MOONSHINE OVER METHLAND


Arnold Wanker returns! Last seen in YOU ARE SLOWING DOWN OUR SERVICE

Arnold is another alter ego of Dr. Sweeney Todd (board-certified scambaiter), previously seen in YOUR UTTERANCE IS REPREHENSIBLE and DEMON SCAMBAITER OF FLEET STREET.

Mira Clarks - First-tier Lad (miclarks82@yahoo.com, miclarks04@mail.ru)
John Storan - Banker Lad (lloydsstb@london.com)
Sunu Wade - Lawyer Lad (sunuwade@fastermail.com)
vs.
Arnold Wanker - good ol' boy
Finbarr Saunders - Manager, Third Onanists' Credit Union, Choadtown branch (Arnold's banker)


Mira Clarks
Date: Fri 10/12/07
From: Mira Clarks <miclarks82@yahoo.com>
Subject: Hoping to read from you

Dearest One,

How is everything? I know it's all good.Thank God. I am excited to be writing you today. My name is Mira Clarks, a Cote D' Ivoire. Presently I am residing here in Dakar Senegal , as a result of the civil war which took place in my country. I am a 22 year old girl, about 5'10" tall.
By the grace of God we made my way to a nearby country Senegal where I 'm presently living in a refugee camp. I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.
I attach here my picture for you, though i am not all that photogenic,i hope you wouldn't mind.i am waiting for your reply!
Much Love,
Mira

Much Love,
Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Mon 10/15/07
To: Mira Clarks <miclarks04@mail.ru>

Hi yall,

Good to hear from ya. Can yall send the photo again - I didnt get it this time round? Anyway, my names Arnold, I live in Kentucky USA. I like good beer (Bud and Miller), fishin, tractor pulls and drag racin. I dont like Yankees and them fancy furrin cars. Its been a while since I done this online datin thing. I used to be on this site but then I got baned after my buddy Jake done guesed my password and sent that picture of me with a possum.

Arnold
Mira Clarks
Date: Tue 10/16/07
From: Mira Clarks <miclarks04@mail.ru>
Subject: Contact The Bank For The Possibilities of Transfer

My Dearest Arnold,

Good...day to you and how are you getting on?.I do hope that you are catching up with the goodies of the day in full.Mine here is very hot and like you know we are living in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal.I have internet access from the admistrative office which I clean everymorning. Here is my number (00221 77-353-58-64) I will like to hear from you as soon possible please.. As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilledge to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.That is why I have been told to serch for a foreign partner. Please listen to this,I have my late father's death certificate here with me which I will send to you latter,because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin,the amount in question is $2,450,000(Two million ,Four Hundred and Fifty Thousand Dollars).
So I will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I have been working here for a long time now. Please try and contact the bank in London, tell them that you are my representative. That you will like to assist me claim my money that is deposited into their bank.
when they transfer the money to your position then I will come over to your country. I really cant wait to get away from the death camp. Please go ahead and contact the bank as i have already told them about you.
The contact information of the bank is as follows,
LLOYD'S TSB BANK OF LONDON

Email addresses : lloydsstb@london.com
The name of the my father's account officer is
MR JOHN STORAN
Tel +44 7031842420
Fax +44 7024014287

Here is the secret Ref code of our money.
LlodysBank/Dr.John Clarks/254668/A-92/01
When you contact the bank tell them that you are my representative and that you want to assist me transfer my money to your account due to my refugee status here in Dakar Senegal.

Yours,

Miss Mira Clarks.

Arnold Wanker
Date: Tue 10/16/07
Hi Mira

Thanks for sendin them pictures. Im a lucky guy, turns out your real purty as well as rich. Say, you dont happen to have any pictures of you without so many clothes on do you, if you catch my drift? I mean topless is OK, but if yall got any hardcore stuff Id love to see it. Im sendin a couple pictures of me. The one is taken back in 2004 just after the cops bust me up real good when they found my weed patch. Second one was taken by my buddy Dave, but I got the plummin all fixed up since then so as the crappers back indoors again now.

Im a send a message to the bank like yall said so as they can transfer the money over to me. I tried callin yall but I keep gettin a recordin saying I dont have no internattinal phone plan or some such.

Yours

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Tue 10/16/07
To: Lloyds Tsb <lloydsstb@london.com>
Subject: Mira Clarks

Hi yall

A purty young gal called Mira Clarks said for me to get a transfer of some of her money. She said the oficer was John Storan, and there was like a reference code of

LlodysBank/Dr.John Clarks/254668/A-92/01I guess its to much for yall
to put in the mail, so can yall send me a check? My addy is
Arnold Wanker
1808 Gonad Drive
Choadtown
KY 40012
USA

Thanks

Arnold Wanker
John Storan
Date: Wed 10/17/07
From: Lloyds Tsb <lloydsstb@london.com>
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION

DATE: 17-10-2007
OUR REF: LLOYDSBANK/523/17-10-2007

ATTN: MR ARNOLD

SIR,

WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL AND WE ARE HOWEVER RESPONDING AS FOLLOWS:

.THAT WE ARE MEANT TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE THE PARTNER MISS MIRA CLARKS WHO IS PRESENTLY IN A REFUGEE CAMP IN DAKAR SENEGAL WHO HAPPENED TO BE THE SOLE BENEFICIARY OF LATE MR. JOHN CLARKS'S FUND WITH US HERE. WE WILL BE EXPECTING THAT YOU PROVIDE US WITH THE FOLLOWING :

1. YOUR FULL NAME AND INFORMATION WITH WHICH A FILE WILL BE CREATED FOR YOU HERE PRIOR TO THE SAID TRANSFER. THIS WILL INCLUDE YOUR BANK INFORMATIONS WHERE YOU WILL LOVE TO RECEIVE THE SAID FUNDS.

2. THAT YOU HAVE TO PROCURE A LEGAL POWER OF ATTORNEY FROM A REPUTABLE LAW FIRM IN DAKAR SENEGAL. THIS LEGAL DOCUMENT SHOULD BE ENDORSED BEFORE A ROTARY OFFICIAL IN THE HIGH COURTH OF JUSTICE IN DAKAR SENEGAL WHERE SHE CURRENTLY RESISIDING. THIS IS TO GIVE YOUR REPRESENTATION A LEGAL BACKING.

3. THE DEATH CERTIFICATE OF MR CLARKS AS THIS GOES A LONG WAY TO CONFIRM THAT YOU ARE IN TOUCH WITH HER DAUGHTER IN DAKAR SENEGAL.

. YOU WILL HAVE TO PROVIDE US WITH ARTICLES (1) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY (2) ABOVE BEFORE WE CAN COMMENCE OFFICIAL DEALINGS WITH YOU.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION

CORDIALLY,

JOHN STORAN
(ACCOUNT OFFICER)
Mira Clarks
Date: Thu 10/18/07
From: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>
Subject: Have You Contacted The Bank For The Possibilities Of Transfer?

Dearest Arnold,
Its a great pleasure to be writing you today. I hope that all is fine with you. I came around to see if you wrote me, but there wasnt any mail from you. havent you contacted the bank? If you have, what did they say? If you havent lease try and do so. i was waiting for you to tell me what they told you as in the procedures thats we will have to do before we can lay claims.
I have attached for you the last the death certificate and the last statement of account of my father. I will be expecting to read from you in the shortest possible time.

Yours
Mira


Arnold Wanker
Date: Thu 10/18/2007
To: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>

Hi Mira

I tried writin yall on Tuesday but I got a mail bounce mesage back. Looks like youre email addys changed. Anyhoo, Ill try writin this one and hope its workin. Like I said, your real purty, and who woulda guessed that your rich as well. Thanks for the pics, but do you have anything without so much clothes on? Topless would be OK, but if yall have anything more hardcore thatd be great. Ive sent a couple of pics of me. First one is after the cops found my weed patch back in 2004 and busted me up real good for resistin. Second was taken by my buddy Dave, thats me sittin there on the crapper, but dont worry the plummins bin fixed up so its back inside again now.

Got all the certificats and such like. I got a message from the dude and the bank so Ill go on and send them on to him.

Yours

Arnold


Arnold Wanker
Date: Thu 10/18/2007
To: Lloyds Tsb <lloydsstb@london.com>

Hi John

I gots an email from Mira this mornin that had one of them forms yall needed. I done atached the death certificit, but I still aint got no power of atorney thingy. Im guessin she done forgot to send me that, but I should get it from her soon Im hopin. Any road, Id prefer if you could send me like a money transfer or such like, cuz Im still owin money to the court after my last DUI so Im scared their gonna put a hold on my bank acount if you send the money in there. Heres my name and addy

Arnold James Wanker
1808 Gonad Drive
Choadtown
KY 40012
USA

Phone: 502 696 7404

Thanks

Arnold
John Storan
Date: Fri 10/19/07
From: Lloyds Tsb <lloydsstb@london.com>
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION

Lloyds TSB home
DATE: 19-10-2007
OUR REF: LLOYDSBANK/523/19-10-2007

ATTN: MR ARNOLD

SIR,

WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL AND WE ARE HOWEVER RESPONDING AS FOLLOWS:

.YOU HAVE TO TRY AND UNDERTSTAND THE IMORTANCE OF THE SAID POWER OF ATTORNEY TO THIS TRANSACTION. wE ACTUALLY NEED THAT LEGAL DOCUMENT AS IT A LEGAL PROVE THAT MISS CLARKS HAS TRANFERED ALL HER LEGAL RIGHTS OF THE MONEY TO YOU.
THEN CAN WE TRANSFER TO YOU WHICHEVER WAY YOU WANT IT, AND WHERE EVER YOU WANT IT. BUT FIRST WE NEED THE DOCUMENT. ALL THAT WE DO HERE FALL WITHIN THE AMBITS OF INTERNATIONAL BANKING CODES.
THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION

CORDIALLY,

JOHN STORAN
(ACCOUNT OFFICER)

Lloyds TSB Bank plc and Lloyds TSB Scotland plc are authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority and signatories to the Banking Codes. FSA authorisation can be checked on the FSA’s Register at: www.fsa.gov.uk/register. Lloyds TSB Bank plc and Lloyds TSB Scotland plc are members of the Financial Services Compensation Scheme and the Financial Ombudsman Service. Lloyds TSB Group plc.
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 10/19/07
Hi Mira

That dude from the bank done got all riled up and wants some power of atorney or such like. Do yall have anything like that? And did you find any sexy pictures to send me?

Yours

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 10/19/07
To: Lloyds Tsb <lloydsstb@london.com>

Alright dude, chill a little. I axed Mira for that power of atorny thing so Ima send that on to yall as soon as I get it from her. Hell, smoke a little weed or somethin. Aint worth gettin that stressed about after all.

Arnold
Mira Clarks
Date: Sat 10/20/07

Dearest Arnold,
I am very happy to be writing you. I have heard all that you said about the bank asking for a power af attorney before they can transfer the money to your possition. I will be going out to town to search for a lawyer that will help us get a power of attorney. i will get back to you as soon I get to speak to the lawyer.

Yours
Mira
Mira Clarks
Date: Sun 10/21/07
From: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>
Subject: Lawyers contact

My Love,
I am very happy to be writing you today. I was very glad to to tell you that yesterday, i was at the lawyers office. I waited for him till yesterday evening , hence I saw him almost by the night. I wasnt able to come back to write you. He said that is okay, that he will be able to get the legal documents in three(3) working days. he said that since its your name that will appear in the legal paper , he will love that you contact him directly. he is already waiting to read from you. His information is below:

Legal Firm: Sunu Wade Chambers
Adress: Rue 14/42 Cheikh Anta Diop
Dakar Senegal.
TEL- 221-37-55-703.
Email: sunuwade@fastermail.com

I believe that he will get the paper as he has promised. Thats means that by nest week the bank will transfer the money into your account. The I will start getting ready to meet with you.

Have a great day .

I love you,

Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Sun 10/21/07
Hi Mira

Good to hear from yall. Ill go on and send a mesage to that lawyer then. Hate to bug you and all, but do you have any sexy pictures to send? Its just that Im gettin kinda antsy, what with all the pages on my copy of Sheep Herders Weekly bein stuck together an all.

Best

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Sun 10/21/07
To: Sunu Wade <sunuwade@fastermail.com>
Subject: Mira Clarks

Hi yall,

Mira Clarks done told me that yall were goin to get a power of atorney for me so that I can transfer some money out to the US and help her out. Can you send me a copy as soon as its done? Its just that the bank dude is gettin all upity and in my bidness about it.

Thanks

Arnold Wanker

PS Oh and by the way, aint Mira somethin? She done sent me a couple pictures. Looks like she gots a sweet pair of sweater puppies on her, if you know what I mean.
Sunu Wade
Date: Mon 10/22/07
From: Sunu Wade <sunuwade@fastermail.com>
Subject: ATTN: Mr ARNOLD WANKER

Legal Firm: Sunu Wade Chambers
Adress: Rue 14/42 Cheikh Anta Diop
Dakar Senegal.
TEL: 221-37-55-703.
Email: sunuwade@fastermail.com

Dear sir,

Owning the informations we gathered from one Miss Mira Clarks who introduced herself as your partner , on issue of obtaining a power of attorney to your favour from this honourable law firm. I hereby state procedures and modalities to prepare such legal document to your favour.

1. That you provide us with your infomation with which this legal paper will be procured. This information include your full name, date of birth, country of citizenship, national identification number or passport number and address.

With these information we will proceed with the documentation prior to procurement of the said legal paper.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: Mon 10/22/07
My Love,
i am very happy to be writing you. I hope that all is fine with you over there. I am glad that you will be ontacting the lawyer. I also pray that he responds swiftly to your mail as he promised me. As for the pics. I actually does not have does at the time being. As I told you were I am presently. I dont even a camera to take it nor leave the plae looking for who will take it. I will be hoping to read from you soon.

Yours
Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Tue 10/23/07
To: Sunu Wade

Hi yall,

Heres the info you done axed me fer.

Name: Arnold James Wanker
Date of Birth: 20th April 1979
Country of Citzenship: USA
ID number: V87-664-624 (KY drivin license)
Address: 1808 Gonad Drive,
Choadtown,
KY 40012,
USA

Thanks

Arnold Wanker
Arnold Wanker
Date: 10/23/07
Hi Mira

I got a mesage from yalls lawyer and done sent him my name and addy. He said hes gon git that power of atorney thing done, then I can send it back to that dude from the bank.

Pity about the pics. Say, yall ever think about modelin for a magazine? A guy I know puts together this one called Prairie Hardcore, and its real high class, no animals or nothin. Your much purtier than most of them girls he gets to pose for him, so I can try and hook you up if yall want.

Yours

Arnold
Sunu Wade
Date: 10/24/07
Legal Firm: Sunu Wade Chambers
Adress: Rue 14/42 Cheikh Anta Diop
Dakar Senegal.
TEL: 221-37-55-703.
Email: sunuwade@fastermail.com

Dear sir,

I will love to bring to your notice that we have gotten all the necessary information that we need for the procurement of the legal power of attorney in your favor. I write to confirm that we have equally commenced the paper work prior to the procurement of the said legal document.

I will be inviting the girl as soon as she will be needed to put her signature on the legal paper. But before we proceed to the high court for the legalisation, which will be in two days from now, we will please love to get payed our charges.
Service fee of 1,760 Euros. (This service fee include our official consultation fee of 860 Euros and administrative charges and stamp duties at the high court of 900 Euros ) TOTAL is 1,760 Euros.

You can send the money using Western Union to my name; Sunu Wade. Use the address above and telephone number. We will proceed as soon as we get our charge payed.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: Wed 10/24/07

My Love,
I am very happy to read from you. I understand all that you said about your guy and his models. I believe that we will have to look into that when I come over to see you. I believe that we will not have any money problems becuase we will have some good money to invest and live with. By the time the bank send the $2.4M to you, we will run alot of business. I have never been a model but then I cant say to investing in such venture. Thank you alot for thinking of me. I believe that the lawyer will get the paper at most by Monday. Then I will start to get my travelling documents ready to come and meet you.

Love
Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Wed 10/24/2007
Hi Mira

Reall good to hear from yall again. Im glad your intersted in modelin. From the pictures you sent, it looks like you even gots most of your teeth, so like I said your much purtier than most of them girls in the magazine. Hell thats a lot of $$ though, your right that we could buy Prairie Hardcore, and maybe even the bigger ones like Sheep Worrier and Backwoods Freaks. I forgot to ax you, did you think Im sexy from them pics of me I sent you?

I got an email from your lawyer sayin he wants some Gyros or somethin so Im a sort that all out with him. Love

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Wed 10/24/07
To: Sunu Wade

Hi Sunu

Got yer message. Whats that in Dollars? I thought Euros was Greek food. Anyhow, can you help me out and tell me whats the fee in $?

Thanks

Arnold
Sunu Wade
Date: Thu 10/25/07

Dear sir,

Going by the curent convertion rate of one Euro= I.423 Dollars. The amount is Dollars will be $2499.2 . You can send the payment by Western Union money transfer to pave way for quik collecting .

Then I will proceed tomorow to get the legal documents legalised in the high court as I have already finished the paper work.
Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: Thu 10/25/07
Dearest,
I am very happy to be writing you again. Yes i am interested in modalling and believes that we will have a lot to do together. For me looks dont matter much. Its just a question of who we are in the inside.
I will be waiting to hear from the lawyer with regards to when I will go to sign the documents. I will also love to know what he says.
I hope that you have a nice day.

Yours
Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Thu 10/25/2007
To: Sunu Wade

Hi Sunu,

Hey, I work at the tire retread factory over in Groganville for $1200 a month. So thats more than 2 months pay yall are askin fer. I dont have that much cash in hand, do yall have a payment plan or can you float me a loan or somethin?

Thanks

Arnold
Sunu Wade
Date: Fri 10/26/07

Dear sir,

I am writing to confirm the receipt of your last mail. I am a lawyer and my job is to help you procure the legal documents that you need in your favor. I can allow you pay in two installments. Then I will be able to release the document when I recieve the second payment.

Talking about loans. I run a legal chamber not a financial institution. I believe that you stand a better chance talking to your bank to issue you a loan. I will be waiting to hear from you.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 10/26/2007
Hi Sunu:

OK, Im a take youre advice and go talk to the bank manger. Hopefuly he can float me a loan so that I can send yall the money.

Thanks

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 10/26/2007
Hi Mira,

That lawyer of yours dont work cheap. Hes axed me for $2500 to sign the papers, which is a lot more cash than I got. Can you sneak out a few $$ from the 2.4 million? Otherwise Ima have to ask my bank manger for a loan so as I can pay the lawyer.

Your right about the modelin, looks dont matter that much. Thing is in most of these magazines (Backwoods Freaks specialy) you dont see that many faces in there anyway. And like I said, yall gots most of your teeth, so youd be like a princess in these parts.

Yours

Arnold
Mira Clarks
Date: Fri 10/26/07
My Love,
I am very happy to read from you. I am fine here. I love modeling like I told you before, when I come over I will love to participate fully. I will love that you be my mentor. Honey, about withdrwing money from the bank in London. I am living here as a refugee. i dont even have the right to indulge in any form of financial transaction. Thats why the bank asked for the legal Power Of Attorney so that all my legal rights of the money will be transfered to you. You will henceforth be the one to instruct the bank on how to release funds to you. But i think they will need that we get that document first.
Please if you can get the loan, it will be the best thing for us. So that we can get the document in the shortest possible time.The lawyer is very reputable and I have confidence in him. I really cant wait for the money to get into your custody so that i will start getting ready to come over to meet you.

Yours

Mira
Sunu Wade
Date: Sat 10/27/07

Dear sir,

I am waiting for you with regards to obtaining the loan. The paper will be ready as soon as we get the money.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Arnold Wanker
Date: Sat 10/27/07
Hi Mira

OK, looks like Ima have to get the loan then. I done called the bank and made an apointment to talk to the manger on Wensday. Wish me luck - Im hopin that hes gon give me the money with no problem. Im goin to make sure I dress up real nice, with a shirt and shoes and everythin, so I look more convincin.

Yours

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Sat 10/27/07
To: Sunu Wade

Hi Sunu,

I done talked to the bank, and I got an apointment to talk to the manger on Wensday. Hopefuly hes gon give me the money without no problems or nothin.

Thanks

Arnold
Sunu Wade
Date: Mon 10/29/07

Dear sir,

I am glad to read from you. I have almost finished my part of the legal work. So I am waiting for you so that we can just proceed to the court. That might even take 24 hours depending if I go in the morning. I have already called a friend to make room for me to get the documents legalised as soon as I come there.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: Mon 10/29/07
From: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>

My Love,
I am very happy to read your message. I am sure that all will be fine. Please just dress up well and speak up straight to him in a more convincing manner. I trust you that all will be fine. Meanwhile, I have to tell you that I am very gratefull to you for your love and affection all these while. I believe that by the time i come over, maybe we will first travel to bahamas together for a holiday. Of even winta holiday. So that we will have enough strenght and might to come back and then invest the money.
Ha ha, i am only suggesting. if you have other plans you can tell me. I love you.

Yours
Mira
Mira Clarks
Date: Wed 10/31/07
My Love,
How are you doing? I hope that all is fine with you over there. I wrote you yesterday but I am yet to read from you. I hope that you are in fine condition. I wish you all the luck in the world while you go to see the manager today. I will be waiting to get the good news when you come back.

I remain Yours
Mira
Sunu Wade
Date: Thu 11/01/07
Dear sir,

I was expecting to read from you with regards to the outcome of your meeting with your bank manager. Mira called this morning asking if you have contacted me yet, I told her that I am still waiting to hear from you. How did it go with the manager?

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Arnold Wanker
Date: Thu 11/1/07
To: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>

Hi Mira

Sorry I aint wrote to you for a few days. I was real nervus about meetin the bank manger. So I think it went OK yesterday. He said hes gonna process the loan aplication and let me know what hes decided. Thanks for all the advice an everythin, I think it helped that I had my best shirt on, with sleeves and everythin, and I done dug my fancy shoes out of the closet, the ones where you cant even see the holes in em.

Yours

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Thu 11/1/07
To: Sunu Wade

Hi Sunu

Sorry I aint wrote for a few days. Like I said to Mira, I was real nervus and all about meetin the manger. I think it went OK yesterday. He didnt give me a decision right there, but he said hed process it. I done give him your email in case he wants to contact you to make sure your legit and all. Your a lawyer and everythin so Im pretty sure if he talks to you Ill get the loan OK.

Thanks

Arnold
Finbarr Saunders
Date: Thu 11/1/07
From: Finbarr Saunders
To: Sunu Wade <sunuwade@fastermail.com>
Subject: Matter of Arnold J. Wanker

Dear Mr. Wade,

Mr. Arnold Wanker, a customer of ours, has given me permission to give you a prod regarding a loan application he recently made, to wit a cash advance of $2500.

Here at Third Onanists' Credit Union, we take pride in bending over backwards to accommodate our customers. This is why I am contacting you: ordinarily, given Mr. Wanker's level of income and the lack of collateral, I would have a hard time giving him the thumbs up. However, he recommended that I discuss the matter with you - please could you give me a summary of what the money will be used for, so that I can try and determine whether I can squeeze it in to one of the special loan programs at the bank?

Thanks and best regards

Finbarr Saunders

Manager, Third Onanists' Credit Union, Choadtown
branch
Sunu Wade
Date: Fri 11/2/07
To: Finbarr Saunders

Dear Mr. Saunders,

Referring to your mail dated 1st of November in the year 2007
; In response to your query, the said fund is needed to make payment of an affiliate agreement/and some other legal instruments required. They equally need to be notarized in the magistrate High court here in Dakar Senegal to cover the legal expect of a join project with his partner here in Senegal. I have the honor to be the solicitor/attorney regarding the subject matter and I assure you that within the next 5 workings days, he will be in the best position to pay back the loan.

Thanks as we are honored to serve you.

Yours

Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: Fri 11/2/07
Dearest,
I am very relieved to see your mail today. I hope that all is fine over there with you. I was very scared when i couldnt get your message for some days. I never knew what to even think. i am very glad that you meeting with the manager went fine. Lets wait and see what he is going to do. i am really applaud your efforts. i believe that we will be together in a very short time. i really cant wait for that day to come.

Yours
Mira
Finbarr Saunders
Date: Fri 11/2/07
To: Sunu Wade

Dear Mr. Wade,

Thanks for the rapid reply. I think the easiest way for me to get this one off is for an upstanding, erect citizen like yourself to stand guarantor for the loan. The procedure for this isn't hard: please send me copies of:

(a) A signed letter stating you're willing to guarantee the loan;

(b) A copy of your ID;

(c) A copy of a recent bank statement in your name showing you have sufficient funds to cover the loan.

Hope you're OK with this - I know that sometimes the procedures for these loans can be hard to penetrate, but with your help I think we can have a nice smooth ride on this one.

Regards

Finbarr Saunders
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 11/2/07
To: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>

Hi Mira,

Yup, everythin's goin fine here. Just got paid a couple days ago so I had a hard choice, good liquor (Jim Beam) or fillin up the break fluid on my truck. So my heads achin today, and I figured hey, thats what the handbreaks for anyway. I got a call from the bank manger a few hours back and he said hes talking on email to that lawyer dude Sunu Wade so Im hopin that means hes gonna aprove the loan soon.

Yours

Arnold
Mira Clarks
Date: Sun 11/4/07
From: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>

Dearest,
I hope that all is fine with you over there. Myself, I am just doing fine. I just came over to see of you did write me but there was no mail from you. I hope that all is fine. At least we cn be talking while waiting for them to process the loan.
I wish you a perfect weekend. I hope to read from you soon.

Yours
Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Mon 11/5/07
Mira,

I was getin woried about you. I done sent yall an email on Satday, and I got this mail bounce mesage back. I figured something bad might of hapened, so Im real glad to get your mesage and know your OK. Hey, I forgot to ax you, do you like drinkin and fishin? Once you get over here and everythin, we should have enuf cash to buy like a 50 foot bass boat and drink the good stuff like Miller and Jim Beam.

So this pictures one of my cousins, Billy Joe and Jim Bob (Jim Bobs on the right). There cool guys, dont be put off by Jim Bobs teeth, he was a real bad meth head for a while but hes mostly clean now.

Yours

Arnold

Sunu Wade
Date: Mon 11/5/07
Dear Mr. Saunders,
I have in the attachment a copy of the said documents that you asked for. I am an attorney contacted to help procure legal documents from the high court here. So I dont see any need for my bank statement. I can gurrantee my client that he will get served to the best of my ability. Thats my job as a lawyer.
You can go through and come back to me.

Yours
Sunu Wade ESQ LLC


Finbarr Saunders
Date: Mon 11/5/07

Dear Mr. Wade,

Great - those documents came really fast. My sincere thanks for the quick spurt of activity there. Looks like we have all holes filled now, so I'll go ahead and give Mr. Wanker the good news.

Regards

Finbarr Saunders
Arnold Wanker
Date: Mon 11/5/07
Mira,

Good news... my bank manger done callled me a cuple hours back and tol me I got the loan. My budy Coonskin Dave came over and we bin drinkin his homemade whiskky to celbrate so sory my typin aint so good. Im a pick up the mony from the bank before they close then go strait over to the store with the Western UNin ofice to pay the lawwer dude. Im so lokin forward to sein you soon. Coonskin Dave says hi also.

Yours

Anrold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Mon 11/5/07
To: Sunu Wade

Hi Sunnu

Tjanks for all yalls help. Sory bout the typin but me and my man Dave bin drinkin to celbrate that I gots the loan. Befor hte bank done shuts Ima go over there and pickup the mony then wire it to you from the Westn Unin office. Shud be just a coupla hours.

Cheers

Arnodl
Mira Clarks
Date: Tue 11/6/07
Dearest,
I am so happy to hear the good news. I have some little stomach problems here. that is the reason I coudnt write you yesterday. I saw the pics that you sent to me. I love fishing, boating and I drink a little. i dont have the head for booze so that I dont get drunk.
I am getting better now, Myself, i wish just to close my eyes and see myself in your place. i will be hoping to hear the confirmation news from you. Then I will go and see the lawyer.

Yours
Mira
Sunu Wade
Date: Tue 11/6/07

Dear sir,

You are welcome. Thanks for the compliments. I can always do more than that. I was expecting to at least hear or read from you before the end of work today, but I didn't . What happended?

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: Wed 11/07/07

Dearest,
I hope that all is fine with you over there. I came over to see your mail but there was no mail from you. have you sent the money to the lawyer? Please tell me so that I can go and see him personally. So I can hasten him up.

Yours

Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: Wed 11/7/07
To: Sunu Wade

Sunu,

We gots a problem here. Let me tell yall what hapended. So me and Coonskin Dave went by the bank and picked up the money, then went down the store where Western Union is at. Trouble is, I guess we had to much whisky before we left cuz Dave wasnt drivin so great so I was drivin from the bank to the store. I was doin OK, hit the curb a couple times but no problems but then when we gots to the store I done mixed up the throtle and break. I new yall wouldnt belive it, Im havin a hard time belivin it myself, but Dave took this picture. So I just spent the last 2 days in jail, plus Dave went and ran his mouth about the money so the cops done took $2000 of it to pay back the store owner for the damage. All I gots left is $500 and I just got outta jail. My heads still achin like crazy also. Shoulda never drunk that home made stuff. Your a lawyer and all, what should I do now?

Arnoldd

Arnold Wanker
Date: Wed 11/7/07
Mira,

Evrythings pretty damn far from fine over here. I shoulda taken a leaf outta your book and quit drinkin so much. That pictures what happended Monday when me and Dave went over to the Western Union store. I just spent the last 2 days in jail, plus the cops done took $2000 of the money to pay for the damage. I got $500 left, my heads achin, and my court date comes up next month some time. Real sorry to let you down like this. I know yall must be real dissapointed in me right now. At least I let Sunu Wade know and axed him what he wants me to do.

Yours

Arnold
Sunu Wade
Date: Thu 11/08/07
Dear sir,

I have to tell you tha I am sorry for the fate that befell you. You have to be more carefull nest time so that you dont see yourself in such a situation. See what we can do now, just go to another shop with Western Union and send the $500 that you have now. In that way we will know how to take things off the ground. Like I told you that I did already inform a friend telling him to reserve some space for me when I come to legalise the documents. With the money I will still go there and see what I can do.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Yours Truely
Hon.Sunu Wade ESQ LLC
Mira Clarks
Date: 11/08/07
Dearest,
I really dont know where to start from. I dont know what to say or do. Please you have to take care of your self first while we wait to see what te lawyer will say. I know that he a considerate man. But I just dont know how he going to see this.
If there is need to go and see him, let me know.

Yours
Mira
Arnold Wanker
Date: 11/08/07
To: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>
Hi Mira,

Well at least my heads feelin a little better today. That lawyer of yours is a real nice guy, he said hed do the papers for just $500 and Id owe him the rest later. So I told him Ima find a Western Union out of town so I can go pay the money. My bank mangers hasslin me to, he wants the load paid back by Monday. I told him what hapended but he just doesnt care. I hope I can stall him til I get the money out to Sunu.

Yours

Arnold
Finbarr Saunders
Date: Fri 11/9/07
To: Sunu Wade

Dear Mr. Wade,

I recently had an unfortunate phone conversation with Mr. Wanker, and it would appear that his wad has been prematurely spent. Apparently he was involved in a motor vehicle accident that caused significant damage to one of the stores in downtown Choadtown, and hence $2000 of Third Onanists' money has been confiscated by the police. Between you and me, it would seem that Mr. Wanker has a drinking problem - I have to admit that I also like a good stiff one inside me when I get home from work, but he takes it to an extreme.

Sorry to gang up on you and take you from behind like this, but I remind you that you signed on as guarantor for the loan, which is due to be repaid this coming Monday, November 12.

Sincerely

Finbarr Saunders
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 11/9/07
To: Sunu Wade

Hi Sunu,

Sorry to bug you again an all but that guy Sunders from the bank is stil on my case. You were real understandin and all bout the acident but Sunders is still bein a real dick about it, scuse my French. I told him it wasnt my fault, the store just like apeared in front of us and I couldnt swerve in time, but he dont care much.

Anyhow, he said if you dont pay up the loan as garantor, I gots to give him back the other $500 or Im a lose my trailer. Your a lawyer and everythin, what should I do now? Can you help me out and get Sunders off my back?

Thanks

Arnold
Arnold Wanker
Date: Fri 11/9/07
To: high school akpulu <miclarks01@inbox.ru>
Hi Mira

I hope everythins goin well with you. I bet your wonderin whats hapenin here, so Ill tell you that guy Sunders, the bank manger, is bein real hard on me right now. He says that either Sunu Wade gots to pack back the loan as garontor, or I have to give him the $500 I got, or Im a lose my trailer. I figure I need to keep the trailer, its all I got plus we gots to have somewhere to live when you come over, so I axed Sunu if he can help me out and get Sunders off my back. Im hoping we can get all this fixed up soon so as you can come over. I know its love when Im still getin antsy even after I done bought the new Cattle Farmers monthly. Well, truth be told, I lifted it from that store I done wrecked on Monday. Figured Id better get me somethin for the $2000 they took.

Yours

Arnold
More to come?
 

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