SOMETIMES A ROSE IS NOT A ROSE


Scamorama happily presents a six-month bait from the archives of the Mind Behind Malcolm Reynolds. The Mind's exploits have resulted in tales such as I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INSULT , YOU ARE A GREAT PILOT, YOU ARE A CHURCH RAT and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE TIME WASTING, to mention just a few. His other mental emanations include Eliza Dane, Mick Taylor and Brad Morrihan. We are also privileged to welcome his colleague Emma Stralian.

It's long but worth it. Get some friends, a bottle of your favorite beverage, hand out parts, make it a dramatic evening!


Sez Malcolm:
"THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM 419s
The cocoa industry in West Africa is a truly lethal business, with poison the preferred method of eliminating competition (and business associates). West African cocoa merchants are invariably wealthy but all distrust banks, preferring to stash cash in trunk boxes held in security firms. Said cash is always US dollars.

This one began as a standard type of bait, but went off in some odd directions, and a fellow-baiter from Australia joined to increase the Lad confusion. It ended up being one of my longest baits."

The Scammers (Names in Boldface are inactive participants)
ROSE WILLIAMS THE ONLY CHILD OF LATE MR AND MRS JOHNSON WILLIAMS' and heiress to $21.5 million
KOFFI JASMINE "Deputy Manager, International Remittance Department, Banque Internationale du Benin"
Barrister Jean-Claude PAUL of Jean-Claude Chambers Esq., Cotonou-Benin Republic; who self-destructed in the course of the bait
Mr OBIALOR VINCENT IFEANYI Jean Claude Paul's accountant (and WU persona)
Farouk Konan "DIRECTEUR GENERAL BUREAU DU GÉNÉRAL DE VALIDATION (PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE), COTONOU, REPUBLIC OF BENIN" - who also went into self-destruct
Nwokorie.u. Lucky Farouk Konan's secretary (and WU persona)
Reverend Norman Keneth (aka Reverend Godwin Norman.): 'pastor' taking care of Rose.
Henry Goodman "Executive Manager INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN"
Pastor Nwokorie U. Lucky Rose's guardian (and WU persona) - yep, same guy; must have been moonlighting.
Stephene White Beinoise official supposedly making life difficult for Rose
The Baiters All three characters are derived from the Joss Whedon series Firefly.
[If they're good enough for Joss Whedon, they're good enough for us.]
Malcolm Reynolds retired US Marine residing in Central Australia; trying to start his own high-tech air courier business
Kaylee Frye Malcolm's chief mechanic; a feisty but kind-hearted Southern lass
Inara Tam Malcolm's girlfriend and financial adviser; polite but extremely precise - and, in the end, somewhat ruthless
The following characters were supplied by a Emma Stralian, a fellow-baiter also based in Australia, who set up a fake courier company to stymie the mugus.
Red Letterman runs INTERNATIONAL EXPRESS DELIVERY
Lynda Carriage also with INTERNATIONAL EXPRESS DELIVERY

"Western Union and Moneygram appear as a matter of course.

Note; some details have been changed to safeguard future modalities

Starting the ball rolling..."


ROSE WILLIAMS
19 July

FROM ROSE WILLIAMS
PORT NOVO,BENIN REPUBLIC
WEST AFRICAN
EMAIL: rosewill@yahoo.de
DEAREST ONE,
I AM ROSE WILLIAMS,THE ONLY CHILD OF LATE MR AND MRS JOHNSON WILLIAMS. MY FATHER WAS A VERY WEALTHY COCOA MERCHANT BASED IN PORT NOVO, THE ECONOMIC CAPITAL OF BENIN REPOBLIC BEFORE HE WAS POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES ON ONE OF THEIR OUTING TO DISCUSS ON BUSINESS.WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON THE 21ST OCTOBER 1990, MY FATHER TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I AM MOTHERLESS.
BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ON 29TH JUNE 2004 IN A PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE IN PORT NOVO. HE SECRETLY CALLED ME ON HIS BEDSIDE AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A SUM OF US$21,500,000 (TWENTY ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATE DOLLARS) LEFT IN A SUSPENCE ACCOUNT IN A LOCAL BANK HERE IN PORT NOVO, THAT HE USED MY NAME AS HIS ONLY DAUGHTER FOR THE NEXT OF KIN IN DEPOSIT OF THE FUND.HE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH THAT HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES. THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER IN A COUNTRY OF MY CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS MONEY AND USE IT FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE, (SUCH AS REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT).
I AM HONOURABLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS.
1)TO PROVIDE A BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THIS MONEY WOULD BE TRANSFERRED TO2)TO SERVE AS THE GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND SINCE I AM A GIRL OF 17 YEARS
3)TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY AFTER THE MONEY HAS BEEN TRANSFERRED.
MOREOVER, I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR EFFORT/INPUT AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR NORMINATED ACCOUNT OVERSEAS.
ANTICAIPTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON. PLEASE CALL ME ONCE YOU RECEIVED THIS MAIL.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
ROSE WILLIAMS.

[Another Cocoa Orphan... there are so many! Still, they're all viable targets.]

MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Dear Rose,

This is terrible! Of course I'll help. Please explain further.
Regards,

Malcolm Reynolds
ROSE WILLIAMS

[Target acquired! For some reason I didn't reply to this immediately.]

20 July

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
Thanks very much for you writing me back. I will also want to thank you immensely for your concern and taking your time to go through my mail, I pray that the most high God richly bless you Amen.
I have contacted you for your help to transfer this money (US$21,500,000.00) my late father deposited with a bank here in port novo, republic of benin, before he died. I have with me the deposit documents, The deposit slip and the custodial ageement issued to my late father when he deposited the money in the bank. I will also send you these documents for your verification.
The major thing i need from you is to contact the bank where the money was deposited on my behalf with their contact informations which i shall provide for you, This is because in iterm 7 of the agreement my late father had with the bank says (In the event of the demise of the depositor, the fixed asset (Funds) can only be released to the next of kin when he attains the age of 25 years or alternatively through the help of a foreign trustee who will stand as a guardian and investor)
I will need the following informations so that i can submit them to the bank while making an officially introduction about you to them that you are my guradian and would be contacting them for the transfer of the money my late father deposited with them.
1) Your full name,
2) Full residential address,
3) 4) Profession and marital status.
4) Your Telephone and Fax numbers.
As soon as you send these informations, I will submit them to the bank, also send you the full contacts of the bank so that you will contact them for the transfer of the money into your account.
Meanwhile, l will like you to assure me that this money will be secured safely when it get's to your account, that you will not cheat or betray me in this transaction. of course, what i want from you is sincerity, honesty, trust and confident, as you know that this money now is my only hope for life.
Thanks and God bless you for us.
Sincerely Yours.
Rose williams
ROSE WILLIAMS
26 July

Dear uncle ,
Good day to you once again and how are you ? since the last mail i sent to you i have not heard from you and you also know that this fund is my only hope to live and have a better life.
please do get back to me to know what next to do.
Hope to hear from you soonest
Rose williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Oops... quick, get an excuse into place!]

Rose,
I wrote to you two days ago asking for the contact details for the bank. That means you didn't receive it... please get back to me.
Regards,
Malcolm.
ROSE WILLIAMS
26 July

Dear uncle,
Thanks for your reply and sorry for the mail that you sent to me previously, actually i did not get the mail. Please find bellow the contact of the bank so that you will contact them immediately and get back to me.
Mr. koffi Jasmine
Deputy Manager
International Remittance Dept.
B.I.BE (Banque Internationale du Benin)
Carrefour des 3 Banques, 03 BP 2098,
Cotonou, Republic du Benin
Tel: 0022997323750 Fax: 22 23 65
Agence de Porto-Novo: Tel: 21 27 22 - fax: 21 36 22
Email: info_bibebank@safe-mail.net
Email: info_bibebank@yahoo.fr
please do get back to me as soon as you finish contacting the bank,
God bless you for me. as i will be waiting to hear from you.
Sincerely yours.
Rose williams

[Scamo-o-note: "Mr. koffi Jasmine" is, depending on the resources of Lad #1, an alter ego, or a 'closer' who may be anywhere that Lads operate - Amsterdam, Madrid, Dubai, Houston, London - the 'team' members may not even know each other personally. ]

MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[I sent this the same day.]

Dear Mr Jasmine,
I have been requested by Ms Rose Williams to contact you. Are you acquainted with this person?
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Four days later...]

Dear Rose,
I contacted the bank but I might as well have used smoke signals - no reply.
Regards,
Malcolm.
ROSE WILLIAMS
03 August

Dear uncle Reynolds,
How are you today? Fine i guess. I must confess i dont understand the content of your mail and if you have contacted the bank.
Please do explain to me the out come of the bank and what next to do.
Do rember you are my only hope in getting this fund.
My family and my uncles have enventually claimed all that belongs to my late father that he left for me excluding this fund which i know they would want to get it as well. SO please do get back to me as soon as possible.
I hope to hear from you.
God bless you for me.
Little
Rose Williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
I don't know where the problem is, but we know at least one email I sent to you never made it, so maybe the one that I sent to the bank - or their reply - got lost in transit. Certainly I've not heard from them yet. I'll try again.
Take care,
Malcolm
KOFFI JASMINE

[I resent my original message to the bank, and...]

KOFFI JASMINE 04 August

INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT,
BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
carrefour des 3 banques,
03 BP 2098,cotonou,
republic du Benin,
Agency du Benin.fax: 22 23 65
Agence de porto-Novo:
Tel: 21 27 22- fax: 21 36 22
ATTENTION : Malcolm Reynolds
GOOD DAY TO YOU ONCE AGAIN FROM BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN, THIS MORNING MS ROSE WILLIAMS WAS AT THE BANK TO COMPLAIN THAT THE GUIDIAN SAID HE HAS NOT GOTTEN A REPLY REGARDS THE MAIL HE SAID TO US.
WE ARE VERY SOORY FOR THE INCONVIENECESS THIS MIGHT HAVE COURSED YOU. PLEASE FIND BELOW A COPY OF THE MAIL WE SENT TO YOU AND PLEASE GET BACK TO US IMMIDIATLY.
DEAR CUSTOMER.,
Sir,
THIS IS IN REGARDS OF YOUR MESSAGE TO THE REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OFFICE. THIS OFFICE ACKNOWLEDGE THE CONTENT OF YOUR MAIL AND THE QUESTION ASKED.
MS ROSE WILLIAMS IS THE ONLY SURVIVING DAUGHTER OF OUR LATE CUSTOMER, LATE MR. JOHNSON WILLIAMS OF BLESSED MEMORIES.
SHE WAS IN THIS OFFICE TO INFORM US THAT HER GUIDIAN WILL BE CONTACTING THIS OFFICE.
WE WOULD WANT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE THE GUIDAIN AND DO FORWARD US YOUR INFORMATIONS SO AS TO OPEN A FILE FOR YOU.
WE WOULD WANT YOU TO SUMMIT TO US THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIONS
1.FULL NAME
2.FULL CONTACT ADDRESS
3.TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER
4.BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATIONS.
5.PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR IDENTITY CARD/INTERNATIONALE PASSPORT
PLEASE DO THIS IMMIDIATLY AND GET BACK TO US.
MR KOFFI JASMINE
DEPUTY MANAGER
INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT
BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
TEL/FAX+22997323750
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Jasmine,
Your message is very confusing. I do not understand your reference to "GOOD DAY TO YOU ONCE AGAIN" as we have never communicated before.
Also, I do not know what you mean by "GUIDIAN". Please clarify.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
KOFFI JASMINE

[A mixture of upper and lower case... that's not common.]

04 August

ATTENTION: JEDRIC
Dear customer
Sir,
This office acknowledge the reciept of your mail and i am confussed with the questions you are asking. You contacted this office previously that ms rose reguested you to contact us if we are acquanted with this person, and i mail was sent to you in this regards.
MS rose williams the only surving daughter of our late client mr johnson williams that you have not gotten i reply in this regards.
We sent an email showing you a copy of the mail we sent to you that you did not get as you claimed.Below is a copy of the mail you sent to us initially:
Dear Mr Jasmine,
I have been requested by Ms Rose Williams to contact you. Are you acquainted with this person?
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
Below also is the mail we sent to you that you did not recieved as you earlier claim, which i sent to you again today. So please do get us imformed on what is confussing you or you dont understand.
INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT,
BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
carrefour des 3 banques,
03 BP 2098,cotonou,
republic du Benin,
Agency du Benin.fax: 22 23 65
Agence de porto-Novo:
Tel: 21 27 22- fax: 21 36 22
ATTENTION : Malcolm Reynolds
DEAR CUSTOMER,
Sir,
THIS IS IN REGARDS OF YOUR MESSAGE TO THE REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OFFICE. THIS OFFICE ACKNOWLEDGE THE CONTENT OF YOUR MAIL AND THE QUESTION ASKED.
MS ROSE WILLIAMS IS THE ONLY SURVIVING DAUGHTER OF OUR LATE CUSTOMER, LATE MR. JOHNSON WILLIAMS OF BLESSED MEMORIES.
SHE WAS IN THIS OFFICE TO INFORM US THAT HER GUIDIAN WILL BE CONTACTING THIS OFFICE. WE WOULD WANT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE THE GUIDAIN AND DO FORWARD US YOUR INFORMATIONS SO AS TO OPEN A FILE FOR YOU.
WE WOULD WANT YOU TO SUMMIT TO US THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIONS
1.FULL NAME
2.FULL CONTACT ADDRESS
3.TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER
4.BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATIONS.
5.PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR IDENTITY CARD/INTERNATIONALE PASSPORT
PLEASE DO THIS IMMIDIATLY AND GET BACK TO US. MR KOFFI JASMINE
DEPUTY MANAGER
INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT
BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
TEL/FAX+22997323750
please do get back to us with the informations required of you for easy processing.
Hope to hear from you in this regards.
MR KOFFI JASMINE
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[I should also have asked about "JEDRIC"... oh well.]

Mr Jasmine,
I definitely did not receive the earlier email that you claim to have sent.
However, there's no point in arguing, as it's now a moot issue.
That said, I still need an explanation of what you mean by "GUIDIAN". It is not a word that I recognise and I would like a clarification.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
KOFFI JASMINE

[Not only is he being uncommonly surly, but he assumes a hell of a lot...]

08 August

ATTENTION :MALCOM REYNOLDS DEAR CUSTOMER,
Sir..
This in regards of you mail to this office, we are sorry for not repling your mail, it is due to the knid of jobs being attended in the office over the weekend.
We acknowlodge the content of your mail and the question asked and i think this office has no right to start answering questions and giving answers over and over again. We belive that your late business associates daughter explain all this to you before contacting this office.
Mrs rose williams was in this office to inform us that the guidian,who is a business associate of his late father will be contacting us in regards to the tune of 21.5 million usd that was deposited by her late father and our customer, Mr Johnson Williams.
This office got your mail and with intension to get your details so as to start processing for the claims and bank to bank transfer.
We do hope you send your informations so as to open a file for you with this office and do contact your late friends daughter to enlightin you more about her fund and the necessary steps this office had given to her for her to be able to claim her late fathers fund.
We awaits your urgent responds regard this.
Do not hesitate to call us on phone for futher informatios
faithfuly yours
MR KOFFI JASMINE
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[First a slap or two, then the passport spiel...]

Mr Jasmine,
I do not understand your attitude. I, as a customer, have the right to expect that you should answer any reasonable question.
Further, you should never presume anything about what I was, or was not, told. That said, I realized, without your help, what you meant by "GUIDIAN"; that word being your mangling of the word "Guardian". I guess I should have made allowances for Benin being a francophone nation.
Here is the information.
1. FULL NAME Malcolm Paul Reynolds
2. CONTACT ADDRESS 2/33 Stuart Drive, Alice Springs; Northern Territory, Australia 0870.
3. TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER (03) 9347 8666. No fax enabled at this time.
4. BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATIONS
Commonwealth Bank (Australia), G641 937 424, Account name - Malcolm P Reynolds.
5. PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR IDENTITY CARD/INTERNATIONALE PASSPORT
I have never owned any form of national ID card and I cannot supply a copy of my international passport, as it is forbidden by State Department regulations.
If you have any questions, I promise to answer them, and not treat them with the same disdain that you have displayed to my questions.
Malcolm Reynolds.
KOFFI JASMINE

[Suddenly he's in CAP LOCK mode...]

08 August

DEAR CUSTOMER,
Sir,
THIS IS IN REGARDS OF YOUR MESSAGE TO THE REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OFFICE IN REGARDS TO THE TUNE OF (US$21.500.000.00)TWENTY ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDREAD UNITED STATES DOLLARS THAT WAS DEPOSITED BY LATE MR. JOHNSON WILLIAMS WHICH YOU WANTED THIS BANK TO PROCEED A TRANSFER VIA BANK TO BANK NORMAL TRANSFER.
THANKS ONCE AGAIN FOR UNDERSTANDING AND URGE YOU TO ASK WHAT EVER QUESTION YOU FEEL NOT CLEAR TO YOU CONCERNING THIS TRANSACTION. MEANWHILE A FILE HAS BEEN OPENED WITH YOUR NAME AND THE INFORMETIONS YOU SENT TO US.
WHILE THE TRANSFER PROGRAMMING IS IN PROGRESS WE WILL NEED SOME CERTAIN DUCUMENTS FROM YOU TO ENABLE US ADD TO THE FILE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN OPENED WITH YOUR NAME. WE WOULD NEED YOU TO GET BACK TO US WITH YOUR FAX NUMBER AND A COPY OF YOUR IDENTITY CARD, A SCANNED COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR A SCANNED COPY OF DRIVERS LINCENCE THIS OFFICE REQUIRES ONE OF THIS DUCUMENTS SO AS TO KNOW THE PERSON WE ARE DEALING WITH FOR US TO INCLUDE IN THE NEW FILE WE WILL OPEN FOR YOU, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT,
YOU ARE ALSO DIRECTED TO CALL THE UNDERSIGNED.
THANKS AS I WAIT FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE.
MR KOFFI JASMINE
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Since he still wants ID, I'll have to rule them all out. The reference to a "recent automotive accident" is lifted from YOU ARE A GREAT PILOT.]

Mr Jasmine,
I do not have a fax enabled at this time.
Further to your request for ID:
[1] As stated previously, there is no such thing as a national ID card for US citizens.
[2] Copying of passports is a Federal offence.
[3] My driving license is currently in the hands of local LEOs as a result of a recent fatal accident.
[4] My business is at an airport, so work ID is out of the question.
I will consider alternate options and get back to you.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
ROSE WILLIAMS
09 August

Dearuncle,
Good morning and how are you today? fine i guess.
Well i am writing you this mail in regards of the bank contacts i gave to you to contact them, since then i have not hard from you again.
Please what is happening? do get bank to me on what is the out come of the bank.
I hope to hear from you soonest.
Rose william
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
I sent you an update two days ago. This is getting to be a worry!
The bank gave me some trouble at first, as they weren't making themselves clear - they were talking about a "GUIDIAN" and when I asked for an explanation I was told they "...think this office has no right to start answering questions and giving answers over and over again. We belive that your late business associates daughter explain all this to you before contacting this office."
That was gorram arrogant and unhelpful. Not only had they not answered my question, but they had no right to assume anything!
I sent them my details, but they want ID, and I can't provide what they want.
Are you OK? Update me please.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
09 August

Dear uncle malclom,
I am very sorry for the arrogant way the bank spoke to you and do have it in mind that this bank is using this fund to make investment so as to make more money for the bank, so when you contacted them for the transfer of the fund they would want to see if they can see how thay can delay you from getting the fund.
Regarding the GUIDIAN issue i went to explain to them that my guidian my late fathers business associate will be contacting them for the fund.
Please uncle you know this fund is eventually my last hope of suviving and having a better life, so do co-operate with there demands and continue on the next step of the bank transfer process.
I am ok for now only that things are not too fine with me regrads health and living.
Please try and understand and do bear with them and see that this things get through and over.
Once again i am very soory for the inconvinecess this might have costed you.
I hope to hear from you soonest.
Rose Williams
KOFFI JASMINE

[Now lower case...]

11 August

ATTEN: Malcolm Reynolds DEAR CUSTOMER,
Sir,
Good morning and how are you including your family? Fine i guess. This office has not hard from you regards to your altanative options you stated in your last mail.
Please do get back to us for notification so that we will get through with your file from the Telex department and go to the next step of the bank to bank transfer you contacted this bank earlier on.
Do inform us about the out come of the altarnative option so that we will know what to do regarding the identity card or driving license this office demanded for.
We anticipate your urgent responds regards this.
faithfuly yours
MR KOFFI JASMINE
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
The bank is still insisting on specific forms of ID - either my national ID card (no such thing here), my passport (impossible under law), or my driving license (out of reach).
I don't know what to offer. Please forgive me as I don't know how to get around it. I may not be able to help you as I hoped. I may be able to think of something. I'll be back.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
12 August

Dear uncle,
Thanks for your reply, and please get back to the bank and in form them about it i am sure there is an alternative like i inquired.
So please contact them and ask if there is any thing that can be done with out the id or international passport they are talking about.
I hope to hear from you soon and happy weekend.
Rose Williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
I thought it would be up to them to suggest a viable option, but they haven't so far. I have a feeling I put them offside at some point.
If the bank doesn't get back to me by Tuesday, I'll be out of touch for a couple of days as I have to go into hospital for ongoing treatment to my right leg - it got badly fractured in a car crash about six weeks ago.
Take care,
Malcolm Reynolds
KOFFI JASMINE

[Now upper case, with some odd formatting for the lawyer's name.]

15 August

ATTENTION :MALCOLM PAUL REYNOLDS
DEAR CUSTOMER.,
Sir,
GOOD DAY SIR AND COMPLIEMENT OF THE SEASON FROM BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN, ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL AND THE REQUIRED CONTACT INFORMATIONS ASKED THAT YOU SENT.
WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONDS TOWARDS YOUR MAIL, IT IS ACTUALLY BECAUSE OF THE DELAY OF VERIFICATION OF INFORMATIONS FROM THE AUDIT AND TELEX DEPARTMENT.
MEANWHILE THE CONTACTS HAS BEEN ADDED ALREADY TO THE FILE OPENED WITH YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY / TRUSTEE.
BUT THERE IS ONE LAST THING VERY IMPORTANT NEDDED FROM YOU SO THAT THE TRANSFER WILL COMMENCE IMMIDIATLY.
THERE IS SOME NECESSARY LEGAL DOCUMENTS THAT WOULD LEGALLY PERMIT US TO REMIT THE SAID FUNDS TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AS THE PROPOSED NEW BENEFICIARY / TRUSTEE KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THIS FUND US$21.5 MILLION (TWENTY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY) IS AN INHERITED FUNDS AND WE HAVE LAWS GUIDING INHERITANCE FUND HERE JUST AS YOU HAVE IT IN OTHER COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD INCLUDING YOURS. SO, THE NEXT STEP IS FOR YOU TO URGENTLY CONTACT THE OFFICE OF THE PROBATE GENERAL TO GET THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS THAT WOULD ALLOW US TO RELEASE AND TRANSFER THE FUNDS TO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT, THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS ARE:
1). AFFIDAVIT OF LEGALITY AND LEGITIMACY OF FUND
2). AFFIDAVIT OF OWNERSHIP AND
3). MANDAMUS RELEASE ORDER.
ONCE YOU ARE ABLE TO SECURE THE ABOVE MENTIONED DOCUMENTS THROUGH THE OFFICE OF THE PROBATE GENERAL WHICH IS THE OFFICE IN CHARGE OF INHERITANCES HERE WE SHALL HAVE NO FURTHER RESTRICTION THAN TO RELEASE THE FUNDS TO YOU FORTHWITH (IMMEDIATELY).
HERE IS THE CONTACT OF THE OFFICE OF THE PROBATE GENERAL, YOU SHOULD ENDEAVOUR TO CONTACT THEM IMMEDIATELY SO THAT THEY CAN HANDLE THE PROCESSING OF THE DOCUMENTS FOR YOU, DO FIND BELOW THE CONTACT OF THE PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE
BAR JEAN-CLAUDE PAUL
DIRECTEUR GENERAL, BUREAU DU GÉNÉ RAL DE VALIDATION (PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE).
MINISTERE DE LA JUSTICE ET DES LIBERTES PUBLIQUES
BD DE LA JUSTICE, YENEWA.
04 BP 348 COUT. 04,COTONOU - REPUBLIC OF BENIN
EMAIL jean-claud_chambers@justice.com
TEL: 0022997395591
THANKS AS I WAIT FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE.
MR KOFFI JASMINE

[Scam-o-note: The documents mentioned will, of course, cost something. "Barrister" Jean-Claude Paul is either an alter ego of a lone scammer, or another Lad brought in to help close the deal.]

MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Toss the ball back into Rose's court...]

Rose,
How are you coping?
Here's what the bank sent me. Do you know anything about those three documents, or do I have to take it up with this Jean-Claude Paul guy?
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
16 August

Dear uncle Malcolm
Good morning uncle malcom, i am trying to coop, you know it is not easy here in our country but any way how are you also?
I guess things are moving un well. I got your massage and the contents in it, actually i dont know any thing concerning the bank and will get to them concerning this, but meanwhile for any delay i would have adviced that you should go ahead with the banks idea of contacting the bar jean.
Please do get back to me with updates after contacting bar jean claude, the bank asked you to contact. I hope to hear from you soonest, and God bless you for me.
Rose Williams
ROSE WILLIAMS
18 August

Dear uncle.
Good evening and how are you today? I hope everything is going on fine. Well i actually have not hard from you if you have contacted bar jean claude about the ducument the bank inquires of you .
Please do get back to me if you have contacted him and the out come of the contact.
Meanwhile how is your health now and the treatment you where about going for? I pray God that every thing goes well with you in jesus name Amen.
I am hoping to hear from you very soon.
Thanks for your asisstance so far and God bless you and your family. Rose williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Dear Sir,
Please confirm receipt of this message.
I have been advised to contact you for legal assistance.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Just a little bit of foreshadowing about the leg...]

Hi Rose,
I got out of hospital today - my leg got infected, and there was a worry that it was golden staph. Turned out not to be (phew).
I have just sent a message to this Bar Jean Claude guy, and I'm hoping that he gets back to me quickly.
Are you OK?
Malcolm
BARRISTER JEAN-CLAUDE PAUL

[Surly bugger, to be sure...]

19 August

Attention to: Mr. Malcolm Reynolds
Dear Sir,
Who directed you to this Chamber and may this Chamber be of assistnace to you?
This Chamber will only be at your service the moment you notify us how this Chamber can be of assistance to you and what you want from us.
You can contact me on telephone after replying this mail on the telephone number above for urgent attention.
I thank you for your consideration and co-operation.
Yours Faithfully,
Hon Bar, Jean-Claude Paul
Jean-Claude. Chambers Esq.,
Cotonou-Benin Republic.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

A little bit of wounded dignity, followed by some businesslike banter, should get things nicely on track...]

Mr Paul,
A simple confirmation would have been enough, instead of all this hostility.
However... I was directed by Mr Koffi Jasmine of the Banque Internationale du Benin to contact you about obtaining three documents relating to the estate of Johnson Williams.
I am to be the designated guardian of the interests of Ms Rose Williams, the daughter of the late Johnson Williams.
These documents are:
1) Affidavit of legality and legitimacy of fund
2) Affidavit of ownership
3) Mandamus release order.
Please advise.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
BARRISTER JEAN-CLAUDE PAUL

[Surly bugger, to be sure...]

22 August

Attention to: M. REYNOLDS Malcolm,. Sir,

As soon as the money is sent and this Chambers acknowledged the receipt I will submit your file to the High Curt of Justice in order for them to start working on your file after which I shall collect it and submit it to the transferring bank for them to move the transfer .
Contact me on this number +22507251216.
Yours sincerely,
Barrister Jean-Claude. PAUL.
Principal attorney
Jean-Claude Chambers (Esq).

[The "Procedure of Procuring the Document for Transfer" was a JPEG - a verbatim transcript reads as follows:]

Attn: M. Reynolds Malcolm
Sir,
THE PROCEEDURE OF PROCURING THE DOCUMENT FOR TRANSFER
I am in receipt of your mail for the approval the transfer of funds from Banque Internationale de Benin, sequel to your requesting my services to help you obtain Legality Certificate document and Letter of Affidavit including Mandamus Release Order required by the Bank to enable them transfer your fund at the Banque Internationale de Benin, into your nominated account.
I will go ahead to briefly introduce myself to you because I am an erudite attorney of international repute who believes in the rule of law, justice and equity. People who engage my services are startled by my sparkling track record to always like to retain my services.
It is on my record that my clients go to sleep whenever I pick up their case because I am a victor. I am a specialist in financial law and foreign payment claims.
I have contacted the Banque Internationale de Benin in respect to the transfer of your fund this morning immediately after reading your mail. The amount due to be transferred into your account is to the tune of Twenty One Million Five Hundred Thousand united states dollars (USD$21.5 million) only, which the bank are demanding for the following document which you made mention of before they can effect the transfer.
1. CERTIFICATE OF LEGALITY,
2. LETTER OF AFFIDAVIT
3. MANDAMUS RELEASE ORDER.
The Banque Internationale de Benin is willing to effect the transfer of your funds within 24 hours of your presentation of these documents according to their Board Directors during my telephone conversation with them this morning. I have accepted to be a part of this huge success to procure this document required by Banque Internationale de Benin immediately and to oversee the hitch free transfer of your money into your designated account under the following condition.
I am demanding a consultation fee of Twenty One Thousand Five Hundred United States Dollars (21,500USD) only, to enable me to know you seriousness in seeking my services and to enable me proceed to the respective ministry and Parastatles to arrange for the immediate procurement of the document.
My charges are listed hereunder for your follow up as:
1. My consultation fee - $21,500.00 US Dollars
2. Processing Fee - 2,100.00 US Dollars
3. Registration and stamp duty in the High Court of Justice - 750.00 US Dollars
I will also procure an affidavit of jurisdiction supporting the fund transfer into your designated account.
The consultation fee of Twenty One Thousand Five Hundred United States Dollars (21,500USD) only should be paid immediately the total sum supposed to be transferred into your nominated bank account is transferred, but before I start working for you, you must wire 2,100 US Dollars by western union money transfer to the name of my accountant;
Mr OBIALOR VINCENT IFEANYI.
Cabinet Jean-Claude Paul,
Cotonou Benin Republic
I am willing to actualise the procurement on the document required by the bank and the release of the funds into your designated account within 5 working days, upon the receipt of my processing fee of 2,100 US Dollars only
I will like you to send me the needed processing fee to enable me commence work immediately.
I thank you for your consideration and co-operation.


[Well he is certainly one arrogant SOB... more on that later!
But first... some requirements!
My thanks to 419Eater forum members for the suggestions.]

MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Paul,
Thank you for being so prompt.
Considering the magnitude of the business involved, I must ask you to send a copy of your curriculum vitae, and some client references. Your bar certificate is also required.
Engaging a barrister to work on ex partite matters is an important matter, and I want to ensure that I can have confidence in you.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds

[Rather surprisingly, the Lawyer doesn't baulk at the request for documentation... but what I get is a parcel of documents of doubtful relevance.]

BARRISTER JEAN-CLAUDE PAUL

[Surly bugger, to be sure...]

22 August

Attention to: Mr. Malcolm Reynolds
Dear Sir,
Your message was received this morning and I decided I should attend to it before going to High Court to defend one of my client.
Anyway, I will quietly anwser your mail the way it will make you comfortable but I must let you know first that, I am not suppose to relate any of the iformation you required from but as a matter of fact I have to at least to show you that I would be glad to welcome you to my chamber as aclient.
I have here to my internationa passport 1st and 2nd pages, My Identity card with my photo. As for my bar certificate, I'm sorry I can not release that you for security wise so don't even go there and let proceed on the procurement of the document's required from you by the bank.
Brief introduction about myself; I am 56yrs with a family of 4, 2 boys and 2 girls, my first son is also a lawyer, he is a legal advicer to Mayor of Due Plateaux in Abidjan. My second son is an undersgratudate and he is studing in Ghana. My first daughter is married with 2 kids and she is an engnieer by profession. My second daughter is also married and she is Nurse. My wife is a Doctor in private hospital here in Cotonou. We are Christians and we don't do any without the help of our God almighty.
I thinks I will leave you here until I receive the wire information so that I will commence work by tomorrow.
I thank you for your consideration and co-operation.
Yours Faithfully,
Hon Bar, Jean-Claude Paul
Jean-Claude. Chambers Esq.,
Cotonou-Benin Republic.

[One of the attachments was a photograph that might well have been (actually probably was) of an innocent third party, so that one's been excluded. However, the rest of the stuff remains fair game.]



[Not only did he send a lot of unasked-for information and irrelevant documents, but he's an arrogant SOB as well ("I am an erudite attorney of international repute... People who engage my services are startled by my sparkling track record to always like to retain my services... It is on my record that my clients go to sleep whenever I pick up their case because I am a victor").

The money also showed up quite early - and it's quite a lot (they obviously reckoned that Malcolm was good for at least $24, 350). Final note; he's a self-proclaimed Christian - but breaking the Commandments against Bearing False Witness and Stealing don't seem to worry him... Incidentally, that passport is pretty badly faked.]

MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Paul,
I don't care what your children do for a living. I care even less about your religion; in my experience it proves nothing of a man's worth. Your ID and your passport and the photograph are of no use to me.
You know what I'm asking for.
Provide them now please.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
ROSE WILLIAMS

[If it's not money for the lawyer, it's money for little Rose Williams. And I had no idea it was so costly to surf!]

23 August

Dear uncle Malcolm,
Thanks for your mail but i am very sorry for not been able to reply you since somedays now, actually i must confess to you it has been too hard to get money to feed, check and write mails this day, since the pastor i leave with traveled to sourth Africa for church programme. Definetly i dont know when he will be coming back and i dont have money so i hardly go to the internet.
Once again i am sorry for my late response. I am very glad to hear that you are ok now and back from the hospital. Thanks for your contacting the barister and please let me know the out come of the mail you sent to him.
God bless you for me and i hope to hear from you as soon as you get massage from the barister.
Thanks
Rose williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose honey,
I got in touch with the lawyer, and I'm sorry to say, he started off bad. He's an arrogant cuss, and it didn't help that he demanded money up front. I've dealt with lawyers before, and I have never been asked to pay up front, ever!
As for the hospital... don't be grateful just yet. After the golden staph scare, any further treatment will mean a trip interstate. I'll keep you posted about that.
Who's the pastor? I don't think you mentioned him before. Perhaps if you gave me some contact details for him, I could remind him not to leave you high and dry!
Regards,
Malcolm
KOFFI JASMINE

Well, this is a gift, happily accepted.
I have no idea why the Lads should have added that note about a phone conversation that never took place.]

25 August

ATTEN :MALCOLM REYNOLDS
THIS OFFICE RECEIVED A MAIL FROM BARISTER JEAN-CLAUDE STATING THE MANNER IN WHICH YOU USE IN RESPONDINGTO HIS MAIL.
HE ACTUALLY STATED THAT YOU REQUEST HIM FOR SOME DUCUMENTS AND HE AS WELL SENT THEM TO YOU ONLY TO REPLY HIM IN A VERY INSULTING MANNERS AND THAT ALL YOU NEED IS THE DUCUMENT YOU INSISTED HE SHOULD SEND TO YOU, WHICH HIS BAR CERTIFICATE LIKE HE SAID ON MAIL AND OVER THE PHONE.
PLEASE HE IS NOT HAPPY FROM THE WAY HE SOUNDS SO DO GET BACK TO HIM EVEN IF YOU STILL WANT HIM TO SEND THE CERTIFICATE WHICH I KNOW HE WILL,THERE IS A WAY YOU WILL TALK TO HIM IN A POLITE MANNERS AND HE WILL COMPLY TO WHAT YOU REQUEST OF HIM.
PLEASE DO GET BACK TO HIM AND NOTIFY US WITH THE PRESENT SUITUATION OF THINGS.
THANKS
MR KOFFI JASMINE
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[It's always a pleasure to insult a Lad to his face while pretending to insult someone else entirely.]

Mr Jasmine,
Any issues I have with Mr Paul are between him and me. He should not have involved you in our discussions.
For your information, Mr Paul sent me four documents that I did not ask for, and not one of the ones that I requested - in a polite fashion, I might add - and padded out his reply with needless details about his family life and religion.
Before that he had made a demand for payment in advance, unlike any lawyer I have ever known, and lauded himself in the most arrogant terms. He has still not sent me his bar certificate, or his CV, or client references.
Additionally, I'm not impressed with his claim that he told me anything over the telephone, as I haven't spoken to him. He's either lying or deluded. This is not good.
Mr Jasmine,
I urge you to discuss nothing of my dealings with him. I will contact you again if I have anything to report.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[OK, time for a slap.]

Mr Paul,
What the hell are you doing complaining to the bank about my message to you? You have no right to involve them in any discussions we are having. This is totally unprofessional and could - should - get you disbarred for breaching attorney-client privilege. Further, you lied to the bank when you told them that we had spoken on the telephone. Why did you do this? You know what to do; do it immediately. I don't have a lot of patience with lawyers, and you are already testing mine. Malcolm Reynolds
ROSE WILLIAMS

[Someone else to write to? How many personae do they think they need?]

26 August

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Thanks for your mail and i am very sorry for not replying regards the complain i gave to you before corcerning me inability to raise money to feed and go to the internet.
I am really sorry for what the lawer did and would want to ask you if you have reported this to my bank concerning the money up front and the way the lawyer talked to you because i have not been able to contact my bank.
The pastor is the person taking care of me since the death of my parents and if you need his contact i will give it to you, i stay with him. His name rev norman keneth and his email address is revgodwinikoro@yahoo.com and i dont have his telephone number in the country he travelled to, i only have his number here.
I am really living without nothing and can not find it easy to feed and go out of the house, i got this ticket code i am using to right you from the cyber attendant and promised to pay him back before two days. Please uncle you have to do something about my condition and secondly about the fund because the fund is my only hope to leave this hell life i am living for a better life.
I will be waiting to hear from you soon.
God bless you for me
Rose Wiliams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Reverend Norman Keneth:
I understand that you have staying with you a young lady named Rose Williams. I also understand that you are currently absent from your home, leaving Ms Williams by herself. Ms Williams has told me that you did not make any provision for her upkeep before you left, and as a result she is very short of money for everyday necessities.
Please take steps to provide her with the required money.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Hi Rose,
I just contacted the Reverend Keneth and told him to see that you're properly looked after. He shouldn't have headed off without thinking of you first!
I'm not sure what to do about the lawyer. He should never have gone complaining to the bank about my message - after all, what did the bank have to do with it?
- and he definitely lied about talking to me on the phone.
Unless he can really make a good case, he's out!
Best wishes,
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
28 August

Dear uncle Malcolm
, God will always bless you for your concern towards my health and conditions. How are you and your family.
The issue of the lawer i dont really know what to say, like the bank remmitance officer said that the lawyer is their accredited antony. I still advice you make peace with him and get what you want afterall you dont have anything with him apart from this transaction.
Once again i say thank you very much for your careing and understanding and please do get back to me when you finally get feed back from my reverend.
Thanks and God bless you for me.
Rose williams.

[I missed the reference to "accredited antony" at the time. Lad English can be a real laugh!]

REVEREND NORMAN KENETH
28 August

Dear Malcolm Reynolds,
I got your mail and was very suprise to read from you and if i may ask who exactly are you?.
Rose williams is an orphan staying with me and i am actually out of the coutry for envagelism in soth Africa.I never left has all by her self the issue is that during the period i was traveling i did not enough money to drop because my churc in Sourth Africa arranged for my visa and ticket and you know that i work for the lord and i dont work in the office. I will try and write her but honestly i dont have money to send to her for now and i will apologise with how to try and manage till i come back next week and it seems you get to know much about rose.
please do get back to me so as to know you better and do try and explain to her that i never ment it and if you have any asisstant you can render her also please do because we are all children of God. AND GOD WILL GREATLY BLESS YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY .
God bless
REV NORMAN GODWIN KENETH
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Ikoro,
I'm Malcolm Reynolds, former Captain in the United States Marine Corps, someone who Miss Rose contacted recently. She told me that you were looking after her, but you'd gone away on some evangelistic jaunt and left her hungry and penniless.
No, I did not know that you "work for the lord" before now. In truth, I'd say you know much more about Miss Rose, since she was staying with you. She never really opened up to me, for all that she calls me "Uncle". What can you tell me about her?
I will say this - you headed this letter, "Its also Your responsibilities too". You have a hell of a nerve, mister, telling me that. You seem to be in loco parentis right now, not me. You have a duty of care to Miss Rose, as the man on the spot. I expect you to do that duty.
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Time to fire the lawyer...]

Mr Paul,
I gave you every chance to do as I requested, and you haven't.
As I don't want a cry-baby and a blabbermouth representing me, consider yourself fired, effective immediately.
I will contact the bank and request a new lawyer.
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Jasmine,
I have told Mr Paul that he is no longer working for me. Please locate another lawyer and let's get this done and dusted.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose honey,
I'm not impressed with the reverend! His reply was headed. "Its also Your responsibilities too" - and he asks who I am! What the hell? He's got a gorram nerve taking that tack!
As for making peace with the lawyer, no gorram way; I just fired him and told the bank to find a new lawyer.
Are you OK?
Malcolm
KOFFI JASMINE
30 August

ATTENTION :malcolm raynolds
DEAR CUSTOMER,
THIS OFFICE ACKNOLEDGE THE CONTENT OF YOUR MESSAGE TO THE REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OFFICE THIS MORNING IN REGARDS TO YOUR REFUSAL FOR THE ANTONNY BARISTER JEAN-CLAUDE PAUL TO WORK FOR YOU AND THAT THIS OFFICE SHOULD GET ANOTHER LAWYER FOR YOU.
YOUR REQUEST HAS BEEN NOTED AND WE SHALL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS WE ARE THROUGH WITH OUR DEPARTMENT EXECUTIVE MEETING SHEDULED FOR TOMMORROW MORNING.
THANKS.
MR KOFFI JASMINE
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Jasmine,
Thank you for the prompt reply, I expect prompt action.
And BTW, get my gorram name right!
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
REVEREND NORMAN KENETH
30 August

Dear brother Reynolds,
Thank you for you urgent reply,like i said before i did not leave her hungry and penniless is just that things did not work as planned before i left for my evangelistic tour to sourth Africa.
Let me make you clear again i am a clegy man by proffession and do understand that it is not my duty to take care of hear but the Lords duty because if the lord provides for me, enventually she will also get from it and if the case turns around, i am afraid she bears with me also.
Rose is the daughter of my late church members late chief&mr Johnson williams of blessed memories,and after the death of the parents i decided to bring her to stay with me when i discovered that the only thing the uncles and relation wants is her late parents wealth which they have enventually taken. I have tried to see if i can get some money and send to her but it is not forth coming so please do understand and bear with me.
God Bless You.
reverend
KOFFI JASMINE
31 August

ATTENTION :MALCOLM PAUL REYNOLDS
DEAR CUSTOMER.
THIS IS IN REGARDS OF YOUR PREVIOUS MAIL DATED 30th OF AUGUST REQUESTING THIS OFFICE TO GET YOU A NEW LAWYER TO HELP YOU GET THE DUCUMENTS REQUIRED BY THIS BANK TO ENABLE US GET YOUR FUND TRANSFERED.
SIR WE DO WANT TO TAKE YOUR MIND BACK TO THE FORMER LAWYER THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU BY THIS BANK, ABOUT THE BRIEF MISUNDERSTAND YOU HARD WITH HIM. ACTUALLY WE WOULD WANT TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS NOT EVERY RECOGNISED LAYERS, SAN, THAT WILL WANT TO ISSUE HIS OR HER BAR CERTIFICATE, OR DUCUMENTS. BECAUSE MOST OF THEM BELIVE THAT THIER DUCUMENTS OR RATHER CERTIFICATS ARE THEIR VATIL AND VALUABLE DUCUMENTS THAT SHOULD NOT BE TEMPERED OR GIVEN OUT ANY HOW.
REGARDS THE UPFRONT CHARGES BY THE ATTORNEY YOU TALKED ABOUT, DO NOTE THAT HERE AND ALL OVER THE WORLD INCLUDING YOUR OWN COUNTRY,THAT LAYERS DO CHARGE FOR ANY JOB BEING DONE FOR THIER CLIENTS. SO DO HAVE IT IN MIND THAT THEY WILL NOT GET THIS DUCUMENT FOR FREE BUT I CAN NOT STATE HOW MUCH IT WILL COST YOU UNTIL YOU CONTACT HIM.THEY KNOW BETTER ON HOW TO GET THE REQUIRED DUCUMENTS EASY AND FAST. DO FIND BELOW THE CONTACT OF OUR NEW ACCREDITED ATTORNEY AND CONTACT HIM IMMIDIATLY.
MR FAROUK KONAN
DIRECTEUR GENERAL
MINISTRY DE LA JUSTICE.
COTONOU, REPUBLIC OF BENIN.
EMAIL (probategenerale_justice06@yahoo.fr)
TEL/FAX (0022993019265)
THANKS AS I WAIT FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE.
MR KOFFI JASMINE

[The Lads knuckled under rather quickly - should I reward them? (I'm joking!)]

ROSE WILLIAMS
01 September

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Good morning to you and how are you including your lovely family? I hope and strongly belive that every body is doing fine in the name of our lord Jesus Christ.
I am very sorry for not been able to write you for some days now, it is because of lack of money i have not been able to come up with money to get my self internet code.
I really dont understand what you said about the reverend but i must say the truth is a nice man, i know that he has tried for me i always belive that once i am able to get my fund i will always appriciate him for his doings for me.
Finally has the bank been able to get you another lawyer?
I have to stop here, i would have loved to ask you so many questions and talk to you more but the time i have on the internet will not allow me.
Till i hear from you bye!!!
God bless you for me.
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Reverend... whatever your actual name is,
You say you never left her hungry and penniless, but it sure sounds like you're admitting you did... "things did not work as planned before i left for my evangelistic tour to sourth Africa". In other words, you put your preaching ahead of the daughter of one of your late parishioners, one of blessed memory, as you put it. Shame on you!
To my mind, "it's God's will" is the equivalent of "I was only obeying orders". We've got enough examples of what blind obedience to "God's will" can do - New York, Madrid, London, Bali and Mumbai are testament to that. I think you should take care of the plank in your eye before you go on some junket to cast the specks from other people's eyes!
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Dear Sir,
Please confirm receipt of this message. I have been advised to contact you for legal assistance.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Time for some foreshadowing...]

Rose,
I wrote to the bank for another lawyer, but it may soon be an academic question. I have to go interstate in two days time for the operation on my leg.
If all goes well, I'm back to normal. If it doesn't - I lose the leg. If I lose the leg, I don't fly again. If I don't fly again, my life is all but over.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS

[She'll pray for me - ah, how sweet...]

03 September

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Thank you for you prompts action towards the lawyer.
I pray for you that the almighty lord will never and ever allow you to loose you legs, do believe me on this I have prophesised it "YOU WILL COME BACK SAFE AND STRONG AND EVEN MORE STRONGER THAN BEFORE".
Please uncles do try and read the bible and I will also pray and fast for you tomorrow being Sunday during the church services.
God will bless you for me always.
FAROUK KONAN
04 September

FROM THE OFFICE OF THE,
DIRECTEUR GENERAL BUREAU DU GÉNÉ
RAL DE VALIDATION (PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE).
MINISTERE DE LA JUSTICE ET DES LIBERTES PUBLIQUES
BD DE LA JUSTICE, DAN-TOKPA
04 BP 348 COUT. 04,
TEL/FAX00229930192654
COTONOU, REPUBLIC OF BENIN
Dear client.
Thanks for your contacting me,
i have already been notified by the bank about your contact, and I have been very busy over the weekend that is why I have not been able to reply this mail. I must say I am sorry for this, I would want you to please send your necessary information's to me and the legal assistance you want me to render to you. So that i can be able to furnish you with my procedures on how I work.
Thanks again for contacting me.
Mr Farouk Konan
DIRECTEUR GENERAL

["how I work" - how he works is he charges fees for handling imaginary paperwork in connection with imaginary money transfers. If, dear reader, this is not clear, please revisit the main page and its tributary pages (faq, etc.), and read them OUT LOUD in a stern tone of voice.]

MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Mr Konan,
I was directed by Mr Koffi Jasmine of the Banque Internationale du Benin to contact you about obtaining three documents relating to the estate of Johnson Williams.
I am to be the guardian of the interests of Ms Rose Williams, the daughter of the late Johnson Williams.
These documents are:
1) Affidavit of legality and legitimacy of fund
2) Affidavit of ownership
3) Mandamus release order.
Please advise.
Regards,
Malcolm Reynolds
FAROUK KONAN
05 September

Dear Sir,
I hereby acknowledge the receipt of your request for a probate approval for the transfer of some funds from Banque internationale du Benin. As you are probably aware there are procedures necessary for obtaining probate approval for transfer of the estate be it fund or landed property of a deceased.
As I gathered from Mr Koffi Jasmine of Banque internationale du Benin, the fund was deposited by Late Mr. JOHNSON WILLIAMS who happens to be the biological father of a little girl-ROSE WILLIAMS, and due to the fact that ROSE is still a MINOR, he is not permitted by law to, take custody of such a large sum of fund(inheritance), without the trusteeship of an adult guardian/manager.
As you have already been told by the bank that due to the fact that the owner of the fund is dead, you will need to get the following:
An affidavit of legality of fund and affidavit of legitimacy of fund and A mandamus release order for fund transfer which will be issued by the mandamus panel for my final approval and endorsement.
This documents also will shown the source and purpose of the fund, and will therefore make you the legal reciever and trustee of the fund to legally enable you to handle, manage and invest the funds, since according to you and the banque atlantique, the girl ROSE WILLIAMS, is 17 years old,which means he is a minor and is not permitted by law to either execute probate or handle funds of that magnitude personally without the help,direction, and guardianship of an adult person.
Normally, the affidavits are obtained from the high court department of ministry of justice, while the mandamus release will come from the Mandumus panel of the probate office subject to my final approval and endorsement as the probate generale. Please note that the above will cost you the sum of US$2800 , this amount covers the cost of obtaining the court affidavits on your behalf and the Mandamus Release approval.
First, you must register the application for both affidavits and mandamus release order, they have to be stamped dutied and notarized, it is the sum total of these that amounts to the US$2800. Having explained these, you will agree with me therefore, that you need to pay the US$2800 to enable us process the approvals.
If you are resident in Cotonou or within the west African region, I would have invited you to come to my office with the above stated processing amount, but since you are not residing in Cotonou, please find a means that is safe for you to send the money to me, so that , I can personally ensure that the procedure is done, by sending one of my staff to handle this matter so that by the time he gets the necessary papers from the High Court, it will be brought to me for endorsement.
This way, you will have a one-shut efective result, which is the probate approval for transfer of the funds to your account and immediate remittance of the funds by the order of the Probate Mandamus release order to the concerned bank.
Note that this is the only and final requirement for the probate approval, release of the funds for immediate transfer of the deposit to your designated account . You are however advised to write an official application to this office for the Probate approval. The Application should be addressed a follows:
Attn: MR. FAROUK KONAN
DIRECTEUR GENERAL
BUREAU DU GÉNÉ
RAL DE VALIDATION (PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE).
MINISTERE DE LA JUSTICE ET DES LIBERTES PUBLIQUES BD DE LA JUSTICE, DAN-TOKPA.
04 BP 348 COUT. 04,
COTONOU - REPUBLIC OF BENIN.
As soon as I receive this application(Note that your application must state the full name of the deceased who is the account owner, your bank co-ordinate for the transfer, your telephone and fax numbers, the name of the transferring bank and receiving banks, etc ), i will initiate the process of probate approval and may also advise you on how to pay the compulsory Probate approval processing fee of US$2800 (Two Thousand Eight Hundred US dollars).
Finally, I promise to personally help you to process the approvals as soon as you send the probate fee to my office.
Thanks for your
understanding and Best Regards,
Farouk Konan

[$2800 - seems they want an early payday! From the look of this message, I think he was being paid by the word...
Incidentally - "little girl"? I'm sure that's not legally appropriate... ]

ROSE WILLIAMS
06 September

Dear uncle,
Good evening to you and how are you and your loverly family? Fine i guess. I have not hard from you and was wondering what is happening.
Dearest please i dont know how it will sound but i have to because i cannot live and die in pains, while i might ask and maybe get it.
I wanted to ask you if there is any way you can asisst me any little money so that i can be able to feed and get some of my tioleteries because for now i find it very difficult to put some thing in my mouth daily.
I have always rely on you to help me finish this so that i can at least have a better life again like the one i used to have during the time my parents where still alive.
I hope to hear from you soon uncle
God bless you for me.
your little daughter.
Rose Williams
FAROUK KONAN
08 September

Dear Client, As you are probably aware of the procedures of geting this required ducuments from your bank, i am still waiting for your responds regard the last mail i sent to you. I need to hear from you soonest so that i can resume work on it. Thanks for your understanding and Best Regards,
Farouk Konan

[OK - it's time for a major monkey wrench. Take it away, Kaylee!
For those unfamiliar with Firefly or Serenity - Kaylee is a cheerful and friendly young lady of Southern stock, who is also an excellent mechanic.]

KAYLEE FRYE
Dear Sir/Madam,
My name is Kaylee Frye, and I'm an associate of Malcolm Reynolds, who I understand has been in touch with y'all lately.
I'm afraid that the Captain was forced to undergo surgery on a severe leg injury, and he's recovering from the forced amputation of his right leg.
This comes as a real shock to all of us, and we're all trying to work out how best to help him cope with this.
If I can help you, please write.
Kaylee
ROSE WILLIAMS
12 September

Dear Kaylee Frye
Thanks for your reply and i have been expecting to hear from uncle malcolm for a long time and have not gotten any responds from him, he actually told me some time ago that he will be going for surgery but he never told me the exact time he will be going for the surgery.
I am sorry if i may ask, who are you and what exactly do you want from me and what has captain malcolm discussed with you.
He is my uncle and at the same time my guidain who has been greatly assist me. I got this mail as a copy and would want to know if he actually gave you all this contact to send eventually all of them mails and i do want you to know tthat he has stoped contacting barister jean claud at as the last time he spoke with me. So i would want to know how soon he will get back to mormal and if he will be able to get this maails as well and do extend my warmest greatings to him soon.
Till i hear from you, you have to stop contacting any body till he gets back to helth and do give me any update wich i will be very glad also to asisst.
Little Rose Williams

[For more on the Osprey, see YOU ARE A GREAT PILOT].

KAYLEE FRYE
Hi Miz Rose,
So you're the Captain's niece? Well ain't that a turn-up, I thought I knew all his kinfolk. Where are you from, honey? And what's a "guidian"?
Truth be told, I'm taking care of business here in SAC offices in the Alice while Miz Inara and Jayne Cobb are in Melbourne, looking after the Captain. It fair tore up Miz Inara, it did, when Malcolm told her that he might lose the leg.
I'm the Captain's chief mechanic, and I look after his four birds - the V-22 Osprey, two A-212 helicopters, and an Aero Commander. The Osprey is my baby - ain't nothing else like it in Australia.
I've been contacting his buddies and business contacts and I found your addresses in a file marked IMPORTANT PRIVATE - almost didn't open it. No messages, just names and email contacts.
So can you tell me what all this was about? And why do I not contact nobody?
There ain't nothing wrong with this, right?
You tell me right now if there is, you hear?
Kaylee
REVEREN NORMAN KENETH
12 September

Dear Kaylee Frye,
How are you today? I am very suprise to read from you and i must say i am a reverend and
Rose williams williams is an ophan that stays with me in the church and captain is the Guidian to Rose williams also.
The last time we communicated he never mentioned to me that he will be going for sugery operation but i must say that i am verysorry for his condition and will put him into prayers and fasting tonight.
Please do extend my sincere gratitude to him.
God bless you
Reverend Godwin Norman.

[I didn't know that lawyers had to be kept informed of a client's surgical procedures...]

FAROUK KONAN
12 September

Atten:Kaylee Frye
Thanks for your mail and i must say i am very sorry for my late reply to your mail.I am farouk Konan The diretuer generale ministry of justice, cotonou, Republic of Benin, legal arntoney to captain Malcolm Raynolds.
I have been expecting to hear from him since the last time we discused only to my greatest suprise to hear that he is undergoing a surgecal operations on a severe leg injury which he never told me of such.
Well inrespective of any circumstances i still urge you to extend my prefound greetings to him.
I would like to know how soon he will be geting out of this surgery, and if there is any way i can get a contact of his doctor please do assisst me with that. The issue of help; i really dont know if there is any assistance you can render and if you have to render any then it must be and captains instrustions i guess.
Hope to hear from you again.
Thanks for your understanding
Best Regards,
Farouk Konan
DIRECTEUR GENERALE
ROSE WILLIAMS

Now here is a mystery. At no point in the bait did I ever say that Malcolm Reynold's email was password-protected.]

15 September

Dearest Uncle Kaylee,
Good-day to you and i must say i am very confussed at this piont but i dont have an option than to ask you this few questions before i start introduing my self proparly.
1.How come you are using my Guidian's direct email address which i know that he only has the password to it?
2.What exactly do you want from me?
3.And of what asisstance will you be to this?.
Answers to you questions above, Yes i am captain Malcolm'little niece, and he is my late fathers business associate and i am from Cotonou,Republic of Benin West Africa.
He is also my guiadian in the aspect of asissting me to get my late fathers fund which was deposited with a bank here in Cotonou, Rpublic of Benin.
I am Rose Williams the only suviving daughter of late chief Johnson williams, my father was a very rich and wealthy cocoa machant based in Port-novo before he was poisoned to death by his business associate in one of the business outing.
When my mother died on the 21st October 1990, my father took me so speacial because i am motherless.
Before the death of my father on June 29th 2004, in a private hospital here in port-novo he secretly called me to his bed side and told me that a sum of US$21,500,000 (TWENTY ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATE DOLLARS) LEFT IN A SUSPENCE ACCOUNT IN A LOCAL BANK HERE IN COTONOU, which he used my name as the only daughter as the next of kin.And that i should seek for a foreignpatner in a country of my chioce where i will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, such as real estate managemant.
SO i have already started the processing of this fund transfered to captain malcolm's account which he has contacted the bank and all the process of the bank has beenduely done by him and the bank has also told him to contact thier accredited arntoney who will help him get this ducument which is the finall stage of the transfer.
The first arntoney the gave him to contact, barister jean claud failed to work with him because of high demand of money to process the ducument which he asked the bank for another arntoney which he told me that he has contacted him and will give me an update from the new arntoney by name Mr farouk Konan he said he is the Director general of the ministry of justice here in Benin.
So i was still expecting to hear from him if he has gotten the ducuments so that the bank can transfer the fund to his account and i come over to leave with him as aggreed before i got your mail yesterday stating that he went for surgery. Why i said you should not contact any body is because you dont know how long he stated and the right person to contact because i am the only person that can tell you everything right from the starting.And dont want you to contact his former lawyer barister jean-claud.
I am very sure i have been able to explain some of this story to you and i will be waiting for your reply on how many people you have contacted about this for now.
God bless him for me.
Tell him to please get well soon for me because he is my only hope of geting this fund and also geting a better life.
Little
Rose Williams
KAYLEE FRYE
Miz Rose,
Let's start by settling something - I ain't your uncle. I'd be your aunt, if we ever get to that.
But, to answer your questions - I'm using the Captain's email coz Miz Inara asked me to take care of business while she looks after the Captain in Melbourne (I haven't heard anything else since this morning) - and she gave me the password. If the Captain said only he had the password, I think he was playing with you, honey.
What do I want from you? Well, I don't really want nothing from you, Miz Rose, I was doing my duty to the Captain, keeping his friends and the like up to speed. Your pappy was a business buddy of the Captain? When did that happen? The Captain was in the Marine Corps for over ten years, he's been in Australia since mid-2002, and so far as I know, he wasn't never in the cocoa business. The most time he was ever in Africa was in 1993, in Somalia.
I ain't sent nothing to no-one after the first message, if that's a help. I don't know when I can speak to Captain Reynolds, but I promise to keep you in the loop.
I guess that's all for now, except to say, life dealt you a bad hand over your poor mom and pappy, but you were so lucky in finding Captain Reynolds. Ain't no-one a straighter shooter than him!
Kaylee
KAYLEE FRYE
Mr Norman, I'd tell you more about the Captain and his business with Miz Rose, but she told me to not talk to anyone about it. Sorry! I will ask though, you and Miz Rose both refer to the Captain as Miz Rose's "Guidian". What is that? It ain't no word I ever heard of. Is it some African word? Kaylee Frye
KAYLEE FRYE
Miz Rose,
I just heard from Miz Inara that the Captain is doing OK physically but is being counselled a lot over the shock of losing his leg. He was prepared for it, but the Captain was a real action guy, and he's going to need a lot of help.
If you got a message for him, I'll pass it on.
By the way - how old are you? And just what is a "guidian"?
Kaylee
ROSE WILLIAMS
20 September

Dear Kaylee,
Thanks for your mail and i would want you to understand that i am very happy that the captain is back and helthy again, like i said before i said you should tell that i will always be praying for him til he recovers.
I am very sorry for he leg that he loosed please do tell that i said that God almighty has a reason for everything and that he should never stop praying always.
I am 17 yrs of age and a guidian is some one you belives that is taking care of you.
Please do not forget to pass this massage to him for him to see please do tell captain that i really missed his absence.
Thanks for understanding.
Rose Williams.
KAYLEE FRYE
Hi Miz Rose,
I had no idea you were such a young 'un! Well, that's your whole life ahead of you; so what are your goals?
I spoke to the Captain today on the phone. He sounded OK, just a little sad, and quoted some guy called Neechure, "What don't kill us makes us stronger". I mentioned that you'd been in touch, and what you'd said, and I could hear a difference!
We're hoping he'll be back soon.
Kaylee

["Neechure" (Nietzsche) is from THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE TIME WASTING.]

ROSE WILLIAMS
23 September

Dear Kaylee,
I am very glad to raed from you again.I am actaully not a small but young as you said.I think my goals are getting a better life apart from the one i am having here, i want to also futher my education abroad and most finally i want to become a lawyer in the future.
So when is captain coming back and did you actually told him i missed him so much and prayed that God will see him through?
Please do inform him that i always miss and pray for his speedy recovering do tell him that i am not feeling too fine also but i am sur wil be okay very soon. Hope to hear from you or captain soon.
Rose Williams
KAYLEE FRYE

[Things are about to become worse... I regret this step, but it's going to really mess up this Lad's hopes!]

Miz Rose,
I'm afraid the news is bad.
The Captain has been hospitalised further - I can't be sure exactly but I can guess that he may have tried to harm himself, maybe worse.
I can't say nothing more but that I'm real sorry for you. I'd like to help but if the Captain's your guardian, ain't nothing I can do.
Kaylee
ROSE WILLIAMS
09 October

Dear Kaylee
I have been thinking about the massage you wrote to me for a long time now about you assissting me in the transfering of the fund.
How is the captain now? Hope he is getting more better.
Readards your intention in asissting me i would want you to get a writting approval from the captain to help me on his behalf.
Thanks
Rose William.
KAYLEE FRYE
Miz Rose,
I'm afraid that the Captain ain't no more better than he was before. Seems he got powerful depressed after the operation and tried to kill himself. I didn't ask how, believe me, I don't want to know.
I don't know if I can get Miz Inara to get that letter you mentioned, as she's the only one allowed to see him right now. I can try, but no promises!
Anyhoo, it might be a moot point, as if the Captain don't get better, then SAC might be wound up, and I'll most likely have to go home to Georgia.
I'll stay in touch. You take care now.
Kaylee
ROSE WILLIAMS
10 October

Dear Kaylee
Thanks for your urgent reply, i must say i am very sorry about Captains condition and will always pray for him as long as i dont die in suffer before him.
Pleas i would want you to get to Miz Inara to help get this note so that you can assist captain on his behalf, please some thing has to be done about my condition too.
Meanwhile please do tell me much about your self your next mail.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Little Rose William.
KAYLEE FRYE
Miz Rose,
I appreciate your feelings for the Captain more than you could ever know, but you got to understand that I don't know nothing really about you. I can only do what's possible, honey, and to be honest, Captain Mal comes first.
Miz Inara is in Melbourne where the Captain is, and I guess I can call her - or forward this message via email - to have her contact you.
I'm sure that she'll listen.
Kaylee
INARA TAM

[OK - it's time for Inara to take the stage.]

Dear Miss Williams,
I was informed by Ms Kaylee Frye that you wished me to contact you.
It appears that you are claiming to be the ward or similar of Malcolm Reynolds.
I am afraid that Ms Frye's explanation was somewhat unclear; please explain the situation to me.
Sincerely,
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
15 October

Dear Inara Tam,
I must thank you for your kind respond and will tell you everything about me and captain only on one condition, if you will be able to explain more about your self to me and who you are to the captain.
Ms Kaylee Frye has talked about you brifly and i am not too convienced until i hear from you so that i can explain everything to you because i think i am the one who really needs help.
Till i hear from you soon for now God bless you.
Little Rose William.
INARA TAM

[I attached a picture of Mal and Inara from Firefly.]

Dear Ms William,
I am not sure what to make of your tone. In particular, I do not understand about why you should have to be convinced about me. However, I will answer your questions as far as I am able.
In brief; I am Malcolm's financial advisor and planner, and - to use an old-fashioned term - mistress. We had planned to become engaged after the incorporation of the firm. This is, of course, now on hold. My task is to help Malcolm through the lowest point in his life and try to rebuild his dream. We are fortunate to have the support of his loyal friends such as Ms Frye and Mr Cobb and my brother Simon.
I have attached a picture that my brother took about three months ago. I hope it makes our relationship clear. I trust you will now explain your circumstances to me.
May the Blessed Mother comfort you
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS

[This is the third time that "little Rose Williams" has had to outline her scheme...]

16 October

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
Good-day to you and i must say i am very confussed at this piont but i dont have an option than to introduce my self proparly.
Answers to you questions above, Yes i am captain Malcolm's late friends only surviving daughter, and he is my late fathers business associate and i am from Cotonou,Republic of Benin West Africa.He is also my guiadian in the aspect of asissting me to get my late fathers fund which was deposited with a bank here in Cotonou, Rpublic of Benin.
I am Rose Williams the only suviving daughter of late chief Johnson williams, my father was a very rich and wealthy cocoa machant based in Port-novo before he was poisoned to death by his business associate in one of the business outing. When my mother died on the 21st October 1990, my father took me so speacial because i am motherless. Before the death of my father on June 29th 2004, in a private hospital here in port-novo he secretly called me to his bed side and told me that a sum of US$21,500,000 (TWENTY ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED UNITED STATE DOLLARS) LEFT IN A SUSPENCE ACCOUNT IN A LOCAL BANK HERE IN COTONOU, which he used my name as the only daughter as the next of kin.And that i should seek for a foreignpatner in a country of my chioce where i will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, such as real estate managemant.
SO i have already started the processing of this fund transfered to captain malcolm's account which he has contacted the bank and all the process of the bank has been duely done by him and the bank has also told him to contact thier accredited attorney who will help him get this ducument which is the finall stage of the transfer.
The first attorney the bank gave him to contact, barister jean claud failed to work with him because of high demand of money to process the ducument which he asked the bank for another attorney which he told me that he has contacted him and will give me an update from the new attorney by name Mr farouk Konan he said he is the Director general of the ministry of justice here in Benin.
So i was still expecting to hear from him if he has gotten the ducuments so that the bank can transfer the fund to his account and before i come over to Australia for my own share of the fund as agreed before i got a mail from Frye stating that he went for surgery.
I am very sure i have been able to explain some of this story to you and i will be waiting for your reply.God bless him for me.
Little Rose Williams
INARA TAM
Miss Rose,
I am in turn confused by your message.
I have known Malcolm Reynolds for eight years, from just after his leaving the United States Marine Corps. I am familiar with his career before then, and I can state with some certainty that he served with the USMC for almost all of his adult life, and never had dealings with anyone in the cocoa industry in Africa or anywhere else. In fact, from discussions with another ex-Marine comrade of Malcolm's, Jayne Cobb, I can be equally sure that his only time in Africa was in Somalia in 1993. Malcolm also never mentioned anything about being a guardian to any young woman. This is surprising.
Nothing in Malcolm's personal files indicates any arrangements made with one Farouk Konan or a bank in Contonou. I shall endeavour to contact Mr Konan, and in turn speak to Malcolm about this matter - in the latter case, I cannot guarantee results, as his condition is still fragile, if improving. On that note, I would say without fear of contradiction that he is not in any position to be a guardian to anyone in his current state.
Sincerely,
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
17 October

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
Thanks for your urgent reply to my mail and must say God will bless you for every thing so far.
You must not be suprised or confused about any thing because i will be in the best position to explain every thing to you, Captain hac never been into any kind of Cocoa business i only said he was a business friend of my late father when my father used to travel abroad for business and that i why i have relied on him to hepl me finalise this because he know more about me. I am not a woman but will complete 18 by november.
I must also clear you abot the issue of that there is nothing indicate in captains file that he has a dealin with one farouk konan,Frye saw every thing in the file and contact me that was how frye got to know about me and the captain so i will advice you get the file where all the necessary things you need to know about me, the bank and Farouk Konan from frye.
God will definatly bless you if you in one way or the other help me to finilise this whole problem of mine because Frye has made me understand that since captain is not okay to carry on with this,that you will assist and help me so Aunty i really belive that you will do this for me.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Rose William.
INARA TAM
Dear Ms Williams,
I am aware of what you said about the relationship between Malcolm Reynolds and your late father (may the Holy Mother soothe his soul).
I am still puzzled about the concept of Malcolm being a business partner of Johnson Williams, unless your father served in the USMC. However, given that Malcolm's service took him to many countries, anything is possible. I have accessed Malcolm's files and found a number of messages to Mr Farouk Konan of the Ministry of Justice, as well as to a Mr Koffi Jasmine (of the Banque Internationale de Benin), one Jean-Claude Paul (there seemed to be a dispute there), and an individual whose name seems to be in doubt - either Norman Kenneth or Godwin Ikoro. If I am to help you, what is to be done?
Sincerely,
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
19 October

Dearest Aunty Inara Tam,
May God bless you for all your effort so far and for the time you have taken from you busy and tight shedule to help me see that i actualise my dream. Actually Mr Farouk Konan is the director generale of the Ministry of Justice and he has been the bank accreditted laywer given to uncle malcolm to help him get some required documents from the bank to help us back up the claim's of the fund. He asked the bank remmitance office to quit his contact with barister Jean-Claude Paul because of his inability to help us in getting the documents. So all i want you to do Aunty, since you have already agreed to help me see that i have a better life and a good education; i would want you to contact mr farouk konan immidiatly and do make him understand the reason for our delay that Cpt Malcolm has been on admission for a long time and please make him understand that we still need this document as requested by the bank to back up our claims. I hope to hear from you as soon as you contact the attorney about the document.
God will always bless you and captain for me.
Rose william.
INARA TAM
Dear Sir,
I understand that you were communicating with Mr Malcolm Reynolds on the matter of probate transfer. As Mr Reynolds is currently hospitalised and likely to remain so for the foreseeable future, I, as his partner, am maintaining his affairs until his recovery.
I am not aware of the full extent of your discussions - I would like a complete update on that matter.
Sincerely,
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN
24 October

Atten:Inara Tam
Thanks for your mail and i must say i am very sorry for my late reply to your mail, and the contents of your massage has been noted.
I am farouk Konan The diretuer generale ministry of justice, cotonou, Republic of Benin, legal attorney to captain Malcolm Raynolds, an accredited attorney to banque internationale bank Benin, cotonou.
I have been expecting to hear from him since the last time we discused only to my greatest suprise to hear that he is undergoing a surgecal operations on a severe leg injury which he never told me of such,and i got a mail from one Kaylee Frye notifing me of his predicaments.
Well inrespective of any circumstances i still urge you to extend my walmest greeetings to him.
The issue of getting an update of the matter,Actually Captain Malcolm Reynolds has contact this office for me to help him procure some neccessary ducument as been requested from the bank to back up his claim of the fund as Beneficary to one miss Rose William in the tune of 21.5 million USD and there are certain procedures that are neccessary in obtaining this documents which i have made known to him and he had said will get back to me before i learnt about his predicaments.
Since you are intrested to get an update of this matter, i would have no option other than to give you the update which i have sumirized briefly in my massage. I would want you to forward to me yourTelephone andfax number,a scaned front and back page of your international passport,or your identity card or drivers licience for me to get your full informations and comence with the procedures of the obtaining the documents to back up your claim of the fund immidiatly.
Do not hesistate to call the undersigned immidiatly you recieve this mail.
Hope to hear from you again.
Thanks for your understanding
Best Regards,
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
I am unaware of any documentation that identifies you as Malcolm Reynolds' attorney. Please supply same at the earliest opportunity. Additionally, I would like full details of the account in question, as well as a copy of your bar certificate.
As you should be aware, I cannot supply any copies of my passport; such is a breach of Federal law. There is no US national ID card. I will endeavour to send a scan of my driver's license as soon as possible. I am staying with Malcolm at a private clinic, and as such I feel unable to supply a telephone or facsimile number. I hope that this can be worked around.
Best Regards,
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN

[Fortunately, he never took up my offer of a driver's licence...]

26 October

Atten:Inara Tam
I acknoledge the reciept of your massage and would want you to understand that i have been communicating with captain Malcolm Raynolds for quit some time now. Regarding the documents you are requesting me to send to you, i have never since i the existence of my proffessional career send my Bar certificate to any of my clients that i am working for but yours seems dont understanding why you need my bar certificate.
I still insist on you sending yours as earlier indicated in the last mail i sent to you yesterday.
Find below the attachement a copy of my BAR CERTIFICATE.

INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
You may have been communicating with Malcolm Reynolds before, but you are now communicating with me. Remember that. I require a full briefing on what needs to be done by you. As your client, I am entitled to ask for full disclosure - and to be treated with due deference. Remember that. I will send my license when I can. There is no scanner at the clinic.
Regards,
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN

[What was this all about again? Oh yeah - money - can't forget that!]

27 October

Atten: Inara Tam
Dear Madam,
I hereby acknowledge the receipt of your request for a probate approval for the transfer of some funds from Banque internationale du Benin. As you are probably aware there are procedures necessary for obtaining probate approval for transfer of the estate be it fund or landed property of a deceased. As I gathered from Mr Koffi Jasmine of Banque internationale du Benin, the fund was deposited by Late Mr. JOHNSON WILLIAMS who happens to be the biological father of a little girl-ROSE WILLIAMS, and due to the fact that ROSE is still a MINOR, he is not permitted by law to, take custody of such a large sum of fund(inheritance), without the trusteeship of an adult guardian/manager.
As you have already been told by the bank that due to the fact that the owner of the fund is dead, you will need to get the following:
An affidavit of legality of fund
Affidavit of legitimacy of fund and
A mandamus release order for fund transfer which will be issued by the mandamus panel for my final approval and endorsement.
This documents also will shown the source and purpose of the fund, and will therefore make you the legal reciever and trustee of the fund to legally enable you to handle, manage and invest the funds, since according to you and the banque atlantique, the girl ROSE WILLIAMS, is 17 years old,which means he is a minor and is not permitted by law to either execute probate or handle funds of that magnitude personally without the help,direction, and guardianship of an adult person.
Normally, the affidavits are obtained from the high court department of ministry of justice, while the mandamus release will come from the Mandumus panel of the probate office subject to my final approval and endorsement as the probate generale.
Please note that the above will cost you the sum of US$2800 , this amount covers the cost of obtaining the court affidavits on your behalf and the Mandamus Release approval.
First, you must register the application for both affidavits and mandamus release order, they have to be stamped dutied and notarized, it is the sum total of these that amounts to the US$2800. Having explained these, you will agree with me therefore, that you need to pay the US$2800 to enable us process the approvals.
If you are resident in Cotonou or within the west African region, I would have invited you to come to my office with the above stated processing amount, but since you are not residing in Cotonou, please find a means that is safe for you to send the money to me, so that , I can personally ensure that the procedure is done, by sending one of my staff to handle this matter so that by the time he gets the necessary papers from the High Court, it will be brought to me for endorsement.
This way, you will have a one-shut efective result, which is the probate approval for transfer of the funds to your account and immediate remittance of the funds by the order of the Probate Mandamus release order to the concerned bank.
Note that this is the only and final requirement for the probate approval, release of the funds for immediate transfer of the deposit to your designated account . You are however advised to write an official application to this office for the Probate approval. The Application should be addressed as follows:
ATTEN: MR. FAROUK KONAN
DIRECTEUR GENERAL
BUREAU DU GÉNÉ
RAL DE VALIDATION (PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE).
MINISTERE DE LA JUSTICE ET DES LIBERTES PUBLIQUES BD DE LA JUSTICE, DAN-TOKPA.
04 BP 348 COUT. 04,
COTONOU - REPUBLIC OF BENIN.
As soon as I receive this application(Note that your application must state the full name of the deceased who is the account owner, your bank co-ordinate for the transfer, your telephone and fax numbers, the name of the transferring bank and receiving banks, etc ), i will initiate the process of probate approval and may also advise you on how to pay the compulsory Probate approval processing fee of US$2800 (Two Thousand Eight Hundred US dollars).
Finally, I promise to personally help you to process the approvals as soon as you send the probate fee to my office.
Thanks for your understanding and Best Regards,
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM

[But Inara has other business in mind!]

Mr Konan,
You say, "[I] have already been told by the bank" - in truth, I have not been given any details directly. All I know about this business is the little that I have learned from you and some more from Rose Williams - plus what I have gleaned from past emails sent to Malcolm. Assume nothing!
With regards to the application, please send me the form or a template as soon as possible.
I will also need a formal Memorandum of Understanding that lists the documents required, the likely fees, and the legal status of Rose Williams vis-a-vis this matter.
Since you have spoken of Malcolm Reynolds as Ms Williams' guardian, I would expect to see that detail spelled out in full.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
27 October

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
I am suprised about the mail you sent to me today, and the mail you sent to the attorney, i must say i am very confussed.
Please do make me understand what the whole thing is all about.
Hope to read from you soon.
Rose William
FAROUK KONAN

[And now we have a "form" - a very poor excuse for one anyway!]

28 October

FROM THE OFFICE OF THE DIRECTEUR GENERAL
BD DE LA JUSTICE , DAN-TOKPA.
04 BP 348 COUT. 04, COTONOU
REPUBLIC OF BENIN
Atten: Inara Tam
Dear Madam,
I acknowledge the reciept of your massage dated 27th october that you were not told about all this by the bank, but i urge that you was suppossed to get to the bank before inquiring from me, because i work with the bank as thier accredited attorney and before i get introduced to any client, it must be from the banque international bank, Cotonou Benin Republic.
Regards to that you can also make enquires from the bank or rather like you said from the past emails sent to Malcolm Raynolds and with this you can be able to understand what you are doing.
Below is the Application form you asked for, which has to be filled and addressed to this office.

ATTEN: MR. FAROUK KONAN
DIRECTEUR GENERAL
BUREAU DU GÉNÉ
RAL DE VALIDATION (PROBATE GENERAL OFFICE).
MINISTERE DE LA JUSTICE ET DES LIBERTES PUBLIQUES
BD DE LA JUSTICE, DAN-TOKPA.
04 BP 348 COUT. 04,
COTONOU -REPUBLIC OF BENIN
Dear Sir,
The bank told me about you and insructed me to contact as thier accredited attorney in regards of neccessary document to back up the claim of mrs Rose william fund as deposited by her late father Chief Johnson williams of blessed memories as the beneficiary to the fund.
The reuired documents are as follows,
(1)An affidavit of legality and legitimacy of fund
(2)Affidavite of ownership of fund
(3 )The mandamus release order
This is regards to the sum of 21.5 million Usd deposited by late Chief Johnson Williams and Rose williams as the beneficiary and the only suviving daughter(Child).
I am the guardian to Rose Williams and a business partner of the late father Chief Johnson Williams.rose williams the only daughter of chief johnson williams and his next of kin have agreed for them to transfer the fund into my account so that i will manage it for her and give here a good education here in my country when she comes over.
Below are the neccessary informations you requires of me,
1.The full name of the deceased............................................................
2.Telephone number.............................................................................
3.Fax number......................................................................................
4.Name of transferring bank..................................................................
5.Name of receiving bank......................................................................
6.Account Number..........................................................................
..... 7.Bank SWift Code..............................................................................

I am ready to co-operate for the success of the transfer of the said fund into the given bank details above.
Sir ,I wish an urgent attention would be given to my humble application as the urgency that implies on this matter.
Thanks in anticipation of your Co-operation.
Yours Sincerely,
......................................

Also below is the memorandum of understanding that lists documents required,and the likely fees.
THE MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING
..............................................................
(1)An affidavit of legality and legitimacy of fund-US$1.050
(2)Affidavite of ownership of fund-US$750
(3 )The mandamus release order-US$1.000
Which amounts to the total sum of of processing of -US$2.800
While proffessional charges fee, which the bank has instructed that you will pay as soon as you confirm the transfered sum into your designated account is US$7.000
This way, you will have a one-shut efective result, which is the probate approval for transfer of the funds to your account and immediate remittance of the funds by the order of the Probate Mandamus release order to the concerned bank.
Thanks for your understanding and Best Regards,
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM

[Time to set the Lad some homework...]

Mr Konan,
That letter is unacceptable.
I am not the guardian of Rose Williams and you are aware of that as you have spoken of Malcolm Reynolds filling that role. As such I would be making a fraudulent claim were I to submit your "form". You must send me the documentation that you possess that names Malcolm as the guardian of Rose Williams; failing that, you will have to redraft those documents into my name. Further, the memorandum is useless as it makes no reference to the status of Rose Williams in this matter. Correct this at once.
Inara Tam
INARA TAM
Ms Williams,
I am trying to protect all our interests.
Mr Konan is a very obtuse person and from what I gather from past emails, Malcolm was not pleased with him.
I will keep you informed.
Best Regards,
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
30 October

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
Good evening aunty and how are you today including uncle Malcolm? I guess every body is okay.
I got your mail and was so suprise about the content because i told you before that it was not Farouk Konan that Uncle Malcolm was having problems with and that it was barister Jean Claude Paul.
Please aunty what is happening is as if there is some thing going wrong please do get me informed on what is happening.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM

[Pendejo is about the only Spanish insult I know...]

My Dear Rose,
Nothing is wrong. I am simply (as I stated before) trying to obtain the proper documentation from the pendejo Farouk Konan.
Malcolm has a low opinion of lawyers, and it does tend to bias his judgement.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN
31 October

Atten: Inara Tam
Dear Madam,
I must first of all apologise for my late responds, i have been out of the city to see my family. My children just left back to shool in france.I have to tell you this, you are really complicating issues madam , there have never been a legal document or a kind of written note by me proving that Captain Malcom Raynolds is the guardian of Rose.
He only contacted me to get the required documents as requested by the bank which will prove and carry his name as the new beneficiary of the fund so as to back up his claims of the fund.
I have no document here or where ever that proves him as the beneficiary of the fund for now and that was why he contacted me before his operation and since you have to continue thisn that means the documents will have your name on it as the new beneficiary of the fund.
The only document that i know about is the Deposit certificate and aggrement certificate which was issued to the deceased on the day of deposit of the fund which i am not in any position to give you that and i dont have any thing to do with it, you can as well confirm the documents from the daughter of the deceased,Ms Rose Williams who the father used the name as the next of kin to the fund in the bank on the day he deposited the fund.
So you can submit the form as a sign of formal application or rather Malcolm Raynolds who ever that is standing as the new beneficiary to the fund.
As soon as this is done,i will have no chioce than to redraft the documents into your name.
Thanks for understanding.
Regards
Farouk Konan
ROSE WILLIAMS
01 November

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
Good-evening ma and how are you today? I know with God every thing is possible. I hard to reply you this mail now because i only had to use my friends left time to reply you, i have not gotten an access to the internet for some days now because of finacial problems i find it very difficult to get money this days and more also to feed weel and properly.
I dont understand what you ment by pendejo Farouk Konan and i wish to also know how far you have gone getting the documents from him and if he is making any fast moves on getting it.
I am really worried because i dont intend to be here for the next christmas celebration because things are not moving on well for me, i need a change in life and also a good education as the new term begins next year. So please do anything on your on possession to help me achieve this goal and dream,Aunty this is the only thing left for me to get a better life, my uncles has eventually taken possession of all that belongs to my late father, may his (gentle soul rest in peace).
I am waiting to haer from you soonest about this and i pray God will always bless and see you through in this for my sake Amen!!!!!.
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
I am extremely puzzled by your statement that there is no documentation on the status of Malcolm Reynolds as the guardian of Rose Williams. Why is that so?
Given that Rose Williams is a minor, that is an astonishing admission on your part.
I will contact you again once this problem has been addressed.
Inara Tam
INARA TAM
Rose,
Mr Konan tells me that there is no documentation that you are the ward of Malcolm Reynolds. This poses serious problems for any action to assist you. To that end we must have this lack addressed.
Much as it pains me to say this - you will have to obtain legal assistance to have a request to have Malcolm Reynolds and/or myself registered as your guardian(s). This cannot be done here. Perhaps Farouk Konan can assist you.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS

[And she sends two documents... well, let Inara explain about that!]

01 November

Dearest Aunty Inara Tam,
Good evening and happy holiday nation wild. I got your mail and i am very suprised and confussed because what you are asking of me my is not well understood, i will be very glad if you explain it very well for my own understand.
Do rember that i am a little girl and some of the words you use are dictionary like.
But if i may have to explain what i fell i understand about this mail i will tell you that the only legal document that i have which i have forgotten if i have sent it to Captain Raynolds or not which is the most important thing to me in this world,i have kept it for a long time without the eyes of any other person to see, it is the documents which my late father(of belessed memory) used in depositing the fund. The documents are 1. the deposit certificate 2. agreement certificate, which i am sending to you as an attachment for your own view and please aunty this certificates are my life please handle them with care and for your eyes only.
If this is exactly what you ask of me please do reply me.
God bless you for me.
Rose Williams

INARA TAM
Rose,
Those documents are minute! They are far too small to read.
I am aware that English is not your first language; neither is it mine. My first language is Spanish (I was born in Argentina). With application, no language is beyond mastery.
Approach Mr Konan and have him draw up a document in which you state your wish to become the ward of Malcolm Reynolds and Inara Tam. Also spell out your intentions vis-a-vis your late father's monies, and your intention to resettle in Australia. Have it properly witnessed and notarised.
This should clarify the issue nicely.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
02 November

Dear Aunty,
Good morning to you and how are you and the family? I hope everybody is in good health.
I got the mail you sent for me and i want you to understand that this is not an easy task for, presently because of my condition and as i understand in your mail you are asking me to get an approval from the court approving with witness that i want you to help me transfer the fund and utilise it for me in your country Australia.
You know i am a very young girl and i am not too common with this court activities only once i have been in court and that was during the or after the death of my father.
I will have to go to the bank later today as soon as i get some money to transport my self to the city or beter off follow the goverment cab free to the city before the bank closeses for the day to ask or get the information and address of Mr farouk Konan, so that i can see him in his office and tell him about this because i have not ment or seen him before in my life.
I want to ask you this little question if i have to do this will it cost any money to get this document because i dont know how to apply for it but better still am i going to include your name and that of Captain Raynold or yours only in the the document?.
I have to start making arrangement about going to the city and lastly i dont know if you can help me contact Mr Farouk Konan and help me talk to him before i get to the city so that he can be able to assist me without any problem.
I belive and trust in you always.
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM

[It must be annoying to be told to talk to yourself.]

My Dear Rose,
If you have already departed for the bank to obtain "an approval from the court approving with witness that [you] want [me] to help [you] transfer the fund and utilise it for [you] in [my] country Australia" - then it is a wasted journey! That is not what I meant.
What we need from you is a document detailing your wish to have Malcolm and myself as your guardians and your responsibilities thereby, and the conditions under which we would be handling and/or investing your late father's monies. Here is Farouk Konan's telephone number: +229-93-01-92-65. Quote the details of the document required and he should understand clearly.
I have no clear idea of the cost of the document but any cost would perforce be included in the fees paid at the conclusion of the business.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN
03 November

Dear Madam,
Good-day to you and how are you? I refer you to your last mail that you will contact me as soon as you have addressed this problem. Meanwhile i just gave you this reminder because of the week- end, its friday and i normally go to see my family every sartuarday"s and will be back to the office first thing on monday morning, so i hardly check mails expect when it requires urgency then i will have no option that to take my lap-top along with me.
I need you to get back to me as soon as possible okay.
Thanks for understanding.
Regards
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
I have directed Rose Williams to contact you with reference to a problem with this business.
She will explain everything.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS

[Back to basics time...]

04 November

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
Thanks for your mail and how is the family? Fine i guess.I was not going to the bank to optain it but i was only trying to get the contact of the attorny from the bank remmitance officer, like i said before i have not ment or seen the bank attorney before.
I get your mail before living and as God may have it i was able to see the lawyer yesterday while he was about to drive out.
I told him all about my self and my mission there, he was happy to see me at least for the first time and took me to his office where i was able to relate everything to him, he felt bad and very sorry for for all i have gone through regarding my present condition and he assured me that he will do everything to see that my dream comes true.
He finally said that the issue at hand right now that i am telling him to do is not an easy task that it requires procedures and that this procedures will cost me money to finalise it because he wil be going to the court to file an application for that after which they will swear an oath in the High court for me and get back to the ministry of Justice department to endorse and witness the whole aggrement which i also has to come along with some one who will assist me in all this.
He finally concluded that if i had come with and earderly person he would have been able to explain better to the persons understanding that i would not understand it clearly, and that the person will be responsible for the cost. He said he does not have money to assist me because the children just left back for shool not long ago and that it will cost me close to 120.000 france Cfa which is $200 dollers equivilent and that since i dont have that kind of amount i should get back to my beneficiary to assist me on it.He then gave me a lift to port-norvo a city close to where i stay and also gave me 3.000 France Cfa to feed with, that i should come back on monday morning when i am through with my beneficiary.
Dearest Aunty i plead of you to please assist me because there is no one to go to for assistance now and that is the most reason while i contacted Captain Raynolds to help me transfer this fund.
I really need you to help me and do some thing about this fee soon
God bless you for me.
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM

[Inara, however, has her own agenda!]

Rose,
Did you tell Farouk Konan exactly what the form had to say?
Remember that the transfer document is not the issue. The document you need is the one that details the guardianship roles of Malcolm Reynolds and myself.
All else is secondary.
Mr Konan need only make note of the cost and add it to the account for payment at the conclusion of our business.
I hope to hear good news on Monday.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
04 November

Dear Auntyy
You will have to expalain that to him and see what he will say, but like what he was saying yesterday i am sure he is not going to attend to me on that bases. Please do get back to me as soon as you contact him on this.
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
What did you mean by that statement to Rose Williams?
Please elucidate.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN

[Oops - Farouk is not happy!]

06 November

Dear Madam,
Good-morning to you and howwas your weekend? I am repling you in regards of the mail you sent to me which i just acknowledge the content ofit this morning but unfutunatly could not reply you because of my tight and busy shedule, i apologise for that.
It amaze's me when you ask me some questions and i would want to also ask you a questions, do you know that i am working as a civil servent in ministry, and the ministry nor nither the high Court of justice does not belong to my parents. How do you want me to work for you with my own hard earned money, i have simply told the little girl(rose williams) the procedures for getting this written documents that you requires of her and what it will cost me, since i am going to go through the proceses it will not be that easy and if you can be able to travel down here so that you can also help her procure the documents from the high and the other neccessary documents required from the bank and make the transfer before leaving back which i will be of great assisstance to you by giving you a written note to take the high court of justice so that they can attened to you easily. On the other hand if you can not make to come over here then you have to find away and assisst the girl by sinding her the money so that she can come with it to my office by tommorrow and i will proceed immidiately to the high cout to optain the document that details the guardianship of you and Malcolm Raymonds as the guidian and new beneficary, this is under code 102 of 1977 law of guardianship. I urge you to try and understand that i am not a kid and deserve's some respect you dont have to be instructing me like that because i am working for which has not been certain.
I need you to get back to me as soon as possible okay.
Thanks for understanding.
Regards
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM

[Inara lays down the law...]

Mr Konan,
It is clear that we have a language barrier here; how else to explain your inexplicably surly attitude? It certainly was not something that I wrote to you.
All that I asked for was elucidation, and you contrived to confuse the entire issue. Do you always react to a simple question with an attitude more becoming that of a whiny teenager?
That aside, your request for cash in advance is inexplicable. I have dealt with legal issues in four nations - Argentina, Mexico, the United States, and Australia - and in all cases costs have been paid on conclusion of business. That is the way that I expect it to be done now.
Furthermore, to expect Rose Williams to act as a cash courier in this matter is equally bizarre and beggars the imagination.
If you continue with this attitude I shall have no option but to seek legal representation elsewhere.
Good day to you.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN

[Farouk is boiling over!]

08 November

Dear Madam,
I recieved your massage and its quit clear that this is not an issue of language barrier as you stated previously in your last mail, I would want to expalin vividly to your own understanding in this mail so that it will be very clear to your understanding and it wount be asked again.
little Rose Williams was in my office and explain everything to me and i took the whole thing by her explaination which i belive you are aware of it before writting to me to elucidte on the issue, which i catigorically explained to you.Meanwhile you are the one that is conplicating issues by saying i am reacting to this case as a mere teenager, mind you this is an insult on my on part.
Regards the issue of of cash in advance, do not quote me wrong i have never asked for any money in advance but the cash wich i asked of you is the cash to get the required document(s) you contect me for, as being required by the bank to back up
your claim for the transfer of the fund. Do note that i have been able to make it clear to you that the bank has instructed me to work for you and get paid after the end of the transaction,(as soon as you confirm the fund in your designated account) which
is my proffessional charges because of the little problem one of learned collegue affiliated to the bank also, had with Captain Malcolm Raynolds had. The references of legal issues you have delt with in four nations has noting to do with me and i am not ready to have any problems with you, its simple if you want me to work for you, i will do my possible best to give you one shoot of a positive result. Do understand that the cases you had are different from the one i am hadling for you has to do with money transfer.
So the cost of obtain the neccessary documents which is the most ensential purpose of complition of this transfer,has to be paid by you to obtain this documents for you, there is no way i can get this document from the high court of justice on pay after transaction, there are legal procedures that has to be follow before obtain this documents from the high court of justice firstly i have to swore an affidavit of approval in the high cout of justice here in Benin Republic.
If you expect it to be done in your own way on the basis of payment after conclution, then it wount be possible because i have been able to accept the offer from the bank which i do not accept on normally bassis to get my proffessional cahrges after conclution of the the transaction. I accept that offer from the bank because i am an affiliated attorney to the banque internationale bank here in Benin Republic.
Lastly in the case of Little Rose Williams acting as a cash courier can be also done in a matured manner which you can as well if you want to pay the fee for the document you wanted her to get for you duely signed and witness, then you can wire the charged fee through my secretary's information below:
Comerade: Nwokorie.u. Lucky
Cotonou,Republic of Benin.
I refer you to your last statement below which quotte's,
"If you continue with this attitude I shall have no option but to seek legal representation elsewhere."
I am not any any way begging for jobs, i am a well recongnised lawyer in the ministry and the country specifically, and this is my 22nd year in this field, mind you i am not an amatuer.
Thanks for understanding.
Regards and Good-day.
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
I beg to differ with you on the matter of a language barrier. Your English is of a very indifferent nature and makes comprehension very difficult.
Do not presume to tell me what I have or have not done in the past. I had to arrange for fiscal transfers when Malcolm and I moved to Australia, and the legal assistance required was not marked by demands for cash in advance. When you wrote, "do not quote me wrong i have never asked for any money in advance", I would point out to you that I am not interested in your past conduct on this matter. The present is the issue.
In any event, no money will be sent without an invoice.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN
09 November

Dear Madam,
I recieved your massage and was unable to reply you yesterday because of the board of directurs meeting that took most of the daily activities in this ministry, and i must warmly apologise for our misunderstand based on language barriers, I must make you understand and feel confortable about it because this is a francophone country and english is our second language here.
Regarding the issue of sending money without an invioce is legally, there will be an invioce for any money paid to this office, that is the rule and that is how i work.
Thanks for understanding.
Regards,
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
For your information, English is my second language.
Since you say there will be an invoice, when will I receive it?
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN
10 November

Dear Madam,
I have also recieved your massage today,I am very happy that you understood the issue of languages and its barrieres, since it is also your second language.
Regards to the issue of issuing the invioce and on how soon will you get the invioce,you will recieve the invioce as soon as i get notified or confirmation of payment, then you will get your invioce immidiately without any delay. Good night, I have to go home and get some rest it has been a wonderfull day packed up with huge number of jobs to do tommorrow.
Hve a nice day.
Thanks for understanding.
Regards,
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
You are quite wrong about the invoice - "you will recieve the invioce as soon as i get notified or confirmation of payment, then you will get your invioce immidiately without any delay" - what you are talking about is a receipt. I am talking about an invoice - a document detailing the reason for a payment and the sum involved. Send it as soon as possible.
Good day.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN
12 November

Dear Madam,
Please do find below in the attachement the necessary information's that you asked for and please do get me updated immidiatley you recieve the attached invioce okay.
Meanwhile i will be leaving the office today in the next four hours (4hrs) to see my family till monday morning. Good-day and have a wonderfull weekend. Thanks for understanding.
Regards,
Farouk Konan

INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
The invoice is incomplete and unsigned, and therefore useless.
Inara Tam
FAROUK KONAN

[And it's goodbye from Farouk... it's good when Lads self-destruct!]

13 November

Dear Madam,
This might be the last mail i will be writing to you, tolorating this unserious act from you because you can not wake up over the weekend and write me this kind of mail and expect me to see it as the first mail immidiateley i resume work this morning, after taken all my time to satisfy your wants and leaving very late on sarturday to see my family because of you and this your job.
First i will want to put it to you, that i am a legal practitionale and an attorney of the law and presently the director generale in this ministry in case you dont know and would not torlorate any unseriousness of any kind from you. It is quit obvious that you have never handled any court matters or cases of any kind right from the origin,i would want you clearly understand that the refrencess you gave to me regards the cases you worn or rather the lawyers that you delt with in several countries are all flimsy storiesn you dont know what is legal matters.
I belive i have done all i know best to make this transaction a success and a positive one but you kept complicating issues, so i dont know what else you need from me, and if you are in a game with me, i am catigorically convienced that i am out of your game for the best.
So i will use this oppotunity to inform yo that i have no option other that to quit this transaction of yours. I have worked for several respected personalities in this counrty and never gotten this kind of disrespect from them before, i will also tell you that if you dont want to follow the due legal procedure's then you have to back out because there is no way you can be above the L.A.W
You can therefore seek the services of your own attorney, meanwhile i will have to write back to the bank,informing them about your in compitence and inability of handling that little girls fund(Rose Williams).
Good-day!!!!!!
Regards,
Farouk Konan
INARA TAM
Mr Konan,
You are probably the most ill-tempered, ungracious, immature person that I have ever had to deal with. It will be a pleasure to dispense with your services.
Consider yourself dismissed as of this moment.
I will inform Miss Rose Williams of your foolishness and await her will in this matter.
Respect is a thing earned, Mr Konan, and in this whole affair your behaviour and attitude have been beneath contempt.
Inara Tam
INARA TAM
Miss Rose,
I have accepted Mr Konan's offer to quit this matter. His attitude and behaviour has been totally unhelpful. I will seek another legal advisor and inform you of progress.
Inara Tam

[Enter a monkey wrench in the form of the fake transport company, and cc'd to Miz Rose]

RED LETTERMAN
Dear Inara Tam,
Thank you for your query.
Moving valuable property from Africa is what we do and Australia is no problem.
Our high security logistics vehicles are built to military specifications and contain the latest technology for tracking and protection and I can assure you that no other carrier or security company can match our service for speed, efficiency and price.
As you are probably aware, INTERNATIONAL EXPRESS DELIVERY only bills you when the property is safely in your hands, unlike some companies who demand to be paid in advance.
Can you please tell us the exact location of the shipment, its weight and dimensions. We would also need contact details for the pickup.
When you give us the go ahead, our tracking department will supply you with a username and password so that you can track your shipment at...
If I can be of any further help, please don't hesitate to contact me at the address below.
Yours sincerely,
Red Lettermann
INARA TAM
Mr Letterman,
Thank you for your prompt reply.
I shall send you the requested details when they are available.
Regards,
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
14 November

Dear Aunty
I am very afraid with the mail i got and i am shocked to hear that you have also sacked this lawyer like you did before to barister jean claude, what is happening?
Aunty you know you are my only hope of geting a better life and a good education which has been my dream. I have been dreaming now and always that i am in Australia, i want to be there soonest if not even before the xmas celebration.
The worst is that i got a mail from one Mr letter man, and i dont know who he is,hope the attonery and Mr letter man are not trying to blackmail and carry my father's hard earned money and run away? Please do notify the bank soon about what is happening Aunty dont let any thing happen to the fund please.
Aunty since things are like this the fund is no more safe and i will advice you to come down to this country and finalise this and sign all the neccessary procedures your self with the bank before the christmas so that you can take me along as you transfer the fund before you live from the bank office here directly to your account. I will want you to think about this and act soon please aunty you are my only hope to survival and a better future.
I copy you a mail from the Mr letterman plese do write him and also know what his intrest is in my late fathers fund( of blessed memories).
Please do some thing fast, i am afraid.
God bless you for me.
Yours daughter,
Rose Williams
INARA TAM
Miss Williams,
I did not sack Farouk Konan; he said that he would assist us no further. His entire attitude was so offensive that I was happy to be engaging in no further business with him.
Mr Letterman is with a company that I believe will be able to assist in the safe transport of your father's funds. As you can see, I initiated contact in the hope of resolving this dilemma.
There is no cause for concern, Miss Rose; so do not worry any further.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
15 November

Dear Aunty,
I got your mail this morning but was unable to reply you becuse of finacial problems today, i was unable to get some money to buy time code ticket.
But i am afraid about this mr letterman carring the money to your contry but if you assure me there is no problem that means i have to rely on your words but one thing is sure i want to officially contact the bank an inform them about the situation of things right now.
You did not tell me anything about the idea i brought about you coming over here i belive it would have been the best for secuarity reasons.
I need your urgent responds towards this and do contact the bank as soon as possilbe, i will try my possible best to get some money today and go to town tommorrow to see the bank remmitance officer.
God bless you as i wait for your reply.
Your daughter
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM
Miss Rose,
I am afraid that travelling to Benin is not feasible. Malcolm still has need of me at this time.
I have instructed Mr Lettermann to copy the bank on all aspects of the business; they will be kept fully informed.
Inara Tam

[Koffi's back, with full cap lock, and not willing to get another lawyer... can't let him get away with that!]

KOFFI JASMINE
16 November

ATTENTION :MALCOLM PAUL REYNOLDS,MRS INARA TAM,RED LETTERMAN

DEAR CUSTOMER.
THIS IS IN REGARDS OF YOUR PREVIOUS MAIL DATED 30th OF AUGUST

REQUESTING THIS OFFICE TO GET YOU A NEW LAWYER TO HELP YOU GET THE DUCUMENTS REQUIRED BY THIS BANK TO BACK UP YOUR CLAIM AND ENABLE US GET YOUR FUND TRANSFERED.
SIR WE DO WANT TO TAKE YOUR MIND BACK TO THE FORMER LAWYER THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU BY THIS BANK, ABOUT THE BRIEF MISUNDERSTAND YOU HARD WITH HIM AND I WENT AHEAD TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANOTHER ATTORNEY WHICH HAS ALSO NOTIFIED THIS BANK ABOUT YOUR INABILITY TO WORK WITH HIM ALSO.
DO UNDERSTAND THAT OUR ACCREDITED ATTORNEY'S ARE ATTORNEY'S THAT HAVE BEEN WORKIN WITH THIS BANK FOR QUIT SOME TIME NOW AND WE HAVE NEVER RECIEVED ANY COMPLAIN FROM ANY OF OUR CUSTOMERS ABOUT THEM
YOURS SOUNDS DIFFERENT AND YOU HAVE UTOMATICALLY REGECTED TWO OF OUR ATTORNEY'S AND I HOPE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO REQUEST FOR ANOTHER ATTORNEY.
Regards,
THE MAIL YOU SENT TO THE BANK CONFIRMING ON THE IMMIDITE MEASURE(S) ON HOW TO CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION, IWOULD WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT WE ARE NOT IN ANY MEANS BEGGING OUR FORIGN CUSTOMERS ON TRANSFERING THIER FUND BECAUSE THIS FUND HAS A REAT USE FOR US WHEN OUR CUSTOMER DO DELAY ON THIER FUND, WE HAVE OTHER CUSTOMERS THAT SEEKS OUR CONCEPT FOR LOAN APPROVAL AND SO IF THERE IS ANY MEASURE THAT YOU HAVE TO CONCLUDE THIS THEN YOU HAVE TO COME DOWN TOTHIS COUNTRY AND FINALISE IT WITH OUR REMMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
IF YOU SEEK THE CONCEPT OF THE SAID MR RED LETTER MAN TO COURIER THE FUND'S TO YOU THEN YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE LEGAL PROCEDURES WHICH IS GETTING THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS AS REQUESTED BY OUR MANAGEMENT FOR THE FINAL APPROVAL OF YOUR FUND TRANSFER.
THANKS AS I WAIT FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE RESPONSE.
MR KOFFI JASMINE
DEPUTY MANAGER
INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT
BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
TEL/FAX+22997323750
INARA TAM
Mr Jasmine,
I directed you to contact Mr Lettermann at International Express Delivery. Why did you not copy this letter to him? I do not expect to have to rectify that lack every time!
I am not personally acquainted with the details of the disagreement between my partner Malcolm Reynolds and Mr Jean Claude Paul, but a review of the messages between them reveals that Mr Paul not only discussed with you personal details of communications with Malcolm Reynolds (which in my opinion is a breach of ethics), but invented a telephone conversation that never took place. In my view the decision to sack Mr Paul was not caused by a "brief misunderstanding" but by Mr Paul's own flaws.
With regards to Mr Farouk Konan, his rudeness and poor attitude was unforgivable. Since he effectively dismissed himself, I cannot be held accountable for this.
I do not understand the relevance of your reference to loan approvals. Miss Rose Williams' funds have nothing to do with loans.
Please copy all further communications to International Express Delivery. They are providing legal advice and services.
Inara Tam
KOFFI JASMINE

[Koffi tries hard to retain control.]

18 November

DEAR CUSTOMER.
PLEASE DO NOTE THAT THIS BANK BANK IS A GOVERNMENT OWNED BANK AND NOT A PRIVATE OR AN INDIVIDUAL BANK, THERE FORE WE ARE NOT IN POSITION TO CONTACT THE MR RED LETTER MAN OF INTERNATIONAL EXPRESS DELIVERY. WE DONT DO MONEY COURIERE IN THIS REGARDS BECAUSE WE HAVE TO FOLLOW THE LEGAL PROCEDURES OF BANK TO BANK TRANFER OR OTHER WISE THE DIPLOMATIC MEANS WHERE WE HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY.
THE DISAGREEMENT WITH YOU AND BARRISTER JEAN CLAUDE PAUL AND BARRISTER FAROUK KONAN OF THE MINISTRY OF JUSTICE DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU GETTING THE NECCESSARY DOCUMENT THAT WILL BACK UP YOUR CLAIMS, BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU WANT THE MR RED LETTER MAN TO HANDLE THE TRANSFER YOU STILL HAVE TO SUMMIT THE DOCUMENTS OF 1.CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP WHICH WILL NOW CARRY YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY AND THE 2.AFFIDAVIT OF LEGITIMACY OF FUND, THAT STATES THAT THIS FUND BELONGS TO YOU NOW AND THAT YOU WILL HELP THE LITTLE GIRL TO MANAGE THE FUND. 3 MANDAMUS RELEASE ORDER THIS WHICH APPROVES THE RELEASE OF THE FUND INTO YOUR GIVEN ACCOUNT.
SO PLEASE DO ENDEVIOUR TO GET BACK TO THIS BANK WITHIN THE STIPULATED DATE OF SEVEN DAYS (7)FROM TODAY WITH THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS SWORN IN THE HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE HERE IN BENIN REPUBLIC OR ALTERNATIVELY YOU CAN COME DOWN HERE AND DO THE OBTAINING OF THE DOCUMENTS FROM THE HIGH COURT YOURSELF AND GET SOME LEGAL DUCUMENTS ALSO SIGNED AND ATTENSTIFIED HERE IN THE BANK, WHICH WE WILL HAVE NO OPTION THAN TO TRANSFER YOUR FUND IMMIDIATELY WITHOUT ANY DELAY.
WITHOUT THIS DONE WILL ARE VERY SORRY NOT TO HAVE ANY DEALING WITH YOU AND THE MR LETTERMAN OF OUT OF AFRICA EXPRESS CONCERNING THE FUND TRANSFER.
FAITHFULLY YOURS
MR KOFFI JASMINE
INARA TAM
Mr Jasmine,
If you do not include International Express Delivery in these discussions, there is no point in continuing.
Good day
Inara Tam

[Red Letterman bowls a googly (or sends down a curve ball, for the benfit of Americans)]

KWAME ODONGO (actually RED LETTERMAN)
Dear Sir,
Further to your enquiry through our Mr Red Lettermann, I have been in touch with my contact at Bank International du Benin regarding this matter but they know nothing of it whatsoever. They also tell me that they have no assistant manager called Koffi Jasmine and the telephone number he has given is not a bank telephone number. The head office number is +229 315 549, you can check for yourself. My contact is Mr J O Sanusi (Bank President). Just mention my name.
Yours sincerely,
Kwame Odongo - Head of Field Operations, West Africa

[This is nicely done. Sanusi, by the way - the real one - is frequently impersonated by scammers.]

[Let's see how Rose takes this!]

INARA TAM
Miss Rose,
I have received disturbing intelligence from International Express Delivery to the effect that Mr Koffi Jasmine may be an impostor. The message is attached below.
Mr Jasmine,
I would like an explanation for this anomaly. Please do not delay.
Inara Tam

[She's confused? Fine by me!]

ROSE WILLIAMS
21 November

Dear Aunty Inara Tam, I am very confussed with the way things are going on,have you been able to contact the bank remmittance officer about this massage from the red letterman. What do i do about this you need to advise me on what to do because i am afraid on what is going on. Meanwhile i will be going to the bank tommorrow and will give you situtioal report on my arriaval. Good night and God bless you for all your effort to see that they dont take my joy from me. Rose Williams.
INARA TAM
Miss Rose,
Mr Jasmine did not answer my letter.
I suggest that if you should visit the bank, ask to see the Manager of the Remittance Department and ask him to handle this business if possible.
If Koffi Jasmine is truly an impostor then you must take steps to secure your account from him.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS
22 November

Dear Aunty.
This morning when I went to the bank to let them know that they delaying the transfer but the bank Remmittance officier I meet in the bank told me that they are not the one delaying the transfer of my fund, instead you are the person delaying everything and unless the legal documents required to back up your claim is brought that they will commence transfer but as God may have it for me the bank director was on his way going out when I rushed him to plead with him in other to see how he can help.
Aunty, while I was explaining to the director all that I've been going through since I lost my beloved father, he assured me one thing which is this, he said that he can only arranged for the funds to be dislodge into trunk box as a diplomat consignment for shipment to where they have diplomatic immunity for your claim otherwise we will still have a lot of expenses to make after sending the required documents and due to the new law which is against money laundry because of 11th September and united nation law of money laundry.
In conclusion, he finally advised I should contact you to inform you about and if you will accept this method then you should write him to notify him in other for him to start processing for it. According to the director he said that you should accept the diplomatic source because it is best.
Please Aunty, I will want you to contact him immediately after reading this mail that you have accepted this method in other for them to have the money shiped to your country for your claim. I
I am waiting impatiently for your earliest response as soon as possible.
Best regards
Rose Wialims.
INARA TAM
Miss Rose,
I am copying my reply to International Express Delivery (they are handling details of the money transfer) and to the bank (who should be talking to International Express Delivery and to me, and not putting you through such travails).
Mr Jasmine, reply soonest, and explain this new procedure. I expect a detailed explanation.
Inara Tam

[Ah, a new Lad character to insult!
Once again the Lads try to regain control...]

HENRY GOODMAN
23 November

BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
carrefour des 3 banques,
03 BP 2098,cotonou,
republic du Benin,
Agency du Benin.fax: 22 23 65
Agence de porto-Novo:
Tel: 21 27 22- fax: 21 36 22
ATTENTION : ATTENTION :MALCOLM PAUL REYNOLDS,MRS INARA TAM.
Dear customer
This office acknoledge the reciepts of your mail.And do have in mind that ms rose williams has informed this bank about your intensions to deliver this fund to you through the diplomatic delivery method.So as to aviod much expensis and delay of her fund regards bank to bank transfer.
But now due to the fact that you can not go ahead with our bank accredited attorney give and signed to you. We are unable to transfer such sum of money through bank to bank transfer from here to your account in Australia with out obtaining international payment declaration permit from ministry of justice Benin Republic by our attorney.
Kindly understand that this office has to make the transfer through Bank Diplomatic Courier Service be inform that every arrangement regarding your cash payment through diplomatic services will commence immidiately we hear from you. If you have make-up your mind to conclude this transaction through our bank diplomatic method Please kindly bear in mind that our diplomat will not be aware of the content of the trunk box he will deliver to you, He is going to deliver the trunk box to you as a government diplomatic goods and you dont need to disclose to him the content of the consignment for the sefty of the money.
I will scan a picture of our last package through diplomatic system and send it to you by email attachment when you get back to us. We are sorry to inform you that we dont have offsore office in your country Australia only if you can make a trip to thialand,malaysia and indonesia, where we have diplomatic immunity. So please do get back to us after making your chioce so that we can start making arrangement to deliver the fund to you.Meanwhile do have it in mind that as soon as you get back to us with your intentions we will send one of our bank representative along with the deplomat to your country of chioce where we have deplomatic immunity and send you an air wail bill immidiateley.
We sincerely apologise for the inconvinences this may cause you.
Yours faithfully,
MR Henry Goodman
Executive Manager
INTERNATIONALE REMMITTANCE DEPT
BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DU BENIN
TEL/FAX+22997323750
INARA TAM

[... Not that it's going to work!]

Mr Goodman,
Please forward all applicable details.
Inara Tam
ROSE WILLIAMS

[And that's just not nice!]

25 November

Dear Aunty Inara Tam,
Good day to you and how is Captain raynolds doing? Hope he is getting much much better.The bank director yesterday was saying that if i still continue this transaction with you that i will end up loosing everything my father left for me and at the end of the day you will enventually leave me to die and take all my money.
I went futher to ask him the resons and he said that you and the africa express are up to something and that he has tried his best because of the relationship he had with my late father to allow the money to get to you through the help of the deplomats and thier bank reprensatative so that after you get the fund, then you will now remmite thiers payment to the bank representative, but you keep asking so many questions as if they are not intrested in giving out the fund. Lastly he said that the bank remmittance officer mr jasmine koffi told him that you did not disclose your identity right from the unset and that you have a bad intention about the fund.
I need you to explain this and why are you hiding your identity from them.
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM

[Inara responds with icy venom.]

Ms Rose,
I am happy to inform you that Malcolm is recovering well. I hope that he can write to you soon - perhaps even today.
If the bank director is willing to make such a scurrilous accusation about me to you, tell him this: if he truly has cojones, he should not hide behind you but instead say so himself.
He has no reason to say such a thing or any evidence to back this up. Tell him to contact me and we will settle this.
If I asked questions - who is to say what right or wrong about such actions?
Should I not ask questions if I am unsure or dubious? I would not be doing my duty to Malcolm, to you, or myself if I left questions unasked or details unresolved.
On the matter of OOAE, ask yourself this; if I intended to keep all your money, why would I involve a third party in this, and this complicate matters?
Finally, on the matter of Koffi Jasmine - I have stated my identity from the outset, and concealed nothing; it is he and Mr Goodman who are acting suspiciously. I suspect some malign intent. That is why I counselled caution on your part.
I will endeavour for Malcolm to contact you as soon as possible. Perhaps then there will be clarity.
Inara Tam
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Two days later, Malcolm's back.]

Rose Honey,
This is Malcolm - I'm still a bit shaky but getting better day by day.
Rose, I'm getting mixed signals here. Inara gave me a full briefing but I'm sure there are bits missing. In your own words, just what has been going on?
Are you OK? That's the main thing.
All my love,
Malcolm
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Two more days later...]

Rose honey,
I've read the email files from start to finish and I have to say - I don't think it's Inara's fault.
Farouk Konan was a complete asshole, and Koffi Jasmine ain't much better.
Then we have that Henry Goodman screwing us around, and refusing to cooperate with Out Of Africa Express - which seems to have been a good idea cast aside for no good gorram reason that I can think of.
We had, as I saw it, the perfect method, and it was rejected out of hand.
Unless the bank sees reason, we're stalled. I'm sorry.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
02 December

Dear uncle,
I am very confussed right now after reading this mail, what do we do now?
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
I suggest that we work with International Express Delivery. So far they're the only ones who've kept faith with us.
Malcolm
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose honey,
As I said before, we have to work with International Express Delivery. It's the only way that I can see right now.
I've copied this to Mr Red Lettermann, who I hope will be able to help us both.
Malcolm
LYNDA CARRIAGE

[International Express Delivery sends down another googly.]

07 December

Dear Ms William,
Mr Lettermann is not here today but perhaps I can be of help.
I've had a look at the email Mr Lettermann wrote earlier and I think he has explained the situation very clearly.
Mr Reynolds has asked us to help with the transfer of you funds as there seems to be some problems with the bank details specified in a previous email to him. Our Mr Kwame Odongo checked with the bank and they knew nothing of this fund or the persons mentioned in the email.
As Mr Odongo said, you can check for yourself. The head office number is +229 315 549, you can ask for Mr J O Sanusi (Bank President). Just mention Mr Odongo's name.
So, if the money is not at that bank, where do you want it collected from? We would also need to know how the money is packed so that we can arrange suitable secure transport.
Lynda Carriage (Miss) -
INTERNATIONAL EXPRESS DELIVERY
Customer Services
ROSE WILLIAMS

[It's back to a plea for money. We can use this.]

08 December

Dear uncle
I was at the bank yesterday and the bank director made me to understand that even if the international express delivery will get the fund for us that they most get the legal documents required and that there is no way that this fund could leave africa without the due legal document presented for security reasons. So i dont know what you will do abot this, meanwhile things are not too fine with me here and i urge you help me with your piossible best about this fund and assist me with some little money for my up keep.
I need to hear from you soon.
Rose Williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
This is confusing me. International Express Delivery have grave doubts about the guys at the bank. I can't contact them on the numbers given (by anybody) thanks to the shonky phone system out here. Are you totally certain?
I'm sending $1500 to "Rose Williams" at the Banque International Du Benin, Agence Jericho. You'll have to tell me what ID you can provide.
I'm using Money gram agent as Western Union is, IMO, a crock.
I just hope this can be settled...
Malcolm

[For those who don't know the score - I chose Moneygram because it can't be checked online.]

ROSE WILLIAMS

[Familiar name for the collector, isn't it?]

16 December

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Thanks for your mail and how are you and the family doing? and i am quit sure that you will recieve this mail so that after sending the money as you stated then i will haver to get the bank and give the money to the attorney for the procurment of the document to back up our claim of the fund, meanwhile i am very happy that at least before the christmas celebration i will be coming to australia to have a better life.
Please do find below the information that you can send the money for my collect, he is a church member and a practicing pastor.
Pastor Nwokorie U. Lucky
Country: coutonou Benin Republic.
I belive that this will be settled.
Thanks and God bless you as i will be waiting to hear from youi soonest.
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose, I am not sending the money to any pastor. It's for you! Tell me what ID you will be using to pick up the money and I'll send it at once. I've had enough gorram crap with intermediaries and third parties. I still remember that Reverend Godwin Norman - what a prize dummy he was! Actually, don't be choosing your Christmas menu just yet - we still have visa matters to get through. Have you spoken to anyone at the Australian embassy yet? Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
17 December

Dearest Uncle Malcolm,
I am very happy to hear from you as i have been in the city since morning to read and get posite mail from you rega rds the mail i sent to you earlier today, the pastor i am asking you to send it is a practecing pastor with the church that takes care of the ophanages and he is not a bad man i belive and trust him more,mainly why i want you to send it with his name and id card is because i dont have and international passport but i have a past school identity card which i was using before i dropped out of school and i dont think it will be valid to get money from the money gramm office that is why is why i want you to usethe pastors own.
I will asure you that nothing will happen to the money and will be use for exactly what it is ment for because i am the one that is seriously in need of this fund for my better life and most especially good education which has been my dream always.
Concerning the Christmas menu i have not been choosing it already but i felt that with you in this i will have a wonderfully trip to Australia,and the regards the visa matters a friend told me that all you have to do after everything is to get me an invitation letter then i will take it to the embassy for check and approval of visa.I have not spoken to any one at the Australian embassy but i was thinking of going to the embassy by monday morning.
I have to go for our normal evening house worship, God bless you for me.
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
No passport... my God, if things are as sluggish there as they are with most gorram bureaucracies, then you can give up on Christmas, New Year, and Australia Day!
And your friend ain't exactly firing on all cylinders if she thinks it's that easy to get a visa if you haven't got a gorram passport! More to the point, I don't think I could write a valid letter of introduction for you as I'm not a citizen, I'm a resident alien.
I can't get easily to the Moneygram office, so I clued Kaylee in and asked her to send the money to you. Probably tomorrow.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS

[The Lad must be salivating... payday is nigh!]

18 December

Dearest Uncle Malcolm,
Good morning to you and i am very glad to read from you this morning, Here in my country to obtain an international passport is not too hard because once you are able to pay for the charges and wait for 24 hours verification of information, then you will have to go for scanner which enventually the 3rd day you will get the passport as far as you are able to meet up thier requirement.
I might give up for christmas because of the short time now but i think i can make it for the new year and Australia Day! and regarding the letter of invitation i am shure it does not really mean that you must be a citizen, meanwhile uncle can i ask you a question? where are you from?.
Thnaks once again for sending Aunty Kaylee to help send the money, God bless you for everything.
Till i hear from you.
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Hi Rose,
Things here are hectic - as the saying goes, I've been busier than a one-armed paperhanger, especially with tourism numbers growing daily.
My main task is training two local pilots on the Firefly, as it's like nothing they've ever flown before, and Jayne can't fly every day!
Also, Kaylee had to stay on to make sure the Firefly and the Aero Commander are both 100%, so she had no time to get away. Tomorrow should be good.
I had a talk with a DIMIA officer today - though reception was poor - and it confirmed what I thought; as a non-citizen I can't sponsor anyone. I could get you maybe into the US (INS permitting!) but then where would you go, I think you're wondering?
That brings me on to my origins - I was born in Charleston, South Carolina, a beautiful bayside city. You'd love it. The question is, would you be OK to go there? I have relatives who'd be more than willing to help (some of that fine old southern hospitality you hear about). What do you say, Rose?
Malcolm

When I first wrote this I said that "I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest" - not entirely appropriate; luckily I changed it in time.
And the money wasn't sent... poor Lad!]

ROSE WILLIAMS
18 December

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Your massage of today was recieved with joy and happiness and i must say i was very happy to hear that you are from Charleston, South Carolina, i will plainly advise that you should not over work your self, you know you just recovered not too long and need not to do hard jobs.
I will wait Tommorrow as promised, Tomorrow i will have to go to the city first thing in the morning with pastor Nwokorie lucky so as to confirm it at the money gramm office.
I will answer yes to your question of staying with your relatives in the United States if only i will be fine there as you authourise them and maybe as time goes on you will be able to help me come over to Australia (some of that fine old southern hospitality you hear about).
Till i hear from you, Good'night and God bless you for me.
Rose Williams.
ROSE WILLIAMS
19 December

Dearest Uncle Malcolm,
Good'evening Uncle malcolm and how are you including your family and the job? Hope everything is been handled by God almight, i am writing in regards of the last mail i wrote to you concerning going to the city to await your kind responds and uptil now i have not hard from you.
Hope all is well and fine, please do get back to me to know what is happening because i am still in the city with pastor nwokorie lucky, please do respond to my mail soon.
God bless you once again for your kind assisstance towards my success in life.
Good-night
your's daughter
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Another delay! In the meantime - maybe a trophy?]

Rose,
Kaylee sends her apologies, but the Moneygram office was closed! Apparently their computer crashed under the Christmas rush. Gorram annoying I must say. She'll try again as soon as their system is back on stream.
Just to clear something up; when I said Southern hospitality I meant in the states south of Mason-Dixon. Aussies are friendly too, but not in quite the same way.
On that subject - could I ask a favour? I'd like to broach the subject of getting you into the US, with my folks in Charleston. It would be a big help if you could send me a picture of yourself - a doubly big help if you could be waving a Confederate flag in the photo.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS

[No such luck... ]

21 December

Dear Uncle,
I got your massage and i am very sorry for the crash of computer at the money gramm office and about the sourth hosipitality i dont mind provided its okay by you.
Regards the faviour you are asking i will and can do it since it has to do with my success and a better life and good education for me but that means i have to come back to the city by week end and snap the picture and the problem is money i cant afford the fee fot the photograph, what you suggest?. I wait for your reply and for Kaylee also.
God bless you for me.
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
Still no joy with Moneygram - Kaylee'll try tomorrow. Gorram slackers!
I don't understand about a fee for the photograph. It ain't supposed to be a studio portrait by some professional; just a snap taken by someone with a digital camera that could be uploaded into your computer. I'll be back once I have more news.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
23 December

Dearest Uncle Malcolm,
Good'evening Uncle malcolm and how are you including your family and the job? Hope everything is been handled by God almight, i am writing in regards of the last mail i wrote to you concerning going to the city to await your kind responds and uptil now i have not hard from you.
Hope all is well and fine, please do get back to me to know what is happening because i am still in the city with pastor nwokorie lucky, please do respond to my mail soon.
God bless you once again for your kind assisstance towards my success in life.
Good-night
your's daughter
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Another delay - when will it end?]

Rose honey,
Nothing has gone right these past few days - one of the new pilots nearly crashed the Firefly (I managed to get us clear), one of the A-212s chose now to have a turbine failure, and someone tried to break into the hangar. So finding out that the Moneygram office has basically said that it will most likely be staying closed until after Boxing Day ain't exactly a surprise.
I hope you'll be OK until then. This has not been a good year for either of us, has it?
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
24 December

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Thanks for your reply and i will say that i am very sorry for the news you gave to me but i will advise that the pilot should take it very easy because this is festive period and things has to be done accordinly but with care.I hope nobody was hurt and i give thanks to God for everything.
I wait and have no option than to wait till after boxing day.
Happy xmas and a prosperious new year in advance, do say me well to your entire house hold.
Your Daughter
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Time for another monkey wrench... how will the Lad take it?]

Rose,
Things have happened suddenly so I only have a short time to write this. I'm leaving for the US tonight with all of my team. SAC's assets are being handed over to Jetstar until we return.
The War in Iraq has led to thousands of maimed men and women across the US and there's a special program to develop a revolutionary new prosthetic system - they want me to take part as one who lost a limb under non-combat conditions, as a sort of baseline. If all goes well I'll get a near-fully functional leg, a large sum of money ($100,000 was mentioned), and I'll be doing both my country and disabled people all over the world a favour.
The good thing is that if you can hang on just a couple of weeks longer, I can see about getting you into the US with all your goods for the best fresh start ever!
Semper fi,
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
11 January

Dearest Uncle Malcolm,
It's been quit two weeks that you promised to get back to me and uptill now i have not heard from you, Hope all is well?. I need you to get back to me concerning the 1.500Dollars you promised sending to me so that i can go ahead and give the attorney to finalise this transaction.
Meanwhile how are you and how was your trip to the states?.
I wait yoururgent response.
Your Daughter
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
First things first - I'll need some details from you for the INS to see about getting you into the US. They say that if you go to the US Embassy in Benin, they can get the procedure started and send your details here.
Of course, once you're in the US, it'll be simple to get a lawyer who'll cut through the crap and get your money released. Forget whichever attorney you have - I thought we fired them both anyway!
I'm in Washington at the moment, at a veteran's hospital. I can't say much more than that as the therapy is considered an official secret.
I can't wait for you to get to Charleston. You'll love it!
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
13 January

Dear Daddy
I am very happy to hear from you today and i must confess that your idea sounds very nice as you wrote. But the problem remains that i dont have an international passport which i have told you before that i misplaced it during he memorial service of my late father.
Before the traveling and visa arrangement should be done that means i have to get a passport first and scan and send to you to confirm and help me to get a visa invitation to the United staes (Charleston.) to meet you so that from there we can continue the transfer as you have advised.
Meanwhile i will have to go to the passport office in the city to confirm how much it will cost to optain an urgent international passport for me.
God bless you for all your effort so far.
Good night.
Your Daughter
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
I don't need a copy of your passport - that's for the INS. The embassy should be able to give you guidelines. You'll have to send me your details so I can make an application on your behalf, but the INS needs your ID particulars.
As I said, the embassy is the place to look.
Take care.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
13 January

Dear Daddy,
How are you today?
I am very shure that you did not understand my mail that i sent to you yesterday day i dont have a passport (international passport) and i was at the passport office today to confirm as i ealier stated and the lady in charge Mrs stephene white said that to optain a passport since i am not a national of Benin that it will cost me 325 dollars to get so please i dont know how you can be of help to me to obtain this passport immidaitely before i start the visa procedure by you because the passport is the first thing first. Then after this i will send you my details for the visa invitation.
I wait for you in this regards concerning the fees the lady told me today because as i am i can not find it easy to feed nor take care of my self, talk of geting a passport on my own single handedly.
God bless you for me.
Rose Willaims.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Did you spot the flaw? Let Mal explain.]

Rose,
Just wait a gorram minute.
If you're not a Benin national, then the passport office in Benin can't give you a passport. That Stephene White is trying to rip you off, Rose! Don't go back there. Take your papers to the embassy of your native country and get them to help you.
Actually what country are you from originally? I always thought you were from Benin. I'll have to restart my talks with the INS from scratch as it was all based on you being a Benin citizen.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
15 January

Dear Daddy Malcolm,
I got your mail and the content in in it and i must confess that i was born here and my late mother is from Benin here but my father is from Serri loane. But my late father has been here all his life before he met his death(may his gentle soul rest in peace).
If i have to start going to serri loane that means i have to get some money to travel to my father's land and optain the pasport but meanwhile i learn't that it will not take me up to 2 days to get it so i need some money to make this move.
Daddy please do have it in mind that i have ever belived and trusted you, so dont let me down.Dont be angry about the talk with the INS about me being a beneniose.
I wait your reply.
Your Daughter.
Rose Williams.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
How are you going to travel to Sierra Leone to get a passport when you need a passport to travel? Come on, honey, you're nor thinking straight! You have to get one from the embassy (or consulate) of Sierra Leone in Benin. Actually do you have to go to Sierra Leone at all? Doesn't being born in Benin make you Beninean (Beninoise)?
You'd better work this out as I don't know what to tell the INS. Inara can tell you what it's like coping with them. One mistake and they can make your life hell!
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
17 January

Dear Daddy,
I recieved you mail but it's seems that you dont understand how it works here i have been able to seek the concepts of the embassy here and they made me understand that Sierra Leone does not have an embassy here in Benin expect i will have to travel to Ghana, Sierra Leone and i can be issued a lesay passy identity card to travel and if i need to get a pasport then i have to travel to Ghana or my country Sierra Leone.
Being born here gaurantees me to get a passport here also since i have a birth certificate but the procedure's will cost me much like i said before it is easier to get thier passport here than going to my country Sierra Leone, so i would prefer to get thier passport here because i am a national of this country and i was born here.
So please advise me!!
Your daugheter
Rose Williams Raynolds
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[I'm not faking it - I am confused!]

Rose,
What can I say? I don't know what the situation is! The whole dual nationality thing means nothing to me. America doesn't recognise the concept - either you're American or you're not.
You've named Ghana, Sierra Leone, and Benin - Rose, throw me a bone here! What are your nationalities? That's twice now that I've had to call the INS and cancel applications! It doesn't look good, I'm sure! Please Rose, before I have some sort of breakdown, clear this up!
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
18 January

Malcolm
Dear Daddy
Good morning and how are you?
Its quit confussing with the way you are putting it to me but with all verifications i have made since the day you told me that you are booking up some thing with the INS.
It is better said that i am now a Benoniose and i can get a Benin passport.
God bless you.
Rose Williams
N.B
I never included Ghana i was only say that they have an embassy in Ghana.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[I'm hoping that they'll try to fake a US Embassy contact.]

Rose,
I don't care where they've got a gorram embassy; the fact remains that you can't travel to another country to get a passport without a passport to start with, which sort of defeats the purpose of getting a gorram passport since you'd already have one!
Do you have a passport now, or just your birth certificate? Either would be more than enough to got to the US embassy and have them contact me to set the wheels in motion to get you to the US.
Please get this started - my folks over here would be glad to see you, I'm sure.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
20 January

Dear Daddy
I just recieved your email and i have told you before i dont have a PASSPORT but regard the birth certificate i have it and it is intact with me.
So please start anything you want to start because i would also like to be there in no time.
Rose Williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose honey,
You have to go to the US Embassy and make an application to come to the US, quoting me as your sponsor. They'll take it from there.
It's up to you now, Rose - please don't let me down!
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
20 January

Dear Daddy,
Good morning and how are you?.
I got the mail and all i have to say it will not be possible getting US EMBASSY with only my birth certificate for application if i am applying meaning i have to go with both my international passport and my birth certificate but in this case i dont have an international passport
and i dont have money to get one which i have been making clear to you right from the start i dont have to start going to the embassy like that and they will keep on correcting on one issue everyday.
Since you have opened your mind to assisst me since last year we have been on this and you have never made me feel better for once and since is like this i will want you to put it clear if you are going to finance my getting an international passport.
I have told you before the amount that will be used to get the international passport and you never responded so please advise what is it you want me to do now am confussed.
Your Daughter
Rose Williams
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose honey,
If the INS is being straight with me - and I have no idea why they'd be jerking my chain - then you don't need your passport. Stateless persons - and those without passports - can apply, especially if they have a sponsor and some provable ID, which you do have!
Look, if the embassy won't treat you right, give someone there my email address, and have them contact me. I'm still at the veteran's hospital here. Whoever it is should fall into line at the words of a Marine!
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS

[Desperation sets in as the Lad is ready for even a small handout.]

26 January

Dear uncle Malcolm
, Good morning and how are you today.
I got your massage today of last week and would want to you to understand that i found it very difficult to feed but each time i get little money to feed i will use it to buy an internet log in so as to be able to write you mail.Please i have no more to even a ticket to mail you after this one gets finished, so i dont even know how to go to town by tommorow to inquire about this application thing. So please even if its 50 dollars to run around for the embassy and get some more time to write you and as soon as i get some money from you then i will leave for the embassy and get information of some top officer and tell them about my sponsor so that they can contact you.
I wait your urgent reply regard this massage.
Your Daughter
Rose Williams.
INARA TAM

[It's the end game - time for a real insult.]

My dear sweet Rose,
I'm afraid that Malcolm is extremely busy right now and will be for some days, assisting with research at the prosthetics research institute here. I am handling his affairs for now.
I will be blunt with you; I do not want you here. You may call him your uncle, but I know the score, as they say. The moment you arrive here you will be moving in on his life - and I do not want some slut from the Third World destroying our future together.
If you want to eat, go out on the streets and sell yourself like the puta that you are. If you do well, who knows? You might make fifty dollars.
Inara Tam
MALCOLM REYNOLDS

[Mal, of course, knows nothing of this.]

Rose honey,
I've got some free time from the project, so I thought I'd catch up.
I've heard nothing from the embassy or the INS. Haven't you contacted them yet?
You have enough ID to start the process.
I've drafted a letter of sponsorship - all I need is the go-signal.
You have a chance at a new life, Rose, so please don't throw it away!
BTW, could you send me a picture and your (approximate) measurements? I'd like to get some things set up in Charleston, and my family there needs to see who I'm talking about; actually, so do I! I still don't know what you look like! I was hoping to get you kitted out properly.
I return to the project tomorrow, so my online time will be limited. Get back to me soon.
Malcolm
ROSE WILLIAMS
30 January

Dear Uncle,
Thanks for your mail and you wont tell me you are not the one that wrote me the mail i recieved previously after requesting you to help me with the said sum to run around for the embassy thing that you asked me to do, now you are asking me to send you my picture.
Will you parmit me to ask you this questions?
1.Where do you want me to get money.
2. are you still ready to help me.
thanks
from rose williams.
below is the mail i recieved from you.
MALCOLM REYNOLDS
Rose,
I'm doubly shocked - firstly that Inara could have written that; secondly, that you think that I could have written that.
I'm not sure what to say now.
Malcolm
INARA TAM
Rose Williams,
Malcolm went back to the veteran's hospital today. He looked sad. Then I read his letter to you, and the one that you wrote to him.
If you do not cease your efforts to win his affections, then I will pray to the Holy Virgin of Guadalupe to send punishment upon you for your fraudulence and harlotry and perfidy, and to send you into hellfire.
Inara Tam

[That ended it.]

 

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