THE GIFT OF THE SWEDISH MAGI

I snarked a scammer in my pajamas; how he got in my pajamas is entirely irrelephant.
Then came the Swedish lessons and an appearance by Lydia the tattooed lady.
And then came the funniest math mistake ever by a lad.
And then I instructed the lad to tell airport security he's in a terrorist group.
And then a new lawyer got involved, with a doubledoublecross
that brought the lad to his knees for an O Henry ending in Nigeria.
But we're putting the cart before the horse - or in this case Lydia, but that's an honest mistake.

Cast:
Dr John Jones, 419er based in Benin City (Edo) Nigeria.
Email Josjs2000@yahoo.com. Phone 234-8033216612 and 234-17767868, fax 234-1-7594893.

Bank director Dr Mark Peter/Dr Mark Prter/Dr Williams Dudu, same guy as Dr John Jones.
Email standard_t_bank@consultant.com. Phone 234-17754348.

Agatha Jones aka George Osondu aka Agatha Nwadike.
Email agathajones2003@yahoo.com.
Alleged spouse of Dr John, and purveyor of Nigerian herbs for fertility enhancement and tattoo removal. Same 419er.

Johnson Schuler - Intended victim. American musician with a calculator.

Lydia Schuler - Swedish spouse of Johnson with a tattoo problem.

Barrister Abdul Rashid - Lagos-based fraudster assisting the Schulers.

Plus a special appearance by Ebere, aka the Bitter Mind

This one runs long - the lad sent 69 emails, and there are 7 cast members. He kept coming along for the ride.


Part 1: A NIGHT AT THE CIRCUS - "Africa is God's country, and he can have it."

DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Received: from [62.17.242.2]
Date: Mon, 12 May 2003 18:29:34 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: URGENT CONTRACT.

FROM: JOHN JONES.
BRANCH MANAGER S.T.B

ATTN:THE DIRECTOR /CEO,
Dear sir,
AN URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL
I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal. Though I don?t know you neither have I seen you before but my confidence was reposed on you when the Chief Executive of Lagos State chamber of Commerce and Industry handed me your contact for a confidential business.
I am the manager of Standard Trust Bank Plc.(S.T.B), Ilupeju branch, Lagos _Nigeria. The intended business is thus; we had a customer, a Foreigner (a SWEDISH) resident in Nigeria, he was a Contractor with one of the Government parastatal. He has in his account in my branch the sum of US$14.5 Million (Fourteen Million Five Hundred Thousand U.S.Dollars). Unfortunately, the man died four years ago until today non-of his next of kin has come forward to claim the money. Having noticed this, I, in c! ollaboration with two other top Officials of the bank we have covered up the account all these while.
Now we want you (being a foreigner) to be fronted as one of his next of kin and forward your account and other relevant documents to be advised to you by us to attest to the Claim. We will use our positions to get all internal documentations to back up the claims. The whole procedures will last only ten working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even in future. Your response is only what we are waiting for as we have arranged all necessary things. As soon as this message comes to you kindly get back to me indicating your interest. Then I will furnish you with the whole procedures to ensure that the deal is successfully concluded. For your assistance we have agreed to give you twenty five percent (25%) of the Total sum at the end of the transaction. It is risk free and a mega fortune. All ! correspondence towards this transaction will be through email.
I await your earliest response.
Thanks,Yours Sincerely
Dr John.


Hey, Standard Trust Bank - thanks for putting that 419 warning message up on your website at http://www.standardtrustbank.com.

JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Thank you for your letter as I believe I am the man to help you. I am known to get things done. My concern though is that I do not have use for money in whatever passes for Nigerian currency these days. Dollars, man, dollars is where it is at.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 09:05:55 -0700 (PDT)

Dear JOHNSON SCHULER,

I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL WITH ALL THE CONTENT WELL NOTED.IN ANSWER TO YOUR MAIL,I HERE BY CONFIRME TO YOU THAT YOUR PART IN THIS DEAL IS THAT WE ARE GOING TO USE YOUR NAME TO TRANSFER THIS FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA.

FURTHER TO THIS, YOU SHOULD SEND TO ME IMMEDIATELY YOUR COMPANYS NAME AND ADDRESS SO THAT I WILL FORWARD SAME TO THE STANDARD TRUST BANK FOR THE APPROVAL OF THE FUND ON YOUR NAME, SO THAT PAYING BANK WILL TRANSFER THE FUNDS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

I ALSO WANT YOU TO CONFIRM TO ME THAT THIS FUNDS WILL BE SAFE WITH YOU AS SOON AS IT IS TRANSFERRED TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT PENDING WHEN I WILL COME AND MEET WITH YOU FOR THE SHARING AS AGREED ON.

AWAITING YOUR URGENT RESPOND.

FIND BELOW INFORMATION YOU ARE GOING TO SEND TO ME.

1. BANK NAME AND ADDRESS......
2. BANK TELEPHONEAND FAX NO. .........
3. YOUR COMPANY NAME AND ADDRESS ...........
4. YOUR FULL NAME .............................
5. YOUR PRIVATE MAILING ADDRESS FOR THE DELIVERY OF ALL THE DOCUMENT COVERING THIS FUNDS AFTER FINALREMITTANCE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.
6.YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NO...............

FINALLY I WILL ADVICE YOU OF THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE ABOVE STATED INFORMATIONS FROMYOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR KINDEST ASSISTANCE TOWARD THE CONCLUSION OF THIS DEAL.

DR JOHN.


Let the lessons begin. Thanks to the online Swedish/English dictionary: http://www-lexikon.nada.kth.se/skolverket/swe-eng.shtml Halla = Hello, Tag fast tjuven! = Stop, thief!

JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! I am thinking this is VERY fortunate for us. You need someone who speaks Swedish to be the recipient of the Swedish man's money, and I know some Swedish. Have you ever visited Sweden? "Hello" is "Halla!". Maybe we can visit there together when our business is concluded. After all, Jag ar enda barnet tronarvinge - I am to be the only heir.

I am not sure which bank account you are asking for, one of my personal accounts or a business account. I have both, please let me know. Also, what bank will the money be coming from? If it is not going to be in dollars, please let me know so I can factor in the time and charges it takes to make those conversions.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson


Halla to your goodself! If you're "haapy" and you know it shake your head (while you "translet"):

DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 10:13:09 -0700 (PDT)

DEAR JOHNSON SCHULER,

HALLA

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL, INFACT I WILL NOT HESITATE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I CAN PROVIDE AN INTERPRETER WHO CAN TRANSLET ANY LANGUAGE IN ENGLISH SO THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND IT VERY WELL.

I AM HAAPY THAT YOU ARE A SWEDISH AND I HOPE AND BELIEVED THAT SUCCESS WILL BE OUR AT THE END OF THE DAY. I WISH TO BE IN SWEDEN AS SOON AS THIS TRANSACTION IS FULLY CONCLUDED FOR A BETTER SHARING OF THE FUND.

FUTHERMORE, WHAT I ONLY NEED FROM YOU IN THIS TRANSACTION IS YOUR BANKING INFORMATIONS WHERE THIS FUND WILL BE LODGE, YOU HAVE TO SEND TO ME YOUR COMPANY BANKING INFORMATIONS AS I TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT THE FUND IS OWN BY A CONTRACTOR WITH ONE OF THE GOVERNMENT PARASTATAL WHO DEPOSITED THIS FUND HERE IN OUR BANK.

THIS MONEY IS COMING FROM BY BANK HERE STANDARD TRUST BANK IN NIGERIA AND IT IS COMING IN UNITED STATE DOLLARS WHICH IS $14.5 MILLION DOLLARS OK.

MY DEAR, AS SOON AS YOU SENT TO ME ALL THE REQUIRED INFORMATIONS WHERE THIS FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED, I AM GOING TO DOWNLOAD TO YOU MY FULL INFORMATION OF MY GOODSELF, WHICH I WILL ALSO LIKE YOU TO TELL ME ALSO YOUR GOODSELF.

I WILL SEND TO YOU MY FULL PHOTOGRAPH SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH AND I WILL ALSO LIKE YOU TO SEND TO ME YOURS OK.

YOU HAVE TO SEND THE INFORMATIONS IMMEDIATELY.

BANK NAME...............
COMPANY NAME...................
ACCOUNT NAME...................
ACCOUNT NUMBER..................
ROUTING NUMBER...................
YOUR HOME ADDRESS...................
PHONE NUMBER..................
FAX NUMBER......................

MY DEAR, AS SOON AS YOU SEND THESE INFORMATIONS, I WILL FURNISHED TO YOU ALL THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS CONCERNING THIS FUND OK.

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.

BEST REGARDS,

DR JOHN.

+++

Dra at helvete! = f--- off.

JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! I am glad my knowing Swedish language will help. I am not Swedish myself, but I have traveled there. I use CitiBank, I asked and they said you have to use their headquarters for transfer:

CITI BANK
WALL STREET
NEW YORK NY
10048-0001
USA
CHIPS NO: 0008
ABA NO: 021000089
SWIFT CODE: CITI US33
A/C NO: 36003318

My phone number is 213 745 876 1. My fax is 831 xxx xxx x. Please let me know when the money is coming in so I can warn the bank.

Dra at helvete!
Johnson

+++

The phone number is across from a women's restroom in the LA convention center, near the theater. Thanks to payphone-project.com. The fax is a freebie from efax. I don't know if he ever tried the phone; there were no faxes.

And now, the good Doctor interrupts his praying to give me his bio - as he prepares to present me "to the disease of the board"


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 15 May 2003 07:28:23 -0700 (PDT)

Dear JOHNSON SCHULER
, Thanks for your email and your good response to my mail, i will not waste any time to let you know that this fund will not waste much time in coming to your account hence I am in office here, it will not last up to two weeks, so far you can be able to do what I told you to do by sending application to the bank for immediate approval and release of the fund direct to your account.
As I told you yesterday that I will fully introduce myself properly to you and give you more details of this fund to enable you know the nature of the transaction.
Infact since after discovering of this fund and non existence of the depositor who owns the fund and non existence of any next of kin to claim the fund, i have been praying to the Almighty God to provide for me an honest business man ( a foreigner) who I can use to transfer this fund out of the country as I am in possession of all the valuable documents concerning this fund. I pray and hope that you are the right person for me, as you know I am a civil servant and all my hope of survival is on the conclusion of this deal and your being faithfully to me at the end of the day.
Before I go further I wish to inform you more about my good self so that you will have detail of who you are dealing with and i have also attached my photograph with this mail, for I know it will boost your confident and trust on me.
I am Dr. John Jones, bank manager of Standard Trust Bank of Nigeria (plc), I am from the northern part of the country born in a renowned Christian family of three (a boy and two girls am the only son) I am 45 years of age a graduate of Ahmed Bello university Zaria, the countrys most popular university. I have work with (STB) for ten years, I married with a wife Agatha and two children Junior and Stephen. I leave in the (STB) staff quarters plot 115 south west Ikoyi Lagos.
I hope you are a Christian too hence I see you as my brother and with the spirit of brotherhood success is going to ours on this transaction. All I need is your honesty and sincerity, the spirit of cheat and backbiting should be erased from our minds. This fund can make you a more wealthier person and at the same time elevate my standard of leaving so let us conclude this deal with one mind/spirit and establish a better relationship that can linger to our children. Please do let me have the details of you and send to me a copies of the vital pages of your international passport or your full photograph.
Now to the process of this payment, as I said all the valuable documents of this transaction are on my possession which I will fax to you so that you can go through it to understand the nature of the deal. I am going to present you as the next of kin to the disease to the board of the (UBA) and I will give you the text of the application which you should retype on your company letterhead to the UBA board requesting the Deposited sum to be paid to you as the next of kin to the bonafide beneficiary of this fund.
As soon as you make this application, the payment will immediately be approved for remittance into the account you will nominate because the Deposited sum has been floating waiting for claim and all the Deposited fund on this category have been paid remaining this USD14.5million.
We need to be fast on this deal there is no need to waste time, I wish to resign for an international business as soon as you confirm to me that the fund has hit your account.
I will furnish you with the necessary documents as soon as I hear from you with your personal data and an assurance that this deal should not be disclosed to any body now and after the conclusion of the deal.
This deal does not need any kind of loudness it should be between me and you a third ear could ruin the deal for us, please adhere to this.
Here is my confidential phone number for this transaction 234-8033216612, as soon as you get this mail, I will like you to call me immediately so that we can discuss more about this transaction ok. Regards as I expect your urgent response and phone call.
Yours brother
Dr John Jones

+++

Notice these parts above: "board of the (UBA)" and "the UBA board"? The UBA is the United Bank of Africa. Our Lad (who is with STB of course) can't keep his scams straight.

ett dumhuvud = a dumb cluck
Thanks to Groucho Marx for most of the travelogue.

JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! I am confused, you are talking in circles. I have Already given you my bank account number. What are you waiting for, man? Just send the money over, stop playing around with bank boards. Why do you need me to retype things on my company letterhead (paper) when we can transfer the money electronically (email)? Explain your goodself, man, don't be such ett dumhuvud.

Thank you for the biography. I am a musician, that is why I have traveled so many places. Sweden is a special place to me. So is Africa. Africa is God's country, and he can have it. I've visited South Africa, playing as part of a band. I went hunting there, looking for elks. The elks live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find it is only a water hole. We tried to remove the tusks of an elephant that had been shot but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. Of course in Alabama the Tuscaloosa but that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed, but we're going back again in a couple of weeks.

I met my wife when I was on tour in Sweden, that's how I picked up so much of the language. She's a special lady. A special, special lady. She doesn't mind me traveling so much and often accompanies me. Perhaps we can introduce her to your Agatha. Send me your wife's email address and I will have my wife contact her.

Let's get moving on our business! Don't waste any more of our precious time!

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson
(my picture is attached)

+++

If you want to read the full original speech, Google for "entirely irrelephant" My attachment was a picture of the real Doctor John.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 16 May 2003 05:13:27 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother,
Thank you for your mail, i am really sorry that you could not understand what i am talking about concerning the transfer of this fund into your account.
You have to understand that before this fund will be transferred into your account, we have to process the banking procedure to enable the fund move without any delay.
I know that you have sent your banking informations to me, what i told you is, you will send an application to the board of director including you banking information where you will like the fund to be transferred, indicating to them that you are the next of kin to the diseased which they will call for immediate approval for remittance direct to your account.
As i told you, i have perfectly arrange the application which you have to send to the board of directors of this bank requesting the total sum to be transferred to your account as the next of kin. I have attach the application, you can view it and understand what i mean ok.
You must apply for the transfer before the bank can transfer your fund direct to your account ok. What you have to do now is, you have to send the application to the bank with your company letter headed and well signed to show how authentic and how serious you needed the money ok.
As soon as you send the application to the bank, they will approve the application immediately and the bank will call you to verify that you are the person the are tranferring the fund to.
Right now, you have to send the application to this fax number if you have arrange it with you company letter headed. send it to this number:234-1-7594893. Please as soon as you get this mail, do call me immediate os that i will direct you more to enable us not to make a mistake ok.
This is my confidential line for this bussines:
234-8033216612.
I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.
Best regards,
Dr. John.

+++

The DOC attachment was the letter to the bank. We have a new dead bank customer! Come on down, Carlos Heskey!

kriminell verksamhet = criminal activity.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! I read through the letter and quite frankly I am glad you contacted me, since there are some parts of it that should be rewritten. Like in the first line, "remittance" only has one "m". And at the end, you never ask for the application to be granted, you tell them to grant it. Plus you got my name wrong, it's JOHNSON SCHULER, not Mr Johnson. And I cleaned up the fax part.

I added some Swedish to it, since Mr Heskey was Swedish. Here is the revised document.

DATE...2003/16/MAY

THE DIRECTOR,
INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT,
STANDARD TRUST BANK NIGERIA PLC.

APPLICATION FOR FUND RELEASE

SIR,

I AM MR. JOHNSON SCHULER, HEIR OF LATE MR. CARLOS HESKEY, WHO DEPOSITED A TOTAL SUM OF FOURTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS ($14.5) WITH YOUR BANK IN NIGERIA.

MR. CARLOS HESKEY DIED ON THE 27TH APRIL, 1998, IT HAPPENS THAT AFTER HIS DEATH, I WENT TO HIS HOUSE WHERE HE IS LIVING IN SWEDEN AND I HAVE GONE THROUGH HIS FILE DOCUMENT AND FOUND OUT THAT HE DEPOSITED THIS TOTAL SUM WITH YOUR BANK, STANDARD TRUST BANK PLC. IN NIGERIA WHERE HE EXECUTED A CONTRACT AS HE IS A FULL REGISTERED CONTRACTOR IN NIGERIA. HIS COMPANY NAME WAS KRIMINELL VERKSAMHET.

I WISH TO USE THIS OPPURTUNITY TO LET YOU KNOW THAT, AS I AM THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR. CARLOS HESKEY, I KINDLY APPLY FOR THE IMMEDIATE RELEASE AND TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO MY ACCOUNT AS I AM THE HIS NEXT OF KIN .MY BANKING DETAILS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

BANK: CITI BANK, WALL STREET NEW YORK
ACCOUNT NAME: JOHNSON SCHULER
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 36003318
CHIPS NUMBER: 0008
ABA NUMBER: 021000089
SWIFT CODE: CITI US33
PERSONAL PHONE NO. 2137458761

ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS TO PROVE THIS FUND ARE IN MY ASSOCIATE'S POSSESSION AND HE WILL FAX THEM TO YOU WHENEVER YOU NEED IT.

PLEASE EXPEDITE THIS ORDER.

REGARDS,


JOHNSON SCHULER

Go ahead and print that out and send it to the bank. That should get them hopping. I'm on the road and I can't make international calls from this motel.

Let me know Agatha's email, I think my Lydia would like to get to know her.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson

+++

My spouse is Lydia the Tattooed Lady (see the Marx Brothers "At the Circus" or google for "up the hill comes Andrew Jackson").


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Sat, 17 May 2003 11:47:27 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

HALLA

Thank you for your mail and for the application which you have perfectly arranged for the success of this bussines.

Infact, i am very happy in the way you added a swedish language to the application so that they will know that you are the next of kin because the diseased is a swedish ok.

Right now, you have to send the application to the board of direct of this bank immediately with the fax number i gave you so that by monday they will contact you for early transfer of the fund to your account ok.

Secondly, as for my wife email address, you can contact her with this address:
agathajones2003@yahoo.com

My dear, i hope and pray that this bussines will be some thing that will bring the two family together soon and i believed that it will linger to our children for a better relationship.

The application is now good to be send to the bank, you have to send it immediately ok, as soon as you fax it to the number i gave you, you have to call me immediately so that i will know that you have send it and for me to hurry them to enable the board approve the application immediately ok.

As i promised you, i will be here to make sure that they board of director approve the application as fast as possible, i will lobby all the neccessary desk to enable them transfer the fund immediately ok.

Please, if the bank contact you, you have to let me know immediately by calling me on phone so that i will know what ever they tell you ok.

As soon as you send the fax, please call me immedaitely ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

han är en riktig förlorare = he's a real loser

JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! Your Agatha is fortunate to have such a husband. But I do not think you read my email right. I cannot fax from here. Please send in the fax to the directors, I cannot send international faxes from this motel. It will probably be some time before I could do so. The life of a musician, you know.

Lydia will be very excited to have a foreign pen pal. I will not tell her the nature of our business relationship. After all, she's a woman. I'm sure she'd say of you "han är en riktig förlorare" if you know what I mean.

Let me know when the fax is sent. As the letter you approved says, ALL THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS TO PROVE THIS FUND ARE IN MY ASSOCIATE'S POSSESSION AND HE WILL FAX THEM TO YOU WHENEVER YOU NEED IT.

So they will not be surprised to receive this fax from you, my associate.

Dra åt helvete,
Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Mon, 19 May 2003 04:45:25 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail and well understand, as you told me to send the fax by myself from here, i have perfectly send the fax yesterday by fax from one of my friends house.

Secondly, i added your email address to the application so that if the bank want to contact you by mail good, it they like fax good ok.

You have to be carefull now, they may call you on phone to verify if you are the next of kin or not so that they will know exactlly the person they are transfering the fund to ok.

I told you to call me and you could not call why, i will like to talk to you as you know very well that i cannot call you from here and this is the only place i have access of international calls.

Remember, i told you that the should not know that you knows me, that is why i have a confidential phone number for this deal ok.

As soon as you get this mail, please do call me immediately ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Yours Brother,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! It is good to hear from you. I am still traveling on this concert tour, so I am still stuck in little motels. Hopefully I will be home soon. Until then email is the best way to reach me. I gave Lydia Agatha's email address, she is lonely without me so I think she will be in contact.

It sounds like everything should be set, let me know when the money is to come so I can get the check ready to send back to you.

Dra åt helvete,
Johnson

+++

Part 2: TATTOO YOU - "Mr musa draw a tattos on my full body to the extent that no person can talk to me again ..."

+++

bränt barn skyr elden = once bitten, twice shy.

LYDIA SCHULER

Miss Agatha,
My husband Johnson give me your email. Please write back. Where do you live? Will be nice to have remote friend.

Bränt barn skyr elden
Lydia

+++

Exactly how long do you think it will take Lady Agatha to ask Lydia to send her money? Place your bets now, the answer is coming up. +++

originating IP: 216.139.167.33 No reverse DNS, maybe Pan Am Sat

AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Received: from [216.139.167.33]
Date: Mon, 19 May 2003 11:24:44 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: Hello

Dear Lydia Schuler,

This is great to hear from you, i was told also by my husband, Dr. John that he has a friend in Sweden and the wife will contact me.

How are you Lydia?, How is your Children, i hope fine ok

I am happy to hear from you ok.

Have a wonderfull day,

regards,

Mrs. Agatha Jones.

+++

en smygande sjukdom---an insidious disease


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, is wonderful to hear from you. I get so lonely when my hsband is out on travel, it is hard to know to trust all the time you understanding. Does your husband travl much? I am not blessed with children, it would be difficlt with him travel you know. So I work at local library and see many children there. Plus it helps to have money that way, yes?

Maybe you can help, I cannot ask Johnson this, do you know if there is way to get tattoos removed?

Please to writing back, hope you have en smygande sjukdom.

Lydia

+++



originating IP 212.250.100.123. Badly configured reverse DNS.

AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Tue, 20 May 2003 03:23:19 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you ok, i am already blessed with children, i can't understand you very well, are you talking of getting children by you, moreover my husband do travel too ok,

Meanwhile, if you are intrested ingetting children, i can advise you on what to do because here in Nigeria we have a lot of herbs that can help you so fast ok.

I remember the time i have not get any child, my mother get some for me ok.

Remain Bless,

Agatha Jones.

+++

Agatha's just about to offer herbs for fertility, but then she takes the opportunity to change their usage. Excuse the middle school humor here. "Johnson" is slang for male genitalia.
pank = broke, cleaned out, lar = thigh, tatuering = tattoo


LYDIA SCHULER

Dear Agatha,

Thank you for answer to my email, I sorry English is not my first language, some words I have to use Swedish. You are very good with it. Thank you for herbs but does not help when Johnson is not here.

Your husband travel for work, is hard to trust him? I worry, my Johnson goes places, I not know where my Johnson go into all the time you know. I work and earn the money for the house. I give him money to take on trips but he is musician and pank. So I take care of business.

Do you know if there is way to get tattoos removed? I have tautering of "Johnson" on my inner lar, I am now thinking was not a good idea you know.

Remaine blessed
Lydia

+++

Having no idea what a lar is, Agatha goes along with it. And hey, she found a use for those magical chemicals that clean stained bills. They were going to be fertility herbs but give the customers what they want: +++

originating IP 195.166.237.34. More invalid reverse DNS calls. This guy skips around a lot.

AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Tue, 20 May 2003 09:36:56 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, infact i am sorry that you enter yourself with that type of thing, why did you alow him to draw a tatoos on your inner lar?

Infact, i have fall the victim with one of my friend before i got married with Dr.John Jones, i know what it tooks me to get it out, i have a very big love om him before i allow him to draw such thing on me.

My dear, i dont know if i tell you what to do so that you can remove it, if you will tell it to your husband, you have to understant that if you tell your husband that i am the person that gave you the cleaner that remove it, he will tell it to my husband and you know that he is a very good friend of my husband.

I will advise you, but you have to promise me that you will not tell your husband that i am the person that gave you the Tattos cleaner ok.

I am going now to make an arragement on how to send to you the Tattos cleaner so that you will remove it immediately ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest so that you can give me go ahead to bring the Tattos cleaner ok.

Remain Bless,

Agatha Jones.

+++

This all probably sounds irrelevant at the moment, but it's important on June 8.
fröken i skolan var min första förälskelse = my schoolteacher was my first love

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

Thank you for concern but I not want to use chemicals. Why did I do it I was in love, like they say in my hometown fröken i skolan var min första förälskelse. I'm sure that is true for you too.

Many of my people get tattoos of their loves. But I worry that if Johnson and I are not together then I should get rid of it. I control the money in the house so it would be easy for me to get on my two feet as they say.

Can you tell me about the time when you were victim of love?

Remain bless
Lydia

+++

And now, the story of Agatha's magic potion. Read this aloud at a party sometime. C&C alert. Watch for this story on the Lifetime channel next month. +++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 03:31:58 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, infact i fall the victim the time i have not got this my husband, i fall the victim with mr Musa, i hope and trust him that time that he must surely get married with me and at the end of the day, he could not marry me again.

After i have that problem with him, i went to my friend in Nigeria here and tell her every thing about me and Mr Musa, how we are in love before and what he draw on my body, did you know that Mr musa draw a tattos on my full body to the extent that no person can talk to me again, if some one want to talk to me as soon as he saw that tattos, he will run away and say that Mr Musa will kill him, no man can come to me again.

My dear, as i told my friend every thing and show her my body, she took me to where i bought the chemical, (tattos cleaner) they told me how i will use it and i apply it to my body, evey thing about the tattos dissappearred immediately the next day.

Lydia, i know how you can remove it so that your husband will not suspect you, you have to use a chemical, it will be dissappearing little by little so that your husband will not know that you apply a chemical on it, before some weeks, it will dissappear and your husband will suspect that the tattos has expired ok.

Had it been that you are so closed to me here, i could have take you to the place i bought the tattos cleaner ok, but if you need it, i can still send it to you by courrier service so that in the next three days, you will recieve it ok.

Firstly, you have to promise me that you will not tell it to your husband that you apply a tattos cleaner on your body, so that i can send it to you ok.

You dont need to be afriad, i will clean it up ok, you have to send to me your full address where i will send the tattos cleaner so that you will get it and use it ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

A. Jones.

+++

And just like that, we went from the tossed-off idea of Lydia the Tattooed Lady to proposing the lad send magical chemicals to the FDA:

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

Thanks to you. You can send it to my friends house, I not wanting Johnson to see it. He can be violent sometimes. Here friends address: 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, Maryland 20857.

This will help so muchly. Then will be easier to leave. I have the money, now I will have clean start and my frind Mrs Agatha to thank for it.

If I can help you with something tell me.

Remain blessed
Lydia


Part 3: THE 0.001% SOLUTION AND THE COURIER FEES. The start of two weeks worth of math-related mugu abuse. Includes the only true statement the Lad makes: "i am a woman like your type"

Back to Johnson:


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! Where is the money? It should be in my account by now, but it isn't.

Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 07:57:15 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, you have to wait for the bank to verify very well on your documents before they can contact you, as i told you before, i am here to make sure that they will approve the payment to your account ok.

Please as soon as they contact you, please do let me know immediatey ok. I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

A couple of minutes later, DR WILLIAMS DUDU, or DR MARK PETER, or DR MARK PRTER, he can't decide which, enters and elevates the humor level. The lad didn't even bother to use the name of a real director at the bank:


DR WILLIAMS DUDU/DR MARK PETER/DR MARK PRTER [standard_t_bank@consultant.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 09:51:47 -0500
From: "Dr. Williams Dudu"
Subject: YOUR FUND TRANSFER.

FROM DR. MARK PETER,
THE DIRECTOR INTERNATIONAL
REMITTANCE STANDARD TRUST BANK PLC,
NIGERIA.
PHONE:234-17754348

SIR,

TRANSFER OF FOURTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS ($14.5)

ATTENTION: MR JOHNSON SCHULER,

AFTER SO MANY INVESTIGATIONS ON YOUR FILE WHICH YOU SEND TO OUR BANK HERE AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO ACCOUNT NUMBER STB-003/0051998 BELONGING TO MR CARLOS HESKEY, WE DO HEREBY LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU FUND IS NOW DUE TO BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT WHICH YOU HAVE STATED TO US HERE.

YOU ARE REQUESTED TO COME TO OUR BANK HERE WITHIN TEN (10) BANKING DAY FOR YOUR ENDORESMENT OF YOUR DOCUMENT BEFORE IT CAN BE FULLY TRANSFERRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

YOU ARE ALSO REQUESTED TO COME UP WITH YOU SIGNING FEE OF 0.001% OF THE TOTAL MONEY. WE WISH TO LET YOU KNOW THAT AS SOON AS YOU HAVE DONE THIS PROCESS, YOUR FUND WILL BE IN YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 48 BANKING HOURS.

AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MAIL, YOU HAVE TO CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY BY MAIL OR PHONE FOR EARLY TRANSFER OF YOUR MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS,

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR. MARK PRTER.
Director international remittance
standard trust bank plc.
lagos Nigeria.

+++

BWAHAHAHAHAHA - He only asked for $145! Shouldn't have skipped that math class, Dudu! He meant to say 0.1%, not 0.001%! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

move (close) in for the kill = {även bildligt} sätta in dödsstöten

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! I have received their request FINALLY. What does it take to get people to work in that bank?

My only concern is that they expect me to be there physically. That's just plain silly. They have my account number, there is no need for me to be in the bank office. But if that is what they need then I will go to the headquarters of the Standard Trust Bank and find their offices. They say it can be anytime in the next two weeks. It's time to sätta in dödsstöten.

There's also a small fee, please send them $145 to cover everything. It's a good thing it wasn't more or I'd have to ask Lydia for more money - she's been acting very strangely lately.

Johnson


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Mark,

Thank you. My associate will likely be meeting with you in my stead, as I am traveling at the moment. He will bring the $145 fee you requested.

Dra åt helvete


JOHNSON SCHULER

+++

Meanwhile, AGATHA JONES moves in for the courier service charge. If you had "44 hours" in the pool, you win.

+++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 07:07:10 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Thank you for your understanding, i have arrange on how i will send the tattos cleaner to you by courrier serevice, but you have to pay for the courrier service to enable me send it immediately.

you have to confirm back the address, i hope your country is U.S.A. ok.

5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, Maryland 20857. United State of America or Sweeden,please confirm to me.

Secondly, i have gone to the courrier service they told me that the charge for the delivering to your house is $178 dollars plus duyt charge $22 dollars, total of $200 dollars only.

If you want to get this chemical this week, you have to send the money immediately so that i can send it by courrier service immediately ok.

You can send the money by western union with my secretary name: George Osondu, lagos Nigeria.

He is my secretary and he is the person that can go to the western union office and get the money because i dont nomarly get chance ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

A. Jones.

+++

The following translation is almost letter perfect. The real Swedish word is osunda. Also, asna = ass; dum i huvet = stupid

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

Thank you, country is United States. Who is George Osondu? I wouild not use a man with that name for busness. In Swedish, osondu is "unhealthy". If you had an unhealthy busness, it would be said osondu affarsmetoder. For unhealthy living words is osondu livsforing. I not am wanting chemicals from an osondu person! Is like going to Doctor named Killer!

I not know where Western Union is. I live in the Eastern US, not the Western US. I will check for Eastern Union. Will be simplest if you send cleaner and include return envelope in the package I will then send currier money to you in envelop. You are true dum i huvet asna.

Remain bless
Lydia


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 11:51:18 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, i am sorry that you said that osondu in an unhealthy person in swedish language but here, it is a honest man ok.

Mr osondu is my secretary here in my office, he is the only person i trust ok, you have to understand that i cannot go to the bank and get money unless i send some body ok

If you send it with mr osondu name, it is save ok, i trust him, i am not going to send him to courrier service, and i will not tell him what we are doing ok, dont worry your self, go ahead and send it with his name ok.

As for the western union, you have to ask for it, go to the bank and ask where you can send money to Nigeria, we call it western union money transfer ok. Not eastern union.

No matter the place you are living in America, you will see the western union office near you ok. as for sending money through courrier service, it is not working, they will take the money, i prefer western union ok.

Meanwhile, if you dont need that name, i will give you another name so that you will use and send it ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

God Bless,

A. Jones.


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

Why can you not go to bank? I am worried that it is because the chemical did something to you, you can not go in public. Please tell me.

I will put money in many envelopes in courrer envelop, they will not know what I put inside. Please send. If is not hear by Friday then will have to wait, Johnson and I are meeting for long weekend while he is on touring.

I have never heard of Western Union. If I am at bank would be simpler to ask them for cash then to ask for directions to other busness! Maybe would be simpler if I send you ATM card.

Remain bless
Lydia

+++

Meanwhile - WHAT? I ONLY ASKED FOR $145? Then I better introduce lawyer fees into this quickly!


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 11:39:55 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail and well understood, infact i am very happy that you have recieved information from the bank, are you telling me that they told you to pay $145 dollars only?

My dear, you dont need to worry your self about coming to Nigeria, i have to move now and look for an attorney who can go on your behalf and see them, tell them that you are not in Nigeria now and you are sick that you will send you lawyer to come on your behalf ok.

Please confirm exactly how much did they told you to pay and when are they transferring the fund direct to your account ok. Please i need you urgent response immediately as we dont have much time on this deal because delay is dangerious ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! Yes, they said I needed $145 for the transaction. That seemed high for such a simple matter, so I checked again and that was the number. So please send that to them, it is not much and even one day's worth of interest should cover that.

Now you just need to play a lawyer, we do not need to involve anyone outside in order to conclude this business. Hopefully I can get this done without Lydia finding out. Did Agatha ever hear from her?

Dra åt helvete

JOHNSON SCHULER

+++

Speaking of Agatha: +++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 14:55:25 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, i want to inform you now that i am on net with my computer here, you can sending me mail online so that i will narrate you more on how you can send the money to me here ok.

There is no need of telling your husband about the money you will send, he will start suspecting you on what we are going to do with the money ok.

Remember, i told you that i will not like him to know that i am sending you the chemical for the tattos ok.

Now what you have to do is, go to the money transfer office and send it with my name.

MRS AGATHA NWADIKE.
LAGOS NIGERIA.

This is exactly what is in my passport name, my fathers name is Nwadike before i got married to John Jones, then i have to answer Agatha Jones ok.

You have to ask them where you can send money to Nigeria ok.

I am waiting for your response immediately ok.

Remain Bless,

A. Jones.

+++

samlag = intercourse

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

OK. Please send me "before" and "after" pictures of your skin where tattoos were so I can be sure it will not burn me. Another friend online tells me of laser methods that do not burn. He says chemicals on skin would need burn to remove tatoo.

"nyadike" means "new ditch" in Swedish. Is better than unhealthy osondu but is still omen.

I off to see Johnson this tomorrow for samlag, will look for your package when I get back. Please send with photos or send photos in email.

Remain bless
+++

The subject line now changes:

+++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 04:54:57 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: God is Good ok

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, i dont know how to send picture by mail, but what i am promising to you is that your skin will never get burn at all, this is what i have been fearing when i did my own before, i thought that my skin will get burn but the people gave me some thing that will not harm my skin ok.

Listen very well, i am a woman like your type, i cannot tell you lie, if at all the it will burn your skin, i will not tell you that i know about it.

Before you sue it over there, you can take it to people that know s about it so that they will tell you that it is a good tattos cleaner ok.

Why we are calling it chemical is because it remove a sturborn things, but the real name is TATTOS CLEANER. ok.

I am assuring to you 100% that this tattos cleaner will not burn your skin ok. if you are ready to get it immediately, you have to do what i told you to enable me help and send the tattos cleaner ok, but if you dont need it you better forget about it ok.

I am looking for your early reply soonest ok.

Remain Bless,

A. Jones

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

Thank you much for your help. I have been searching Internet for help and it seems removal solutions take long time or are painful. I think maybe I am stuck with JOHNSON tatuering on lar? But send sample to address I will ask local farmacee about it. If it is OK then I will send for full shipment.

I will see Johnson this weekend, he says he has some question about more travel. Travel is expensive, we have to keep men in line, yes?

Remain bless,
Lydia

+++

Meanwhile, more math (and spelling) a la Mugu as he tries to dig himself out of the hole he's dug:

+++


DR WILLIAMS DUDU/DR MARK PETER/DR MARK PRTER [standard_t_bank@consultant.com]

Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 06:28:37 -0500
Subject: Re: YOUR FUND TRANSFER.

ATTEN: MR. JOHNSON SCHULER,

I ACKLOWLEDGE THE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO PAY A TOTAL OF 0.001% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT AS THE SIGNING FEE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER YOUR MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

SECONDLY,YOU INFORMED US THAT YOUR ASSISTANCE WILL COME AND SIGN AND PAY THE MONEY WHICH YOU SAID IS $145 DOLLARS.

I DUE HEREBY LET YOU KNOW THAT0.001% OF YOUR FUND IS $7,250 DOLLARS ONLY. YOU ARE TO PAY THIS FEE IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US MAKE THE TRANSFER.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. MARK PETER.

+++

No it isn't, mugu. have money to burn = ha pengar som gräs

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Mark,

Thank you for confirming that the fee is 0.001% of the fund. That seems very high to me but my associate has agreed to pay it.

As for the value, you are incorrect. The fund is $14,500,000. 0.001% of that is $145, which my associate will provide to you. You can verify that equation on any calculator. There is no way the answer could be any different. In order for the fee to be $7250, the total for the fund would have to be $725,000,000, but as you clearly stated in your first email the fund is at $14,500,000.00. So $145 it is. My associate will provide that to you.

Also, please provide the address of your headquarters, as my plans are changing and I may come there in person rather than send my associate for the finalization of business.

Ha pengar som gräs,
JOHNSON SCHULER.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

DR JOHN JONES appears to have inside information on the real amount due. Imagine that.

Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 05:10:52 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: Re: URGENT CONTRACT.

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact i am surprised that you said that they told you to pay a total sum of $145 dollars, i have gone to the Director international remittance and saw every thing there, it is not $145 dollars, you have to cheek very well and know how much the told you ok so that we can conclude this bussines immediately.

Why i told you that i will involve a lawyer, is you told me that the said that you will come to Nigeria for signing the document, i know that you will not have chance for that, that is why we have to bring lawyer to stand on your behalf and sign the document, that is how people are doing it here ok.

Please find out the total amount and tell me immediately ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

bite the hand that feeds one = vara otacksam mot sin välgörare

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! The bank director sent me another letter to confirm the costs, he said it is 0.001% of 14.5 million. I think is still too high, but I am sure you can come up with the $145 he requests.

Do not hire a lawyer. I am thinking that for this much money I should be there in person to make sure nobody tries to vara otacksam mot sin välgörare, you know. So I will go to the bank headquarters myself and we can then settle everything in person. I will need to get travel money from Lydia but that should be doable.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 07:12:05 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: BE READY

Dear Brother Johnson,

HALLA,

Thank you for your informations, from the tone of your mail, i have understand that they bank gave you a total sum of 0.001% of the total amount.

Well, it is not too much, and i hope that we are going to conclude this bussines this week so that by next week, the fund must be in your account over there.

My dear, you have to gop and look for money, i am going to settle every thing here about the lawyer to enable this bank transfer the fund.

You have to be fast as you know the nature of this bussines, i dont want in a situation where the bank will go deep in asking you more questions which i will not like because of the nature of the deal ok.

You have to arranger money over there and tell my by tomorrow, how much you arrange so that i will know on my side here so that we can join hands together and settle off this fee to enable the bank transfer the fund immediately ok.

I am waiting for your response immediately.

Regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

What are you talking about? DO NOT HIRE A LAWYER. We don't need one to sign for me, I will be traveling there. I just need to convince Lydia to give me the money for the travel.

I'm still mad about the $145. But you can just pay that to him directly. I don't know what you're talking about looking for money, just give the man $145 and stop whining about it. I'll pay you back from my cut.

Gotta go, next set coming up soon. Also, I'm going on holiday tomorrow for the weekend.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

DR JOHN JONES checks his math. He still fails. Love the first two sentences. Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 12:37:20 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail and well understand, infact if you can come to the bank here, it is good but why i told you to stay so that i will hire a lawyer to enable him sign on your behalf is because of money involvement and you coming down here and questions may arise if the see you which i dont know what it will be, but as of me, i will like you to come and sign the document ok.

Secondly, i have cheek in the office here for the fee on your file, you are telling me to pay $145 dollars, that is not what they told you, they are requesting you to pay a total fee of 0.001% of the total fund, which i have sort out and see that it is almost $7,300 dollars.

My dear, this amount of money will not make us not to get this fund transferred to your account, if at all that it is that small money you are talking before, i could have pay it since ok.

We have to arrange our self properly before your coming so that we will not make any mistake ok. I told the lawyer to wait until i hear from you that you may decide to come by your self ok.

My dear, tell me how much you have at hand so that i will add it to the one i have here to enable you pay off the fee so that the bank will understand that you are serious and you are coming to sign the document soon ok.

As soon as you get this mail, please reply immediately ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla! It was a good set, you should have heard us.

You are wrong about the fee. The bank director himself told me that the fee is 0.001% of the total fund like you said. The fund is $14,500,000. 0.001% of that is $145. So if they tell you any different they are LYING TO YOU. Maybe somebody there is trying to steal from you. No matter what they say, do not give them more than $145!!!! Just give them the $145 and that will take care of everything. I have several letters from the director in which he says only $145 is needed. Any other number is WRONG.

Like I said, I plan to go to the headquarters myself so if you cannot come up with $145 (which I would be shocked by, given how much you stand to make!) I will bring it with me.

Will you meet me at the headquarters or should we meet after I have finished getting the money moved? I will see Lydia tomorrow and ask her for the travel money. Well, back to the van for another trip.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson

+++

Meanwhile, Lydia gets another request for $200: +++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 12:22:48 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, you have to understand that i only want to help you getting this tattos out, you are requesting for a sample, but you have to ask, how do i send the sample.

I am using my money to buy the tattos cleaner so that you will see the sample, i have told yopu that sending such things in America will cost you only $200 dollars and i dont have another money for sending it, i can only buy it with my money here, then you have to pay for the courrier service to your place ok.

If you are intrested in getting the tattos cleaner, you send the courrier service money immediately ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Remain Bless,

A Jones.

+++

MSDS = Material Safety Data Sheet. Don't ship chemicals without it. put one's money where one's mouth is = bevisa nŒgonting %%informellt; ofta humoristiskt!%

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

English is not good, maybe you not understand me. I do not want full supply now. Maybe you send me very small sample so friend at farmacee can make sure it is okay. Send it to my address. Then if he says is okay send full order. Send small sample to 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, Maryland 20857 USA. It should not cost more than few pennies to get and mail small sample. Can be very little size you understand.

I am leaving tonight for trip to see Johnson. Tell me when you have mailed small sample. Oh, friend says you need to include MSDS material safty paper when you mail you probly already know this. Bevisa någonting.

Remain bless.
Lydia


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 23 May 2003 03:21:53 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, i do understand you, but you have to make sure that you understand me well. i told you that i can only buy the sample but i cannot be able to send it because of the charge of the courrier service people. they are charging me $200 dollars for the delivering to your address you gave me ok.

I have told you, i can only help you and buy the cleaner here but as for the courrier service, i can't afford it ok. i have many children to feed and i have not paid there school fee which i must pay soon ok.

Remain bless,

A. Jones.

+++

Lydia auto-responded with an "on vacation" email:

Thanks for email, friends! I am away until 5/26 for samlag. I will read emails when returns.
Lydia


Part 4 - FOLLOW HIM WITH SORFT MIND - "THANK YOU FOR HELPING US TO SERVE YOU BETTER."

+++

Meanwhile, 10% and 50% are apparently THE SAME THING. Kids, let this be a lesson to you - don't drop out early. Read this math lesson from the lad slowly - savor it like a fine wine:

+++


DR WILLIAMS DUDU/DR MARK PETER/DR MARK PRTER [standard_t_bank@consultant.com]

Date: Fri, 23 May 2003 05:02:27 -0500
Subject: Re: YOUR FUND TRANSFER.

ATTENTON: MR JOHN SCHULER,

I CACKNOWLEDGE THE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL BUT ABSOLUTELY WRONG IN THE CORRECTION YOU WANT TO MAKE.

FIRSTLY, YOUR TOTAL AMOUNT TO BE TRANSFERRED IS $14.5 MILLION DOLLARS AND 1% OF $14.5= $145 THOUSAND

0.01% = $14,500(FOURTEEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS.

0.001% = $7,250 DOLLARS( SEVEN THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND FIFFTY DOLLARS).

YOU HAVE TO CORRECT YOURSELF ON THIS FEE, YOUR TOTAL CHARGE IS $7,250 DOLLARS ONLY.

AS FOR THE ADDRESS OF OUR BANK HERE, YOU HAVE MAKE ARRANGEMENT OF YOUR COMING, THE FULL ADDRESS WILL BE DOWN TO YOU TO ENABLE LOCATE OUR BANK HERE IN LAGOS NIGERIA.

CONFIRM TO US THE DATE OF YOUR COMING TO ENABLE US ARRANGE THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND AT THE SAME DAY AFTER YOU PAYMENT HAVE BEEN MADE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. MARK PETER.

+++

Ain't he great? 7 emails over two days from him on this topic.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr Mark,

How did you get to be a bank director without being able to do math?

You say
0.01% is $14,500 (which is wrong, but let's pretend it's right for a second).

Then you say
0.001% = %7,250

That's wrong. 0.001% is one-tenth of 0.01%. Do you at least understand that? There is NO WAY that 14500 divided by 10 is 7250. And your base number is WRONG anyway. 14500000 * .01% is 1450. 14500000 * 0.001% is $145. You can verify this on any calculator. Even on your PC - bring up the calculator, then put in 14500000 times 0.001 and hit the percent sign. See how easy that is?

I will bring the $145. I will not bring one cent more, since that is what you have now told me three times is the charge.

If you are not comfortable doing basic math, perhaps you can find a worker there who knows how to multiply correctly.

JOHNSON SCHULER.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 23 May 2003 03:38:31 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, but the problem there is, you cannot understand me at all, remember the amount is $14.5 million, it is not $145,000 ok.

You should now my possition in the bank here, i am not the type somebody can tell lie or can tell something that is not in the banking procedure ok.

My dear, what i think you can do is, tell the bank that you are coming to Nigeria, but before that, you have to tell the director what you are going to pay, he is a man like you, intead of delaying things, tell him how much you have at hand so that before your coming we have to arrange the total amount at hand here so that as soon as you arrives here in the next day, they will releadse the fund to you ok

Please go ahead and contact him, tell him how much you have and went you will send it to him ok. remember what i told you, i cannot pay any money on your behalf here becuse they may suspect me.

Please what ever the director tells you, do let me know immediately ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

The bank director is an idiot or a thief, he thinks that $14500 divided by 10 is 7250. And he cannot do percents. A percent is one-hundredth. 0.001% of 14500000 is one hundred thousandth = $145. Anybody with a calculator and a brain can see that.

So, since you do not seem to be willing to pay the $145, I will come there and do it myself. Under NO circumstances should you pay more than $145.

I am off on travel with Lydia now, will be back Tuesday.

Halla
Johnson

+++

And now, and I quote, "THANK YOU FOR HELPING US TO SERVE YOU BETTER."

+++


DR WILLIAMS DUDU/DR MARK PETER/DR MARK PRTER [standard_t_bank@consultant.com]

Date: Sat, 24 May 2003 07:26:17 -0500

ATTEN: MR JOHNSON SCHULER,

YOU CORRECTION IS PERFECTLY GOOD, I THOUGHT THAT THE 0.001% OF THAT SAID AMOUNT IS $7,250 DOLLARS WHICH YOU ARE SURPOSED TO PAY.

REALLY, YOU FEE IS $7,250 DOLLARS, AND IT HAS ALREADY RECORDED IN THE FILE HERE, IT WAS A MISTAKE FROM MY SECRETARY, AND I HAVE CORRECTED THE MISTAKE.

HOWEVER, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO PAY $7,250 AS THE SIGNING FEE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER THE FUND IMMEDIATELY.

THANK YOU FOR HELPING US TO SERVE YOU BETTER.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR. MARK PETER.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr Mark,

Thank you, that makes perfectly good sense if I did not already have multiple messages from you requesting EXACTLY 0.001% of 14.5 million dollars, which is exactly $145. If you need $7250 for you vacation or whatever else you are planning, that is your business. I think that $145 is too much for this business. If you need an extra $7105, that is your problem.

I have received a disturbing email from my associate who now seems to think that the fee is $145,000. Doesn't anyone in your bank own a calculator?

I will be there shortly to pay you exactly $145 and complete my business. If you need additional money (perhaps to take math lessons) you can ask my

associate. Johnson.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

DR JOHN JONES apparently thinks $14,500 and $145,000 are the same thing:

Date: Sat, 24 May 2003 03:49:16 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, please i have found out the total amount, the direct really have mercy for you because you are surposed to pay $145,000.

He latter divided the amount into two for you to pay as the fee, please dont hurt him, he is correct on what he is saying, if you try to dout him, he will add more money on the fee ok.

Please my dear, you have to follow him with sorft mind to enable him transfer the fund ok.

Please do what i told you to do, what matters is for us to get the fund transferred into your account ok.

I believed that by monday we have to settle every thing about this fee ok. I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

WHAT? $145,000? YOU MUST BE JOKING. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, NOT SOME GAME. IF YOU CAN'T DO MATH THEN MAYBE TAKE A CLASS AT THE LOCAL SCHOOL OR SOMETHING. I DON'T CARE IF HE DIVIDED A NUMBER BY TWO, THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM IT IS HIS. HE STILL CAME UP WITH A NUMBER THAT WAS OFF BY A HUGE AMOUNT.

I WORRY HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF HELPING COMPLETE OUR BUSINESS IF HE IS SO INCOMPETENT. SURELY OTHER PEOPLE MUST HAVE REPORTED HIM TO THE DIRECTORS. PERHAPS WE WOULD BE BEST SERVED BY DITCHING HIM AND USING SOMEONE ELSE. FAST.

Johnson.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Mon, 26 May 2003 12:42:52 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail and for your understanding, infact, you did not understand what i said, i did not say that you will pay $145,000 dollars, what i said is, if at all is the time the Director is wicked, he could have given you sucgh amount to pay, but i thank God he didn't tell you to pay such amount of money ok.

Meanwhile, i have gone very well on your file here, there is nothing we can do because he have already wrote the total fee to be paid on your file, what i want you to do is, please plead for him, let us see if he can reduct some money from it so that as soon as the fund is transferred, you have to balance it immediately ok.

My dear, days are going, we have to be fast ok, send a mail to him for plead ok.

Please i will advise you, there is no need of douting him, i know how they do behave, we have to pay them as soon as he reduct something from it so that he can transfer the fund immediately ok.

I have arrange some money on my side, please what ever he reduct it, let me know immediately so that we can put heads together and settle this fee to enable them transfer the fund direct to your account ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Jones,

HALLA.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HE HAS ONLY EVER ASKED FOR $145. IF THERE IS ANY EXTRA CHARGE, YOU SHOULD COVER IT. WE CAN TAKE IT FROM THE PROFITS. YOU SAID I AM SUPPOSED TO PAY $145,000, THAT IS NOT TRUE UNLESS YOU MEANT TO USE A PERIOD INSTEAD OF A COMMA, $145.000. THE THIRD ZERO IS NOT NECESSARY.

I DON'T CARE WHO WROTE WHAT ON A FILE. QUIT WASTING MY TIME WITH SECRETARY MISTAKES AND BROKEN CALCULATORS. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO CONCLUDE THE BUSINESS, NOT TO FIND OUT WHY DR MARK PETER FAILED THIRD GRADE MATH.

I WILL BE THERE SHORTLY. TELL DR MARK TO WRITE THE RIGHT NUMBER ON THE FILE AND STOP WASTING OUR PRECIOUS TIME!!!

Johnson.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Tue, 27 May 2003 02:47:05 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact my brother, there is no way for us to continue taking about only one problem, what we should talk is only how we can settle this fee and get this fund transferred into your account.

My dear, please stop using hard voice tone to write Dr. Mark Peter, you dont know his position here in the bank, you should know that every body will not have the same understanding, because of his connection the father has with the Nigeria ministry of works, that is why he aws able to become one ofthe directors to the bank.

Please for the success of this bussines, follow my instructions ok., he may diced to frustrate us if you use hard voice oh him, here is Nigeria, they dont follow any law here for your informations.

Now to the success of this bussines, how much can you help for me to pay off this fee and wait for your arrival here to enable us get ready for the transfer so that they will prepare your documents so that as soon as you comes, you endorese the document for transfer ok.

Please do let me know immediately as day are running down for us.let me know the date of your coming and your flight schedule ok

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

invest money in a project = satsa pengar påett projekt

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. What do you mean there is no law in Nigeria? Didn't you just have an election? Listen, I do not understand what you are asking for. You ask for help paying off fee, I will plan to bring 14,500 pennies if that will solve the fee problem. Dr Mark seems to have plenty of time to just play on email with made-up numbers. If he wants extra money from you, you need to stand up to him and negotiate like a man. Don't take his word for it! Here's what you do: Tell him you can't afford the full fee but you will give him 0.001% of $100,000. He will agree. Then give him $1.

I will plan to be there some time next week after this trip ends. I am thinking of going straight from the airport to the bank offices since you say there is some lawlessness to deal with. Then we will finish the business, like satsa pengar pΠett project. Please send the address of the bank headquarters.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson

+++

Meanwhile, back in the ladies' room:

+++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

DEAR LYDIA,

WHERE ARE YOU, I RECEIVED YOU AUTO RESPONSE THAT YOU TRAVEL AND YOU WILL BE BACK ON 26TH.

HOW FAR HAVE YOU GONE WITH THE REMOVAL. I LOOK FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.

A. JONES.

+++

jag älskar dig = I love you

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Dear Mrs Agatha,

I had a wonderful time with Johnson, no violent this time. I have decided to keep tattoos.

Jag älskar dig,
Lydia


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

DR JOHN JONES shows how little he knows about directors at American corporations:

Date: Tue, 27 May 2003 09:20:31 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact you did not understand me very well, i told you that director have some power to do any thing he like, because of his long leg in the society here. It doest not mean that our country Nigeria does not have a law, there is law but American law and Nigerian laws are not the same ok.

In America, no Director will behave like this Dr. Mark, but his father is in the Government, that is why he is doing less concern, but lets that be by the way ok.

My dear, i dont know why you cannot follow my instructions, i want to get every thing ready so that as soon as you arrives, what you will do is only to sign the document and get the fund transferred immediately ok.

I have agree on what you said that i will pay the fee, that what you can help is only small amount, there is no problem, i want you to help me so that i can complete the money and pay off this fee immediately before your coming ok.

I will talk to Dr. Mark for a help to reduce some money for me ok.

Please my dear, i need some thing like $1000 dollars from you to enable me complete the money and get every thing ready before your coming next week as you said ok.

You have to understand that time is no longer on our side, please be fast so that we can pay the fee for them to know that you are serious and you are coming ok.

You can send the money direct to Dr. Mark and tell him that i will bring him the balance ok.

Please dont let him know my name, just tell him that your associate is coming to balance the complete money ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. Your letter is confusing, I have follow every instruction. You say we need to pay Dr Mark because he has long legs, I really don't care how long his legs are, its irrelephant. I already told you not too worry about the $7250 that is not the real fee so I do not know why you are asking for $1000. I would need to ask Lydia for that much and I do not understand your confusion.

I agree that time is short but that is because Dr Mark has wasted so much of my time with his inability to do the kind of math that young schoolchildren do. I will show up with my $145 and that will be the end of it. I will be flying in next week, it looks like British Airways has several flights a day from DC to Lagos through London.

Please send directions from the airport to the bank headquarters.

Dra åt helvete!
Johnson +++


JOHNSON SCHULER

(bcc Dr John Jones) Dear Dr Mark,

Per your request, I will bring 0.001% of the fund. My associate assures me he will bring the balance of fee.

Please provide directions from the airport to your headquarters.


Part 5 - LOBBIES, SEATS, AND PROGRAMMABLE CARS (WITH BUGS), PLUS BANKS THAT DO BUSINESS VIA WESTERN UNION - "we are friends, that will not makes you not to write to me ok."


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 03:08:50 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact there is nothing that will confuse you in my mail, unless you dont follow you mail carefully you will understand it ok.

My rerquesting $1,000 dollars from you, is for me to get every thing ready here before your coming next week as you told me that you will be here ok.

You have to understand that i will make sure that i lobby some of the office and seats here to enable the sign the release oder immediately before your arrival.

I have been doing my best here, i have almost$2,500 dollars with me here and i hope that if you can send $1,000 dollars, it will help so that if i pay half payment of the fee Dr. Mark gave us, he can release the fund and sign for the release oder ok.

Please my dear, we need to pay this money immediately, and i am starting now to arrage for your coming, i will lobby all the seats to make sure that as soon as you comes, they will give you the document to sign for easy transfer ok.

You can tell Dr Mark that you will like to send to him $1000 dollars, and you have send some one to pay $2,000 dollars on your behalf ok.

I am going to use the remening $500 dollars with me to arrange every thing here to make that my arragement is properly done ok.

Plesae, dont wast time in replying me, as i would want us to conclude this bussines today so that i will arrage for your coming ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

hon besvarade inte hans kärlek = she did not respond to his affection

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. I am not interested in buying seats in a lobby. What are you talking about? I am glad to hear you have all the money you need to pay the fee. I was starting to worry you would not be a good business partner.

I am not sure why you want me to send Dr Mark $1000. He has never asked me to send him $1000 and it may seem odd to him if $1000 just shows up from nowhere unexpected. I know if someone sent me $1000 for no reason I would be suspicious. If there is some reason why Dr Mark needs $1000 you should give it to him yourself directly so there will not be any suspicion, you can explain your reasons which you have not explained to me.

I am trying to get the money from Lydia to pay for the travel. She is a tough person to convince, hon besvarade inte hans kärlek as they say. Please send bank address!

Dra åt helvete! Johnson +++


DR WILLIAMS DUDU/DR MARK PETER/DR MARK PRTER [standard_t_bank@consultant.com]

Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 05:18:04 -0500

ATTENTION: MR JOHNSON SCHULER,

I ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL. AS OF YOUR COMING TO SIGN THE DOCUMENT, YOU ARE HIGLY WELLCOME AS SOON POSSIBLE YOU ARRIVES.

GIVING YOU ADDRESS OF OUR HEADQUATER DEPENDS YOUR ARRIVAL IN NIGERIA, HERE AMERICA AIR LINE DO LAND IN THE MIDNIGHT HERE INCLUDING ALL INTERNATIONAL AIRLINES.

WHAT WE NORMALY DO IS, YOU HAVE TO GIVE US YOUR FLIGHT SCHEDULE SO THAT WE WILL TAKE YOU TO OUR GUEST ROOM ANY TIME YOU ARRIVES.

YOU HAVE TO SEND TO US TOUR DATE AND TIME OF YOUR ARRIVAL SO THAT WE CAN PROGRAMMED AND SEND ACAR TO COME AND PICK YOU UP.

LASTLY, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THE SIGNING FEE TODAY FOR US TO PREPARE YOUR DOCUMENT TO ENABLE YOU SIGN AS SOON AS YOU ARRIVED.

YOUR FAITHFULLY,

DR. MARK.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr Mark,

I am not traveling on American Airlines. I expect to travel on British Airways, which lands during the daytime, not midnight like you said. Please provide directions and address for your bank headquarters since my associate informs me that lawlessness is a problem in Nigeria. It is interesting that you have programmable cars, I have not seen a computer car here but one time in Sweden I saw a car that ran on a computer program. It would go zooming down the street then it would stop very fast at red lights. You had to wear good seat belts. But it was like a train, you could read in it while it drove but it was very jerky on stops and starts. I was in one one time but it ran into a VW Bug.

My associate will be handling the payment of the signing fee, I will be bringing the $145 due as a transfer fee. I will also be bringing some lovely new calculators as gifts.


JOHNSON SCHULER

+++

Agatha suspends asking for cash but will serve as a communications back door:

+++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 03:51:18 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: good idea.

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, you have the power to select ant thing you want to do in your life, it is also good as you have decided to keep the tattos ok.

we are friends, that will not makes you not to write to me ok.

Yours.

A. Jones

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,

You sound sad. Is something wrong? Let me know if I can help.

Lydia


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 09:11:21 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

HALLA,

Thank you for your mail, infact you dont understand me very well, i told you that you have to send a mail to Dr. Mark, tell him that you will send a part payment of $1000 dollars to him and you will send some body to his office to come and complete the balance ok.

I dont know why you cant follow my instruction, i know this country more than you and i am a banker, i am in the system, i know it more than you ok.

Please, ask him how do you send the fee he requested to enable him start the process of the payment. i am here in the bank and i am seeing every thing here ok.

You should know the nature of the deal we are doing, and i will not like in a situation where you will start argure with the director, it will cost a lot of things ok.
Before i deposit any money, you have to tewll him first that you will send somebody to pay for the fee, meanwhile, you will let him know that you can send money to someone to pay for you to enable him have full trust that you are the next of kin to the beneficiary of the fund ok.

There are things that you will do he will start suspecting you, he may think that i am doing this deal with you so that we will share the money, that is why i dont want to present myself before your arrival or pay any money before you ok, if not that i could have conclude every thing here and wait for your arrival ok.

Please do what i told you to do, time is too late to wait for you till next week before you come.

Please do that immediately.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Why didn't you say that before? I don't know what you mean about not following your instruction, I have done everything you asked. I even gave you my bank details. If you need advance money, just send me your bank account number and I will transfer the money from my account to yours, you will have it instantly. Or send me Dr Marks account number, whatever.

You are worried about Dr Mark suspecting you? He is not smart enough to do simple math, I do not expect him to be smart enough to suspect you. I already told him that my associate would be coming by with the extra fee. He was happy to hear that, he offered to get me a new computer guided car for my visit. So pay him. What are you waiting for? I have already promised to pay him the $145 fee he requested even though I think that is a ripoff.

I have done all of the work but you complain about time delays. It's a good thing I will be there next week to finish this by hand. I am trying to get hold of Lydia to get the plane fare money but she is at the library working today.

Halla.
Johnson.


JOHNSON SCHULER

(cc to Dr John Jones)

Dear Dr Mark,

My associate asks if he can please send you $1000 as a gesture of good faith. Looking at the costs that are due, I think this means that you will give us a refund of $855 when the transfer is complete. You can provide this in either cash or in a bank check.

Please provide directions, office location, etc.

JOHNSON SCHULER<


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Did you give him the money? My plane will be arriving there next Tuesday. Please assure me that all is going as planned.

Johnson


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha,
Oh my god, please help me. I think Johnson is planning to leave me, I do not understand why. Bank called me today to say he took $10,000 from our account it was so high they had to call. He wont say where he is going with it. Oh my friend I don't know how I would get through that.
Bränt barn skyr elden,
Lydia


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 07:33:12 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, firstly, i have not given Dr. Mark any money because the money i have with me is not up to half of the fee.

Why i told you that you should send a little deposit to him before i can introduce myself properly to him as your associate here, is for him not to suspect me. Secondly, you know that i am here in the bank, i know every thing and system here, i want in a situation where every thing will be very easy for you when you come so that they will be fast in transferring the fund into your account.

Remember that the documents you will sign have not been printed, and why theo Director is requesting that fee is from there they will reduct money for the document, there is no way the bank will take there own money and prepare document for you until you come.

Listen properly, if you arrives today and pay the money to the bank, it will take them almost 4- 6 days to prepare the document, that is why i told you to pay an advance to him so that they will start preparing the document to enable you sign immediately as soon as you comes ok.

Please my dear, for the success of this deal, you have to send the money immediately, there is no way you will send it through bank, it will take some time before i get it here, i am advising you to send it through WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

Go to the bank and tell them that you want to send money to Nigeria so that the person will recieve it immediately, please dont ever tell the western union people what you want to do with the money here because a lot international monitoring are in America ok, just tell them you are sending it to your friend but dont tell them that we want to use it and transfer fund ok.

You can send it MARK PETER or you use my secretary name wife name and send it.
Mrs. AGATHA NWADIKE ok.

My dear, i want you to conclude this arrangement this week to enable them prepare to wait for your arrival, if not that, they will think that you are not serious ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

WHAT? 4 to 6 days to print the documents?? I did not plan to be in Lagos for that long. I will need to alter my tour schedule. I am glad you told me this, I still cannot believe it is true. Should I bring a printer with me, it could be as a gift but will also help the business end faster. I am serious businessman and do not see the need for your people to suffer with bad equipment.

Since you are at a bank, I can just send the money directly to your account, you will have it immediately like an instant message. I will not be able to get to a Western Union office until tomorrow, but I could call the bank right now and get the money transferred to your account. Send me the account information and I can get the money to you within hours.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson

+++

Two copies of the following arrived:


DR WILLIAMS DUDU/DR MARK PETER/DR MARK PRTER [standard_t_bank@consultant.com]

Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 09:45:14 -0500
Subject: Re: YOUR FUND TRANSFER.

ATTENTION: MR. JOHNSON SCHULER,

I ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THE FEE TO ENABLE US PREPARE YOUR TRANSFER DOCUMENT WHICH YOU WILL SIGN AS SOON AS YOU COMES TO NIGERIA.

YOU ARE FREE TO SEND THE MONEY BY WESTERN UNION WITH MY NAME: MARK PETER.
LAGOS NIGERIA.

YOU HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY AS FAST AS POSSIBLE TO ENABLE US SERVE YOU BETTER.

YOUR FAITHFULLY,
DR. MARK PETER.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Mark,

Thank you, please provide bank account number that I should transfer money to in STB. Money can be there today. Also I am told that equipment there is poor, please let me know if I can bring printer, other things to help. I will just need a receipt for tax deduction charity purposes.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 10:04:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail and for your understanding, you have to send the money through western union money transfer as you said that you will have chance tomorrow, because by sending it through my account here, it might delay because it will pass through clearing house as it is international money transfer and secondly, i will not like to withdraw any money you send because of the nature of the deal to avoid suspecting me that have made a plan to tranfer money ok.

I prefer you sending it through western union money transfer, go ahead and send it tomorrow and send me the control number as soon as possible.

I am looking forward to hear from you immediately.

Regards,

Dr. John.

+++

du älskar att reta mig = you love to tease me

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. I called Western Union during my break, I cannot get to their office during their open hours tomorrow because of my work hours. Du älskar att reta mig as they say. Then I'm traveling back home to DC all weekend. Monday morning would be the earliest I could do a Western Union, but I will be leaving here on a plane on Monday morning so I will just bring money with me.

If you need money before then, give me your private bank account that way no one could suspect any thing.

I got my flights. I will be flying out on British Airways, leaving DC at 8 AM on Monday, 6/2 and arriving in Lagos at 5 AM on Tuesday, 6/3. It's British Airways 224, Virgin Airways 651, with a change of planes in London. Coming back, I depart Lagos at 11 PM on 6/4.

Is that enough time to be on the ground there? I'm worried that if it takes you four days to print one piece of paper I may be sitting around watching ink dry while my return plane takes off without me and my bandmates wonder where I am.

Please send directions to the bank headquarters from the airport.

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Mark,

FYI, I will be flying out on British Airways, leaving DC at 8 AM on Monday, 6/2 and arriving in Lagos at 5 AM on Tuesday, 6/3, at which point all accounts can be settled. It's British Airways 224, Virgin Airways 651, with a change of planes in London. Coming back, I depart Lagos at 11 PM on 6/4.

Please provide directions to the bank headquarters from the airport, and recommend a hotel.


Part 6 - MOURNING THE DISEASED, THE LAD'S BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER, FROZEN ACCOUNTS, and AGATHA'S DREAM - "i dont know the type of bussines he is going but i was told in a dream ..."


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 13:39:44 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact i am very happy to hear that you are ready to come to Nigeria, but the fact still remain that we have to make proper prelimenary arrangement before your coming so that you dont get to waste uneccessary time here.

As i have tried to explain to you before. there are some documents which you need to have with you while visiting the bank such as THE DISEASED DEATH CERTIFICATE, TAX CLEARANCE among other documents which i still need to retrieve from the respective ministries, which is the main reason why i need to get the little fund to get all the document at hand before your arrival.

My dear, to avoid your wasting time here whem you arrives which as i have seen from your schedule you do not have such time, you should try your possible best to pass on the fund to me through western union or moneygram transfer.

I do not have domicillary account that can recieve the money from out side bank.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

fjart = well, like it sounds.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. Are you trying to tell me that you do not have a bank account? You work in a bank! Open one!

Really, I don't see why I have to do the thinking for both of us on things like this. You know when I will be there, have EVERYTHING READY AHEAD OF TIME. You could have had all that done WEEKS ago. But I forgive your errors in not getting those documents so far, but you must, MUST, have them ready for when I get there. If you need extra money in your bank account before I get there, just send me the account number and the transfer code and the money will be sent immediately. You already have my account number. Western Union will not be an option for me until Monday and I already told you I will be in a plane then.

Since you haven't provided your account number I can only think that you do NOT need the money until next week. So everything must be going ahead on schedule.

If there is anything else required, tell me NOW. I do NOT want any surprises once I get on the ground there, you understand?

By the way, that fjart Dr Mark still has not provided me ANY information for getting to the bank headquarters or a decent hotel lodging. Please send that immediately. There is no time to waste!

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson

+++

Meanwhile, suspicions grow:


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, I think he is going on a plane, I heard him talking to a woman on phone about London Heathrow airport. If he tries to leave me for someone in London I will try to catch him there. Pleaes pray for me.
Remain blessed
Lydia


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 04:54:48 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: this is the bank account.

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact i have tried to get a dollar account where you can wire the money immediately to enable me round up all the neccessary things before your arrival.

This account belong to my good friend, as soo as you wire the money, i will get it instantly ok.

HERE IS THE ACCOUNT INFORMATIONS:
BARCLAYS BANK,
INTERANTIONAL PERSONAL ACCOUNT
P.O.BOX 9042, BOWATER HOUSE
68, KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON
SWIX 7NT
SORT CODE: 20-47-42
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 74005477
ACCOUNT NAME: O. OLATUNJI.

My dear, this is dollar account, you can call your bank immediately to wire the money i will get it instantly ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

That mail code should be SWIX 7BW according to http://www.internationalbanking.barclays.com/contact/united_kingdom.html


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Jones,

Halla. What is the meaning of this? Does this mean things are NOT going along on schedule? Where is the information I asked for - the bank headquarters, the hotel information, the confirmation that all of the documents are complete? I have my tickets - DC to Lagos with a stopover to change planes in London - but I DON'T want to spend two days in a plane without confirmation from you that there are NO remaining tasks to be completed. Does this mean that you need money to complete tasks? If so, WHAT TASKS?

WHO is this good friend whose bank account number you have sent me? I trust you, but I do NOT trust someone else - this was supposed to be a secure transaction and now you are involving these other people!

Tag fast tjuven!
Johnson


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, he does not deny he is going to London but he wont say why! I hung up phone on him today then called bank and froze the account cannot do anything about the much money he took out but can stop new. Plese pray for your friend Lydia

+++

originating IP: 80.247.141.170 which appears to point back to a satellite ISP in the UK. The Account Number is slightly changed in this version.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 08:01:59 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, i know that i will send to you that headquater of our bank, but i wanted to arrange every thing before your coming.

Here is the Address: STANDARD TRUST BANK PLC,
PLOT 67/ 69 MARINA ROAD
TUNUBU SQUARE LAGOS.
Before you go to the bank, i hope that we will see in your hotel before we can move to go and sign the document to avoid mistake ok. I will come to the hotel and pick you up down to our bank ok.

Why i am saying this is for me to arrange all the documentation very well so that if you are presenting it them, it will not have any mistake ok.

I am going to make a hotel reservation for you and send you the information of the hotel ok.

Please go and send the money immediately, i trust the account i gave you, it is my friend account, and he dosen't know what i am doing with you ok, i will not tell him the bussines i am doing with you ok.

For the second time, this is the banking informations:
BARCLAYS BANK,
INTERANTIONAL PERSONAL ACCOUNT
P.O.BOX 9042, BOWATER HOUSE
68, KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON
SWIX 7NT
SORT CODE: 20-47-42
ACCOUNT NUMBER: CFC 74005477
ACCOUNT NAME: O. OLATUNJI.

This is the only account you will send the money i will get it immediately, i dont have a dollar account that is why i use this my friend account.

Why i told you to send this money immediately is for me to arrange every thing so that if you comes, it will not take you time to round up every thing and go back the next day ok.

Go and send it immediately, we have four day to your arrival, be fast ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

The real bank HQ address: Standard Place, Plot 1662, Oyin Jolayemi Street, Victoria Island, Lagos, Nigeria. The address he gave may not be a real address at all. There's a Bola Tunubu who's a local politician, but "Tunubu Square" returns no hits so we'll have to conduct all business in cars and hotels.

Meanwhile, he finally gets back to checking Agatha's email account. Frozen accounts = bad things.

+++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 08:30:13 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

Happy to hear from you, i have already put you in a prayer, but one thing you have to understand is, may be your husband is going for a bussines trip, so far he is going on a plane, it must be a bussines trip ok.

You dont need to frozen your account because of the money he collected from your account, but you have watch him carefully ok

I have seen all the movement in a dream, he must be a rich man soonest, i dont know the type of bussines he is going but i was told in a dream that he is going for a good bussines ok.

I look forward to hear from you.

A. Jones.


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 08:31:52 -0700 (PDT)

. Lydia,

Have hope that every thing will be ok, call your God to Guide him for the travel ok, he will come back with good report ok.

GOD IS GOOD

SMILE,

A. JONES.

+++

have sex = ligga med varandra

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

F him. I froze the account until he can explain hisself. I think he has woman in London, he will not ligga med varandra with my money!

+++

Now that the account is frozen, I'll send the money.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. I will order the transaction this afternoon. How much do you need, you did not say. As for this friend of yours, if he demands payment then you will need to pay him from your proceeds since you have chosen to put him into my business. I ask again - WHAT TASKS HAVE YOU NOT YET COMPLETED? Must I do everything myself?

Since you never told me where the bank is, I asked my travel agent and she says I need to go to Victoria Island for bank head quarter. I thought I was supposed to go to Lagos. Where is that island, and how do I get there from the airport? My plane arrives at 5 AM so by the time I get luggage and get through immigration the bank should be open so I will take a cab straight there and meet you there ok.

Last, make a reservation for a hotel room that has balcony overlooking water. I expect a full suite to host a party on Tuesday night. You are invited of course :). If it is near places where bands play that would be best.

PS I will travel under a secret name to avoid suspicion.

Dra åt helvete!
Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 12:02:21 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: reply immediately ok.

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, i have given you our bank headquater, i did not tell you that my friend need money and i have not puting him in this deal, he doesn't know any thing about this deal please ok.

I will send the hotel informations to you, you don't need to worry your self about your hotel and how you will go to the bank, i am here ok, i will take you to the bank by myself.

What you have to do now is, make sure that you send the money to enable me arrange every neccessary things around, i need only $1000 dollars to complete every thing here ok.

Please go and send it immediately and send me the information that you have send it ok.

Please you have to tell me the name you will use, so that i will use it and reserve accomodation for you in the hotel ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. I keep asking this - WHY won't you tell me what still needs to be done? I TOLD you, I do not want any surprises when I land and now you won't say what still needs to be done. Now I ask again, and you need to tell me - WHAT, EXACTLY, STILL NEEDS TO BE DONE? And why haven't you done it yet? We should have been done weeks ago.

You can make the hotel reservation under my name, my flight arrangements are under a different name so my damn wife doesn't get suspicious.

I am going to call the bank now and order the transfer, but you owe me a full accounting of the tasks to be done. No surprises, understand. And I am very worried about the hotel - you already told me there is lawlessness there and now you say don't worry? I want the hotel details, including a picture of the suite. I will be carrying too much cash with me to take any risks with flea motels.

Johnson

+++

2 hours later:

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr Jones,

BITCH FROZE MY ACCOUNT. Did your Agatha have anything to do with this? I have the $10K cash I withdrew plus my tickets and credit cards, but this kills my ability to do a straight transfer. I'm on a plane on Monday morning, I will pack the cash in my suitcase. She is threatening to stop me but she doesn't know where I'm going or the name I'm traveling under.

I will meet you at the Victoria Island bank head office on Tuesday at 8 AM, not a minute later. The travel agent said I need to get a cab to Oyin Jolayemi Street wherever that is. Now listen, I still have not received ANY list from you of things still to be done. That can ONLY mean that there is NOTHING left to be done, no surprises. I land at 5 AM, we meet at the bank at 8 AM, we do the business, we are done and rich. Where's the hotel reservation you were supposed to have done? I have had enough surprises already today. You make sure your Agatha isn't in on something with Lydia to steal the money you understand? I gotta go pack.

Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 05:09:18 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, you tell me that you could not send the money i requested from you to enable me arranged every thing before your arrival? there is no problem, what i can advice you is, you dont need to be in the bank there before me, dont worry your self, about going to the bank, i will take you there by myself, but before then i must have arranged every document we needed for this deal.

Let me ask you, if you go to the bank there only you, what will you tell the bank that you are while you dont have the document to prove at hand, please remember the nature of the deal we are doing, we must arrange every document so that if we are going to the bank to meet director, we must make sure that all the document are complete ok.

As you said that you can't be able to send the money again because your wife froze your account, please before you enter the flight monday morning, you have to go to the western union money transfer and send it immediately as you said before that it is the only day you will have chance for the western union ok.

Why i am saying this is, you said that you will go back on the next day, for me to get all the neccessary things required, you have to send the money immediately on monday before you enter the flight ok.

If you can send the money on that day, if you arrives, there is no other thing remaining execpt to sign and pay for the signing fee ok..

I am going to send you all information of your coming, the hotel you will lodge, how you will cross the imegration here so that they will not suspect you that you came to carry money out ok.

Please be patience, i am going to send you information soonest ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

Dr. John.


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

"Be patient"???? How long does it take you to book a hotel suite? Print out the documents and have them ready, there can be NO DELAYS, NO MISSING DOCUMENTS, there is not going to be time to wait four days for a printer to spit out a piece of paper. My plane leaves at 8 AM on Monday so I need to be at the airport by 5 AM. I will be bringing cash with me to cover the business expenses but you still haven't told me what those are so I can only assume you have everything covered. There's no reason to send money by Western Union on Monday since I will be there on Tuesday and I doubt I could find a place open at 5 AM on Monday anyway.

You can either meet me at the Lagos airport on Tuesday morning at 5 AM or if you miss me there you better get to the bank office on Victoria Island by 8 AM if you want this business to happen. I am fed up with the delays, this was supposed to be done weeks ago.

Johnson.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Sun, 1 Jun 2003 08:21:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Jonhson,

Thank you for your mail, and i am very sorry that i could not reply you immediately due to internet problem we are having here ok.

Right now, i have booked a hotel for you, and i will be at the airport there to wait you ok.

Listen to me properly,

(1) Dont ever tell any body at the airport what you are coming to do in Nigeria, you have to understand the nature of the bussines we are doing.

(2) I have sent people who will come and pick you up as soon as you arrives ok.

(3) necer tell any body the hotel you are going to lodge for security reasons ok.

(4)You have my phone number, before you enter your plane, you have to call me immediately be indicatiing to me that you have board the plane ok.

(5)You dont need to worry your self about your arrival here, i have made a proper arrangement so that if you arrives, they will take you to the hotel immediately ok.

(6) As soon as you arrives, in the morning, i will move immediately to go and get the documents so that every thing will be ready before the bank will open ok.

(9) In case of any thing, you have my number, you can call me immediately on 234-80-33216612.

Please as soon as you get this mail, do call me immediately.

I am looking for your urgent response.

Best regards,

Dr. John.



[Keep in mind the Lad may have cut this out of some corporate annual report.]

+++

Time to send the money to the wrong city, then board the plane.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. Sounds great. But you must understand, I am not leaving the airport with anyone other than you, thank you for sending me your picture before. If anyone else approaches me, I will pretend I do not know them and I will not go with them. I do not want to be robbed by an imposter, thank you for letting me know how lawless Nigeria can be. I am traveling with too much cash to take that kind of chance. I will go directly from there to the bank since I am told that hotels can be dens of thieves, and YOU STILL HAVE NOT TOLD ME THE HOTEL. So I have left my travel agent a message to make a reservation for me. I trust bank lobbies more than hotel lobbies you understand ok.

I still have not found Lydia, she doesn't answer the phone at home. I may have to cut my trip there shorter because of this so you must be ready the second I touch down at 5 AM Tuesday.

I will bring the $145 that the director says I owe. I think you said you owe $1000, you need to take care of that. In case something happens to my suitcase with my cash, I found a Western Union that would do a transfer today, I sent $1000 to you, JOHN JONES, in a city called Abuja. They said it was safer than Lagos and very close by. So that will be the backup in case British Airways loses my bag and the $$$$ in it.

Off to bed, see you Tuesday AM.

Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2003 00:56:46 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, i told you to call me yesterday and you could not make it why? please before you enter the plane, you have to let me know that you have board the plane ok.

Secondly, you said that you send a western union to me at Abuja, where is the control number?, why do you do it like that? i gave you name you will use and you didnt do it like that why?

Remember what i told you, please if they ask you what type of Bussines are you coming to do in Nigeria, please do not let them know as you know the nature of the bussines we are doing ok.

Secondly, there is no way i will take you to the bank without arranging all the documents needed for it, before we can move straight to the bank, this is why i told you to send the money since but without minding, every thing will be ready before the bank opens as i will move immediately you arrives and make arrangement and get all the neccessary documents before the bank opens ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.


Part 7 - CIRCLING LAGOS. Tell the British Airways security people your name is "Hi, I'm Al-Qaeda" - "how I astonished and downcast"

+++

Meanwhile, Agatha's been in a long meeting. She missed her chance to stop Lydia: +++


AGATHA JONES [agathajones2003@yahoo.com]

Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2003 01:24:48 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Lydia,

happy to hear from you, i could not respond to your mail immediately because i have a meeting to attend in our church since last week.

I have hear what you told me about your husband, you have to leave every thing for God, God will take proper control of every thing in your life ok.

My dear, i hope you are a christian? do you pray at all? call your God he will answer you immediately ok.

I look forward to hear from you immediately.

regards,

A. Jones.


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agahta, I am in London Heathrow airport internet terminal here. I have not seen Johnson yet, watching every plane that comes from US. Plese pray for me.
Tell me if you her of him.
Lydia

+++

flygplats = airport, flygplan = airplane
ha tjänst som bibliotekarie = hold the post of librarian,
gnall = bitch, whine.

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, still at flygplats, checking each flygplan that comes in from US for Johnson, none yet. I tell them that I ha tjŠnst som bibliotekarie so they are very nice and let me check names on lists too. Sometimes I want to gnall but you know we must be storng. You here from Johnson plese let me know.
Lydia

+++

they say power corrupts = det sägs att makt korrumperar

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, your prayers have been answered, I got Johnson in airport changing flygplats. He skipped second flight to talk with me, will send details soon. We will fly together to meet you I think tomorrow. Det sägs att makt korrumperar.
Lydia


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr Jones,

Can you help me out? Lydia and I are delayed in London. She intercepted me at Heathrow while I was changing planes, she was waiting for me. I guess I never will fool that woman. She and I had a long talk here in the airport and I missed my connection to Lagos. Tried calling your phone but it didn't go through. We're working things out and she will be coming with me to Nigeria.

Tomorrow's flight is booked solid so we can't get there together till Thursday morning, we're camping out at the airport internet lounge and waiting to fly standby. She is looking forward to meeting Agatha.

Meanwhile, MY SUITCASE WITH MY MONEY MADE THE TRIP TO LAGOS! Damn airlines. The suitcase made the connection, I didn't. My suitcase is at the British Airways security counter at the Lagos airport, the airport people connected me to the desk there and I talked to them, they will hold it for a week. Can you do me a favor and pick it up for me, I really don't want all that cash just sitting there under the guard of somebody making a few dollars an hour ok I want it in the hands of you who I trust. We will be there on 6/5 and then we can finish the business ok.

All you have to do is go to the British Airways desk in the baggage claim area and give them the name I'm flying under, Hiemel Kiedda. He's a Swedish radio announcer but they won't know that. They may ask you to show you an ID that has that name on it, but they probably won't you know airport security ok.

Let me know when you get the suitcase. We have tickets for the flight that leaves here at 10:30 on Virgin flight 651, arriving Lagos at 5 AM on 6/5.

Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003 03:24:57 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

No gain my writing here, how I astonished and downcast, I am reading your mail with regards to how your trip to lagos was aborted half way but I must add here that I am some what relieved now that it is only due to a matrimonial problem. As I was complete kept on suspense thinking that something worse has happened to you.

I think the problem was mainly is because you kept your wife in the dark in the first place, as for me I do not see any thing bad in coming with her after all she is your wife or donÕt you think that if not for any thing you need her around to ease your nerves in such an anxious moment.

As for your briefcase, there is nothing I can do about that until you are here by yourself as what you are asking me to do will obviously mean my overstepping by bounds considering my official position and most importantly the sensitive nature of our deal.

NOTE: We should be more in contact with each other now until you arrives here to avoid further miss up. To this, you could reach me on this my direct number 234-17767868, it is a digital line and it is easier to get through.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

I need to get a job = jag måste hitta ett arbete

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla. Why did you NOT pick up my suitcase??? I told you I don't trust it being held there, I thought I could rely on you as a partner. I have received an email from a lawyer in Lagos, perhaps I could ask him to pick up the suitcase for me. His name is Barrister Rashid, do you know him?

Lydia is very suspicious. She called our travel agent today to make our own hotel reservations since I told her that you never did that. She was trying to get a place near the bank head quarter. We still plan to be there on the 5 AM flight on 6/5.

Jag måste hitta ett arbete
Johnson


Current events for $419: On May 30, 2003, Maurice Ibekwe, a member of Nigeria's house of representatives, was arrested for defrauding a German national of $350,000. Ha! Story: http://www.thisdayonline.com/news/20030530news03.html Meanwhile, Dr John now has three targets to decide between - me, the suitcase, and the Western Union in Abuja. Strike one:


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Tue, 3 Jun 2003 08:29:00 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Brother Johnson,

Thank you for your mail, infact, it is not possible for me to pick up your briefcase at the airport, remember that you did not send it on my name, how do you believe that they will release it.

Secondly, i want to know the person that sent a mail to you as barrister Rasheed, please tell him that you will like to know his phone number to enable me verify the exact person, as i dont know the person and i will like to know him because i have never talk any thing with a lawyer hence you told me that you will be coming here by yourself ok.

Please, you have to confirm to me the exactly date of your arrival so that i will wait for you ok.

I am not going to wait for you at the airport again, as i have tried my best to wait for you there today and i could not see you.

You have to confirm to me the name and dressing you will be to enable me locate you immediately ok.

Because of all these delay, that is why i told you to send that money to enable me arrange every thing here ok.

If you are still want to sebnd it, you can send it with my wife name,

MRS AGATHA NWADIKE
LAGOS NIGERIA.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++

ditt avskum! = you scoundrel!

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

I have no idea why you would wait at the airport for me today, I told you we will be there on Thursday 6/5. We are trying to fly standby on earlier flights but no luck yet. When we arrive we will look for you from your picture.

I told you I already sent money to you, Dr John Jones, through Western Union. Please see earlier email. My other money is in the suitcase so I cannot send it until I get to Lagos when it would be simpler to just hand it over ok. Barrister Rashid reached me via email, xxxxx@caramail.com. I am sure he can be trusted. I am waiting to hear from him if he will be able to get to the airport today. Do you want me to ask him to pick up the Western Union money I sent to your name in Abuja?

Also, Lydia got a hotel for us, Sheraton at 30 Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way Ikeja. Hopefully that address means something to you, I don't know where it is. I would prefer to stay in something nicer but a Sheraton will have to do since you failed to secure a suite for us. But this way I get 500 bonus Starpoints to go along with flyer miles. She says there are beaches nearby but she burns quickly so I am not sure that is such a good idea.

Ditt avskum! (see you soon!)
Johnson

+++

(By the way, I do not recommend caramail.com. It's down for maintenance daily, it delivers emails late, etc etc.)

Strike two:


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

I have heard from Barrister Abdul Rashid (see below), he has picked up the Western Union money in Abuja, he said he just needed to write out a power of attorney. Were you able to pick up my suitcase?


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

MR SCHULER,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUERY. ONE OF MY ASSOCIATES HAS TAKEN DELIVERY OF THE WESTERN UNION PACKAGE YOU SENT. IT IS IN OUR SAFEKEEPING
YOU DO NOT NEED TO WORRY FURTHER ABOUT THAT. WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR ARRIVAL ON 5 JUNE, MY ASSOCIATE WILL BE WAITING IN THE RECEPTION AREA SAYING THE NAME "HIEMEL KIEDDA" TO PEOPLE AS THEY COME THROUGH WITH BAGGAGE. WE UNDERSTAND YOU WISH TO REMAIN UNDER THAT NAME DURING TRAVEL AND BE SECRETIVE.
IF I CAN BE OF FURTHER ASSISTANCE PLEASE LET MY OFFICE KNOW.
BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

+++

originating IP: 216.139.165.12. Maybe Pan Am Sat like Agatha's before. Fake reverse DNS.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2003 02:50:02 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Johnson,

Ones again, you have in what i can now call your ussual fashion complecated the whole thing not for me rather for yourself, this i say because i do not understand a bit of your story regarding your so called lawyer Rashid and what ever money you have sent him as i can see from the acknowledgement letter you cliam you recieved from him.

Have you forgotten that you were the one that told me that there was no way you could send any money via western union transfer before you left your country so how come you are now telling me you sent money to me.

Well, in all let me advice you hoping that you will take my advice this time. the whole issue is complecated at the moment and so for now you should stay further action on your movement to lagos until the air is clear and most importantly until i have given you a green light to come. if you do otherwise, it will be to your peril.

I am sure i have given you all my direct numbers,and i strongly advice that you should call me if you still want to further this transaction as i am no longer ready to continue this email comunication for now. in any you do not have the numbers, they are as follows, 234-17767868, and 234-8033216612.

I await your call.

Dr. John.

+++

stop bitching about everything! = sluta tjata om allting!

I supply the address of a real law office in Lagos that is of course completely unconnected to any illegal enterprise:

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

What is going on? I told you that I had found a way to send Western Union before I left, I sent $1000 to JOHN JONES in Abuja. You said that may be a problem that you wanted it in the name of your wife instead, but the money had already been sent. So I told Barrister Rashid about it and he volunteered to pick it up. I didn't like having the money just sitting there. Have you reached him? He says his office is at xxx Lewis St, Lagos. I have asked him to contact you.

We are still stuck in the airport. We are still planning to catch our plane this evening for tomorrow AM arrival at Lagos. We will only be there for two days so be sure everything is prepared for our arrival. You do not say you have picked up my suitcase, so I assume it is still under airport security. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Sluta tjata om allting!

Johnson


Part 8: THE GIFT OF THE SWEDISH MAGI - "we can work this job together instead to spoil every thing ok"

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, Thank you so much for prayers, Johnson and I will be there tomorrow to give much love. He has told me of business reason for going Africa, you were right! How did your husband know my maiden name?

GOD IS GOOD RIGHT

Lydia


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID:

ExpŽditeur: john jones [josjs2000@yahoo.com]
Sujet: PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY.
Date: 04/06/2003 14:46:50

Dear Brother,

Why are you doing me this, i got your mail from my client Mr. Johnson From America that you contacted him to act as a lawyer on my behalf why?

Anyway, i will like to know you more, please we can work this job together instead to spoil every thing ok.

So far we are Nigerians, we are one ok.

Please do call me immediately with this number so that we can talk better: 08033216612.

Regards,

John.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

JOHN

MR JONSON SHULER ASKED ME TO PICK UP A PACKAGE BEARING YOUR NAME FROM THE ABUJA WESTERN UNION. MY ASSOCIATE PICKED IT UP IN ABUJA AND IT SHOULD BE IN LAGOS BY MONDAY. I COULDN"T GET THE SUITCASE, YOU MAY HAVE BETTER LUCK.
IF I CAN BE OF FURTHER ASSISTANCE PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
ABDUL RASHID


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID Date 04/06/2003 15:57:26

Dear,

Please you have to call me immediately, i will like to work with you ok.

We are one ok.

I look for your urgent response soonest.
regards,

John

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

JOHN

I AM NOT CERTAIN WHAT BUSINESS YOU ARE WANTING TO WORK WITH MY OFFICE ON.
I APOLOGIZE FOR DELAY IN THE PACKAGE DELIVERY. TO ARRANGE TO PICK UP THE PACKAGE PLEASE COME FOR AN APPOINTMENT WITH ME AT MY OFFICES AT xxx LEWIS ST, LAGOS. THE FIRST OPENING I HAVE IS NEXT TUESDAY AT 10:45 AM.
IN THE MEANTIME I WILL BE ASSISTING MR AND MRS SHULER ON THEIR TRAVEL GUIDANCE AS THEY ARE FOREIGNERS. IF I CAN BE OF FURTHER ASSISTANCE PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
ABDUL RASHID


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to JOHNSON SCHULER

Originating IP is 192.116.82.75.

Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2003 09:02:18 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: very important.

Dear Johnson,

You did not give me any western union control number for the money, i dont know what you are talking about, you said that i should contact Rashid, why cant you tell him to contact me, as you know that Rashid didn't know any thing about thia bussines.

Remember that i am the person that introduce you to this bussines, why do you behave like this?

Meanwhile, i am still waiting for your call if you are coming for i have given you several times my phone number to call me.

You have to call me immediately to enable me know that you are coming because so much writing on mail is complecating things here, just as you introduce Mr Rashid to me.

Please call me immediately before you catch the plane ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,

Dr. John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. Of course I gave you the control number. Our flight leaves soon, we must go back to the gates now. We should land at 5, at bank at 8. Lydia is very excited about reclaiming her heritage. I think I told you we will be at the Sheraton, if we don't meet up at the bank then join us for a dinner party on Thursday.

Johnson

+++

suga av någon = perform a Lewinsky.

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agath, we leave in few hours for Nigeria together. Is big surprise I did not knowing your husband knew my family and maiden name. Soon we will meet I owe you big kiss. I find nice hotel, join us at Sheraton hotel for party Thusday nigt. Suga av någon!

Lydia +++

Current time and date in Lagos:
http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/city.html?n=125 Thursday, around noon Lagos time: Strike Three.
Thanks for playing.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

JOHN,

THE SCHULERS ARRIVED LATER THAN PLANNED AND ARE SAFELY CHECKED IN TO HOTEL WITH LUGGAGE RELEASED FROM SECURITY. BECAUSE SCHEDULE CHANGED THEY ASKED ME TO TELL YOU NEW SCHEDULE:
1 - THEY ARE GOING TO SEE BADAGARY BEACH. I LOANED THEM A CAR.
2 - DINNER PARTY IS THURSDAY NIGHT IN PILI PILI RESTAURANT OF SHERATON, OR IN CRACKPOT RESTAURANT IF PILI PILI IS FULL. YOU ARE INVITED TO.
3 - THEN THEY ARE GOING TO MEET WITH BANK DIRECTORS FRIDAY MORNING TO CLAIM INHERITANCE.
4 - THANK YOU FOR HELPING MRS LYDIA HESKEY SCHULER CLAIM THE INHERITANCE OF HER GREATUNCLE MR CARLOS HESKEY. BANK HAD BEEN TRYING TO LOCATE HER.
5 - POINT OF CONTACT AT BANK IS MR A**** IF YOU NEED FURTHER INFORMATION.

IF I CAN BE OF FURTHER ASSISTANCE PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
ABDUL RASHID

+++

I used the name of a real director of the bank. And yes, it turns out that the lad's dead bank customer, Carlos Heskey, was really Lydia's relative! And he was a Real bank customer at the Standard Trust Bank! And she's really his heir! Perhaps O. Henry would be proud :)

Luckily, Dr John is looking out for our best interests:


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to

JOHNSON SCHULER

Date: Thu, 5 Jun 2003 14:19:10 +0100 (BST)

Dear,

If you are very sure that you have arrive Nigeria, pease do call me immediately ok.

Are you sure that you have not picked up by fraudsters?

If you want to see me, call me ok

I dont know what you are going to do with you so called lawyer, because all the documents are here with me, where are you going?

Regards,

Dr. John.

+++

Weather forecast for Lagos, Nigeria:
http://weather.cnn.com/weather/forecast.jsp?locCode=DNLL

har du inte fått något jobb? = haven't you got a job? +++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. We are at the Sheraton Hotel, we went and saw the beach since we got in too late for the bank. We didn't go out in the water because a thunderstorm was coming up, but it was a pleasant 80 degrees or so. That was a nice change, it's been cool at home.

We will be hosting a party tonight, look for a large table of people at the Pili Pili restaurant here tonight. Here is a picture of the hotel so you can be sure you are in the right place. You can see the limo the barrister sent in the photo. The phones here are pretty lousy, I can barely keep a connection.

Lydia is thrilled about the news of Carlos Heskey. This is a beautiful thing you are doing for us. How did you learn her maiden name? She had not seen Carlos for many years and this is a great excitement for her. We called the bank and talked to mister A**** and he was very excited to hear from her. The account is over $11 million, which is less than you had said but still is a lot of money :)

We will plan to meet you at the bank Friday at 8 AM or tonight at the hotel restaurant if you can make it. If the Pili Pili restaurant is too crowded we will go instead to the Crockpot. It's about 3 PM now but we're exhausted and will be napping until dinner. See you then.

Har du inte fått något job! Johnson +++

Web photo of the Lagos Sheraton & parking lot attached.

Next morning:


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

I pray to God you are alright, we are so worried. I hope you are not ill.
Where were you? Why did you not join us at dinner? Here is a picture of Lydia and a friend last night at the party after dinner in our suite. Today at the bank when they gave us the cash I was hoping to give you a reward for your help but you did not show up.

I left the $145 for you at the Sheraton front desk under the name O. HENRY. The bank said I didn't need to pay that fee after all. Apparently Dr Mark Peter has been fired, they could not locate him.

Our flight leaves at 10:25 PM on Virgin so we checked out already. If we do not see you before then I will leave the gifts we purchased for you with Barrister Rashid. What a great country this is!

Johnson & Lydia

+++

Attached picture:



Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden and Princess Martha Louise of Norway in New York representing their countries at a Scandinavian Gala in 2000.

bakom = stupid, avskum = scum, aldrig = never

+++


LYDIA SCHULER

Mrs Agatha, Mr John,
We are going back to airport now. Thank you for your help, my family money has been restored. is beautiful day.

Johnson and I left cameras, phones, and I picked out special diamond necklace for Mrs Agatha as presents. We gave them to lawyer since you did not come with us today. If you dont get them let us know.

This has been unforgettable week, you have been bakom avskum. I hope to see you aldrig.

Dra åt helvete! GOD IS GOOD OK
Lydia


Part 9: END WITH A WHIMPERING MUGU We could end it there - I really tried to - but there was the chance for one last yank of JJ's chain. JJ just can't get over missing the money.
With the transaction completed, the barrister can drop the veil of legitimacy and talk about the fake cashier check scheme.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

JOHN,

LISTEN UP. I GOT THE SCHULERS MONEY, I GOT THE CAMERAS, THE NEW CELL PHONES, THE DIAMOND NECKLACE, AND YOUR WESTERN UNION MONEY. THEY EVEN GAVE ME A SWEET LAPTOP! I MADE SURE THEY GOT BACK ON A PLANE WITH A NICE CASHIERS CHECK LOL. THE PARTY WAS F**KING AWESOME THE WOMEN WERE INCREDIBLE. GOOD PAYBACK FOR DOING ALL THE WORK ON THIS JOB YOU KNOW.
LET ME KNOW WHEN WE CAN MEET. NO PHONES NO FAXES OR YOU WILL GET F**K ALL. I'M WILLING TO GIVE YOU 10 PERCENT OF THE TAKE.
AR

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

fears the cashier check's a fraud:

Dear Dr John,

PLEASE HELP! I just got a call from my bank that there is some issue with check from your bank! Can you please help up clear this up?! Do you have a number for Barrister Abdul? Our plane leaves in less than an hour, I need your help! Damn you're probably not still at work but I hope you can get back to me soon I will check in when we get home.

Johnson.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

now attempting to calculate his 10%:

Date: Sat, 7 Jun 2003 07:52:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Johnson,

I will help if you can corporate, where is the phone number of Your so called Barrister Mr. Rashid.

Send me the number, i will work with him ok. Please do let me know how much did you pay them there?

I am looking forward to haer from him soonest.

Regards,

Dr. John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

I don't have a phone number for him. It was all email until he met us at the airport, then all in person. I gave him $10,000 plus about another $20,000 or so in gifts. Oh, and he picked up the $1000 I sent you via Western Union. I am waiting to hear from my bank what the issue is with the check; they are closed until Monday morning here. We didn't sleep much on the flight as you can imagine. He said his office address is on Lewis Street in Lagos.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

Date 08/06/2003 04:21:37

Dear Brother,

Where do you want us to meet, please do let me know or you give me your phone number ok.

Best Regards,

John.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

Date 04/06/2003 15:57:26

Dear,

Please you have to call me immediately, i will like to work with you ok.

We are one ok.

I look for your urgent response soonest.
regards,

John

+++

Emails from John: 60
Requested: $8,450 (including the TATTOS CLEANER courier fee)
Sent by the victim: $31,000
Received by John: $0
A month of this: Priceless

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN,

MEET ME IN FRONT OF THE ABUJA WESTERN UNION BETWEEN NOON AND 1 TUESDAY. COME ALONE. I'LL PULLUP IN A BLACK CAR, WATCH FOR ME. DON'T F**K THIS UP IF YOU EVER WANT TO WORK WITH ME AGAIN.
THE SCHULER PEOPLE PROBABLY DONT REMEMBER MUCH CLEAR. THEY WER SO DRUNK THEY PROBABLY STILL HAVE A HANGOVER SHE SHOWED EVERYONE THESE TATTOOS SHE HAD WAY WAY UP UNDER HER DRESS. IF SHE EMAILS YOU JUST THROW HER OVER TO ME.
SORRY I HAD TO STAY IN CHARACTER WHILE THEY WERE HERE, I DIDNT KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE. SEND ME A PICTURE SO I KNOW WHO TO WATCH FOR.
AR


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Date 08/06/2003 06:49:02

Dear Brother,

Where do you want us to meet, please do let me know or you give me your phone number ok.

Best Regards,

John.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

DID YOU GET MY EMAIL WITH INSTRUCTIONS? +++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Have you had any luck finding Barrister Abdul? We are still waiting for word from the bank to find out what the issue is with the check.

Johnson.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

Sujet Re: MEET ME TUESDAY
Date 09/06/2003 17:31:35

Dear,

You told me before that your office is in lagos, how come now that you are in Abuja.

Please do clearify me immediately for i cannot come to Abuja, i am in Benin City ok.

Regards,

John.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN,

I HAD SCHULER READING OVER MY SHOULDER THAT DAY, HE THOUGHT I WAS BASED IN LAGOS. IM BASED IN ABUJA. I CAN BE IN BENIN CITY ON WEDNESDAY, WHERE CAN WE FIND YOU? ADDRESS?
AR


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Sujet Re: YOUR PART OF THE MONEY
Date 10/06/2003 00:12:55
Dear Brother,

Please where do you want us to meet, as i am intrested to see you face to face ok.
Regards,

John.

+++

Benin City. You think politics is rough in your town?
See this story about the lucky ones who were almost killed for their crime of putting up campaign posters:
http://allafrica.com/stories/200304070281.html .
That's from 4/2003.
Ovbiedo = "child of Edo" in the local language.
The city is called Edo by its inhabitants.

The safest place is probably a Pentacostal church. Let's send him there to make a donation. I sent him at the time that Bible study is scheduled. Maybe the pastor there can turn him around.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN, OVBIEDO,
OK ICAN BE IN EDO ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT. HERE IS WHAT TO DO TO AVOID DETECTION. I DO NOT WANT MY ENEMIES THERE TO DISCOVER US. ON WEDNESDAY AT 6 PM GO TO THE D****** CHURCH ON UWELU. ADDRESS IS xxx UWELU. ASK FOR DR G***** L*****. SAY YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO HIM ALONE. HE IS OLD FRIEND AND I WILL TELL HIM OUR BUSINESS. GIVE HIM SOME MONEY AND SAY IT IS DONATION FOR THE CHURCH FROM BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID SO HE WILL KNOW YOU ARE SERIOUS AND A FRIEND OF MINE.
BE SURE TO SAY "BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID".
THEN HE WILL CALL ME AND I WILL COME IN AND MEET YOU THERE WITH HIM. WE WILL PRAY TOGETHER AND SHARE WEALTH TOGETHER. I AM A FAIR MAN. AS PROMISED I WILL BRING YOU 10% OF CASH $1100 PLUS PART OF THE GIFTS FROM SCHULERS, CELL PHONES AND NECKLACE OK?. THEY KEEP EMAILING ME ABOUT CHECK.
GO AT SIX PM IN EVENING WEDNESDAY AND I WILL BE WAITING.
SEE U SOONEST
AR

+++

Right about now I'm sorry I didn't pick Beelzebub as a name.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,
Halla. Is there any word on the Barrister yet? I need to talk to him.


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to JOHNSON SCHULER

Date: Tue, 10 Jun 2003 11:48:00 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: Re: PLEASE HELP

Dear,

Why are you saying all these thing, you told me that he is your lawyer and you are asking me of his phone number why? does it mean that hence you came to Nigeria, you did not ask him his phone number?

I cant understand you at all, go ahead and do with him, you trust him ok.
I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

Dr. John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

I told you, I never needed his number since he met us at the airport. He is not replying to my emails, let me know if you hear from him.
Thanks.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN, PLEASE CONFIRM THAT PLANS ARE OKAY FOR MEETING WEDNESDAY 6 PM
AR


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to JOHNSON SCHULER

Date: Wed, 11 Jun 2003 11:35:40 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: Re: PLEASE HELP

Dear Johnson,

Yes, i alway hear from him, even today he sent a mail to me but i dont know his number ok.

Regards,

Dr John.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dear Dr John,

Halla. Great, glad to hear you hear from him. Please tell him I have the rest of the fee ready to send. We have resolved the issues. My email to him bounced.

Johnson

+++

Here's what I picture - he walks by the address, sees it's a real place, sees people going in there and chickens out. So I took a shot:

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

to DR JOHN JONES

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU??? WHY DID YOU NOT SHOW UP???

+++

Bingo!

DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

Date 14/06/2003 14:00:01

Dear,

What is the need of having meeting, why can you send at least 5% of my share to me first to enable me move out to come and see you any where you are ok.

Regards,

John.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN,
WHY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME? I TOLD YOU TO BE THERE, YOU DID NOT SHOW UP! I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THEN GO AROUND FINDING PLACES WHERE YOU CAN STAND ME UP. WHAT IS YOUR ADDRESS? I AM STILL IN EDO.
AR +++

Day later, what I thought were two parting shots:

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN YOU ARE NO BROTHER TO ME YOU GET ZERO YOU HEAR ME ZERO NOTHING FROM SCHULER MUGU MONEY. YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY I AM NOT SOME LITTLE MAN LIKE YOU I HAVE BUSINESS YOU HAVE NOTHING I THINK YOU ARE NOT EVEN REAL GUYMAN. I COME TO WEAR YOU ARE AND YOU STILL DO NOT COME OUT TO MEET ME LIKE REAL MAN. I SPENT YOUR MONEY YOU STILL OWE ME FOR MY TIME.
AR

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

to DR JOHN JONES Dr John,

Halla! Thanks for all your help. The issue with the bank was that they had miscalculated the interest. At 4.19%, the additional interest added up to $419,419.41. They sent us a check to settle up and both checks cleared. Thanks for the laughs!

Some more Swedish for you:
Dumb = you
Stupid = you
Scammer = you
Loser = you
419 Fraudster = you
Criminal = you
Laughing = us

+++

And that should be it, right? But eight days later this shows up in Johnson's mailbox, despite the fact I just called him a stupid 419 scammer:


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to JOHNSON SCHULER

Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2003 10:41:27 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: Re: PLEASE HELP

Dear Brother,

I can't understand you and your so called lawyer, i contacted you and i cannot know what you are doing with the lawyer, if you fell that you can get the money without me go ahead and do that ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

Dr John

+++

and on the same day, over in the Barrister's mailbox:


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

to BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

Sujet Re: Re: Re: YOUR PART OF THE MONEY
Date 20/06/2003 13:07:32

Dear,

Do you want to put me in trouble, i told you to send me at leat 3% of my share so that i can believe you ok. dont you have a phone number, give me i will call you ok.

Regards,

John.

+++

He's gone from 100% to 5% to 3% of the money. The least I can do is give him more hope for the Schuler's return. Thanks to the Pidgin English dictionary at
http://www.ngex.com/personalities/babawilly/dictionary/default.htm

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

BROTHER JOHN,
WETIN DEY DO YOU? YOU KIDDING! YOU TAKE MY TIME AND NOW YOU WANT PKAJE? I BRING MONEY TO YOU AT CHURCH, YOU NO SHOW UP FOR IT. YOU THINK BOUT HOW THAT MAKE ME LOOK TO BUSINESS PARTNERS? YOU THINK BOUT ANYTING? YOU TRY PUT MI FOR TROUBLE!!!

MISTER JOHNSON KEEP SENDING CHECKS AND IS COMING BACK HERE WITH MORE CASH. I KEEP LAUGHING. NOW YOU SEND ASKING FOR PKAJE YOU MAKE ME LAUGH BOY. SLACKI SUFFER HEAD JOHN NO KNOW IM SEF. JOHNSON COMING BACK NEXT WEEK TO NIGERIA TO SEE REAL BUSINESSMAN NOT LITTLE JOHN WHO ALWAYS READY TO MEET TOMORROW TOMORROW.
AR

First sentence: What is wrong with you?
Pkaje = share of fraud money
Slacki...sef: Slow-thinking poor man John thinks he is above his station in life.

+++


JOHNSON SCHULER

Dr John,

Halla. Thank you for introducing me to Barrister Rashid, he has been very helpful in working on issues that have arisen. We are presently researching charities that we can fund with our new wealth and he has helped us find some in Nigeria. We expect to be visiting a church mission soon. Lydia sends her love. How is your family?

Dra åt helvete
Johnson


DR JOHN JONES [josjs2000@yahoo.com]

Sujet Re: Re: Re: Re: YOUR PART OF THE MONEY
Date 21/06/2003 03:18:37

Dear,

Now i can understand that you are one onf the SSS, i told you to send me just 3% of my share and you refuse, how do i know that you are a real GUY, not interpol ok.

Instead my bush meet will kill me, let it find an exist and run away ok.

I am looking forward to hear from you soonest.

Regards,

John

+++

SSS = State Security Service.

+++


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

JOHN I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO TO GET MONEY, YOU NO DO. I GO TO F**KING EDO YOU NO SHOW UP. NOW YOU SAY SEND YOU 3% OF MONEY. HABA! YOU HEAD NO CORRECT. NO WONDER YOU SUFFER HEAD. YOU MISS CHANCE WITH SCHULERS GOD DON BUTTA MY BREAD WITH YOU MISTAKE. I TELL YOU WHAT. SCHULER COMING BACK THIS WEEK TO GIVE ME MORE MONEY. YOU WANT I LET YOU ASK HIM FOR MORE MONEY. I WILL NOT GIVE YOU ONE F**KING DOLLAR OF MY MONEY NO PKAJE FOR HIM WHO NOT TRUST ME BUT YOU CAN ASK HIM FOR MONEY AND I WILL STAY OUT IT LONG AS YOU STAY OUT OF MY MONEY.
AR

+++

I sent him the phone number of Chief F.E.NDA, profane 419er, and followed his lead in the math department:


BARRISTER ABDUL RASHID

JOHN, CALL ME 234-80-33447751 TODAY WE FINISH BUSINESS. ASK FOR FREDRICK. I SAID I GIVE YOU 10 PERCENT I GIVE YOU 10 PERCENT. IS $110 PLUS SOME OF GIFTS.
AR

+++

WeÕll let them engage in a battle of wits.

CODA: I was using the same account and name to correspond with John Jones and Chief Fred. Three days after siccing them on each other, this shows up in my inbox from Chief Fred:

+++

Date: Tue, 24 Jun 2003 06:54:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: nda fredricks [fredricks2004@yahoo.com]
Subject: oh boy

l came to the place yesterday but could not see you.

ebere

+++

Ebere isn't a greeting, it's a name! Geez, he can't even remember who to email to! Maybe he can get a job as a bank director.

[For background on "Nda Fredricks", see
THE BITTER MIND and
JOHNSON DEVILISH HARLOT PERSON.]

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