things of the earth are canal

Naz, last seen in DONALD MIKE REDUX, returns as Beauregard D'Acious, scambaiter par excellence!
Here Naz takes on "Mrs. Mary Jones", cancer victim currently holed up in the Solomon Islands (?!).

Thus speaks Naz:

A new Baiter has arrived! He reared his handsome head when I received a standard-form scam letter. Let's see if this one grabs your attention, as it did mine...I'll leave it to your prodigious wit to title it. (I toyed with "A Bodacious Tale", but naaahhh)

Naz's choice was pretty darn good, but couldn't resist the weird quote, read the Lad's letter and you'll find it.

A standard Lad-letter arrived, which I inadvertently deleted, but the literati in the audience would recognize it immediately, the "dead husband (plane crash)engineer, $2Million+ deposit, cancer-afflicted-widow-donate to orphans, yadda yadda..." one. Well, off we go, into the wild scam yonder...

Beauregard D'Acious


I am intrigued by your proposal, will you please tell me more? What will you require me to do?

How did you acquire my uncle's e-mail address?

He has gone on vacation, and asked me to care for his home and pets, but I am using my own mail address to reply to you. Then, he will not be confused about it when he returns.

Waiting to hear from you.

Beauregard D'Acious
Mrs. Mary

It doesn't take long before The Hook is dropped into the water...

From: Mrs Mary jone <>
Subject: Good day, My Beloved Friend.
Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2012 06:53:48

Good day, My Beloved Friend.

As I said early, I am Mrs. Mary Jones from Island, married to Late Engr John C.Man{PhD} who worked with MULTINATIONAL OIL COMPANY EXXON AS A DRILLING RIG SUPPLIER in Kuwait for 19 years he died on 31st July 2000 on a plane crash with other passengers, We were married for twenty four years without a child. Before his death, he deposited the sum of { 2,142,728.00 US Dollars} with a bank In EUROPE and this fund is presently with the bank awaiting my disbursement as beneficiary and next of kin to the funds. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer Problem. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church, organization or good person that will use this fund to build an orphanage home which was the dream of my late husband.

l took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money. I kept this deposit secret till date; this is why I am taking this decision. I don't think I will need any telephone communication in this regard because of the confidentiality of this transfer. Upon your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank. I will also issue a letter of authorization to the bank that will prove you the present beneficiary of this money.

I am very grateful to you for the interest shown in my plight and I want to assure you that will be greatly rewarded for what you have chosen to do. Although we are knowing each other for the first time but I believe our heavenly father has directed me to you as I prayed and searched over the Internet for assistance because I saw your profile on Microsoft EMAIL owners list and picked you. Be assured you stand no risk as this is my money, I and my late husband labored for it and me as the next of kin has the sole power to donate the funds to whoever I want. I am a religion women and take delight only in the things of our father in heaven and I have prayed a lot on this already and I believe so much in the manifestation of God that I know he will not fail me and I want you to know that you have to be strong in your faith as he {almighty} will surely strengthen you. My husband's relatives will misuse this fund because they have sold my entire late husbands wealth and property left behind. they have sold virtually all we have here in Solomon Island, As I am here in the hospital they are around me they wait to hear that I am dead so that they lay their hands on my last belongings here on earth, But that does not bother me because things of the earth are canal, I do not want them to know about this deposit that is why I am communicating with you only on email and I am making communication with the finance firm also who understands my predicament.

All I need is your absolute trust, commitment, confidentiality and honesty because I want to see my late husband's vision fulfilled before I leave this sinful world. My spirit directed me to you as I prayed and searched over the internet for someone to help me since I can no longer trust my family members and friends and I do not want this particular deposit to be used for things of the world. I will want you to get back to me that you will be absolutely honest about this transaction and you will use this money to the Glory of God. Also you have to assure me you will keep this transaction confidential and you will be willing to contact the finance firm which is located in EUROPE and finalize all necessary formalities as to the release of the fund to you.

I will also want to know a little more about you regarding your life, your spiritual life what you do for a living so as for me to know you well. I require your urgent response, if you are trustworthy and willing to help me finalize this transactions that i will immediately write my chamber to prepare a court injunction/power of attorney making you beneficiary to my fund ,some copy of other documents are with the finance firm as I sent it to them for safe keeping so my family members will not lay their hands on it. To prepare this document I will require your full names and address. With this document you will contact the finance firm to arrange the transfer of the fund to you. As soon as you have received the fund then you will help me set up charity or distribute it to charity organizations and hospitals. I pray to be alive when you receive this fund and start this project so that you can visit me here if you wish to.

I will be very happy if you can stand and fulfill this work of God wish you have been called to do.

Mrs. Mary
Beauregard D'Acious

Gotta reply, but wait a couple of days...?

Dear Mrs. Jones,

Thank you for your prompt reply, I apologize for not being able to respond until now. I have been doing some yard-work at my house, and I lost track of time.

As far as your questions, I will answer them as soon as I get some answers from you.

1. How did you acquire my uncle's mail address?

2. What do you want me to do?

Please respond soonest, as I will be doing some bank business soon, and I would like to make my decision as soon as I can.

Thank you, Beauregard D'Acious
Mrs. Mary

Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2012

My beloved in Christ,

May God bless you and thank you very much for your word and trust, commitment and ensuring the use of this fund to help the underprivileged, who has been my dream and my husband, I want you to know that God definitely has a purpose for this and it certainly will guide you through this noble course, even when I'm not alive, but my spirit will be with you, but always pray for me.

I have already published a letter of authorization to the finance firm in the UK, making the beneficiary for deposit. I make this decision because my time is short and I want to do without this background in the channel right before I leave this sinful world. God has led me to you and want you to know that so far have been attended to your call, will not disappoint.

I think the bank confirms my decision and I am sent back a letter of acceptance as soon as i hear back from the branch manager i will provide contact details so you can contact them for funds be released i can count on you and trust you because it is a large sum of money to you.

May God bless and please do not disappoint me, though I'm not seeing that you do like I am with you and do our best to ensure that this hope is used so its made for. It's hard to trust in you by faith is stronger than anything else and mercy will not allow you to leave this task, because everything is in your hands. We only send you bank details to communicate with the bank when you receive an email from you assured me that is well above 16 years of age and are fully prepared to take up this project wholeheartedly and promise keep all information shared with us this day and being young strictly confidential for the eyes in peace until this process is completed and the funds transferred to you in your country, when it arrives we will send the bank information to contact them and make the final order to release funds to you to get back to me as soon as convenient to the safety of loyalty as promised previously.

DON'T send scammers any of your scanned ID. Just Don't.

Your sister in the lord.Mrs. Mary Jones
Beauregard D'Acious

Let "her" sit for a few days, then an admonition and a suggestion...

Mrs. Jones,

I wrote in my last message to you, that I will be obliged to provide you with the information you requested, when you answer a couple of simple questions I asked.

1. How did you acquire my uncle's mail address?

2. What do you want me to do?

You wrote a very long letter, but I just can't figure out some of it. For example:

"...communicate with the bank when you receive an email from you..."

I can do a lot of things, but I cannot receive an email from myself, and WHY would I do something like that? It makes no sense!

"...It's hard to trust in you by faith is stronger..."

and what does THIS mean? Do you mean you can't trust me? Madam, I assure you, you can trust me to give you what you surely deserve.

I am not a young man, barely out of school, I have been in the Import/Export business with my partner for almost 10 years, so I must tell you in all sincerity, that I do not have the time to try to decipher your meaning. With my job, caring for Uncle's property, and no small amount of travel, I barely have time to vacation, much less try to understand what you say!

I realize that your grief for your late husband is probably stressing you out, but get over it. If you will write in short, concise sentences, what you want, I will appreciate it very much.

And please call me by name, you can use the shortened form of my first name, which is Beau, if it is easier for you.

Thank you, Beauregard D'Acious

To be continued? Tune in next time for the thrilling adventures of Beau D'Acious!
Till then, stay safe out there!