I WANT BOTH OF US TO BE VICTORIOUS


Another gem from the archives of ELIZA DANE. A close associate of MAL REYNOLDS, Eliza also aims to misbehave. Eliza has appeared in adventures such as YOUR ATTITUDE IS VERY BAD, GREEN LETTER DAYS - A DRAMA IN TWO ACTS, and most recently I AM NOT HEAR FOR A JOKE OK.


This bait has violence (well, hints of it), deviant sex (again, just hints) more than hints, really, and Lad frustration... quite a bit of it actually.
There's also a lot of swearing... but this is an Eliza Dane bait, so it should be no surprise.

The Scammers

The Baiters


Lindsay (Lind) Town

This is not the first time I've been offered a piece of the Kahle estate...

23 May

I have a new email address!You can now email me at: lind_town22@yahoo.co.uk - #142 Brampton Road,Central London SW3 1HY,United Kingdom.

Dear friend, I know that this mail will come to you out of the blue as a total Surprise. Well, I have a business proposal which I know might interest you. I believe that you would be in a position to assist me in my bid to transfer the sum of (?18.5M.) Eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand British Pounds into a foreign bank account. So study the following account carefully and reply urgently. I am Mr. Lind Town, an Auditor of a Bank of Scotland here in London. During the course of our auditing, I discovered a floating fund in an account opened in the bank in 1999 and since 2000 nobody has operated on this account. After a lot of investigation I discovered that the owner of the bank account died without a beneficiary. The money is floating and if I do not remit this money out it will be forfeited for nothing. The owner of the account is Mr. Kurt Kahle, a foreigner. He died since july 2000 with his only son Michael and lovely wife. and the bank account has no other beneficiary. ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm) My investigation proved to me that nobody knows about this account or anything concerning it. So I want to grab this opportunity, as it is no harm to nobody. I am here soliciting for your assistance as a foreigner because the Money cannot be approved to anybody here. But It can be approved to a Foreigner with valid international passport or driver?s license and foreign bank account because the money at sake is in British Pound sterling and the former owner of the account is a foreigner. The management must approve this payment to you if you have the correct information of this account, which I will give to you, upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this project. With my influence and the position of the bank officials, we can Transfer this money to any foreigner?s reliable account, which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical arrival at your end for sharing.
Note that an existing foreign bank account or an empty account can serve to receive this money. The banks official will destroy all documents of the transaction immediately this money is into your nominated bank account. At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 40% of the total Amount, 55% will be for the bank official and I, while 5% will be for Expenses both parties might have incurred during the course of this Transaction. All I require is your honest and full co-operation to enable us see This deal through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under a Legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. To enable us get the necessary legal documents and approval in your name for the release of these funds to your designated bank account, Please do provide the following information's as soon as I get the information below complete the transfer will be made in less than two weeks. Endeavor to reply as soon as possible so that we can be able to start The process of claim. Regards,
Mr. Lind Town.

(PDF)


[Your basic Dead Bank Customer letter.]

Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
You're not wrong - I'm gobsmacked about this. Am I definitely the one you meant to contact?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

No surprises here - except for the mention of the IRS and the Secret Service.

25 May

Hello Eliza Dane, You are the right whom i wished and wanted to contact because i beleive that this transaction will benefit us. Thanks so much for your willingness and prompt response. I hope you have browsed through the site I sent in my previous email. He died with his entire family including the NEXT OF KIN being the only son and only child. And i will advise you not to contact IRS and Secret Service because this a confidential transaction which you and i know. I learnt in April

that the fund has been transferred from BANK OF SCOTLAND to a paying security firm where I think that it will be very easy for us to have this fund. All I need from your side is to act as the Beneficiary because this transaction is 100% risk free since I knew all the details about Mr. Kurt Khale. The below requested personal information is to enable me know whom I am working and for us to communicate on phone, immediately I receive and confirm your interest in this transaction by getting the below information I will then released to you the email contact of the Paying Security Firm. 1. Your Full Names: 2. Your Full Contact Address: 3. Your Occupation: 4. Date of Birth/Age: 5. Marital Status: 6. Your personal Telephone/Cell Phone and Fax Numbers for effective communication between us. In return, you will be given 40% of the total Amount, 55% will be for the bank official and I, while 5% will be for Expenses both parties might have incurred during the course of this Transaction. I am looking forward for a mutual partnership with you. Regards,
Mr. Lind Town NB: LET THIS TRANSACTION BE CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN US AND ANY LEG OF THIRD PARTY MUST BE AGREED BY US.
Eliza Dane

Contact made; good, so let's get the no-telephone modalities in place.

Mr Town,
Yes, I read the link you gave me.
My first question would be why I'd have anything to do with the IRS or the Secret Service as I'm not an American and you haven't threatened the President or anything. Anyway...
1. Your Full Names: Elizabeth Danielle Dane
2. Your Full Contact Address: 35 Westmoreland Grove Glebe Sydney NSW Australia 2125
3. Your Occupation: Photomodel
4. Date of Birth/Age: 12 August 1984/23
5. Marital Status: Single, but I don't know why this should matter
6. Your personal Telephone/Cell Phone and Fax Numbers for effective communication between us.
Here we have a problem. I share a house with four other women, two of them incurable stickybeaks. Any call could be picked up by someone else, or overheard, and you can kiss secrecy goodbye. As for my mobile... I changed plans recently, and while I'm waiting for the new telco to connect me, the old telco cut me off. My mobile just sits on my belt now as a fashion accessory.
Over to you I guess.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

And it's right onto the security firm! Our Lad must have thought things were going smoothly.

26 May

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your positive response and willingness in assisting to pick up the transaction, now i will want you to contact the paying firm immediately, telling them that you are the Beneficiary to the fund which was deposited by Late Mr. Kurt Kahle.
And that you will like the fund to be transferred to your account.
HERE IS THE EMAIL ACCOUNT OF THE PAYING FIRM
info@pacificfinanceltd.com
Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Mr. Lind Town
Eliza Dane
Dear Sir,
I have been advised to contact you about an account in the name of Kurt Kalhe. It seems that I have a claim to this money.
Please confirm receipt.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Mrs Wallace Kelly

To this Lad, formatting is obviously a lost art.

28 May

28TH MAY

,PACIFIC FINANCE LIMITEDUNITED KINGDOM To: Eliza Dane, Attn: Referring the above subject matter of the fund which has been transfered from Bank of Scotland to our Firm for safe keep.And in abiding to the rules and regulation of Monetary Laws.
We wished to clarify our role as the PACIFIC FINANCE LTD concerning this effect. 1).We need your correspondence information's and contact for fast communication and to verify your true identifications before any effect. 2).You are binding to provide the following Legal authorization of ownership of the said fund to enable us complete the formalities required to move the fund from our Firm before the transfer to either your designated account or to your desire Correspondence Bank. In proceeding it requires you to seek assistance of a financial lawyer of this country to procured this below listed documents for you in the ministry of the Justice and Finance here and submitted to us before transfer.Because this is a huge amount involved the funds can not be transfer without documentation. a). Letter of authorization or Power of attorneyb). Letter of Probatec). Certificate of Deposit These authorizations are mandatory because both primary and secondary beneficiary of the said fund has to be declared to the government as none citizen of this country to avoid the inflation of the rigid tax that may be claim over the releasing of the fund to your designated Bank or correspondence institute. I hereby advised that; you should employ the service of a legal representative here in United Kingdom to help you facilitate the issuing of the approvals whereby you have the alternative of contacting our solicitor which his address is indicated below and this must involved the awareness of your partner. Legal Advocate Contacts; PACIFIC FINANCE LTD C.ILynon Dennis Esq.Tel: +447011146569E-mail: lynondennisesq@yahoo.comI/C:Lynon Dennis Esq. Finally,obliged the provision of the deposit documents to enable us verify your matter and begin our action as per your request. Thanks for your anticipation, Respectively yours Management ConsultantTelex and Remittance DepartmentMrs Wallace Kelly.

Well, that's not too coherent, is it? Note that the email address is misprinted; could be useful.

Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
This is what I got. I'm not too impressed!
"We need your correspondence information's and contact". What's this? And the rest of it is pretty incoherent. Please break it down for me.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I forwarded you what the paying company sent me. Please let me know if you received it.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Mr Town is champing at the bit...

30 May

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for the reminder, i received it but i thought you might have contacted the attorney which they referred you to. If no, please contact the attorney to enable us know what next step to take.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I thought you were going to explain it to me! If I contact their attorney I think I'm going to get more of the same. Could you explain it to me please?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your response, i will like you to forward the below letter to the attorney.
DEAR LYNON DENNIS ESQ,
I AM ELIZA DANE, I AM THE NEXT OF KIN AND THE BENEFICIARY OF LATE MR. KURT KAHLE'S FUND. I AM CONTACTING YOUR CHAMBER FOR THE ISSUANCE OF THE BELOW CERTIFICATE TO ENABLE ME RECEIVE MY FUND FROM PACIFIC FINANCE LTD.
1). DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE
2). LETTER OF PROBATE
3). POWER OF ATTORNEY
SIR, I WILL LIKE TO KNOW THE COST AND THE PROCEDURES TO ENABLE ME MAKE THE ARRANGEMENT TO RECEIVE THE CERTIFICATES FROM YOUR CHAMBER ASAP.
THANKS
YOUR NAME.................
I will waiting to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Lindsay (Lind) Town
04 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
What is the update, have you been able to contact the attorney whom paying firm ask you to contact? please let me know the update. Thanks Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

I made sure to use the email address as printed - lynondennisesq@yahoo.comI - and removed the errant letter from the error message.

Mr Town,
I did as you suggested, three times in all, and I got this each time!

----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----
<lynondennisesq@yahoo.com> (reason: 550 Host unknown)
----- Transcript of session follows -----
550 5.1.2 <lynondennisesq@yahoo.com> Host unknown
(Name server: yahoo.com:host not found)

What the Hel is going on?
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

Well, this shouldn't have happened...

05 June

Find the attached documents for your understanding.
Lynon Dennis Esq

LYNON DENNIS CHAMBERS
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I tried to contact him, remember, and it bounced right back? Well, here's something funny - he sent me a reply!
I guess it must have been delivered after all - the Aesir alone know how.
Do you want me to forward it to you? He attached a form.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Not a bad suggestion, considering; this Lad ain't dumb.

05 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your email, but sometimes internet services do respond mailer daemon but the recipients might have received your message.
But i will advise you to re send it again and wait to see if there will be a response from his chamber.
Thanks
Mr. Lind
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I got an answer (against the odds). I told you that already! Do you want me to forward it or not?
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
Just to confirm I got your message and I'll be in touch.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
07 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your mail, but i will ask what is in the form, if it requires my assistance then forward it to me so that we will fill it up and send it back to the attorney.
Hoping to hear from you Asap.
Thanks
Mr.Lind Town
Lynon Dennis
08 June

Eliza Dane,
Today is making the third working day which our chamber sent to you the protocols of this office, and we are expecting you to send the form back to enable us facilitate and make an enquiry with the Royal Court of Justice.
Thanks
Lynon Dennis Esq

Hang on a moment there, buddy; you ain't in charge here!

Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
You seem to be forgetting that I'm the client here and you don't set arbitrary deadlines!
Now, I'd like something explained; namely, why getting hold of a few bits of paper costs so much money. Please spell it out.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
09 June

Eliza Dane,
What i meant in the email i sent to you is that my chamber assistance in documentation will cost you a total fee of FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS ONLY before the document will be issued from my chamber.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
What the Hel has Spelling got to do with it?
And I am not going to pay FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS in advance just to get you to go and get a few papers! That is the kind of fee I'd pay after the job's done, not before.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
09 June

Eliza Dane,
Note the words you are using in sending me a mail because you can not be using "Hell" while contacting my chamber. And for the fees, i am sorry that is how my chamber attend to clients before issuing any document out.
Lynon Dennis Esq

If he's offended by "Hel"... he's in for a shock later.
Trivia note; Hel is the Norse goddess of the Underworld, and also the place where she dwells.

Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
I wrote "Hel" not "Hell". "Hel" is a goddess in the Norse pantheon and has nothing to do with the Christian religion.
Leaving aside the question of WHEN - I want to know WHY you are charging such a huge amount for so little.
Eliza Dane.
Lynon Dennis
10 June

Eliza Dane,
I dont charge huge amount, it is the normal procedure and protocol of this chamber.
I will only do one thing for you just because of our late customer Mr. Kurt Kahle whom you are to inherit his assets and estate.
I will want you to tell this chamber the truth and actual amount you can be able to afford, so that we can make a provision and consider you.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
That lawyer is seriously fucked in the head. He wants something like $12000 for getting a few bits of paper. That's what I earn in a month and he wants it for a day's work.
Worse still, he wants it in advance.
I think he doesn't get much business and he's padding the account, plus maybe he's got bills to pay or a habit to feed. I almost told him to get fucked, but I didn't. Advise me.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
10 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your response and concern, the attorney charged too much but i think that it is not easy for him to apply for chancery in the Royal Court of Justice in order to change the names on the Document to your name.
I was just coming back from my village to see my mother who is very ill and the doctor whose taking care of her ask me for $18,000 for her drugs and all my hope is on this fund that we are to have, so please do something.
I will advise you to atleast do something to have this Documents from the attorney so that we will execute this transaction this week because we need money to take care of our daily activities.
If you can atleast give the attorney $6,000 which is half of his demand then to see if he can issue us this documents to enable us finished this transaction quickly and Please i dont want any body to know that i am into this transaction with you in order for me to protect my reputation and our dignity.
I will want you to write to the attorney in a very serious manner and beg him with $6,000 so that he can issue us this Document.
Thanks.
Waiting for your response.
Mr. Town

His village? I thought he lived in London! His mother's sick - hold that thought.

Eliza Dane

Just some figures here to convince the Lad that Eliza is worth doing the extra mile for... Here's hoping!

Mr Town,
While I'm sorry for your mum's condition and understand your concerns, we're up against some cold hard facts here.
While I - actually we, since my income is something me and my boyfriend make - might make $10000-$12000 a month, it doesn't mean we have that on hand. We don't keep cash lying around on the off-chance. A lot goes into topping up an account set up to buy outright what we need to set up AJ's own studio, and we can't touch that.
We also have a joint account, and if I made an unexplained withdrawal as big as Mr Dennis wants, AJ would notice and want to know why. I'm not prepared to lie to him.
Also - you tell me to write to Mr Dennis and beg - I don't do begging. It's against my religion.
This whole situation would be so much better if he did what AFAIK every other fucking lawyer does, and got paid at the end of business.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
10 June

Eliza Dane,
I am using this holy Sunday to let you know that my forms which i sent to you is yet to be receive from you.
And also i am giving you 3 working days for you to apply for the documents because i have investigated from the Firm for the existence of the fund if it is still active in the account, then i was attended by the external auditor and that the fund is still active in the account.
I will be traveling to Germany in 3 working days time from now, and if you are still applying for the certificate, you have to act very fast in order for me to finalize the documentations before my leave to Germany.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

Dennis loves setting deadlines; Eliza doesn't like that.

Mr Dennis,
Don't try to bully me.
Things go at my pace, when I choose. You don't set deadlines.
If you worked like every other lawyer does, and submitted your bill when the work was done, we'd all be happy.
Why aren't you like every other lawyer?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
11 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I will want to know if you have contacted the attorney because If you must know, i will not want anything to jeopardise the success of this transaction because the future and the total joy and happiness of my family is depended on this transaction.
My wife has been down in a sick bed for a long time because of a kidney malfunctioning and she needs a transplant. We are being referred to Isreal for the transplant at the cost we cannot afford. I have virtually spent all my life savings trying to save her life and now I am running debts.
My children has started loosing their motherly love and care and there s nothing I can do than to seek a way to bring back their mother home. So my dear What do you think that I should do? Watch helplessly while my wife die? "No" I will appreciate it more if there are better hospitals in your country where she can do the transplant so that as soon as the money gets into your account we fly straight to your country.
I have thought about doing this transaction with you and have accepted provided you guarantee me that ;
1..You will not cheat me during the course of this transaction.
2..My own share of the money will be in your safe-keep until I come over to your country for sharing and further investments.
3..That you will keep this transaction very confidential even from your best friends for our safety .
4..That you shall always contact me whenever you get information from the bank so that we will put heads together as one family and get this transaction executed successfully.
Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.
Best Regards,
Mr. Lindsay town.

His wife's sick? I thought it was his mother who was sick!
Jokes about small villages and close relatives... will be expected.
Well, after all that... Eliza is not feeling that empathic.

Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I told you the facts as they are. I can't change the facts. But I'm getting a little bit pissed off at this sob-story about your wife's illness. Better hospitals here? Transplants in Israel? For fuck's sake, what happened to the British health system? I thought it was the best in the world!
Look, I have every sympathy for you with your family problems, but please don't blow them up into something out of Movie Of The Week.
Whatever you're facing doesn't change the facts that I can't get the money easily.
I may have to call in a couple of favours and borrow the money - or maybe my parents can stump up the cash.
I'll be in touch.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
11 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I am ready to assist you in raising some fund out of the total fund demanded by attorney, all i will want to hear from you is what exactly did u have at hand so that i will apply for a loan first thing tommorrow morning and get back to you.
waiting to hear from you.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

Setting up for some delays...

Mr Town,
I'll get back to you once I've had a chance to talk to a couple of people.
Since privacy here is zero, I'll have to pay personal visits (especially to my parents).
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

The Lawyer Lad lays down the rules...

11 June

Eliza dane,
Your message was received. But you are hereby notified that every lawyer have mode and terms of working as an attorney.
I have been into this legal field for 26 years now, and i have been working for some many firms as an attorney.
You are referred to me just because i have the legal reminds of Late Mr. Kurt Kahle who you are in a position today to inherit his assets and estates.
I received my upfront payment before issuing documents.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

Eliza chooses to ignore them.

Mr Dennis,
Well excuuuuuse me. I was judging your actions by the few lawyers I've met and had dealings with. Fine, so you do things differently; and you charge like a wounded bull. England is a very different place. It must suck to need a lawyer over there.
Anyhoo - the plain fact is that I can't pay your 5000 quid up front, and especially not in three days (a popular figure with you; must be a Christian thing).
If you want it, you'll have to wait.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
12 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
What is the update from your side, i will like to know our fate on this transaction.
Thanks
Waiting to hear from you
Mr. town
Lynon Dennis

Well that's just bizarre... did Eliza ever mention violence?

12 June

Eliza Dane,
You can not with held my programmes by applying for documents.
Now i will want you to understand that this is not by violence for you to have this documents, but if you know what it means to you then you have all guts and optimistic to have in order to conclude your transaction.
I will also want you to explain to us in a comprehensive manner your convenient time and date since you are requesting for us to wait. Then you have to be specific and composed because this Documents need many days of procession.
The earlier you apply the better i prepare.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

If I ever created a complete list of my own baiting rules, "Lawyers are for slapping" would be near the top.

Mr Dennis,
Just you listen to me!
This is not about your programs, whatever the Hel they are. I don't give a shit what other work you have - you can do all you want while you're waiting.
What the fuck do you mean by talking about violence? Did I ever ask you to get a gun and rob this Chancery place? For the love of Freyja, the answer is no, so I have no idea what you're on about.
I have no idea when I'll have the money available. Like I said, you can wait.
You must have plenty of spare time since I think with what you charge you'll have fuck all clients.
Oh yeah, that reminds me - you seem to have forgotten something - like who works for whom. I am the client, not you. That means that you do what I say when I say.
Remember that!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

Insulting a Lad to another Lad is another pleasure of baiting.

Mr Town,
That fucking lawyer is a prize prick. He writes back all smarmy and greasy and telling me to toe his line and tell him EXACTLY when I'll have the money ready.
I read him the fucking riot act! He works for us, not the other way around! I think he'll get the message this time.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
13 June

OK.
I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU AT ANY TIME YOU GET YOUR FEE TO CLAIM YOUR DOCUMENTS.
LYNON DENNIS ESQ
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
That's much better. I hope it stays that way.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

I suppose he had to keep the loan figure low, but even so, $2500 is a bit low (and since he's supposed to be in London... wrong currency, dude!)

13 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I just get your message and i am very happy and pleased to let you know that i have been approved the loan which i applied sequel to my last email to you.
I have been approved the sum of $2,500 and i am writing you now to know how i will be sending it to the lawyer because my head man that is above me in our office doesn't allow me to take the cash home to avoid me spending it unwisely because i told him that i want to send it to my sister's attorney. Please let me know how i will send this to the attorney because i really need this fund to be transferred to you so that i can come over to your country for my share to enable me take care of the debts at my neck. And this bothers me much on how the fund will be completed the sum of $6,000.
Please let me know my fate with you.
waiting curiously to hear from your response.
Thanks
Mr. town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
You can only borrow $2500? Fuck me - what did you do to be such a poor risk? Are bank auditors that low paid? Did you default on a loan before?
I don't know why you need my help sending the money to Mr Dennis. Holy Odin - you both live in London and as far as I know it ain't that big a place! His address is 7 Bishopsgate, London EC2N 3AR. Give him a call on 011146569. Work something out. There's fuck all I can do from here.
If I could ask my friends straight out, it'd be easier, but I can't - no luck so far.
I won't be seeing Mum and Dad before Sunday. I'll see what I can do then, but I there'll be distractions. My brother Ross is coming back from overseas on Saturday and the weekend is going to be hectic.
Eliza Dane.
Lindsay (Lind) Town
15 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your help in this transaction, i will be waiting to hear from you on sunday.
Thanks
Mr. Lind Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town
16 June

Hello Eliza Dane, How are you generally this weekend, i hope you are hale and hearty.
I have not heard from you for 2/3 days now, i hope all is well you there.
I am justing reminding you that i have the $2,500 at hand now.
Let me hear from you now.
Thanks
Your Partner,v Mr. Lindsay Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I got a cheque for AUS$6000 (just over US$4000) which should be OK to send once it clears in a few days.
Did you send your share to that scumsucker lawyer?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Well, that's just lame. He has all the details he should need for paying over the money. Why create a pointless delay?

18 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I have not send any thing to him because i dont know the infomations he needs to receive it.
Thanks for your concern in his transaction in order to see the success of this transaction.
if i may asked when is the cheque going clear so that i will keep my fate on this. because i am almost finished yesterday night when my wife started bleeding bloods.
The Doctor confirmed me this morning that we need to buy some drugs and if proper treatment is not applied urgently that she might give up in 3 weeks time.
I spent the $2,500 which i collected in buying some drugs for her in order to keep her a little bit living till we get this fund and deal executed.Please let me hear from you today.
Thanks
Your Partner
Mr. Lindsay Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I know things are probably a bit cactus at the moment, but what the Hel is keeping you from picking up a telephone and calling that WOFTAM Dennis for the payment details?
I told you before - please don't make a sob-story out of your troubles; it just pisses me off!
The cheque should clear in 5-6 days;
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
18 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your advise by asking me to call Mr. Dennis.
I have called him and he gave me the below info:
Name: Williams John
I will be making the payment to him in 2 hours time.
thanks for your sincere assistance.
Mr. Town
Lynon Dennis
20 June

Eliza Dane,
I receive a payment of $2,000 through Western Union Money Transfer from one Mr. Hendricks Michael. According to the phone call, he narrated himself as your business partner and also he have promised me that you will be sending the balance to me before end of the week.
I will really have to confirmed this from you.
Is that what you told him to write me?
Are you the person that instructed him to make the half payment to my chamber?
When is the Balance being effective?
I will going out of UK for a client case by 25th of June, so i will want you to confirm your payment day to enable me start applying for the Documents in the Royal Court of Justice in order for us not to delay each other plans.
I will be waiting to confirm a response from your end today.
Best Regards
Lynon Dennis Esq

I'll leave the comments on this SNAFU to Eliza.

Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I just got this from Lynon Dennis.
Who the Hel is "Hendricks Michael"? If that's you, why did you send money under a false name? I have no fucking idea why you're being all cloak and dagger about this! Plus - why the fuck send it by Western Union? You're in the same city, for crying out loud!
You shouldn't have said I'd be paying anything before the end of the week as I only deposited the cheque on Monday, and it probably won't clear before Friday at the earliest.
You said you'd spoken to Lynon Dennis and he'd told you who to send the money to. Holy Odin, we have to get our stories straight here!
What does he know about you and your part in this? Let me know right away.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
20 June

Dear Sister,
Thanks for your email and notification from Mr. Dennis. Mr. Hendricks Michael is my senior staff who helped me in getting the loan from the Bank. He has to keep for this loaned money for me in order for me not to make use of it because i told him that i want to send it to someone here UK.
But on that day which i am supposed to send it to Mr. Dennis myself was the Day Hendricks traveled to USA. I now decided to ask to send it to Dennis through Western Union Money Transfer and i draft a letter to him which he will attach to the payment information when sending to Dennis.
Mr. Dennis is not aware of me in this deal because if he confirms that I am into this transaction then he will be suspecting me and that might lead to my job quitting in my office, so i purposely use Mr. hendricks to flag myself off Mr. Dennis.
I just wrote to him that the balance will paid by week end in order for him to have the confidence from us that the balance will be send to him soon.
As for me i will advise you to write him and tell him that you will be sending the balance next week then you give him the exact date which you will be sending it to him so that he will start making some preparations in issuing you the Certificate.
But if what i did caused you a big angry please forgive me and my family entirely because i now look onto you to save my family by getting this fund out from the Bank so that i will come over to your country and pick up my share to save the life of my family.
So how is your JOB? and LIFE in Australia?
I will be waiting to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
The payment was arranged by my partner, but there was a hiccup in keeping me up to speed.
Either Mr Hendricks or you got the wrong end of the pineapple somewhere, as Mr Hendricks is not my partner - he's an acquaintance of my partner.
He also got it wrong about the payment date. It's more likely to be next Monday. Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
For once I am so glad that someone doesn't have my phone number! Imagine if he'd called me and I'd been caught on the hop; I'd have had no idea what to say.
Communications are vital and you should tell me what you're doing. My brother is a soldier, and he's mentioned often enough about the need to communicate clearly at all times. If we're not doing that, then we might as well forget about this deal.
My life is good, but then it always has been.
Perhaps you should tell me more about your family.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
20 June

Eliza Dane,
Ok, i have knew that it was arranged my your partners. you made mentioned of the payment which is going to be next monday. But if i may advise to write out the date for me so that i will make a legal note of it and also i will want you to confirm the balance amount is to be paid by you that day.
I will be going to the Court today to start my enquiry for the Documents with the $2,000 i have received so that before Monday the certificate will be ready to be send to you once the payment balance has been confirmed.
I will always work with you in a honest manner.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Why is it that he felt the need to create a tragic personal life for himself? He knows that Eliza doesn't really care. Also note that his mother died 18 months ago.

20 June

Dear Sister,
Thanks for your mail and help towards the success of this transaction, i hope i did not caused any angry between you and Dennis? I will be gladder to call you on phone but I don?t have your mobile/cell phone number which i think it's very vital in communications between us.
Mean while here is my private mobile number +447045726201, i will be Glad to hear from you today.
I am 48 yrs old today blessed with two kids and my lovely wife Linda Town.
I have been working with Natwest Bank for 15 years now but i got all my predicament weather when my wife was affected with Kidney Malfunctions, I have been processing this deal since 7 months ago but it got to a stage where my fellow staffs wanted to notify that i am the one processing this Mr. Kurt Kahle's fund. That is why i contacted you to help me execute this deal.
I was born in a family of 3 children among all i am the elder, while my younger brother and sister died with my father on a ghastly motor accident when i was at age of six(6).
I have been surviving since my young to the level occupying a job by mother who died 1 year and six months ago.
I have been a witnessing hard weather since my age of six but i thank God that i am alive today to archive something positive from this Deal in future, and i also pray that we both will meet each on the day of happiness and joy in your country with my family.
I will be more glad and happy if you can give to me your private mobile so that i will be calling you.
Thanks and Best Regard
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town
21 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Please i want to know if you received my email?
Let me hear from you today in order to cool my fate down because i am being worried when all communication yielded silence.
Thanks
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

Eliza, on the other hand, really has nothing to complain about, so she doesn't.

Mr Town,
I'd have lost my temper with Lynon Dennis anyhow, as he's a total prick IMO.
Meanwhile, my mobile is nothing more than a fashion accessory on my belt at the moment as thanks to a hiatus in shifting providers; my old number was cut off while I haven't been issued a new number yet.
It sounds like your Wyrd is against you. Mine has been good.
I was blessed by Freyja with beauty and Skadhi with good health.
My parents are healthy (praise to All-Father Odin and to Skadhi once more), and my brother is a serving soldier in an elite unit (hail to Tyr), and I have a boyfriend who is key to my career and a fine lover (praise to Freyja once more).
Eliza Dane.
Lindsay (Lind) Town
22 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today? i have not heard from you and i have been worried about your silence in this deal. What is the update???? Let me hear from you today.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town
23 June

Dear sister Eliza Dane,
I am have my mind calm down because of I have heard from you, well I am also happy for hearing and knowing much about you which I understand that your family will be one of the best in your country as per my view of thinking. First and fore most I must how is your family entirely and generally??? Hope living in a very good weather?
I also thank you for your effort in helping this transaction progress, but please I must beg you to keep this transaction confidential in order for me not to tarnish our image and dignity by loosing my job, because if not confidential my Bank might confirm that I am the one processing this transaction, even Mr. Dennis does not know that I am involved in this transaction, so please let the relationship of keeping this transaction confidential keep on existing.
I must let you know that I have created a full confident in you because this fund will be transferred into your once we obtain the Documents from Mr. Dennis any moment from now, but I will advise you to try all you could do to obtain it in next week so that our deal will be executed and finalized soon, then I will treat my wife and bring back the happiness of my family. So please what is our fate and position on this transaction?? I need all to know the exact date you will be making the balance to the attorney so that I will make a very good and zeal prayer to almighty father to help us execute this transaction.
Today in office, my director made mentioned of your name and said that once you submit the Documents to the Remittance Department, Your fund will be transferred to your designated Bank. I have also processed it to be transferred to you in Australia definitely next week Wednesday once you are capable to pickup the Documents from Mr. Dennis.
However, Have the Cheque cleared??? Let me hear from you today,
Thanks and Best Regards,
Your Partner/friend
Mr. Town
Ross Dane

OK, time for a major monkey-wrench. Ross - you're on.

Lind Town and Lynon Dennis,
You will both cease trying to rip off my kid sister. No-one does that to Liza!
Ross Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

As often happens when Ross buys in, the Lad avoids confrontation.

23 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Who is Ross Dane??? Let me know now.
Mr. town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Ross is my brother. He's just back from active service in Afghanistan.
What the fuck is going on?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Lind Town sounds a little panicky...

24 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I just waked up this morning and I saw a mail from Ross Dane that it?s over. I was astonish because you and I had never one day use a harsh word to each other.
Since Ross Dane is your brother, please should he come and scatter what we have been trying to archive for a long time now. Should he be a stop break for us not to get this fund?
I will like you advise you that this deal requires a full confidentiality between us and no any other person even your best will know if it. I will need us to maintain this confidentiality till the fund has been effected in your account, and also I will want you to write Mr. Dennis because your brother also sent a mail but no body knows what he might have sent him.
Eliza Dane, we are almost done with this deal once Mr. Dennis issues you the Certificates. Hopefully I believe that next week you and I will be rich in life and our future will be bright for our off springs.
I will be waiting to hear from you about the Check, Have it cleared???
Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Thanks and Best Regards,
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Lynon Dennis

Lynon Dennis, OTOH, keeps his eyes on the prize.

24 June

Eliza Dane, I am using this letter as a reminder to you sequel to the payment of your balance for the documentation. You mentioned Monday, so I will be waiting for you to let me know the mode of payment which you are to use in making the payment.
I mostly accept Western Union Money Transfer and Bank to Bank Wire Transfer for fast easy money transfers.
Less I forget, I got an email from one ROSS DANE, Who is he??? I understand that your last name appear familiar to the one of Ross. Who is Ross to you???? Who is Mr. Town???
But I felt that it may be your brother who wanted to send the mail to another recipient but mistakenly get to me.
I will want you to confirm to me the date I will be getting the Balance in order to complete and have your Documents singed by My Chief Judge of Royal Court of Justice.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

OK, let them know that I know the score... and how.

Mr Dennis,
Ross Dane is my brother.
He says you're a confidence man, a "419 scammer".
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Ross told me you're a confidence trickster, a "419 scammer', and he also told me that there is no money and that you're using the name of a dead man to deceive me.
I believe my brother. He's served our country in the SASR.
Why would he lie about you?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

This is not the best attempt to roll with the punches.

24 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for the information updated from your brother, if I can give you the link for you gather more details in BBC news site.
And also I want to make you understand that in one?s life there?s what we call opportunity, and it comes only ones in human life.
It will be very difficult for you not believe your brother but I must advise you now that if it will be very possible for you to come over to UK and see the fund and may be in that process you will go home with the fund.I will advise you to keep this business on, because tomorrow is Monday and hopefully before Thursday the fund will be lodge in any account you will give to the Bank.
My Dear Eliza Dane it is very important you keep this transaction very confidential because any business that attract so many people most especially stop when approaching execution hour like what you brother Ross is trying to do.
Let me know your decision towards this situation now and note that I have been investing in this transaction and I have spent all my salary on my wife and some on the procession of this transaction. So please I only have hope to save the life of my wife on this Deal.
Waiting to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I don't want news links, by Odin! They don't prove anything.
What I want is proof that you are who you say you are, and that the money exists.
I'm sending nothing until you do. Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
24 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your positive believe on me, and in church today I prayed for our success in this Deal. And also I must thank you for having the zeal to finalized this Deal.
I am proofing to you that the fund exist and I Mr. Lindsay Town is swearing with my whole life that I am who I said I am.
I have worked with my Bank for 15 years now and I can not make a provision of token this deal alone that is why I contacted you for an assistance, and if I may advise you for more proof and believe to be created, kindly travel down to UK to see the fund where it is lodge and then you will transfer it to your account before going back to your Country.
But if you can not come down to UK, then please I am advising you to claim this documents from the attorney so that you will finalized the transaction before Thursday and by Saturday I will come over to your country for my share.
I am assuring you that this fund has been approved to be transferred to your country by UK government because Late Mr. Kurt Kahle is a very well known man and he is a man of reputation, so there will be no problem in transferring this fund to your country.
I will give you this code that my bank used in coding the account from penetrators but I want you keep it very confidential and secret for yourself because if my Bank confirm that I gave this code out, I may loose my job.
HERE IS THE CODE:
KUR/011243/KAH/1998
The above code is what my bank used in coding the fund, and with this code you can use it to know the interest which the account has gotten.
So Dear Eliza Dane, please let get this Document from the lawyer and submitted to the Bank so that you will get this fund transfer to you before Thursday.
I will be very Glad and Grateful if this Deal will be executed this week.
Thanks and Best Regard.
Waiting to hear from you today.
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

Give them some wriggle room, see what they come up with.

Mr Town,
Your prayers don't mean a thing to me. I'm not a Christian. You haven't proved anything to me. What I have from you is a number that I can't use from here, and an invitation to travel thousands of miles purely on your say-so. But that's not the point - I'm not the one that needs convincing. My brother is the one that needs to be convinced. He's certain that you're a con-man.
I want something that proves who you are. You must have ID of some sort, or bank paperwork with your name and signature. Send it to me.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
My brother says you're a con-man and you haven't denied it. Well, I'm giving you this chance. I want proof of your identity and profession.
Send it ASAP.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
25 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
The below is my office ID card. I will be waiting for your response so that i will know the status of our deal. Thanks
Your Partner,
Mr. Town

Lindsay (Lind) Town

Interesting - an attempt to shmooze Ross! That doesn't always happen.

25 June

Ross Dane,
I must thank you for allowing me to write you in regards to what you wrote to me inline with the transaction I and your sister is supposed to execute before Thursday this week.
Ross Dane, if I may advise you this way so that proof and authentication of every thing be shown. I will want you to travel down to UK and see the fund then maybe you go home with it, after 2 days I will come over to your country for my share.
I have been processing this transaction for the past four months and it got to a stage that I need a foreign assistance from Australia to act as the Next of Kin that was how I contacted your sister (Eliza Dane). Since you are the elder to her, I will want us to finish this transaction quickly and it may interest you coming over to UK to see the fund and transfer to your account before leaving UK to your Country.
I will want to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Your sincere partner
Mr. Town
Ross Dane

The Danes don't take well to snake-oil!

Ross Dane Give me a break! Why the hell are you trying to drag me into this whole sorry mess?
I can't just drop everything and scoot off to England. I'm a soldier, and I have my patriotic duty to perform in the War On Terror.
I don't expect you to understand this, of course.
Why are you persisting with this bollocks? We know what you are!
Lindsay (Lind) Town
26 June

Dear Ross Dane,
it will be very grateful if you can use the power of soldier and assist me in this transaction.
Since Eliza Dane is your younger kid, i really need to do this business with you because i have created my whole confident in your sister Eliza Dane.
If this fund is being transferred to you and i will then come over to your country for my share then you will meet me and see me also.
I am always a happy family but the sickness of my wife brought to me a little sadness which when i remember i share tears and wipe.
Let me know your decision over this proposal because i really need to you finish it for me.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town

"... the power of soldier..."?
Ross will ignore this.

Lindsay (Lind) Town

I love it when a Lad wails.

26 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I am being worried of all that is going on, I am really upset and with all this mess happening may affect us not getting fund this week, Will you permit this to happen???
Eliza Dane knows that we both have come a very long way in this transaction and now that we about to execute this deal is when we will be having no trust manner for each other. WHY????
I will advise you to try and obtain this document from the attorney and send to the Bank for the release of your fund. And also why must you be telling Ross Dane what we have discussed while you know that this transaction needs confidentiality. Because of my occupation that is why I requested you to keep it confidential in order not to affect my job because my Bank confirms that I am the one processing this deal, I will sacked off from work and now your brother Ross Dane is into this deal, I will want you to keep any email which I will be sending to you confidential from any third party.
I will want to know the status of this deal from your side and also I will advise you to keep every plan which you may have in mind very intact in order for us grab this fund latest this week.
I will be awaiting your urgent response.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I swear by Odin and Freyja that I did not tell Ross about this. I have no idea how he might have found out. I've tried to call him, but he's returned to base in WA, and there are only so many messages I can leave.
Let me explain something. Ross is ten years older than me. He loves me dearly - Mum and Dad say he spoiled me. But he was there for me, there to help when his 'kid sister' was in any sort of trouble.
The day he joined the Army I was proud and sad; proud because I knew he was tough and strong and the best there is, sad because the Army was his family too.
When I heard he'd joined the SAS, I was proud again, because the SAS is the best in the world.
He always wrote to me and emailed me during his duty in East Timor and Afghanistan, saying that I was the reason he and all his comrades fought, because I'm what the war on terror is about - the freedom of half the human race, as he puts it; women everywhere.
He has never lied to me. When he says that you are not who you say you are, I listen to him. I don't know how to resolve this. I'm going to raise my soul to Father Odin before Yggdrassil, and receive His wisdom.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

I think I wasted my time with Eliza's explanation. I had no idea that "delay is dangerous".

27 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I have read and understand that you still keep our confidentiality, but what can we do now.
delay is dangerous and you know of the problems which i am facing now about the illness of my wife. I have tried all i could to get a loan again but no luck.
Should i fold my hands and watch my wife dieing and leaving 2 kids for me just at their age????
i have trusted and believe in you that your kind effort will get this fund out to your account this week. My director have approved all fund to be transfer but pending till you submits the certificates needed.
This morning i check the list roll of beneficiary who are to receive their fund this week and i confirmed that your name is written at no.15 of 147 applicants. Since i saw that i was highly excited and thinking how we are to obtain this certificates from the lawyer.
Eliza Dane, i will advise you to send to the attorney half of $4,000 and let me know then i will apply for loan to see if i will be approved then pay to lawyer the balance, so that we will have this fund this week.
Please let me hear from you based on what we have to do now to obtained this certificates from the Mr. Dennis.
Note: Write him and tell him the amount which you have now so that we will know if he can issue us the certificate immediately.
Waiting to hear from you soonest.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I told you before to cut out that dying wife crap. I don't like sob stories and the more you stress that, the worse I'll feel about it, and the worse I feel about it, the more likely I am to just say "Fuck it!" and walk away!
I'm waiting for Lynon Dennis to prove he's the real deal. So far he's done nothing. That's not good. I'm sending nothing without his bona fides.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
27 June

Eliza Dane,
Your transaction with my chamber have been the most interested and confiscated one and I will advise you to keep on doing this.
You and your brother called me a con-man, which sounds like an insault before my chamber.
In line with your request for the authenticitation of my chamber to proof who I am what I am, I have attached a copy of my chamber Complimentary card for your notification.
For more details about me, you have to check the file of late Mr. Kurt Kahle because he has all details concerning me. I have worked and serve with him here in UK as his financial legal representative/adviser.
I have made an enquiry from the Royal Court of Justice for the expiration date of my application which I submitted when I receive the payment of $2000 from your partner last time.
So advise me your decision now.
Lynon Dennis Esq

Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
My brother went easy on you.
If he thinks someone is treating me wrongly he can get very nasty indeed. Once a guy groped me at a party; Ross broke the guy's wrists.
That business card proves nothing. What I want is a copy of your bar certificate.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

"Do you realize that you are talking with a Lawyer???" Should I care?

27 June

Eliza Dane,
What do you think you are saying??? I should scan a copy of Bar Certificate to you???
You must be out of your senses for demanding that. I am sorry i will no longer issue you any certificate, so go look for another lawyer before you will start kidding yourself.
Do you realize that you are talking with a Lawyer???
Why should i give you my certificate even UK government can not demand of that from me.
You are the one who needed and contacted my chamber, so whenever you are ready you should keep me updated.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

Standing my ground...

Mr Dennis,
I know exactly what I'm saying, and you know exactly what I'm asking for. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm quite serious.
I'd assumed I was talking to a lawyer, but instead I think you've proved yourself to be either a blustering blow-hard or worse; and I'm not the government, I am (supposedly) your client, so you do what I fucking well want, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
I'm ready for you to prove you're either a genuine lawyer or a slimy swindler, so the ball's in your court now...
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Oh, the anxiety...

27 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you??? I hope today is a very great day for every one of us.
I received your mail but it sounded wounded to me because we can not use what the lawyer is doing to us to leave this certificate which he is suppose to issue us.
As for me, I will say lets just obtain this document from his chamber and end any communications with him after the issuance of the documents.
Let us not leave this week pass us by with out getting this documents.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Lynon Dennis

Eliza doesn't matter? Not a wise move...

27 June

Eliza Dane,
Being my client doesn?t matter.
If you are ready for the certificates then call on my chamber at your earliest time.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

This reply will either kill the bait, or kick-start it again. Fingers crossed...

Mr Dennis,
If that's how it is, then you can go butt-fuck a goat and lick out its ass afterwards and that's all you'd ever deserve, you sad, sorry little pus-bag. Mr Town,
Why don't you join him? You're both turds out of the same toilet bowl, and stink as much as each other.
Now I have to go and send the money back to my parents, and thank Ross for saving me.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Well, he's back...

28 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I don't understand what exactly you are trying to analyze, please do have any exchange of words with the lawyer??? That makes you to transfer the aggression to me.
Let the attorney know that if he can not present this certificate which you have requested from him, then we will seek for another attorney.
Let Mr. Dennis know this.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Lynon Dennis

Score!

28 June

Eliza Dane, I just arrived back from Court and found your letter which appears very insulting before me, i have seek the consent of my chairman in BENCHER'S organization and he have advise me to send you the certificate because you are a client to me.
I must at this juncture apologized to you for not sending to you since the day you requested is just because i don't want to bridge the law.
Find the below attachment a copy of my Call to Bar certificate which was issued to me when i was passing out from Law School and being welcome to British Law organization.
You made mentioned of Mr. Town, Who is he???? or he is your brother too.
Let me know asap if you received this message.
Regards
Lynon Dennis Esq

Eliza Dane

So, we're back in business...

Mr Dennis,
Thanx to your stubbornness, I have to go and beg my parents to lend me back the money I was going to pay you with!
I hope you're happy!
As for Mr Town, he is none of your fucking business.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
There are times when you really baffle me. Did you ever get your head around the idea of THINKING before you type?
Thanx to the two of you I have to go and ask Mum and Dad to lend me the money AGAIN since I told them to cancel the cheque. I know I have to go to do this face to face and that's a road trip.
You'd better hope Ross hasn't been in touch with them too.
Get another lawyer - and how the fuck would that help? Explain that if you can!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
28 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I was very mad and worried when i recall my thinking to the previous message which you sent to me, that you are no longer assisting me in this transaction. I shared tears of sorrow because that fund is the only hope which i am having for surviving as an existing body.
Well" Have Mr. Dennis scanned his Profession Law Certificate to you??? Or he is still acting very adamant to your request.
Taking in another lawyer will cost us very much, so i think we should keep on with Mr. Dennis since he has all the total file containing the data's of Mr. Kurt Kahle.
So, i am very happy now to hear us being happy as we are moving and approaching in executing this transaction. If it may interest us to act very fast so that the fund will be transfer to you tomorrow.
Hoping to hear from you soonest.
With Joy in Mind
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I won't be able to move "very fast" - I'll have to go and visit my parents and beg them for another cheque, and then hope they don't ask too closely about it. I'm not going to lie to them. Then it'll have to clear. You're looking at another week, minimum.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
29 June

Eliza Dane,
I received your mail to my Desk.
You are the one to be happy because i am using my best of knowledge to work out these documents for you.
I will want you to be very fast in whatever you are planning because i received a mail from the Firm that your Remittance is now ready to be transfer, starting from today. I promised them that i will get across to you for your awareness. I will advise you to make the payment through fastest Money transfer (WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER) so that i will get to the Court get the Documents signed and approved from my Chief Judge.
I will get you the Receiver's Information immediately i receive a confirmation of this message to you.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
The money should be available this time next week. In the meantime, you must have some other work you can do.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
29 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
I have received your mail and i am very happy that we are geting to have this our fund.
i will be waiting to hear from you soonest and also do let the lawyer know this.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town
30 June

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today, i hope good and hearty. as for me i will be good if you do.
What is the update in our success????
Let me know and hear from you today.
Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Lynon Dennis

A bonus moment as the Lawyer slips up.

01 July

Eliza Dane,
I hope you received my certificate and my last email to you in a very good health because i have not heard from you for long time after i sent to you the Certificate.
I will use this medium to ask for your help by keeping the certificate only for yourself in order not contradict UK law.
When are you obtaining the Documents????
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis.
What the fuck do you mean by asking me when I'm getting the documents? That's what I'm paying you for!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

At the time I wrote this, I had a head cold, so I had Eliza catch one too.

Mr Town,
Lynon Dennis is either drunk on the job or popping ice. He asked, "When are you obtaining the Documents????" If I'm the one to do that, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE PAYING HIM FOR????
I'm not that good and hearty; I got a chill while I was visiting Mum and Dad. I got the cheque and I'll be putting it in tomorrow. That puts payment back to next Monday or Tuesday.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
02 July

Dear Eliza Dane,
I am sorry for you get chill while visiting Mum and Dad.
Thanks for your kind effort and willingness in this dea.
Immediately we receive this Documents from Mr. Dennis then our transaction with his chamber/office will end automatically, so please don't be offended in whatever way he might have anoyed you.
I will waiting to hear from you.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I'll be in touch when I actually have something to tell you.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
03 July

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today???
Today is Tuesday and i wanted us to get this fund before fridat this week.
So please what is your suggestion towards my opinion in getting this fund this week.
Have you contacted the lawyer Mr. Dennis, Again.
I am curiously waiting to hear from you today.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

Eliza was sharing my mood that day.

Mr Town,
So it is Tuesday! Thanx for the red-hot tip. So what's next - a fucking garden party with cakes and champagne?
Our chances of getting the fund before Friday are zip, zilch, nada, ZERO, you get it? I put the cheque in today and it's a minimum five-day period before I can draw on it. Like I said before, it'll be next Monday or Tuesday before I can send the money to that suckhole Dennis - my only suggestion to you is WAIT! And as for that cocksucker lawyer - no, I haven't contacted him, since I've got no fucking reason to. Why the fuck should I? The less I have to deal with him the better!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
06 July

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today??? I hope you are good and hearty.
I just want to know if you have heard any update from Mr. Dennis.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

Yeah, why did he write?

Mr Town,
By Hel's frozen teeth, if I'd heard from Lynon Dennis I'D TELL YOU!
For the love of Freyja, do you write just for the sake of writing? In any case, he wouldn't contact me because I haven't paid him yet.
Eliza Dane
Ross Dane

Ross; give the bad news, take two.

I heard that you're expecting money from Liza. Won't happen - I told Ma and Pa about you and they've cancelled the cheque.
I don't know how you can justify this to yourselves, but then scum like you don't have consciences.
Lindsay (Lind) Town
07 July

Eliza Dane,
Confirm this email the below email
I heard that you're expecting money from Liza. Won't happen - I told Ma and Pa about you and they've cancelled the cheque.
I don't know how you can justify this to yourselves, but then scum like you don't have consciences.
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
Ross is my brother, and he spoke to Mum and Dad, and they've cancelled the cheque. I am fucking mad at him for that.
I'll have to think of some other way of getting the money.
I'll be in touch.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

Interesting - Lind Town and Lynon Dennis pose their questions in exactly the same way...

07 July

Eliza Dane,
Confirm this email the below email
[email address snipped] wrote:

I heard that you're expecting money from Liza. Won't happen - I told Ma and Pa about you and they've cancelled the cheque. I don't know how you can justify this to yourselves, but then scum like you don't have consciences.

Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
My brother has fucked this deal over - again - and he's told Mum and Dad so they cancelled the cheque. I am fucking pissed off.
I'll have to think of something else.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

That's not calculated to improve Eliza's mood.

10 July

Eliza Dane,
Why did your brother have to be intruding into your privacy???
Why did you allow him to check your email and embarrass whoever for nothing sake.
Let me know your thought over this issue now.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
My brother is extremely protective of me. Case in point; remember the sleazebag who groped me at a party and how Ross broke the guy's wrists?
And I did not "allow him to check [my] email"! He must have found out my password - probably from Chloe or Rachel. They're both sweet on him and either of them would do what he asked. Don't worry, I've changed it, and I'm being extra-careful about it.
I'm still working on the money angle.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
10 July

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today??? I hope you are healthy.
This is a new week, what is your thought for this week concerning our transaction, are you going to allow this week to pass us by without getting this fund again in your account.
Let me know your decision.
Thanks and Best Regards
Your Partner
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Yeah, I know, new week, and new problems to go with it. My dear brother has put the skids under this deal and no mistake.
I'll find the money - the question is how. I think Ross told all my housemates about this - I've logged on (I hope) without them knowing it. They've been watching me all day.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
14 July

Dear Eliza Dane,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY??? I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU FOR LONG SILENCE PERIOD NOW. I HOPE YOU HALE AND HEARTY??? WHAT IS THE UPDATE NOW.
THANKS
MR. TOWN
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
It's something called an impasse. I'm stuck for money. I have a couple of plans, but nothing that can get me what I need in a hurry unless I take some serious chances.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
17 July

Dear Eliza Dane,
First and foremost" How are you??" i pray that this new week will be a favourable week to us and all our expectation will through.
Eliza Dane, i will want to knwo what your decision over this transaction is because i am getting off tired in doing this transaction with you while you knew that we have gone a long way while processing this transaction.
Hoping to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

A little foreshadowing....

Mr Town,
Listen up - the one who made this whole thing go pear-shaped is that fucking lawyer!
It he hadn't been so fucking greedy for money up front - if he'd done what every other fucking lawyer does and accepts his fees on completion - we'd have this whole stupid thing done and dusted long ago.
Instead I have my housemates spying on me, my parents treating me like I'm some fucking retard or something, and my boyfriend won't trust me to go to the fucking bank!
Let me ask you this; I have to find some way to get that fucking maggot Lynon Dennis his money - would it bother you if I had to do something not quite legal to get it?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
19 July

Dear Eliza,
Thanks for your efforts. I will not advise you to any thing illegal to get Mr. Dennis fees. Instead lets wait or i go look for another partner. Thanks Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
If you're OK with holding out until I can raise the cash without cutting corners, I'm cool with that. Just don't whinge about it. Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

A lot of Lads baulk at haggling over percentages with their magas. Let's see if Lind Town is one such.

Mr Town,
I'll have the money and then some in about six days.
However, I had to make some choices here and do some things I wouldn't normally have done. If AJ or my parents - or especially my brother - ever found out there'd be the mother of all explosions.
That being the case - 40% ain't enough. I want 50% after all expenses.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
02 August

Dear Eliza,
I have not heard from you for a long while now.
What is the update, i hope you are ok?
Let me hear from you today.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

There is such a thing as a Suzi Fest - a porno essay describing a nymphomaniac blonde and four eager college boys. It's amazing where a badly-phrased Google search can get you.

Mr Town,
You said that you didn't want me to do anything illegal. Would immoral matter? How about if I whored myself for one day?
This is what I'm going to do to get your money. A guy I know from college offered me ten grand to replicate a scene from his favourite on-line porn. It's something called a Suzi Fest. It involves him spanking me while he tells me how worthless whores deserve to be punished - and then he fucks me in the ass. It won't be nice.
If that's not right by you, say so now.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

This I didn't expect.

03 August

Dear Eliza,
I WILL NOT ADVISE YOU TO TRY SUCH.
THANKS
MR. TOWN
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
If you're not cool on that, I guess you'll have to wait again. Brett will be pissed off!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I sent you this message and it bounced back - please confirm you got it.

I'll have the money and then some in about six days.
However, I had to make some choices here and do some things I wouldn't normally have done. If AJ or my parents - or especially my brother - ever found out there'd be the mother of all explosions.
That being the case - 40% ain't enough. I want 50% after all expenses.

Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane

Four days later...

Mr Town,
Well, I decided to go ahead with it.
Actually it wasn't too bad - Brett had plenty of lubricant on hand and didn't spank too hard. Now I have more than enough.
I should be able to send the money before the end of the week.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

So now he has no complaints about how Eliza got the money, and doesn't even haggle. Makes no difference!

08 August

Dear Eliza,
I am just back from my Village and i am just checking my mail box now and receive all your messages.
i will be giving you the 50% as you demanded but let be very zeal and fast with whatsoever we are doing now because i don't want this opportunity to pass us over.
If you have been able to pay the attorney, then i will advise you to contact him to demand for his payment informations, i will be waiting to hear from you today because i am being worried of how all things are going with us in this transaction.
So, please contact the attorney again and let him know that you will be sending him the payment.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

Those who have read DRESSED FOR SUCCESS will recognise this modality. We'll see how the Lads take it...

Mr Dennis,
You'll be happy to know that the money's been sent.
They're trialling a new system - Western Union Secure Transfer Option - and I sent the first half of the $4000 today.
You can pick up the money at the Bureau de Change at Euston Station. The Control Number is 7180-4239-5832; the Q&A is Favourite Flower - The Wild Rose; and you'll have to show your office ID as well.
Let me know when you've picked it up and I'll send the other half.
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Glad to see you saw sense.
Being fucked in the ass deserves a little extra!
I sent the money today. Why do I have to ask for his payment information? I tell him what he needs to know, and he picks it up!
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

Surprise, surprise - he doesn't like the payment method!

09 August

Eliza Dane,
I can not check your payment online because of invalid number which is supposed to 10 digits but you gave me 12 digits.
I will want you to arrange it this way:
MTCN:
Name of Sender
Name of Receiver
Text Question:
Answer:
Amount Sent:
I will be waiting to have it today.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Lynon Dennis
09 August

Eliza Dane,
I will advise to attach the payment slip to me and including the payment informations.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
I gave you twelve digits because STO numbers have twelve digits. And are you trying to say I'm a liar? Checking online sounds like you don't trust me! Just pick up the money. I did something I don't want to do again to get your money so you can just go and get it. I gave you all the details you needed, so just get on with it!
Oh, and I don't have a scanner, so I can't send you a copy of the payment slip.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
09 August

Eliza Dane,
I have never picked Western Union that have 12 digits.
all western union control number are 10 not 12.
make the correction and get back to me with the informatoins or you may use MONEY GRAM.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
The Secure Transfer Option is a new system being trialled in Australia, the US and the UK. It uses 12 digits, not ten, plus an expanded ID protocol.
Now go and pick up the money. It's simple enough.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
09 August

Eliza Dane,
I am sorry, i can not do that.
Whenever you send me the correct control number then i will answer your attention.
Why not use Money Gram?????Why
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane

Time for a slap!

Mr Dennis,
You have no fucking excuse for not picking up the money! All you have to do is shift your lazy butt to Euston Station and go to the WU Agent there.
I dunno exactly where in London it is, but it can't be that hard for you. Drive, catch a cab, take a bus, whatever it fucking takes, but DO IT!
I sent you the correct Control Number. I'm looking at the slip right now.
And you know WHY I don't want to use Moneygram? Two reasons - Firstly, because I am the client, you are the lawyer, AND YOU DO WHAT I FUCKING WELL TELL YOU! The second is, I did something really degrading to get that money, so when you whinge like some whining old dero, I don't fucking care.
If this is your final answer, you are fired. If so, since you did fuck all for us, you can wire that money back to Hendricks Michael.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis
10 August

Eliza Dane,
Send all the informations now, i will be going to Euston Station. But i hope you use the name of my personal account???? If yes then send me all the informations including question and answer, Mtcn and Sender's name and amount.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
I've sent you all the info you need.
But what the fuck is this about a personal account? Holy Odin, this is Western Union, not a bank transfer!
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

Giving Eliza orders? That is so wrong!

10 August

Eliza Dane,
You have to call the money back and pay it in a normal way of paying western union, if not please leave it because this is not the first payment i have been receiving from clients like you.
So, cash the money back and pay it with out figuring a particular station for me to pick it up.
Note that you will have to use the name of my accountant which i forwarded to you in my previous emails.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Eliza Dane
Mr Dennis,
I don't HAVE to do anything you say. You've got it ass backwards.
I sent the money, you HAVE to go and pick it up if you want to get your fees.
I am not going to send the money in your accountant's name because the only ID I have is yours.
Eliza Dane
Lynon Dennis

He still hasn't learned his lesson!

10 August

ELIZA DANE,
YOU WILL HAVE TO STOP THE PAYMENT NOW BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY I CAN DRIVE TO EUSTON STATION.
AND IF YOU ARE MAKING ANY PAYMENT, PLEASE FOLLOW DUE PROCESS OF WESTERN UNION WITH THEIR MTCN NUMBER THAT IS 10 DIGITS AND NOT 12 DIGITS WITH THE NAME BELOW. RECEIVER'S NAME: WILLIAMS SMITH.
I WILL NOT AFFORD TO RECEIVE 12 DIGITS MTCN NUMBER FROM YOU.
LYNON DENNIS ESQ
Eliza Dane

That can mean only one thing!

Mr Dennis,
I have some advice for you; fuck off.
You're fired.
Repay Hendricks Michael and get the fuck out of my life.
I'm going to find another lawyer.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
10 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you this morning, and greetings from my family to you.
I have not heard from you for a long while, have you been able to communicate and send the payment to the attorney???
Please if yes, let me know immediately for my awareness too.
I pray that this fund will be transferred to your account today, if you have paid to the attorney because our board of directors have commence and approved your remittance, and that was what i were processing since yesterday throughout my staying in the office.
Let me hear from you today and give me update on the status of our transaction.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Lynon Dennis

Um... weren't you fired?

11 August

Eliza Dane,
Approach yourself very well when writing to an attorney because i think i am old enough to be your daddy, as for the payment, i will not receive any payment in my name because i have accountants and staff who is incharge of my chamber's payment.
Go ahead and get another lawyer, but there is no way i will have to repay hendricks michael the first payment and i have already deposited it in the high court.
Lynon Dennis Esq
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Some badly-feigned confusion ensues...

11 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
How are you today??? I receive a mail which you are wanting to send to mr. dennis.
Is that what you told him?????,
Why????
and what is causing you all that annoyance.
Let me hear from you today.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

It merits a slap.

Mr Town,
WHY? I'll tell you WHY! I let myself get fucked in the ass to get that money - AND THAT MAGGOT LAWYER DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO GO A FEW KAYS TO PICK IT UP! Find another lawyer, or find another way to get this done, but whatever you choose, LYNON DENNIS IS FUCKING HISTORY as far as I'm concerned!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Lind Town plays peacemaker.

11 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your efforts which you have initiated on this transaction to see the success.
I contacted some attorneys yesterday as you instructed me to help get the documents and they says that their only mode of receiving payment internationally is through Western Union or Money Gram. So, that is what i get from the attorney's i contacted.
But, as for me i will suggest that we should use Dennis to finalize this transaction since he have been working toward it and if we should use another attorney this may delay the transfer of the fund to you.
Please Eliza Dane, for the sake of every thing and how you got this money pains me in the heart, so i will not be sitting here and watch this our transaction delaying.
Just follow in which ever way word Dennis tell you and get him the money so that he can send us the document and we will get the fund early.
Please, you have tried and we are almost through with Dennis, so just follow him smoothly and very soon he will be off out from this transaction.
I am hoping to hear from you today.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

To no avail.

Mr Town,
I am not going to do a single fucking thing that Lynon Dennis wants until he does what he's fucking well told and picks up the money I sent him. I sent it to London - it's not like I told him to go to Warsaw for it! It shouldn't take him more than a couple of hours, and he's telling me it's not his job.
Well, if I say it is, it fucking well IS!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Ah, another lawyer! Another target!

12 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your concerns, i have contacted another attorney, and i told him that you will be writing him today and tell him what you need him to work for you. Note, i told him that you are my in law, so please address me as your in law when writing him.
Name: Gerald Wharfe Whitley
Email: gerald.whitley@uk2.net
Tel: +447024978575
I will be hoping to hear from you today and also please contact this attorney today.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Or maybe not.

13 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
I will suggest you to re-send the money to me so that i will picked it up and send to Mr. Dennis through his account and i think this way will be better. Please let do whatever we are doing very fast to avoid delay in getting this fund to you this week.
Send to me through western union and i will picked it up and send to Dennis because using another attorney will recall our expenses again like from begining and there is no way Mr. Dennis will refund the payment i sent to him last time.
so let us do it this way.
My Name: Mr. Lindsay Town
London.
Send this below informations after you make the payment.
10 Digit Control Number(MTCN):
Sender's Name:
Sender's Address:
Receiver's Name:
Question and Answer:
Amount:
With above informations, i will have to picked the payment and send it to Mr. Dennis.
so please let me hear from you now.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Fine, but why did you lie? And what in-law anyway? On whose side? Just in case he asks...
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
So now you DON'T want me to contact the new lawyer? By Hel's frozen teeth, when are you going to make up your mind on this? Make a decision - Whitley or Dennis!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
14 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your efforts toward the success of this transaction, as for me i will have to say let go ahead in dealing with Dennis because he have our half payment which i made to him lastly and he will not realease the payment since he is an attorney. But, if you suggest of contacting the new attorney, feel free and contact him then let me know his response.
I will want us to be fast so that we will get our fund before this weekend.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
I asked for a decision and I suppose I got one. Fine - but it's too late to act now.
I'll be in touch tomorrow.
Eliza Dane.
Eliza Dane

Of course, I use the Secure Transfer Option again.

Mr Town,
I had the $2000 resent to you via Western Union Secure Transfer Option, and did the other $2000 as well. The details you'll need are as follows.
First batch - the code is 1613-5179-5025; the Q&A is Q: Confide In? A; Me, and you have to show your ID (the BoS ID you sent me).
Second Batch - the code is 3179-3510-1719, the Q&A is Q: Feel the? A; Fever, and you have to show your ID as before.
The pickup site is Euston Station, at the Bureau de Change there. Don't let me down!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
15 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
I am very sorry that i will not pick up the money you sent to me via western union because i can not shown my BOS ID card. Do you want to drop me in a trouble, do you want my Bank to confirm that i am involved in this transaction. I will send to you a name and ID you need to send the money but note that i tried to notice the MTCN and confirmed 12 digits, while i knew of MTCN is of 10 digits.
What is actually going wrong, why is the MTCN 12 digits???
I await for you today.
Thanks Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
How can the bank know what the money is for? What you do in a WU office is none of their fucking business and it's not as if they'll send some guy to follow you!
I should have said - I used a system being trialled in Australasia, the UK and the US - Western Union Secure Transfer Option. For a little extra you can add a layer of security and specify a pick-up point.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
16 August

Dear Eliza Dane,
Thaks for your email, but uderstand that they have been watching over me since the day i activated a file in your name here in the Bank.
So, please should i send you a bank account where you will have to send the money????
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Why the fuck should activating my file cause them to watch you? What the fuck is in that file?
You've been lying to me, by Tyr's Hand!
What's really going on?
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

On reflection, I should have accepted the option of a bank-to-bank transfer and got a bank account to kill.

18 August

Dear Eliza,
What i mean is that since the day i fix in your name as the beneficiary and next of kin to the fund, other staff has been watching over me and i don't want us to loose this transaction.
So, i will advise you and if you can take my advise and let us use Bank Wire Transfer to make this payment to the attorney.
It pains me the much because you don't abide to my advise, why????
I want you to send the payment through Bank Wire Transfer, if yes let me know what is your decision because we are delaying this transaction.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town
19 August

Dear Eliza,
I am still waiting to hear from you today, because i am suggesting you to send this money through Banking to Banking Wire Transfer.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
You're missing the point. Just why are the other staff suspicious?
There has to be a reason and you're not telling me!
Eliza Dane
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Until you find out what the fuck your office buddies are so suspicious about, I'm sending nothing! I told you that before, so stop fucking whinging!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
21 August

Dear Eliza,
I am very worried of all things, and my other staffs are suspecting me because i have been processing and working towards the transfer of this fund on your behalf, that is why they are acting that way on me.
But with your full interest and assistance we will get this fund this week.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
Are you saying they're suspicious of me?
What the fuck have I done to get them fired up?
For the love of Freyja, this whole deal has gone to Hel in a handbasket, and it ain't my fault!
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

Well, that's brief...

21 August

ok thanks.
Mr. Town
Lindsay (Lind) Town

"[T]he way you are placing things now is getting me off my brain" - that's just poetry, in its way...

21 August

Dear Eliza,
I will want you to understand that they are not suspecting you but me because i have been processing the fund on your behalf and i also please to the Remittance Manager to release the fund to you once you present the needed legal documents. I will want you to tell me your wish and decision on this transaction because the way you are placing things now is getting me off my brain and i don't want us to loose this fund because we have been working towards it for a long period.
Let me know your wish today.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Mr Town,
You haven't explained a fucking thing!
Why are they suspicious of you? I assume that processing a customer's file isn't a criminal offence in England!
I know you're keeping something from me. The All-Father bids His people to seek wisdom from within, and when that inner voice speaks, I listen.
Tell me exactly what's going on or this deal is off.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town

More Lad desperation... shiny!

22 August

Dear Eliza,
Thanks for your email and i appreciate all your efforts.
The reason why i mention that other staff in my Management are suspecting me is because that i am always concerned on any thing that related this fund and i don't want us to loose this fund.
Please all i will advise you now is to make the payment to Lynon Dennis in a very simple manner in order for us to get this fund before end of this week.
Plz! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Dane, i am asking you to avoid whatever that will obstruct us from getting this fund this week and acquire the legal certificates from Lynon Dennis.
On a normal basis MTCN is 10 digits and please make that way, and we will rejoice in receiving the fund.
I want both of us to be victorious after all we have laboured and tried in archieving this great mutual opportunity.
If you are my Partner in this transaction, please do as i advise you.
Thanks
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane

It's time to lower the boom on these losers.

Mr Town,
I WAS your partner in this - well, not any more.
That $10,000 stays with me. I'll bank it towards AJ's studio and get on with my life.
Oh, and in parting - I hope you get fucked in the ass one day, so that you can go through what I did.
Eliza Dane
Lindsay (Lind) Town
23 August

Dear Eliza,
WHY ARE SOUNDING SO HARSH TO ME, WHAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU TO DESERVE ALL THIS ?? ALL MY LIFE AND MY DAILY ACTIVITIES ARE ON THIS TRANSACTION, WHY ARE YOU GETTING OFF ON THIS TRANSACTION NOW THAT WE ARE APPROACHING TO HAVE THE FUNDS.
I WILL WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHERE AND HOW I HAVE OFFENDED YOU THAT MAKES YOU WRITE ALL THIS SORT OF WORDS TO ME.
I TOOK YOU IN A HIGH REPUTATION AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN.
THANKS
MR. TOWN
Eliza Dane
THIS WHOLE THING WAS A FUCKING LIE FROM THE GIT-GO AND I DIDN'T SEE IT. I EVEN IGNORED MY BROTHER WHEN I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HIS WORD THAT YOU WERE NOTHING BUT A PAIR OF FUCKING CON ARTISTS.
THANX TO YOU I'VE GOT BRETT LIVING IN FEAR THAT ONE DAY ROSS WILL FIND OUT ABOUT WHAT HE DID TO ME AND - WELL, BROKEN WRISTS WOULD BE JUST THE START.
I DON'T THINK YOU CARE ONE LITTLE BIT BECAUSE LYING LITTLE FUCKS LIKE YOU TWO LIMP-WRISTED COCK-BREATH GAY BOYS DON'T HAVE CONSCIENCES - JUST GREED.
Lindsay (Lind) Town

After all that, he takes it calmly.

24 August

Dear Eliza,
Thanks for your mail.
Mr. Town
Eliza Dane
Hey, no problem, I just tell things the way they are.
BTW, I want you both dead and very soon too. In prolonged agony would be a bonus.
Mrs. Wallace Grace

But there's one last badly-formatted sting in the tail...

26 August

ATTENTIONBENEFICIARY: ELIZA DANEDEPOSITOR: MR. KURT KAHLE.RE: APPROVED OF FUND AND INTEREST ACCRUEDTHIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU OF THE INCREASE ON THE FUND DEPOSITED HERE AND WITH FILE NO. 3546/AU/08, WE RECENTLY CHECK ROLL THE REMITTANCE FUND OF OUR LATE CUSTOMER MR. KURT KAHLE WHOSE FUND HAS BEEN APPROVED IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY THAT IT HAS INTEREST ACCRUED ON IT WITH THE SUM OF 4.5 MILLION GREAT BRITISH POUNDS, AND WE ARE CONTACTING YOU FOR YOU TO RECONFIRM THE ACTUAL AMOUNT DEPOSITED BY LATE MR. KURT KAHLE IN ORDER FOR WE TO GIVE THE TOTAL SUM OF YOUR FUND NOW.NOTE THAT WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO PRESENT THE NEEDED LEGAL DOCUMENT BEFORE THE TRANSFER YOUR FUND WILL BE SUCCESSFULLY MADE.THANKSMANAGEMENTREMITTANCE CONSULTANCYMRS. WALLACE GRACE.
Eliza Dane

Thus our saga concludes.

Nice try.
Get fucked.

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