OGA VARIT PA RUSSKI? or, RED DON?


The torch of Arnold Wanker has in recent months been taken up by Agent Smith, as ably demonstrated in WANKER REDUX.

Here, Arnold The Second takes on a scammer using the 'bogus jobs' format.
Interestingly, the scammer sprinkles a few transliterated Russian words here and there.

[Original Arnold masterminded MOONSHINE OVER METHLAND and YOU ARE SLOWING DOWN OUR SERVICE.
He also appears as Dr. Sweeney Todd (board-certified scambaiter), in YOUR UTTERANCE IS REPREHENSIBLE and DEMON SCAMBAITER OF FLEET STREET.]

ARNOLD WANKER - good ol' boy
versus
BOGUS "DWO FULFILLMENT", a scammer impersonating an apparently real, legitimate company


"DWO FULFILLMENT"

This episode begins with the scammers sending our protagonist an invitation to join their Company, DWO Fulfillment ("humanresources@dwofulfillment.com").

(They sent it to Arnold's other, "unknown" email address, so the initial phishing-expedition email doesn't show here) (they were just looking for an) honest worker

ARNOLD WANKER

TO: humanresources@dwofulfillment.com

I am an honest worker; I want to work for you since I got your email...
What do I do now?

I tried and failed to open their attachment, realized I could use it as a delay-tactic, but sent them answers in the body of their lame email below anyway

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

Subject: Applform

Hello Arnold,

Thank you for contacting us. Please, read the job descriptions and choose your preferred position or both positions. These are immediate positions we need to fill thus your prompt response is greatly appreciated.

You can work from your residence as it was described in the job offer letter.

To start your hiring process, you will need to fill out our application form. Feel free to find that in the attachment.

ABOUT OUR MAIL ORDER SERVICE
We have signed contracts with different distributors who sell their merchandise using our mail order service. Most of our customers are wholesale buyers who have small home business. They purchase discounted goods from our sellers and then resell those products. We work as a third party, meaning we have a database of distributors and buyers. We connect buyers with our distributors, which in turn, helps them in their business. We sell almost everything. And we charge a percentage, based on the size of the order.

(ok, it's a payment/shipping scam, crank up the bait-generators!)

JOB DESCRIPTIONS

[This has been snipped a lot, since:
(a) It's long
(b) It was probably lifted off the real DWO web site]

MAIL ORDER SHIPMENT INSPECTOR MAIN DUTIES
*Supervise the delivery of small and large packages or equipment
*Responsible for packing & shipping domestic/international orders using Fed-Ex, UPS and USPS

EXAMPLE OF STANDARD OPERATIONS
DWO Logistics Manager supplies our Shipment Inspectors details of customer contacts and the list of goods to be received. The Shipment Inspector should:
1) Receive the ordered product ...
4) Reseal the package ....
7) Receive our prepaid shipping label
8) Schedule a package collection with our courier

SALARY
$1000.00 per month, plus bonus...

EXAMPLE OF STANDARD OPERATIONS
1) DWO Logistics . Manager supplies our Service Coordinators details of customer contacts so that they may send: A purchase order form.
<snip>
6) Once payment has been received, distributor has been notified, then withdraw the funds indicated in the payment order.
7) Send the funds to the distributor: <snip>

SALARY
$35.00 per invoice completed (maximum of ten per week), plus 1-3% of the invoice amount...

EMPLOYEE ACKNOWLEDGMENT
In response to the above offer of employment (INITIAL ONE ONLY): AJW_____ I accept. ______ I do not accept.
I want to apply for the following vacancy(ies): ___Both_____________________________ Dated: __11-18, 2011___

Kind Regards,
Eric Neamt


This is a jobs 'format' scam.
See the Job Scam Digest for other examples.
Basic MO:
1. you are sent a bogus (or real but stolen and altered) check or money order
2. you deposit it in your bank
3. you are pressured to immediately send the scammer a money order for most of the face amount, keeping the (imaginary) rest as your commission
4. the scammer's check bounces, but not until later
5. the bank duns YOU for the money

In another variation, the scammer's check actually clears - so you are helping to launder money. Victims of this scam have been arrested, prosecuted and convicted of fraud - so if a scammer sends you a check, frame it, put it over the water cooler, but don't try to cash it!

ARNOLD WANKER

see my answers below. [ Meaning in your email above]

your Applform.doc did not download properly, can you send me another corrected one, please?

Thanks!
Yours, Arnold James Wanker

[Arnold Wanker, forever the techie, notices a few things in their mangled attachment at this point, but does dutifully TRY to decode it (I could not).]

DWO Fulfillment

So he sends me another.

Subject: Applform

Hello Arnold,
I am infinitely sorry for any inconveniences ,please check new attachment

Best regards,
Eric Neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

Arnold Wanker sends them some advice letting them know that they don't appear too "perfessional" at this point, 'cos he still can't decode it:

"begin 644 Applform.doc"

nope, same stuff - suggest send bare text, maybe

I am unabl to decod it
(not looking good)

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

So he tries again:

Hello Arnold,

Please, check another attachmnent

Best regards,
Eric Neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

to which I have to in all honesty say:

no .DOC here either - gee y'all are SLACK!
AH thought I was crappy wif komputers, but y'all........

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

So he goes the PDF route, not that I don't also notice the little blame he lamely throws my way:

Hello Arnold, Mr. Arnold,
I apologize for this misunderstanding,
This situation is uncomfortable for me,I would like just to help you.
Maybe it is the problem with your computer, because these additions are opened everytime. [Of course they are, on YOUR computer dimwit!!]
But it is not problem, everything can be solved easily,
I am sending Adobe Acrobat Reader 9.4 format Applform so you are able to view and fill it.
If you have any questions feel free to contact me.
[next time I'll get him to mail me the program]
Best Regards,
Eric Neamt
ARNOLD WANKER

[so rather than drag him into the deep end with uudecode 'n' such, Arnold plays along:]

Yes, no problem, just give me some time to work with it. Your Arnold

[So, Arnold works with it, denies picking up a "virus", then replies:]

Here ya are. I do think I had one of them thar - how do you say - "walrus?" in the kompooter or sumthin'.....
Anyhoo, ok now.....

[SO, I filled out the form and sent it back....."fairly" correct..... APPLICATION (opens in separate window) ]

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

Something happened here, in recollect I have no idea(r). (Maybe) Something awry with my address, oh no!

Subject: Vacancy closed

Hello Arnold,
I'm sorry, but we do not have the opportunity to continue our cooperation.
1. your home address is not correct, we have no way to verify it
2. had problems in your other work and may be reasons to make our work is not legitimate action in relation to the receipt and shipment of the goods of our clients
We value our customers and this is how to lose the made for years reluctantly
I understand that we may be wrong Mr Arnold, but you understand us?
I don't know even how we can help you in this situation.
P.S. My advice to you, try convincing resume, with respect to your honest and legitimate work in relation to the DWO Logistics Group

Best Regards,
Eric Neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

So, Arnold of course acts "indigent" and shocked at this, "WHY I NEVER"!! He even has a bout of spelling correctly:

WTF? Vacancy CLOSED??!?!?!

What are you talking about? I thought I was doing everything you asked, what is the reason for you suddenly backing out, I NEED THIS WORK!!!

I think the case certainly IS that YOU ARE WRONG, in my opinion, (whatever there may be for you to be wrong about???)......

I am completely at a loss to explain your actions.

Arnold
"DWO FULFILLMENT"

They retort with:

Subject: Verification

Arnold,

1.Please, correct home address I have received the necessary documents from you.
For security purposes,
2.please enclose a copy of your photo ID (Passport or DriverŐs License).

Best Regards,
eric neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

So, naturally, I just rush right out to them the correct information, with an exhortation not to enagage in any sale of my sensitive information:

Addr is correct as shown.
Please don't sell my info 2 anybody.
Arnold J. Wanker

Yes, it's just amazing, isn't it?

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

[So they decide to go ahead with the offer - ain't Arnold lucky! (BOTH of 'em):]

Subject: Vacancy

Hello Arnold,

Mr. Arnold, considering your candidacy, we decided to give you a job to DWO Fulfillment Group, it will be a probationary period of 1 month (payment will be made on the basis of common conditions, Check, Money order, Bank transfer, PayPal or other payment options agreed with the companies
I hope you're happy with such a condition of work?
Nowhere does he mention no SALARY the 1st month, does he?
Please ,Send me email with your decision

Best Regards,
Eric Neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

[So, Arnold answers, turning the "eager" dial up a notch:]

Hello:
Yes, yes, Eric, I am now very happy that you have chosen to use my services.
I await with bated breathe for my first asignment.

Yours,
Arnold "J" Wanker

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

[So, Arnold's first assignment arrives:]

Subject: Shipping

Hello Arnold,

Please find below Package Details:

Package from (url deleted)

Name: Arnold James Wanker

Tracking Number: (tracking # deleted)

Scheduled Delivery:
Thursday, 12/01/2011, By End of Day

Post Company:XXX.COM url mangled

1. You also should take OUT the INVOICE from the PACKAGE you receive.
2.Wait for the further package instructions.

I am waiting for your confirmation letter.

Check the packaging condition and email me back ASAP.
Then I'll send you all the paperwork for this package.
Thank you for your assistance,

Kind Regards,
Eric Neamt

So, Arnold answers, quite peaceably, not bothering to ask 'where the funds came from' to purchase the items arriving at his humble abode, nor 'which neighbor's credit card was robbed' to get the items:
God, these people are lowlife, thieving scum!

ARNOLD WANKER

Hi Eric:
I am awaiting the pkg as planed. Funny, I thought I'd be able to trak it on y'alls website or something.
Any Road, I'll lecha know when I gits it.

[At first the package is "OnTime":]

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

[Uh-oh, then there seems to be an "issue": this throws "eric" for a loop, I don't think this was expected]

Subject: Shipping

Hello Arnold,

Multiple errors exist in the address label. UPS is attempting to determine the correct information to complete delivery. / Returned to shipper.

Arnold, I asked you to give a valid residential address [I really, really DID!] that's what proishodit of an incorrect address for delivery
["proishodit" must be some Arnold- spellin]
[actually it sounds Russian, kind of like the word for 'proceed' (исходит - that's interesting]
understand how it all
[of course I do]
this is very bad for our buisnesse
today because of incorrect addresses Shipping, 2 parcels returned to sender
that's how I do in this situation? I also asked you to clearly give the correct delivery address

This is a very very bad

[uh... what? How about a noun here: crime, company, theft, caper, bungled-effort, ...but I digress...]

eric neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

Perhaps some of you who are more experienced will see that I pulled the trigger too early, remarking about expecting payment here, but anyway, Arnold, ever ready with the excuse, says:

I saw the truk, he go down mah strit, but no stop.
Send pkg agin, pls.

U not pay me for any of mah work, either, so what's up with that Mr. BooHoo?

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

So he answers, in all RED - ooooh!

Subject: Correction of

Arnold,

The salary will be only after the 30-day trial period (this is the condition of the company, and about it's written in the contract of employment)

Why do you write about right now paying?

You can not correct the condition shall need work?

if there are questions about the work, then ask

if you still want to work with us, please give the correct address

eric neamt
ARNOLD WANKER

So's I send back, "short-n-sweet", hoping they'll bite again:

I'm so sorry eric, I was mistakn in me address -

it Really should be 180B Gonad Drive. That B looks like an '8'.
I hadda conslut with my naber on it, for quite a time.

'Bout gettin paid - I don't see in my apple-cation any where a 30-day trial, What State or Federal Laws is yore company complyin' wif?
Ah did not see that on the apple-kashun I signed ether....

Sory 'bout the mix-up with the address... Please send it agin, this time to 180B Gonad Drive...

Yours,
Arnold J. Wanker

ARNOLD WANKER

Ok, I'm asking for it next, I know...but they were "done" with me....

I gave you correct address.
Why you not write me, and send package agin?

What's going on with your Company, "dwofluffy-ill-makin' "....?

It sure seems a waste that I sent y'all all mah bankin state-mints fur nuthin....Y'all wouldn't use those agin me, now wouldya?
[Arnold confuses his scams here for a sec, see next episode]
That aint right... Y'all know the differnce 'tween right & rong.... Rite????

Your Employee Forever, [HA!]
Arnold J. Wanker

"DWO FULFILLMENT"

So he gets a little "testy":

Subject: Situation

Hello Arnold,
Arnold, you are behaving strangely
all the conditions described in the contract, payment will be only after the trial period you have incorrectly given home address, two package returned to the sender customers are very unhappy with this situation
You can date me now guarantee that in future nebudet*
[more Arnold-spellin problems ]
[*"nebudet" = in Russian means "will not be". Hmmm...]
with delivery and dispatch of goods

Best Regards,
Eric Neamt

ARNOLD WANKER

So Arnold "weirds out" a little, but maintains focus, as indicated by his sign-off, thanks go to the wifey here for the terminologies:

WELL I'LL BE!!!
I'll date ya, iffin you is perty.....
(but I wuz thinkin you wuz a man, and Ima not really inta that sameness sex thang.)

I is anoyd wit you, asayin that mye addyress be inkorectd when Isa been livin herein mah hole life.
Ceptin' for that month we libbed n Korn Holler when the traler gots burnt down and was ruint.

Yous'n nebudet customers needins 2b lernin how to put the korekt address on them'sn boxen to be sendin to me.

AH STIL WONTS MAH MONEY!!! DONT MAKE ME GO TO THE SHARIF!!!1

Whar's my money?,
Arnold

ARNOLD WANKER

They left me alone for awhile, so I figure they're done:

I am "really" sorry bout yore "two package returned to the sender" hope it didn cost ye much.....(not!)

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

   You've Been Wanked

 

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