to do anything with that lawyer and im now contacting my late father's barrister so support the job for us, You are someone that i believe God himself sent to me that can help me and my family here so please do not say u are having second thoughts about this for it is a genuine transaction that i am having all this trust in you to handle it for me.The way you talk to me i now know that u are a reliable and gentle person and im sorry the misunderstanding because u are not the one i am accusing i was accusing the lawyer.

Sorry for asking this question sir, but how old are u and which country u from? For evidence so u can have 100% trust in me i will show the documents and all the details how my late father deposited this fund.I will contact my late fathers lawyer for u so we can do this without any delay.

i will do that any moment from now ok.

iam waiting to read from you.
mohammed


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Date: Thursday, May 5, 2005

dear sir.

how are you over their i hope no problem.how are you moving over this are you still thinking about the misunderstanding?i told you to forget about things ,that happen that have pass let talk about new things,i cant couse you that is the barrister who is not talking like that ok .i m waiting to read from you .

mohammed


Weiner Crumbley

At this point Weiner succumbs to multiple personality disorder - it's contagious - and signs off as Lewd Noogie, who has graced this web site in other adventures

Mohammed,

I cooled off, all is forgiven. Let me know when you hear from your father's barrister.

Lewd


[But if the scammer notices, he doesn't say.]


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Sent : Friday, May 6, 2005

dear sir.

im sorry for misunderstanding i know it almighty GOD that brought you to help me.
sir i have give you my late barrister email this is the email barrister_sealaw@yahoo.com.he will give you the details anyway tomorrow i will send you the certisficate of deposit and the certisficate of ownership for you to confarm what iam talking about.anyway you are saying the fact because i havent send you any document for you to believed what iam talking about. tomorrow that is what im going to do first thing in the morning,good night,iam waiting to read from you .

best regard.
mohammed


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Sent : Saturday, May 7, 2005

Dear Sir.

I have try today to send you the document but i could not make it due today is weekend i cant not make it but unfaililly on monday i will try to do it ok.

Sir for your information i have give you the contact of the barrister, and you are going to introduced your self to the barrister tell him that you are my late father's business partner that both of you has been doing business before so that he will not asked more qaustion ok.i will try on monday unfaililly i will do that ok .

i am wating to read from you .

Best Regard.
Mohammed.

[This could be for real! I receive a very official looking Certificate of Ownership and a contract from Intercon Finance & Security Company. Very impressive.]


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Sent : Monday, May 9, 2005

Dear Sir,

I have contacted my fathers barrister as you know, and i told you that u should contact my fathers late barrister and tell him that you are my late father's business partner , these are the documents.

The certificate of deposit ,how my father deposited the money and certificate of ownership and contact bond which is the agreement my father did with the security company.

Im waiting to hear from you, please contact my late father's barrister with this email: barrister_sealaw@yahoo.com

I will be waiting to hear from you so i will know that we are moving on with this business and i have trust in you, to make this a succesful transaction.

Thank You.
Mohammed Panamar


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Sent : Tuesday, May 10, 2005

dear sir.

i told you that i will send you the document which i have done and you told me you going to confarm it which have already read what are you still doing all till now please tell me what do now. are you not serious i dont even know what you are doing.why? are you doing like that way,any thing going on tell me let me know what to do.

i am waiting to read from you.
mohammed.


Mohammed Panamar/Mike Henry

Sent : Monday, May 16, 2005

dear crumbley.

i that the way you do your things are you playing with me i told you the first time that that you are not serious over this thing or deal.listen to me dont fulk with me you are so stupid. to play with me over there in your uerope what ever you call your country that you live ,you dont even good for anything you are a stupid man .you told me about the document and i have send it to you now you dont even talk fulk u.

[Let's see if I can get one more rise out of this lad...]


Weiner Crumbley

Mohammed, my brother,

Fulk me? Oh yeah? Well listen to this, you dick-headed mugu. Do you think for a minute that I didn't know what you were up to when I got your first email. Yours was about the worst 419 attempt I've ever come across.

Listen, turd-breath, you're never gonna make a dime at this so why don't you give it up. You're just wasting all your money sitting in that internet cafe trying to fool people into believing your refugee crap. Refugee my ass.

Here, refugee THIS!

I got half a mind to come over there and get tribal on your ass, Homes. It's a good thing for you I'm busy working with Mariam Abacha next week. Next time you see her you should thank her for saving your scrawny little ass.

So fulk you too.

All the best,
Weiner


[Sure enough, Mohammed rises to the bait...]


Mohammed Panamar/John Lusit

Sent : Saturday, May 21, 2005

hello crumbley. ALL THIS DAYS I KNOW THAT YOU ARE FULKING FOOLS TELLING ME ABOUT THE MUGU OF YOUR OWN LIFE BUT YOU THINK I M THE TYPE OF PEOPLE YOU DO THING WITH FULK YOU MILLIONS.

WHO ARE YOU OVER THERE ARE YOU GOD,HA HAAAAA YOU ARE NOT GOD TO TALK ABOUT MY LIFE OK.

I HAVE BEEN DISTERPIONTED THAT THEY HAVE TAKEN SO LONG TO DISCOVERED MY CONNECTION BUT YOU HAVE GIVE THEM THE CLUE .
I HAVENT MAKE ANY SECRET OF MY DEAL WITH ANY FULKING GUY LIKE YOU. BUT YOU HAVE BEEN MAKING JEST OF YOUR SELF.FULK YOUAFRICA'S LIZARD AND YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.

PERHAP I BETTER INTRODUCE MY SELF MY NAME IS JOHN LUSIT IN AFRICA U SEE I DONT EVEN CARE FOR THE MONEY I WAIST IN INTERNET CAFE IT IS MY OWN MONEY YOU THE ONE WHO WORK FOR IT .YOU SEE, INFACT WHO TOLD YOU THAT ?

FULK YOU AND FULK U


Weiner Crumbley

Mohammed (or John, as the case may be), my old friend,

As a bartender, one of my main responsibilities is to give advice. People come in here, except on Karaoke night when the music is too loud, and want to bounce their problems off someone, just to get a different point of view if nothing else.

You have inspired me to start a '419 Scammer Counciling Service'. I think I have the experience know-how to help you dimwits change your lives around. You are going to be my first client, so lay back, make yourself comfortable, and listen to what I tell you.

This is no career for you. First of all, 419-scamming is a thing of the past and nobody falls for it anymore. The only ones who respond to those slimy letters you guys send are people who like to dick with you. Secondly, you're no good at it. You expected me to believe that you were a refugee sitting on millions in cash and gold dust. Mohammed/John, trust me, that dog won't hunt.

Here's what you do - go get a newspaper, turn to the help-wanted section, and get yourself a JOB. You're obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so keep it simple, something that doesn't require a lot of thinking. Well, in your case, maybe something that doesn't require ANY thinking would be better.

Take up a hobby, join a healthclub, find something else to occupy your time. And you gotta stay away from the internet cafes, you're only wasting your time and money there. While I'm on the subject, if you know a guy in there who claims to be Mariam Abacha and/or one of her sons, lean over and tell him I'm on to him too. Then the two of you head down to the gym I just told you to join and pump each other.

Ok, Mohammed/John, take my advice for what it's worth. And do stay in touch.

Fulk you too.

Your bestest pal and advisor,
Weiner




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