THIS WILL NOT BE A DRILL


updated july15 - hooray - Agent Ilichy is back!

On Memorial Day weekend, when travel statistics seem to dominate the headlines, let's remember friends and family in militaries past and present. At such a time, a letter from a scammer posing as a Marine is especially offensive, but Agent Tossov is on hand to give us a laugh. Laughter can be good medicine.

Lonslo Tossov and other agents of the Foreign Office have appeared in numerous exploits, perhaps most famously THE SCAMMISH ARMADA and A REAL CHARLIE. For maximum enjoyment, read the dialog out loud.

Similar scam letters appear on the Iraq and a Hard Place page. The bouquet evokes Kipling with a cinematic lashing of "Three Kings".

Capt Bill Malcolm, "United States Marine Corps" (not!)
Barr. David Rosenblatt - Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers London, United Kingdom (unlikely!)
Donald Wesley - money-picking-up Lad

vs.

Lonslo Tossov - international financier, agent of the FO, and bon vivant
Sgt. Rorke Drifte - Mbalongawank Protection Force
Lt. William Bunter - Quartermaster, Mbalongawank Protection Force
Ilichy Miracsky - Special Agent
Tushie Meshuganah - Very Special Agent (pops in briefly)
and last but not least
Pablo Vas Deferens - in the Czech branch of Tossov Investments


Capt Bill Malcolm
Wed, 19 May 2010
From: Capt Bill Malcolm <info@boc.com>
Reply-To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: Urgent...
To: "Undisclosed recipients"@

I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up couragetocontact you. I am presently in Iraq and I found your contactparticularsin an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuatethe sum of$10,570,000.
Lonslo Tossov

May 19

CAPTAIN MALCOM I AM NOT SURE THIS IS MEANT FOR ME_I DO NOT ADVERTISE IN ADDRESS JOURNALS AS ALL MY BUSINESS IS CONFIDENTIAL HERE_ALSO THE CURRENCY WE PREFER IS THE GOLDEN DORK

T

Lonslo Tossov CEO
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Capt Bill Malcolm
From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: SOURCE OF MONEY:
Date: Wed, 19 May 2010

Dear Friend,

How are you doing today? I just came back from Patrol duty with my unit got your mail, please accept my deepest apology for contacting you in this manner over a transaction of this magnitude, but because I am very desperate to have this funds transferred to a safe location, I salute your courage in helping a man who is sincerely in need of your help. I do hope that I am able to become part of civilization again. I say this because I have faced a lot of horrors here and have seen my comrades and friends either killed or fatally injured. You begin to wonder what the value of human life is when you see people around you doing desperate things to kill their fellow humans. I do not know how to draw a picture of the happenings here and do not intend to start painting one as it won't be a pretty sight. I just pray that majority of US here; US Soldiers, get to go back home to their families alive without any unpleasant luggage both bodily and mentally. To lay down ones life for his fellow human and for Love of Country is the Ultimate sacrifice and this I have sworn to do as a Marine Corps Officer but do bear it in mind that there is nothing that can compensate our families for the horrors that we the US Soldiers go through in Iraq.

I want to assure you that this project is real, and one hundred percent risk free and does not relate to any breach of law or proceed from drugs. It is a matter of necessity to contact you for assistance without any further investigations about your person, it is therefore necessary that you tell me a little about yourself, I hope no form of betrayal will be experienced in the course of our collaboration? Since I need a foreigner in this transaction, I must give you my trust this transaction is no joke and such opportunity comes once in a life time. As stated in my last email to you, we plan on using diplomatic means to shipping the money out of Iraq as military cargo into Europe, using diplomatic immunity by means of a German diplomat who enjoys diplomatic immunity as a United Nations worker. He has been transferred out of Iraq and is to start work in Europe. My intention is to have the package sent to you from within Europe via a Special Security Firm who handles the prompt delivery of confidential valuables goods for the military, based in Europe; The German diplomat is to arrive Europe with the Package any time soon. I will inform you when the package is dropped off and brief you of any new developments. Be informed that the diplomat is not privy (unaware) of the contents of the package and is only holding it in safe keeping for me until instructed further. I want to inform you that I will not able to call you on phone because our entire squad has access to only one telephone line which is not convenient for this transaction.

SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein's old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us. This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here(his office enjoys some immunity)I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative.

I do believe that for this venture of ours to be fruitful, there must be a strong mutual understanding between both parties, so I will require that you provide me with any information about yourself for acquaintance purposes ONLY so that I can know a bit about you since I would be trusting you with a very large responsibility and entrusting in your care a huge amount of money. As regards this mutually benefiting business of ours I am inclined to share the money with you in a 70%, 30% ratio. The 70% would go to me and the rest which is 30% would be for you, I believe that this will keep you from refusing to give me my own share of the funds which is to be held in good faith by you until a time I would be able to collect it from you. I hope to hear from you soonest with the information about yourself (Name, Full Contact Address, Occupation, Age and Id might be a good option). Do take care of yourself and pray for the Ones who are fighting the good fight for Country and Humanity. I await your urgent response.

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

See The Iraq And a Hard Place Collection for more of the same.

Lonslo Tossov
May 20
Dear Captain Malcom

I am slightly surprised to recieve your mail so quickly, and with so much supporting detail. My feelings towards what you propose can be put simply. As a former member of the Smegaroon military, reaching the modest rank of Major during my battle-weary sojurn there some years back before retiring here to business, I am naturally pleased to help a fellow serving man through his problems. I did not, after all, go up against the damned fuzzy wuzzies not to retain a loyalty to men at arms, and on our side of things too, so to speak. Indeed, as I sit here typing this, I can look up and still see the ceremonial sabre across the other side of my office, mounted on the wall, a proud souvenir of those days when the life of a man, or a whole platoon, would rest upon the judgement and skill of a commanding officer. I will admit sir, to a small tear in the corner of this old military man's eye at the thought of once again joinin forced with a fellow officer in arms.

But back to the issues in hand. You will appreciate that, as CEO of a prestigious financial house, I have certain standards to uphold. Dealing with unexpected business from a new source always makes me nervous, I will admit, far more than the trepidations caused by native militia with their rusty muskets trained on us along the frontier ever did. But with an American at one end of the deal I feel a little more relaxed, if perhaps still hesitant. There remain risks to be considered sir, risks to be weighed up and judged like an ex soldier, and modalities, once decided, should be organised and proceeded with like a military campaign. As a soldier yourself I am sure you will appreciate this point of organisation. In or out of service, a soldier's life is always fraught with dangers and I know that service abroad is not all surfing and water boarding with the locals. A strategy is needed.

In short sir, let us work together and bring things off to a prompt conclusion, planned with precision and all due timing. But I need reassurance as to the risks of this campaign.

My details can be taken from the foot of this communication.

TOSSOV (MAJOR, RETD)

ps who is this 'Jarhead' on your email address? Is that another soldier?
pps I am not so sure about the German you mention as being a contact. Is is possible to find another nationality?

Capt Bill Malcolm
Subject: ABOUT MYSELF
Date: Thu, 20 May 2010

Dear Tossov,
How are you doing today? I want you to understand that everything has been put in place to have a smooth transacton which is risk free, and which also does not contradicts any laws of your country. All i need from you is your re-assurance to me that you can be trusted on this. I wish to see you in person soon so that we can get to know each other better.

Please note that I have limited time to be on the internet as the security situation here in Iraq has worsen and our commander has ordered us to always be on the alert so there is a limited time for communication but during my shift, I will always try to be on the internet to communicate with you. Because our entire squad has access to only one telephone line and that line will not be convenient for this transaction. My diplomat friend is still en route with the package to Europe because he has still not written to me; definitely I will inform you accordingly once I receive word from him.

ABOUT MYSELF
Like you know, my names Bill Malcolm, I was married with 2kids; my wife's name is Rebecca Malcolm, and we got 2 lovely kids, I love my wife and kids with great passion, but I lost them at the 9/11 bomb blast, I feel bad talking about them because it was there death that motivated me to join the US Marine, because when I lost them I lost it all, my life was messed up and I feel like dieing, it is painful to remember that I lost my family on that faithful day. Right now I don't have a family and I am determined to fight terrorism with my last blood.

I have attached some of my pictures to this email which should be kept discreet. I pray that with your help the funds will be secured please give me your assurance once more that you will help me through with this endeavor and ensure that the package is delivered to a safe location as I am totally incapable to do anything from my position and my only hope lies on you my friend.

Please I need you to assure me once again that my funds can be safe with you because there are a lot of scam mails on the internet [[No kidding] and I am afraid of being a victim to fraud because my cousin was a victim of fraud in a large amount and he killed himself, please I hope you will give me my own share of the money in the package when you receive it?

Do extend my warmest regards to your family and have a blessed day.

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Scamorama: SIR_ I AM SURE YOU WILL GIVE THIS *&^@# THE SHELLACKING HE MERITS_ JARHEAD INDEED_
Tossov: THIS MARTIAL MORON HAS WRITTEN AGAIN AND REST ASSURED YOU WILL SEE MY FOLLOWING SALVO IN SHORT ORDER_I AM PLEASED IT IS PROVING OF AMUSEMENT
Lonslo Tossov
Date: May 21, 2010

Dear Captain Malcom

I have received your message with great interest, treating the related travails and personal history of a fellow fighting man with all the solemnity and respect it deserves. I may be retired with this shrapnel in my leg, but the regards remains sir and I am determined to see you get what is coming to you.

I must say I sympathise with the difficulties in communication you are experiencing. I remember during my early time on the Smegaroon frontier with the 50th Vimto Regiment of Foot, there was much the same problem but it seems like in a different day and age in retrospect. There, when the terrain made a direct signal to HQ difficult or impossible, on occasion we even relied upon the promptness and honesty of a local mule drivers to take essential communiques back or just to transport the letters to loved ones back home. At suc times I have scribbled a few reassuring lines to my wife and daughters on the back of a spam wrapper and then despatched it to the cares of such obliging, visiting tribesmen.

You may rest assured that I am as honest as yourself. The bond between us is already quite firm.

Incidentally I am the position of being able to organise some food parcels for you and your lads. Nothing too grand perhaps, but I am sure we can rustle up some bully beef, twiglets and prairie oysters in brine. Just confirm the destination address and I will what can be done.

Lonslo

Capt Bill Malcolm
Subject: GOOD NEWS
Date: Sat, 22 May 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,
Greetings to you and thank you for your kind messages and words of encouragement. I have been out on the field for the paste hours without returning to camp. There have been a lot of battle out here in the last 2days and a lot of lives where lost, I write you this letter in sorrow because I lost my closest friend in the battle field and since then I have not been myself, I need you to always pray for the souls and lives out here because people are dieing everyday, most of all pray that I will make it out of here because this is the prayer I pray for myself everyday.

I want to thank you for your prayers and assurance given me to proceed further with this transaction, and also for this chance you have offered a man like myself in need, I want to promise you that you will never regret this, I said in my earlier mail, the total funds $10,570,000 (Ten million Five Hundred and Seventy Thousand US dollars) were sealed in a Medium size metallic trunkcase properly insured under the UN diplomatic core, which means its protected and in tacked, I will send you the combination codes to open the trunk to see the funds immediately the package gets to you.

GOOD NEWS: I have been informed that the package is already in The United Kingdom and it is in the possession of an Attorney there as per my instructions to the Diplomat. Now that the package has reached Europe I will need you to call the attorney immediately and request that you speak directly with Barr. David Rosenblatt, he is the attorney in charge, you are to speak freely with him but note that the barrister do not know the exact content of the trunk because of security reasons. The attorney is meant to believe that the package Contains highly classified Diamond and Gold and other Christmas/new-year presents so it must be handled with care and security. Please I need you to understand that bringing them in the picture too gives it more backup legally. I want you to contact him proclaiming yourself as the owner/beneficiary of the package and that the package is made to be your Christmas present. Found below are the contact details of the lawyer:

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers
London, United Kingdom
Contact Person: Barr. David Rosenblatt
Position: Principal Attorney
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44- 702 4088 935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

Ensure that you call him now or send an email but it is very important that you send him an email today so that he can attend to you quickly because of the urgency that is required. Please note that the Barrister is going to prepare some documents to back-up the delivery of the package to your house for security and safety, so the barrister might demand for some little legal charges which you will pay before delivery the package, please do not allow this to cause any hindrance to this transaction as we have the barrister working for us. Whatever the charges are, just try to cover it up, when the package is delivered to you, I will send you the combination codes for you to open the box/package and take your 30% and keep by 70% safe, I have so much confident in you, please don?t fail me.

I hope that I will be able to meet with you soonest as you are a very kind person but nobody know if or not he will make it out of here but if I do make it, you will be the first to be notified.

Regarding the sharing arrangements it would 70%-30%I stated in one of my previous mail to you. I trust that you would be fair in sharing the money in that exact ratio. I have a firm believe in you and I know that I would come back home to get my share. I really appreciate your kindness towards me and I hope that the proceeds from this deal of ours would go a long way in helping cushion any financial constraints you might be going through. I pray that you will keep the details of our mutual business confidential.I need you to take every negative thought towards this project off your mind to enable us acheive this promptly as well.

It important to note that the package code is: XCKES89383822

Please keep me updated as you progress and I hope to see you in the States when I make it out of here. May the good lord grant you the strength to see us through and also bless you in your entire endeavor in life.

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Lonslo Tossov
May 24

Dear Captain Malcom

First off my apologies for the delay in responding to your latest communication. As part time commander of the Mbalongawank Home Protection Force, I have certain duties every other weekend which preclude easy access to the computer. You will appreciate that mustering the ranks of the various volunteers and seeing that they are well turned out on the Pacquet dos Cheerios Parade Ground takes a fair bit of time for lack of practice. But the enthusiasm is there. Had a bit of a disaster this week incidentally, when a right-wheeling column misheard a simple order and half dozen native water carriers fell into a latrine during a marching drill exercise. Fortunately, none were hurt, although flies were a real problem during the rest of the afternoon, following the brave lads round in swarms.

I was very sorry to hear of the casualties at your end. I have of course had experience of such matters during my own career. I know of the heavy hand of responsibility which can be placed upon those in command. Writing letters home to loved ones can be a dispiriting duty. I had a fellow whose head was kicked off by the regimental donkey, a incident (no doubt termed 'friendly fire' these days) which remains particularly in my mind as the head flew into the lap of the regimental doctor sat in his deckchair, a grisly co-incidence to say the least, although it did speed up his medical prognosis. Needless to say, as you suggest, prayers will be with you. Have you had any thought about the food parcels suggestions I made? I have contacts here which make it a doddle to organise, together with essential military hosiery.

Now, onto the matter at hand. It is important to me to get things done as matter of conscience between one miltary man and another in need as well as to see modalities are peformed with proper military precision. The amount you mention seems extraordinarily large. Upon its receipt I would be obliged to donate a good deal to a military charity, I am sure you have no objection. The Smegaroon Retired Veteran's Association, where I pay my respects now and then, is in need of a new Playstation in the day room, for instance.

I have noted Mr Rosenblabs' information. But I must admit a though has struck me before I contact him. Is he entirely trustworthy? Sorry for raising this matter so abruptly but as a military man you will be familiar with the perils brought by fifth columnists. Has he been a serving man? If so which regiment? Also, if he has the money and I am pay a little to oil the wheels of commerce, so to speak, may I pay by local currency, which is the dork? ( I believe the current exchange rate, i.e 1 DK = $3.56 will ensure a very good return)

Kindest regards

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Retd.)
Capt Bill Malcolm
Date: Mon, 24 May 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

Greetings to you and thank you for your kind messages and words of encouragement, your stories are very interesting, i did not tell you before but i enjoy reading alot, it is one of my hobbies.

Dear brother, note that the barrister does not know what is in the package, he thinks that the package contains gifts and documents, we cannot let him know the actually content of the package because the barrister is not a military personnel and cannot be trusted, he is just a common civilian who does not know what it means to be a soldier.

You're to contact him, and tell him that the package is meant to be delivered to you, tell him that the package contains presents from your friend a capt.

Inform me as soon as you hear anything from him.

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Lonslo Tossov
May 25

Dear Captain Malcom

As always sir, I find myself putting aside the cares of busy commerical enterprises to reply urgently to a man of war needing my support and aid. I stand to attention sir, behind my desk, and salute you.

I am glad that we share a comaraderie such as this, across the oceans. Working here in civvy street, even with my involvement in the local defence force (unpaid and voluntary) after so many years I still feel the pull of past victories, smell the whiff of cordite and yes, I admit it, miss the frequent life or death nature of an active military life.

Please send the information contained in your last message again as, since this is something of a military operation I have followed familiar, standard operational procedure and have deleted the last message from you.

Also, should we not establish a systems of watchwords and passwords as far as the banker is concerned?

Let me know about the food parcel situation too, indeed I have started assembling a few other useful items to send onto you in the hope they can be a little help: billy cans, fly repellent, bromide and salt tablets, socks, DVDs and the like. I am glad to help if I can in every way, so let me know any particular shortages. I can get something out to you very soon now.

Kind regards
Tossov

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Retd)
Capt Bill Malcolm
Subject: watchword "consignment"
Date: Thu, 27 May 2010

Dear Brother,

Thanks for your e-mail, i am sorry for my late response it was due to the field activities here in iraq. I am very happy for the help that you;re offering, but the top most priority is getting the package accross to you. As i said before, the package has reached the chambers of an attorney in uk, and you will have to contact him and inform him that you're the friend of capt malcolm the sender of the package.

Tell him that the package was meant to be delivered to you, as a gift from me. The contact attorney contact details are below please ensure that you contact him immediately.

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers
London, United Kingdom
Contact Person: Barr. David Rosenblatt
Position: Principal Attorney
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44- 702 4088 935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

[Wonder what kind of accent "David Rosenblatt" would have if you actually rang?]

As i said before, the attorney does not know that the package contains a huge sum of money, he thinks that it contains presents that i am sending to you. It important to note that the package code is: XCKES89383822, send him this code so that he can confirm that you're the rightful recipient of the package.

Please keep me updated as you progress and I hope to see you in the States when I make it out of here. May the good lord grant you the strength to see us through and also bless you in your entire endeavor in life. As for a watch word, just use "consignment"

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Lonslo Tossov
May 28

Dear Captain Malcom

I hope that my message finds you and your men well. I appreciate you making the effort to reply so soon. I know one who is dodging sniper bullets, IEDs and the like has better things to do than check and compose emails. But with our joint operation now underway, so to speak, it's good to have an update.

Did you get my last message? I expressed some worries about matters of security on the part of this new contact and perhaps you could look into them before we proceed any further. You will pardon an old military man for this circumspection, but I have had nasty experiences in the past with unreliables. Usually with feckless natives who sell off rations and equipment on the black market, even going so far as to melt down tank spares into cooking pots on one occasion. They faced a court martial after that, I can assure you. How can run a defence force with this sort of behaviour? I am sure you have similar horror stories. But I digress...

I have been growing excited about what the prospect of a successful progress of modalities would bring. For the volunteer units here, perhaps a much needed upgrade in equipment. Uniforms have been a little patchy in supply of late. Miner's helmets are hardly a fit substitute for proper soldier's head gear, especially if we hope to create a modern fighting unit, albeit on a volunteer basis. The purchase of stout boots, replacing sandals, would also be a huge help to operational training with the lads, while we badly need ammunition for the Lee Enfields.

I must make a confession in that I have confided some details of your proposal to my friend and military co-operator, Sergeant Rorke Drifte. I hope that is in order. I can personally vouch for the man as both being honest and true as well as exceptionally brave. (He once faced down a charge of wilderbeeste at fifty paces after they broke through the cordon at the regimental boot fair). Together the responsibility of seeing through this mission will be easier.

I will wait to receive your reply with keen anticipation.

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)
Lonslo Tossov

[Tossov duly contacts the "Barrister".]

Subject: TO ROSENBLATT REF XCKES89383822
Date: May 28, 2010
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: njarhead001@msnzone.cn

ROSENBLATT

STAND BY FOR ORDERS REF: XCKES89383822

THIS WILL NOT BE A DRILL

TOSSOV

Lonslo Tossov (Major, ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments


[More to come?]

SCAMORAMA: SIR_ LATEST ON SOI-DISANT CAPTAIN MALCOLM IS NOW ON THE SITE_ YOUR FRATERNAL ACTION IS MUCH APPRECIATED_ I AM OFTEN MINDFUL OF SACRIFICES OUR MILITARY HAVE MADE BUT ESPECIALLY AT THIS TIME ON THIS SIDE OF THE POND_ I DO HOPE THE INJURIES YOU SUSTAINED WITH THE VIMTOS ARE NOT TROUBLING YOU OVERMUCH_ RESPECTFULLY_ SCAMORAMA

TOSSOV: GOOD TO SEE THE DILLY DALLY HAS ENDED YOUR END_ I WILL BE SURE TO SEND ANY FURTHER UPDATES FOR YOUR ATTENTION_ LET US HOPE IT IS NOT A PHONEY WAR_ ALTHOUGH MY OPENING OF A SECOND FRONT WILL SURELY BRING LITTLE PEACE IN THE SHORT TERM TO EITHER SIDE

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: To Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)
Date: Fri, 28 May 2010 20:39:40 +0000

Dear Brother,

Thanks for your email, it brings me great joy to read your e-mail, and your willingsness to help my course. As for the barrister he will not oppose any threat to us, because he feels that the package contains presents and he does not have the passcode to unlock it. I will send you the passcode to unlock the package as soon as it gets to you. I am just using the barrister to legalize the delivery of the package to you, note that he will prepare some documents to back up the delivery of the package to the address that you will send to him.

You mentioned that you informed your friend about this transaction, is he a military personnel? do know that not all soldiers can be trusted, in these days of corruption the force is filled with traitors i want you to watch him closely.

I am really grateful for your trusted assistance, i have decided to donate some part of my share to aid military activities in your region. Do ensure that you inform me as soon as you hear from barrister david rosenblatt, and also try to follow his instructions so that he can proceed with the delivery of the package immediately.

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ


Rorke Drifte will be replying soon_I can assure you of that

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Fri, 28 May 2010 23:21:49 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: From Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers
Rosenblatt Associates
24 Lincoln 's Inn Fields,
LONDON WC2A 3EG,ENGLAND.
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44-702-408-8935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
29th MAY 2010

Attn: Lonslo Tossov,

I am Barrister David Leonard Rosenblatt (Esq.) a practicing officer of the law, now serving under the imperial British high court, I was born in Britain, and having attained my degrees and practiced law for a number of years abroad , I was inclined to relocate my chambers back to the United Kingdom to practice and uphold the law. On behalf of my associates I wish to welcome you to 'Rosenblatt Associates' we are a most efficient law firms and are committed to providing the most comprehensive, effective and efficient services to our clients. We offer our help at every step, providing innovative solutions to help you through the ever-changing constitutional rules, regulations and procedures. We look after your interests and provide the best advice and representation. Count on our effective counsel and reliable services. We are dedicated to our clients and provide the highest quality legal representation. Our greatest concern is for your satisfaction and success. This is our commitment to you, you are not just a client to us but also our friend we take great pride and pleasure in helping them secure whatever type of help that they require.

However, i want to let you know that we received a package from a German Diplomat from the UN who told us that the package was sent from Capt. Bill Malcolm in Iraq and that the package belongs to Lonslo Tossov, please be informed that you will have to claim the package without any delay because the diplomat made us to understand that the package Contains classified valuables.

Firstly, you are required to send us your complete mailing address to receive the package, Secondly you have to send any of your valid identification, a driving license or your international passport so we can be assured of whom we are dealing with and lastly, you are to send us the delivery charges for us to ship the package to your address with the topmost security. The package will be insured and delivered to your door step with adequate security and this will cost you $560.00 only. We were informed that the package demands adequate security too, hence some legal documents must be obtained to guide it through. You are required to send the charges immediately via western union money transfer, once you have done that, please email us with the slip of payment attached for file record so that we can commence with the delivery of the package to your designated address.

You are advised to go to the nearest western union office in your locality and send the sum of $560.00 only to the name and address of my secretary found below:

Name: Donald Wesley
Address: 24 Lincoln 's Inn Fields, LONDON WC2A 3EG, ENGLAND.
Amount: $560.00

Note that you will be required to send all payment information to us as soon as payment is made so that we can commence the delivery of the package with immediately effect. Please Kindly indicate where you want the package delivered.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)
© 1992-2010 Rosenblatt Associates All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail and any attachments to it contain information that is confidential and maybe privilegde. It is for the exclusive use of the intented receipient(s). If If you are not the intended recipient(s) please note that any form of distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information contained in it is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this email in error, please return it to the sender and delete the email from your record.

[Lincoln's Inn Fields exists. Legal types work there. That is the only true bit. But you knew that. You knew that, right?]

Lonslo Tossov

Subject: TO ROSENBLATT REF: XCKES89383822
Date: May 30, 2010 8:57:59 AM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

SIR

REF: XCKES89383822
WATCHWORD CONSIGNMENT

I HAVE ASKED YOU AND YOUR GROUP TO STAND BY TO SCRAMBLE WITH THIS MATTER IN HAND_ YOU WILL OBLIGE SAME WITHOUT PRE EMPTING ORDERS

AS SOON AS OPERATIONS HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE GREEN LIGHT THIS END THEN YOU WILL RECEIVE FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS AND I WILL EXPECT TO SEE YOU ACT WITH ALL DUE MILITARY EXPEDIENCE WHEN AND IF MATTERS COMMENCE SIR

NOTE WE HAVE AGREED WATCHWORD 'CONSIGNMENT' TO ENSURE SECURITY IN THS MATTER

T

Lonslo Tossov (Major R.td)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave, Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Capt Bill Malcolm

[Meanwhile "Capt Malcolm" contacts Sgt Rorke Drifte as per Tossov's instructions.]

Hello drifte

How are you today ? and the men of your force. My friend Lonslo told me that he has debriefed you on the situation at hand, and the confidentiality of the transaction. You're to inform him that the consignment is ready for delivery, that he must check his e-mail, to confirm if the barrister has contacted him in regards to the present status of the consignment box.

I deeply appreciate your effort, and note that you will be deeply rewarded according to the afford that you invest in this transaction to ensure that it well executed.

Inform your commander/Friend Mr Lonslo that he should check his email, for additional from the third party(Barrister David Rosnblatt)

Regards,
Capt Bill Malcolm(US MARINE).

Sgt. Rorke Drifte

A second front opens!

Subject: to captain malcom
Date: May 30, 2010 8:33:12 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn

captain malcom

sir. sergt drifte here sir, of the mbalongawank home protection force, currently serving under c.o. lonslo tossov all previous orders pertaining

have had cogniscence of communications with said senior officer, sir, and wish to speak re some doubts and queries re impending operation before time and resources engaged

regret delay but feel duty to make secondary contact

kindly reply soon sir and will endeavour make account of said concerns straight way sir

sincere apologies for intrusion sir will stand by

sgt r drifte
mbalongawank protection force

Sgt. Rorke Drifte

Subject: to major malcom
Date: May 31, 2010 4:18:28 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn

captain malcom

sir. am in receipt of your message sir. major T has asked that i follow through his direct orders during his brief absence away on duties inspecting garrison at camp edelson. regret for delay in operation. have no direct access to major's email sir, can you resend details and copy mr rosenbalt in to my despatch here and ensure operational smoothness carried forward to maximise impact as per standing order. major T instructed me to verify operational standards sir.

apologies to your lads sir have heard about a shooting war your end best of luck sir was in a bit of bother myself recently with poachers over at smegaroon national park sir fired off several clips caught one or two and overran position guts hung out like spaghetti but all our lads home safe sir

lads and i will be out on the range on a bayonet and shooting exercise this afternoon soon and then out on patrol sir 0300 hours but will stand to and give your reply top attention when we return sir over.

sgt r drifte
mbalongawank protection force

AH, SMEGAROON - VACATION SPOT FOR THE DISCERNING SPY!
BOOK YOUR GETAWAY NOW!

SMEGAROON

Once you've perused the offerings,
take the Foreign Office Mugu Survey
and see how you stack up against the Lads.

Capt Bill Malcolm

How are you today? thanks for your response to my e-mail, i would like to go to the matter in hand. The contact details of Barr Rosenblatt as stated below.

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers
London, United Kingdom
Contact Person: Barr. David Rosenblatt
Position: Principal Attorney
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44- 702 4088 935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

Contact him, tell him that you're a friend of Capt Bill and Major Lonslo, so that he would indentify himself to you, then send you the further steps.

It important to note that the package code is: XCKES89383822, tell him that you're contacting him in regards to the package in his custody which was sent by Capt bill to Major Lonslo. He would send you the necessary details, and might require some charges for the delivery of the package. I hope your friend Lonslo told how much is in the package, it contain a very huge amount of money and must be treated with urgency.

Thanks for your time.

Respectfully,
Capt Bill Malcolm
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Sgt. Rorke Drifte

Subject: to captain malcom
Date: June 2, 2010 5:52:47 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Cc: Major Tossov

capt malcom sir apologies for delay had small set to with poachers and other combatants 20 clicks due sw of smegaroon delta, kept lads and myself busy for some time mainly mortar and small arms. fortunately few hurt among lads sir though one had arm off in field blast though managed field dressing and kept blood loss to a minimum and he should pull through sir. also small foot wound here presume shrapnel nothing to write home about sir and managed after muster to limp to pc for this despatch.

sir in regards to your new order commander Tossov needs give instructions in regards rosenblat i am merely stationed to ascertain legality and operational capability of whole set up if you follow sir

sir can you assure me that all in order sir and colleagues in the operation reliable? Major T will be back in short order sir and will expect my report before ensuring engagement same.

sgt r drift
mbalongawank protection force

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Wed, 2 Jun 2010 01:40:19 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: I Await Your Orders
To: Major Tossov

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers
Rosenblatt Associates
24 Lincoln 's Inn Fields,
LONDON WC2A 3EG,ENGLAND.
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44-702-408-8935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
2th JUNE 2010

Attn: Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today? please be informed that your consignment is ready to be dispatched to the location of your choice, as you already know the package is top priority, and must be attended to with urgency i await your orders.

Be informed that as soon as i receive the delivery preparation charges and your prefared address as stated in my previous email, i will immediately commence with the delivery of the consignment to you address.

I await your response, so that i can start preparing all the neccesary documents to back up the delivery of the consignment to you.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)
© 1992-2010 Rosenblatt Associates All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail and any attachments to it contain information that is confidential and maybe privilegde. It is for the exclusive use of the intented receipient(s). If If you are not the intended recipient(s) please note that any form of distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information contained in it is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this email in error, please return it to the sender and delete the email from your record.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 3, 2010 5:50:33 AM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

I am lately back from volunteer duties supervising the frontier and wish now to advance upon our commecial objection with all despatch. Hardly has my orderly swept the dust from my tunic when I sit down to send this urgent enquiry. Has Sgt Rorke received all the information I ordered him to acquire in this business? I know that a recent foot injury has meant that he is laid up for a few days and that he was away a short while on a military matter, but doubtless you have been in contact. Unfortunately he is beneath the surgeon's knife today and so hard to debrief. In short sir I left orders, have they been seen through?

T

Capt Bill Malcolm

Meanwhile from a foxhole at the front, a worried Captain Malcom chases up Sgt Drifte:

Subject: Consignment
From: "Capt Bill Malcolm" <njarhead001@msnzone.cn>
Date: Fri, June 4, 2010 5:43 pm

Hello

How are you today? i am very sorry for my late response, it was due to the recent field activities here in Iraq, I understand your possition, the barrister can be trusted i give my word, i want you to follow his instructions to ensure the safe and sounds delivery of the consignment to your location.Inform Major Lonslo that this is the final stage, we have to put our efforts together to achieve this goal. Inform me if you have gotten any important information from the barrister, so that i can send instructions to Major Lonslo.

Regards,
Capt Bill Malcolm.

Capt Bill Malcolm

And again:

Dear Friend,

How are you today, hope all is well in your end. I writting to inform that i worried about transaction, as i have not heard from you in sometime now, kindly update me about your dealings with the barrister and his requirements.

I await your email, desperately,
Capt Bill

Sgt. Rorke Drifte

Belatedly, Drifte replies:

Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010 14:38:54 +0200
Subject: to Capt Bill
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn captain malcom sir apologies for delay in this response sir am now out of field hospital with just a limp and toe off to show for last set to. have made report now to Major T in debrief sir that all seems well. hope your own scrap goes well sir i know what it can be like out with the lads with incoming on hand sir hard to concentrate on civvy street matters such as this when blighters hit home dirt in air teeth rattling and blood on floor but rest assured sir all will be for the best now that Major is back. regards to your lads and self sir give them one for me when you go over the top, up and at them so to speak.

standing to sir

sgt r drifte
mbalongawank protection force
Lonslo Tossov

Subject: To Captain Malcom
Date: June 7, 2010 5:59:24 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn

Dear Captain Malcom

Once again my apologies for the tardiness in replying, but I know that as a fighting man, used to the importance and accuracy of intelligence during any important campaign you will appreciate the importance of getting things right. And even though this is of a commerical nature the same considerations apply. I remember a time when a momentary lapse of attention, during the 1989 Smegaroon offensive it was, caused the unfortunate demise of a corporal of mine. Laying out anti personnel devices one morning, distracted by passing geese, he apparently held the dispersement map upside down and ended up much the worse for his mistake just as I was speaking to him on the shortwave. We had to scrape him up as best we could, using our billy cans, when the dust had settled. It was, I can assure you, a lesson to us all to get operational details right, all of the time.

I mention this as I have just been to see Sgt Drifte in the hospital, you will be pleased to know that he is on the mend after taking an injury to his foot. The brave man was eager to hobble round and make his report of progress to me personally, but I would have none of it and made time in my busy schedule to see him personally. I took the opportunity to drop off a bag of nuts and some hard boiled eggs to further his comfort. Drifte assured me, the pain etched on his fine soldierly features, that he feels you are a person I can trust, and that matters are moving forward. Details, however - perhaps due to the shock he still retains after his injury - were sketchy. Hence my hesitation. I do want to be sure I am advancing in safety

In short sir, I have this Barrister's message in my in tray, with several demands. and am keen to make attack on the rest of this campaign. What is next to be done? Should I reply to the fellow? Can he really be trusted? I would rather deal with a military man all the way.

T

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: To Major Lonslo
Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010 06:19:32 +0000

Dear Friend,

How are you today, hope all is well in your end. I writting to inform that i worried about transaction, as i have not heard from you in sometime now, kindly update me about your dealings with the barrister and his requirements.

I await your email, desperately,

Capt Bill
Lt. William Bunter

Subject: Captain Malcom re: Shipment of supplies
Date: June 7, 2010 2:03:25 PM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Cc: Major Lonslo Tossov

Captain Malcom

Re: Shipment of urgent supplies to you and your brave lads nearly ready!

As per standing order of Major Tossov, previously advised your good self, I have now an initial list of supplies which we have readied for urgent despatch to you and your brave men. Some of these have be procurred from standing stores, others have been graciuosly submitted through appeal to the Mbalongwank Ladies' Sewing Circle or through small public subscription. It has taken some volunteers of the unit a good few hours to collect and assemble in a fit state, but we think we have some useful items.

Kindly check the following mainifest for any obvious omissions we have tried to cover a wide area of likely need and shortage:

25 x First aid kit with bandages, sterile pads and gauze, first aid tape, tweezers, surgical razor, disinfectant pads, oxytetracycline tablets (for diarrhea or infection) and aspirin.
30 x Antibiotic cream
45 x Insect repellent
Hand sanitizer (antibiotic and fire-starting)
50 x Soap (scented)
30 x Soap (plain)
600 rolls Cape brand toilet paper (rough and smooth finish)
20 litres x Hydrogen peroxide
150 doses x Epinephrine and antihistamines ("Benadryl" diphenhydramine)
2 x Rubbing alcohol and pump stations
500 x Lip balm
5 x Suture kits
4500 x Iodine and chlorine tablets
20 x Collapsible (empty) hide water bags

5 x Folding saw 2 x cable saw
500 x Heavy-duty needle and thread
50 cartons heavy-duty aluminium foil
47 x Brightly-colored bandanna or scarf (for filtering water, bandage, sun protection, and signaling )
80 x Sturdy cord or "550" parachute cord (for setting up a tarpaulin and snaring small animals)
10 x Hatchet with sheath
Misc Candles, scented and plain.
3 x hand knitted bug out bags x 5

In addition:

Miscellaneous canned food goods, ready-to-eat meals
16 x Fishing line and gear (fish hooks, lures, and split shot leads)
4 metres snare wire
Tea, coffee, gum, and hard candy, uncounted
50 x Jigsaws (hard and easy)
20 x Magazines, adult
50 x magazines, family
35 Crossword puzzle books, paperback novels etc
76 x assorted DVDS some used
13 x Bibles
1 x Sarah Palin biography

I hope to have this ready for despatch in a very short time. Major Tossov has advised of your general location but I need precise co ordinates or depot details to begin shipping operation, kindly advise.

At your command sir,
BUNTER
Lt. William Bunter
Quartermaster
Mbalongawank Protection Force

Lonslo Tossov

[The dispatches are piling up!]

Subject: TO ROSENBLATT
Date: June 8, 2010 5:41:28 AM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Rosenblatt

Thank you for last communication. My apologies for the delay but I was waiting for a debrief from my Sergeant, currently laid up with a foot injury after a recent engagement. However he has assured Me, now from the relative comfort of his bath chair, that I ought to proceed with things at least on the basis of the limited intelligence received. I must admit though to a degree of caution, as it goes against my past experience to enter into operations with people about whom reconnaisance reveals so little. I really believe in preparing the ground more throughly. Can you tell me more about what happens next in detail and reassure viz a vis the standing of your company? In particular I was wondering if any of your employees are serving men? I am a great believer that armed service strengthens character, and make every effort to employ ex-service men in my own organisation. Some may think it disconcerting to find an explosives expert working the photocopier, a bugler behind the payroll and a sniper in reception. But I would not have it any other way.

The delivery charges seem reasonable, and I was wondering if I may pay in the local currency of dorks to gain a favourable exchange rate. Also would it not be simpler to deduct these charges from the consignment value? It would save complicating matters.

T

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123 Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Fri, 4 Jun 2010 15:52:57 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: I Await Your Orders

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers
Rosenblatt Associates
24 Lincoln 's Inn Fields,
LONDON WC2A 3EG,ENGLAND.
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44-702-408-8935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
4th JUNE 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

If you read my e-mail, you're to the delivery charges for the deiivery of the package. As soon as that is done your address will be needed to enable me dispatch the package to you.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)
© 1992-2010 Rosenblatt Associates All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail and any attachments to it contain information that is confidential and maybe privilegde. It is for the exclusive use of the intented receipient(s). If If you are not the intended recipient(s) please note that any form of distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information contained in it is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this email in error, please return it to the sender and delete the email from your record.

Lonslo Tossov

Subject: to captain malcom
Date: June 8, 2010 5:51:48 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn

Dear Captain Malcom

CODE WORD: CONSIGNMENT

I salute you sir for your kind words, which brought something of a tear to these old campaigner's eye. I am sure that your kind offer to assist in the training of my men would be very gratefully received. Although we have our own little skirmishes on the Smegaroon line, it would do no harm at all to hear what a man fresh from a real trouble spot can bring to the table. Perhaps you might wish to join in our regular tuesday evening bayonet practice. We shall see what works best. Incidentally, does this mean you are expecting an end to your current tour of duty soon?

I have just written to Rosenblat with a couple of queries, as I am sure we all want this thing to go off with military precision. As soon as he is able to answer these small matters then I will issue orders to let loose the dogs of commerce, as it were and modalities will begin in earnest. I am only sorry that so far it has proved something of a phoney war.

I believe our Quatermaster Bunter has written to you with a provisional list of items we can offer by way of aid. Kindly let him now if there is anything we ought to throw in with the existing selection. I was in favour of a karaoke device or two to enliven the long evenings in the mess, but was not sure if you had such equipment already supplied.

Comradely regards,

T

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010 19:46:53 +0000

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today, hope you and your team are fine. I understand fully how it is to serve and protect like you're doing, when duty calls a true man must answer thats why i am here in Iraq upholding the flag of my country, i like what you're doing and i will like to support you in any way that i can technically and mentally, it is so unfornate that i cannot support you physically, i hope that when we see i will spend few time to assist you in the training of your team.

Regarding the transaction in hand, note that the barrister can be trusted, he is our only way out rightnow we have to do as he said so that he can have the consignment box delivered to your address, i really want you to keep this confidential, for security reasons and also ensure that you are in compliance with the barrister. He is not a military personnel and has never been, but i think he can be of use to us in this transaction legally.

I will be expecting your email, i will check my mail box as soon as i return from patrol with my fellow jarheads(Soldiers) i will be expecting a very good news from you regarding our confidential transaction.

Best Regards, Capt Bill Malcolm.

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 2010 02:06:54 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Clarification...Lonslo Tossov

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
9th JUNE 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today? it just received your e-mail, it is rather unfortunate that the only person that has served as a military personnel in my family is my brother, but i do not understand were that will imply in this matter, my duty is to help deliver the package/ consignment in my possesion, and i am determined to do that without any mistakes.

Note that the delivery charges cannot be deducted from the consignment value, because the consignment box is been passworded and the code to unlock is unknown to me, therefore i cannot open the box. If you want to send the fee with your country's currency, it should be equivalent to the actual delivery charges.

I await your e-mail, so that i can prepare the consignment for dispatch to you immediately.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Lonslo Tossov

Subject: To Rosenbalt
Date: June 9, 2010 5:44:19 AM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Mr Rosenbald

I am greatly relieved that you have a service member within your family, as it makes the sense of comaraderie between us greater during this operation and helps trust right along. I myself come from a line of army men. Craven Tossov was a Lieutenant in the 5th Tesco Hussars, while another forebear of mine, Ginger Tossov, fought at the battle of Merkin Bush back in the 1880's with some distinction.

By all means send me the information. I will pass it to my financial officer, Mr Miracksy who will oversee any payment, which, because of the unusual nature of this business, may have to come from our european office in Prague and kept somewhat at arm's length.

Have you heard from Captain Malcom? Will he need to be briefed?

Tossov

Lonslo Tossov (Major Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA

Lonslo Tossov

Subject: To Rosenblat
Date: June 10, 2010 5:45:58 AM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Mr Rosenblat

My apologies sir, my man Miracksy was out of the office yesterday and communication between our two offices can be difficult. However, without sharing too much of the operational detail, I have briefed him on what is to be done and he will no doubt be in contact with you shortly to establish an axis of business between yourselves. Although based in Prague for our business connections on the continent, Ilichy Miracksy holds the title of corporal within the Mbalongawank force here and has had some military training. English is not his first language, but he does specialise in field communications during occasional sojurns here with the men and he can be trusted to do his duty once he grasps the orders in hand. Is everything in readiness your end?

Quartermaster Bunter tells me that he has not had anything back by way of response to his enquiry and list of stores. Is there a problem? I am keen to ensure that assistance reaches you and your brave lads as soon as possible. Also the pile of provisions this end waiting despatch makes accessing the boardroom very difficult.

Sgt Drifte gave me a cheery salute from his bed today as I passed through and sends his comradely greeting. He has almost finished his nuts and I brought him some more.

T
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 02:59:48 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: To Lonslo Tossov

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
10th JUNE 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

Thanks for your call, be informed that i have checked my email completely and have not received any updates from your officer.

You're to confirm from him again, if you actually contacted him.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Rosenblatt gears up: Rosenblatt is eager to speak to Miracksy. Rosenblatt has never spoken to a Miracksy before.

Date: Wed, 9 Jun 2010 18:44:26 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
9th JUNE 2010

Attn: Lonslo Tossov,

Goody to you, how are you doing today? I hope that you're safe out there. ItŐs good to know that we are in line with each as far as this transaction is concerned. As per your instructions I am sending you the payment instructions again so that you can have the delivery fee sent to me for the immediate dispatch of the consignment box.

I received an e-mail from Capt Malcolm, he inquired about the communication level between us concerning the consignment and I told him that as soon as you update me, I will inform him immediately. As soon as I receive the delivery fee, I will inform him immediately, if he has any more instructions before the delivery commences.

You are to instruct your officer Mr. Miracksy go to the nearest western union office in his locality and send the sum of $560.00 only to the name and address of my secretary found below:

Name: Donald Wesley
Address: 6 New Square, Lincolns Inn, London England.
Amount: $560.00

Note that he will be required to send all the payment informationŐs to me as soon as payment is made, the payment details will enable my secretary Mr. Donald Wesley collect the money from any western union office in Uk, so that we can commence with the delivery of the consignment with immediate effect.

The needed payment details include the MTCN numbers (money transfer control numbers) and a scanned copy of the payment slip that was given to him by the western union staff and also the senders name (the name he used to send the money). Please kindly indicate where you want the consignment box delivered to, the address that you want the consignment to be delivered to.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 04:09:56 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Phone Call

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
10th JUNE 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

Hope you received my last e-mail, i have not received any updates from Mr Miracksy yet, as soon as i get any information from him i will inform you immediately. Your phone call was deeply appreciated. Inform me, have you given the payment instructions to your officer Mr Miracksy? i await your response.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

ROSENBLATT IS VERY CONFUSED I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT_THERE HAVE BEEN NO CALLS FROM MY OFFICE_NEITHER IS THERE LIKELY TO BE SO

Lonslo Tossov

[Lonslo plays along.]

To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Rosenblatt Phone Call
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 12:53:17 +0000

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

Things are being mobilised for action in our Czech office, I can assure you of that.

It was good to chat, I must say.

Has Corporal Miracksy contacted you yet? He has his orders from this end.

T

Lonslo Tossov (Major.Rtd)
Tossov Investments SA

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: To Major Lonslo Tossov
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 09:09:45 +0000

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today, hope you and your team are fine. I put you in my prayers everyday for GOD to keep you save, and i hope you do the same for me too.

Please friend i am a little bit worried, i would appreciate an update from you, i will feel better if you update me about the present status of the consignment box. I just contacted the Barrister, and i have not received any updates from him yet.

I await your e-mail,

Best Regards to you and your men.
Capt Bill Malcolm.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 10, 2010 9:22:48 AM PDT

Dear Captain Malcom

Things can be reported as progressing smoothly. My man Ilichy Miracksy has been given his orders and should be in contact with Rosenblatt shortly, if he has not done so already. You may rely upon Miracksy, who is a field communications specialist when serving here with the Mbalongawank force, holding the rank of corporal, although at the moment he is in Europe. He will see things through. As for the consignment, Rosenblatt can bring you up to date as it is still his hands. Is the box likely to be bullet proof by the way? Might be useful if so.

I must admit a little confusion this end, perhaps due to a crossing of signals. Is it you or Rosenblatt who needs the supplies addressed to them directly? If they are to be sent to him, is he intending to forward them? It seems a round about route of resupply. Quartermaster Bunter's laptop is disabled due to stray shell, and he was unable to confirm what has been agreed during my recent absence. Fortunately he escaped injury, but the blast has left him a little disorientated, as well as now leaving him now sadly missing both eyebrows. The effect is startling, and we need to keep away from the customers for the time being.

I saw Drifte earlier today. He seems cheerful, even with the foot infection that has set in lately.

Regards to your brave lads.

Tossov

Lonslo Tossov Major (Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 17:18:04 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
10th JUNE 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

Kindly note that I have not heard from your officer Mr. Miracksy yet, as soon as I receive any update from him I will inform you immediately. Be informed that because of the nature of this transaction, my personal bank account cannot be used for security reasons. You're a military man, and should know that a confidential operation such as this has to be done cleanly without any trace, that was why I wanted you to send the delivery fee via western union that way there will be no trace and this transaction will be perfectly executed.

You're to inform your officer that the fee has to be sent across to my secretary via western union money transfer, I advise you to read through my previous e-mail there you will find all the needed instructions that I sent to you. I am sorry if sending the fee via western union is not comfortable for you; I am only keeping my reputation in a safe hand.

I have not received any update from Capt Malcolm concerning the supplies, it will be best if you ask him for the instructions on how he wants the supplies to be transported to him. You have to understand that transportation of such goods will need a special arrangement, so if I will get involved in the transportation I will need at least some time to plan.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Lonslo Tossov

Subject: To Mr Rosenblatt
Date: June 10, 2010 12:15:40 PM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Mr Rosenblab

I have just sent a coded direct order to corporal Miracsky and all should be well. I understand he has been kept from the office by the demands of a local paintballing tournament. Activities like these strengthen good military reactions and strategic skills, and as a company we condone them, but on occasion they can prove a distraction.

I must admit a certain hesitation about sending money by Western Union. Is there no other way? An operation like this should be based around tight security and sure that is not to be achieved by this route.

Captain Malcom has not made a decision about the supplies, but if you have seen the manifest you will remember that it represents a container load of various items, which surely it would make sense to send direct. Has Quartermaster Bunter sent you this? More to the point, do you have the logistics at your command to send them on safely? I know in civvy street things are more lackadaisical. I am always barking orders at my native workforce only to see mute insubordination or mutiny in their eyes, while the half day's weapons course we have recently instituted here as team building exercises sometimes descend into something approaching farce. Shooting paper cups off the water cooler is not my idea of rigorous work-in-arms, I can assure you.

Anyway back to the campaign in hand. As soon as Corporal Miracsky gets in contact let me know. Captain Malcom is waiting to scramble his end too.

T

Lonslo Tossov Major (Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA

Ilichy Miracsky

From: ilichy.miracsky@post.cz
Subject: Hello Mrs Rosenblatt
Date: June 10, 2010 1:11:52 PM PDT
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: njarhead001@msnzone.cn, Lonslo Tossov

Helloo Mrs Roseblatt

Is ILICHY MIRACKSY here, have been in hearing of MAJOR TOSSOV and gets order for spend monies. Proud corporal am this chap.Am llitle confusing, western union?

Many sorrow for not be in writing time before, paintballs was in outside, Is you like to do.

Kind as to send all details for urgency.. This fellow will make quick action.

Much regards

ILICHY

Ilichy Miracsky
Bohoslužba Opice
Tossov Investementijcka (Cz)
Jste Ubohý Kunda 2743/103,
13000 Praha 3-Žižkov,
Česká republika -
Tel 974 821 111

Capt Bill Malcolm

TIME TO LET THE FELLOW STEW - THIS DESPATCH IGNORED

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 2010 01:43:10 +0000

Dear Major Lonslo,

I salute you and your men, i must say that i am quite impressed with your performance so far, i am really grateful for your assistance you are all i have rightnow, because you're like a brother to me. I am sorry that i did not update you about the supplies, i was thinking of a better way to have it delivered to me, as soon as i figure out a perfect plan i will inform you and mr bunter immediately.

Note that the consignment box cannot be penetrated, it has maximum security the only thing that can open it is the passcode i will have it sent to you as soon as i get confirmations from you that the box has reached your location.

I will discuss with barrister rosenblatt concerning the delivery of the supplies to me, please send my regards to all your men out there upholding justice and keeping peace in order. I always put you and your men in prayers, i pray that GOD keep you safe from dangers and i want you to do the same for me.

I await goods news from your end,

Regards,
Capt Bill Malcolm

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

ROSENBLATT LIKEWISE KEPT TWIDDLING HIS GREASY THUMBS FOR A DAY OR SO

Date: Sat, 12 Jun 2010 05:10:33 +0000
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: To Lonslo Tossov..Reply Urgently
To: Lonslo Tossov
CC: Lonslo Tossov (at same address)

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
12th JUNE 2010

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

I just received an e-mail from your officer Mr. Ilichy Miracsky concerning the payment. About your hesitations, be informed that western union is a safe way to send fee across internationally, it is the fastest too, and funds can be received without drawing attentions. It will be unwise to use a personal bank account for this transaction, my secretary can collect the fee in any western union outlet in UK without being noticed, this is a confidential transaction and needs to be done with confidentiality and executed with a perfect planning.

I have sent my instructions to your officer Mr. Ilichy Miracsky, as soon as I receive any e-mail from him concerning the payment I will update you immediately, this is regarded as the final stage of this transaction, I will send a copy of this mail to Capt Malcolm so that he will be aware of the present status.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Lt. William Bunter

Subject: Consignment ready for despatch
Date: June 15, 2010 5:43:24 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Cc: Lonslo Tossov

Dear Captain Malcom

Re Shipment of relief supplies to you and your brave lads

I am now back at my duties having recovered somewhat from the recent tour of duty. There is admittedly a residue ringing in my ears, and some damage to my eyebrows but I am determined to see that you get what is coming to you as soon as it can be managed. Hence I have had myself carried back here to see things through.

Major Tossov tells me that it is uncertain whether I am to send to consignment to a Mr Rosenbladder or yourself, can this be confirmed as we need to ensure the security of delivery. You have the manifest from my previous message sir, to which can now be added

200 packets of dried noodles
5000 Rizla papers
complete set of '24' TV drama episodes 1 - 3 & 6
15 Jeffrey Archer novels (11 unread)
misc first aid dressings
1 x 'souvenir of Smegarooon' t shirt

I do hope that these all find a good home.

Kindly confirm where they should be sent as all these provisions are proving a little difficult to navigate round in the office here.

At your command sir,

BUNTER
Lt. William Bunter
Quartermaster
Mbalongawank Protection Force

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: Hello Lonslo Tossov
Date: Mon, 14 Jun 2010 00:20:31 +0000

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today, I hope you're doing great. I write to seek updates from you, as I have not received any response for the last e-mail that I sent to you. I hope you're ok; I can't wait to receive your e-mail to signify that you're ok and out of danger.

Do send my regards to your brave men.

I await your e-mail,

Best Regards to you and your men.
Capt Bill Malcolm.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 15, 2010 5:57:58 AM PDT

Dear Captain Malcom

My apologies for being away on other duties these last couple of days which means I have been not able to check messages. News of gruffalo poachers 30 clicks SE meant that a small volunteer force our end was required by the civil authorities at short notice. It was half days drive to the reservation. At any rate we successfully caught a couple of the fellows in the act, neutralised them in short order, secured them to the roof of the truck and brought them back to face consequences. They protested all the way but I was having none of it. The gruffalo is a beautiful creature and we were proud to aid in its protection. All in all quite a feather in the platoon's hat, I can tell you!

Anyway please give me an update. Has corporal Miracsky followed through on his orders?

Tossov

PS Quatermaster Bunter is back on duty and should be in contact shortly. Don't mention the loss of his facial hair in the recent fracas, I would not want the old fellow embarassed.
Capt Bill Malcolm

Date: Wed, 16 Jun 2010 00:00:55 +0000

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today, I hope you're doing great. Thanks for your e-mail, i must say that i was really worried because of your late response to my e-mail, be informed that barrister rosenblatt replied to my e-mail by saying(i have not received any e-mail from the officer that was instructed to send the fee for the delivery to me) i was really hoping that this transaction gets completed soon.

I received an e-mail from your brave officer Mr. Bunter informing me that the supplies was ready for dispatch to me, i really appreciate your gifts to me and my men, i will respond to him soon, i want us to complete the present transaction which is the topmost priority before we commence with the dispatch of the supplies.

Do send my regards to your brave men.

I await your e-mail,

Capt Bill Malcolm.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 16, 2010 5:49:04 AM PDT To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn

Dear Captain Malcom

This is excellent news I must say, now that things are looking to be moving right along. It put quite a spring in my step as I organised the canteen rifle drill and small arms care class this morning I can assure you of that. Even the careless dropping of 15 MK47 rounds in the mashed potato by a new recuit, requiring immediate rescue and careful wipedown lest the ammunition suffered, did not put a dampener on my spirits. I am sure Rosenblatt must have had things paid to him by now and am very pleased if this is so.

I know that Quartermaster Bunter is very keen to proceed with the despatch of the items we have assembled for you and your brave lads. Where have you decided is the optimum address? If you have any suggestions of late additions to the pile please let us know. For instance I think I can lay my hands on some truss straps and a Sailor's Friend.

Tossov
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

[The "Barrister" contacts Tossov's man Miracsky directly.]

------------ Pîvodní zpr´va ------------
Od: Barr David Rosenblatt Esq
Datum: 12.6.2010 07:06:08

Rosenblatt Associates
24 LincolnŐs Inn Fields,
LONDON WC2A 3EG, ENGLAND.
Email: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +44-702-408-8935
Fax: +44- 870 974 6921

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
12th JUNE 2010

Dear Ilichy Miracsky,
How are you today? I am Mr. Rosenblatt not Mrs. Rosenblatt, I have been waiting for your e-mail; I received updates from Major Lonslo, stating that the payment will come from your End in Europe. In case you were wondering, why I wanted the fee sent via western union, I do not use my personal bank accounts for this kind of transactions; I have explained my reasons to Major Lonslo. YouŐre to follow my instructions, to ensure that the fee getŐs to my secretary as soon as possible.

You are to go to the nearest western union office in his locality and send the sum of $560.00 only to the name and address of my secretary found below:

Name: Donald Wesley
Address: 6 New Square, Lincolns Inn, London England.
Amount: $560.00
Note that you will be required to send all the payment information to me via e-mail as soon as payment is made, the payment details will enable my secretary Mr. Donald Wesley collect the money from any western union office in UK without being noticed.

The payment details that youŐre to send to me includes the MTCN numbers (money transfer control numbers) and a scanned copy of the payment slip that was given to him by the western union staff and also the senders name (the name that you used to send the money).

I await your e-mail and confirmation of the payment so that I can do the needful.
Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Ilichy Miracsky

Date: June 17, 2010 5:36:43 AM PDT To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk Cc: Lonslo Tossov

Helloooo Mr Rosenblatt

Is ILICHY here , am writings for to say what is happens.

Am sorry for not in being chat, can be difficult this end make all email sends. This fellow not in English first language, am learn night clases. Is all 'good mornings' 'hello how you' 'have tea time' 'is scones to have' etc etc and much like, get to slow know what say and how make chattering. Be to practice with wife and friends make merry banters all time.

Please now, am in concern over WESTERN UNION pays, is all much not secure to be sure. Have other type of sendings for this business monies, some manner in not such a sticky problem is? Major Tossov not like dangerous sends of cash this is way. Can be lost this fellow thinks. If new way is to be done, will be quick sortage.

Hope weathering is fine your ends. Here, much rains and run off housage.

Frabjous day

ILICHY

Ilichy Miracsky
Bohoslužba Opice
Tossov Investementijcka (Cz)
Jste Ubohý Kunda 2743/103,
13000 Praha 3-Žižkov,
Česká republika -
Tel 974 821 111

Capt Bill Malcolm

Subject: To Major Lonslo Tossov
Date: Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:29:57 +0000

Dear Major Lonslo Tossov,

Thanks for your quick response to my e-mail, i have already replied to the e-mail that i received from Mr. Bunter, but i am a little bit worried about this transaction(Consignment).I want you to get confirmations of the payment of the delivery fee personally from your officer in prague, because i got updates from Barr Rosenblatt stating that he had not received the payment for the delivery preparations from your officer, he also said that he has not received any updates from him recently despite his repeated messages to him.

I want you to get updates from your paying office in europe, to inquire about the cause of the delays, the consignment has be moved as soon as possible. Maybe your officer does' not know the importance of the consignment, you're to inform him that the Consignment is top priority, and he has to be quick in his duties.

I await your e-mail,

Capt Bill Malcolm.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 17, 2010 5:54:27 AM PDT

Dear Captain Malcom

I have checked with Corporal Ilichy and he has expressed doubts as to the means of payment. He being in charge of the office over there, I am sure he will want things cleared up before he will see through the payment I have authorised. Have you or Mr Rosenblatt heard from him? This is all rather a nuisance, as I want to get all operations under way as soon as possible. There is nothing worse than having men and equipment ready and waiting for the whistle to take them over the top, as it were, only to have a campaign forestalled by matters which should easily be resolved.

Quatermaster Bunter reports having received a despatch in regards to the consignment and I no doubt will be briefed shortly over the afternoon whisky and sodas in the boardroom today.

I hope that you and your men are bearing up well. The stress of combat I know can play havoc with a man. as a matter of fact we keep a chap on, serving in the boardroom here, who shakes terribly with a degree of traumatic stress after seeing combat in Smegaroon a while back. His condition makes delivery of whisky in glasses via tray without spillage quite a challenge but we do what we can. I am sure once our consignment arrives safely you will see the benefit.

Once again sir I salute your bravery and integrity, you deserve all you get.

Tossov

Capt Bill Malcolm

Dear Lt. William Bunter,

How are you today, I hope you're doing great, its good news to hear that you have recovered and back to your duties. Note that the content of your e-mail was understood i already received a confirmation from My friend Major Lonslo, informing me that the supplies was ready for dispatch to my prefared address, the process is been delayed due to some set backs. You're to standby for my orders before you proceed with the dispatch of the supplies.

I will inform you as soon as i make all the neccesary arrangements and put everything in place.

Stay safe.

Best Regards
Capt Bill Malcolm.

Sgt William Bunter

[Meanwhile a dispatch from Tossov's man in South Africa]

Subject: To Captain Bill Malcom
Date: June 18, 2010 5:59:31 AM PDT
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Cc: Lonslo Tossov

Dear Captain Malcom

Is there an update on the situation? I am worried that the delay may effect the morale of your brave lads. Also the provisions are proving a real stumbling block here in the office. I was on my way to photocopy some documents this morning when the box of folding saws fell on my foot and I have been limping ever since. Also some of the staff are making unauthorised additions to the goods, no doubt motivated by personal charity but without any quality control. For instance I have noticed some multi coloured prophylactics of chinese origin pushed into a couple of containers, and know these to be inferior quality, especially in combat conditions.

Kindly expedite this matter sir as we are all keen to see your needs alleviated.

BUNTER

Lt. William Bunter
Quartermaster
Mbalongawank Protection Force

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 20, 2010

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

I have just popped in for a refresher during my sunday golf session this fine day and find your message alarming. Do you mean to say that Miracsky has not yet sent the money? I am surprised as he has his orders. I have not given him any precise instructions as per payment method, although I must agree western union is rather irregular. In fact most of such payments made from this office go through Smegaroon Postal if bank transfer is found to be less useful.

Please check again in case Corporal Miracsky has since done his duty. However, since payment must be sent from our european office, for accountancy reasons, this operational hiccup is best taken up with him.

I must go now as a Sgt Rorke, caddying for me today, still has trouble with his foot and has been hobbling manfully round the course all day. But apart from a nasty spill into a bunker at the 5th bending my second best iron, he has managed well enough. Across the office from me now, foot up on the water cooler, he has just given a cheery wave, brave lad that he is.

Please double check matters and chase Miracsky up as I say. Last signal I received from him was that he had a simple query or two requiring clearing up.

Tossov

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Retr.d)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: To Major Lonslo Tossov
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2010

Dear Major Lonslo Tossov,

Thanks for your e-mail, and your words of encouragement,i hope i really get to meet you soon to thank you personally for your support.

I must say that i never thought that this transaction will last this long, i commend your good work and all your effort towards this transaction, but i am a little bit confused, your officer in europe never contacted me but i got updates from Barr Rosenblatt he said that he received an e-mail from him, and he replied to the e-mail with all the needed instructions to have the fee forwarded to him, but he never received any more updates from him.

I will advise that you inquire personally from your officer, if he had received any e-mail from the barrister with the payment directives/ instructions, we have to complete this transaction as soon as possible, delay is never a good thing, it will be better if you have the funds sent personally to avoid any more delays.
I await your e-mail,

Please send my regards to your brave men.

I await your e-mail,
Capt Bill Malcolm.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 20, 2010

Dear Captain Malcom

I am little confused now. Are you speaking to Miracsky or Rosenblatt about this delay? Are the two not speaking to each other? I cannot send payment this from this office as I have previously made clear.

What news about Bunter's despatch? This pile of provisions we have in the office is an eyesore and it is hard to conduct financial meetings over tins of beans and fish hooks I can assure you.

Regards to you and your brave lads.

Tossov

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Retr.d)

Capt Bill Malcolm

Captain Malcom feels the need to regroup his weary forces.

Subject: Dear Friend
Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2010

Dear Friend,

How are you today, I am sorry for the content of my previous mail, i was a little bit worried and confused too, I was hoping that you could inform Mr. Miracsky how important this is.

I am making arrangements on how to receive your gifts, but before we proceed with the delivery of the gifts i will want the present transaction completed because it is our top priority. Meanwhile i will confirm from Rosenblatt if i could rely on him regarding the delivery of the gift items which you want to send across to me.

I will wait for updates from Rosenblatt regarding the present level of communication between him and Mr. Miracsky, i have not received any recent updates from him yet, when i do i will inform you immediately.

Please send me regards to your brave lads,

Regards,
Captain Bill Malcolm.

Lt. William Bunter

Date: June 21, 2010
To: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Cc: Major Tossov

Dear Captain Malcom

Is there an update on the delivery schedule for the supplies we have for you? I am worried about rats getting at the foodstuffs, or native tampering, and the medical supplies have an expiry date.

Major Tossov says that a decision is imminent. I would not want your brave lads to miss what is coming to them.

Also we have now added some diarrhetic medication. We have more of this if you feel you might run to it.

I hope you and your lads are all safe and well. Mrs Bunter sends her regards.

BUNTER

Lt. William Bunter
Quartermaster
Mbalongawank Protection Force

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
21th JUNE 2010

Dear Ilichy Miracsky,
How are you today? Did you receive my previous e-mail? i just received an e-mail from Major Lonslo Tossov, stating that he has given you instructions to send the fee anyway that i want it sent, but i do not understand why you don't want to send the fee across to me. I am going to use the funds to arrange some important documents to complete a transaction for Major Lonslo, and you're delaying that, i want to you reply to my e-mail immediately to inform me if you have sent the fee as instructed.
I will inform Major Lonslo that you have refused to follow my instructions, and you're the cause of the delays and the reasons why i have not completed the transaction.
Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Ilichy Miracsky

Date: June 21, 2010
Cc: Major Tossov

Helloo Barr David

is ILICHY again. Please to say in handings all is, fully sortage to be. But can pehaps no send WESTERN UNION for the unsafe matters is. Can do BANK TRANSERS?? Much is more releved for this to do when and say so.

Major Tossov say for this office make responsibiltes. He say all to make good order with no native nonsenses, right to do, right to say, right to have onward sort. Please get to make replies about BANK TRANSFER and this fellow here leap to make doings.

How is your family and wives? Am going of holidays this year? Seasides or townsides? Brings buckets and spades for castles, yes.

Frabjous day,

ILICHY

Ilichy Miracsky
Bohoslužba Opice
Tossov Investementijcka (Cz)
Jste Ubohý Kunda 2743/103,
13000 Praha 3-Žižkov,
Česká republika -
Tel 974 821 111


[More to come? We do hope! Calloo! Callay! ]

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2010
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: TO ALL PARTIES INVOLVED
To: Ilichy Miracsky
CC: Captain Bill Malcolm, Lonslo Tossov

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
21th JUNE 2010
Attention: Ilichy Miracsky, Capt Bill Malcolm & Major Lonslo Tossov,

How are you today? I just returned to office and found an e-mail from Mr. Miracsky. Be informed that i cannot use my bank account for this transaction as explained before, for security reasons. If you do not want to have the fee sent via western union as i have instructed, then i wash my hands off this transaction.

I have alot of business to take care of, you're wasting my time, this has to be done with mutual understanding, i cannot risk using my account for this transaction if you don't want to send the fee via my instructions, it means that you don't trust me, then i have to suspend this transaction until you're ready, it seems that Mr. Miracsky prefares to do things his way rather than following simple instructions.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 22, 2010
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: njarhead001@msnzone.cn, Ilichy Miracsky

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

Get a hold of yourself man or I will have to speak to your superior. I am surprised that you are taking this attitude. Where is your discipline? Do the British have no stamina in pressing times? I think of The Blitz, and HMS Pinafore, and wonder if you are of the same line. Corporal Miracsky is one of our best men and takes order delegation and the seeing through of commands very seriously. He did not work the shortwave radio during the second Smegaroon offensive, a time I may add when iron-willed adherence to duty was essential, to be be considered so lightly. Once the man even saved my life for God's sake, by throwing a live grenade back over the line.

I am sure you would wish any employee of yours to consider matters of financial security of topmost operational priority. We need a loss from petty cash, especially to the amount in question, as much as we would welcome a bout of trench foot. After a debrief session by phone earlier, I find Miracsky has merely been double checking and querying all down the line, as I would expect him to do. It would certainly be a shame if this operation were to be postponed or cancelled due to haste and unsoldierly discipline that certainly does not eminate from this company. Captain Malcom, fox holed hero that he is, appreciates the correct and soldierly way to conduct this business even if you dont.

Now I suggest you simply send Miracsky the information he requires. I will make it clear to him that Western Union is acceptable, even if not desirable.

On your part I suggest you decide exactly where Bunter is to send all this stuff rolling round my feet as it is about time this was handled in proper military fashion with none of your civvy street cack handedness.

TOSSOV

Lonslo Tossov Major (Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: TO MAJOR LONSLO
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2010

Dear Major Lonslo,

How are today? hope you're getting along with your lads in a Good condition, I SALUTE you for your bravery, i like the way you got back at Barr Rosenblatts, that's the true spirit of a soldier, and i am very happy that you placed him in his rightful position as a common citizen without no military experience.

I plead on his behalf, for using such content to address a man with integrity and knowledge as yourself, he is a common citizen with no military experience/knowledge.

I await your update as soon as you get any information from Barr Rosenblatt or Mr. Miracsky.

Please send me regards to you brave men.

Regards,

Capt Bill Malcolm.
Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 23, 2010

Dear Captain Malcom

I must admit I was a bit annoyed at Mr Rosenblatt yesterday when I dashed off that communication. He seemed to be impugning the veracity of standard business procedure, not to mention the integrity of one of my finest lads. Miracsky is a rock to the company, both militarily and commercially speaking, and I find comments against him irksome. Add to that the events of yesterday, when Sergeant Drifte's foot played up again, requiring him being whisked off to the medics and you will see that I was not in the kindliest of spirits. Those who know me will testify to my charitable and kindly nature, even when out cutting the throats of insurgents, and so my outburts was uncharacteristic. But I am glad you found it useful in clearing the air. Not being a military man himself, Rosenblatt has no idea of the proper way to approach these things. A dose of the parade ground might shake him up some I am tempted to suggest.

I will chase up Miracsky today with a further briefing once I have taken a jigsaw and grapes to Drifte and be sure to see what can be hastened. In the meantime let me know at once should any payment be made, I would not wish it to be processed twice, I can assure you of that.

Regards to you and your courageous lads.

TOSSOV

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)
Tossov Investments SA

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL

24th JUNE 2010

Dear Ilichy Miracsky,

How are you today? i am sorry for the content of my last e-mail, it was due to the pressure and urgency of this transaction.

I just got confirmations from Major Lonslo Tossov, he informed me that he has given you instructions to send the fee across by Western Union which was my original idea. Please find the payment details below.

Receivers Name: Donald Wesley
Receivers Address: 6 New Square, Lincolns Inn, London England.
Amount: $560.00

Note that you will be required to send all the payment information to me via e-mail as soon as payment is made by you, the payment details will enable my secretary Mr. Donald Wesley collect the money from any western union office in England.

The payment details that youŐre to send to me includes the MTCN numbers (money transfer control numbers) and a scanned copy of the payment slip/ receipt that was given to you by the western union staff. And also the senders name (the name that you used to send the money).

I await your e-mail and confirmation of the payment so that I can do the needful.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC) © 1992-2010 Rosenblatt Associates All Rights Reserved.

Ilichy Miracsky

Subject: TO BARR ROSENBLATT
Date: June 24, 2010
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: Lonslo Tossov

Hello MR ROSENBLATT

Is ILICHY here, all to say hi and is fellow well waking. Nice days is heres, good for bread picknicks. All wines and take snooze.

Have got all to sortage, with this detail and have big flob send just now.

The MTCN number is 41969-FU2 names of sender ILICHY MIRACKSY

Must to own have not in scan time of receipt, is stil in car to find but rush to make this message have.

Have mades payment in Dork currency for exchange be best (DK13,700).

Please confirm if all is safes and wells you end.

Frabjous day

ILICHY

Ilichy Miracsky
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Date: Fri, 25 Jun 2010
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Good day to you
To: Ilichy Miracsky

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
25th JUNE 2010
Good day to you, be informed that i just read your e-mail, and i am supprised that the MTCN numbers is 41969-FU2, note that MTCN numbers is a ten digit number, please inform me, did you send the payment via WESTERN UNION as i requested? i am asking this because the western union transfer code is always a ten digit number it is not in this kind of format 41969-FU2.
Please inform me immediately, because we have a very important transaction to complete. You can send me the payment receipt for confirmations if te payment was sent via western union.
Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)
© 1992-2010 Rosenblatt Associates All Rights Reserved.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 25, 2010
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: Ilichy Miracsky

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

Please accept some confusion from our good friend in Prague. He will resubmit the payment details immediately.

I imagine there has been a simply been a problem with transcription due to the language swop.

Ilichy you have the order, please attend to it AT ONCE. Men of honour and bravery depend upon it!

Mr. Rosenblatt how soon after you receive payment can we expect the second part of the operation to occur? I know for sure that Captain Malcom wants a good seeing to.

TOSSOV
Ilichy Miracsky

Subject: To Mr Rosenblatt BIG SORRY IS
Date: June 25, 2010
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: Lonslo Tossov

Hello Mr Rosenbladder

PLEASE ACCEPTINGS BIG SORRY TIME HERE

This fellow make mistakes in sending last message, all feel much to be bad is. Hand on heart is, make apologes. Truth to say, was not good day for this fellows. Have accident in car on way back from WESTERN UNION doings, all big bumps over Tesco Boulevardski, knocks to over some old chap on crossing make, all is bad to do, hospotal he go, much with bandage and so in mind of this. Very much can say, not so brillig. Nurses be in cross time with this crashed one and then have sad police chattage. Car in garages in. Am then to rush back to office did, and in sortage of matter make confusings with head. But am to right this things now. Major Tossov is say to do, this ILICHY do now in short orderings so is to done now.

Have looked at the numbers for WESTERN UNION for again to put writings. Is now the correct ones:

4196927383

also have FU2 am sure is right to say to u.

Frabjous day

ILICHY

Ilichy Miracsky
Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 28, 2010 6:02:02 AM PDT

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

I must admit that I was disconcerted to hear that this operation was not going to plan. At first I put the disappointment down to the organisation and staffing at your end, rather hastily as it now turns out. Perhaps, I imagined, you had not the military precision and men at your command necessary to see things through without due hiccup. But, to my chagrin and embarrassment, I now discover it is Corporal Miracsky who is at fault. A trusted man. A loyal trooper. A diamond in the rough maybe, but one known to follow orders through and be reliable in all sorts of campaign work. I believe he mention to you the road accident he was involved with the other day during his journey to the Western Union office in Prague. A Type 96 APV is not ideal for the local traffic, having to squeeze down side roads sometimes or find suitable parking spaces, and it seems he was in an avoidable collision. It rather shook our man up as you might have guess, and necessitated some local problems immediately thereafter.

The long and short of it is that your payment was inaccurately dealt with, and we will have to put things right as soon as possible for we are anxious to proceed with this operation. The idea that Captain Malcom and his brave lads are not getting what is coming to them makes me shudder, and indeed the whole affair quite spoilt my round of golf this morning. I will never make the Smegaroon Open with such a par showing, I can assure you of that.

You may rest assured that payment will be made very shortly. Corporal Miracsky has been temporarily relieved of his duties. A new man will be promoted to his position imemdiately. As soon as I have details for you then I will send you a new communication.

In the meantime please reassure me that this has not affected trust between us.

Please stand by
LONSLO

Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)

Capt Bill Malcolm

From: njarhead001@msnzone.cn
Subject: Urgent
Date: Tue, 29 Jun 2010

Dear Major Lonslo,

How are today? hope you're getting along with your lads in a Good condition, I just wanted to get some updates from you concerning the present status of our transaction, please get back to me as soon as you get this message.

Please send my regards to you brave men.

Regards,
Capt Bill Malcolm.

Lonslo Tossov

Date: June 29, 2010

Dear Captain Malcom

Has Mr Rosenblatt given you an update on what has happened? Unfortunately our man in Prague, Corporal Miracsky, has had to be relieved of his duties in this operation. There was an unfortunate accident his end and his attention to operational details was less than expected. Due the confidential and critical nature of the the modalities, I am having to be extra careful in making a choice of a replacement, I am sure you will understand. Please do not worry about the eventual outcome, for you will get exactly what is coming to you.

I hope to have a new Prague contact name for you shortly and either I will bring you and Mr Rosenblatt up to date or he will be ordered to make contact himself with fresh news. I imagine things might have to be double checked and done again.

In the meantime I hope that you and your brave lads are holding up well. I have been back from my last volunteer force tour quite a few days now, but the sound of action still rings loudly in my ears. Only yesterday I got my tunic back from the dry cleaners, who have done a fine job in getting much of the staining out of it, I must say.

What news incidentally on the consignment we still have for you here? I know Quartermaster Bunter is eager to see that matter progress further. There is a chance that we can include some perishables, local delicacies perhaps, deep fried locusts and the like, but would need to have a better idea of likely delivery times to guarantee the freshness.

Regards to you and your stouthearted men

Tossov
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

Re: To Mr Rosenblatt BIG SORRY IS
Datum: 26.6.2010 12:14:24

Rosenblatt Associates & Chambers

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
26th JUNE 2010

Dear Ilichy Miracsky, Thanks for your e-mail, be informed that the MTCN numbers was received, before i send it to my secretary, please send the below details: The senders name, if you sent the payment yourself the senders name will be your name, but if the was sent by another fellow, then the sender name will be his name.
Please clarify this matter.
Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

© 1992-2010 Rosenblatt Associates All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail and any attachments to it contain information that is confidential and maybe privileged. It is for the exclusive use of the intended recipient(s). If you are not the intended recipient(s) please note that any form of distribution, copying or use of this communication or the information contained in it is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this email in error, please return it to the sender and delete the email from your record.

Mr Rosenblatt all checks with remained patience is, he can stay chilled out so? Could be sticky probs. -- Ilichy Miracsky
Pavlo Vas Deferens

From: Pavlo Vas Deferens
Subject: Blbec sát dále tato - WESTERN UNION
Date: June 29, 2010
To: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Cc: Lonslo Tossov, njarhead001@msnzone.cn

Halo! nazdar!

JÁ am Pavlo Vas Deferens , člen určitý náhrada do Ilichy Miracsky. On told mne jaký jeden debil kormidlovat man tebe ar trying člen určitý tý dávn pokročilý dát spropitné klam. Western Union, tebe vůle být příznivý. Dobře, ačkoliv tebe pocínovat vidět ono is ne činnost. Ve skutečnosti tato celý korespondence 3sg.préz.od have been jeden celý zpustoit of tvůj čas , a 3sg.préz.od have been kopírka kížem člen určitý tkanivo. Tvůj cituplný pokusit se v zločin ar prověrka veselý. JÁ nejistota -li tebe pocínovat číst Čech. Tebe ar nejspíe njaký negramotný do prdele trying len určitý najímat bezstarostný peníze do čistit bavlnu a nevstka. D obe sen dále , akoliv tato is ne činnost a tebe ar bytost bláhovost do téže míry člen určitý cituplný blbec tebe lets mít jiný hloupý poselstvi dle tebe jakmile its tvůj být špatně od žaludku, blbec.

Seru na vas,

PAVLO VAS DEFERENS
Bohoslužba Opice
Tossov Investementijcka (Cz)
Jste Ubohý Kunda 2743/103,
13000 Praha 3-Žižkov,
Česká republika -
Tel 974 821 111

[Pavlo's reply, translated back into English by machine. Even better than Ilichy could manage:]

SELF am Corridor Vas Deferens , the surrogate up Ilichy Miracsky. He told me what a moron steer man you are trying the same old advanced tip sham. Western Union , you wills subsist auspicious. Well , not but that you tin see yon is no working. Really this whole correspondence have been a whole waste of yours while , plus have been printer across the web. Yours pathetic attempt within misdeed are proving sprightly. SELF qualms li you tin read out Czech. You are probably some unlearned fuck it trying the raise jaunty moneys up gin plus working girl. Well vision next , not but that this is no working plus you are creature unreason like the pathetic moron you lets hold another stupid message from you soon as its yours turn , moron.

David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.

[... valiantly sticking with it ... ]

Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2010
From: barrdavidrosenblattesq@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: INCORRECT PAYMENT MTCN NUMBERS
To: Lonslo Tossov

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
28th JUNE 2010

Note that this incident did not compromise my trust for you or Capt Bill; I rather want to advise you to hasten up the payment process, so that I can proceed with the processing of the necessary documents to back-up the dispatch of the consignment to your location.

As you already know, the consignment box has been in my office for a very longtime, and needs to be dispatched soon, Please get back to me as soon as possible, because we need to act fast.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

Sincerely yours,
David Leonard Rosenblatt Esq.
(Principal Attorney QC)

Lonslo Tossov

Date: July 2, 2010

Dear Mr Rosenblatt

What is happening your end? I out at the moment on some late requested patrol duties and understand my new man in Prague, vas Deferens, has been in contact. I hope that he is keeping a respectful tone. He can be a little close to testy, but we have to work with whoever we find trustworthy in such an operation.

My apologies for any tardiness in replying, but internet reception on the gruffalo reserve can be problematical.

I am keen to see you are done over as soon as possible.

Lonslo
Lonslo Tossov (Major, Ret.d)

IT APPEARS MY MILITARY CAMPAIGN IS AT A TEMPORARY END AS CAPTAIN MALCOM AND HIS GORMLESS MUGU ARMY SEEM TO HAVE DECIDED DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOUR_ HOWEVER I SHALL RETURN AS SURELY AS MACARTHUR ONCE MATTERS ARE RESOLVED I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT_IN THE MEANTIME ENSURE THAT SMEGAROON UNITED GET YOUR FULLEST SUPPORT IN THE WC FINAL_I WILL EXPECT A 8-0 RESULT THEIR FAVOUR _OR WANT TO KNOW THE REASON WHY -- Tossov

Despite not advancing to the Finals, Smegaroon retired glorious from the field, having played beautifully against all comers. Losing on penalty kicks is no disgrace. Spain, et al., will not forget the name of Smegaroon!

 

scamorama main street * get booked * subscribe

Copyright © 1999-2016 Scamorama. All rights reserved.