If You Value Your Life Send The Money


Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie has graced these pages many times, most recently in the fantastically complicated Don't False Me to Do Stupid Thing to You, in which he received The Contract Killer letter and FBI agents became involved. Here he and his main squeeze Olga try to help an ungrateful pastor reclaim his confiscated church. Lewd's exploits should be assigned reading for aspiring scambaiters. Major style points for:
* deploying an imaginary scammer of his own to make the (real) scammer frantic
* making the (real) scammer lose his temper (warning, some schoolyard profanity toward the end)

Dramatis personae:
David Emelu - Distraught pastor whose church has been taken from him by a corrupt government.
Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie - International Hotel Consultant, always ready to come to the aid of the oppressed.
by mention only:
Barrister Ayatu Osiri - Pastor's imaginary Barrister
Olga - Lewd's friend, East German massage therapist with a taste for handcuffs
Barrister Dada - Lewd's imaginary barrister, trotted out by Lewd to annoy and frustrate Pastor Emelu

A few bits highlighted for the scam-o-challenged. If it seems complicated, read it out loud, better yet, get a friend and read it back and forth.


David Emelu
pastor David Emelu" <bendouglas@universia.cl>
X-Originating-IP: [195.149.210.98] [Spain]
Date: Sun, 8 Jun 2008

Subject: MY DEAR FRIEND

MY DEAR FRIEND,

My name is pastor David Emelu,am a nigeria,my church has a very big problem.

The land in which i built my church has been claimed by the government of my country.due to the saccumstances in hand,we have been given a month to vacate the premises otherwise we will be forced out .as an annionted man of God to safe my reputation and to aviod further harrasment and embarrasment,i called a meeting with the night of my church ,at the end of the meeting ,we came out with an idea of hosting a lunching that is suppose to come up next three month we agreed to host it on the month of february 10 2008.after the lunching by the special grace of God almighty we where able to gather the sum of 5million naira in the church account we have 6million naira that should be 11million naira in total,Good progress. so 9million is what we are looking forward toget.
please my fellow christians,even if you are not a christian but you believe in his scripture,please am begging you to help in the name of God,i know God can touch you to help ,please don't allow the house of God to be ruined by the so called government.please my brethren whatever your heart fills like giving will be accepted by God and where ever the money is going to come from God will tripple it for you an he will repleanish your pocket abondantly and your house hood will never lack any thing in the name of God almighty,

CONTACT ADDRESS EMAIL:christgospelpenticostalministry@yahoo.dk.
+234-8066725687

[We've seen dead bank customers, cancer patients, cocoa orphans, dictators' widows, refugees, bogus job offers, bogus hotel reservations, lottery notices and evangelical appeals, but this is a new wrinkle.]

Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I believe I am in a position to help you. If you can scan and send the documents that vacated you from your property for my study, I will get back to you soon.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Subject: God will bless you in jesus name i pray AMEN.

Oh my dear friend,

i am very happy for your reply to my mail, it shows that i am not alone in this world of hatred and jelousy,it makes me to believe more and more in the God that i serve, and i strongly believe that he will neverforsake menor let me down.

i have forgiven them for the humiliation and embarrasment they brought to me and to my church.

"Behold the days are coming says the lord when i will make a new covenant with the house of the isreal not like the covenant which i made with their fathers,but this is the covenant which i will make with the house of isreal after those days says the lord, i will put my law within them,and i will write it upon their heart and i will be their God and they will be my people for i will forgive the Iniquity and remember the sins no more,i live every thing to God to take control.

My dear friend, i don't know you but you found it a good thing to help my church out of this predicament, for that reason, i pray for you today were ever are right now,God blessings will be your companion in jesus name i pray Amen.

I lost every thing i own in hands of those rebelous government and right now we are just from a gagantuan church to a room apartment church, the church was built with nothing less then 1, MILLION DOLLARS,that does not includes land buying and some other expencess, the document and every thing was demolished and i lost all my belongings and all my members.

I now live with a member that has been good to me, he his a knight in my church his a very nice man and has the fair of God in him.

what ever your heart fills like giving will be appreciated not only by me but also by God the creator of all things.

Please do very thing in your power to build back the house of salvation and breakthrough, and God will bless you in jesus name i pray AMEN.

REGARDS Sincerely,
PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Emelu,

Can you obtain copies of the paperwork that was destroyed? If you can I can assist you in reclaiming your land.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE TRY AND HELP ME

Hello dear,

Thanks for the mail you sent to me pls i can obtain those document but it will be medicine after death because the goverment as started building on it so we can't do any thing about it please try and help me that is all i ask of you now, i have already gotten some from some men of God abroad and they promise to come over to nigeria to assist me.

All i ask you to do for me is to help me with what ever you can afford so it will be very ease with solicting for more help plesae.

Please if you know you can help me try your best because it is written that what ever a man soal he will rip, if you soal good seed today by trying to help me good will also soal a seed in your life.

THANKS,
PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Emelu,

Trust me sir, it is never too late to right a wrong. If you can get me copies of the eviction paperwork I am prepared to throw the full weight of myself and my staff behind getting you your church back. And if the government has already started building on the site, you may well end up the owner of a new building.

Please send me the paperwork so that I may assist you.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Hello Lewis Noogie,

i quite appreciate all your effort but i don't want to drag land with them i am a man of God and well respected in my town, there is some thing your don't understand we can never get back that land it is our constitution its the government we are talking about hear so there i just want to let by gone be by gone.

All i want is little assistance from you financial help and not going into war with them my God tells us in his scripture that if we are slap in the right cheek we should give the person the second cheek to do the same.

The only thing i want from you now is just your little contribution, if only you can talk to your staff too to help me too so i can go pay for the land i sow at lekki nigeria, i have made some progress lately the amount they said i should pay for the land is 15,MILLION NAIRA.now all we have come up with is 10,MILLION, and 5,MILLION is what we are soliciting for now if only you can help me with what ever you can afford and also talk to your staff to help me too i will be great to you for the rest of my life.

please i don't want to go into war front with any body not even those rebelous government in my my country, please try and understand my point and see reason with me.

i am a man of God i preah pease and i can't go against it now, becuase i now you are very serious about helping my and you want this to go to court, please that is what i don't want now .
I just need your financial assistance if only you can.

THANKS,
PASTOR DAVID EMELU
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Emelu,

I think you have to realize that there is a time to accept this kind of abuse and there is a time to fight it. I believe that your situation calls for a fight. While we are not an agency dedicated to fighting corrupt governments, myself and my staff sometimes take up a fight on behalf of a worthy cause and we feel that your cause is worthy.

At least send me the paperwork I requested so that we can determine an effective course of action. If I don't think anything can be done, at that time we'll offer up the other cheek.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Hello lewis,

I like you and will all ways pray for you in every ways to my heart is trobled, remember the men of God i told you about that they will be coming form overseas to help me they just arrived yesterday and one of them is renhad bonkin and also pastor chris ohakilome G.O of the christ embassy i talk to them about you and your help you want to offer but they all said i should let by gone be by gone that they came all far away from their contries just to put an end to all my problem please try and understand that there is no way we can make peace with violenec so do all you can to help my.

The men of God said i should tell you that you should help if you can with a little amount of money and they also came with sum large amount of money each of them just to help me, please i dont want violence all i want is to buy and build back my church again and invite those that made it possible for me to come up again and i promise you that if you help me you will never forget it for the rest of your life and if i am inviting all of the men of God you and your staff will be included and your names will remain in the histry of the church and i will for ever remain great full.

Please try and send me what ever amount of money that you can come up with before this week and next week runs out please try, if you will or will not please dont fail to write back and let me know ok i dont want you to fight any body because God is in control over every thing and he as promise to lift me up again and dry my tears for me, please i want a positive mail from you and not about fight my government because it will do no good to my reputation as a man of God.

thanks, as i await your urgent response

PASTOR DAVID EMELU
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Emelu,

As men of God I'm sure you all realize that there is a time to put down your plowshares and pick up your swords. Even the Thessaphilians, the most peaceful and god-fearing people of biblical times, took up arms against the Roman emporer Hereclopious when he tried to tear down their temple to build a public bath in it's place. Read your bible, sir.
I still emplore you to send me the eviction papers so that I might determine what your legal course of action might be.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE AM A MAN OF GOD AND MY BIBLE TELLS MY THAT YOU DONT SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH VIOLENCE

Please Dear i don't want any fight if you are not kind anough to help me then please stop talking about fighting or get into baltle with my government because you want to help me.

Please all i want fron you is just you financial support so i can build back my church and forget the past ok.

Fighting back is not in the new testament my dear, but the old testament ok we you fight back .

thanks,
pastor david emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Emelu,

I'm sorry to say that I find this somewhat exasperating.

No one is talking about violence. I only want is to see if you have any legal recourse in this matter. I'm not going to fight with anyone and I'm not asking you to fight with anyone.
Tell me something - if you build another church, what prevents the government from coming in again and taking the new one? I have talked with my staff and we are all interested in helping you both legally and financially. But we want to feel comfortable that you're not going to just roll over again the next time this happens.

Now will you please send me a copy of the eviction papers!

Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Subject: MAY YOUR DAYS BE LONG ON EARTH IN JESUS NAME AMEN

Good day my friend, i am very happy for the fact that you are so good and God sent.
I want to asure you that no body i mean no body can do that again, because the men of God i told you about as resolved every thing with the Government an they have promised that it will never happen again, so you have nothing to be scared of.

If they think they are government an want to try it again then i will forget about the new testament and fight them with all my blood.

All i ask of you now is to tell me when to send you the name and address to send the money to if you can because time waits for no man my dear, i want the church to be built before the month of september, so i can do the lunching and you my good friends must be present on that faithfull day.

Please help me an you will never regreat it never i promise you am going to make you proud. When you come to nigeria you all that made it possible for the building of this church will be treated like kings and you will be remember for the rest of my days in this world.

Just tell me what ever you can come up with in you next mail so i can send you the name and address of the knight in my church you remember i told you about him in my previous mails.

May the good lord continue to be with you and also with your staff and may he continue to shawer his blessings upon you all in JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

THANKS, AND REMAIN BLESSED,

PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Emelu,

I spoke with my staff here at the hotel this morning and to a person they all want to assist you in any way that they can, including financially. Olga, the East German massage therapist who works here at the hotel has even offered to solicit donations from her former panzer division. However, they, like myself, feel that it is foolish to surrender your land to anyone without a fight.

Pastor, I implore you - please send us the eviction paperwork so that we can at least see if there's not some legal recourse that we can help you persue. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to challenge the government effectively.

Lewis
David Emelu
Hello My Good Friend,

Words alone can not tell how happy i am to hear from you again, i thought you will never help me again after i waited for your mail yesterday and to no avail, i lost hope that you will never help because it is about money matter.

I want you to tell your staff and Olga, the East German massage therapist who works at the hotel that i have resolved every thing with them that all i need now is to forget the past and go ahead with my life all i want is to build back my church and continue to serve God.
I will be very glad to receive the money so i can start work in the land

I WANT YOU TO FORGET THEM AND HELP ME SO I CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN
THIS IS THE NAME AND ADDRESS OF THE RECEIVER

NAME OF RECEIVER JOHN OSUJI
ADDRESS OF RECEIVER LAGOS NIGERIA
YOU WILL TEXT THE QUESTION AND THE ANSWER
THEN YOU WILL PAY THE MONEY TO WESTERN UNION
AND YOU WILL WRITE THE PAID AMOUNT.

if you can talk to them to help me i will for ever be great full to you.

thanks,
pastor david emelu.
David Emelu
Subject: The lifeline

Dear.............................................

The Father and the son have asked me to tell you that your sins have been forgiven and completely blotted out and that you are now a true child of God.

They have also asked me to let you know that your name has been written in the lamb's Book of Life in Heaven.

I have been told to encourage you to be faithful to jesus to the end, because an in corruptible crown and inheritance is waiting for you in Heaven.

Finally, I urge you to be strong in the lord and in his great power.

Gos has given us his word, the Bible, so that we can understand him better and grow strong in our faith. If you start reading it regularly, you will quickly discover that the Bible is a life line for you..
The second way you can be certain about what God has done for you is through the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.When someone becomes a Christian, God becomes present in his or her life, through his Holy Spirit.

If you have received jesus christ into your life then write your name on the dotted line above. This letter is addressed to you.

YOURS FOR EVER
PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON
David Emelu
Subject: MAY YOUR DAYS BE LONG ON EARTH IN JESUS NAME AMEN

Hello, I don't understand why you have not written all this time please i am very worried about you not contacting me for avery long time now i need your help an i want to use this oppotunity to tell you that we are organising a 7 days programme and the guest speakers are evangelist reinhard bonnke, evangelist brent regis and all so the cafn craw ok please try and get back to me because am very worry.

thanks,
pastor david emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

My staff and I have had several long conversations about your situation and we all want to help. When Olga, the East German massage therapist who works here at the hotel, said that a number of people from her former panzer dividion were willing to contribute, we decided that we could also get others to contribute as well. We want to set up defense fund for you to recover what is rightfully yours - your church.

But you are tying our hands by not providing the documentaton regarding the siezure of your church by the government. I ask you again to please send it to us so that we can determine a course of action. The longer you procrastinate, the more difficult our task.
Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Hello,

I thank you very much for the mail you send to me i am very happy and i understand that you really want to help me out of this predicament, but i still want you to know that i am not interested in that land any more and thanks for the help all thesame, and please tell mr olga and your staff that i appreciate all their effort in trying to help me i appreciate.

If you want to help me and forget what you think and help me because a man of God and i don't want any problem with any body,just send what ever you can afford any thing will be fine and remember i told you that i am organising a 7 days programme and in the next 6days the programme will begin and i know that more people will help me with out trying to fight any body, all i want from you is your contribution and not you help to create a sin and i don't want to ruin my reputation as a man of God.

Thanks and stay out of trouble,
Pastor David Emelu.
David Emelu
Hello,

Please i don't know the reason why you don't want to help me get the money from your friends, is it because of the paper you are asking for i don't want to send it to you just help me if you want to and if you don't want to please tell me and stop being wicked ok i don't want war with any body all i want is money to build back my church,after all i told you concering this matter you still want to fight people you don't even know if they are human being or not,people that behave like that i call them demons because they will born in hell if you sin against man their is forgiveness but when you sin against the holyspirit their is no forgiveness about that so i have ask you to forget them and let God take contrl but you have refuse to leson to me ok, if you don't want to help me just tll me
.

thanks,
pastor david emelu
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

We are indeed sorry to hear that you don't wish to stand up for what is rightfully yours. A number of people whom we had lined up as contributors are concerned that if you have given in without a fight this time, that you would no doubt give in should the government decide to take your new church.

Should you change your mind we are here to help you. We are prepared to support you with legal advice, assistance with fees for attorneys in your own country, and above all moral support.

Good luck to you and your congregation.
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Hello,

Thank you very much for all your efforts you are truly a God send to me, but i can small a rat the devil is trying to use you not to help me but today that yoke as been broken Amen.

Just try and convince your friends that i told you that the government will never try it again in their misirable life, i have a very God reason to let go, it is said that he that fights and run away lives to fight another day.so just trusth me when i say i have a good reason not to fight them, but i can asure you that very thing is under control, and the programme i told you about as begone. Just try your best for me and remember that what ever you do there is a reword.

thanks,
pastor david emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I'm sorry, but the consensus here is that the only thing that will prevent your government from taking your new church, should they so decide, is to make a stand now. By all means continue on with your new church but let's get your old one back as well.
I tried to convince my staff to perhaps consider just a donation for your new church but Olga, the East German massage therapist here at the hotel is adamant. She will have no part of a retreat and insists on blitzkrieg if we are to be a part of this.

As I told you before, should you change your mind and decide to stand up against your despotic government, we are here to support you in any way you need.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
David Emelu
Hello,

I am very happy that you are not the who is adamant but olga its better because you are the one that contacted me and not her so i am asking you to help me in your own way.

Yours alone is enough for me,i am not asking for 10billion naira but just a little sum that will assist me in building back my new church, but if you are still insisting on seeing the document of the evicted property,then i think i am left with no choice than to send them to you if that will make you send the money, i will send it but please you must tell me what your plans are and what you want to do with the document before i can send it to you okay

I want you to include your number in your next mail so we can reach each other as often as we can. my regards to olga and also to your staff.

thanks,
Pastor David Emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I thought I had explained why I wanted you to send the eviction documents. We merely want to try to determine if you have any legal grounds for fighting the eviction, which you may or may not. We won't know until we see the documents. If we determine that there is not a very good chance of recovering your old church then we will use the money we raise as a donation to your new church.

The number here at the hotel is 7-495-xxx-xxxx. Please bear in mind that we are in a remote area of Russia and that at times the signal is so weak that we have trouble making calls in or out. I will try to ensure that whoever is working the switchboard over the next few days speaks English. Just ask for Lewd (short for Lewis D.).

Sincerely,
Lewd
David Emelu
Hello Lewd,

I am going to send the documents to you, but if you can remember very well that i told you in my previous mail that i was given a month notice to vacate the premisses and that alone can clear every thing because they will say that i built my church on government property and they gave me a month to vacate it so i am beging you to tell me the amount that you and your friends want to help me with so i can know may be we are progressing or not because the programme will end today and we have come up with sum huge amount of money donated by people who came to the programme and the total is 10million naira in nigerian currency you can check how much it will be in russian currency, i want you to send the money you said that was donated so me and some other men of God that is here with me can commence the building of the new church, i know very well that the government will be very ashamed of their self when they see that i am not shaken by their stupid and daibolic act of wickedness, they will be sorry for their selfs,and when they will hear that some people from russia is coming to fight for me i swear they will call me back to come and take back my land and that will me medicine after death because they have broken the whole building.

Just try and ask me how you will send the money and lets put this people to shame okay,i will be very happy.

thanks,
pastor david emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you but things have been very busy the past few days. We had a large influx of American tourists coming here for their 4th of July celebration and you know what a headache American tourists can be. They are always complaining about the accomodations and their habits and capacities at the breakfast buffet can only be described as Shock and Awe.

I'm happy to report that we now have pledges of around $6,400 for your legal defense fund, most of it raised by Olga from her old panzer division. As former panzer obergruppenfuhrer, she called in a lot of favors, many from as far away as Argentina and Paraguay where many of her comrades went into, uh, 'retirement'.

We anxiously await the copies of the eviction documents that you promised to send. We want to move on this as quickly as possible.

Sincerely,
Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE DONT INSIST

Hello Lewd,

Thank you for taking your time to explan why it took you so long to reply my mail thank you very much.

There is something i want you to understand is that in nigeria every church has a body that covers them and PENTICOSTAL FELLOWSHIP OF NIGERIA [P.F.N] IS THE UMBRELLA THAT COVERS ALL THE PENTICOSTAL churches IN NIGERIA AND BEFORE YOU WILL BE GIVEN LETTER OF APPROVAL AS A MEMBER YOU WILL GO TRUE ALOT.

That is why the government being a muslim doesn't want to hear of christianity so that is why they are destroying any church that is not registered, towards that my church was involved in the demolishing of churches that are not registered, in nigeria,PENTICOSTAL FELLOWSHIP OF NIGERIA [P.F.N] COVERS EVERY CHURCH AND I HAVE TO PASS TRUE HELL TO BE GIVEN APPROVAL,WHICH WILL TAKE TIME AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL NEVER GIVE BACK THE LANDS THAT THEY TOOK FROM OTHER MEN OF GOD THAT DOES NOT HAVE A BODY THAT COVERS THEM, AS FOR ME I CAN GO TO THE PENTICOSTAL FELLOWSHIP OF NIGERIA [P.F.N] TO GET THE APPROVAL LETTER IF I FINISH THE BUILDING OF THIS MY NEW CHURCH AND I SWEAR THAT AS FAR AS I AM COVER BY THE PENTICOSTAL FELLOWSHIP OF NIGERIA [P.F.N] THE GOVERNMENT WILL NEVER COME CLOSE.

I AM VERY SORRY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THIS FOR LONG AM SORRY,IF YOU DON'T BELEIVE ME I CAN INVITE YOU AND OLGA TO NIGERIA TO SEE THINGS YOUR SELF IF SENDING THE MONEY YOU SAID YOU HAVE DONATED FOR ME IS A PROBLEM,I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS AND COME TO MY AID, I CAN BE A MEMBER OF THE PENTICOSTAL FELLOWSHIP OF NIGERIA [P.F.N ] WHEN I BUILD BACK MY CHURCH THAT WILL BE NO PROBLEM, AND IF YOU READ THIS AND STILL INSIST ON SEEING PAPERS THAT MEANS YOU DONT WANT TO HELP ME.
THANKS,

PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I take strong exception to your email, sir. To say, "...if you read this and still insist on seeing papers that means you don't want to help me." is to fly in the face of people who ARE trying to help you. We have gone to a lot of trouble to build a defense fund to help you recover what is rightfully yours and I see now that we have worked to no avial.
Every country has laws and a constitution and even the government must abide by those laws or risk denunciation at the hands of the United Nations. We are here to fight injustice where we find it but we can't fight alone. If the injured party only wants to roll over, there is nothing we can do.

We wish you the best of luck with your new church and should the time come when you want to stand up on your hind legs and fight like a man for what is yours, do not hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely,
Lewd Noogie
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE DON'T BE STRONG HEARTED I REALLY NEED THIS MONEY TO START UP SOME THING

Hello Lewd,

I am not happy at all about the email you sent to me, does that mean you will not help me after all this time ? well no problem i have forgotten every thing and have left every thing to God to decide. Sometimes i wonder why people of this world are very heartless very inhuman, if you are truly a child of God and you read your scripture very well, you will learn that ,in the book of luke 10verse19 God said that he has given us the authority to tremple upon serpents and scorpions and and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

I don't fight phsical battle i fight spiritual battle, i have left all my borden to God and he will decide what to do with does that fights against me.

I don't want trouble with any body all i want is just a little help from you my brethren please try and help me and ask Olga to understand my own side of view please i need that money if only you can send it to me with out asking for any thing, because givers never lack and what ever a man sow that is what is going to ripe, you can not sow maze today and expect to ripe rice tommorow.

THANKS,
PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu, I agree with your quote from Luke 10 verse 19, I think we should tremple a few of the serpents and scorpions that hold positions in your government.

I'm afraid that Olga, the East German massage therapist here at the hotel, is not going to budge on this. As the obergrupensturmbahnfuhrer of her panzer division, she was well-trained in the concept of never giving up territory, a creed which she has carried into her civilian life.

Neither of us understand why you are being so recalcitrant toward letting us help you. It costs you nothing to let us study the termination documents to determine whether you have legal grounds to stand on or not. If you don't want to fight, no problem, we'll fight for you. Olga now has pledges of around $8,300 and we can do a lot of damage with that much money.

I hope you'll reconsider.
Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: I KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT, JUST DO IT FOR ME

Hello Dear Lewd,

I know that you are very capable to help me just do it, i tell you something no matter the redness of an eye it can never put of a candle.

I just want you to talk to her i know she will hear your word and help me, all i want right now is to build back my church so i can win more souls for christ,and from there i will start to move for my membership card and a new church document will be given to me by the PENTICOSTAL FELLOWSHIP NIGERIA [P.F.N] so i will have to meet with the P F N president he will be the one to comfirm my membership and when i will host the lunching, i laugh in english, you all that made it possible will be present on that they and you will meet some other men of God, i promise you that you will never regreat helping me with the amount you will send to me.

Before it scapes my mind i will want you to tell me more about you and olga are you married with children? or you are single and what about olga is she married with children?

well me i am married and i have 2beautiful daugthers and 2 handsom boys, my wife is from senegal i met her when i was in senegal with my uncle.

I beg you to please talk to olga for or i you happy that am always beging you does that make you fill good that pastor david is beging me, that is just to show you how very much i need to build back my church.

THANKS, I KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT, JUST DO IT FOR ME

PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I can see that we are getting nowhere with this. Olga is becoming frustrated with your attitude and she is speaking of cancelling the pledges from her panzer division.

Maybe when your government comes to sieze your new church you will feel differently. Maybe that is what it will take to give you the courage to fight for what is yours and when that time comes, we will be here to help you.

Sincerely,
Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: REMAIN BLESSED

Hello Lewis,

There was something about daniel which stood him out from amongst his peers, he had an "excellent spirit" in other words, when daniel got involved in anything, the guaranteed end result was excellence. he didn't produce mediocre results in the things he did. now, we know from the scriptures that it was the spirit of God, [who himself is the spirit of excellence] that imparted Daniel and made him do excellent things.

therefore since you are born again and have the holy spirit living in you , you ought to function in life even more excellently than Daniel did. As a child of God , you have been anointed unto productivity and excellence,so you should always excel in every thing you do.you have the ability to do excellent things As pastor chris would say,"Don't strive for excellence;do excellent things."walking in excellence and producing excellent result is your nature as a child of God one thing you should do is get more information; improve your skills and trust the Holy spirit to expand your wisdom and intellectual prowess beyond the ordinary level.

christianity isn't a life of mediocrity, for the Holy spirit inspires excellence in all you do, just as he did Daniel. you ought to produce excellence in your job, business or academics because the spirit of excellnec dwells in you. let him express himself through your mind,and actions,and extraordinary success and excellence will be revealed in all you do.

PRAYER
Dear father i recognize that christ has been made unto me therfore i walk in "Phronesis" everyday of my life i thank you for filling me with the spirit of wisdom which cause me to speak the right words, do the right thing and be at the right places at the right time.

I yield my spirit, soul and body to the forces of your wisdom to keep moving me and guilding me in the right path you' have ordained for me to walk in jesus'Name, Amen.

THANKS,REMAIN BLESSED;
PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

A very good lesson to remember. Strive for excellence in everything you do, whether it's hitting on East German massage therapists or FIGHTING FOR A CHURCH THAT RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO YOU AND REFUSING TO LIVE WITH THE HORSE PUCKEY THAT EVIL, CORRUPT GOVERNMENTS TRY TO DISH OUT.

And remember the lesson of Sampson (book of Deuterium, I think) when he slew the Philippinos who had cast him into the sea to be eaten by a whale. And on the third day, when the great fish spewed him out on the beach at Caanan, he found the wretched evildoers and set upon them with the jawbone of a giraffe and tore them some new ones, also reclaiming the multi-colored coat that had been wrongfully taken from him.

A very good lesson indeed.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: HE SAID TO ME DO NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED TRUSTH IN GOD AND ALSO IN ME

My Sisters,

I am very happy that God have sent you both to me to help me and i know and have that beleive that neither you nor olga can live because God as revealed it to me that i should not let my heart be troubled that he is in control i know that very soon you will understand that i am a pastor and i can not be preaching against some thing that i know is not good to man kind and still do it okay, if you were in my shoes you preach against querell and fighting against each other and war so what will you do when you find your self in my position, i am into a convenant with God and i can't break it never,i know you will do the same so please you know that we but as come along way to start doubting each other just do what you know is right if you are truely a child of God and see what God will do in your life.

I will also want to get olga's phone number and what does you my friends do for a living please tell me so i can put you both in my prayers and ask God to replenish your pocket and you will never cry of hunger nor be worried about any thing, i have to speak to olga to see if she can hear my word and accept to send the money to me okay just tell her that i have to speak to her personally if she can still change her mind.

THANKS,
PASTOR DAVID EMELU.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

Olga's number here at the hotel is the same as mine: 7-495-xxx-xxxx. If you think you're going to talk her out of wanting to get your old church back, you might as well forget it. Once Olga gets an idea in her head she's like a bulldog with a rag.

I can save you a lot of time and trouble, my friend. As I said to you many times before - if you should decide to take back what is rightfully yours, we are here to help you in any way necessary. Our resourses are considerable and we have helped several people with situations like yours in the past. If, however, you insist on building another church for the government to take from you, we are not willing to become involved. We feel it would be money wasted and we know your response would be to build yet another church for them to take. No, thank you.

Should you change your mind you know where we are.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: I NOT HAPPY FOR YOU AT ALL SO DO WHAT YOU KNOW WILL MAKE ME HAPPY

Hello, I am very sorry for i have been very busy that is why i have not contacted you since but i have tried calling your number but if you pick it you will just hang on why do you do that , now i can is that you are that bulldog with rag and not olga if you want to help me really there is notthing that olga can do about it and listen let me tell you i am not a baby that you can tell lies and if you do to ordinary human being that is a sin but when you tell lies to a pastor that is a very big sin and you have to go and ask for frogiveness from God, i have spent all my time trying to let you undestand but all you do is play with me simple because of my condition if not for the way that things are right now and that i need the funds to get started world have forgotten about you and about the funds but no because i am in pains and can't let my God down, he called me into this ministration and i believe that with you or your funds i can't still make it the people of my country are lovely they are caring they have human sympathy and you russians don't have heart and you don't even have the fear of God in you if only you have the fear of God in you you will not be forcing me to do what i dont want to do that is also a sin to if you dont knowing that forcing someone to do some thing when that person do not want to do it, its called duress and, and that is what you are doing to me because i can't help my self i only need your support financially and not your support in fighting my governmnet thats is babaric i dont even want to hear it again.

If you are heartless and lie that olga is the one that is heartless that is very bad of you, if you don't want to help me you can as well keep the funds for your self if that will better your condition and remember that no one can take some thing that as been given to God and if you try to, that is double purnishment for you. if you want to help me help me and see what God will do in your life and stop leing against olga and if you want to prove me wrong you can call my cell phone number today because i have been trying to reach you on phone but each time i call you it is clear to me that you always hang on.

thanks,
pastor david
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

What the hell are you talking about??

I am going to try and restrain myself in this, my last correspondence to you.

You accuse me of lying to you. Lying about what? That Olga wants to fight for you, to help you reclaim your lost church? That, sir, is not a lie. This is Olga's way of dealing with what she percieves to be injustice. She went to great lengths to raise a large sum of money for your defense and church recovery fund. Short and stout she may be but her heart has all the warmth and compassion of pure lead. You don't even know the woman and yet you accuse me of lying. You have taken arrogance to a new height.

The telephone I gave you is for the main switchboard at the front desk of this hotel. I don't answer that phone, the hotel operator does. I should mention that we are in a remote part of Russia and the phones are satellite feed. The reception is frequently poor or nonexistant. There is absolutely nothing I can do about this.

[My usual apologies to the people tending the Moscow Vehicle Towing Hotline...]

I find it incredible that you would insult and accuse of lying someone who has only been interested in helping you. While you sit there wringing your hands and whining about how helpless you are, I have been trying to pick up the banner for what I saw as a just fight and taking on those who wronged you. And this is the thanks I get.

Well, I can see when I'm not wanted or needed. You have my apologies for taking your time and you have my word that I won't be bothering you again.

L. Noogie
David Emelu
Subject: AM SORRY LEWIS FOR CALLING YOU A LIAR BUT TRY AND SEND THE MONEY OKAY

Oh My,

I must confess that my heart is in ruin and my tonge test like biterleave, i am very sorry about how i address you in my previous mail to you yesterday am very sorry.

It's not that i am accusing you of lieing, but the whole thing is geting me angry you no very well that i am a man of God and i don't even want anything concerning that land again i just need that money to build my church what is there to fight when the person you want to fight for is not interested in any fight with any body.

But what do you mine about this Short and stout, you no very well that she did not create her self and let me remind you incase you have forgotten that zac in the bible too is short and still God love him, in olga's case she will not be an exception and i will advice you stop calling her a short and stout because that is not a good word to use in classifing somebody okay.

Now tell me if her heart IS warmth and compassion of pure lead, why then is she still adamant over sending the money that has been donated by others to me so we can start up with the foundation of the new church, i need an answer to that question, and please i want you and olga to be warmth and compassion of pure lead just send the money tommorow with the information that i gave you and let just forget about the past and face the future, all that is my past and i must not go back on my past, you no that i can not fight any body that will ruin my name as a man of God and that will ruin my reputation.

Please i am beging you to try and send the money today so we can start the foundation okay, dont forget to splite the money into three so i can withdraw it hear in nigeria .

THIS IS MY NUMBER TRY AND CALL ME OKAY,+2348030798510

THANKS,
PASTOR DAVID EMELU
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I spoke with Olga again about whether or not she wants to donate the money she raised to building a new church or recovering the old one. I'm sorry but she is still quite adamant about recovering your old church. As I told you before, it's a panzer thing, never losing territory and going to any lengths to recover lost territory. Whataya gonna do?

I should also add that she is becoming suspicious of your refusal to allow us to review the eviction documents. She feels that maybe there was no church and that you're only trying to scam money from us. After considerable thought I find myself agreeing with her. Because of your refusal, we have no evidence that there ever was a church. I think your chances of getting her to contribute to a new church would be better if you could convince her that there was an old church. Just my thought.

It's pretty much up to you. She has pledges for about $13,000 but she's not gonna budge unless you do a better job of convincing her. My suggestion would be for you to send us the eviction documents so she can at least be assured that you're telling the truth about your old church. Maybe then she can be persuaded to contribute to your new one.

Your call.
Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: I CAN PROVE YOU WRONG

Hello Lewd,

I want to believe that you don't know what you are talking about,if you and olga said that on purpose God will surly vindicate me how in the world will you even think of sure a thing about me that is preprustrus and onGodly, Lewd you of all people you that i have trusted with all my heart, so you still doubt my honesty and sincerity so you open your mouth to call me a scam,holy moses, blood of jesus,i can't believe this well i don't know what to say but i can prove it to you that i am not doing this to scam you, i am a man of God and using the name of the lord in vain is a sin.

I can provide the document of my church but i can't fight any body because i preach against fighting, what will people do when they hear that pastor david emelu his constituting nusance in his own country,for sure that will give me a bad name and a bad record, so you can know see that i know why i don't want to give you the document because i don't want any trouble with no one.

Just tell me that you need prove to be sure if i really own a church, before you can send the money to me and i will provide you with the document if that will vindicate me in the hands of you lewd and olga.

Please promise me that if i send you the document you will not do any thing to ruin my repution as a pastor, and that you will only send me the funds so the building of the new church can commence.

please try and call me okay i really want to speak with you.

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I think it would go a long way toward renewing Olga's confidence if you send us the eviction documents for her to see with her own eyes. Don't worry, I won't let her do anything foolish with it.

I would suggest you send the documents as soon as possible. Olga has been talking about cancelling the pledges she received from the members of her former panzer division because there has been no progress in resolving these issues. You and I both know that you're not trying to scam us but Olga is very suspicious by nature. She never really trusts anyone who is not of the East German persuasion.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE I NEED YOUR PRIVATE NUMBER

Hello Lewd,
There is some thing i will like to tell you and olga before i will send the document okay so i want you to give me your private mobile number that i can use to reach you direct with out delay okay. It's urgent.

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

The main number for the hotel is the only way to contact us here. As I'm sure I mentioned earlier, we are in a very remote part of the Russian Far East and we don't get enough signal here for mobile phones to function. You can tell us anything you feel necessary by email and I will be sure to pass whatever you say on to Olga.

I would only mention that she is still awaiting the eviction document. I would also suggest that you do so quickly as her interest in this project is beginning to wain. She confided in me that she is now doubtful that there is such a document and she intends to cancel the pledges from her Panzer division.

If you have any interest in our help you might want to consider expediting that eviction document.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE TRY AND DO SOME THING ABOUT THE FUNDS FAST

Hello Lewis,
How are you doing today? i have been thinking and contenplating if i should send you this document or not but i don't have any choice other than sending it to you just to prove you wrong and for you to take away all the doubt that you have away.

But i must remind you that i don't want to do any thing concerning this church problem that i have with the government since i have forgiven them with all my heart all i want you to do is go through this document if there is anything you don't understand just let me know okay so i can explane it to you more, and i have also attached the certificate that was given to me when i bought the land in which i built my old church from the baale of lagos state of nigeria.

Please lewis i beg you don't allow olga to do any thing to hot me because i have explaned every thing i could explan to you so please try and send the funds to the recievers name and address that i sent to you in my previous email okay.

The new land that i bought is also from the baale of lagos state.

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu.
David Emelu
Hello Lewd, Why have you not written to me since i have been expcting your mail please i need to know when you will be send ing money to me and i am very sure that you are convincened right, just know that you whole me an apology so pleease try and contact me

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I showed the documents that you sent to Olga, the East German massage therapist here at the hotel. You have convinced both of us beyond doubt that you own a church but she says she has yet to see proof that you were evicted from it. I tell you, this is one stubborn massage therapist.

If you would, go ahead and send a scanned copy of the eviction notice with your next email. Let's convince her so we can get your new church started.

Lewd
David Emelu
Hello Lewd, I can see that you still have doubt after i have proof to you that i own a church. Know tell me that you will be convince if i send the eviction notice to you,if you are not convinced after sending my church document to you and the certificate that was given to me when i purchased the land from the baale of lagos state,if that did not convince you what will a notice paper do that will convince you,well i willstill send it if that will make you and olga convinced to send the funds to me i will definately send it to you ok but before i will send it you must promise me that as soon as i send it to you, you will send the funds as i have instructed .

Thanks i await your urgent reply,
Pastor David Emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

Olga and I never had any doubt that you owned a church; she just wants to be convinced that you were evicted from it. This is what I've been telling you all along. It was not necessary to send the documents showing that you owned the church.

I'm sure that once Olga sees that you were indeed evicted from your old church she will be more than happy to send along the funds that she has collected.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: PLEASE TRY AND SEND THE FUNDS TOMMOROW OR NEXT

Hello Lewd,

I want you to read it carefuly so you will understand the content of the eviction notice okay, that was how they sent it to me so i want you to be convinced that is why i am sending it to you and for you to be able to send the funds to me.

please try and split the funds into 5 parts so it will not be difficult for me to withdraw it from the bank and please i want you to send it from the money gram money transfer okay and please don't forget to send the information after making the payment .

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

Thank you for finally sending the eviction notice. Olga is studying it now and she said she'll give me a decision in the morning.

Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I have good news for you today. Olga sent a copy of your eviction notice to a friend of hers who works for an international law firm in Irkutsk. They informed her that this document would have no legal authority in any country! According to them, eviction notices can only be issued by the owner of the land, to evict a renter for example. Since the Nigerian government was not the owner of the land (you have the documentation to prove that), they cannot evict you.

If the government wants to sieze your land, they do it through a process called imminent domain and they have to compensate you for the land at a fair market price. They also have to give you the opportunity to appeal the siezure.

So you, my friend, have been boned. You have every legal right to reclaim your land and we're here to help you do it!

First of all, do you know any good attorneys there in Lagos? If you do, start lining one up. If you don't know any, I'm sure Olga's friend in Irkutsk can recommend someone. Let me know if you can locate one.

We're going to war!

Banzai! Lewd
David Emelu
Hello Lewd,

I don't like what you are doing are you taking me for a ride or what ? remember i told you that i don't want to fight oh now i can see what you are up to, you are not only a lier but also a deciever you lied to me that you will send the money so i can continue with the building of my church and now see what you are doing to me well i will not blame you neither will i blame any body you are the one with the money i can't see you so you can do what ever you want to do okay.

Let me quickly remind you about the content of the letter okay, that letter as i best understood is telling us what and why they have to demolish peoples property, they did it for the sake of our nation and even the baale that sold the land to me was also affected infact his was very serious because it was is hotel and hospitals that was around the area that was pointed out for reconstruction, so you can see that if a baale can understand and let go, why can't i a true believer of is scripture can't do the same simply because you friends are not christians, yes you are not a true christian because you behave like pegans, i think i should tell you more about what a baale is all about and more importantly baale of lagos, he has authority as the govermor of lagos does, so if he can forgive them a non christian like him should have the heart of forgiveness so tell me why can i a pastor that preaches about forgiveness go against it.

Please i beg of you try and be human and help me instead of trying to break my heart, if you do this today going against the wish of a man of God just imagine what God will do to you

Thanks, i beg you to please reconsider my wish.

pastor david emelu.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

This is the second time you have called me a liar and now you also refer to me as deceiver 'pagan'. I think it is time that our correspondence be terminated. But before I sever our acquaintance, there are a few things I need to get off my chest.

You call yourself a man of god but I see no such person. All you have done is insult people who were trying to help you and this is NOT the act of a holy man. Olga went to a lot of trouble to collect nearly $23,000 to help you recover your church and the thanks she gets is to be called a liar and a pagan. Liar and pagan she may be, my friend, but she bent over backwards to help you in your time of need. I will tell you that she has never bent over backwards for me and, believe me, I've tried to get her to.

We are of the firm opinion that you are an individual weak of mind and spirit, unwilling to stand up for his own rights, even with the help of others. Should the government send you an illegal document demanding your new church, you will roll over with your tail between your legs and offer them your jugular. Both Olga and I firmly feel that any assistance in helping you construct something that you would allow to be taken away is a waste of our time and resources. And we are certainly no longer willing to help after the insults that you have heaped upon us.

We wish you luck in your meek existence, crawling through life on your knees. Let us know if you ever decide to try standing on your feet.

Do Svidanya,
Lewd
David Emelu

Clever! "Pastor" Emelu tries to at least scam the money for an imaginary plane ticket.]

Subject: PLEASE AM VERY SORRY FOR THAT

Hello MY God Friend, I am very sorry if i called you a liar, i am confused and don't no what to do again please try and understand from my own point, i don't mine to call you or olga pegans nor liars but, you know what it feels like to be confuse and i thought you and olga were taking me for a ride now i no very well how very much you want to help me.

All i ask from you is try and understand, i realy appriciate your effort in trying to help me get back what rightfully belongs to me, thank you i say ones again, you don't have to abandone me know that i need the both of you i thought you wanted to fight know i understand all i can support you to do for me now is to get my new church registed in one of the suprime court over there okay but trying to get and attoney here in nigeria is not going to be easy and when they see the case type no one will want to risk is life.

I know the money in question is a very huge some of money but on the order hand lets reconsider the fact that we are not from the same contry that alone will make things more difficult for so, if only you can helpme for a flight ticket i can come to russia so we can sit down and discuse this ones and for all.

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

I understand your confusion and I accept your apology. I feel better that we are parting as friends.

While I still feel that you are making a terrible and costly mistake by abandoning your church, it is your decision to make. I and Olga wish you only the best of luck with your new church and we hope that you won't lose it as well.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: please try and send the money you are my hope

Hello Lewd,

Sequel to the last mail demanding for a proof showing that after I have raised money to build another church that Government will not come back demolishing it.

I subsequently went to the Federal High Court of Nigeria to get court injunction/assurance stopping the Lagos State Government of Nigeria; stopping further demolishing of any other property acquired by me, copy of the said injunction/assurance is hereby attached for your perusal.

The process in getting the court injunction/assurance is the reason for the delay in replying the last mail that you wrote to me. Because you wanted to make sure that you get all necessary documents as demanded.

I therefore think that i have been able to furnish you with all necessary and substantive documents to buttress your plied for the assistance in helping me financially for my new church building..

Please fine the attached document which is very important as it will show you that i am genuinely asking for your financial assistance.

Thank you very much,
Pastor David EMELU.
Lewd Noogie

[Lewd invokes the 'other' scammer !]

Pastor Emelu,

I showed the injuction document to Olga, the East German massage therapist here at the hotel. I'm afraid I don't have good news to report.

Olga says that document is bogus and she hopes you didn't have to pay any money to get it. She makes the very good point that the document is not signed by a judge or anyone else and there is no official stamp on it. She says that you are being set up and that the government will claim it to be an illegal document when they come to take your new church. I have to admit that I am inclined to agree with her.

But all is not lost. Some time ago I received an unrelated email from a barrister Dada in Lagos asking me to help a client of his invest money here in Russia. I responded that I was pretty busy at the time and would not be able to help. Anyhow, I sent him a note this weekend explaining a little about your situation and he wrote back that he would be glad to help. I forwarded your documents and your contact information to him and he tells me that you have an excellent case.

He says it is better that you and I correspond directly with him and not with each other to avoid confusion. Lets give him a chance to see what he can do; I'm sure he will be contacting you soon.

Lewd
David Emelu

[There's competition for Lewd's money!]

Hello,

Thanks for your response, i want you to know that that injunction/asurance is given tome by Honorable justice ayatu osiri,and when that was given tome the Governor was present and every body that was affected by the demolition was also present on that day so my dear you have to be sure that that injunction/asurance is not fake because there is no way that justice osiri knight in the celestial church of christ to do fake justice okay so i want to tell you that after i saw your email i went to Hon justice to confirm if there is any body like barrister dada in there register that he will be caught and put behind bars and he also ask me to tell you that if you need any proof that you should let me know.

I want you to be very carefull with they way you talk to him he is one of this scam men looking for whom to scam money from.he does not exit in nigeria bar certificate is name is not among yje lawyers that is in nigerian bar register said justice osiri.

thanks as pray you change your mind about discusing me with a scammer so i don't end up being scamed of the little money that people has donated for they building ofmy new church.

I have tried my best to convince you that i am very in need of your help but you don't want to help me instead you use every mines to tell me that you can't help me.

Pastor David Emelu
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

You are without a doubt the most ungrateful person I have ever dealt with. First you call me a liar and a pagan when I try to help you and now you refer to Barrister Dada as a 'scammer' and threaten to have him put behind bars because he has agreed to help you. You are truly unbelievable.

Barrister Dada's help will cost you nothing, I told him that I will pay any expenses that occur. All you have to do is sit back and reap the benefits of our labor. He has informed me that he will not only recover your old church from the serpents who took it but he will also make sure that your new church is truly protected.

Have you heard from Barrister Dada yet? He should have contacted you by now.

Lewd
David Emelu
Hello Lewd, I still don't know what to do that can proof to you that you are driving me mad. i have send every thing you needed to be sure about this but at the end you just look for some thing to call me a bad pastor.

Tell me what can i do to make you send the money i don't want bar dada to help me because he is not a bar okay, justice Ayatu Osiri have asured me that he is a scam that i should warn you to be very carefull befor you will do something that you will regreat so i don't want him to help me in any way at all all i am asking for is for you to contact barrister Ayatu Osiri so he can asure you that my new church will not be tanpered if i build it okay this is his email address he ask me to give it to you so you can contact him and no more about him and he will give you more details on what to do if dada email you again okay so email him and be rest asured that their is no need to worry over my new church every thing is in control.

Thanks,
Pastor David Emelu
David Emelu
Hello, Sorry i forgot to send his email to you this is it below this mail justiceayatuosiri@yahoo.dk, please email him today
David Emelu
Hello, Hon justice ayatu osiri said that i should give you this one if you think that stamp and signature is what you need now before you will be sure of sending the funds to me, i have attached the court injunction/assurance in this mail

Thanks,
pastor david.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor Emelu,

It was a wise decidion to send the assurance letter signed and stamped. Olga is convinced and relieved that your new church is indeed safe.

We also have more good news for you. Barrister Dada has studied the documents we sent him and he gives us every assurance that he can recover your old church as well as monetary compensation for you from your government. While he is somewhat expensive to retain, we have decided to move ahead with this. We sent him $3,000 to go ahead and begin the necesary paperwork.

I told him to contact you to keep you appraised of his progress, has he done so yet?

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: don't send your money to him please am beging you

Hello Lewd, No he has not contacted me my advice to you is stop sending him money for my sake because i will not be the one to blame when you get scamed okay, if you wil send the funds you have for me so i can start doing something on that land please.

thansk, now i believe you will send the funds to me please just tell me when to be expecting it okay.

pastor david
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

Don't worry, my friend, no one is going to get scammed here. Barrister Dada seems like a very friendly and helpful person and he'll do everything necessary to get your old church back.

I am surprised that he hasn't been able to contact you yet. If you want to try to reach him, he's at xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com .

I had a long conversation with Olga and she's happy with how things are going. What we have decided to do is to send the remainder of the $23,000 to Barrister Dada with instructions to forward $8,000 to you to get a start on your new church. He has an account that we were easily able to do an online transfer to. We have paid him $3,000 so far so he will still have $12,000 to work the lawsuit against the government.

I have a good feeling that everything is going to turn out well.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: Re: don't send your money to him please am warning you

Hello,
I don't like what you are telling me and i am warning you again to quite sending your money to him, please if you know that you are ready to send the funds to me tell me and i will send you and account that you can pay the money into and don't make that mistake of sending what is mine to one scam mr dada what ever he may be you will regreat ever sending your money to him.

Why is it $8,000usd i thought it was $23,000usd that was donated for the building of my new church, and i dont want you to send any money to dada,if you are too obstinate to hear my advice then you can send what you want to send to him but don't say that i did not warn you. He will scam you, i have an account that you can use to send the money to me and i will send it to you today so you can go and transfer the funds into the account.

Thanks,
Pastor David.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

You worry entirely too much. As I told you before, I trust Barrister Dada to do the right thing here. Believe me, he is as outraged at your government as we are and is doing everything in his power to help you.

The $8,000 is for you to get started on the construction of your new church. I had to pay Barrister Dada $3,000 to begin the paperwork and he estimates another $12,000 to work your lawsuit. Once we have recovered your old church, I see several options. You could rent the land for a monthly income to keep the new construction progressing, or you could sell the land that the old church is on. Either way I'm sure you will make quite a lot of money.

I gave Barrister Dada your email address and phone number (+2348030798510). He tells me that he has been trying to contact you by both means but you have not been responding to his email or answering your phone. Is there a best time for him to call you?
Olga actually collected a few thousand dollars more and the total now is up to almost $27,000. We're holding around $4,000 in reserve in case of emergency or unforseen expenses involved with your lawsuit.

You're very lucky that you found us, and we are lucky too. It makes me feel good to know that I'm helping someone in distress.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: Your Urgent Payment

Hello dear,

How are you doing today, i am okay with the way things are i recieved an email from you yesterday and i don't like what you said, n o matter how small the funds may be just send it to me today and i will pray to God for more funds to come, i want you to send the funds to the name address that i ones send to you before and please don't fail to send it today okay.

Thanks,
PASTOR DAVID
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

Barrister Dada felt it best that he be the point-of-contact for all aspects of this project, including financial. He rightly points out that he has the most knowledge and experience in these matters there in Lagos. He has fiduciary responsibility for any monetary transactions from now.

I did, however, insist that $8,000 be transferred directly to you to begin construction of your new church. He tells me that he has tried numerous times to contact you but that you refuse to answer your telephone or respond to his email. All you have to do is arrange a meeting with him and you will get the initial $8,000. Answering your phone when he calls is the fastest way to make this happen.

Just to keep you informed of his progress with your lawsuit, he said that he had to hire another barrister who is a specialist in imminent domain law. We had to wire him the $4,000 reserve to bring the new man on board, which now leaves us without reserves. Olga has pretty much tapped out her old panzer division for funding but fortunately she is also well connected with the Wermacht. She started making calls last night to raise further funding.

So you can see that things are progressing well toward the recovery of your church. I will keep you appraised of any further developments.

Lewd

ps - Olga says for you to keep the faith. She says that she feels wonderful things are going to happen for you.
David Emelu
Hello, Thanks for the mail, i really appreciate your effort, but i will appreciate it more if you can send the money to me by tommorow morning through western union and if you will be sending it try and send it into two places 4,000usd in two okay, i have attached my international passport to this email please try and send me your picture so i can see you at list.

Thanks,
pastor david
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

I guess I wasn't very clear in my previous email. I have already sent the money for you to Barrister Dada. He has been trying many times to contact you to arrange to meet so he can give it to you.

As all of our correspondence has been through email, I don't have his phone number to give you at the moment. Either make sure your phone is with you all day so you can answer when he calls or send him an email.

He has already been able to set a court date on September 14 for the lawsuit preliminary hearing. I asked if you need to be with him in court but he said it is not necessary to trouble you over this. I think it was fate that made this barrister available to us and we are quite fortunate that he is on our side.

Try and contact him tomorrow.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE SEND THE MONEY

Hello, I don't know what to call you, you have made the greatest mistake of your life by sending church funds to a scammer let me tell you something that you don't know, if you think you can make me go through all this stress for nothing then you are advice to think twice because you will never go on purnished for your act.

And mind you your thief barrister has not written to me and he will never write because he is a thief and you too i think you are the same and if you know what is good for you, you had better send God fund to him or die a misterious death, don't say i did not warn you to before warn is to before harm, if you have hears perharps use it well.

No Thanks,
Emelu
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

What the hell are you talking about?? What is all this about 'misterious death' and 'I won't go unpunished'?? Unpunished for what, for trying to help you?? Have you been into the sacramental wine tonight??

Look, I understand that this situation may be a bit stressful for you but you need to learn to relax. Everything is being taken care of, you're going to come out of this way ahead, and it's not going to cost you a single penny. What else could you possibly ask for? There is nothing but good news here.

Olga has managed to raise more money, she thinks between another $7,000 to $9,000 towards your lawsuit. Barrister Dada has already arranged a court date. He has a hired another barrister who specializes in this kind of law. He has every confidence that he will win your case and you will end up with both your new church AND your old one. I ask you again, what more could you ask for?

Let me suggest that you take a couple days off and get some rest. I think if you do you'll get a new, refreshed outlook on things.

Quit worrying, my friend, we're handling it.

Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: OKAY GO AND SEND THE MONEY

Hello, How are doing today, i am not very happy with you, i was expecting you to send the money yesterday as i told you but you didn't if you said that barrister dada and is learned friend is trying to get my old church back for me well their is no problem about that and i must comend them for all their effort and God will see them through.

I want you to send the money so i can join it with the funds that i already have and commence the building of my new church immidiately, if you are less busy today you should take your time go to the bank and send the money via western union money transfer.

I will be expecting the MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER TODAY(MTCN)
THANKS,

PASTOR. i have attached my international passport
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

First of all, I want to tell you that you should not send scans of your passport through email. It would be relatively easy to intercept and identity theft is rampant these days. If I were a less-than-honorable person I could do a lot of damage with your passport copy.

Secondly, I have already sent your money. Barrister Dada is holding $8,000 that I specifically mapped out for you to begin construction. This is what I've been telling you - you have to contact Barrister Dada and arrange to meet him so that he can give you the money. He has been trying to contact you. He said he called your number multiple times yesterday and has sent you countless email to which you have not responded. All I can say is that you should answer your phone when people call you.

It is much easier for me to send the money to Barrister Dada because he has an account that I can wire to. There is no Western Union here in Gadyukina, the nearest one being 8 hours away in Irkutsk. He also told me that it would be more efficient if he is the focal point for any financial transactions.

Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

How was your weekend? Productive, I trust? Did you have a chance to contact Barrister Dada?

I received one email from him yesterday. He tells me that we may be able to finish this without going to court. Apparently the government knows that what they did was illegal and Barrister Dada says they know they won't win. He says we may have to pay a little extra money to the judge but don't worry - we have that covered.

Have you mad an actual start on the construction of your new church? If you haven't you may want to hold off a bit until we know the outcome of your lawsuit. This is just my suggestion.

Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

We haven't heard anything from you for a few days. Olga asked me to check and make sure everything is well with you. Please drop us a line when you have time.

Lewd
David Emelu
Hello, Thank you very much for your effort and sincerity, but i most say that you are very funny for asking me if every thing is well with me, how can ecery thing be well when you have refused to hear my world of advice, i told you not to send my funds to that barrister but you insisted and send that money to him and now you still have the mind to ask me if every thing is well with me.
I want you to stop writing me and don,t ever tell me any thing concerning that barrister of yours, i will build my church with the funds that i have collected and pray that somebody like you never email me again.

Thanks,
david
Lewd Noogie
You are without a doubt the most ungrateful man I have ever had the misfortune to try to help. You don't want me to write anymore? Ok, I won't, but first I'm going to clear my conscience.

I will tell the good barrister to cease all efforts on your behalf and return the remaining funds (including your $8,000). Olga has raised nearly $4,500 in additional Wermacht contributions. Her feeling was that it might be better to send this money directly to you in case you needed an emergency fund and she was going to travel to Irkutsk on Thursday to access the Western Union office there. I will tell her that her efforts are no longer welcomed by you and that the trip is no longer necessary.

Lastly, you are a miserable little prick for treating people the way you do, especially people trying to help you. I know it's too much to hope that you might feel pangs of guilt; people like you don't feel guilt.

How you came to be a pastor is beyond me.
David Emelu
thanks i no longer need your help u can eat the funds and use it to help your self for all i care.

david
Lewd Noogie
Have it your way.
David Emelu
Subject: IT'S YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE

Hello, I am very happy that evry body isnot like you in this world, just yesterday MR. DULAINE ALBA from united states sent me $5000usd and promised to send more if i need any thing sure people are the mick heaven is surely his.

If you are not a pegan as a called you before why are you bahaving like one well that is your business and your problem, you just think you can call me names when ever feel like and you keep looking for a reason to eat GOD MONEY I peaty you if you can not send the money because you want to use it for your self and to help your family well that is for you and God and not for me and you.

If you like send the money if you like you can as well send all of them to barrister dada for lawsuit with God and see what your life will be like.

Good and don't ever write me if you do you will live to regreat it.

If you want the forgiveness of God you can go and send the money for the building of is vineyard.

david.
Lewd Noogie
Pastor David,

In spite of all of the abuse that you heaped on us as we tried to help you, Olga and I are forgive-and-forget kind of people. We were glad to hear that your new American benefactor Mr. Alba is there to take care of your needs and we wish you the best of luck with your new church.

After all of the contributions came through we ended up with nearly $7,000 in unexpended funds. Olga and I are going to look for another church in need of help to contribute the excess funds to. Hopefully we can find a church where the pastor is more appreciative of people trying to help.

We apologize for any inconvenience, real or imagined, that we may have caused. Per your demands, we will trouble you no more.

Do Svidanya,
Lewd
David Emelu
Yes thank you very much for forgiving me, you know what i want you to take the money and shove it your white thief ass you will surfer and die in this world.

if you reply this mail you will not only regeeat it but surfer

i don't need the money any more my good american friend said i should forget about you and about the money too, by october i will make sure that the paper of the opening of my new church will get to you in rusia so you will know that with you or the funds my God is not at sleep.

david
Lewd Noogie
You just can't be nice to some people.

You're lucky that I'm busy next week or I'd come down there and kick your scrawny ass. You threaten me again and I'll show you what the word surfer really means, you silly mugu.

Fulk you very much and remain blessed.

Your pal,
Lewd
David Emelu
Subject: u wanna suck some dick

Thanks for that assesment mugu that is what i call people like you fool

suck my dick fucker
Lewd Noogie
No, thanks.

But all that aside, we did have some fun at this, didn't we? I'm surprised at how long I was able to keep you on the hook but I knew from your first letter that you would be pretty easy to fulk with.

Thanks for the ride, dickhead.

Lewd

ps - Speaking of dicks, the heaviest penis ever recorded weighed 1.2 kg. Nobody has ever weighed the biggest a**hole, so if you could jump on a scale and email me back...........
 

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