SAVING CAPTAIN WHITE

updated May 19 2013

A new tale from CAMMY WHITE! comrade of ELIZA DANE and MAL REYNOLDS. Cammy features in such adventures as THE WIND OF DEAD HUMANS and AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS WHOLE LONG STORY and most recently THE PRICE OF A DOUBLE CHOC DRUMSTICK.

Hi there
I couldn't let the year go by without a new bait... so here are Cammy and Roscoe.

A happy festive season and blessed Yuletide to you, Lewd, the good Rabbi, Herr Stassen, Lonslo and the rest of the Scamorama crew!

Sometimes a Lad won't step away from a maga, however unpromising things may seem; sometimes a Lad will get odd ideas about how to proceed; and sometimes a Lad will forget what it's all about.

The Scammers
Fatima Kones, a rich orphan from Kenya

The Baiter
Roscoe White, Captain in the Australian Army's Special Air Service, on duty in Afghanistan
Camille (Cammy) White - Roscoe's Aesir-worshipping sister, who answers in Lolcat

and introducing a new player:
Dr. Temitope Oshikoya, Director General, West Africa Monetary Institute, running the "Arrested Diplomats with Trunk Boxes" script


Fatima Kones

 

 

 

 

Paragraphs, apparently unknown in "Fatima's" country, have been inserted for readability.

So, here's Fatima... with a script that starts like a romance scam and mutates into a standard rich orphan modality. I've heard that the opening lines are classical Senegalese Laddish.

9 October 2012

Hello My Dearest,
My name is Miss. Fatima Kones , 23 years old originated from Nairobi-Kenya, East Africa, Female, tall, slim, fair and a very good looking girl that loves traveling and dancing, a student, that loves to be loved, I want you to also understand that your Age, distance,Religions does not matter to me, kindly permit me to contact you through this medium, I am compelled to contact you via this medium for obvious reasons which you will understand when we discuss details of my proposition.
My father was the former Assistant Minister of Home Affairs and the Kenya road Minister Mr. Kipkalya Kones had been on board the Cessna 210,which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya .

After the burial of my father, my step-mother has threatened to kill me because of the money my father deposited in one of the banks in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso in my name as the next of kin before his dead which amount is ($10.7USD) Million United State Dollars. I travelled down to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that I can start a better life and take care of myself.

This is the "help me claim my inheritance" format. Kipkalya Kones was indeed a Kenyan minister killed in a plane crash (Dead Bank Customer offers anecdotal statistics on causes of death to real and imaginary people). "Fatima" is not Fatima, is not related to the late Mr. Kones, there is no money waiting for you in Ouagadougou, and if that wasn't clear from the start, please return to the home page and review everything S L O W L Y.

On my arrival, the Branch manager of the Bank whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank was the money will be release to me only when I am married or I should present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray the trust I have on you. But rather take me as your own daughter or your Sister.Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me stand as my trustee since I have not married. Moreso, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate in your country because my Step-Mother has threatened to assassinate me. Also be informed that I have confirmed from the bank in BurkinaFaso that the money is still unclaimed. You will also help me to a place were the money will be establish a more profitable business venture in your Country. Moreover, you will also help me by recommending a nice University in your country so that I will complete my studies.

Itis my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your interest in helping me, I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it to anybody until the money transferred into your bank account and then I will come over to your country. I am waiting to hear from you soonest,
Yours Sincerely,
Miss. Fatima k.Kones.

Roscoe is of course suspicious... he's SpecFor and on operations; who's been handing out his contact details?

Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
I would like to know how you obtained my contact.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
10 October 2012

Dear ,
i got your email from my search for a good man who can help me out from here from ministry of commerce and industry.
are you intrested to help me or not?

As answers go, this was about the least appropriate. Only in Lad-land would the department of commerce and industry have a file on good men who would help refugees.

I decided to let the answer slip by, and have Roscoe pass the Lad onto Cammy.

Roscoe White
Dear Miss Kones,
I would be more than willing to assist you, save for the fact that I am currently on active deployment and my time is not my own. I might be able to put you in touch with someone who is in a far better position to assist you, if you so desire.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
10 October 2012

ok , who is that and what is the person to you?
Roscoe White
Dear Miss Kones,
That person is my sister, who has a good heart, and to whom I hope you will show a little politeness. If you wish to contact her, let me know.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

I didn't expect the Lad to be so clingy...

10 October 2012

Oh No i want you to help me, you or nobody
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
I would say that someone in your position cannot afford to be choosy.
I am a serving soldier on active duty and my country comes before you. I cannot take the time to assist a strange woman, however young and attractive.
I have offered you a sensible alternative; decline that, and I will not help you at all.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
11 October 2012

why would i not make a choice, because i am in need, i want you to help me and it is you i am comvinced in my spirit, i know too that you zould like to help me but because you are just afraid of following your instinct.
just do it as it say you will not regret, trust me
thanks
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
This is not a matter of instinct but the call of duty. I am a serving soldier in an active theatre several thousand kilometres from home. I do not have the freedom to put aside my duties to help you, nor the desire to do so. I serve a higher authority than you or your 'spirit'. That is a simple fact and all your convictions change nothing. Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

OK, now it's getting just weird...

12 October 2012

meaning you do not want to help me,because of your spirit or what, you have time to respond to my mail then what time again do you need.
i put it to you that you will not have rest untill you help me.
i put it to you that you will not have peace untill you make up your mind to help me.
do not doubt it.you MUST HELP ME
Roscoe White
Miss Kone
I am an officer in the Australian Regular Army on active service, doing my duty to my country according to the oath I took on enlisting.
That is what stands higher than your so-called spirit.
I do not care one whit for your attempts to instil guilt in me, or to sway me from my duty to my country and my comrades.
As soon as you realise that, you will reconsider my earlier suggestion.
Have no doubt; you MUST LISTEN TO ME.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

However, by sheer chance, this turns up in one of my two Cammy accounts... Go Cammy!

12 October 2012


Hello My Dearest,
My name is Miss. Fatima Kones , 23 years old originated from Nairobi-Kenya, East Africa, Female, tall, slim, fair and a very good looking girl that loves traveling and dancing, a student, that loves to be loved, I want you to also understand that your Age, distance,Religions does not matter to me, kindly permit me to contact you through this medium, I am compelled to contact you via this medium for obvious reasons which you will understand when we discuss details of my proposition.
My father was the former Assistant Minister of Home Affairs and the Kenya road Minister Mr. Kipkalya Kones had been on board the Cessna 210,which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya . After the burial of my father, my step-mother has threatened to kill me because of the money my father deposited in one of the banks in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso in my name as the next of kin before his dead which amount is ($10.7USD) Million United State Dollars. I travelled down to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that I can start a better life and take care of myself.
On my arrival, the Branch manager of the Bank whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank was the money will be release to me only when I am married or I should present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray the trust I have on you. But rather take me as your own daughter or your Sister.Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me stand as my trustee since I have not married. Moreso, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate in your country because my Step-Mother has threatened to assassinate me. Also be informed that I have confirmed from the bank in BurkinaFaso that the money is still unclaimed. You will also help me to a place were the money will be establish a more profitable business venture in your Country. Moreover, you will also help me by recommending a nice University in your country so that I will complete my studies.
Itis my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your interest in helping me, I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it to anybody until the money transferred into your bank account and then I will come over to your country.
I am waiting to hear from you soonest,
Yours Sincerely,
Miss. Fatima k.Kones.

Yup, it should look familiar!

Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
MY BRO ROSCOE TOLD ME BOUT U BUT I NEVA THORT U WUD RITE 2 ME, HOW DID U GET MY ADDY, IF ROSCOE DINT TELL U HOW DID U GET TEH DETALES?
CAMILLE WHITE
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
You wrote to my sister in any event, just as you wrote to me.
What exactly is your game?
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

One Lad rule; when you're on the spot, resort to bluster.

16 October 2012

Both of you have similar surname and both of you i saw your mails? do both of you having the same mail?so do not blame me i am a despirate lady in search of help , so will you help me or not?
thanks
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
You wrote to Camille in the same way that you wrote to me, having refused my offer to put me in touch with her, and after telling me "do not doubt it.you MUST HELP ME". I wonder if you really do want my help.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
19 October 2012

yes i do kindly help me i beg of you
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
I am not in any position to assist you. I have explained why and I suggest that you accept reality. I have also given you an alternative; the decision is now yours.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

Another Lad rule; in a tight spot, go to CAPLOCK!

24 October 2012

YOU JUST HAVE TO HELP ME OH IT EITHER YOU HELP ME OR I WILL DIE
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
If I have a choice between you or my country, my country comes first without even a moment's thought.
I offered you an alternative but you rejected it out of hand.
That was your decision; this is mine.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
24 October 2012

God has helped you so help me too and God will bless you the more and promote you
Roscoe White
Miss Kone
I am an atheist. I became an officer in the ARA through my own efforts - not those of a non-existent mythical being.
Roscoe White

Lads seem to have a bad view of atheists; will this make "Fatima" reject Roscoe?

Fatima Kones
24 October 2012

no wonder, you better accept Chist jesus as you Lord and personal savour now, he is God , and it is only a fool who says there is no God.
God exist ok

A lot of Lads do have religion of some kind, but this one seems something of a hard-liner.

Roscoe White
Miss Kone
Belief in the supernatural is a sign of weakness.
The true fool is one who believes in God, or Gods.
I regret to say that Cammy is a believer in the Aesir, but then she's a ditz.
Roscoe White
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
I HEAR U STILL RITE 2 MY BRO ROSCOE & HE TOLD U Y HE CANT HELP U COS HES ON DUTY IN AFGANISTAN, & YR TRYING 2 USE TEH SHEEPLE SUFF ON HIM, WELL IT WONT WORK COS HES AN ATHEST, HE DISSES TEH AESIR EVEN AS I CALL ON TYR 2 KEEP HIM SAFE, I STILL LUV ROSCOE THO, Y DO U ALWAIS IGNIRE ME?
Fatima Kones
25 October 2012

i am sure he is joking, he MUST help me, no matter when, but he MUST help me i do not care how long i know that he will help me one day ok
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
TRUST ME, ROSCOE ISNT A JOKER, HES DEDLY SERIUS, HES A REAL ANZAC & IF HE GETZ TEH ODERZ THEN HE DOEZ THEM & SORY SISTER U AINT ON HIS REMIT, SO HE WUD TELL U, Y CANT U TRUST ME, HE WONT HELPT U COS HE WONT SHRIK HIS DUTY U SEE.
CAMILLE WHITE
Fatima Kones
25 October 2012

dear Love,
you must beleive that God is God and that God is real, and i have been praying for you that the Holy Ghost will arrest you to accept Jesus christ as his Lord and personal saveiour in Jesus name.
you must serve the Lord of Host, Jehova is his name, he is the king of kings, Lord of Lords, covernat keeping God, the most high God , he is the unchangeable God ;evelasting father the prince of all prince. extral ordinary strategy, the lord of lord the only true God.
learn to love him because he love you that was why he gave his only begoten son Jesus christ to die for you and for the sin of the whole world.
John chapter 3 verse 16 for God so loved the world that he gave his only begothen son that whosoever believeth in him should not die but have evelasting life.
do you beleive this. he died for me and you so give your life to him so that all things will be yours.
thanks

I don't see how this is going the Lad any money, unless he's being really subtle!

Fatima Kones
26 October 2012

why are you bent on help me , my haert has accepted you brother so sister go away allow me and him, i love him and i know my God , the Lord jesus christ will change him and his heart to help me
ok , talk to him as his sister he will obey you to help me
thanks fatima ,
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
I DONT CARE WHUT YR HAERT SEZ, ROSCOE WONT BECUM A SHEEOPLE 4 U & I WONT LET U MAKE HIM 1 OF U, HE SERVES TEH ARMY & TEH CUNTRY & HIS COMRADES & HE WONT BECUM A SHEEPLE & IF HE SHUNS TEH AESIR ITS HIS CHOIS, HE IS WHUT HE IS & HES HAPY THAT WAI & IM HAPY 4 HIM.
CAMILLE WHITE
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
I do not have to share your superstition, and I have no need of a personal saviour.
Moreover, you embarrass me with your fawning subservience to that ancient Hebrew tribal spirit.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
26 October 2012

i want to marry him so that he will be a christain and love jesus
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
U DO NOW ROSCOE IZ A SOLDIER RITE? SO U HAVE 2 GO WERE HE GETZ POSTED (NOT IF HE GOEZ ON TEH OPRASHUNZ NATCH) & B4 U MARRID U WUD HAVE 2 PASS TEH SCURITY CHEX & BECUM AN AUSSIE & EVEN THEN, U HAVE 2 GET HIM 2 AGREE, WHUT U GOT 4 THAT?
CAMILLE WHITE
Fatima Kones
02 November 2012

Dear friend,
i love your brother even though i have not seen him and i know he is a good man and i want to win him for my God jesus christ.
the way he talks i know he is kind and caring. talk to him as friends to accept me ok
thanks
Fatima Kones
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
JUST BE CARFUL COS ROSCOE WUD NEVA BECUM TEH XIAN SHEEPEL 4 ANY1, & TALK 2 HIM AS FRIEND, IM HIS SISTER 4 TEH LUV OF FREYJA, & EVEN IF I CUD MAKE HIM ACCEPT U TEH PORBLEM REMANES, HES A SOLDIER & IN TEH MEAO RITE NAO & NOT 4 U ATM.
CAMILLE WHITE
Fatima Kones
03 November 2012

are you jealous becaue i love him or do you have sex with him?

What's with the accusation of incest?

Camille (Cammy) White
R U CRAZY OR WHUT, IM ROSCOES SISTER 4 TEH LOVE OF FREYJA, I FELE SO DIRTY NAO, Y R U SO RUDE 2 ME, IS IT BECOS I TOLD U TEH TRUTH BOUT MY BROTHER, U SAY YR SORY OK?
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
Cammy has forwarded some of your emails to her in which you show a determination to marry and convert me. I advise you to put such thoughts aside.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
08 November 2012

hi baby be serious because God almighty Loves you so much and i love you with the love of Christ jesus, i love you from my heart ok, i know you love me but you are just shy because of your religion, Jesus is your Lord and he dies for you , so accept him today as your Lord and saviour
thanks

Didn't Roscoe say that he's an atheist?

Roscoe White
Miss Kone.
I have no religion - I made that quite clear early on - and I have no feelings for you (beyond a degree of exasperation).
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
09 November 2012

Dera roscoe white,
i love you
Jesus love
God Love you
i need you to help me my love please help me , do you like that i am still in this syffering plce since and you know i am your love, i am you dear , i am your sweet heart, i am your honey , yopu know how much i love you so much.
help me
Thanks
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
There is suffering everywhere I look in the AO, and I do not know that you are my love.
You are aware that I cannot accept any relationship while I am on active service.
If you require help, write to Cammy.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
10 November 2012

is she my love, it is you i will write stop that my love face me it is i love and she is just a sister to my ;love ok
Roscoe White

I couldn't resist putting in a line from Serenity.

Miss Kones,
I am still on duty and nothing can change that.
I serve my country first, and after that I care for me and mine, and that does not include you unless I conjure it does.
So as you can see, seeking to force my affections is an exercise in futility.
Roscoe White
Camille (Cammy) White (to brother ROSCOE)

I cc'd Fatima on this.

O HAI BRO
ITS A WAIST OF TIME DARL, TEH BIMBO WONT PAY HEDE 2 U, SHE CANT EVIN SEND TEH PIC, SO I GESS SHE MUST HAVE TEH UGLIEZ, IF U GET TEH YULE LEVE PLZ DROP ME A LINE & WELL FESTE UNDER TEH OAK, U DONT BELIVE BUT I PRAY 4 U ALWAIZ.
TYR & SKADHI BE WITH U
CAMMY
Fatima Kones
15 November 2012

Dear help me you are a woman like you , have you not been in love before

Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
I WORSHIP FREYJA, TEH GODDESS OF LOVE & BEAUTY, & I KNOW ALL BOUT LOVE & IM A HOT BABE 2, GOT BOTH BASES COVRED, WHUT BOUT U, R U TRULY IN LOVE & R U TRULY HOT, COS BEING HOT MATERS U SEE.
CAMILLE WHITE
Fatima Kones
06 December 2012

Hello my sister in law how are you where have you been this long have ou forgoton me. my greatings to your brother tell him i love you and i am still here at the refugee camo suffering but yet thinks about him
Fatima
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
IF U DONT RITE I DONT RITE BACK U SEE, THAT Y U GOT NO REPLYES, FYI ROSCOE IS COMING HERE 4 YULE & WELL HAVE A GRATE TIME & IF U LUV ROSCOE Y DONT U RITE 2 HIM?
CAMILLE WHITE

Fatima gave up after that - so she never really loved Roscoe, the lying bitch!

Fatima Kones

23 December

tell your brother to help me out from this refuge camp i an still here suffering

Fatima

Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI
MY BRO HAZ HIS OWN MIND & IF U WANT SUMTHING FROM HIM U SHUD WRITE 2 HIM YRSELF COZ IM NOT YR MESANGER GRRL U SEE, WHUT CUD HE DO 4 U ANYWAYZ, HES A SOLDIER NOT A TARVEL AGENT
CAMILLE WHITE
Fatima Kones

She seems to be trying to get back on message.

4 January 2013

Happy new year to you my love, have you abandoned me here in this suffering place?don't you know that i love you so much? help me this new year i beg of you ok i wait your response.

thanks
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
You say you love me, but words are easily said.
You say you are suffering, but you have over ten million dollars.
I have seen thousands without hope, starving and disease-ridden, and they are far needier than you.
Perhaps you should pray to your God for a miracle.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

8 January 2013

million dollar or not i love you and need you to help me ok please

Along came a spider - actually, another Lad with a silly script including a classic howler... And leaving aside when you last had a bath - why ask the distance from the nearest airport to your home?

Dr. Temitope Oshikoya
9 January 2013 Attn:
This is Dr. Temitope Oshikoya, the director general of The West Africa Monetary Institute. Numbers of diplomats who are in the custody of the police here in Accra Ghana was brought to my office by the I.G.P Inspector General of Police.
These diplomats where caught by the police men trying to make a change of name of the consignment boxes that is on their possession.
I as i speak with you now, the boxes are with the police and they will be making the release of the boxes to our office in order to carryout the delivery with a special diplomat or by online transfer as soon as the rightful beneficiary (you) registered the boxes with them (police) why these selfish and greedy diplomats will face the law.
I am telling you proudly that as soon as the police make the release of the boxes to us after the registration, a special diplomat to the police of Ghana and United Nation (UN) will embark on the delivery or online transfer by bank to bank to avoid any kind of delay and problems, because numbers of foreign beneficiary has being complaining of their boxes not been delivered to them by diplomats after all the payment they've made, i strongly believe it's also the same too with you. We will be using a special diplomat to the police and UN because of the above reasons.
Sir. all we need from you now is for you to get back to us with the bellow details and get your boxes registered in order for your boxes to be release by the police for delivery or online transfer.
A COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT/ DRIVERS LICENSE............
NATIONALITY..............................................................
DATE OF BATH........................................................
NEAREST AIRPORT TO YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS............................................
DISTANCE DRIVE FROM AIRPORT TO YOUR HOME......
TELEPHONE NUMBER................................................
OR
VALID BANK DETAILS.

All these details will enable us to get your boxes registered and make a smooth and fast delivery of your boxes to you, and please note that is a special diplomat to the police and UN that will be meeting with you to make your delivery of four boxes to you in order to put and end to your long time pending fund here in Ghana cause this is a new year.

Please take note of the follows, 1) Registration of boxes with the police. 2) Getting the boxes stamp at Kotoka International Airport Ghana. 3) You picking up the diplomat up from your airport after arrival at your provided airport. If you know that you can meet up and agreed with this three things above, then we need you to get back to us, but if not please highly disregard this letter. I will be waiting to read to from you soon. Thank you.
Attach to this message is my ID and IP.
Regards
Dr. Temitope Oshikoya
Director General
West Africa Monetary Institute

OK for Lad IDs, although somehow that signature does not look at all like "Temitope Oshikoya".
I decided to bring Oshikoya into the game.

Roscoe White
Attn: Dr Oshikoya
I do not know what you have been told by Miss Kones, but I have made no agreement of any kind with her.
Under the circumstances, you would be advised to tell her that she cannot force my hand in this manner.
Additionally, far be it from me to tell you your job, but you can't just go arresting diplomats and sending them to jail. It's almost an act of war.
Regards
Roscoe White
Roscoe White

And, of course, Fatima deserves a slap.

Miss Kones, Did you think that you could force my hand that way? My only question is how you got Oshikoya involved. Roscoe White
Dr. Temitope Oshikoya

At this point things went slightly schizoid. I wonder if the Lad was mentoring someone, because the replies seemed to have been written by different people.

12 January 2013

ATTN: ROSCOE WHITE,
NO MATER WHAT IT IS, WE ARE NOT FORCING YOUR HANDS, WE ARE HERE TO CARRYOUT AND UNDER TAKE OUR RESPONSIBILITY OF GETTING LONG TIME PENDING FUND HERE IN GHANA TRANSFER TO THEIR BENEFICIARIES WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY FROM OUR SIDE. SO WE WANT YOU TO GET BACK TO US WITH THE VITAL DETAILS NEEDED FROM YOU IN ORDER TO GET YOUR LONG TIME PENDING FUND TO YOU BEFORE THE END OF THIS MONTH. THANK YOU.
A COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT PHOTOGRAPH/ INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT/ DRIVERS LICENSE............
NATIONALITY...................
...........................................
DATE OF BATH........................................................
NEAREST AIRPORT TO YOUR ...................................
RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS............................................
DISTANCE DRIVE FROM AIRPORT TO YOUR HOME......
TELEPHONE NUMBER................................................
REGARDS
TEMITOPE OSHIKOYA
Dr. Temitope Oshikoya
12 January 2013

Mr. White,
Your message is received and well noted. The diplomat are in the custody of the police and the will be trail for what they've don not that they are already in JAIL. i believe you read the previous message that was sent to you, we will want you to get back to us with the details need from you.
Regards
Temitope Oshikoya

I decided to respond to the second email, quoting a line from The Case of the Missing CD Plates, an episode of the talking-type wireless Goon Show.

Roscoe White
Mr Oshikoya
Diplomats are immune from arrest! They cannot be arrested, sued, disfranchised, blackballed, guillotined, run out, left in bulk, charged, hung, drawn or quartered, or needle-nardle-noo!
Roscoe White
Dr. Temitope Oshikoya

This Lad is turning out to be one smug git.

12 January 2013

DEAR WHITE, DIPLOMATS ARE IMMUNE DOSE NOT STATE THAT THEY CANNOT BE TRAIL OR STATE THAT THEY ARE ABOVE THE LAWYER. WE HAVE WHAT WE CALL RULE OF LAW OVER HERE, WHICH STATE THAT NO ONE IS BIGGER OR GREATER THAN THE LAW IRREGARDLESS OF HIS OR HER POSITION.
SO CAN YOU SEE THE REASON WHY THEY CAN BE TRAIL OVER HERE? AND PLEASE GET BACK TO US WITH THE VITAL DETAILS NEEDED FROM YOU. THANK YOU.
REGARDS
TEMITOPE OSHIKOYA
Fatima Kones

Fatima, of course, has no idea what's going on.

12 January 2013

who is oshikoya?
Roscoe White

A quick note to the "first Lad" will spell out some details that may or may not deter him from continuing his scam.

Attn: Mr Oshikoya
Please read carefully.
[1] I do not have any "LONG TIME PENDING FUND" in Ghana or anywhere else.
[2] Any Commonwealth-issued document cannot be copied into any electronic format.
[3] My current address is in a theatre of military operations and cannot be divulged to any non-cleared persons.
[4] My telephone number is restricted to family and next of kin.
[5] Miss Kones is unknown to me save as perhaps a stalker - you should disregard what she says.

Regards
Roscoe White
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
Oshikoya is the jack-in-office whom you tricked into being your catspaw. I am not impressed by your action and in fact I would very much like you to cease and desist.
Roscoe White
Roscoe White

The "second Lad" gets a quote from Wikipedia.

Dr Oshikoya
Actually diplomats cannot be arrested or placed on trial. It's in the Vienna Convention; "Diplomatic immunity is a form of legal immunity and a policy held between governments to ensure that diplomats are given safe passage and are considered not susceptible to lawsuit or prosecution under the host country's laws, although they can still be expelled."

So that means that you and your RULE OF LAW are going to get you into serious trouble.
You' should hope for your sake that you do not cause the US or the Russians any trouble.

Roscoe White

After that, no more Oshikoya...

Fatima Kones
14 Jan

i do not know what you are talking about ,i do not know that name and has no deal with her and i do not want you to insult me or accuse me falsely ok
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
Since that individual is a man perhaps you do not know Oshikaya.
In that case, I shall tell him to cease and desist also.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
19 Jan

i do not know whom he is and please kindly tell him to desist from accusing me wrongly.i am innocent
thanks
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
Oshikoya claimed that fake diplomats were trying to smuggle your money out of the country. Perhaps you should be concerned about that.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
23 Jan

Dear Love,
Kindly advice him to arrest the diplomats they are fake and not real
i have gone to the bank now and confirm all in intact and i was all my late fathers fund in the bank, i told you that i do not know whom you are talking about,
help me ok
thanks
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
The diplomats apparently were arrested, so they are no longer a concern.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
23 Jan

good i love that , thank you
Roscoe White
Miss Kones

I had nothing to do with that. They had been arrested even before I was apprised of the fact.
Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
24 Jan

ok thank you, my fund is the in the bank waiting fir you to help me
Roscoe White
Miss Kones,
Why do you persist in this belief? I am not in a position to help you and I made that very clear from the start.
I have grave doubts about your sanity.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
28 Jan

you do not need to doubt just beleive me and do not fear rather trust me ok
Roscoe White

Even Roscoe can become insulting.

Miss Kone,
I don't get afraid. I do get peeved with silly girls who outstay their welcome.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
30 Jan

what do you mean, please do not insult me ok
get some regards for me. i dont care of you are bloody solder or what ever ok
i need your help MUST
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
My career as a soldier is not for you to sneer at.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones

Suddenly the worm turns... what's the game now?

31 Jan

do soldiers dont make money?
do not deceive yourself , who knows if you are truly a soldier could you send me your picture with uniform to prove that you are a soldier.
Roscoe White
Miss Kone
Your tone surprises me greatly.
Is there a reason for your sudden suspicions?
Someone claiming to be in love and in need of help should not be making demands in such a way.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
2 Feb

Dear
I am sorry send it to me now
Roscoe White
Miss Kones
The ADF has particular rules about unauthorised contacts, and my unit does not allow the dissemination of its members' photographs.
Additionally, I regard you as a pest and an annoyance, and I would like you to go away and stop bothering me.

Roscoe White

I'm telling nothing but the truth here. The Australian Defence Force does have policies about unauthorised contacts, just like every other defence force. In addition, there are strict rules about SAS members allowing their pictures to be taken.

Fatima Kones
4 Feb

dude , you know you have just lied to me now Hmmmmmmm it is not good to lie ok ,
i cannot go away untill you tell me the truth and send me your picture where you wore your army cloth, i said your own not posting to me another persons own ,
i know you and i want to prove all you have been saying to me, i love you
thanks

Now Fatima's gone too far. I mean, really, calling him "dude"?
My suspicion is that the Lad is trying to establish dominance somehow, and/or get some pictures for soldier scams.

Roscoe White
Miss Kone,
The ADF has strict policies on contact with unauthorised outsiders - FACT.
My unit does not allow its members to supply their images to outsiders - FACT
I regard you as a pest and an annoyance, and wish you to go away and stop bothering me - FACT
Three statements, all true, and yet you accuse me of telling lies.
You are not a stalker but a Troll.

Roscoe White
Fatima Kones
10 Feb

i am still waiting for the pictures
Roscoe White

I couldn't be bothered signing off any more...

You will be waiting a very long time indeed - perhaps 25 years, until my retirement.
The ADF has rules and I live by those rules.
Fatima Kones

Fatima's had enough, it seems...

10 Feb

go away you are wicked
Roscoe White
And you are very stupid.
Cammy would likely have been willing to assist, but you threw away the lifeline.
Your fate is what you make, and you chose to fail.
Camille (Cammy) White

Cammy can have what I hope is the last word.

O HAI
SEEMS U RELY COKED UP BIG TIME GIRLIE, WHUT WAS IN YR HED 2 BE SO DUMASS 2 ROSCOE, HAY I CUDVE HELPED U BUT U DINT WANT 2 BE HELPED BY ME, WELL YR LOSS I GESS, U MADE TR BED & U CRAPED IN IT, LOL.
CAMILLE WHITE

But it's not to be!
Fatima seems to have got over the whole pictures issue and decided to take a backward step. I still don't understand the persistence.

Fatima Kones
17 Feb

my love be serious ok
i love you and you must help me or you will die and go to hell and God will punish you in hell for refusing to help an orphane, a poor girl like me who have been asking you for help.
thanks
Roscoe White
There is no God and no Devil; there is no Heaven and no Hell.
If you loved me you would not try to blackmail me, rather you would accept my advice and ask Cammy to help you.
I do not know why you do not do the sensible, rational thing, knowing as you do that I put my duty to my country first.
Fatima Kones

What was this supposed to achieve?

17 Feb

fuck you wont you go and marry yourself.
leave us alone
Fatima
Camille (Cammy) White
I WAS OK 2 HELP U BUT NOT ANYMOAR U HATEFULL LITL BITCH, IF I WANT 2 RITE 2 MY BRO I WIL, & U CAN DO FUCKALL BOUT IT, IF U CANT STAND TEH HEAT DONT SET YRSELF IN FIRE, LOL
Roscoe White
Cammy
That vile woman has gone too far.
For that insult to you, she has lost all chance of help from me.

Roscoe
Camille (Cammy) White
O HAI ROSS
YR RITE AS ALWAIS, TEH DUMASS COW HAD NO FUCKING IDEAR, TAKE CARE NAO & I LUV U LOTZ, TYR PROTECT U.
CAMMY
Fatima Kones

Things go quiet again, but then...

4 March

my dear love is that what you have to say , i did not insult her because i know she si my sister inlaw, dont you know how much i love you , i want you to go through this youtube.
as you said that there is no God and satan

A Youtube link was attached (about a preacher's Near Death Experience). I didn't bother watching it; besides, the Australian Defence Force doesn't allow access to Youtube (convenient, huh?)

Roscoe White
I am not permitted to access Youtube via the DSN, and in any event the DSN filters stripped off whatever you sent.
You did indeed insult Cammy; "fuck you wont you go and marry yourself. leave us alone". It's hardly surprising that she lost her temper with you.
In any event, she will never be your sister in law for obvious reasons
Fatima Kones

As death threats go, that's a weak one...

7 March why are you impulsive, why are you too difficult you can not send you picture, you can not watch you tube, look i must marry you or we both die mysteriously trust me i am an African woman do not doubt this
Roscoe White
I am not impulsive - I am quite the reverse. Someone with poor behaviour controls would not last long in the field (assuming that he was allowed to enlist at all). As for your idiocy about marriage or death - I am an educated Australian and I can only chuckle at your claim.
Fatima Kones

And that one is no improvement.

8 March

do not insult for for the last time before i start releasing my venom ok
Roscoe White
I would not and will not marry a woman who is clearly delusional enough to think she's a snake of some sort.
Fatima Kones
12 March

it you generation who is a snake. i hate you.i forbid you for making that kind of statement to me. ok
Roscoe White
I will state facts, and it is a fact that you are delusional.
Fatima Kones
15 March

be serious and help me now
Roscoe White
Be serious and understand that I am in no position to help you.
Camille (Cammy) White
U SHUD LEVE ROSCOE ALONE, HE DOSENT WANT U & OMG U THINK A BRO & A SIS WUD FUCK, OMFG U R SO SICK 2 SAY THAT, Y DO U THINK HE WUD LUV U ANYWAY?
Fatima Kones
17 March

you are in a better position to help me you are just trying to be imposibble, because of you so called siter whom i do not know if thruely she is your sister or both of you sleep together
Roscoe White
I do not see how a soldier on active service in the MEAO is better placed to help you than a civilian living in one of the most peaceful nations on the planet.

Cammy is my sister and incest is taboo is our culture, no matter what your views may be. For someone who claims to love me and need my help, you display a breathtaking impertinence and rudeness. Of course it could be that you cannot accept that a woman could help you, which is odd.
Fatima Kones
18 March

My love it no rudeness why is it that once i send you mail she will be the one to respond to me with capital letters or are you the one same person responding to me with different mails?
let her leave us alone and she she should go and have her own husband.
Fatima Kones
18 March

if both of you do not fuck why is it that i do not write you and you are the one getting angry. did i write to you. how do you know FOOOOOOL, leave us alone to enjoy yourself or i will hand you over to Satan and you will never marry . i think you should go and marry you own man.leave him alone for me unless you are guilty
Roscoe White
I told Cammy that you were still writing to me and she is not happy with how clingy and unpleasant you are. As for her capitalisation... well, her dyslexia is somewhat embarrassing, but don't let the weird spelling fool you; she's blonde, but quite clever.
She has a boyfriend and no need of a husband. I have told you previously that Cammy and I are siblings but you cannot accept that; I would add stubbornness to your list of flaws.
As it stands, you are:
Delusional
Impertinent
Obsessive
Possessive
Rude
Semi-literate
Stubborn
Superstitious
Ungrateful

Readers are invited to add to the list of Fatima's problems.

Camille (Cammy) White
U R ABCESING ON ME & ROSCOE, Y R U SO BOTHERD, INCEST MUST BE TEH COSTUME IN YR CUNTRY, WEL NOT HEAR, ROSCOE TOLD U HES NOT INSTERESTERED IN U BUT U DONT WANT 2 HEAR, U CANT HANDEL TEH TRUTH, LOL
Fatima Kones
leave us alone, get your own husband, get your own man bicth
Camille (Cammy) White
ILL LEVE U ALONG BUT ROSCOE IZ MY BRO SO ILL WRITE TO HIM, U CANT STOP THAT, SO U WONT HERE FRM ME ANY MOAR COZ U SUCK BALLZ BIG TAIM & WHATS TEH FUCKING POINT, LOL
Fatima Kones
22 March

look Dear i will accept all thsi insult from you because i love you,
you cannot because of your sister and insult me ok
do not repeat that again.i do not like it and i deserve an apology from you now
Roscoe White
I see nothing to apologise for so I will not apologise.
Fatima Kones
23 March

you must appologies to me ok
Roscoe White
Why should I apologise?
Fatima Kones
24 March

you will apologize to me because you insulted me because of your sister, again because you insulted me when i have never insulted you and also for the sake that we love each other
you have to apologize to me
Thanks
Roscoe White
We don't love each other. I have no love for you and that is a fact.

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