YOU ARE A CHURCH RAT

Malcolm Reynolds, last seen in I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INSULT and veteran of many scambaits, returns with a seven-month bait. Cumulative "ok" count = 35.


For Mark Kabo, the day he contacted Malcolm Reynolds was the beginning of ... confusion, angst, and insults...
Follow his descent into frustration!

The Scammers
Mark Kabo, "Solicitor and Notary Public, The Personal Attorney to Mr.David "
David Sithole, Director of Operations at "Caixa Affiliated Securities Madrid Spain" - trust me, it was a real temptation to call him "Shithole"
Rebecca Gomez, also at "Caixa Affiliated Securities Madrid Spain"

The Baiter
Malcolm Reynolds, retired United States Marine Corps officer, now residing in Australia; based on the character from Joss Whedon's Firefly.

Western Union plays no role whatsoever in this bait.


Mark Kabo
21 March 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
How are you today? I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as you do not know me but I believe that this is the genesis of a long lasting relationship between my family and yours.
Let me introduce my self and the reason why I wrote you, I am Barrister Mark kabo, Solicitor and Notary Public, The Personal Attorney to Mr.David Reynolds, who used to work as a Contractor with Diamond Melting & Mineral Exporting Company, London.
On the 21st of April 2000, my client was involved in a car accident along Sun City High Way. Unfortunately, he lost his live in the event of the accident, since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives and this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I came across your name as you bare the same surname I decided to contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where these huge deposits were lodged. Particularly, the Bank where the deceased had an account valued at about $28 million Dollars (Twenty-Eight Million Dollars). Consequently, the Security Company issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within a short time.
Since I have been unsuccessful to locating the relatives for some years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you are the same country and surname so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you for both of us to share the money; 50% to me and 30% to you, 10% to charity, while 10% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up the claim.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through my direct mobile number +44 704-570-9683.
Best regards,
Barrister.Mark Kabo (ESQ).
Mobile: +44 704-570-9683

[It's another Dead Bank Customer... oddly enough, the letter is addressed to Malcolm Reynolds rather than 'Dear One' or 'Dear Sir/Ma'. ]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
You're right, I am surprised.
Just who was this David Reynolds? You say (I think) that he's English but Sun City doesn't sound like it's in England. Please tell me more.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
24 March 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your prompt reply. your detailed message is well understanding.
First and foremost, l want to lnform you that your interest in this transcation is highly protected with me and l assure you a intech free business transcation. Also note that this transaction this transcation will certainly afford us the oppurtunity for us to know each other very well and for future business understanding.
Secondly, l was the personal lawyer to Mr.David Reynolds for ten(10) years prior to his untimely death, and during this period, l fully participated in most of his business transcation lncluding this deposit. You are rest assured of the necessary legitimate documents in regards to this deposit, my working agreement and death certificates of my client and the family.
In the area of my proposal to you, l want to work with you with one mind so that l will conclude arragements with the security company for the immediate release of this deposit to you. l will have to perpare a Bond Agreement that will prove that you are the trust beneficiary of this deposit. Moreso, it will be of interest to inform you that l have a strong Bank connection in Holland and Spain, where the fund may be shipped to, for your claim and possible transfer of this fund to your designated Bank account. l have worked out this arrangement on good to cover up any loopholes. Mr. Malcolm Reynolds, it will be good for us to enjoy the benefits of this deposit that the Govt confisicating it for their own reasons. What do you think?.
What l required from you is to maintain the confidentiality of this transcation between us and do forward me your information's to enable me proceed with the arrangement.
1, Your Full Name:
2, Your Full Contact Address
3, Your Company Name and Address.
4, Your Private Mobile and fax number for easier communications.
5, Your Ages.
This will also help to perpare the Bond Agreement. we Can also arrange on meeting each other for sharing of this fund and possible investment of my own share in your country under your kind supervision. l will be happy to work with you for the realisation of this set out goal.
Accept the assurance of my highest regards.
Yours Faithfully
Barr. Mark Kabo
Mobile:+44 704-570-9683
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
The details are welcome, but there's a reason that I asked for David Reynolds' nationality. I don't want this to come to a screeching halt because of a misunderstanding.
I am an American citizen, but what you have said about David Reynolds implies that he was actually British. If so, let's clear this up now, as it would make my claim a weak one.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Observe the use of 'ok' as a sort of full stop (see DRESSED FOR SUCCESS (Sept. 2006) ).]

25 March 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your response, in my first mail, i told you that you have to count on me regarding this deal, i also told you earlier that Mr. David Reynolds is from your Nationality, he is not a British, he only invested in Britain, i want you to understand that, trust and confidence will be our watch out word in this deal.
Please provide me with you information's let proceed and for the conclusion of this deal, on your name as the rightful beneficiary of the funds ok, as soon as i recieve your email, i will provide you with the necessary documents for your own confirmations ok.
I wait for your informations as i requested ok.
Regards to your entire family and God bless you
Barr. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I had to press the point for my own peace of mind. Those who don't know me assume I'm Australian because I live in Australia.
Now that we've cleared that up...
Full Name: Malcolm Paul Reynolds
Full Contact Address: 2/33 Stuart Drive Alice Springs Northern Territory Australia 0870
Company Name and Address: Not applicable
Private Mobile and fax number for easier communications: No fax. My mobile is currently unusable thanks to a stuff-up in getting a new plan - they cut off my old number before supplying a new one
Age: 39

Over to you now.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[And he gets the name wrong. Stupid mugu!
Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 4]

26 March 2007

Dear Mr. Paul Reynolds,
Thanks for your prompt response, the content therein is well understood. however , it is my desire that we work together in this project and, i contacted you so that we can work together in confidence, trust and co-operation for our mutual benefit.
Like i wrote in the proposal, the fund is currently lodged in a security company under anonymous name. the company has an affiliate office in Hong-Kong, Holland and Spain, you will have to choose from this three countries where will be better for you to travel easyly for the signing of the final release authority of the consignment as you are going to be the beneficiary of the deposit and will have the right to claim it.
However. these are the steps to be followed for the successful completion of this business. 1.application will be drafted using your details , this will be submitted in your name to the security company for change of beneficiary name and approvals in your favour, with this i shall apply to the security company for change of anonymous name to yours as beneficiary and all approvals will come in your name as the beneficiary of the deposit in the security company.
2.when approvals are issued in your favour, consignment will be trasnfered to the affiliate office of the security company through diplomatic means. for you to go and sign for the release of the consigment as the beneficiary to Mr. David Reynolds.
3.After signing of the release of the consignment and you have the consignment in your favour in the affilite security company,you can start to transfer it to your home country account for us to meet there for the sharing of the fund on the agreed percentage and also arrange on meeting each other for sharing of this fund and possible investment of my own share in your country under your kind supervision bear in mind that we shall not entertain any delay in this transaction once started, as it is not expected to last longer than neccessary.
4. In the light of this, i urge you to let me know which of the security companies affiliate country you will want to travel for the signing of release authority of consignment be rest assured however, that whatever you spend in the course of this transaction including your travel and sundry expenses shall be fully refunded to you at our point of conclussion as soon as deal is concluded.this transaction demands confidentiality trust and strict co-operation.
Looking forward to your call awaiting your response on this my mobile number +44 704-570-9683 or you provide me with your private mobile, because we need to talk as business partners, for us to know each other ok.
Regards to your entire family
Barr. Mark Kabo
Mobile: +44 704-570-9683
Malcolm Reynolds

[It's only a minor hiccup, so only a minor slap. ]

Mr Kabo,
It's Malcolm Paul Reynolds.
Not Paul Reynolds; it's Malcolm Reynolds.
Are we clear?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 5]

26 March 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your response, i have corrected myself ok,
Please indicate were you wish the funds to Delivered in the country of the company affilate, through Diplomatic service.
Await
Barr. Mark kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Cleared up? Good.
Now, you gave me a choice of Holland, Hong Kong or Spain - none of which is especially convenient from my point of view (being on the far side of the world).
On balance, I'd favor going to Spain, as my girlfriend is Argentinean, and thus speaks Spanish. That being so - what happens next?
BTW, is your phone still working? I suspect that either there's something wrong with the number you gave me, or the service out here is on the fritz, because I'm just getting dead air.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 8]

[He attaches a shoddy document with a partial Red Seal Of Truth and spaces for signatures that are just way too small. In other words - standard Lad paperwork. ]

28 March 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm Reynolds,
Good day once again, I have raise a bond agreement on your name as the rightful beneficiary to Mr. David Reynolds, and what you have to do now is to sign in the space in your right hand side and send back to me, so that i will sign and forward to the Security Company for confirmation and approval of the Ownership documents on your name as the rightful beneficiary to Mr. David Reynolds, as soon as this is done you will be instructed by the company to proceed to their affilated office for final release of the funds to you ok.
Please attached to this mail is the Bond Agreement which was raised today, between me and you, so you have to sign and send back to me to enable proceed for the conclusion of this deal on your behalf ok.
I wait for your response, and if you have any question your can ask me for more details, to avoid any mistakes ok.
Regards
Barr.Mark kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Bond agreement received - but there's a problem; it's too small. I won't be able to fit a legible signature in the space provided.
Please send a resized version.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 10]

29 March 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your response, it does not mean that your signature must be big, just sign your signature and write your name no matter how small the signature is, just what is needed is your signature not how big it is ok.
Sign your signature and send back as soon as possible, i will never forget to bring to your notice that i need to talk with you, i use to recieve calls with my line, why is yours not getting through, please what i need from you now is a number to talk with you ok.
I wait for your number, we need to talk and when to call you.
Regards
Bar. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds

[I disregarded his advice and sent back an enlarged, (badly) signed version. ]

Mr Kabo,
I had to enlarge the image to sign it - took a little trouble to scan in though.
You haven't said exactly why it's so urgent that we talk. Call me on (03) 9347-8666 if it's so gorram important to you.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 11]

29 March 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your response and the document, you gave me a fax number claiming to me it's your phone number, Please, i don't know your identity very well please can you provide me with this information's:
1, Your Occupation/Name of your Company/Where you work
2, Your Mobile Number:
Please i wish to bring to your notice that i need this information from you, so that we can proceed with this deal ok.
Regards
Bar. Mark Kabo

[I'd thought that the phone number I gave was non-existent, but for a while now it's been someone's fax. ]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I did not give you a fax number; I gave you my phone number.
I don't like your tone one little bit. A little politeness might be in order - right? I warned you that the phone service was not to be relied on!
I'm a pilot, and part-owner of four aircraft (two Aero Commanders and two A-212s) under lease to local tourist agencies. I work from the local airport. Simple enough!
I also told you that my mobile phone is between plans right now, and I don't have an active number for it.
Had you actually read my previous messages, you might have learned something!
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[It's not much of an apology, but it'll have to do.
Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 13]

30 March 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks for your response and sorry for the way i might use my words, but you have to understand that, what we are talking about is a huge amount of money and we need to know each other very well and understand each other as partner, so that was why i needed to know you very well, please accept my appology.
Please i have filed the Bond agreement to the Security Company they will get back to me with a good news which i will equally update you with that, because what we are expecting from them right now is what is call the Change of Ownership Certificate, which has to come out on your name as the rightful owner of the consignment deposited with their company ok.
I will love to hear from you, the kind of investment you feel in your country that can be good to invest this funds, because i believe to invest in aboard with my own share of the funds ok.
I wait for your response
Regards
Bar. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds

[Hell, I can be magnanimous...]

Mr Kabo,
Accepted, let's move on. I'm a pilot and ex-Marine, not an investment broker - I'll check, but there are no guarantees! Remember that!
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 14]

02 April 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds
Good day once again, how is your family, hope all is moving well, the application which I filed to the Paramount Securities and Finance company, they has approved and issue me your Consignment Ownership Certificate, which certify you as the rightful owner of the Consignment with the consignment no: MSF/108/X/BDD/01, which is also specify in your Certificate ok,
Please confirm this documents and get back to me, please how are you preparing for your trip to Spain for the final Release of th consignment with this company?
Please I wait for your response and I need to call you or call me on this number so we can talk,
Mobile: +44 704-570-9683
I wait for your response
Barr. Mark kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Thank you for that - things are going nicely.
Two points about the trip - one, it would be nice to know exactly where in Spain we have to go; two, I have to get medical clearance to fly owing to the long-term effects of a severe leg injury - apparently the risk of DVT is significantly increased.
That mobile number isn't working for me. The problem must be at this end. I'll have a word with the phone company ASAP.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 15]

03 April 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm
Good day, once again, did you recieve my last mail?
I have been waiting for your call and i did not hear from you, i want you to understand that, we are business partners and we need to understand each other, i have never hear you voice for one day and you have never hear mine, how can we trust each other, i don't know you and you don't know me, remember we are talking about millions of dollars and i have never for one day discuss with you on telephone before and as you can see now the funds are on your name and i worked that, and i know that i have bestowed my trust in you and that you will never betray me as soon as you recieve the money.
Mr. Malcolm, we need to talk, call me or provide me number to call you, i can do that, because you can see that this deal is coming to the conclusion of it and that is what i have been praying for and it has happened, please let's proceed with one mind and spirit ok.
i wait for your response
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
If I intended to cheat you it would be easy for me to lie about it. A phone call would prove nothing. Your insistence on a call, as if it would be some sort of infallible lie detector, sounds like the obsession of a neurotic.
I will call when I can. I can't put it more plainly than that.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 17]

[Note the supplied email address (it'll be significant soon) and the name of the CONTACT PERSON (so very tempting).]

04 April 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm,
Thanks fgor your response, you have to understand my plight, as we are proceeding we have to understand each other as partner ok.
Regarding to your question, the name of the company in Spain, were the funds will be pay to you in Spain is called:
COMPANY NAME: CAIXA AFFILIATED SECURITIES MADRID SPAIN
CONTACT PERSON: MR. DAVID N. SITHOLE
MOBIL : +34 618 233 919
TELE: +34 911 519 763
FAX: +34 911 817 302
E-MAIL : caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com
This company is affiliated company to Paramount Securities in London, so you have to contact them and inform them about inheritance consignment with them and your mission to claim it, that what did they require from you, so that you will proceed immediately to Spain for the conclusion of the deal ok.
Please i wait for your response, if you have any question to ask
Barr. Mark Kabo
Mark Kabo
05 April 2007

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Good day once again, how is your health, hope everything is well.
Please have you contacted the company what was their response?
Awaiting for your urgent response
Bar. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Attention: David N, Sithole
I have been told that you are safeguarding a consignment to the value of $28 million lodged under the name David Reynolds.
Be informed that I am paying claim to this money.
Please confirm receipt.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds

[<Bounce!> This didn't entirely come as a surprise...]
=======================================================================

----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----
< caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com>(reason: 550 <caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com>: User unknown)
----- Transcript of session follows -----
... while talking to ob-mail-com.mr.outblaze.com.:
>>> DATA
<<< 550 <caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com>: User unknown
550 5.1.1 <caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com>... User unknown
<<< 554 Error: no valid recipients
=======================================================================

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
The email address you gave me is invalid.
Please provide the right one.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[No, nothing wrong here...

Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 18]

06 April 2007

Dear Mr. Malcolm,
Thanks for your response, please the email address i gave to you as correct and i am resending it to you caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com
caixa uderscore afiliatedsec @ madrid.com
Please check it very well, remember their underscore in that email, use your hand and type the email address ok.
I wait for your response, if it has gone through or you can call Mr. David N. Sithole, on his mobile after sending him email ok
Regards
Barr. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
No it is NOT correct! I copied and pasted the address you gave and it failed.
What's wrong here?
Malcolm Reynolds

PS It's "Mr Reynolds" - not "Mr Malcolm".
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 19]

06 April 2007

Dear Mr Raynolds,
Soory the mistakes is from me, this the correct address send this one is correct
caixa_afiliatedsec@madrid.com .............Wrong address it was suppose to be affiliated
caixa_affiliatedsec@madrid.com ................Correct address send this ok.
Regards
Barr. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds

[A small twist of the knife...]

Mr Kabo,
Thank you!
Remember something called "attention to detail"? It's never a bad idea.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Signs of panic? Surely not!

Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 20]

06 April 2007

Dear Mr Raynolds,
Has the email gone through, i am very very sorry for the mistake ok
please i need an urgent response from you soon, i could have called you but no # number to call you,
Phone make business faster.
ANY NUMBER TO CALL YOU???????????
Barr. Mark Kabo
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 21]

08 April 2007

Dear Mr Raynolds,
Happy Easter to you and your family,
Have you contacted Mr. David Sithole in Spain and has the email gone through, Please i need your urgent response and i need to know when you are meeting with him in Spain, because we don't have time to waste ok.
Regards
Barr. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds

[He's got me doing it now...]

Mr Kabo,
I sent the message to the proper address, so don't have a cow, OK?
BTW, please spell my name properly. It's not too much to ask.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Rebecca Gomez

[Aha, contact has been made...]

09 April 2007

For The Kind Attention of: Mr.Malcolm Reynolds
Re: Collection of Consignment

Dear Sir,
We write to acknowledge the receipt of your mail with a clear detail.
However we oath to have returned you with response on your mail but due to the Easter break holiday hence is the reason we a writing you now.
More so, it may interest you to note that we are in full receipt of a consignment registered in your benefit, which our procedures will entail your visit to Madrid Spain for the purpose of identification verification and the collection of your consignment.
Further do Kindly send to this office a copy of your identification i.e international passport of drivers licence via fax as that will enable us conclude with out final bureaucratic inference with out any further delay.
Fax: +34 911 817 302
Tele: +34 911 519 763
While you can also communicate our director of operations Mr. David Sithole on the telephone number above or with his personal Mobil telephone number +34 618 233 919
We thank you for your anticipated understanding as we look forward in welcoming you to
Madrid Spain and to serve in you.
We remain.
Yours truly,
Rebeca Gomez
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 22]

11 April 2007

Dear Reynolds,
Have you recieve any email from the company? and i want you to bear in mind that the company is not aware of the content of the consignment it is only me, you and God knows the contents, it was deposited as family treasure ok.
I wait for your response
Barr. Mark Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
You can call me Mr Reynolds, thank you kindly - I haven't been called just 'Reynolds' since I was a jarhead.
OK, that over - yes, I received word from Caixa.
There's a problem; this request - "Kindly send to this office a copy of your identification i.e international passport of drivers licence" - out of the question for the former, not possible at this stage for the latter.
I'm just about to let them know.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 23]

12 April 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds,
How was your Easter holiday, hope all went well as planned, please have you recieved any response from Mr. David, remember you have to be addressing them that the consigment is value of $28 million Dollars ok.
Update me immediately
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
No, not yet - I offered a compromise.
They're probably mulling it over.
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Attn: Ms Rebecca Gomez, Mr David Sithole,
I'm afraid that I cannot supply your request for identity documents.
State Department regulations totally rule out the copying of passports by any means; and at this stage my driving license is unavailable as it is in the hands of local LEOs after an automobile accident. I can supply my passport number if that would be acceptable.
I'm afraid that I have been unable to contact you via telephone - the problem may not be your line however.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
12 April 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds,
Regarding to your mail, i have seen that you don't want to follow directives and instructions, that will enable the deal come to the conclusion of it, you are doing as you like, but this is not our agreement from the earlier stage, what is your problem?
Why don't you do as they said and recieve the funds as we planned.
Regards
Barr. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
The problem is you and that gorram agency!
You both expect me to willingly and casually break US Federal laws at the drop of a hat. There is no way in creation that I'm going to risk that.
Malcolm Reynolds
David Sithole
13 April 2007

For The Kind Attention of: Mr.Malcolm Reynolds?
Re: Collection of Consignment

Dear Sir,
We write to confirm the receipt of your mail.
Any way following the response to your mail be informed that the reason why we request your drivers licence as an alternative is due was due to the fact that you may not want to fax you passport copy with out been sure of what is going to be used for..?
Furthermore, all you have to understand is that Caixa will have to maintain there standard compulsory procedures, as you still have to under obligation furnish us with a copy of your international photo page and four passport photo size of your humble self in a white background.
While you can rich my directly on my mobile phone any other clarification relevant. ?????
Thanks for your understanding as we look forward in welcoming you to Madrid Spain.
Sincerely,
David Sithole
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
Let's clarify one thing here - I am not "your humble self". I am your customer. You call me "sir", or "Mr Reynolds" as appropriate. Are we clear?
You may promise that any copies may be safe, but that cuts no ice with the State Department. Unless we can reach a full compromise, there is nothing that can be done.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[I seem to have him rattled... That mention of "gorram" is good to see!]

14 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
I don't understand you, i introduce you in this deal and you have been discussing with Mr. David and for one day you have never forward any of your correspodent with them to me, i don't understand your intentions towards this deal is like you are try to be a betray.
Why is that I and your ggoram is the problem? which law are you breaking? you are not updating me in any of your discussions with Mr. David, i don't understand you this man, update me fully what is wrong with you this man.
Urgent
Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
What the hell's bitten you? I've updated you on my exchanges with David Sithole; isn't that enough?
The Feds declared it an offense to copy passports - it's a post-9/11 thing to prevent terrorists stealing passports. I for one think it's a gorram good idea and I'm not going to give way and risk trouble with the Feds over this!
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
14 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
You have never forwarded any of your correspodent with Mr. David to me, how can you just fax your passport and you will be against the law, did you know when anybody is recieving your passport through fax it becomes a dublicate.
Send your to the company for eye identification who you are.
Without that you cannot claim the money, i told you earlier that what we are doing is deal, did you want to disorganise all arangement because passport, you don't want to recieve the money?
Regards
Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I KNOW that sending a passport via fax is a duplicate, and DUPLICATING A PASSPORT IS AN OFFENSE!
Holy Mother of God and all her little nephews, were you always this stupid or is it something you had to work at? No amount of money is worth getting the Feds offside. You ain't the one at risk of that.
You can either pull your head in or kiss this deal goodbye.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 24 - after a long break

Amid this incoherent diatribe is sincere Lad confusion, though why he'd think that Pappy Reynolds would be an easier mark is hard to understand.
Note the request for a power of attorney - standard Lad modality in attempting to regain control of a situation.]

15 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
i know earlier that you don't have manners, and listen, i want to make you rich, well i will not insult you back, because i have seen that you don't have respect for elders, who know how you talk to your father at home, may be is someone like him i can strike this kind of a deal with not, you, because you are not my mate, my first son is even older than you, i have even concluded that you are not capable, but just considering you, because i have already made you the beneficiary, which i can equally change, because it is an error.
Please can you do this favr for me, can you raise a power of attorney for me from your country, stating that you have remove your hands in this deal, because i will love to look for another partner, who will respect me and understand what we are doing, it is a deal, please if you do this for i will be most greatful with you, because i will not like in a situation whereby i will be doing this business with another person and you will be contacting the company again ok.
Please if you still want the involment of this deal, Call your father for me, i can deal with him, not you because you don't have respect.
God bless you as you raise the power of attorney for me, for you to quiet.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
You don't know me at all. Let me give you some background.
As a Captain in the United States Marine Corps I commanded a company of Marine riflemen - seven officers and 161 enlisted men. Then I commanded a squadron of helicopter gunships - twelve AH-1 Cobras, 200 plus personnel, and tens of millions of dollars of sophisticated hardware.
My personal tally of kills during Operation Desert Saber was nine MBTs, 22 other AFVs, 72 soft-skinned vehicles, 10 AAA positions and 19 hardpoints. I had to stand by helpless as corpsmen tried to save the sight of my weapons officer after our Cobra was hit by a 57 mm shell.
Bearing that in mind - do you think I'm the kind of person who'd wilfully buck authority and casually flout the laws of my country?
My father is the salt of the earth; a hard-working man who raised me with respect and understanding. If more fathers were like him America would be Utopia. I would no more talk back to him that I would have dissed my commanding officers in the Corps.
While we're here - just how old do you think I am? You talk about me like I'm some rebellious teenager, but in fact I'm 39.
As far as I'm concerned the deal is still viable. Caixa asked for passport pix, which I can supply. There will be no power of attorney.
Now I suggest you in turn act responsibly and let me move ahead in this deal.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Lad anger - especially at such length - is a fine sight!]

15 April 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds, I want you to understand first that what we are doing is a deal, and I earlier told you that what I needed from you mostly is to follow my directives and instruction to enable us achieve our aim, I am the originator of this deal and I know what it takes me to bring this deal to this stage, so I believe that anyone who will make me to loose this deal, let that person quiet let me find another person, because I know that what I am doing is legitmate deal, which you have confirm by yourself, and the company has attended to you, that is the proof that the funds are in their position.
Secondly, if you are ready to follow my directives and instrcution we can proceed, because any mistakes made by you as the beneficiary the company might decided not to release the consignment to you, because you are not acting like you are the owner, anything that belongs to you, I believe when going for it, you will be serious because it belongs to you, but you, you are not making move as if you are the owner, how can they ask you send your passport you said no, why you are the person that contacted them that, you need your consignment with them, and they inform about their procedures if you wish to claim your consignment and that is their rules and regulations guiding there company, in your office, don?t you have rules and regulations?. Every office has rules and regulations that guide that office, so if you are ready to send the passport which is what they required from you, then the deal proceeds.
Thirdly, Mr. Reynolds, I started this deal with you and I have never for one day hear your voice, if you are a gost I don?t know if you are human being I don?t know I have to be frank with you, I told you provide you phone number I will call you, if you are not ready to call, you said I should provide mine that you will call me, since then I have never heard from, you only inform that the network is bad, while I have been receving calls on this mobile number +44-704-570-9683, everyday, while is yours difference, listen, I personally will tell you the truth, I cannot trust someone I don?t hear his/her voice, I have not seen you, how do you want me to believe that if this funds get?s to you, that you will not betray me and run away, no communications, I mean you have to understand my plight, a deal of millions of dollars, I have never spoke with you for one day, are you a gost or human being, now the company requested your passport so that when you arrive for the claims, they will know it is you, not anyother person, still you refuse, infact Mr. Reynolds, if you want this deal to proceed I need to speak with you or call me let?s talk today, or provide a number to reach you, you even gave me someone fax number for me to call you on it, you even lie for me, I mean how can I still trust you, that you will not betray me, Infact let me tell you, I have been even telling myself since I saw your age, that this young man is not capable of this deal and now all I have been thinking is happening, please Mr. Reynolds, if you are still ready for this deal, you have to proof yourself, before we proceed again, because I am the originator and I can still stop this deal, the company knows me as the personal attorney to David Reynolds, who deposited the consignment and who I made the beneficiary can only claim the funds, I want you to know that I am no more happy with you.
If you still want us to proceed this is what I need from you:
1, Your private mobile number: because if you are sure of what you claim you are you will have a communication network, so I don?t believe you again.
2, You have to call me today on this number +44-704-570-9683, if you cannot provide yours, infact Mr. Reynolds, I need your mobile number today, we have to talk before we proceed again, let me put you in order, because you have never understand what we are doing, you feel is a childs play, no is not.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
If you'd come down off your high horse for a gorram second - let me ask you something; why is it that you only provide your mobile number and insist on getting mine? What do you have to fear about using normal telephones?
You say that the office has rules and regulations - the US Government has its laws, and they trump those rules and regulations.
You claim to be an elderly English lawyer, but I'm hearing the words and usage of a much younger man. Who are you really? A law clerk on the make perhaps? Is that why you're insisting on using mobiles? Is that the reason why you've never identified your office or the firm you work for? That puts a whole new complexion on this deal, don't you think?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
15 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds
Please find attached of my information's and fill the client information, which i issue to clients or partner before i proceed in business, transcation and deal with them.
Please my information are their, fill yours before we proceed, you can see i did not require only mobiles on this.
Thanks
Bar. Mark

Malcolm Reynolds

[Time to really throw a monkey wrench in... now let's see where he goes from here.]

Mr Kabo,
So your office is a Channel Islands Post Office box...
Goodbye, Mr Kabo; I am not going to be part of any tax evasion scheme.
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds

[A quick in-character note to Caixa Affiliated follows.]

Mr Sithole, Mrs Gomez:
Be informed that the consignment listed in my name under the number MSF/108/X/BDD/01 is money to the value of $28 million. It is the profit from a tax evasion scheme masterminded by one Mark Kabo.
Please inform the appropriate authorities of this.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Well, that's not much of a response... I expected far more.]

15 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
Yes that is my office as you said, but what i know is that i gave you my full office information incase you want to send MAIL direct to confirm.
Please what i needed from you now is, the power of attorney showing that you are no more interested in this deal, i will be more greatful to recieve that.
Goodbye too.
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds

[Will this get something? ("Frog-humping son of a bitch" is from Firefly, spoken in Chinese)]

Mr Kabo,
Screw you, buddy, you're on your own, you frog-humping son of a bitch.
BTW, I told the company about the money in the consignment. You may have some unwelcome attention soon...
Malcolm Reynolds
David Sithole

[The Caixa Lads try to regain control from their end...]

16 April 2007

For The Kind Attention of: Mr.Malcolm Reynolds
Re: Collection of Consignment

Dear Sir, We write to acknowledge the receipt of your mail. However be informed that what we have here in your favour is registered as treasury and artifacts and not fund money. More so, do not advise me on how to handle my duties and you have to address issues in a more study manner of a noble gentleman.
Thanks for your understanding.
Sincerely,David
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
I didn't actually deposit the consignment, but I was told by the one who did that it contains $28 million in cash. May I, as someone not a noble gentleman, suggest you check this for yourself? I'm even giving you the gorram authorisation to do so!
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Confusion and anger battle for first place in the diatribe.]

17 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds
What have i done to you, that made you to disclose the content of the consignment to the company, i recieve an email from the company, stating that you, the beneficiary to David Reynolds, told them that the content of the consignment is cash of $28, million dollars. Why Mr. Reynolds?
I told you every truth in this deal and you findout that evrything is real, you said you will not have to forward your passport to them, i told you that, without your passport they will not identify you when you arrive Spain, Why Mr. Reynolds?
Please, Mr. Reynolds, i will like to advsie you not to intimate using any more with the content of the box.
Yu are still my beneficiary let understand ourselves, you just like a son to me, all the problem between us is that you felt to understand me, i am doing business with you, for one day i have never talk with you on the phone, i even gave you mine to call me, you refuse, put yourself in my shoes, if it is you what will you do? sometimes i feel you are not serious with the deal, Please are you serious?
Regards
Bar. Mark

["What have i done to you, that made you to disclose the content of the consignment to the company"
At the risk of stating the obvious, the reader should understand that the "company" and the "barrister" are working together (although they may not know each other personally). If they manage to defraud Mal Reynolds (not likely), they will split the takings according to an agreed-on percentage ("Sithole" probably gets more, as the "closer", and is probably not pleased with "Kabo" at this point.).
And now back to our regularly scheduled scambait.]

Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
The short answer? I was looking after Number One, that is, me!
You contact me out of the blue asking me to cooperate in claiming this dead guy's money.
I don't really have a problem with this - but when you let slip that your office is a Channel Islands PO Box, well, that's when the penny drops.
The Channel Islands are in the top three tax havens; you don't have an office as such; and you're increasingly paranoid with every minor delay. I can see where this is heading - some scheme to avoid tax. There's no David Reynolds, is there? He's just someone made up to keep me roped in as a patsy for a tax evasion scheme that would leave me holding the bag.
It's funny how you get so cut up over that passport deal. These days most governments have rules in place saying no copies are to be made. You and Mr Sithole should have known that!
And you ask, am I serious? You bet your gorram ass I'm serious. I don't waste my time with pranks. I've lived a life within the law and I am not going to put my ass in a sling over this.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 26]

18 April 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds,
Thanks for your response, you have to understand that we both misunderstood ourselves, and forgetting that we are partners, Mr. David Reynolds is died and I am his personal attorney and I know everything about this funds, I thank God that you have confirm from the company where the consignment is been lodged, I want you to stop use those instructive words on me, because I am your elder, at least I deserve respect from you ok.
Secondly, why the company is asking for your passport, they want to know when they see you in Spain, you passport is not going to be use for anything, well if you believe that you can still bring out another suggestion to him, well you can still ask him that you can identify yourself when you arrive, well you can make arrangement with him, base on the interest of understanding between both of you.
My Son, this deal is real and nobody is roping you I anyway, what I will assure you in confidence is that, you will never for one day regret any of your association with me ok, and I want you to believe that and let proceed, contact Mr. Sithole and talk to him, tell him that, he should understand law, that when coming that can be able to come with those items needed from you, that you can not send it, you will love to come along with it, I believe that is okay by you, please sorry for not asking you told me sometime that you will be getting a doctors report before proceeding to Spain, Are you well now? please Sorry for eveything you will be better soon ok.
Regards
Bar Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
What do you mean by 'instructive words'? If it means giving orders, hell, I got used to doing that for over ten years in the Corps. If I think something should be done, I don't mince words.
Which brings me to the next point - "I am your elder, at least I deserve respect from you ok". Mr Kabo,
in my opinion there is no such thing. I've served my country in war and on mercy missions. I've been wounded twice and decorated for bravery. Have you?
It seems the only thing you have on me is your age. That doesn't count!
The passport issue has been done to death. I am prepared to offer them a compromise solution; it's up to them to OK it. As for the rest... we'll see.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 28]

19 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
Please give the company a compromise solution ok.
I wait for your response, as soon as you recieve any response from them ok.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
As I am not permitted to supply a copy of my passport, I am prepared to provide you with my passport number and two recent photographs.
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Done and dusted. I'll be in touch.
Malcolm Reynolds
David Sithole
19 April 2007

That should be upon yopu arrival in Madrid Spain. Thanks as we look forward in welcoming you to Madrid Spain and to serve in you.
We remain.
Yours truly,David Sithole
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
This is bizarre. I offered them a compromise - "my passport number and two recent photographs" - and they said - "That should be upon yopu arrival in Madrid Spain".
Now they don't want my ID? So what the Sam Frick was all this fuss about?
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
Are you now saying you do not need my ID details sent to you before arrival?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
20 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds
Good day to you, what is the next arrangement with the company when are you traveling to Spain for the final conclusion of the deal.
I wait for your response, how was your weekend?
Regards
Mark
David Sithole

[Do these Lads have any coherent plan going?]

21 April 2007

Attention: Mr. Malcolm Reynolds

Dear Sir,
I received your mail with a clear detail.
Well it may interest you to note that all identification must be sent to us via fax number. +34 9118 17 302.
Thanks.
Sincerely,
David Sithole
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Hold that thought - after Caixa apparently told me that I wouldn't need to send ID, now apparently they've changed their minds.
I can't finalize my plans until they've made up their minds.
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
Will you PLEASE make up your gorram mind!
Last message you indicated that you'd only need to see my ID when I got there. Now you're demanding ID by fax - what the Sam Frick is wrong with you? I don't want to have this argument all over again!
Malcolm Reynolds
David Sithole

["Mr man"?]

23 April 2007

Listen Mr. man you should mind how you stupid frick address me or are trying to teach me my job for the last time talk to me with respect and do as I have said and if we are not satisfied with our enquiries i will personally return your consignment to the bounded warehouse and cancel you transaction with this office.
David
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
No, YOU listen - I am the customer, and I should not be treated with such disdain, you hear me? If you did your gorram job and answered my questions then everything would be just fine and dandy, but for reasons known only to you, such actions were beyond you.
So, I'll ask again - do you in fact accept the compromise solution I offered? Or is it back to square one? Choose!
Oh, and don't make stupid threats just because you've chucked a snit - act your gorram age!
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 29]

25 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds
What is the arrangement with the company, has they accepted your passport details,when are you traveling to Spain.
Please put them in order ok.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I am confused! I think David Sithole has lost it! At one moment he seems to have said I don't have to show him ID until I arrive, then he's telling me to fax the ID to him - so I ask him to make up his mind and he sends this.
"Listen Mr. man you should mind how you stupid frick address me or are trying to teach me my job for the last time talk to me with respect and do as I have said and if we are not satisfied with our enquiries i will personally return your consignment to the bounded warehouse and cancel you transaction with this office".
Can he do that? I told him to get his attitude right and decide - but nothing so far.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
28 April 2007

Hello Mr. Reynolds,
Good day once again, any news?
Regards
Bar. mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Short of blasting in their office windows with a Ma-Deuce, I don't know how else to make them pay attention.
Malcolm Reynolds

["Ma-Deuce" - US military slang for the M2HB, the famous "fifty-cal" heavy machine-gun.]

Mark Kabo
29 April 2007

Happy weekend. Mr. Reynolds.
Please new development?
Bar. Mark
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 32]

30 April 2007

Mr. Reynolds
Thanks for your response, we need to follow them gradually, they will listen to you, soon as the funds are in your position, then we don?t have anything with them again, it just that, they with your properties, so please take easy with them, they will consider you ok.
Remember your inheritance funds are with them, I want you to take pride in knowing that soon this deal will come to conclusion of it ok.
Contact them and let them know that, they should consider and understand your plight ok.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 33]

02 May 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
What is the progress?
Talk to them, they will hear you out ok.
Regards
Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Sithole,
Are you calm now? Have you decided to act your age?
I suggested a compromise solution. I want a rational answer, not a dummy-spit.
Malcolm Reynolds
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I wrote them again; they haven't answered.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
05 May 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
Happy weekend to you and your family, please any progress? Have you heard from Mr. David?
Urgent Response Needed
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Not a word from Mr Sithole - I think I must have pissed him off.
What do we do now?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 34]

07 May 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
What you have to do now is to arrange a letter and send to him ask him to forgive if you have done wrong to him, that he forgive and tell you what to do, that ou are reday to do it now ok.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I will not write that letter as I have done nothing to apologize for.
In fact, I am the one who deserves an apology! Why are you taking Sithole's side?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
10 May 2007

Mr. Reynolds
Good day once again, have you receive any email from Mr. David? Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I have heard nothing from David Sithole - I'd have told you if he's deigned to contact me!
I suggest that you give him a nudge - you're better placed to do that.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Use of 'ok' as mentioned previously; 35]

10 May 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
Thanks for your response, i will se what i can do ok.
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
It's been ten days.
Do you have anything to report?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[What the hell was this supposed to achieve?]

23 May 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds,
Thanks for your response, i have to do something fast, you see what i have been telling you, that you ave to be respectful to people because of tomorrow, nobody knows who is who.
Any advice that will help to proceed from you?
Regards
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
Will you stop with the gorram fortune cookie sayings and explain what this something is that you have to do fast?
Until I know what you're doing, I can't give you any gorram advice!
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[I thought it was over, but no... what's the plan now? I guess he plans to set up a fake bank site, or is it going to be banking fees?]

29 May 2007

Dear Mr. Reynolds
Sorry for the late response, I am making arrangement of your receiving this funds through the company Online Banking into your bank account direct without you traveling is that arrangement considered by you?
Please Urgent response needed
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
If you can swing it, do it, by all means.
I'd all but given up on this, thanks to that dipshit no-load Sithole.
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo
30 May 2007

Mr. Reynolds
Good day to you and your family, did you recieve my last mail?
I wait for your response urgently
Bar. Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Mr Kabo,
I did receive your last message, and I replied to it - like this: If you can swing it, do it, by all means. I'd all but given up on this, thanks to that dipshit no-load Sithole.
Do you have an answer?
Malcolm Reynolds
Mark Kabo

[Well, I think this bait has just hit end-game mode...]

02 June 2007

Mr. Reynolds
Yes i have an answer, Listen you are the cause of everything your insult to people is too much even to David, that was his complie, you talk to people anyhow you want, sometimes i wonder hwo you will talking to your father.
Men you fuck up
Kabo
Malcolm Reynolds

[Let's see if we can get the Lads riled up.]

Mr Kabo,

I respect my father as the kind of honest hard-working man who built America into a superpower.
Contrariwise, you and David Shit-hole are the kind of conniving and deceitful gutter scum who dragged countries like Britain and Spain down from greatness into penury.
I'm not exactly sure what you were after but there was never any money waiting for me, was there?
I'm forwarding your details to the British embassy so that they can take action to have you
disbarred, and to the Spanish embassy to get you and David Shit-hole and his cronies arrested for fraud and embezzlement.
I hope you all have a very bleak future - and when they drag you faggots into the jail washrooms and drill your butts, I hope you don't smile too much.
Malcolm Reynolds

[That wasn't so difficult.]

Mark Kabo

[I regard Lad tirades like this as a badge of honour.]

04 June 2007

Mr. Reynolds,
It is you that is the mother fucker, who told you that there was no money to claim, when you contacted Mr.David, he confirm you consignment number, that was why they requested your passport you refuse, you fucked everything up, now the company want their affailiate bank to pay you the funds or you arrange your self to Malaysia for the delivery of the consigment to you, because after the board of the company gone through your conversation with david, they now find out why David refuse to attend to you, you don't have respect who are you and what are you.
You are ungreatful humanbeing, i regret doing business with un trainned child like you, call your father i need to do because with your father, you are a church rat.
Mark
Malcolm Reynolds

[This should leave him in no doubt...]

And you think I'm going to introduce my father to a mob of low-life maggots out to steal the money he made from honest toil? If you do think that, then you are either a completely brainless turd or a soulless psychopath with the moral values of a tapeworm.

I enlisted in the armed forces of my country and swore to defend it and its allies, including the United Kingdom. It seems now that by doing that I was acting to protect the rights of stinking filth like you - who'd run like rabbits and fill your pants, or hide like whipped curs in puddles of your own piss if ever there was a war - to prey on honest men. At times there is no justice.

As I'm getting tired of insults, I'll leave you with a parable. In Somalia in 1993 the company I commanded surprised sixty militiamen who were plundering relief supplies intended for refugee children. I confronted one militiaman who dropped his AK-47 and smiled at me - he believed I'd spare his life.

He was wrong.

I was carrying an M-4 Masterkey, an assault carbine with an underslung shotgun barrel that's normally used to blow open locked doors. I shot him in the face with the shotgun and destroyed his head completely; painted the wall behind him with blood, bone and brain tissue.

If you were here now, I would do that to you, without hesitation.

[And that was it... barring one surprising development.]

Mark Kabo
11 October 2007

Dear
God day how is life?
Regards
Mark
Malcolm Reynolds
Last time we communicated, you called me a motherfucker and I said I'd gladly blow your brains out with a shotgun.
So, what do you want?

[He faded away into the nether realm of failed Lads, and was never seen again...]

 

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