lewd noogie vs. the over the hill gang

The ending, April 15.

Note Lewd's classic 'I cut a better deal with someone else' ploy, and the scammers' frantic efforts to dislodge this imaginary rival, including some fascinating (inter? intra?) ethnic slams.

Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie, international hotel consultant and man about town, returns in a tale out of Three Kings.

Lewd has orchestrated many adventures here, most recently Why I Am Troletting All This Sheet and YOU ARE A THIEF BUT I WILL LIKE TO MAKE YOU A FRIEND NOW.

The Lads:
Hill Gregory - Marine Captain serving in Iraq
David West - The Barrister
Grace Wang - The Security Company Lady
and enter:
Idi Amin - Idi Amin - former Ugandan Dictator, now working as a banker in Lagos

The Lewd:
Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie - International Hotel Consultant

Always ready to help the men in uniform, Lewd jumps in to assist a marine in Iraq (who pretty much seems able to come and go as he pleases) to recover $30.2 million in terrorists' money.

Hill Gregory

Captain Hill Gregory hillgregory8@hotmail.com
X-Originating-IP: [65.54.246.202]
Tue, 06 Mar 2007

Hello,

I am Captain Hill Gregory of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace -keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq. On the 7th day of June 2006, we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not too far from Karbala here in Iraq. After Immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving seven (7) injured.

In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman al-Zawahiri and took us to acave in Karbala which served as their camp. Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $30.2M after I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted them. I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy.

I am in keen need of a “Reliable and Trustworthy” person like you who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for me up on till my assignment elapses in here in Iraq. I assure and promise to give you 30% of this fund, however feel free to negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this business..

Please assure me of your keeping this topmost secret to protect my job with the US Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission.

Contact me through my personal email

Sincere regards,
Capt.Hill Gregory.


[This is a typical Iraq letter. But you knew that.]


Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie

March 7, 2007

Captain Gregory,

My congratulations and thanks to you and your marines for the work you are doing there in Iraq. I just KNEW that those guys had nukes - you must be very proud to be the one who found them. I usually do not condone torture but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

However, I don't know how I would be able to help you with your current situation.

Keep up your excellent work.

Semper Fi,

Lewis D. Noogie



Hill Gregory

Wed, 7 Mar 2007

Hello Lewis D. Noogie,

Thanks for your mutual understanding and our benefits; the money is deposited in a security company at Kuala Lumpur City in Malaysia for safekeeping and the company has an affiliate in Netherlands and Belgium also I can instruct the company to deliver the consignment to you in Europe where you will go for collection with the certificate of deposit which I will send to you later.

Alternatively, if it would be inconvenience to you to be in Europe to claim the consignment then we have to go apply for Special Delivery to your country which might attracts an extra cost for shipment also I wants to use this opportunity to ask you if you have accepted with the sharing mode as stated on my previous mail because I don’t wants us to have misunderstanding after you received the money. So let us understand ourselves first. Furthermore, you should provide me with your details as follows below to perfect as the recipient:

1. Full name and address.
2. Direct phone number and
3. Age and marital statues.

I wait to hear from you ASAP.

Sincerely regards,
Capt. H. Gregory



Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie

March 8, 2007

Captain Gregory,

I suppose that if you just want me to receive and hold this money I don't really have a problem with that. I would, however, like to know in detail when and how I am supposed to get it to you once you have finished your tour of Iraq.

The information you requested is below:

Name and address:

Lewis D. Noogie
c/o Zayebis Hotel and Resort
7, Huisos Prospekt
Gadyukina, Kurgan Oblast,
Russian Federation

Phone No.: Tel: 7-495-964-8597

Age and Marital Status:
36, Divorced (I could tell you some real horror stories about my ex-wife if you ever want to hear them)

I look forward to hearing from you soon. By the way, my friends call me Lewd (short for Lewis D.)

Lewd



Hill Gregory

Fri, 9 Mar 2007

Attn:Lewd Noogie

Thank you for your mail and i apprecaite your respond my dear, i want you to no that your mail has made me to trust you, beacuse you will keep my funds very save with you until after the War, you are to no that we are talking about $30.2M US DOLLARS.

What i will want you to do is to send to me your full details as i state below:

1. Your Full Name:
2. Your Contact Address:
3. Your Telephone Number
: 4. Your Full Banking details
5. A copy of your Identification, via email, you can scan your Identification and send to me.

Secondly, i also want you to no that you have to contact My Legal Attorny in this matter his Name is David West, he is presently in italy,

Details:BARISTER DAVIS WEST WEST CHAMBERS AND ASSOCIATES SOLIITORS
Email: daviswestchambers@yahoo.co.uk

Contact him and tell him that i Captain Hill ask you to contact him regarding ths matter, that you are my relation and you want the funds to be wired into your bank account as soon as posible.

NotE: that the funds are Presently in A Security company in Europ.

I hope you understand, and do that as soon as you contact him, i expect to hear from you soon.

Thank you
Capt Hill G.


[Note the Lad's spelling begin to degrade as he departs from script.]


Lewd Noogie

March 9, 2007

Captain Gregory,

Being what I consider to be an astute businessman, I have to admit that there are a couple of details here that confuse me.

Number one, how were you able to move this money from Iraq to Europ? Number two, I assume we are dealing with what is essentially stolen money. I don't really have a problem with that but, assuming this is the case, why do you have an attorney involved in this? Are you absolutely sure he can be trusted with this information?

I really know very little about this deal but I'm concerned about so many people knowing about it. Would you please explain a bit more about how this money got to Europ and what the involvement of this lawyer is.

Thanks.
Lewd



Hill Gregory

Sat, 10 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd Noogie

Thank you for your mail, like i stated on my mail, the funds are no more in the cave, got a help through a Diplomats who introduced the Legal Attorney whom i mentioned to you, to help me lodge the funds in Italy. And as i write to you, i am in communication via email with the Law and i have told him that you are going to contact him, that i want the funds to be wired into your bank account without any delay.

There are no two many people involved in this transaction, the only person that nose about this funds presently is the Lawyer, and i trust him. So you have to trust him too.

Make sure you get in tuch with him and respond back to me

Thank you
Captain Hill Gregory



Lewd Noogie

March 11, 2007

Barrister West,

I am currently assisting one Captain Hill Gregory, USMC, in a financial transaction. He has asked me to contact you for further details.

I await your responds.
Lewis D. Noogie



Barrister David West

X-Originating-IP: [217.146.189.89] Mon, 12 Mar 2007

Attn: Lewd Noogie

My Name is Barrister David West, West Chambers and associate Solicitor, and I am in Vicenza Italy, where I have my Chambers, I am written you regarding the Funds amounted to $30.2 Million United State Dollars, which is presently with the Lloyds Security Company in Malaysia,

With my Communication with Captain Hill Gregory, he told me that you are his partner and he want the funds to be wired into your account, but first I have told him that the Funds will be called from Malaysia to Europe in one of the top leading bank in Europe which is Banko Millano Italy.

To affect this Sir, I will like to solicit on this matter professionally and make sure that the funds are wired into your account, without any delay. But I need these Documents to be issued by the Commission before proceeding as I mentioned below:

A letter of Power of Attorney, from the High Court in Italy
A letter of Funds Transfer from the European Union
Anti Terrorist Certificate from the European Union, to prove that the Funds are legal and not illegal, due to the Terrorist Attack all over the Europe and America.

An In Land Tax Revenue Certificate to Prove that the Funds are Tax Free A letter of Incorporation, from the Commission Office in Italy.

To prepare this entire mentioned Certificate and make the funds in your favor, I will need you to provide to me this below details:

Your Full Name:
Your Contact Address
Your Full Banking Coordinate
Age and Occupation
A copy of your Identification,Drivers Linces or International Passport or any form of Idenrification

With this above mentioned details I will prepare the Documents and send Copies to you via Fax or Email Attachment.

Lastly, to certify those above mentioned Documents………………I will need a total Sum of $8,500 US Dollars

Note: This dose not include my Legal Charges as I will take for my Legal Charges $25,000 us dollars, I will demand for my Charges as soon as the funds are wired into your bank account and you confirm to me that the funds are in your account.

To proceed on this matter urgently, I hereby advise that you send the funds via Western Union to me immediately through my Associate Solicitor

Western Union Details:

RECEIVERS NAME: MIKE NELSON.
RECEIVERS ADDRESS: VIA SALVIATTI 27, VICENZA 36100. ITALY.
(VICENZA IS THE CITY).
TEXT QUESTION: FROM
TEXT ANSWER: Noogie
YOU WILL PROVIDE THE SENDERS NAME:
SENDERS ADDRESS:
AMOUNT SENT:
AMOUNT SENT;
MTCN NUMBER:
MTCN NUMBER:

Note: kindly send payment in two installments, with the same above detail and send the MTCN NUMBER INCLUDE THE SENDERS NAME AND ADDRESS.

I will appreciate an urgent response in this matter.

Sincerely yours
Barrister David West
West Chambers and Associate Solicitors



Lewd Noogie

March 12, 2007

Barrister West,

Thank you for the information in such a timely manner.

I have to discuss this with Captain Gregory and will revert shortly,

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie



Lewd Noogie

March 12, 2007

Captain Gregory,

I'm not sure exactly what you've done but I think we're about to get screwed on this deal.

I got in tuch with that Barrister and he tells me that just to get this money is going to cost us $33,500! Hill (if I may use your first name), there's no way it can cost that much. First of all, the money is not in Europ as you thought - he's moved it to freakin' Malaysia! Did you authorize him to do that?

Now he says we have to obtain a letter of Power of Attorney, from the High Court in Italy, a letter of Funds Transfer from the European Union, an Anti Terrorist Certificate from the European Union, to prove that the Funds are legal and not illegal, due to the Terrorist attack all over the Europe and America, an In Land Tax Revenue Certificate to Prove that the Funds are Tax Free and a letter of Incorporation, from the Commission Office in Italy. I've never heard of anything like this to move money and I've moved money all over the world in the course of my business.

Hill, I hate to be blunt but this money that we're trying to move is stolen. Like I said earlier, I don't have a problem with that. Paper money would not stand up to the heat where Sadam is. But this barrister is turning out to be a bigger thief than we are.

I need your input on how we ought to handle this.

Lewd



Hill Gregory

Mon, 12 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd Noogie

Thank you for the mailnad update,ihave read through your mail and Trully the Funds are resntly in Malasia but has an Europ Clearing house in Italy,which made it more easier for us, to have the funds secure on your care.

Barrister West,also sent a copy of the mail he sent to you, and i have already told him that we will not pay his Attorny Fee or Legal Charges untilthe Funds are in your Bank Account.

So what we have to dois to make sure that the the amount for $8,500 us dollars is sent to himvia Western Union as he demanded so that he can help us get all those mentioned Documents on your name,and as soon as those Documents are Issued by the Commission in Charges in Italy, Barrister will send Copies of dose Documents to you and take the Original Copies to the Security Company in Italy, and ask themto wire the funds into your bank account immeditely.

I hope you understand,kindly wire the funds to him today as he has Directed you and send the Western Union details to him and also send to me a Copy of the Western Union Details.

Make Sure that this is done today so that he can start working by tomorrow morning.I willawait your mail.

Capt Hill Gregory



Lewd Noogie

March 12, 2007

Hill,

I've given this some thought and I think I can get us out of this for a lot less. Let me take a crack at this guy and you just back me up. If he asks you if you agree with what I tell him, just say yes.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Lewd



Hill Gregory

Mon, 12 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd Noogie

Thank you fo your timely responce, contact him nad get back to me.
thanks

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 12, 2007

Barrister West,

I have discussed your proposal with me partner, Captain Gregory, and we are in agreement that you have made some serious mistakes that we should not be obliged to pay for.

While you could have just opened an account in Captain Gregory's name right there in Italy, you instead chose to send the money to Malaysia. Now you are asking us to pay an excorbitant amount for all kinds of documents that should not be necessary. In my line of work as an International Hotel Consultant, I have transferred large amounts of money all over the world and have never once had to pay for an anti-terrorist clearance, whatever the hell that is.

You have complicated this transaction to an extreme. While we want to pay you what is reasonable and fair for your assistance, $33,500 for what cannot be more than a couple hours effort on your part approaches vampirism. Please reconsider and present us with a revised estimate.

Thank you,
Lewis D. Noogie



Barrister David West

Tue, 13 Mar 2007

Attn: Lewis D. Noogie

In acknowladgement to your mail in this matter, i write to inform you that your mail was received by me and to this matter and as a Legal Pratitional, i am a Professional in my fild and to act in matter like this, one has to follow the International Standared, to make sure that Proceedings are carried out as correct.

You said that i should have an account open for Capt Hill Gregory, in Itlay and have the Funds wired into that account.

It is the smae thing with Wiring the Funds into your bank account too,

To make this happen, i still need to prepare all the mentioned Documents on your name or on the Nmae of Capt Hill.

Dose documents will only make the funds free from Tax, and Legal.

I will not Solicit on a matter which will make me lose my Legal Certificate, i only Solicit on matters Professionally.

I have not ask you to send the total sum of $33,500 us dollars to me, but the only amount i need for the Documentations which i have already mentioned to you on my first email is $8,500 us dollars, and at the end of the Transaction witing 5 working days, the funds will be Wirede into your bank Account or Any Bank Account of your Chioce,

I hereby advise again that you use this below details to send the Money in Two Instalement, via Western Union, and send to me the Western Union Details as soon as possible.

RECEIVERS NAME: MIKE NELSON.
RECEIVERS ADDRESS: VIA SALVIATTI 27, VICENZA 36100. ITALY.
(VICENZA IS THE CITY).
TEXT QUESTION: FROM
TEXT ANSWER: Noogie
YOU WILL PROVIDE THE SENDERS NAME:
SENDERS ADDRESS:
AMOUNT SENT:$4,000
AMOUNT SENT;$4,500
MTCN NUMBER:
MTCN NUMBER:

I will edxpect to have your mail with the Money Transfer Details, as i do not wish to waste any time in this Matter.

Fiathfully Yours
Barrister David West
West Chambers



Hill Gregory

Tue, 13 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd Noogie

How are you today? i write to find out if you have communicated with Barrister Davis West, and if yes has he responded to you and what did you inform him and what is his responce.

i await your responce.

thank you
Capt Hill Gregory



Barrister David West

Tue, 13 Mar 2007

Attn: Lewd Noogie In acknowladgement to my last email to you, i write to inform you that i will not waste anytime to handle this matter professionally. all you need to do is to wire the funds for the Documentation via Western Union with this below details:

And send the funds in two instalment as i have inform you,

Western Union Details:

RECEIVERS NAME: MIKE NELSON.
RECEIVERS ADDRESS: VIA SALVIATTI 27, VICENZA 36100. ITALY.(VICENZA IS THE CITY).
TEXT QUESTION: FROM
TEXT ANSWER: Noogie
YOU WILL PROVIDE THE SENDERS NAME: SENDERS ADDRESS:AMOUNT SENT:AMOUNT SENT:MTCN NUMBER:MTCN NUMBER:

Or better still wire the funds into this below bank account via Wire Transfer or are to make this Payment before the end of today so that i can proceed actions by tomorrow morning.

Account Details:
Name of bank - UNICREDIT BANCA.
Branch - ( ZANALLETTO -City- padova. Italy.Bank
swift code.- UNCRITBYUTO
Account no.( IBAN ) - IT/53/Y/02008/012122/000020113754
Beneficiary- A.I.P

Note: Send the payment Slip of the Wire Transfer or Western Union to me as soon as you finalize wire from your end. Also send to me your full banking details, address and Phone Number, Copy to Captain Hill Gregory hill1_gregory@yahoo.co.uk

Fiathfully Yours
Barr David West
West Chambers and Associate Solicitos



Hill Gregory

Tue, 13 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

I received this mail from Barrister Davis West, read and act as regard.

Capt Hill

Note: forwarded message attached.



Lewd Noogie

March 13, 2007

Hill,

Just stand back and let me work here.

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

March 13, 2007

Barrister West,

No one is saying anything about you wasting your time but both Captain Gregory and myself don't understand your exorbitant charges for something that should be so simple. While we have no objection against paying you for actual productive time spent on this, it seems like you have gone out of your way to make this thing as complicated and expensive as possible.

It would have been quite a simple matter for you to just open an account there in Italy in Captain Gregory's name and deposit the money. Then he could have just transferred it to me. So simple. Instead, for some reason unfathomable to me, you sent it off to Malaysia. Why would you do that? And why all this paperwork?? As I'm sure I mentioned earlier, I routinely move large amounts of money all over the world and I've never had to go to any high court or deal with all this anti-terrorist crap. What's up with that?

Please reconsider your position and your charges and come back to us with something reasonable. I would also like to have the name of the establishment where Captain Gregory's funds are being held.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie



Barrister David West

Wed, 14 Mar 2007

Attn: Lewd Noogie

In acknowledgment of your mail in this matter, i respond professionally as a legal solicitor in this matter the Funds are presently with the Magnium Fujitsu Trust (Malaysia) Sdn Bhd, and the reason why the funds was taking to Malaysia, to secure it first as Capt Hill Gregory told me, that i should help him secure the funds that he is going to contact his Family Member to have the funds in it care.

Contact of the SecurityCompany:

Magnium Fujitsu Trust ( Malaysia ) Sdn Bhd
Remittance Direct
Dr.Hung Kim
Email: info_magniumtrust@myway.com

If you want me to open a Bank Account on behalf of Capt Hill Gregory secure the funds in Italy, it is no Problem i can do that, Only that i need those mentioned Documents to Lodge those funds in Italy.

Like i have told you it is the same process it will take even if i have to Wire the Funds to you direct.
But what i will i advise hear is this, to prepare the Documentation will cost $8,500 us dollars, personally i will bring out my own funds of $2,500 us Dollars and you send the balance of $6,000 US DOLLARS. I hope that is okay by you.

You can send the Money via Western Union to me with the Details i sent to you, alright, send the Money in two installments.

I will be on my way to the Court and will hope to read your mail when i return.

Faithfully your
Barrister David west



Barrister David West

Wed, 14 Mar 2007

ATTN: LEWD NOOGIE

I WRITE TOLET YOU NO THAT I AMBACK FROM THE COURT AS I TOLD YOU AND I AM STILL EXPECTINMG TO READ YOUR MAIL, RESPOND ACCORDINGLY

FAITHFULLY YOURS
BARRISTER DAVID WEST



Lewd Noogie

March 14, 2007

Barrister West,

I have received your latest correspondence and I and Captain Gregory will consider it and get back to you soon.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie



Lewd Noogie

March 14, 2007

Hill,

I've been bickering with that sheister barrister and I got him to knock $2,500 off the bill. I think he knows he screwed up and I think I can get him down even further.

I've also got another idea to explore. He sent me the address of the name of the institution where he put your money and I'm going to contact them directly. Please scan and send me any paperwork that West sent you regarding the account. I need to know what type of account he set up and also I want to confirm that he put ALL your money in. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he skimmed a million or two off the top before he deposited it.

Send me the documents and I'll let you know how things go.

Lewd



Hill Gregory

Wed, 14 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd Noogie

Thank you for your mai, and The Documents i have is in the Camp, and i cannot go there know since i am still at the Front, i hope you understand In Iraq.

The name of the Security Company is:
Magnium Fujitsu Trust ( Malaysia ) Sdn Bhd
Email: info_magniumtrust@myway.com
Dr.Hung Kim
Remittance Directors

And the Total sum which he was suppose to deposit is $30.2 Million US DOLLARS, and the account information s below:

Security name: Magnium Fujitsu Trust ( Malaysia ) Sdn Bhd
Deposited Amount: $30.2 Million US DOLLARS
Account Number: 0098-563-100-0001
Swift Code: MFT 1172000085
Fund Beneficary: Name: Capt Hill Gregory
Funds Domat Account:
Security Code: Hill-00722
Answer: David West

Those are the information i have, You can contact the Company and also contact Barrister Davis West as you said.

Thank you for making him come down with $2,500 dollars,

I will expect your mail soon.
Thank you
Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 14, 2007

Hill,

Thanks for the information. Let me see what I can do.

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

March 15, 2007

Attn: Mr. Hung Kim

Mr. Kim,

By way of introduction, my name is Lewis D. Noogie. I am an International Hotel Consultant, currently consulting to a hotel here in Gadyukina, Russia. I also represent one Captain Hill Gregory, USMC, currently stationed in Iraq, and an account holder with your institution.

We are investigating the transfer of Captain Gregory's funds to another account and we would like to know what the requirements are to do so.

We appreciate any information you can provide.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie



Grace Wang

info_magniumtrust@myway.com X-Originating-IP: [207.159.120.58] Wed, 14 Mar 2007

Attention: Lewis D. Noogie

The Magnium Fujitsu Trust and Security Company, write to certify your mail, in our Security record, we have funds deposited by One Barrister David West of West Chambers and Associate Solicitors who is an International Legal Practitioner, those funds are meant for One Captain Hill Gregory, a Military Officer who is said presently in Iraq .

In your request of investigation, we will furnish you will the details you are to have from us, Those funds are presently in our Code account which is noon as a Doormat account, and the account number and amount deposited is below this mail:

Account Number: 0098-563-100-0001
Swift Code: MFT 1172000085
Fund Beneficiary: Name: Capt Hill Gregory
Funds Doormat Account: I will not disclose
Security Code: Answer: I will not disclose
Sum: $30.2 Million United State Dollars

And if these funds will be wired into any bank account of the World True or Security Company, we will demand this information’s below:

A Copy of Letter of Power of Attorney, from the High Court
Anti Terrorist Certificate from the European Union,(E.U)
An In Land Tax Revenue Certificate
A letter of Incorporation, from the Commission

Due to the Malaysian Government Policy, Those are the information I can give to you. Regarding Captain Hill Gregory Funds in our Security Company

Sincerely
Grace Wang
Customer Care Services



Barrister David West

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

ATTN: LEWD NOOGIE

I WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT I AM STILL EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS YOU HAVE PROMISED.

FAITHFULLY YOURS
BARRISTER DAVID WEST



Barrister David West

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

ATTN: LEWIS NOOGIE

IN RESPONSE TO YOUR LAST EMAIL TO ME, I RECEIVED A MAIL FROM THE SECURITY COMPANY IN MALASIA WHERE THE FUNDS BELONGING TO YOUR COUSIN CAPT HILL GREGORY, WAS LODGED.

THEY CONTACTED ME ASKING IS I NO WHO YOU ARE THAT YOU CONTACTED THEM REQUESTION FOR THE DETAILS OF THE FUNDS AND THE DEPOSIT.

AND I RESPONED BACK SAYING THAT I NO LEWIS NOOGIE, THAT YOU ARE A COUSIN TO CAPT HILL GREGORY.

RESPOND TO ME AS URGENT.

FAITFULLY YOUS
BARRISTER DAVID WEST



Lewd Noogie

March 15, 2007

Barrister West,

I have to ask - why on earth would you tell the security company that I'm Captain Gregory's cousin?!? What were you thinking?? Not only have you got this thing completely dicked up from the beginning, now you're making it WORSE! I haven't mentioned this to the Captain yet but I can tell you that he ain't gonna be pleased.

I am confident that I can see farther down the road in these matters than you can and I'm telling you not to do anything else until I give you instructions to.

I will discuss this with Hill and get back to you. He is gonna be so pissed.

Lewis D. Noogie



Lewd Noogie

March 15, 2007

Hill, we have a problem.

I don't know how you picked that barrister but he's either an idiot or this is the biggest public screwing since the Sabine women got it.

He told that security company that I'm your cousin! Let me tell you something - we're dealing with stolen money here but once you put it out into the mainstream you have to maintain strict honesty. I knows about these things because I've skimmed a few rubbles in my time. When we're dealing with financial institutions we have to be completely upfront. Many of these places can find out anything if they put their minds to it.

My suggestion is we get a new lawyer but I'm open to any ideas that you have.

Lewd



Barrister David West

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie,

I am still expecting your update, have you contacted the Security Company, What did they say kindly get back to me as soon as posisble, i am answers to hear from you

Capt Hill



Barrister David West

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

Attn:Lewd Noogie,

I have your mail and will not take any insult from you as a legal solicitor, what i did was not wrong, because your partner Capt Hill told me that his Cosin is going to contact me in this matter, that was before you contacted me, he refferenced you as his relations, so you dont have to blame me over that, moreover i dont see any thing wrong in this matter.

I beleive that your Communication with the Security Company, was to find out if i am hidding anything, Please i will not want to be insulted in any way. I was the same person who assisted Capt Hill, to keep his funds save and i am willing to help him transfer the funds to any country or any bank account of his chioce.

I understand that you are not happy with the way i told you about the $8,500 us dollars, i said that i am going to use my own personal funds of $2,500 us dollars and you can wire the Balance, But if that will be a Problem for you all you need to do is to tell me, Barrister This is how much i can come up with and at the end of the transaction i can pay the balance includiong my legal charges of $25,000 us dollars.

You are to no that i am an Internatiuonal Lawyer and you can also need my Services some day, maybe after thsi transaction. Below is a Copy of my Identification

Barrister David West
West Chambers and Associate Solicitors
Italy


[He's got to be dicking with me; he attaches a picture of Gregory Peck!]


Hill Gregory

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

Dear

I have just received your mail and I am sorry for all the bull shit, it was my folt, i was the person who told Barrister West, that my cousin, is going to contact him so that he would not have any evil plans on the funds,

More over, the Information i gave i hope there are currect or did the Company have any extral Informations.

I will not want us to get any other Lawyer, because the funds was lodged by Barrister west, in that Company, dont you think that they will contact him and he will scrow us up, we have to be on a save side and have the funds poaid into your banmk account.

Since Barrister is already on this matter, i think we should allow him finalize it Professonally. I am still on my waiting for your mail

Capt Hill



Hill Gregory

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

I have just received this mail from Barrister West, please read and tell me what you think Capt Hill

Note: forwarded message attached.



Lewd Noogie

March 15, 2007

Hill,

I want to explain something to you - any time I take on a business venture with a partner, I always try to look out for both of us. If a deal goes south, I try to maku sure that we both come out as whole as possible. I watch your back, Homes, and I hope you are watching mine. Word up.

That said, this barrister is trying to hose us. We need to get rid of him because he doesn't know what he's doing. Hill, it would have been so simple for him to deposit your money in a bank account and then all we would have to do is a simple online transfer to my account. The position he now has us in is regoddamdiculous.

Look, I am never against paying someone for helping me. If this guy had said that he deposited this monsy in an account and it took him eight hours and he charges a hundred dollars an hour for his services, I'm down with that. But to come up with all these mythical documents that we need to obtain for these obscene prices, that's too much.

I really think we need to fire this guy's ass and get a new lawyer. What do we have to do to get one? Do you want me to try to find one?

Get back to me.
Lewd



Hill Gregory

Thu, 15 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

I have read your mail, and i will ot be in support for us to get another lawyer, please i am a Military officier and will not want anything that will give me a bad name or give you a bad name, reading the last email from Barrister West you will understand that he is a gentile man and he noise his job, pleaselet us still use him.

All you need to do is to ask him how much we can offer him, since he has mentioned that to us on his last email which i forwarded to you.

Better still you can send the Money via Western Union to him with the Western Union details he sent to you and tell him that is the amount we can give him.To proceed action and also give him the Bank Account where he can wire the funds into.

I think it is okay like that, from the First email he sent to you the Western Union details are stated on that email you can use that i send the Amount that is due for him so that he can completethe Balance with his personal funds, which we will pay him back at the end of the Transaction including his Legal fees.

This is the Western Union Details Barrister David Provided to you, which he also forwradedto me:

Western Union Details:
RECEIVERS NAME: MIKE NELSON.
RECEIVERS ADDRESS: VIA SALVIATTI 27, VICENZA 36100. ITALY.
(VICENZA IS THE CITY).
TEXT QUESTION: FROM
TEXT ANSWER: Noogie
YOU WILL PROVIDE THE SENDERS NAME:
SENDERS ADDRESS:
AMOUNT SENT:
MTCN NUMBER:

I hope i am clear with my explanation to you.
Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 16, 2007

Hill,

Let me ask you something - when is your tour of duty in Iraq complete and when do you plan to return to the US?

Lewd



Barrister David West

Fri, 16 Mar 2007

Attn:Lewd Noogie

I write to inform you that i am still expecting to have the Western Union details from you as soon as possible.

Barrister David west



Lewd Noogie

March 17, 2007

Barrister West,

Captain Gregory and I are currently exploring several options for completing this transfer. We will revert when we have made a final decision.

Please be patient.

Lewis D. Noogie



Hill Gregory

Fri, 16 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

I received your mail and my ture of Duty depends on the call of time from Iraq which i dont no yet, my plane to leave Iraq depend on me, i can call off duty from Iraq immeditely my Funds are on your care,

I hope you understand. Why do you ask?

Capy Hill


[Attention, American soldiers in Iraq - apparently you guys can split anytime you want...]


Lewd Noogie

March 17, 2007

Hill,

I have to ask - if you can leave that place any time you want, why are you staying there? If that's the case, why don't you just leave, go to Malaysia where your money is and take it? Do you really even need me in all of this? I mean, I don't mind helping you, even if it means working with that idiot barrister, but you could probably do this by yourself. I just don't want you to have to spend money that you don't need to spend.

Lewd



Hill Gregory

Sat, 17 Mar 2007

Dear

Thank you for your mail and i appreciate your responce, You should understand that i am in Iraq and before i leave this place i have to make sure that my funds are already with you that i can trust. Not leaving hear is my Problem, but i will still need all those Documents to clear mt Funds that is why I need Barrister West to handly this transaction and have the funds wired into your account.

And i trust taht you can help me out in this matter.

All you can do for me know is to send $2,500 us dollars to Barrister West and i have to my Self, $1,000 us dollars i will also send that to him today so that it will be a total amount of $3,500 us dollars and let Barrister West, add his own personal funds of $5,000 us dollars to complete this transaction for us.

I hope you understand my dear good Friend.

I will send the Mooney to him in less than 1hr and you can also send your two to him.

But you have to promised me that as soon as my funds are in your care you have to fix the funds save and inform me that the funds are with you, then i can join you anywere you are to discuss about investments plans,

After then i will quickly come ack to Iraq and Communicate with the Head of Inteligents in the US, to discuss my return and Possibly Resign my from my Duty and both of us can manage mt funds.

Kindly act as i have ask you to, send the Money to him via Western Union today, like you no we dont have to drag this matter two much my good friend. I trust that you will sned the Money to him today. Update me with the Western Union details for my own record.

Capt Hill



Hill Gregory

Sat, 17 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie,

Like i have told you i have sent the $1000 us dollars to Barrister West David, Associate, in Italy through the Western Union details he provided, the MTCN NUMBER 4370065771 annd i have contacted him to pick up the Money and i also tld him that you ae going to send $2,500 us dollars to him.

Also update me with the Western Union detail for my own record.

thank you
Capt hill



Barrister David West

Sat, 17 Mar 2007

Attn: Capt Hill and Noogie

I Barrister david West, has received your mail and i have collected the Money you sent via Western Union through my Solicitor Mike Nelson, $1000 us dollars, and i am expecting the balance of $2,500 dollars from you, as you have pleeded that i should add my own person funds of $5,000 us dollars as soon as i get the balance of $2,500 Twenty Five Hundree Dollars from you i will proceed with the Documentation imeditely and have your funds wired into the account of Lewd Noogie,which i am still expecting to have.

I will appreciate to have all details as i have demanded so that i can finalise everything as soon as possible before the end of next week, the funds should be in the bank account of Lewd Noogie.

Faithfully Yours
Barr. David West



Hill Gregory

Sat, 17 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie,

I have just received this email from Barrister West, and will like you to see what you can do to complete the funds for $2,500 for me so that he can wire the funds into your bank account,and also dont forget to send a bank account of your chioce that you are in controlof to him.

Capt hill

Note: forwarded message attached.



Lewd Noogie

March 18, 2007

Hill,

I told you I could get that jerkoff lawyer to come down to a reasonable amount. $3,500 isn't too bad, is it? Do you want me to push him to drop his price some more? I'm pretty sure I could get him to come down another $1,000 if I lean on him some more. Let me know if you want me to try.

Since we're in a reasonable price range now, we need to start thinking about where to meet after this money is transferred. I can pretty much meet you anywhere - where's a good place?

Lewd



And on into April:

[The story picks up where we left off. Enter Idi Amin - Former Ugandan Dictator, Now Working as a Banker in Lagos.]

Captain Hill Gregory

Sun, 18 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

Thank youfor your mail,and i appreciate your responce, i will appreciate if we can meet at Mexico or in Agetina at the end of this transaction i hope it is okay by you, but if itis not okay by you kindly tell me wherei will meet with you at the end of or transaction.

Moreso, you can go ahead and sned the Western Union to him, i beleive you have his details same detailsi used in sending Money to Barrister West Yesterday, you can sned the $2,500 to him please dont waste anytime about that please so that he can proceed action by tomorrow and also send a Banking details to him where he will wire the funds into too.

I expect your mail in the next 2hr. With the Western Union details and also send a Copy to Barrister too.

Please dont forget to use the Western Union details he sent to us Mike Nelson Address: Italy you can find that on the first email he sentto you, which he copied me.

I hope to see your mail
CaptHill



Lewd Noogie

March 18, 2007

Hill,

Ok, if you think we ought to go with $3,500 I'll send that guy the money. There's no Western Union here in Gadyukina so I'll have to do an online transfer to the account he gave me. Let me get an invoice from him tomorrow and I'll get the money to him tomorrow night.

Well, we're very close to having this finished, my friend. I've never been to Agetina so it's ok by me if that's where you want to meet. I hope you don't mind if I bring a friend along. I date a girl here at the hotel, an East German massage therapist. Her name is Olga and she's an Anya Kornikova look-alike, only about six inches shorter and 250 lbs heavier. She's really a beautiful girl and she's always wanted to visit Agetina.

I'll get a letter off to the barrister requesting that invoice tonight.

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

March 18, 2007

Barrister West,

While I still think your charges are totally out of line, Captain Gregory has persuaded me to comply with your request.

As there is no Western Union here in Gadyukina I will have to do an online transfer to the account that you sent previously. Please provide me with an invoice for the amount requested, stating the services and/or documents we are paying for. Please ensure that the invoice will satisfy a Class-III audit requirement.

Once I have received the invoice I will transfer US$ 2,500 to your account. Captain Gregory is anxious to conclude this transaction so I hope you can get this to me tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie



Barrister David West

Sun, 18 Mar 2007

ATTN:LEWIS NOOGIE

I HAVE JSUT RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL AND YOU DONT HAVE ANY INVOICE TO WIRE THE $2,500 US DOLLARS INTO THE BANK ACCOUNT I HAVE TO YOU, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TOTAL TAKE THE FUNDS TO YOUR BANK AND WIRE THE FUNDS DIRECT VIA OR YOU DO AN ONLINE WIRE AND SEND THE PAYMENT SLIP TO ME.

OR YOU SEND THE MONEY VIA MONEY GRAM AND SEND THE CONTROL NUMBER TO ME, IF THERE IS NO MONEY GRAM FROM YOUR END AS YOU MENTIONED.

AS SOON AS I HAVE THE FUNDS RECEIVED I WILL ISSUE A PAYMENT RECEIPT TO YOU OR AN INVOICE OF $3,500 US DOLLARS AND SEND IT VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT TO YOU AND CAPT HILL.

I HOPE THIS SI CLEAR SIR,

FAITHFULY YOURS
BARRISTER DAVID WEST



Captain Hill Gregory

Sun, 18 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

Thank you for your mail and i have also received a mail from Barrister which is below this email, Barrister explaned that he will only send an Invoice after he received the funds, he will issue an invoice amounted to $3,500 us dollars. Which i think is not bad at all, alli wnat is for him to have our funds wired into any account of your choice, so that i can proceed and with weet you in Agetina,

Regarding your mail, you can come to Agentina, with your Girl Friend, no problem as long as i trust you and she is a Good Person, because i will trust any body that comes with you,so that you and i can see each other.

We are very close to meet with each other.

Kindly wire the funds $2,500 to Barrister as he requested via the Money Gram or the Bank Account he has provided. Let him commence action as soon as possible.

I cannot wait tomeet with you soonand your Girl Friend soon.

I hope to hear from you soon.
Capt Hill
Note: forwarded message attached.



Lewd Noogie

March 19, 2007

Barrister West,

I believe, sir, that you misread my last email. I'm not asking you for a receipt, I'm asking you for an invoice. I expect a receipt from you once you have received the $2,500. Surely you don't expect me to pay without being invoiced. I have to pay this with company funds and if it were found that I had an expenditure without an invoice my ass would be in a sling.

Please send as an email attachment so that I can get this paid and finished.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie



Lewd Noogie

March 19, 2007

Hill,

I think that both you and the barrister misread my last email. I wasn't asking for a receipt, I was asking for an invoice. I'm sure you understand how I can't pay the $2,500 without it.

If West gets it to me today I'll do the transfer to him tonight.

I think you'll like Olga and she's very trustworthy. While I'm thinking about it, are you married? The reason I ask is that she has a younger sister, Oxnard, who is currently available. She's a tad heavier than Olga but still cute. Sort of. Do you want me to see if she'd like to come to Agentina?

Let me know.
Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Mon, 19 Mar 2007

My Good Friend,

I have your mail and i have contacted Barrister to Write an Invoice regading the funds we are paying to him and he said no problem taht he is going to issue an invoice amount to $3,500 us dollars, has he contacted you?

Capt Hill



Barrister David West

Mon, 19 Mar 2007

ATTN: LEWD NOOGIE

RESPECT OF YOUR MAILTOME SIR,I HEREBY WRITE ISSUE YOUR INVIOCE STATING THE $1,000 US DOLLARS AND THE $2,500US DOLLARS TO MAKE UP TO $3.500 US DOLLARS, AS YOU AS YOU WIRE THE FUNDS INTO MY A.I.P BANK ACCOUNT IN ITALYKINDLY SEND THE PAYMENT SLIP TO ME SO THAT I CAN CONFIRM THE PAYMENT INTO MY ACCOUNT AND I WILL PROCEED ACTION IMMEDITELY, DO NOT FORGET TO ALSO SEND TO ME THE BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THE FUNDS WILL BE WIRED INTO.

I WILL EXPECT THE PAYMENT SLIP FROM YOU SIR.

FAITHFULLY YOURS
BARRISTER DAVID WEST



Captain Hill Gregory

Mon, 19 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

, Barrister has sent the invoice to you, and he sent a Copy to me, you ask me a question yes i am married but my wife left me because of the War in Iraq, if your Girl Friends Sister is Beutiful as you said you can come with her, as long as you can trust her. I will wait your mail

Capt Hill
Note: forwarded message attached.



Captain Hill Gregory

Mon, 19 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

, I have been expecting tohear from you my good friend and a trusted partner,i hope you are fine and okay, i hope to read your mail soon.

Thank You
Capt Hill



Captain Hill Gregory

Tue, 20 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

How are you today? i expected to hear from you but no mail from you have you sent the $2,500 to Barrister Davis West asyou promised?

I need to hear from you urgently.

Thank you
Capt Hill



Barrister David West

Tue, 20 Mar 2007

ATTN: LEWD NOOGIE

REGARDING YOUR REQUEST OF AN INVOICE YESTERDAY I HAVE SENT IT TO YOU AND I AM STILL EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. WITH THE PAYMENT SLIP SO THAT I CAN CALL MY BANK TO VERIFY THE WIRE TRANSFER OF $2,500 DOLLARS, AS SOON AS IT IS VERIFIED I WILL PROCEED ON THE DOCUMENTATION IMMEDITELY AND HAVE THE TOTAL FUNDS WIRED INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT IMMEDITELY.

ON YOUR RESPONSE BACK TO ME ALSO SEND THE BANKING DETAILS WERE YOU WANT THE FUNDS TO BE WIRED INTO.

FAITHFULLY YOURS
BARR. DAVID WEST



Lewd Noogie

March 21, 2007

Barrister West,

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner but the internet has been down here at the hotel. It's back up this morning and I should be able to transfer the $2,500 this morning.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie.



Lewd Noogie

March 21, 2007

Hill,

The internet has been down here for the past two days and I haven't been able to get anything done. It seems to be ok now and I'll make the transfer to the barrister's account this morning after my staff meeting.

My geometry really sucks - where is the best place to meet in Agetina? Have you been there before? What city do we fly into? Should we be making reservations for flights and hotels at this time?

Let me know.
Lewd


[As so often happens, life and job demand precedence over modalities. Gonna have to ignore this/these clowns for awhile...]


Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 21 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

My Good Friend and a Trusted Brother, i have your mail and please dont fail to wire the funds today as you promised and send a Copy of the payment slip to me and also send a Copy to Barrister.

Like i hvae told you we will meet at Angetina, let us meet at this Hotel of i have been there before that was some years ago and they have good services.

Park Hyatt MendozaChile
1124 MENDOZA AGENTINA
TEL:+54 2614411234
IT HAS ABOUT 186 ROOM AND IT RAITES GOSE FROM $110-195

I will expect to hear from you soon.

Capt Hill Gregory



Barrister David West

Wed, 21 Mar 2007

ATTN:LEWD NOOGIE

REGARDING YOUR MAIL TO, I WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT I AM WAITING TOHAVE THE PAYMENT SLIP FROM YOU SO THAT I CAN CONTACT MY BANK OFFICIER REGARD THE WIRE TRANSFER.

BARR. DAVID WEST



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 22 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

, What is going on, i am still expecting to hear from you, you are delaying this trasnaction,get back to me soon.

Capy hill



Barrister David West

Thu, 22 Mar 2007

ATTN: LEWD NOOGIE

RESPECT TO YOUR LAST EMAIL, YOU PROMISED GETTING BACK TO ME WITH THE PAYMENT DETAILS I AM AWAITING FOR YOUR RESPONCE

BARR. DAVID WEST



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 22 Mar 2007

Brother

What is going on, i hope you are fine health wise, i am very worried at you, i need Barrister to Proceed on the Documentation, i need to hear from you

Capt hill



Barrister David West

Thu, 22 Mar 2007

ATTN:LEWD NOOGIE

REGARDING YOUR LAST EMAIL,YOU PROMISED MAKING THE WIRE TRANSFER FROM YOUR COMPUTER VIA ONLINE, SO WHAT IS HOLDING THE TRANSFER.

I NEED TO PROCEED ACTION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND HAVE THE TOTAL FUNDS WIRED TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WHICH YOU WILL PROVIDE TO ME

BARRISTER DAVID WEST



Captain Hill Gregory

Fri, 23 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

What is going on?



Captain Hill Gregory

Sat, 24 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd,

What has happened to you, you dont cotact me anymore? i expect to hear from you soon.

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 25, 2007

Hill,
Hang on a bit. The internet has been all hosed up here the past few days and I have new information. Stall the barrister.



Captain Hill Gregory

Mon, 26 Mar 2007

My Brother and Good Friend,

I have your mail and i have also sent barrister David West an email respect of your mail to me, Kindly see what you ca do as soon as possible.

Get ack to me soo.
Capt Hil



Barrister David West

Mon, 26 Mar 2007

ATTN:LEWD NOOGIE

RESPECT OF THE EMAIL I RECEIVED FROM CAPTAIN HILL GREGORY, HE SAID THAT YOU ARE STILL WORKING ON YOUR COMPUTER INTERNET, I WILL APPRECIATE IF YOU FACILITATE THE WIRE TRANSANFER SO THAT I CAN FINALIZE THE DOCUMENTATION AND ALSO SEND THE PAYMENT SLIP TO ME AS SOON AS YOU WIRE THE FUNDS AND INCLUDE YOUR BANKING DETAILS WHERE THE FUNDS WILL BE WIRED INTO.

FAITHFULLY YOURS
BARR. DAVID WEST



Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 28 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

, How are youb today? i write tolet you no that you are the won delaying this transaction,kindly wire the funds today and send the payment Slip to Barister David West, also getback tome with details.

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 28, 2007

Hill,

Sorry again for taking so long to get back to you but the people who came here to repair the satellite dish we use for internet and telephone aparently aimed it at the wrong galaxy. I think it's ok now but around here you never know.

Anyhow, I have good news. I got an email a few days ago from a Mr. Amin, a banker in someplace called Legos. He's got our money and the only thing I can figure is either that bunch in Malaysia or that twit barrister moved it there. Either way, I think somebody was trying to hide it from us. Mr. Amin contacted me and told me what we have to do to get it out of his bank. Oh, and by the way, it's up to almost $35 million now. He said he put in into an interest bearing account. I tell you, this guy is sharp.

I went ahead and sent him the $300 to set up an account in his bank. I'll get that back once the money is transferred to that account.

I should hear back from him tomorrow and I'll let you know how it goes but I think we'll have the money by the middle of next week.

Good stuff, huh?

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 28 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd,

I had your mail and i thing that you have just been scamed of $300 i dont no him and the only person who no about this transaction is Barrister David West, so what did you do you would have contacted me for an advise, my funds are with the bank in Malaysia. I dont no what you ae talking about, all you need to do is to wire the amount we need to complete our transaction to Barrister West in Italy.

You have just been scamed by on Nigerian, i dont no who this person Mr. Amin is okay and i dont no what you are talking about.

Get back tome with the Payment Slip

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 28, 2007

Hill, you're wrong. Mr. Amin knows everything about this deal. I asked him if he had your name and he said yes. I asked him if he knew of barrister West and he said yes. I asked him if he received the money from Malaysia and he said yes. Hill, I'm telling you that this barrister is screwing us.

Can you get your $1,000 back from him?

Get back to me.
Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 28 Mar 2007

Dear Noogie

, I remembered you said that there is no Western union in your state, and more over my funds are not in Nigeria or with the so called Amin, i have also contacted the Bank in Malaysia, and they said that my funds are still with them that Barrister David West, sent them a mail on Monday saying that he is proccessing the Documentation and he will also give them a Banking Details were the funds will be wired into and before the funds will be wired they should contact me to me sure that i have recommended that bank account, before they will make the trasnfer,

I will advise that you stop the payment you have made to this Nigerian okay, i dont have any business to do with him in anyway.

Capt Hill Gregory



Lewd Noogie

March 29, 2007

Hill,

First of all, Mr. Amin is not Nigerian - he tells me he's originally from Uganda where he used to be a high government official before he went into banking.

Secondly, I'm telling you he knows everybody involved in this deal. How could he know this stuff if he wasn't involved?

And I didn't understand your comment about Western Union. What I told you before is correct, there is no Western Union here in Gadyukina. So what?

Look, this transaction is finally coming to a conclusion. I have to pay a $450 transaction fee to have the money moved to the account I opened in Legos but I'll get that taken care of today. After that, I see no reason why I can't just go ahead and transfer the money to my Latvian account. I think the middle of next week still looks good to have this thing finished.

Have you talked to West about getting your money back?

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 29 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd,

I have your mail andiam not part of what you are doing with Mr. Amin, okay like i have told you my funds are with the Bnak in Malaysia, this guy is scamming you please stay away from him. You will come back and tell me that i told you.

I have contacted Barrister David est, and he said that my Funds are still intact, he is the only person that can give an instruction to move my funds.

So i dont no



Barrister David West

Thu, 29 Mar 2007

Attn:Lawd Noogie

Regarding the last emaili received from Capt Hill, he said that one Mr. Amin, told you that he nose about Capy Hill funds,and he has moved the funds fromthe bank of deposit in Malasia to Lagos Nigeria,

While i was expecting tohave the payment slip from you to finalize Documentation so that i can wire the funds to your destination,

I will advise that you contact the Bank in Malasia to no the truth, before you proceed further.

Faithfully Yours
Barrister David West



Lewd Noogie

March 29, 2007

Hill, are you nuts?? You gave that barrister the information I discovered?? Dude, have you been drinking enough water over there?

Hill, it seems that I can't even trust you to help out on this just by keeping your mouth shut. What I gave you was confidential information, for your eyes only, and now you've blown it. This is fulking ponderous.

Look, do this - write to Mr. Amin at iamindada@****.com and get the truth straight from him. He can explain the whole thing. I've already invested $735 on your behalf and the least you can do is find out what's really going on. AND DON'T TALK TO THAT BARRISTER ANYMORE!

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 29 Mar 2007

Dear Lawd,

What is going on with you, you are sending Money to someone i dont have any business to do with, some who dose not no anything about me or have my funds with him,

Barrister DAVID WEST, sent this mail to me which you sent to him



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 29 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd,

Send all the payment details of the Money you sent to Mr. Amin, include the name and address you used in sending money to him, i need those details as soon as possible.

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

March 30, 2007

Hill,

I sent the money to Mr. Amin's via wire transfer. I don't know why you need it but here is his bank information:

CitiBank - New York
Swiftcode: CITI US33
Credit to: Bank of Cyprus
Swiftcode: BCYPCY2N030
Favor; West Falia Finance LTD
Account Number: USD 0385-40-06-074094

Mr. Amin informed me yesterday that everything is proceeding smoothly, and with exception of a small tax issue to be solved, everything is taken care of. He will get back to me today on what we have to do about the tax thing.

Relax, my friend. You just focus on staying safe over there until I get this deal finished. Start thinking about Agetina and how much fun we'll have there. Oh, and I still suggest you not talk anymore with that thief barrister.

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Fri, 30 Mar 2007

Dear Lewd My brother

This guy Amin, is a Scammer i am telling you the truth, please stop communication with him Barrister David West, has told us what to do and my funs are still with the bank in Malasia, i dont no why this person is claming to be what he is not, you will see that he will tell you to pay another big money for TAX,

Barrister David is the only perosn i trust about thsi transaction and i also trust you as my driend and Brother. but my Advise is stop communication with this Amin.

I have told you

Get abck to me soon.
capt hill



Lewd Noogie

April 2, 2007

Hill,

Hill, I'm telling you this guy Amin is the real deal. There is no need to be concerned.

Ok, this is where we're at - Mr. Amin said we owe a tax bill of $3,200. However, he has arranged a for a foreign tax credit of $1,950, bringing what we owe down to $1,250. I told you this guy is sharp!I'm gonna have to do some creative financing to come up with that amount but I think I can get it to him tomorrow. This should be the last step before the money is transferred to my Latvian account.

Have you started making plans yet for leaving Iraq? I think week after next will work for me. Let me know.

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Mon, 2 Apr 2007

Dear Lawd,

I think that you are out of your mind my Good Friend, that the Hell are you talking about, my dear, are you Creazy? Read the mail you sent to me, you have already sent $735 us dollars to this Mr. Amin, whom has been laying to you, and know you want to send another Money to him amount to $1,250 if you put this bills together how much is that , you are talking of $1,985 and the only thing that need to Finalize our transaction is only $2,500 us dollars, when will you understand what you are doing.

If you continue with this Mr., Amin, then you are on your own, until you come back to your Mind then we can communicate.

Note: You better contact Barrister David West, to continie our transaction as soon as posible.and stop any communication with this Amin Guy

Thank you
Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

April 2, 2007

Hill,

I know that from there in Iraq you can't see everything that's going on but I'm telling you that this is the way to go. This guy Amin is sharp and he's a nice guy to work with, not like that dickhead West.

Look, we're almost finished with this. I've figured out how to get the $1,250 to him tomorrow or early the next day and then we're home free. We're gonna be 2 rich dudes!

You didn't mention anyting about leaving Iraq.
Lewd



Grace Wang

Mon, 2 Apr 2007

Magnium Fujitsu Trust and Security Company
Attention: Lewis D. Noogie

The Magnium Fujitsu Trust and Security Company, write to notify you that the funds belonging to Captain Hill Gregory, who is recently in Iraq is still in our Vote account, and Barrister David West, has also contacted us asking if the funds are still with us, and i have confirmed to him YES, the funds are with us and we have been expecting to hear from you, after your requested detail.

Secondly, we also understand that someone has been contacting you saying that the funds belonging to Capt Hill Gregory, has been taking away from our bank to another country Nigeria, by one AMIN, you should understand that you are to disregard every conversation with that AMIN, we do not no who he is or have any dealings with him.

The only person who has powers to call the Funds is only Barrister David West, because he is the person who deposited those funds in our VOTE account, and he most have an Authority Letter from Capt Hill, after submitting all the Necessary Document required.

The Magnium Fujitsu Trust and Security Company, expect your response in this matter.

Sincerely
Grace Wang
Customer Care Services



[Hill decides to take matters into his own hands and go after that scammin' Amin guy...]

Captain Hill Gregory

Tue, 3 Apr 2007

Attn:Mr. Amin

I write to inform you that you have to stop every communication with Mr. Lewd Noogie, you clam to have taking my funds fromthe bank were it was deposited in Malasia, and have it in your bank in Africa Nigeria, i dont no who you are and i have not had any communication with you or what so ever, so i advise that you stop,

All you are doing is to still my partners money Lewd Noogie, stop that this moment,

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

April 4, 2007

What the hell are you doing writing to Mr. Amin like that? Have you completely lost it? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

Hill, you can't talk to people like that in a business relationship. You have to remember that he could delay us getting your money if you piss him off. Jeez, don't do that anymore.

I'll try to smooth this over but I think a letter of apology from you would be in order. He knows you're fighting in Iraq and maybe if I tell him you're suffering from combat fatigue he'll understand.

Don't do that!

Lewd



Idi Amin

(to Captain Gregory)

April 4, 2007

Get away from Noogie OKO-OKO.



Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 4 Apr 2007

Read what your mad Nigerian Friend sent to me my dear Friend, please top every communication with this person.

He is a Fraud i have told you

Note: forwarded message attached.


[Hill tries to rat out Mr. Amin by forwarding his email to me. Is there no honor among these guys?]


Lewd Noogie

April 4, 2007

Hill,

I questioned Mr. Amin about his correspondence with you and he tells me that you apparently misunderstood his meaning. He said that he wrote a much longer email and that possibly it didn't all get through. When I questioned him about the meaning of OKO-OKO he explained it's a Ugandan word that means 'remain blessed'. Since he was being polite it all sounds pretty harmless.

He informs me that everything is right on schedule and that as soon as I make the tax payment everything will be finalized for the transfer. Our network here has been acting up again but I'm going to try and take care of the payment this evening. I should be letting you know anytime that I have your money. Stay close to your computer.

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 4 Apr 2007

Dear Noogie Lewd

I contacted the Nigerian Embassy about this person so called Mr. Amin, and i ask them a Question the meaning of OKO-OKO, the Nigerian the Administrative Officer simple told me that it is an (It is a Local Language in Nigeria, on the IGBO speacking side) and it mince a Caword populally noon as MUMU, this language is nomally used to the White men by the blacks, to call the MUGU. And they said that it is only the Nigerians that can use that language. That Mr. Amin is a Nigerian Man, and he is from the Eastern Part of Nigeria. that was what i was told.

They also mentioned that the Nigerian Government has putting his name on a Scam list, in Nigeria and other part of Africa, so he is operating with his counter parts, and the Police are after him and his Friends.

You see i told you that, that guy is a fraud star, please i beg you stop contacting him him.and dont send any money to him again from today. He dose not have my funds, my funds are with the Security Company in Malasia where Barrister Davis West deposited it.

If you had listing to me all this days, my funds would have been in the account which you will provide, If i get Amin, personally get him i will blooo up his creazy head.

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

April 5, 2007

Hill,

Did you ever stop to think that there might be more than one guy in Legos named Amin? It's probably a pretty common name in those parts. You worry too much, my friend. I am a pretty good judge of character and I have come to know this gentleman pretty well I think. We're very close to completion on this thing.

I mentioned to Mr. Amin that you have some reservations regarding his involvement in this and I explained the stress you're under there in Iraq. He says he understands and that when this is all over we'll all have to sit down over drinks so you can get to know him. Hill, I tell you, you're gonna like this guy.

I transferred the $1,250 for the tax to Mr. Amin's account last night. I heard back from him today and apparently there is one final document to obtain and he said he'll try to get back to me this afternoon with the details. I don't think some document is going to be any big deal.

I'll keep you informed on our progress. Everything looks pretty good at the moment.

Lewd


[Hill is apparently becoming irate at the idea of all this money changing hands while none of it falling into his. The next one is sent to Mr. Amin with a copy to Lewd.]


Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 4 Apr 2007

Amin ot what you call your self

I contacted the Nigerian Embassy in Iraqu about you Mr. Amin, and i ask them a Question the meaning of OKO-OKO, the Nigerian Administrative Officer Nmaes "Mrs. Johnson Okechuchwu"simple told me that it is a ( Local Language in Nigeria, on the IGBO speacking side) and it mince a Caword populally noon as MUMU, this language is nomally used to the White men by the blacks, to call them MUGU. And she also said that it is only the Nigerians that can use that language. That Mr. Amin is a Nigerian Man, and he is from the Eastern Part of Nigeria. that was what i was told.

They also mentioned that the Nigerian Government has putting his name on a Scam list, in Nigeria and other part of Africa, so he is operating with his counter parts, and the Police and the EFCC are after you,

If i get you Amin, i will blooo up your creazy head out, if Creazy Mother Fucker, Fuck ass Shit, you are scamming my own Brother. Your Time is up no more games you little Idiot.

Dont communicate with my Brother Noogie Again, and make sure that the Money you tuck from him is returned because i will surely get you, i tell you the Truth.

Note: that the Man Idi Amin Dada, is dead he died just Three Years ago, and Until know before he rain away from the UGANDA, no body bears that name again, becasue it is a cussed name. Stop this you are doing i tell you because you are going to get court Little Boy.

Capt Hill



[Mr. Amin responds with equal diplomacy...]

Idi Amin

(to Captain Gregory) April 5, 2007

stay away frm noogie GET AWAY OUT OF THESE MUGU FULK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!



Lewd Noogie

April 5, 2007

Hill, I just saw the letter you sent to Mr. Amin and quite frankly I am appalled. What were you thinking?? Is that any way for a marine to speak? Can't you get it through your thick skull that this man is helping us?? Do you not also understand that he can slow this transaction down?? If you keep pulling this crap it might take us months before we see that money.

And I had just got him to understand how much stress you're under over there and how freakin' flaky you're getting and now I have to go to him again and try and convince him you're not a total fruitcake.

Hill, look, you are a marine. You're probably great at blowing things up or invading Iwo Jima but I am the businessman here and I know my way around a business deal. Please, let me take care of this and please, please do not write to Mr. Amin any more. We're too close for you to botch things up any worse than you already have. I'm beginning to regret that I ever gave you his email address.

Please!

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 5 Apr 2007

Dear Lewd see that your Friend Mr. Amin, sent to me, i told you this guy is no good

Note: forwarded message attached.e



Lewd Noogie

April 5, 2007

Hill,

I don't think that was sent by Mr. Amin, it just doesn't look like his writing style. Somebody else has to be sending those. Who else there in Iraq knows about this deal?

My suspicion is that thief barrister West is trying to screw this deal up. I don't know what his angle is but I don't trust that guy at all. I'll bet anything he's behind this. There's nothing he can do so I would just ignore those messages.

We've hit a little bit of a snag in the transaction. Mr. Amin informs me that the document we need to get as a last step is called a 'Dollar-Security Certificate'. He says that's because the money was put through a process that blackens it for security purposes and the certificate is in case we were ever questioned why the money is black. First time I ever heard of this but I suppose it's the way things are done these days. I've asked him how we are supposed to un-blacken it and will let you know when he responds.

Ok, the certificate costs $5,200 but he says that he has friends in the agency that issues them and he is confident that he can obtain it for $4,500 and says that if he can't he will pay the difference out of his own pocket. I have to admit that this deal is costing more than I had anticipated when I first said I would help you but we have to be at the end of the expenses.

I'm gonna have to be real creative to come up with another $4,500 and I may have to dip into the company funds again. We have to get this over with quickly so I can get the money back to the company before it's discovered missing. I'll try and get this taken care of tonight or tomorrow morning.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Lewd


[I may have stretched my credibility a bit on that last one...]


Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 5 Apr 2007

I have your mail, and i thing that you are out of your mined, Barrister west will take only $3,50 to certify this transaction and i sent $1000 to him you are supposed to send $2,500 to him and look art what you are cousing your self.

I thing you are the Amin and Amin is you



Lewd Noogie

April 5, 2007

Hill, you HAVE totally lost it. It's Section 8 time for you, my friend.

Listen, you want me out of this deal, you say the word and I'm OUT. It makes no sense to pay that bandit West ANYTHING if we're just going to lose it. Besides, this has only cost you $1,000! I'm the one who's spending money here!

If this is the thanks I get for trying to help you then you need to find someone else.



Captain Hill Gregory

Thu, 5 Apr 2007

Dear Lewd

Thank you for your mail, and if you want to stop this transaction with me then give me a power of Attorney from your end okay, because i cannot allow you to be spending money for what is not what it, some one is repping you off and you cannot listen to me.

You should take to my instruction and not me taking to yours okay, i am a man of my word and i will not allow my Good Friend to be Scammed.

I hope you understand,

I have told you that my funds are not with that Scammer called Amin, but you insist to transacti with him,

I hope you understand that the funds we are talking about if my funds? for that reason, i no were my funds are okay. and you have to listing to me at all time and take to my instruction and my word.

Have a Re-think and get back to me
Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

April 6, 2007

There is nothing for me to re-think. The fact that you think I'm trying to scam you is enough for me to back out of this whole thing. This comment about me being Amin is ludicrous. That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I had you figured for a smarter person than that.

I have spent a fair amount of money trying to help you and it has been a thankless task.

There is nothing that you need a power of attorney for. Any documents were authorized by you and therefore you can change them.

I will send a note to Mr. Amin and tell him I am no longer involved. I will warn you one last time to beware of that barrister West. The man is a thief and he is up to no good. If you're smart you'll apologize to Mr. Amin for all those nasty things you said and finish the deal with him. But it's your choice.

In spite of everything I wish you well with this and I hope it all turns out the way you want.

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Fri, 6 Apr 2007

Dear lawd,

Thank you for your mail, you see i will not watch you throw away your Money to a Scammer, God will not be happy with me, i have bben alive in Iraqi it is not by my own power it is hust the Power of GOD, so i will not see you be miss lead okay.

It is better you stop communicating with Amin.

He is a Scammer, i tell you the truth.

I need to say this to you, because i want you to no how it hots me that is why i used the word that you are Amin and Amin is you, because you have beleived him, so much, and that is hot, you and i have a transaction for you to assist me get my funds save so that we will meet in Agentina, Amin, came in from no were to ditract everything we are doing,

I want you to contact Barrister David so that he can tell you what to do in this matter, our funds is with the Security Company in Malasia

Get back to me,
Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

April 6, 2007

Hill, explain something to me - if Amin is a scammer, how does he know so much about what's going on? It just doesn't make any sense how he could know all this without being part of it. And what makes you so sure that this guy West is telling the truth? You've never met him, right? You know nothing about him other than that diplomat who carried the money out of Iraq took it to him.

Besides, I'm into Amin for too much money to back out now. I already sent him the $4,500 for the certificate and he tells me they're ready to transfer the money to my account. I have to get that money back into the company account before my partners discover it's gone.

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Fri, 6 Apr 2007

My Man,

You keep making payments, to Amin, why this guy is a Fraud, know you have paid him another $4,500 us dollars, for charges.

why what we need to finalize this trasnaction is just $2,500 which you are ssppose to pay to Barrister David West. I tell you the Truth, this guy is a Crook, he dose have any idea about my transaction okay.

Know you have paid him this $4,500 us dollars he will ask you to pay another Money, you can bet me, Stop Communicating wim, i dont wnat you to have any problem with your Company or your Partners, because this guy is only repping you off.

But if you cannot listing to me, thn lets watch and see

Capt Hill



Captain Hill Gregory

Sat, 7 Apr 2007

Dear Lewd

How are you today, Happy Easter, we are supposed to be together in Angetina, by know to Celebrate the Easter together.

If you had listinged to me my Brother.

Well have you had any world from your Friend, Mr. Amin?

My Prayer, is that Mr. Amin, should not put you into Problem with your Company, since you have colected funds from your Hotel Management and give to Mr. Amin, i am very very worried, because i no that, that Guy Amin, is a fraud Star. But you have refused to listing to me. Well i am still in Iraq.

The Millitants Blanted Bomb at the Ministers House, but my Command discovered it, after 28mins.

Thank God for that.

Capt Hill



Lewd Noogie

April 9, 2007

Hill,

I don't know, maybe there's something to what you're telling me. I got a note from Mr. Amin this morning saying he needs $11,750 for something called a 'Feduciary Cooperation Responsibility' certificate (FCRC). At this point I have no choice but to pay. I still can't believe he would cheat us but this has to be the last of it.

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

April 10, 2007

Hill,

Now I have to pay $235,000 for an Anti-terrorist Certificate.

Lewd


[He'll never believe this...]


Captain Hill Gregory

Tue, 10 Apr 2007

Dear Lewd,

Thank you for your mail nad update, and dont send any money to that Creminal, i told you that Guy Amin,is a Fraud Star and he is a Nigerian,

You sent $375, $400 $1,200 $4,500 $11, 200 and know he wans you to send another $235,000 for an Anti-terrorist Certificate,

Cant you think, please think well,

Barrister Brown only need $8,500 to help wire the funds imnto your bank account, finally he agreed on $3,500 which i sent $1000 to him and you are to wire $2,500 to him but it has been storries from you and know someone fromno were contacted you with one story you have paid him over $20,000 us dollars and he wants you topay another $235,000 for an Anti-terrorist Certificate.

Is anything wrong with you.

Know take to my instruction, i wnat you to wire $2,500 us dollars into the Italain bank account of Barrister Davis West, Okay and send the Payment Slip to me and also copy himimmeditely.

I need an urgent response and stop every communication from this guy call Amin.

I need your response as soon as possible.


[He DID believe it, time to up the ante a tad more...]


Lewd Noogie

April 10, 2007

Hill,

Now he's asking for $12,200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (12.2 GAZILLION US Dollars only) for wash-wash solution to clean all that black crap off the money.

I don't think I have that much left. Can you help me out here?

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

April 10, 2007

Hill,

We have to move on this quickly. Mr. Amin says that because of the high demand for wash-wash solution these days, by this time next week the price will be up to $17,800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (17.8 SCAZILLION US dollars only).

I'm asking you, Hill, can you throw a few bucks at this?

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

April 10, 2007

Hill, this is no time to go mugu on me, my friend. This solution is getting more expensive by the second. Are you in or not?

Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Tue, 10 Apr 2007

Lewd,

I have your mails, and this is creazy, what do you meen about Wash-wash, what are you waching, i told you that mad man call Amin, is going to kill i have told you to stop responding to every of his mails,

The Only Solution is to go back to our Barrister David West, he is fully ready to assist us in this matter. i hope this si very clear.

I am not part of your games.

My funds are very save in Malaysia.
Capt Hill



Captain Hill Gregory

Tue, 10 Apr 2007

I have you have not paid any money to that Fraud Star, Amin.

Dont pay him any other Money, send to Barrister Brown, The $2,500 us dollars as soon as you have my mail. okay into the Italain Bank Account.

Capt Hill


[My man Hill is slower to catch on than I would ever have believed...]


Lewd Noogie

April 11, 2007

Hill, or whatever your real name is, you are dumber than a fence post. I've been jerking you around for, what, over a month now and you STILL haven't caught on. Hell, Hill, I would have played you longer but 17.8 Scazillion is the biggest number I know. I want to say this as gently as I can, but you're an idiot with sh*t for brains. Please accept this as constructive criticism.

I knew you wern't a real marine from about your third letter. Any marine who spells like you do would have been shot in boot camp. Suggestion: use the spell-checker, download one if you don't have one, buy a dictionary, DO SOMETHING!

Ok, it's been fun but enough is enough. Don't send me anymore of your silly-ass emails or I'll have to come down there and get medieval on your ass.

And in parting, let me say with all sincerity, fulk you. And please tell barrister West and Grace Wang (you know, the security company lady in Malaysia) that I said fulk them, too.

Remain blessed,
Lewd



Captain Hill Gregory

Wed, 11 Apr 2007

Thank you for your time, Amin is you and you are Amin,

Well Barrister David West, is taking care of my funds, thank you for your time

Lewd



Lewd Noogie

April 12, 2007

Hill, that's the thing that I did like about you, you hung in there when most sane people would have given up long before.

C'mon, come clean with me. We both know you're not a marine captain, we both know that you're not in Iraq, and we both know there's no money. So where is the internet cafe that you're working out of? Lagos? Abidjan?

I gotta tell you my friend, I don't think this stuff works anymore. The only people who are gonna respond are people like myself who like to screw with you guys for fun.

I personally think that the big money these days is in phony checks. Have you tried that yet?

Well, gotta go. Stay outta trouble.

Lewd




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