Dear,Anybody

Encountering a Lad of the species Fraudus Deadbankercustomerus, Mikhail Stroganov (who could certainly handle this matter himself) finds himself joined by Phil Munglers (emotionally unstable Japanese racing champion) and Barry Lenner (plumbing magnate out of Ioway, USA), at the behest of her Ladyship, Agatha Bristol of the Foreign Office.

Scammers:
Barrister Bosco Moses - first-tier Lad (barristerbosco@bol.com.br, barr_boscomoses@yahoo.com)
Osugo Fernandez - middle-management Lad (osugofernandez@earthlink.net)

The Good Guys:
Mikhail Stroganov - publisher (that's his story, anyway)
Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE - of the Foreign Office
Phil Munglers - Japanese racing champion
Barry Lenner - plumbing magnate


Barrister Bosco Moses

From:Barrister Bosco Moses Cr.
Bills & Exchange Manager
FIRST ACTIVE SOCIETY
4th,floor mary land nigera.
dear,anybody
PRIVATE AND URGENT.
I am contacting you in regards to a business transfer of a huge sum of money from a deceased account.Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. We decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.
PROPOSITION;
We discovered an abandoned sum of (Nine Million United states Dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family. Since his death, none of his next-of-kin or relations has come forward to lay claims to this money as the heir. We cannot release the fund from his account unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines. Upon this discovery, we now seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully worked out by us for the funds (Nine Million United states Dollars) to be released in your favour as the beneficiary's next of kin.
It may interest you to note that we have secured from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following;
1. Your Full Names and Address.
2. Direct Telephone and Fax numbers.
These requirements will enable us file a letter of claim to the appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favour before the transfer can be made. We shall be compensating you with 1 Million Dollars on final conclusion of this project, while the rest shall be for us. Your share stays with you while the rest shall be for us for investment purposes in your country. If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of the trust we have bestowed in you, I await your urgent email. please reply to this email barr_boscomoses@yahoo.com
FOR MORE CONFIRMATION CALL 2348023317115.

Regards,
Barrister Bosco MosesCr.


[The discerning reader will need little prompting to recognize a run-of-the-mill Dead Bank Customer letter.]


Mikhail Stroganov

April 29

TOSCO

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??

- MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Stroganov Publishing (Pvt) Ltd
4402 Bowdinskaya Street
Moscow 0169
Russia



Barrister Bosco Moses

HELLO MR MIKHAIL,
I ASSUME THAT YOU ARE NOT VERY CLEAR WITH MY EMAIL. PLEASE BE AT EASE AS I EXPLAIN TO YOU, WHAT MY MESSAGE MEANS.
I AM BARRISTER BOSCO MOSES, AND I HAVE BEEN IN THE LEGAL PRACTISING SECTOR FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW. SO THERE IS SURELY NO CAUSE FOR ALARM AS IT MAY SEEM TO YOU.HERE IS THE DEAL, A FOREIGN ACCOUNT BELONGING TO A FOREIGNER WHO HAS COME TO INVEST IN MY COUNTRY BUT UNFORTUNATELY LOST HIS LIFE HAS BEEN DETECTED. NOW THE SUM INVOLVED IS ABOUT (Nine Million United states
Dollars) AND IS TAGGED ABANDONED TILL HIS FAMILY OR ANY RELATIVE CAN COME AND CLAIM IT.
I AM HEREBY USING THIS MEDIUM TO ASK YOU TO COME AND POSE AS HIS RELATIVE, AS I WORK WITH THIS AGENCY AND HAVE SOME ONE ELSE IN THE INSIDE IT SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM HELPING YOU IN CLAIMING THIS MONEY.SO EASY THAT ALL POSSIBLE REQUIREMENTS CAN BE ARRANGED FOR YOU HERE WITHOUT YOU TRAVELLING DOWN.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED YOU CAN SEND THE FOLLOWING DETAILS IN THIS ORDER:
FULL NAME, ADDRESS, HOME AND OFFICE NUMBER, OCCUPATION AND A LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU CAN REACH ME ON MY PRIVATE EMAIL barr_boscomoses@yahoo.com.
LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SIR. LIKE I SAID NO CAUSE FOR ALARM AND BE AT EASE.
THANKS ONCE AGAIN. BARR. BOSCO MOSES.



Mikhail Stroganov

May 2

MOSES

VERY WELL_BUT BEFORE I CONTINUE THESE MODALITIES I WOULD LIKE A FULLER EXPLANATION OF WHAT YOU ARE PROPOSING_THIS IS EITHER MANNA FROM HEAVEN OR A FIRST CLASS TRIP TO MUGU HELL_GET ON WITH IT_AT ONCE PLEASE

- S




Barrister Bosco Moses

MR MIKHAIL,

I AM SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCES, AND IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES I SURE COULDN'T BE LESS INQUISITIVE.

PLEASE I WILL SEND THE DOCUMENTS, BUT IT WILL TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO GET THIS DOCUMENTS AS THEY ARE WITH MY BOSS, BUT I CAN ARRANGE THEM THROUGH THE HELP OF HIS SECETARY WHO IS WELL AWARE OF MY MOTIVE. PLEASE FOR SECURITY REASONS AND HIGH INTERNET INSECURITY, I WOULD PREFER FOR YOU TO REFER ANY FORM OF CONVERSATION TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL., barr_boscomoses@yahoo.com.

THANK YOU MR MIKHAIL.

BOSCO.



Mikhail Stroganov

May 3

VERY WELL BARRISTER MOSES_WE WILL PLAY THIS YOUR WAY FOR NOW_I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THE DOCUMENTS_AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

- - S




Barrister Bosco Moses

GOOD EVENING SIR,

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I GOT YOUR MAIL AND AM GONNA ACT AS I TOLD YOU (GET THE DOCUMENTS). GIVE ME TIME AS I HAVE TO PAY MY WAY THROUGH TO THE SECETARY, BUT ITS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I STAND TO GAIN.

NOW YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I SHALL GET TO YOU ASAP. OKAY.

BOSCO MOSES



Mikhail Stroganov

May 3

FOR GODS SAKE MAN JUST GET ON WITH IT_MODALITIES WAIT FOR NO MAN

- S


Lady Agatha Bristol: Agent Munglers, Please offer Stroganov your assistance, if you are not too busy. I know that he enjoys working with you, and you make a very good team.
As you were, Agent Munglers.

Yours ever,
A
Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London


Phil: Mikhail - Lady A has suggested that I may be able to assist you with your current assignment. Please let me know if I can help in any way. I just hope whoever you are dealing with can put up with as much abuse as we like to dispense. Phil

Mikhail: AGENT MUNGLERS A PLEASURE TO HEAR FROM YOU OLD BOY_THANK YOU FOR WRITING_I AM BEGINNING MODALITIES WITH BARRISTER BOSCO MOSES_HE IS MOCKING UP SOME LAME CERTIFICATES AS PROOF OF CLAIM OF HIS CONSIGNMENT BELONGING TO HIS DEAD BANK CUSTOMER_THE TEXT OF HIS EMAIL IS BELOW_NOTE HOW HE HAS WRITTEN 'DEAR ANYBODY'_LET US HOPE THAT HE CUTS THE CUSTARD AS WE SAY IN MOSCOW_WITH BEST REGARDS - S

Lady Agatha: Agents Stroganov and Munglers, Excellent. Let us hope modalities proceed smoothly.
Good luck.




Barrister Bosco Moses

MR MIKHAIL,

AM SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY, IT TOOK ME A LITTLE TIME GETTING THE MONEY TO BUY MY WAY TO THE THE SECRETARY. NOW I HAVE GIVEN HER WHAT SHE NEDS AM ONLY WAITING FOR HER TO SEND THE DOCUMENTS.

TAKE CARE.



Mikhail Stroganov

May 6

BOSCO

WHATEVER YOU DID WITH THE SECRETARY IS YOUR BUSINESS_I UNDERSTAND THAT DIFFERENT SITUATIONS REQUIRE DIFFERENT APPROACHES BUT LET US HOPE YOU DID NOT UPSET HER VILLAGE ELDERS OR VARIOUS HUSBANDS_PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE COPIED IN MR PHIL MUNGLERS TO THIS REPLY_HE IS A CLOSE FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE WHOM I HAVE KNOWN FOR 25 YEARS_HE IS A MODEL OF DIPLOMACY AND DISCRETION AND I TRUST HIM TOTALLY_HE ADVISES ME ON ALL IMPORTANT DECISIONS SO PLEASE COPY HIM INTO ALL FUTURE CORRESPONDENCE_I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING THE DOCUMENTATION_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

- - S



Phil Munglers

Mikhail

It is good to hear from you. I trust you are well.

Mr Barrister, I will be assisting Mikhail with these modalities. Keep me informed of the situation at all times. Capiche?

Phil




Barrister Bosco Moses

HELLO MR PHIL, I BELEIVE YOU ARE IN A LIGHT STATE.

MR MIKHAIL BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS, SO HE MIGHT AS WELL KEEP YOU UPDATE ON ALL OUR DEALINGS OKAY, I DON'T MEAN ANYTHING IN A BAD STATE.

HE SHOULD JUST KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU WHILE GET THINGS SET DOWN HERE OKAY.



Phil Munglers

May 7 Barr Moses Thank you for your email. I didn't understand it, but thanks anyway. Just make sure I'm kept in the loop and this transaction will reach a satisfying conclusion - I can assure you of that. Phil

Mikhail: PHIL I TOO AM UNSURE AS TO WHAT MR MOSES IS SAYING HERE_JUST SMILE AND NOD IS WHAT I SUGGEST - S



Barrister Bosco Moses

HELLO MR MIKHAIL,

HOW ARE YOU? YOU HAVE INVITED A THIRD PARTY SO I BELEIVE YOU SHOULD KEEP HIM UPDATED. I HAVE ALOT ON ME NOW.

BEST REGARDS



Mikhail Stroganov

MOSES

ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU COPY HIM INTO OUR CORRESPONDENCE FOR GODS SAKE_ITS NOT AS IF I AM ASKING YOU TO KNIT CUSTARD_JUST GET ON WITH GETTING OUR DOCUMENTATION

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

HELLO MY FRIEND, SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY. IT WAS DUE TO SOME URGENT ASSIGNMENT I HAD TO MAKE, I SURE WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A CALL BUT I DO NOT HAVE YOUR NUMBER. PLEASE UPDATE PHIL YOUR DOCUMENTS WILL BE READY BY MONDAY.

BARR BOSCO



Mikhail Stroganov

May 18

BOSCO

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???_HOW DARE YOU DISAPPEAR WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A BY YOUR LEAVE???_I UNDERSTAND THAT PEOPLE DISAPPEAR WITHOUT WARNING IN THE THIRD WORLD BUT HERE IN MOSCOW WE ADHERE TO MODALITIES RIGHT THE WAY THROUGH_THIS IS YOUR FINAL CHANCE BOSCO_GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER_SOBER UP_AND SEND ME THE DAMNED DOCUMENTS OR YOU CAN SAY HASTA LA VISTA MY FRIEND_IS THAT CLEAR?????

S



Phil Munglers

Bossk,

As is my understanding here you wrote to my client with a business proposal. My client (hereafter "Mikhail") very kindly agreed to help you. Then you disappear at a whim.

Mikhail is eager to get going with this business and I suggest you start to take this more seriously and have a sense of urgency about it.

NOW!!
Phil



Mikhail Stroganov

PHIL

A GOOD IDEA AS ALWAYS_MOSES_YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO PROVIDE MR MUNGLERS AND MYSELF WITH THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE OR ALL BETS ARE OFF_IS THAT CLEAR???_PHIL_MR LENNER WILL CONTACT YOU VERY SHORTLY

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

HELLO,
IF YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME WITH THIS DEAL LET ME TELL WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO PENDING THE TIME THE DOCUMENTS ARE READY. THOUGH THEY WILL BE READY IN 4 DAYS TIME AND THAT I PROMISE YOU. PLEASE CONTACT MR OSUGO FERNADEZ, (osugofernandez@earthlink.net). HE IS THE PERSONNAL ATTORNEY TO THE DECEASED,MR PHILIPO TORRES, AND HANDLES ALL HIS BELONGINGS. LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE A RELATIVE TO MR. PHILIPO TORRES. PLEASE BE PLAIN AND BRIEF. UPDATE MR PHIL ON THIS.

BOSCO



Mikhail Stroganov

May 20

BARRISTER TOSCO

FOUR DAYS???_FOR GODS SAKE BOSCO WE NEED TO GET MODALITIES MOVING AS TIME IS SLIPPING AWAY_VERY WELL_HAVING TAKEN ADVICE FROM MR MUNGLERS I WILL AGREE TO WAIT FOUR DAYS BUT HURRY AS JAME PETER JA HAS EMAILED US WITH A SIMILAR SCHEME_YOU WILL NOTE I HAVE COPIED IN ONE OTHER PERSON_MR BARRY LENNER IS ONE OF THE WEALTHIEST AND TRUSTWORTHY PEOPLE I KNOW_THEREFORE THERE ARE NOW FIVE OF US IN TOTAL WORKING ON THIS PROJECT_NOW GET ON WITH IT BOSCO BEFORE I LOSE PATIENCE IN THIS MATTER

- - S



Phil Munglers

May 21

Bossk,

If Mikhail has not received the relevant documentation from you within 48 hours then you can consider this deal over. I will instruct him to continue with this "Ja" geezer instead.

Do it now!!
Phil



Phil Munglers

Mr Fernando,

I am Phil Munglers, legal representative of Mikhail Stroganov. We have been told to contact you in relation to MR. PHILIPO TORRES and his fortune.

I am therefore contacting you about MR. PHILIPO TORRES and his fortune.

Regards,
Phil Munglers LDK DMC



Mikhail Stroganov:

May 22

PHIL_LET US HOPE FERNANDO IS NOT TAKING HIS SIESTA AS BOSCO SEEMS TO BE_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

- S



Phil Munglers:

Mikhail,

Sir, as Senor Fernando Pendejo has utterly failed to respond to our business enquiry, I will leave it up to you to decide whether or not to continue with these modalities.

Personally I feel our time is being wasted by these Iberian gringos who are more interested in sangria-induced siestas than they are in doing business.

I await your instruction.

Phil



Mikhail Stroganov:

PHIL

BOSCO ASKED FOR FOUR DAYS TO GET US THE DOCUMENTATION_I SUGGEST WE GIVE HIM THAT TIME AND IF HE DOESN'T COME UP WITH THE GOODS WE GET RID OF HIM AND THE STUPID SPANIARD

- S



Phil Munglers:

Mikhail,
Of course sir. Forgive my hot-headedness. A decade of racing driving takes its toll on one's patience.

Though I would still appreciate *some* response from this Manuel dude that Bossk has told us to write to...

Remain blessed,
Phil



Mikhail Stroganov:

PHIL WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE HAS ITS TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS I GRANT YOU_HOWEVER_I SUGGEST YOU TAKE THE S2000 ONTO THE TRACK TO BURN OFF THE FRUSTRATION THOUGH I AM SURE THAT FERNANDO AND BOSCO WILL COME GOOD IN THE END AS MODALITIES ARE NOT CHILDS PLAY I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT


[Enter Barry Lenner, plumbing magnate and philanthropist!]

Barry Lenner:

Gentlemen,
I concur with Mr. Munglers. In order to complete this joint venture--re: the opening of plumbing supply retail outlets in Mr. Bosky's part of the world, we need the infusion of capital immediately. Modalities of this level are not child's play. I myself have received no word back from Mr. Buskin, and my confidence in both him and this Portuguese paskudnyak erodes by the millisecond.

I hope you're reading this and taking it to heart, Osucko.

Keep your ballcocks elevated.

Bernard "Barry" Lenner
President and CEO
Lenner Plumbing Supplies Warehouses, Intl., Inc.
14 Coxwank Industrial Park
Waukepetonsett, IA 50392

www.freewebs.com/barrylenner



Mikhail Stroganov:

INDEED SO GENTLEMEN_BUT WE MUST TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE MEAGRE COGNITIVE NATIVE SKILLS WITH WHICH WE ARE FACED_IN SHORT_WE MUST SHOW PATIENCE AT THIS TIME

-S



Barrister Bosco Moses

May 23

Hello Mikhail,

How are you? I will send you the documents later in the day. Please Mr. Lenner has contacted me, and he came up with an idea of joint partner ship in the name of business, from the account holdings of late mr. Phillipo Torres. Just said I should let you know what should I tell him as i haven't said anything to him yet. Please update Mr. Phil. Once you recieve the documents, lets get over with okay. and am most sorry for the delay.

Barr. Bosco.



Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

FOR GODS SAKE MAN RELAX_BARRY LENNER ADVISES ME ON ALL MY BUSINESS DEALINGS AS DOES PHIL MUNGLERS_IT IS YOU CAUSING THE DELAY_WHERE THE HELL ARE MY DOCUMENTS???

- S



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

PLEASE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHATEVER IS GOING ON HERE. HOW DID YOU KNOW MR. PHILIPO TORRES? WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DO YOU HAVE WITH HIM, WHO IS MIKHAIL STRAGNOGOV. AND WHY IS THERE CROSS CONVERSATION IN MY MAIL BOX.


Phil Munglers

Mr Fernando

Sir, I represent my client, Mikhail Stroganov, who has been told to contact you regarding Mr Torres. We were instructed to do so by a Mr Bosco Moses.

I am hoping that within the next couple of days we will have some documentation to show you which will ease your obvious confusion on the matter.

Remain blessed,
Phil Munglers LDK DMC



Phil Munglers

May 23

Gentlemen!!

It seems that things are progressing, albeit in a completely hap-hazard fashion.

Fernando has written to me at last but it seems to have spent too long under the Spanish sun. He doesn't seem to know what day it is, never mind what's going on.

Bossk, are you sure you gave us the right email address? The man seemed like he had just been woken from a coma.

Nevertheless, he is now expecting the relevant documents from Bossk. Once we have them we can hopefully snap Fernando out of his catatonic state and get moving with this at long last.

I look forward to - and expect - your immediate replies.

Phil



Barrister Bosco Moses

I am coming up with the documents for Mr. Mikhail, any other documentations has to wait I can arrange it here but dont have the money now, That is one major factor that delayed the previous one. Mr Mikhail shall recieved this once he mails me his fax number. I will get a lawyer that will arrange the documentation but he is going to collect good money because he knows what this will amount to eventually. Please update Mikhail,&B.Lenner. I will fill you in on whatever the lawyer says about arranging the documents. Keep Mr osugo posted.

Barr. Bosco.



Phil Munglers

Bossk,

Thank you for your email.

I do not quite understand why you need to hire a lawyer to obtain the documents - you ARE a lawyer, are you not? Still, it's all irrelevant. Please do whatever you need to to progress the modalities.

Mikhail will be prepared for any eventuality.

Regards,
Phil



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

Hello my Brother,

How are you Mr Mikhail.sorry about your loss. Mr Philipo and I had the most unusual but strong relationship. It is unfortunate that I didn't get the chance to meet any of his family, before his untimely death.please let me know how I can help you as i recieved a mail from Mr. Phil your supposed legal representative, but it is still not clear the reason he had to mail me before you as well as asking for his belongings. Please let me see something official to show your relationship with the deceased, before I let you in on late Mr Philipos assets. I expect you to give me your contact info. please stop the cross conversations in my box.

Chief Mr. Osugo Fernandez.



Mikhail Stroganov

May 24

FERNANDEZ

LISTEN TO ME MY FRIEND_AND LISTEN WELL_WE DO NOT NEED TO PROVE ANYTHING TO YOU_AND BUNGLING BOSCO STILL HAS NOT PROVIDED ME WITH ANY DOCUMENTATION LEADING TO THIS CLAIM_I SUGGEST YOU THINK ABOUT THIS BEFORE CONTACTING US AGAIN IN THIS MANNER_IS THAT CLEAR???

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

HAVE YOU CONTACTED MR. OSUGO FERNANDEZ. FILL ME IN. PLEASE SEND YOUR FAX NUMBER, SO I CAN SEND THEM DOCUMENTS OR YOU PREFER IT BY MAIL.


Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

FERNANDEZ HAS CONTACTED US DEMANDING PROOF OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DECEASED_YET YOU HAVE STILL NOT PROVIDED ANY PROOF_THIS TROUBLESOME TRANSACTION IS STARTING TO GET ON MY NERVES BOSCO_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Mr. Mikhail, I believed you when you said Mr. Phil is your legal rep/adviser. I also believe he should let you in on the things that transpire between him and me. I have spoken to him. he should update you on that.


Mikhail Stroganov

INDEED SO BOSCO_BUT WE ARE STILL AWAITING THOSE DOCUMENTS NOW FOR GODS SAKE PLEASE JUST GET ON WITH IT

- S



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

To: Bernard Lenner
Subject: who are you?
Date: Tue, 23 May 2006
X-Originating-IP: 209.86.224.47 <-- Earthlink, Atlanta, hmmm....

who are you???? how did you get this email address



Barry Lenner

Mr. Fernando,

I will pardon the impertinent tone of your query, but once, and only once. Mind your tongue, sir.

In answer to your question, I am a personal friend and business partner of Messrs. Stroganov and Munglers of many years' standing. Mr. Stroganov approached me with the possibility of expanding my chain of plumbing supply wholesale outlets into foreign countries as a joint venture, and suggested this influx of capital as just the way to do it.

Might I reiterate both Messrs. Stroganov's and Munglers' opinion that the speed of these modalities has us all concerned. I cannot speak for my colleagues. They are men of good will and compassion. I am not. Chop chop, Mr. Fernando. Time is money.

If I can provide any further information, I will be pleased to do so. Mind you copy in both Messrs. Stroganov and Munglers on any replies.

As we say in the plumbing supply business, keep the ballcock elevated.

Yours, etc.

Bernard "Barry" Lenner
President and CEO
Lenner Plumbing Supplies Warehouses, Intl., Inc.
14 Coxwank Industrial Park
Waukepetonsett, IA 50392

www.freewebs.com/barrylenner



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

I BELIEVE MR MIKHAIL MUST HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THEM DOCUMENTS. YOU JUST DO AS YOU PROMISED.


Phil Munglers

May 23

Mr Fernando,

I am in receipt of your email.

I object to your brusque and demanding tone, but I will make allowances for you since you have clearly had a hard days sleep. I'm always grouchy when someone interrupts nap time.

As I've already told you, we are gathering the documents relating to this case. Mr Bossk is being helpful in acquiring them for us, but until he does so I am unable to do anything.

Perhaps the next time you send an email you won't be feeling quite so rough.

Phil



Mikhail Stroganov

FERNANDEZ

MR LENNER IS ONE OF MY CLOSE ASSOCIATES_IF THE BLUSTERING BLUNDERING BOSCO HAS NOT INFORMED YOU OF THIS IT IS YOUR PROBLEM_UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE YOUR EMAIL IS MORE THAN THE RAMBLINGS OF A DOZY DAGO DODO WHACKED OUT ON THE LOCAL WEED I SUGGEST YOU BUTTON IT AND SPEAK TO MY ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS WITH RESPECT_IS THAT CLEAR????

- S



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

WHY IS THERE CROSS CONVERSATION IN MY BOX MR. MIKHAIL, WHAT IS ALL THIS ABOUT.SEND THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS OF RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND THE DECEASED AND DONT SEND ANY CROSS CONVERSATION TO MY BOX.


Mikhail Stroganov

FERNANDEZ

MR LENNER AND MR MUNGLERS ADVISE ME ON ALL OF MY FINANCIAL DECISIONS_THEY ARE BOTH WORTH IN EXCESS OF $200 MILLION_EVEN GIVEN YOUR OBVIOUS NATIVE LIMITED INTELLIGENCE I SUGGEST YOU READ MY LAST EMAIL AND GET MODALITIES STARTED SOON OR YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH NOTHING MAN_DO YOU UNDERSTAND???

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Hello!! Mr. Osugo knows me well, he would become suspicious.


Phil Munglers

Bossk

I apologize for my oversight.

Still, I wouldn't worry too much, that Fernando guy seems like a complete moron to me. Can you suggest someone else that we can deal with? I fear that he is going to delay this transaction with his impolite and aggressive manner, and sleeping addiction.

Phil



Phil Munglers

Fernando,

You are without a doubt the rudest son of a bitch I have ever come across. I suggest you put a lid on your vile attitude and start to act like a professional for once.

Myself, Mikhail, and Mr Lenner are trying to do a business transaction here and all we get off you is stupid confused emails as though you have just emerged from a decade in a sensory depravation tank.

I will put it simply for you thusly:

1) We "customers", we give money
2) You treat "customer" with respect, you get paid

Comprede? Now get out of your hammock, wipe the mouldy paella from your filthy lips and actually do something to earn your keep. We have money and wish to make it into MORE money.

Any more crap from you and we will take our business elsewhere.

Phil



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

I don't need your business offers, just get the documents and live with whatever Mr. Philipo left. I have not offended any of you intentionally. I am sorry about that. You people act so similar with my friend Mr. Philipo. Just get them documents okay.


Phil Munglers

Mr Fernando,

I'm sorry if these modalities make you feel nostalgic, but you should rise above that and help us all do business.

We are attempting to get the documents to you by weekend so please bear with us for now.

Phil

Mikhail: INDEED SO_LET US HOPE THAT THIS ALL COMES OFF OR WE'LL ALL BE WITHOUT VODKA IN THE MORNING - S



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

hello my friend, this way of approach motivates me to help you more. Just get the documents and all will be fine I promise you and your friends.


Phil Munglers

May 25

Fernando,

I am glad to hear that we can work together on this. Let us put our bad start behind us and make these modalities work as effeciently and quickly as possible, ensuring everyone gets what they deserve.

We still await the docs from our partner so please bear with us until he's stopped messing about and sent them to us.

Regards,
Phil



Barrister Bosco Moses

I HAVE TOLD YOU EARLEIR SEND YOUR FAX NUMBER. Barr. Bosco.


Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

LISTEN TO ME TOVARISH_NO FAX NUMBER UNTIL I GET MY DOCUMENTATION_GOOD GOD MAN_WOULD YOU ENTER INTO COMPLEX MULTIMILLION DOLLAR MODALITIES ON THE STRENGTH OF A FEW BADLY-WRITTEN EMAILS FROM THE LIKES OF YOU AND SOME DOZY DAFT ASSISTANT?_DON'T BE DIM BOSCO_JUST GET US THE DOCUMENTS!!

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Date: Wed, 24 May 2006
Subject: I got a lawyer.
To: Phil Munglers

Mr Fernandez, is just like a legal representative for Mr. Philipo, so he is the only person that can convince the bank, about the holdings of the deceased. Please be patient with him, he is a reputable personality here. The lawyer I employed will only get the documents done for $850, his name is Mr Otaru Abdulkadir. He understands everything. Send your number so we can talk as this mails seem to result in all the delays. Let us try and raise this money together, to enable Mr. fernandez arrange for our transfer.



Barrister Bosco Moses

Mr. Abdulkadir Otaru will be putting Mr. Mikhail name on the documents as his distance cousin. It's that okay.


Phil Munglers

Bossk,

Thank you for your email.



This is acceptable to my client and myself, but please hurry with the documents. Phil



Barry Lenner

Messrs. Stroganov and Munglers,

Barrister BosMos seems about as efficacious at expediting modalities as does Osume Fernando, which is to say, almost as much use as a latex guillotine blade. What's the holdup on some simple documents?

Gentlemen, there is too much at stake to let these two rapscallions upset things, but time is getting short. Acres of PVC pipe have been ordered, and the creditors begin to hound. In all honesty, should I begin the process of looking elsewhere for capital investment? One Mr. Ibn Mohammed has recently approached me with an interesting idea. What do you think?

Keep the ballcocks swinging,

I remain,
Your jocular servant,

Bernard "Barry" Lenner


Phil: Mr Lenner,
Your insistence on progressing this at breakneck speed is admirable and reminds me of myself in many ways.
However, as we are working for Mikhail we should not rush Mr Bossk into anything which may cause his concentration to slip - after all, we need these documents to be prompt and concise.
May your vehicle run on high-octane fuel for the price of that awful gas stuff that modern "green" cars use.
Phil


Barry Lenner Mr. Munglers,
Duly noted. I shall abide. More haste, less speed, as a wise man once said. In this sort of modality, accuracy trumps timeliness. Consider the dogs called off.
I am, however, most hopeful that this deal not go pear-shaped. I shall be disappointed if it does.
Keeping the ballcock at a respectable level, I remain,
Your servant,
Lenner


Mikhail: GENTLEMEN
VALUABLE SUGGESTIONS ALL ROUND_BOSCO MAY BE A BLATHERING BLUNDERING BUFFOON AT TIMES BUT HIS HEART IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE EVEN IF I WONDER ABOUT HIS MIND_LET US GIVE HIM THE REQUISITE TIME TO GET US THE DOCUMENTS_AFTER ALL I AM SURE LIKE ME YOU WISH TO GIVE HIM WHAT HE DESERVES_THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING AND SEE YOU AT VLADIMIR'S ON SMEGAROON ISLAND - S



Mikhail Stroganov

May 25

BOSCO

FOR GODS SAKE MAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A LAWYER_YOU SHOULD BE SPENDING $850 ON FLOWERS FOR YOUR SECRETARY EACH MONTH_STOP PENNY-PINCHING AND GET THE DOCUMENTS_IF THE MONEY MEANS SO MUCH TO YOU I WILL PAY YOU $1000 FROM MY SHARE OF THE CONSIGNMENT_NOW FOR GODS SAKE GET ON WITH IT MAN_DO WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING???

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Mr. Mikhail, why are you like this? I am battling with the fees of the first documents and there is another one pending, this are the types of time I need your help. Here as lawyers only cases like the one being forwarded to Mr. AbdulKadir, are what brings in the money. The documents will be sent by mail since you aint sending your fax number. Expect it tonight. Please update Phils, and Mr. B.Lenner.If you are ready you can pay Mr. Abdul, so we can get Mr. Osugo to make the transfer. Lets get on with this. Otherwise give me time to raise the money or part of it.


Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

AT LAST YOU ARE STARTING TO ACT LIKE A PROFESSIONAL_I NOTE YOU HAVE SENT SOME DOCUMENTATION_WE SHALL SCRUTINIZE IT AND REPLY ACCORDINGLY_AS WE SAY IN DOWNTOWN MOSCOW_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

To: Mikhail Stroganov, Phil Munglers, Barry Lenner
Subject: THEREIN ARE YOUR DOCUMENTS
Date: Thu, 25 May 2006

Hello My Friends,

I have attached copies of my pictures, death certificate of the deceased and medical report, for you to view to know whom you are dealing with and also to know that this transaction is not for childŐs play. Now I believe is left to us to get the documents that Mr. Fernandez requires.The lawyer Mr. Abdulkadir, can have the documents ready by tuesday provided he gets his money. we need to get on with this transfer.before Fernandez becomes suspicious of this transaction.

Barr. Bosco Moses


[There was a pic of "Barr.Mr.boscoMoses" -- headshot of a man in a suit and tie. Since it's likely either (a) a politician or bureaucrat whom the Lad wishes to satirize and whom we cannot yet identify, or (b) some poor guy whose pic the Lad stole, it's omitted for now.]






Barry Lenner

Gentlemen,

I retract my earlier statements. Bossmo has come through in a pinch.

Might I also add that he is a devilish handsome fellow? Mrs. Bossmo is one lucky woman.

Ballcocks up all!

Bernard "Barry" Lenner





Mikhail Stroganov

INDEED SO BARRY_HOWEVER WHAT IS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT IS PERSUADING FERNANDEZ THAT MY NAME ISN'T STROGANOV BUT TORRES TO CLAIM THIS MONEY_BOSCO_WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO???_I HOPE THESE MODALITIES ARE BOTH RISK-FREE AND LEGAL MY FRIEND_BY THE WAY_DO YOU LIKE FOOTBALL???_IN RUSSIA IT IS TRADITIONAL TO GET TO KNOW OUR BUSINESS ASSOCIATES

- S



Phil Munglers

Bossk

This is excellent progress but Mikhail has a point - how does he pass himself off as Mr Torres' relative? Two death certificates do not go any way to suggest any relation between Messrs Torres and Stroganov.

Regardless of all this, I congratulate Bossk and Fernando for finally coming round and for not being the pair of useless scrotal sacks we initially assumed them to be.

I would appreciate if Bossk could instruct us further on the matter. At once man, as Mikhail would no doubt say.

Phil



Barry Lenner

Gentlemen,

I don't suppose there are any photographs of Mr. Torres around, are there? Or did he have any distinguishing physical characteristics or facial tics or speech impediments? I ask this so that if, by chance, Fernando inquires, Mikhail will be able to confidently answer, "Why yes, the man did have only one eye," for example, or, "Why, certainly, cousin Filippo was unable to pronounce the letter S without spitting all over hell's half acre."

It may be as well to get as complete a description of the deceased as possible. Death certificates and medical reports are all very well, but I, for one, like to have all bases covered, as we Americans say. I think no one will disagree, gentlemen, when I say that there are times when modalities hang by a thread. This may well be one of those times.

Ballcocks at the ready, gents.

I remain,
Bernard "Barry" Lenner



Mikhail Stroganov

BARRY

SUPERB IDEA OLD CHAP_BOSCO_CAN YOU ADVISE US ON THIS?_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

- S



Phil Munglers

Date: Thu, 25 May 2006

An excellent idea, Mr Lenner.

To further your thinking, perhaps the test questions could also inlcude "How many wives did Mr Torres have and how many of them were riddled with syphillis", or "What breed was Mr Torres favorite goat and how often did he make love to it"... that sort of thing, the kind of thing that *only* Mr Torres would know..

I will leave it to Mr Bossk to decide on how this goes.

Phil



Barry Lenner

Gentlemen,

Precisely! Something along those lines. I look forward to seeing what kind of coaching Barr BosMos wil be able to provide. He managed to pull those documents out of his Hottentot-sized hinder at the zero hour. Let us see if he will be able to provide the information which may well be desperately needed.

I shall be traveling for the next week or so, and able to check in only intermittently---the Annual Plumbing Supply Warehousers' and Wholesalers' Bass Fishing Championship is being held on Lake Poltroon next week, and I have a new engine on my boat that I've been dying to try out. Phil, best of luck in the upcoming race. Mikhail, remember me to Bowdinskaya Square.

Bosmos, you know what you have to do.

Keep the ballcocks up!

Bernard "Barry" Lenner
President and CEO
Lenner Plumbing Supplies Warehouses, Intl., Inc.



Mikhail Stroganov

VERY WELL_BARRY IF YOU ARE NEAR SMEGAROON ISLAND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE MY DACHA_THE KEYS ARE WITH IGOR AT VLADIMIR'S_ENJOY YOURSELF

S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Hello My Friends,

I must say that I will be most glad to be in partnership with you. We are making head way. Mr. Mikhail doesn't have to prove to Fernandez that he is Mr. Torres all he has to do, is getting a document that will prove Mr. Mikhail as the proper next of kin for Mr. Torres. and that is exactly what I need Mr. Abdulkadir to do for me. He says he can get the documents ready by tuesday, and he needs his money($850) before he can start anything. I know is dissapointing to know i can't afford that, as this is one of the major reasons am involving my self in something like this. You guys should come up with the money so Mr. Fernandez can come up with the transfer. You might want to let Fernandez know that you live in the Uk. since Mr. phillipo used to say all his close relatives resides there. and yes Mr. Mikhail I love football. up chelsea.

Barr. Bosco



Mikhail Stroganov

PHIL

IF I AM TO LAY GOOD MONEY OUT I WILL WANT A FULL RUNDOWN OF CHARGES I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT_I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOWEVER HOW BOSCO CAN'T PUT THE MONEY ON HIS CREDIT CARD AND PAY IT BACK WHEN HE GETS WHAT'S COMING

- S



Phil Munglers

Bossk

This is excellent work sir, but how many more delays are there going to be? Why is this Agbullkaidar asking for money up front? I have been practicing law off and on for 10 years and have never heard of such rot. Please tell the man to give us what we need and stop holding us to ransom. $850 for a document is daylight robbery anyway, but it is up to Mikhail whether this is acceptable or not.

As you were..
Phil



Mikhail Stroganov

May 26

BOSCO

EXCELLENT OLD BOY!!!!_DID YOU KNOW THAT ROMAN ABRAMOVICH IS A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE???_WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF SHEVCHENKO'S IMMINENT SIGNING???_I THINK THAT CHELSEA ARE OBVIOUSLY GOING FOR THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE BY SIGNING HIM AND BALLACK TOWARDS THE END OF THEIR CAREERS BUT THEY MUST NOT NEGLECT THE PREMIERSHIP_WHAT DO YOU THINK???

- S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Date: Fri, 26 May 2006
Subject: no other option yet
To: Phil Munglers

Hello my friend, that is how it is here, He knows what we stand to gain from the documents, I simply chose him because he is a reputable lawyer here. He is well respected by Mr. Fernandez and with him Mr. Fernandez won't become of any suspicions of foul play. I have everything worked out here. Lets hope till we can raise the money Fernandez don't run out of patience.

Barr. Bosco.



Phil Munglers

To Mikhail, Bosco, Barry

Guys,

It is wonderful to see that you have struck up a rapport over saka. I follow the English league since I lived there while I was at university, and also that Arsene Wenger used to manage my J-League team, Nagoya Grampus Eight. I've heard you Chelsea fans supported Arsenal a couple of seasons back, and Manchester United before then. Not sure what they meant by that.

Bossk, please provide my client with a proper and full invoice for the $850 charge. Do it now.

Phil



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

Hello Mr. Phil,

How is the document coming, well I will like to let you know that Mr. fernandez has landed property's down here though on mortgage which are 2 duplex homes, located in the country's capital, (only one of the home is on mortgage)and a ware house built for the purpose of manufacturing rubber materials such as tires, e.t.c, he also has a Navigator jeep license number abuja XE456GWA. Once you send the documents I will let you in on the rest of his properties and his account holdings. I suppose you let your client Mr. Mikhail S. on this.

Mr. Osugo Fernandez.



Phil Munglers

May 27

Mr Fernando,

Thank you for your email, but I'm not sure what the point of it is.

Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?

As I explained, we are waiting for our partner to obtain the documents. Once he does so we will send them on to you.

Phil



Mikhail Stroganov

FERNANDEZ_WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE ABOUT TYRES AND JEEPS????_ARE WE DISCUSSING CARS NOW???_WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THESE MODALITIES???_IF YOU MUST KNOW I HAVE A CHAUFFEUR-DRIVEN MAYBACH 62 AND A BMW M3 FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT_MY WIFE KATRINA DRIVES A LEXUS_NOW PLEASE GET ON WITH THE DOCUMENTATION

S



Phil Munglers

Indeed so Fernando, Mikhail has no interest in your driving habits.

I, however, am very interested. I myself drive the following...

Nissan: Skyline R32 GT-R; Skyline R34 GT-R Vspec II; 200SX S14; 300ZX/ Fairlady; 350Z

Eunos (Mazda): RX 7 FC; RX 7 FD; RX8; Roadster

Mitsubishi: Lan-Evo 3~8; 3000GT

Subaru: Impreza WRX 1999~2004 models

Toyota: Corolla GT APEX Trueno AE86; Supra (2001 model); Celica GT4; Roadster MK-II GT2000

Honda: NSX/ Accura; Civic Type-R; Integra Type-R

Almost all of which are churning out =>300 horsepower, most have fitted limited-slip differentials.

Now that I've won this particular pissing contest, let's get on with the modalities please.

Phil


Mikhail: PHIL THAT IS AN IMPRESSIVE LIST_THE SKYLINE R34 GT-R VSPEC II LOOKS INTERESTING_HOW MUCH ARE THEY GOING FOR IN DOWNTOWN TOKYO THESE DAYS???_CAN FUJIWARA GET ONE FOR ME?? - S



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

Date: Sun, 28 May 2006

Subject: Sorry about that.

Hello Mr. Phil,

I am very sorry for that mistake, my secretary made that costly mistake, I intended her to mail you on the properties of your clients late relative, I am not interested in cars anyway. Please what is with the delays of this documents. I hope you come up with it soon.

Mr. Osugo Fernandez.



Mr. Osugo Fernandez

Hello Mr. Mikhail,

I am simply letting you in on the properties of Mr. Torres. It will belong to you once your documents are acknowledged, except you choose to live it to charity. I believe late Mr. Torres has very wealthy relatives. Sorry for any offensive approach anyway. By the way what's keeping the documents

Mr. Osugo Fernandez.



Mikhail Stroganov

FERNANDEZ

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???_WE DO NOT HAVE THE DOCUMENTS AS PROOF OF THESE MODALITIES LET ALONE AN INVOICE_KINDLY STOP THIS DITHERING DIZZINESS AND GET ON WITH IT MAN_DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING????

- - S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Hello Phil,

Mr. Abdulkadir insists payment should be by western union money transfer. and he is meeting Mr. Fernandez over the weekend, and has started the processing of the documents and still keeps to his deadline of submitting by Tuesday as he looks forward to getting his money before then.

Payments should be made in his name.

Name:Mr. Abdulkadir Otaru
Address: Kogi State Nigeria.
Zip: 23458
amount:$850

once payement is made send him or me MTCN code and Secret answer.
abdulkadir_11@yahoo.com

How are you? Mr. Mikhail, I simply hope shevchenko will be up to the tax, but I sure have no problem with ballack, what you think about Mikel Obi? Real chelsea fans are straight up chelsea from birth. we for the championship yeah!!!

Barr. Bosco Moses.



Phil Munglers

May 27

Bossk,

Thank you for your email.

I am concerned by your suggestion that we make a payment via western union. This is not the 19th century, Mr Bossk, we do not send money by train. Also, we are still waiting for an invoice for the amount with a full and detailed breakdown of charges listed.

Once we have this we will begin the process of fund withdrawal.

>Real chelsea fans are straight up chelsea from birth.

I did not realise you were from London. Tell me, did you go to university there? I went to the Metropolitan Under-Graduate University where I read Principal Inertia Principles which have helped with my driving skills.

Chelsea are a bunch of pampered fairies anyway - Nagoya Grampus Eight would tear them to shreds.

Reply immediately,
Phil



Mikhail: INDEED SO BOSCO_SHEVCHENKO STILL HAS SOME YEARS LEFT THERE IS NO DOUBT_AS FOR MIKKEL I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM PLAY BUT I UNDERSTAND HE IS ONE OF AFRICA'S MOST PROMISING YOUNGSTERS_I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIM AT CHELSEA IF ONLY TO SHOW MANCHESTER UNITED WHO'S BOSS_PHIL_WHO ARE NAGOYA GRAMPUS EIGHT???_AS FOR THE $850 I SUGGEST WE GO AND VISIT BOSCO IN PERSON_THAT IS THE RUSSIAN WAY AFTER ALL

- S


Phil: Mikhail
Our mugu friends seem to be into Chelsea for now, but I suspect this interest will diminish slightly once Dogboy has left.

Nagoya Grampus Eight (hereafter NG8) are my favorite J-League team. Arsene Wenger managed them, whom I am sure you are familiar.

As ever,
Phil


Mikhail: PHIL VERY INTERESTING SIR_ IT DOES NOT SURPRISE ME THAT BLUNDERING BOSCO AND FERNANDEZ ARE ONE AND THE SAME_IS IT CO-INCIDENCE THAT BOSCO AND COULIBALY ARE BOTH CHELSEA FANS???_VERY CURIOUS_ KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING PHIL_IT IS TERRIFIC TO BE WORKING WITH YOU AGAIN MY FRIEND
S



Barrister Bosco Moses

Hello Mr. Phil,

I simply have come to a conclusion that you are nowhere near a chelsea fan, but that I understand, What I don't understand is how you expect the Nagoya Grampus Eight to defeat us, we beat Manchester 3 nil remember. I don't think mr. Mikhail should move with a chelsea hater like you.

I have brought up the issue of the western union mode of payment to Mr. Abdulkadir, and he still insists on his mode of payment as he has not prepared an invoice for this transaction. I told him you were also a lawyer and you would prefer to see an invoice breakdown of this payment, and he says that is the way for his international clients and they keep their reciept of payment for further references. what do you thinks?

His deadline for Tuesday might not be possible he says, the documents will be ready by wednesday, only if we are serious.
Name:Mr. Abdulkadir Otaru
Address: Pine quarters Phase II
City: Anyingba
State: Kogi State
Country: Nigeria.
Zip: 23458
amount:$850

once payement is made send him or me MTCN code and Secret answer. abdulkadir_11@yahoo.com



Phil Munglers

May 28

Bossk

I will consult Mikhail about Mr Yabadabadoo and his demands, but I do not think that I will be advising him to make any payment until we have an invoice in our posession. As I said in my last email, sending money by train is a very poor idea and you will have to arrange another payment method. Good god man, send this friend of yours a telegram and tell him to join us in the 21st century.

As for Chelsea, I can only say that their success is down to the infinite pockets of Mr Abramovic - a personal friend of Mikhails. My mother could manage the team and win the league. Nagoya Grampus Eight would kick them off the without having spent $657,419,351 on the team.

Regards,
Phil

PS I am incredibly serious. I am serious and I am professional.



Barrister Bosco Moses

Mr. Phil, I didn't school there, I had my university education here. i believe you have a superb driving skills from what you read. Where is Barry?

I had to update Mr. abdulkadirs' Payment Info.

Barr. Bosco



Phil Munglers

Bossk

My driving skills are second to none, sir. When all this is over you should come to Japan and I will race you for gains. Please ensure that your vehicle is adequately upgraded. What do you drive, by the way?

In answer to your question, Barry is taking a short break and will return in due course.

I should also raise a point which Mikhail raised - would it be acceptable to you if he were do deliver the money to yourself or Mr whatever-his-name-is in person? He has informed me that it is how Russians do business and I believe he is wanting to go on vacation. He will show you a good time as well, lots of his homemade radish and turnip vodka.

What, sir, say you?



Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

THIS IS ALL VERY WELL SIR_BUT WE DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE DOCUMENTATION TO PROVE THAT THESE MODALITIES ARE ANY MORE OF A FANTASY THAN NAYGOYA GRAMPUS EIGHT EVEN WINNING A CORNER IN THE PREMIERSHIP LET ALONE GETTING ANYTHING THAN A SEVERE BEATING FROM THE TWO-TIMES CHAMPIONS CHELSEA_IN THIS RESPECT MY GOOD FRIEND PHIL HAS BEEN AT THE SAKÉ I FEEL

- - S



Barrister Bosco Moses

I suppose manchester already knows who is boss, I am talking about the championship league. The club is no doubt going to be the club of all times. Mr. Phil thinks his minor team is going to trash us, he shames me thinking that way.

Barr. Bosco.



Mikhail Stroganov

INDEED SO_I FORWARDED PHIL'S MESSAGE TO ROMAN ABRAMOVICH AND WE HAD A GOOD LAUGH OVER CUSTARD LIQUEURS_PHIL HAS A WONDERFUL SENSE OF HUMOUR AT THE BEST OF TIMES AND I FEEL THAT THOUGH THE J-LEAGUE IS VERY GOOD IN SOME RESPECTS IT CANNOT BE COMPARED TO ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE ENGLISH CHAMPIONSHIP (OLD SECOND DIVISION) AT BEST

- - S



Phil Munglers

May 30

Bossk

What the hell is going on here?? Where in gods name have you been for the last two days? How DARE you keep us waiting like this!

Wake the hell up, rub the grit from your eyes, change your filthy, stinking underpants and get some work done for once. We're waiting to hear from you.

If you ever delay modalities in such a manner again, then this deal is as dead as your Mr Torres!! Your immediate apology is demanded.

Phil



Barrister Bosco Moses

Let's forget the lawyer, I will get someone that will get you the invoice as I have confirmed that this is not normal, that is him collecting the money by western union method.

For Mikhail coming that is a great Idea I will arrange for him as it will enable Mr. Fernandez arrange this transaction faster. Let Fernandez know you are coming



Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

WE STILL HAVEN'T HAD OUR DOCUMENTATION!!_GET ON WITH IT MAN_PS WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CHELSEA SIGNING SALOMAN KALOU???

- S



Phil Munglers

May 31

Bossk

Provide me with an update NOW, god damn it.

What the hell is going on here?!

You have five (5) hours to provide us with the documents, an excuse for your breathtakingly impertinent silence, and a full and frank apology, or you can kiss this goodbye. Did you understand?

And where the hell is that idiot Fernando?? Fallen asleep again in the sun I suppose. Kick him OUT of his hammock NOW and tell him to reply as well.

This is pathetic.

Phil



Mikhail Stroganov

INDEED IT IS_IT LOOKS LIKE MODALITIES ARE NOT GOING TO BE COMPLETED THIS TIME_A SHAME_BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE LIKE_I SUGGEST WE CONTACT CLETUS OKORO AND JOHN SMITH* AS EVEN THEY SEEMED FAR MORE PROFESSIONAL IN THESE MATTERS

- S


*[ref GO SPEED RACER]


Phil Munglers

Fernando,

I am sorry to say that we have been grossly disappointed by our contact who was meant to be providing us with the documents relating to this case.

I have instructed my client to cancel any involvement with this complete waste of time. We have had a similar offer from a Mr John Smith and his lawyer Cletus Okoro, and plan to do business with them instead.

They seem to be far more on the ball than either of you pair.

A ball which, by the way, would be played with much more finesse by Nagoya Grampus Eight than it would be by Chelski.

Remain blessed,
Phil


Mikhail: INDEED SO_APART FROM THE JAPANESE AMATEUR FOOTBALLERS I WOULD CONCUR WITH MR MUNGLERS_BUT THAT IS A DEBATE WE CAN CONTINUE AT VLADIMIR'S_YOUR ROUND MY FRIEND - - S



Phil Munglers

REF: 4M-UG-19-U/ STROG-MOSES

May 31st 2006

**TERMINATION OF PROPOSED MODALITIES**

Barrister Bossk Moses,

As legal representative to MR MIKHAIL STROGANOV of 4402 BOWDINSKAYA STREE, RUSSIA, I am hereby acting in accordance with protocol 4Q2 and am now obliged by law to act under the Baka Yaro Act and instigate the proceedings to terminate with extreme prejudice the proposed transaction.

The expired time deadline as set by MR PHIL MUNGLERS of NAMCO, JAPAN was underwritten by Cretinosity, Moronicity, and Stup-id-wahncker laws as dictated by Judge H Dredd in the case of Bristol & Murray VS Adrian Muster, 2005.

Given the lack of documentation pertaining to this ludicrous claim and your sudden and suspicious silence, it is likely that you, BARRISTER MOSES, are merely wasting my clients time with expensive and tiresome jokes.

THEREFORE

No further action from my client is required and the outrageous claim by yourself, BARRISTER MOSES, will now be printed off just so that it may be torn up and thrown in the trash.

"Do digata ni kazana ho akeruzou"

Up yours,
Phil Munglers LDK DMC



Mikhail Stroganov

BOSCO

MY REPRESENTATIVE AND TRUSTED ADVISOR HAS SPOKEN_IF YOU WERE A LITTLE MORE PROFESSIONAL INSTEAD OF THE LAZY LAGER-SWILLING LOON YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE WE ALL COULD HAVE RAISED A CUSTARD LIQUEUR AT VLADIMIR'S TO OUR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS_YOUR LOSS_NOW GET LOST - S



Barry Lenner: Mikhail, Many thanks for the kind invite. However, Mrs. Lenner had the unforgivable temerity to book us into the Noogie Suite at the Royal International Palms. I've slapped her for her impertinence, but I hate to waste the deposit.

Just checking in briefly. Any movement on the Bosky end? I'd doubt it, but as my boy Edgar frequently tells me, I'm the eternal optimist. How goes the coaching, Mikhail? Feel ready to pass as the dear departed Torres' close kin?

Superb golf here, gentlemen. Superb. Highly recommended.

Bernard "Barry" Lenner
Royal International Palms Hotel
Noogie Suite
Crudd Bay, FL


Mikhail: BARRY GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU_MY WIFE KATRINA AND MYSELF HAVE STAYED AT THE NOOGIE SUITE SOME YEARS AGO_A TRULY RELAXING AND SPECIAL PLACE AND WELL WORTH THE EXTRA ROUBLES I FIND_AS FOR BLUNDERING BOSCO HE SEEMS TO HAVE DISAPPEARED BACK TO FESTAC TOWN_ONTO THE NEXT MULTIMILLION POUND MODALITIES I SAY - S



Mikhail Stroganov

Date: Wed, 24 May 2006

BOSCO

LISTEN TO ME TOVARISH_NO FAX NUMBER UNTIL I GET MY DOCUMENTATION_GOOD GOD MAN_WOULD YOU ENTER INTO COMPLEX MULTIMILLION DOLLAR MODALITIES ON THE STRENGTH OF A FEW BADLY-WRITTEN EMAILS FROM THE LIKES OF YOU AND SOME DOZY DAFT ASSISTANT?_DON'T BE DIM BOSCO_JUST GET US THE DOCUMENTS!!



Barry Lenner: Messrs. Stroganov and Munglers,

Barrister BosMos seems about as efficacious at expediting modalities as does Osume Fernando, which is to say, almost as much use as a latex guillotine blade. What's the holdup on some simple documents?

Gentlemen, there is too much at stake to let these two rapscallions upset things, but time is getting short. Acres of PVC pipe have been ordered, and the creditors begin to hound. In all honesty, should I begin the process of looking elsewhere for capital investment? One Mr. Ibn Mohammed has recently approached me with an interesting idea. What do you think?

Keep the ballcocks swinging,

I remain,
Your jocular servant,
Bernard "Barry" Lenner


Mikhail: June 7 BARRY AS ALWAYS YOU ARE THE VOICE OF REASON_I SUGGEST WE FORGET BOSCO AS HE IS A BLUNDERING MUGU BUFFOON_GET YOUR MAN BIN LADEN OR WHATEVER HE CALLS HIMSELF TO SET UP A MEETING AND WE WILL SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE - - S

Barry Lenner: Gentlemen,
Why in the hell would anyone own two duplexes? Why not sell them and just buy one big home? I am not sure what this says about Mr. Osucko's business sense, but I fear little good.

The golfing down here is superb, and the local delicacy, crudd fish, is both subtle and exciting. Paired with a nice gewurztraminer, it's a little white, flaky plate of heaven. Can't wait for the "skins" tournament tomorrow, and crudd gumbo.

God bless Florida.

Yours, etc.
Bernard "Barry" Lenner


Phil: Lenner-san
Unfortunately Fernando, Bossk and ourselves have parted company. The pair of them were too stupid and lazy to respond to our emails and we have not heard from them since Sunday. This is completely unacceptable and indicative of the kind of morons we have to deal with in these situations.

The ball was in their court and they failed miserably to do anything with it. Presumably they are too busy getting amorous with goats, or pimping their diseased mothers around their village.

It is a sad case of affairs when even the prospect of making millions does not motivate these useless bush men.

Remain blessed,
Phil



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