GREEN LETTER DAYS - A DRAMA IN TWO ACTS


From the archives of Eliza Dane comes a tale of scammers trying to pick up where other scammers left off, and failing miserably. Eliza has appeared in many adventures, most recently HI HO SILVER, IT'S THE LOAN ARRANGER. [For a change, the first-tier scammer is not noted in red.]


Thompson Green was a man with a plan - to scam poor innocent student Eliza Dane... That was one of my earliest baits with Eliza Dane, and it died before anything much was achieved, but all was not lost.
Much later, Thomas Green made his play... and found himself in a world of confusion as he found his maga was the new, improved, feisty and outspoken Eliza Dane.
Things were further confused by another Lad getting involved - one who'd crashed an earlier, but longer-lasting bait (also for publication), thinking Eliza Dane was a Lad, but here had a quite a different agenda... whatever it might have been!


The Scammers

Names in boldface are non-speaking roles
(Part 1)
Thompson Green, Director, Delivery/operations, Transworld Securities, South Africa
Tamara Grove, Secretary, "Fidelity Security Marchant and Courier Agency", in Holland
Edward Cliff, Operation Manager, "Fidelity Security Marchant and Courier Agency", in Holland
Kapo Kester, diplomat

(Part 2)
Thomas Green, unwitting Lad who had no idea he was "the Director of Delivery/Operation Transworld Security and Finance Company South Africa"
Mr Walter, actually Mr. Walter Tom, Bank Manager, UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIG.PLC
Okon Emma, Walter Tom's WU identity
Adim Amala, a Lad who tried to urge Eliza to do the Lads' bidding, but actually had nothing to do with them
Peter Eke, Thomas Green's secretary
Bille Ikeyan Perry, Peter Eke's WU identity
Ann Frank, Bank Manager, UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIG.PLC, who took over from Walter Tom, and gave rise to a number of poor taste jibes about attics
Igwe Ifeanyi (THE BANK'S SECRETARY) - Ann Frank's WU identity.
Azubuike Nwokolo, Ann Frank's other WU identity


The Baiters

(Part 1)
Eliza Dane, Sydney-based student of botanical sciences

(Part 2)
Eliza Dane, a Sydney-based photomodel of Odinist faith, foul mouth, and unforgiving disposition.
Ross Dane, her protective older brother, an officer in the elite Special Air Services Regiment.
Odin, Freyja, Tyr, and Skadhi - deities of the Norse Pantheon, often invoked by Eliza


Warning; profanity ahead.

Western Union makes its appearance in the second part of this bait.

OK, now that we've set the scene, it's time to raise the curtain on our drama.
Let us begin with the first email from the spring of 2005...
Enter a scammer.


PART 1: "YOU SHOULDNT START ACTING STRANGE"

Thompson Green
07/10/2005

FROM: THOMPSON GREEN,
DIRECTOR, DELIVERY/OPERATIONS,
TRANSWORLD SECURITIES, SOUTH AFRICA
TEL: 27-73-2424-005
Dear Sir/Madam,
TRANSFER OF US$25.5M FOR INVESTMENT.
I am MR THOMPSON GREEN the Director of Delivery/Operation Transworld Security and Finance Company South Africa.
Our firm is a security and finance company of high repute with years of outstanding service to the people of Africa especially top government officials and military leaders in Africa. I have resolved to contact you through this medium based on business proposal that will be of mutual benefit to both of us. I have not discussed this with anybody because of it is of top secret.
To be explicit and straight to the point. Some time in 1997,a reputable client of ours deposited a consignment in our company?s vault for safekeeping.
And since then our client has failed to come forward to claim his consignment, which has accumulated a huge amount of money in demurrage.
Consequently, in our bid to contact this client to redeem the demurrage which his consignment had accumulated we discovered that our client was the Former President of the Federal Republic of Zaire(Now Republic of Congo)who died of illness after he was dethroned. In the same year the consignment was entrusted into our care.
Since the death of our client President Mobutu Seseseko, none of the benefactor has come to claim the consignment with us, which means that none of his relatives or aids had any knowledge of such consignment.
Hence out of curiosity I decided to secretly open the box that were registered as treasure by our client actually contained a considerable amount of money in United States Dollars amounting to about TWENTY FIVE MILLON FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATED DOLLARS (US$25.5Million US Dollars).
Since this development I have been nursing plans secretly. I also found out from enquiry s and foreign media that our late client siphoned a lot of money from his country while he was in office as the head of state.
It is my conviction that the consignment in our vault was part of the money that our client siphoned and now that he is dead, there is no trace to this money in our care.I am now soliciting noble assistance to assist me in transferring this money out of South Africa to your country for immediate investment with your assistance. I have also decided that you will be generously be entitled to 30% of the total amount.
Upon my receipt of your reply confirming your willingness to assist me in this transaction. I will immediately arrange and transfer all the right of ownership of this consignment to your name to facilitate your easy clearance and transfer of the complete funds to your country for onward investment.
This transaction is 100% risk free. Please maintain absolute CONFIDENTIALITY in this matter. I await your prompt response.
Hoping my proposal will receive your favourable consideration.
MR THOMPSON GREEN

[It's a standard Dead Dictator Scam, though Mobutu is a first for me.
Let's get him hooked.]

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green,
While I am very interested in your proposal, I would need to know how I could ever make a claim to anything belonging to President Mobutu.
I'd also like to know how you came to approach me about this.
If you can clear up these details, I may be able to help you.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
11/10/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
It is nice to hear from you. I want to re-assure you that this business is risk free and i shall change all the basic documents to your name. The fund has already accrued demmurage and the depositor is deceased. It was deposited under a different name. It was only on investigation that we discovered it was deposited by the ex- president.
We have done the neccessary paper works on change of ownership. You should be rest-assured.
My major worry is to confirm if you are capable of handling such funds. Its very important to know before we start processing the transfer.
Waiting for your responce.
Sincerely
Mr Thompson Green
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green,
I'm puzzled that you are worried about my ability to handle money. Isn't the whole point of this to move the money safely out of South Africa? I'm not being asked to invest it, simply receive and take care of it. I'd have thought that the big thing would be honesty, not financial skill.
Also - you didn't answer my question about exactly how you came to approach me. It's not that hard to do, is it?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
16/10/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
I am worried about honesty because of the huge funds involved and not financial skill. Honesty is the key and its the reason why it has been this long because we needed trust worthy capable people. I shall need to get some details before we can begin the transfer process.
I shall need to know your profession, country of origin,religion and most importantly your full details like name,telephone number so we can communicate when the need arises. When these details are forwarded to me, then we can begin the transfer proceedings.
As for your contact, i got your information while i was doing a private research on the internet for a reliable and capable foreign partner that will assist us in the transfer of the said funds.
I hope i have convinced you beyond reasonable doubt that we are ready to do business. Do get me the details so we can begin immediately.
I await your responce.
Best regards
Thompson Green

Name, phone number; business as usual; profession, country of origin - religion? That's new.
[Supplemental; since I wrote that, religion has been a regular item in Lad enquiries.]
Telephone number - not a chance - so deploy the Jealous Boyfriend - now!

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green,
I understand the importance of honesty. I said so before. But you did raise the point about financial ability ("My major worry is to confirm if you are capable of handling such funds") originally.
But anyway... details! OK then.
I am 22 years old and a student at Hawkesbury Agricultural College, Sydney - thus I am an Australian.
You have my name already.
I don't know why my religion is important - I guess I'd be Anglican by default, I haven't been to Church proper for some time.
Phone number... tricky. I still live at home, and my parents would be puzzled about my receiving calls from a strange man. They are very fond of my boyfriend (who is himself a bit possessive) and would be suspicious about you (especially since I bet we'd have to talk in private).
Back to you. What's the next stage?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
18/10/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
This mail is a confirmation of receipt of your mail. I shall get back to youi in a day or two giving you the exact iunstructions on the next step to take. I shall start processing the basic legal documents indicating you as the new rightfull beneficiary of the said fund.
Until i get back to you, i remain
Sincerely
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane

[Eight days pass - what's happening?]

Dear Mr. Green,
It's been over a week - does this mean that the deal is over?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green

[Eliza's name has changed!]

27/10/2005

Dear Ms. Eliza Zane,
It was nice hearing from you. The deal is still on.
The fact is we have been processing the basic documents which the lawyer had to take to court for confirmation and legalisation processes. Hopefully we shall be through before this week-end and then transfer the fund to the security company in europe who will in turn vet it, confirm you as the true beneficiary and then make the transfer to your account. I shall let you what is the situation of things before the week runs.
Once again, i say thanks for your co-operation and understanding so far.
Sincerely
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green,
Thank you for replying.
I hope things will move faster once you've processed the basic documents!
Regards,
Eliza Dane

PS Dane. Not Zane.
Thompson Green
29/10/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Zane,
Our diplomat attachee has departed for europe with the consignment this evening for the netherlands, In europe.
Hopefully, the consignment will be deposited with the security company by tommorrow on his arrival.
I shall also forward the information of the security company where the fund will be deposited.
You are adviced to contact the security company stating that you are the true beneficiary of the said fund.
I shall reach you as soon as we hear from our diplomat.
Until then, i remain
Thompson Green

[The Netherlands... how predictable was that?
"Things I learned from 419s"; it is important to spell out which continent a given country is, even if you mentioned the continent previously."]

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green.
I, Eliza Dane (NOT Zane), know that the Netherlands are in Europe.
I'll be patient.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
PS It's Dane, did you notice that?
Thompson Green
31/10/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
All corrections are noted. It was just typing error.
The diplomat has successfully arrived holland. The fund has been deposited with them.
The address of the company and the contact person with which the fund has been deposited is stated below.
FIDELITY SECURITY MARCHANT AND COURIER AGENCY
Tel: +31-628-087-753 , Fax: +31-847-273-051
Operation Manager : EDWARD CLIFF
Please contact them first thing on monday morning for further instructions. The e-mail address of the diplomat whom deposited the fund is mrkester@execs.com I advice you contact them immediately for further directives.
Until i hear from you, i remain
Sincerely
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green,
What's the name of the diplomat? I'd like to address him with his proper name when I contact him.
Actually, do I need to communicate with him, or speak to Mr. Cliff? Which is correct?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
01/11/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
You shall have to contact the security company immediately. They are in charge of the funds right now. The diplomat, MR. KAPO KESTER has done his job by delivering the consignment to europe. He is still there awaiting further instructions. The main contact you have to make is to the security company. You shall have to reach them immediately since the consignment is already with them. They will be expecting your call.
Let me know as soon as you get through to them.
Sincerely
Thompson Green

["KAPO KESTER"? Weird name...]

[I have no idea if the numbers were valid, as I didn't try them out. Why bother? It's more fun this way (plus, I doubt if I any woman's voice I could do would fool even a Lad...) ]

Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. Green,
The telephone numbers that you supplied for the Security Company did not connect.
Are you sure they are correct? Advise immediately please.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
02/11/2005

Good Day,
I advice you write them introducing yourself to them and asking them for the informations yourself .
Am very sure its the correct number i gave you as its just the same information i have in my system.
I advice you write them and when you call, the number that begins is 00316. You surely will get them if you dial the number corrctly. Let me know as soon as you get access.
Thompson Green
Thompson Green
02/11/2005

Good Day,
I advice you write them(E-mail-fsmcaonline@yahoo.co.uk) introducing yourself to them and asking them for the informations yourself .It has come to the stage where you have to be firm cause you are now the new beneficiary of the said fund.All documents are now in your name.
Am also sure its the correct number i gave you as its just the same information i have in my system.
I advice you write them and when you call, the number that begins is 00316. You surely will get them if you dial the number corrctly.
Let me know as soon as you get access.
Thompson Green
Thompson Green
03/11/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
Have you finally reached the security company? always give me details of your daily transaction with them as i can only be informed by you since you are now the new beneficiary of the fund. Anxiously waiting to hear from you.
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane
Mr. Green:
The number that you supplied doesn't work. The prefix makes no difference. I dialled repeatedly and correctly.
Is there any point in continuing with this?
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green

[First signs of irritation from our lad... ]

04/11/2005

Dear Ms.Eliza Dane,
Itrs up to you if you want to continue with the deal or not. You know you stand to gain at the end of the day.
since getting through their phone line is difficult, then write them by mail You shouldnt start acting strange when we have transferred the consignment already to europe. Declare your intention so we know our position.
Waiting to hear from you.
Sincerely
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane

[Bring on the angry Eliza!]

Mr. Green:
It's up to me? You make it sound like all it's my fault that the phone number is wrong and I can't get in touch!
Well, sorry, but you were the one who set all this up. It isn't my fault if you got it wrong.
I'll email them, which is how it should have been done from the git-go.
When it comes to acting strange, I can take lessons from you. Let's get this stupid matter settled and we can go our separate ways.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Attn: Mr. Edward Cliff

Dear Sir,
Be advised that I am laying claim to funds deposited in my name at your agency on or after 28 October 2005.
Further details are available on request; or refer to Mr Thompson Green of Transworld Security and Finance Company, South Africa (see above).
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

[Turn up the heat - though she's still low-key compared to the veteran baiters.]

Mr. Green:
First you supply telephone numbers that don't work, and then you provide me with an email link that doesn't work either.
What the hell is the matter with you? What sort of half-assed firm are you running over there?
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
06/11/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
I just saw your mail and fully understood its contents. You will have to contact the security company via phone(011)that is the code you will have to dial calling from your end.
Secondly, when writting mail, write to fsmcaonline@yahoo.co.uk and not e-mailfsmcaonlien@yahoo.co. i expect you should know the difference. Let me kn ow as soon as you are through.
Your documents are already with them and they are waiting to hear from you. I have supplied every information you need. You only have to keep in touch.They need to hear directly from you, been the new beneficiary of the said fund.
Waiting to hear from you.
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane
Mr. Green:
I followed the link that you supplied. I assumed that you had filled it in correctly.
My bad.
I'll try telephone and email and I'll let you know if your new info gets me anywhere.
I've got my doubts - reasonable ones, too.
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
07/11/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
I saw the message you sent to the security company in europe. I think you are in the right direction.
They will in turn tell you exactly what you need to do.
I advice you co-operate with them and follow their instructions to the latter since they have the final authority to the release of this consignemtn to you.
Always keep me informed. Bye for now
Eliza Dane
Mr. Green:
I'll hold off on the celebrations until they reply.
I tried the phone number again, with the prefix you gave, and got precisely nowhere. The email was my Plan B.
I'm hoping that they'll cc you in any exchanges, as per my request.
We shall see.
Eliza Dane
Tamara Grove (Ms)

[Whoah! Contact made!
But - 'Sir'?]

8 November 2005

Ref No.: FSMCA/DEP7G/R0562
Attn: ELIZA DANE
November 7th, 2005

Dear Sir,
RELEASE OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT
This is to inform you that your consignment due to be release to you is now ready in our depository here in The Netherlands.
Find below necessary procedure for the immediate release of your consignment as directed.
You shall submit copy your International passport or driver's license to us immediately via fax or scanning through our email address, for us to identify that we are dealing with the rightful beneficiary of this consignment.
Reconfirmation of your Tel. and Fax contact for easy communication.
Your presence shall be required in our office here in Amsterdam for the endorsement documents and release of your consignment as designated. As soon as the information above is received we shall be oblige to schedule an appointment for you to come to The Netherlands for the release of your consignment in our office.
Kindly respond immediately so that we can proceed.
Do not hesitate to contact our operation Manager Mr. Edward Cliff on telephone number +31-628-087-753 or via our fax line +31-847-273-051 for further information please.
Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.
Tamara Grove (Ms)
Secretary
Eliza Dane
Dear Ms Grove:
Thank you for the information.
However, I am unable to comply with your request for identification as I do not possess either of the documents mentioned.
This also affects the proposal that I visit your office to accept the consignment.
I have attempted to contact your office by telephone on several occasions without success. Please include Mr. Thompson Green (address as above) in further communications.
Regards,
Eliza Dane

PS: I am not "Dear Sir". Please bear that in mind.
Thompson Green [He's back to being testy again...]

10/11/2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
What seems to be the problem. I told you from the onset that you shall be committed and willing to co-operate to see the release of the consignment. We have already come this far and shouldnt let go.
I advice you communicate with the security company on avenues that can facilitate the urgent release of the consignment to you.
Remember we are working against time and delay is dangerous.
Am waiting to hear from you.
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane

[I forwarded the Tamara Grove email to him.]

Mr. Green:
Here's the latest from the company.
Note that I did tell them to tell you as well
Eliza Dane
Tamara Grove (Ms)
10 November 2005

Dear Ms. ELiza Dane,
Thanks for your response to our mail sent to you on the release of your consignment in our depository.
We require any photo Id from you so that we can established that we are dealing with the rightful beneficiary of the consignment. If you can not physically present in our office for the release of this consignment, we can also get the consignment shipped to your address via diplomatic delivery based on your authorisation after the establishment of your right of beneficiary.
Therefore, be advise to comply and let us proceed.
Thanks for your usual cooperation.
Tamara Grove (Ms.)
Secretary

["Usual cooperation"? I haven't done anything yet!]

Thompson Green
10 November 2005

Ms. Eliza,
I saw your mail and fully understood its contents.
Have you complied with them, has the process begun? give me details as i anxiously wait to hear from you.
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane

[Ah, isn't Eliza cute when she's angry?]

Mr. Green:
Wherever I go with this I seem to run up against idiots.
First you give me telephone numbers that don't work and links that lead nowhere.
Then when I do manage to get in touch with the security company I tell them from the start - three times now - to cc all messages to you. They obviously haven't.
I don't know how they stay in business!
Eliza Dane
Thompson Green
11/11/2005

Dear Ms.Eliza,
I dont see that as a problem. They dont need to copy their mails to me. It makes no difference. Its you they have to deal with. The consignment was deposited in your name and you are the new beneficiary. They will have to communicate with you as the beneficiary.
Your refusal or anger while communicating will spoil things for us and please, watch what you say, we are dealing with business executives here.I advice you co-operate with them to facilitate the transfer.
Waiting to hear from you.
Thompson Green
Eliza Dane

[I was surprised by how arrogant Eliza was becoming. Sometimes personae do develop their own quirks.]

Mr. Green:
It's not a matter of whether you think you need them; it's a matter of the company doing as they're told, which is not a lot anyway.
It should be easy for them to hit the "Reply to All" function. Hence my comment about idiots.
You asked to be kept informed, I made it easy for you to be informed, and they didn't bother doing even that!
If I've spoken a bit harshly to you, there's a reason; you've been getting things wrong almost from the git-go (Exhibit 1, the phone numbers).
This whole deal was initiated by you, contact was made by you, and you've been pushing at me to get things done despite all the obstacles (bar the lack of the right ID, which is not really anyone's 'fault') coming from you.
So we're dealing with business executives and have to talk softly? They're adults, not children.
I'll be nice if it suits, I'll be nasty if it suits.
We have a lot riding on this, and I know what I'm doing.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

[Two days later...]

Mr. Green:
We're sort of stuck where we are right now.
I can't give the photo ID the firm requested - unless they accept my college ID (little chance of that) - and I don't know if the courier option they're suggesting is a goer either.
What now? Please advise soonest.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

[Four days after that... nothing.
A little concerned, I try to stay in touch.]

Mr. Green, No reply from you as yet to my request for advice. Is something wrong? Regards,
Eliza Dane

Then this.

The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----
< thompson_green1000@yahoo.co.in
(reason: 554 delivery error: dd This user doesn't have a yahoo.co.in account
(thompson_green1000@yahoo.co.in) [-5] - mta124.mail.in.yahoo.com)

Done, dead and dusted - and it was showing such promise...

Then, over a year later...

PART 2: "L WILL PROVE TO YOU THAT I AM A NICE MAN".

Thomas Green

[This piece of boilerplate text arrives... addressed not to "Dear Sir/Ma" but to Eliza Dane! ]

13 January 2007

Dear Partner Eliza Dane I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Spain. Presently I'm in Asia for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. meanwhile, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me intransferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.Now contact my secretary in Nigeria his name is Mr. Peter Eke on petereke9@yahoo.com ask him to send you the total of $600.000.00 which I kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter.
I appreciated your efforts at that tim every much. so feel free and get in touch with my secretary Mr Peter Eke and instruct him where to send the amount to you. Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy after all thesufferness at that time. in the moment, I'm very busy here because ofthe investment projects which me and the new partner are having at hand,finally,remember that I had forwarded instruction to the secretary onyour behalf to receive that money, so feel free to get in touch with Mr.Peter Eke, he will send the amount to you without delay.
Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas Green.

[This is interesting. I had a good time with one of these before, can I do so again?
The name's close enough...
With over twelve months' baiting under my belt, I set to work, borrowing heavily from WE CAN SHARE THE JOY.

Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I don't give a hairy rat's arse about your lucky partner from Spain!
All I remember is that you promised me $7.5 million, and then you just stopped answering me! I sent you $5000, I even sent you some of my portfolio, and it's like you just dropped off the world!
Why did you do that? You'd said such nice things about me, too.
You made me cry. Why did you make me cry?
Eliza Dane

[The Lad does what he can to retrieve the situation... and straight away we're into the money. Hmm... how much, I wonder...]

Thomas Green
14 January 2007

Dear Great Partner Eliza Dane,
How are you today?
l have been trying to reach you all this while, in respect of our transaction l really understand how you are feeling towards this money, Yes is truel promise to give you $7.5 million. At the end of the transaction. Dear Partner, your own share is the bank right now as l am speaking to you, l have been trying to reach you for your $7.5 million. l just send this message accross to you so that you will claim out this Compensation Check first, before we can discuss very well on how your fund will be transferdirect into your account.
l travel for Business tripin Malaysia, for long time now l am been very sick becasue you are not were to be find or located. l am very happy now that you finally find me, let go for your $7.5 million.
You have to send me your Banking information to enable me present it to the Bank, l deposited your $7.5 million. for them to commence action immediately for the transfering of your money. But we need to pay for a stamp fee, before that will take place. l wait to haaring from you immediately.
Thanks.
Mr. Thomas Green.

[Just so you know - Eliza's changed a fair bit since Thompson Green.
The pleasant, if slightly arrogant, student of agricultural science (and default Anglican) is now a photomodel and devout Odin-worshipper with a foul mouth and major - I mean MAJOR - attitude problems.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
Just what the fuck is happening?
Why do you need my banking information? The money was in the security company - when did you move it? Holy Odin, you should have told me!
And what's this stamp fee? I paid for that already! Stamp fees, certificates, demurrage...you'd better have a fucking good explanation!
Eliza Dane

[The Lad tries hard to establish a modality that he understands, no doubt... and there it is; $1800. Not bad, I guess...]

Thomas Green
15 January 2007

Dear Great Partner Eliza,
How are you today?
l got your mail with many thanks and well noted, yes is true that the money is in the Security Company, The Security Company called me last year that there have a problem in there custody that l should try and move the money to the bank for safety keeping.
Now that the money is in the Bank, is very easy for you to recieve the fund out from the Bank, you only have to provide your Banking information to enable me present it to them or l can provide the banking e-mail to enable you contact them for the release of your fund.
Dear Great Partner, we are talking about bank not security company, is very important that we should carry out this matter immediately.
Below is the banking information.
Bank Manager Mr. Walter Tom.
Bank E-mail address utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com
Is very important that you recieve your money today been moday, l want you to send me your phone number to enable me call you.
Stamp fee, well cost us $1,800 dollars.
l wait to hear that you have contacted the Bank and send it to me.
With Best Regards, MR. Thomas Green.

[It's not wise to piss Eliza off, because when Eliza gets her dander up, it takes an awful lot to calm her down...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
And I was supposed to know all this - HOW? What the fuck did you catch in Malaysia - brain rot? I never claimed to be fucking psychic and I told you why the phone was out of contention!
Why do I have to prove anything to any bank? I gave you what you needed, papers and money, to get the cash released from FMS - how come the bank has to be convinced all over again? For every solution there is a problem seems to be your motto!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
15 January 2007

Dear Partner,
You have to provide your Banking information to enable me present it to them, or your can contact them yourself to enable them commence action immediately for the transfering of your fund.
Contact them Universal Trust Bank Plc. E-mail utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com
l wait to hear from you as soon as you contact them.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas.

[Eliza's email with banking details has been lost.]

Thomas Green
17 January 2007

Dear Partner,
How are you today?
l got your email including your banking details, l am very happy to have it, l will not delay in presenting it to the Bank to enable them commence action on it.
l will like you to contact them as well, and send them your banking information immediately too, you are to send me your direct phone number, and send the Stamp too is very important that you send the fee.
Send it today by tomorrow you are going to recieved your money.
Below is the Bank address.
Contact them Universal Trust Bank Plc.
E-mail utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com
l wait to hear from you as soon as you contact them.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
You can pay the stamp fee yourself - you took $5000 from me for just that, and never got back to me! You owe me that much.
And why do you want my phone number?
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
17 January 2007

Dear Partner Eliza Dane,
l got your mail with many thanks and well noted, l want to clear this matter to you, the mone you send to me is for the Demurrage fee.
You never send me any money for Stamp fee, l am hereby inform you to send the stamp fee, is very important that you send the stamp fee to enable us commence action immediately.
l dont have any money for the stamp fee, l should have pay for the stamp fee, now that you are out to claim your fund, you dont have to delay in claiming your fund.
l wait to hear from you and send me your phone number to enable me call me and update you when l am back from the Bank. Because is very nice for me to monitor everthing going on here in the Bank.
Send the stamp fee now.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
What a fucking difference a year makes!
You say you don't remember? Well, let me remind you of what you told me a year ago.
Demurrage - $1220.
Lawyer's fee - $1650
Stamp duty - $2070
That was what I paid for. I even rounded the figure up to $5000 to make your fucking record keeping easier! And now you have the fucking nerve to try to double-dip!
I owe you nothing. Now keep your fucking word and do the right thing RIGHT NOW!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[Desperation shows as the Lad tries to regain control by introducing a banker Lad.]

17 January 2007

My Dear Partner,
l am just coming back from the Bank, l want to summit your informationm for the releasing of your fund, the bank manager told me that you must full out this below form and email it to them with there bank email address.
My Dear, you have to write out the amount you are about to claimed out from there bank, do not hesitate to reach me as soon as you contact them for the release of your fund.
l wait to hearing from you immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas Green.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
THE HEAD OF ACCOUNT& ADMINISTRATIVE DEPT.
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIG.PLC
E-mail: utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com.
LETTER OF CLAIM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
RE: MRS.ELIZABETH D. DANE, (US$15,000,000:00) WITH ACCOUNT NO: 511404111122.
I AM ELIZABETH D. DANE,A NATIONAL OF AUSTRALIA AND A RELATIVE TO LATE MRS. ELIZABETH D. DANE. MEANWHILE, I AM WRITING THIS LETTER IN RESPECT OF CUSTOMER MR.THOMAS GREEN, WHO DEPOSITED FUND IN OUR CUSTODY IN 2002,HE DEPOSITED THE FUNDS TO OUR BANK, UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA. PARTICULARS ARE STATED BELOW:
BENEFICIARY'S NAME:........................................................................................
ADDRESS:...................................................................................
NAME OF THE BANK........................................................................................
BANKADDRESS:...........................................................................
ACCOUNTNUMBER:.......................................................................
PHONENUMBER............................................................................
SEX...........................................................................................
AGE AND OCCUPATION..................................................................
FURTHERMORE, IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION OR WOULD WISH TO CONTACT ME ON THIS MATTER PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO BY CONTACTING ME ON THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR EVER ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.
YOURS SINCERELY,
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
What the fuck is going on? The money was $25 million that used to belong to Mobutu Sese Seko, and now it's $15 million, and I'm claiming to be my own descendant? Are you totally insane?
And why is the money in Nigeria? How did it get there from Amsterdam?
Just explain this, as I have no fucking idea what you've done!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[Give him points for trying to roll with the punches...]

17 January 2007

Dear Partner Eliza,
Yes is through that the $25 million, the Security Company manager has to split the money into two to avoid any mistake, this happend when there have a problem in there custody. The Security Company is Banking in the Bank UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC.
He have to instruct the bank manager to transfer the fund down to Nigeria to avoid any explanation in the money.in the money, all the money is yours, you have to claim the fund out from there bank here in Nigeria, $15 million and $10million.
l have tried all me best to make sure there transfer the fund back to the Security Company, but the Insurance Company want to stop the money, l have to ask them to deposit the money in the bank that you will claim your fund $25million.
You dont have to delay in this matter, kindly full out the below form and email it to them to enable them commence action immediately and releas your fund this week. And if the InsuranceCompany get to know all this we have to pay for $30,000,00 dollars for the transfering of the fee.
As for the stamp fee, yes is true that you send me all the money, for the Demurrage fee and others fee, but the bank ask for the stamp fee, of which we have to send to them before there can transfer the fund into your nominated account in your country Australia.
l wait to you to send the stamp fee, now is very important that we should cliam out this fund this week, to enable the bank transfer the fund into your acount. Then l will start preparing for coming for the Disbursement of the fund.
Please you dont have to delay in filling of the form and email it to the Bank, and send the stamp fee.
l wait to hear from you that you have email the form to them.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
Let me ask you something - if I'd accepted that $800,000 cheque, and walked away with that, what would you have done with the $25 million? And what the fuck does an insurance company have to do with any of this?
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[This is exactly as I received it, gibberish and all.]

17 January 2007

YAHOO.Shortcuts.hasSensitiveText = true; YAHOO.Shortcuts.doUlt = false;
YAHOO.Shortcuts.location = "us"; YAHOO.Shortcuts.lang = "us";
YAHOO.Shortcuts.annotationSet = { lw_1169056760_0: { text: 'AUSTRALIA', weight:
0.823535, type: ['shortcuts:/us/instance/place/au/country'] , metaData: { geoArea:
"7.70382e+06", geoCountry: "Australia", geoIsoCountryCode: "AU", geoLocation: "(133.39311,
-24.916201)", geoName: "Australia", geoPlaceType: "Country", type:
"shortcuts:/us/instance/place/au/country" } }, lw_1169056760_1: { text:
'NIGERIA', weight: 0.939879, type: ['shortcuts:/us/instance/place/ng/country'] , metaData: {
geoArea: "913214", geoCountry: "Nigeria", geoIsoCountryCode: "NG",
geoLocation: "(8.6742496, 9.0845699)", geoName: "Nigeria", geoPlaceType:
"Country", type: "shortcuts:/us/instance/place/ng/country" } } };
YAHOO.Shortcuts.overlaySpaceId = "97546169"; YAHOO.Shortcuts.hostSpaceId =
"97546168"; My Dear Partner,
l am just coming back from the Bank, l want to the bank to correct the mistake of the amount, to enable them transfer the sum of $25millions into your account.
You are adivce to fill out the form and email it to them.
l wait to hearing from you immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas Green.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
THE HEAD OF ACCOUNT& ADMINISTRATIVE DEPT.
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIG.PLC
E-mail: utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com.
LETTER OF CLAIM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
RE: MRS.ELIZABETH D. DANE, (US$15,000,000:00) WITH ACCOUNT NO: 511404111122.
I AM ELIZABETH D. DANE,A NATIONAL OF AUSTRALIA AND A RELATIVE TO LATE MRS. ELIZABETH D. DANE. MEANWHILE, I AM WRITING THIS LETTER IN RESPECT OF CUSTOMER MR.THOMAS GREEN, WHO DEPOSITED FUND IN OUR CUSTODY IN 2002,HE DEPOSITED THE FUNDS TO OUR BANK, UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA. PARTICULARS ARE STATED BELOW:
BENEFICIARY'S NAME:........................................................................................
ADDRESS:...................................................................................
NAME OF THE BANK........................................................................................
BANKADDRESS:...........................................................................
ACCOUNTNUMBER:.......................................................................
PHONENUMBER............................................................................
SEX...........................................................................................
AGE AND OCCUPATION..................................................................
FURTHERMORE, IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION OR WOULD WISH TO CONTACT ME ON THIS MATTER PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO BY CONTACTING ME ON THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR EVER ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.
YOURS SINCERELY,
Thomas Green
18 January 2007

Dear Great Partner,
How are you today?
the reason why l tried reaching you in this matter is that, many people are contacting me telling me that there are the owner of the money, l dont know what to do with the money if really you are not there to claim out the money from the Bank been deposited.
l use this $800,000,00 dollars to really know the true people l am really working with in the respect of $25millions. You dont need to work away with that, because before you claim the money, l will ask you some question regards to our transaction, if it happend that you dont give me reasonable answer then l will know that you are not the true person l am working with.
l got a called yesterday from the Bank Mnager, that there did not receive your form, why. l told you to fill out the form and email it to them, if you can not email it to them, l will assist you in fill out the form and email it to them. But you have to send me all there need in the form, and send me that stamp fee $1,800 dollars. l wait to hear from you, that you have filled out the form and email it to them immediately, we dotn have to delay in this matter.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
You have the hide of a fucking RHINO to start jabbering about not wanting to delay things. It was YOU who fucked off for a whole fucking YEAR.
And like I said, I want a proper form, not that half-assed piece of crap!
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[And here is the Banker Lad himself. He's another target...]

18 January 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, Integrity, Empathy, Resilience
THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.
DOYIN HOUSE 4 COMMERCIAL AVENUE APAPA LAGOS - NIGERIA TELL: 234-1- 7211675 234-1-15451050 FAX:
Email:utb_accountdepartment@yahoo.com
OurRef: GTB/NIG4505 Your Ref:
Date: 18TH 1 2007

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE,
WE THE ENTIRE BODY OF THE UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC. HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THE DELAYING YOUR FUND IN OUR CUSTODY, WE WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FUND $25MILLIONS USD. IS READ TO BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS YOU FILL OUT THE FORM AND EMAIL IT TO US FOR PROPARE CROSSCHECK IF YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND. WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AND HAVE THE FORM FILLED BY YOU AND EMAIL IT TO US FOR ACTION COMMENCE IMMEDIATELY.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT, MR. WALTER.

[He repeats the form from above. Twice.]

Thomas Green
18 January 2007

Dear Partner,
How are you today? Have you fill out the form and email to the Bank, for them to commence action immediately for the releasing of the fund into your account $25millions. l wait to hear from you that you have email the form to them.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
What form? All I see is a few stupid questions. You have the answers to all of them already!
DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
19 January 2007

Dear Partner,
l am very worried concerning your email? l am begining to worunder if you are the right person, working with me to claim this fund $25millions out from Security Company in the first place.
l will discuss with the Bank manager to try and send the fund back to the Security Company in Amsterdam. l will update you when l am through with the discussion with him.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane

[Second thoughts? Can't have that!
A quick edit later...]

Mr Green,
YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!!
You approached me with the plan, you asked me for all my details, you took my money... and now you have the fucking nerve to start asking if I'm the right person! Do you remember this little message? You fucking well should, as it's the one you sent to me over a year ago!

I am MR THOMAS GREEN the Director of Delivery/Operation Transworld Security and Finance Company South Africa. [snip]
To be explicit and straight to the point. Some time in 1997,a reputable client of ours deposited a consignment in our company?s vault for safekeeping. [snip] we discovered that our client was the Former President of the Federal Republic of Zaire(Now Republic of Congo)who died of illness after he was dethroned. [snip] the box that were registered as treasure by our client actually contained a considerable amount of money in United States Dollars amounting to about TWENTY FIVE MILLON FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATED DOLLARS (US$25.5Million US Dollars). ...

Now then - anything to say? I expect the truth, and no fucking me around with bullshit and bafflegab either!
Eliza Dane

[His persistence - and attempts to regain control - are a wonder to behold as he tries to weave the Thompson Green bait into his own.
By the way - this is not meant to sound complimentary...]

Thomas Green
20 January 2007

Dearesp Partner Elizabeth Dane,
How are you today?
l got your mail with many thanks and well noted?
l realy understand what you are trying to say in this matter, l have told you that you are very right in this matter, l also told you that the reason why the fund was deposited in the Bank. Is the Security Company have a problem with one of there customers in there custody.
The Security Company Manager, have to move the fund into the Bank, to enable us claim the fund out from the Bank, without any mistake is complain that we did not claim our fund complete. Yes is true that you are my right pertner in this transaction, but you dont work with me ot listen to my instruction.
l have explained things to you why we have to claim this fund out from the bank, $25millions. l spoke with the Manager of the Bank, that there should start preparing to return the fund back to the Security Company in Amsterdam. Why l have to discuss this with him, is that l have tried to explain ths to you to enable you understand this and work has l have instructed you to do, l have presented your informations to the Bank, as my client. l have also told the Bank Manager that you are the one to claim the fund $25millions.
Dear Partner, all you have to do now is to fill out the form and email it to them to enable them commence action on how the fund will be transfer into your account in your country. Beer this in mind that l did not take your money, l use it to pay for the Demurrage fee.
Yes, you are very alright in this transaction, l want this transaction to be very easy for us to claim. That is why l ask you to fill that form and email it to the Bank email address. So that claiming of this fund $25millions. will not cost us much to claim from the Bank. But, if it happend to be that the Bank will deliver the fund back to the Security Company, that will cost us very much money to claim the fund out from the Security Company.
l beg you, please kindly fill our the form and email it to them, l am very sorry the way l spake to you in this matter, but you have to work by my instruction to avoid any mistake in this matter. Our fund is ready to be transfer into your account as soon as you summit the form to them for action commence.
Dear Partner, for you going to Amsterdam to claim this fund will cost you alot of money, kindly fill out the form and email it to them immediately.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
Let's take this one at a time.
"[T]he Security Company have a problem with one of there customers in there custody."
Why did this affect me?
"Yes is true that you are my right pertner in this transaction, but you dont work with me ot listen to my instruction."
The last time I listened to you and followed your instructions, I ended up $5000 poorer and with not a word from you for over a year.
"Dear Partner, all you have to do now is to fill out the form..."
That's not a form - that's a list of questions to which you already have the answers. If you want me to take you seriously, give me a proper form!
"Beer this in mind that l did not take your money, l use it to pay for the Demurrage fee."
LIAR! I gave you enough to pay the demurrage FOUR TIMES over! And you wonder why I don't trust you on this!
Back to you, and I want some better answers!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
21 January 2007

Dearest Partner Elizabeth,
Compliment of the weekend to you?
l got your mail and your commence towards this transaction, l really understand what you are trying to say in this matter, is true that the problem the Security Company deverlop with there customer. Is not your concern, but we have to work accordenly to avoid any miskate in this transaction.
We have to work as one body one spirit in this transaction, to enable us conplete this transaction this month once and for all, l really understand what you are trying to say in this matter, but we dont have to make any mistake like there customer, why there have this problem why our fund is been transfer to the Bank.
l have told you that l am not a Banker, l am not an agent there, l only contacting them in respect of our fund $25millions USD. And there have to gave me the form for you to fill out the gapes and email it to them to enable them commence action on how the fund will be transfer into our account in your country.
My Dear, is true that you send me the Demurrage fee, yes l did send the money to them, l have paid the Demurrage fee, that is why there have the power to transfer the fund into the Bank.
Please My Dear, Now that we have the charce to claim this fund out from the Bank, without traveling to the Security Company to claim this fund, because that will cost you alot of money.l will like you to fill out that form and email it to them immediately, without any delay in that.
Let us this opporunity we have to complete this transaction once and for all now, l want us to complete this transaction this week, to enable me travel down to your country for the Disbursement of the Fund $25millions USD.
I wait to hear from you tomorrow that you have fillout the form and email it to them, l have told you that is the form l coleted from the Bank Manager of Universal Trust Bank Plc.
l Wish you Very Best Of Luck Tomorrow.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane

[How will he handle another monkey wrench?]

Mr Green,
One at a time again...
"l have told you that l am not a Banker, l am not an agent there, l only contacting them in respect of our fund $25millions USD. And there have to gave me the form for you to fill out "
I never said that you were with a bank. I know that. But no bank would just give you a list of questions, there are forms for this. Don't you have a scanner any more?
"My Dear, is true that you send me the Demurrage fee, yes l did send the money to them, l have paid the Demurrage fee"
DON'T CALL ME "MY DEAR"! Don't fucking PATRONISE me! You didn't pay the demurrage; you just passed on the money I gave you. You then had the remainder to pay the legal fees and stamp duty.
"[T]raveling to the Security Company to claim this fund...will cost you alot of money"
What, like $5000? You know, I'd rather go to Holland than have to deal with some fucking banker geeks in Nigeria!
Listen up; after all this, I don't want 30% any longer. I want 50%. You owe me big time for all the delays and angst. Get me the right form and we can move ahead.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[It seems I need a reminder!]

22 January 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, Integrity, Empathy, Resilience
THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.
etc.etc.

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE,
WE THE ENTIRE BODY OF THE UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC. HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE ARE STILL WAITING TO HAVE YOUR INFORMATION, TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY ON HOW YOUR FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT $25MILLION USD.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AND HAVE THE FORM FILLED BY YOU AND EMAIL IT TO US FOR ACTION COMMENCE IMMEDIATELY.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
THE HEAD OF ACCOUNT& ADMINISTRATIVE DEPT.
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIG.PLC
E-mail: utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com.
LETTER OF CLAIM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
RE: MRS.ELIZABETH D. DANE, (US$15,000,000:00) WITH ACCOUNT NO: 511404111122.
I AM ELIZABETH D. DANE,
[etc. etc. he repeats the form]

[He took that rather well, considering...]

Thomas Green
22 January 2007

Dear Partner,
How are you today?
l got your mail this morning with many thanks and well noted, l really understand your mail and the content of your mail, Well l agreed with you. By given you %50-50 n this transaction.
l accept to give you %50 in this transaction for the long time and the delay l have cost you in this transaction, l am adivcing you to kindly fill out the belwo gapes and email it to them.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
Freyja, soothe my aching head! ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT!
Why the fuck I have to do everything for you AGAIN is a mystery that I'll maybe have to wait until Ragnarok to have solved.
The only problem remains - what the fuck has Mrs Elizabeth D. Dane have to do with this? It wouldn't be in her name.
That bit has me mystified - please clear that bit up as I don't understand it.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
23 January 2007

Dear Partner Elizabeth,
Thanks for your mail and your question towards ths claiming of the fund out from the Bank? l really understand that you are trying to be cleared for your understanding, like l told you that the manager of the Security Company use the information l presented to them for your traveling to there custody to claim the fund. The man use it to Deposit the fund in the Bank.
He do that to avoid any mistake so that no one will come for the claiming a eccept you, that is why your name most me there for the claiming of the fund $25millions USD. My Dear, you have to try and fill out the form and email it to them to enable them commence action immediately.
l wait to hear from that you have email them the form you fill out.
With Best Regards,
Mr Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I'm not going to answer those questions if it means I'm claiming the money from myself. That is just so lame! Also - "the manager of the Security Company use the information l presented to them for your traveling to there custody to claim the fund". Huh?
Eliza Dane.
Thomas Green
24 January 2007

Dear Partner,
How are you today?
Have you contacted the Bank, l wait to hear from you immediately.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
If you read my replies, you wouldn't be asking dumbass questions! You'd be answering my sensible questions!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
24 January 2007

l dont understand you in this transaction, l believe is right time we stop this transaction since you are not ready to work with me and listing to my instructions.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
I'm not following your instructions because they're stupid ones!

Look at this: "I AM ELIZABETH D. DANE, A NATIONAL OF AUSTRALIA AND A RELATIVE TO LATE MRS. ELIZABETH D. DANE".

What are the odds that I'd have the exact same name? The money came from Mobutu Sese Seko, not some relative of mine, and was deposited by you, not by me, so why the fuck am I saying this? Do you see what I mean?

I'm going to answer the questions, but I'm leaving out that bit about the relative. Like I said, if I'm claiming the money that you deposited, there's no point in saying that.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[No, he doesn't understand, but reading his confused waffle is fun, isn't it?]

24 January 2007

Dear Partner,
l got your mail?
l really understand what you are trying to say, the reason why the Bank Mnager make the deposit that way to avoid and mistake in your name as a relative to your name, so that the Bank will not think anything to the fund.
You are l, knew that the fund is from Mobutu Sese Soko. You dont have to think it that way or see it that way, l have explain to you the reason why the fund is deposit with your name as a relative to your Dane. Like l told you day before yesterday that the fund is ready to be transfer into your account as soon as you fill our the form and email it to them, to enable them commence action immediately, what there want to see is your information to enable them cross check with the one from the Security Company.
l am beging you to try and fill out the form and email it to them, l really know that l have delayed your in this transaction, but l promise you that l will make it up to you this time. l am given you 50% out from the total money.
l really understand what you mean. l wait to hear from you that you have email to them the form.
Thanks,
Mr.Thomas.
Thomas Green
23 January 2007

Dear Partner,
l write to inform you that l have present your information to the Bank yesterday in respect of the release of the fund $25million USD.
l wait to hear from you and update me when you hear from them.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I never thought that you'd see reason.
Praise be to Odin and Tyr!
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[On to the next stage...]

24 January 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, Integrity, Empathy, Resilience
THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.
utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com
ATTENTION: ELIZABETH D. DANE,
THIS OFFICE HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PATNER MAIL AND YOUR INFORMATION, WHICH SENT TO US, DATED 25FT OF JAN 2007

, FOR THE CLAIM OF YOUR FUND $25MILLION USD, LEFT BEHIND BY SECURITY COMPANY MANAGER.
ELIZABETH D. DANE, THE ENTIRE OFFICE AND STAFF OF UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU FOR YOUR RELEASING OF YOUR FUND INTO YOUR INLAND NOMINATED ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY. AFTER MY VERIFICATION ON THE CLAIM WITH THE INFORMATIONS YOUR PARTNER AND THE INFORMATION I RECIEVED HERE IN MY OFFICE, I HAD GOT EVERYTHING RIGHT THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND $25MILLION USD. HOWEVER, I WIL PREPARE YOUR FILE AND MAKE THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND TO YOUR INLAND NOMINATED ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.
ONCE AGAIN, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR. WALTER,
DIRECTOR TRANSFER DEPARTMENT, UTB.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
Cool. So when does it happen?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[ "GOOD DAY SIR"?]

26 January 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are , blah blah

ABOUT YOUR INHERITANCE
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE.
GOOD DAY SIR,
WE WISH TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED YOUR LETTER OF CLAIM AND SOME OF THE DOCUMENT ABOUT YOUR FUND CLAIM $25MILLION US. WHICH WAS SUBMITED BY ACCOUNT MANAGER MRS ANGELA IFEOMA. AS A MATTER OF FACT WE ARE STILL ON VERIFICATION AND PROCESSING ON HOW YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR INHERITANCE.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY ABOUT THE RELEASING OF YOUR FUND INHERITANCE IT WAS DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY MISTAKE ALTHOUGH HIS REPRESETATIVE MR.THOMAS GREEN HAS CLERIFY EVERY THING ABOUT YOU BUT ITS JUST THAT WE DON'T KNOW YOU BEFORE HIS DEPOSIT OF THE FUND, AND THE MONEY IS LARGE SO WE HAVE TO BE CAREFULL TO AVOID WRONG TRANSFER.
NOW, YOU ARE ADVICE TO GET BACK TO US WITH AN ANSWERS TO THE BELOW QUESTIONS:
(1) WHAT IS THE FULL NAME OF YOUR DEPOSITOR?
(2) WHAT WAS HIS OCCUPATION?
(3) WHEN DID HE DIE, AND ON WHAT SICKNESS?
(4) WAS HE MARRIED?
MEANWHILE, YOU ADVICE TO RESEND US YOUR BANKING INFORMATION TO ENABLE US TRANSFER THE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT INFORMATION YOU SENT TO OUR ACCOUNT DEPARTMENT THAT IS HERE NOW TO AVOID ANY MISTAKE IN MAKING THIS TRANSFER, AS BELOW IS WHAT WE HAVE HERE:
NAME:
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS:
NAME OF BANK BANK ADDRESS: ACCOUNT INFORMATION: TELEHONE NO:
YOU ARE ADIVCE TO RESEND US THE INFORMATION TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY.
ONCE AGAIN WE APOLOGIZE AND ASK YOU TO BE PETIENT WITH US AS WE PROMISE TO CONCLUDE SOON AND WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH THE PAYMENT ANALYSIS.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER
Eliza Dane

[A quick fact-check on Wikipedia later...]

Mr Walter,
I was assured by Mr Green that he had passed on my details to you. That being the case, why are you asking me again? The details of the original depositor are:
FULL NAME: Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu wa za Banga
OCCUPATION: Head of State
DATE AND CAUSE OF DEATH: 7 September 1997, of Prostate Cancer
MARRIED: Yes, twice.
Eliza Dane

PS Don't call me sir!
Thomas Green
26 January 2007

Dear Partner,
I got your ail with many thanks and well noted? l hope you are doing fine.
l write to infor m you that l am very happy that the bank has communicated to you in respect the fund $25million USD.
l am glad that you just answer the question from the bank, l was told by the Bank Manager That you find it very difficult to resend them your Banking informations to enable them cross check the information and make a propare transfer immediately without any delay.
l will adivce you to resend them what there ask from you to resend to them, is true that l send them yyour details but you have to resend it to them, since there have ask for it from you the right owner of the fund. You dont have to tearch the bank, there work or how to operate in there bank.
l will adivce you to please kindly resend them your information immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green
I am not finding it difficult to send them anything! You should have sent them those details already. Why didn't you? As for not teaching them anything - no, they don't have to learn anything.
You're the one that needs a good slapping!
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[They still expect the stamp fee...]

26 January 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, etc. etc.

ABOUT YOUR INHERITANCE
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE.
GOOD DAY,
WE THE ENTIRE BODY OF THE UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC. HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL INCLUDING YOUR ANSWER VERY WELL TO OUR QUESTION, THIS SHOWED US THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND $25MILLION USD. WE ARE READY TO TRANSFER YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, BUT WE CAN NOT COMMENCE ACTION WITH OUT YOU RESEND US YOUR BANKING INFORMATION IS LISTED, SO DEAR PARTNER YOU ARE ADIVCE TO RESEND US YOUR INFORMATION IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US MAKE YOUR TRANSFER TOMORROW. YOU ARE ADIVCE TO SEND US THE STAMP FEE ,
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
THANKS,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane

[Let's give them a surprise!]

Mr Walter,
Since Mr Green seems to be as useful right now as a screen door in a submarine, here's the info:
Bank National Australia Bank
Branch No. 13 22 65
Address 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
Account No. G937 641 914

Don't lose it, OK?
Mr Green is responsible for the stamp fee.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[He seems not to have noticed.]

28 January 2007

There will make the tranfering as soon as you resend them the informations immediately.
l wait to hear from you as soon as you resend them the information, is true that l have send to them but you have to resend them to enable them not to make any mistake in this matter.
Please try and see what you can do to enable them tranfer the fund tomorrow.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I sent them the info, so it should go ahead, Odin willing.
They asked for the stamp fee, so I told them you'd settle that.
I'll be in touch.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
29 January 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, Integrity, and so on...

ABOUT YOUR INHERITANCE
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE.
ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE.
CONGRATULATIONS YOUR FUND IS READY TO BE RELEASE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
WE THE ENTIRE BODY OF UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC. HEREBY INFROM YOU THAT WE HAVE FINISH CROSS CHECKING YOUR INFORMATION, IS VERY CLEARED THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND $25MILLION USD.
MEANWHILE WE HEREBY INFROM YOU THAT YOUR FUND IS READY TO BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT AS SOON AS YOU SEND US THE STAMP FEE, TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY, WITHOUT THE STAMP WE CAN NOT COMMENCE ACTION FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND.
MY DEAR, WE ARE HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU SHOULD STOP ADDRESSING US THAT WAY WITH MR.THOMAS GREEN. HE HIS JUST A REPRESENTATIVE TO OUR BANK, NOT THE OWNER OF THE FUND. YOU ARE ADVICE TO WORK WITH US ACCORDING TO OUR INSTRUCTIONS TO ENABLE YOUR FUND BE TRANSFERED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT TODAY/TOMORROW. FOR THE STAMP FEE $1,800 DOLLARS. YOU ARE REQUIRE TO SEND US THE STAMP FEE WITH THIS BELOW INFORMATION TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY.
BELOW IS THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO SEND THE MONEY TODAY IN Western Union:
NAME: OKON EMMA
ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS MY NAME?
ANSWER: EMMA
When you send the money let me know and forward the Western Union information to me most importantly the Money transfer Control Number [MTCN] Number.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER
Eliza Dane

[The Banker Lad seems not to have noticed either; time for a reminder.]

Mr Walter,
I expect you to get this done pronto, OK?
Mr Green will be paying the Stamp Duty, so I don't need to send anything by Western Union. I told you last time that he'd be taking care of that - Holy Odin, read my replies!
Eliza Dane

[Scam-o-note: Dear Reader, if you've read this far and are still not sure where the scam lies, it's the 'stamp duty' on the non-existent funds.]

[I don't think you'd have got odds on this Lad doing anything other than crying poor at this stage, given his poor record to date.]

Thomas Green
29 January 2007

Dear Partner,
l got your mail with many thanks and well noted? but l am very worried about this stamp fee, l got a called from the bank concenring the fee, he told me that what out the fee the fund will not transfer into your account. l want you to understand that l dont have any money with me, the reason why we lost contact is because l had an accident, l have beeb in the hospital that is the reason why l lost your contact for the claiming of the fund.
l will adivce you to try and send the stamp fee to the bank to enable them transfer the fund into your account immediately, all you have to do now is to record all the money you have spent in this transaction because as soon as you recieve this fund you are going to take out all the money you have spent.
please l dont have any money noe, do not write to the bank that l am the one to pay for the fee. l wait to hear from you and try and send them the fee.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I don't give a flying fuck what happened to you. If you're saying that you spent my money - legal fees - on a hospital stay, then you're a fucking thief.
I've told the bank that you're the moneyman, so do your fucking job and pay up. I don't any limp-wristed excuses. Grow a fucking pair and get it done!
Eliza Dane

[Sorry, mugu; if you deal with Eliza Dane, get ready for bad language!]

Thomas Green
29 January 2007

l got your mail? But you have to address me very well not by fucking, l have told you that the money you send to me l used it for the Security Company fee for the Demurrage and others fee.
Of which you knew about that, before we lost contact for years, l was explaining to you that l dont have any money with me, the only money l have l used it to pay for my hospital bill. When l had an accident.
Now that the fund is ready in the Bank, please try and send them the fee to enable them transfer the fund into your account without any delay.
l have told you that you have to make all your record according to how you spend money into this transaction, once you recieve the fund you are going to take out all the money you spend before Disbursement of the Fund $25million USD.
l wait to hear from you immediately, that you have send the stamp fee to the bank.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I'll call you what I fucking well like! You're a liar and a thief.
The money I sent to you was for three things, and you admit to paying only one of them, which was less than a quarter of the sum.
Saying it all went on demurrage is the lie. Then you admit that you spent the money on personal matters - the hospital fee. That's theft.
I've told the bank that you'll pay.
Don't fuck it up!
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[The Banker Lad sticks to his script...]

29 January 2007

UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.


ATTETINION, CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE. CONGRATULATIONS
YOUR FUND IS READY TO BE RELEASE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
WE THE ENTIRE BODY OF UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC. HEREBY INFROM YOU THAT YOUR FUND IS READY TO BE TRANSFER TOMORROW INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS WE HAVE THE STAMP FEE, WE CALLED MR.THOMAS GREEN. FOR THE STAMP FEE, HE TOLD US THAT HE DONT HAVE ANY MONEY WITH HIM.
Dear Partner,
IN OTHER NOT TO DELAY YOUR FUND IN OUR CUSTODY, YOU ARE REQUIRE TO SEND US THE STAMP FEE TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY. BEER THIS IN MIND THAT WE ONLY HAVE YOUR INFORMATION AS THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND BEEN DEPOSIT IN OUR BANK HERE, NOT MR. THOMAS GREEN. WE ARE READY TO TRANSFER YOUR FUND TOMORROW ONCE WE HAVE THE STAMP FEE.
BELOW IS THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO SEND THE MONEY TODAY IN Western Union:
NAME: OKON EMMA
ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS MY NAME?
ANSWER: EMMA
When you send the money let me know and forward the Western Union information to me most importantly the Money transfer Control Number [MTCN] Number.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER
Eliza Dane

[However, Eliza has a different one.]

Mr Walter,
Mr Green has the money - I don't care what he says. He'll pay.
Just press him, and stop pestering me!
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
29 January 2007

UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE.
GOOD DAY MADAM,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE ARE STILL WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU, REGARDS TO THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND TO YOUR INLAND NOMINATED ACCOUNT. HOWEVER, WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AND HAVE THE STAMP FEE $1,800 DOLLARS.
WE ARE STILL WAITING TO HAVE THE STAMP FEE. TO ENABLE US RELEASE YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT $25MILLION USD.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
I'm not a banker and I don't have a whole lot if people working for me.
But I can't put it plainer than this! TOM GREEN IS THE ONE TO TALK TO - HE WILL PAY THE STAMP FEE!
14 words, all of one syllable, none with more than five letters.
You know what to do.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
30 January 2007

Dear Partner,
l dont really kown how to explain this to you? l dont lie l am a man who dont lie, l told you that l make the payment to the Security Company for all the fee including the Demurrage fee. l called the Bank Manager and explain things to him, but he told me that you said l am the one to pay for the Stamp fee, l dont have any money with me
l want to inform you that our fund is ready to transfer into your account as soon as we make the payment. l beg you to try and send them the stamp fee, once you recieve the fee you are going to take the money out from the total money. l dont have any money please understand me.
l wait to hear from you that you have recieve the fund.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I have a name, you little turd! Use it!
You're lying again! You said the demurrage was only $1220, I gave you $5000! Why are you going on with this stupid lie? You either have the money (so you're a liar), or you used the money I sent you to pay your medical fees (that makes you a thief). Which is it? Answer me!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[So he promises me 55%... it's still not enough!]

31 January 2007

Dearest Partner,
How are you today? l really understand what you are trying to say in this matter, l told you that l have paid all the bill for the find in the Security Company, of which if not for the problem the Security Company develop we should have recieve the fund from them. l am beging to try and send the money to the Bank, to enable them release the fund into your account this week, l promise that l will make it up to you by given you 55%. l wait to hear from you immediately, l dont have any money with me to send to the bank for the stamp. Try and send them the money.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
You say you paid the security company? Prove it. Just to be doubly certain, I'll ask them myself.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
31 January 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.


ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE.
GOOD DAY MADAM,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE ARE STILL WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU, REGARDS TO THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND TO YOUR INLAND NOMINATED ACCOUNT.
HOWEVER, WE ARE STILL WAITING TO HAVE THE STAMP FEE, TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY FOR THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUND.
I HAVE TOLD YOU TAHT MR. THHOMAS GREEN. IS JUST YOUR REPRESENTATIVE NOT THE OWNER OF THE FUND, WE DONT HAVE THAT RIGTH TO ASK HIM FOR THE STAMP FEE, YOU ARE THE TURE OWNER OF THE FUND $25MILLION USD.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
I'll keep this short.
Mr Green accepted money from me to pay the stamp fee, so I told him to pay it to you. I didn't tell you to ask him, I told you that he would pay! What fucking difference does it make to you who pays your fucking charges? Anyhoo, it's a moot point for now, as he and I are discussing issues. I suggest you find some other work to do while we sort things out.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
01 February 2007

My Dear,
l got your mail? You dont have to ask them anything in regards of this fund, let think on how we can claim this fund out from the Bank, that is the most important thing for now. l write to tell you that a friend borrowed me $500 dollars, that is the only money l have with money for now. l will like you you to try and see what you can do by coming up with anything in this matter.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
Oh, cry me a fucking river!
Listen up - if you want me to pay up, you know what to do - prove you paid the security firm. Send me copies of the receipts.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
01 February 2007

Dear Partner Elizabeth,
Thanks for your mail? l told you that l do pay for the Demurrage and other fees to the Security Company, is been a long time for the receipts you are asking for. Over a year and now.
l want you to understand that we should be thinking about on how we can pay up this stamp fee, to enable the Bank transfer the fund into your account iummediately.
A friend promise to borrow me $1,000 dollars too plus the $500.
l will like you to try and send the remaining $300 immediately. l wait to hear from you now.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane

[Trying for a trophy... while reminding him that another Lad supposedly got $5000 from me.]

Mr Green,
Do you have the receipts or not? If you do, then scan them and send them! If not - you shouldn't have lost the fucking things! Fuck me, that is lame.
If you haven't got the receipts, then you're shit out of luck. I got burned before, sending money purely on your say-so.
The only way that you'll get this fee is if you send me an invoice. It doesn't have to be formal, but it has to spell out just what the money's for.
A hand-written note would be perfect.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
02 February 2007

Dear Partner,
l got your mail?
l told you that l have lost the paper for the receipts, over a year and now let forget about this receipts and look forward to claim this fund, l told you that a friend will borrowed me $1000 dollars in respect of this fund including the $500 dollars l have.
l will like you to come up with $300 dollars to complete the money for the Stamp.
l wait to hear from you immediately, l am very sorry to lost the paper.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I see you forgot my name again...
You say, "Forget the receipts". I don't fucking think so! $5000 buys a shitload of memory.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
02 February 2007

Dear Partner Eliza,
l got your mail? But l want you to understand that man dones't stay without money, l have told you that l try all my best to come up with all the money, but l friend has finally borrowed me the $1000 dollars including the $500 dollars. My Dear, l will like you to assist me with the remaining balance of $300 dollars to enable me pay for the stamp fee immediately.
Please try and understand me and help out for this matter, l wait to hear from you now.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane

[Another slap seems required ...]

Mr Green,
For fuck's sake, stop being such a girlie-man! I can't stand fucking cry-baby faggots. Have you got whipped cream for a backbone?
When they were handing out balls, were you playing with dolls?
You have to actually do something, not blubber at me!
Send me that letter I suggested, but remember, it has to be in your own handwriting.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
03 February 2007

Dear Partner,
How are you today?
l got your mail, but l am very worried about your mail you send to me in regards of the letter you said l should send to you. l dont understand what you mean by that letter you said l should send, l have told you that l have borrow $1500 dollars.
l wait to hear from you and contact the bank, that l will send them the money for the stamp.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I can remember your name, so you can fucking well use mine!
This is what I told you only a couple of days ago: "The only way that you'll get this fee is if you send me an invoice. It doesn't have to be formal, but it has to spell out just what the money's for. A hand-written note would be perfect."
Remember that now? Are you going to do it?
You'd better!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[Now this I didn't expect!]

04 February 2007

l have told you that l have gotten all the money for the stamp fee, kindly contact the Bank now and informed them, l will be sending them the stamp fee.
l wait to hear from you now.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
Say what?
You never said that you'd raised all the money for the stamp fee; you said you were $300 short last time you wrote.
So you have the full $1800 now? Yea or nay?
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[OK, so what's their game now?]

05 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ABOUT YOUR FUND
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE..
GOOD DAY MADAM,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE HAVE RECIEVED THE STAMP FEE FROM YOUR REPRESENTATIVE MR. THOMAS GREEN.
WE WILL COMMENCE ACTIOM IMMEDIATELT FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT TOMORROW.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
I told you he'd do that - despite your concerns.
Just see that it's done properly.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
06 February 2007

My Dear,
How are you today?
l write to inform you that l have made all those stamp fee to the bank, kindly contact them for the fund now.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
As you should. The bank should go ahead now.
Are you ready to be rich this time?
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
06 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

Attention Madam,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR FUND WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT TOMORROW, YOU ARE ADIVCE TO SEND US YOUR DIRECT PHONE NUMBER TO ENABLE US CALL YOU AS SOON AS WE MAKE THE TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
You said tomorrow yesterday. That means the money will be transferred today, not tomorrow, unless you stuffed up somewhere!
Anyway, you don't have to call me. Once the money is transferred, I'll be able to check my accounts and see when it arrives.
The less talking I do to you and Mr Green, the better.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter

[Well, you could call this the calm before the storm...]

07 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE, CONGRATULATIONS AS YOUR ARE ADVICE TO VIEW ATTACHMENT. YOUR ANSWER TO OUR QUESTION IS CORRECT THAT SHOWED US THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND.
YOUR INHERITANCE FUND IS READY TO BE TRANFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.

[If not stamp duty, then something else will be thought up...]

Mr Walter
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT

Date: 7th feb 2007.

ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE,
RE: PAYMENT APPROVAL
GOOD DAY MADAM,
BE INFORM THAT THE MANAGEMENT HAS RECEIVED YOUR EMAILS WITH THE ANSWER TO OUR QUESTIONS WELL CORRECT JUST AS NEEDED INCLUDING YOUR BANKING INFORMATIONS. THE LEGAL/RECONCILATION DEPARTMENT OF THE UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC'' AFTER ALL VERIFICATION APPROVE YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND FOR THE IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF THE SUM OF US$25,000,000.00 (USD) AFTER OUR VERIFICATION ON YOUR FILE AND THE APPLICATION LETTER ATTACH TO IT WITH THE INFORMATION OF YOURS AND SOME OF THE INFORMATIONS PRESENTED FOR THE CLAIM BY YOUR REPRESETATIVE MR. THOMAS GREEN'' YOUR NAME ELIZABETH D. DANE, HAS BEEN APPROVED AS THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND, FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR US$25,000,000.00 (USD) INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT. MEANWHILE, FOR THE IMMEDIATE PRCURING AND RELEASE OF YOUR INHERITANCE, YOU ARE TO PROVIDE THIS OFFICE WITH THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENT:
1. AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND.
2. POLICE REPORT.
3. 3,900 DOLLARS FOR THE TRANSFER CHARGES
YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE TRANSFERCHARGE (3,900 DOLLARS) THROUGH Western Union MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW:
NAME: OKON EMMA (THE BANK'S SECRETARY)
ADDRESS: LAGOS-NIGERIA.
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT COLOUR
ANSWER: BLUE
EMAIL US THE TEXT QUESTION AND ANSWER IMMEDIATELY AND THE (MTCN) CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY SENT IMMEDIATELY, AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE TRANSFER CHARGE AND THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS I WILL DEFINETELY FURNISH YOU WITH THE TRANSFER ANALYSIS AND A COPY OF THE TRANSFER SLIP WILL BE SENT TO YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
If the money is ready to transfer, then what the fuck is this crap about - "AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND" and "POLICE REPORT"?
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
09 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ABOUT YOUR FUND
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE..
GOOD DAY MADAM,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE, YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE TO US AS REQUESTED TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY FOR THE RELEASE OD YOUR FUND.
BEER THIS IN MIND THAT YOUR FUND IS VERY HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY WE HAVE TO HANDLE IT VERY WELL CAREFUL TO AVOID ANY MISTAKE.
MY DEAR, IF THIS ENTIRE BODY FAIL TO TRANSFER YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT ACCORDLY THE POLICE HAVE TO INVESTIGATE INTO THIS MATTER, THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE TO US AS LISTED.
(1) AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND
(2) POLICE REPORT
(3) $3,900 DOLLARS USD.
YOU HAVE TO SEND US THE TRANSFERING FEE, AND GET US ALL THE DOCUMENT AS LISTED, YOU ARE TO CONTACT YOUR REPRESENTATIVE TO PROVIDE TO YOU THIS DOCUMENT.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane

[If you expected Eliza to reply any other way, you don't know her at all...]

Mr Green,
What the fuck are they up to now?
"AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND".
What the fuck is this? Do I have to write them a fucking letter?
"POLICE REPORT"
For fuck's sake, there hasn't been a crime! Why would the police be involved? This is bullshit!
"$3,900 DOLLARS USD"
For what? You paid the fees!
They want you to get the papers apparently.
Find out what they're babbling on about, willya? It sounds like they're playing with us.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
I have no idea what you've been smoking but come on, what sort of half-assed crap is this? Why should I have to jump through hoops because there MIGHT be a problem?
"(1) AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND" - huh? Do I have to get something sworn in front of a JP?
"(2) POLICE REPORT" - have you been robbed?
"3) $3,900 DOLLARS USD" - you'd better have a fucking good explanation for this!
If you got it RIGHT first time there might not be any need for this bullshit!
Eliza Dane.
Thomas Green
10 February 2007

Dear Partner Elizabeth,
l got your mail with many thanks? l just got an signal from the Universal True Bank Plc.
Not long ago concerning this fund, Mr. Walter. Explained to me the thinks we have to provide to enable them transfer the fund into your account in your country.
You have to take heart, you dont haveto call them fuck,because you are not the one to teach them on how there can operate on there custody. l tried asking him why we have to pri\ovide all this document and transfer fee. He told me that this fund is very huge amount there are about to transfer into your account , there have to be very careful in this matter to avoid any mistake.
My Dear, there is know much problem on that, l will adivce you to try and send them the Transfer fee, to enable me see what l can do for the securing of the document, l have to visit the Police Station for the Document.
l advice you to send them the transfering fee $3,900 dollars.
l will update you when, am back from the Police Station for the document.
Is very important that you do this, to enable us have this fund transfer tomorrow into your account.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
I'm not sending a fucking cent until you explain about this "Police Document"!
What the fuck is it?
Eliza Dane

[I've had some Lad explanations over the years. This is one of the longest, the most laboured and unconvincing.
Given the skill levels of the Lad (or Lads) involved, I'm not surprised.]

Mr Walter
10 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ABOUT YOUR FUND
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE..
GOOD DAY
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU, THAT WE ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PREVIOUS EMAIL AND QUESTIONS: HOWEVER, I WISH TO CLARIFY EVERYTHING TO YOU AMICABLY.
FIRSTLY, REGARDS TO THE AFFIDAVIT OF THE TRUE OWNERSHIP OF THE FUND FROM THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE ( ABUJA-NIGERIA) YOU ARE TO SWORN AN OATH BEFORE THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE, THAT YOU ARE THE ELIGIBLE OWNERSHIP OF THE FUND. THIS WILL ENABLE THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE ISSUE AN AFFIDAVIT ON YOUR NAME AS THE BONAFIDE OWNER OF THE FUND, BEFORE THIS OFFICE WILL BE AUTHORIZE TO MAKE THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT INFORMATION. AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU ARE ALSO REQUIRED TO OBTAIN THE POLICE REPORT FROM THE NIGERIAN POLICE FORCE, BECAUSE THE POLICE ARE AWARE THAT THIS FUND IS TRANSFERRED FROM SECURITY COMPANY ( AMSTERDAM) DOWN TO THIS BANK FOR SAFETY PURPOSE, AND BEFORE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFER TO ANOTHER FOREIGN ACCOUNT, YOU HAVE TO OBTAIN A POLICE REPORT FROM THE NATIONAL POLICE FORCE TO INFORM THEM THAT YOU WANT YOUR FUND TRANSFERED TO YOUR INLAND ACCOUNT.
MADAM, IT IS VERY VITAL TO SECURED THESE TWO DOCUMENTS TO AVOID ANY PROBLEM IN FEATURE AND ALSO TO AVOID THIS BANK HAVING PROBLEM WITH THE POLICE FOR MONEY LAUNDERING.
MEANWHILE, CONCERNING THE COST OF TRANSFER ($3,900), IN EVERY TRANSACTION LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL, EVERY CLIENT MUST PAY A TRANSFER CHARGE ACCORDING THE SAID AMOUNT WHICH IS TO BE TRANSFER, TO ENABLE HIS/HER FUND BEING TRANSFERRED INTO THE NOMINATED ACCOUNT, THIS IS DONE IN EVERY BANK TO BANK TRANSACTION.
SO MADAM, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING AMICABLE AND HASTILY PROCEED TO FULFILL THE RELEASE AND TRANSFER OF YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT
WITHOUT ANY DELAY.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane

[And Eliza reacts with customary decorum... and a hint of some trouble to come.]

Mr Walter,
Three words; bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT!
I've never heard so much CRAP ever!
First off; why the fuck does the high court vet money being transferred? Does Rupert Murdoch have to go to the Supreme Court to get clearance to send money from one country to another? Does Kerry Packer have to park his hairy ass in the High Court in Canberra for that sort of transaction?
No, I don't fucking well think so!
Secondly - what sort of police force gets involved in bank transfers? Don't you dickheads have an IRS or Tax office that handles that? Tyr's hand! They should be catching crims, not hassling me!
Third up - don't try to pull that one on me! I can see EXACTLY what's going on. Just because I'm a foreigner, a woman, and young, you think you can pull some fucking snow job on me, slapping on some charge plucked out of the air.
Stop this bollocks RIGHT NOW or I'm going to think about getting some top-level help on this.
My brother is an officer in the SAS. He has clout with some interesting people. He could get you sent to Gitmo so fast you won't know which way is up!
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green
11 February 2007

My Dear Partner,
I got your mail with many thanks and well noted? I write to inform you that l called my friend who is Commissioner of Police. Cornering the POLICE REPORT.
I wait to his office today and explain everything to him concerning the POLICE REPORT. He assured me that he would help me for the document, called POLICE REPORT. I wait you to be rest assured that l will send you the entire document on Tuesday, to enable you send them to the Bank for the transferring our fund into your account, $25million USD.
Kindly send the transfer fee, to the bank and let them know that you will be sending them the entire document needed in this matter.
I will update you on Tuesday, when l return from his office, and proceed for the AFFIDAVIT.
I pray by Tuesday the fund will hit your account.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas Green.
Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
For fuck's sake, I don't give a fucking flying foetid dingo's kidney about the chinwag you had with your cop buddy about this fucking POLICE REPORT!
What I want to know is, why should a bank have to get a POLICE REPORT before making some international transaction? Holy Odin! As far as I'm concerned this is all some bullshit they're shovelling to line their pockets.
Get me confirmation, I don't care how; just get me something to show the need for this POLICE REPORT.
Eliza Dane

[Sincere acknowledgements to the great and talented Douglas Adams (RIP) for the "flying foetid dingo's kidney" line.]

[The Banker Lad makes a valiant attempt to justify his modality... not that he ever had a chance, mind.]

Mr Walter
12 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.


ABOUT YOUR FUND
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE..
ATTENTION:
GOOD DAY MADAM,
I ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PROMPT UPDATE, MADAM, I WISH TO IN FORM YOU THAT IN THIS COUNTRY OUR SYSTEM OF OPERATION MIGHT BE DIFERENT FROM YOUR COUNTRY.
FIRST OF ALL, WHY THE POLICE ARE INVOLVED IN THIS TRANSACTION, ACTUALLY, WE HAVE TAX REVENUE OFFICE WHICH SUPPOSED TO HANDLE THE SITUATION, BUT THEY WORK WITH THE POLICE FORCE AND BESIDES, DUE TO THE FRAUDULENT ACTS, WHICH HAS DENT THE IMAGE OF THIS COUNTRY, THAT IS WHY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT MAPED OUT THE POLICE FORCE TO MONITOR ANY FOREIGN BANK TRANSACTIONS AND ALSO ENSURE THAT THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE VERIFIED THE OWNERSHIP OF THE FUND AND AUTHORIZE THE RELEASE AND TRANSFER OF THE FUND TO THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY.
SO MADAM, BE INFORMED THAT WE DO NOT WANT TO SWINDLE YOUR FUND, RATHER WE WANT TO ENSURE THAT ALL PROTOCOL ARE DUALLY CLEARED, TO AVOID ANY PROBLEM IN FEATURE OKAY?YOU ARE ADIVCE TO PROVIDE THIS OFFICE REQUIREMENT WE ASK TO ENABLE US MAKE YOUR TRANSFER INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY. WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Ross Dane

[OK, new stage commences...
Enter Ross Dane to help his little sister.]

To: Mr Walter,
My darling sister slightly overstated the case - I can't just snap my fingers and send you to Guantanamo Bay.
Rest assured, however, that I have enough clout in the CT world to make your life hell if I so choose.
Leave Eliza alone.
Ross Dane
Ross Dane
To: Mr Thomas Green.
This is a formal warning; back off and stop trying to rip off my kid sister. I am not joking about this, believe you me.
Ross Dane
Eliza Dane

[Eliza continues her part...]

Mr Walter,
THAT I believe - here the bankers rip you off with lots of small bank fees, not with stupid fees plucked out of the air.
If the police want the paperwork, they can ask me outright.
Eliza Dane
Thomas Green

[...Thomas Green tries to keep Eliza on message...]

12 February 2007

Dear Partner Eliza,
How are you today? l got your mail with many thanks and well noted, l want you to understand that, that is how there operate on there system, l am not the one to tell them or teach them on how to operation on there Banks.
Beer this in mind that we need to get this Document immediately and send it to them, to enable them transfer our fund into your account, l told you that a friend of my POLICE COMMISIONAL. Assured me that we will make it up to me with the Document.
l called the Bank Manager, and he explain everything to me how there operate and the reason why the every customers has to provide there requirement to them, before there will transfer he/she fund. l will scan and email you all the document, and you have to try and send them the Transfer fee, o enable them transfer the fund into your account.
l will update you tomorrow.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Thomas Green

[... and rises to Ross' bait.]

12 February 2007

Hello Dear,
Who are you? trying to send me this kind of email.
l dont know you, explain yourself.
l wait to hear from you now.
Ross Dane
Watch who you call "Dear", you stinking poofter!
I'm Eliza's brother, just like I said, and I've just told her exactly what you are - some sweaty little faggot in a web cafe in Nigeria.
She should be in touch with you soon.
Like I said - if you persist I know people who could get you retired from life for good.
Eliza Dane
Ross is my brother.
I just heard from him.
So this is my answer to you; go buttfuck a goat and lick out its ass afterwards, you dirty little creep
Thomas Green

[He didn't rise to that last one though. ]

12 February 2007

Hello My Dear Partner,
How are you today?
l write to inform you that l have finally secure all the Document, needed in this transaction to enable the bank transfer our fund into your account $25million USD. But l am very afriad not to send all the document to you, because the way you speak to me is very bad, you shoulden't have write me that way, think about all the money we have spend in this transaction, MY AND YOURS MONEY.
You have to back this transaction in this point of time, that we have finally to claim the fund you have to try and contact the Bank, that you will be sending them all the document and transfer fee. l write to kone if you are still willing to claim this fund or not, before l will send you the document, as you said that your brother adivce you to write me that way and address me wrongly.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.

[Since he seemingly doesn't mind being insulted, he shouldn't object to Eliza wishing him a really painful death.]

Eliza Dane
Don't call me partner, you little turd motherfucker!
If I had the power I'd make sure my brother and his troops dragged you and the other liars like you from those pus-pits of cybercafes and soaked you in petrol and set you on fire and made sure you felt every fucking second as you burned to death like the cockroaches that you are.
Thomas Green
13 February 2007

Are you trying to say that you are not willing to claim the fund out from the Bank again.
l wait to hear from you now.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
No, I'm saying - not trying to say, but SAYING - that thanx to my brother I know you and your bum-buddy Walter are fucking scam artists who are after my money and there is no money in any bank for me.
If only Ross had found out about it sooner I'd have sent you nothing! For fuck's sake, I told you I wanted you to die in the most painful way imaginable, and you still don't get it? OK...
YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR AND I WANT YOU TO DIE SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[True, Ross is not a banker. However, his profession may come as a surprise...]

Thomas Green
13 February 2007

Dear Eliza,
l got your mail with many thanks and well noted? is true that there are alot a scam going arround the world, but l want you to understand that l am not here to scam you or rip you off, think about the money you send to the processing of this transaction.
Why, your brother will tell you that this fund is not in the Bank, is your brother a banker of an agent in the bank, l really understand what you are trying to say l am not asking you for any money, l have finally secure all the document needed in this transaction. To enable the Bank transfer our fund into your account.
l want you to give me this change to prove my self to you, that l am not what you are thinking l am. l will adivce you to kindly try and send this document and the transfer fee, to the Bank to enable them transfer out fund into your account.
l wait to hear the Good News from you.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.
Eliza Dane
Ross is not a banker; he's in the SASR.
Do you know what that means?
Thomas Green
14 February 2007

Dearest Elizabeth, How are you today? Yes is true that your brother ross is not a Banker, l have send you all the Document needed from the Bank. To enable you contact them and send them each document including the fee, to enable them commence action immediately.
l wait to hear from you that you have contacted them, l will prove to you that l am a nice man.
l wait to hear from you the Good News.
Thanks,
Mr. Thomas.

[Hint got ignored.
Can't have that!
Eliza explains just what the SAS do.
Will the Lad understand?]

Eliza Dane
Mr Green,
My brother is with the SPECIAL AIR SERVICES REGIMENT.
They are the BEST OF THE BEST.
They are the ones who KILL TERRORISTS and go BEHIND ENEMY LINES to blow things up and ambush convoys and so on. They are chosen for their courage and mental and physical toughness.
Ross came back from a tour in Afghanistan with 18 confirmed kills of Taliban terrorists. He told me that I was one of the reasons he fights - because I'm one of a group despised by the Taliban; a woman.
I trust him because he's a hero. I don't believe you because you're a liar and a thief.
If you expect me to send money on the strength of some papers that look more like something out of a cheap showbag, you are a fucking retard. And come on, I've sussed what happens next; you'll want the $2,300 mentioned on the affidavit.
Grow a brain, shitstain, and get fucked.
Eliza Dane

[The Banker Lad may not have been clued in on the exchange, so he tries to keep Eliza sweet....
But he slips up in the name department. However, since I was distracted, I missed it at the time.]

Mr Walter
16 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ERNESTO URRIOLA, CONGRATULATIONS AS YOUR ARE ADVICE TO VIEW ATTACHMENT. YOUR ANSWER TO OUR QUESTION IS CORRECT THAT SHOWED US THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND.
YOUR INHERITANCE FUND IS READY TO BE TRANFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.




[Meanwhile - out of the blue comes someone Eliza crossed paths with before.
This Lad had tried to muscle in on a bait in progress, apparently mistaking Ross and Eliza for fellow-Lads.
He faded away after a time, but now he returns - this time acting as if he knows Eliza to be a maga, and as if he's working with Thomas Green and his friends.]

Adim Amala
21 February 2007

My Dear Long Time Partner,
How are you today? Is been a long time now l email you or write you, l told you that l am a businessman, l want to a business trip to West Africa. For business.
My Friend, quess what l see, l saw your name in a Bank call UNVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC. Are you not Name-Elizabeth Daneil Dane.
Amount-$25million USD.
Your name is amony the bank transferes in the list.
l wait you to try and contact the Bank, and claim your money out from this bank, your money is real.
Please do not let anything stop you for your fund, kindly try and contact them immediately.
l wait to hear from you.
Thanks,
Adim.
Eliza Dane
Just who the fuck are you? You ain't my Long Term Partner, you never told me anything about being a businessman (you never contacted me before), and I don't know what the fuck you're doing sticking your nose in.
Explain yourself, and make it good!

[It's shorter than some of Mr Walter's explanations, but it makes even less sense.
How would someone banking in Malaysia see a Nigerian bank's customer list?]

Adim Amala
22 February 2007

How are you today?
l told you that l am in Malaysia? and you told me that you are from Australia.
l wait to the Bank, to Deposit the money l will use in paying goods from my customers, l want there after signing and all the register of my name, l saw your name too among the list there are transfering there fund among the list. Just because l have open up communication, l have to let you know this and contact them for your fund.
Thanks,
Mr. Adim.
Eliza Dane
Mr Amala,
I sorta remember that... but you never said anything about being a businessman. I had no idea what you were talking about.
Actually now it makes sense. Tom Green said he'd come back from Malaysia - so you must be the new partner he was talking about; the one he dumped me for! Sonofabitch finally got round to getting my money released, but then we got hung up on some fucking ID issues.
Anyhoo - that still doesn't explain why you're getting involved.
Eliza Dane
Adim Amala
23 February 2007

Dear Partner,
Yes you are very right, Mr. Tom. told you about me but l am here to inform you that you dont have to delay in contacting the Bank, to enable them transfer your fund into your account.
l wait to the Bank, to collete some money for my business trip, l saw your name and the amount to be transfer to you. l decided to contact you and let you know that.
l wait to hear from you as you do that.
Thanks,
Adim Amala.
Eliza Dane
Mr Amala,
I am not your partner. You are some stickybeak who decided to peek at something that was none of your business and thought you'd put in your two cents worth.
FYI, I am in contact with the bank, but we've had problems with ID and other documentation. It'll get sorted out.
Until then, what have you got to do with this?
AFAIK, nothing!
Eliza Dane
Adim Amala
23 February 2007

Dear Eliza,
You have all the Document, kindly contact them and send them all the document, to enable them transfer your fund today.
Thanks,
Mr. Adim.
Eliza Dane
Mr Amala,
Just who do you think you are giving me orders? You ain't part of this!
Eliza Dane
Adim Amala
26 February 2007

Dear Eliza,
How are you today? l write to konw if you have contacted the Bank for your fund.
Please do not let the bank stop your fund and take it, you have to contact them now and let them know that you are out for your fund.
Thanks,
Mr. Adim.
Eliza Dane
Mr Amala,
Stop contacting me. You're totally irrelevant, a complete waste of time, a fucking nonentity butting in and I don't know why. What the fuck do you want, a tip?
Eliza Dane

[And on that note, Adam Amala fades from sight... leaving no real hint of what he was trying to achieve.
Meanwhile, back at the bank...]

Mr Walter
26 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ABOUT YOUR FUND
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE..
GOOD DAY
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU, THAT WE STILL WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AND HAVE ALL THE REQUIRE ITEMS FROM YOU TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION FOR THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT $25MILLION USD.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
You have? How did that happen?
Has that buttsmear Adim Amala been bugging you or something?
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
26 February 2007

ATTENTION MADAM,
WE GOT YOUR MAIL BUT WE DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY IN THIS POINT OF TIME. WHO IS ADIM ALAMA.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
THANKS,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
Adim Amala is some guy not bound by the normal rules - he's in Malaysia but claims he saw my name on some list while visiting your bank.
How the fuck he did that I have no idea.
So, what's going on?
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter
26 February 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS
DEAR ELIZABETH D.DANE,
WE WRITE TO INFORM
YOU THAT WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THAT ADIM AMALA INTRUDER INTO YOUR PRIVIT MATTER.
THE PROBLEM IS FROM THE HEAD OFFICE.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
I hope you roasted their asses for that!
Eliza Dane
Peter Eke

[For a month after that, nothing, and then...]

31/03/2007

Dear Elizabeth Danielle Dane,
l want to the Bank today and ask for a proof of your compensation check, the manager of the bank gave it to me yesterday, but my server is very slow that is why l did not send it yesterday, l decided to send it to you this morning to enable you view the copy of your compensation check. I attached below is the Draft. Please view and peruse over it and get back to me.
After your verification, please send the courier and processing fees immediately.After we mighty have pay for the Delivering fee, the courier service will deliver to you the original copy of the check and tracking number to your custody.
l have always told you that l don't have bad intention towards you? l am from christian family. l am assuring you now that you have noting to regret in this as soon as you send the Delivering fee and stamp fee including the issuring of the check fee 1,500 Dollars. Once you receive your compensation check you are going to rejoice for the rest of your life.
Thanks and await your urgent reply.
Mr.Peter.
BELOW IS THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO SEND THE MONEY TODAY IN Western Union:
NAME: BILLE IKEYAN PERRY
ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS MY NAME?
ANSWER: Parry
When you send the money let me know and forward the Western Union information to me most importantly the Money transfer Control Number [MTCN] Number, so that I will go to the courier company to send your check to you immediately and once your check is sent to you, I will send you the tracking number so that you may be able to track your check on transit.
Mr. Peter.

[So we're back to cheques again - how boring!]

Eliza Dane
Mr Eke,
Tell Tom Green that I want all that he promised me - not some fraction.
Eliza Dane
Peter Eke
31/03/2007

Dear Partner,
Thanks for your urgent reply?
l write to inform you that Mr. Thomas Green. Has traveled to Spain for a business, he instructed me to go to the bank and ask the Manager of the bank to issured out a Draft Bank Check $One Million USD on your name.
My Dear, l am the only one now who knows more about your claim $25million USD. You are adivce to explain to me very well to enable me see what l can do to assist you now that my boss traveled to Spain. The Bank Manager also told me that all the legal document copies has been presented by my boss to the Universal Trust Bank PLC.
Just that you are require to send them the transfer fee, $3,500,00 USD.
To enable them commence action immediately and transfer your fund into your account.
l write to inform you that the Bank is ready to transfer your fund into your account, but if you dont want to claim it you can claim the 1million USD.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Peter.

[Has the Lad passed Eliza on to some other Lad? If so, I don't think that "Peter Eke" is going to thank him!

Given that this letter also uses 1 instead of I, it could still be the same Lad...]

Eliza Dane
Mr Eke,
Tom Green's gone to Spain... how the fuck did he manage that? Last time I heard he was dead broke and crying poor! So how did he get the bank to issue a cheque? Whose account?
And that brings to my big question - what the fuck is going on?
First the money was in a security firm in Holland, then for some reason it was banked in Nigeria, and then no-one was talking to me. Now I find the money is still in Nigeria, but you're sending me a draft from a bank in England!
Holy Odin! I don't know what the fuck you're up to but it ain't pretty!
I don't know what your boss has been drinking, but he's fucked you over like a two-dollar hooker. I paid him $5000 more than a year ago, for all fees and charges, and as far as he told me recently, that covered everything. He never said anything about a transfer fee.
What gives?
I just asked you a bunch of questions and I want them answered immediately!

Eliza Dane

[Once again we have a long answer that ends up saying very little. Whatever the cause of the one-month hiatus (and assuming it's the original Lad), it seems to have affected the Lad's memory - there's an excellent reason for Eliza to believe that Thomas Green was dead broke (as in he actually said he had no money). The bit about "side talks" and "intruders" had me wondering if the Lad believed that I'd been contacted by another scammer.

Peter Eke
31/03/2007

Dear Partner Elizabeth,

Thanks for your urgent reply all together with the question towards your fund? You are very right and correct, Yes Mr. Tom Green travel to Spina for a business of which l told you that. l dont really understand what you mean that you over heard that he was dead broke, l most tell you that you dont have to listen to side talks or listen to anybody, that is introders.
Meanwhile, regards to your check, before he travel he showed me all the legal document needed from the Bank to enable them transfer your fund into your account 25million USD.
He told me that since you are not willing and ready to send the transfer fee to the bank, that he has instrcuted the bank to issu out a draft bank check on your name of 1million USD. That the bank will work by his intsruction since you dont want to claim your fund, that the bank did what his ask them to do, he explain this very well to me, now the bank is asking me if really l know you as the true owner of the fund l said yes and mentioned your name to them and there cross check your name is very correct with the one my boss present to them,
You are very right, my boss told me that the money was deposited in the Security Company in Holland, but the security company have a problem in there custody with some there customer fund, there have to transfer every fund in there care to there bank there are using.
Why the Draft Bank Check issued out from the England is that there are the head of the bank, and the manager of the Bank here instructed there agebt to issued out the check from there breach over there since there dont have all the items for the check of 1million USD.
My Dear, l am very right that you send them all the money for the processing of the fund when the fund id deposited in the Security Company in Holland, he use all the money for the processing of the fund and pay for the Demurrage fee and get the document there require for,
When the money was transfer down to Nigeria here, for him to start preparing for the claim, there ask for the legal document to enable you claim the fund as the true owner of the fund of which he did that by borrowing some money to travle to the Federal High Court Abuja to secure.
That cost him very huge amount of money to vsecure all the document the bank require for, the man he borrowed the money his after his money, of which l will try his number to know how are we going to pay him back.
That is all l know for now, but if you are willing and ready to claim your fund out from the Bank, all the document is there, just kindly send the transfer fee to the bank to enable them commence action immediately on that.
Thanks,
My Adivce to you.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Peter.
Eliza Dane
Mr Eke,
Don't PATRONISE me!!!
I KNOW that you told me that Tom Green had gone to Spain. As for knowing that he was dead broke - what the fuck are you on about with this crap about "side talks" and "intruders"? He pretty much told me himself with all that palaver about having to borrow money. You got that? You can bet your fucking ass that I want that money! I paid Tom Green $5000 for the fees required, and then he raised all that bullshit about stamp fees - that I'd already paid!
If he told you that he'd used the money to pay for the demurrage, then he's a fucking liar. He sent me a precise listing of the money and what it was needed for. As for this - "how are we going to pay him back" - fuck him! He's getting $12.5 million; he can suck up a few thousand!
Who's the contact at the bank? Is it still that Walter guy? I want to make sure that the money's still there and that your boss hasn't done a runner!
Eliza Dane
Peter Eke
02/04/2007

Dear Partner Elizabeth,

Thanks for your urgent reply towards your fund?
You are very right regards to the money to send to my Boss Mr. Tom Green. But l can not give account of what he spend the money on, for the stamp fee you just mentioned he told me about that? That the bank ask him for the stamp fee.
Meanwhile, l most tell you that your fund is right now in the bank, wanting for you to claim your fund out from the Bank. You just mention about Mr. Walter the formar Bank Manager, l have to inform you that Mr. Walter is not longer the Manage of the Universal Trust Bank. There have transfer him out from the bank, is a lady who is after your fund now and in there possition now.
However, l am assuring you that your fund is very okay now in the Universal Trust Bank Plc. $25million USD. You can step and stand to claim your fund as the true owner of the fund, since you have all the legal document required from the bank.
You are adivce to contact them now and try and send them the transfer fee, to enable them transfer your fund into your account, without any delay.
Name of the Bank; Universal Trust Bank Plc.
Email-Address; utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com.
Name of the Bank Manager; Mrs. Ann Frank.
Let them know you are out to claim your fund.
l wait to hear from you as soon as done so.
With Best Regards,
Mr. Peter.

[So we're back to Universal Trust Bank... but with a Banker Ladette this time. Maybe they think that Eliza will be nicer to a Lady manager.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
If you don't know what Tom Green did with my money, then fucking well ask him! You must have a contact number in Spain!
He told some stupid sob-story about spending it all on hospital fees. Sorry, but that's theft in my book!
I'll get in touch with that bank, though only Odin knows why they'd put me through all this crap all over again.
Eliza Dane

[This had me seriously wondering once again if Tom Green had in fact sold off his magas to another Lad...]

Peter Eke
02/04/2007

Dear Partner,

Thanks for your urgent reply?
l got your mail very understanding what you are trying to say concerning the money you send to my boss, l dont want to contact him concerning the claiming of your fund out from the bank. l will only adivce you to kindly contact the bank immediately for your claim, let not contact my boss again or ask him about any money again.
l wait to hear that you have open communication with the bank.
Thanks,
Mr. Peter.
Peter Eke
03/04/2007

Dear Partner,
How are you today?
l write to know if you have contacted them, to enable them commence action immediately.
l wait to hear from you.
Thanks,
Mr. Peter.

[Ow, frosty!]

Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
Stop calling me partner.
You are not my partner.
You will call me Ms Dane in future.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
Why the fuck shouldn't I give your boss a going-over about the money?
He's fucked us both over, so why you're so keen to keep him off the firing line is a mystery to me.
Got an explanation? I'd like to hear it.
By the way - I told you to stop calling me partner, so fucking well stop doing it! It's 'Ms Dane' to you!

Eliza Dane
Peter Eke
03/04/2007

Dear Mrs. Dane,
l am very sorry to address you as a partner?
l write to know if you have contacted the Bank for transfering of your fund into your account, You are require to contact them immediately.
Universal Trust Bank Plc.
E-mail; utbaccountdepartment@yahoo.com
l wait to hear from you as soon as you have contacted.
Thanks,
Mr. Peter.
Eliza Dane

[Once more unto the bank...]

Mrs Frank,
Good day.
I was advised to contact you on a matter of a $25 million deposit in my name in your bank.
Please confirm this and make ready to transfer it to a bank of my choice.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
It's Ms - NOT Mrs.
Can't you get anything right?!?!?!
Eliza Dane
Peter Eke
03/04/2007

Okay Ms. Dane,
That will not stop you contacting the Bank.
Thanks.
Mr. Peter.

[Oh, wise guy, huh?]

Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
You can stop being such a smart ass - you're not suited for it - because I have.
I think that's you out of the loop until I say otherwise.
Eliza Dane
Peter Eke

[That's better!]

03/04/2007

Dear Ms. Dane,
You are very Right.
Thanks,
Mr. Peter.
Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
Don't you forget it!
Eliza Dane

[Well, we have the bank Ladette on line...
Maybe a change of personnel, but the headers stay the same!]

Ann Frank
04 April 2007

THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

YES I DO HAVE A $25MUSD. ON MY DESK.
ATTN: ELIZABETH D. DANE.
GOOD DAY SIR,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS OFFICE WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT, WE ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL AND REQUEST TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF (US$25M), INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. HOWEVER, WORKING VERY HARD TO MAKE SURE YOUR FUND WAS TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
MS. DANE. AS A NEW MANAGER OF THIS UNIVERSAL TUST BANK PLC. I HAVE TO MAKE SURE WE DON'T MAKE ANY MISTAKE IN TRANSFERING YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
MEANWHILE, YOU ADVICE TO RESEND US YOUR BANKING INFORMATION TO ENABLE US TRANSFER THE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT INFORMATION YOU SENT TO OUR ACCOUNT DEPARTMENT THAT IS HERE NOW TO AVOID ANY MISTAKE IN MAKING THIS TRANSFER, AS BELOW IS WHAT WE HAVE HERE:
NAME:
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS:
NAME OF BANK
BANK ADDRESS:
ACCOUNT INFORMATION:
TELEHONE NO:
YOU ARE ADIVCE TO RESEND US THE INFORMATION TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY. ONCE AGAIN WE APOLOGIZE AND ASK YOU TO BE PETIENT WITH US AS WE PROMISE TO CONCLUDE SOON AND WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH THE PAYMENT ANALYSIS.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS. ANN FRANK.

[Pretty much the same message as before...
Since the Ladette's name was "Ann Frank", I couldn't resist making cracks about an attic (an irreverent reference to The Diary of Anne Frank; please accept my apologies should this offend in any way).]

Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
Didn't you keep Mr Walter's files?
I sent him all those details previously. Maybe they got shoved in the attic or something. Here they are again.
Bank National Australia Bank
Branch No. 13 22 65
Address 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
Account No. G937 641 914
Account Name Ms Elizabeth D. Dane
Over to you.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
05 April 2007

UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.


ATTETINION,
CONGRATULATIONS DEAR ELIZABETH D. DANE, CONGRATULATIONS AS YOUR ARE ADVICE TO VIEW ATTACHMENT. YOUR ANSWER TO OUR QUESTION IS CORRECT THAT SHOWED US THAT YOU ARE THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND.
YOUR INHERITANCE FUND IS READY TO BE TRANFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (GTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS. ANN FRANK.

[Attached was this message.
We've had the good news; now the bad news; exactly the same modality as the last crowd.
Maybe the new lot did take over the scam outright!

Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
Documents attached.
As for that transfer fee - no way in fuck am I going to send it via Western Union. There's $25 million on your desk, or in your attic, or wherever. Just take it out of the money before you send it.
Eliza Dane

[Will there be a fresh excuse for why the fees can't be taken from the deposited money?]

Ann Frank
06 April 2007

UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.


The Director
Foreign Remittance Department.
Lagos- Nigeria.
ATTENTION: ELIZABETH D. DANE,
REGARDS TO YOUR REQUEST.
GOOD DAY,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS OFFICE WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THAT, WE ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAILICLUDING THE COPIES OF THE DOCUMENTS YOU SENT TO US AS THE TRUE OWNER OF THE FUND, AND YOUR REQUEST TO DEDUCT THE TRANSFER COST (US$3,900.00), FROM YOUR SAID INHERITANCE FUND.
HOWEVER, I REALLY SYMPATHIZED WITH YOU FOR INABILITY TO CONCLUDE THE RELEASE OF YOUR INHERITANCE FUND FINANCIALLY, AFTER ALL THIS WHILE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT THE ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF THIS BANK (UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC.) HAD AN EMERGENCY MEETING THIS MORNING, CONCERNING YOUR REQUEST TO DEDUCT THE TRANSFER COST FROM YOUR INHERITANCE FUND, MEANWHILE, IT IS MY WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT, AFTER THE BRIEF MEETING ON YOUR YOUR REQUEST, THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF THIS BANK CAME INTO CONCLUSSION THAT THERE IS NO WAY THE TRANSFER COST WILL BE DEDUCTED FROM YOUR INHERITANCE, IT WAS CONFIRMMED THAT YOUR INHERITANCE FUND HAS BEEN PROGRAMMED FOR A SWIFT TRANSFER ALREADY AND FOR THIS REASON, NOBODY CAN TEMPER OR DEDUCT ANY MONEY FROM YOUR INHERITANCE FUND, SINCE THE RECORDS HAS BEEN CARRIED OUT.
SO MADAM, I HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT, SINCE THE BOARD OF AUTHORITY HAS LOOKED INTO THIS MATTER AND THERE IS NO WAY THEY CAN TEMPER YOUR INHERITANCE FUND IN THE CAUSE OF DEDUCTING THE FEES, HOWEVER, I ADVICE YOU HASTILY GET IN TOUCH WITH THIS OFFICE AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND ALSO TRY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TO PROVIDE THE TRANSFER FEE.
BE INFORMED, THAT THIS OFFICE HAS CONCLUDED EVERY POSSIBLE VERIFICATION AND ARRANGEMENT TO TRANSFER YOUR INHERITANCE FUND, AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE TRANSFER COST OKAY. YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE TRANSFERCHARGE (3,900 DOLLARS) THROUGH Western Union MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW:
NAME: IGWE IFEANYI (THE BANK'S SECRETARY)
ADDRESS: LAGOS-NIGERIA.
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT COLOUR
ANSWER: BLUE
EMAIL US THE TEXT QUESTION AND ANSWER IMMEDIATELY AND THE(MTCN) CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY SENT IMMEDIATELY AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE TRANSFER CHARGE AND THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS I WILL DEFINETELY FURNISH YOU WITH THE TRANSFER ANALYSIS AND A COPY OF THE TRANSFER SLIP WILL BE SENT TO YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS ANN FRANK.

No, guess not...

Eliza's reaction is fairly predicable.

Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
What the fuck were you doing involving the entire board of your bank in this deal? Tyr's hand, it's none of their business! It's down to you!
Don't you have their trust?
So my money's been marked down for swift transfer? Could have fooled me with all the farting around you lot have done.
Well, you can get back in the attic and UN-program it and take the $3900 out, like every other bank in the world would do.
Eliza Dane.
Peter Eke

[Oh, him again...]

08 April 2007

Dear Ms. Dane,
How are you today? l write to know what is going On.
Have you finally claim your fund.
l wait to hear from you immediately.
Thanks,
Mr. Peter.
Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
It's none of your business, but I will say this; I'm beginning to think that Ann Frank left her brains in the attic.
That bank is a refuge for idiots!
Eliza Dane
Peter Eke
09 April 2007

Dear Ms. Dane,
Thanks for your mail?
what are you trying to say in this point of time, are you trying to say that the bank dont want to release your fund.
Thanks,
Mr. Peter.
Mr Walter

[What the hell is this one doing getting involved again?]

10 April 2007

UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.


ABOUT YOUR FUND
ATTENTION: ELIZABETH DANE.
THIS OFFICE HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THE DELAY FOR RELEASING YOUR INHERITANCE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, WE HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH OUR SYSTEM, WE CAN NOT BE ABLE TO ACCESS OUR EMAIL.
YOU ARE ADIVCE TO RESEND US YOUR RESPONES TOWARDS YOUR REQUESTION ABOUT THE DEDUCTING OF YOUR FUND. YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MR. WALTER.
Eliza Dane
Mr Walter,
What happened to Ann Frank? I was told you'd been transferred or something!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Peter,
Remember how you said that Mr Walter had been moved on and Mrs Frank had taken his place? Well, not any more - Mr Walter wrote to me a little while ago as if nothing had happened!
Fuck me, that place is seriously warped - like no-one's in charge of anything.
Eliza Dane.
Ann Frank

[What the hell is this one trying to say?]

11 April 2007

ATTENTION ELIZABETH DANE.
MS DANE, HERE IS MRS. ANN FRANK. I GOT YOUR MAIL AND WELL NOTED, YOU ARE VERY RIGHT FO THE TRANSFER OF MR. WALTER. BUT I HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM IN MY DEPARTMENT, I HAVE TO TRANSFER TO THE TRANSFER DEPARTMENT.
MEANWHILE, I REPLY TO YOUR REQUEST ABOUT DEDUCTING THE TRANSFER FEE. NOW THAT I AM CONTROLING THE TRASFER DEPARTMENT, YOU ARE ADIVCE TO TRY AND SEND THE TRANSFER FEE, TO ENABLE YOUR FUND RELEASE INTO YOUR ACCOUT.
I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY.
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT.
MRS. ANN FRANK.
Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
Just what the fuck is happening?
I thought you were already in charge of the transfer department, so why did you have to transfer to it again? And what little problem are you talking about?
I don't give a flying foetid dingo's kidney about the fact that you control the transfer department!
I don't care if you control the whole fucking Pentagon! I am the customer, and you are there to serve me, not the other way around!
You know what to do, now get out of that stupid attic and do it!
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank

[I think our Lad is just stalling for time!]

12 April 2007

ATTENTION ELIZABETH DANE.
MS DANE, HERE IS MRS. ANN FRANK. I GOT YOUR MAIL AND WELL NOTED, YOU ARE VERY RIGHT FO THE TRANSFER OF MR. WALTER. BUT I HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM IN MY DEPARTMENT, I HAVE TO TRANSFER TO THE TRANSFER DEPARTMENT. MEANWHILE, I REPLY TO YOUR REQUEST ABOUT DEDUCTING THE TRANSFER FEE. NOW THAT I AM CONTROLING THE TRASFER DEPARTMENT, YOU ARE ADIVCE TO TRY AND SEND THE TRANSFER FEE, TO ENABLE YOUR FUND RELEASE INTO YOUR ACCOUT.
I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY.
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT.
MRS. ANN FRANK.

[By now the astute reader will have worked out that while some scammers are loners, others work in ad hoc teams of people who may never meet personally - one to send out the original scam letter, one to provide 'certificates', one to pick up the money order sent by the victim. They will split the percentage various ways. The name of the person picking up the money keeps changing in this correspondence, but it could well be the same person each time, and the money order can be picked up anywhere in the world with the right information.]

Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
You sent this again - WHY? By Skadhi's bow, you parked your brains in the attic, didn't you?
Just do your fucking job, and do what you're fucking well told!
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
12 April 2007

ATTENTION ELIZABETH DANE,
WE THE ENTIRE BODY OF THE UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC, HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE WAITED TOO LONG TO HEAR FROM YOU TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION FOR THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUND $25M.
SINCE YOU HAVE ALL THE REQUIREMENT WE ASK FOR, WHY CAN YOU STAND FORWORD AND CLAIM YOUR FUND OUT FROM OUR CUSTODY, WE HAVE AN MEETING THIS MORNING CONCERNING YOUR FUND WITH THE BOARD OF DIRECTOR. THAT IF YOU DONT COME UP TO CLAIM YOUR FUND WE WILL RETRUN THE FUND BACK TO THE SECURITY COMPANY IN HOLLAND.
I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY.
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT.
MRS. ANN FRANK.
Eliza Dane

[I think another tantrum is called for.]

Mrs Frank,
YOU'VE waited too long?
Listen, you brain-dead bimbo, I've been waiting for close to a fortnight for you to send me the information I need to send the money, and you've been too fucking busy with rave parties in the attic to do your fucking job!
Send the money back to Amsterdam! At least I won't have to deal with you ever again!
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
23 April 2007

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH DANE,
WE GOT YOUR MAIL WITH MANY THANKS AND WELL NOTED, WE HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE BEEN PROGRAMME YOUR FUND AND READY TO TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS WE GET THE TRANSFER FEE, FROM YOU TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ACTION IMMEDIATELY FOR THE TRANSFER.
MEANWHILE, TOMORROW I WILL SEND YOU THE PAYMENT INFORMATION THAT YOU WILL USE IN SENDING THE MONEY THROUGH Western Union MONEY TRANSFER.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY.
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT.
MRS. ANN FRANK.
Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
Don't let me down!
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
25 April 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, Integrity, Empathy, Resilience
THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.
DOYIN HOUSE 4 COMMERCIAL AVENUE APAPA LAGOS - NIGERIA TELL: 234-1- 7211675 234-1-15451050 FAX:
Email:utb_accountdepartment@yahoo.com
OurRef: GTB/NIG4505 Your Ref:
Date: 25Th 04 2007

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
ATTENTION: ELIZABETH DANE,
GOOD DAY,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS OFFICE WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THIS MORNING, REGARDS TO THE CLAIM OF YOUR FUND, BE INFORM THAT THE MANAGEMENT AND THE LEGAL/RECONCILATION DEPARTMENT OF THE "UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC??HAVE AFTER ALL VERIFICATION, APPROVED YOU FOR THE IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF THE SUM OF US$25,000,000:00. MEANWHILE, FOR THE IMMEDIATE PRCURING AND RELEASE OF YOUR INHERITANCE, YOU ARE TO PROVIDE THIS OFFICE WITH THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENT: YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE TRANSFER CHARGE ($3,900.00) THROUGH Western Union MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW: NAME;Azubuike Nwokolo.
Address;12 nnebisi road. Asaba. Delta state.
Text Question; What is my name.
Text Answer; Azubuike.
EMAIL US THE TEXT QUESTION AND ANSWER IMMEDIATELY AND THE (MTCN) CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY SENT IMMEDIATELY, AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE TRANSFER CHARGE AND THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS I WILL DEFINETELY FURNISH YOU WITH THE TRANSFER ANALYSIS AND A COPY OF THE TRANSFER SLIP WILL BE SENT TO YOU. ONCE AGAIN, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS. ANN FRANK.
ELIZABETH DANE; I PROMISE THAT I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN IN THIS MATTER, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUND IS BEEN TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS YOU GET US ALL THE REQUIREMENT WE NEED FROM YOU.
THANKS,
MY PROMISE.
Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
For fuck's sake, we've been through this! I am not sending a single cent via Western Union! The only way I do that is if I get the ID of whoever's picking it up. Got that?
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
30 April 2007

Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network In Nigeria. Our Core Values Are Humility, Integrity, Empathy, Resilience
THE DIRECTOR
UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK OF NIGERIA.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
ATTENTION: ELIZABETH DANE,
GOOD DAY,
THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS OFFICE WISHES TO NOTIFY YOU THIS MORNING, REGARDS TO THE CLAIM OF YOUR FUND, BE INFORM THAT THE MANAGEMENT AND THE LEGAL/RECONCILATION DEPARTMENT OF THE "UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC??HAVE AFTER ALL VERIFICATION, APPROVED YOU FOR THE IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF THE SUM OF US$25,000,000:00.
MEANWHILE, FOR THE IMMEDIATE PRCURING AND RELEASE OF YOUR INHERITANCE, YOU ARE TO PROVIDE THIS OFFICE WITH THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENT:
YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE TRANSFER CHARGE ($3,900.00) THROUGH Western Union MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE INFORMATION BELOW INCLUDING THE ID OF MR. AZUBUIKE NWOKOLO:
NAME;Azubuike Nwokolo.
Address;12 nnebisi road. Asaba. Delta state.
Text Question; What is my name.
Text Answer; Azubuike.
EMAIL US THE TEXT QUESTION AND ANSWER IMMEDIATELY AND THE (MTCN) CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY SENT IMMEDIATELY, AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE TRANSFER CHARGE AND THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS I WILL DEFINETELY FURNISH YOU WITH THE TRANSFER ANALYSIS AND A COPY OF THE TRANSFER SLIP WILL BE SENT TO YOU.
ONCE AGAIN, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS. ANN FRANK.
ELIZABETH DANE; I PROMISE THAT I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN IN THIS MATTER, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUND IS BEEN TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS SOON AS YOU GET US ALL THE REQUIREMENT WE NEED FROM YOU. MY PROMISE.

Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
Listen, you brainless bimbo - just sending the same drivel over and over again will get you FUCK ALL, is that clear?
Send me the ID details of this "Azubuike Nwokolo" or I am not going to send a fucking cent!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

[Might as well give just a little...]

Mrs Frank,
My bad - you did send the ID, I'll grant you that. However, it's at a very small resolution and I can't make it out. Please rescan and send again.
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
01 May 2007

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH DANE,
WE GOT YOUR MAIL THIS MORNING CONCERNING THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, AS SOON AS WE RECIEVE THE TRANSFER FEE, BUT YOU KEEP MENTIONING ID. IF WE MAY ASK WHAT ID ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SO THAT I MRS. ANN. WILL GET YOU THAT.
I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS. ANN FRANK.
Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
I wanted the ID so that I can be absolutely sure that I'm sending the money to the right person. I lost nearly a thousand dollars sending it to the wrong person.
Got that?
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
02 May 2007

ATTENTION: ELIZABETH DANE,
ATTENTION: MADAM,
ONCE AGAIN, I JUST ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PROMPT EMAIL, INCLUDING THE ID WE SENT TO YOU AS YOU REQUESTED BEFORE YOU CAN PAYMENT THE PAYMENT OF THE TRANSFER FEE.
WE THE BODY OF UNIVERSAL TRUST BANK PLC, HEREBY INFORM YOU THAT WE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN THAT YOU CAN NOT MAKE IT OUT, WE CAN AND SENT IT TO YOU FOR YOUR OUT VIEWING TO ENABLE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT OF YOUR TRANSFER FEE WITH THE INFORMATION WE GAVE TO YOU, BEFORE YOU ASK FOR THE ID.
MY ADIVCE TO YOU ON HOW YOU CAN VIEW IT VERY BIG AND CLEAR, YOU ARE REQUIRE TO DOWNLOAD THE ATTACH FILE IN YOUR DESKTOP, AFTER THAT THEN YOU ARE TO VIEWING IT OUT AND ZOOM IT AT YOUR OWN VIEWING OUT.
MRS. ANN FRANK.

[Time for my favourite payment method - the well-tried Secure Transfer Option.]

Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
I sent the money today, so stop whinging!
Western Union is trialling a new service, the Secure Transfer Option, that can only be picked up at one location. I've sent the money to the agency at the First Bank of Nigeria at Agbarho in Delta State. The MTCN is the passport number for Mr Nwokolo, and there's a question/answer protocol; My favourite flower? The wild rose.
Let me know when the money's been picked up and we can get this done and dusted.
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
04 May 2007

ATTENTION ELIZABETH DANE,
ATTENTION: MADAM,
ONCE AGAIN, I JUST ACKNOWLEDGED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PROMPT EMAIL, INCLUDING THE MONEY YOU SAID THAT YOU SENT THROUGH THE Western Union MONEY TRANSFER. WE WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT WE JUST RECIEVED YOUR EMAIL EXPLAINING THAT YOU WANT US TO RESEND YOU THE INFORMATION THAT YOU WILL USE IN SENDING THE TRANSFER FEE, WE ARE TRYING TO RESEND IT ON A PROCESS WE RECEIVED ANOTHER EMAIL THAT YOU HAVE SENT THE MONEY WITHOUT SENDING US ALL THE INFORMATIONS.
MADAM, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO US THIS BELOW INFORMATION AND MAKE THE PAYMENT, WE HAVE BEEN PICKING MONEY OUT FROM THE WESTERN NUION MONEY TRANSFER BEFORE, YOURS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE SENT THE MONEY THAT THE MTCN NUMBER IS THE PASSPORT NUMBER OF MR. NWOKOLO. MEANWHILE, YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE SENT THE MONEY AND YOU ALSO TOLD ME THAT THE PASSPORT NUMBER IS THE MTCN NUMBER, YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT PASSPORT NUMBET IS THE MTCN NUMBER,
HERE IS THE PASSPORT NUMBER A1093351.
AND THE MTCN IS 10 DEGITAL NUMBER, MY DEAR YOU ARE REQUIRE TO SEND US THE PAYMENT INFORMATION AND SENDERS NUMEBR TOO.
INFORMATION BELOW INCLUDING THE ID OF MR. AZUBUIKE NWOKOLO:
NAME;Azubuike Nwokolo.
Address;12 nnebisi road. Asaba. Delta state.
Text Question; What is my name.
Text Answer; Azubuike.
EMAIL US THE TEXT QUESTION AND ANSWER IMMEDIATELY AND THE (MTCN) CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY SENT IMMEDIATELY, AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE TRANSFER CHARGE AND THE REQUESTED DOCUMENTS I WILL DEFINETELY FURNISH YOU WITH THE TRANSFER ANALYSIS AND A COPY OF THE TRANSFER SLIP WILL BE SENT TO YOU. ONCE AGAIN, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MANAGER (UTB) TRANSFER DEPT,
MRS. ANN FRANK.
Eliza Dane
Mrs Frank,
Have a look at that passport. See all the numbers? It's not just A1093351! There's a whole string of numbers there and the STO MTCN uses the first 12 digits. I have sent the money as I said, so tell your lackey Nwokolo to get his ass to that bank and pick it up. I don't want any excuses, I want action! And what the fuck are those documents I'm supposed to send you?
BTW, don't call me Madam - I don't run a whorehouse!
Eliza Dane
Ann Frank
04 May 2007

ATTENTION ELIZABETH DANE,
WE GOT YOUR MAIL WITH MANY THANKS AND WELL NOTED, WE DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE MONEY YOU SAID THAT YOU SENT TO US, FOR THE TRANSFER OF YOUR INHERITANCE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. WE DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN BY (See all the numbers? It's not just A1093351! There's a whole string of numbers there and the STO MTCN uses the first 12 digits.
YOU ARE REQUIRE TO SEND US THIS MTCN NUMBER AND SENDERS NAME, INCLUDING THE TEXT QUESTION AND THE ANSWER. WE HAVE BEEN PULLING OUT MONEY FROM THE WESTERN NUION MONEY TRANSFER.
WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AND HAVE TH EPAYMENT INFORMATION SLIP.
THANKS.
MRS. ANN FRANK.
Eliza Dane

[Now - a little brutality is called for...]

Mrs Frank,
Just now much cock did you suck to get that job? Look, it's quite simple - take the line of letters and numbers at the bottom of the passport. Remove the letters. You are left with this set of numbers - 10933517721-23210806138. Take the first 12 and there is the MTCN for the STO.
Just send your toy-boy to the bank with his ID, and as long as he gets the Q&A right, he'll be just fine and dandy! For fuck's sake, keep up with the times!
Eliza Dane

[But that was a bit too much even for Ann Frank... and so it ends.]


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