be a good girl always


Conor O'Prolite, last seen in I MIGHT JUST SPEAR YOUR LIFE, returns to deal with another contract killer. The killer tries to frighten money out of a girl (who isn't a girl) and then shake her down for her laptop.


Featuring Agnes Slapper (Conor O'Prolite's god-daughter). Some bad language as I just felt like abusing him.

Cast
Agnes Slapper (10 year old "victim")
Harrison Porker (Hitlad) (harrypork_1373@yahoo.com) (we do not make these names up)
Adam Slapper (Aggie's father)
Real dating agency, so name withheld.
Two courier firms, with 0% success rates and malfunctioning tracking systems.

I finally ended it, as I think he'd realized it was a bait.


Hitlad
This is the only way I could contact you for now,I want you to be very careful about this and keep this secret with you until I make out space for us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where I am from.I know this may sound very surprising to you but it's the situation. the problem is, if i do'nt KILL YOU somebody else will. i have been paid some ransom in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by my employer.It's someone I believe you call a friend, Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them,because if you do, I will know,and might be pushed to do what I have been paid to do, this is the 1st time I turn out to be a betrayer in my job. I took pity on you,that is why I have made up my mind to help you if you are willing to help yourself.

[This is an example of the Hired Killer letter.]

Agnes
You're scaring me. I'm only 10 years old, so why does someone want me dead? I haven't got that sort of money. Can I ask my pa what I should do?

Agnes Slapper.
Hitlad
HEY HOW MUCH YOU GOT?
Agnes
Only $91.37 (Ninety one dollars thirty seven cents). Please don't kill me.

Aggie
Hitlad
NOW U GONNA DO SOMETHING HERE FOR ME LITTLE!!!!!
click on this link and upgrade it with your mum or dad credit card immediately or you die

[Dating site link deleted as it belongs to an innocent third party.The lad tried to get a 10 year old girl to pay his subscription with her parent's credit card. Despicable, or what?]

Agnes
I can't until this evening. Pa's at work, and Ma had her credit cards stolen last month.

Aggie
Hitlad
THEN MAKE SURE YOU DO IT BEFORE 24HRS OR ELSE YOU WILL BE DEAD
UNDERSTOOD?
Agnes
Now look what you've made me do! My pa caught me taking his credit card out of his wallet. As I wouldn't explain, he beat me, and sent me to bed early without any supper.
I daren't try that again, so how else can I pay you?

Aggie
Hitlad
THEN YOU TRY AND GO AND SEND 50 DOLLARS THROUGH A MONEY GRAMM OK BY 2MORROW OR YOU TRY 2MORROW TO USE THE CARD OR COPY THE DETAILS IN THE CARD UNDERSTAND?
Agnes
What's a MONEY GRAMM? I'm only ten, so I only use cash to buy things. I daren't try to get his credit card again. He said he'd give me a harder beating if I did it again.

Aggie

[Long delay, so I thought he'd dumped me. So]

Col. Adam Slapper

[Enter Aggie's pa!]

You are a worthless piece of shit!

I was doing a weekly virus scan of my daughter's laptop, and found your email exchange. Now I know why she's seemed so upset for the past two days, and why she tried to steal my credit card.

What sort of creature ( I can't use the word "man") threatens to kill a 10 year old girl, extort money from her, and asks her to steal from her parents? I've met many evil people during my military career, but never anyone l ike you. How do you sleep at night, or look at yourself in a mirror?

When (not if) I find you, you'll wish you'd never been born.

Colonel Adam Slapper. Special Forces (United States Army).
Agnes

[Aggie joins in, and needs to wash her mouth out with soap]

My pa found your emails when virus checking my computer, and told me that nobody was trying to kill me, and that you were a lying dipshit fucking scammer who couldn't find his ass with both hands. At least I think that's what he meant. I didn't know all the words he used. I'm only ten.

Guess I don't have to pay you $50 now, so I'm going swimming.
Byee!
Hitlad

[You wouldn't expect a scammer to continue after those two emails, but you'd be wrong]

SEE YOU DEAR TRY TELLING YOUR DAD AGAIN ONE MORE OR LET HIM SEE NAY OF MY MAIL AGAIN BOTH YOU AND YOUR DAD GO TO HELL AS WELL COS AM NOT GGONNA SPARE YOU ANYMORE NOW

DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE IF YOU DO GO AND CHECK FOR ANY COURIER SERVICE AROUND AND GET BACK TO ME!!!!
Agnes
Pa says you're a fucking spammer, and you say you're a real hired killer. I don't know who to believe!

Anyway, I've just had an email to say that my email address has won 552,000.00 Pounds. I don't know how much that is in US dollars, but it sounds like an awful lot of money. So I can easily afford to send you $50 now.

A leaflet from Livingston Overseas Shipping & Transit dropped through the letterbox this morning, and they have a branch two blocks away. I'll put the $50 in an envelope tomorrow and give it to them. What's your address? I don't seem to have it.

Aggie
Hitlad
NOW LISTEN I DONT NEED YOU TO BELIEVE YOUR DAD STUPIDITY OR ELSE IT WILL KILL YOUR DREAM. NOW HERES WHAT YOU WILL DO EVELOPE THAT MONEY AND A LETTER AND SEAL IT AND SEND IT THROUGH POST AND ADDRESS IT TO THIS LOCATION IN AFRICA.........

35 QUEEN STREET BOJI BOJI AGBOR DELTA STATE NIGERIA
NAME: DON OYABA TURIDODO
POSTER CODE:+234

MAKE SURE YOU DO THAT TODAY AND GET BACK TO ME UNDERSTAND?
Agnes
I've just sent it thru Livingston Overseas Shipping & Transit as their office is nearer than the Post Office.
http://www.freewebs.com/livingstonshipping/index.htm
The nice man at the office charged me half price as I'm only 10.
Wasn't that nice of him?
The tracking nunber (I think that's what he called it) is CDXIX/914419.

My school friends didn't believe me when I told them I was being threatened by a hired killer. So can you email me your photograph signed saying that you are a hitman? That will teach them that I don't tell fibs. Please, please?

Aggie.
Hitlad
I HOPE YOU ARE SURE THAT YOU ADDRESSED IT TO THE ADDRESS I GAVE YOU AND DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE
GET BACK TO ME AND TELL ME EXACTLY HOW U ADDRESSED IT COS IT COULD NOT BE TRACED COS THE SITE IS HAVING A TECHNICAL PROBLEM
Agnes
I sent it to
DON OYABA TURIDODO
POSTER CODE:+234
35 QUEEN STREET BOJI BOJI AGBOR DELTA STATE NIGERIA
as you said.

The nice man at the office said it would be collected at 3.00pm and arrive within 36 hours. I hope the technical problem is fixed soon.

I did have a cell phone, but I lent it to Ma and it was stolen along with her credit cards. Pa won't buy me a new one as he said the thief is costing him less on phone calls than I did.

Where's the signed photo?

Aggie
Hitlad
IF IT ARRIVES ON MONDAY I WILL LET YOU KNOW BUT IF IT DOES NOT I WILL BE ANGFRY WITH YOU FOR THE PHOTO I WILL SEND YOU BUT AFTER THE ARRIVAL OF THE POST ITEM THATS WILL BE 2MORROW MONDAY

GET COOL AND SEND ME MAIL 2MORROW TO REMIND ME !!!!
Agnes
Thanks! I'm eleven tomorrow, and a signed photo saying you're a real hired killer will be really great! I can't wait!

I forgot to say that your personal shipping agent at Livingston is Mr Gomer.

Aggie
Col. Adam Slapper
I've just checked her laptop again, and am pleased to see that you have heeded my warning and not emailed her again.
Remember, keep away from her!

Adam Slapper.
Agnes
Dad just checked my laptop again unexpectedly, but don't worry. I keep my emails on a USB memory stick now, which I can hide when he enters my bedroom.
I know more about computers than he does!

Aggie
Hitlad
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
whats the name of your school and when will the enveloped money arrived all this u will have to confirm from the living stone there and make sure your mail is not seeing anymore from your dad or any other person or i will get mad at you understand? tell me things that you got at home there that belongs to you or papa or mama bought for you!!!!!!
once again Happy Birthday!!!
Agnes
I go to Lowell High School, but it's closed for the summer of course.

My pa bought me a new laptop. It's much faster than the old one and runs Windows Vista. This is the first email I've sent from it.
Aren't you lucky?

Ma bought me an MP3 player with 8GB of memory. Where's my present from you?

Ma's taking me to the zoo in a few minutes, so I won't be able to go to Livingston today. Can't you phone or email them? They really should have fixed the tracking system by now.

Byee!
Aggie (aged eleven)
Hitlad
thats cool i will send you my own present but not now but for the mean time were is your former laptop and what would be the use of your old laptop i really want to know if no more valuable use of it i should know and what else do you have before the new gift for your birthday...all of this should be pronounced to me understand and i really wanna have access to your mail can i?

i need you to get back to me immediately okay!!!!!
Agnes
You're a horrible man!! Asking me questions about my belongings, and not sending my present on my birthday!
I HATE YOU!!

Agnes
Hitlad
NOW LISTEN AM NOT FOR JOKE OKAY AND FOR THE RECORD THE MONEY SENT DID NOT ARRIVE IN NIGERIA AND COULD NOT BE TRACKED SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM AND HOW CAN IT BE RESOLVE I WANT U TO GO AND CONFIRM IN THE SHIPPING CENTER OR I WILL GET MAD AT YOU AGAIN
Agnes
I'm sorry I got mad at you yesterday. As Ma said, life is full of disappointments, and now I'm eleven, I should start behaving more like a grownup.

I can't go downtown today as I'm in bed with a stomach ache. I ate too much at my birthday party yesterday.

The signed photo would really cheer me up, and if you send it today, I'll send you my old laptop. You sent me four copies of your email, so it looks as if it's in better condition than the one you're using. It doesn't make you look like a very good hired killer if you send several emails exactly the same.

I'll use a different courier as Livingston has messed up. Their website made out they were really good.

Aggie
Hitlad

THATS IT GIRL MAKE SURE OU DO WHAT I ASK YOU NOW ABOUT YOUR OLD LAPTOP AND DIS TIME I BELIEVE YOU DO IT TODAY AND USE ANOTHER COURIER SERVICE OKAY

YOU WILL SEE MY SIGNED PASSPORT ATTARCHED I TOOK IT WITH MY DIGITAL PHONE AND SIGN IT
Agnes
Thank you! That's really great!

I'm feeling a lot better now. If I can find a box to pack it in, I'll be able to send it today. I'm not sure we've got one big enough though. If not, I'll buy a box tomorrow and send it first thing. I'll pack it carefully so it doesn't get broken.

Aggie
Hitlad
OKAY NOW I GUESS IF YOU WANT TO FAVOUR ME MOST YOU DO IT BY SENDING IT TODAY

JUST GO ABOUT AND FIX IT UP WITH SOMETHING MAYBE THE BAG YOUR DAD USE IN BRINGING YOUR NEW ONE HOMEAND DO IT TODAY AND I WILL BE MORE HAPPY WITH YOU UNDERSTAND AND YOU HAVE NOT YET CONFIRMED WHY I HAVE NOT YET RECIEVED THAT MONEY !!!

AM WAITING!!!
Agnes
I''m going out now to find a different courier. And try and find out what happened to the $50.I wasn't well enough to do it yesterday.

I'm afraid I was sick over the old laptop last night when deleting my personal files from it, but it atill works apart from the " " and " " keys. And once I cleaned it, it didn't smell too bad. I hope you like it.

Aggie
Hitlad
Thats okay by me ...make sure all that are done today and make sure you question the livingstone courier for the silly error in sending the cash and get back to me with the new tracking details for the laptop send also

i will be waiting for all this !!!
Colonel Adam Slapper
You bastard, Porker!
You've gone and got my daughter Agnes arrested. I'm trying to arrange her bail right now.

Colonel Adam Slapper
Hitlad
I TOLD YOU IF YOU DONT DO WHAT I ASKED YOU THEN THEY WILL BE WAR AMONG US NOT EVEN YOUR PLATOO CAN STOP THAT

KEEP WATCHING MR BOSS
Hitlad
WHAT EXACTLY HAPPEN FOR YOUR ARREST I WANT TO KNOW!!!
Agnes
I'm sorry Mr Porker. I made a mess of things. I'm only 11. I went to Parcel Direct and sent you the laptop.
http://www.parceldirect.phpnet.us/index.html

Then I went to Livingston to ask the nice man there about the $50. He asked me to wait while he looked into it, but he called the police instead, who arrested me. So he really wasn't a nice man at all.

I had to fill in a form when I sent you the envelope and in the box that said "description of contents" I wrote "$50 for hired killer".
So he phoned the police and was told to call them again if I returned. They then checked the other couriers in town, and found the laptop I was sending you. So I'm afraid you won't get either.

Anyway the judge let me off as I'm only 11, but told me you were a bad man and not to try and send you anything else.

Pa wan't pleased. "It's that goat-screwing asshole Porker again." he told Ma. "I'm going to cut his nuts off with a rusty knife."

Aggie
Hitlad
I understand what you meaned by that is okay but u need to provide me the tracking number for the new courier and the details so i can see if i can recieve it and track it online as long as it has not been returned home so maybe i will still recieve it and dont mind whatever they say i would have gotten your dad dead also for his stupid talks but i dont want to because of you are now my friend ....make sure you send me the tracking number for the new courier which you sent and next time if you wannan send anything be cousious and understandable for anything you are doing....because you are a grown up girl now u know......just get me the details for the new courier for the tracking of the laptop i believe you was given a tracking number to see if it is still there okay......... am waiting send it now and make you you check on it first before sending okay!!!!!
Agnes
Thank you. I'll try and be more careful tomorrow. It might be better to try another town, as all the couriers here know about me now. I was in the local newspaper, you know!.

It won't take long by train.

Aggie

Hitlad
Hello Aggie

Did you send the laptop again? i have been waiting to see your mail with the details of the sent item...am sorry for making you appear in the local news paper and i know it was silly of your dad to make a dully statement to the reporter....is always Good when you have the zeal to be a hitwoman when you out of school,it makes you bold and reall and it makes you more high than any other of your friend.....

any way if you have sent the laptop send me the details or the reciept for it and make sure you go to another town with train like you said since all courier here already know you i want you to try and do all of that today okay!!!!

am waiting ......dont worry am gonna make you a real hitwoman okay

so get back to me with details and go and send it immediately!!!!!
Agnes
I'm sorry, but I've messed things up again. I fell asleep on the train and missed the next station. I'm sitting in an Internet Cafe at the Railroad station waiting for the next train back.
Lord, I'm 500 miles away from home.

Aggie.
Hitlad
Whats Going on i have not heard from you since the last mail i sent to know how have you been did you send the package again and did you get back home successfully i did not recieve any respones since what the hell is wrong!!!
Hitlad
Okay
i hope you still make it with the sending of the laptop and making it back home as well i have always told you to be cousious always okay...keep doing and get back to me am waiting for your respond okay
be a Good girl always
Hitlad
Whats Going on i have not heard from you since the last mail i sent to know how have you been did you send the package again and did you get back home successfully i did not recieve any respones since what the hell is wrong!!!

The end.

 

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