You Know My Name, Look Up My Number


updated may 15, 2010

Agent Lonslo Tossov of the Foreign Office has returned refreshed and recharged after a spiritual retreat at the Holy Bagel Community.

The exploits of the Foreign Office are too numerous to list here in their entirety, but fans will no doubt remember THE SCAMMISH ARMADA , LADY AGATHA IS A RUSTY, PINK PIG, and I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS.

Mr Nasser Hosaih - "Head of Foreign Operations, Banque commercial du Bukina Faso"
vs.
Lonslo Tossov - going undercover as an international financier


Mr Nasser Hosaih
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2010
From: nasserhosaih01@sify.com
Subject: let talk on messenger very urgent

Dear Friend,
My name is Mr Nasser Hosaih.i work as an external auditor for the Banque commercial du Bukina Faso, Ouagadougou.(BCB) Bukina-Faso, working as part of a bigger team that covers the entire African region,i had taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors,On routine audit check last month, I discovered some investment Accounts that had been dormant for the last seven years.

All the accounts belong to a single holder (NAME WITH HELD) with monies totaling a little above $20.25 million United States Dollars plus interest,We need a trust-worthy partner to assist us in receiving this funds for further investment in your country,You will be required to:
(1) Assist us in the receiving of this sum in your Country.
(2) Advise on areas for potential future investment in your country.
(3) Assist us in carrying a feasibility study before actual investment.
If you decide to render your service to us in this regard,you will be entitled to a percentage that will be discussed later with you.
I do expect your prompt response on my private email (nasser_hosaih1@hotmail.com ) if you are willing to work with us.
Thank you and regards.
Mr Nasser Hosaih
Head of Foreign Operations
Banque commercial du Bukina Faso

This is a variation on the Dead Bank Customer format. But you knew that.

Lonslo Tossov
Apr 28, 2010

HOSAIH_I HAVE ADDED YOU TO MESSENGER FURTHER TO YOUR SUGGESTION SO WHERE IN GODS NAME ARE YOU?_I AM A BUSY MAN AND HAVE LITTLE TIME TO BE SAT HERE IN MY OFFICE WAITING FOR SOME SLOW ARSED BANK OFFICIAL TO LOG ON

TOSSOV
Mr Nasser Hosaih
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 2010
Subject: NEXT STEP INFORMATION, FILL THE ATTACHED APPLICATION FORM AND CALL ME.

Dear TOSSOV,
Frankly speaking, I thank your reply mail and the way you express issues. However, I once again guarantee you that all arrangement for the smooth documentation clearance and claim has already been concluded here locally in Burkina Faso. I had taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors after much prayers before the Almighty Allah . be informed also that the bank is capable to send money to any part of the world as long as you properly furnish them with your bank name ,bank account, bank swift code as you can see in the Attached application form.

However, i require you to cooperate with me in the claim of this fund, your cooperation shall include, providing us with a receiving foreign account details as to enable the receipt of the fund .

Your assistance shall be equally needed on the documentation clearance procedures because your name and signature shall be used as the original beneficiary to the deceased. In view of the above, as regarding the percentage, it shall be share in the ration of 60/40 percent. Meaning 40% for you and 60% for me. All expenses that may occur during the process of this transaction shall be a collective effort.

as the procedure demands , you have to first send an application of claim to the bank , the bank on the receipt of such application shall forward you with an official questionnaire which contain all questions relating to the deceased.

the bank shall expect you to answer such questions very correctly as the original next of kin to the decease , upon the answer of the questions very correctly , the bank shall forward you with a letter of acceptance to your claim as the original inheritance to decease and payment shall be completed into your nominated bank account through telegraphic transfer ( t/t wire ) within 72hrs.

based on the above , we forward you with a sketch of the application of claim , fill your details , sign the below and forward a copy to me first as to check for correction before you send the same directly to the bank electronic email address bcb_commercialbf@bk.ru regarding the answers to the bank official questionnaire , I guarantee you that i shall forward you with all correct answer which shall be copied out from the same deceased personal file which is still in the bank strong room. You can equally call me on this direct number +22676585280.

I advise you to ask question for proper clarification .
Truly yours
Nasser Hosaih

Lonslo Tossov
Date: April 29, 2010

HOSAIH_DO YOU NO LONGER WISH TO TALK ON MSN??_I AM GETTING CONFUSED_I WOULD FEEL MUCH EASIER ABOUT THIS WHOLE MATTER IF THINGS COULD BE ARRANGED THROUGH VOICE CONTACT AND GENTLEMANS AGREEMENT THEREUPON AS TRUST WOULD SOON BECOME ESTABLISHED_INDEED I STRONGLY PREFER THIS SO KINDLY LOOK INTO THIS SUGGESTION AT ONCE AND LET THESE MODALITIES FOLLOW AFTER THAT_I AM AVAILABLE FOR SUCH A CONFERENCE LATER TODAY OR FAILING THAT PERHAPS TOMORROW AFTER THE VISIT OF LORD AND LADY TESCO TO INSPECT THE MERKIN FACILITY WE HAVE LATELY OPENED

TOSSOV
Mr Nasser Hosaih
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 2010
Subject: how am i surppose to know when you are there????????????????? call me and let talk

but how am i surpose to know when you are on messager ? i gave you my direct number to call me once you are there but you refuse to call. you should also undrstand that am a bank manager and have lot of work load on me.

you should also give me your direct number and i will call you.

confirm when to talk with you

Lonslo Tossov

Date: April 29, 2010

I AM HERE NOW FOR GODS SAKE WHICH IS IT TO BE_ A CALL TO MY OFFICE OR MSN MESSENGER???_ALSO I HAVE TRIED THAT NUMBER GIVEN BY YOU BUT IT IS NEVER ANSWERED WHAT IS GOING ON??

T
Mr Nasser Hosaih
Date: Fri, 30 Apr 2010

give me your number.
thanks
Lonslo Tossov

Date: April 30, 2010

SIR I AM CURRENTLY ATTENDING THE SMEGAROON BUSINESS CONVOCATION IN LONDON UK AND YOU MAY CONTACT ME HERE ON 44 7 278 6694_IF I DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE ASK FOR MY SECRETARY IRMA WANKER AND SHE WILL RUSH AND FIND ME_FOR GODS SAKE MAN NO MORE OF THIS DELAY I WISH MATTERS TO PROCEED QUICKLY WITH NONE OF THIS NATIVE CONFUSION

TOSSOV

Mr Nasser Hosaih

Date: Fri, 30 Apr 2010
Subject: call me urgently.
From: nasserhosaih01@sify.com

sincerely speaking i do not understand you. i ask for your direct cell phone and you are asking me to call you via your secretary. what do i have to do with her ?.

please my phone is ever open you should call me and let talk since you do not want to give your direct cell phone.

however, if you know you are not capable of handling this transaction, please step aside i do not wise to waste my time with you.

sorry if i sound rude.

thanks
Nasser.

Lonslo Tossov

May 2

HOSHAIT_MY SECRETARY TAKES CALLS IN MY ABSENCE AT THE CONFERENCE AND IS IN MY COMPLETE CONFIDENCE_EITHER CALL ME OR ONCE OR THIS WHOLE MATTER WILL SURELY GO TO HELL IN A HANDCART_EITHER YOU WISH MY INVOLVEMENT OR NOT_TAKING SUCH A HIGH HANDED TONE AS YOU ARE AND THE NON ANSWER ON YOUR PHONE DOES LITTLE TO PERSUADE ME YOU ARE BEING SERIOUS SIR_WHAT IN GODS NAME IS HAPPENING???

TOSSOV
Mr Nasser Hosaih

Date: Mon, 3 May 2010
Subject: thanks do not need your assistance any more.
From: nasserhosaih01@sify.com

thanks to your mail. well i think i can no longer deal with you in this transaction. got to look for a serious minded person who i can trust.

thanks
Lonslo Tossov

May 3

HOSHIT_WHAT IN GODS NAME DO YOU MEAN??_I HAVE HAD A MEMBER OF STAFF WAITING JUST IN CASE YOU SHOULD CALL AND NOW YOU SAY MATTERS ARE SUDDENLY OFF??_AS FOR ACCUSING ME OF BEING NOT SERIOUS MINDED I AM SURE THIS WOULD BE NEWS TO THE FIDUCIARY COUNCIL OF MBALONGWANK_ AMONGST WHO I RANK VERY HIGHLY INDEED SIR_I SUGGEST THAT INSTEAD OF SULKING IN YOUR TENT YOU ADHERE TO PROMISES MADE AND ENTERTAIN PROPER BUSINESS PRACTICE IN FUTURE FOR I CERTAINLY HAVE NO TIME FOR DITHERING NUMBSKULLS_I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT

T
Mr Nasser Hosaih

Date: Mon, 3 May 2010

listen, i talkk less and act more. my fear with you is that you will turn aside and betray me and honestly speaking i dont want to go through that . please i do not mean to sound this way, but understand that i dont want to start and be left out when the fund hit your bank account.

this is the reason i decided to ask you to step aside and let me look for way forward.

thanks
Lonslo Tossov

May 4

HOSHIT_IF YOU THINK THAT AS CEO OF TOSSV INVESTMENTS I HAVE MADE MY SUCCESSFUL WAY IN LIFE BY THE DEGREE OF BETRAYAL AND UNRELIABILITY SUGGESTED THEN SURELY YOU ARE DRINKING OUT OF THE WRONG SIDE OF YOUR GIN GOURD_IT IS RARE THAT I PUT ASIDE SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT ON BEHALF OF SOME DUBIOUS APPROACH FROM THE THIRD WORLD I CAN ASSURE YOU AND ONLY DID SO AS YOU SEEMED TO HAVE SOME BUSINESS SENSE_SUCH INDECISIVENESS AS YOU HAVE SHOWN SINCE MIGHT GO DOWN A TREAT IN OUDOGOGO OR WHATEVER YOUR FLY BLOWN CATTLE TOWN IS CALLED BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU WE ARE UNSUSED TO IT THIS END SIR_NOW FOR GODS SAKE LET US MOVE FORWARD TOGETHER IN THIS MATTER

TOSSOV

Lonslo Tossov
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Mr Nasser Hosaih

Date: Thu, 6 May 2010
Subject: please condition this mail point after point.

Dearest Tossov,
honestly speaking, i don`t mean to hurt your feeling in any way, nither am i trying to betray my world. but the truth is, i find you as one that talk too much and at such you are not fit for this transaction because it take a man to do it and not a talkative. sorry once more if i sound rud. but i had to be open with you.

am i man of one word and each time i utter a word, i stand by it. please sir, this transaction is my life and i would not like to start and at the middle get into trouble and at the end lose the fund. this is my greatest fear. i trust you as a man but the way you sound make it immposible for me to have any international transaction with you.

once again, i will be ready to consider working with you if you assure me the following by OATH.

1, that you will not in any way inform my bank about my involvement in this transaction.

2,that you will not disappoint me at the end.

3,that any expenses that may occure during the process will be a collective effort.

if you can assure me of the above listed conditions by Oath then i will be free to work with you.

once again, sorry if i sound rud, honestly speaking, this is not my nature.

thanks Mr Nasser.

Lonslo Tossov
May 7
HOSHIT

YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT YOU WILL GET EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE IN EACH INSTANCE OF THIS BUSINESS AS FAR AS I AM ABLE TO PRODUCE IT_NOW FOR GODS SAKE LET US MOVE FORWARD TOGETHER MAN AS ALL THIS NOISOME NATIVE NATTERING IS ACHIEVING LITTLE AS FAR AS I CAN SEE_ I AM BEGINNING TO THINK YOU ARE NOT BUSINESS LIKE ENOUGH TO BE TRUST WORTHY IN THE MAILING OF A POSTAL ORDER_ LET ALONE A PROPOSED DEAL OF THIS SIZE_I AM NOW RETURNING TO MY HOME OFFICE AND WILL EXPECT TO SEE SOME PROGRESS FROM YOU UPON MY RETURN IS THAT CLEAR?? TOSSOV
Mr Nasser Hosaih
May 7, 2010

thanks to your mail and content. however i guarantee you 100% the smooth claim and transfer of fund into your nominated bank account. as the procedure demand, you have to first fill the attached sketch of application form with your bank details end with your name and signature and then send direct to the bank Electronic Email address

bcb_commercialbf@bk.ru

once that is done, the next step would be for us to wait for the management decission. please once you receive any call or email from the bank, you should notify me on my direct phone number +226 76 58 52 80.

i wise you safe trip back home

thanks

Nasser
Mr Nasser Hosaih
Date: Tue, 11 May 2010
Subject: why did you not send a copy to me ????????????????????????????????????

first ask you to fill and send to me,yet you did not fill out the form, anyway since you mentioned you have send to the bank, then you have to wait as they will contact you accordingly

thanks
Lonslo Tossov
May 11

HINSANE_HAVE YOU NOT HAD THIS??_CHECK YOUR SPAM FILTER AS I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO CONSTANTLY DOUBLE CHECK YOU ARE GETTING CRITICAL MAIL_THANK GOD I AM NOT SENDING ANYTHING MORE CONFIDENTIAL AS I HATE TO THINK OF THE STICKY NATIVE FINGERS IN YOUR OFFICE

KINDLY DO A THOROUGH CHECK OF YOUR SYSTEMS SIR AND LET US MOVE ON WITHOUT ANY MORE DELETERIOUS DILLY DALLY

TOSSOV
Lonslo Tossov
May 12

HOSHIT_WHAT IS HAPPENING????

YOUR END HAS GONE QUIETER THAN A VILLAGE VIRGINS ROLL CALL

TIME IS PASSING AND I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED SOMETHING CONCRETE BY NOW FOR GODS SAKE MAN PULL A FINGER OUT OR THIS WHOLE BUSINESS WILL COME TO AN ABRUPT END I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT SIR

TOSSOV
Mr Nasser Hosaih
Date: Wed, 12 May 2010
Subject: please go away

please go away.
Lonslo Tossov
May 13

HORSHIT_THIS IS HARDLY THE RESPONSE OF SERIOUS BUSINESS PARTNER SIR_ AM I TO ASSUME THAT YOU ARE A MISERABLE MUGU SCAMMER WORKING THE SAME OLD ADVANCE FEE FRAUD TO LITTLE END OTHER THAN WASTED TIME AND EFFORT_ AND THAT MY WIDESPREAD DISSEMINATION OF YOUR LAUGHABLY INEPT MESSAGES ON THE NET HAS NOW COME TO AN END??

T

Lonslo Tossov CEO
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123 Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments
 

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