You are Going Me Nuts, Mr. Noogie


Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie is back, following his triumph in Our Doubts are Traitors.

Lewd's many adventures include If You Value Your Life Send The Money and Don't False Me to Do Stupid Thing to You, a fascinating look at what happens when you actually answer those 'assassination' threats. Lewd's work is worth reading both for its literary merit and as a case study in how to waste a Lad's time.


Scammer(s):
Robert Mueller - Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) (not)
Robin Scott - FBI agent, appears by mention
Agent Henry Duke - Resident FBI Coordinator, Nigerian Station
Kenneth Egogabia - FBI Attorney in Lagos
Williams Thomson - Hired Killer

On defence:
Lewis D. 'Lewd' Noogie - International Hotel Consultant
Idi Amin Dada - Former Ugandan Dictator, Scam Spoiler, currently working as a barrister in Lagos

I've learned from previous experience that the best way to get rid of pesky scammers is to have other scammers bump them off. Extreme, perhaps, but effective for keeping the playing field less crowded


Robert Mueller
Received: from 62.217.143.163 (EHLO nlt2.mavru.az) (62.217.143.163)
From: "FBI"<fbi@fbi.gov>
To: undisclosed-recipients
Subject: ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION (F.B.I).

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

DATE: 14/04/2009

Attention Beneficiary:

This is to officially inform you that it has come to our notice, the Federal Bureau Investigation (FBI), that the sum of $4.2 Million USD is contained here in the United State Of America in your name. That is why we have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because the above amount mentioned is quite a huge amount of money, so we want to make sure that the money you are about to receive is legal and we need to verify that you are not involved in any terrorist movement and money laundering. It has already been confirmed in your name, but the funds are presently in our custody waiting to be released to you,we have verified and investigated that you are the rightful beneficiary to claim the funds, all we need from you is verification and proof due to the huge amount of money involved.

As a matter of national security, we are to serve and to protect the United States of America. The only advice we can give to you is to provide us DIplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) for that your funds will be released in your favor.

You can obtain the document from the FBI in Nigeria, using the following information:

Agent RObin Scott
FBI Special Agent in Charge
Baltimore, Maryland
mail: robinscott@mail2maryland.com

We have done our verification on your FBI Identification Record and checked your criminal records, the only document remaining now is the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST)* to satisfy us that the money you are about to receive is free from Terrorism and Money Laundering act. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it with you, but if you don\'t have it, you can get it from the country where the fund was transferred from, you are to contact the FBI Agent\'s in charge of procuring the above required document in your name.

You are here by advice to Contact the FBI Special Agent in Charge in Baltimore, Maryland, through the email address above to inquire from her on how you are going to get the required document.

Note that you are to do this immediately if you really want your fund to be released to you and also if you don\'t want any legal action to be taken on you. We have already informed the FBI in Baltimore about the present situation, so go ahead and contact her immediately. Your fund is now in our custody and will only be released to you upon the confirmation of the required document, after that the fund will be released to you immediately without any delay.

Note: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to-date records possible for no criminal justice purposes.

Thanks
FBI Director
Robert S. Muller
Washington D.C.

[*The document will, of course, come at a price.]

Lewd Noogie
Director Muller,
While I have been anticipating the arrival of a large sum of money, I don't understand why it would be in the United States. Any information you can give me about how it got there would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 20/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN EMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC DEPT., IT HAS COME TO OUR NOTICE THAT THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA DISTRICT HAS RELEASED $4,200,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY, BY MEANS OF INHERITANCE.

THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT S.T.D.P TO PAY THIS FUND THROUGH WIRE TRANSFER,THEY USED THIS MEANS TO COMPLETE THE PAYMENT.

THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ON THE ALREADY TRANSFERRED FUNDS WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECT TRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN DO FINAL CREDITING TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

DUE TO THE INCREASED DIFFICULTY AND UNNECESSARY SCRUTINY BY THE AMERICAN AUTHORITIES WHEN FUNDS COME FROM OUTSIDE OF EUROPE, AND THE MIDDLE EAST, THE F.B.I BANK COMMISSION FOR EUROPE HAS STOPPED THE TRANSFER ON ITS WAY TO DELIVER PAYMENT OF $4,200,000.00 TO DEBIT YOUR RESERVE ACCOUNT AND PAY YOU THROUGH A SECURED DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT ACCOUNT (S.D.T.A). WE GOVERN AND OVERSEE FUND TRANSFER FOR THE WORLD BANK AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY, UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) WITHIN 3 DAYS FROM THE WORLD LOCAL BANK THAT AUTHORIZE THE TRANSFER FROM WHERE THE FUNDS WAS TRANSFERRED FROM TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIA ARE ANTI-TERRORIST AND DRUG FREE OR WE SHALL HAVE CAUSE TO CROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT, WE SHALL RELEASE THE FUNDS IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS.

THANKS
FBI DIRECTOR
ROBERT S. MUELLER
WASHINGTON D.C.

[Dear Reader, if you believed any of that, please go back and read the main page and all its links, then drop and give me twenty!]

Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
There may be some mistake here. I am not aware of any relative in Nigeria passing away and leaving me an inheritance. Are there any additional details that you can provide as to the name of the deceased and the time of his death? Any information you can provide will be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
20/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

May be you think we are joking, by the time we start taking actions you would understand how serious we are, you do not have his document in your files, if you did your fund would not have been intercepted. We did not believe this at first, but when we traced the wire transfer and checked the documents we had no option than to contact you.

It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking Investigation Department (MTID), that you have some funds valued at $4.2 Million USD (Four Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars) in your name, Mr. Lewis Noogie. The said payment is awaiting adjudication and will be credited to your account when you must have gotten your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and forwarded it to our office, these funds are from Inheritance "willed" to you from the Central Bank of Nigeria (C.B.N) precisely.

With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C (6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States of America, must have proper records, which duly guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to the on going terrorist activities and economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens.

You are under an observational and Investigation in connection with money laundering. If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source, the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the official monitory transaction release document which is your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) so that your funds will be legally processed, recorded and accounted for and then finally be authorized for final transfer in your favor.

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT) is here to wipe out terrorism, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American citizens.

You do not have any rights to receive these funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete.

The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations which serve, as our mission and states "to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States."

NOTE: FAILURE TO PRODUCE THE ABOVE REQUIRED DOCUMENT IN THE NEXT 72HRS, LEGAL ACTIONS WILL BE TAKEN IMMEDIATELY. IF YOU HAVE THE DOCUMENT, THEN CONTACT US AND FORWARD IT TO US VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT, IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE DOCUMENTS THEN CONTACT THE FBI SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE IN BALTIMORE (MARYLAND) " amylyons@mail2maryland.com " IMMEDIATELY FOR HER TO ADVICE YOU ON HOW YOU CAN GET THE REQUIRED DOCUMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,
I'm sure there has been a terrible mistake here. While it is true that I am involved in a foreign monetary transaction of US$ 15.3 million, the barrister guiding me through it has assured me that he is aquiring all necessary documentation and permits. I will verify with him that he has obtained or is obtaining the Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (D.I.S.T.).
I have always had a lot of admiration for the FBI and I conider your agency to be the premier law inforcement agency in the world. I am somewhat concerned that I have attracted your attention and I want to assure you that I have done nothing of a criminal nature.
Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 25/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Your funds are presently in Washington D.C waiting for clearance and verification, before it will be released to you. You have nothing to worry about for all verifications has been taken care off, all you have to do now is fill out he form and it will be sent to the Central Bank of Nigeria for your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer to be processed and sent to you as soon as possible.
Attached is an FBI Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) Application form which you have to fill for your fund to be releades in your favour.
In order for you to get this verification which is called a Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST), but if you can not edit the form and fill it then you will have to fill it out below, that is providing us with the following information with which we will use in securing the above document on your behalf from the Central Bank of Nigeria, Where you funds where transfered from.
1. Full Names:
2. Residential Address:
3. Phone Number:
4. Occupation:
5. Sex:
6. Nationality:
7. Age:
8. Ssn:
9. Copy of Identity or valid drivers license:
Get back to us with the necessary information, before we can proceed with providing you with your DIST.
Note: Make sure that you forward the form to the FBI in Baltimore (Maryland) for your fund to be authorized for final transfered into your account and make a duplicate copy of the document for your own record purposes.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I thank you for the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer form and I have forwarded it to my barrister, I.A. Dada, in Lagos, Nigeria, for immediate action.
Thank you again,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 26/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

You are not getting what you are asked to do, you are to fill out the form that was scanned to you and send it to the FBI Special Agent in Charge in Baltimore, for her to help you out in getting your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) from Nigeria where your fund was transferred from. You will have to fill out the form that was scanned to you from this office and sent it to Baltimore (Maryland) for immediate processing of your DIST form for your funds to be authorized for final remittance in your account as soon as possible.
The form will be sent to the Central Bank of Nigeria to be used in the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST). You will not have to send it to any attorney to fill it out on your behalf. We will need your personal information to be able to get you a DIST and you will have have to keep the Hard Copy of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer for future reference and up to date filling.
Get back to the FBI Special Agent in Charge in Baltimore for the processing of your DIST as soon as possible.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I received an email from Barrister Dada this morning stating that he will be visiting the Central Bank of Nigeria in persontomorrow to secure the Diolomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (D.I.S.T). He informed me that, by Nigerian law, this kind of process must be handled by a licenced law practicioner in Nigeria.

I am, however, somewhat surprised at the cost of this Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (D.I.S.T). I personally feel that a fee of $1,150 is excessive, especially in light of what I have paid so far to complete this transaction and with little progress to show for it. I write to assure you that I have paid the fee and the form will be submitted tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 26/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have gone through your mail and I understood all that you have said but you have to know that why you are asked to contact Agent Henry Duke is for him to guide you on you onthe process and to make sure your DIST is process in due time.
You have to stop dealing with the arttorney and concentrate in getting your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) through him and not through any one else that is why you have to contact him.
For your information the fee for the your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer is not what he said it is but $950.00 so I will want you to go back and collect the fee and send it to Agent Henry Duke through his mail (henryduke@mail2maryland.com) and make sure you send a scanned copy of your payment receipt to me for confirmation and filling for record purposes.
Get back to me ASAP, I will be waiting to hear from you soon.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 27/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

In sending the fee to Agent Henry Duke? you will have to send it with the Accountant's information working with the Central Bank of Nigeria with his information below:
Name: Agim Emmanuel
Location: Anambra, Nigeria
Amount: $950.00
Text Question: What for
Answer: DIST
Once that is done your DIST will be sent to you in 24hrs and you will have to sent us a scanned copy for verification and scrutinization and you have to keep the Hard Copy to your self for you will show it to the FBI once your fund is finally transferred to your account.
Get back to me ASAP, I will be waiting to hear from you soon.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Barrister Amin has informed me that he visited the Central Bank of Nigeria today and has made all necessary arrangements for obtaining the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer (D.I.S.T.) on my behalf. He also said that your quote of $950 for the document is correct but that he had to pay an additional $200 stamp fee. I still maintain that Nigeria is the most expensive place I have ever tried to do business.

According to the barrister, our next step is to pay for a Class I Expediting Certificate which he maintains will greatly speed up the release process. While this will cost me an additional $3,300, he assures me that it will get the fund to my account much quicker. I don't know if it's really worth it but I guess I should follow the instructions of my lawyer.

Barrister Amin thanks you for the information that you have provided and said that he will be contacting your office there in Lagos to assure your agency that the process is proceeding smoothly and within the boundaries of international law.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I just wanted to let you know that I have expressed my concern to Barrister Amin regarding your involvement in our transaction. To be quite honest, it makes me extremely nervous and the last thing I want is to be on the bad side of the FBI.

He should be contacting you soon to explain everything he has done to date. I hope this will put the matter to rest.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 28/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have gone through your mail and I am quite impress about how you are going about your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
Agent Henry Duke informed this office that he had heard from Barr. Amin yesterday and they have agreed that the fee should be sent directly to the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria for immediate and speedy process of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) without any form of delay and I also want you to ONLY send a scanned copy of your payment receipt to Agent Henry Duke "the FBI Co-ordinator in Charge over there in Nigeria, with the accountant information that I have sent to you in my last mail.
Also reconfirm your home address to him and tell him your time of visitation so that your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) will be handed over personally to you by our diplomatic agent that will be in charge of delivery your documents along with the Hard Copy of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
Lastly, it may interest you to know that the actual payment for the Class I Expediting Certificate that will speed up the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of transfer is $2,580 USD if handled by an Agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI), but if handled by legal practitioners more charges will by attached to the fee, so I urge you to pay the fee of $2,580.00 USD to the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria through his information below:
Name: Agim Emmanuel
Location: Anambra, Nigeria.
Amount: $2,580.00 USD
Text Question: To whom
Answer: Agim Emmanuel
Thanks for your cooperation, I await your the delivery of your DIST for the final authorization of your fund to commence immediately, on confirmation of your DIST.
Get back to me as soon as possible.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 28/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I received a memo from the FBI Head Office in Washington D.C concerning the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
I sent the FBI Director a memo in Washington D.C yesterday telling him how far we have gone, your lawyer "Barr. Amin" and I in getting your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and we have come to a conclusion that the payment should be sent to the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria with his information given to you from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Washington D.C, for speedy processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer and you should be rest assured that once your DIST is confirmed by the FBI Director " Robert Sue Mueller " in Washington D.C your fund will be authorized for final transfer into your account.
You are suppose to pay the sum of $3,300.00 USD but with the clearance document given to me from the Federal Bureau of Investigations to personally oversee the processing and delivery of your DIST, you are now to pay the sum of $2,580.00 USD directly to the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria for the Class I Expediting Certificate that will speed up the processing of your DIST and I have been authorized to handle this transaction with the Central Bank of Nigeria till your DIST is done, this is an instruction given to me from the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) Washington D.C by the FBI Director.
You are also advised to send the payment receipt to me and please reconfirm your home address for delivery of the Hard Copy of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and also your time of visitation for it to be delivered to your door step and handed personally to you Diplomatic Agents. NOTE: You have to send a scanned copy of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer to the FBI Director in Washington D.C for scrutinizing and verification of your DIST before your funds will be authorized for final transfer into your account immediately it is confirmed.
Go through carefully and get back to me as soon as possible.
Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigations Department Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I'm pleased to know that Barrister Amin is working with your agency and that everything is proceding smoothly. Please be aware that I have transfered sufficient funds to Barrister Amin's account to fully cover the cost of the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer and the Class I Expediting Certificate. He has informed me that he will obtain and submit this and all other necessary documentation to the relevant offices.

Again let me say that I have always considered the FBI as the premier law enforcement agency in the world and it is a pleasure to have had the opportunity of this correspondence with you. Please don't hesitate to ask if you or any other member of your agency require any further information.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 28/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I will need you to go and resend the fee that you are supposed to send to the Agent in Charge in Nigeria, now. I hope you have gone through my mail that was sent you and you have also gone through the mail that I ordered Agent Henry Duke to write you?
your attorney Barr. Amin has not confirmed the payment from you and I want you for your own interest go and send the fee and GET BACK TO ME ASAP.
I will be waiting to hear from you now.
Get back to me as soon as possible.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 28/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I got a memo from the FBI Director in Washington D.C, now, informing me of the mail that you have just sent to them. I want you to know that I have been authorized to handle the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria.
I am not pleased to what have been going on between you and Barr. Amin, if it may interest you I have been trying to contact Barr. Amin on his cell phone since I received the memo from the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS 30mins ago but he has refused picking his calls and I have been authorized to contact you on your personal cell phone, and I want you to STOP every conversation with him now till your DIST has been processed and sent to you by our diplomatic agency.
So Mr. Lewis Noogie, I want you to get back to me with your personal phone number so that call you to confirm how far you have gone with Barr. Amin, and to let you know the next step to take in getting your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST). The earlier you have this done the sooner you have your fund transferred to your account.
Get back to me as soon as possible. Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigations Department
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I find it somewhat strange that you would ask me to send the fee when I have ALREADY sent it. I also find it strange that your Agent Duke in Nigeria would ask me to cease contact with my own barrister. It appears that it all stems from his inability to contact Barrister Amin on his cellphone.

I have transferred a total of $4,450 to Barrister Amin for the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer and the Class I Expediting Certificate alone. I see no reason to send anymore money before the barrister instructs me to. He has informed me that the process of aquiring these documents is proceeding smoothly.

If your agent is having trouble contacting Barrister Amin by phone, please forward the barrister's email address to him: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.com. This is how I correspond with him and he has been very prompt in answering.

Please let me know if you require anything further.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 28/05/2009

Attention Lewis D. Noogie:
How are doing today, hope fine? I wanted to let that Agent Henry Duke of the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) Investigations Department have been trying to get in touch with Barr. Amin but to no avail and I also want you to know that you have not been dealing with right person that was supposed to get your Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer (DIST) from the Central Bank of Nigeria where your fund was transferred from.
You are under an observational and Investigation in connection with Barr. Amin for money laundering. If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source, the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction, is for you to provide the FBI with the official monitory transaction release document which is your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) that should be done by this office and not any one else, so that your funds will be legally processed, recorded and accounted for and then finally be authorized for final transfer into your account as soon as possible.
With full concern of The FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS (F.B.I) and the Internal Revenue Service (I.R.S), wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C (6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in and out of the United States of America, must have proper records, which duly guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to the on going terrorist activities and economic crimes on and against the United States of American citizens.
I am happy to inform you that your file has been investigated and no criminal records was found, so for your own interest and for the interest of everyone else involved in this transaction without the prior knowledge of the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS (F.B.I), I want you make sure you make the payment for the 1st Class Expediting Certificate to the accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria for speedy processing, otherwise your fund will be put on hold till you are ready to comply with the procedures of procuring your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
You are to contact Agent Henry Duke immediately for more briefing on what you are supposed to do and when you are supposed to be expecting your DIST. once again, when you have made the payment for your document make sure the payment information is sent ONLY to the FBI Co-ordinator, Agent Henry Duke and a scanned copy sent to this office for confirmation.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I am pleased to report that Barrister Amin has confirmed that he has paid the fees for both the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer and the Class I Expediting Certificate and will be picking them up from the Central Bank of Nigeria next week. He will be submitting them to your Agent Duke shortly thereafter. I looks like we're very close to completing this transaction. Barrister Amin has informed me to go ahead and send him the payment for the Diplomatic Transportation agency who will bring the money from the US to my location.

Barrister Amin also said that he met with Agent Duke early today and that they are in full agreement on the way this is proceeding. He also said that he discovered that Agent Duke is a golf enthusiast and that they will be playing together this weekend.

I apologize for any misgivings I may have had about Agent Duke earlier. Barrister Amin confirms that he is a very likeable and level-headed guy and he praises him for his cooperation. You have good men working for you, sir.

I thank you for your continuing cooperation.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 29/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I want you to follow the instructions given to you by me very carefully and accurately. If it will impress you to know that your fund transfer was made through bank wire transfer to your account and not through any Diplomatic Agent that was why we tracked and verified that your documents that will certify you to received your fund directly to your account was not complete and that you should get in contact with our Agent over there in Nigeria for him to assist you in getting your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) from the Central Bank of Nigeria.
Whom do I believe? you, your attorney or my Agent? I have been receiving memo from my Agent that your attorney had not yet responded you his mail and had refused picking his calls either, you have to get in contact with my Agent to verify from him all that he had been saying.
You have to know that it is your documents that was to be sent to you and not your fund for you fund is right here in the United States awaiting jurisdiction till we have gotten your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST), only then will your fund be authorized for final transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria to your Account through wire bank transfer.
From the looks of things your attorney is trying to extort money from you with all sorts of lies and deceit, you will not have to pay for the delivery of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer to your door step for it has been paid for, all you need pay is for the fee and speedy processing of you Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and nothing else.
I will be waiting to hear from you concerning the payment of you DIST and it will be delivered to your door step. You will need to verify your personal phone number, residential address and time for visitation for the FBI Diplomatic Agency to deliver your DIST personally to you without delay.
When ever you need our help, do not hesitate to contact this office for I will always be there to assist you.
Get back to me as ASAP Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I don't understand what you are telling me. I have already paid the DIST fee, as well as the Class I Expediting Certificate fee. I am told by my barrister that the only thing left to pay is the transport fee of $7,200 which I will transfer to his account later today.

I don't understand your agent's complaint about not being able to contact Barrister Amin. They have a date to play GOLF this weekend, fer chrissakes. I'm starting to smell a rat here. Are you sure that you trust this Agent Duke?

Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 29/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have told you in my last mail to you that your attorney is only there to make you pay more like he is doing now and you have to know that you are not expected to pay for the transfer of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and not your fund. Your fund is right here in the United States awaiting jurisdiction pending on when we will verify your DIST.
For your information Agent Henry Duke is an agent of the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS (FBI) heading and investigative teem sent down to Nigeria for such documents which includes yours, so I have no reason what so ever to doubt an FBI Agent that has been working with this office for the past 18 years and I want you to believe what ever I have to say and do as I have instructed you. You have to make the payment of $2,580.00 USD to Agent Henry Duke and your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) with the chief accountant's information that I have given to you and your DIST will be ready by Monday or your attorney will always have a way of telling you lies and asking you to pay more, when what you have paid is 4 times over the actual fee for the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer and the Document for speedy processing of your DIST.
I am sure I have sent you the accountant's information to be used for the payment of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of transfer (DIST), pay it immediately then get back to me with the payment information and a scanned copy of the payment receipt through Western Union and you will know the height of trust I have for my Agents.
Get back to me as ASAP
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 30/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Have you been able to get in touch with Agent Henry Duke with the payment for your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and speedy processing of your DIST?
You have to stop the payment to your attorney and pay the fee for your DIST to the FBI Co-ordinator Agent Henry Duke as soon as possible and get your DIST done and delivered to you by Monday at your door step and personally to you pending on your time of visitation.
Agent Henry Duke will like to have to have a word with you, do get in touch with him through this mail address (henryduke@mail2maryland.com or henry_duke111@yahoo.com).
I believe you have to follow my instructions so as to get your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) ready. What so ever you want to know or ask about feel free to send a mail and I will be glad to respond to you.
Get back to me as ASAP
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Considering the doubts you have expressed about Barrister Amin, I have informed him that I will be delaying the transport payment of $7,200 until I can think this whole thing over.

I'll get back in touch with you soon.

Lewis D. Noogie
Barrister Idi Amin Dada

[Barrister Amin, upset over the way events are unfolding, decides it's time to weigh in...]

Barrister Idi Amin Dada (to Robert Mueller)

Subject: LEAVE NOOGIE ALONE

I DEY SERIUS
Robert Mueller
DATE: 31/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Now that you have decided to heed to my advise by delaying the payment to your attorney, I want you to know that my Agent is working over there to make sure that your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of transfer (DIST) gets to you on confirmation of the fee for the processing of your DIST, that is why you are being asked to send the payment directly to the chief accountant of Central Bank of Nigeria.
A Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST), when paid for speedy processing takes less than 24hrs to be processed and delivered. Agent Henry Duke has been in charge of processing such documents for so many years and I am assuring you that once this fee is paid to the chief account of the Central Bank of Nigeria your DIST will be sent to you.
Below is the chief accountant's information:
Name: Agim Emmanuel
Location: Ananbra,Nigeria
Amount: $2,580.00 USD
Text Question: What for
Answer: DIST
I have ask for your time of visitation and your residential address for immediate delivery of your DIST as soon as it is done. You have to make sure you send a scanned copy of the payment receipt to me for filing and record purpose.
Get back to me as ASAP
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

You have to understand that I'm feeling somewhat upset, even angry, with Barrister Amin. I still find it hard to believe that he would cheat me. After all, it was he approached me requesting my help.

I've asked Barrister Amin to explain what's going on and I'm expecting an email from him shortly. I'll get back to you as soon as I hear from him.

Lewis
Robert Mueller
DATE: 31/05/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have gone through your mail and I understood your plight. I will be waiting to hear from you.
Get back to me as soon as you've heard from him.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I'm pleased to report that our concerns have been over nothing. Barrister Amin has informed me that he has obtained both the DIST and the Class I Expediting Certificate. Upon his receiving the transport fee, the money will be moved here.

I thank you for your assistance and apologize for the time you've had to spend on this.

My regards to your agent in Nigeria.

Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 01/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have gone through your mail and Like I have told you before, you are not expected to pay for the delivery of your funds for it is here in Washington D.C awaiting jurisdiction on confirmation of your DIST and you have to tell him to send you the scanned copy of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) for verification before you will send him any money. BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.
I want you to hold on the payment till you have confirmed your DIST from him and send it to me for confirmation, ONLY then will you be asked to continue with what ever you want to, but for now you have to make sure you do not send any fee to him.
You have to know that I contacted you at first because we found out the wire transfer of your fund from the Central Bank of Nigeria to your account and after all verification you are supposed to get us a Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) from the Central Bank of Nigeria so that your funds can be authorized for final remittance into your account. You are advise to pay the fee to the chief accountant of Central Bank of Nigeria and have your DIST sent to you.
Your attorney like I told just want to make sure you send the fee to him, he has nothing to give you. Has he sent you any document made in your name, concerning the remittance of your fund? if he has not then you know what I am talking about.
Get back to me as ASAP
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 02/0/62009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

HAve you been able to come up with the Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST)? if you have I want you to send it to me immediately for the authorization of your fund as soon as possible, but if you have not been able to get it from Barr. uman, YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE IT IS DONE BY DOING WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO and gettin intouch with my Agent immediately.
You will be hearing from the FBI Attorney today.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I'm confused about your statement that I will be hearing from the FBI Attorney today. From what Barrister Amin tells me, everything is proceeding on track and on time. I transferred the $7,200 transfer fee to his account yesterday and he estimates the money will be in my possession by next week. He informs me that he submitted the DIST to the proper authorities; he is unable to send me a scan of the document as his secretary neglected to make a copy.

Apparently there is the small matter of some other minor certificate that has to be taken care of which is supposed to be the last step before delivery. Barrister Amin said he was not familiar with this particular document and would probably have to hire some kind of specialty attorney for a short time to obtain it but he does not anticipate a problem.

Other than this being the most expensive business transaction I've ever been involved in, I guess everything is going ok. By the way, Barrister Amin informs me that he has been in close coordination with your Agent Duke throughout the process.

Thanks for your assistance,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 02/0/62009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

IT SEEMS YOU ARE TRYING VIOLATE THE RULES AND OPERATIONS OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS (F.B.I). YOU HAVE BEEN ASKED TO HOLD ON TO THE PAYMENT OF YOUR DOCUMENT FOR ALL YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR IS $2580.00 ONLY AND AS IT IS NOW YOU HAVE PAID MORE AND YOU STILL WANT TO CONTINUE PAYING.
YOU HAVE TO STOP EVERY CONVERSATION AND SEE THAT YOU PAY THE FEE FOR YOUR DOCUMENT TO MY AGENT ALONE FOR I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OUT OF YOUR ATTORNEY, ELSE YOU HEED TO MY ADVICE. HE TOLD YOU THAT YOU WILL ONLY PAY FOR THE DOCUMENT AND NOW HE WANTS YOU TO CONTINUE PAYING FOR WHAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. YOU HAVE TO SIT BACK AND HAVE A RETHINK AND KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
I AWAIT YOUR REPLY, AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PAID THE FEE TO MY AGENT FOR HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ATTORNEY, HE ONLY WANTS TO MAKE SURE YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER IS DONE AND YOUR FUND AUTHORIZED FOR FINAL TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT FROM THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA DIRECTLY TO YOUR ACCOUNT HERE IN THE STATES.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
I am Hon. Barr. Kenneth Egogabia, I have been authorized to get in touch with you concerning the release of your fund from the Central Bank of Nigeria.
I will be forwarding to you a clearance documents on confirmation of your mail to me, for you to sign and get back to me so that I can proceed with the processing.
Yours Faithfuly
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I received an email from a barrister in Nigeria this evening. I know you mentioned that I would be hearing from the FBI attorney bu you did not mention his name. Would you please confirm the name of the attorney who is supposed to contact me.

Thank you,
Lewis
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie
I will need you to sign this document and get back to me so that I can proceed with the processing of your document and I will want you to make sure every conversation between us is confidential.
Thans
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Egogabia,

I received the form you sent but I am still waiting for confirmation from Robert Mueller, FBI Director in Washington, D.C., to confirm that you are the individual that I should be working with. I will contact you at such time as I hear from him.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Robert Mueller
DATE: 08/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

His name is barrister Kenneth Egogabia, he is a legal practitioner and will be handling the processing of your documents from the Central Bank of Nigeria.
I will be retriving my Agent from Nigeria back to Baltimore, you will have to get in touch with the attorney immediately and continue with him, you will have to sign a document that he will present to the Central Bank of Nigeria for the processing of your document to commence, in 48hrs your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) will get to me and your fund will be authorized for final remmitance into your account. you have to follow his instructions strictly and confidential.
Thanks
Robert S. Mueller
FBI Director
Washington D.C.
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie
Please Endeavour to get in touch with me as soon as you have heard fron him.
Thans
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Egogabia,

Director Mueller has verified that you are indeed the FBI's attorney there in Nigeria and that I am to work with you to obtain the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer. I'm afraid Director Mueller is somewhat behind the curve on this as the D.I.S.T. has already been obtained by my barrister there in Lagos. I am told at this time that the only remaining task is to secure some sort of yellow tag required by Nigerian customs officials. Barrister Amin has hired a special attorney familiar with dealing with customs officials to assist us. Once I have paid for the yellow tags and attorney's fees the fund should be on it's way here.

As I am unfamiliar with many of the legal requirements there in Nigeria, I would recommend that you contact Barrister Amin at iamindada@yahoo.com; I'm sure he will be happy to fill you in on all the details of this transaction.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie
I do not need to get in touch with anyone to secure your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and if you must know I have gone to the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to verify of your fund before scaning that document for your signature and was told that your fund is over their in the United States awaiting verification from them which is your DIST and that once it is verified it will be authorized by the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) to continue with the transfer of your fund to your account.
You are not to pay for any tag what so ever to get your fund transfered to you, you are only and only to obtain your DIST from the central Bank of Nigeria through my chambers. I was also informed that no documents was made in your name to claim fund and that youyr attorney has been estorting money from your claiming to get you a Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
I want you to send me a scanned copy of your DIST made by your attorney, so that I will take it to the Central Bank of Nigeria to show that you have gotten your DIST, but if you can not, please sign the document that I have sent to you and let me do my job.
Thanks
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers Nigeria.
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie:
I want to also remind you that your fund has nothing to do with the Nigerian Customs Official and that you will not be dealing with them at all. i you have anything to ask concerning your DIST and the release of your fund to you, please feel free to contact me at any time.
yours Faithfully
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Egogabia,

I am becoming suspicious that perhaps Barrister Amin is not being completely truthful with me regarding the location of this fund, and I have notified him that I am putting this transaction on hold until such time as I can get independent verification as to the fund's true location.

I thank you and Director Mueller for your time and effort.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie:
Thanks for your understanding and courage, I want you to please get the document that I sent to you signed and sent back to me so that I can proceed to the Central Bank of Nigeria to place an order for the immediate processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
I will need the document to present to the Central Bank of Nigeria so that your DIST will be processed within 24hrs and you will be sent a scanned copy for confirmation and a Hard Copy to keep to your self.
You will have to send a copy (scanned) to the FBI Director in Washington D.C for scrutinizing and verification and your funds will be finally authorized for final remittance into your account immediately it is confirmed and you can also start spending immediately you have confirmed it without any delay.
I will be waiting to receive back the document so as to commence as soon as possible the processing of your Diplomatic immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST).
yours Faithfully
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Egogabia,

I must confess to being more confused than ever. According to Barrister Amin, the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Transfer document has already been obtained and presented to the Central Bank of Nigeria. He said that the money had indeed been moved to the US but in error. He tells me now that the money was moved back to Nigeria and is in the process of being moved to my location.

I sent Barrister Amin your email address and he informs me that he contacted you and that you are in full agreement with his approach. This is why I don't understand why you would be telling me I still have to obtain the DIST.

Mr. Egogabia, I have spent nearly $47,000 on this transaction with nothing to show for it. I am still considering what to do next.

Lewis
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Subject: I have not heard from any one and I do not wish to hear from him.

Good Day Lewis Noogie:
Like I told you in my last mail to you that I do not have to get in touch with anyone to get your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST). I have not not heard from any one and I wish not to hear from him.
I want you to understand that if truly he has gotten your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria there will be a record to show and I think by now you would have gotten it. So you see nothing has been done in your name. If I am to advise you i will say you stop every conversation tat has been going on between you and him and concentrate in getting your fund transferred to you and you have to report him to the Federal Bureau of Investigation and I know they can handle it and make sure he pays every money you have sent to him back to you.
You have know that you are not dealing with the right person all this while and you can get your money back from him with the help of the FBI that I can and will assure you, but first you have to get your fund transferred to you by signing the required document and following the necessary instructions, your fund will be authorized for final remittance into your account within 24hours on confirmation of your DIST which you will be in charge of the Hard Copy and you will be sent a scanned copy to see and verify.
Please get back to me with the signed document and let me continue with my job which I have been paid to do for you.
yours Faithfully
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Egogabia,

I have received an email from Barrister Amin that is most disturbing. He informs me that he presented the DIST to the Central Bank of Nigeria and that you, with assistance from a Mr. Charles Soludo, are now delaying the transfer and are insisting on what amounts to a bribe before the funds are released.
I don't need to tell you that your actions are criminal and odious to an extreme. You, sir, have besmirched the entire profession of barrister in your country. Shame is upon you, in heaps and drifts. I don't know how you can face decent, honest people like myself.
At barrister Amin's insistance, we will pay this ransom to you, as he informs me that this kind of dispicable behaviour is all too customary there in Lagos. But be warned, sir, that Lewis Noogie can be pushed too far. Don't try to pull this crap on us anymore or I will go directly to Robert Mueller, Director of the US FBI, and he and his organization will hunt you down with dogs.
I will transfer your $6,000 dirty money to Barrister Amin this evening and he will pass it on to you, despite his disgust with you and your kind. After you have received the money I expect you to step aside and let this transfer proceed. Should you attempt any further delays I promise that you will pay a very heavy price.
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Subject: you have to stop believing him and do what is right for once.

Good Day Lewis Noogie:

I do not believe you will be talking like this after trying to make sure you get your fund transferred to you and like I have told you I have been paid by the FBI to do my job so I will not need you to pay me for any thing like that. How could you believe that the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria could stoop too low to ask for a bribe from you to get your DIST sent to you, if that is what is keeping it then why has he not told you all this while but kept telling you that his secretary transferred it without scanning it and now he is telling you that it is being delayed by I and the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria? you have to think very well and know that he is saying something else apart from what he has told you before.
You have to know that what you are required to pay is ONLY the fee for your Diplomatic Immunity seal of Transfer (DIST) which is $2,580.00 USD and nothing more than that, you can as well confirm from the FBI Director Mr. Robert S. Mueller himself, so I will not be needing anything like bribe from you for I am a perfect gentle men and will never be involved in such a thing like that.
you have to know that no one is asking you to pay any bribe of such amount and if your attorney says such? I must confess that he is not being faithful to you and from what you are saying it seems you are afraid of him or what?
You have to make sure you do not send that fee to him but rather pay the required fee for the processing of your DIST and I assure you that I will personally send you a scanned copy made by me with date and stamp for your confirmation.
below is my account's information that you will have to make the payment to though western union money transfer and ask to pay with Nigerian National I.D and note that it is not $6,000.00 but rather $2,580.00 USD, so now you can testify who is trying to get a bribe from you.
Name: Agim Emmanuel
Location: Anambra, Nigeria
Amount: $2,580.00 USD
Text Question: What for
Answer: DIST
Let me remind you again that I have been paid for this by the FBI and nothing you can offer me will entice me to collect anything like bribe from you. I will have to send your mail to the FBI Director, to take a look at it and I hope he will get in touch with you.

yours Faithfully
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 16/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

THE MAIL BELOW WAS SENT TO THE BARR. KENNETH EGOGABIA BY YOU, CALLING ALL SORTS OF NAME AND ACCUSING HIM OF TRYING TO COLLECT BRIBE FROM YOU.
IF YOU MUST KNOW YOU ARE TO SEND ONLY THE FEE FOR YOUR DIST TO HIM WHICH IS $2,580.00 USD AND HE HAS BEEN PAID FOR HIS SERVICES SO YOU HAVE SEND ONLY THE FEE FOR YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) AND IT SHOULD BE PAID TO HIS ACCOUNTANT WITH AN ODER FROM YOU TO PAY WITH NATIONAL I.D CARD TO HIM.
YOU HAVE TO SEND IT TO HIM WITH THE DOCUMENT THAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO SIGN AND YOUR FUND WILL BE AUTHORIZED FOR FINAL REMITTANCE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IN 24HOURS ON CONFIRMATION OF YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST)
. THANKS
FBI DIRECTOR
ROBERT S. MUELLER
WASHINGTON D.C

[Tired of being jerked around, and with the stench of scam in the air, I decide it's time to thin the herd. Egogabia has got to go...]

Lewd Noogie
Agent Duke,
I don't know if you remember me but I corresponded with you and your director, Robert Mueller, a few weeks ago. Director Mueller told me that you were going to be transferred out of Nigeria soon - has this occurred yet? If you are still in Nigeria, I have a proposition that you may find very interesting.
Please get back to me as soon as you can.
Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie
Agent Henry Duke
Subject: I am still in Nigeria handling other things. What proposition do you have for me? DATE: 17/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I still remember who you are and I still know that you are the person that reported me to the FBI director for collaborating with your attorney.
I am still in Nigeria handling other things but the most important thing I am handling now is to making sure that the United States citizens who have been a victim of fraud are paid back what has been taken from them.
What is it you have for me now, let me know and I can be of any help, I will do that but I want you to be truthful in what ever you wan me to do for you and you have to believe what I my findings are, you are supposed to be working with thew FBI attorney (Barr. Kenneth Egogabia) for he will guide you through.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigations Department.
Nigeria.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 17/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

THIS MAIL WAS SENT TO ME BY YOUR ATTORNEY, I WANT TO ASK IF THIS IS THE PERSON YOU TRUSTED AND WORK WITH?

THANKS
FBI DIRECTOR
ROBERT S. MUELLER
WASHINGTON D.C
Lewd Noogie
Agent Duke,
I thank you for replying to my email and I am glad to hear that you are still in Nigeria.
I have come to the conclusion that I am being victimized, certainly by that barrister Egogabia and possibly by my own barrister Amin. I believe the two are working together and that they try to keep me off-balance by accusing each other. I have invested more than $50,000 in moving this fund and what do I have to show for it? NOTHING.
I am experiencing a plethora of emotions but above all I am experiencing ANGER. I want those two to know that they have fulked with the wrong guy and I want to make them regret the day they ever met me. This is where I need you.
I want to hire you to do some work for me but it must be kept strictly confidential between you and I. I have to be able to trust you completely. For both our safety you must not mention what I'm offering you to anyone, certainly not to anyone with the FBI. I promise you that you will be well paid for your effort.
Before I tell you what it is that I want to do, I want your word that I can trust you. Completely.
Can I trust you completely?
Lewis
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Noogie,
Have you paid for the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST)? if you have, I will like you to send me the MTCN numbers so that the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria can pick it and I will need you to reconfirm your residential address and your time of visitation so that your DIST will be handed personally to you.
Get back to me, for I will be waiting to hear from you soon.
Yours Faithful
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers Nigeria.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 18/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

THE MAIL BELOW WAS SENT TO ME BY YOUR ATTORNEY, I WANT TO ASK IF THIS IS THE PERSON YOU TRUSTED AND WORK WITH? CONFIRM FROM HIM IF TRUELY HE SENT SUCH MAIL TO I AND AGENTS? AND IF HE IS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH HE WILL TELL YOU. THIS WAS ONE OF THE REASON WHY I DEPLOYED AGENT HENRY DUKE THE FBI CO-ORDINATOR TO HANDLE OTHER THINGS.
JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO YOU HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH. CONFIRM HIS FULL NAMES AND TELL ME IF THAT WAS NOT HIS ID AND NAMES.

THANKS
FBI DIRECTOR
ROBERT S. MUELLER
WASHINGTON D.C

>Sent: 5/29/2009 6:25:26 AM
>To: investigationunit@mail2washington.com
>Subject: Re: LEAVE NOOGIE ALONE
>
>
>I MEAN IT. LEAVE NOOGIE ALONE AND LET ME HAVE MY WAY.

[That's not quite the way I remember wording it, but close enough...]

Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 18/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have heard what you said and I want you to know that the FBI attorney Barrister Kenneth Egogabia, is not working with your attorney to keep you off balance of any kind, you have put in so much and both of us knows that the only thing you have to put in to get your fund transferred to you is $2,580.00 USD and that is what I have been trying to explain to you but you refused replying any of my mails but rather accuse me of telling lies against your attorney.
You have to take everything calmly and tell me what you want me to do for you? the FBI attorney can not and will not go contrary to what he has been paid to do and if you will know he has been working for the FBI for a long time and he gets his fees from the FBI Director, directly from the FBI Head Office in Washington D.C and not who ever he does his or her work.
You can tell me what you want me to do for you and if is what I can do to help retrieve your funds back from your attorney, get your fund transferred to your account or know what is going on then I will but if it is to go contrary to the rules and regulations of the FBI am sorry it will be hard for me to do. Tell me what you want me to do and where you want me to come in, but you have to believe what the FBI attorney had told you.
I will be waiting to hear from you.

Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Inveastigation Department
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Agent Duke,
It is obvious to me that you are blind to what has been going on. I was hoping that you were someone who could work with me but I now know that you will only believe the official version regardless of evidence to the contrary.
I need someone who is willing to do a job for me and to whom I will pay very well. The job requires someone who will do as I ask, someone who I can trust completely. I thought you might be the right person, obviously you are not.
I thank you for your time.
Agent Henry Duke
Subject: I promise you, and no one should know about this.

DATE: 18/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have heard what you said and I like to know what you want me to do for you? I will do what you want me to do for you if only it will be between both of us and now one on no accounjt will know about it.
You have nothing to worry about for I will do what you want me to do, in as much as you do not go contrary to your words. We have to work with confidence and trust, if you agree, then tell me hwat you want me to do for you.

Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Inveastigation Department
Nigeria.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 19/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I GOT INFORMATION FROM BARR. KENNETH EGOGABIA, THAT YOU HAVE STOPED REPLYING HIS MAILS AND THAT YOU HAVE NOT YET COMPLIED FOR THE PROCESSING OF YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST).
I WANT YOU TO SEE THAT YOU COMPLETE THE PROCESSING OF OUR DIST SO THAT YOUR FUND WILL BE AUTHORIZED FOR FINAL REMITTANCE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT ONCE I HAVE CONFIRMED YOUR DIST AND ODER FOR THE REMITTANCE OF YOUR FUND, HE HAS BEEN PAID TO DO THIS SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR HIS SERVICES AGAIN. ALL THAT IS REQUIRED FROM YOU OS TO PAY FOR THE PROCESSING FEE OF YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER WHICH I BELIEVE YOU ALREADY KNOW THE AMOUNT AND WHO'S INFORMATION YOU HAVE TO PAY TO, I WILL NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FORM OF DELAY OTHERWISE YOU WILL HAVE PAY FOR HIS SERVICES FOR THE SECOND TIME.
I BELIEVE YOU ARE IN A GOOD STATE OF MIND? HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU THAT YOU HAVE GOTTEN THE HARD COPY OF YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) SO THAT I CAN AUTHORIZED THE FINAL REMITTANCE OF YOUR FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY.

THANKS
ROBERT S. MUELLER
FBI DIRECTOR
WASHINGTON D.C
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie:
I still do not believe that you still doubt who i am or my worth, I have sent the FBI Director a mail yesterday that you have refused to reply any of my mails and that you are accusing me of working with your so called Barr. Armin to get bribe from you.
I have told you and I will tell you again, that I do not know who this person is and do not wish to see him or her and that I have been paid by the FBI (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION) and that I can and will not get any form of bribe from you and if I have done my work and you wish to give me anything from your generosity then I can accept but I will not ask of any form of bribe to process your DIST.
You have been told the fee for the processing of your fund and I do not have the right to add any money on it, I ask you not to send the last payment you sent to him but you refused and now you are accusing my chamber of conniving with such person? if I am what you said I am then I will not ask you not to send it to him but i did, that alone will tell you the kind of person I am.
It will give me much pleasure to speak to you on phone, may I have you phone number or you call me on +234-808-953-6585, I will like to talk to you and explain my self to you. I will be expecting to hear from you or get your phone number so as to call you.
Best Regards
yours Faithfully
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambersv Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Agent Duke,
While I am pleased to hear that you are willing to help me, it is important that you be able to see my side of this situation. I have paid more than $50,000 to secure this fund and I have come to realize that I have been scammed. I am convinced that my own barrister, whom I trusted, is working with this barrister Egogabia to squeeze as much money out of me as possible. If I let things go as they have, there is no end to what I will have to pay. And it's no good telling me that all I have to do is pay Egogabia the fee for the DIST because I know that there will be something else I have to pay after that. Well, they have messed around with the wrong person. I will have justice.
As an FBI agent, you have been trained to have certain 'skills'. You know how to do things, things that might not be entirely legal. What I want you to do is not legal in any sense of the word and it should be easy for a man with your skills. Are you willing to break the law, even though you will be well-paid for it? I await your answer.
By the way, my friends call me Lewd (short for Lewis D.).
Lewd
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 20/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I am very surprise at to what you are telling me now but I will do what ever it will take to do what you want in as much as you keep it between both of us. You sound as if you want me to break the FBI rules and regulations? I will in as much as it is right for you and me even I will go contrary to the rules of the FBI.
You have to know that you are NOT paying the fee to Barr. Kenneth Egogabia himself but to the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria "AGIM EMMANUEL" that is to let you know that your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer is not being done by only Barr. Kenneth Egogabia, you have to understand that the barrister was introduced to you after when you've decided not to reply my mails and there is no way he can connive with Barr. amin to squeeze out money from you.
Your fund is awaiting jurisdiction in Washington D.C United States, on confirmation of your DIST and the only, easy and fastest way you can get it is through Barr. Kenneth Egogabia and Agim Emmanuel the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria or you want to go through the hard way that you will spend more?
I will do what you want me to do for you but you have to know that he "Barr. Kenneth Egogabia" is not conniving with anyone to rip you of your money, but he is only there to assist you get your DIST and I can assure you that once you have made this payment to the right person which is the chief accountant of the Central Bank of Nigeria and send the payment information to Barr. Kenneth Egogabia you will not be asked to pay ANY OTHER FEE, your DIST will be processed in 24hrs and your funds will be authorized for final remittance into your account, that I assure you.
I have accepted to go contrary to the rules and regulations of the FBI to do what you want me to do.
What is it you want me to do for you? go straight to the point.
I am waiting to hear from you, like we said, it should be between both of us and no third person.

Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
You disappoint me, Agent Duke. You still think that this guy Egogabia is being honest with me, despite all the evidence to the contrary? You are obviously not the man I need for the job I have in mind.
I have to reconsider what I'm going to do next.
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 23/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I believe if you want me to carry out anything for you, you have to let me know what you want me to do for you and you do not expect me to lie against a person that has been working for the FBI for a long time only for you to tell me that you have evidence to believe that he is working with your attorney to squeeze out money from you which I do not believe.
Mr. Lewis Noogie, I believe if there is anything you want me to do for you, you tell me and if it is OK and right for me to do to let you know the truth I will. You have to trust me and tell me what you want me to do for you.

Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria.
Robert Mueller
DATE: 23/06/2009

ATTENTION NOOGIE:
HAVE YOU COMPLETED THE PROCESSING OF YOUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) WITH THE ATTORNEY "Barr. Kenneth Egogabia" ? I WILL BE ASKING HIM TO SEND ME A MEMO ON HOW FAR YOU HAVE GONE IN THE PROCESSING OF YOUR DIST.
THANKS
ROBERT S. MUELLER
FBI DIRECTOR
WASHINGTON D.C
Lewd Noogie
Agent Duke,
Again, from your correspondence I can see that you are not the man I need to accomplish the task I have in mind. You still have too much faith in Egogabia, only because he also works for the FBI. However, you may be useful in helping me find someone who can do what I want.
In your line of work as an FBI agent I'm sure you come in contact with a lot of different kinds of people, many of them criminals. I want you to put me in touch with one of them. I need someone who will follow instructions and who also is not squeamish about going a little bit outside the law. He will be paid very well for his time.
For your own safety, please do not ask me what I want done. This will be between myself and whover you can can locate to help me.
I'm waiting for your reply.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
DATE: 23/06/2009

ATTENTION NOOGIE:
I WAS INFORMED THAT YOU HAVE DECIDED TO STOP DEALING WITH THE BARRISTER? I WILL GET BACK TO YOU SOON.
THANKS
ROBERT S. MUELLER
FBI DIRECTOR
WASHINGTON D.C
Robert Mueller
24/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

May be you think I am joking, by the time I start taking actions you would understand how serious I am, you do not have his document in your files, if you did your fund would not have been intercepted. We did not believe this at first, but when we traced the wire transfer and checked the documents we had no option than to contact you and till now you have not yet gotten it.

It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking Investigation Department (MTID), that you have some funds valued at U.S $4.2 Million (Four Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars) in your name, Mr. Lewis Noogie. The said payment is awaiting adjudication and will be credited to your account when you must have gotten your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) and forwarded it to our office, these funds are from Inheritance "willed" to you from the Central Bank of Nigeria (C.B.N) precisely.

With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C (6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States of America, must have proper records, which duly guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to the on going terrorist activities/economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens.

You are under an observational and Investigation in connection with money laundering. If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source, the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the official monitory transaction release document which is your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) for your funds to be legally processed, recorded and accounted for and then finally be authorized for final transferred into your account.

You do not have any rights to receive these funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete.

The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations which serve, as our mission and states "to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States."

Sincerely,
Robert S. Mueller.
FBI Director
Washington D.C
Barrister Kenneth Egogabia
Good Day Lewis Noogie:
It seems you have decided to stop communication comcerning your Diplomatic Immunity seral of Transfer (DIST). Please Mr. Lewis Noogie, if you do not want me to handle the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria? I will like you to tell me and send back the form I sent to you for your signature so that I can proceed to the Central Bank of Nigeria and ask them to stop and cancel your entry for a DIST processing and tell the FBI Director trhat you have asked me to stop the processing.
What I want you to do now is, First, you have to send back the Form that I sent to you for your signature so that I can process your DIST, please send it back. Secondly, you have to send a mail to the FBI Director, telling him that you do not wan me to handle the processing of your DIST and Lastly, do not criticize me for conspiracy with your Attorney for I am not a cheap criminal like Barr. Amin and I can never be like him.
I am expectin to get back my form from you.
yours Faithfully
Barr. Kenneth Egogabia
Egogabia Chambers
Nigeria.
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 24/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Since you have decided not to tell me what you want me to do for you and ask me to refer you to some one else. His name is Thomson Williams and he a very dangerous person you can get in touch with him through his mail thomsonwill007@yahoo.com, if he ask you how you came about his mail ID? just tell him I gave it to you.

Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria.
Lewd Noogie
Mr Williams,
You and I have a mutual aquaintance, and he tells me that you would be the right man to handle a job I need done. It has to be done quickly and professionally and by someone who's not afraid to go outside the law. You will be well-paid for your effort.
Are you interested?
L.D. Noogie
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 25/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Have you been able to get in touch with him? if you have not I will like to inform you now that I have decided to do what ever you wat me to do and you will have to promise me that I will be well paid for this job.
May I know what you want me to do for you concerning the two barristers (barr. kenneth Egogabia and Barr. Amin)? I will do it without delay and it should be between both of us ONLY.
Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria.
Robert Mueller
27/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Since you've decided not to co-operate with an FBI Agent to get your fund remitted into your account in your favour, I will have to hold on to your fund and make sure it is not released to you.
For your information, who ever that says he can get your funds transferred to you without my prior notification will only end up collecting more money from you and your funds will not get to you.
You can give it a trial and lets see how you will get your funds.
Sincerely,
Robert S. Mueller.
FBI Director
Washington D.C
Assassin William Thomson
William Thomson
Received: from 98.136.44.50
Received: from [216.252.122.218]
Received: from [67.195.9.82]
Received: from [67.195.9.104]
Received: from [127.0.0.1]
Subject: Answer my questions and tell me what you want.
Who are you and how do you come about my email? or are you the person that Henry Duke said will contact me concerning a job I will carry out for him? if you are he would have told you about my profile.
Answer my questions and tell me what you want me to do for you and how much are you willing to offer for the job. I do not want us to talk much for I am not a man of too many words, I do my job, get paid and every body splites.
Tell me what you want?
Thanks
Will thomson
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Thomson,
I'm pleased that you responded so quickly. What I want you to do is very simple.
There are two shyster barristers there in Lagos that are conspiring to delay a fund transfer that I have paid a lot of money for. They have cheated me and now they have to pay. I want you to 'get rid of' these two barristers for me. This must remain strictly between you and me; you can mention nothing of this to Agent Duke.
What I need to know is:
1. Do you think you can handle this job?
2. Have you ever done a job like this before?
3. Do you have a passport and are you able to travel internationally?
4. What is your price for taking this job?
Please get back to me as soon as possible.
Lewd Noogie
Lewd Noogie
Agent Duke,
I have contacted the individual who's name you provided and I thank you very much. I don't know yet if he is able to handle the job but we shall see.
I have a question for you - does Mr. Mueller,
the FBI director, ever visit your office there in Lagos? Just curious.
Thanks for your help.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
I have heard what you said and I will have to answer your questions. You asked if I can handle this job? I have done more than that and you are supposed to be briefed about my profile before contacting me. You asked if I have ever done a job like this? I am a professional and I travel any where in the world on vacation after any deal.
It will cost you $8,000.00 USD and you will have to pay 75% upfront and after I have done my job and sent you the evidence you will now complete my payment and everybody splites.
you will have to pay the fee through Western Union Money Transfer, with the information below and get back to me with the scanned copy of the payment information.
Name- Isibor Obhiyon
Location- Anambra Nigeria
Text Question- To Whom
Answer- Isibor Obhiyon
Amount- $6,000.00 USD
Get back to me with the payment information and the full names of the barristers, in 3 days I will carry out your job and get back to you with every evidence you will need. do not, I repeat do not delay the balance of my payment when I am done, or you can pay all now and avoid delay
Thanks
Will Thomson
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 27/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

The FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, do not visit our office here in Nigeria, we send him memo every two days concerning what is going on over here and we are on special assignment and are likely to go back to any time.
Nice to know that you have contacted him, did he ask you any question on how yo came about him? be very careful on how you deal with him, like I told you before he is very dangerous and will do anything for money, so long as he is being paid to do it. If you have any other question, do not hesitate to get in touch with me.
Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Thomson,
I'm pleased to hear that you're willing to take the job, and I find your price of $8,000 completely reasonable.
That said, your demand of 75% before you do the job is completely unacceptable.
You are not the first hitman I've dealt with. I paid a guy from the UK a lot more than you're asking to get rid of an unnamed East German massage therapist and an Admin Assistant for me. Those two women are still walking around fat and happy and I'm out a lot of money. I only have your word that you're any good at this but I want to see results first. No, 75% before the job is done won't work.
Here's my counter offer - I'll pay you $8,000 for each barrister. You get rid of Egogabia first and I pay you $12,000 after I get confirmation from Agent Duke that something gas happened to Egogabia.
Then you do Amin and I give you the remaining $4,000.
That's my offer, take it or leave it. If you don't want the job under these conditions, let me know and I'll find someone else.
Get back to me ASAP.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
I do not do business like that but since you are directed to me and this is the first hit I am carrying out for you I will have to do what you want and like I told you I do not joke with my money.
I will start tracking him today and by 6.30 p.m tomorrow, I want you to get in touch with who ever knows him and confirm, for you to be sure. you can also confirm from Henry Duke by then because I know he will be the first to know about it.
Once this done, I will want to do other jobs with you pending on the trust I will get from you on this deal. Do not forget to ask after Egogabia from Henry Duke by tomorrow evening.
Thanks
Thomson will
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Thomson,
I will check with Agent Duke tomorrow to see if he knows anything about Egogabia. I want you to send me a complete report on how you do the job so I can compare it with what Agent Duke tells me.
Be very careful and don't leave any clues that might lead them to you or me.
Lewd
Robert Mueller

["Director Mueller" promptly reports the death of Egogabia]

30/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

We regret to tell you that the Barrister that you are asked to contact in Nigeria concerning the processing of your Diplomatic Immunity seal of Transfer (DIST) has been assassinated yesterday at the from of his house by an unknown gun man, on his way back from his office and we have set up an investigative teem that will handle the death of Barrister Kenneth Egogabia.
Hence forth you will have to work back with Agent Henry Duke to get your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) from the Central Bank of Nigeria for final authorization of your fund transfer into your account on confirmation of your DIST.
Agent Henry Duke will be contacting you any time today, you have to update him on how far you have gone with the Barrister so that he knows where to come in and how to continue with the processing.

Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Assassin William Thomson
Your job has been carried out by me yesterday at about 8.45 pm. I am a professional and I not leave trace when it I handle deals, if I do I will not be working freely in the streets by now.
I will ask you to get in touch with Henry Duke and do NOT tell him you had that Kenneth Egogabia is dead, just tell him that you contacted Kenneth and he ha not replied your mail then you will hear from him.
I shoot him in his car at the from of his resident on his way back home and I made sure he was dead before leaving the place. So you can confirm from him today. you want you job done as soon as possible and it is done.
I will be expecting the first part of my payment with the information I gave to you later today when you must have confirmed from him and do not delay the payment because I will have to carry out the second job (Barrister Idi Amin Dada) immediately I have confirmed and received your payment, you will have to send me the scanned copy of the payment receipt and senders information.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 30/06/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have been instructed by the FBI director to get in touch with you concerning the death of Barrister kenneth Egogabia yesterday so that I can assist you in the processing of your DIST.
Get back to me and update me on how far both of you had gone.

Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria.
Assassin William Thomson
Mr Lewis, I will need you to split the money into two places before sending it and it should sent from different Western Union outlet but with the same information that I gave to you. I will be expecting to get the payment from you today.
Thanks
Thomson Will.

[This is to get around limits placed by Western Union on money transfers.]

Lewd Noogie
Mr. Thomson,
I got confirmation this morning from both Agent Duke and his boss, Robert Mueller, that Egogabia was indeed killed in front of his house this morning by an unknown gunman. William, if I may use your first name, ARE YOU CRAZY?? YOU SHOT HIM IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE?? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PROFESSIONAL!! This is not at all what I was expecting. I assumed you'd arrange so that no trace of him would ever be found. You know, I thought you'd do him and then feed him to the hyenas or something. People would have assumed that he ran off to Argentina to shtup his news reporter girlfriend like everybody else seems to be doing these days.
We have a big problem, my friend. Agent Duke and the FBI are gonna be on us like scum on a pond. Agent Duke doesn't have to be a genius to figure out that three days after he introduces you and I, Egogabia gets blown up in his driveway. You've got this whole thing pretty well dicked up.
I only see one way out of this - you're gonna have to get rid of Agent Duke and you're gonna have to do it fast. He's the only one who knows anything about this but you have to take care of him before he puts it in some report back to his boss. This is gonna have to take priority over barrister Amin.
I'm willing to throw a little more money at this, but not as much as I was willing to pay for the two barristers. I'm only gonna kick in another $4,000 extra because I'm doing this for BOTH of us. I shouldn't have to pay anything since you're the one that has put us in this position.
This time do it right. Agent Duke knows you, so he won't be suspicious if you invite him to meet you someplace secluded. Take care of him, then throw him in a river or someplace he won't be found. I'll send you your full amount when this is done.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
Mr. Noogie, or what ever your name is, I do not do deals like that, may be you think I am every other person you contact for deals and at the end of the deal you will find some sort of excuses to lay them off. I am a profissionl and that is why I had to do it like that so that his body will be found and there will just be a case of assasin and not missing.

Like I told you before this deal, I will not entertain any form of delay when it come to my payment. I am a profissionl and I have leave no trace on that, if Agent Henry Duke will supect any of us he would have called or come to me to ask questions but up till now I have not heard anything from him concerning the death of the Barrister and we have been talking since then.

I will assure you that nothing will come out from the investigations. I have kept my own part of the deal and I will expect you to do the same to avoid bridge on deals.

I will be expecting to get the first part of my payment by today.

Thanks
Thomson Will.
Lewd Noogie
William,
You are in no position to assure me that nothing will come out of the FBI investigation. You may be profissionl but you have no clue as to how the FBI works. Agent Duke knows too much and when they get their investigation team together he's going to tell them everything he knows and it won't be very long before they come looking for you and me.
I always pay what I owe. I have your money, the entire $20,000, and I'm ready to send it but it does me no good to have Egogabia and Amin out of the way if I'm in the Nigerian Shawshank as an accomplice to murder. The only one who can tie us to Egogabia is Agent Duke. He's got to go. Take care of him and I'll send you your money.
DO IT NOW, AND MAKE SURE NO ONE FINDS HIM.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
You are going me nuts Mr. Noogie, You asked me to get rid off the barristers and I have done part m\of my job and you still want to add another to the list without my payment. The only time I will do what you have asked and I know it will be more easier for me to carryout this one but I will not do it till I have the first part of my payment as we agreed.
I want you to know that before the deal you said you want it to me as soon as possible and now you are trying to delay your job. I will want you to give me an assurance by sending part of the payment at least $7,000.00 USD to me tomorrow and I will be rest assure to complete the deal.
You have to make this soon so that as soon as the deal is done we all splits and I will leave this country to lay low for a while, but if you keep delaying this payment I might not have the whole deal done on time. Once again you have to assure me by sending the first part of the payment as I have just told you.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
Sorry William, but I have to cover my own ass.
Last chance - are you going to get rid of Agent Duke or not?
Lewd
Agent Henry Duke
DATE: 02/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I still have not heard from you yet concerning how far you have gone with the late Barr. Kenneth Egogabia. I am waiting to hear from you.
Thanks
Agent Henry Duke
FBI Co-ordinator
Investigation Department
Nigeria.
Assassin William Thomson
I will have to do it today and make away with his body as you want it to be done but you will not send him any mail till you have confirmed from the FBI Director that he is missing, is that OK? and you will have to pay the first part of the deal as we agreed before I will complete the deal and I will expect it from you by tomorrow being friday.
That is all for now.
Thanks
Thomson
Lewd Noogie
William,
Now you're talking like a profissionl. I knew if you thought about it you would see the danger we both are in.
Your plan is excellent. Get rid of him so that no one except you and I will ever be certain about what happened to him. Once this is done, I'll tell the FBI director that I can't contact Agent Duke and I'll see what he says. If he confirms that Agent Duke is missing, then I will be convinced that you have done your job correctly and I will send you the full amount of $20,000 as promised. Then you take care of Barrister Amin.
Now as far as Barrister Amin is concerned, I don't care how you do it. You can gun him down like the dog he is at high noon in Downtown Lagos for all I care. Just make sure you say, "This is from Noogie" right before you off him.
I'll expect to hear from you soon with good news.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson

[The 'dangerous' assassin quickly knocks off another imaginary personality.]

Subject: The job has been done.
I have eliminated him and have made away with his body, he was shot, tired to a stone and drowned in a river, and you will have to write a mail to the FBI director as you said and confirm his missing from him. I will be waiting to hear from you today and I hope you keep your own part of the deal now.
When paying my fee I will want you to split the payment into 3 places and send it from different locations of Western Union outlet, with the same information I gave to you before and get back to me with the scanned copies of the payment receipt by today.
I have located the resident of Barr. Idi Amin Dada in Lagos and I will carry out the job immediately I have confirmed my payment from you today.
Thanks
Thomson Will.
Robert Mueller
03/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Have you contacted Agent Henry Duke, concerning the release of your Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST)? if you have or have not, I want you to hold on for now for we have not heard from him in the past 15 hours.
I will get back to you soon.

Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Good job taking care of Agent Duke, you've earned your money. I think we can both breathe easier now.
We have one small problem as far as payment is concerned - the nearest Western Union office is 8 hours away and the roads are impassable now due to the Spring floods. If you can give me your bank account number I can wire the money to your account today.
Waiting to hear from you.
Lewd

[All that's left to do now is turn William's ass over to the Feds and this bait is finished...]

Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I have to tell you that I may be able to provide you with important information about the death of Barrister Egogabia and the disappearance of Agent Henry Duke. As a matter of fact, I know who killed them.
I had asked Agent Duke to introduce me to a financial expert, one that I could consult with to determine the best way to recover my fund. Instead of introducing me to a financial expert, he introduced me to a murdering psychopath. I asked William Thomson, the guy Agent Duke put me in contact with, to meet with Barristers Egogabia and Amin to work out a plan and a path forward for the fund recovery. Apparently Mr. Thomson became overly excited during his conference with Barrister Egogabia and shot the poor barrister several times.
When Agent Duke informed me that Egogabia had been mercilessly cut down, I immediately suspected Mr. Thomson and I asked him why he would do such a thing. He said that he didn't like Egogabia's necktie and he decided to put a few bullet holes in it. Unfortunately, Egogabia was wearing it at the time. Shortly afterwards he informed me that he had also killed Agent Duke and threw his body in a river where it will never be found.
I tell you, Director Mueller, the man is INSANE! He must be stopped and I don't suggest your people try to take him alive! If there is anything at all that I can do to help you bring him down, please don't hesitate to ask.
I am forwarding William's email where he confesses to killing barrister Egogabia and Agent Duke.
Lewd

[I touched up William's email a bit...]

Date: Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:41:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: Thomson Williams <thomsonwill007@yahoo.com>
Subject: Your Job has been done.
To: Lewis Noogie
My job has been carried out by me yesterday at about 8.45 pm. I am a professional and I not leave trace when it I handle deals, if I do I will not be working freely in the streets by now.
I shoot Egogabia in his car at the from of his resident on his way back home and I made sure he was dead before leaving the place.
Thanks
Thomson Will

Date: Fri, 3 Jul 2009 05:10:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: Thomson Williams <thomsonwill007@yahoo.com>
Subject: Your Job has been done.
To: Lewis Noogie
I have eliminated Agent Duke and have made away with his body, he was shot, tired to a stone and drowned in a river.
Thanks
Thomson Will.

Robert Mueller
04/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Are you sure about the what you have just told me? I want you to be sure in what ever information you are giving me now and I promise you he will be hunt down by the FBI. I want you give me every information you know about him to help us track him down.

I will get back to you soon.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

The emails from William Thomson that I forwarded to you are the only hard evidence that I have at the moment. I am still in contact with him and I will see if I can get more for you to work with. I do have one concern - I don't know why but he has demanded money from me. I am not embarrassed to tell you that I am a little bit afraid of this man. He told me that he can travel anywhere and I am concerned that he might come here looking for me. The last thing I need is to have this guy show up here.
Director Mueller, please do everything in your power to catch this psycho before he harms anyone else. I am here to help.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
It will be sent to you by later in the day. I have done my own part of the deal and I do not expect you delay in your part. I want you to send the first part of my payment through Western Union and then I will give you my banking details to forward it to my account.

Thanks
Thomson Will.
Lewd Noogie
William,
Like I told you before, I can't get to the Western Union office, unless you want to wait a few weeks until the roads between hear and Irkutsk are clear. Why don't you send me your account number and I can wire you your money the same day.
By the way, what's your home address? I'm just thinking I might be in your neighborhood someday and I could drop by to chill with you for awhile. And in case you're not home, where are some of the places you like to hang out? Send your phone number too, in case I need to call you for anything.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
Subject: You are trying to bridge this contract.
You ask too many questions at the same time, you will have to send it to me through Western Union.
Like you said it will only take you 8hours to get to the outlet closest to you and I think I can wait for today and if I did not get it today I will now know that trying to bridge our contract and I will sooner or later come for you.
I will be waiting to get the first part of my money and i can wait for the whole of today.
Thanks
Thomson will.
Lewd Noogie
William,
If you go back and read my previous emails you'll see that I told you that it takes 8 hours to get to Irkutsk when the roads are open. They are not open right now because of summer floods. This area floods this time every year and it will be a couple of weeks before the roads are passable. The only way to get to Irkutsk now would be by helicopter and I don't have one of those. Honest, it's not my fault.
Dude, don't get so excited, I'm ready to pay you. You would make this thing go so much faster if you would just give me your account number so I could have the bank wire it to you.
And I was only asking about your address and phone number to be sociable. I mean, who knows when I might end up there in Nigeria on business or vacation. I wanted to be able to look you up so we could hang together, maybe go out for a few beers, have a few laughs and talk about old times.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
06/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Thanks for the latest information you have given to me and I think this will go a long way to track him. I want to know how much is he asking from you, how he wants you to send it him and what came about the asking you for money?
Get back to me as soon as possible so that we will know how to and where to start tracing him.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I tried to get an address and phone number out of Mr. Thomson but he sounded suspicious and wouldn't give them to me. I'll keep trying.
Listen, I'm not trying to push you or anything like that but please do everything you can to catch him as quickly as possible. He's threatening to come here after me if I don't pay him and when he sends me his account number I won't have any excuse not to. Please put every available agent on this case because I don't know what I would do if he showed up here in Gadyukina. Even though this is a remote part of Russia, people like him have ways of tracking down their victims.
And to answer your question, he never actually said why he wanted money from me but he implied it was so he wouldn't come after me. He may come after me even if I pay him because he knows that I'm the only one who knows that he killed Barrister Egogabia and Agent Duke. I'm a loose end as far as he is concerned.
I'm also concerned that I have not heard from Barrister Amin in almost a week now. I'm afraid that Mr. thomson may have located and killed him as well.
Please let me know if there's anything else I can be doing to help.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
So you now call me DUDE? If you can not send it through Western Union the only alternative I can give you at this moment is for you to go to your bank and send it through Money Gram with the information below:
Name: Uchenna Achebe
Location: Anambra, Nigeria
Get back with the payment information when you sent it, then I can give you my phone numbers and any thing you ask from me so that you can contact me when ever you have any other business for me.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
William,
Sorry about the 'dude' thing, I just write the way I talk. It won't happen again.
Word up, dog, the Money Gram idea won't work either. I'm dealing with a small Russian bank out here in the sticks. They can wire account-to-account but that's about it. You must have a bank account, right? Just send me the account information and let's get this over with. This whole thing has been a financial nightmare and I just want to get it over with.
By the way, I haven't heard from Barrister Amin in quite awhile. You didn't by any chance already take care of him too, did you?
Send me your account info.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
07/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I have heard all that you have said and I think this will go a long way to catch him. I want you to look for a way you can to send him part of the amount he is asking from you and DO NOT send him the information sent it to me first so that I will place an ALART on who every will come for the money so that he will be caught and will lead us to this Thomson since he has not yet given you his account number and when we have caught him your money will be sent back to you at once and you will be compensated for this.
Once again I want you to send him at least $3,500.00 through Western Union so that it will attract him to collect. Make sure you wait for my instructions because I will have to know his location as to where he wants to receive the money so that I will send other Agents down there and he will be delayed in the outlet where he will be paid then we can get him there and immediately send back your money to you.
Thanks for the information and please do as I have instructed you to so that we could catch this lunatic and have him face the full arms of the law for killing a Federal Agent and an FBI attorney.

Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Your idea about trapping him in a Western Union office is good, in fact, it's brilliant. I like the idea of him being cornered like a rat and then taken down in a hail of heavy-calibre lead. The only problem is that we won't be able to pull it off for a couple of weeks because I can't get to a Western Union office. The nearest one is 8 hours away in Irkutsk and at this time of year the roads between here and there are flooded.

I don't think we have a couple weeks to catch him. He's getting really irritated at not having his money and I'm still concerned that he's going to come after me. I told him I can wire the money to a bank account but he still hasn't given me one. If he does, can you catch him through that?

Director Mueller, I must stress again that I don't feel you should try to take him alive. I have come to know William as a true psychopath of the highest order and I fear for the safety of your agents. Besides, what's the point of capturing him alive? We both know that it was he who killed Barrister Egogabia and Agent Duke, and he probably killed Barrister Amin as well. I'm sure he acted entirely alone and therefor there is no need to look for accomplices. Take my advice and blast him before he can say a word.

Let me know if there's anything else I can do.

Lewd
Robert Mueller
08/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

It is a good thing that you are helping the FBI to track him and I want you to know that you are the only source that will lead us to this lunatic. I promise you that once we get hold of him, he will be prosecuted and sentenced to death by firing squad.

Since he has not yet given you any bank account to transfer this money to him the only and fastest way to get him before he gets to you is through Western Union and like I told you get him to send you his location and information that you will use in sending it to him and when you have sent it to him we will have to place an alert on the sender and receiver information and on the MTCN control number as well, because if it is not done now we do not know where else he will be going and it will be very hard for us to get to him then, since we know now that he is still in Nigeria and the only way we can get to him is this, all we need from you is to send him the money and when he goes to get it he will be apprehended and you money will be sent back to you.

You have my word. You have nothing to worry about, I want to make sure we get hold of him before he leaves Nigeria. Keep talking to him and ask him to send you the information he wants you to send the money to.

Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

As I told you before, I think your idea of me sending him money by Western Union and your men taking him down violently when he tries to pick up the money is n excellent idea. The only flaw in that plan, again, as I told you before, is that I can't get to a Western Union office. The roads between here and Irkutsk, where the closest Western Union office is, are under water. This is due to the melting snow running off the mountains. It will be this way for a few more weeks and I don't think we can wait that long. Pretty soon he's going to get very pissed off that he hasn't received his money and he'll be on a plane for Russia, coming to look for my ass. This is the LAST thing I want to happen. We have to think of something we can do sooner.
I haven't heard from William today so hopefully he'll include his account information the next time he writes. I'll keep you informed and let me know if you have any further ideas.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
Since you can not send part of my money to me through Western Union, I will be sending you my foreign account later today and I will be contacting my bank in 2 hours to confirm if you have made my payment of $20,000,00 USD to my account.
So now you will have no other excuse to give me not to send my money to my account immediately.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Robert Mueller
09/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Lets wait and see that he sends the account information to you, we can also get him through that and it will also be easy for us to get him. I want you to make sure you pay him in full so that when he checks his account online he will confirm that you have paid him and when that is done get back to me immediately so that I will ask the bank to freeze the account and they will ask him to to come down and rectify some difficulties then he will be forced to come down to him bank and we will get hold of him, that will another easy way to catch this murderer. the only problem we will have is to send back your money for it will take 24hours to do that. if you can do this I am promising you that I will get hold of him and have him prosecuted and sentenced to death like I told you before.
Why I want you to pay him in full is because he will never have any cause to blame you and that when he checks his account online he will know that you have paid him in full, so when the bank calls him to come down and rectify any thing he will do that with ease and then he will be apprehended. DO NOT tell him that you have sent him his money until I have made sure his account is frozen so that he will be forced to come down to the bank himself.
Keep contacting him till he sents his account information to you. Do not be afraid, in as much as you follow the instructions given to you, he will be apprehended once you send him the money and let him know that you will pay him in full immediately gives you his account information.

That will be all for now.

Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Assassin William Thomson
Mr. Noogie below are my banking information's and for your information I will be contacting my bank in 2 hours to confirm if you have made the payments.
Bank Name - Lloyds Tsb Bank
Account Name - Athon Enterprises
Bank Address - 60 george street, luton United Kingdom LUI 2BB
Account Number - 04433760
Sort / Code - 30 - 95 - 28
IBAN - gb43loyd30952804433760
Swift Code - loydgb21067
Like I told you before, I will be contacting my bank in 2hours to confirm your payment. Get back to me with the payment information's as soon as you have made the payment.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Assassin William Thomson
I just called my bank now and I was informed that you have not yet paid any money to my account. Just wanted to let you know, I will be calling the bank again by tomorrow to get updated on my account, so you have the whole of today to make the transfer of my money into my account.

Mr. Noogie Lewis, do not push me to the wall, because you will never like my reaction.

Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
William,
Don't get all excited over this payment, I'm working on it. Look, you're the last guy I want pissed off at me so I'm doing everything I can to get your money to you. However, I won't be able to make the transfer today because it's a holiday here in Russia (Russian Independence Day). I'll be at the bank first thing tomorrow morning, though.
Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Just to keep you up to date - I went to the bank this morning to try and send the money that William is asking for (by the way, he sent me his account information which I show below) but when I got to the bank it was closed. It hadn't occurred to me that it's a holiday today here in Russia. I'll get it done tomorrow.
Williams Bank Account information:
Bank Name - Lloyds Tsb Bank
Account Name - Athon Enterprises
Bank Address - 60 george street, luton United Kingdom LUI 2BB
Account Number - 04433760
Sort / Code - 30 - 95 - 28
IBAN - gb43loyd30952804433760
Swift Code - loydgb21067

Lewd
Robert Mueller
10/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I am very grateful for this information that you have given me, I have alerted the FBI agents in U.K to be alert when he comes to the bank, I will be contacting the bank when you have made the payment to freeze his account and ask him to come down and rectify some problems, so that we can get hold of him in person.
All you have to do now is to transfer the money into his account and send me the information so that they can freeze his account and when he checks it online he will be convinced that you have made the payment but can not withdraw so he will have to come to U.K to know why, then we can get hold of him and send back your money.
Like I told you before do not send him the information of your payment until I have freezed his account and asked you to, but I will need the payment information to show evidence why the FBI wants to freeze his account.
Once again, thank you for giving me his banking information and where he wants you to send it to.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Assassin William Thomson
What do you mean by I should not be over excited over the payment of my money? I do not understand that, can you explain better?
I understand that you are on holiday yesterday and I will not entertain any other explanation for not transfering my money at the end of today, bear that in mind.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
William,
When I said not to get excited about the money, I meant that by now you should know me well enough to know that Lewd Noogie always pays his debts. Don't worry, you're gonna get your money.
That said, you're not gonna believe what happened today. The guy at the bank who handles the wire transfers was not working today and he won't be back until Monday. Apparently he is the only one in the entire bank who knows how to do this. You gotta know that I'm really sorry about this but it is not in my control. To make it up to you I bought you a little something I'm sure you'll like. Please send me your home address so that I can mail it to you.
I'll get to the bank early Monday morning and get this money to you.
Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I went to the bank this morning to send William the $20,000 as you instructed but as I was standing there filling out the transfer information it occurred to me that if his bank account is frozen he won't be able to withdraw the money he needs to fly to the UK to see what the problem is. And if his account gets frozen it might tip him off that someone is after him and he might go into deeper hiding. I wrote to William and gave him an excuse that the person at the bank in charge of wire transfers was not working today. William is pretty simple-minded and he'll believe anything, but I don't know for how long.
I will hold off sending the money until I get your opinion. Please get back to me quickly because, while William is not too bright, he's exciteable as a child, only much better armed. Which reminds me - the FBI has a Moscow field office, right? Is there any chance that you could arrange for a couple of agents to come here to Gadyukina for my protection, at least until you catch this maniac?
I can arrange free hotel accomodations and entertainment while they're here.
Waiting to hear from you.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
11/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

You have nothing to worry about, When you've sent the fee to him, the bank will now freeze his account and ask him to come down to rectify some problems, he will have no choice than to travel down to UK because I know he will not have just that account for a person like him will have other accounts.

He will like to check his account online to be sure you have paid his money and will not think to your direction because he knows you are not in UK right now and that you just transferred money into his account which he is sure of, so that will not put any suspicion to your side, the bank will contact him them selves and ask him to come down and clear the problems his account is having.
it will be of no need sending my Agents to your house for your protection because he will never come to you in as much as he knows you have send his money to the account he gave you. You will be spending more on their traveling, feeding and hotel bills, so I will have to save you that, for now do not worry about him coming to you, I want to make sure we get hold of him and this is a way we can do that in tracking down this bastard.
Just have his money paid to the account and he will come down to UK, that I will promise you and You will be invited to see him before he will be sentenced to death.
Thanks for the help, please continue to talk to him till you have send the money, so I will know his where about and where he will be going from Nigeria.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Assassin William Thomson
Subject: you are trying to start what I know you will not be able to conclude.
Mr. Lewis Noogie, you are trying to start what I know you will not be able to conclude, you telling me that the guy that was supposed to handle the transfer is not working today and will not be coming till Monday, both of us knows that it is a lie.

For your information if you want to know, I will be leaving this country by weekend to United Kingdom for my vacation like I have told you before, and I will be checking on my account by Monday afternoon and if you have not still made the payment! may be Russia will be where I will be spending my next holiday trip and I will come visiting, like you know??

Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
We've got him! I just got an email from William saying that he's flying to the UK this weekend and will be visiting his bank Monday afternoon! You can have your men in place for the bust. I'm no expert in these things but may I suggest snipers?
I'm gonna celebrate tonight in anticipation of the impending takedown. Please let me know as soon as William is history.
Director Mueller, this past couple of weeks has been a nightmare and I just want to get this behind me. Once William is gone I still have $15 million to recover. I hope I can count on assistance from your agency.
I hope to hear from you with good news on Monday.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
11/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Now that he is finally in UK, I want you to make sure the money is sent to his account today and in 4 hours, I will ask you to send him the payment information when we have freeze his account, he will check it online and can not withdraw, he will contact the bank and they will ask him to come down and rectify some problems his account is having and when he arrives at the bank,the bank will delay him and alert the FBI that he is around then we will get hold of him.

We can not ask our snipers to take him out because we do not have the identity of this murderer, so the only way we can track him now is through account with your assistance, so I ask you to try and make sure you made the payment to his account this morning, I have sent several Agents to the bank to keep watch until we get alert from the bank.

Thank you for the information, Please do keep me updated.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Assassin William Thomson
I have arrived United kingdom safely and I will be checking my account online to know when you have made the payment, today is Monday and according to you, you said you will make the transfer this morning so I will be waiting to get the transfer information from you soon, send me the payment information immediately you have made the payment so that I can check it online and everyone will smile again.

I will be waiting to hear from you this morning.

Thanks
Thomson Will.
Lewd Noogie
William, Don't worry, your money will be there shortly. How long do you plan to be in London? Where are you staying? I know London pretty well so I can give you some tips on nearby tourist attractions if I know which hotel you're in. Lewd
Robert Mueller
13/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Have you been able to transfer the money to his account? I am waiting to hear from you sir. Keep me updated. Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I have good news. I finally heard from Barrister Amin - he's been ill this past week but he's feeling better now. I guess our friend William didn't get to him after all. I brought him up to speed on everything that has happened and told him to lay low until you catch the murdering bastard.
Barrister Amin says that to document a trail of the money I'm going to pay to William that I should send it to him first and that he will make the transfer to William's UK account. I guess that sorta makes sense. I went ahead and wired the $20,000 to him and he will make sure it gets to William's account in the morning. He said that when you return the money that you can return it directly to me.
I'll keep William in the UK. Like I said before, he's not very smart and he'll do anything I tell him to do. I'll let you know as soon as I get confirmation from Barrister Amin that the $20,000 has arrived in William's account so you can freeze it and lure him to the bank.
Please keep me informed of any happenings.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
14/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Who are you talking about? Please explain to me who the third party is? You have to make this payment to Williams account directly or you do not want to help the FBI tract him down?
I think something is going wrong, is this not the same person I asked you not to deal with? and now you are bringing him into this? if you want us to get this Williams you have to help us and send the fee into his account, Why do have to follow what your attorney told you? What is his reason for wanting you to send it to him before sending it to Williams account?
You have to get back to me immediately if you really want to assist us to get him.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Of course I want to help you catch this scoundrel and I am surprised that you would question my desire to do so. And I'm sure I've told you about Barrister Amin - he is the barrister who has been assisting me to move a fund from Lagos to here. I'm positive I've mentioned him to you before. He worked closely with Agent Duke and barrister Egogabia in obtaining the D.I.S.T.
Barrister Amin informed me that instead of me just sending $20,000 to William's account, it would be better if he sent it and could trace and document the entire process for us. I assumed you would be pleased to know that he was helping.
He informed me that he received the $20,000 that I sent him and he has wired it to William's account. I will ask Barrister Amin to provide you with any of the wire transfer documentation that you need. Since it should be in William's account by now, I would say go ahead and freeze it before William can get to it. Please do so quickly as William is threatening to pay me a visit and it doesn't sound like it's going to be a friendly one.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
Subject: You will be hearing from me soon.

Mr. Lewis, it seems you are trying to side me of my money right? I will not be asking you of it again and please do not contact me again concerning the money.

We will see when I arrive Russia anytime from now and you will be hearing from the FBI pretty soon for I am going to put we both on the run and see who goes out free.

I am going to forward all conversation to the FBI from ????? and for your information I have not carried out my last assignment (Barr. Amin Dada) and I will ask the FBI to contact him and get every details they can from him.

Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
William,
I told you there's no need to get excited about your money - it's probebly in your account by now. And there's no need to go running to the FBI, either. I'm sure they have no idea that it was you who killed Agent Duke and barrister Egogabia. You committed the perfect crime! And now that you have your money everyone is happy.
I have always found that bankers are more forthcoming if you are working face-to-face with them instead of by telephone. It would be better if you made a trip to the bank to make sure your account is up to date.
Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I didn't hear anything from William today which is very unusual. Did you get him?? I received confirmation that the money arrived in his account.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
16/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

We have checked his account and no money was transferred to his account and I think he has also checked it online that is why he had not contacted you and we do not know where he will be by now since you said he told you that he will be visiting you soon, I want you to tell Barr. Amin to forward to you the payment slip and so that you forward it to me today.
I want you to know that he will only come to the bank if he found out that his money is laying in his account and he can not withdraw it and we will; apprehend him then.
I will be waiting to get the transfer slip from you soon.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie

[Classic 'rival scammer' technique here]

Director Mueller,

Where I had doubts before, I am now sure that I have been scammed big time. I sent an email to Barrister Amin asking him for a copy of the payment slip and he responded that his secretary had lost it. I'm afraid I blew up at him, told him he was a thief and said some pretty bad things about his mother and her probable relationships with barnyard animals. He wrote back and said I was a stupid 'mugu' (what the hell is a mugu anyway?), and that he was going to live very well off my money. I can't believe it. That bastard has taken nearly $100,000 of my money, most of which I had to borrow from my company, and I'm gonna be in huge trouble when my partners find out about the missing money. I can't believe I could have been so stupid. On top of all of this, there's a crazed assassin out there somewhere, probably on his way here.
Director Mueller,

I need your help. You guys have got to catch Amin before he can hide my money but more than that you have to catch William Thomson before he gets his hands on me. What should I do now???
Robert Mueller
17/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

You now know who you are dealing with. there is vitually nothing we can do to track thomson without your assistance right now because only you can lead us to him that is where your connection is needed mostly.
You have to try and see that you find out where he is at the moment and tell him that you are sorry about the transfer and that he should please tell you where he is at the moment so that you can either send part of his money through Wester Union Money Transfer or into his account and that you will do that that same day. had it been you sent the fee directly to his account by now we could have got hold of him by now, youstill have to try and see that he is traped by sending him the money and as for Barr. Amin, he will pay you back all that you have paid him, I promise you that.
First, I want you to know where he is at the moment and secondly, you have to make sure you send this money to him so that we can tract him where ever he is and like I promised you before, your funds will get back to you immediately he is captured.
That is all I want you to do now and get back to me.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I will make every attempt to locate William Thomson and help set him up for capture. I'll let you know as soon as I find out anything.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
So now it had come to the extent of you lying to me that you have sent my money to my account only for me to check it online and nothing was transferred into it. May be I should remind you of what I told you when you first contact me that i am not a man of too many words. the next you will hear from me will be in person if my money is not paid into my account.

Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
William,
I want to apologize to you for being so late in getting your money to you but you have to understand what I've been through. I've put a lot of money into the transaction with Barrister Amin, most of it my own but part of it I sort of 'borrowed' from my company. Now it has been confirmed to me that I've been scammed by Amin. My partners have become suspicious and have called in the State Auditors to conduct a full audit of our books next week. If that happens, I'm a dead man. You and I have worked well as a team so far and we have to continue to work as a team, one for all and all for one. Knowing that I owe you money, you can't imagine how embarassing this is to ask, but would you be able to loan me about $40,000? I've heard that guys in your line of work make a lot of money and I would only need the money for about 2 weeks, just long enough to get the auditors off my back. We've worked together long enough that you know I'll pay you back, along with the $20,000 I already owe you. I really hate to ask you this but I am desperate. I can't afford to go to jail, especially here in Russia.
Please see your way to help me out. I'm begging you.
Your brother Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I think maybe I screwed up. In a moment of desperation I asked William Thomson if I could borrow money from him. I know what you're thinking but I'm really not a stupid person. Or at least not most of the time.
My partners are suspicious about money missing from the company accounts and they have called in the State auditors to come and check our books next week. When they find out what happened I'll end up in jail for a long time and I'm here to tell you that Russian prisons are no fun. I'm scared to death of the KGB showing up to< haul my ass to the gulag. I'm also afraid of William showing up here to do who knows what to me.
I think I have a way out of this mess. I can still send the money to William if you could give me an official letter saying that I used the money to assist the FBI in capturing a murderer. You don't have to say how much, just that it was used at your direction. If I have that letter, they can't touch me. You'll be able to catch William, return the money to me, and everyone will be happy. I might even be able to skim a little extra off for myself.
Please get back to me and let me know if you can provide the letter. If you can we can get this thing over with this week.
Lewd
Assassin William Thomson
Mr. Lewis Noogie, I have heard all that you have said and I want to assure you that I will give the money to you that you asked of but I will give it to you in person, so I want you wait for me, I will be on my way to Russia and may be this weekend or next week for a brief assingment.
Thanks
Thomson Will
Lewd Noogie
Naw, Dude, that's ok. I don't want you to go to a lot of trouble on my account. As a matter of fact, please don't come here. I'm sure you're a great guy and all but I'm a little nervous around people of your profession. Especially if I owe them money.
And I have good news! I've arranged alternate financing and will be transferring your money to you shortly. Just give me another day or two and I promise you'll have it. It's on the way.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
20/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

If that is what you want and you think it will help us in catching Thomson, then I will have to send you an official letter from my office allowing you to transfer a certain amount to him to be used in tracking him and the money will be sent back to you immediately we get hold of him.
I will get back to you later today.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

This is great news and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help in getting me out of this mess. If you can get that letter to me today I'll send the money to William, you can take him down, and I'll be in the clear. It's not a minute too soon, either. William is getting pretty irritated with me and said he's coming to pay me a personal visit. I want to get this money to him before he gets on a plane.
Thanks again for all your help and I'll keep you appraised of the transfer progress.
Lewd
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

I just want to remind you that in the letter you're going to prepare for me, you should not mention any specific amount of money that was used for your investigation. Besides the $20,000 that I'm going to send to William, if you don't mention an amount then I can tell my partners that the other money I lost to Barrister Amin was all part of the investigation.
Thanks.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
21/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

I am sorry I was not in office yesterday but I will get it done by today. but you have to make sure it is sent to him this week so we get hold him before he travels out the country.
I will get back to you later today.
Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.
Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Don't worry, as soon as I receive your letter I'll get it in the file so I'm covered and I will get right over to the bank to wire the money to William.
Lewd
Robert Mueller
22/07/2009

ATTENTION LEWIS NOOGIE:

Attached is the later from my office to cover you in the transfer of the money into his account and I want you to be rest assured tht we will get hold of his once you are able to transfer this money into his account and ask him to come down to the bank and verify some problems with his account. You have to make sure you try and find out if he is still in the States so that we can get hold of him immediately the transfer is made. Sincerely,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller.

Lewd Noogie
Director Mueller,

Thanks a lot for the letter, it's perfect. You have lifted a tremendous load off my shoulders. I really owe you one, buddy.
I've done a lot of thinking about this whole situation over the past few days and I have reached some conclusions. First of all, I'm not going to send the $20,000 to William. That a**hole is so stupid he'll never be able to find me here in Russia. I mean, what do I have to worry about from a dork like him? He probably doesn't know how to get to an airport by himself. Of course this means you'll have to catch him on your own.
I've taken care of Barrister Amin myself. I hired a mail-order voodoo priestess to put a curse on him. She's gonna turn him into a dung beetle and he'll spend the rest of his life pushing a big ball of elephant puckey around.
As for me, your letter clears me with my partners so I'm gonna enjoy this $20,000 (actually I was able to take quite a bit more, thanks to your letter) myself. The roads are clear now so I'm gonna grab a certain East German massage therapist and haul her to Irkutsk for a wild, passionate week. Well, Director Mueller,

that pretty much wraps things up. It's been great working with you and if you're ever in Russia give me a call. I'm still all broken up, sort of, over the deaths of barrister Egogabia and Agent Duke but I'm sure they're in a better place. At least they're warm now.
Remain Blessed and Dosvidanya,
Lewd

[Director Mueller's letter provides me with an airtight alibi, good riddance to two scammers and a wild week with Olga ahead - it was the perfect crime! ]


 

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